#women looking to get hysterectomies/mastectomies for health and comfort reasons

[sharknado-three]

Homophobes: I don't hate people who struggle with homosexual tendencies, I just think sodomy is a sin and responsible for spreading disease. I will do anything in my power to stop people from having gay sex, including campaigning to make it illegal. I believe being visibly homosexual in the presence of kids is making kids gay and shouldn't be allowed.

LGBT+ community: That's homophobic.

TERFs: I don't hate dysphoric females, I just think transitioning is causing irreversible damage and reinforcing sexist stereotypes. I will do anything in my power to stop "confused lesbians" from destroying their bodies, including campaigning to make transition illegal. I believe being visibly trans in the presence of kids is making kids gender-confused and shouldn't be allowed.

Some of you: Wow, TERFs sure do love AFAB trans people! They literally said so and we know bigots would never lie about that!

[discyours]

Not tryna sound rude, no hate 2 u, but what is it with the belief on the rad-side of tumblr that transitioning harms women's bodies, like, what, are trans men's worth based purely on their perceivable sex now? Doesn't sound very pro bodily-autonomy. I see plenty of posts supporting butch lesbians (I just haven't seen straight women do this so correct me if im wrong, sorry.) getting top surgery because their breasts make them uncomfortable. Why isn't that considered harming women's/female bodies?

The harm isn’t about them no longer looking female. Some radfems may call attention to the “cosmetic” effects, but they are in the vast minority and in my experience all of them are literally just transphobic. I feel like non-radfems have a tendency to focus on their voices because they confirm a lesbophobic bias where “terfs” don’t genuinely care about women, they just care about having (sexual) access to female bodies. I doubt that anyone does this on purpose, but it is misleading and pretty damn harmful. I can only think of a few people who have talked about how T “makes women ugly” and none of them were even remotely popular with mainstream radfems. 

I don’t think it’s common for radfems to be supportive of top surgery for women who don’t identify as trans. They may support the aspect of women exercising their bodily autonomy, but I’ve never seen radfems treat top surgery like a genuine positive or the preferred way to deal with dysphoria.

The thing about mastectomies is that, while it permanently removes a normal (and in the case of people seeking it out because of dysphoria, healthy) part of female bodies, it is a one-time procedure and nothing that’s required for physical well-being is damaged or removed. There are risks involved, as with any surgery, and of course radfems would prefer for women to learn to be comfortable in their natural bodies. But once it’s done that’s it, no future damage is done.

HRT is very different because it affects literally every part of your body. The health risks are not all that well-known, especially for long term use, but it’s known that testosterone can cause female reproductive organs to atrophy. This can lead to horrific infections, and could theoretically affect the surrounding organs as well. Some trans men have also reported chronic uterine pain, especially during sex. When these issues become bad enough a hysterectomy can’t be avoided, and if the ovaries can’t be saved that means that person will have to rely on artificial hormones for the rest of their lives. If they lose access to HRT (which can happen for a variety of reasons from hormone shortages to a simple inability to pay) their body will no longer be able to make up what they need and they can become incredibly sick. If they ever develop liver problems and may need to stop taking artificial hormones for health reasons, that’s too bad because there’s literally no other option left. 

Both are harmful in their own ways and both can be essential regardless for people whose dysphoria can’t be managed any other way. But it’s important to distinguish between how bad they are, and I don’t think there’s any question which one is worse. 

[coffeewithmrthornton]

An Open Letter to Ms. Shelley G. Broader President and Chief Executive Officer, Chico’s FAS Inc., parent company of Soma Intimates

Dear Ms. Broader:

 I approached a new part-time job at Soma Intimates in Lexington, KY, with enthusiasm. I’ve been a huge fan of the Soma product, particularly dresses that have been flattering and kind to me as I age. After doing some research about your corporation on Glassdoor and Indeed – and discovering a corporate commitment to helping women with breast cancer and also domestic violence victims – I was optimistic that this would be a caring company with a positive work environment.

 I have worked at Soma Intimates in the Fayette Mall in Lexington for a total of seven days.

 Tonight, I parted ways with the company.

