#wooing his convenient wife

[weirdbooksifoundatwork]

The phrase “wooing his convenient wife” has burrowed (ha!) its way into the deep recesses of my hippocampus like a discordant earworm, a kind of anti- ‘cellar door’. What a ghastly assemblage of syllables. I find myself wandering my apartment, repeating “wooing his convenient wife” to myself, like a madman. I fear it may be the last thing in brain the moment I die.

It’s also revealing of the difference between the library where I currently work, which is meant for the general population, and my old job at a research library on a university campus. You would never find “wooing his convenient wife” there. Perhaps I’m elitist but it’s a little shocking every time I sort and shelve just how much schlock is on the shelves.

It also bothers me how these models have essentially modern makeup and hairstyles. It clearly betrays the probable fact that these two just showed up for a job and were jammed into historical clothes to present the bare minimum façade of historicity. I feel like it’s insulting to the reader.

Actually, I feel like the whole thing is insulting to the public at large to think that we would willingly consume this. And yet, someone did! Because it was on a cart of returned books to be re-shelved. Ah well, we all have our guilty pleasures, and I’m no better than anyone else; I’m just the minimum-wage employee so I can’t judge.

[noteriii]

Hello there ^-^ I hope you're doing well. I saw your requests are open, so I wanted to request headcanons for Loid Forger x soft female s/o, please, if that inspires you :)♡

(I know Yor is technically "soft" too, but, here the reader doesn't have that kind of strength nor has a personality where she could handle the type of work Yor does or anything like that. Just a very soft gentle reader, please) and thank you 🌸

oh.. loid with a soft! reader would be so cute.. i picture this to be where you're his stand-in wife. he thinks this is all for a mission but he can't help but feel..

he gets so flustered around you. he knows this partnership is just for convenience, but having you around the apartment going about your day? god, does it do something to poor mr. forger.

once you move in, he feels like the house is warmer- more friendly. loid would never admit it to anyone, but he liked it better having you moved in. your room was so cutely decorated and the scented candles you put on every free table somehow reminded him of a home he had tried to block out.

he can't help but have a smile on his face when he comes home after a long day, hanging his coat up as he smells whatever you cooked for dinner that night (with anya's help, of course). he finds it endearing that even if this was all just some awkward circumstance, you do still really play the housewife role well.

you try to plan "family" activities. whether it's just a small trip to the park for anya and bond to run around, or a treat at the bakery (your personal fav), the forger family will almost always be out and about on the weekends.

anya absolutely adores you. she loves how you cook and how you do everything in your ability to make her and her papa happy. she loves when you include her in conversations and play along when loid wont.

loid finds you incredibly endearing. he is not used to being on the receiving side of someone so gentle and affectionate. at first, he thought he might've embarrassed himself with how warm his face got when you had first made him a cup of tea after his shower so that he could settle down after a long day. he's so used to being the protector, the one in control, so when you're so naturally soft and considerate with him- it catches him off guard. he might try to hide it, but the small lift of his lips and pink tint on his face will always give him away.

he sort of short circuits when you compliment him? like i said before, he's too cool and collected. too nonchalant. so, when you call his bed head cute one morning, he kind of just stands there confused. its not like he was trying to woo you or anything there. he wasn't doing anything particularly specific- and you called him cute? he was not, and still not, used to the random compliments. he has gotten better at recovering from, though.

he's a lot more attentive with you. while loid is already a caring person, being around someone so soft and loving would make him even more attentive. he would start paying attention to the smallest details about you — the way you laugh, the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you love, or the way you curl up with your favorite blanket. he’d take note of these things and try to replicate them in sweet ways when he’s around.

he secretly loves attention. you can't prove me wrong. loid is very good at hiding his emotions, but when you do something cute — like cuddling up with him for movie night or showing him how excited you are over a new book — he can’t help but feel a warmth in his heart. he might not always show it, but it makes him feel content in a way he’s not used to. when you ask for his opinion on something small, he secretly enjoys that feeling of being needed, but in a gentle way.

he is such a sucker for you. you bring out the softer side of loid that very few people get to see. despite his stern spy demeanor, he’s incredibly protective of you. if you're feeling sick or down, loid will drop everything to take care of you, even if it means he has to adjust his mission schedule. he might not show it outright, but his actions will speak volumes, whether it's making you tea or tucking you into bed when you're not feeling well.

loid would take his time with you, iykyk. despite his best judgements, he finds himself taking you out on dates and thinking of you as his wife rather than just a roommate- a friend. he finds everything about you so..cute.. sometimes he thinks he wants to squish your face in his palms.. yk, like you would a baby? the cute aggression gets to him and sometimes it catches anya off guard.

[mybelovedwoo]

Can you do wooyoung as a boyfriend? :D

YESS! I've been waiting for this request for a long time, thank you so much <3 I hope you'll enjoy :)) I'm sorry it took a while to write this, but I got caught up with a busy schedule all of a sudden.

jung wooyoung as your boyfriend - headcanon

headcanon, romance, fluff, smut

reader x bf!atz

wc. ~0.9k

an: i'm weak for this man you all know

you can request headcanons if you want to!! if you want to be tagged in any of my fics you can apply here <3

masterlist

-i think we all know that wooyoung is your brat best friend type of boyfriend, who always puts you before himself and takes such good care of you, still can never stop teasing you

-he needs a lot of attention, like a lot. if your attention is not on him he will get all sulky and clingy. he would annoy you just to give him what he wants. even when you're talking to someone else he will cling to you from the back or to your arms

-but if the opposite happens, he just loves it so so much, it's one of his ways to tease you. he would play a video game or be on his phone and you would beg for his attention, he wouldn't give in so easily, but there would always be a cocky smile on his face

-gives you presents all the damn time, it's one of his love languages, he loves giving in general, especially when it comes to you. even if it's just a chocolate or a jewelry he will buy it when he thinks of you

-would even buy you pieces of clothes that he already has or buy one for himself too, so you guys could match in a cool way 

-he cooks your favorite dishes every date night. loves to experiment with food, you are his taste tester and would be the happiest when he sees you love what he made just for you

-also gives you all his food from his plate, he wants you to eat well, but you want the same for him so you always fight over it 

-late-night walk hand in hand by the river, watching all the night lights of the city, him giving you his jacket because you refused to bring yours, but now he freezes to death but loves it at the same time, stopping by a convenient store to buy snacks and ice cream, yeah that's just a casual friday night

-lots and lots of kisses. just gives you random kisses on your cheeks, doesn't care where or who is there it doesn't stop him (his members are already used to it)

-would kiss you passionately until you lose your breath, then he would smile to a final kiss because he feels proud of himself

-on facetime with you 24/7 when he's on tour

-he is basically best friends with your family and friends, in return, you are best friends with his mom

-has heart eyes for you, doesn't break eye contact, and flirts with you every given minute

-have cheeky nicknames for you like pookie, nugget, pumpkin (anything that he can think of at the moment), but your contact name is the sweetest "my one and only", also you are his wallpaper for sure

-brings you with him everywhere, literally you two are connected (at least that's what his members are saying). he brings you to work, you have to watch him dance and then review it or to a filming, you're always somewhere behind the cameras 

-would want to move in with you as soon as he can, because he doesn't want to spend any time without you

-calls you his wife in front of the members and his family, because you will be one day, he's sure about that

-if you're dating woo it means sometimes there's a plus one on your dates, san feels a little weird about it, he thinks he interrupts your special time but loves to hang out with you guys

-he hates it when san and you are allying against him, but deep down loves to see that you get along well, his two soulmates

-you have to cuddle him so he can fall asleep at night, usually you are the big spoon because this man loves to be cuddled

-his hand is constantly on your thighs or on your ass, he's shameless about it

-he is whipped for you, would literally do anything you ask him to do

nsfw +18!!!

-lots of people think he is a tease in bed too, but I think he is quite the opposite. wooyoung is a very impatient person, he cannot wait for long, especially when he wants you so bad

-I think I don't have to say it, but he is a sub in bed. likes to be taken care of and likes to be on the bottom

-there are times when he wants to take care of you tho, so he would switch and make you feel good all night long

-his hands all over your body, would touch everywhere he can reach, just can't get enough of you

-loves it when you kiss his neck, that's something he gets turned on immediately, also just compliment his body and this man is done right there

-very noisy, lots of whimpers and moans, doesn't really care if someone hears it

-i think he gets worked up pretty easily, so you guys would have sex every single time you meet or you sleep over at each other's place

-for positions, I would say cowgirl is the most common, but he likes everything where you are on the top and he can see you well

-blowjob is a must, even if you don't have sex, at a random bathroom of a restaurant or at the dance studio

-he needs cuddles after, just wants to hold you close to him and would praise you for such a good work you did, would definitely take good care of you after, brings you food and clean clothes, would feel very grateful and sentimental at these moments

[davinashifts333]

DATING KIM HONGJOONG OF ATEEZ PART 1:

⚫️summary; once again, first part to Hongjoong’s section in the new ATEEZ fics or requests I am taking, so REQUEST!!! & STREAM GOLDEN HOUR!! LET’s GOOOOO!! see all my fellow ATINY at the Arlington concert!!🩷🩷🩷

⚠️warnings; fluff, Joongie being Joongie, Ateez idiocies, craziness, some swearing, implied smut, etc. IF YOU’RE NOT 18, GTFO! disrespectfully.

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-dating Kim HongJoong is also becoming a mother of 6 & a sister wife to Seonghwa.

-dating HongJoong means late nights where you walk around Han River with snacks from the 24hr convenience stores & chat about your days but also, early mornings for the days off he has & has planned a full day of activities for you two.

-dating HJ is like being his best kept secret but also his most prized possession, he is so protective & loving to you, it’s weird for the boys.

-dating Joong is being at his dorm as much as possible because once he had you? he never wanted to let go, he swore he hated skin-ship but with you? nahhh. that was out the door.

-dating Joongie is like having a boyfriend, husband, best friend & confidant all in one because he is so respectful & sweet but also so serious & dominating that it sometimes scares you how quickly his personality can switch. (but it’s also hot asf because Captain?)

-dating HongJoong is being BumJoong’s bestie & little sister, when HongJoong is off on tour? you best believe BumJoong, momma Kim & anyone from HongJoong’s family is calling you & visiting you to make sure you’re doing well.

-some nicknames he would call you based on his initial vibe/aura & personality seen on camera; Baby, Babydoll, Love, Sweetheart, Darling, Little one (because he finally found someone smaller than him), Beautiful, Dove, etc.

-dating HJ is moving fast but it feeling right? like a month in & he’s flying you out to Seoul to visit him or coming to visit you (if his schedule permits because baby boy is BUSY).

-being HongJoong’s girlfriend means also being his true right hand, the person he wants to learn about everyday, the girl of his dreams, the one who he asks for advice all the time but ultimately protects with his life & the best part of all, the person who sees his true self & softest parts of him & his personality.

-dating Joongie is meeting his family early on & going on vacations with them but also becoming so close with his mom he just sits & pouts that you’re stealing her from him & Eomma Kim is stealing you from him too.

-you & Eomma Kim cooking for the fam & her loving you so much because you remind her of a young version of herself (be that you’re foreign or not, she find attributes about you so calming & similar to hers).

