#wonder if eurons pissed cersei got a 'no man of woman born can kill me' moment but hes there about to do blood magic

[tweedfrog]

Cersei has to face the younger and more beautiful queen/valonquar prophecy because the gods hate to see a girlboss winning

[challia]

So, out of the New Years boredom, I did this.

This is basically my list of favourite/non favourite characters of GoT, that are still alive (in the show),... and reasons for me to think they are ok or not ok.

This is nothing important, just a strain of thoughts.

CHARACTERS I LOVE (basically ones that don’t piss me off too much).

1. Sansa Stark

Yes, yes. I know. She did what she did but I choose to believe she hated it and cried and didn’t want this etc etc.

I think somewhere out there, Petyr is proud of her for doing so.

She is the strongest Stark and the best player left.

Long live the Queen in the North. 

2. Cersei Lannister

I have always liked her. Simply because in my head she didn’t fit into anything easy or schematic, she was just always herself. We can hate her, despise her and judge her badly for all the horrible things she did. But we can all agree that she is a strong, fierce, damn smart and damn cruel ruthless woman, who kills for her family and for her love, who would burn all of the Seven Kingdoms to the ground to reach her purpose.

I respect her, even if she makes me sick sometimes.

3. Jorah Mormont

The most loyal man in GoT. He doesn’t stop loving Daenerys even when she sleeps with Daario, makes unpopular decisions and finally casts him out.

Too good of a person for her, in my opinion. I hope in the end, he will find his way around all this and his journey will make sense.

4. Jaime Lannister

This guy has grown on me immensely. I applaud him and cross my fingers for his plans to succeed.

5. Bronn

Love him for his sarcasm, irony and sense of humour. But also for his good heart he hides deep inside but we all know it’s there..

6. Brienne of Tarth

Well. Mostly for Jaime.

7. Melisandre

Had mixed feelings about her at first but I got to like her through the years. She is definately an intriguing character and I look forward to see what will happen to her now.

8. Euron Greyjoy

A great new character introduction! Charismatic, sarcastic, funny and cruel to the bone. With an awsome actor bringing him to life.

I need more of him in season 8, definately.

9. Davos Seaworth

Well, Davos is kinda like the ocean. Steady on peaceful tides, reliable on uneasy waters and always in place when things get rough. Whenever I see him on screen, I know the voice of reason will prevail.

10. Yara Greyjoy

I am a huge fan on the !book Yara (Asha) and at first was put off that they changed her name and a few personal traits here. But Gemma Whelan is a true gem of the series. She gave that character life and great personality. I am really looking forward to see what story is there next for her in s8.

CHARACTERS I HATE (basically ones that piss me off and I do not like them at all).

1. Daenerys Targaryen

Don’t even ask. I hate her with passion.

That all the same look on her face. That dumb, silly long and boring monologues. Trying to be a fierce Queen when all she can do is frightening a few soldiers with a help of the Dragons. That annoying saying “I was born to rule the 7 Kingdoms and I will!’ .Bleh. The woman makes me sick.

No disrespect to Emilia though. I know the girl is trying her best to squeeze out of that stupid character all the best there is.

2. Arya Stark

Even though she eventually killed my most beloved GoT character, I don’t hate Arya, I more hate what the writers did to her in the show. She was always a rebellious kid but they turned her into this relentless, zombie killing machine...She stabs people with a smile on her face. She cuts their throats laughing!

I don’t think Ned Stark would want this kind of future for her.

3. Varys

Now this one is tricky.

I used to love him in s1-3. He was this shady, clever man, always with a good councel, always friendly, but always mysterious. Especially his interactions with Littlefinger. Now that LF is gone, and even earlier, when they became seperated, Varys has became kinda..I don’t know, spare maybe? I don’t see a place for him now. I used to think that mabe he has a second plan hidden somewhere but now I don’t even think so.

4. Sandor “The Hound” Clegane

Tbh I never understood the love some people had for this character. He is really simple, thus ---> boring.

All that he has to offer is a wide range of swearing and some cheaky moves to sweep Brienne of her feet, which include punching, stomach hits and eventually trying to choke her.

I am not impressed.

5. Jon Snow

Ok, I do not hate the guy. He is alright. He did ok in the Battle of the Bastards, I give him that.

But that puppy look he gives literally everyone....gah

Sorry Jon, it may work on Daenerys, maybe it might have even worked on Ygritte (I doubt however that it did), but to me, you are no way fitted to become a King. Not in the North, not anywhere.

6. Gendry Baratheon

Wasted opportunity. He had been rowing for 3+ seasons too much. I am not interested in his story anymore.

7. Brandon Stark

Now, I don’t buy all the 3-eyed Raven thing just yet. Bran was a cool kid in season one. He lost his legs but not his spirit.

Right now, he is empty like Arya.

8. Theon Greyjoy

Heads up for his brave statement to save his sister. I do not belive he will succeed though.

He had been too much of a failure already.

9. Tyrion Lannister.

I put him on this list with a heavy heart. Tyrion has always been, and is probably so important for many people. GRRM created a beautiful personality of a man in an ugly body, but strong with his wits, charm, humour and a good heart. Tyrion was like this for exactly  5 seasons. Then the showrunners made him a kind of footstool for Daenerys, her Hand, but really they made Tyrion loose his wonderful personality...a thing that made him unique and caused us all to love him so much.

Too bad, really. Such a waste. Along with Petyr Baelish, Tyrion used to be my favourite character.

No more.

10. The Dragons.

You know what?

I don’t care.

Well, this is my summary for the Game of Thrones 2017. For what’s left of it. I didn’t want to even write it but deep inside it bugged me to take this out of my system. So here it is.

Happy 2018 to everyone!

