#woke up at 4 am last night to do nothing but piss and have a random paranoid thought of having no future

[unseelieships]

.

[nerdieforpedro]

Filthy Hooligans

Lucian Flores x female reader

This fanfiction and my entire blog is 18+ MDNI

Main Masterlist / Lucian Flores Masterlist

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: Showing up at Lucian's place at 3 am only means one thing. You both know it.

Warnings: Reader (nickname is cupcake) and Lucian are filthy, moisture, smoking, teasing, reference to public sex, exhibitionist behavior, fingering, 2 ass slaps (I think), unprotected P in V (wrap it people!), finger sucking

Notes: I came home from work last night. Fully intended to work on like 4 other WIPs I have. Fell asleep in my chair after eating something in my scrubs, woke up at 3 am. Wrote this, sent it to @musings-of-a-rose to read to over. And here were are. I hope I got the scuzz right. 👀

“I didn’t realize you were full of such bullshit Flores.”

“You’re not going to take that tone with me. I’m telling you not to come here anymore.”

“Is that why you opened the door for me, because I shouldn’t come here anymore?”

It’s your damn mouth. You always have something to say, you can never just accept an answer. Always questioning, always saying something. He needs you to understand that he isn’t saying this because he wants to. Any man in their right mind would enjoy a visit from you at 3 a.m. in nothing but a crimson silk nightgown, black kitten heels and that long black peacoat he remembered buying for you even though you said it was too much. Things are a little too heated right now, he needs to lay low and not have people coming to and from except family, which you care clearly not. Everything about you is loud, which he enjoys. Immensely, finds it entertaining, but not now. 

“I opened the door because I can’t have you causing a scene in my building. I don’t need this shit right now.” Flores is barefoot and pacing. The door man knows you downstairs, he’s one of his people who knows you visit usually at night several times a week. He shouldn’t have let you in, Lucian doesn't remember off hand if he told him or not. He needs to follow up on that later. 

He always has a slight sheen to him, no matter if it’s cold or warm or he’s actually inside. Hair lightly damp around the edges but still curly on top. His small soft belly jiggles over the top of his gray sweatpants he normally sleeps in. A hand at his temple, massaging it, while his other one holds his cigarette, half ash and falling onto the floor. He’s aware that this isn’t his usual calm, collected and suave self. 

“Seems like you need my mouth after all Lucian.” You’re starting your game. Calling his name like that, kicking off your heels, running your cool hands across his heated back. It feels too good. He stops pacing for a moment. “Lu, please. I’ll take care of you and then go.” The idea floats in his mind. To let you do it, have that hot moist mouth of yours, he can lay his head against the back of his couch and not worry about anything while you work. Kissing, sucking, licking, smearing, worshiping at the altar he has between his legs. “Lu-cian~ Lu baby…” Your voice is deepening raspy, lips on the back of his neck, fingers tracing the gold chain that has become his signature over the years. Once he feels your tongue where his hairline starts, he turns to grab your wrists, not too hard, but so you’ll stop. 

“You damn siren! Just fucking listen. You. Need. To. Go. Do not come back until I call for you. I mean it cupcake.” Releasing you he curses. This is not what he needs right not, to be worrying about you. Flores needs to be focused on a plan to get out of the mess, find where the leak is. One of the boys messed up, he needed to know which one. He expects to hear you storm out, welcomes it because then he can focus. 

“Lucy~” Dammit, he hates when you call him that. It pisses him off, you know it does. He can’t engage. He’ll fall for the trick you’re trying to pull on him. Sticking his cigarette in the ashtray on the coffee table, he goes over to his kitchen and gets a drink of water, gulping it down. Trickles of it slide down his neck, he knows it’s hitting the vein you like to nibble and suck on when you ride him. He’s been half-swollen since you banged on his door. He knew what you came here for, the same thing you’d been coming for the last three months. Lucian doesn’t expect your next move though, to have your silk, up around your waist, you on your knees facing the back of the couch and opening yourself for him. “Lucian, fill me once. Once and I’ll go.” His hands hold tight onto the sides of his marble kitchen island. Watching you. You’re just as bad as he is. 

The two of you have been like this since the Burger King parking lot in your car. You’d pulled him in, got on top of him, rode him, told him you liked his gold chain and used a marker you found in your glove box to write your number on his arm. Well you tried to, he was too sweaty once you two finished so that was a good laugh. There was a speed warning ticket that you tore in half and you both exchanged numbers. You were sure your phone was somewhere in your car. He was going to meet his guys to check in and see how collections were going, you said you were going to pick your mother up and take her to the grocery store. Filth to match his grime. Different locations, indoors and outdoors. At times, ripped and stained clothing was all you two parted with. His sweat on your body, lipstick on his chest and neck. Sometimes he wouldn’t wipe it off before he went to his next stop, showing off what he’d been up to.

