#wont say what side I’m on to avoid bias

[buzzingroyalty]

serious answers only

[primedirection]

Needy

Harry thinks Y/N is needy

Weeks go by and almost all has been swept under the rug. As far as you knew Harry had been completely oblivious to the event he missed. Only ever asking questions about it when seeing the trophy and although it made you furious. Very furious. You made the conscious decision to pretty much pretend it never happened in order to save yourself the grief.

Why get so worked up over something that wasn't even a blip on his radar? He probably wouldn't react the way he's supposed to, therefore causing more drama so there was really no point.

Especially since he gets swept into a mania of his own and things are a little tense. Four different performances this week, a televised album release party slash live show, not including other TV appearances, and the perfectionist in him is running wild.

Okay so actually.. things are super tense these days.

The late rehearsals and early sound checks were meshing together. Cutting into the limited time that you two barely had to spend together. Since he was bound to start his international promotional tour in the following weeks.

Today it was Harry's idea to come out and spend the day with him and yet you wished to be anywhere he wasn't.

While in the backseat of a town car on the way to the venue, Harry was completely and utterly glued to his phone. Scowl on his face and stress apparent in the tension of his shoulders. You thought that it would help if you loved on him little bit, maybe with a warm squeeze around his tummy and chaste kiss to the cheek. So you did just that. Smiling an encouraging, "Love you," up at him and waiting for the returned gesture.

But you couldn't have been more wrong.

Harry flinches instinctively, startled more or less and when you smile at him he frowns thoroughly irritated, "Can yeh give me two bloody minutes to breathe? I literally feel like I'm suffocating!" he snaps.

Hurt, you deflate immediately muttering a quick, "Sorry," before sliding back on your side as close as possible to the window. Trying to give him the space he needed.

Harry kills all hope of the ride becoming pleasant again when he huffs a grim but satisfied, "Thank you." Then occupies himself with his phone again.

He doesn't say another word until you arrive at the venue, and it's to a production manager. You get a tour of the backstage area and then of the enormous arena itself. In that process your previous inner turmoil was put out by empathy and pride. All at once you understood why he was so on edge but you were also extremely proud of him. Jeff had just informed him that it was a sold out show too. That all these empty seats would be filled up just to see him.

Filled with enamor, you couldn't help yourself when you catch him coming off the stage. Quietly discussing a delay in the equipment set up with Jeff. A playful pat on his butt instantly grabs his attention and you smile excitedly, "You would be the one to sell out this massive place, I'm so happy for you babe!"

Jeff quickly makes himself scarce and for the lack of an audience your grateful. But perhaps you should've taken note because once again Harry startles in an irritable way. The muscles in his jaw taught as he suddenly and briskly ushers you by the upper arm to an unoccupied area backstage, "Jesus Christ, why are you everywhere I turn? You do realize that I'm working right now, right? I don't have time to deal with this needy shit all day."

Though this time around you struggle to just take it on the chin. Harry was literally treating you like some burden that begged to come and not like you had to clear your whole schedule of things that were actually top priority just to be here. "Needy? I'm just trying to be supportive!"

"Okay and you can't do that from the stands? You're not some sort of puppy that needs to be wrapped round my leg Y/N! Look, I know I invited you but the point is to enjoy the ride and go with the flow not stand in my way." The fact that he lowers his voice and yet his tone is blaring really hits you in the feelings.

It wasn't just because he was stressed but he genuinely felt that way.

Suddenly, you didn't want to be here nonetheless anywhere near him. You hoped that he detected your new jilted attitude, "Sorry, you're right. From now on you wont even know I'm here." You smile so overtly sweet it bleeds of sarcasm.

Harry doesn't even realize the lack of sincerity in it anyway. Stalking off after a surly, "Perfect." Leaves his lips.

With that you go to sit in the stands as he wanted, but on your way theres commotion coming from the same direction Harry just went. In the distance you spot him greet one of his opening acts with the most enthusiasm in the world. Hugging her and laughing with her like there wasn't a care in the world. When literally less than a minute ago he was yelling at you. Suddenly you couldn't get away from him fast enough. Only finding solace in the nosebleeds rather than the enticing idea of going home altogether.

