#wookies cheat and han shot first

[zombeesknees]

#these gifs are SHARP

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back dir. Irvin Kershner | 1980

[zombeesknees]

I posted 6,436 times in 2022

That's 928 more posts than 2021!

47 posts created (1%)

6,389 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@zoewashburne

@sarahssnooks

@harrietvane

@nooowestayandgetcaught

@cor-aeterna

I tagged 6,430 of my posts in 2022

#as queue wish - 6,182 posts

#art - 1,059 posts

#lgbtq - 699 posts

#videos - 471 posts

#our flag means death - 358 posts

#marvel - 321 posts

#wookies cheat and han shot first - 208 posts

#brb loling forever - 198 posts

#kinnporsche - 198 posts

#good vibes - 192 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i love the idea of their jaeger just looking like a giant one of them and the helmet has an led visor that delivers pithy bon mots in french

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hey, folks. I know we’re all currently consumed with Our Flag Means Death brainrot. But now that season one is done, and we’re impatiently awaiting a season two, we’ve got some downtime to fill.

Might I recommend the Sink or Swim duology, co-written by a pair of queer authors, yours truly and @stephanierabig?

What’s Sink or Swim? Well, it’s more queer pirate greatness, with a focus on romance, swashbuckling action, and supernatural sea creatures. We’ve got lesbians and nonbinary characters and canon throuples; we’ve got mermaids (and a particularly hunky merman) and sirens and magic and more! The heroes take on slavers and kill bad men. There’s love across class/racial/species divides, a heavy dose of Found Family, and badass women aplenty.

Click the read more for the synopses and order links!

SINK OR SWIM: THE SEARCH FOR AVELINE

Captain Harry Roberts and the crew of The Sappho are an unusual bunch. Bound by defiance, friendship, and a shared code of honor, these pirates took to the seas to escape marriage, cruelty, and prejudice. To find adventure, freedom, and those they’ve lost. The pirate’s life isn’t an easy one, but the ladies of The Sappho love to rise to a challenge. Whether it’s sailing through treacherous reefs or tangling with treacherous enemies, like Wrath Drew of The Charon… Navigating the cultural waters of merfolk and sirens, or the wild nightlife of lawless ports…. Pursuing romance or preparing for revenge…. Making impressive scientific discoveries or tending to the sick and injured…. Righting the wrongs of society or rescuing the victims of slavery…. Captain Harry and her wild women are ready for anything. Or so they think.

Click here to order Sink or Swim: The Search for Aveline.

———–

SINK OR SWIM: THE SANCTUARY OF NALANI

The bold crew of The Sappho return for more swashbuckling adventure and sizzling romance! Finally reunited with her long-lost sister Aveline, Captain Harry is happier than she’s ever been. But it will take time for Aveline to recover from her ordeals. The tales she has to tell will be hard for her sister to hear. And will the singer and Harry’s first mate, Jo, ever be able to reconcile after everything they’ve been through? Meanwhile, a chivalrous titan comes to Lady Deborah and Katherine’s aid. Harry takes steps to set the penny dreadful stories straight. Kai and Isabelle encounter a unique ghost, and the pirates witness two momentous births. Hope puts her mystical skills to good use to thwart mermaid collectors, Franky finally sees how Maddie got her nickname, the search is on for the Emerald of Tococo, and unexpected reunions expand the crew. Plus: Just how did a one-legged scientist become The Sappho’s cook? Is it true that only women can change into merfolk? And how many golden-hearted pirates does it take to liberate a plantation? The voyage is never a dull one aboard The Sappho!

Click here to order Sink or Swim: The Sanctuary of Nalani.

35 notes - Posted April 5, 2022

#4

Hi, I've never seen any Cary Grant movies. Do you have any recommendations on where to start? <3

OH BOY, DO I EVER!

So Cary is, at his core, a Very Handsome Clown.

That first bit is obvious right from the get go, while the second sometimes surprises people -- but the man came from a family of acrobats and vaudeville performers, and he was NEVER afraid to go Full Buffoon in something, thank God.

Which means most of his film career can be boiled down into two primary genres: Screwball Comedy and Handsome Asshole.

