#working in a hospital is rough sometimes yall

[piinksdoll]

→ [The Language of Flowers | Spencer Reid]

Pairing~ Spencer Reid x Fem!Bau!Reader

Genre~ fluffy

Word Count~ 1.5k

Warnings~ typical criminal minds violence, mentions of alcohol (wine)

a/n~ k this is very fluffy and cute, so yeah! have fun lmk what yall think! also NOT PROOFREAD!!!!

Week 1

It's the one month anniversary of me joining the BAU, and ever since I've had the biggest crush on a certain genius doctor. I've tried to ask him out but he never gets the hint and always ends up bringing the others to any “date” I plan. So now I've decided to speak to him in a language that, hopefully, he'll understand.Code, but in a cute way. I'm going to bring in an arrangement of flowers to put in the conference room every week. Each one with flowers representing my feelings towards him. So, to celebrate my 1 month-iversary im bringing a collection of forget-me-nots, lavender, and daisies, hoping mr.genius will finally get it. 

The sound of Derek’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts “Hey mama, one month with us how you feelin’? Wanna run away yet?” I rolled my eyes at his playfulness. “Not yet but you’re makin me want to. No but seriously I've loved it here more than anywhere else and although it gets crazy sometimes I wouldn't trade it for the world.” Derek laughed while pulling me into a big hug which I returned gladly. “Ooh hugs! I want in!” I let go of Derek and before I got a chance to react, I felt Penelope engulf me in her arms. “Oh congrats on one month, love! Never leave us!” I smiled against her. “Flowers? For me? You shouldn't have” I hear Emily’s voice accompanied by JJ followed by the click of their heels. “Ha ha very funny. No, they're for the conference room, I felt we needed some brightening.” I explained as we made your way to the conference room. “There, they look beautiful.” I set the vase of flowers in the middle of the table admiring my work. They're in the middle, he cannot miss them. 

Spencer walked into the conference room and couldn't help but notice the arrangement of flowers you had brought in and wonder if there's a deeper meaning to it all. He remembers your earlier words about the craziness of the office and the pattern of florals seemed to suggest bringing peace and calmness to the office, along with a hint to the deeper feelings of admiration and loyalty. He wondered who do you admire?

Week 2

While trying to find an unsub, I got thrown onto the floor and kicked in my ribs. My wrist and ribs were broken. I got away when Morgan tackled him but I was still not able to stand up, or move. I felt a pair of hands hold me. “Are you okay? Oh God, you’re hurt,” Spencer muttered, I tried to sit up, wincing as pain shot up my side. “I’m fine,” I lie, though the sharp ache in my wrist and ribs says otherwise. “Just… a little roughed up.” “Fine?” Spencer repeats, his voice rising in disbelief. “You’re bleeding, your wrist looks broken, and you just took on a guy twice your size.” His hands gently press against your ribs, and you can’t help but hiss in pain. “That’s not fine.” 

We make it out to the medics and they take me to the hospital. After waking up in a hospital room I see Spencer standing over me. “You scared me,” Spencer says quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “When I heard you scream, I- I thought…” He cuts himself off, his jaw clenching as he fights to keep control of his emotions. I reached out with my good hand, gently touching his arm. “I’m still here, Spencer. I’m okay.” I looked into his eyes, the soft brown making me melt. I feel him squeeze my hand gently, there's no one else I'd rather be with at this moment. 

I came back to work after a week off, demanded by Hotch of course. This week I chose an arrangement of peonies, baby’s breath, and sweet peas. “How are you feeling?” I see Hotch, his face sporting his signature frown with his eyes laced with concern. “I'm feeling good. I think writing might still be a problem but pretty good for the most part.” I nod assuring him. “Ooh yay! More flowers! I've missed these.” I laugh at Penelope’s words. I walk into the conference room to find Spencer already in there. After setting the vase down, I make my way over to where Spencer is and before he can react I engulf him in a hug. I feel his hesitancy, the way his body stiffens at my touch but I don't let go. I slowly feel him relax and wrap his arms around my waist. “I- uh-” he stammers, his voice soft and uncertain. “Are you okay?” I nod against his chest, unable to find the words at first. “I just…” My voice wavers, “I needed to thank you. For everything. For saving me.” His brow furrows in concern, “You don't need to thank me. I would do it again in a heartbeat.” His voice is soft, I can feel his breath against my forehead. I look up at him “Spencer,” I whisper, my voice quiet. “You don’t have to be scared.” He smiles at me in assurance. 

While the briefing is going on, Spencer once again studies the flowers. He sees you’re grateful for the kindness and support shown by the team. The sweet peas show gratitude, peonies represent compassion and the babys breath represents love. He smiles to himself thinking about the message you're sending. 

Week 3

Last night we went to Rossi’s for a wine and pasta night. It was the first one since I had joined the team and it was amazing. The laughter, easy conversations, the smell of wine and garlic in the air. It was the first time I had seen everyone on the team so relaxed, even Hotch was smiling. During the night I had seen Spencer so happy and smiley. I caught him a few times staring at me, it made me so shy and it wasn't just the wine. That night wasn't just amazing because of Rossi’s expensive wine and amazing pasta, it was finally feeling a part of the team, and seeing everyone so happy. So this following monday I decided to bring in a warm and bright arrangement of sunflowers, chrysanthemums, and snapdragons. I smiled seeing it in the centre of the table.

Spencer walked into the conference room excited to see the new arrangement you had brought in for the week. He takes in the pattern of warm colours, the sunflowers standing out the most. He studies the message you're sending, the sunflowers representing loyalty and adoration perhaps towards the team, and chrysanthemums representing friendship. You caught him staring at the flowers, it made you smile knowing he understands what you mean. 

Friday of Week 3

I walked into the office today, it is a paperwork day so it's going to be slow. I always get to the office a little early, not earlier than Hotch or Spencer but I'm always the 3rd one there. As I walked up to my desk, I noticed a bouquet of flowers, red roses, white lilies, pink tulips, and baby's breath all wrapped in baby pink and white tissue paper. I smiled at the beautiful arrangement, my heart skipped a beat at the sight. “Y/n..” Spencer’s voice startled me out of my thoughts. I turned to see him standing a few feet from me, his hands fidgeting nervously with a mixture of uncertainty and anticipation on his face. “Spencer,” I whispered, smiling as I looked at the bouquet in my hands. “Did you- are these from you?” He smiled softly “I—uh, yeah,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I wasn’t sure if it was too much. You always bring us flowers, with secret messages, so I thought I'd return the favour…” Warmth filled my chest, the thoughtfulness, the way he had chosen each flower with care-it was perfect. So Spencer.

“You noticed…” He nodded at my words “Ofcourse, I figured it out the first time you brought them in, and I've been trying to tell you somehow…” I looked at him shocked. “You didn't have to say it with flowers, but I'm glad you did.” I teased gently. He stepped closer to me, taking my hands in his. “Maybe next time I’ll say it with words…” His voice soft but steady, I smiled, my heart racing just a little faster. “I think I’d like that.” I felt his lips on mine, he kissed me gently. I smiled into his lips, 

“Woo hoo finally, pretty boy and pretty girl,” Morgan’s voice rang through the office, we broke apart at his words. “Dammit I had 2 more weeks, you guys couldn't wait?!” Emily whined, throwing her hands up dramatically, “What you guys had a bet on us??” I exclaimed watching her, Penelope and Morgan handing 20’s to JJ.

“Of course we did,” Emily said, shrugging with zero remorse. “It was inevitable. We just didn’t know when.” JJ smirked, folding the bills into her jacket pocket. “I had faith in you two. I knew it would happen sooner than later.”

 “We’ve all been waiting for this to happen. Took you two long enough.” Rossi teased. “Congratulations to you both” Hotch added, giving us a rare smile. Spencer looked at me, and I could see the same joy in his eyes. “Thanks, Hotch,” he replied, his voice soft but steady. I looked at Spencer, and with each passing moment, I felt more and more grateful for this chance at love, and all it took were flowers.

tag list~ @yourfavoritefangirl

[haechvn]

Too Intense

Pairing: Shuri Udaku x F!Reader

Warning: Y'all gone hate me cause Shuri rude asf. You have been warned. I'm actually tryna hurt yall feelins. Angst.

Word Count: 1.1k+

Summary/Request: Toxic!Shuri. That's it.

Author’s Note: I wrote this a while ago but I wasn't too sure about it. I tweaked it a bit and now i'm in love. Lmk if yall wanna be on my taglist. Love yall

Taglist: @blkgworlamplified @wakanda-forever-andotherfandoms @theblacksuccubus

The cold, sterile smell of the hospital was almost too familiar by now, a stark reminder of the pain and confusion that had become a constant in your life. Shuri had been rough with you during a training session. Her strength, normally a reassuring presence, had become uncomfortably overbearing, and you found yourself sidelined in the hospital for a few nights on many different occasions. The bruises and aches were secondary to the emotional turmoil of being so close to her yet so far away.

When you were finally released, the confrontation you dreaded sought you out. Shuri had locked herself in her room, unable—or rather unwilling—to face you. Her absence was a silent scream of regret and discomfort, and you could feel the coldness of her avoidance cutting through the air. Her usual self-assured demeanor had cracked, revealing a vulnerability she refused to acknowledge.

Her newfound lack of empathy was one of the hardest things to endure. Shuri often acted as if her own hardships were so monumental that nothing could compare. It became a habit for her to dismiss your struggles with an almost casual cruelty. “Wow. It’s so sad you argue with your mom every day. Where’s mine? Oh, right. I’m done listening,” she would say, brushing off your pain with a shrug. It was as if your problems were trivial compared to the grand scale of her own trials.

This lack of empathy extended to how she handled your relationship, particularly when it came to her interactions with RiRi. Shuri was constantly talking about how beautiful RiRi was, her voice dripping with deliberate poison, meant to provoke jealousy and rage. Despite her attempts to downplay it, her actions spoke volumes. The tension built until it reached a breaking point. One night, the emotional strain pushed you too far and you lashed out at her with every fiber of your being. It was a desperate act of frustration and pain, the culmination of feeling constantly belittled and manipulated.

Shuri looked you dead in the eyes after that you spoke out against her behavior, her gaze cold and unwavering. “You aren’t more important than my work or anyone else in my life,” she said with an icy calm tone. “If you can’t handle that, then you should just leave me alone. Spend the money I give you and keep quiet.” The words cut deep, and the gesture that followed—a transfer of two million dollars to your account—was a bitter reminder of her ability to detach from you emotionally while trying to compensate with financial means. The way she used money as a substitute for emotional connection only deepened the rift between the two of you. Her financial generosity was supposed to be a balm for the wounds she inflicted, but it only served as a stark reminder of how transactional your relationship had become. The many millions of dollars she has transferred to you over the years were a testament to her belief that money could mend what her words and actions had shattered.

Her refusal to even be intimate with you became a weapon she wielded with precision. One morning, you had simply greeted the Dora Milaje with a soft “hi,” and Shuri’s reaction was swift and harsh. “I didn’t like the way you spoke to them,” she declared, her tone final. “No sex tonight. Matter fact, don't touch me for a week.” The punishment felt petty and unjust, a way for her to reassert her control and punish you for perceived slights.

The physical and emotional barriers she built were sometimes more painful than the wounds from training sessions. Her constant criticism, whether it was about your strength or my interactions with others, was a manifestation of her own insecurities. She projected her frustrations onto you, making every exchange feel like a test of endurance rather than a moment of genuine connection.

The dynamic between you often felt like a constant struggle for validation. Shuri’s embarrassment over your perceived lack of strength was another cruel twist in the relationship. “Tighten up, what is the hell is the matter with you,” she’d scold, her impatience palpable. It was as if your struggles were a reflection of her own inadequacies and oh did she despised seeing you falter.

Shuri’s refusal to acknowledge her role in your issues, combined with her tendency to gaslight and dismiss every feeling you expressed, left you reeling. Her actions, from the callous remarks about any family issues to the cruel mind games she played with RiRi, spoke of someone who was deeply conflicted but unwilling to confront her own shortcomings.

Each time you thought you'd find a moment of understanding or solace in one another, Shuri would retreat back into her fortress of self-righteousness and emotional detachment. It was as if she viewed the relationship as a battleground, where the stakes were high and the only victory was maintaining control. Any attempts to address these issues were met with her trademark dismissal or cold logic.

In moments of clarity, you could see the cracks in her armor—the fleeting glimpses of vulnerability and the rare admissions of her own struggles. Yet, these moments were always fleeting, quickly buried under layers of her self-imposed duty and mental barricades. It was a dance between pain and disillusion, where love was twisted into a weapon rather than a source of comfort.

As you navigated the choppy waters of your relationship, it became clear that Shuri was trapped in her own cycle of paranoia and denial. Her inability to balance her personal and professional lives, combined with her tendency to prioritize her work over the connection you two once nurtured, created a volatile environment where genuine affection was often overshadowed by power struggles and emotional manipulation.

The realization of how deeply she was embedded in her own worldview left you grappling with your own emotions. You had to come to terms with the fact that your attempts to reach her or change the situation was no longer necessary. The love you once shared had become a thorn in your side. The high stakes were not just your feelings but your very sense of self-worth and emotional stability.

In the end, you were left to decipher the complexity of your union, trying to find a way to either bridge the gap or finally accept that this cycle of emotional manipulation and control was unsustainable. The journey was marked by moments of intense passion and deep pain, a testament to the intricate and often destructive nature of your once sacred connection. The combination of emotional distance, scheming, and outright cruelty created a relationship that was as painful as it was complex.

