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booksandchainmail · 2 years ago

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Pale 8.8

“Wanted to say thanks. You’ve been cool.” “Life goals.”

god I love Zed

“I wouldn’t have met the woman I’m in love with if it wasn’t for you three, so that’s worth something.”

that is a lot to put on a ~3 month teenage relationship, but I'll let him have it

She threw her arms around Booker, hugging him. He hugged her back, picking her up off the ground.

:) I'm really glad to finally meet Booker

Ohhh. The ‘music box’ was the subscription he’d been part of that she’d taken up when he’d left. She’d put the album art and artwork on half the walls of her room and on some of the ceiling.

so much cooler than how I decorated (anime collages)

“Wow. Don’t hold back there, baby sis. I still have a bit of ego left intact.” “If you could see how I see you, your ego would be in danger in the opposite way,” Lucy said.

The house felt very quiet and open in the aftermath of their departure.

I think, on top of not being happy about Booker's girlfriends, Lucy's going to struggle with Booker's presence not fixing her problems. He seems like a great brother, and Lucy clearly is used to him being able to support her. But between mundane other priorities and that she can't tell him what's going on, I don't think he'll be able to help as much, and I'm worried that will be hard on Lucy.

oh! this chapter has multiple points-of-view and even headers. There've really been some format twists going on lately

The picture on the wall was of herself, her head a triangle with jagged teeth and round ears, and Cherrypop, drawn overly large, her head round with a triangle for a nose.

awww

Melissa sat there, sitting on the steps, smoking a cigarette. She called out, “She’s out!”

I'd almost forgotten about Melissa, interesting to see she's still hanging around Louise though. IIRC they got introduced after the party?

“Too bad,” Melissa said, bitter. She exhaled smoke and looked skyward. “I’m figuring out bits and pieces. Got a spell sort of working, based on a picture I took with my phone. Magic, can you believe that?”

fuck

Love you too, she thought. She wasn’t brave enough to put it to actual spoken word.

The kitten was in a cardboard box, lined with old towels, with a flap that could fold up and down, right next to a litter box. The kitten roused and stood up on its legs, front paws on the edge of the box.

awwww. Jeremy winning major points here.

She made a face, reached over to pet Sir, and her fingers bumped Jeremy’s. He pulled back, and turned, looking at everything except her.

OwO ?

“Because I really like you, and I’ve liked you for a while, and I think I said something like that at the party.” “Yeah.” “And you called me manly and that overloaded my brain.”

VALID

"I remember a few years back when my parents divorced, I’d get these really dark, intrusive, self-hating thoughts.” “I won’t pry, you don’t have to say.” "It’s just- nah. I’m mostly past all that. But it’s like, my grades were awful, and my dad kept saying my mom didn’t want me and she wasn’t exactly acting like she wanted me, and my dad couldn’t afford me and it’d be like… any time of day that I started thinking about any of it I’d think about all of it.”

I wonder if this is why she started emotionally dissociating and getting numb? I don't think we've seen these kinds of spirals from Verona so far, except when she got captured by Bristow. And then I was surprised by how immediate and forceful her self-hatred showed up. It makes a lot of sense if that was something she struggled with earlier, and then never got a chance to really work through it, but just started repressing it. And now she has mental barriers in place that just leave her feeling blank and nauseous when things go badly with her family.

“It’s not you, it’s probably me being dumb and it’s really stupid. I don’t get where the lines are drawn or what the rules are. I kind of want to ask for rules or figure you out but I feel like that’s demanding or I’m prying. But it’s also nagging at me and that part of it sucks.”

I'm feeling a lot of sympathy for Jeremy here. He's trying really hard not to put a burden on Verona, or risk making her feel weird for boundaries that he doesn't understand

“Do you like boobs, Jer?” she asked. “Or the idea of them?” “What?” His eyes went wide. He looked startled.

From anyone other than Verona, this question would feel like a trap

“On a scale of one to ten, how do you rate the boob?” “I… seven.” [...] “And you like girls romantically…” “Yeah… if we’re using scales, nine out of ten."

Verona is reinventing the split attraction model

“Swimsuits, underclothes…” “Sure. Seven out of ten and nine point five out of ten?” he said. “That’s interesting,” she said. “Why nine point five?”

Verona, I get your curiosity, but please stay focused on your goal and stop using him as a research subject. This has got to be terrifying for Jeremy

He was practically frozen as she opened a drawer and pulled out some bras, placing it in his lap, hand moving to stop it from falling to the floor.

oh gods

She moved the box with Sir in it, and sat next to Jeremy, her left leg against his left leg, her right leg hooked around his butt, her chin on his shoulder, looking over it at the pile. He still wasn’t moving.

no fucking kidding he isn't moving!