 While I would normally make such a decision private, I feel that you and my reading followers should know what I experienced in that very brief period. I do not know if my story will create positive change, but my hope is that it might help women who do not possess my self-confidence to receive your kind attention:

 The best way to outline what happened is to start at the beginning – with my job interview. I’d worked in retail 25 years ago, when I needed a side job to make ends meet. So I was unprepared when my store manager told me that I was expected to plan parties for customers. These parties were to take place monthly, and I was to come up with ways to reach out to my network to bring people in. She wanted to know how I was going to do that. While taken aback, after considering it for a few moments, I actually became very excited about this idea. I shared with her that I had a wide social network with Twitter. Currently, I am at about 9,900 followers. My plan would be to come up with a list of party ideas and then launch a second Twitter account solely dedicated to promoting these parties and the store’s other sales and events. I would then circulate this among my network, and as I am widely connected locally, I looked forward to this greatly. I also was extremely excited about parties that would benefit women who had mastectomies, as well as young mothers and anyone else in need of a great Soma bra.

 After I received my job offer, I immediately sat down for about two hours and crafted a list of party ideas. For your purposes, they are listed below. You can read through them now or skip down to the rest of my narrative and come back to them later … but here they are, as they were emailed to my hiring manager on May 31, 2017:

PARTY IDEAS:

1.       Bring Your BFF Party: Invite women to come in for a girls' night out, where they bring their best friends. The aim of the party is that the best friend shops for an item for you, and vice versa. Best friends will often see that our wardrobes "lack" an essential item -- something that we would never shop for ourselves. Or they might see that we should "let loose" in certain areas (i.e., a best friend can tell a woman that she needs prettier bras -- something no one else could tell her). Sales associates would help best friends find the perfect items. We would wrap up each purchase with beautiful bows like a gift for each woman to present to her best friend.

2.       Divorce Party: As someone who went through a divorce seven years ago, I know the emotional pain of feeling like you are no longer feminine or sexy. You go through a period of feeling rejected, even when you are putting on a good face for the rest of the world. If you're a mom, you're also only focusing on the needs of your children. Pretty soon, your lingerie drawer is neglected -- and you don't even care. Most women also associate lingerie boutiques with brides and romance -- less thinking about themselves and their need to feel beautiful. We could reach out to divorce attorneys and also support groups for the newly divorced to get the word out about divorce parties. When shoppers arrive, sales associates would give one-on-one attention, asking each woman what would help them to feel beautiful.

3.       Mommy's Day Out: Moms with toddlers and babies are in the same boat as the divorcees. Many are trying to get back in shape and also are neglecting themselves. (Not easy to feel sexy when your top is soaked with souring breast milk.) We would hand out invites to day care centers around town. Also, we can target the moms who congregate in the toddler play area near the store. Sales associates would play with babies and toddlers in the store while their mommies shop. I'm not averse to changing diapers, if needed. 

4.       Men-Only Party: Most men walk into a lingerie boutique looking like deer in the headlights. This is less than a "party," and more like an effort to offer men one-on-one shopping experiences. During a special block of time when we have shopping "just for men," each sales associate is assigned one man to guide through the shop and help him find items for the special woman in his life.

5.       Pajama Party: Just like PJ parties at elementary schools, sales associates would wear their favorite Soma PJs and robes. We would have popcorn available and play films like "13 Going on 30" on a large screen. Soma associates would discuss with shoppers why they love certain PJs to sell them.

6.       Jane Austen "Tea" Party: The Regency Era of Jane Austen was a very "forgiving" fashion period, with its high-waisted dresses. It's also one reason I love many of the dresses offered by Soma. As my body has changed in middle age, these dresses take attention from my abdomen, are slenderizing and are very flattering. My proposal is to do a party for "Janeites" (i.e., Austen nerds). We could offer tea sandwiches and hot tea, show "Pride and Prejudice" (1995 BBC version) on a screen and discuss how the Soma dresses reflect the fashion-forward dresses of that period in history. We might collaborate with Joseph-Beth Booksellers and get them to bring in a speaker, along with a stack of Austen books that women could co-purchase with their dresses.

7.       Back to College Party: Although a lot of girls in their 20s still go for Victoria's Secret, Soma can push itself to this target demographic as the "sophisticated lingerie" option for "real women," not "girls." We can promote this party with sorority houses at the University of Kentucky and also circulate information at nearby schools like Asbury University and Transylvania University.