Flores took his time in walking over to you, watching you wiggle your ass for him. When he was behind you, he spread your thighs wider and inserted two fingers in your dripping cunt, curling them to have you call his name louder. “They slid right the hell in didn’t they? Only been two days since I was last in this pussy. You already want it filled again, don’t you cupcake?” You look over your shoulder and whine, he uses his free hands to swat your ass. 

“Hell yes Lucian. I want to leave dripping again.” You grind on his fingers, making him start to pump into you slowly. “Give me your thick cock and stain me again.” A single kiss to the back of your neck is all that Lucian gives you before removing his fingers and replacing them with his cock. He feels you spread, groaning from finally having what you want. His hands take hold of your hips but doesn’t move yet.

“I mean it cupcake. You don’t show up here again without me calling you.” He feels you pushing your hips back and he pinches your hips making you yelp. “Do. You. Understand. Me?” His grip starts to loosen and you feel him pulling out of you.

“Yes! Yes Lucian I understand. Damn. I won’t be here unless you call.” Said almost too quickly to understand, Flores chuckles before making his hips flush with yours, bottoming out within you.

“You’ll only listen with my cock inside of you, it figures, cupcake.” The growl Lucian releases as his pace quickens, has your thighs dripping with your slick and his pre-cum. You’re slumped over the back of the couch, writhing your hips in tune with his. Flores has an idea and takes your elbows in his hands instead of your hips, pounding that much harder into you. 

“I’ll listen to whatever you say with this cock of your Lucian,” Your head hands toward your chest, your moans are turning into squeals. He muttered soft curses in between his grunts, releasing one of your arms, placing his hand on your chest, then sliding it up to your neck. 

“Will you now? My dirty cupcake, suck my fingers. Maybe I jerked off before you got here.” He commanded. His palm was now on your chin as he inserted three fingers in your mouth, pressing down on your tongue. He felt your walls starting to quiver and knew with his throbs he wasn’t too far off either. With several haphazard thrusts, Lucian gave you your filling as requested. It warmed you from the inside, churned inside of you. The loss was felt when he pulled out this time, removing his fingers from your mouth and pulling his sweatpants back up. He saw you close your legs and stagger when standing up, he debated helping you, assisting you with your shoes, but not your coat. Before you closed it, trickles of his come were visible on your thighs. He smirked. 

You wobbled a bit but found your footing on the way to the door. “Don’t wait too long to call Flores. I may have to get some other filling if you’re going to holed up here.” The way you smiled told him that you actually would seek out a replacement for him. The corners of his mouth turned downward.

“You see if they’ll make you wobble like that. I doubt they will cupcake. You’ll be missing this dick. If you don’t answer, there’s plenty of pussy out here.” Lucian took his pack out of his pocket and lighter, firing up another cigarette. The small flame glowed against the visible sheen of his skin and his gold chain that you’ve never seen him without. His lips around the stick making a small ‘o’ as he inhaled, holding it in before his released the smoke from his nostrils, tilting his chin up.

“I’ll probably have to try a few before I find another good fit. And I don’t know what other woman you’d be able to find that can get wet enough to handle you. See you Lu~” He watched you walk out the door and down the hallway to the elevator. You blew him a kiss and he nodded before stepping back into his apartment and plopping down on the couch. He took a long drag of his cigarette and sighed, exhaling the smoke again. He’d need to figure out the leak sooner rather than later, he’s not willing to have blue balls over this shit.

The beads of sweat on Lucian's neck 💦: @laurfilijames @avastrasposts @maggiemayhemnj @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @morallyinept @trulybetty @goodwithcheese @secretelephanttattoo @rhoorl @linzels-blog @yorksgirl @for-a-longlongtime @legendary-pink-dot @magpiepills @alltheglitterandtheroar @beefrobeefcal @pamasaur @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @theywhowriteandknowthings @gasolinerainbowpuddles @megamindsecretlair @daddy-dins-girl @readingiskeepingmegoing @guelyury @missladym1981 @heareball @sin-djarin @gwendibleywrites @katw474 @immarocketman @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

[echo-goes-mmm]

Hoarding Behavior #4

Masterpost

Previous

Next

Warnings: non-graphic processing of an animal (dead deer)

River woke up with purring in his ear and warmth against his cheek. What? His eyes flew open. He was on the opposite side of where he started, pressed into Master’s chest. He looked around wildly, and Master’s arms were loosely cradling him close. 