[sugugasm]

NEEDLE N THREAD — FT NANAMI KENTO & FUSHIGURO TOJI

༄ a threesome with your colleagues leads to a very sticky situation.

♱ CW - f! reader, threesomes, big cock nanami and toji, doggy, missionary, double pen, usage of profanity, usage of pet names such as baby/love/sweetheart, use of the word bitch but only once, <> word count - 1.5k <> notes - hi hi, this is a reupload bc there are some opps in the building. pls yall i swear i don’t mean any harm </3 i wrote this in one night & @venusflytrapstar is the one to blame.

toji and nanami were good at their craft.

saving lives daily wasn’t exactly the dream job for some, but to them— it was. there was no better feeling than finishing up a patient, stitching them good as new and seeing them exit the facility with a smile on their face.

and that’s why you adored your colleagues.

toji and nanami had been there since you first began as a pre-med student, already having their lives set at the hospital when you arrived a few years ago. you adored their dedication, work ethic, and abilities just as much as you adored saturday nights.

the nights where not only toji ruptures your insides, but nanami doing the same right after him.

“god-fuckin’ damn, pussy’s so tight. like havin’ both of us fuck you senseless huh?” toji grunts, his cock plummeting into you slowly but deeply as nanami stuck his tongue down your throat.

every time the weekend rolled around, you wondered if it was a dream. to have two handsome men fucking you whenever you asked while also being professional outside of closed doors really got your tummy fluttering. it was something ravenous and exciting about the mischief of it all.

to be such persistent individuals, they were sloppy in bed— fucking you back to back as you mess up the sheets of whoever’s home you’d decided to get pounded at next; this time being nanami’s. the three of you currently having the time of your lives in his living room, ruining his brown leather couch cushions as your pussy contracts around toji’s cock for the second time tonight.

“she’s so pretty— such a slut for us, all for us,” nanami praises, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat making you gag. they were both fucking huge and shoving their cocks into you as if they weren’t was a mix of pleasure and pain, but you wouldn’t rather be anywhere else.

“nurse y/n, who knew you were such a fuckin’ whore? look at how this pussy’s fuckin’ me back. bet you think about us while you’re with patients, huh?” toji teases, his tip repeatedly hitting your gushy spot. nanami picked up speed while fucking your throat, his hands holding both of your cheeks. the gagging and queefing of your pussy and mouth had them both going insane.

sometimes you wondered if this would ever escalate to more. it was against protocol and way outside of the employee handbook, but the dick was just too good to pass up.

“such a fuckin’ goddess. love fuckin’ you, baby.” nanami says, caressing your cheek when he pushes his cock to the back of your throat— you choke, but you take every inch. with a gag, he pulls out of your mouth completely, leaving a string of saliva connecting from his cock to your bottom lips.

not too much. fuck is he callin’ her that for? he thought. to toji, there was no reason to. you were all just friends who fuck— well, at first.

it was at that moment you could feel toji fucking you harder. his rough hands gripped at your ass and rolls as he fucked you from behind, watching you clap back against his pelvis. he could cum right now, but he couldn’t help but to feel a small bit a jealousy bubbling inside of fim.

after multiple months of getting to know you and stretching you out, both toji and nanami could say that they’d never felt this way with anyone before— no one other than you. but that was the thing, they couldn’t both have you, not unless it was like this.

“i..i’m cumming—fuuuck yes! fuck me like that, oh my god,” you moan, not missing the way toji’s pace went from steady to rough. with a few more thrusts, you began to coat him like glaze on a donut as he guided his dick in and out of your hole.

“good girl. you’re a sexy little bitch aren’t ya’ ?” toji mumbles, his palm meeting your ass cheek leaving a sting. you giggle, averting your attention from nanami’s eyes to looking behind you at toji. you reached back and put a hand on his stomach and clawed at it with your nails.

“c’mon, toji. wanna’ feel it all, daddy,” you encourage, hearing an annoyed sigh come from nanami. you swore they acted like two envious school boys when it came down to you.

“shit, cummin’, i’m cummin’ for you, baby. where do ya’ want it babydoll?” all it took was for you to say the words in me to have toji spurting his cum into your belly. from the corner of your eye, you could see nanami roll his tongue on the inside of his cheek, removing his glasses and making his way behind you.

nanami have toji a tap on the shoulder and uttered, “move,” in a low tone.

“the fuck are you gettin’ mad about?” toji questions, slipping his dick out of your pretty little hole that just aches for more dick. nanami said nothing, he only gave toji a rather unpleasant expression. surprisingly, toji didn’t argue. instead, he moved over to the side and allowed the impatient man to take his position behind you.

“someone’s jealous, eh?”

nanami grunts, flipping you over onto your back so he could see your beautifully fucked out face, “fushiguro don’t start with me—“

“kento, don’t forget who fucked her first,” toji winks, making nanami knit his brows— chest heaving up and down with agitation. before it could get too routty, your soft voice could be heard from under them.

“hello? can you both shut the fuck up and fuck me already? geez, you act like children,” you sigh. nanami sends toji one last glare before readjusting his focus on you— the pretty angel who had no idea she was setting their hearts on fire.

“i’m so sorry, darling. forgive me,” he whispers, kissing at your neck before toji stood before you— cock hovering over your face creating a shadow.

“kiss ass,” toji mutters.

the minor setback only had your attention for a brief moment as nanami entered himself inside you. you loved how different they both felt. toji was on the bigger side, his cock stretching you out in ways you could never imagine, leaving you begging him for more. where as nanami had length. he was able to reach your spot within seconds of thrusting, sending you over the edge rather quickly.

“jesus, you’re so fuckin’ tight sweetheart,” he groans, stray pieces of blond hair sticking to his forehead as he kept a slow and gentle pace. toji on the other hand, gave you a small moment to get use to the feeling between your legs prior to fucking your face.

“open up, sweet thing,” toji says and you oblige. with your mouth stretching as wide as it could, you tried your absolute best to fit him all the way in, gargling on his cock as his balls slapped against your forehead, “aah—shit, love this fuckin’ throat. takin’ us so well, and at the same time too.”

“and this cunt too,” nanami adds, “never get over you. can’t believe you feel this good, love.”

love. you’d be lying if you said their words didn’t make you want to cry and cum all at once but here you were, taking the two men you admired and cherished the most— unable to call them yours. but deep down inside, the three of you knew the connection was endless. no matter how many times they’d remind themselves of the rules created beforehand, the feeling of your pussy around them had the two men drawn to no one other than you.

the familiar sensation in your stomach had you moaning and whimpering as the two men continued to fuck your holes. noticing your change in movement, nanami reached out to intertwine his hand with yours. a few moments after, you could feel toji doing the same, grabbing the hand that nanami hadn’t, both of them holding onto you and letting you know that they were ready for your explosion.

the intimacy and warmth that they were giving you took you there, toji removing his cock from your mouth and nanami picking up speed, “fuck i’m cumming a-again— ooh! please, please, please— it feels so good!”

“you heard the lady nanami, make that pussy cum,” toji chuckles. as if it were on command, you cunt suckled at nanami’s cock, pulling him right along with you as you reach your climax.

“cum baby, cum for me—please, i’m gonna’ cum with you,” he grunts, squeezing your hand a bit tighter. after a few more sloppy thrusts, you and nanami had cum together.

“there you go, good girl,” toji says, kneeling down to kiss your cheeks and neck. your tits jiggled with every breath you took and your mind was fuzzy from the moment. neither of them had let you go yet, both of their hands still holding on to yours and nanami’s cock still keeping warm inside you.

“that was…fuck,” nanami sighs, watching as toji’s thumbs wiped away the tears that’d escaped your eyes earlier tonight.

after cleaning you up and dressing you in one of nanami’s clean shirts, you could be found resting in the bedroom as the two men talked amongst themselves in the kitchen.

“so when are you gonna’ tell her how you feel?” toji asks, breaking the still silence of the room.

“i don’t know…when are you?”

SUUNMIC 2022 — ©️ all rights reserved to @suunmic. please refrain from copying or reposting as your own.

once again, special thank you to the lovely @venusflytrapstar !!!!

[iplayghoul]

hot tub sex wit ony ? drabble ?? oneshot ?? this longer than i thought it wld be i just cant stop talkin... its 11 am bruh

its soooo obvious that im more into a soft sex kinda vibe, always or rough sex written in the most gentle and soft way possible 🙈

so i cant help but constantly imagine hot tub sex wit ony. in my head at the start of the relationship he constantly gravitates towards our apartment. in his mind he felt it was safer for his partners always, not wanting you to feel yk at danger in a man's house despite how safe he made you feel BUT ofc you have a jacuzzi.

in this universe, like in my head, i imagine both ony and reader have jobs in the medical feild likkee maybe ony is a surgeon and reader is a private psychiatrist who sometimes picks up shifts at the hospital onyankopon works at ???

ANYWHO becuzz of this they sometimes work hard ass shifts, whether theyre long or short, its hard as fuckk and they come home tired. ony gets home first, maybe an hour earlier and he has a key card to your apartment so he can let himself in, feeds your pets and relaxes on the couch, thinking of if he should make you two dinner or order sumn.

then he thinks of the jacuzzi, a nice relaxing hot soak after a hard shift is all he needs so he stops petting your cat or roughhousing with the dog and orders sushi, grabbing a drink of his choice whether it be wine, a light alcohol or sum shit for yall to sip when the sushi comes.

i think you get home not long after the sushi is delivered. maybe 10 minutes later and its still fresh and warm OUU shit i need sum sushi rn 😭 and ony fine ass is in some black swim shorts with the sushi all out on a platter wit the sauces on it, and hes got his feet in the water while he jus sits on the side of the jacuzzi and calls out to let yk where he is

you take a quick rinse off before donning a bikini, a black one to match his b4 putting up your braids and joining him on the edge wit a kiss. i like to think ony loooves kissing. he loves stimulatin his mouth n his lips. its a long, soft kiss and u cant help but lean into each other its like ugghh at last i can relax and let my gaurd down and just be vulnerable after being in this big position at work yk? 🤭

so you share several long kissing before both getting waist deep into the hot tub, letting the bubbling heated fun engulf you both as you down pieces of sushi, feeding each other while staying connected at the hip. i think he cant help but put his hands on u, always letting it rest on ur hip. sometimes i tink he jus likes to be touching you at all times its like a safety thing, sometimes jus resting his hand on your shoulder, ankle, tummy, dont matterrr he wants to kno ur there.

its only a matter of time before talking about each others day becomes nothing more than a whisper of a conversation. and ur eyes cant leave each others lips... necks, chests... and then ur kissin again :) hehee and kissin all over each other so tenderly and meek.

just then hes slipping his hands under ur peachy squishy ass n lifting u to the edge of the tub, kickin ur feet in the air and he sees ur toes are done. pretty pink polish with a baby pink french tip, and baby pink flower designs dancing across a few toes ... hes not one to have a raging foot fetish but it entices him,,, sooo he puts ur toes in his mouth and it tickles a bit ! but feeling his hot tongue caress ur little toes carelessly makes u feel all warm, especially ur cheeks.

eeeeek and then he jus cant help but continue to lick , suck n kiss all about your ankle, i imagine ur gold/silver lil anklet has his name awn it cuz he doesnt want u to tattoo his name :<< , but his lips smooth there way up to your inner thighs and hes pullin ur panties to the side so his thick lips can sink into ur thick lips as he slowly jus... makes out wit ur cunt idk if i can even call it 'eating out' anymore, hes in luv with ur pussy. obsessed wit the way u smell down there actually. fuck a roses and flowers smell bitch he is stealin yo panties after a LONG day at work tf 😭 he jus like me fr ok ok.

i jus luv a soft sex moment, his tongue mixes wit u sooo well and ur whines are of no use to him cuz he's havin fun and everythings jus so... slow and relaxed. ur grindin up into his face slow too cuz what else can u do but relax and just let your man do his thing. hes laying his upper body into you, drinkin ur squirt when u cum and mushin his face all in ur cream when u do orgasm, its long and drawn out and so. good.

then he pulls u back in the water wit him, slippin his dick in u fluidly, connecting u both and honestly yall sit there for a good minute. just basking in each others immaculate warmth. the fuck is dragging , sloww and aching but neither of u care to move faster. ur holdin the edge of the tub and hes holdin ur legs up to your shoulders , usin each other as leverage to fuck into the other slow and deep. low moans r harmonizing wit each other and its just... perfect :(

all thruought the fuck n i cannawwt stress this enuf he is kissin on u , he cant help it. he revels in kissin all over ur face and lips even if ur too far gone to kiss him back , kissin on ur neck and ur tits that are all squished together cuz of the position annnnd kissin on ur thighs and ur legss as theyre so far up he can reach em wit his mouth. he presses kisses on ur head too . u deserve it :(( ohh u deserve it so bad and its moments like these that i luv always.

even when u guys cum , ur lips are locked and ur swallowing each others moans, and breathin hot in each others mouths when ur done.

why is this so long notice how i cant shut tf up ab soft sex ???? bye yall !

[comfort-person]

MY NIGHT MY NIGHT MY NIGHT AHHAUEIEEIEO WEMBLEY N3 🔛🔝 I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I hope yall enjoy this story!! Eeek it’s adorable 😭

My baby fever has returned. This is why I’m writing this. But this is absolutely fucking adorable MY HEART.

Synopsis: After a long shift at work you come home to something absolutely adorable.