In the first, you’ve got (and here’s where my recommendations kick in)

Bringing Up Baby -- Cary is a paleontologist who JUST WANTS AN INTERCOSTAL CLAVICLE FOR HIS BRONTOSAURUS, GOT DAMMIT and yet has to deal with a ROGUE LEOPARD because of ditzy socialite Katharine Hepburn.

The Philadelphia Story -- Cary is a rich dude named C. K. Dexter Haven who’s trying to re-woo his ex-wife, Katharine Hepburn, on the eve of her second wedding, but then reporter Jimmy Stewart’s also there and romantic, drunken shenanigans ensue. (Note: Cary and Katharine did a TON of movies together, all of which were great, and his influence at the studio helped save her movie career when she was deemed “too much trouble/box office poison” by shitty men in Hollywood. For that reason alone he has my undying love and respect.)

Arsenic and Old Lace -- Cary just wants to go on his Halloween honeymoon with his new bride, but it turns out his sweet dear old aunties have been KILLING LONELY OLD MEN as a public service and he’s just found a body in the window seat. Awkward.

His Girl Friday -- Newspaperman Cary tries to convince hotshot reporter (and ex-wife) Rosalind Russell to cover the Execution Story of the Year -- and also to not marry her bland new beau. Things get wild when the condemned man escapes and the whole city goes wild. (Note: This film is extra notable because it’s arguably the first movie to have realistic dialogue where characters frequently speak over and interrupt each other. The patter is FANTASTIC.)

People Will Talk -- World’s Greatest Doctor Cary falls in love with a patient who’s in dire straits due to an out-of-wedlock pregnancy, and also has to face down a committee seeking to destroy his career. (This one’s a bit more melodramatic than screwball, and isn’t talked about near as often as his other films, but it holds a special place in my heart.)

As for the second, you can largely thank Hitchcock because there’s

To Catch A Thief -- Retired Jewel Thief Cary is forced to get back into the game/clear his name when he’s suspected of making off with ladies’ necklaces again. This one co-stars the ever-goddessly Grace Kelly and a really cute red neckerchief.

Notorious -- Cold-as-Ice Spy Cary recruits innocent Ingrid Bergman, the daughter of a Nazi, to infiltrate a group of her father’s old friends who fled to Brazil (one of whom is The Invisible Man himself, Claude Rains). Things get rough in a hurry.

North By Northwest -- Ad Exec (think Mad Men) Cary is mistaken for a spy and goes on the lam. Featuring that infamous crop duster chase across the field, and a fight literally on the face of Mount Rushmore.

Charade -- Widow Audrey Hepburn is pursued by several mysterious men who’re after a fortune her thief husband stole just before he was murdered. Can she trust Cary, or is he just after the money?

Houseboat -- Stoic Widower Cary hires the vivacious Sophia Loren to nanny his three unruly children, and hijinks ensue when the family moves onto a rickety houseboat. (This one is more of a Screwball, but he DOES play a Handsome Asshole/Straight Man in this one.)

So yeah. Any one of these movies would be a good place to start, though I most recommend diving into his screwball comedies first. They’re just so fun and zany and silly, with really superb dialogue and goofy characters.

35 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

#3

driving home from work tonight, coming around the corner of my cul-de-sac and about to turn into the driveway leading to the garage, i slammed on my brakes HARD.

there was a FOR SALE sign in front of a townhouse three buildings down from ours.

i immediately whipped out my phone, texted a photo to my realtor, called the number on the sign, left a voicemail for the seller’s realtor.

kirsten (my realtor) got back to me and set up a showing at 8 pm. the place had been active online for about two hours at this point.

we did the walk-through. it’s the exact SAME layout of my current place, except with new wood laminate flooring throughout.

told kirsten to put together an offer TONIGHT. just signed all the paperwork for said offer. the seller’s realtor wants the listing to be up for at least two days, so i won’t know until tomorrow night if i’ve been accepted. i offered significantly over the asking price, because that’s how the market is right now, but who knows -- someone could swoop in and offer an extra 1k and i could miss out.

but y’all.

if i actually manage to get this place

it’s less than a MINUTE walk from my current digs. i wouldn’t have to pay a DIME for moving expenses. twads and i could just walk everything over in the course of a day.

if there is ANY higher power out there, please, i am b e g g i n g you, do me this one solid. PLEASE.

