#wood chipper
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victusinveritas · 12 days ago
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A wood chipper
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He's gonna die😂
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ms-boogie-man · 3 months ago
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Angie🦇❥
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ninebaalart · 11 months ago
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Simpson Yard Tools
"fucking bizarre shit. i feel like this would come to me in some kind of fever dream and i love it. the lisa saw is probably my favorite but the marge tree is just downright mysterious. i feel like something bad had to happen to the simpson family for this to happen. they got cursed by a yard witch"
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deanosaur666 · 6 months ago
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The Woodchipper 3
"My son. My darling son. I have shed so many tears for you. I will not rest until I have avenged your unjust death."
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"What an incredible story," Barnaby said, "I've never heard of ghosts operating a woodchipper before."
"Yes," Ozias said, cutting his steak with a knife, "I'll admit it was a first for me."
"Ozzy's always the first one I call." Betty said, "He's so reliable. I haven't called 911 in years. I know Ozzy can handle anything."
Barnaby smiled. "My sister has told me so many stories about you, Ozbek. I'm happy to finally have gotten a chance to meet you."
"Ah, thank you. I hope I didn't disappoint."
Barnaby laughed. "You're an interesting guy, Ozbek."
Clementine politely sipped tea from a baby-sized teacup.
Barnaby considered Ozias. "I must ask, though. Why the mask? It seems like everyone knows who you really are, anyways."
Ozias paused in thought. "When I put on the mask, I become the Night Disassembler. Only the Night Disassembler can do these things."
"Ah," Barnaby nodded. "Very interesting."
Betty stood up from the table. "I must practice Clementine's speech. Today's a big day."
Ozzy was back in his workshop, carefully dissecting a fish. He had put each of its organs in its own little jar. His mind wandered. Barnaby was a beautiful and charming creature. What did he say he did for work? If only Ozzy could disassemble him. He had beautiful eyes. Perhaps he had a beautiful heart and and skull and lungs and–
The fish's eye slipped out of Ozzy's tweezers, and rolled onto the floor.
"Damn it."
He reached down to find it, but it had rolled off somewhere.
The phone rang.
"Oh, Ozzy!" Betty's voice called from the other end.
"What's happened?"
"Someone kidnapped Barnaby! They were wearing the mask of the Night Disassembler! Wearing your mask, Ozzy!"
"My mask?"
"I know it couldn't have been you, Ozzy! I know you have a pure heart! Someone must have disguised themself as you!"
"I'll find him." Ozzy put down the phone.
"If I had taken Barnaby," Ozzy picked up the fish eye, "where would I take him?" He stared into the fish eye. "Why, I'd invite him into my home. I'd serve him dinner. I'd treat him nicely. Maybe then I could convince him to let me… well… my house really is a mess right now. I should really clean it up."
Ozzy opened the door from his workshop to the living room. The roar of a woodchipper nearly deafened him.
A huge woodchipper stood in the middle of his living room. A figure wearing the mask of the Night Disassmbler carried Barnaby, bound and gagged, over his shoulder, ready to feed him into the machine.
Ozzy jumped at the machine with his screwdriver, and reduced it into a pile of parts.
The figure dropped Barnaby on the floor, and then began to laugh.
"Who are you?"
The figure removed the mask.
He was a massive man. His arms and legs were as thick as tree trunks. His sharp teeth gleamed in his huge grin. His eyes were fiery and piercing. His brow was contorted in an expression of hate.
"I am Dagon Dirk." He sneered. "You killed my beloved son, Night Disassembler. For that crime, I will shred you in the same woodchipper you shredded him in."
Ozzy lunged at Dagon. Dagon reached into a pocket and pulled out a huge sheet, covering his body like a curtain. Barnaby tore through the sheet and landed on the ground. Where was Dagon? His eyes darted around the room. The man was gone. How could such a huge man just disappear?
A small screw rolled out the front door. But Ozzy didn't notice.
He turned to Barnaby, still bound and gagged. Why, he could take Barnaby into his workshop and disassemble him this afternoon. Barnaby couldn't object in this state. No. He would just untie and ungag him.
Betty Blake stood at the podium, sweating.
"Well," she said, "uh, today we're cutting the ribbon for this new school my daughter Clementine helped create. It's for impoverished children, you know. Uh, I'm just going to read the speech Clementine wrote for this event…"
Out from the crowd, a small toddler toddled. He approached the podium.
"Oh," Betty looked at him, "where are your parents, little one?"
The toddler pulled out a remote and pressed a large red button. The roaring sound of a woodchipper emerged from behind the school.
Crash! Crunch! A giant woodchipper rolled through the school on massive treads. Giant mechanical crane arms pulled out pillars and fed them into its gaping maw. The crowd screamed in terror.
