#woke up with my septum piercing bleeding out

[tovarishch-dyke]

END OF A FUCKING ERA BITCHES

MILK-STEALING-VVITCH IS RETIRED WE HAVE GONE TO RATSKOOL

[anothershittydiaryblog]

I realized....

I realized that I participate in more self harm than I thought I did.

I've been getting overwhelmed with my own feelings more often. I find that I don't really have a healthy outlet. I used to have a "few" drinks when I didn't know how to handle the thoughts in my head. Or smoke some weed, or isolate, or do nothing for hours.

When I'm hurting more than usual I eat less and drink more. I socialize more but reach out and ask for help less. I'm always high.

When I was a kid, about middle school aged, I used to play with needles when I was alone. I would stick them under the skin on my palms and fingertips. I did this very often. Somehow I saw this as different than when my friends would show me the cuts on their arms and legs. I thought because I wasn't leaving a mark I wasn't hurting myself. I thought because no one could see what I was doing I wasn't doing it.

As time moved on, (I couldn't tell you when it started.) I discovered stick and poke tattoos. It was the same thing that I had been doing just with ink. It wasn't harmful if it was art, right? I started off poking dots on my palms. Purposely poking too deep causing my hands to be sore and bleed. Then lines. Lines turned to shapes and shapes turned into little doodles that got bigger and bigger.

If you know anything about tattoos you'd know that palm tattoos don't really last, especially if you don't put the needle in too deep. I had formed a routine of experiencing a traumatic event or having thoughts too painful to want to feel, then etching cute little drawings onto my palms. Then I'd live with the pain for about a week or two then watch the ink fade. Once the ink was gone I was back into my same old cycle of etching into my palm with a needle.

By time I got tired of my routine I had made to my late teens / early college years. I had a bit more freedom and even decided to get real tattoos. My first one was a cross. As a reminder of where I came from. My second was a daisy because that's my grandmothers name. The tattoos on my chest and arms aren't the same. They don't make me feel any better. I decided I would try out a different type of needle.

It was pretty easy to find a set of tools intended for body piercing. Amazon has everything you can think of on it. The first time I tried to pierce myself I was 18 and tried to push a needle through my septum. God Damn It did it hurt. I remember getting the needle about halfway through and I stopped. Then I bled and bled. The blood was everywhere in that bathroom. At this point the needle had fallen out and I had given up on my chances of having a new piercing. I didn't want my boyfriend (at the time. We'll call him Ax.) to know what I had been doing. He'd been bothering me a ton lately about my mental health but I didn't want to listen.

Ax told me that I had been worrying him. He was, and still is, sober and couldn't bear to see me drinking every day. He was confused as to where I was even getting the alcohol from, but I had my ways. He noticed the taste of smoke on my mouth a few times even though I never admitted to him that I had been smoking weed and tobacco. He pointed out that I was usually awake when went to bed and when he woke up. I would just lie and say that I had slept just slightly less than he had. And that I wouldn't leave my dorm without the company of someone else.

I knew the bloody scene in the bathroom would have been the last straw for him so I cleaned it up as quickly as I could just in time for him to come and knock on my door.

This wasn't the last time I pushed a needle through my body. I had successfully pierced my ear one day after a sit down with Ax and Chip (Chip was a part of our poly-cule for some time). This event wasn't as dramatic and bloody and Ax didn't even notice I had a new piercing until Chip pointed it out one night in bed.

Recently, I woke up one morning and decided to etch on my palm again. I already own a tattoo machine, stencil paper, and practice skins. So this time I felt a little more professional. I chose to draw a monstera leaf because I knew I could draw one from memory and if anyone asks its temporary but still kinda cute. No harm done right?

When that needle hits my skin its like I had poked a beachball and all the air, all the pain was hissing out. I drove the needle into into my hand in that pattern over and over again. I must have done fifteen to twenty passes, deeper and deeper, over the same spot before stopped. I kept going until my hand felt numb and the other shook.