37 notes - Posted April 26, 2022

#2

See the full post

58 notes - Posted May 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

A Happy NaNoWriMo to all who observe it. May the odds be ever in our favor.

132 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[zombeesknees]

doesn’t matter how many times i watch a new hope, or what mood i’m in before the scene arrives -- the moment “binary sunset” starts and luke stares out longingly across the pink desert my soul is forcibly expelled from my body.

[zombeesknees]

of all the luke/leia hugs, this one is my favorite.

mark and carrie’s acting choices here, in this tiny moment, speak such volumes. the pressure, the weight behind the hug, the way they cling to each other in the wake of the world-shattering revelations and trauma they’ve just gone through. he’s half-falling over -- they teeter slightly as they try to find their footing together. the relief, the tangible love, the way he rubs his fingers over her back to reassure her; the way she keeps adjusting her grip, as if to prove to herself that he’s real, he’s safe, she hasn’t lost him like she’s just lost han.

I JUST HAVE A LOT OF SKYWALKER FEELS, OKAY?

[zombeesknees]

#throw over your man #i’ll treat you right #would love to get to see her *tragically* widowed next season #someone needs to push monarch of the glen there off one of those high coruscant walkways #oh! no. he tripped.

Genevieve O'Reilly as Mon Mothma Andor (2022 – ) | 1.08 Narkina 5

[zombeesknees]

"Are you going to give that pilot Dameron Han's old jackets?" Luke asks. He can see them hanging in Leia's tiny closet. She glances back at them - Luke doesn't know why he thought she'd avoid them, Leia's always stared down hard things - and then raises an eyebrow at him. "Unless you were planning to steal them," she says, lighter than he's heard her voice in... years. "That was just the one time," he replies, and remembers how warm and soft that yellow leather was.

[theleafpile]

@dressedforthebills asked, in reference to the post I made stating that Solo: A Star Wars Story, is a bad movie:

What makes the writing bad? Plot? Structure? What stereotypes would that be?

So I’m just going to go over what’s fresh in my head, so there might be some pieces missing that I’m not particularly interested in. I enjoy the Star Wars movies and read a lot of fic about it, but I’m not a die-hard fan and haven’t read anything in the extended universe.

SPOILERS abound.

Rule #1 of Storytelling: Don’t tell the audience something they already know.

Solo already sort of breaks this rule simply by existing, but we could forgive that fact based on the idea that it was meant to show Han’s early years. However, this rule sticks out to me throughout. 

We know Han won the Millennium Falcon from Lando in a card game - we see two (three?) card games played. It’s difficult to be invested in a card game when you don’t understand the rules. When they lay down their cards, we have no basis of understanding if they are good or not before being shown an in-world audience reaction, which throws off the beat. (At least in most card movies there is a shot of the cards and a voice over of the dealer saying what the hand is for those who don’t know, so the audience can see the cards and hear the hand and make the connection as though they made it themselves. So that could be a simple editing issue.)

We know Han and Qi’ra don’t end up together. We have no reason to be invested in their romantic arc. I could forgive this if they did something at the end like they did at the end of Casino Royale, where the pacing was thrown off because we thought Bond was really going to leave with Vesper, only to find out that she betrayed him at the end and he vowed to go back to work (and never fall in love again). But instead, at the end of Solo, we have Solo left on a beach wondering why the fuck the ship Qi’ra is on is suddenly leaving - was she trapped? Did someone else take over? Is she a hostage again? (all perfectly acceptable canon questions that Han would ask). There’s no clear cut image or moment to show that that was a betrayal, leaving us (and Han) confused.

Rule #1 of Romance: If you have to show two characters kissing to show they’re together, it’s bad writing.

The first scene with Qi’ra and Han breaks this rule. He’s running, in a panic - there’s no reason at all why he would suddenly stop what he was doing, switch gears immediately from panic to lust, and kiss her as he did. It’s a simple and fast way to show two characters are allied, but its boring. If he saw her hiding and waiting for him, and while running took her hand and dashed them to a safer place it would have 1) established that he is confident in his surroundings enough to hide (we love experts) and 2) shown them allied anyway.

They were able to show Qi’ra and Dryden Vos allied even though they never macked on one another, which I guess was to show that Qi’ra still had feelings for Han and that she wasn’t really on Vos’ side.