-dating HongJoong is a blessing & curse st the same time, let’s be real this man is a Scorpio, he is DEMANDING. but, also the sweetest & most sensitive & emotionally open person you know, he truly understands the beauty of the world, of people & is driven by passion so, if you are similar to him? he would be most grateful because he would feel so understood & like he could truly open up to you.

-dating HJ means truly learning the deepest parts of his soul, his drive, his motivation, his passion & the reasons behind all of them. him showing you & teaching you the way he sees the world through his eyes & loving that you understand & see it the same way.

-soft launching on your IG & the ATEEZ acc because you’re also a musician/artist/producer/singer (whatever) & you do a challenge with him & some other members.

-being his girlfriend would mean also being the group’s baby sister, each member loving you for a different reason & you often hang out with them but, yes your boyfriend/future husband gets jealous so he steals you away & keeps you to himself. (we all know this man is jealous, be for fucking real).

-“Ya! Jagi, why are you with Wooyoung & not me? Am I not enough for you? Wooyoungie, go away, she’s mine.” & so he does, San is already waiting for Woo in the living room of HongJoong’s dorm so you both can have alone time in his room.

-“Don’t worry, we don’t love Y/n at allll. It’s not like she’s OUR friend too.” Woo yells back as he walks off to steal Joong’s snacks he has “hidden”.

-you laughing the whole way Joong drags you to his room.

-Joong being a complete baby & softie with you despite the persona/front he puts on for the cameras.

-ATINY loving that they get to see this side through small snippets & stories on your IG/YouTube/Twitter/TikTok, etc.

-posting pics together & also him posting pics he’s taken of you on his camera/polaroid.

-being his muse, he literally has made 10’s of playlists & is working on songs that include things about you that only the members, him & you truly understand & know the meaning behind.

-being his all time biggest supporter, he DID meet you wearing a MATZ t-shirt so, it got him flustered & thinking about how you could he so calm while seeing him in person.

-yes you were ATINY before you dated, like dude, come on. who couldn’t love these 8 idiots.

-playfully arguing with Mingi over how you can’t choose between their rap styles because they’re so different & both so good.

-movie nights with the members where you & Joong end up sneaking off to be alone & they start hounding you both about not being able to keep it in your pants.

-he’s a passionate lover, so hidden marks, body to body, eye contact, multiple positions, etc. are for SURE his go to.

-he loves to be in control but whenever you do try to take control? it only riles him up more & has you walking funny for a few days after.

-your personality & aura is made up of leadership energy, dominance, bluntness, strength, etc. but, the real you is a soft & loving person, he is definitely the type to like someone like him, who looks so dark & scary on the outside but is truly just so intelligent, caring & creative as he is.

-dating Kim Hong Joong is like breathing underwater in a dream & no longer fearing anything, it’s like giving into your deepest & darkest desires & fighting no matter how hard the fight is. It’s like being worshipped & worshipping at the same time, it’s a push & pull of who loves who more but ultimately it’s so equal because you BOTH are so equal, it’s insane. It’s air in lungs that haven’t been able to take a full, clean & crisp breath in the longest time. It’s feeling so high & happy like you’re on cloud 9 24/7, 365.4 days a year & more.

-being his person, his lover, his best friend & future wife? is a dream written in the stars but only time could bring you closer. it’s poetry, passion & pain all in one but truly, a love so deep & understanding you could never consider it vain.

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A/N: I AM SO EXCITED TO GET BACK INTO WRITING, I HAVE MISSED SPILLING MY THOUGHTS & IDEAS ONTO THIS BLOG. FELLOW TX ATINY, SEE YOU SOON, even if you don’t know who I really am (my real name is NOT Davina & you’ll never know the real me BUT) LET’s STREAM GOLDEN HOUR!! MI GENTE LATINA!! LET’s GOOOO!! also, i am so close to 200 followers & I’m so excited & curious why I have so many followers but!! let’s get to 200!! (i’m at 199 rn)

[novasintheroom]

As they got closer, would Prince Vash ever consider giving his wife a proper proposal one day? I'm assuming since it was arranged, it was more of a "He sent you a ring (It was most likely Nai rather than Vash)" sort of situation or a proposal that was very staged.

Maybe Vash suggests it as a joke to his wife/or maybe she asked him how he would do it (because, as she gets to know him, it's very obvious that he didn't plan it). However as he's doing it, Vash realizes that his feelings are truly much deeper than he thought.

Hey anon! Thanks for sending this in, I really had to think hard on it. This happens way later in their relationship, hence the ending. I hope this lives up to expectations! <3

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“If you were to propose to me, how would you do it?”

Vash looks up from his book he was reading to you, sitting across from him. The night has fallen, and with it comes your new ritual of reading together before bed. The candles on the walls cast a soft glow of gold. You’re curled up on the armchair of his room, your own book in hand. Yet, he sees you fiddling with your wedding band, and frowns. “What, uh, why?”

You shrug, one leg coming out from your skirts to roll your ankle. Vash stares at the bare skin for a moment before looking back at you. “Just…wondering, I suppose. We saw those two proposals in the villages a few days ago, and it’s so different than how we…” You sigh through your nose and finally look up at him. “I suppose…I don’t know. I know our marriage was – is a contract of convenience, but, I’ve gotten to know you, and, well, I can see that you would have done it differently if given the chance.”

Vash leans back in his chair, a small smile playing on his lips. “It’s that obvious, huh?”

You’re looking at your ring again. “There’s no way you would have picked a ring like this.”

And you’re right. It’s big, gaudy. Inlaid with sapphires and ice-cold diamonds, it screams power and wealth – two of the most opposite things Vash has ever pursued. Something warms in Vash’s chest, and he closes his book, getting up from his chair with a groan. You look up, a slight worry in your eyes – you’re always worrying you said something wrong. Vash’s easy smile abates your fears. He stands before you with his hand held out.

Gently, you place your left hand in it. Vash thumbs over the giant square diamond at the center of the ring. Pah, leave it to Nai to choose a ring this ugly. It doesn’t suit you. Not with how quiet and simply you live. Not with your kind pleasantness and golden heart. “Do you want a new ring? I can get one made for you?”

“What I want,” you say, staring up at him, “is to know how you would have proposed to me.”

He feels a hot flush rise to his cheeks. “You mean I couldn’t get away with sending the marriage contract over?” He laughs when you swat his stomach, faking an ‘oof’ just for you. “Alright, alright, let me think…”

Vash doesn’t let go of your hand, thumbing over your knuckles, your ring, as he does. “Well, for starters, I’d give you a better ring than that. Something simpler, maybe. With rubies.”

“You and the color red,” you joke.

He shrugs and grins. “It’s always been my color.” Carefully, he takes your wedding band off and rubs where the ring sat. “That thing is huge. Does it weigh down your finger?”

You purse your lips. “No, but it does catch on my skirts every now and then.”

“Ah,” he says, staring at your lips. He shakes himself and continues. “I’d probably take you out to the palace gardens to do it. Maybe in the hidden gazebo, so I could ask you privately.”

“There’s a hidden gazebo?”

“Shh, don’t interrupt!”

“Sorry,” you giggle, using your free hand to cover your mouth and wait.

Vash clears his throat and gets on one knee. “Then, after I’ve thoroughly and completely wooed you with my devilish charm and quick wit – “ he ignores your rude snort “ – I’d tell you – “ He pauses again, this time to think.

You wait, shifting your legs under you. “Well?”

Vash looks up at you, heart suddenly in his throat. He feels the ring in his hand, that massive, chunky thing, and feels small, staring up at you. Is this how men are supposed to feel before their wives? Meek and submissive and – and in love? He looks at your eyes, your nose, your lips, your ears, your hair, your hands. Vash cannot deny he is in love. And for once, he is willing to show it to the person who matters most.

So, taking your hand in both of his, he begins earnestly. “We did not know each other growing up. We did not know each other when we met. But we know each other now, and that is the greatest gift I have ever received. You are kind, and prickly in the mornings, and have a love for peaches, and so, so wonderful in your quiet, dignified way. You make me laugh, and think, and I…I don’t know how I got through life without someone like you by my side. You’re amazing, and, if you’ll have me, I’d like to be your husband…forever.” He slips the ring back onto your finger and looks up to you.

You’re quiet. You have tears in your eyes. Your mouth moves in waves, trying to form words. “That,” you clear your throat, but it doesn't help, “that was beautiful. I’m sure the girl you’re in love with would have…would have fallen right into your arms.”

“Well, not exactly. You’re still sitting here, aren’t you?”

Your grin is telling. There’s a relief that comes with it. You both know you are in love with each other. It just took some time to come to terms with it. And with Vash’s sudden confession, it becomes so easy to accept it. You scramble off your seat and hug Vash to you, squishing his head to your chest while his arms come around your thighs.

Weeks later, you’d find a box with a ring inside it inside your room. You’d open it, and with a laugh, put on the new, ruby-inlaid ring, leaving the old clunky one to gather dust in your jewelry box. For my wife, the note would say, whom I love dearly.

[helpmeimblorboing]

Imagine a world where, after Tim lost his brother, he went to the Cult of the Lightless Flame for help

Imagine Desolation Avatar Tim, with fire that springs to his fingertips on command, and a disconcertingly amiable personality, kind and charming and so, so similar to our Tim, right up until he sets your house on fire with your children inside

Imagine an Eye avatar Jon who got his powers organically, without meddling from Elias.

Imagine a man conflicted and torn about his actions, orchestrating events where technically, he never directly hurt anyone - think feeding on social anxiety, exposing people’s secrets and feeding on their despair.

After all, if they didn’t want to be his dinner, they shouldn’t have kept secrets, right ? He’s not a bad guy. He’s just…doing all he can

Now imagine a Tim who feeds off of Desolation by following closely behind Jon’s actions.

Oh, Jon revealed that so-and-so was cheating on his wife ? Well, that sounds like a mighty painful experience for the wife. Seems a shame to let all that good fear go to waste, right ? Might as well feed !!

Now imagine Web Avatar Annabelle Cane , watching from the shadows as all this happens.

Eventually, she reaches out and makes contact with Tim, and makes a deal - call a local fast-food place, and Cane will trick them into believing Jon’s a police officer. Then Jon can make the employees humiliate one of their own, as Tim feeds on the target's pain and Annabelle feeds on the control she's exerting, both over the employees, via social conditioning, and her fellow Avatars

Perfect deal. Why would Jon go along with it, you ask ? Why would Tim ? Well, if Annabelle conveniently made them forget the meaning of the terms “strip search”, then they have no reason to turn her down, right ?

Seeing how well this turned out, the three decide to make their dynamic a daily thing, each one orchestrating events that let all three feed. True symbiosis

Maybe they get Spiral Avatar Michael in on their shenanigans too, sometimes - he makes someone hallucinate their way into believing all their secrets have been exposed, killing themselves in front of a loved one, and feeds on their madness as Tim feeds on their loved one’s pain and Jon on their humiliation

Maybe they find that even more useful and now he’s part of the team too !! Woo gang !! Friends forever !!

