#worst polycule you’ve ever met

[macbethz]

Whyyyy did they take so many photos like this what was the reason. Married couple with a unicorn looking for a fourth

[lesbian-shakespeare]

The premise is the worst gay people you’ve ever met in the most insane polycule you’ve ever seen

if you think about it. itwv and what we do in the shadows have the exact same premise

[polyrolemodels]

JoEllen Notte

1. How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?

As far as I am concerned I’ve been polyamorous since leaving my marriage in 2011. In the aftermath of my divorce I had some very strong feelings about how I did and did not want to live the rest of my life and among them was the belief that I never wanted to be monogamous again. That said my first “official” (in my head at least, I didn’t get a toaster or anything) poly relationship started in May 2013, and then my first successful poly relationship began in December of that same year.

2. What does your relationship dynamic look like?

I have long said that I am like Gonzo from the Muppet show, I’m a “whatever”. That said, my dynamic most closely resembles solo poly. I have 3 partners who I love dearly and who all live nowhere near me (seriously, one just moved to a place about an hour away and it’s the closest I’ve lived to anyone I’ve been involved with in 5 years). For an anxious introvert, this is an amazing set up because it gives me space when I need it and requires way less schedule worry and potential over-extension. It also keeps all of my relationships separate. I don’t really do the “let’s all meet each other’s partners, we’re a happy polycule” thing. I appreciate and respect my partner’s partners and we all ask after each other (I spent a bunch of time looking out for available apartments for a partner’s partner recently) but for me, it’s really about my relationship with each partner, I don’t need to hang out with everyone else.

I try to avoid hierarchy because I hate the idea of ranking people I love but it is undeniable that I have an anchor partner (I see him about every two weeks, he spends christmas with my family, he’s my dog’s “dad”). Additionally, I have a partner who I refer to as my “boyfriend” who I see 2-3 times a year and email with multiple times a week and he has his own anchor partner. I also have a friend with benefits situation that has been going on for over 6 years (so maybe that’s my first poly relationship?) with a man who has his own wife and girlfriend.

3. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

The talking. Seriously, being someone who talks about feelings and teaches people about concepts for a living makes all the talking that comes with poly a bit easier than I’d imagine it is for the typical person.

4. What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

Oh, there are a couple of things here.

On a grand scale, I struggle with the degree to which the world has no context for heterosexual female agency and thus often portrays non monogamy as something men revel in and women tolerate so they don’t lose their man. From the descriptions of famous people suspected of nonmonogamy to the stock photos that run with nearly every article on it (If I see that one with the guy surreptitiously holding hands with one woman behind the back of another woman with her arm around him, one more time I’m going to scream.), the message tends to be “this is something that exists for male pleasure”.

Additionally I have coped with a lot of folks making assumptions about my sexuality: men who assume I am the key to the FFM threesome they’ve always wanted, people who imply I MUST be bisexual because why else would I want my relationships open, and endless people tossing the “I read an article that said no women are really hetero!” line at me. I hate complaining about this because I see my actual bisexual friends struggle so hard with the erasure of their identities but, seriously, since becoming nonmonogamous I have way too many people argue with me about my orientation.

Within my own relationships my struggles are largely entwined with my physical/mental health issues. So, I’m often not great at staying in touch, especially when the anxiety and depression kick in and that can leave my partners feeling ignored. Additionally, I get worried that my limitations (I have terribly low social stamina and often need mellow, quiet time) make me “not fun”.

5. How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?

The grand scale ones kind of fit in with the mission of my website: making sure everyone knows that they get to be who they are so I just try to channel my anger about it into making sure I never write things that tell people who or what they are is wrong or doesn’t exist. It’s actually part of what has shaped me as a writer.

As for within my relationships, so much talking. I try to be as honest as I can about what’s going on with me. That includes my health stuff and my insecurities.