Baby fever

You had just finished your work. You worked as a full time doctor within the care of the NHS. Sometimes you had shitty days and sometimes you had lovely days but this day had just been incredibly shitty. It had just been one of those days… one of those dreadfully slow and painful days. You never liked to bring home what had happened at the hospital as you didn’t like your 5 year old daughter hearing any of it, sure you and Harry sometimes talked because communication was best after all but you hated even having to talk quietly… you didn’t want sweet little Loulabelle hearing about anything horrible. The little girl had a vivid and wild imagination and came up with the craziest of dreams and nightmares that you and Harry were often shocked she, someone so young, could see… so vividly.

You slowly opened the front door, eyes tired and dreary. Lou should’ve been in bed by now. Sometimes Harry let her have later nights on Fridays which today was Friday but sometimes she was so overtired that he just put her to bed immediately yet you were quite surprised when you heard the gentle strums of guitar. A small smile immediately formed on your lips… maybe he was practicing? And so you slowly walked to the living room the sight before you immediately warming your heart. Harry sat on the sofa, Lou sat on her little purple beanbag a plastic lidded cup with hot chocolate in it as she stared at her daddy with big loving eyes. Yet it only got cuter from then on, the strumming becoming familiar the little girl bouncing up and down excitedly “you gonna sing Lou?” His voice was soft as he gazed at her with loving eyes, giving her daddy a toothy grin as she nodded her head desperately.

“You’ve got a friend in me… you’ve got a friend in me… daddy! When the road looks rough ahead and your miles and miles from your nice warm bed you just remember what your old pal said daddy, you’ve got a friend in me!” The little girl sang with wide happy eyes, hands clutching at the plastic cup her happiness obvious as she continued singing with wide happy eyes, her words sweet and loud before she pointed at Harry showing she didn’t want to sing anymore “daddy you sing! You sing!” The small girl yelled, Harry unable to stop smiling agreed- fingers continuing to strum the guitar gently and slowly “nice and loudly daddy!” The girl yelled and he chuckled nodding his head softly “okay baby okay…” he licked over his lips preparing himself before looking into her big green eyes a lot of love etched onto his face giving his shoulders a little wiggle the girl bursting into fits of giggles as she kept her eyes on him, taking big gulps of her hot chocolate:

“You’ve got a friend in me. You’ve got a friend in me. You’ve got troubles and I got em to. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. We stick together and we see it through cause you’ve got a friend in me! Some other folks might be a little smarter than I am big and strong too. Maybe but none of them will love you the way I do… it’s me and you, girl… and as the years go by our friendship will never die. You’re gonna see it’s our destiny… you’ve got a friend in me…” you watched your eyes stinging with tears your lower lip trembling as you stared at him. The love of your life… so good with kids. It was heartbreakingly adorable. Soon you joined them “you’ve got a friend in me…” you sang out the little girl immediately squealing “mummy!!! Mummy!! Daddy look it’s mummy!” Lou ran up to wrap her small arms around you and you quickly lifted her up into your embrace. “Oh what pretty singing you have young lady” you spoke smiling Harry soon pressing a kiss to your cheek silently asking how you are, his arm wrapping around your waist gently

“Mummy sing me a song!!” “No little girl it’s your bedtime. I’ve already sang that song to you ten times” a soft laugh left your lips, before you said goodnight to the child, Harry taking her up and putting her to bed before he came back down, arms wrapping around you immediately as he held you close to his body looking down at you with loving eyes “good day?” He asked softly the look in your eyes saying it all “it’s better now that I’m with you and Lou.” You spoke quietly his eyes softening “I think that is a good means for cuddles and take out… what do you think?” He raised his brows and you smiled nodding your head “and cuddles with you?” “Of course.” He then pressed a soft kiss to your lips eyes full of adoration and love…. That evening full of nothing but love and care… he spent his evening taking care and loving for you… there truly was nothing he wouldn’t do for you. The love of his life.

[itsdappleagain]

Get toasty for The African Ice Caper!

Late again. Whoops. I swear I have good reasons. Anyway, super excited for this!!!

Lets-a go! Notes under the cut as always :)

First off, since I forgot the title last week, let's take a stab at it! I super love this title. It's a play on words in some ways; it refers to the literal "ice" meaning the diamonds they find in Botswana. But using "ice" also refers to the aftermath of Stockholm and how Carmen is dealing with the consequences! Cool shit!

Overall beginning thoughts- I LOVE this caper. It extends that whump/angst from Stockholm ever so much and ACTUALLY DEALS WITH CONSEQUENCES!!! I love when shows carry over serious events!!! Even with S1 finale -> S2 opener there wasn't much aftermath of Carmen's fight against Brunt (two weeks? really? she healed from that in two weeks?) but they DELIVERED here

This caper is just all aftermath, consequence, and effect. Carmen makes the decisions she does in Botswana to call in ACME because of their rescue in Sweden. They've proven themselves to be trustworthy (for now) and as Chief said a valuable ally. However, without Carmen calling in the cops, Roundy would never have been alerted and the mines would never have been blown up. It's all so delicate and interesting, and opens, for the briefest of moments, so many pathways for options- good and bad. I'll get to more stuff later but let me actually start commenting on the episode now

it's a terrifying moment but I can't help but laugh about Zack and Ivy's cover story being that Carmen is a shitty driver and they are right

while I also understand that it's the fastest way to convey information why did the nurses just let them seize the gurney and start sprinting back into the hospital with her without even knowing what happened

but okay. man. carmen's eyes just barely being able to open and see what's happening before she slips into unconsciousness again is so damn good

why does she have an oxygen mask on btw she was freezing not suffocating can anyone inform me on that

he's family 😭 happy day after father's day yall he's dadowsan official now

AUGH. her face kills me every time she just looks so vulnerable. but like she's trying to tell him that she's okay

i love found family but the nurse must have been confused when this 20 year old argentinian lady's family turned out to be two white american teenagers and a forty year old japanese man

not to mention that 16 year old canadian kid on the phone

poor carmen has an iv and a heart monitor she was not doing so hot

actually cannot tell if they stole an ambulance or painted their van to look like one i think they painted the van??

wait no it has lights on top DID YOU STEAL AN AMBULANCE???

that quick shot of ivy ducking down and checking carmen kills me every time augh

i love this quick, rough but getting smoother dynamic player and shadow-san get with taking the capers while red is down. i also LOVE that they took this opportunity to move into and decorate the warehouse further. it becomes home while carmen recovers

also the way carmen is barely ever awake is just so. augh

OOOH CARMEN'S DREAM i love this scene. there are so many little tiny things to pick up on before the brunt reveal that it's not real: ivy's voice waking her but ivy being nowhere in sight, chief not having a pen to beam from, chief not being able to activate pens from her end, etc. the first time i saw this, though, I was totally fooled. i was like ohhhh shit chief??????

btw have i ever talked about the sound design on chief's voice? her real voice intertwined with mechanical/digital noises that sometimes even blot out parts of words that just sell the illusion that she's coming from a speaker

god the way carmen jumps as soon as she hears brunt's voice ugah

the dutch angle on brunt to sell the fact that this is WRONGWRONGWRONGWRONG MM its so good

and carmen's pupils contracting when she wakes up mm

LOOK HOW HARD DEVINEAUX HAS BEEN WORKING GO SIR DO THAT PAPERWORK

that little side glance devineaux gives to see if he sold it thats so funny

and the sad sick face dropping off his face for an evil little grin he's literally so funny

"roll of red yarn" has become another one of the phrases I just repeat over and over it lives rent free in my brain for some reason

he's crocheting a little carmen hat and coat for his pet cat

the music going really sinister and lowkey a little concerned as soon as it reveals that devineaux's got this crazy ass conspiracy board

the callback to the very first capers devineaux/julia reeled off in the pilot!!! (plus boston tea party of course)

the shot of devineaux tacking up papers on the "camera" is one of my favorites, so fun

carmen has so many kettlebells what the fuck

man i love how you can see the wave of exhaustion hit her like a truck. she's not even close to a hundred percent still, but she's "relaxing makes me fidgety" carmen sandiego so of course she's up using the punching bag

oh hey also one thing about this episode is i dont think i've ever realized but it spans over a TON of time. like, maybe a month?? more?? girlie doesn't trip and slam her face on death's door and then get up and go work out in a week

ALSO WAS THIS THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF CARMEN'S WORKOUT OUTFIT?? SO GAY ABOUT IT THANK GOD THEY BROUGHT IT BACK MORE TIMES

augh also you can hear the frustration in carmen's...not exactly voice because she's just kind of panting but she does this little scoff/growl/ugh that just shows how annoyed she is that she can't do this like she used to and that it still hurts

carmen say thank you challenge CARMEN SAY THANK YOU CHALLENGE CARMEN IM GOING TO MURDER YOU even when "chief" showed up the closest carmen got to "thanks for saving my life" was "you look better" "thanks to you" girl its okay you can say thank you

the way carmen bounces down on the couch itches my brain

also obsessed with how carmen's first workout session was pummeling that boxing bag because like if player was surprised she was up and still calling her the patient THAT WAS HER FIRST SESSION UP. CARMEN INSISTS ON GOING ON A CAPER THE INSTANT SHE CAN THROW A PUNCH AGAIN HJDSGJSD

the way ivy lays on that damn couch im in love with her

ZACK'S FACE

boys got trauma from last time and it shows hard this episode

i love how everyone is just like

because she is fighting tooth and claw to get out of that warehouse who's going to tell her no when dadowsan isn't around

guess you caught me lion

also. i guess carmen did have to watch out for tigers who slam her into chainlink fences

team red got the safari of all time damn they were just driving and they saw all that??

also HEY zack is driving on the correct side for their location that's really cool

ivy's trying to help you girl you do not need to make her feel bad about trying to give you water in the middle of a gigantic. well the kalahari isn't a desert but "semi-arid sandy savannah" doesn't quite roll off the tongue in the same way i guess

"he is a rockstar" i miss you elvis episode with shadowsan that could have been

everyone: gains complete trust in shadowsan brunt: im about to end this mans whole career

shadowsan just standing on the other side of the gondolas is so funny he must have gone the entire rode around up to the top of the mountain for that dramatic ass shot

he's so funny honestly

also the gondola shaking as they fight is a great detail

top ten anime moments before disaster. number 1: le chevre and fraulein blushcheeks

shadowsan just SNATCHES that case

also I love how fraulein (i know thats a term like miss but i dont have anything else to go on) is just sitting there mad about it

the friction burns on shadowsan's hand and that belt are going to be nasty

the sound design on le chevre going down the line on the belt sounds like a horse screaming in minecraft

HE'S SO EFFICENT ABOUT IT ITS HILARIOUS he's like alright damn if you say so

carmen making jokes about the situation she almost died in is a trait fanfiction writers have been gnawing on for years

player guilt tripping her is so funny like girl please don't die again

red drone <3

its roundedbitch hello sir

he pronounces the "r" in "le chevre"

carmen's decision to call in the police/ACME here directly results in roundabout becoming faculty which is cool

i remember when this season dropped and everyone was making theories about roundy. long live the "he's julia's dad theory" i loved ye while i knew ye

coach brunt is EN ROUTE? she got there FAST DAMN?? canary islands to botswana is like an 8 hour flight

the siblings being overprotective i love it so much

ungh you can see the fear at just SEEING brunt she's got so much trauma about it

player continuing to try to get carm out of there and her continuing to shut him down carmen please girl

add another fursona for carmen to have. panther sheep wolf

man you can just SEE how out of it carmen is. tigress takes her down EASY

also that slam into the fence and how she just. collapses. she can't get up from it for a solid few seconds it hurts that bad and player desperately trying to know what's happening because last time he didn't check in she ended up in a ravine

tigress just waits for her to come and then takes her out with one really really effective uppercut to the jaw

she really is off her game she didn't protect the face

i adore how expressive they let her be here. it DOES hurt. it hurts BAD. and she can't do anything to prevent what tigress is about to do

the way all three of them go "OUGH" when they hit the floor

zack just sitting on tigress

carmen looks really unimpressed about that cat in the bag pun

also idk if its just carmen never expressing anything in her life or if she's just processing what the fuck just happened (and how she couldn't really do anything without collapsing in pain from something she would have bounced back from in a second at any other time and how that almost lead to what she believes would be her death at the hands of brunt) but the way she just stares at them

they CHAINED her up

tigress has gotten a cat joke from every single person she's told her codename to

i also love how tigress always corrects people on tiger vs. tigress when she responds to them. big trans energy dont fucking misgender her fursona

LITERALLY CRYING LAUGHING ITS SO FUNNY SHE JUST DOES IT TO BE AN ASSHOLE JHFSGHFKSAD

dont you know im still standing better than i ever did lookin like a true survivor feelin like a little kid

but anyway another place cs suffers from its rating. chief is the reason she's not DEAD and the script having to skirt around that with flowery language lessens the impact

oh wait a minute my bad. i take it back. he does get to say that she nearly froze to death thank god yes player go off king

looking at lettuce? the ancient greek sex symbol? julia you are so scandalous devineaux's having a dream about conspiracy theories and he accidently walked into julia's wet dream about carmen

thats a joke sjhdgjs okay getting back to what the dream is actually about i love that devineaux's perception of julia in his head is that she just shushes him and reminds him about the rules all the time

"a hat? in a corner grocery?" sir you're buying YARN in a corner grocery

look at that gay little julia devineaux's subconscious knows julia as only rule following and down bad for carmen

yeah chase is actually kind of. breaking the fourth wall a little in this dream? he's calling back to the lucky cat caper, which he was there for. but he's referencing the cat with the stamp in it, which had a coin slot in its head while the others didnt. he never saw those cats- he's heralding back to something CARMEN did. this is for the audience to connect and emulate how chase's thought process is working!