Qi’ra would have been a more interesting character if she were Han’s sister, not his love interest. 

The guilt he feels for not be able to return to Corellia sooner and the worry he feels over her would have been more palpable if she were his blood relation, the only person in the world he had left and/or could trust, and the only person in the galaxy who could have actually relied on him - making seeing her on the yacht that much more of a surprise, showing that this girl who once relied on him has grown up.  

Also, it would have made a neat parallel for Leia/Luke if there was any strange sexual chemistry between Han and Qi’ra’s actors.

No idea what planet Han was on as a soldier, their objectives, or the purpose.

Which, I guess, was the same as Han felt. If confusion was the goal, they got it. In the book, I guess, they give a reason why Chewbacca was caged there, but for the movie they didn’t tell us so it just felt very, you know. Contrived.

The heist scene doesn’t make any sense.

The goal was to attach the ship to one shipping container, detach the container, and lift it away. Which means that there was no reason to blow up the bridge ahead. Which means...

Val didn’t need to die during the heist.

There was no reason to kill her character. If they were doing this job, as Beckett said, to steal a bunch of coaxium for a gangster, then being a thief she would know the risk involved (i.e., Dryden Vos would kill them if they did not return with what was asked) and not be willing to sacrifice herself in the chance that 1) their failing plan would work, 2) Beckett would survive, 3) the coaxium would survive and 4) her life was worth saving Beckett.

Which, love, I guess. But seriously she had no reason to die. And, being the only black character of the group, it was pretty shitty that killed off her and the alien pilot and not one of the two white guys. Because plot. Of course.

Coaxium is apparently super unstable when unprocessed - but it’s okay to be tossed around.

Take any high school chemistry class and the teacher’s going to tell you that unstable materials are called that for a reason. All the moving around they do getting the raw coaxium out of the mine, loading it and transporting it on the ship, and the temperature heating up to the breaking point (yet still safe enough to get onto the other world, unloaded, and stuck in a container and plugged into something that I guess immediately neutralizes it) but it’s still able to be handled, without any safety gear, by Beckett when he takes “a drop” (not a unit of measurement) and shoves it into the fuel line of the Falcon.

I mean, hell. When it is processed look at Han so carefully gives the containers over to Dryden Vos. The audience is meant to think he’s being too extra careful because we think it’s fake and he’s overdoing it, but - no. That’s how you handle very explosive processed material. I guess the “super unstable” unprocessed material is okay, though.

Stereotypes.

Seems like Hollywood can’t make a movie lately without poking fun at “SJWs.” Enter L3. Who walked, talked, and sassed like a prototypical black woman. No thanks. She did have some funny lines, but I hate how her character’s actual correct ideas were treated as the punch line. (The same problem Hermione had with the SPEW stuff in the HP books.)

Lando is vain. He has a whole closet for capes. Unfortunately we don’t get to see him be or say anything vain at all whatsoever elsewhere. 

The alien pilot at the beginning is like “I am here to state the theme and die.”

Major characterization problems - aka I don’t care about these people.

Qi’ra’s woe-is-me / you won’t look at me the same way if I’ve told you what I’ve done / you don’t know what I’ve done lines. The audience has no idea either, so I feel absolutely nothing when she says these lines. Was she a prostitute? Did she steal, lie, cheat? Did she make other people work for her? How did she get to be in Dos’ inner circle? No clue. It doesn’t make her mysterious. It makes her boring.

Enfrys Nest’s rebellion has nothing to do with rebellion against the Empire. 

Meaning I don’t care about it. That twelve year old mercenary is rebelling against the crime syndicate, which is not affiliated with the rebellion. But wait - 

There was zero indication that was Darth Maul speaking to Qi’ra.

Maul came from a planet where people just... looked like that. The actor was the same but much older, and it showed enough that I had zero inkling to think “oh, hey, that’s Darth Maul” who is a character I really liked. You know why else? Because Qi-gon Jin murdered his ass twenty years ago. I don’t think the Force can keep you alive after being sliced in half and sent down a bottomless well. That’s not how the Force works. They tried to make me think it by needlessly igniting his double bladed red lightsaber, but I was still like.. okay. Another Sith. Whatever.

Also. There’s no indication in the prequels that Darth Maul was the leader of a crime syndicate. 