6. In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

Testing and barrier methods mostly. I also had a tubal ligation in 2016 so pregnancy is not a concern anymore. (Fun fact: my partner was with me when I went in for the procedure and every doctor we saw mentioned that vasectomies are significantly less invasive. We told each one “we’re nonmonogamous so we are doing both” and every single doctor replied with something along the lines of “cool, that’s smart!” because, Portland.

7. What is the worst mistake you've ever made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that?

In that first relationship in 2013 I didn’t take the time to determine whether the other person and I meant the same thing when we said nonmonogamous. This resulted in my (very jealous) partner freaking out whenever I tried to see anyone else (each time insisting it was “just that specific guy” he objected to) and constantly pushing me to attend sex clubs so he could “look over and sex you with someone else” (so far from what I wanted). For me non- monogamy looks like everyone having their own relationships and no ownership of anyone while for this man non-monogamy looked like everyone knowing I was “his”  and him “allowing” me outside activity that he approved of/was in the room for.

When I got out of that relationship I quite literally rebounded into my relationship with my now-partner of almost 5 years. When I met him I laid out what non monogamy meant to me and found he was on the same page. Basically, I learned the valuable lesson of not assuming everyone who wasn’t monogamous was okay with the same things. It seems obvious now but back then I was just thrilled to find other nonmonogamous people.

(Bonus: Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are involved with that you would like to promote?)

I am working on my first book, The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having and have a Patreon where supporters can read weekly book previews and help shape the book by participating in monthly polls.

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Support Inclusive Polyamorous Representation at  https://www.patreon.com/PolyRoleModels

[geirutoneido]

Larry hcs?

MY BOY...

[ #suicide #death m ]

A: what I think realisticallylarry is a big autistic idiot just like me

he has weird, performative ideas about how to gender because he doesn’t really understand gender roles well but he has things in his head about what’s “normal” (based largely on... fiction like movies and books) so when people first meet him he first goes through the entire “all interactions are romantic if with a girl, not romantic if with a boy) and it’s absolutely cursed because larry is bi and has a crush on miles “hes so pretty and i want to kiss him and im glad guys can just be honest with other guys like that without people thinking its gay bros4lyfe”

this is also part of the reason he ends up in so many relationships with different girls, he really really likes people! he’s a devoted friend! but he has trouble distinguishing between romantic/platonic in the first place (the lines are blurry) and heteronormativity doesn’t help either. and then his relationships fall apart because of miscommunication & misinterpretation on his half and he wants his relationships to be essentially “best friends”, absolute trust and honesty which is, hard with a girl you’ve known for like 2 days buddy

hes really good at stuff he’s hyperfixated on, but his interests are usually short-lived and then his motivation falls apart and that’s why he gets accepted into so many different jobs and then gets fired from them

B: what I think is fucking hilariouslarry’s drinking buddies with maggey because they both have the worst luck, both have had a really vast array of jobs so they could have met, maybe even multiple times! as coworkers (ntm they have mutual friends) and they send each other e-mails about all the terrible stuff happening in their life and gush over gumshoe or something. they’re the friends they deserve

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friendsi only want good things to happen to larry because he’s a good boy and canon is plenty awful and weirdly angsty to him anyway lmfao so hey remember these

larry is canonically suicidal at the start of the first game and with what an emotional rollercoaster he is i assume that’s not the first or last time

larry’s gf cindy died and i don’t think, realistically speaking, it’s something someone would “get over” at all, least of all larry

larry’s mentor elise also died and

im assuming “miles edgeworth chooses death” was a legitimate suicide note too and miles probably attempted or at least wanted to but boy what a scare that had to be for larry omg... can everyone he ever gets close to like, stop dying? for like a sec? please

larry probably has no gosh dang object permanency with how most people in his life either leave after a really short period or he only works with them for a few months and he never sees them again or they just straight up die. phoenix leaves that door and larry is like “i have no friends” after like 5 minutes

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anywaylarry/phoenix/miles accidental polycule miles and phoenix get together and larry is just like “wow nice im glad we’re all so close! i love kissing my best bros” because he totally missed the memo they were dating and if miles and phoenix get to be mushy clearly it’s appropriate for him to do so too. they love larry but when is someone gonna tell him its gay

[polyrolemodels]

Mx Nillin

1. How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?

Personally? Less than 5 years. I’ve been non-monogamous with my nesting partner, Falon, for about 4 years now, but neither of us explicitly identified as polyamorous until we started seeing our best friend Kate about a year ago. 