It wasn’t the worst feeling in the world, but there were better places to be than in the arms of a Master who could tear him apart. He slipped out from the hold. Noct cracked open an eye, but said nothing. He curled up on himself, and went back to sleep.

Now what?

He gazed around the den. His eyes landed on the cooking fire. Pots and pans hung on hooks from the wall. Breakfast sounded good.

He grabbed some eggs from a carton on the counter. He took a pan off the wall, and ran straight into a problem. How would he light the fire? It had long since gone out, and there were no matches or any flint. Of course there wouldn’t be; why would a dragon keep those around?

“Need a light?” He jumped. Master was right behind him.

“Yes, please.”

Master leaned over the wood and puffed a ball of flames. It lit instantly, a low heat perfect for eggs. 

“Thank you, Master.” He began to crack the eggs into the pan.

“I am going hunting,” Noct informed him, “I must kill all the bears in the wood to appease the village.”

“What about the wolves?”

“There are no wolves in the forest. I implied there was to make a better deal,” admitted Master, “Wolves are clever, and would not bother sharing territory with a dragon.”

“Oh. Um, have fun?” Noct cocked his head.

“I suppose I will. I do not care for bears. They dig up my garden and steal honey from the nearby hives.”

“You have a garden?” asked River as he scrambled his eggs.

“Of course. Why would I not?”

“I just… thought dragons ate only meat.” It seemed silly in hindsight. He had just eaten the dragon's food last night, and that had potatoes.

“Mostly. But I am fond of many things. I would not buy from humans when I can hunt and grow it myself. Aside from bread, of course.”

“Right.” River imagined Noct kneading bread and getting dough caught on his claws and the patches of scales on his hands.

“I will be back.”

“Okay.”

River ate breakfast slowly. Noct would be gone for at least a few hours. He washed the pan in the marble sink and hung it back on the wall. What to do now? He supposed he could just go back to sleep and wait for him to come back.

River laid back down. He sighed, staring at the ceiling. Even that was clean. Everything was clean. There wasn’t even a cobweb to dust away.

River wasn’t used to just lounging around. Even the servants at his old owners’ houses left messes for him to clean. There was always something to do. But Noct was incredibly tidy.

He sat up, already bored. He eyed Master’s collections on the shelves and displays. A tour of Noct’s things couldn’t hurt.

___________________

He was so fucked. 

River stared at the remains of the glass statue. He’d tripped over that damn chain and his elbow knocked it off the shelf.

He heard the distant whoosh of air in the tunnel. 

Of course Master would come home now, when he had no time to clean it up.

He watched, petrified, while Master carried in a deer on his shoulder. Noct glanced around the cave as he dumped the deer on the stone. His eyes landed on River and he must have seen something on his face, because he frowned and made his way over.

“What troubles you, my treas-” Master stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the shattered glass. 

“I- I’m sorry, it was an accident-” Master whirled on him, snarling. River stepped back, but Noct grabbed his wrist in a bruising grip. He raised a hand-

But the slap never came. Noct’s hold loosened.

River opened his eyes. Master was still clearly pissed, but he dropped River’s wrist and turned back to the shattered statue. 

“Go away,” he said, his voice oddly upset, “I will punish you later.”

River left him by the glass, and he sat in the nest. He grabbed a pillow, clutching it tight to his stomach and burying his face into it.

A faint sniffling reached his ears. He looked over. Noct was sitting on the floor, a piece of glass in his claws. He saw Master wipe his eyes. 

River couldn’t imagine that a small statue of a horse was sentimental or especially valuable, but dragons were different from humans. They were hoarders, drawn to certain items. Maybe it didn’t matter the object, everything they deemed important was worth crying over.

He really messed up.

Noct cleaned up the glass. But instead of coming over and punishing River as promised, he dragged his catch of deer to the kitchen. He began to butcher it, skinning it and portioning out cuts of meat.

River stewed in anticipation as he watched Noct get up to his elbows in viscera. It made sense to punish him after salting and wrapping the meat. He couldn’t let the dead deer linger in the warm room, but he hated waiting like this.

Noct opened a stone door in the wall, and disappeared behind it. That must be where Master stored most of his food.

He waited as Master returned and cleaned up the blood and gore.

He waited as Master went to dispose of the excess.

He waited as Master washed the pelt.

He waited as Master went to clean himself up.

He waited as Master set the skin aside for tanning.

Until finally, Master turned to him. His face was stern and impassive, and River shrank under his gaze. He took the pillow from River and tossed it aside. 

Master hauled him up and dragged him to another part of the nest. He forced River to his knees, sat in front of him, and then pulled River over his lap. 