Maybe they try to get Flesh Avatar Jared Hopworth in as well, only to realize he’s already made a deal with Hunt Avatar Daisy Tonner - she hunts and kills one out of a pair of travellers, and Jared convinces the survivor to feed on the corpse

Maybe they decide - hey, fuck it - and form an alliance with Slaughter Avatar Melanie King. She kills, and the others feed on the chaos that ensues. Maybe Jared and Daisy get in on it too sometimes - one big happy Avatar family, each one feeding everyone with their actions

And maybe one day Jon has an epiphany - maybe he accidentally hurts someone he cares about or sees the consequences of his actions. Maybe he decides he doesn’t want to be an Avatar anymore

Maybe he runs away from the group. Maybe he goes to the Magnus Institute, using his position as a fellow Eye Avatar to get Elias to help him out

Maybe Elias agrees and sets him up in a small house by the countryside. But wait - unfortunately, he’s going to have to share the space. You see, the Institute recently helped a prized pupil of Peter Lukas escape his grasp

Oh, who ? Why, Lonely Avatar Martin Blackwood of course !!

Sorry, just having thoughts about my Avatar Crew AU. Do y’all want me to write it ? I might

[zackprincebooks]

There Are Many Benefits To Being a Medicine Seller

When the bumblebee is away, the hummingbird will play. The Ooku is a perfect place to hunt mononoke, and the ladies are only too happy to tell the Medicine Seller their problems. Takes place after the first movie, no spoilers! (No ships or smut, but contains suggestive themes and nudity. Reference to suicide.)

Want to read this on Ao3? Click here!

The ladies of the Ooku all have the same goal: to catch the eye of the Emperor. He makes his way through his garden of painted flowers, wondering if he shall pluck a lily or a rose. He is a bumblebee, and from his visit to a blushing bloom, sweet honey will flow.

All the flowers cluster together in a vain attempt to capture the bee’s attention. They paint their petals with brighter colors and anoint themselves with aromatic pollen in the hopes of attracting a visit. They tear each other by the leaves and grow tall to block other flowers from receiving sun and rain. After all, if the bee stops visiting, the flowers will wilt.

Wilted flowers don’t look pretty in a garden. They will be pulled out by the roots and replaced with another. Some flowers don’t even bloom before they are pulled. Such is the way of the Ooku.

But if a bee cannot be wooed, then a flower may be refreshed with the visit of a hummingbird. He is heralded with the smell of herbs and incense to calm the nerves. They bend in his wake, seeking his attention. His black wings, spotted with bright colors, are easy to spot among the pastel flowers.

The Medicine Seller flits about the Ooku from flower to flower. Dire matters of health are left to the imperial physicians, but for a skinned knee or a rambunctious stomach, the Medicine Seller is conveniently on hand. Unlike the coldness of the emperor’s gaze, the nervous glances of the guards, or the leering of “special guests,” the Medicine Seller’s yellow eyes are welcoming. He doesn’t linger on the exposed throats or wrists of his patients, but he holds them gently and asks about their day. One would expect his pallid hands to be as chilly and rigid as ice, but they are soft and warm.

When was anything in the Ooku soft and warm?

Perhaps there was something supernatural about his presence. The story of the Medicine Seller flushing a mononoke spread through the Ooku like wildfire; each flame brighter and more lavish than the last.

“I heard from Lady Hana that he pulled the mononoke from the spirit world with his bare hands!” How convenient that Lady Hana was absent from this conversation.

“And I watched him jump off the roof to stab the mononoke with his sword,” Lady Tsubaki said breathlessly. She was down with a fever on the day of the battle and only saw the aftermath.

The Medicine Seller denied any and all acts of heroism. “Of course, I’m just a humble Medicine Seller,” he insisted with a bow of his head before tending to his patient.

So far, the hummingbird escaped the sting of the bumblebee by virtue of his humility. No matter how often the hummingbird visited the garden, he could not produce honey. The Medicine Seller made himself scarce whenever the Emperor visited the Ooku and always showed his pass upon request, even if he had shown it multiple times that day. He was the picture of a perfect guest.

But some ladies longed for the Medicine Seller to be more than a mere guest. Perhaps one day, the Emperor would elevate the Medicine Seller to an imperial physician and appoint him a wife from the Ooku. These theories were discouraged, as it only invited arguments between the ladies about who would be the Medicine Seller’s wife; but everyone dreamed of it when he strolled through the garden and left satisfied flowers in his wake.

There are many benefits to being a medicine seller. ----------------------------------------------------------------

Akari had never been to the Medicine Seller before. She preferred to have her needs met by the imperial physicians. But with two concubines pregnant at the same time, the physicians have their hands full.

“What can I do for you, Lady Akari?” The Medicine Seller smoothly sits in front of Akari, his hands in his lap. The fragrant scent surrounding him is a balm after smelling the stale air of the Ooku, and Akari breathes deeply. The rolling boil in her belly settles down to a gentle simmer.  

“Good afternoon, Medicine Seller. I’ve found that I’m having trouble sleeping lately, and it’s beginning to interfere with my duties.” He makes a soft ah that sends Akari’s heart fluttering.

“I can brew you something that will help you sleep, but it would help if you could pinpoint the reason for your troubled nights.” Approaching the cabinet that he carries with him, the Medicine Seller begins opening the drawers and rifling through the assorted herbs and spices.

Akari falls quiet. She kept her nightmares a secret even from the other ladies and brushed off their snide comments about the dark circles underneath her eyes. But when the Medicine Seller turns back to her with a mortar and pestle in hand, his curious hum reverberates in her ribcage.

“I started having nightmares about a week ago. They’re always about the same thing. I’ll be laying in my futon when I turn over…”

Her lower lip trembles. There’s a clunking sound before the Medicine Seller’s hands lift hers. Akari’s sleeves slide down until the bruises around her wrists are revealed to his concerned gaze. “Someone has been hurting you,” he murmurs, and Akari lets out a choked sob.

“In my dreams, a monster breaks into my room. It holds me by my wrists and tears off my kimono. No matter how loud I scream and struggle, no one comes to save me.” Tears dribble down her face and the Medicine Seller offers her a handkerchief.

“Does the monster violate you?” His voice is soft, and when Akari blots her eyes, the pinched brows and downturned lips of the Medicine Seller comes into clarity.

“No. It eats my flesh, and every night it eats more and more. I’m afraid of what will happen when it eats all of me!” Akari breaks down, sobbing into the handkerchief. The Medicine Seller allows her to cry, remaining quiet but continuing to hold her hand. When Akari comes back to earth, his thumb is rubbing the back of her hand.

“Lady Akari, would you please disrobe for me?”

She falters when he asks, and he allows her to withdraw her hand from his grasp. Despite her shaking hands, the Medicine Seller doesn’t offer to help Akari undress as she unties the many knots and ribbons of her kimono. Long lines of creamy skin are revealed to the Medicine Seller, violently interrupted by black and purple bite marks focused around Akari’s stomach and breasts. The drag marks from the upper incisors indicated a wolf, but the sheer size of the bite marks indicated a wolf…that was as tall as a man.  

There’s a long stretch of silence as the Medicine Seller inspects the bite marks on Akari. A bead of sweat snakes its way from the shell of Akari’s ear and down the nape of her neck between the strands of her red hair.

“This is very concerning, Lady Akari. I will prepare a poultice for these wounds immediately, and brew tea for you to help you sleep. But more will need to be done before your nightmares can be fully vanquished.” His voice strains in urgency but remains soft as he returns to the portable cabinet and begins pulling different herbs and spices.

“Is this a mononoke?” Akari whispers, her eyes darting around in case her words summoned the creature. The Medicine Seller places a handful of herbs into the mortar and pestle with a spoonful of oil.

“Yes, most certainly.” The Medicine Seller points to a little device that’s shaped like a pretty butterfly or perhaps a bird. Akari watches it jingle as it turns to one side. “This scale measures the distance of a mononoke, and it kept alerting me to one in the Ooku. But I couldn’t find it despite my diligent searching throughout the day.”

“Because it was active at night?” Akari ventures, and heat spreads through her belly as the Medicine Seller smiles at her with all of his pointed teeth.

“Because it was active at night!” His giddy voice resonates within Akari, making her heart dance. The sharpness of his teeth doesn’t frighten her; instead, Akari is overcome with the desire to run her fingers along their edges. “The mononoke waited until we were all asleep before hunting.”

The Medicine Seller sets aside his pestle, crusted with herbs and oil. Akari hadn’t even noticed he’d been pounding them into a fine paste. “May I apply this to your wounds, Lady Akari? It may be cold to the touch.”

It’s only now that Akari is undressed in front of the Medicine Seller, the top half of her kimono folded over the bottom half. They have privacy in Akari’s chambers, but every sound in the Ooku is suddenly amplified: Lady Asa and Lady Sakura chatting in the hallway, maids cleaning the room upstairs, and the plinking of water into the great well.

“Yes please, Medicine Seller.” His head declines in acknowledgement and he kneels in front of Akari, dipping two fingers into the mortar to gather some of the paste. Akari braces herself for the chill of the paste, but she only feels the warmth of his hands. He assiduously applies the paste to her wounds, leaving a tingling sensation in their wake.

“How does it feel?”

“A little cold,” Akari lies, “and it tingles.”

“Good; that means it is working. Please bear with me for a little longer, Lady Akari.”

His hands massage the paste into the tender skin of her belly and ribs. When the Medicine Seller is satisfied, he will wipe his hands and use strips of cloth to cover the wounds. He dips his index and forefinger into the mortar for another round, pausing. “Ah, pardon me.”

Akari’s breath hitches as his fingers brush the underside of her right breast. Her nipples stiffen from the contact, and Akari feels as though she should apologize for her body’s natural responses. The Medicine Seller doesn’t grope her as a lesser man would, but continues massaging the paste and lay the strip of cloth on top.

When he reaches for her left breast, Akari whimpers. She tries to catch it between her teeth but it slips out and hangs in the air between them. And of course, it had to happen during a lull in the activity around the Ooku. Surely the girls in the room above her will hear the shameful noise coming from Akari, and when the Medicine Seller leaves her room, they will know who caused it.

She is only grateful that the Medicine Seller doesn’t say anything, though his yellow eyes flicker and his eyebrows bounce. Akari flushes as red as her hair and successfully clamps down on the whine that bubbles in her throat when the Medicine Seller withdraws his hand one final time to apply a bandage. He turns away, allowing Akari the farce of privacy so she can put her kimono back together.

“You said the nightmares started one week ago.” The Medicine Seller’s voice is throatier when he speaks again, and the warmth that started in Akari’s belly moves to her groin. “What changed one week ago?”

“I moved into this room. Lady Himari originally stayed here, but the Emperor promoted her to concubine.” Akari struggles to keep her voice level, even after her kimono is fully tied. “She left me some of her belongings, however. They’re in those cabinets over there.”

“May I?”

“Yes, of course.”

Akari is grateful for the distance between them as he opens the cabinets. “My, my, such finery! Did Lady Himari come from a wealthy family?” The Medicine Seller withdraws a dark blue kimono in luxurious silk, decorated with golden sparrows and pink flowers.

“Not wealthy enough to afford such goods. I know she had a lover from the lower court, but he stopped visiting when she became a concubine. I believe his name was Lord Kentaro?” Akari watches as the Medicine Seller rifles through fans, jewelry, and more kimonos. His own kimono is tied in such a way that the nape of his neck is exposed and whisps of white hair dance on his pale skin.

