#wont convey the meaning as well as in the original language and they wont be able to just enjoy the song as it is without understanding the

[codes-and-stuffs]

been getting into bollywood film soundtracks again any recs ? 🎆

[frostythefrostedfox]

Shameless plug and kidnapping of a 3rd party post but it’s worth it (actually no, but I need a hook so people reads this shit)

If you can, if you enjoy reading nonsense, if you ever read Alice in Wonderland and thought “I wonder how this would play with adults”, go read the book it is based off from, House of Leaves, I remember reading some of it in highschool during Literature classes, teacher wanted us to read and analyse the entire thing, but it was so intricate that we literally spent an entire school year on the first few chapters, almost every line was worth disecting into, and not just a simple commentary, no, a 30 minute discussion about a single line. The aestehtic of the book falls in line with the tone of it, it contains shapes embedded inside the narrative, some pages are upside down, some words are coloured a different colour like “House”, which is almost always printed in Blue, some paragraphs are even backwards (and im not talking as if i was typing “sdrawkcab” like that, no, its actually a mirrored font that turns everything RTL instead of the usual LTR romance language structure), needing a mirror to actually read them.

I am glad the mod took off the way it did, because I remember seeing some small-time youtubers and few videos talking about it, hours worth of content in there and nobody discovered it.

It’s 2023, the meme that goes like “Requirements to run doom: a screen (optional)” is not a meme, people has managed to install and play Doom on things like a pregnancy test and even Microsoft Excel, it can run literally anywhere that has a bunch of cables and a chipset, so by all means, check it out, the game allows you to select the difficulty so even if this is your first time playing doom, since the mod is entirely story and exploration based, setting it to easy wont alter your experience with the mod at all, and your progress wont be hindered by your lack of experience with the game.

The best part about the mod is getting lost in it, not knowing what to do, wandering around and looking at everying hoping that by staring at the same picture for 15 minutes some magical arcane knowledge will be revealed to you, because that’s when you get a stupid idea based on a ridiculous speculation, and the best part is, that you’ll probably be right, that wild out-of-the-box idea that you just had will probably be the thing that takes you one step further into this journey.

The mod is a marvel from all points of view, for conveying a story that is already very hard to tell and setting it on the context of Doom, for exploiting the engine’s limitations into a strenght that helps with the storytelling and the worldbuilding, for doing those impossible things like actually having an up and down, which everyone that has played doom knows its basically impossible without being a wizard that knows the code inside out and even from a graphical point of view because it never goes off-rails from doom’s original artstyle yet you can see the ammount of detail and how well done every single asset is.

omg i learned about myhouse.wad literally yesterday... it's so cool i'm obsessed with the idea of impossible architecture and things being Ever So Slightly Off in a way that unsettles veteran players. i've never played doom myself but the stuff like the height difference and gunfire animation is so genius fr... anywayshgfghf i was just like :o ! when i saw ur reblog cuz of the timing. carry on fellow spooky things enjoyer o7

What I find really impressive and wild of the mod is that how the original Doom is coded, it’s basically impossible for there to be multiple floors in one level. So the fact that in the house there is an attic, a main floor, and a basement- as well as many other parts with various amount of levels- is astounding

Anyways- go and either play this mod or look at playthroughs or an analysis of it, cause even without the subtext and apparent story of the mod, it’s absolutely amazing

[alilaro]

Reposting this here from my old account. Happy (late) Autism Acceptance Month! ❤💖❤ Have some vampires with Autism!

——————————————

Athenodora: 💀

Highly–intense attention to detail.

Expresses emotions with difficulty, often coming off awkward and unable to properly convey the original meaning.

Hard time understanding humor, often mistakes it for literal meaning.

Extremely blunt in her words to the point where it can come off as rude.

Has a hard time empathizing with other people.

Distaste in physical affections.

Overwhelmed by loud noises.

Partially non-verbal.

Sulpicia ⚗️

Little volume control.

Struggles with empathy and sympathizing with other people.

Stims! Constantly playing or toying with something in her hands. Or humming.

Rings or shakes her hands with excitement.

Has many special interests and doesn’t recognize when people are disinterested in her excited rambling.

Trouble with relating to others.

Marcus 🌿

Very awkward, and socially anxious. Spends far too much time dissecting every conversation for double meaning.

Terrible public speaker.

Is very literal. Doesn’t understand sarcasm very well.

A spike in emotion can lead to a meltdown. Easily over stimulated.

Rarely makes eye-contact, but once engaged makes almost too much it.

Special interests is plants, gardening, and microbiology. Almost always in his gardening area, tucked away in a corner tending to plants or watching his bugs. He tries to name all of them.

Loses track of time really easy when he’s doing something he’s passionate about. 

Sometimes wont be seen for almost three weeks and it’s only because the others had to find him to remind him that he needs to feed that he realizes he’s almost feral with hunger.

Constantly looks bored, but most times is just zoning out and getting caught in intense daydreams.