This is disturbingly new. You'd been to plenty of Harry's shows where his moods often ranged from amped to sometimes getting nervous enough to maybe make him a little frustrated. But even then it wasn't unleashed on you, and like that. How could he treat you one way and in the next breath switch it up? You didn't like that one bit.

Watching his set was too difficult to enjoy anymore due to bias, unable to stop playing his words in your head. Needy? Was it really needy to show him some love in times he was obviously anxious? Definitely not, and even if it was it didn't give him an excuse to be an asshole about it. Especially since he wanted you to come in the first place.

Rehearsals drag on for what feels like eternity. Costume changes and numerous sound checks later, lunch is offered in the catering area but you politely decline. Hanger seemed like such a small price to pay in exchange for being subjected to his unnecessary attitude. In this case distance was best for the both of you.

Proven when he doesn't even bother to come look for you, or say anything really, at least not until he's ready to go home. Even then it's only a text.

On the ride home his mood has done a total 180. In the greatest mood to talk about his band mates and opening act's hijinks. You honestly tried not to take the way he acted personally but the complete personality flip made it impossible. How could he be that unfair?

Making it a point to avoid any and all contact with him by sitting in the same position as you had when you arrived. He uneasily takes notice, "Alright?"

"Yeah, just tired..." Of your bullshit! You mentally add on glaring out the window. Conveniently he received a phone call anyway.

Once you get home you decide to cure your possible hanger and make something quick to eat. Missing Harry reappear in the room in the process, "I guess catering doesn't count as dinner huh?" He attempts to be playful with you to check your temperature. Your unusual silence naturally made him uneasy.

"I didn't eat. Didn't want to risk overcrowding so I stayed in the stands," Like you wanted! You ached to add but held your tongue.

He doesn't dwell on it anyway. Chirping and fluttering about behind you as you make your way around the kitchen and to the table. "Love, guess what... I get to do a funny skit with James in a couple days!"

"That's great," you reply sitting down and albeit with forced enthusiasm.

He wordlessly follows suit practically singing, "Do yeh wanna come watch? It'll be fun."

Your sarcasm comes instinctively with a sharp roll of your eyes, "Like today? Hard pass, enjoy yourself though."

Harry's eagerness melts away like an ice cube on a hot summer sidewalk. No longer in the mood for elusiveness, "Alright I'll bite, what's going on with yeh?"

"With me? Nothing." You shrug shoveling around the food on your plate, loosing your appetite more and more by the second. Impending doom so palpable you could damn near taste that instead.

"Doesn't seem like nothing," he retorts with a brow cocked expectantly.

He could go to hell with the explanation he thought he deserved, "Doesn't matter," you sigh pleading to the high heavens that he'd leave it alone so that once again you could save yourself the agonizing grief.

Just as stubborn as you are he continues to push, "Based on how you're acting, it apparently does. So what is it?"

"Just drop it Harry," you groan agitated. At this rate you'll definitely be staying in the guest room tonight.

"No," This time he takes it a step further and moves your plate out of reach so that there was nothing to distract you. "Tell me." He demands.

Though the manner in which he does it is not to simply just to get to the root of the problem and solve it, but seems to be just for the confrontation. To point fingers at you being the problem, and so you snap, "Okay fine! You treat me like shit and it's not okay."

Unsurprisingly his face contorts into total confusion, "Where's this coming from?!"

But you're all too thrilled to remind him, "In the car and in rehearsals. One minute you're snapping at me for being needy when I was just trying to offer support, and in the next you're giving all the love and admiration to your opener and everyone else you work with!"

The frown etching on his face told you that he was going to deny everything and he did not disappoint, "No I wasn't, yeh were all over me,"

"Yeah okay, because reminding you that I love you and how proud I am is smothering?" An incredulous dry laugh summons itself, "Really?"