If Akari bit down on him, would he whimper, too?

A thudding noise from his portable cabinet jars Akari out of her reverie of sinking her teeth into the meat of his neck. “Medicine Seller! Something is—”

“Lady Akari.” His warm breath cascades across her blazing cheeks; he was able to get in front of her while she was distracted. The Medicine Seller’s gaze demands Akari’s attention, and she gives it to him with both hands. “Would you be able to stay in a friend’s room? You cannot sleep here tonight. I will lure the mononoke.”

There is a tiny smear of purple paint that was transferred from his upper lip to his lower lip. Akari wants to wipe her thumb along his lip, past his lips and let him suck on it.

“Yes, I can stay in Lady Sakura’s room tonight.”

“If you need to lie, tell her I recommended you sleep in another room to help with your nightmares. I will happily be your scapegoat.”

“Thank you.”

Lady Sakura winds up not asking any questions. She was giddy over the idea of having Akari sleep over, and invited four other girls to have a party. The sake flows, the snacks are plentiful, and Akari forgets about the wolf creeping in her nightmares. By the time they sleep in the futon—which is many futons pushed together—Akari is warm and fuzzy, and falls asleep with a smile on her face. ----------------------------------------------------------------

The Medicine Seller can tell why the Emperor took Lady Himari as a concubine: her hair is long and lustrous, her eyes are bright and keen, and her voice is as clear as a bell. Maids pour them tea and immediately scurry out of sight, no doubt pressing their ears to the wall to eavesdrop.

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me on such short notice, Lady Himari. I understand you have a busy schedule, so I will try to be brief. This is concerning the room that you once occupied.”

Lady Himari blinks slowly as she considers what she should say. “I don’t understand—Lady Akari lives in that room now; why would it be of any concern to me?” Her head tilts to the side in a perfect picture of confusion.

“Because Lady Akari has reported experiencing strange occurrences in your old room. Did anything happen while you were sleeping there?” The Medicine Seller tries to keep his words as inconspicuous and innocuous as possible. If he trips an alarm, Lady Himari may remove him from her presence, making his investigation that much harder.

Luckily, either the Medicine Seller hasn’t alerted her to his true intentions, or she is curious enough to uncover his intentions, because she continues talking to him. “While I am concerned that Lady Akari is having issues in my old room, I can’t imagine that it would be because of something that happened while I was staying there.” But the way she pauses when she lifts her teacup to her mouth signifies weakness.

The Medicine Seller waits until Lady Himari takes a sip from her tea before he asks, “nothing regarding Lord Kentaro?”

While she doesn’t give the Medicine Seller the satisfaction of spitting out her tea, she does choke and cough on it. He gives Lady Himari a moment to thump her chest with her fist until she can compose herself, though her face is still red from the exertion.

“I’m sorry, d-did you say Lord Kentaro?”

He must tread lightly. If anything he says suggests that Lady Himari may have continued her relationship with Lord Kentaro after she became a concubine, she may appeal to the Emperor to revoke his pass to the Ooku.

“If he left something in your room before you moved out, it may attract bad energy. He may have tried to attack you.”

“That’s not possible.” The crease in her brow flattens and Lady Himari picks up her teacup again with a coy smile. “Lord Kentaro is dead. He died a week ago.”

“Oh?” While the Medicine Seller tries to maintain his composure, excitement ripples through him. “Are you sure? I understand information in the palace takes its time before it is passed into the Ooku. What may have merely been an illness may have been reported as a death.”

“I’m quite certain; I’m the one who told him to kill himself. He begged me not to accept the Emperor’s designation as a concubine and to marry him instead. I laughed in his face and told him that he was stupid if he thought being his wife was a bigger honor than being responsible for the future of the nation. I was so ashamed to see him on his hands and knees that I told him to just kill himself and stop being a disappointment.”

“I see, thank you for enlightening me to the truth of the situation, Lady Himari.”

The Medicine Seller makes some light conversation with Lady Himari before thanking her for the tea and returning to Lady Akari’s room. They will call for lights out soon, so he makes sure that no one is around when he closes the screen. If anyone comes running, they may divert the mononoke’s attention away from the Medicine Seller and onto them, instead.

Removing his shoes and placing his cabinet in a corner of the room, the Medicine Seller lays down in Lady Akari’s bed and pulls the cover over his head until not a strand of hair is visible. He hears the call for lights out, the thundering footsteps and slamming doors as everyone rushes to their rooms, and then the hushed whispers as the lights go out one by one until the Ooku is plunged into darkness.

And he waits. His shoulders twitch at the slightest creak of wood or a muffled snore, ready to bolt upward at the first provocation. The timing has to be perfect or else he’ll lose his chance to strike.

The creaking above him settles as the girls fall asleep. The guards finish their patrol and move on to another section. The Medicine Seller’s eyes begin to droop—

And then the door slides open.

Through his blanket, the Medicine Seller watches as a looming shadow fills the room. Glowing red light pierces the darkness, and a growling sound shakes the floor and ceiling.

A clawed paw approaches the bed, but before the mononoke can pull down the blanket, the Medicine Seller throws his blanket at the creature, covering its face. While it struggles with the blanket, he runs over to the screen door and slams it shut.

He gets a good look at the mononoke as it pulls the blanket from its slavering face: a massive black wolf dotted with red eyes, and a thick cord wrapped around its neck that drags on the floor. The cord cuts into his neck, dyeing it a dark red color.

“Normally I would have some compassion for you: the Emperor takes the woman you love as a concubine and she tells you to kill yourself. That’s going to break anyone’s heart.”

The Medicine Seller and the mononoke begin circling each other; the mononoke licking its drooling chops and the Medicine Seller thumbing his sword.

“But then you waited until I was asleep to attack a harmless, innocent woman. Not only are you a coward, but you’re an idiot, too. You couldn’t even attack Lady Himari.”

Unable to take the stabs to its already-wounded pride, the mononoke lets out an eardrum-shattering howl and charges.

The Medicine Seller draws his blade. ------------------------------------------------------

“Good afternoon, Lady Akari. How may I assist you today?”

The Medicine Seller didn’t expect to see Lady Akari after he dispatched the mononoke two nights ago, though it’s possible she continued to have nightmares due to lingering energy in her room. But the circles under her eyes are gone and there is a spring in her step. There’s also a wrapped package in her hand that smells divine.

“No need to assist me, Medicine Seller. You have done more than enough for me. My nightmares have ceased and it feels as though I’m sleeping better than ever before. I cannot thank you enough for all that you’ve done for me, but Lady Asa said you enjoyed rice balls with hoba miso.” She presents the package to him, and when he takes it, it’s still warm.

“This is a princely gift indeed, Lady Akari. My mouth is watering already.”

He is keenly aware of her brown eyes focused tightly on his mouth. When he licks his lips, Lady Akari’s throat bobs and her soft cheeks flush. “I should see you in the next day or two to check on your bruises and replace the bandages. Please inform me before then if they give you any problems.”

The flush on her cheeks deepens until he cannot tell where her hair ends and where her face starts. “Yes, Medicine Seller.”

They part ways, the package of rice balls feeling heavy in the Medicine Seller’s hands. He is not allowed to pluck the flowers in the garden, and he would prefer to keep his head on his shoulders. But as long as the ladies of the Ooku desire him, they will confide in him their secrets: their fears, their worries, their wants, and their nightmares.

Their shape.

Their truth.

Their reason.

The Ooku is a terrible place. Resentment and bitterness choke the air and the ladies climb over each other to feel a fresh breeze on their faces. Mononoke breed in the shadows like hens in the henhouse, but a fox has wormed his way in.

The Medicine Seller only intended to slay the mononoke of the Ooku, but his presence has taken on a dual purpose. If he can give these ladies some comfort—any comfort—then he may prevent the birth of new mononoke.

Opening the package, he unwraps a steaming rice ball and takes a bite.

There are many benefits to being a Medicine Seller.

[liuhko]

Gold Digger

𝜗🤍 ݁ Nanami with an obnoxious, gold digging wife. Got this idea at 3AM (finished it at 5AM) and I can’t let it go to waste, especially with this rising interest in my man (nanami). This is a long one, so you're welcome!

Nanami wasn’t the richest man on the planet, but he was rich enough. You came across him at a restaurant after his failed blind date, you had been watching the ordeal from afar and noted the expensive dishes he allowed his date to order. Of course, that didn’t mean much but your gut told you to go after him, so you did.

Thank goodness you listened to your gut, you somehow managed to woo him and he eventually proposed to you. Now here you were, several years into a marriage built on support, trust, and financial stability.

Your relationship with Nanami started strangely but you did eventually fall in love, and that’s why he put a ring on it (kardashian level diamond ring). To him, you’re the cutest, silliest little financial parasite he’s ever known. No, but seriously you do love each other, you just so happen to care for his assets a bit more.

Nanami isn’t an idiot, he was aware you were after his money, and most men would’ve ignored you completely because of that, but he can’t deny that he‘s very attracted to you. That and your unbelievable lack of shame. Not once did you even attempt to hide your desire for his money, you would always eye designer stores whenever you were out on dates and you made a habit of asking him for exactly $5.99 every day. There was always a need for it somehow, whether it be the bus, food, or the convenient loss of your piggy bank. You were so dedicated that he couldn’t help but indulge in your wants (or needs as you’d say).

You’re a dumb dumb and VERY obnoxious, not Gojo-level obnoxious, but still pretty annoying. The only reason Nanami ignores it is because you’re a pretty lady who knows how to sweet talk him. He doesn’t mind your level of smarts, and while your obnoxiousness does irritate him at times, it’s not enough for him to up and leave. Besides, you aren’t as dumb as some believe you to be. You’re smart enough to charm a rich man, so how dumb are you really?

Back to the obnoxiousness, boy you talk a lot. It’s like an endless fountain of words spews from your mouth, and if that isn’t the case you’re always doing something mildly annoying.

Nanami’s friends and family are NOT rocking with you in the slightest! Except for Gojo, Gojo likes being around you, you’re a less frustrating version of him. The same goes for Nobara too, she thinks you’re justified and relatable because she too, dries out people’s bank accounts. As for the others, Nanami’s loved ones still don’t understand why he married you while knowing your true intentions. The one who was the most sour about your union was his son, Yuuji. Yuuji never outright says “I don’t like you.” But he does actively make an effort to persuade his dad to leave you. “Divorce isn’t that expensive these days, there’s also less shame, so I think it’s a great choice.” Nanami just chuckles and tells Yuuji that there’s nothing wrong with a woman wanting money. Yuuji is your biggest hater.

NSFW

Nanami gives you allowances for any extra things you want to buy, and you almost always use this money on lingerie. You have a singular closet just for lingerie, it varies from cutesy to intense BDSM. Nanami loves the ones with easy access since he usually comes home exhausted from work. He likes that he doesn’t have to think much, just put his things away and slide into you. He doesn’t like to acknowledge this but if he knows he’s going to be away for a while because of work he’ll take one of his favorite lingerie sets and go crazy with it later. He always asks for permission before doing so.