Alice 🔮

Specific special interest in fashion.

Stims very frequently by fidgeting and bouncing.

Memorizes things very easily and in specifics.

Enjoys non-verbal language and conversation ie. her quiet telepathic conversations and games held with Edward.

Hyper fixations to certain situations, and with the need to “correct” or perfect things.

Doesn’t realize other people don’t have the same interests as her and automatically assumes they’re all as obsessed as she is herself.

Bella 🦌

Socially awkward, bad with eye contact.

Dresses for comfort, becomes physically and even emotionally uncomfortable in situations that require her to wear anything high-maintenance.

Difficulty relating to and connecting with other people.

Unable to see why people like her or when they dislike her.

Nonreactive physically to emotional problems, aka the “neutral blank expression”

(Also, some more likely candidates: )

Aro 👏

Likes everything excessively and obsessively, otherwise not at all.

Constantly moving about. Excessive hand gestures.

Puts on a persona and mimics motions to help seem more relatable socially.

Appears animated.

Info dumps constantly with unending excitement.

Echolalia: “Fascinating!” “Wonderful!”

Caius 🔥

Very introverted.

Bad with eye contact and social situations.

Overly analytical. Doesn’t care about the feelings only the facts.

Meticulous about organization and detail.

Trouble starting conversations.

Comes off more blunt than he means to be.

Felix 🥊

No volume control. Constantly has to be told to not be so loud.

Trouble focusing.

Has trouble processing information in a short amount of time.

Easily distracted if not hyper-focused on the task.

Acts charismatic and “funny” because its a learned/mimicked social behavior.

So extroverted that he’s pretty trusting and gullible.

Corin ✨

Trouble retaining eye contact.

Bad with social cues.

Sensitive to overly saturated sensations. (Ie. Noise and lights.)

Collects niche items. (Has a rock collection, and yes, they name them all.)

Gets super anxious when they or their teammates go rogue and off-book with set rules.

[coffeebeannate]

I Must Say It

Kaysanova, Tumblr Fic 

Sometime back, there was some comments floating around here that mentioned Nicky may have been the first to say I love you.

It was a series of reblogs and it’s been kinda sitting with me as an idea, so..

I made what was going to be a post adoring this headcanon into a fic.

---

I Must Say It

Nicolò di Genova spends countless hours practicing. Learning. Practicing again. He tests it out whenever he gets a chance. Slow and sure. Always stealing away whatever moment to himself he can, determined to make it right. Determined to make it sound perfect. Because Yusuf Al-Kaysani deserves only perfection. Only the purest, rawest form of dedication he can muster. That he can bring.

How far they’ve come.

How long they’ve traveled.

He’s certain they are on the same page, certain that they both know.

That they are both thinking it. That their awareness and adoration is unified. This is not where Nicolò is full of doubt.There is this suspicion, this idea, that Yusuf is gearing up to say it first. He’s so good with words. His silky, smooth voice, so raw and full of affection, of adoration.

Nicolò is convinced the man could charm a bird from a tree if he wished it. Something out of a story, a magical wondrous tale he could have dreamed of in childhood-and never gotten close enough to considering.As if his own imagination just paled in comparison.

(In truth, it did. No imagined fantasy, no thought-out or dreamed up desire came up to the wonder of Yusuf).

They are long past not being able to understand each other. A shared language flows between them with ease. Yusuf’s original tongue, and Nicolò’s comes to them both. But there is still a dedication to his actions, a devotion, a desperation.

It must be  perfect.

Nicolò is not the sort to take anything lightly, not especially when it comes to Yusuf. Years of travel and discovery had taught him so much, and it just has to be-

“Nicolò!”

Damn him.

Nicolò is not hiding, not exactly. He’s tucked himself away in a slightly obscured nestle of greenery, far off from the campsite, and Yusuf had clearly begun to worry.

“Nicolò!” He calls again, and Nicolò has extraordinarily little time to right himself before there is looming shadow, Yusuf all broad and tall and concerned hovering over him. Haphazard, scattered words traced in sandy dirt that Nicolò hastens to cover the same moment he tries to rise to his feet. The graceless combination creating an incredibly unattractive flailing of limbs that sends him near tumbling, Yusuf catching him around the waist the last moment.

“Yusuf!” Not sure if his exclamation is thanks or desperation, “Sorry, I-“

He receives a look that has become commonplace, endearing concern and sweet adoration that makes Nicolò’s stomach twist, flop and sink.

I would do anything for him. I WILL do anything for him.

He thinks, hard, fast. Intense.

“What are you doing?” Nicolò determined to not pout at the laughter he hears teasing the question, “Are you alright?”

No, you fool! I am not alright! I am hopelessly, madly, desperately in love with you. I am entranced, consumed! I am sunken and floating and secure and it could not have been more perfect and my plans-

His plans!

Nicolò had never been the wordsmith between them, probably never would be. Oh, he could speak. His words could cut, encourage, destroy, enchant.But Yusuf? Yusuf was poetry in spoken form. Yusuf made everything sound beautiful. Sound rich. Words from the heart, the soul.A caress.