"When I'm in the middle of a conversation with Jeff! Obviously at that moment I was frustrated." Harry argues.

"You weren't frustrated when you hugged Kacy and joked around with Mitch right after! It's like everyone else gets a pass except me, but you know what it doesn't matter. Just keep that same energy so that I can properly navigate you. Because if I was suffocating then then I must be suffocating all the time." You glumly add, standing up and grabbing the plate you no longer had any interest in eating anymore.

In response Harry sighs loudly, and for a moment you start to believe that he's beginning to come to his senses but a quick glance reveals the most condescending and patronizing eye roll with it. Eventually he stands too, restoring his chair the way he found it. A passive yet aggressive, "Just forget I fucking asked," muttered under his breath.

Irking you enough to toss the plate absentmindedly into the sink, "Or just be a man about it and fucking own it!" You shout at him angrily.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I can't own something yeh literally made from nothing!" He shouts back.

"From nothing are you kidding me?! Why the hell is it so hard for you to admit when you're wrong! I am so tired of sweeping everything you do under the rug! I let that stupid fashion show slide but today-" Before you can get the words out properly its like something literally clicks in Harry's head. Making him angry as well.

His fingers rake frustratedly through his silky mane, "So that's what this is really about hmm? Why you've been acting so-" He exhales heavily through flared nostrils. You stare annoyed but patiently wait for him to make his point, "For fucksake how many times do we have to go through this? She is just a friend! Ken needed me-"

It's a combination of things. The way he says it and the gall of what he actually says that makes you feel three words short of a brain aneurysm. You explode, "She needed you? Harry, I needed you!" Your chest heaves from the exertion of shouting, "I made an absolute fool of myself that night! That had almost nothing to do with her and everything to do about us! The one fucking time I ask you to put me first, I'm last on your list. I know it's not the Grammy's or the Met Gala but it was important to me."

His head shakes in denial as he forces himself not to roll his eyes again, "Yeh miss things that are important to me all the time Y/N and I never whine about it!"

"If I'm whining about it its because there's a huge difference in not being able to catch a flight across the world at the last minute and not showing up to something on a whim— something I've been talking about for the past three years now!" You yell, so angry that it's actively getting harder to see straight. Apparently the wound had been fresher than you both thought.

"That's not fair," he argues. In his mind the situations were like comparing oranges to apples.

"Exactly." You concede folding your arms across your chest. Getting him to see the error in his ways was something like playing chess. Though the point wasn't to defeat but to enlighten. "How am I supposed to feel when you still don't even seem all that sorry or remorseful about it?"

Defense takes reign over Harry's better judgment as he starts to feel like this unethical argument is not meant for him to win, "Really? Over a bloody office party?!" He scoffs incredulous and somewhat amused at the same time. "I could understand if I did something actually wrong and horrible but this doesn't equate-"

At that another agonizing explosion erupts within and hits hard mentally and emotionally. Starting out as a fit of rage when you slam your hand down on the counter in reflex but rapidly that dwindles down into crushing defeat. It wasn't just the attempt in basically talking to a brick wall but the fact that he didn't want to accept what he did wrong. Maybe ego or even his foolish pride is to blame, either way he just wasn't going to.

Obviously you were wasting your breath but there was just one important fact that your very own pride wouldn't allow you to leave without getting it off your chest first, "Stop calling it that! Stop trying to diminish what it was! Because even if it was a lemonade stand it wouldn't have made the slightest difference — it was important to me Harry."

His gaze passively transfers to kitchen floor and for a few moments you wait for him to say something—anything. But when nothing comes you give up, heading straight to the guest room a total mess. So overwhelmed with frustration and emotions.

(AN: Come share your thoughts with me!xx)

Next Part

[gay-4-nozoeli-jolks]

IF LOVING YOU IS A CRIME

I decided to work on a series but I’m not sure how long this is going to be. Depends. But I think I do have enough materials to get this going for a while. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. This is mainly Nozoeli and Nicomaki. The other girls will appear much, much later.