[lady-alayne]

Game of Thrones: An Angry Recap

Season 7 Episode 3: The Queen's Justice

(a little late this week, as I moved to another country yesterday, but next week I'll be on time)

Dragonstone:

It turns out when Melisandre resurrected Jon Snow, she also gave him the power of super speed. Remember when entire episodes were dedicated to a person traveling? Ah, good times. OH AND REMEMBER HOW ARYA IS NOT IN THIS EPISODE BECAUSE SHE IS CURRENTLY TRAVELING A DISTANCE ABOUT ONE THIRD OF THE DISTANCE JON AND DAVOS HAVE TRAVELED OVERNIGHT?!?!?!?! This show doesn't even have continuity in one single episode, let alone over the course of several seasons. Gah.

Speaking of continuity! Davos is super mad  a little distraught  kind of pissed  — I don't know. What exactly is Davos? His sons died in the Battle of the Blackwater, and Tyrion not only fought on the other side, he was responsible for the wildfire plot... But YOLO, I guess? Team Dany and the power of love, y'all.

Missandei, who, as we learn, is the Queen's Most Trusted Advisor (on the gender of high Valyrian nouns), smartly dodges Davos's attempt at small talk and keeps her cards close to her chest, not mentioning her slave background. As the team makes their way up to the castle a dragon flies overhead dramatically, and the CGI budget for this episode is blown. This is why we can't have direwolves, people. RIP Shaggy and Summer.

And then it happens, the moment we have all been waiting for: Jon meets Dany for the first time! After an, I must begrudgingly admit, funny introduction scene (go Davos!), the two royals talk. Unfortunatley they don't really hit it off, as Jon refuses to bend the knee and call her queen, even though the last King in the North, Torrhen Stark, totally swore fealty to House Targaryen for, like, ever. Everyone agrees. Seriously??? WHAT WAS ROBB STARK???? BARISTA IN THE NORTH??? JON YOUR BROTHER OR COUSIN OR WHATEVER DID NOT DIE FOR YOU TO STAND THERE AND TELL EVERYONE “Uh, yes, Torrhen was the last King in the North.”

Jon then gloomily recites his House words – Winter is coming – and adds that this time Winter comes with some friends, who are looking forward to killing everyone. Dany does not believe him. And why would she? She has never experienced anything supernatural! Except when she used bloodmagic to save her husband's life. Or when she did not burn. Or when he dragons were born. Or that whole Qarth business. Or the second time she did not burn. But yeah other than that, nothing much supernatural going on in her life.

Davos then breaks into a passionate monologue he copy/pasted from reddit about Jon and why he's awesome, but is stopped before he can talk about the Jon dying and coming back to life bit. Apparently resurrected people are looked down upon in Westeros? I wonder if Jon and Ser Gregor are pen pals, they could probably really support each other during these times.

Dany is not moved though, and breaks into the “My rape and abuse have only made me stronger”  monologue (TM). NO. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. D&D, you fucking straight white men. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE STOP PORTRAYING RAPE AND SEXUALIZED ABUSE AND EXPOLITATION AS THE ULTIMATE AND ONLY WAY FOR WOMEN TO GROW. I CAN'T ENDURE THIS BULLSHIT ANY LONGER. I CAN'T. SEVEN SAVE ME. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

I have to say though, I find it very strange that Dany so openly speaks about her rape, given how she later fell in love with her rapist and he became her Sun and Stars and everything. One would assume that a) Dany doesn't mention it or b) D&D logic dictates that it's not rape, because, um, consent after the fact or something. But oh well, anything that makes us remember GoT has rape! Whoa!

***

Meanwhile, on a dramatic cliff, Melisande and Varys don't like each other. Mel is fearing Jon and Davos wouldn't be too happy to see her because of “terrible mistakes” she made. I assume she was talking about Shireen here? Don't worry, Mel! If Davos has forgiven Tyrion for the Battle of the Blackwater, I'm sure he won't hold the burning of an innocent child against you.

Varys wants Mel to go far away, which she has already announced she would. But Varys doesn't really believe her... Psychological warfare, I guess? “Oh, Mel, Volantis is SO BEAUTIFUL! It's always sunny and the people are happy and it always smells so good! I hope you won't leave this sad, grey, pathetic fortress that reminds you of your sad, sad history with Stannis to go there! It would make me really sad if you left us, by the way, the next plane leaves at five. Also, if you come back you will probably die.”

“That works for me,” responds Melisandre in true badassery, “because I have to die here, anyway. And so do you! Mel out!” And she leaves him speechless. Way to shut up the haters, Mel! You're my new heroine.

***

A few hours/days/weeks (who can tell? Time has lost all meaning) later, Jon is moping about kind of being Dany's prisoner. Tyrion swoops in and once more saves the day by REMINDING Jon that he should ask Dany for the Dragonglass, even though Tyrion himself did not know about the Dragonglass. But that's Tyrion, he knows everything, he's the awesomest person ever, and his quips look super good on a T-Shirt, so the writers favor him above all else. Let the wanking over Tyrion continue.

So Jon asks Dany for the Dragonglass, who tells him to get to work. Wait, did Dany expect Jon to mine all by himself? Possibly while singing a funny song? He is not a Disney character, Dany!

King's Landing:

Euron brings Cersei her gift—Asha, Ellaria, and Ellaria's daughter (Ellorio? Alleria? Airalle? Why bother with names at this point). The people of King's Landing stand all over the city and cheer, which makes me wonder how they knew Euron was coming. Was this a scheduled event? Like, “Next Tuesday: Return of the prisoners. Bring your own rotten fruit. Standing room only. / Next Friday: The Fleabottom Book Club Reads the Seven-Pointed Star.”

While delivering his gift, Euron does not fail to remind us that Cersei is a woman and may therefore be penetrated in all holes because... that's what women are there for? SERIOUSLY??? I CAN'T WITH THIS SHOW. STOP IT WITH THE OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMEN. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT. UUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

Cersei has an evil plan all hatched and ready, and kills Ellaria's daughter in the same way Ellaria killed Cersei's daughter. You have to hand it to her, Cersei's got style. At least she did not bake Ellaria's daughter into a pie. Probably because she does not know that trick with the butter!