“Nicolò..?”  Yusuf’s prompt is now devoid of laughter, discouraged by the intense silence from the other. “What-“Before he can even attempt to speak further, Nicolò curses incoherently, spinning in Yusuf’s still taut grasp and turning them, kicking at the words scribbled carefully into the sanded dirt, pointing in exasperation at the smudging.

“I..Yusuf.” He’s using the tongue Yusuf spoke before they met, the language he knows, but has never mastered, “You see-it, this!”Yusuf is peering over his shoulder, then around Nicolò, moving to stand side-by-side, staring into the scribbling, “Nicolò is that..?” Uncertain, hopeful. “Did..”

“I love you.” He tries, panicking as the words come out jerky, harsh. His plans of smoothness, softness and care flying to the wind, confused by the interruption and hasty covering,

“I-“

Clear the throat, try again. It’s hard to swallow.

“Love..you.” His voice croaks, he wants to stab himself in the throat should it mean he never sounds again so pitiful.

His voice has always cracked slightly around Yusuf’s mother tongue. He hates himself for it, but he keeps practicing. Studious. It was important Yusuf hear this, from him, in the language he was born to.Yusuf is staring, those soft brown eyes that catch light and make Nicolò wish he could drown in them flit between the messed scrawl and Nicolò’s helpless stuttering. Slowly, they begin to water, and Nicolò grasps at his front in sudden panic, clutching man and cloth.

“Please, I do not..I wanted it to be nicer, sweeter, I practiced! I practiced for weeks in moments of solitude and-“ He’s silenced, of course he is, pleadings and flailing’s caught up in the mouth and warmth he’s become so accustomed to. Sighing and sinking before he can stop himself. Leaning into the thumb stroke, the gentle pet-like-grasp, the security.

“Nicolò..” When Yusuf finally parts them for oxygen. As if he wasn’t the very oxygen Nicolò breathed anyway. “I wanted it to be better.” Not sure if his voice conveys grumbling, “I planned it and yet-“

Like he is wont to be, Yusuf is poetry, and Nicolò is actions. Fate, it seemed, agreed with that. Yusuf, his eyes so charming, so sweet and adoring, find their familiar path, coiling their grip into Nicolò’s heart and securing there. Grounding, rooting.“It is perfect, Nicolò, it is..”He shakes his head, “You, it is you.”

Nicolò swallows, “But you..you-“ He cannot voice it, cannot ask it. He’s doing Yusuf a disservice, surely he KNOWS.

Yusuf, precious, precious Yusuf, sighs, soft, helpless, devoted.

“Oh, Nicolò.”So fond. So gentle.

“Of course, I love you, my heart. How could I not?”

Nicolò grunts-pretends to grunt, letting himself be pillowed into Yusuf’s chest, his neck, inhaling a scent he feels both warmed and comforted by.

If Yusuf notices he’s crying, he never says.

And if the kisses chase them away?

Well,

One hardly needs words, for that.  

[rinstars]

hey, i love your work, but as a native Spanish speaker, I don’t think translating it is a good idea imo. It’s so hard to translate something in a way that it evokes the same feeling in both languages, and most of the time it isn’t an accurate description of what you originally wrote.

Specially smut omg, when I translate things in my head out of curiosity, it makes me so uncomfortable because the phrases aren’t used that much in Spanish, with this I mean that it doesn’t matter how well translated something is, language isn’t literal and it will come off as awkward. This is also noticeable when writers create Spanish dialogue for Oikawa, it doesn’t sound natural, doesn’t feel organic, because it just translating English dialogue, and we don’t speak like that! From pet names to grammar structures, they usually get Argentinian Oikawa wrong

Also, cultural differences!!!! You don’t where the translator is from, and they may use slang from their country/city, but that would make it uncomfortable for readers from other countries to read. In South America, some words from one country may actually be offensive in another, so it’s very risky!!

Example: in México, chongo= hair bun

In Ecuador, chongo = brothel (but extremely vulgar)

I say this out of respect and admiration for your writing, I love it and it makes me feel fuzzy ❤️

yes yes exactly!! aside from the fact that im not happy about being posted on anywhere else, there's also the fact that im afraid my intentions and plot wont be conveyed exactly. i also write a lot of dc and i dont want to be discovered because, as you said, there might be some misunderstandings with some of the wordings etc.

im happy u guys want to translate my stuff but please don't :( i appreciate the thought and the love though hehe ALSO THANK U BABE IM SO GLAD MY WORKS MAKE U FEEL FUZZY HEHEHE

[imagine-loki]

Two Hot Chocolates, A Brownie and A Norse God of Mischief

TITLE: Two Hot Chocolates, A Brownie and a Norse God Of Mischief

CHAPTER NUMBER: One-shot

AUTHOR: Inspired-snowflace

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: imagine that you are really interested in MARVEL and you and your friend are always like quoting the movies and so one day ur in a cafe and u say a Loki quote and then someone behind u finishes the quote ur saying and it sounds hella like Loki so u turn around to be like whoa great impression but when you turn around it’s actually Loki and he’s like nice impression and ur like dead and just fangirling and Loki is just loving being adored so much and so u two end up hanging out and fall in love

NOTES/WARNINGS: I haven’t written anything in the past 3 months. So this is my attempt to get back to writing. I am sorry if it isn’t good, but I tried real hard. I am sorry it I disappointed the original imagine writer due to not putting the same ending. (And not to mention half of it iust got deleted by itself)

"When you said you were opening Wakanda to the world, this is not what I imagined."