River flushed. He whimpered when Master yanked down his pants and pinned his wrists with one hand.

The first smack surprised him. He gasped, jolting forward in Master’s lap.

His face burned and he tugged involuntarily against Master’s grip. Master barely noticed, his hold like stone as each measured smack landed on his ass. Soon the dull ache of each blow turned into a stinging pain when his hand landed on him. Again. And again. And again.

It was humiliating.

His whines turned to sobs, but Master did not let up. He wasn’t hitting him any harder than before, but it felt worse with each strike.

Until finally he was finished. River lay limp, and he pulled his arms close to bury his head in them. He didn’t have the energy to move off of Master’s lap.

Master rubbed his back and let him cry.

As far as punishments went, it wasn’t… the worst. His ass hurt like hell and he was completely drained. But a spanking was vastly preferable to the cutting torture of a whip. It was more embarrassing, somehow, even though Master had left him nearly dressed. When River got the whip, he had to strip to his boxers and everyone saw everything. But here he was strangely more flushed and ashamed while covered up with only Master to see.

After a few minutes, he could breathe properly again. He sat up and wiped his face with his hand.

“Here,” said Master, handing him a pillow. River pulled it close in a tight hug.  Master draped a blanket around him.

Master got up, glancing towards him with pity as he passed. It was over, and he wasn’t mad anymore. His expression puzzled River. Did he regret punishing him?

Noct began to make a meal, and River didn’t know if it was supposed to be lunch or dinner. Either way, he was grateful when Master handed him a plate of roasted vegetables and a tender cut of seared meat. 

Master had given him a knife with his food, but clearly he was supposed to use his hands to eat. 

River still felt miserable, a headache forming, but it was a little funny when Noct used the claw on his finger as a fork to stab the veggies. He supposed he wouldn’t bother with a fork either if his hands had naturally pointy bits.

But the way Noct ate his venison- sharp teeth flashing and the steak quickly disappearing down his throat- reminded River that he was trapped with a predator. The most dangerous, lethal predator in the world, and River belonged to him. Even if his idea of a punishment was far more gentle than he was used to, Noct was still deadly.

taglist: @paintedpigeon1

[inviouswriting]

Dragon and Phoenix ch 4

This is smut and my self-indulgent story.

Zhongli x my oc Aserla.

Content and warning below the cut.

Just focusing on some lovely detailed stuff. I might make a later reader story with similar elements. For now enjoying what I am writing for myself.

Warnings - detailed sex, like very graphic in body parts named, functions, and fluids. Urine in talk not in kink, squirting, fingering, multiple orgasms, masturbation, aftercare, established relationship they’re married as of chapter three. Unprotected sex, afab!oc. Sexual health talk, and well being.