Things I liked:

- Making the Kessel run. The visuals were pretty cool with the tunnel vision, the Imperial ship, and darting off into the wild unknown with the eldritch monster. Here’s a good example at telling something the audience doesn’t know: Han cheated to do the run in 12 parsecs using the coaxium, which is why no one believes that he actually did that fast. So that’s funny. (”Not if you round down” was a cute line, too.)

- The riot scene with the droids at the mine. They were having a good time.

- Chewie helping his fellow Wookies to get free, and that moment where they touched foreheads. Small character movements like those make a big difference.

- Vos’ blades. That looked like kyber power, which means that those were probably super expensive, and that’s cool characterization. 

So, no. I didn’t like Solo: A Star Wars Story. It added nothing to the characterization of Han or the Skywalker space opera universe we’ve all come to know and love. I know the prequels aren’t as beloved because of the political content, but I think a young Leia movie would’ve been a more worthwhile investment. We could have seen her on Alderran, a planet which we know nothing about, struggling with the life of being both royalty and a senator. We could’ve seen a young woman struggle to be taken seriously at her job that would have had actual in-universe repercussions for the storylines and characters we are familiar with. Yes, it could have had all the problems Solo did, but we would have known that Alderran would be blown up by the Empire, making us root for any chance we saw for characters to leave the planet (and be heartbroken when something required them to stay). 

Young Leia was feisty, not afraid to stand up to Vader (of all people), and I want an origin story for her, dammit! I’m tired of men’s stories! Honor Carrie Fisher you cowards!

[zombeesknees]

#diego luna’s face is extraordinary tbh #smiling it’s the soul of delight but then he just turns into this haunted hunted stricken look #and you wonder if this man has ever even had a happy thought in his life

ANDOR Episode 4

[zenosanalytic]

Solo Bouno

So I saw Solo on Tuesday and it’s a Good movie; not great, didn’t make a Huge impression on me, but Fun and Enjoyable and certainly something I’d happily watch once it makes it to cable, with a few quibbles.

The Good:

The acting was (mostly)good

The characters were well-written

The Dialogue was fun, funny, and unforced

While the Plot had Issues, it flowed well and felt natural, and there was nothing really eye-rolling in it.

All the technical aspects -Design, Cinematography, sound work, editing- were Proficient

Establishes the stakes quickly and effectively

Chewie is Great

Lando is Great

L3-37(yes, they REALLY named the robot l33t) is Great

The Quibbles:

It was a VERY Generic origin story

They didn’t set up themes they needed to, and didn’t really deliver a good payoff on the themes they did set up

Related to this, there are important character beats and payoffs that are never really setup(or “Planted”).

It could have done better with its female cast. I’ll get into this a bit more under spoilers

Alden Ehrenreich NEVER STOPS SMILING! I mean, that’s an exaggeration obvsl, but it was REALLY noticeable to me. IDK if this is an artifact of the editing, the directing, or Ehrenreich’s choices about the character(tbf, Han is BSing people A LOT in this film, and the smile was Ford’s BSing expression so...), and it wasn’t really grating or anything but, by the end, it did take me out of the story a bit.

Glover does Williams’ accent for Lando a few times and, while it isn’t bad, I liked his take on the character better without it.

The writing doesn’t really do enough to sell the second job and, while all the action which constitutes it is Fine, I kinda grumbled at how thin and absolutely not convincing that bit was.

Ok I think that’s it. On to my lengthier Spoiler-Quibbles:

Solo falls into the common prequel/origin story trap of trying to explain everything about a character. This is always a bad idea but, with this movie and this cast, it is a particularly Horrible idea. Han, Chewie, and Lando are the perfect sorts of characters for a series of matinee-type adventure movies -think Indiana Jones- and Solo, by shoving his whole backstory into one film and leaving him practically where we find him in Star Wars, really, really, really, makes that unlikely. An added negative of that is it takes what the OS establishes as years -maybe decades- old relationships between Han, Chewie, and Lando and turns them into a one-job acquaintance. That was a Very Bad Idea.

Han starts off speaking Wookie(albeit badly), and I feel like that choice leaves a lot of potential comedy&bonding on the table.