arent the canary islands on...the other side of africa?

i love how red drone flinches at the same time player does she's like a little guy she's part of the team she's real to me

we both know thats not why player

isnt the pen supposed to be the most secure method of communication ever or something

also can you imagine being shadowsan right then and realizing that. fuck. the person who carmen now owes somewhat of a debt to for saving her life and who is now an ally is the person who MURDERED CARMEN'S FATHER

"i'll be the one wearing red" okay how about directions

roundy using the birtish government liking to have control in africa as an excuse is the most realistic thing in this show

HAHA I JUST REALIZED THE QUEEN IS DEAD S3 FINALE IS GOING TO BE SOOO AWKWARD

i love how his glasses reflect green to show the change of sides its top tier classic cs color theory

chase should be able to get some sick days he does like 10 times the work of the poor old farts in there

DID I JUST HEAR A SEAGULL

CHASE'S SEAGULL SNEEZE IS SO FUNNY

he's literally so funny he could have done this call from anywhere else but im willing to bet that he completely forgot about work until he'd already rented the thing and was in it (and also had flown?? from france to the coast of africa???)

loving the smooth transition from the boat motor to the car motor

maam we have a car door for a reason you dont need to vault over the windshield

HAHAHA THE BACKUP IS FOUR COPS

the zoom on the timer as it counts down is fantastic

thats the second time zack has been knocked off the bed dskjfshfdsw

autistic zack agenda

brunt doesn't fit in the car lmfaooo

OH FUCK I FORGOT brunt didn't fly from the canary islands that's why she could get there so fast. my bad

chase is doing SO well just. a lITTLE too late

studies show that carmen will be attacked on trains 100% of the time

autistic zack agenda

what is chief sitting on im curious does she have a chair in her. hologram room or whatever

chief how scandy (im aware thats not what is usually means i think its funny though)

yeah you could see jules evvvvery dayyyyyyy

au where she enlists in acme and then gets shunted onto a treasures of knowledge timeline

man i love this part. she gets JUMPED

also how her eyes snap open as soon as she realizes brunt is there with her. she's ready to fight her, but as soon as brunt gets anywhere near her she is TERRIFIED

she flinches back, she stops struggling, all she can probably think about is last time. she doesn't go back to angry once brunt backs off a little. she's still fucking terrified. she knows she's not in the right state to fight TIGRESS- much less brunt. and brunt nearly killed her easily last time. if she decided to hurt her now, tied up and with like ten broken ribs, she'd be done for.

HERE WE GO SHITS GOING DOWN

who? its such a fucking. good question it takes her a second to realize. she's been told all her life by this woman that she's never had any family but vile, that she was abandoned. now brunt tells her that not only did she have a father but vile sent her new dad to kill him? and then he apparently stole her and brought her back and everyone lied to her for twenty years?? thats literally so fucked up she's so justified in going absolutely feral for the rest of the season

the anger in her voice as she starts to confront brunt about it and then the return of fear when brunt gets close to her again to gag her

"NO. DON'T LEAVE. NOT YET"

oh my god and then the episode closing on her writhing and screaming on the floor with her world turned upside down its so fucking good

the music btw also helps a TON its so sinister it gets your heart pumping ungh

okay i love this episode im so excited for the finale of the season!!!! how are we there already???

i cant believe zack and ivy didnt put carmen on lockdown after they checked on her and found her tied up and gagged screaming in the dark that had to suck

i wonder if there are any missing scene fics of that. them taking out the gag and the first words out of carmen's mouth are "shadowsan killed my father" can you fucking imagine what the fuck that sounds like a great read. give me fic recs if there are any like that out there

alright anyway what a top tier episode. in spirit stockholm, african ice, and deep dive are a three parter and the next episode is just the payoff to EVERYTHING im so excited. they seriously went so hard on s1 and s2 and by producing them basically together they are so fucking solid man i love it

alright- until (probably late) next week. bye yall!

[kyleknight]

sometimes you see something thats just so heart crushing and literally the only thing that can help soothe the ache is listening to mcr

[scoopsahoy]

hi can u do a sequel to the derek pregnancy fic where u were pregnant for a full nine months and go into labor one night when yall r asleep

ぺ  word count ⋰ 1.8k

✰  tw ⋰ none :)

❍  cw ⋰ birth

ꨃ  part one

✐  masterlist

⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★

You opened your eyes to a sharp pain in your back and stomach, causing a sharp breath to enter through your nose.

“Jesus,” you whispered to yourself. You gently pulled Derek’s arm, which was wrapped around your stomach, off of you. You sat up with a struggle, as you were heavily pregnant. You looked at the alarm clock to see it was almost six o’clock in the morning.

The pregnancy was nine months, meaning the baby would be human. You found out at five months that it was going to be a girl, and Derek couldn’t wait to have a tiny version of you running around his loft.

It was a rough nine months. It destroyed your knees, hips, ankles, and gave you massive, dark stretch marks. You’d become insecure about them, but Derek didn’t care.

He was sad that you were insecure about them. He called them your ‘battle scars’, always making sure to make you feel better about yourself when you looked in the mirror.

Even having been with him for over three years, you’d never seen the sensitive side of him that came out when you got pregnant. He made you breakfast, massaged your feet, and would even help you wash your hair sometimes.

You loved it, you just wish he’d been like this the whole time you knew him.

Moving his arm woke him up, and he reached over and lightly ran his hand up and down your back.

“You okay?” he mumbled, still half asleep.

“I think so-”

Just then, you felt a massive puddle forming under you. It dripped onto the floor and you felt a pressure in your belly.

“Derek,” you said in a monotone voice, standing up. You looked at the wet spot on the bed, and he did too.

“Did you pee yourself?” he asked innocently.

“I think my water just broke.” That seemed to wake him up, because he immediately shot out of bed. “Get the hospital bag,” you told him as he slipped his shirt on. He nodded and practically ran to the other side of the loft, returning with a crossbody bag.

He helped you put your shoes on and when you stood back up, he took your hand, helping you to the elevator.

You’d never seen him so nervous and distraught, anxiety reeking from his body. When you got outside and to his car, he made sure you were strapped in before running to the driver’s side and zooming to the hospital.

When you arrived, he didn’t even bother parking straight. He dragged you inside, calling out for help. You both looked up to see Scott’s mom, Melissa. You let out a sigh of relief when she ran over, followed by a nurse with a wheelchair.

You eagerly sat down in it, letting them wheel you to a room you didn’t even know the number for.

Once you were changed into a hospital gown, you laid in the bed, an IV in your arm, and bracelets on your wrist. Derek sat next to you, holding your hand.

“Have you had any contractions yet?” Melissa asked.

“No, not yet.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Sometimes water will break before contractions start, but they should get here soon.”

“I didn’t think you worked in obstetrics,” you said as you adjusted the blankets.

“I don’t. I figured I’d stay with you for a minute though. Is there anyone you want to call?”

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.” You looked at Derek. “Can you grab me my phone?” He nodded, pulling it out of his pocket. “Thanks.” You opened it and scrolled through your contacts, finding the name Stiles.

Stiles was one of your best friends, and he was eager when you announced the pregnancy. He told you he wanted to be there when you gave birth and made you promise you’d tell him when you went into labor.

Even if it was six in the morning.

You held the phone up to your ear, hearing it ring a few times.

“Hello?” said the groggy voice on the other line.

“Hey, what are you up to?”

“Sleeping,” he said simply.

“Well, I figured I’d let you know I’m in labor, but if you wanna go back to sleep you can.”

“You’re what?” he yelled, making you pull the phone away from your ear.

“My water broke. I’m at the hospital.”

“Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be there.”

“I can’t control-” He hung up. “-when the baby comes.”

You sighed and smiled at Derek.

“I’ll come back when you start pushing, okay?” Melissa said, giving you a smile.

“Okay. Thank you.” She left with a smile.

“Are you gonna call your parents?”

“I never even told them I was pregnant.”

“Really?”

“Did you forget I haven’t talked to them in years?”

“I just figured this might be something they should know. You know, since they’re about to be grandparents and everything.”

You sighed. “I’ll call them sometime. Just not now.”

He nodded. “I’m gonna go get some food from the vending machine, do you want anything?”

You nodded. “A Snickers would be nice.”

“Okay.” He leaned over and kissed you. “Be right back.”

No one else had seen this side of Derek except you. He wasn’t the same person he was to Stiles, or Scott, or even his uncle, Peter. With you, he was soft and sweet, always making sure you had everything you needed and wanted. You doubted anyone would believe you if you told them half the things he’d done for you over the years, even before you started dating.

Fifteen minutes went by quickly, and before you knew it, Stiles ran into your room, his shoes squeaking and his breath heavy.

“You haven’t given birth yet, have you?” he asked as he sat next to your feet.

“Nope, not yet. I haven’t even gotten contractions yet.”

“Is that good?”

“Just means it’ll take longer.”

He nodded. “Great.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

Just then, you felt a heavy pressure and pain course down from your stomach to your legs, your hand reaching for Stiles’, which was right next to your knee.

“Nevermind,” you groaned, closing your eyes and inhaling sharply.

He winced and an ‘Ow’ left his lips.

When the contraction died down a moment later, you let go of his hand. “Sorry.”

“No worries,” he said, shaking his hand.

“That was not what I was expecting it to feel like.”

“Better or worse?”

“Way worse,” you chuckled. “Jesus. The next few hours are gonna be Hell.”

‘Few hours’ was an understatement. It was now seven p.m., and your contractions still weren’t anywhere near as close as they needed to be.

You’d tried everything the midwife suggested to speed it up: walking around the room, sitting in a chair, sitting on a yoga ball, drinking tea and water, peeing, laying on your left side, and you even tried falling asleep.

But none of it worked.

At this point, you were sweating, crying and in some of the worst pain you’d ever felt.

The doctor decided to see how far dilated you were, which was two centimeters, eight away from being able to push.

“On the bright side, you’ll be able to deliver naturally,” she said.

“What does that mean?” Derek asked.

“No c-section.” You both let out a sigh of relief. “Once you get to four centimeters you’ll be in active labor, which shouldn’t be as long as early labor.”

“Thank God,” you whispered.

Even though it wasn’t as long as early labor, active labor was ten times more painful. It was definitely the absolute worst pain you’d ever felt.

But your boyfriend and best friend were there for you the entire time, even through your random bursts of anger, sadness, and pain.

When you were told you were at nine centimeters, you looked at Derek.

“I can’t do this, I don’t think I can do it.”

He stood up and leaned over you, gripping your hands. Stiles stood at the other side of the bed.

“Hey,” he said, softening his voice. “Are you kidding me? If anyone can do this, you can do this.” You let a tear fall. “Babe, I’m scared, too. But guess what? We’re gonna have a baby. A tiny version of you. We’re gonna have a little girl. And she’s gonna be awesome. Okay?”

You nodded. “I love you,” you whispered. You looked at Stiles. “Be ready for me to crush your hand,” you laughed.

“I’m ready,” he said somewhat reluctantly. “Just try not to break any bones.”

You smiled.

“Alright, Y/N. You ready?”

Screams filled the room, both Stiles and Derek wincing at how hard you were squeezing their hands.

You pushed a total of six times before you felt a massive relief of pressure, and you gasped for air. Your cheeks were soaked with sweat and tears, your legs tingly.

You let go of their hands and, just like before, Stiles shook his hand in the air. You breathily chuckled at his reaction as the nurses wrapped the crying newborn in a blanket.

They handed her to you, now having stopped screaming, and you started crying all over again.

She was beautiful. She had the same pale green eyes that Derek had, and bright red hair.

“She’s a ginger,” he whispered.

“My dad is, maybe that’s who she got it from,” you said.

Only a little while later, Derek was next to you in the bed, and you both just watched her sleep in his arms.

You’d never seen him so happy. He had a soft smile plastered to his face and he was a natural at holding her.

You let Stiles hold her, and, just like your boyfriend, you’d never seen him happier. An uncontrollable grin formed as he sat in the recliner with her, letting you and Derek have open arms for a little while.

Once Scott and the rest of the group arrived, you decided to tell them the name you settled on: Charlotte Allison Hale, Charlie for short. Allison was your best friend before she died, and you figured it would be a nice tribute to her.

Scott loved it, and it pleasantly surprised you. You were worried it would make him sad, and you knew it probably did, but you were glad he liked the name, too.

You spent the next few days in the hospital, learning how to change diapers, breastfeed, and all of the other essential things included in being new parents.

Stiles was there every day, other than going to school. He went to his classes, went to lacrosse practice, and then immediately came back to the hospital.

You liked being at the hospital and having some help from the nurses and Stiles, but being able to go home and spend time just the three of you was your favorite thing in the process.

And it made your heart melt watching Derek with her. For the first few days he didn’t let you get up during the night and insisted he go check on and feed her with the bottles of breastmilk you had pumped while at the hospital.

You were finally in a place where you were genuinely happy with everything in your life. And you couldn’t have asked for a better one.