The toddler cackled and pulled off his mask. The huge form of Dagon Dirk appeared behind the disguise. He turned to the cameraman recording the event.
"Night Disassembler! You child murdering bastard! The woodchippers hunger and thirst! They will not be sated until they feast on your flesh and blood!" And then Dagon pulled out a sheet and vanished.
Ozzy watched the events unfolding on his television. "That's not good."
"Oh God." Barnaby said. "Betty and Clementine."
Ozias threw open the closet. The mask sneered down at him. "It seems you can't do anything without me."
"Shut up." Ozzy said. "It's time to get to work."
"What?" Barnaby said.
Ozzy just shook his head.
Betty's leg was trapped under a piece of rubble. The giant woodchipper roared louder and louder as it approached her. Clementine pulled at Betty, trying to free her.
"Oh Clementine!" Betty cried. "Leave me! Save yourself! The world needs you!"
Betty turned and saw the machine, almost on top of her. And then it collapsed into pieces.
The Night Disassembler emerged from the mess. He pulled the piece of rubble off of Betty.
"Are you all right, Betty?"
"Oh Ozzy," Betty cried, "we put so much of our souls into building that school. You must stop this terrible man before he destroys even more!"
"Ozbek," Barnaby emerged from the pieces behind him, "I found this. It must have been hidden inside the giant woodchipper." He handed Ozzy a note.
An address was written on the note.
A woodchipper roared in the middle of the playground. A conveyor belt slowly pushed a pile of sleeping puppies towards its mouth. A small dog was tied to a post, barking and yelping, just barely unable to reach the puppies.
Just before the puppies reached the mouth of the machine, the contraption exploded into pieces. Ozzy pulled the puppies from the pile. They were unharmed. He untied the small dog from the post.
"You're ok. It's ok." Ozzy petted the dog. Dagon was nowhere to be seen. Besides the dogs, the park seemed to be completely empty.
A car door slammed in the parking lot. Barnaby and Betty had arrived.
"Is this the place?" Betty yelled.
"How peculiar." Ozzy said.
"You fool!" The small dog pulled off its disguise, and Dagon emerged, towering over Ozzy.
Before Ozzy could react, Dagon bound him tightly in rope.
Barnaby rushed towards him. "Stop!"
Dagon turned towards him and grinned. His head crashed into Barnaby's, throwing Barnaby into the ground. Barnaby was dazed.
"Next time," Dagon laughed, "DON'T use your head." He carried Ozzy into a helicopter that was inconspicuously parked nearby.
"Barnaby!" Betty arrived at her brother's side. The helicopter flew off into the air.
Barnaby groaned. "We have to stop him, before Ozbek is nothing but giblets."
Barnaby and Betty arrived at the abandoned factory. The helicopter was parked just outside.
The noise of a roaring woodchipper could be heard from outside.
Ozzy was tied to a conveyor belt, slowly approaching the huge woodchipper.
Barnaby jumped onto the conveyor belt.
"Don't worry Ozbek, I'll get you out of this."
"Wait!" A voice called from nearby.
Barnaby turned and saw another Night Disassembler tied to another conveyor belt, running parallel to this one.
"It's a trick!" The second Ozzy called. "That's Dagon in disguise! I'm the real Night Disassambler!"
Barnaby froze. There was only time to untie one of them before the woodchipper shredded the other one. His eyes darted between the two figures, looking for some small difference. But they were exactly the same.
He turned to the first Night Disassembler beneath him.
"I trust you will make the right choice," the first one said, "Barnaby."
Barnaby untied the first Night Disassemble, and then pulled him from the conveyor belt, just as the other fell into the woodchipper.
Barnaby held Ozzy steady. "Are you all right?"
Ozzy laughed. "You fool!" He pulled off his mask. Dagon towered over Barnaby. "Not only is the Night Disassembler dead, but at the hand of his foolish friends, too!" He cackled.
Barnaby sank to his knees.
"No!" Betty cried.
"The blood of my darling son has been avenged." Dagon's voice was quiet. "Justice has been served. The woodchippers will terrorize your town no more."
There was a clanking noise. The woodchipper fell into pieces. Ozzy emerged from the tangle of metal. His clothes were torn. His mask was cracked. But he stood.
"How?" Dagon yelled. "That's impossible! Even I couldn't escape from those bonds!"
"It doesn't matter how tightly you bind me," Ozzy said, "I can disassemble anything and everything. And you're next."
"Not this time!" Dagon yelled. He jumped into his helicopter. "We'll fight again, Night Disassembler!" The helicopter lifted off the ground. "And again and again! Until you're shredded down to nothingness! Until my son is avenged!"
"He's getting away!" Betty yelled.
Ozzy leaned down and picked up a loose screw.
He smiled wryly.
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jedi-winchester · 7 months ago
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eraserdude6226 · 2 years ago
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I'm with this woman!!