2. What does your relationship dynamic look like?

Falon and I are legally married and live together in a tiny apartment with a cat and two guinea pigs. We’re in a romantic, sexual, and emotional relationship with our best friend, Kate, who lives on her own a short drive across town.

Kate doesn’t want to ever get married or live with anybody else. She really values having her own place to herself and so do we, so, it just works out for everybody really well! We all see each other multiple times a week, binge watching Netflix shows, playing nerdy tabletop games, going on date nights, checking out local events, or trying out threesome positions for ourselves and then blogging about them [http://mxnillin.com/will-it-threesome-double-dip/] LOL

Though Fal, Kate, and I are in a closed polyamorous triad together, we’re all still non-monogamous to a degree. Each of us has a friend or two we sometimes share nudes and flirt with outside of our relationship, but the three of us are all romantically committed to each other.

3. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

Ugh, honestly, I wouldn’t say that I “excel” at anything so much as I’m just doing the best I can to look after my own health and wellness while also striving to be the best partner I can be to Kate and Falon.

I used to be REALLY bad at the whole self-care thing and it lead to a lot of fear, anxiety, insecurities, and jealousy in my past relationships. I almost exclusively relied on those who I was intimate with to just comfort me until I felt better. In some cases, I put the entire onus of my mental and emotional health onto my past partners. Unsurprisingly, that created some incredibly fucking unhealthy behaviors as I sought out a pretty constant supply of comfort, validation, and assurance from them in order for me to feel happy and secure in those relationships.

That’s not so much an issue for me anymore, and I’m really proud of that because it has taken a lot of hard work to unlearn those toxic behaviors, develop healthier personal habits, and overall better communicate with the people who I love. I’m also much more on top of taking my anti-depressant pills, and going in to see my counsellor, when necessary.

That’s not to say I’m some stoic, chill master of my emotions or anything. Insecurities still crop up, jealousy sometimes rears its head, and on occasion a little validation is appreciated, but I think all of that is pretty natural

4. What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

The stigma. Holy shit, the stigma

I‘ve never loved two people at the same time, and in the same ways, before. I’ve never been committed to two partners at once before. Like, it’s no exaggeration when I say that my relationship with Falon and Kate has shattered my entire perspective of life, love, family, the institution of marriage, identity, politics, and so much more.

And all for the better, I might add!

But polyamory isn’t something you see reflected back at you by society, especially not in any sort of positive, judgement-free way. It’s not a relationship structure that’s even sorta socially, politically, governmentally, or economically accepted, let alone widely acknowledged, talked about, written about, ore seen out in public. And it sure as shit isn’t represented in a lot in literature, or art, or media of any kind… at least not in ways that don’t tend to be fetishizing or tragic. 

I mean, when’s the last time you’ve seen any sort of show about an everyday non-binary queer navigating life with their poly family? Never? Yeah, me neither.

All of this has led to us having to pretty regularly endure super shitty, awkward situations of us having to be in the closet depending on who we’re interacting with at any given time. Trying to remember who you’re out to, and who is SAFE to be out to, is exhausting and stressful for us all.

And that fucking blows. Yet it’s oftentimes necessary for all our safety.

5. How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?

I talk about it with my partners. A lot. We check in with each other pretty often and we don’t let difficult discussions go undiscussed for long. 

And I write about it too! Maybe too much at times haha.

I find that by putting myself out there, speaking up about my experiences and relationships, it has helped me empower others in their poly relationships while offering me the opportunity to learn from them as well. Especially other sex bloggers, writers, and workers.