That scene was my favorite scene in the episode though. Lena Heady and Indira Varma are brilliant actresses; Cersei's sick pleasure in all of this was vivid and scary, and Ellaria's desperate struggle moved me to tears.

I feel myself rooting for Cersei more and more with each episode. She's a really, really bad person, but she's SO GOOD at being bad. She's probably the only person who truly enjoys herself at the moment, and for that she has my respect.

Winterfell:

Sansa is ruling the North like a true badass, and she's good at it! That, or she's mediocre at best, and everyone else is just reall, REALLY stupid. A maester who does not know the longest winter in the last 100 years?????? Seriously?!?!?! And an armorer who does not know how to insulate breastplates??? In what world would an armorer not know how to insulate breastplates, but Sansa Stark knows? WHERE WOULD SHE HAVE LEARNED?!?!?! She never showed the slightest interest in warfare while she was growing up, and then she moved to King's Landing, where I doubt she had long discussions with armorers, and even if, they probably would not have told her about insulation because, you know, King's Landing is not in the North??? And I cannot imagine Ramsay let Sansa learn about breastplates and stuff while he wasn't raping her. GRRRR!!! I get that D&D want to make Sansa badass and smart and give her agency and YAAAASSS QUEEN FINALLY, but come on, they don't find ways to make Sansa look smart without making everyone super dumb?

Apparently not, because Sansa also knows AS MUCH, IF NOT MORE about Cersei as Petyr, A MAN WHO HAS LIVED IN THE CAPITAL FOR 10+ YEARS AND WHO IS ONE OF THE SMARTEST MEN IN THE SHOW (until he miraculously became stupid in season 5 and really, really stupid in season 7).

But there's a glimmer of old Littlefinger still in him, and he treats us to one of his “Always be scheming” monologues. I can only hope HE is scheming as well, but then he would be smarter than D&D together, so that probably can't be.

And then we have Stark Reunion #2, and Bran is back, and he is..... super creepy??? “Hey sister, you were really hot the night you were raped,” he tells Sansa, who suddenly remembers she has to do something. “What do you have to do?” Bran calls after her, and Sansa responds, “Uh, leave.”

Let's hope those two will warm up a bit.

The Citadel:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME. SAM HAS HEALED JORAH COMPLETELY AND IT TOOK HIM LIKE ONE NIGHT???????????????????? AND THEN JORAH IS FREE TO GO?!?!?!?!?! THEY DON'T WANT TO KEEP HIM TO, YOU KNOW, OBSERVE HIM OR WAIT IF THE GREYSCALE WILL COME BACK????????

WHAT EVEN WAS THE POINT OF JORAH HAVING GREYSCALE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!?!?!?

AND IT REALLY WAS THAT SIMPLE?!?!?!?!?!? JUST SCRAPE OFF THE SKIN?!?!?!?! IN THOUSANDS OF YEARS, NO ONE FOUND THIS SIMPLE AND INSTANTLY SUCCESSFUL PROCEDURE WORTH REVISITING AND IMPROVING UPON?!?!?!?!?!?!

“Dear patient, you have greyscale. I have good news and bad news! The good news is, there is a cure! The bad news is, it's a bit dangerous, and no one really wants to risk it, so we won't cure you. Off to the stone men with you! Bye!”

Casterly Rock/Highgarden:

To finally get even with his Dad, Tyrion has the Unsullied take Casterly Rock, which TYWIN BUILT???????? So.... who were the CASTERLYS, then??? Tywin's favorite piano teacher growing up???

We also learn that Tyrion BUILT THE SEWERS, which means he had maximum 10 years to design an intricate system, hew it into stone, and shuttle his prostitutes through. That sounds super plausible. Grey Worm and ten good men (TM) use those sewers then to take the rock. Remember when Ramsay needed twenty good men (TM) to burn Stannis' camp? Does that mean Tyrion is twice as smart as Ramsay?

But, oh no, almost no one is there, because Jaime took all the Lannisters (does that include Ed Sheeran) and took Highgarden, which was easy because THE HOUSE OF LORAS TYRELL,THE  WARDENS OF THE SOUTH, AND THE RULERS OF THE REACH, THE HOUSE THAT WON THE BATTLE OF THE BLACKWATER, aren't good fighters. OH GOD. I can feel my brain cells dying in protest.

Jaime and Olenna have one last battle of words before Olenna drinks poison to save herself from this crap. I understand you, Olenna, I understand you. And another really awesome character is gone to make more room for Emilia Clarke and her stilted monologues. Do you have any more of that poison, Olenna?

[starringemiliaclarke]

Recap: "Game of Thrones": 7.01 'Dragonstone'

‘Leave one wolf alive, and the sheep are never safe’

  EW – The long wait is over. Game of Thrones returned Sunday night with a terrific season 7 opener that featured nearly every major character and set the stage for a brutal clash of queens and an epic end game in Westeros. There were maps, mass murder, surprise meetings, an unexpected callback, sibling tension, an improved Euron, and even more maps! We start with—

  The Twins: Wait, when is this scene taking place? Is this a flashback to the Red Wedding? Is Walder Frey still alive somehow? As Frey gives his speech honoring the death of Robb Stark, it rather quickly becomes apparent something is amiss. At the Thrones premiere screening in Los Angeles last week, viewers were tittering almost immediately during this “cold open” (placed before the GoT credits quite deliberately to make viewers think it might be a flashback). How long were you fooled? Not very, I suspect. You’re all seasoned GoT pros at this point, right? “Leave one wolf alive and the sheep are never safe,” says “Walder” as his confused men barf blood. All it takes is serving one terrible feast, and your Yelp reviews never recover.