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader 

changbin x reader | part three of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff & angst for a lil bit woo

↬ warnings; talk of perinatal depression, cursing, n labor 

↬ notes; changbin babi 🥺  ALSO ITS CHANGBIN DAY WOOO ITS MY BABYS BDAYYYYY SO I HAD TO POST THIS |

u two had just freshly started an official, public relationship

ofc changbin was freaking out while he was chilling in the bathtub behind the curtain so u could pee on the test already

u two were looking at the line coming in, praying that there would be only o n e 😳

slowly the other line comes in, dark blue n clear alongside the other one

“holy fuck—“

“what do we do?” you asked, your voice wavering while setting the test back down

his hands cupped your face, giving u a soft kiss n hugging you

“we got this, we’re having a baby, baby!” he started to joke and yall burst out laughing while crying in the bathroom

the first few months were amazing

ur lil bump sprouted out n u two were so happy about it

changbin is just so attentive and excited about this pregnancy and his first born

u really couldn’t have been better with ur lil family that was starting to become realer with each day

u two r such bullies yall r like

“what happened? ur a softie now binnie!!”

n he’d say shit like, “well at least i don’t pee every hour on the clock!!”

he makes u cry one time n u use that against him everytime u want something bc he feels guilty >:)

cute lil things like asking the baby what they want to eat or talking to it before the bed

(changbin reads the baby goodnight moon one time and ur just so in love like wow 🥺)

he secretly talks to the baby when you sleep every night because hes waiting for when ur little bean will reply back with a kick or a hand

he is W H I P P E D for u n ur baby bump

nursery is already done at five months

he needs all of the boys to come over though to help him figure out the instructions 😳 these are co nfusi ngg

they notice how smiley n giggly he is when he talks about u two and looking at the finished crib hes just so proud

yall r so happy and content with ur baby that was an accident, but u guys are so happy this happened

but something changes within u

changbin notices your lack of interest in the pregnancy during ur sixth month

ur sleeping pattern was off n u would sleep for hours during the day and night

u were very irritable, not wanting changbin to cuddle with u or kiss u like he did everytime he came back from practice :(

u were always unhappy and always so moody, he just wanted u to be happy 🥺

he is so confused and worried ab u, some days ur not eating or some days u don’t even wake up in the mornings like u used to

sometimes— just sometimes he’d come back home to find u in the same spot, asleep

he’s so fucking scared when ur around seven months that he can’t hold it in anymore

“are—are you okay?” he questions u from the doorway, making u stop to look at him in the mirror

ur eyes were cold, setting down the towel u were drying ur hair with and leaving him by himself while heading into ur bedroom

“don’t you dare fucking walk away from me.”

ur s h oo k

he was really nice during the pregnancy everyday, super bubbly and kind so u were shocked to hear his upset tone

“i can and i will, i’ll just go sleep in another fuckin room.” u mumbled, changbin grabbing ur hands and turning u around to face him

u struggle for a bit while ur arguing with him and telling him to let go so u could go to sleep

“stop! i am your boyfriend, i am the only one who is going to care for you like this. i am the only one who is dying, seeing you like this. do you understand? we’ve been through seven months of this together, it was fine for awhile and now you’re fucking turning me away?”

hes shouting at this point, hes just so pissed after three months of not having answers and your attitudes and arguments, he cannot handle it

u start crying

hes quick to hold you, pulling u down to the bed so u don’t have to stand on ur tired feet anymore

“i don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 🥺🥺🥺

he insists u two will find out n u both will get thru this rough patch together

perinatal depression, they diagnosed u

changbin is so upset when he hears the doctors tell u

everything is making sense to him and he’s just so heartbroken he didn’t put two and two together earlier

he takes time off for the time being to make sure ur taking care of urself

hes watching u like a hawk but trying not to make it evident

the first time u ask him for a kiss, he gives u dozens

he hadn't been asked for kisses in so long he was so relieved 🥺

he’s constantly telling u how beautiful u r and talking to ur bump about how they have the best genes and their uncles

this man is a father already it seems

he is ur #1 face mask partner cause he buys the cute ones only because u deserve the cute ones that r ur favorite ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜

cooking together is something that happens, not often but every once in awhile he will let u do small things

cut up some lettuce? sure! pour in the soup broth? of course u can! taste test his food? always.

he wants to make sure ur comfortable with him touching u or kissing u or what hes saying

“i love you.” he’s mumbling, quickly placing a kiss against the fabric of one of his own shirts that was worn by u and fit u like a dress still

he then goes up to ur cheek n presses a kiss to it, ur hand cupping his jaw and letting him kiss ur lips >.<

also u guys let out a quiet talk of pregnancy to the public, letting jyp release a notice on changbin’s absence from live-streams and posts with the boys

u two received a lot of positive feedback which changbin let u read the positive ones n loved when u smiled at each one

u were overdue by a week which was the worst, ur back hurt and u had migraines

u also were put on bed-rest for the next week before u could be inducted

u guys waited out the week and u got scheduled for an induction

the labor was really slow which sucked because u just wanted to hold ur baby already :(

rly intimate moments like chan just holding u n rocking u like a baby

u guys are given this position to move the baby down, your knees on the ground so u could kneel against the bed and changbin would hold ur hips n rock them

he just feels so bad he can’t do anything to help u with the pain 🥺

yall kinda vibing with the hospital food (idk bout yall but some food from hospitals smack chile)

“i just want to go home.” :(

u bet ur ass he scoots into ur hospital bed, holding ur hands n u just cry into his shoulder

he feels like his heart is being torn to pieces when he listens to u cry out of pain

his free hands holds your jaw, making u look up at him

“we’re almost done baby, okay? i know it hurts, if i could i would take your pain in a heartbeat. you are incredibly strong and i’m so proud of you. you just need to hang in here for a few more hours, yeah? you think you can do that?”

u give him the weakest smile ever but its better than nothing

u reach 10cm!!!

now the part that wasn’t fun was the pushing :/

u were hurting, u were tired, and u had been promised almost seven times that all u need was one more push but no matter what, it seemed like the baby wasnt budging

“the cord is wrapped around the neck, we need you to stop pushing. okay?”

ur too tired and stopping the pushing sounded good so u did as they said but when they told u they needed to actually reach in and unwrap it ur blood ran cold

u both were worried about how much u could take

u screamed, god it hurt and it felt like hours of them twisting but it was a mere minute

the labor progressed n there it was

“a girl!”

u two are like faucets or waterfalls

shes literally the perfect mixture of u both 🥺

he washed her hair n helped wrap her up in a blanket, giving her over to u for the first time

u both were just in love with her, she was absolutely perfect

he’s obsessed with her, taking in that baby scent, the scent of the light baby shampoo and the bit of baby powder that lingered throughout her onesie

her hair wooooww its so soft n fluffy

her little baby pout and her puffy cheeks

i can see him calling her bunny for awhile as a childhood nickname

he’ll just be like

“oh that’s my bunny!!”

weird look from u but ur heart melts while he bounces her in his arms n gives her some kissies and running his fingers thru her hair

he’s also rly soft, i don’t see him singing but i see him definitely whispering to her about how she’s gonna grow up and have the best life because thats his little girl

“ur gonna have eight uncles, they are crazy but it’s okay. u definitely lucked out on fathers though, i’m pretty good at lullaby's. u did get great genes too, u have a handsome daddy and a gorgeous mommy. we worked really hard on making u, please don’t hurt ur cute little face. u also have a storm coming, there’s a thing called stays, they are gonna adore you, i promise.”

omgomgomgomg jejejejeje im blushing at the thought of this i just adore dad changbin 

u guys may or may not be planning for another but it definitely would happen in a few years

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[whatshouldwecallchronicillness]

hi there =) i read your reblog of how chronic illness dehumanizes you and i wanted to ask you and your followers what people who work in the medical field (e.g. i am going to be a doctor soon, so that`s why i am asking) can do to make you feel more like a human? like i know, that it`s nothing personal and sometimes we can`t do that (especially if a diagnostic procedure requires to do things that are just weird) but is there something you wish people would do more often/ less?

Congratz on almost being a doctor!  I used to be pre-med once upon a time so I know how amazing that accomplishment is.  

If you are asking how to make chronic illness less dehumanizing, you are probably not someone who would significantly contribute to it.  :0)  And you are absolutely right, sometimes the nature of the test/treatment/process is what feels dehumanizing and it can’t be helped.  One of the worst things for me is feeling a lack of control which is especially the case when I’m in the hospital.  Not being able to get out of bed without permission, manage my own meds, or sleep when I want is particularly rough for me.  But that’s just how things are.  

  When someone works with me like we are on a team, that really helps even if everything else is sucking for me.  There’s lots of little things too, like fully explaining what’s about to happen during a procedure, checking in to make sure I’m comfortable, making sure I have time to ask questions, and making sure I’m good with the plan are all really helpful.  One of the biggest ways I feel seen is when someone notices something non-medical about me (like I crochet, or I’m wearing a t-shirt from a school their cousin goes to, or just anything that’s not about me being a patient).  I know yall don’t have a lot of time, so really any quick little thing that shows me that you see me as a person feels really good.  

Most of the stuff that healthcare workers do that contributes to me feeling dehumanized is stuff that would be rude or inconsiderate in any context.  Like moving me without warning or asking permission first, or telling me what the plan is without my input, or being overly judgmental and prejudice, or that one time a doctor gave me a high dose of dilaudid through an IV as I was telling her not to because I didn’t need it and trying to push her hand away.  Then there’s a smaller percentage of cases that happen because someone is overworked or went into medicine for the wrong reasons, or is frustrated with not being able to figure me out.  And I’m sure there’s instances where I feel dehumanized because of my own baggage and history with negative medical experiences in the past.  

In summary, the best way to make me feel human is to see me as a human.  You won’t be able to do that all day everyday.  But if you do your best (and fake it well when you can’t) you’ll be great.  

Seriously, thank you for asking.  

[writerchicken]

Born for this -Ch 3

It was still dark outside but I could hear the beginning of bird songs signaling the coming of the sun.

Sighing I rolled over, my muscles sore and head stinging, I trained long into the night with Ronin working on my Jutsu.

My feet touch the cold floor as I stumble across my room to the dresser, I picked up one of the picture frames there. It was the only picture of my entire family, me and my father stood next to my mom while she was on the hospital bed holding my baby brother, taken just seconds before she collapsed,the birth had been too much for her and something happened, my newborn brother only spent a minute in my arms before he was pulled away because of the same complications, he followed after her a few hours later.

That day my father and I went home in mourning to a house that was decorated for celebration, I remember running up to my room and crying over the knitted blue blanket I had made for the new baby, I was so happy to be a big sister, I was going to protect him and walk him to school and be a role model to him. But that wouldn't be happening anymore.

I remember walking down the stairs to find all the decorations pulled down and my father sobbing on the couch.

I had never seen my father look so powerless before.

I know there must have been a funeral but I don't remember it, all I remember was seeing their faces one last time, kissing their foreheads, and the flowers.

I lift my hand to wipe away the warm tears on my cheek, today was the anniversary of my mother and brothers death. Although I went down to the cemetery often but on the anniversaries Ino, or Ronin and Norio, or Asuma would come with me. I liked going with Norio cause he was like me, he lost both his parents on a mission and he only had his older sister. He was very understanding but also he made me laugh which helped with easing the pain.

I slide my legs into the satin of my black dress and into my shoes, brushing back my hair i clip it into a bun and wrap a shawl around my arms.

'When is Asuma coming back from his mission? The Chunin exams start tomorrow and he needs to be there for them'

/////For the Chunin exams I am going to sorta take the two and smush them together it will fit together with this books plot which all comes together during this time, so if you see nayhting different don't worry that's supposed to be there//////

I sip the hot coffee from the mug, standing on the balcony as the sun rises above the apartments, the warm beams landing on my face.

Just as I was about to go put my empty cup away a body jumps towards me, lashing my arm toward it I mean to strike it with my cup but a hand stops it

"Whoa hold up there Sayuri"

Looking up I see Kiba, he's gotten taller then me in this past year, which is weird because our friends would always joke how we used to be exactly the same height through most of our childhood

"H-hey Kiba" I stutter a blush creeping along my face as I take in how close he is standing, how good he smells, or the warmth of his hand on my arm.

Before either of us could back up he wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my head

"I just came to check on you" he said softly "I know that today is gonna be rough for you so I just wanted to make sure you knew I was here for you"

"Thank you Kiba" I whisper, laying my head on his chest "It means a lot knowing you are here"

We stay like that for a few more seconds before he speaks up again

"Ino said she was waiting for you at her shop, want me to walk you there?"

Nodding, I agree and run inside to grab my shawl before locking the door

He grabs my hand and starts leading me towards the flower shop.

///

Ino is standing underneath the awning holding three small bouquets of flowers

she turns and greets me with a smile, her eyes drift from my face to my hand linked with Kibas and I can see she's curious 'I'll be sorry to crush her hopes of me getting a boyfriend' I laugh softly under my breath 'Kiba is just being a good friend he doesn't like me like that, he probably likes someone like Ino or Ten-Ten or even Hinata'

We stopped right in front of her and she put a hand on my shoulder

"you ready?"

I nodded and turned to Kiba "Thank you"

"Hey no problem" he smiled and scratched his neck "I'll see you later ok?"

He let go of my hand, which shocked my hand from the sudden cold, turned and started back in the direction we came from and I turn to face Ino

She raises her eyebrows "you know I have a question or two but that can wait till later, right now lets go visit your family"

She put the bouquets in my arms "Thank you Ino, it means a lot that you are here"

Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, she nudged me and we began our walk

/////

The sun shines bright as I walk through the cemetery with Ino, following the path to the place where the gravestones were.