Read under cut.

Chapter 1

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I felt a light weight pressed on my shoulder. I tilted my head to the right, and was greeted by a beauty that never fails to mesmerize me. Her head was resting against my shoulder, and it seemed like she was deep in her sleep. Her expression was openly serene that right at this moment, all I wanted was to stare at her face and burn it into my memories.

And somebody had just to ruin it.

“Eli’s asleep?”

Not surprising at all, that unnecessary question came from Nico. Honestly, I could not fathom out why she had to ask, and with such incredulous tone in her voice. I knew where she was coming from, but still, she didn’t have to make a big deal out of it.

Without taking my eyes off Eli, I retorted. “I don’t think she’s dead nor in a comatose so that leaves us with a high probability that yes, she’s just sleeping.”

“Hey, I’m just asking.”

“And that was stupid question to ask.”

That should have been my line, but somebody beat me to it. Only one person could deliver that line with such a light lilt on her voice. Maki. That, and not to mention there were only four of us in the car right now. Not really wanting to, I tore my eyes away from Eli’s features and turned my attention to the other occupants of the car.

The sight that greeted me was that of Nico giving Maki a death glare, but it was just being ignored as the latter was busy with driving the car for us.

Not seeing anything out of ordinary, I glanced back to Eli and then a sudden thought popped into my mind. “Nico, can you take a picture of me and Eli?” I asked.

Nico looked at me over her shoulders and snickered, vengeance evident on her eyes. “No fucking way.”

I glared at her. Haughtily, she raised an eyebrow at me.

If intimidation wont’ work, there’s a thing called playing cute that Nico could not stand. She thought it’s disgusting and I had the same sentiments with her, but I had to put it aside for now. I pouted and whined.

“ ~Nicocchi—‘

“Stop! Stop! I’ll do it!” Nico exclaimed in horror. She hastily dug her bag for her camera while she mumbled a few inaudible curses. I lightly leaned my head on Eli’s and smiled when Nico poised the camera in front of her. She rolled her eyes and muttered lamely.

“Say cheese.”

After a few clicks, Nico put her camera back to her bag. I grinned. “Thanks, Nico.”

“Never ever do that again. You’re giving me goosebumps.” Nico grimaced. She almost seemed like she was going to puke; but I didn’t care.

Maki looked at me through the mirror, giving me silent thumbs up with her eyes.

My grin widened, and that exchange between us wasn’t so subtle that Nico, having noticed it, gave us an indignant snort as she plugged her ears with earphones and turned her attention ahead of her.

A pregnant silence ensued inside the car.

I stared outside through the tinted window beside me. There’s nothing much to look outside; everything was a blur, which was not an exaggeration since it was Maki who’s in control of the wheels. I had already gotten used to it by now, but I could still vividly remember that fearful and nauseous feeling I felt the first time Maki had driven a car for us. She was a speed maniac, but as long as she could take us to our destination in time and in piece, then I have nothing to complain.

Today, we’re on our way to a rather popular but exclusive resort island. Summer vacation was nearly over and we almost didn’t even push through with our plan, but thankfully, we were able to sort it out. It’s only for a few days but I was glad that we could forget everything and just enjoy ourselves to the fullest.

Feeling my eyelids getting heavy, I was tempted to just close my eyes and sleep for a little while, which I did eventually. I leaned my head on Eli’s, just like what I did earlier, and let sleep took over me as Eli’s even breathing hummed softly on my ears.

An incessant light tap on my cheek woke me up. I groaned in frustration and thought of giving a spank to anyone who dared disrupt my sleep. However, I immediately dismissed the thought in my head when the scent that lingered on my nose became pleasantly familiar. I mumbled a few complaints before I opened my eyes and the hand on my cheek withdrew. I lifted my head, which was already leaning on the shoulder of the girl beside me, and stared at her.

“Awake now?”

Eli’s voice and expression were strikingly monotone but it didn’t bother me. She had always been like this since the first time we met.

“Do I look like I’m still sleeping?” I replied back, as sarcastic as I was.