  Arya triumphantly whips off her mask, like a psychotic Ethan Hunt, her seemingly impossible mission of killing all the Freys complete. We cheer, and lucky for Arya there wasn’t one soldier in the room who was like, “You know, I’m just going to pretend to drink this wine, I’m trying to cut back on drinking, been working on bettering myself.”

  Thrones smash-cuts to the credits. There’s nothing like kicking off a new season with hundreds of people being killed by a teen girl who is, of course, our hero. If that isn’t GoT for you, not sure what is. Arya has leveled up her murderousness once again and we cheer. Yet also wonder: We learned from reading Harry Potter that murder tears the soul apart. Is this murder making Arya into somebody we might not love as much? Actress Maisie Williams wonders about this in our interview this week. It’s been on her mind the past few years — will Arya ever do something to really turn fans against her? Not today, at least.

  This question is very subtly raised again in Arya’s other scene when she’s on the road and stumbles onto Ed Sheeran as a singing Lannister soldier (fun fact: This ballad was sung by a drunk Tyrion in the books). This is one of my favorite scenes in the episode despite Sheeran, who felt out of place. Musician cameos in previous seasons (like Sigur Rós and Will Champion) disappeared into the fabric of the show; you would never know they were significant unless you were super familiar with their faces, and even then you might not notice. Sheeran’s appearance is the closest the GoT has felt to having a contemporary Special Guest Star Cameo moment. Fans on Twitter were itching for Arya to kill him.

  Still, Sheeran’s impact was brief. We’re quickly pulled back into this moment of Lannister soldiers behaving precisely how we do not expect — they’re sympathetic and friendly and relatable and bummed about their lack of r-mail access to keep in touch with their loved ones. I suspect the writers want us to feel for these soldiers who will presumably face Dany’s army at some point. For a moment, we even start to worry, not for Arya, but for them — what’s she going to do? Will she kill them like the Freys? Again, it raises the question of how far Arya will go.

  In the end, she bluntly reveals her intentions: “I’m going to kill the queen,” which the men laugh off. This is a breaking news alert for us. Fans have assumed that Arya would go home to Winterfell, not King’s Landing, but with her newfound confidence at striking down tyrants she wants to take out the biggest level boss in Westeros. (Next: The Euron-peon Union)

  King’s Landing: Speaking of which, Cersei is having her patio painted with a giant map of Westeros so she can visually keep track of everybody who hates her — and she doesn’t even know about Arya yet! She literally strides across the Seven Kingdoms like she owns the world, stepping on the little people at her feet. Jaime looks disturbed at her new James Bond villain decor as she lists her enemies. Can you imagine if Cersei had dragons instead of Dany? She’d just roast everybody so nobody would be left alive to threaten her. Jaime tries to temper Cersei’s Donald Trump-ian impulses, pointing out she can’t just piss off everybody; you need at least some allies to rule. Cersei has one in mind, but Jaime’s not going to like it.

  Enter Euron Greyjoy 2.0, all black leather pants and low-cut pirate shirt, looking a bit like an R-rated Captain Hook from Once Upon a Time. (No, George R.R. Martin fans, Euron still doesn’t have an eye patch, which in the books the character wears just for the hell of it; I think that would be one pirate trope too far.) I’m very curious to hear the reactions to his physical and personality makeover. I’m a fan. Euron last season was like an angry ambitious warrior, something we’ve seen before on this show and others. As showrunner Dan Weiss points out in our interview with actor Pilou Asbæk about his return in this episode, “We haven’t had somebody with a rock star swagger who doesn’t give a s— before. Everybody in this world cares very deeply — whether they’re awful, wonderful, or, most of them, somewhere in between — they all care deeply about the politicking and give a lot of thought into everything they do. To have somebody traipse onto the stage with a swagger and the attitude that Euron has, it’s a lot of fun and lets a lot of air into the room.”

  Euron wastes no time. He pitches himself to Cersei, not treating her like a queen worthy of respect, but like a woman in a tavern he’s hitting on while she sits right next to her boyfriend (in this case, Jaime). Euron has seemingly been reading pick-up artist forums and is peacocking and negging all over the place, trying to demonstrate his social proof. The man’s totally showing up next time in a fedora. He can’t help but test Cersei’s boundaries by advancing on her, watching The Mountain step protectively forward. He amusingly insults Jaime’s lack of hand and suggests Cersei kill her brother. Even his apparent praise of Jaime for his combat skills years ago is actually a subtle put-down — Jaime before his dismemberment was a very different man, and they all know it. Jaime may have privately engaged in some delightful Seven Kingdoms trash talk with Cersei, putting down the Iron Born to Cersei as “bitter, angry little people.” But he recognizes the desperation of their situation and, despite his misgivings, knows that they have to accept any help they can get.

  Euron declares he’s willing to do some work on speculation, saying he’ll bring Cersei a gift. The Lannisters are cool with this. They have nothing to lose. What will this gift be, we wonder? (Next: Sansa, you’re spoiling it, you’re spoiling everything! )

  Winterfell: In the Great Hall, Jon Snow deals with a matter before the Northern lords — what to do with House Umber and Karstark after they betrayed the Starks to side with Ramsay Bolton. Jon declares they will be forgiven since the traitors who made the decision are dead and now they all need to band together to fight the army of the dead. But here comes Sansa, objecting to his judgment like a lawyer for the prosecution, wanting to throw those adorable teen lord-lings out of their castles and into the freezing winter for their relatives’ betrayal. She presses the issue, making Jon look weak. “So there’s no punishment for treason and no reward for loyalty” is a devastating line. But she’s breaking The Godfather’s famous rule for governing siblings: “Don’t ever take sides with anyone against the family.” Remember what happened to Fredo.