Hate sex. Annoyance sex (I don’t think that’s what you call it)! You’re so beyond irritating, and while Nanami does love you, he needs a break from it at times. It’s always the worst when he’s trying to organize his schedule or relax from a long day only to have you rambling in his ear. He could ask you to tone it down but sometimes that doesn’t work, if he asks nicely and you don’t stop he’ll distract you with sex.

Nanami will pick you up, toss you onto the bed, and do whatever it takes to keep you quiet. He’ll spend hours pumping into you repeatedly if it means he gets a moment of peace when he’s done. He does get distracted at times though, who can blame him? :(( the way you squirm and shake beneath him when he whispers sweet nothings into your ear while roughly thrusting into your warm pussy, the apologies that fall from your lips when it all becomes a bit too much. “Kento, please, it’s too much…I’ll let you get your work done, I’m sorry…” (you never mean it though, the overstimulation makes you pleasantly dizzy and you love pissing him off). He loves making you feel good, no matter how much he wishes you’d shut up.

Money = breeding session. Nanami has a breeding kink, it’s a fact among the people. He loves cumming inside you but you’re a wicked little thing who won’t let him until he promises to add just a bit more to your allowance. He’ll give you your desired amount no matter how absurd it is. Truth be told he is WHIPPED for you and wants to make you happy (he also wants to cum in you). Some may say this is wrong, others call it taking advantage of your resources.

Bonus: he loves when you suck him off for multiple reasons. 1, it silences you completely. 2, he gets to cum in your mouth. 3, you look so pretty with his dick in your mouth.

𝜗🤍 ݁ I finished this whole thing in 2 HOURS. This must be how mass producers feel when they pump stuff out quickly, better start calling me the SHEIN of tumblr.

TAGS @cindol @rizsu @lucstarz @histani @pekejs @hymnboos @dayestic @svgvruz @zorosq @peachop

[evita-shelby]

Strings of Fate

Thanks @justrainandcoffee for having the dream that inspired Forbidden and this happier au and happy birthday 🎂 🥳

Cw: smut, infertility, Tommy’s canon fertility issues, cheating

Rose Coldwell needed a husband to escape Lawerence Evertt and the Shelbys could use someone to help Polly and Ada with Finn and John’s now motherless children.

His marriage was one of convenience and no matter what they did, it just didn’t work.

“I cannot have children,” his wife had admitted when they held Ada’s baby and Tommy wondered if they could try and have some happiness of their own.

The Romani Gangster had never held that against her, he was fond of her and cared for her like he cares for all his family, and when he realized the place Alfie Solomons had in her heart, Tom supposed it was a blessing in disguise.

He didn’t stop her; it wasn’t as if he hadn’t resumed his visits to Lizzie nor dallied with Grace in hopes of filling that hollowness in his chest. The least he could do for her is to ignore her visits to Camden Town and believe her lies.

Once business is done, he will broach the topic of a divorce. Tommy would use his own affairs to place the blame squarely on his shoulders and make sure her reputation remains spotless.

He needs Camden Town, Alfie Solomons would have no choice but to ally with him and help him take London or he’d never set her free. It is the only reason he is taking on Sabini now that both Kimber and Evertt are dead and gone.

Alfie’s no fool, his own wife was a Smith whose grandmother lived in Small Heath. If Tommy wanted, he could hurt her, but he wouldn’t. He’s not like that.

She’s a beauty, he’s seen her in the neighborhood enough times to know Mr. Solomons is a lucky man. She’s friends with Ada, on good terms with Polly and Finn adores her. Had he met her sooner perhaps, Eva Solomons would be Eva Shelby.

“If my husband were a jealous man, you would be pushing daisies, Mr. Shelby.” The witch says in Rromani as she looks at the wares in the shop that makes his suits.

“Something you must thank my wife for, I suppose.” His words hit their mark as she stills for a moment before regaining composure. They speak of the matter in their shared tongue, and no one here would report anything but mere speculation to his aunt, Chester Campbell and Sabini.

She and Rose are friends, even if dear Rosie thinks Eva isn’t aware of her relationship with her husband. What her reasons are for feigning ignorance about their affair is something Tommy intends to find out.

“He goes his way, I go mine.” The woman answered his unspoken question and refuses to turn and look at him. “Same agreement you have with Rose.”

“Can’t fill the emptiness either, Mrs. Solomons.” Even the name feels wrong, just as Rose Shelby does.

Tommy looks at a bolt of fine black lace and suggests it to her with a calculated look on his face to sell the lie. As far as Polly will know, he is merely convincing Eva Solomons to convince her husband to free Arthur and claim Billy Kitchen’s death as his doing.

“If you wish to seduce me, Shelby, you should try harder. I like to be wooed.” The witch dismissed his words and before she could ring up the shopkeeper to buy it, he orders the man at the counter to put in on his tab.

He pays for his suits now. Never leaves a debt unpaid and tips generously, he even vets his whores after Grace took advantage of his weakness in the name of the Law.

Tommy Shelby should remember how that hurt him and his family as he courts the Witch of Camden Town.

But he cannot help it, there is something pulling him to her that he hasn’t felt since Greta. Like an invisible string connecting his rotten soul to hers.

“Your cousin, Wag, said your husband refused your tickets to Chaplin's party after what he did to my brother and my men at his Seder.” The Gangster wanted revenge, he had an ace up his sleeve to get Alfie Solomons to have the police sergeant in his pocket release Arthur and his men.

This was more than just a play against Eva’s husband and Rose’s lover, this was Tommy Shelby being led by his stupid broken heart to see where that string of fate leads him to. Not his cock this time, though the woman beside him ignited all sorts of want with that feel of magic about her.

“I want you to wear that lace for me and after that, we will go to my sister’s place in London, and we will fuck until we forget what our spouses are doing in that property they think we don’t know about.” He comes close enough to breathe in the soft rose water and vanilla and that touch of myrrh and frankincense left over from incense to enhance her supernatural abilities.

Tommy Shelby doesn’t know what he’ll do is she says no.

“Tell Ada to leave the lights on and the front door unlocked, I will be arriving there before you to keep Sabini off my tail.” Eva turns and looks at him over her shoulder with an enigmatic smile.

She doesn’t wear black lace.

She wears a jet beaded dress with a satin slip underneath with her dark hair curled and lips painted with the lipstick Rose will find on his collar tomorrow.

He shouldn’t want her, her husband could kill his brother for this, but Tommy Shelby cannot help himself.

He hardly remembers the party as the heady smell of witchcraft and roses stirred a fire within him he hasn’t felt in almost a decade. Grace had been there with her husband, but he had paid her no mind as he came to know the bewitching woman on his arm.

“You behave as if you were a man starved for love.” Her eyes are dark with want and her quiet laugh betrays how mutual this burning he feels is.

“As starved as you are, love.” Tommy cannot even bother to check the coast was clear as he kisses her hungrily at Ada’s doorstep.

Despite the need to sate the hunger they feel, they take their time, stumbling to the couch where they don’t bother removing their clothes. Any attempt to strip her of her fine clothes is met with a wicked grin, as he ran is hands up her silky skin and felt the lace he had paid for as she sank down on his hand.

“You said I had to wear the lace, you never said how.” The witch said against his mouth before kissing like a high-end whore.

“I need you.” He groans against the column of her neck as he kisses every freckle Solomons takes for granted and matches the slow pace she’s set. “Evie, I need you.”

Sex with Rose was good, a bit tame, but enough to scratch the itch. This was different, as if he’d known the witch before, as if he hadn’t been meant for anyone else except her.

“You don’t even know me, Tommy.” She pulled him back to her mouth as she rid him of his vest, gun holster and every item between her long black nails and his bare chest.

She could tear out his heart from his chest and he’d let her, just to fill that hollowness inside him.

They don’t stay in the couch, neither wanted the night to end and in silence decided they’d greet the dawn clad only in sin. The bed would be where they fuck in earnest, where he will take advantage of his own lack of fertility to ensure Solomons stays none the wiser.

Tommy takes his time peeling off the lingerie she wore only for him, kissing every inch of her and letting the sense of déjà vu guide and reward him with sounds he bets Alfie cannot string from her.

God was always cruel to him, to give him a soulmate and give her to a man who doesn’t worship her like she deserves. He tells her so when after feasts on her cunt like a man starved.

“Then show your goddess how a true believer should worship her.” She pulled him up and tasted herself in his tongue as he made love to her until she wept from the ecstasy.

Dawn paints her skin golden, and her eyes turn the color of his favorite whiskey, he wished he could wake every morning like this.

“Who knew Mr. Shelby was a poet?” the witch reads his thoughts and hears him use poetry to describe the naked goddess he's still inside of.

“Who knew soulmates were real?” their hands interlock as they lay together basking in the afterglow, pretending they don’t have cages to return to.

Tommy Shelby knows he must make her part of the deal: he will set Rose free only if Alfie does the same with Eva.

He can’t let her go, even if he’s only known her for a day or two, he knows he can’t live without her.

They all return home; Rose smells of Alfie and he smells of Eva. It is the first of many, they know it when Rose takes Ada’s old bedroom and Tommy’s in his own bed and both dream of their lovers.

Neither feel hurt as they did before when the guilt ate at Rose even if he’s never been loyal to her, the callous too thick to let them feel their sins burning against their conscious and damning them to hell once more.

“I hadn’t planned to tell you this until the Derby ended, but I will set you free. Our deal has been honored and you no longer need my protection in the form of a wedding ring and my last name.” It sounds cold and cruel to everyone but them.

Rose cries in relief and joy as she hugs him in gratitude. He’s set up the date with their lawyer, paid extra to have it done faster and even sought the Rabbi in Rose’s Temple to ask whether he needs a Get so his soon-to-be ex-wife can marry his lover’s husband.

Even if he does die today, he will die as Eva’s fiancé and not Rose’s husband.

“Rose and I declared our marriage over, and unless you do the same, I will blow your fine establishment up to marry your wife. The choice is yours, Solomons.” The gangster fears death and yet fears nothing today, but he trusts his witch. His witch who told him the grave he will dig is meant to show him how expendable he is to his new master.

Everything would fall into place and all would be right in the world…for them at least.

That night, still reeking of graveyard dirt and a man’s blood, he spends it in Eva’s arms in the sprawling house she will rule over as its rightful queen.

“How soon can we marry?” she holds on tightly to him as if they may wake up from this dream any moment.

“Before you start showing, I hope.” Tommy answers guessing why she’d even ask in the first place.

And so, they marry, in the last days of summer with a special license as their former spouses do the same in Margate.

Whether Charles Absalom Shelby is named for his uncle or Charlie Chaplin, is something only the new couple will know.

[goblin-iz-whack]

Terri Pines

(Picrew by @potatolordofficial, hand drawn art by myself)

Yup, I made a Gravity Falls oc.

Teresa Ann "Terri" Pines (Née Ross) was born on February 14th, 1954 to Virginia and Howard Ross in Newark, New Jersey. She was the middle child and only girl of five children (Her brothers are Warren, Clarence, Leroy, and Seymour).

She was a pageant girl, her family lived pretty much solely off of the prize money she won.