This was the moment I realized that I had just self harmed, and that every other time I had driven a needle into my own body that's what I was doing.

I'm hoping I can use this blog as an outlet rather than drink, or smoke, or starve myself, or self isolate, or drive a needle into my palm.

[moth-requiem]

two weeks ago, my qpp and i were at this local graduation celebration that had a ton of activities, including karaoke. he and i were waiting in line when the girl in front of us started singing a slipknot song really well, and we started moshing to kind of cheer her on. well, we must have really been going at it because we got too close, and he slammed his head back into my nose right as i was leaning forward. my nose hurt pretty bad, but there wasn't any bleeding and it didn't feel broken so we just carried on.

a few days after this had happened i woke up with some dried blood in my nose, which isn't too weird, but i haven't had a nose bleed in probably 14 years. i didn't think too much of it, but it's been bleeding on and off a little over a week and im not sure if i should get it checked out. also i really have been wanting to get a septum piercing soon and im worried this might fuck it up somehow?? anyways, anyone have any tips??

[seerofmike]

another round 'o octane headcanons king?

-octane likes playing multiple consoles at once but sometimes prefers pc because pc games run faster/movement is faster

-octane also has earrings and switches them out every day. hes most fond of these types/style :

-other types of piercings he has/had:

eyebrow piercing on one eyebrow (slit on the other eyebrow), snake bites, has regular lobe piercings but also industrial and helix piercings

his nose ring was a nostril piercing, not septum, and he doesnt wear it anymore but maybe after he sees wraith's nose piercing he thinks about getting one again. has a scar where fhe previous was ripped out

-he studied medicine for like a brief period before giving up but if really needed he could probably help lifeline out. he'd be very unhelpful but like he's in the top 5 legends of "could compress a wound and not have you bleed out"

-no top surgery yet but hes on the fence on if he wants it or not. on the one hand titties are fun and he likes his and it doesnt matter if he has them or not because he's on T and Very Obviously Male and doesn't get misgendered often, if at all . on the other hand he wants to be shirtless without lifeline yelling at him to at least put a bra on

-he is literally a lightweight he can handle maybe two drinks before passing out

-he does actually pass out really easily hence why needs so many energy drinks/stim to stay awake he's one of those "closed my eyes for like a second and woke up 3 days later. who am i" types of people

-mixed-race and multilingual (spanish/portuguese/english/a bit of japanese) but defaults to spanish most of the time

-cant cook. who needs to learn cooking when u had people to cook For You

-he doesn't get along well with people? not really. relationships w him are probably rly one-sided but he doesn't do it on purpose he just has difficulty understanding social cues and talking to people and comes across as kinda self absorbed what with his hyperactive and constant need for stimulation

people he DOES get on really well with are: pathfinder, who's used to one-sided friendships anyway; bangalore, who views him kind of like a little brother/nephew; mirage to an extent; he stills feels inferior to others esp octane and crypto but they have fun together cuz theyre the resident clowns; wattson but he has to be in the mood because he finds her electrical engineer stuff boring and she Wants to be friends with him but he's not returning the feeling

-he and mirage do streams together sometimes to achieve maximum viewer count

-afraid of revenant but in a [laughs nervously and still tries to joke with him] kinda way

[nerdyspacedorito]