  Jon looks tormented. Well, moreso. And GoT fans who went from vehemently anti-Sansa to totally pro-Sansa over the last couple seasons prepare to sharpen their tweets — How dare she humiliate the King in the North! Jon stands firm and lets the young Karstark and Umber kids remain. I wonder if Lyanna Mormont will have playdates with them.

  Littlefinger watches a fuming Sansa during this. He’s lurking in the shadows like an ex-pimp Emperor Palpatine: Yes, let the anger flow through you Sansa! Join me and we’ll rule Westeros as husband and his inappropriately aged wife!

  Jon mopes up to Sansa and they have a very natural-feeling chat about his verdict. His leadership is both progressive and traditional. Arming women and sending Wildlings to man The Wall is revolutionary thinking for this country. Yet his handling of the traitors feels like classic Ned Stark. Sansa’s objection is understandable — her hatred of Ramsay still burns so bright that anybody who helped him is automatically her enemy. More logically, she’s learned a bit from Cersei (and presumably from Ramsay too, even if she’d never admit it — he said he’d always be with her, remember?). Both Ramsay and Cersei annihilate any perceived enemies. Sansa’s correct that Jon needs to avoid the naive mistakes of Ned and Robb, but in this I side with him anyway — he needs a united North, and his decision in the Great Hall is the type of move that makes people love their leader. Still, Jon could have avoided all this if he spoke to Sansa about his decision in advance.

  Later, in the courtyard, Tormund leers at Brienne as he prepares to leave for Eastwatch, because that’s what he does. Meanwhile, Baelish sidles up to Sansa, trying to play on her fears and aspirations. “Why aren’t you happy?” he whispers. She’s totally onto him and doesn’t want to hear it. I love her line as she dismisses him: “No need to seize the last word; I’ll assume it was something clever.”

  Castle Black: Briefly at the gate, Bran meets Dolorous Edd and gives him a quick Sherlock-esque mind-freak cold reading. He doesn’t say anything to prove he’s a Stark, like Edd asked, but does prove he creepily knows a bunch of things he shouldn’t, so they decide to bring him in. (Next: MasterChef)

  The Citadel: Hope you didn’t have soup for dinner! Too late? Samwell Tarley has finally arrived in the Land of Books and Decorative Chains to read to his introvert heart’s content, and mean ol’ Archmaester Ebrose (played by Jim Broadbent, slipping seamlessly into this world … unlike some people) has put him on latrine and kitchen duty like an Old Town episode of Dirty Jobs. It all opens with a unique sequence for Thrones. Normally the show’s editing style is classical and formal, but here director Jeremy Podeswa uses rapid cutting of Sam’s gross-out jobs for a comedic effect we haven’t seen before.

  Co-executive producer Bryan Cogman has pointed out that Sam has found himself in an “anti-Harry Potter” story line: “Sam shows up to this amazing place where he thinks he’s going to get all the answers and all his talents are going to be put to good use. But this ain’t Hogwarts, and the maester is not Dumbledore.” There’s even a Hogwarts-esque restricted section of the library where books are hidden away for advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts. Sam steals a key and begins his studies. If only he had an invisibility cloak and a Marauders Map, this would be a cinch.

  Samwell quickly discovers that there’s a lot of White Walker-killing dragonglass at Dragonstone castle (appropriately enough) and plans to send a message to Jon. When you think about where the other characters are, this move has all sorts of intriguing potential outcomes.

  We get a jolt (the premiere audience literally yelped) when Ser Jorah, of all people, grabs Sam from a cell where he’s apparently being kept. Jorah wants to know if Daenerys has arrived in Westeros yet. He’s also probably wondering who she’s dating. It’s not clear if Dany’s arrival will trigger something for him or if he’s just trying to keep up on current events. It’s also not clear why Jorah is there. Yes, of course, been seeking treatment for his greyscale. And on this week’s EW podcast breaking down the GoT premiere, Darren Franich and I theorized that Jorah is presumably being contained in this room like a medieval leper due to his contagious condition — he’s being kept separate from the population and given basic humane care as he waits to die and/or gets treatment.

  Later, Broadbent’s maester explains the perspective of his organization on world events. They apparently keep themselves removed from world affairs, which is pretty monastic for quasi-scientists. Westeros is facing their bizarro universe version of global warming and its top minds are content to sit on the sidelines. You would think they’d want to be useful. Then again, given how many people in Westeros are murderous thugs who use their swords instead of their minds, all these Citadel nerds probably see that winter is coming and think: Screw ‘em, bring on The Purge!

  The maester notes that through the ages, no matter many times doomsayers thought the world was going to end, The Wall has held back the forces of evil each winter. That sounds like potential foreshadowing, with echoes of Potter once again. Remember that line in Sorcerer’s Stone? “As long as Dumbledore is around, Harry, you’re safe.” (Next: Dragon’s Den)

  Riverlands: Speaking of letting people starve, here we come to a wholly unexpected and hauntingly filmed sequence with The Hound that’s probably my favorite part in the premiere. Who predicted the Game of Thrones season 7 opener would have a major callback to the poor farmer from season 4? Exactly nobody. We don’t know what happened to Gendry but we totally get closure on that guy! A refresher: The Hound and Arya were once helped by a kind man and his daughter, and The Hound repaid this generosity by striking him and stealing his money, declaring that the farmer is weak and winter is coming and that they would just starve anyway. Arya really hated The Hound for this.

  So when The Hound finishes bald-shaming Thoros and they come upon this familiar farmhouse, his first instinct is to bolt, noting the occupants don’t want their company. But the farmer and his daughter are long dead, having killed themselves to avoid starving. Is their fate the Hound’s fault? He sure didn’t help. It’s impossible to know if this outcome would have happened anyway.