They really misuse Thandie Newton and her character, Val. She dies practically as soon as she’s introduced, and in a way that doesn’t feel honest to the character or situation. If they’d just put the bombs on a timer rather than a detonator this would have been less bad

This is compounded by how little mourning and upset Beckett, her lover and longtime partner, is allowed to displayed over her death(oh, and the deaths of his entire crew. Oh, and the loss of the future they’d planned together).

Half of Beckett’s initial crew disappears between scenes, and this is never explained. It really isn’t a big deal and I didn’t even realize it until thinking about the movie just now, but it seems like kind of a significant continuity error. Maybe they die, and I’m just not remembering it?

This actually could have worked, though, if the movie were a bit more willing to invest in characters other than Han. Later in the movie Beckett betrays Han over what to do with the Hyperfuel they’ve stolen. If he’d been shown as really angry and upset over these deaths, or if he’d been shown to be the sort willing to sacrifice lives for the score, then all of this stuff could have tied into a really neat ambiguous antihero narrative for him. Unfortunately, he’s consistently shown to be sentimental, friendly, even fatherly. He only gets visibly angry at Han once and only for an instant; isn’t angry at the Cloud Riders at all, even though they’re responsible for the deaths of Val and Rio; and only once comes even close to suggesting a score matters more than their lives, and only does that right after Val and Rio’s deaths. As a result, his betrayal feels detached from the character we’ve known up to that point. And what’s his motivation? The life he planned to live once his debts were cleared is gone and, by stealing the Hyperfuel for himself at the end, he’s guaranteed to live under a bounty for the rest of his life. It just doesn’t fit.

The same arc-confusion plagues Clarke’s Qi’ra. She also betrays Han in the end -maybe out of a desire to protect him, maybe out of pragmatism, but most likely from ambition- but the conflict her choice is a solution to is never established. It’s never established that she might be using Han and he’s unwilling to see it. They suggest Qi’ra is morally different from the person Han knew as a kid with(I think?) one passing line of dialogue, but the film doesn’t show anything that’d convince the audience she is, and shows lots of things(like her attempts to hide her brand from Han) which suggest she regrets her current life and wants out, not deeper in. Her making the choice she does thinking it was the best way to protect them both would make sense with the character on the screen(though, given that Han is Beckett’s only living accomplice by the end, it seems more like he’d catch the blame for it too, particularly once Beckett’s dead), but the movie presents it as a power-grab.

There’s a lot of stuff in here that’s either changes to, or taken from, the EU. References like this can be fun, but they’re always a gamble since you’re relying on information from outside the movie which the audience might not be aware of, and thus be confused and annoyed by. The Wookies have, apparently, been forced off their homeworld and enslaved en masse. Darth Maul’s not dead, but rather the head of the Syndicate Qi’ra (literally)belongs to(they even have him pull out the double-headed lightsaber and brandish it while he’s holoing her at the end so people will realize who he is; it’s ridiculous). The Cloud Riders who interrupted their first attempt to steal Hyperfuel turn out to be working with the Rebellion. The last one’s not a HUGE deal, but the others I thought were pretty odd choices.

They give Han a (very generic)rough backstory, but then present him as just a totally unambiguous, noncynical, non-gritty, good guy and softboy. Which, yes, he should have a heart of gold absolutely, but without ambiguity there’s no tension; no concern over what sort of choice he’s going to make. The whole “Rogue with a Heart of Gold” dynamic only works, narratively, when the character is both a Rogue, and kind-hearted to people hanging by a thread. This Solo isn’t really a Rogue; hell, he doesn’t even cheat at poker!

Miscellaneous Spoilers:

They kill off L3 ~halfway through the movie, and I’m ambivalent about it. She dies cheering on an enslaved rebellion she unwittingly started, which fits the character, but I think it would have been more fitting if she’d set it off intentionally, and if she’d died in a more active way; she is shooting at the slavers earlier in that sequence, but during the scene where she’s shot she’s cheering the rebels with her back turned to the danger and gets blind-sided. I mean, just having her get iced while shouting advice, or while looking back to Lando while still fighting, would have been much better. Also, while I didn’t think it was manpainy(Lando is justifiably and visibly upset about it, but that doesn’t become the focus of her death), they do then later strip her harddrive to merge it with the Falcon’s navigation computer, and that sort of direct utilizing of a female-coded character’s death and body to advance the (male-protags’)story didn’t sit right with me in the theater. It’s not handled really terribly or anything, in fact they do it in crisis as a sort of last-resort, but I still kinda |:T’d at it.