I knelt down in front of them and Ino stood behind me

I can already feel the tears forming

"Hey guys" taking a deep breath I continue "Its the 7 year anniversary of when mom and Raiden-" I gasp trying to fill my lungs "- since you guys- since you...died"

"I miss you guys, I miss you guys a lot, I know it was not your fault, any of it" 'except maybe you Dad' I glare towards his grave but dare not to speak those words

"Raiden, today we would've picked up your enrollment packet for the academy and sometime next month I would've walked you to school on my way to training, and I would help train with you and your kunai and shuriken throwing, and I always imagined that you would be waiting for me to come back from missions cause you would wanna hear all about how awesome they were"

tears fell off my chin and dropped onto my hands cupped in my lap

"Mom, Dad, I'm taking my Chunin exams tomorrow and I really hope I do you proud, I mean I know you would be proud of me whether or not I passed I just, ya know? I just Really wanna pass"

A breeze runs by and I pull the shawl closer around my shoulders

"I've been working on developing my Jutsu a little, Asuma and Ronin say I'm doing awesome but I know I'm not quite there yet, I'm worried about dragging down my team...I have practiced a bit of medical jutsu but I don't really have a developed enough Chakra store to be really good at it but I think it should be good enough for now"

arranging the bouquets so they are in line with the stones I add "I always feel weird coming to talk with you guys, I don't know, I guess I just have a hard time letting people know what I'm thinking or maybe not that maybe more of I don't know how to voice what I am feeling"

'maybe that's it' I think as I gently kiss my fingertips and place it to each of the gravestones 'maybe next time I will be able to say more'

my feet wobble slightly when I put my weight back on them

Ino wraps her arm around me and looks into my eyes "wanna get some ramen?"

"sure I would love that" I confirm

Taking one last look at my family we leave.

//////////A/N

hey yall that was sorta a filler chapter, I don't think I am really good at writing sad things (which is basically gonna be what chapters of this book are) but we did get to hang with Kiba a little bit so that was cute

[spacejew]

oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

[rosalynbair]

As Always | AO3 | Masterlist | Buy me a coffee | 

Words: 1824

Warnings: angst (oops?), a loving marriage, honestly a bit painful, injuries, death, I haven’t written in literal months so sorry ya’ll - i’m rusty. Don’t read past the ~ if you want this to end happily

Coffee filtered through the machine, the rough hiss of the coffee pouring into the pot joining the repetitive clunk from deep within the old coffee maker. The sizzle of the eggs as they meet the hot pan echoes in your ears.

The soft light of the street lamps glowed through the front window above the sink, the sky only barely beginning to lighten up from the deep black of night to the milky grey of the cold Colorado winter mornings. A figure walks down the sidewalk, passing the fading yellow bungalow on Washington street that housed a detective and his girlfriend.

The bundled up person pauses by the white fence surrounding the front yard, the shadow of their dog moving along to sniff at each piece of wood before moving along to the next house. A smile tugs at your lips, the wooden spatula in your hand sliding carefully under the egg and flipping it over so not to break the yolk.

Rhiannon plays through the old radio by the fridge, mixing with the static of the fading effort of the speakers. The gravelly voice of Stevie Nicks keeping you company in the quiet kitchen. Your hands were cold on the handle of the spatula, the cool air seeping in the edges of the window that really should have been replaced in the summer.

You set the utensil down, reaching up to turn the stove dial off as you lift the pan up off of the glowing red burner. You pick it back up again, sliding it under the egg and setting it onto a plate that already held two pieces of toast and fried potatoes that were left over from dinner the night before.

The sound of running water cuts off from the bathroom down the hall, replaced instead with the scrape of the rings holding the shower curtain across the metal bar it hung from. Small thumps and a slight curse told you that Flip would be out in a few minutes.

Your movements are almost fluid with the routine that was followed almost on a daily, the bend to grab the two dishes beside the door leading to the living room, setting one on the counter as you dumped and filled the other with fresh water before setting that one down and taking the other and filling it with the dry kibble from the bag under the sink. You grab the other once more and return them to their places by the door.

The bathroom door groans in protest as it’s opened, the top of the door catching on the frame. The light is flicked off, the elongated shadow of the man you shared a home with disappearing from the hardwood floors of the hallway.

“Go get your mom.” Flip grumbles out, his voice still a few octaves deeper than his usual baritone.

With the small command, you hear the gentle clicks of nails along the floor. Moments later, the large dog that had pushed his way into the family padded into the small kitchen. His shiny brown and black coat stood out against the soft green of the walls, his deep eyes meeting yours as he approached you.

You sink down, letting him push his head into your hand. Your thumb rubs the front of his ear where the grey was beginning to come in and show Gryphon’s true age. The seven years of service in the Colorado Springs Police Department had taken a toll on his joints, his movements slowing down to a slow jog on his good days.

You stand once more, your pants releasing slightly around your thighs. Gryphon turns as Flip joins the two of you, his hair still damp and shining under the yellow glow of the light. You smile at the tall man that claimed ownership to so much space in your life, tilting your face upwards as he comes closer to you.

His lips settle on yours in a comfortable yet gentle greeting. His hand rests on your hip while yours reaches up to settle on the flannel covered bicep.

“Good morning.” You breathe, separating your lips from his.

“Morning.” He mumbles, dark brown eyes searching your face with an expression and emotion reserved only for you.

“I made breakfast.” You tell him, stepping away and turning to grab the two plates from the counter. You pass by him, setting them down onto the the table.

“As always.” Flip comments.

“As always.” You repeat, turning away and returning to the counter where two matching mugs of coffee sat waiting to be had. The steam rose from the mug and danced into nothingness through the still air of the morning. They were hot in your hand, the heat radiating from the ceramic dampening your hand with sweat.

You push one of them towards Flip, a loud groan of the unglazed bottom of the mug against the wood table echoing through the distance between you.

The moment you were both seated, Gryphon buries his muzzle into his food bowl.

It’s quiet between the two of you, very few words were spoken in the morning. It was always quiet before Flip left for work in the early shifts. It was an unarranged agreement that nothing serious was to be said, only gentle love exchanged as the sun rose over the horizon. An arrangement that kept emotions safe in case of the worst possible outcome of Flip’s profession. No arguments or harsh words before he leaves, no regrets if he didn’t come home that night.

As breakfast was finished and the last drop of coffee was gone from the mugs, Flip stood and collected the dishes, setting them in the sink.

With a quick glance to the clock, he releases a sigh and turns towards you. “I’ll do the dishes tonight when I get back.”

“It’s alright.” You respond, tucking your chair in under the table before leaving the kitchen to the front door where Flip’s holster hung from a hook beside his keys.

The leather was soft and worn in your hands, a perfect fit to Flip’s muscles as you helped it onto his shoulders and back. Your fingers worked the buckles easily, another small routine that had come about in the years you had been together.

Your fingertips trace over the leather once more as Flip reached and grabbed his keys, tucking them into his pocket before pulling on his old but well loved jacket. His lips met yours in another gentle kiss, his head tilted ever so slightly so his nose wasn’t shoved against yours.

“I love you.” He says, the sleep fading from his voice.

“I love you.” You respond with the sweetest of smiles. “Come home safe.”

“Always do.” Flip chuckles.

He straightens up, pressing his lips between your brows. His figure fades into the gentle glow of the morning, the sun barely peeking through the milky clouds.

The truck is loud as it goes down the street, fading ever so slightly as you shut the door and turn back to where Gryphon was now laying in the hall.

“C’mon old boy.” You say, grabbing the faded red leash from the hook.

~

There was nothing different throughout the day. No indication that anything was out of the ordinary. No breaking news over the radio, no distant sirens through the city.

Everything was calm, still. A reflection later on the day would give you an uneasy feeling low in your stomach. The pain doesn’t hit at first.

There’s a shock that radiates through your body at the news, words you had never prepared yourself to hear. You should have prepared yourself, even if you hoped that it would never happened, you hadn’t had the thought that Flip would lose his life on the job since the first year he became a detective. He was too good at his job to ever actually get hurt.

The team was at your door to escort you to the hospital, the captain already there to fill out paperwork for you.

There were no dry eyes, no cheeks that weren’t stained with tears.

Every stage of grief was shown as you stepped into the waiting room that was filled with dark blue uniforms. Denial, anger, acceptance. It all radiated around you. You were numb, though anxiety flew through your lungs with each breath, each step towards where Phillip Zimmerman was resting on a heart monitor.

It was already agreed, he had made the arrangements long before meeting you that he didn’t want to stay if the only thing keeping him there was a machine. There was silence as the doctor began to shut everything down, the loud beeps falling into nothing.

No words were spoken until his casket was lowered.

Teary eyed goodbyes and condolences given to you by the other wives that weren’t picturing Flip in the box, but rather their husbands instead. Gratefulness shown in their eyes when they held hands with their partners. At least it didn’t happen to them.

Gryphon wouldn’t leave your side. The dirt now covering him, his mother holding your hand as the workers left the site. Their jobs done for the day. They wouldn’t be back until spring came and they could lay sod and new grass.

He lay beside his father, long gone from age and a bad heart after years in the force. Both leaving the women who loved them more than anything else.

“It will take a long time to adjust.” His mother says softly, her voice hoarse with loss. “You’ll forget that he’s gone sometimes, you’ll set out a plate on accident, you’ll call him for dinner. You’ll cry every time. You’ll lose touch with the team. But it’s all a part of it. I love you sweet girl.”

She kisses your cheek, her tears mix with yours until she pulls away. “I’ll see you at the house.” she tells you. “Stay as long as you need, I’ll make sure everything is fine at the reception.”

“Thank you.” You whisper, squeezing her hand before letting it go.

You don’t notice her leave, or the chill that came to the air as the sun lowered in the sky. The sky darkened and your hands shook. Though you looked almost like a statue with how long and still you stood there at the base of the mound of dirt.

The stone with his name etched into it seemed too nice, too clean. Too perfect. Under his name were the dates you would now remember and dread every passing year. His photo sketched into the tan marble, his smile permanently shown for all who would pass him.

Your muscles protested as you turned away, tears gathering on your lashes as you tugged Gryphon slightly to get him to come along to the truck. Your guests were waiting for you, to share stories with you, to try to help you grieve while also coming to terms with their own pain.

[writingkeepsmewhole]

What Now?

This is part 11 to Betrayal sorry it’s all over the place I’m still trying to get back into writing. I hope it’s not as bad as I think it is. Let me know what yall think thanks for reading have a good weekend.

Scarlet and Dean try to adjust to their situation Sam finding out about there secret.

Dean Winchester x OC Scarlet

Warnings: Cheating, language maybe 

Let me know if you want to be tagged: @thewinchesterchronicles @amandamaesweetheart @scarlettreneem

Part 1   Part 11

I woke up to something brushing across my neck. Open my eyes I realize it was Dean leaving kisses over my skin.

“Mmm good morning.” I say a smile on my face.

Lifting his head he smiles at me his mouth finding mine.

“How’d you sleep?” He asks his voice rough.

“Good, considering.” I say last night’s events coming back to me.

“You okay?”

“I will be when I know she is better.” I say sitting up and getting out of bed.

“She will.”

“I hope.”

Walking to the box label clothes I dig threw it and pull on some cotton shorts.

My top covered with a t-shirt and Dean’s hoodie.

“Want breakfast?” I ask turning to face him.

He was standing there pulling on his jeans from the night before.

“Breakfast sounds good.”

Smiling I pick up my phone to see it’s almost noon but giving the fact we went to bed at sunrise we were doing good. Hopeful Sam and Ruby would be gone by now so we could talk in peace. Without having to pretend.

I walk down stars Dean following me and turn to the left walking into the kitchen. I stop in my tracts when a shirtless Sam and a barely dressed Ruby are making out next to the sink.

Feeling Dean run into my back him not expecting me to stop. He clears his throat making them pull away from each other.

When they turn to look at us an awkward moment replaced with a different one. Dean and I pretty much dressed the same as them. It’s as I can see the wheels in Sam’s head turn him putting the pieces together.

“I’m having sex with your brother.” I blurt out before he can even ask.

When all eyes fall on me I blush deep red.

“There is no point and hiding it now.” Rudy says laughing.

“I knew there was something going on with you two. Why didn’t you just tell me?” Sam asks.

“What was I gonna say hey I’m having an affair don’t tell Rebecca?” Dean asks moving around me to the coffee machine.

“Well maybe not that blunt.” Sam says turning to his brother.

I stand there as the two of them start talking as if this happens every day.

“You okay?” Ruby asks walking over to me.

I answer her with a shrug.

“I don’t know why I said that.”

“You wanted to I guess. You only blurt things out when you want it off your chest. Though I thought you would have waited until he confronted you about it.”

“So how did this all happen?” Sam asks interpreting our conversation.

“I’ll tell you later. First coffee.” Dean says pouring a cup.

He looks up his green eyes meeting mine him winking. I smile knowing he was saving me from the embarrassment.

“So who wants eggs?” I ask going to the fridge.

“Me please.” Ruby says sitting at the island.

“Alright I’ll play along.” Sam says sitting next to her.

“So did you take the day off?” I ask Ruby standing in front of the stove.

“Yeah I had to fight for it too.”

“Why?”

“Because everyone is quitting.”

“What since when?” I ask feeling Dean brush up behind me.

Him holding a cup of coffee out to me.

“Three sugars two cream.”

“You remembered.” I say smiling at him.

“You remembered mine.”

“It’s black it’s hard to forget.” I say earning a shrug.

“The place is out of money. You know all those trips Cheryl takes?” Ruby says  talking about me ex boss wife.

“Yeah?” I say sipping from my cup as I put toast in the toaster.