  This leads to an intriguing debate with six-time resurrection champ Beric Dondarrion, who in addition to wearing Euron’s eye patch has totally out-messiah’d Jon Snow. The Hound is angered by the fact of Beric because he’s seemingly walking proof that a higher power exists. But if that’s true, as the timeless and impossible question goes, why does he/she allow such horrible things happen to good people? The Hound wants to know why Beric has been saved (and, I suspect, why he’s been spared so far as well). The Hound has come a long way from the man we met in season 4. The Brotherhood reassured him last season that it’s not too late for him to do more good than the harm he’s caused. He sees those bodies in the corner and wonders if that could possibly be true.

  Suddenly I want a scene between The Hound and Jaime Lannister — two men who are nothing alike but have been on a rather similar moral journey over the course of this show. Also: By raising the question of Beric’s purpose so pointedly, the scene strongly suggests that this minor character — whose importance in the series has never been clear — has something crucial to do before the show is over.

  Dragonstone: One of the cool elements of this episode is how many different scene tones we get. There’s the mass murder surprise of the cold open. Strategy sessions. One-on-one intimate chats. And here is something entirely different: an almost wordless visual feast. Back in season 2 when Stannis Baratheon resided in Dragonstone, the setting was mainly staged with a distant exterior shot CG-shot and the carved wood table map room. Here we see GoT’s season 7 budget on full display, with a gorgeous sequence of Daenerys landing her landing party on the shore and ascending the stone stairs to repo her birthright.

  The lingering of this sequence drives home, without dialogue, how momentous this is for her character. From the very first time we met Dany, she’s wanted to return home. (Also, what other drama would have its top-billed star, Peter Dinklage, spend the premiere just silently observing?) I do wonder why nobody has taken up residence here after Stannis left. This is some high-class beach-front property when most Westeros residents live in shacks; one would think somebody would at least rent it out on Airbnb (Airdnd?).

  We also get a preview of Dany’s rad new throne room full of dark dragon-scale detail. She peers at the Westeros table map, just like Cersei looking her her floor map earlier, and lowers the boom: “Shall we begin?”

  Oh, we so shall! Already this season we have significant characters meeting on screen for the first time (Euron and Cersei; Bran and Dolorous Edd; Jorah and Sam). There were a few absences, too, but they’ll be around next week (like Theon and Yara Greyjoy, along with Ellaria Sand). We promised before that season 7 has a faster pace than previous years. We didn’t feel that so much in this episode, but strap yourselves in for the weeks to come.

Recap: “Game of Thrones”: 7.01 ‘Dragonstone’ was originally published on Enchanting Emilia Clarke

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Recap: "Game of Thrones": 7.01 'Dragonstone'

‘Leave one wolf alive, and the sheep are never safe’

  EW – The long wait is over. Game of Thrones returned Sunday night with a terrific season 7 opener that featured nearly every major character and set the stage for a brutal clash of queens and an epic end game in Westeros. There were maps, mass murder, surprise meetings, an unexpected callback, sibling tension, an improved Euron, and even more maps! We start with—

  The Twins: Wait, when is this scene taking place? Is this a flashback to the Red Wedding? Is Walder Frey still alive somehow? As Frey gives his speech honoring the death of Robb Stark, it rather quickly becomes apparent something is amiss. At the Thrones premiere screening in Los Angeles last week, viewers were tittering almost immediately during this “cold open” (placed before the GoT credits quite deliberately to make viewers think it might be a flashback). How long were you fooled? Not very, I suspect. You’re all seasoned GoT pros at this point, right? “Leave one wolf alive and the sheep are never safe,” says “Walder” as his confused men barf blood. All it takes is serving one terrible feast, and your Yelp reviews never recover.

  Arya triumphantly whips off her mask, like a psychotic Ethan Hunt, her seemingly impossible mission of killing all the Freys complete. We cheer, and lucky for Arya there wasn’t one soldier in the room who was like, “You know, I’m just going to pretend to drink this wine, I’m trying to cut back on drinking, been working on bettering myself.”

  Thrones smash-cuts to the credits. There’s nothing like kicking off a new season with hundreds of people being killed by a teen girl who is, of course, our hero. If that isn’t GoT for you, not sure what is. Arya has leveled up her murderousness once again and we cheer. Yet also wonder: We learned from reading Harry Potter that murder tears the soul apart. Is this murder making Arya into somebody we might not love as much? Actress Maisie Williams wonders about this in our interview this week. It’s been on her mind the past few years — will Arya ever do something to really turn fans against her? Not today, at least.

  This question is very subtly raised again in Arya’s other scene when she’s on the road and stumbles onto Ed Sheeran as a singing Lannister soldier (fun fact: This ballad was sung by a drunk Tyrion in the books). This is one of my favorite scenes in the episode despite Sheeran, who felt out of place. Musician cameos in previous seasons (like Sigur Rós and Will Champion) disappeared into the fabric of the show; you would never know they were significant unless you were super familiar with their faces, and even then you might not notice. Sheeran’s appearance is the closest the GoT has felt to having a contemporary Special Guest Star Cameo moment. Fans on Twitter were itching for Arya to kill him.

  Still, Sheeran’s impact was brief. We’re quickly pulled back into this moment of Lannister soldiers behaving precisely how we do not expect — they’re sympathetic and friendly and relatable and bummed about their lack of r-mail access to keep in touch with their loved ones. I suspect the writers want us to feel for these soldiers who will presumably face Dany’s army at some point. For a moment, we even start to worry, not for Arya, but for them — what’s she going to do? Will she kill them like the Freys? Again, it raises the question of how far Arya will go.