Lando has A LOT of capes, and it is Wonderful uwu Also he is an author and possible vlogger, which is Also Wonderful uwu uwu

Erin Kellyman as Enfys Nest has a small but important part, and she makes a big impression with it. We have the whole movie to get to know Han(on top of already liking him from the previous films) and I still found myself more interested in her story and her crew when they revealed their true nature at the end, than with New!Han(who wasn’t really even that bad; I know I’m ragging on Ehrenreich but he did alright with what had to have been an intimidating part). I guess this is also an excellent example of how important Mystique --NOT explaining things; leaving them vague-- can be to character-charisma.

That’s everything I can think of right now. Don’t be fooled by the length of that quibblelist though; it’s absolutely a fun movie and, if you like Star Wars and the Star Wars setting and, if the price of a ticket won’t hurt your wallet, it’s definitely worth seeing. A Fun, Funny, Entertaining, Summer Movie, and a good way to spend an afternoon.

P.S.: Plus, for the more politically minded and spiteful among us(read: Me), it’ll piss off legions of entitled manbabies online who want to get Kathleen Kennedy fired for having the temerity to be a woman while running Star Wars.

[lit102]

Doctor Aphra | Kieron Gillen etc. | 2017

After Doctor Aphra’s co-starring turn in Marvel’s Darth Vader, I didn’t think I could love her more, but I’m happy that the first volume in her standalone series (collecting issues 1–6) proves me wrong. Aphra and Vader have gone their separate ways (I forget why) and for the first time since we met her (well, not counting Screaming Citadel), Aphra is on her own, with (questionably) loyal droids Triple-Zero (evil 3PO) and Beetee (evil R2) by her side and wookie Black Krrsantan (evil Chewie) stuck to her like a burr til she pays off her growing debt to him. When I type it all out like that, it becomes clear just how much of a ripoff Aphra is; these are morally gray (or pitch black) versions of characters we know and love. Even Aphra is a hotter, gayer Han Solo (with more than a little Indiana Jones thrown in). But despite — or perhaps because of — this, I adore the series; it’s familiar enough to satisfy and fresh enough to excite, and it never pretends to be more than what it is. In fact, it’s having a damn good time being itself, which is probably why it’s so much fun.

Aphra starts her solo series in debt not only to Black Krrsantan, but to the man who sold her her ship (which looks, by the way, not unlike Boba Fett’s Slave I). He demands payment; Aphra stalls for time. When she sells the valuable artifact she just acquired, she can pay off his loan in one go — and then some. But there’s a problem. The legal buyer tells Aphra that her archaeologist’s doctorate has been suspended; without it, they can’t verify the artifact, and on the black market it will sell for much less. So Aphra must return to her alma mater and confront the man who got her doctorate suspended by exposing the fact that she cheated to earn it: her own father.

In a flashback, we see school-age Aphra, stymied by a dead-end doctoral project on the planet Boothi XII and a sadistic advisor who refuses to pass her because, quote “I hate you.” (This was odd — why the vitriol? We see her playing a prank on him, but it’s unclear if this caused their issues or was a symptom of them.) Aphra steals her advisor’s secret stash of abersyn symbiotes (insectoid parasites that are known for wiping out empires) and pretends that she found them on Boothi XII, getting revenge and turning her failed project into a success. Now, using this info, Aphra’s father blackmails her into helping him find the lost temple of the Ordu Aspectu, a rogue branch of the Jedi Order who sought eternal life, led by a man named Rur. To find the Aspectu’s ancient citadel, they must retrieve a map from former rebel base Yavin 4, where they tangle with Imperial forces — including one Captain Tolvan, a tall, slender woman with a shock of short white hair and intriguing armor that covers her neck and the edges of her face, suggesting some kind of injury. Tolvan was assigned to Yavin 4 after fucking up security on Eadu (destroyed by rebels in Rogue One — could this be her fuckup?). After a narrow escape, they head to the ruins of the Ordu Aspectu’s citadel. On the way, we find out more about Aphra’s fractured relationship with her father, who abandoned her and her mother for a fool’s errand — the same one he’s strong-armed Aphra into now.