I’ve also surrounded myself with a pretty amazing little family of queer and trans folks who have been wonderful supports in my life.

6. In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

Clear, concise, honest communication has been key. Fal, Kate, and I are all aware of each other’s past partners and we’ve all tested ourselves for STI’s. Currently, we’re all fluid-bonded together, so, condom usage isn’t really there like it used to be. However, we still make sure to boil any sex toys that are shared (between uses), keep our nails trimmed, use lube as needed, and generally make sure that we’re listening to and respecting each other’s boundaries.

7. What is the worst mistake you've ever made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that? 

Not sure if this is really a polyamory mistake so much as it is a boundaries issue. A couple years ago, shortly after Falon and I were married, I had JUST started blogging about how non-monogamy worked for us when we became good friends with somebody we had met through our local LGBTQ+ community. Early on in the friendship, the three of us mutually masturbated together, but we were very explicit in expressing that we were not looking for a relationship of any kind and that the three-way ‘bating was just for fun and probably not a regular thing. 

End of story, right?

Not so much. While Fal and I felt that we were very clear, and that our friend had understood, he instead doubled down. Over the months that followed, he ended up inserting himself into our relationship in a lot of invasive ways that on their own looked innocent enough, but when considered all at once were actually quite manipulative. Then one day he tries to show up at our house to talk with Falon, and when they said they weren’t feeling comfortable taking right now (he was being very pushy) he just forced the conversation anyway by professing his love to them. Oh, and me too, but only as an afterthought when Falon made it clear they were NOT interested.

Things went downhill from there really fast as we started to realize the real degree of his intrusiveness, complete with finding out he had been self-sabotaging opportunities for himself because he had this thought in his head that we’d all live up living together.

Anyway, it’s a long story overall but Fal and I learned a lot about what we were and weren’t comfortable with and set even cleared boundaries with others. That whole thing was bad enough that it almost turned us off from non-monogamy and polyamory altogether though. Luckily, we worked through it because several months after that gong show things started up with Kate, which has been amazing!

8. What self-identities are important to you? How do you feel like polyamory intersects with or affects those identities?

I am a fat, queer, non-binary, loud, foul-mouthed sex blogger with hairy tits, a girl cock, and a full-on fetish for actively subverting social roles and expectations… so of course I’m also polyamorous haha. Seriously though, over the last several years I’ve radically transformed myself as a person, to better reflect who I’ve always been but didn’t feel safe or confident being until my late twenties. I had to, because if I didn’t I was on the fast track to self-destruction [but that’s another story entirely]. 

Now, for the first time ever, I feel empowered to live my life as my authentic self and it turns out that a big part of that has included being polyamorous. Monogamy, at least in how it exists in our culture, has always felt incredibly restrictive, uncomfortable, and toxic to me personally; whereas falling in love with Falon and Kate, opening myself up to them both and forming our queer little polycule, has felt like the most natural thing in the world to me since I came out as queer and trans.

(Bonus: Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are involved with that you would like to promote?)

You can find the vast majority of my work on my blog at www.mxnillin.com. One of the most popular features there is "Mx Nillin Fucks", a blog post series in which I stick my girl cock in a wide variety of inanimate objects, mostly foods so far,  as makeshift masturbation sleeves and write about how good or bad it is. This year is themed "Back to Basics" and has focused on classic masturbation items (banana peels, socks, DIY penetrables, melons, etc.). Outside of this you can also find me regularly participating in #SexEdPornReviews tweets for The Crash Pad Series.

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Support Inclusive Polyamorous Representation at  https://www.patreon.com/PolyRoleModels

[polyrolemodels]

Yana Tallon-Hicks

1. How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?

I have been in and out of non-monogamous relationship structures for 10 years. I typically move between monogamous structures and non-monogamous structures depending on what else is going on in my life and how much emotional time and energy I have to devote to the process of non-monogamy.