  In the end, she bluntly reveals her intentions: “I’m going to kill the queen,” which the men laugh off. This is a breaking news alert for us. Fans have assumed that Arya would go home to Winterfell, not King’s Landing, but with her newfound confidence at striking down tyrants she wants to take out the biggest level boss in Westeros. (Next: The Euron-peon Union)

  King’s Landing: Speaking of which, Cersei is having her patio painted with a giant map of Westeros so she can visually keep track of everybody who hates her — and she doesn’t even know about Arya yet! She literally strides across the Seven Kingdoms like she owns the world, stepping on the little people at her feet. Jaime looks disturbed at her new James Bond villain decor as she lists her enemies. Can you imagine if Cersei had dragons instead of Dany? She’d just roast everybody so nobody would be left alive to threaten her. Jaime tries to temper Cersei’s Donald Trump-ian impulses, pointing out she can’t just piss off everybody; you need at least some allies to rule. Cersei has one in mind, but Jaime’s not going to like it.

  Enter Euron Greyjoy 2.0, all black leather pants and low-cut pirate shirt, looking a bit like an R-rated Captain Hook from Once Upon a Time. (No, George R.R. Martin fans, Euron still doesn’t have an eye patch, which in the books the character wears just for the hell of it; I think that would be one pirate trope too far.) I’m very curious to hear the reactions to his physical and personality makeover. I’m a fan. Euron last season was like an angry ambitious warrior, something we’ve seen before on this show and others. As showrunner Dan Weiss points out in our interview with actor Pilou Asbæk about his return in this episode, “We haven’t had somebody with a rock star swagger who doesn’t give a s— before. Everybody in this world cares very deeply — whether they’re awful, wonderful, or, most of them, somewhere in between — they all care deeply about the politicking and give a lot of thought into everything they do. To have somebody traipse onto the stage with a swagger and the attitude that Euron has, it’s a lot of fun and lets a lot of air into the room.”

  Euron wastes no time. He pitches himself to Cersei, not treating her like a queen worthy of respect, but like a woman in a tavern he’s hitting on while she sits right next to her boyfriend (in this case, Jaime). Euron has seemingly been reading pick-up artist forums and is peacocking and negging all over the place, trying to demonstrate his social proof. The man’s totally showing up next time in a fedora. He can’t help but test Cersei’s boundaries by advancing on her, watching The Mountain step protectively forward. He amusingly insults Jaime’s lack of hand and suggests Cersei kill her brother. Even his apparent praise of Jaime for his combat skills years ago is actually a subtle put-down — Jaime before his dismemberment was a very different man, and they all know it. Jaime may have privately engaged in some delightful Seven Kingdoms trash talk with Cersei, putting down the Iron Born to Cersei as “bitter, angry little people.” But he recognizes the desperation of their situation and, despite his misgivings, knows that they have to accept any help they can get.

  Euron declares he’s willing to do some work on speculation, saying he’ll bring Cersei a gift. The Lannisters are cool with this. They have nothing to lose. What will this gift be, we wonder? (Next: Sansa, you’re spoiling it, you’re spoiling everything! )

  Winterfell: In the Great Hall, Jon Snow deals with a matter before the Northern lords — what to do with House Umber and Karstark after they betrayed the Starks to side with Ramsay Bolton. Jon declares they will be forgiven since the traitors who made the decision are dead and now they all need to band together to fight the army of the dead. But here comes Sansa, objecting to his judgment like a lawyer for the prosecution, wanting to throw those adorable teen lord-lings out of their castles and into the freezing winter for their relatives’ betrayal. She presses the issue, making Jon look weak. “So there’s no punishment for treason and no reward for loyalty” is a devastating line. But she’s breaking The Godfather’s famous rule for governing siblings: “Don’t ever take sides with anyone against the family.” Remember what happened to Fredo.

  Jon looks tormented. Well, moreso. And GoT fans who went from vehemently anti-Sansa to totally pro-Sansa over the last couple seasons prepare to sharpen their tweets — How dare she humiliate the King in the North! Jon stands firm and lets the young Karstark and Umber kids remain. I wonder if Lyanna Mormont will have playdates with them.

  Littlefinger watches a fuming Sansa during this. He’s lurking in the shadows like an ex-pimp Emperor Palpatine: Yes, let the anger flow through you Sansa! Join me and we’ll rule Westeros as husband and his inappropriately aged wife!

  Jon mopes up to Sansa and they have a very natural-feeling chat about his verdict. His leadership is both progressive and traditional. Arming women and sending Wildlings to man The Wall is revolutionary thinking for this country. Yet his handling of the traitors feels like classic Ned Stark. Sansa’s objection is understandable — her hatred of Ramsay still burns so bright that anybody who helped him is automatically her enemy. More logically, she’s learned a bit from Cersei (and presumably from Ramsay too, even if she’d never admit it — he said he’d always be with her, remember?). Both Ramsay and Cersei annihilate any perceived enemies. Sansa’s correct that Jon needs to avoid the naive mistakes of Ned and Robb, but in this I side with him anyway — he needs a united North, and his decision in the Great Hall is the type of move that makes people love their leader. Still, Jon could have avoided all this if he spoke to Sansa about his decision in advance.

  Later, in the courtyard, Tormund leers at Brienne as he prepares to leave for Eastwatch, because that’s what he does. Meanwhile, Baelish sidles up to Sansa, trying to play on her fears and aspirations. “Why aren’t you happy?” he whispers. She’s totally onto him and doesn’t want to hear it. I love her line as she dismisses him: “No need to seize the last word; I’ll assume it was something clever.”

  Castle Black: Briefly at the gate, Bran meets Dolorous Edd and gives him a quick Sherlock-esque mind-freak cold reading. He doesn’t say anything to prove he’s a Stark, like Edd asked, but does prove he creepily knows a bunch of things he shouldn’t, so they decide to bring him in. (Next: MasterChef)

  The Citadel: Hope you didn’t have soup for dinner! Too late? Samwell Tarley has finally arrived in the Land of Books and Decorative Chains to read to his introvert heart’s content, and mean ol’ Archmaester Ebrose (played by Jim Broadbent, slipping seamlessly into this world … unlike some people) has put him on latrine and kitchen duty like an Old Town episode of Dirty Jobs. It all opens with a unique sequence for Thrones. Normally the show’s editing style is classical and formal, but here director Jeremy Podeswa uses rapid cutting of Sam’s gross-out jobs for a comedic effect we haven’t seen before.