I'm gonna buy one of these and go hunting for pedo's!!
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That's right - a woodchopper tank. Why bring them to the mountain when I can bring the mountain to the!!!
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incomingfenderbender · 1 year ago
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If Satan is such a big problem why don’t we just put him through a wood chipper
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stronggrrl · 2 years ago
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me, when i am feeling introspective but forget about the wood chipper that's running right behind me.
i think it’s important to be able to take a step back and recognize that you rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrcvkxxxxjnfrg782]]]]2AQ
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heavilycaffeinatedmuffin · 8 days ago
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they should put me in a wood chipper tbh. im ready to be turned into a fine mist tbh. my time has come
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ggmgroup · 6 months ago
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What Landscaping Tasks Can Be Made Easier with a Garden Wood Chipper?
Wood chippers play critical roles in landscaping – they turn branches, leaves, and other wood debris into smaller pieces. The pulverisation of the pieces is an excellent alternative to burning them which leads to the release of toxic fumes that pollute the environment. Moreover, the resultant pieces can be recycled.
Many types of wood chippers are available in the market today. For instance, you can purchase a petrol or electric-powered piece depending on what you want to use it for. The chippers also have different chipping mechanisms. Examples of the magnificent options you can find at GGM Groundscare include:
Drum chippers
Disc chippers
Screw chippers
Areas Where Wood Chippers Are Useful
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A top-quality Wood Chipper comes in handy in a wide range of areas. The first area where this tool is used is in tree care. Whether you just want your yard to be in top shape or you’re a tree care professional, you’ll find this tool useful. The chipper helps to break down the huge branches and leaves from trees into small pieces. These pieces can then be conveniently disposed of or reused in other areas.
The chipper also has a critical role to play in the agriculture sector. For instance, it processes agricultural waste – the pulverisation reduces the risk of fire hazards that can come from burning these wastes. Besides, the chippers can be used to process hay that can then be fed to farm animals – it makes this work easy.
The forest industry also deals with huge tree branches and volumes of leaves. These chippers can then reduce this debris into small pieces for quick and convenient disposal or reuse. Still, the pieces obtained from the pulverisation process can be used in the generation of biofuels.
The Specific Landscaping Roles Wood Chippers Play
Before you begin chipping your materials, you should sort them – the goal is to ensure foreign materials that can damage the machine including nails and screws don’t get to the chipping chamber. You can then switch on the machine and feed the materials to be chipped slowly. Collect the chipped materials and use them as you wish. The chipper simplifies many landscaping tasks, including:
Simplifies the Process of Mulching
You need to keep your garden in top shape as it’s a critical part of your property. Fortunately, the materials you obtain from the chipping process can be used as mulch. The mulch helps in moisture retention, weed suppression, and the regulation of soil temperature. As a result, you can have a healthy garden which improves the value of your property.
Convenient Tree Pruning
Shaping your trees helps in the maintenance of their health. For instance, you remove the damaged branches which enhances the structural integrity of the trees and improves the aesthetic appeal of your space. Wood chippers make it easy for you to pulverise the resultant debris which you can then use in other areas.
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Remove Dense Vegetation from Your Property
Dense vegetation in and around your property can obscure visibility and make it difficult for you to erect other important structures. In most cases, you leave the dense vegetation because you don’t know how to dispose of it. Fortunately, wood chippers simplify the process for you. The machines come in handy when you want to pulverise the leaves and the branches. So, your property can be free from dense vegetation.
A Garden Wood Chipper is an important tool in landscaping and agriculture. It helps in the preparation of mulch and pruning. Also, it plays a critical role in the removal of dense vegetation in and around your property. At GGM Groundscare, we have top-quality wood chippers for You!
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ms-boogie-man · 3 months ago
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VIDI, VICI… VENI
Angie🦇❥
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rjmbaboonbooks · 6 months ago
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Daily Comic Journal: May 5, 2022: "Thousands Of Fallen Limbs And Dozens Of Open Jobs."
In the last panel I may seem very optimistic and, well, when you’re just applying to open jobs, especially jobs that sound like something I not only could do but wouldn’t mind doing, it’s easy to be optimistic. But I’m not fooling myself. I applied to hundreds of jobs last year and I’m no closer to working full time again than I was back then. I’m not going to be depressingly pessimistic but…
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hbdhhy · 6 months ago
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Are you in the market for a wood chipper disc for sale in China? Wondering whether a disc or drum wood chipper is the better choice for your needs? Look no further, as we delve into the world of disc wood chippers to provide you with all the information you need to make an  informed decision.
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mechmaxx · 9 months ago
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Hey, are you ready to clear out those troublesome branches? Let’s take a look at mechmaxx’s wood chipper series to help solve this problem.
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witchdaggah22 · 10 months ago
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Wood chipper appreciation post
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