rip me: i hate being sick

I am absolutely miserable. Last weekend I started to feel pretty shitty, it was actually right after my septum piercing, I had a really sore throat last weekend and I found out I had a really big tonsil stone that was causing my sore throat. I got most of it out and my throat started to feel better. But then I noticed constant runny and stuffy nose. This is normal for me, I have really bad allergies, but I didn’t think much of it because it’s not really allergy season. I’ve felt like shit all week though, every day has just gotten so much worse as the week has gone by. Today I was fine in the morning when I woke up, but as the day went on I could feel my body slowing down. On lunch all I wanted to do was lay down and rest or take a short nap. I did and once my lunch ended I felt even worse. I was like I cannot do this for another 3-4 hours. I’m doing a shit ton of over time the next two weeks I can catch up later. So I messaged my manager and told her I was going to leave early and go to urgent care, I’d get her a doctors note so I wouldn’t get docked for missing work. I went to urgent care, told them I got a negative covid test, and got checked out for a sinus infection. He said he could definitely tell I had a sinus infection because I had really bad brain fog and couldn’t even remember simple things. He prescribed a z-pack antibiotic for me, and I went to Walgreens and went and got some Flonase as well. I normally use Afrin for sinus congestion, but you cannot use that long term, it’s addictive and when it’s used long term it can cause nose bleeds. It’s happened before so I don’t want that to happen again lol.I feel bad for leaving work early again but I really think I needed to relax and not worry about work for the rest of the day.

[illnessandinjury]

A to Z meme

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

I got tagged by two of my favorite blogs ever - @aknifeunderthepillow​ and @taylor-tut​ !! ♡♡♡

a - age: 21! 

b - birthplace: Ohio (￢_￢;) gross

c - current time: 5:41pm! I just woke up lmao 

d - drink you last had: Orange Crush! 

e - easiest person to talk to: My fiancé probs! 

f - *current* favourite song: Hidden in the Sand by Tally! 

g - grossest memory: hmmm, probably walking over piles of vomit and passed out drunks after one of my dad’s big parties when I was, like, five. 

h - horror yes or horror no: YES but I’m a sissy so I’ll probably cover my eyes and scream a lot lmao

i - in love?: VERY MUCH SO ♡

j - jealous of people?: i’m jealous of people with lots of money and fame lmao

l - love at first sight or should i walk by again?: I fall for people VERY easily. Just talk to me nice enough and there’s a big chance I’ll develop a crush for you. 

m - middle name: Nicole 

n - number of siblings: Eight! And I’m still the baby out of all of them lmao

o - one wish: To be rich af 

p - person you called last: My mother hahah 

q - question you are always (often) asked: “Do you do your hair yourself?” or “Did that hurt?” talking about my septum piercing 

r - reason to smile: I have my own little beautiful family of my fiancé, my two dogs, and my two cats! ♡

s - song you sang last: I was drunk last night screaming Hamilton so-

t - time you woke up: 4:30pm lmao oops 

u - underwear colour: black~

v - vacation destination: HAWAII (hopefully I’ll be going there for my honeymoon this year~!)

w - worst habit: Picking the skin off of my lips until they bleed lmao 

x - x-rays: My ankle, teeth, and back! 

y - your favourite food: Beef and noodles! ♡

z - zodiac sign: Capricorn! 

I’m sure most people have already been tagged, so feel free to ignore, BUT @thealienmademeslowdance @sickandvomiting @swiggity-swump @strawberri-guts @nerdlycharming @ya-nurse @febrileminded @mypoorfaves

[preexposing]

5/15/20

I woke up and I went to starbucks before starting my last final(math32). I grinded all day. I also got really paranoid thought some cars were following me in the drive thru when I got home I looked out the window to see if I was still being followed and I even walked out into the streets. I got really frustrated during my final I banged my head against the wall in front pf jennet on impulse. But then I took caffeine and felt better lol. And my piercing kit came I’m and I tried piercing my labret but I literally couldnt do it I just kept breaking skin pulling it out and then bleeding everywhere. And I was doi g this at liek 10 I think? And so I askwd skye if he would do it for me and he said yes :D. He came over and we decided to pierce in his car. I blasted forever by charli xcx (I’m so obsessed w it rn) while he pierced. It was so painful and beaut and romantic and life changing. I’m so happy he did it. And Hes gonna pierce my septum saturday. And I’m getting my nails done tomorrw! I also got a free cakepop today! I danced to the lights and music in my room. Decided I’m not taking my meds lol