  Co-executive producer Bryan Cogman has pointed out that Sam has found himself in an “anti-Harry Potter” story line: “Sam shows up to this amazing place where he thinks he’s going to get all the answers and all his talents are going to be put to good use. But this ain’t Hogwarts, and the maester is not Dumbledore.” There’s even a Hogwarts-esque restricted section of the library where books are hidden away for advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts. Sam steals a key and begins his studies. If only he had an invisibility cloak and a Marauders Map, this would be a cinch.

  Samwell quickly discovers that there’s a lot of White Walker-killing dragonglass at Dragonstone castle (appropriately enough) and plans to send a message to Jon. When you think about where the other characters are, this move has all sorts of intriguing potential outcomes.

  We get a jolt (the premiere audience literally yelped) when Ser Jorah, of all people, grabs Sam from a cell where he’s apparently being kept. Jorah wants to know if Daenerys has arrived in Westeros yet. He’s also probably wondering who she’s dating. It’s not clear if Dany’s arrival will trigger something for him or if he’s just trying to keep up on current events. It’s also not clear why Jorah is there. Yes, of course, been seeking treatment for his greyscale. And on this week’s EW podcast breaking down the GoT premiere, Darren Franich and I theorized that Jorah is presumably being contained in this room like a medieval leper due to his contagious condition — he’s being kept separate from the population and given basic humane care as he waits to die and/or gets treatment.

  Later, Broadbent’s maester explains the perspective of his organization on world events. They apparently keep themselves removed from world affairs, which is pretty monastic for quasi-scientists. Westeros is facing their bizarro universe version of global warming and its top minds are content to sit on the sidelines. You would think they’d want to be useful. Then again, given how many people in Westeros are murderous thugs who use their swords instead of their minds, all these Citadel nerds probably see that winter is coming and think: Screw ‘em, bring on The Purge!

  The maester notes that through the ages, no matter many times doomsayers thought the world was going to end, The Wall has held back the forces of evil each winter. That sounds like potential foreshadowing, with echoes of Potter once again. Remember that line in Sorcerer’s Stone? “As long as Dumbledore is around, Harry, you’re safe.” (Next: Dragon’s Den)

  Riverlands: Speaking of letting people starve, here we come to a wholly unexpected and hauntingly filmed sequence with The Hound that’s probably my favorite part in the premiere. Who predicted the Game of Thrones season 7 opener would have a major callback to the poor farmer from season 4? Exactly nobody. We don’t know what happened to Gendry but we totally get closure on that guy! A refresher: The Hound and Arya were once helped by a kind man and his daughter, and The Hound repaid this generosity by striking him and stealing his money, declaring that the farmer is weak and winter is coming and that they would just starve anyway. Arya really hated The Hound for this.

  So when The Hound finishes bald-shaming Thoros and they come upon this familiar farmhouse, his first instinct is to bolt, noting the occupants don’t want their company. But the farmer and his daughter are long dead, having killed themselves to avoid starving. Is their fate the Hound’s fault? He sure didn’t help. It’s impossible to know if this outcome would have happened anyway.

  This leads to an intriguing debate with six-time resurrection champ Beric Dondarrion, who in addition to wearing Euron’s eye patch has totally out-messiah’d Jon Snow. The Hound is angered by the fact of Beric because he’s seemingly walking proof that a higher power exists. But if that’s true, as the timeless and impossible question goes, why does he/she allow such horrible things happen to good people? The Hound wants to know why Beric has been saved (and, I suspect, why he’s been spared so far as well). The Hound has come a long way from the man we met in season 4. The Brotherhood reassured him last season that it’s not too late for him to do more good than the harm he’s caused. He sees those bodies in the corner and wonders if that could possibly be true.

  Suddenly I want a scene between The Hound and Jaime Lannister — two men who are nothing alike but have been on a rather similar moral journey over the course of this show. Also: By raising the question of Beric’s purpose so pointedly, the scene strongly suggests that this minor character — whose importance in the series has never been clear — has something crucial to do before the show is over.

  Dragonstone: One of the cool elements of this episode is how many different scene tones we get. There’s the mass murder surprise of the cold open. Strategy sessions. One-on-one intimate chats. And here is something entirely different: an almost wordless visual feast. Back in season 2 when Stannis Baratheon resided in Dragonstone, the setting was mainly staged with a distant exterior shot CG-shot and the carved wood table map room. Here we see GoT’s season 7 budget on full display, with a gorgeous sequence of Daenerys landing her landing party on the shore and ascending the stone stairs to repo her birthright.

  The lingering of this sequence drives home, without dialogue, how momentous this is for her character. From the very first time we met Dany, she’s wanted to return home. (Also, what other drama would have its top-billed star, Peter Dinklage, spend the premiere just silently observing?) I do wonder why nobody has taken up residence here after Stannis left. This is some high-class beach-front property when most Westeros residents live in shacks; one would think somebody would at least rent it out on Airbnb (Airdnd?).

  We also get a preview of Dany’s rad new throne room full of dark dragon-scale detail. She peers at the Westeros table map, just like Cersei looking her her floor map earlier, and lowers the boom: “Shall we begin?”

  Oh, we so shall! Already this season we have significant characters meeting on screen for the first time (Euron and Cersei; Bran and Dolorous Edd; Jorah and Sam). There were a few absences, too, but they’ll be around next week (like Theon and Yara Greyjoy, along with Ellaria Sand). We promised before that season 7 has a faster pace than previous years. We didn’t feel that so much in this episode, but strap yourselves in for the weeks to come.

Recap: “Game of Thrones”: 7.01 ‘Dragonstone’ was originally published on Glorious Gwendoline