She went to school for cosmetology in '72 (Her parents were not thrilled, they expected her to find a rich bachelor instead) and graduated in 1973 (Apparently, cosmetology school programs are pretty short!) . The money she earned doing what she loved wasn't good enough for her family and so she left home in 1974.

She drifted around, using her looks and charms to steal and con people, and met Stanley Pines in 1980. He was getting hassled by the police and she was like "Guess I'll use up my one good deed for the year" and helped out by pretending to be his wife ("Oh, honey, I've been looking for you everywhere! Sorry 'bout that, officer-"), and he evaded arrest.

Seeing her con artist ways and good looks, Stan was convinced that this was his dream woman- He tried to woo her for a bit, but she wasn't interested.

Because she's gay.

Even so, the convenience of having somebody that you can pretend is your partner worked for both of them, so they just went with it and slummed around the U.S., cartels and scams galore, what a wild ride.

Stuff went downhill, they were out of money and cons, when they were contacted by Stanford Pines.

You know the story from here.

Terri was kinda just waiting in the car when the portal incident happened, Stan came outside looking like he wanted to vomit and explained (through a very shaky voice) what happened.

They hid out in the house before running out of food, yada yada, Lazy Susan's eye is zapped, Stan takes Ford's name, fakes his death, you know what happens. Terri knows about the portal and all of Stan's secrets, she's his confidant and best friend.

In 1985, Stan and Terri got married. Partially because of the tax benefits, partially because they wanted the money and gifts that came with a wedding (Also, marital law says you can't be forced to testify against your spouse. Convenient!). Caryn Pines came to the wedding but Filbrick didn't (Fuck you, Filbrick). Terri's family also came but left pretty fast when they didn't get a hand out.

In 2013, Dipper and Mabel came to Gravity Falls. Terri is their Grauntie, she loves those kids. She also takes a motherly role towards Wendy, despite being pretty different in personality.

Terri is very similar to Stan, rough around the edges and always looking to make a buck, this is why he thought he was in love with her lol. She is a beauty queen, her pageant roots and love for cosmetology has always influenced her significantly. She is desperately trying to stall the effects of age (Hard to do that since she's 60 during the show), hence the spray tan and makeup and the hair dye. She also wears a corset (ooh la la!) and likes to join in on makeovers with Mabel and her friends.

She's also pretty badass- She has a lipstick taser and packs a mean punch. Being on the streets for so long has left her rugged and a bit grizzled and we love her for it.

A very motherly lady, she always wanted children of her own but the time was never right (Stan wouldn't mind being a donor, so long as he gets to skip out on any child support-). Wendy and the mystery twins fill that gap, she gets to mother them to her hearts content.

I will write up some unique episodes that center on her eventually, but it's 1 am rn and I need to get this done-

In Roadside Attraction, Terri flirts with Darlene alongside Stan. She's chill when Darlene only responds to Stan, she's a good wingwoman. It's also implied at some point that she went out with Lazy Susan before.

She was arrested alongside Stan in Not What He Seems, and escaped alongside him, also trying to stop Mabel from pressing the button.

Okay now here is where I deviate from canon pretty majorly-

So, I guess you'd say that Terri's whole existence in itself is an au. At first glance, the only difference would be her being there and extra interactions. That'd be wrong-

I know that the tweet about Ford being transfem was fake, but I still really love the headcanon. I headcanon Dipper as being transmasc and Ford being transfem would further the parallels between them without just making them a copy of each other.

So yeah, Ford is transfem here. She discovered it in the portal ("The author of the journals...my...sister??"). She chooses the name Nicole, after Nikola Tesla.

Back to Terri and how she changes the series!!

Mabel and Dipper are pretty shocked that she knew everything, they're definitely mad as well. This is also the reveal that Stan and Terri are only really married for legal reasons.

Here's that reveal, written out:

Stan: -and then me and Terri got married. But we're just friends with benefits.

Dipper and Mabel: *Disgust*

Terri: What? The tax benefits! Duh!

Nicole addresses her briefly but the rest of the episode pretty much goes on as normal except for the ending, Nicole and Stan would both mention her.

"Okay, Stanley, here's the deal. You and Terri can stay here for the summer to watch the kids. I'll stay down in the basement and try to contain any remaining damage. But when the summer's over, you give me my house back, you give me my name back, your wife and I divorce, and this Mystery Shack junk is over forever. You got it?"

"You really aren't gonna thank me, are you? Fine. On one condition: you stay away from the kids and Terri; I don't want them in danger. Cause as far as I'm concerned, they're the only family I have left."

Well, Nicole didn't listen because she and Terri get together (I call it "Terrole" hehe). I don't have their whole romance written out, but Nicole has no clue how to date and tries to woo her with stuff she learned in other dimensions. Hilarity and cuteness ensues. And hey, legally Terri is married to Nicole anyways, so it would work out in the end! Yeah, Stan isn't a fan of all this-

Weirdmageddon goes down, she hides in the Mystery Shack with Stan. She's pretty damn worried about Nicole. She's part of the zodiac, her symbol is lipstick. Blah blah blah, she gets turned into tapestry like the others and then everything goes on as usual. She joins Stan and Nicole in their adventures.

Boy that took ages to write. It was fun though! And I hope you guys like Terri as much as I do!

(My dear friends @ghosty-seapancake and @i-overanalyze-musicals helped loads with creating Terri! So much love to them! The timeline I referenced is by @fordtato so lots of love to them as well!!!)

[renewedmotionforjudgment]

Chasing Abs Jade, Chapters 13-20

This novel is so far giving me 1993 Avon Stephanie Laurens romance vibes. Honestly, if you tell me the ML is actually a Cynster, I would be like “ok checks out.”

Highlights (aka why this is a 1993 Avon romance):

ML is actually a marquis (the audience knows this right from the start), except FL doesn’t know his identity and he’s pretending to be dead for *plot reasons* hence his falcon of Plot Significance. He has an Evil Uncle that wants him dead.

The author does not shy away from telling us that he is in fact, very hot. But also he has COLD EYES. Stephanie Laurens would described this ML as having ice cold blue eyes, a cruel mouth, and glistening abs. There would be a black stallion somewhere.

FL has questionable relatives who want her property and hence her proposed marriage of convenience to ML. But she is also a woman who Gets Shit Done.

But also ML is beginning to … thaw? I mean, FL literally saved his life. Although I’m dubious about the whole “wooing your wife by teaching her your country’s civil code.”

Xie Zheng explained, “No matter how biased the court ruling might be, they still have to base it on the Great Yin Dynasty Law. Their ability to award part of your property to your Big Uncle after your marriage arrangement only comes from exploiting certain legal loopholes. We have three days—I’ll break down all the relevant sections of the Great Yin Dynasty Law and explain them to you thoroughly. When you face the court, you won’t need a litigation master; you can handle it yourself.”

Fan Changyu was shocked both by his knowledge of the law and concerned about the feasibility of his plan. “Will… will that work?”

Xie Zheng’s icy gaze swept over her, showing no mercy as he asked, “Better than begging your former fiancé?

There is no rizz in that family line.

The artistic fight scene! Of course there has to be some perfectly splattered blood on his jaw. 🤣

The sky was gray and overcast, with goose feather-like snowflakes fluttering down. The accumulated snow on the pine needles occasionally shook off some snowpowder.

The front of Xie Zheng’s clothes was completely soaked with fresh blood. Behind him in the dense forest, crows were startled into flight. The chaotic footsteps treading on snow were closing in like a net, but he seemed oblivious. Leaning against a pine tree, his bloodied long sword thrust three inches into the snow at an angle, he was bandaging his hand wound with a torn strip of cloth.

There were a few spots of blood on his pale jaw, and the corners of his mouth were turned down as if his mood was terrible.

But I legit loved this. FL saving them (also, I do appreciate that the novel didn’t shy away from the fact that her day job is a Pig Butcher.)

As another shower of snow fell from the tree, she had no time for further thought. Using the same technique, she quickly closed in and stabbed several men in succession with her pig-slaughtering method, while Xie Zheng slit throats with a single sword stroke.

[childotkw]

so i was going through all your 📚!AU posts and when my eyes skittered over the sentence, "harry becoming everyone's go-to godfather..." my brain immediately went THE godfather and i can't get it out of my mind, esp since harry already does contract jobs on the side.

it starts out when harry sees one of his regulars trundling past his shopfront and harry beckons them inside.

harry: janus! haven't seen you in a while! listen, two weeks ago i got a few books on first century thread-magic, but they're exclusively in armenian and resistant to translation spells, so-

janus: sorry mate, but you'll have to find a different buyer. my landlord found out that the wife has lycanthropy and threw us out on our asses. times have been tough.

harry: sorry he WHAT? [rips sweater off] 

[tom drops a book in the background]

harry: [proceeds to 'take care' of the issue, wand blazing]

the people of knockturn don't actually take advantage of harry's kindness, as he's been well accepted as One of Them, and they of course have their share of in-fighting but will put shit aside and band together in the face of an outside threat. the few people who petition him for help do try to pay him back in other ways when they can.

walburga of course hears of this and invites said petitioners to make devotions at the fourth altar she set up, conveniently in a narrow alley two buildings down.

and tom really doesn't like the way the magical haberdasher looks at harry after he got the aurors to stop bothering the poor man

Harry just casually establishing himself as the undisputed leader of knockturn alley is definitely on brand for him in this AU! 😂

Tom knows there's a conspiracy going on to keep him from wooing Harry - there's no way so many issues just conveniently happen every time he feels like he's making progress.

(And he's absolutely right)

[earlgreyinpajamas]

hello!! do you have any good fics where Arthur or Bond are just desperately in love with Merlin/Q? thanks for all your work <3

merthur

1. Is It Really A Curse If It Gets You What You Want? by tehfanglyfish 

A sorceress curses Arthur to walk through life with messy, scruffy hair. Only shears wielded by his soulmate can break the enchantment and neaten up his fringe. Whoever might that soulmate be?

~~~

so there's pining!arthur who's afraid to have his heart broken in this fic, which slaps

2. What Do I Do (If I Can’t Figure It Out) by arthur_pendragon

Merlin has a secret admirer, and no, it can’t be Arthur, it could never be Arthur, Arthur would never write love letters to Merlin of all people… would he?

(Spoiler: what do you think.)