“Well, what did you imagine?”

“The Olympics, a starbucks maybe?”

That was it. That was all your crazy friend had to say to lead to this moment. You had shifted to a new place and this was the first time your friend was visiting you. You took her to the nearby Starbucks, because Olympics wasn’t really your cup of tea. As you entered the store, the only noise was the small bell on the door. Well, that you and your friend were here, not anymore.

“I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose" Your friend screamed, testimony to the statement that you both quoted the movies so much that you wont notice even if you came face to face with the real avengers.

You looked inside to see a couple sitting and a man with his back turned to you. Hm.. Didn’t look like the kind of people who would call an ambulance on you guys to take you to the mental hospital.

You liked this branch because it was cosier as compared to the others, with a very few people. The shop had mahogany furniture which mingled beautifully with the smell of freshly brewed coffee and hints of vanilla. You went to place the order while your friend picked a seat.

“Is that your friend?” The barista asked you sceptically. He didn’t think you mad and you attributed that painful fact to the inability to scream quotes when you were alone.

“Loki is beyond reason but he is of Asgard and he is my brother.”

He stared at you blankly. Ahhh... not a fan. Probable candidate of calling the ambulance.

“I would like two hot chocolates, a brownie and a Norse God of Mischief please.” You placed your order.

“Hot chocolates- 2, Brownie-1 and... what was your last request?”

“Never mind.. you guys don’t have it on the menu” You wish you knew how wrong you were at the moment.

“That will be 12.50.”

You paid and waited for your order. When it arrived, you picked it daintily and turned around. You saw her sitting ahead of the man. Yet, she took matters in her own hands.

“Cap, On your left.” She turned and waved as if there were a hundred occupied tables instead of just three. She was sitting on the table ahead of the man, which were the only two tables on the left. She had purposely chosen that table. Cheeky girl!! A+ for the effort.

Placing the order down you sat opposite to her your back to the man. Immediately, she picked the cup with your name on it.

“He spelt your name wrong!!! He had one job!! Just the one!!”

Well, you had corrected the man the last time you were here. But people spelt it wrong so often that you stopped correcting them. It wasn’t exactly new for you.

“If it’s all the same to you, I will have that drink now.”

You friend turned to look at the barista and scream some Tony, or better yet, Falcon quote. Instead she turned back without screaming and said, “Oh God!! He is cute!!”

Trust your friend to fall in love with someone who is minutes away from calling the ambulance on you guys.

“There is only one God ma’am, and I am pretty sure he does not dress like that.”

“Loki.” You both said at once, laughing and high-fiving.

“I swear he exists only to raise my expectations in men. Normal men- yeah! They will never be God.” You added.

“Your world on the balance and you bargain for one man?”

“Any day... If you are talking about Loki, that is.”

There was a few minutes of silence where you both savoured your hot chocolates and the brownie. You hear footsteps and saw the couple leave.

“I wanted to tell you something..” Your friend said, interrupting the peace.

“I was having 12 percent of the moment.” You added closely after, “I am listening.”

“I understood that reference.” She said pointing out like Steve.

She continued, “Since you have given the breakfast treat, allow me to take you lunch. There is a Shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don’t know what it is, but I want to try it.”

“Why do you wanna take me to lunch? Tell me!!” You whisper screamed.

“Its really not that complicated. I got red on my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out.”

The next dialogue was more malicious, but cursed be you if you allowed a chance to say Loki’s dialogue slip. So you steeled yourself and began, “Can you?”

“Can you wipe out that much red? Dreykov's daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire? Barton told me everything.” Came a voice from behind you, nailing the dialogue, the British accent and the snark down to a T. You literally froze, a chill went down your spine as you understood the dread that must have sparked in Agent Romanoff. However, it died as soon as the dialogue ended. Not for your friend though, she sat with her jaw hanging as if she had just seen a ghost.

“Umm.. wow man!! That was flawless. You nailed it down perfectly.” Under normal circumstances, you would have quoted the movies but all flew out of your head when he spoke.

Your voice seemed to snap your friend out of the daze she was stuck in. Her eyes widened and she pointed the space behind you. She tried to speak but no words came out. Her eyes were unblinking as if she feared that a blink will turn it into a dream.

“Cap, to your left” She finally said, but you figured her words from reading her lips rather than what she said, for her voice was completely inaudible.