Side note - I honestly don’t have a pee/piss kink I swear. What I detail where it comes up is in regard to sexual health ;3;

~~~~~~~~~~

Aserla is first to wake up and all she recalls is a sense of mild soreness in her lower body and feeling nothing but warmth. The second thing that registers is the soft feel of skin against her own and a hand slowly rubbing up and down along her waist as if feeling her body. She feels a tenderness along her privates and her memories of the previous night echo in her head. How Zhongli and her got pass that last barrier and had made love for the first time. The hand on her hip moves to touch along her back, as if the former archon is mapping every speck of her out. Maybe tracing over the little freckles along her shoulders where she feels him making diamonds in connecting the dots. Aserla isn’t ready to see his face after being so intimate with him, she instead buries her face further into his chest as she feels vulnerable.

Zhongli has been awake for a while; he has been admiring his now wife in his arms snuggled up so close to him it is endearing to see her cling to him even in her sleep. He ghosts his fingers along her face using the back of his fingers to caress her cheek and along her neck. He is also feeling vulnerable after giving so much of himself, the next stage for both of them, they know is eventually children. He continues to glide his hands on her body grounding her to himself, and also grounding himself to her. The archon is aware she is awake but lets her sort through her head before he says anything to her.

Aserla feels fingers carding through her hair; it comforts her in the sense that he’s there trying to ease the feeling of what it meant to give herself to him in such an intimate way. She recalls the way she had clung to his body, her face making embarrassing expressions that she couldn’t help, but hearing his moans and the way he lost himself in her. She finds herself blushing and cannot wait to see him in that state of arousal again. 

“Morning.” Aserla breaks the silence and pulls back to look at his face finally. Warm amber eyes regard her with such reverence and gentleness in them. He leans in to place a gentle kiss on her lips to greet her properly as his voice has a slight raspier tone from the morning.

“Morning my dear. Did you sleep well? Do you need up?” He checks with her and sees her nodding. He understands to let her get up for the usual morning rituals, he chuckles a bit seeing her on shaky legs still but watches her with mild worry in case she falls from unsteadiness. ”I slept okay, and yes. I’ll return to you.” She blushes as he knows why she needs up; he had taken care of himself well before she woke up. Aserla still feels shy about it, needing regular bodily functions when in the presence of an archon, let alone the Geo archon. She contemplates whether or not to put a robe on or something to shield her body as she walks through the house. She decides against it when walking makes her groin more sensitive to touch. When she is alone and after relieving her body, she finds herself looking over her body. She sees all the small red marks on her neck from where he had kissed and sucked on her skin. Her breasts feel tender from the way he squeezed them or how much they moved when he thrust into her. 

Aserla moves her hands to look at the one spot on her body, where he had kissed and been inside of. She parts her sensitive folds to see how much of it has changed, she notes how darker pink in some spots it is from the way he rubbed against her inner walls. She spreads more of herself moving to sit in front of the full mirror to properly see herself. She doesn’t see much of a difference from before except how her thighs have mild redness from what it took to take him into her. She looks at herself in different angles even a slight embarrassing one of bending over to see how it looks that way. Aserla sees the slight indentation on her hips where his hands held her in place as he loved her. She traces her fingers over the marks and how much bigger his hands are compared to hers.  She soon leaves the room to head back to their room. 

Zhongli gives her time to return to him, he himself is looking over his body. The slight scratches he got from where her nails dug into his arms or hips. He looks down along his penis to see any define changes. He smooths the skin down and can feel that stir within him from touching along the side of himself. He leaves himself alone upon hearing the soft footfalls of his wife and leaves the blanket at his waist. When he sees her poke her head in, she notes how red face she is and gives her a charmed smile to get her to come to him.

Aserla approaches the bed and climbs back into it, choosing to sit on his waist and tugging the blanket up over them both. She lays on top of him and finds herself resting her face on his chest again.

“Take care of all you needed? You were in there for a while.” Zhongli looks her over, and smiles when she lifts her head to look at him. She feels bashful when she meets his gaze from seeking his arms. Feeling his body better against her own she shivers when he runs his hands on her shoulders to her back. He smiles when he feels her receptive to his touch. 

“I did… I um… just wanted to look at myself a bit.” Aserla admits why she took so much longer, and Zhongli only smiles to this understanding as he did the same thing. Checking for evidence of what they have done, that they really did love each other. 

“Satisfy your curiosity?” Zhongli meets her eyes seeing her blushing. He takes her face into his hand to tilt her up to look into his eyes better. She feels the same feeling of wanting to kiss him and leans in when he brings her closer to kiss. Aserla feels plush against her lips, and he tastes sweetness on his tongue. Their kiss only lasts a little bit as he parts it to let her answer him.

“Kind of satisfied, it… it feels so different. All tender and it looks the same albeit…” Aserla’s face pinks up more she had seen the remnants of his seed when she was looking at herself. She knows well what it is and he smirks at her for being so bashful.