“She was using the diners money.”

“How did you find all this out?” Sam asks her my back to them.

“I’m nosy. I raided his office.”

“Awesome.” Dean says standing leaning on the counter next to me.

Giggling at his choice of word I continue making food.

“So what’s gonna happen to the diner?” Sam asks.

“I guess someone will buy it then I will be jobless too.”

“Wait I have an idea.” Dean says making me look at him.

“What if you and Scarlet bought it?”

“How am I gonna buy anything? I’m broke.” I say putting eggs on a plate for everyone.

“Easy go to the police.”

“Okay you lost me.”

“No Dean is right. Report what happened between you and your boss. I’m sure he is doing it to other people. He’ll go to jail-.”

“Then the dinner would go to his wife.” I cut Sam off as we all move to the table.

“Maybe not.” Ruby says eating her oatmeal she made.

“If they have no money the bank gets it. If we make an offer then we should easily get it.”

“If we do what happens then? I go back to being a waitress.”

“No.” Dean says making me look at him.

“You will own a business.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Scarlet me and you have been running that place for years. It’ll be easy if we can make the rules.”

“I can help with the paperwork. I did it all when I bought the shop from Bobby.” Dean says.

I shake my head thoughts racing through it. The three keep talking about it setting everything in stone.

Feeling my head start to hurt everything seeming to go to fast I push away from the table and quickly head back upstairs.

I needed to think about everything and they were only making me freak out. I go into my room and pull Dean’s hoodie off feeling too hot.

Laying on my bed I close my eyes and try to push every thought out of my head. I jump when the phone rings.

Picking it up I place it to my ear.

“Hello?” I ask hoping it no more bad news.

“Hello this is Sheriff Mills do you remember me from last night?”

“Jody?” I ask sitting up.

“Yes this is Scarlett right?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I just wanted to let you know that your sister has been placed in a room at the clinic. She is under surveillance and has been sedated.”

“Why?”

“She tried to attack and officer after you left. They are both okay. The doctor is going to keep her under until the heroin leaves her body.”

“Okay thank you for telling me.” I say rubbing my forehead it pounding by this point.

“You can go see her. I had all her information emailed to you.”

“Thank you.”

“Feel free to call me if you need someone to talk to. Have a good day Scarlet.”

“You too.” I say hanging up.

“Bad news?” Dean asks from behind me,

I turn to face the door him leaning on the wall.

“I think I’m cursed.” I say earning a chuckle.

Pushing himself off the wall he walks over to me and sits on the bed.

“Who was on the phone?”

“The sheriff. Becca is at the hospital they sedated her because she attacked someone. They will ease it off after she is clean.” I say running my fingers threw my hair.

“I need a shower.” I sigh feeling tired all at once.

“Come on.” He says standing up.

“Where are we going?” I say placing my hand in his outstretched one.

“Shower duh.”

Pulling me off the bed he grabs some clothes from a box then leads me to the bathroom in the hallway.

“Why are you nice to me?” I ask as he turns the water on.

“You deserve it.” He says tucking my hair behind my ear his hand holding my neck.

“Not really.”

“Shh you need to relax.” He says pulling my t-shirt off.

“So a bath in your plan?”

“How long has it been since you took a bath?” He asks looking at me while bending over to stop up the drain.

“I don’t know.” I say shrugging.

“Years.”

“Exactly.”

I smile at him wiggling his eyebrows as he unbuttons his pants.

“So you're joining me?”

“Is that okay?” He asks serious.

I nod taking my bra off. As I push my shorts down and Dean dose the same I realize this is the first we have seen each other completely naked at the same time.

Smiling I shake my head and move to step into the bath.

“What’s the grin for?” He asks getting in behind me.

I barely hesitate before I lean back into his chest his legs around my body.

“Just thinking.” I say him kissing my head.

“Something good then?”

“It’s always good when it comes to you.” I say laughing.

“That sounding less cheesy in my head.”

Chuckling he kisses my cheek.

I turn the water off with my foot and lay there in silence. I close my eyes the warm water seeming to make every muscle in my body relax.

I smile feeling Dean’s nose run along my neck him kissing my forehead. It would probably surprise people how sweet he could be. He was cocky and sometimes rude but he also was very kind. I shiver slightly feeling Dean’s hand run up my side and rest on my stomach.

It didn’t feel sexual it was just nice to sit in each other's arms.

“I’m sorry if we made you mad earlier. About the dinner and stuff.” He says after a few moments go by.

“You didn’t I just have a lot on my mind and it was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.” I say shrugging.

“Wanna umm talk about it?”

“Dean we don’t have to talk about my feelings.” I say looking up to him.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to be that girl that complains every time something happens.”

“Your not. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

Sighing I lay my head back looking up at the ceiling.

“I liked the idea but I don’t think it’ll work.”

“You say the same thing about us.”

I blush my stomach flipping at the word us.

“But it’s not buying a restaurant.”

“I’ll help.”

“Why do you want me to buy it so bad?” I ask moving so I can look at his face.

“Because.” He says pulling me to straddle his hips.

“You want to do something different with your life. I think you could rock this if you wanted to. But if you don’t I’ll help you do whatever you want.”

Chewing my lip I make a face not knowing what to say.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Fair enough.” He says pulling my head down to his.

I kiss him his lips tasting like bitter coffee. Using his chest to hold myself up I follow his lead of a slow lazy pace.

When his hands run down my body resting on my thighs I pull away from him.

“I’m not having sex in the bathtub.” I say earning a pout.

Giggling I peck his lips.

“Come on relaxing time is over you need to go to work and I need to find one.” I say moving to stand up.

Looking up at me Dean’s gaze makes me almost take back the not having sex thing but I force myself to get out of the tub.

I couldn’t spend my time having sex with Dean no matter how much I wanted too.

[sevngmin]

family doctor!seungmin

a/n:  it was hard to find pictures of clinics;-; so i tried to go according to colour scheme! this fic is also dedicated to the 2 seungmin stans, annie and jupiter,, i hope yall like it^^// request

seungmin... graduated at the top of his class for family medicine

cute looks+good grades?? destined to do well fam

eventually he became a doctor in seoul national univ. hospital, one of the top hospitals in seoul

his niche wasnt really paediatrics but he enjoyed the company of children that the ceo gave him the offer in the department

seungmin declined, choosing to stay in family medicine

however patients who are fairly young are always numbered to his room so its all good

sometimes he’s on ER(emergency room) duty and 80% of female patients develop an instant crush on him

its funny cause when he measures their heart rate it spikes abnormally high and he gets flustered, “why is your heart rate so high?”

and doesnt notice the growing blush in their cheeks

anyhow, that was on rare occasions when he needs to cover duties for his colleague and close friend, jeongin

seungmin always wears this white coat with pororo stickers decorated on his name tag

coat pockets filled with candy and stickers to reward the children for behaving well

really hates to administer injections as he really doesnt want to hurt the children

but for the sake of their health he had to

and shower them with loads of candies and stickers after that

sometimes he’s also a FPC(first patient clinic) doctor

fpc: a doctor assigned to a particular patient with complicated problems, to avoid confusion, these patients go to the same doctor consequently for their diagnosis and reports

and when he sees familiar faces his eyes light up 10 times more, eyes crinkling into crescents

he’s just so friendly, children dont even hate going to the doctor’s because of him

while checking their lungs seungmin would squat down to their eye-level to talk to them, to distract them

children willingly open their mouths to let him check their tonsils too

children rarely cry during his consulations, because seungmin is that good with children

and they go out happy

which makes you wonder what kind of spell seungmin casts on the kids to make them happy

you, a permanent in the ER, deal with all sorts of people everyday

frantically rushing in every minute, life and death right at its doorstep

sometimes you see seungmin in the ER for cover duty, and he was definitely a sight for sore eyes

but you never approached him, not wanting him to see you in messy hair and makeup almost all gone

you always see him cooped up in his room during lunch break, and you also didnt have the courage to ask him out for lunch, since the both of you werent close either

in reality, seungmin always cooks his own lunch and saves them in a bento to eat during lunch break

its much more economical and healthy, the only times he eats from outside are company gatherings or jeongin forcing him to come along which he would immediately agree imo

seungmin’s cooking is actually one of the best out of all of the doctors, since he lives alone and living on ramen wasnt exactly the healthiest

which lowkey explains why he’s so damn smart, both booksmart and streetsmart

strangely, he hasnt have much experiences with girls

all of his knowledge are from romcom kdramas btw

but he does know how to be a gentleman around girls,, a huge plus point

aNYWHO the gods decided to shine on you and seungmin was in ER duty for this whole month

because jeongin was down with pneumonia, and was unfit for duty

definitely not missing out naggings from seungmin saying he should stop eating churros

you knew jeongin fairly well, as your same-shift colleague in the ER with a very cute friend

and when he was down with pneumonia you didnt know whether to thank him or kill him

because, seungmin would take over jeongin, which meant he would be on the same shift as you

you got to see him, but also you didnt want him to see you

what will he think of you? will he hate you? many questions filled your mind

all of them were forgotten the moment seungmin approached you to say hi

“hi, im seungmin! im from the family doctors’ side, but im here to cover jeongin for the month. and ive seen you around, but i didnt really catch your name.”

“i-i’m y/n! im a permanent here. jeongin’s friend too.” you stuttered, which made seungmin giggle

you stared at him weirdly, which made him clear his throat, “im sorry i mustve offended you.”

“no... its fine. i understand that ER duty isnt the best and we’re on night duty too.”

seungmin looked slightly offended at your rebuttal, but still regained his composure

usually, there werent many patients at night but there was this one little boy who couldnt stop crying because of a high fever

you were flustered, as jeongin was the one who always tended to younger patients

just then, a knight in white armour(quite literally) came rushing by your side to placate the crying child

the child stopped crying as soon and seungmin tended to him, and the whole consultation was just a breeze

the poor child had suffered from chicken pox, and he had to be isolated in a different room in the hospital

both you and seungmin were sad, the child would be both lonely and in pain(?)

since the child brought down the mood for the both of you, you decided to get 2 cups of hot cocoa to cheer him and yourself up

“don’t worry. the child will get better.” you patted his arm(which was your boldest move of the day), handing him the hot cocoa

he looked at you with puppy eyes, the brightening up slightly, “i hope he will.”

“he will, with your expertise, im sure he will soon.” you comforted, unaware that seungmin’s heart was beating wildly at your comment.

seungmin was practically skipping back home when his shift ended

now night shifts wasnt as suckish anymore with you around seungmin

the both of you would always joke around with each other, you “accidentally” squirting saline solution onto seungmin and he’d be like

“hEy y/n this would be a good time to express my affection for you!!”

you’d be like nell ho bc 1. you didnt want to get soaked and 2. too close for your heart to function properly

mostly 2.

but the both of you stop your playful banter until chan came along to tell the both of you off to “stop acting like a love-struck couple”

even after his duty in the ER, seungmin would approach you for lunch break, to jeongin’s surprise

hes like, “hyung, you never ever ask me to go for lunch”

“im sick of my food anyway”

“sStop LyING i know you like y/n”

“i suddenly love jjangmyeon lets order some and share with her”

sometimes seungmin would cook you a bento too, knowing youre too busy

aww

tbh you were starting to catch on a lil but you didnt want to give yourself false hope

until one day jeongin steps in to play cupid

sOoooo jeongin tells you that seungmin needs help with some wound dressing thingy

which you nearly wanted to question him but went with it anyway

and when youre in seungmin’s room there was no patient, only seungmin attentively typing away on his desktop

and he was wearing black-rimmed round glasses with slightly curled hair

a whole boyfriend look ngl

but you shook that off, asking seungmin if he needed help with anything

seungmin tilted his head in confusion, “no..?”

just then, the lock of the door went click, signalling that it was locked

“jeongin.” the both of you sighed in unison, shaking your heads

you were unsure of what to do, so you just released your ponytail and sat on the examination bed

“rough day?” seungmin speaks up, gulping slightly

“yeah, there were so many patients today.” you sighed, “even the nurses werent enough to help.”

“stop talking and confess already!” you hear jeongin’s voice at the other side of the door, as the both of you widened your eyes

“confess... what?” seungmin laughed awkwardly

“yeah... what?” you smiled awkwardly, avoiding seungmin’s eyes

seungmin decided that he needed to man up and say something about it, so he just got up from his seat and brisk-walked towards you

and he cups your face ever so gently and says,

“can i kiss you?”

you were flustered, and nodded meekly

and yes that was you and seungmin’s first kiss and love

young love

when will i ever

anyhow!! seungmin would always pick you up from home to the hospital and vice versa

sometimes he stays over at your place,, your mom doesnt mind

because!whatta sweet man bringing my daughter home!!so that she saves on train fares

seungmin shocks you everytime you find out something new about him

just like at a company gathering, all of the doctors gathered at a karaoke and seungmin went up first with a day6 song

and his vocals?? sWOON

and next he sang stitches and had hes eyes on you all the time

but heres the thing... the both of you cant let the entire hospital find out about your relationship if you wanna live in peace

so the both of you are like business terms until you step out of the hospital lol

would make you food! Everyday!

and also eat with you during lunch

wouldnt mind ER duties bc ur there

highkey wants to send a complaint to make you work at paediatrics so yall can see each other more often

backhugs! are! a! thing!

be it seungmin hugging you or you hugging him... the both of you live for hugs

likes to link pinkies

star watching at the rooftop... peaceful

with hot chocolate in hands too

there was once you got really sick and had to stay home

seungmin was dead worried he even took days off to take care of you

doctor kim doesnt only take care of kids

his masters aint for nothing

people started to wonder why the both of you were off work at the same time lol but they just shrugged it off

except jeongin

jeongin wants the both of you to get married

and the both of you do

BONUS:

the whole hospital didnt know of your relationship until you started to send out wedding invitations

“youre getting married to dr kim?? seungmin?? from our hospital??” was prolly the most asked question after “congrats! when are yall having kids??”

you were lucky it was a secret till you marriage lol

fast forward to when you gIve birth wOOSH

isnt this bonus too much of one

seungmin didnt want to faint so he was just by your side helping you keep c a l m

you had much more strength than he thought you would so he smiled:)thru:)the:)pain:)

you were in more pain so he understood that

you gave birth to a lil bby girl aww

your husband couldnt be more happy

finally someone made use of his medical knowledge to take care of his daughter

subconciously mumbles medical terms to his daughter in attempts to make her fall asleep

“seungmin... if you continue doing this... our daughter will graduate med school at 5.”

it does work better than classical music tho ngl

your daughter indeed took after her dad.. learning how to walk at 8 months and talk at 10 months

you would sometimes bring her to work and people always tell you that shes a carbon copy of seungmin

big eyes, milky white skin... yeah

has a pic of the three of you on his desk its just so endearing

“is that your child?”