You turned around.

No. No way.

Sitting there was a man, with a chiselled marble face, framed by night black hair, his bluish-green eyes seemed so deep that you could not look away. It seemed like the sea had engulfed you with its beauty. But your focus was stolen by the smile. Despite the mean comment, the smile was hopeful, was genuine.

You had argued with you friend that the first thing you would do if you ever saw Loki would be to scream, jump up and down no matter the situation. But even as you tried to say his name, your voice got stuck with the various emotions having a party in your throat. This time your friend snapped you out of the temporary muteness by whisper screaming.

“This is madness!!”

“Is it?” His eyes softened as he looked at you, “Is it?”

“OhMyGodLokiThisIsUnbelievableIAmAHugeFan!!” You squealed in an incoherent language.

“Darling, I am pretty sure even allspeak cant translate that.” He said with a laugh.

“Oh my gosh!!! Can we get a hug?” Finally, all the quotes flew out of your friend’s mind.

He had such an innocent smile on his face that it seemed impossible that this guy had tried to attack New York. He stood up and green light shimmered around him, changing his coat into the costume from the avengers. He held his arms open calling you both for a hug.

You were quicker to respond. “Mmmm.. Brother, you look ravishing.” And proceeded to throw your arms around him and bear hugged with as much love as your body could muster, making sure to convey the love and make your tumblr friends proud. Behind you, your friend had completely lost her mind at the change of outfit.

“Dont faint. Don’t faint. Don’t faint....” She repeated like a mantra while pressing her fingers into her temples as if that would keep her alive.

“Does she do this often?” Loki asked you amused at the effect he had on your friend.

“Only when she meets incredibly hot Gods of Mischief in their armour.” You said with a smirk.

You nervously glanced at the counter because it was about time for the ambulance to be called. He was busy cleaning the counter, leaving you guys to your own shenanigans. Phew!! No ambulance.

Then you noticed the mischievous glint in Loki's eyes with the words, “Just a bit of illusion magic dear.”

Meanwhile, you saw that your friend was crushing Loki in a bear hug so tightly that you doubted he was able to breathe but he didn’t say anything, happy for the love and attention he was getting.

“Now, now, darling, even if I am a God, an occasional breath of oxygen would be nice.” Your friend loosened ever so slightly, taking his words ‘occasional breath of oxygen’ too literally.

“Hey!! Get off him!! Get yourself your own Loki. He is my God of Mischief!!” You pouted and started playfully hitting your friend, urging her to stop hugging him so that you could be in his embrace again. After all, how many people are luck enough to hug their fictional crush.

Loki threw his head back and laughed and opened his arm, “Well, I can definitely handle two mortals crushing me.” You threw yourself into his open waiting arm after poking your friend a bit so that you could squish your cheek against his armour.

“I must say; it was easier to breathe with Thor's hammer on my chest. You mortals are pretty strong.”

“You have an army.” Your friend’s muffled voice came and then added, “And we will most certainly kneel.” Loki laughed at that though his cheeks were sprinkled pink.

“How about my beautiful ladies stop crushing me like a bilgesnipe its prey, and then perhaps we talk and exchange, what do they call it, phone numbers?”

“Deal!!” You promptly screamed. Your friend promptly fainted.

“I am honoured?” He questioned, winking at you.

“Oh don’t worry about her”, you dismissed. “She wouldn’t want to miss your phone number.” You said while facing your friend.

“Of course I will not!!” your friend said while keeping her fainted pretence. “Haven’t you seen enough movies to know that this is the cliché where he falls in love with me?”

You all laughed.

[lovebunnie]

nick carraway and jay gatsby are both gay and heres why

its 11:30 at night and i have class tomorrow but ive been itching to make this post for about a week so im gonna do it. this wont be centered as much around jay and nick being in LOVE, since id have to read and analyze it a bit more to make honest to god claims and opinions for that, but these r some of the reasons that point to both of these characters being completely gay. also, im going to be issuing some points from others sources, but ill include links to the original texts which i recommend reading!

1

so the great gatsby was written in 1925, a time full of alcohol, financial bliss, and parties like u would not believe. many of these themes are prevalent in the novel, making themselves known all throughout. even the term ‘gatsby-like’ is extremely well known. needless to say, this book is extremely well known in every front. one of the ones i saw the most was calling the great gatsby ‘the greatest love story ever written.’ and before i read the novel myself, i wouldnt have been able to tell u any different. but when u read it, and really, how u analyze it, really shapes how u see the characters. to some people, it really could be an amazing love story. but to me, this story is written about someone obsessed with a facade, denying himself who he is, and a man who watches his downfall and can do nothing to stop him.

one very important thing to acknowledge is how this novel is told: its told completely in nicks perspective. we only know how he feels, we only know these characters based on how nick sees them. it is immediately biased towards nick. and what he does is describe a hell of a lot of people. but it is very distinctive in the way he does it; men and women are very differently described.