~~~

my hearted clenched so hard reading this fic because the pining was just mwah

3. why can’t you see? (you belong with me) by driftingskies237 (@rosedavid)

In an attempt to woo Merlin, Arthur grows his hair out. It has absolutely nothing to do with Gwaine.

~~~

fdahjkfjklhf they're so stupid1!11!1!

00q

A Matter of Convenience by junetangerine (culuyetille)

‘twas why the whole thing had been sanctioned in the first place: minimal disturbance of the status quo, just a blip in their routine, no consequences. So what if the Quartermaster had had an untimely, dangerous heat and 007 had been the one assigned to see him through it. Both of them knew better than to let anything come of it. (Alpha/Omega dynamics)

~~~

this has very well written pining imo, and it made my heart ache for both of them

2. Lose Your Clothes and Show Your Scars by alby_mangroves, vix_spes (@vix-spes)

In hindsight, Bond knew that he’d made some bad decisions, but it was all his Quartermaster’s fault for being so fascinating.

~~~

there's also this, where bond falls first

3. something has scarcely begun by pdameron (@slverjohn)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

This was a favored saying of Mrs. Moneypenny’s, as it surely was for all mothers with beautiful daughters.

Q had always thought that a single man in possession of a good fortune would hardly be in want of anything, let alone a wife. But then again, Q had never paid much attention to such matters.

(yet another Pride & Prejudice AU)

~~~

jdhfkaf bond is like going for it properly in this fic but q is still a bit like huh what fdajdsjfhlk for something so intelligent his social awareness is like -4275624865

[longitudinalwaveme]

King Lear vs King Leir

King Leir (written by an anonymous playwright in the 1590s) is one of the sources Shakespeare used for his King Lear, so I decided to track it down, read it for myself, and compare the two versions. Here are my thoughts:

-Let's get the most obvious difference out of the way first. Since Shakespeare added the Gloucester subplot, and the tragic ending, to the King Leir/Lear story himself, King Leir does not contain any characters who are analogous to Gloucester, Edgar, or Edmund, no one gets blinded, King Leir gets his throne back at the end, and no one dies. Seriously---even Goneril and Regan (or rather, Gonoril and Ragan) are alive at the end (though more on that later).

-Also, all of the shared names between the two plays are spelled slightly differently (though this is probably more down to non-standardized Renaissance spelling than to Shakespeare deliberately changing the names)--we have Leir, Gonoril, Ragan, and Cordella instead of Lear, Goneril, Regan, and Cordelia. This is convenient as a way for me to distinguish between, say, Shakespeare's Cordelia and the anonymous play's Cordella.

-Now for the more interesting differences.

-King Leir opens with so. Much. Exposition. In Shakespeare's King Lear, there's a brief conversation between Kent, Edgar, and Edmund, and then Lear comes onstage and immediately divides his kingdom. In King Leir, there are five straight pages of exposition before the love contest starts. Admittedly, we also get some interesting character dynamics, but it makes for a very different opening.

-In King Leir, all three daughters are unmarried at the start of the play, and their mother (Leir's wife) has apparently just died. Leir plans to marry them off, split his kingdom between them, and retire. Amusingly, he also informs us that "Although ourselves do dearly tender them, yet are we ignorant of their affairs; for fathers best do know to govern sons; but daughters’ steps the mother’s counsel turns", and that, surprise surprise, he really would rather have had a son instead of a bunch of girls. But since he has no sons, this is the next-best plan.

-Leir also has two advisors. One of them, Perillus, is basically a proto-Kent (and seems to be where Shakespeare got the character from, as the versions of the Lear story from Monmouth and Holinshed don't include a Kent equivalent); the other is named Skalligar and basically exists to be evil and drive the plot forward.

-Anyway, in this version, Leir comes up with the love test not because he wants to have his ego stoked, but rather because Cordella has sworn that she won't marry someone she doesn't love, and so has been ignoring her many suitors. Leir is essentially using the love test as a trap: he assumes that Cordella will swear that she loves him more than her sisters, and that once she does, he can say "then, daughter, grant me one request, to show thou lovest me as thy sisters do, accept a husband, whom myself will woo." I...actually can't decide if this is better or worse than Lear's motivation for the love contest. On the one hand, at least he has an actual political motivation for it. On the other hand, he's planning to use the love test to trap his daughter into a marriage she doesn't want (more specifically, he wants her to marry the King of Hibernia, which seems to be a stand-in for Ireland), which is really skeevy on his part.

-Leir also plans to marry Gonoril to the King of Cornwall (which doesn't have an exact equivalent) and Ragan to the King of Cambria (which is explicitly a stand-in for Wales). So yes, King Leir gives the Goneril-character Regan's husband and gives Regan an entirely new husband (in the earlier versions of the story, I'm pretty sure that it's made clear that Goneril marries the Duke/King of Albany and that Regan marries the Duke/King of Cornwall, so it's not just Shakespeare who has the opposite setup).

-Perillus doesn't seem crazy about this plan, but doesn't really say anything to Leir about it (like Kent probably would have). Skalliger, for some reason (I guess we can assume hope for political advancement?) decides to immediately tell the two older sisters about the love competition.

-Unlike in Shakespeare's version, where Goneril and Regan are not fond of Cordelia but seem to be more quietly bitter about her than actively jealous, King Leir's Gonoril and Ragan are openly, angrily, and explicitly jealous of Cordella, because she's more beautiful and accomplished than they are and they're afraid that she'll marry before (and better than) they do. So they're kind of the evil stepsisters from Cinderella. Interestingly, Leir doesn't seem to play favorites between his daughters like Lear does---he doesn't call Cordella his favorite, and Gonoril and Ragan likewise don't claim that he favors her over them.

-Skalliger the Sketchy Advisor then comes in, tells them that their father plans to marry them off to the King of Cornwall and the Prince of Cambria (the men to whom they are already apparently in love with, or at least fond of), and that he wants Cordella to marry the King of Hibernia, and informs them of their father's brilliant "entrap Cordella into marrying my choice of husband for her" plan.

-Gonoril and Ragan immediately decide to cheat on the love test. Since they know ahead of time that their father is going to marry them off to the men they like anyway, they can promise that they love their father so much that they'll willingly marry any man he wants them to, leaving Cordella, whom they know will not say anything of the sort, facing Leir's wrath alone. This is all a noticeable contrast to Shakespeare's play, where none of Lear's daughters seem to have known the love test was coming before he announced it.

-Things play out exactly as the two older sisters plan. They make their extravagant declarations of love, Cordella refuses to do so, and, egged on by Gonoril and Ragan (in another contrast to Shakespeare, where the two older sisters don't speak at all about Cordelia until after their father has already left the room), Leir disowns Cordella for not playing along with his devious plan to entrap her into a marriage she doesn't want.

-Perillus also doesn't speak up for Cordella at all. So far, he's zero for two as Proto-Kent, but he'll get better soon.

-We then cut to the King of Gallia (France), who is planning to pay suit to one of Leir's daughters. He's also bringing along his pal, Mumford, whose main defining character trait is that he wants to scope out all the British women. However, because the King of Gallia is a romantic, he decides that he and Mumford will disguise themselves as pilgrims, so that, presumably, he'll know if whichever girl he decides to court will love him for himself and not his title.

-The King of Cornwall and the Prince of Cambria (whose real name is Morgan, apparently), who are going to be married to Gonoril and Ragan, respectively (remember, the sisters' husbands got switched around in this version), run into one another on the way to Leir's palace. Both are eager to marry their new brides. We will also eventually learn that these two have the combined IQ of a turnip.

-The two of them are married off to Gonoril and Ragan, and then Leir promptly divides his lands between the two of them. Both married couples seem quite happy with the arrangement and will stay that way throughout the play (which parallels Regan and Cornwall's relationship in Shakespeare's Lear but is a noted contrast to the trainwreck of a marriage that Albany and Goneril have.)

-Perillus finally tries to speak up for Cordella here, but it has no effect--though Leir doesn't actually banish him for doing so, possibly because he, unlike Kent, does not say anything like "What wouldst thou do, old man" while arguing Cordella's case.

-Meanwhile, Cordella is trying to figure out what to do with her life now that she's been disowned when she runs into the disguised King of Gallia and Mumford, who are calling themselves "Will" and "Jack". A+ fake names, guys.

-Cordella and the King of Gallia have a chat, wherein Cordella explains what has happened to her and falls in love with the King, whom she thinks is a random pilgrim. She plans to marry him even without him having any title, and then is pleasantly surprised to learn that he's actually the King of Gallia. The two then leave to get married and go to France together.

-So, you know how in Shakespeare's version Goneril gets mad at Lear because his 100 knights are destroying her house and harassing her servants? In this version, Gonoril essentially gets mad at Leir because he keeps scolding her for buying expensive dresses and throwing a lot of parties. So she kind of comes across as a rebellious teenager, and as a lot less reasonable than Shakespeare's Goneril.

-Also, instead of telling her father that he'd better get his knights under control or she'll get rid of some of them, she's already dismissed half of his "portion" (not sure what this means, exactly, as Leir doesn't seem to have an entourage of knights) and is planning to get rid of the other half to "encourage" him to leave. Man, can you imagine how Shakespeare's Lear would've reacted to this Gonoril?

-Skalliger the Sketchy Adviser encourages Gonoril in all this. But don't get used to him, because after this he's going to cease being relevant to the plot.

-Leir is talking to the King of Cornwall (the Albany equivalent), and they seem to be getting along pretty well, when Gonoril suddenly storms in and accuses her father of trying to turn her husband against her. The King of Cornwall tries to calm her down, and Leir's all like "maybe she's moody because she's pregnant". Gonoril reacts to that about as well as you would expect, and then the King of Cornwall just sort of leaves to avoid the argument.

-As soon as the King of Cornwall's gone, Gonoril tells Leir to pack his bags and get out. Which Leir....does. And Perillus goes with him. No horrible curses of infertility or anything! He just goes off to Ragan's house and assumes everything will be fine.

-One similarity between the two plays is that in both cases, the confrontation with the oldest daughter makes Lear/Leir feel guilty about his treatment towards his youngest daughter. The noticeable difference, however, is that while in Shakespeare's play Goneril is being mostly rational and Lear's the one causing friction and shouting insults, in the older play Leir's maybe mildly embarrassing at worst and Gonoril comes across as a spoiled brat.

-Ragan then gets a soliloquy that conveys, in essence "I can do whatever I want, and it's great! I'm so glad my killjoy dad is with my sister and not me!"

-Meanwhile, the King of Cornwall asks Gonoril where her father disappeared to, to which Gonoril replies "Oh, he went off to see my sister with no warning. He's impetuous like that. Don't worry about a thing, honey." The King of Cornwall plans to send a messenger to Ragan's to make sure Leir arrives okay, but otherwise questions none of this. Remember how I said he had the IQ of a turnip?

-Gonoril intercepts the messenger and tells him, to, basically, deliver a letter full of lies to the tune that Leir has been causing problems at her house (she explicitly says she'll lie about her father in her letter). In other words, she wants Ragan to believe that Leir is behaving in the way that Shakespeare's Lear...actually did behave.

-The messenger, as it turns out, is a low-down scumbag (and proud of it), so he's all too eager to deliver a letter full of lies.

-Then Cordella gets a soliloquy about how, although she loves being Queen of France, she misses her father and wants to see him again.

-Leir and Perillus arrive at Ragan and the Prince of Cambria's house (Cambria being the Cornwall equivalent. If Cornwall wasn't an eye-gouging psychopath but did have the IQ of a turnip).

-Cambria is pleased to see Leir, and Ragan pretends to be glad to see him too (though obviously she wants nothing to do with him). This actually is a little reminiscent of the interactions between Lear and Regan in Act II, scene iv, although the fact that the Cornwall-equivalent isn't acting and no one's been put into the stocks are obviously differences between the two scenes.

-Ragan's opinion of her father is naturally only worsened when the Messenger gives her Gonoril's letter full of lies, and, when the Messenger guy casually offers to murder her husband or father for her if she wants him to, she eagerly takes him up on the offer and hires him to ax her father (and Perillus). She tells him that she'll ask her dad and Perillus to meet with her at a specified location tomorrow morning, and that he can kill them there.