“yes its my daughter and beautiful wife!!!”

and you actually brought your daughter into seungmin’s clinic... he turned into a puddle of goo

such a fool for his daughter smh

and a fool for you too

[diana-panda]

wow I can’t even remember the last time I logged onto Tumblr. This place used to be my life, I even had to reset my password to log back on here. i’m amazed that I still have followers. looking at things I used to blog about is so bittersweet, I legitimately feel the things I felt back in the days. shit was really changed since then. been broken over and over and having to grow bigger and bigger. I decided every few years I'll make a  post, a lil update of my life so I can  continue to self reflect on the shit I wanna change. considering I know absolutely none of my followers, this is the perf place for me to just unload a bunch sack load of shit. covid was crazy this year, survived that shit and realize all those years smoking have really fucked my lungs up. today I got another call from Dahni, who I still consider as my best friend forever. one day when we both got our shit together and both thinking straight again, I know we’ll be able to be friends like we used to. I never pick up to phone numbers I don’t know but every fuckin time I randomly choose to pick up to a rando number - it’s Dahni. this is the 5th time she has called me from a mental hospital. it’s crazy, never thought my life would have be me working in a mental hospital and her coming in and out of one. after all these years, you’ve probs haven’t seen her in 3 years - but she has never ever forgot your phone number, even when she has completely lost her mind. she literally doesn't make sense when she talks. at the beginning, you sometimes understood the shit she said and understood what she meant and felt because you were that fuckin close to losing your whole damn mind before you decided to get sober. still so proud of you choosing to be sober, even after probation, even after drug tests. Dahni still remembers your literal exact address. she said she’s been sending you letters for the past 2-3 years but you haven’t seen shit, especially because you moved to Milwaukee this year. you texted daddy but he said he ain’t seen shit, probs lying, he would hide this shit from you. he always hated her but he doesn’t understand that it was actually you who got her into drugs in the first place. I pray all the time Dahni has completely lost herself or she’ll be able to return to herself again, I miss having my best friend around. after the call, you looked at oldddd ass pics like 2015 shit, yall were the craziest - up and just went to alberqueque, breaking into hotels and creating body slides out of tables and chairs in the ballroom, tripping at the trail of lights and deciding to just walk towards the Austin skyline, there were so many pics I don’t even know where we’re at. I miss that life with you dude, not giving two shits about anything and doing whatever we could to just live life. you were the one person I connect with in such a weird way. anyway 2020 was the year I had to finally grow up, and I can’t be more proud. the reason I got sober was because I was drugged then gang raped in 2016, but I have finally accepted that it happened and I am finally moving past it. your ptsd and anxiety was debilitating. months of therapy with no progress, Janet your psychologist thought the best option was drugs to calm you down but you refused, mommy had to move down to San Antonio with you, you got daddy to install security cameras around the house, you went to 3 different police stations and 2 different apple stores because you thought you were being tracked, a panic attack literally every fuckin day, you got your first gun - but damn shit has changed. I think when you got rogue, that was the start of your life changing around. you used to walk her literally only on your street but now you can walk her for hours anywhere. you got control of your own life again. texas sunshines helped you tremendously, you met a few life long friends - even though you made some besties but ended up losing them - either way, they helped you return back to your old self, the free spirit and careless golden wild beautiful soul you had. exposure therapy - that shit works. going to 6th every weekend, even a couple times a weekend helped you a lot. you had only a couple freak outs where you let your anxiety take over you but there was progress. you have grown so much the past 4 years, it’s honestly mind blowing because you used to be at rock bottom. you legit lost your mind at one point, legit rock bottom, even hearing voices and seeing shit, Janet said drug induced psychosis - but your resiliency and strong heart and soul helped you, with the help of god of course. you were in such a dark place but getting through that helped you be where you are now. but none of this could've happened without the help of your parents - they taught you the definition of unconditional love. maybe that’s why Dahni is still battling this love and hate relationship with drugs - she doesn’t have this support system like you. your parents never gave up on you dude, like how am I ever gonna repay them, because if it wasn’t for them - I'd literally be dead long ago. you still have only told a few of your close friends. Dahni and Mikayla a year after it happened. kiara, erin, and Gracie 3 years after it happened. maybe that’s all that ever has to know. this shit don’t define your life anymore girl. it sucked but you have let that shit take enough of your life. no more living in the past. you live and you learn. stop thinking of ways how you’ll somehow find these fuckers and make them pay, they’ll get what’s coming to them. I used to pray everyday these fuckers got killed and died a horrible and painful death but you’re letting them win every time you waste a second thinking about them. just be thankful you got out of that shit alive. you have this deep rooted reputation of a party girl. but never forget, daddy defended you when yall had guests over once - “yes she parties a lot, but she also studies hard too.” you’re legit a UT grad, you got into grad school - which you are killing. you’ve never been a straight A student but now you are in grad school whaaat. but you know if you studied this much and this hard during UT - you would’ve had a higher gpa, but no regrets. ever!! my time at UT was truly a blessing - it was the best time and worst time ever. that was boot camp training you to be resilient. you used to think you were being punished for having to move to Milwaukee for grad school but that was the biggest blessing in disguise. Jim howard was right, even if I did get accepted into UT’s msn program - I shouldn’t go or stay anywhere near Austin, I have too many distractions here, I would’ve failed out immediately - I need to start thinking like a healthcare provider, people’s literal lives will be in your hands. you can’t kill no one dude, losing your license will actually be the end of yo life and all this school and bullshit would’ve been for nothing. Milwaukee was rough at the beginning but you’ve grown to fall in love and appreciate its true beauty. you needed a break from Austin, it’ll always be your endgame and it aint going anywhere. you got to start over, start fresh, grow up, it was exactly what you needed. Milwaukee was the place where you defeated your ptsd, your annoying anxiety - I mean yeah sometimes you do psych yourself out but you have made the craziest progress, even Janet is so surprised and proud of you! you fuckin live alone and do a damn good job of it. but it wouldn’t have happened without Lola. rogue saved you 4 years ago and now Lola has saved you. they are both fuckin wild and misbehaving, but I am sooooo thankful I have them in my life. god put the most perfect dogs into my life, they helped you be where you’re at today. you even made a fuckin solo trip with just you and Lola from Milwaukee to Austin, stayed in Memphis with just yall 2 and literally no panic attacks. never thought that would have ever been possible. lol having your gun around definitely helps. this year you realized that you used to be fat, how come no one told you omg. but that doesn’t matter because you have finally reached the weight you had on your vision board that you made in high school - 105. you got home from grad school and literally every single fuckin person in your life has said you lost so much weight - girl you didn’t even know it, you don’t got a scale in Milwaukee. but looking at past pics, holy shit girl you lost weight. you still got some to go but good job dude - don’t ever let yourself get that bad again. your new goal is to be 100, then you can stop stressing. lol you’ve been trying to lose weight literally since high school, and all it took was grad school and being depressed AFFFFFFFFF to lose 20 fuckin pounds! with the help of addy too. yeah you were depressed, started in the 2nd semester of grad school and was at its worse at in the 3rd semester. but you yourself, and Lola of course, pulled yourself out of that. you walked to the beach, appreciate the scenery, focus on the sound waves - learn to love life again. you’ve changed so much dude, I feel like you’ve finally lost all of your old self now. quarantining for covid made you finally truly clean your room and rearrange it. took the biggest cleanse of your life, and damn it was a struggle because you the biggest hoarder out here. you found your old pieces, crazy how you still got them, you found old pills, even weed - proud of you for throwing everything away finally, and real quick. because you did think about smoking some and pop a pill or two - what’s the worst thing that can happen right. bitch you know what can happen, normal people can do that but you have forever fucked your mind up, like physically and biologically fucked up your brain. the way drugs works on your brain and Dahni’s brain only has a dark side to it - drug induced psychosis - every time, no matter what or when or how long it’s been, you have forever fucked that up. yall dropped the ball on that shit, yall did it too much, esp the mind altering shit and will never be able to enjoy drugs again - but that’s okay. you don’t need that shit. okay for guys, fuckin listen to me here girl. we ain’t going into zayne or Terren - yo first 2 boyfriends was just dipping yo feet in the waters for dating. you already know what you learned from them. you know what you want and don’t you ever fuckin settle.”life is a mess when you settle for less.” I loved Arin, and I'll always love him. your dumbass almost married him but why, knowing he does not meet half yo standards. from Arin, you learned you want someone that treats you like a princess like he did, he always showed you off, he put you on a pedestal, you were legit his everything - you want someone that does that, where you are their everything. but you don’t want someone who gets angry like that, who lets problems get bigger and bigger til they explode - shit needs to be fixed immediately, if your their everything - shouldn’t they do everything in their power to make sure it stays like that. from josh, you learned you want someone who you can be your goofy self and have fun and literally laugh all the damn time with you - it was such a fun time with josh, yall really did have this amazing connection. he truly loved you and honestly truly loved you. I loved josh, and I'll always love him too. he was the first relationship you had after getting raped, and he showed you how to trust men again. these 2 dudes lacked goals and had different visions for the future from you. you’re such a goal oriented and family oriented person - they were not. you worked hard to get to where you are today, and continue to drop the guys and the people who will get in the way of your goals. friends too - if they ain’t with you, drop em. in the end, it’s your family who will always be there for you. lol you truly treat guys like shit dude and everyone knows it, you don’t even feel bad about it, maybe it’s from being raped, maybe it’s from that ginormous wall you’ve built, or maybe you’re just that afraid of getting hurt, but that’s okay, you can keep doing that, it’ll get rid of the weak ones - what you can’t do is treat the good ones like shit, like tai. you never expected to find a dude so different, but maybe that’s what you need. he’s the exact opposite of the typical guys you usually go for - a fuckin gamer, not 6 feet, lol even asian. you didn’t date tai but yall definitely had something for 6 months. he has never done drugs and doesn’t want to even try drugs - I didn’t know that was maybe something I needed in a guy. from tai, you learned that you do want someone who went to college, grad school is even better, super caring about you. at one point you did think he was going to be the one - he speaks Vietnamese, he’s in pharmacy school, he can game with your brother. he may seem perfect but you learned a lot of shit you don’t want in someone. you’re not on social media a lot anymore, other than snapchat. you even had insta deleted for months - then when school ended for winter break, it took you awhile to download insta again, but when you did, you made one post and never got on it again. tai is super in the social media world, and you don’t want that. you’re starting to be someone who really lives in the moment, the shit happening right in front of you matters to you more, you don’t want someone super into the social media world. he doesn’t treat you like you’re a priority to him, he actually makes it clear that he actually doesn’t give two shits about you - so why you allowing yourself putting any efforts into that. the second he’s upset, he’ll drag that shit out and won’t try to fix shit at all - you need someone who will fix shit right then and there so yall don’t go to sleep at night angry, you need someone who will fight and continue fighting for you no matter what. he doesn’t apologize for shit and when he does, there is always an excuse - you need someone who owns up to shit and apologizes sincerely. you deserve someone who truly cares about you and is committed to you, they need to do anything in their power to keep you and show you love you and not give up on you. you did not get gang raped to settle down for someone who doesn’t make you feel loved. you did not graduate from UT and get into grad school for someone who causes you mental stress and make you unhappy. you did not grow into this strong, independent, brilliant ass woman to date someone who makes you question your worth. you deserve someone who continuously challenges you to be your best self and make you feel beautiful. cami said you deserve someone who spoils you, and she is damn fuckin right. you have come so far, getting sober, getting into grad school, someone needs to feel lucky as fuck they have you. but what’s the common denominator between all these dudes - quit pushing guys away, quit purposely ruining shit because you’re scared of shit, quit getting pissed because they don’t react the way you wanted, quit overthinking shit because you’re usually fuckin wrong. just don’t settle for less but allow yourself to get close. your trust issues ain't going anywhere, but learn to put your guard down a tad bit, let yourself get hurt - it’ll only make you into a stronger bitch than you already are. nothing will ever hurt you nearly as much when you got raped. if you got through that, you can literally get through anything. a lot has happened in the last 4 years, but you know what you need to focus on. continue working on your best self. keep thriving and surviving. maybe we’ll self reflect and reorient again when grad school is over in a couple years and you’re back in Austin. just be happy <3 do your best and fuck the rest