nick describes daisy in her voice and the power it has over people. all of nicks flowery language goes into daisys speech, but not in great length about what daisy looked like. with jordan, nick does a bit more describing in the way she is ‘small-breasted’ and had the ‘shoulders of a young cadet.’ these traits are masculine, and we know from the novel that nick does enjoy jordans company and he does say he ‘enjoys looking at her.’ hell, even the name ‘jordan’ is traditionally masculine. nick sees jordan leaning more towards masculinity than femininity. but even still, the flowery language is not as grand as it could be, not as we know nick can get.

its when nick is describing men that things get bold and expressive. even while describing tom does nick go into great and intimate length with him;  ‘ He had changed since his Haven years. Now he was a sturdy straw haired man of thirty with a rather hard mouth and a supercilious manner. Two shining arrogant eyes had established dominance over his face and gave him the appearance of always leaning aggressively forward. Not even the effeminate swank of his riding boots could hide the enormous power of that body he seemed to fill those glistening boots until he strained the top lacing, and you could see a great pack of muscle shifting when his shoulder moved under his thin coat. It was a body capable of enormous leverage -- a cruel body’ the author of this paper literally said this passage ‘pulses with sexual energy,’ and this is for a character nick doesnt even like. it obviously means more in the way nick describes him, has more heart and passion put into it.

and now gatsby, who nick, in the final chapters, dwells on even more. we know gatsby is attractive, that much we can tell without nick even really having to describe him. but even in a single paragraph about his smile does it provoke more feeling than anything else about daisy or jordan;  ‘ He smiled understandingly-- much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you might come across four or five times in your life. It faced --or seemed to face-- the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.’

like. damn nick. this is only about gatsbys smile. this was no accident or cruel twist of fate; nick is enamored with jay and obviously finds him attractive and also enjoys looking at him, like jordan. nick sees men and women differently. this could be chocked up to ‘it was the olden days’ and ‘sexism,’ but nick isnt rude to these women, nick is simply not interested in them, at all.

but how do we know nick is gay? wheres the textual proof? its written out word for word, you just have to know where to look. and where to look is at the very end of chapter 2.

so chapter 2 does a lot for the plot; it basically introduces nick to the life these people live and makes him see how unappealing it is. we meet a large cast of characters and expand on others, like myrtle, her sister, and most importantly to the subject of nicks sexuality, mr. mckee.

mr. mckee is described as a ‘pale feminine man’ and nick offhandedly describes the smudge of shaving cream on his cheek. weird right? later in the night, nick describes himself as ‘ Taking out my handkerchief I wiped from his cheek the remains of the spot of dried lather that had worried me all the afternoon.’ nick has been LOOKING at this married man all night and cleaned him up when he was messy like come ON. plus, a ‘pale feminine man’ could very easily be a stereotype of a gay man, especially in the 1920s.

but then comes the most important part about nicks sexuality in the entire book: the ellipses.

the great gatsby is relatively short, only about 200 pages or so, give or take. fitzgerald would not include anything he wouldnt need, as he is also an expert in metaphors and making things seem as they are not. everything is masterfully placed and paced, making it seem to flow like water. 

the scene in question describes mr. mckee and nick on an elevator, leaving the party. mr. mckee walked out, leaving his wife, and nick decided to follow. heres the scene:

Come to lunch some day,” he suggested, as we groaned down in the elevator.

“Where?”

“Anywhere.”

“Keep your hands off the lever,” snapped the elevator boy.

“I beg your pardon,” said Mr. McKee with dignity, “I didn’t know I was touching it.”

“All right,” I agreed, “I’ll be glad to.”

. . . I was standing beside his bed and he was sitting up between the sheets, clad in his underwear, with a great portfolio in his hands.

“Beauty and the Beast . . . Loneliness . . . Old Grocery Horse . . . Brook’n Bridge. . . . ”

Then I was lying half asleep in the cold lower level of the Pennsylvania Station, staring at the morning Tribune, and waiting for the four o’clock train.

LIKE. WHAT.

those ellipses separate the time between nick and mr. mckee on the elevator and nick and mckee at his home, with one in underwear and then nick leaving for the train at 4am. there is a large gap of time missing from this, and nick decided to leave it out while fitzgerald decided to keep it in. it means something, and the use of ellipses gives the audience enough to know what is happening without explicitly telling them. it is the authors ‘wink wink nudge nudge’ to the audience. think of the environment nick was in; tom was cheating with myrtle, the heavy metaphor of the eyes watching over the sins we think no one can see. this party was full of mischief and nick fucked a married man.

mckee does not seem intoxicated, he invites nick out to lunch while gripping the elevator handle, which are always objects shaped like dicks. plus in the novel, the scene does feel somewhat out of place; nick does not spend too much time discussing the interactions between mckee and himself, it seems thrown in. i get the impression that nick almost didnt want to include it it his writing, and put it in last minute. however, nick is fictional and i dont have much to go on off from an almost 100 year old book. its open to personal interpretation, but it seems like nick and mckee had sex and nick left on the 4am train, leaving mckee in his underwear at his own home looking through his pictures.