And that made Eli broke out into a small smile, even if it only lasted for a second.“Nico and Maki are waiting outside. Come on.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

I was a bit disappointed; I really wanted to see her smile a bit longer. It was the rarest thing that she ever does.

Eli got out of the car first and helped me out, like a real gentleman that she was. Nico and Maki were standing near the hood of the car; their baggage all ready and set in front of their feet. No doubt the pink one was from Nico and the dull one was from Maki.

I walked towards them and stood beside Nico as we waited for Eli to finish unloading our own baggage. We’re on a harbour; yachts of all sizes and grandeur were anchored a few meters away from us. There were only a few people around, mostly staff and security personnel that were looking after the place.

As soon as Eli was done, we started for one of the yachts, with Nico leading the way. The sky was covered with clouds and we were grateful for it. The timepiece on my wrist read 12:33 and we could have been suffering from the scorching heat of the sun if otherwise.

As we neared the yacht where we were supposed to board, I rolled my eyes when I read the name that was engraved on it. It was a lousy and cringe-worthy name that whoever thought it up must be an idiot.

“Welcome to my baby, Nico Nico Ni~!” Nico proudly said as she turned around.

Right. Nico was an idiot. A filthy rich idiot. But still an idiot.

Instinctively, my eyes zeroed in on Maki just to see her reaction, and she didn’t disappoint. She had her hand clutched on her stomach and was making an exaggerated act of throwing up. I would have been doing that too but it didn’t suit me, being how unrefined it was, so I just opted to let out a snicker loud enough for Nico to hear.

“Do you want to get aboard my baby or not?” Nico threatened. With the exception of Eli, she glared at us with as much intimidation her small stature can provide her with, which was none at all. But we didn’t want to provoke her further, so we stifled our laughs even if it was hard to do. Once Nico had deemed that we’re composed enough, we ascended the plank onto the boat.

Nico headed to the cockpit which was connected to the large lounge where the remaining three of us chose to stay. The lounge was dominated by an L-shaped sofa which comes with a central table and a small side table. On the right, there is a conversation area comprising of two small armchairs positioned against the display that houses the pop-up plasma-screen TV. I daresay that despite everything, Nico definitely had a taste. The whole interior of the boat was furnished with gloss-finished cherry wood.

“Okay guys, what do you want to eat? I’ll cook!” I said with brimming enthusiasm. Two heads abruptly turned at me, one was wearing a horrified look while the other one had a deadpan expression—which spelled HORRIFIED to me. They were thinking the same thing that it got me irritated.

“Who’s gonna cook then, Maki?”

“Eli! Don’t let those two get near the kitchen!” Nico shouted from the cockpit. She was on the verge of panicking and it was seeping from her voice.

“I’ll do it.” Eli sighed and stood up.

I tried to protest. “But Eli-‘

“You don’t know how to cook, Nozomi. The same thing goes for Maki, as well. ”

That was straightforward and frank but it didn’t offend me. Eli just merely stated a fact that all of us already knew. But then, if it was Nico who said that, Maki and I would have surely jumped at the midget and beat her to a pulp. That’s how bias we were.

Hearing no objections from us, Eli went over to Nico and asked her directions to the kitchen.

“Do you want help?” I asked Eli as she headed to the corridor. I wanted to be at least a little help but she waved me off.

“No. You better stay here. You can take a short nap. “

I pouted as I slumped beside Maki on the sofa. She chuckled. “Eli sure does treat you like a princess.”

“She doesn’t trust me.”

Contrary to what I had hoped her reaction would be, Maki solemnly nodded her head in agreement. “Hmm, you’re right. She doesn’t trust you.”

That got me annoyed so I slapped her arm and bolted right away to avoid her retaliation. She narrowed her eyes at me but she didn’t make an effort to get her butt off the sofa, and that bolstered my audacity to go against her.

I stuck my tongue out at her in return.