I actually don’t identify as polyamorous, but more like non-monogamous as I often see polyamorous as an identity and non-monogamy as a relationship structure.

2. What does your relationship dynamic look like?

Currently, I am married to my husband and we have a girlfriend that we see primarily together (sexually). Our girlfriend has sex with and dates other people outside of my husband and I. I have occasional sexual partners outside of my husband and girlfriend. And my husband and I both have sex together with people who are not our girlfriend.

My husband and I consider ourselves primary partners and our girlfriend as our primary secondary partner and other partners as “green-lighted” on a case-by-case basis between the two of us though our girlfriend sees whoever she wants to as long as she just lets us know and keeps the communication open.

3. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

I think I excel at viewing my partners as their own people entitled to their own relationships, feelings, and sexual pleasure. This is typically what I fall back on if/when I’m feeling jealous or insecure. And it’s then really helpful to remind myself that I also benefit from being my own personal with my own entitlement to my desire, sexuality, and relational experiences.

4. What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

I used to be very low-jealousy and very trusting. But when I got divorced, there was a lot of lying and heartbreak around our non-monogamous arrangement (amongst other things that weren’t related to our non-monogamy) that resulted in my feeling a little more hesitant to take things at face value regardless of how much I trust my partners. This has thrown a wrench in the way I process jealous feelings and can be really challenging.

5. How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?

One way is that my husband and I are actually quite monogamous to each other. We maintain a shared emotional and sexual relationship with our girlfriend and have other outside relationships that are sexual friendships rather than emotional relationships. We are both very protective of our primary bond and choose to prioritize it.

6. In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

My husband and I do not practice safer sex between the two of us, and we use condoms with our girlfriend and sometimes gloves if we have cuts on our hands. Our girlfriend practices safer sex with her outside partners, and my husband and girlfriend use condoms between the two of them. We are open about any risks we’ve taken or physical symptoms we have (such as cold sores, etc) that we might want to get checked and so in the meantime use extra barriers, etc. When I have sex with other people, we use barriers on hands, genitals, and toys.

7. What is the worst mistake you've ever made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that?

Early on in my non-monogamous life, I would often knowingly push the limits of my agreements with a primary partner. For example, I would negotiate to have sex with someone else but agree to not sleep over, but then would either sleep over anyway, or stay there until the wee hours of the morning (basically sleeping over). I would manipulate my agreements in order to get what I wanted while not having to state outright what I really actually wanted and risk hurting my primary partner or having them tell me that I couldn’t do something or that they had an issue with my doing it.

In a macro sense, I’ve rebounded by saying what it is that I really want rather than saying one thing and doing another and increasing my trust in my relationships that we can handle a difference in wants and desires.

On a case-by-case basis, I often couldn’t rebound from those behaviors and would usually end a relationship that I felt was in conflict with my wants rather than put in the work to resolve it.

8. What self-identities are important to you? How do you feel like being polyamorous intersects with or affects these identities?

Before I met my husband, I had been with women and queer people exclusively for 8 years and was married to a woman for five of those years. I never thought that I would fall in love with a cis-man again let alone marry one! So I actually brought up non-monogamy very early on in our dating as something that was important to me in order to maintain my queer identity and sense of self. My husband is an incredible individual and is very understanding of that need and is also almost more protective of it than even I am at times!

(Bonus: Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are involved with that you would like to promote?)

Yes, sure! So I am a sex educator, writer, and therapist. I teach workshops about many things including sex toys, consent, and non-monogamy. I write a weekly sex column and freelance about non-monogamy often. I do therapy with individuals, couples, and non-monogamous relationship structures like polycules, triads, and more. I also offer Skype coaching sessions for folks who want short-term advice on their sex lives and relationships. You can sign up for my newsletter or follow me socially on Instagram to find out more about my workshops and events!

Hair by: Bethuny at Glamourama

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Support Inclusive Polyamorous Representation at  https://www.patreon.com/PolyRoleModels