even at the beginning of the novel, nick is planning on living in a house with another man before the plan falls through and he goes to washington dc. could this be a failed boyfriend? we cant say. but it is a possibility.

nick carraway ends the novel mourning his friend jay gatsby, moving back to the midwest alone and away from the glitz and glam of new york. his ending does not involve getting married and having kids and riding off into the sunset, which seems bittersweet for our narrator. however, given the way things planned out for other characters, this is the best ending we could hope for for nick, one away from the destruction and one where he can at least begin to to to be happy again.

and now we move onto jay.

ill admit, this has little to do with textual evidence; i cant point out a place where jay fucks a dude or describe the way jay sees men and women; with nick being our narrator, again, he only know his perspective. but we do hear things about jay from other characters, how he acts and acted before nick and the type of man he is.

wolfshiem describes jay as ‘ very careful about women. He would never so much as look at a friend’s wife.’ this means that jay knows women and knows when to back off, never advancing on someone he had no claim to. this is very important to me for several reasons.

1. it implies jay is not a cheater

2. it implies jay has been around enough women to know who is who

3. it shows jay is respectful

this also says to me that jay is not bi; he only has eyes for daisy, and not other woman. and those eyes for daisy are questionable.

we know daisy and jay had last seen each other 5 years prior to the events of the novel. in that time, jay had collected numerous things about daisy, built a house just so he could see her, and blew thousands of dollars every weekend for parties in hope that daisy would show up, even obtaining money illegally just to impress daisy.

jay gatsby is obsessed with daisy.

this is obvious from the text, the behaviors he puts forward are strange and creepy in pursuit of daisy. gatsby stares longingly out the window, cant hold a conversation with nick, and flat out bolts out of a restaurant to avoid embarrassment. he is an awkward guy, no doubt. and he lives his life as trying to be someone else, specifically, the man he thinks daisy wants from 5 years ago. when the car crashes with myrtle, all gatsby cares about is how daisy feels; when hes literally about to get ganked all he thinks about is daisy, daisy daisy daisy.

this isnt love, and i think deep down, jay knows it. this is the equivalent of dudebros who go above and beyond to prove they arent gay but end up the most gay of them all. gatsby is compensating for his feelings and trying to push the limit to deny himself more and hide back into the closet. he wants to seem the most manly he can get and basically say ‘wow i love women! i love women so much! look what i did for this woman! look at how much i love her!’

daisy is the first person jay felt he could be himself around, could begin to feel happy. and when he went to war, he no longer had something to push all his feelings onto. plus he was surrounded by other men, and for someone so in denial about their own sexuality, it probably drives them to pretty bad places. pretty obsessive places. he needs daisy, not because he loves her, but because he needs to security blanket. he needs to feel validated.

those glaces and stares out at nick feel like cracks of the real jay poking through, one who likes men but cannot admit it to himself. after all, as a man so attached and desperate for the ‘american dream,’ back in the 1920s, that did not include marrying a man. jay lives with internalized homophobia and tries to calm his nerves with his pretend love of daisy.

i could go on and on about this forever but its 12:30 and i have class.

if u take nothing from this, let me leave u with these main bullets:

TL;DR

nick fucked a dude

nick describes men erotically while he describes women very dully

nick almost lived with another man

jay is obsessed with daisy to repress his emotions

the separation and wartime made things worse for him

his internalized homophobia causes the plot

his longing stares out the window at nick are cracks in his facade

ty and goodnight

[jordanknightcdc]

Final Project Assessment

When looking back at this project as a whole there is an endless wealth of possible topics to discuss. I have thoroughly enjoyed “Crafting through the Cathedral” and have found it to be the most enjoyable and informative project I have taken part in. The opportunity to use a space so rich with history that connects to my personal interests so strongly has been enthralling. I have also felt like I have developed my feelings of direction and destination thanks to taking part in more tutorials and taking on board the guidance. I also introdued using a blog in my practice which has increased the depth of my project largely due to being able to articulate myself better. I would like to cover the many other areas that I have enjoyed. However, I don’t have close to enough time to go through it all, so instead I,am going to dived the following topics into periods of time that I have deemed the most challenging, beneficial and interesting for myself and my methodology moving forward.

Starting point- Research and navigating the use of a blog

During the beginning of this project I was really focused on making sure this project and the others following were of a higher quality across the board. This was in direct response to my end of year exiting tutorial where I was told I could be doing more and better (paraphrased). This feedback was really important to me as it was very true and I felt I could be also. This was the catalyst for my introduction of using a blog. I had used them in the past for my diploma but I I tried to change this when starting the degree and I was not happy with the results. I became far too invested in the presentation and found articulating myself very difficult with being able to edit or adjust my thoughts.