“You are truly adorable you know that? It’s expected after the first time to see some differences and be sore.” Zhongli tugs her closer to him and cups her face into his hands better to press another kiss to her lips. Aserla feels herself getting lost in the kiss when he presses it, he’s always gentle with her and she feels his thumb tracing her cheek.

Aserla tugs the blanket around her more and moves to sit in his lap with her legs on either side of his waist. Zhongli feels her body against his own and smooths his hands down her back to pull her in closer. He feels how soft she is under his palms as he parts from their kiss and begins to lean his head down to connect his lips at her neck. A soft moan sounds into his ears and he can feel it affect him. Aserla raises her hands to her mouth to cover it with a wide blush covering her face.

“Seems you are sensitive here. If you respond like that because of just your neck. I wonder where else I can exploit.” Zhongli murmurs into her ear, and before she knows the weight of his words, she feels his hands press her to him and he tilts her back to have her lie on the bed. 

Aserla attempts to keep the blanket on her body, but feels it gently tugged away from her hands. Cool air gently begins to touch her skin from him leaving her bare underneath him. Zhongli takes his time in looking over her body, he smiles to himself when he wrests the blanket from her hold, her covering her face as he begins to arrange her on her back to look over her skin. He places his first kiss on her body at her lips then follows a small path up to her forehead where her face isn’t covered by her hands. 

Zhongli follows his path down to her neck and pauses there just under her jaw to take a bit of her skin into his lips and pulls gently as he sucks on it. His tongue rubs on the patch of skin between his lips as he keeps sucking on it till he hears her let go of the breath she was holding. He lets go of the skin and admires the mark he left behind, he travels his lips a little lower to another patch of skin and tests it with a lick across it.

Aserla lets out another soft moan then feels him tug at her skin again along the center of her neck. Zhongli ghosts his hands along her body, feeling her breasts under his palms and rolling her nipples beneath his thumbs. Gold eyes cast up towards his wife’s face and sees she has uncovered her face finally and beautiful blue eyes look hazy from pleasure as he teases these spots on her.

“You are beautiful.” Zhongli murmurs against her skin as he continues his path on her body; he places his hands under her breasts and pushes them together enjoying the weight he feels and how plush her skin gives into his hands. Aserla focuses on him as she sees him press his face in between her breasts and to her embarrassment hears him intake a breath drawing in her natural scent.

“I… probably don’t smell that great.” She comments feeling shyer when he seems to focus on something he likes in her skin. Zhongli’s eyes cast back up to her face as he trails a kiss from the center of her chest where he hears the faint beat of her heart to gently take a patch of skin at the side of her right breast. 

“I like your scent. You have a sweetness to you that I enjoy.” Zhongli focuses on her face when she looks at him like he’s gone mad, she releases another soft moan as he travels his lips closer to the nipple after letting go of the skin in his lips leaving another hickey behind. He trails his tongue around the areola feeling it harden under his tongue till he flicks it across the tip of that nipple and leaves it alone to keep her in suspense on the pleasure he’ll give her. 

“You can detect a sweetness?” Aserla stares at him almost forgetting he has keener senses than her. Zhongli raises an arm to rest his head on a fist as he stares down at his wife with an amused smile. Taking in her flustered expression at him able to smell things of her body. He blows a gentle breath across her flush skin on the breast he was teasing just to watch the relaxed flesh harden again from temperature change or excitement.

“You have such an innocence to you that is refreshing. Please never lose that side of you in our years together. I can detect a lot of things about you, your skin and scent is sweet from your arousal. Your body is honest with me for what it wants. I’m listening to it and responding to what I am finding that you enjoy.” Zhongli explains this to her while his free hand skims across her left breast cupping around it and squeezes gently till he lifts it enough, so he brings the flesh closer to his lips where he takes the tip between them and suckles gently drawing out a soft gasp from her.

Aserla stares at him as he talks to her, her face reddening under his molten gold stare. She sees him take her breast to his lips and begin to kiss then suckle on it. The woman feels heat pooling in her belly and the source of the cause is laying on her lower half casually like he’s comfortable already. Zhongli settles into taking more of her breast to his mouth latching onto the nipple fully and sucking on it as if he’s trying to draw milk from her already. His other hand tweaks the other breast, kneading the flesh under his hand with rolling her nipple between his fingers till she is letting out louder moans from his attention to her.

“Ah! Morax!” Aserla jolts up from feeling his other hand slip down along her stomach to squeeze her skin there, feeling how supple it is and gives nicely when he presses his palm in a bit. 

He acknowledges her fuller form and moves both of his arms to encircle her waist to embrace her to himself when he pulls off her breast to give the other the same attention her left got. Zhongli latches onto this the same way trying to almost drink from it with how deeply he sucks on it and swirls his tongue around it. Aserla entertains the thought of how he’ll be when she might end up pregnant by him. The thought causes blood to rush to her face again and she looks away before he catches onto her blush and distracted eyes.

The archons hands move across her belly focusing on feeling her skin under his palms. Aserla is distracted when he does this with her thoughts, but when his squeeze on her abdomen includes parts of her ribs she squirms and emits a soft giggle. Immediately she covers her lips and looks down to Zhongli who catches on to a ticklish spot. Aserla’s blue eyes go wide when she sees a devilish smirk cross his lips and amber eyes lower in an “Aha~” to this knowledge he soon exploits. 