8.       Hot Flash Party: I had a hysterectomy at age 44, and overnight, the hot flashes started. One of my tools to get through them, ironically, are the Soma "cool nights" pajamas. Soma fabric is wonderful for hot flashes, because it is soft and comforting when you are experiencing a real physical meltdown. We could ask a gynecologist or RN from an OB-GYN practice to be a guest speaker about how to cope with changing hormones and hot flashes. Soma associates could offer suggestions about the best fabrics to get women through this difficult life-changing period.

9.       Back to Work for New Mommies Party: When women have to return to work after maternity leave, sometimes they are still trying to get back into shape post-pregnancy. Hence, their office wardrobe is sparse. They don't want to go back to maternity clothes, either. Soma dresses are a great option for women who are in that "in between" phase. We could partner with OB-GYNs again to discuss how your body changes after having a baby. Soma associates would help new mommies shop for back-to-work dresses to get them ready for their grand entrance at the office.

10.     Lingerie Bridal Shower Party: We could market this option on a constant basis with a partnership with bridal dress boutiques. Rather than have a traditional bridal shower where people bring gifts, they can book the shower in the boutique. During the shower while they eat and play games, they shop for the bride's gift. We have sales associates on hand to ring and wrap on the spot. The bride leaves with a box of wrapped gifts, to unwrap at home. We sell it as a win-win, because she can share her measurements while in the store (one "game"), and then they shop for her on the spot. We get bridal boutiques to market this option for us by cross-marketing their offerings (i.e. providing their business cards, having a photo near the cash register with one of their bridal gowns). We might have one of their associates in as a guest at each shower to consult with brides who have not yet shopped for their gowns.

11.     Mammogram Party: We partner with Kentucky One or Baptist Health to provide someone to teach our party participants about self breast checks. Participants can sign up for mammogram appointments, and we can also discuss with them how to work with their insurance companies to make sure the cost is covered. We then will sell bras at a discount if they sign up for mammograms

12.     Wine and Cheese Party: There is a wine shop in Fayette Mall. We partner with them to offer wine tastings and teach shoppers about best wine pairings with certain food. We offer a cheese and fruit spread while women shop.

13.     Binge-show-worthy lounging clothes party: I love binge-watching my favorite shows, like "House of Cards," "Outlander," and "Berlin Station." And Soma's lounge clothes are perfect for a day when you want to do nothing but crash -- but you don't necessarily want to stay in pajamas, either. We would have three screens around the store showing some of these shows, to promote the "Binge Day" lounging clothes. We might be able to partner with Netflix, Hulu or Dish to offer coupons for memberships.

 The manager was very excited and said that her district manager wanted to put me on a speaker phone call during a staff meeting to discuss how I came up with my ideas. I approached my first day of work with happiness.

 I launched the Twitter account that was devoted to my Soma work. I put a beautiful photo of pink peonies as my banner, and I tweeted out images of Jacqueline Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” and other salient quotes. I retweeted the Soma corporate account on sales. And I included tweets about a fitness party that one of the other sales associates was hosting in the upcoming Sunday. I cross-pollinated the tweets onto my main Twitter account that has 9,900 followers, to generate interest, which it did. I named this Twitter account, “SomaMaven,” because I discovered there were MULTIPLE other Soma accounts by other sales associates that all used the Soma name.

 Meanwhile, back at the store, I soon discovered that I was not welcome. A second manager at the store was consistently rude and condescending during my first week of work. And I also had to push for training on the cash register and training on HR videos. A promised training on the proper way to do bra fittings was never provided.

 And my hiring manager told me that Soma Corporate was “upset” that I had used “Soma” in my Twitter handle. When I came home from work, I immediately changed the name of the account to “Bra_Whisperer.” I sent out a tweet to my 9,900 followers that I had changed the name to comply with Soma HR policy. I tagged the “SomaIntimates” Twitter account in the tweet so that they would know that I was trying my best to comply with corporate policy. I thought they would be pleased and happy to see that I was giving them wonderful and free publicity and that I was following their directives.

 But then I encountered another issue. I was chagrined to find that other sales associates and the two managers were taking credit repeatedly for sales that I had been generating on the floor. I am the same age as many of the Soma customers and relate well to them. I engaged them in conversation easily and helped them find things that they would enjoy. Even though I had not been trained on bra fittings, I tried my best to help them in the fitting room. However, on my very first day, I was shocked when a sales associate put her number into the cash register on my first sale – for $436. Later that afternoon, a store manager took credit for another sale I had generated for about $120. I was told by the hiring manager that because I was in “training mode,” I could not take credit for sales, because it would “throw off” my sales ratio.