-Well, that escalated quickly!

-Cordella and the King of Gallia have another conversation about how much she misses her father and hopes he's okay. The King of Gallia is understandably confused by the level of concern she's showing for her jerk of a dad but agrees to send a messenger to the King of Cornwall's place to check on the old man anyway (since they don't know Gonoril booted Leir out of the house).

-The King of Cornwall and Gonoril are having a conversation, during which the King is wondering what's taking that messenger he sent so long to return with news about the king, when the French messenger shows up and asks how Leir is doing.

-Gonoril and the King both tell the Messenger that Leir isn't at their castle right now, but that they think he'll be back soon (the King really believes this, Gonoril is of course lying), and the conversation then turns to Cordella. Gonoril not-so-subtlety hints that she hopes her sister's not doing too well, and the Messenger immediately picks up on the fact that she's all sorts of sketchy (The King of Cornwall doesn't pick up on this fact, but we've already established that he's got the IQ of a turnip, so that's not surprising.)

-Leir and Perillus are waiting outside for Ragan when the Messenger she hired to murder them shows up. He announces to them that he's going to murder them, and also tells them that Ragan was responsible for the whole thing (after Leir initially assumes that Cordella must have hired the murderer since she's got the best reason to want him dead). Interestingly, the Messenger also claims that Gonoril hired him to kill Leir even though we only saw Ragan doing so. He does have a letter from her with a commission to murder them, though, so maybe she wrote that alongside the letter she sent to Ragan.

-Leir takes the news...shockingly well, all things considered. What's even more shocking is that the two of them manage to talk the Messenger out of killing them. Seriously, he just gives up and leaves, never to be seen again in the play (though presumably richer thanks to still having money from Ragan for the hit he didn't carry out).

-Leir and Perillus then decided to set sail for France and the last remaining daughter. They exchange their fancy clothes with the clothing of some mariners to pay for the passage on the ship.

-The French Messenger, having determined Leir's not at Cornwall, decides to go look for him at Cambria.

-In France, meanwhile, Cordella, the King of Gallia, and Mumford decide to go for a walk on the beach together...in disguise! Apparently the King of Gallia just loves disguising himself as a common person. It's actually kind of an endearing character trait.

-Mumford also gets his second fake name in the play. For their beach walk, he's going to be called Roger.

-The Prince of Cambria, who has noticed that his father-in-law has gone missing, is getting kind of worried about where he might have gone. Ragan replies by telling him that it was probably her evil sister Cordella who was responsible for his disappearance. She puts on a bravura performance of mourning her father's fate, and Cambria, who has the IQ of a turnip, immediately buys it.

-Then the French Messenger comes in and asks them where Leir is. Ragan replies by basically accusing Cordella of murdering Leir. The Messenger is not impressed, but Cambria seems to think his wife's story is true (because, again, he's got the IQ of a turnip).

-The French Messenger makes it clear that he thinks Ragan is responsible for Leir's disappearance, which prompts her to slap him. The Ambassador wisely chooses to get out of dodge, and, as soon as he leaves, Ragan starts fake-crying and claims that Cordella is probably trying to steal their land now that she's totally murdered their father. Her husband, who, bless him, totally believes her, promises that he'll punish Cordella for what she (allegedly) did to their father. He may have the IQ of a turnip, but at least he means well.

-Leir and Perillus, upon their arrival in France, are close to starving for want of food (probably because they couldn't pay for food on the boat). By sheer coincidence, they run into the disguised Cordella, King of Gallia, and Mumford, who are having a picnic on the beach.

-Cordella and the King of Gallia immediately recognize her father and invite him and Perillus to eat with them (which is a good thing, because Perillus was trying to convince Leir to cannibalize him rather than starve! There's the proto-Kent we all know and love!)

-After they eat, Cordella reveals her true identity to him and they reconcile. Leir having also told her and her husband about Gonoril and Ragan's plot to murder him, she and the King of Gallia immediately promise to invade England and restore him to the throne.

-The invasion is a complete success, in part because the two soliders on watch decide to abandon their post and get drunk rather than actually doing their jobs. It also helps that most of England is still in support of Leir.

-That being said, Cambria and the King of Cornwall do manage to raise armies against the King of Gallia's army, and they and their wives confront King Leir, Cordella, and the King of Gallia.

-Gallia accuses the two daughters of plotting to murder their father. They of course deny this and claim that he's just using that as an excuse to justify the invasion. Cambria and the King of Cornwall still back their wives up, which is nice and all, but you'd think they'd be getting at least a little suspicious by now (especially Cambria!). IQs of turnips, the both of them.

-Leir even has the letters that they wrote to have him murdered! Sure, Ragan tears them up (in a scene reminiscent of Goneril trying to tear up her letter to Edmund in the end of Shakespeare's King Lear), but still neither of them get suspicious. Nor do they seem to be suspicious of the fact that Leir is with Cordella in spite of the fact that presumably at least Cambria should believe that she tried to murder him! Seriously, how are they possibly that stupid?

-Anyway, the two sides fight, and the King of Cornwall and the King of Cambria both run away (presumably with Gonoril and Ragan) when they lose. Leir is restored to the throne, and he gets to be happy with Cordella and the King of Gallia.

-Except that his daughters, who tried to murder him, are still alive. And so are their idiot husbands, who are still presumably in total support of them and would be on board to fight against Cordella and Gallia again as soon as they manage to regroup and gather up new men for their armies. And no one seems intent on doing anything about that!

-And then the play just ends, as if we're operating under the assumption that Gonoril and Ragan are just going to go "Oh, well. Our plan to kill our dad and take his crown failed. Guess we're just going to do something else with our lives now." or something.

-Seriously, Gonoril and Ragan's husbands are unbelievably stupid. Albany and Cornwall aren't geniuses, but they're a million times smarter than the King of Cornwall and the Prince of Cambria from King Leir!

TL; DR: Shakespeare's play is obviously more complex and better-written, but there's something very entertaining about reading this earlier play that tells the same story in such a wildly different fashion.

I honestly think the three daughter's husbands may be the best part of King Leir. They all clearly love their wives, the King of Gallia's passion for disguising himself is great, and I can't help but kind of smile at how stupid the King of Cornwall and the Prince of Cambria are. They may have the combined IQ of a turnip, but they mean well.

[lifewithaview]

Jenna Coleman and Tom Hughes in Victoria (2016) The King Over the Water

S2E7

After an another attempt on her life Albert takes Victoria to the Scottish Highlands with a small entourage, staying with the Duke of Atholl. However they find the duke's entertainment, including a recital by a verbose poet, boring and formal, and they make their escape, sheltering from a storm with a crofter and his wife. Victoria delights in this freedom whilst Drummond, about to enter a marriage of convenience, and Paget enjoy their time together, unaware that courtier Wilhelmina Coke observes their passion, Meanwhile Ernest's attempts to woo the newly widowed Duchess of Sutherland, begin to bear fruit after an initial knockback.

*While Her Majesty did visit Blair Castle, she did so with her daughter as well as her husband, who did not get lost.

[eolewyn1010]

Charité, season 4 - episode 4

I'm here to spoiler, and don't say I didn't warn you!

"Two more Paleobacterium deaths" - not Maral's very first patient tho! He will conveniently stay alive until the very end.

Does anyone else think it'll be a depressing blow to Julia to come home and find that, when Maral finally puts in an effort into unpacking boxes to furnish their new home, all she unpacks is her work stuff?

"Extreme heat wave continues" - but we won't show our protagonists sweating! They have to look like models.

It's not that actress' fault, but her facial structure reminds me uncomfortably of season 2's Magda Goebbels. Plus, she's 1st, dressed like she has too much money (and she probably has if she can afford 4 in vitro treatments), and 2nd, remarkably unscathed for someone who has recently been in a car accident that ended fatally for another participant.

Julia. This woman is pregnant and very freshly widowed. Refer her to grief counseling?

Nurse Kachel is only around to literally open doors and talk some platitudes in Berlin dialect, huh?

Nice of Maral to give away a ticket for an event she planned to go visit with her wife. Oughta be good for the marriage.

Also, what do you mean "men's team or women's"? Does that mean sports are still segregated in a way that makes them inaccessible to nonbinary people?

Dylan, just report her. At this point, her trying to treat a patient is illegal. She should not even be in the tract.

With the background that Ferhat probably attempted suicide at some point, it feels hypocritical of him to be opposed to his patient choosing death over a living situation he deems unbearable.

Wait a minute. She's 16 weeks into pregnancy and already knows her baby is gonna be a boy. But Julia's test was the first that turned up the microplastic poisoning? How quickly does that develop / how incompetent was her previous doctor?

Come on, Julia, you can't be surprised that she's desperate to keep the baby.

I'm not entirely sure why they have to plant the child back in at all. If they have artificial (and completely disease-free) wombs at their disposal, wouldn't it be the safest course to keep the fetus in there until maturity?

It's very rude to develop a revolutionary kind of surgery and then not haste to train others to do it when it treats an issue that a ton of people worldwide are likely to have. 1st season at least had a reason for not many doctors knowing a certain kind of surgery - modern medicine was in its baby shoes and worldwide networking was scarce and slow. But with all that technology? Get teaching!

If you're suicidal, try romance! It solves all depressions! ...Honestly, fuck Ferhat. For someone who also gets to do psychotherapeutic treatment, he's so bad at human emotions.

Marlene is one of very few characters this season I give a damn about, and she's being stood up by this dumbass Ferhat. Ugh.

Maral. Wine is not a balanced diet.

"You wanna talk about your work? No, I get to complain about my work now!" Maral, you suck as a wife.

And then, literally just after that, she has the absolute GALL to accuse Julia of not listening to her about her problems! What the actual fuck. Maral, you suck as a wife!

You also have no right to deny Julia information about her son.

"From my perspective, yes." Have you ever talked to your wife in the past weeks, even once? Sheesh.

That telling-off was so overdue. So obviously, the next thing Maral does? Get drunk, be a workaholic, and go to extremes to prove a point! Woo! It's feminism when it's women who make the bad choices! I hope she knows she's on one level with Robert Koch now. And that is so not a compliment.

Discount Daniel Sträßer would seem even shadier if I he weren't surrounded by bad CGI.

Thanks, Nils, for calling Maral the asshole that she is.

Emilia, if you think Charité has to protect its precious reputation, you go and solve the medical mysteries yourself.

Wow. Wow, Ferhat. This episode is titled "Courage", not "Violation Of Your Patient's Bodily Autonomy". wtf, why is this guy a doctor.

Dylan, you should have Maral arrested. She's a walking (ok, lying-down) breach of infection protection law.

Way to go, Julia! And please change your gloves before you operate any further. That's fucking disgusting.

Does anyone else find it sus that Dylan, Maral's declared but male rival at the hospital whom she keeps trashtalking and tyrannizing at work, gets to look so much more affectionate with her than her actual wife?

Thoughts on this season's questionable queer rep aside - my problem is that Maral's behavior doesn't feel as though she wants to save lives. It feels like she wants to prove at any cost that she is right. That is an unsympathetic feature in everyone and a potentially catastrophic one in a doctor. And Ferhat isn't far behind. Are these supposed to be protagonists?