Zhongli places his hands along her ribs and begins to press his thumbs in circles enough to cause involuntary laughter from her. With him lying on her legs she can’t kick her feet, but he can feel her squirming to try to get away from his hands. He’s enjoying this sound of her laughter singing through the air and for a brief moment he casts his eyes towards her face to see her eyes pleading him to have mercy on her.

“Zhongli! Please!” Aserla feels his hands stop at her frantic voice between laughs and squealing. Hard breathing comes from her and Zhongli is pressing his ear to her chest listening to how erratic her heartbeat and lungs are trying to catch her breath along with the subtle giggles still rumbling from her body.

When quiet has returned to the room itself, save for the breathing between them and subtle sighs of her finally catching her breath. Zhongli continues his descent on her body, his hands move to her abdomen, lower than her stomach his upper torso going down as well. He scoots down entirely so his face is closer to her waist and places himself on her legs for now. 

Aserla sees his hands move on her abdomen and she feels him pressing along the mound of her womanhood. His fingers are feeling along the skin there, as if mapping out what is just below it for her womb. Zhongli encircles his arms around her waist and presses his face into her abdomen with a kiss to this spot in reverence. This makes his wife blush at the implication of what he could promise her in the coming years or months. It also makes her nervous to anticipate having a child with him. 

Zhongli brings his hands back to her front and begins to knead his fingers into the organ just below his fingers. Aserla sits up a bit but is met with him pushing her back down gently with one hand. Urging her to relax to what he’s doing. He’s thorough as he rubs his fingers into this spot, his thumbs pressing around where he can feel a lot of her. She squirms slightly when he encounters a sensitive spot along her abdomen and leaves it alone. He focuses on the main part of her to get her to relax more and accept the massage that he’s giving to her.

“What are you doing?” Aserla questions him on why he’s focusing his massage to this delicate place, she feels heat pooling in her body and from his gentle prodding on it she lets out an erotic moan.

“That. Making you feel good. Trust my methods please. This is for blood flow and to make you more relaxed. I wanted to do this last night, but you my dear got impatient with me.” Zhongli places a gentle kiss on top of the mound of her flesh, he notes the way she keeps herself devoid of hair here. He’ll keep this preference of hers in mind and get her things to maintain her skin the way she likes for it. He places a kiss at the start of the crease to the slit and mouths hot kisses along it where she can feel his breath ghost along the sensitive skin.

Aserla watches as her husband lifts himself up enough to guide her legs apart for himself, getting her to place her legs over his broad shoulders. There is a wet heat she feels from his kisses and breath heating her folds. She feels a very distinct air flow on her skin there and feels mortified of him smelling her here. Small hands go onto his hair and begins to lightly tug at his hair for smelling her this way. He’s unperturbed at all, in fact he ignores the hands pulling his hair in favor of burying his nose in further to her skin.

“Don’t smell me like that you menace!” Aserla manages under her breath and raises one of her legs to try and scoot up only to have Zhongli catch her right leg by its thigh to push it up giving him much better access to her folds. He holds her leg at the back of her knee and presses it to hold it so she can’t accidentally kick him. She can’t believe he’s actually smelling her here.

“I like it, you smell very good, and I can’t get enough of the sounds you make.” Zhongli brings his free hand down to touch on her skin, he spreads them open and blows a hot breath across the pink he can see. He smirks seeing the way she is pushing her hips down to escape his teasing. How he’ll enjoy hearing her voice soon, he already hears her soft pleas for him to have mercy on her. 

Zhongli smooths the hand holding her thigh up back down to join his other in opening her folds up to his eyes. The sides of his hands smooth her labia down with keeping them parted his eyes take in the anatomy of her most intimate and sensitive skin. His fingers gently touch around the hood of her clit and pushes it down then back up feeling the way the bundle of nerves responds to his touch.

Aserla is reduced to soft sighs feeling his fingers touching her like this, her attempts to get free of the awkward position die down as she relaxes under what she feels him doing. She rests the leg he was holding up down along side Zhongli’s side while he settles into looking at her vagina a lot closer than she wants him to. He looks content exploiting her like this, a smug fascinated grin on his lips when she accepts his touching as long as he doesn’t try to smell her there.

The small woman takes a moment to admire the toned backside of her husband, the long ponytail loose from the tugging she was doing on his hair. She notes the way he’s arranged his waist tilted to the side and she sees the peek of his erection as it strains towards his abdomen dripping beads of precum on the silk beneath where the tip brushes once in a while when he shifts closer. She sees it twitch whenever she moans out softly showing how much he’s affected by this as she is. Her eyes also note of how rounded his rear is and smirks to herself at how handsome he really is. 

Zhongli hears a hitch in his wife’s breath when he ghosts a breath across her clit, he places his lips on the side of one of her labia and tugs it in-between them to suck on the skin like he did her neck. His upper lip catches along the more sensitive part of the inner side while his bottom feels the outer. He draws more of this skin into his mouth where he begins to taste the sweetness of her slick. He pulls with his mouth and very gently uses his teeth as he pulls off with a wet pop. Gold eyes dart up to his wife’s face in time to see her eyes go wide and a moan come from her.