However starting this project with the blog and ending with it I feel like it has only benefited me and will continue to do so moving forward. The current situation of the blog will develop and change but is currently making my methodology much better. This is due to me not having to think about spelling, sentence structure and use of language all at once. It has allowed me to post my interviews as well unlike what is possible with a sketch book.

Despite this I did struggle with my blog and research initially. I think it was a combination of experiencing information overload and trying to best decide what interested me most. The idea of refining my ideas was unpleasant as I just wanted to keep looking at diverse stories. I initially focused on the very broad subject of narrative which I will mention later and how I approached it. Upon revaluation of this stage I can see it was a way of averting a final thought or subject and I’am glad I moved on from it. 

Midpoint- Interviewing and concept readjustment 

A large part of my research was informed by interviews I chose to conduct under the theme of finding original narrative from the people of the Cathedral. This experience was the defining factor in me changing my projects focus and how I wished to convey my work. The interviews I conducted all seemed to feedback into a singular matter of scepticism, faith and doubt. This is something upon being initiated I ran with as it is something I find genuinely engaging and relevant to my own personal interests. This sparked a euereika moment when all my ideas of faith, narrative and my intimate concern of the place of faith became aligned. This then led into my interview with Chris Pullin which was the most informative of all my interviews as he gave me real insight into his own faith and the perspective of others within the Cathedrals environment. It illuminated many questions I had but also gave me many more to answer.

Moving forward from this my interviews became more focused on addressing faith and doubt later becoming a body of work focused on the matters of religious belief, conduct and its place in the ever developing world. 

Final stage- Making and the developing body of work and thought

The most taxing and rewarding part of this project has definitely been the many stages of making the concept went through. I had created so many versions of my work and different directions it could go. This was really frustrating but very important in retrospect as it allowed me the chance to rethink refine and develop my piece in a very critical and natural way. I describe the process like a perpetual funnel constantly go from a broad state into a refined idea then back again. I was constantly striping my concept back and what I was trying to communicate. After time it became a part of my process and methodology, unpicking every decision. I have come to realise doing this inst being overly critical or fussy (like I did) but is instead a crucial aspect of your integrity as a maker, to be ale to justify everything your doing. Not just blag or lie about its “possible” meanings but to have a body of work that has been thought out and refined to the pinnacle of what you can at that time. 

This new line of thinking was brought to me during a tutorial with my tutor. I have discussed it previously and wont rehash it but purpose it served was to make me consider what I’am making, if I’am happy with it and if not how can I change this. It was the most memorable and informative tutorial I have had thus far and is something I will continue to reference in my practice due to its impact upon me. 

The impact the tutorial left has fed not only into my theory but also my making. It made and makes me consider the quality of the work I’am producing and why im making it. I had multiple instances of having to remake my work because of my awareness of the quality and craft of my work. I’am aware that the work is now a isolated object that I cannot defend or justify and I have to be comfortable that it is a representation of me. This is a matter I’am stilling trying to address within my work by ensuring it is as best a representative as it can be. 

I have learnt more about making on this project than I have on any other degree project. This is in part because I set myself more work than I probably needed to in a inefficient way. However it forced me into a position of having to try many different techniques and materials to achieve the results I wanted. This impacted my making positively because of the exposure I experienced by jumping into the deep end as it were. I will in future alter my approach to making despite it improving my skills as it was bordering on being too much exposure and I risked failing the work as a whole.

Final thoughts- Moving forward and how would I improve

After now completing this project I feel a great relief and sense of pride in the work that my peers and myself have created. It is a magical though to know that we will now become apart of the Cathedrals long and great history in a small way. I’am pleased with my outcome despite there being many things I would change and improve. I feel this satisfaction because I know that I have pushed myself as much as I could and have not refused to change like I have in the past. The way it functions and the matters it touches upon are all something I’am proud and excited to discuss in this piece and hopefully beyond within my practice. I see this project as stepping stone and turning point within my practice. It has given me pause when considering my future as a craftsperson and what that will look like. I feel slightly closer to that developing answer now.

However there is much I need to address in the way of improvements and future consideration for my work. First I will quickly address the issues with the final outcome in a list below:

The use of some poor materials in the construction. Mainly the base and paper used for the graphic.

The lack of investigation into the possible ways of manipulating coins in beyond what I have achieved

Using more secure and adjustable fixings for coin tracks.

Each of these could have their own post but that would be less informative as they are very clear problems I would address if I had more time on this work. I do want to say that upon making the piece I see a new path that I could peruse and how I could make the use of coins in an interactive way much more interesting. It would involve me going in a automata direction most probably. There is a endless wealth of great automata makers that I could mention but the main point I wanted to make is the ways in which I could use sound, movement, scale and interactivity when it comes to coin based pieces. It is a really interesting point to be at in my work as I feel I have to freedom to now redefine what my practice is and can be in the future. As the next project comes to develop I want to focus on what kind of work I’am going to be making moving forward and how I can translate that into my work best now.

I cant wait to see the work in the crypt and how it is received by the public. It will really inform how I make user responsive work in the future and if I will.

[smiinky]

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