“Yeah,” he said. “After this I’m about a thousand percent less sure I know how girls work.”

very fair

“We could work on that. Hey, you’re done. One mystery hopefully solved? You’ve learned something about girls. A little less intimidated? Less likely to fumble when it counts?”

there is a story running parallel to Pale about Jeremy coming of age, and in it Verona is fulfilling the manic pixie dream girl role

I’m just… curious, and into boys bodies, and boy brains. And I think of you as a friend and figuring that out with a friend would be cool.

rare m/f example of the "as good friends, let's platonically experiment sexually with each other" trope

Verona shook her head. She hesitated. “Want to try it on a live model?” she asked.

WOW

(get it Verona)

“You good?” he asked. She’d resumed brushing her teeth, but she nodded, and danced a bit on the spot. She pointed at him. “I’m good,” he said. “Not really sure how to… what to do, now.”

I think the implication here is meant to be that Verona gave Jeremy a blowjob

She stood on her toes to kiss him, and it was… a kiss. Nice but not especially interesting beyond that.

in contrast to the happy dancing from a minute earlier

There was a look from her dad, like he knew exactly what had transpired, and Jeremy’s stricken look didn’t exactly help sell the casual vibe Verona was going for.

Jasmine telling him that Verona is not, in fact, a late bloomer is probably contributing here

As if the house had been strictly his and she’d just lived in it. And now he knew it was hers too and he had to deal with the knowledge he couldn’t control everything she did there.

genuinely glad that this was empowering for Verona. Though as always worried about this prompting escalation

“Cool. Great, so that’s probably an option. It’d be nice if you guys were all happy and comfortable.”

Avery continuing to be sweet!

“I’ve got this cut on my arm, and scrapes at my stomach.” Tashlit paused, eyes narrowing. “Is that a problem?” Avery asked, caught off-guard. Tashlit nodded, which put her more off-guard, but then Tashlit reached out to give Avery a pat on the shoulder. Reassuring, being gentle. Oh, it was a problem, but only because it was sad, or whatever.

aww

“Oh. Listen, I’m really thankful, this… makes a lot of things easier. I don’t want to take it for granted, so is there anything I can get you? Things you like? That would make today better?”

“This might be a weird question, but does it serve any function? The skin? Could you just… lose it?”

So Tashlit responds that she can't now, and doesn't want to, but will end up losing it in the future. Given the snake part of her ancestry, I'm guessing she'll molt at some point? And given that she appeared human until recentish, my guess is when she molts it will complete her transformation, and that she is growing scales under her skin

“I’d really like to- it’s our duty, you know, to look after Kennet. To help you guys. So I want to help get you to where you’re not so-so here. Where you’re as happy as can be with where you’re at, who you’re with.”

Picking the three of them for Kennet was a really good choice

I go out there, to strange and weird places, and then I come back. Home. Departures and arrivals.

It's good to see Avery start to figure herself out. Reminds me (in a smaller way) of the self-defintion Lucy did as part of her implement ritual.

And from a "sworn to look after Kennet" perspective, lucky that she wants to keep coming back.

“This… the fact I’m a lesbian doesn’t take away from either.”

yeah! Congrats on saying it!

“Yeah. I really do want nothing else than for all my sons and daughters to love and be loved, Avery. I really do believe you deserve that. I’m proud you’ve found yourself.” “That’s me, I’m a finder.”

the real Path you have to find was inside you all along :P

“I wish he’d… I think he kept saying I, I, I, him, his viewpoint. I don’t know. He joked. It was a little forced, like if I was better at noticing details I might’ve noticed how he was standing further away than usual or something.”

“Stole ’em. I don’t have an original thought in my head. I’m a sad sack of regurgitated memes and references.”

oh mood

“Can do. I love you, you know.” “Fuck off with that so I can get back to fantasizing that I’m an only child.”

aww :)

She’d met it head on, talking to her parents. Departures and arrivals… she kept coming back a bit stronger. She badly wanted to walk another Path. To get ready and get stronger than she’d been for the Blue Heron stuff. She wanted to meet this, all of this Kennet and practice stuff, head on, too. As she’d done here. Head on- no. Prongs-on.

I really like the imagery of departing and returning, each time a little stronger. Seems like something Avery could lean into, and establish with the spirits as how she grows. And it fits well with a Finder's practice, where each Path you walk gives a boon.

Also, I love "prongs-on". Incredibly dorky and great.

#booksandchainmail reads pale #pale #wildbow

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