 I decided to stay quiet about people taking credit for my sales. I thought that maybe I should be a team player and allow these other associates to take credit until I was fully trained.

 The next day, I asked the hiring manager when I would be speaking to the district manager about my party ideas. She said she had been too busy to email them to her.

 That same day, I was finally trained on the register. But again, I was shocked when the second store manager – in front of a customer – made a point of reaching over me at the register to key in HER name on the sale, after I had been helping the customer for more than 20 minutes. During the rest of the night, so that I would not ruffle feathers, I asked her if I was to put in her number and the other manager’s number for my sales, and she indicated that I was supposed to do that. At one point, a customer whose sales totaled about $150 whispered to me, “Do you get a sales commission? She just took credit for you helping me!” I shrugged my shoulders and whispered back that I was not even sure anymore.

 When I got home, I decided to DELETE the Twitter account devoted to Soma. I was concerned that it might get me in trouble in the future and that things would be misinterpreted. I deleted it and made an announcement to my 9,900 followers that it was gone.

 I kept working for the next five shifts on which I was on the calendar. But they were extremely difficult shifts, because now I was working with the other store manager, who obviously did not want me there. I believe this was because I was doing very well with sales, and she was unhappy that I was cutting into her commission. I do not know this for a fact, but I have no other explanation for her rude and condescending attitude. More than once, customers commented to me under their breath that they thought I was being mistreated and should say something. As it was my first week on the job, I decided to hold my thoughts to myself.

 On Tuesday, June 13, I had a very difficult day at work. I was instructed to hang mountains of bras that had been left in fitting rooms. I did so while two other associates goofed off around a register. I know you have cameras in the store and will be able to verify that while I was working the floor and hanging bras, they were not working. Nevertheless, I persisted with my work. I also decided that because associates were stealing my sales, I would ring up my own sales. By this time, I picked up that there was a strong dislike from the other associates. But I wanted to do a good job and persisted in helping customers while I was hanging the bras. The store manager regularly spoke sharply to me in front of customers. There was one incident in particular when a mother and daughter who were shopping looked at me with so much pity that I almost walked out on the spot.

 That night when I came home, I stayed up all night trying to decide whether to quit the job. I have never been so bothered by unkindness and mistreatment, but this really got to me. I decided to give it one more chance, and tonight, I showed up for my shift at 5:30 p.m.

 My hiring manager came into the back room as I was clocking in.

 She told me that Soma Corporate had flagged my tweet where I had announced that I was changing my Twitter handle to “Bra_Whisperer.” She said the District Manager had printed out the tweet and brought it to the store in person to confront me. I advised her that I had already deleted the Twitter account and that the matter was closed. But she kept going. I guess she wanted to have the satisfaction of putting me in my place. I told her that I did not understand why we had to keep discussing it. I had deleted the Twitter account, and I could not understand why any offense had been taken, anyway. The only reason I flagged Soma Corporate in the tweet was so that they would see that I understood the corporate policy and was complying with it. She said, “You threw them under the bus.” I answered that was not my intention. She told me I was being condescending to her. I answered that I apologized if that was her perception, but it was not my intention to be condescending. Finally, when the discussion kept going in circles, I decided to tell her that I was not the right fit for the company. I left and advised her that I would expect my pay check next week for the time I had worked.

 Ms. Broader, maybe you will never see this letter. But it is important to me for people to see it and know that in the corporate world, everyone should be treated with respect and kindness. I came into this job with an excitement and enthusiasm. I have been a journalist for 27 years and decided this year to change gears and go into special education teaching. I will be going back to school. I am a single parent with an autistic teenager. I am also a survivor of domestic violence. I thought that this company would be a great place for me to reach out to other women and create fun and exciting shopping experiences for them. Instead, I found a great deal of mismanagement, jealousy, confusion, rudeness – and frankly, dishonesty, when my commissions were stolen in front of my eyes.

 I hope you will take this letter seriously and that someday, Soma, Chico’s and White House Black Market will be a place where I feel comfortable shopping again.

 Oh. By the way. The lamp post on the right side of the door of the Soma Intimates shop in Fayette Mall is out. Maybe you can have someone fix that. It looks awful.

 Sincerely,

 Heidi Lynn Russell

Employee Number 067831.