#won't delete later bc fuck it this is my blog and i should post how i feel from time to time bc i am a fucking human being

[miasanmuller]

When I was younger I used to draw a lot, I even took painting classes when I was like 10 or 11 (with a class of middgle-aged women. It was fun), but I lost that hobby when I hit adulthood. It's been years since I last attempted to draw anything and I hated it. I hate that the capitalist logic of "your hobbies should be profitable, your art should be objectivelly good by the market's standards" has gotten to me. And now even though I want so bad to pick up drawing and painting again, I can't bring myself to it because I feel like it'd be a waste of time because I'd never be good at it. But that shouldn't be the point, people shouldn't seek hobbies to become good at them. The objective should be just to feel good about engaging in it. But I lost that and I have no idea how to get back to that

[carolinanadeau]

I'm about to say something really stupid and unwise and I won't do it but I'm mad. mad. honestly how can you tell people that they have to change or "update" the way they think? we are actually all entitled to our own opinions even if it doesn't meet your approval.

[princessnijireiki]

keep getting comments like, "well what about the harassment jas is getting," bro I literally received murder threats + was doxxed on this site & staff told me to turn off my inbox + replies and block my way out of it, and that even after having family members threatened w the (luckily inept) doxxing, they weren't even going to remove posts w any personally identifying information until/unless the person threatening me posted phone numbers.

like that guy's sideblog that he made specifically to threaten & doxx me IS still up, and the info he put on there is inaccurate + now out of date, but except for the one post where he put every phone number associated w my (v common lol) last name in my old city of residence, those posts are still up, too.

that dude didn't get nuked.

my page has been deactivated twice for no reason, and after nonstop emails about it, I was able to get it restored both times. but that never happened to someone who said he was going to have me shot & raped. and even the little bit staff did in my defense? took weeks.

I don't condone harassment & threats or cyberstalking or doxxing, I've warned ppl I legitimately do not fuck with & do not like to protect public facing information when I've stumbled on it bc it's a wild world out here. some of the comments I deleted off this breakdown post specifically were even just things tagging the wrong person, or bickering w someone I'd already blocked, bc they're getting violent threats, too, and that's bullshit. you will not piggyback off me to swing on anybody else like that, even if you think they fucking deserve it, bc I refuse to be embroiled in anybody else's bad blood or to be used in this way.

but I'm very sure mercury's getting gnarly messages, too. and mercury is still nuked.

jas has turned off her inbox & limited DMs + post replies, and is clearly blocking people who reblog with commentary she disapproves of. that's her prerogative. she's done EVERYTHING tumblr staff has told evetybody else is the absolute limit of what can be done to protect ourselves.

and it sucks people are calling her names. it sucks if she's getting threats. it sucks if mercury was nuked without jas's input, because clearly if there was ANY consideration for how the backlash was going to affect jas, it wasn't thought out well if at all. but she has protection & tools at her disposal that the rest of us don't, and they were utilized over something trivial & frivolous that came back to kick her in the ass. she has the same options as any other regular joe schmoe blogger on this site now, and while I'm sympathetic to that, bc it's a shitty unfair system, I don't feel sorry for her when she ultimately created this situation herself wrt the reactions SHE'S getting to the way she reacted to mercury's post.

and I won't feel sorry until or unless whatever new options jas later gets + already got (incl turbodeleting the opposition over petty grievances) get handed to the rest of us, too. bc this was a pretty cut & dry example of abuse of power. and if nuking blogs is a "break glass in case of emergency" moderation tool, fine, it doesn't need to be open access; but it's applied unevenly, for personal or political biases, and if it's not meant for civilian users' petty squabbles, then it should never have been used here.

it's a shitty situation, but you don't get to cry about how people react or what comes up when people google your name when you're the party at fault. and tbh I hope this is the last post I have to make about it.