At the citadel, Aphra and her father must fight off Tolvan and her forces, who follow them there, and activate the core computer — which, it turns out, contains a warped copy of Rur’s consciousness that thinks it’s more than a copy, that it’s his true self, and that an “evil ghost” inhabited Rur’s body in its place… that is, until it killed him and everyone else in the citadel. Angry and resentful, the copy lashes out at Aphra (“I cannot punish the dead. I will punish the living”); she, her father, and her crew barely make it out alive, destroying the citadel and stealing Tolvan’s ship in the process. (Aphra spares Tolvan’s life because she thinks she’s cute.) The copy of Rur’s consciousness is trapped in a crystal that Aphra then has quarantined… or so it seems. On the last page, she reveals that the quarantined crystal was a fake — and, holding the real one while smirking into the camera, says “Let’s get rich.”

I’ll admit that I found Aphra’s father a bore, and his wide-eyed fantasies of eternal life tiresome, even after he revealed that he sought it to save his young daughter from a galaxy that was getting more and more dangerous by the day. Their storyline felt too, well, heartfelt for a comic that finds evil so fun (classic Triple-Zero line: “Sprinting is undignified. I’m made for the finer things in life, like holo-chess and peeling skin from flesh”). But maybe that’s why it’s needed. Aphra isn’t evil, exactly; she’s roguish, selfish (like Han when we first meet him), but charmingly so, and she’s not sadistic or cruel. Sometimes, she even makes more sense than the good guys do; when she lifts a lightsaber off a dead Jedi and her father protests, she retorts “What do you think I actually do, Dad? Archaeology is just grave robbing with fancy paperwork.” She’s… not wrong. Aphra writes her own rules in a lawless world — she’s self-sufficient and vulnerable at the same time, always wrapped up in some get-rich-quick scheme, with the Empire and her creditors nipping at her heels (like Han, again)… So the rules she writes are self-serving; she’d probably say that everyone is selfish. She’s just honest about it.

And last but not least: Aphra is the kind of character, like Jack in Mass Effect 2, that SCREAMS “gay” but rarely is gay, and I can’t tell you how much I love that she IS GAY, and crushing on a butch older woman no less! 

I like Kev Walker’s art okay (and I wish I’d integrated this into my writeup instead of tacking it on at the end). A two-page spread of their arrival at the ruined citadel is very cinematic, like an establishing shot you might see in a Star Wars film. There’s some nice use of color by Antonio Fabela, too. The inside of Rur’s citadel is a frosty blue, which makes the red of the Imperials’ lasers pop. The computer core is bathed in a poisonous green. Four full pages of tough, confessional conversation Aphra has with her father are set here; I like how the light gives this emotional scene an eerie twist.    

[zombeesknees]

#this is what peak performance looks like

Star Wars is truly at its peak when the droids are practical and semi-shitty looking which is honestly just to say that I get an instant boost of serotonin when a gonk droid shows up

Look at this thing it sucks and I love it

[zombeesknees]

PRIMARY ROGUE ONE THOUGHT (SPOILER FREE):

Chirrut and Baze are the most married Space Husbands I have EVER SEEN IN ALL MY DAYS, GOD BLESS US ALL.

[zombeesknees]

so i’m a greedy bitch and now i have BOTH of my studly space rebel boyfrans.

be mad jelly.

[zombeesknees]

[zombeesknees]

#like mentally i know diego luna is a professional actor of decades of experience but like #the difference between In Character dead-eyed haunted microexpression luna and flirty Interview Himbo luna is mindblowing tbh #i mean in both cases he’s at work sure #but like that’s an entirely different person??

Diego Luna’s headcanon canonized in Andor 1.04

[zombeesknees]

So here's a thought: did anyone tell Han about Luke losing a hand? Like, did Chewie mention it when they were in the cell at Jabba's palace, or Leia or Lando mention it once they got back on the Falcon? Or was there a time, maybe after Endor, when Han and Luke are working on the Falcon or fixing up a speeder for the New Republic or something and Luke's hand starts giving him trouble so he just starts fiddling with it with a screwdriver and Han's like WHAT THE HELL, MAN.

omggggggg LIZZ

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