 Nico left the cockpit for a while and joined us for lunch. She had set the boat to auto navigation mode. Eli made us cheese and paprika tuna melts and a sizzling chicken platter. I enjoyed the food, and I can say that Maki and Nico did too.

“We still have more or less than 2 hours before we arrive at the island.” Nico informed us after we finished our light lunch. We were still seated around the table with empty plates in front of us.

“If we used a chopper, we could have arrived at the island in less than 30 minutes.”

“Nah, it’s no fun.”

This sudden turn of our conversation would definitely lead to another senseless word war between Nico and Maki, and before that actually happens, I butted in and shooed them away.

“All of you, out of the table. I’m going to clean up your mess.”

“My my, the princess turns into a pauper.”Nico laughed but she stood up anyway and headed back to the cockpit. Maki was also about to walk away that I called out to her.

“Maki, where are you going?”

“You wanted us out of here, right?”

“You’re an exception. Get your lazy butt working and help me.”

Eli, who was just sitting beside me, stood up and without saying anything, started to reach for the empty plates on the table. I immediately slapped her hand away.

“Eli! Leave this small task to us!”

“Yeah, just leave that to her Eli. You’re spoiling Nozomi too much. That’s not healthy.”

I threw Maki a dagger look. How I wanted to cut her tongue out, even more so when she flashed her cocky smile at me.

“Am I?”

I directed my glare at Eli, but she just ignored me.

“Oh? Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Stop!” I screamed, having enough of their antics. I knew she was just playing along with Maki, but I still didn’t want to hear any more of it. “You two, get lost!”

Maki laughed.

Eli smiled and ruffled my hair.

I knew that I should still be mad that they had just made fun of me, but I could let that pass this time. I got to see Eli’s smile, anyway.

[cheesecakeremix]

Hmm..*rant incoming*

You ever get that feeling that you end up looking on posts of friends of your friends and then realize that Tumblr seems to be filled with a bunch of immature people who can’t even do a proper insult and proceed to use ad hominems and childish bs about being “roasted” or using derogatory slurs because someone doesn’t agree with you and you just want to either punch your computer screen or just go off on a tangent and call everyone idiots?

...I’m in one of those nights. Now for the sake of my sanity and everyone around me, my tumblr will be drama free. I dont have an issue with politics, but i wont speak my views on it. I dont have an issue with opinions, but i’m not giving my opinions on shit. I dont have an issue with anyone, but the second someone tries to start shit, i will fucking shut them down faster than they could possibly imagine.

I’m a Sonic fan. I’m a furry. I’m a Texan. I’m an American. I’m an asshole. I can be your best friend and your worst enemy.

I am tired of the drama...i’m tired of “left this, right that, politics this, bs that”. It’s good to be informed and to be active on what you feel is right, just remember that there are those that have completely different views/opinions than yourself and there is no need for violence, name calling, and other bs unless its completely justified (and before you even say it, rioting is not protesting. Setting shit on fire is not “peaceful protesting”..now of course on the whole “punching a nazi” thing, i’d say go for it but don’t be surprised if someone punches back...i mean that’s basically murphy’s law and action/reaction in a nutshell)

Now you’re probably wondering “Why are you saying this?” Well its because I’M TIRED OF ALL THE BS. Yes, i’m scared of what’s going on right now and i dont approve of most of this, but i have to look at this from a middle point of view: i cant let bias get involved as to how its going to affect the country. I have to look at both sides and see if it’s really as bad as it’s going to be...some people don’t like that, but it is what it is.

I just...-sighs- I want everyone to be friends again. People get stuck on labels and stereotypes and all that, we tend to forget one thing: We’re all human. We have to be productive and constructive, not destructive.

Engage in healthy conversation and debate, not harmful heated arguments over which side is “right” because of some self moral bs that goes on in your heads (and i do it too, trust me).

Anyways..i just needed to get this off my chest and vent, though heavily edited to avoid sounding like a giant asshole...i’m just tired and i honestly...i honestly have no clue anymore. I knew this was gonna be a bumpy 4 years..but this is starting to get ridiculous now.