“You like that one.” Aserla hears him and feels him repeat this action on the other side of her folds, taking the skin between his lips and sucks enough till his tongue can rub circles around the flesh then pulls off till he has left red marks on both sides in the same spots. The former archon keeps her folds open as his mouth does the same thing to the inner labia, only he doesn’t use his teeth on this super sensitive skin. He nibbles with his lips only following the contours of where the veins lead into her clit to suckle on them just along the underside of that sensitive bundle of nerves to flick his tongue here. 

Zhongli avoids rubbing his tongue directly onto her clit, instead he circles his tongue around it tracing where the hood is pulled back enough to expose the small glands. He can smell more of her essence dribbling out of her at the anticipation and wet heat around such a sensitive spot. Till she feels like she could burst just from the lead up, Aserla feels pressure in her belly like something is about to come from her if he keeps doing this. 

“Morax… I… I’m…. I feel… something hot in my…. AHH!” Aserla stammers out the first bit only to yelp out loud when wet heat encloses on her clit and that tongue of his swirls around it fully. She feels his thumbs move to hold the top part of her folds back to keep the hood peeled for his assault on this small bundle of nerves. Blue eyes go wide as she lets out a cacophony of moans and cries from the way his lips completely close around her clit and his tongue rapidly laps at it until she is pushing her hips closer to his face even winding her legs around his shoulders to press as close to her pleasure source as possible. 

Zhongli doesn’t let up on this as he feels her push closer, his hands keep her open while he focuses on it. His eyes are closed as he sucks here, he ruts his hips against the bed to get stimulation on his erection, dragging the engorged tip to feel the silk underneath the leaking tip. He is close to moving up and plunging himself into her till she is full of his semen, till she has come from him at least three times from him fucking her into the bed beneath them like a wild animal trying to mate. He restrains himself for her pleasure and comfort, most of all there is something he is determined to get her to do for him, like he did the previous night when he first pleased her. He wants to taste her unique cum himself, that heady sweet scent he has been being driven crazy by since he smelled it.

Aserla feels more heat pooling in her abdomen she panics a little when she feels a soft spurt of fluid starting to squirt from her and dribble down his chin. She tugs his hair from it as she feels his mouth open, and he moves to close his mouth closer to where he felt that small spurt of fluid. There is a flicker of his tongue along the slit of her urethra opening and she feels that pressure in her belly tightening more. 

Zhongli feels her pulling his hair, he ignores her trying to tug him away from this and urges her onto the path of her orgasm. His tongue rubs against that small spot to encourage her, then moves his tongue further down to her opening. He without a second thought presses his tongue into it and presses it up on the spongy part of her urethra better. He bumps this spot with his tongue as he closes his mouth and pulls off with another wet pop letting cool air hit her hot core. He hears her keening out in the air, her voice echoing off the walls and her thrashing underneath him.

“Let go.” Aserla hears him say this and almost doesn’t understand till she realizes she’s pulling his hair too hard; she has a firm grip of the right side of his hair in back and pulling tight on it. She does let go of his hair and he descends his mouth back onto her while she slips her hands to the bedding beneath her instead. She feels sheepish being told to let go, and Zhongli slips his right hand to her left to squeeze it reassuringly along with touching her wedding band. 

Zhongli returns his attention onto her clit swirling his tongue back around it before plunging his tongue back into her pussy deeper as it can go. He pauses to suck on two of his fingers of his left hand and uses them his first and middle to press inside her cunt with his tongue lapping between the small slit to the pulsing nub beneath it. His fingers curl and she’s gone to pleasure as she feels the tips of his fingers prod something a few inches inside of her and she screams out in pleasure as that fluid she was holding back squirts out of her and hits his tongue. Instantly he is sliding his tongue inside along his fingers as his lips close on where she is streaming from. He tastes a heavy sweetness and smells a clover scent from her. 

“Fuck…” Zhongli murmurs out under his breath, he rarely uses crude language, he hasn’t since his war days or the stray person who managed to irk him, but it feels appropriate in this moment as her juices coat his tongue and he greedily drinks this sweet fluid down as if it is the freshest water he has ever tasted. He presses as close as he can to get more of it ignoring the fact he has also came on the bed, dribbling his semen across the bedding in gobs of it and his thigh. 

“Celestia… you taste divine.” Aserla moans softly hearing him as she feels herself intensely sensitive to any touch. One of her legs is strewn down his back while the other is kept open by his arm as he keeps his fingers inside of her pushing them further into her body to feel the depth of her where he couldn’t from her stopping his traveling fingers before out of respect of her wanting him to penetrate her with his penis first. 

Zhongli pulls his mouth back and feels her essence dribbling down his chin, he looks down at her pussy to see a clear coat of her fluids onto them and slight creaminess of mild discharge on his fingers. He ignores it and sees it as a good sign of her health here, he contemplates if he wants to have sex with her today if she’s producing it so heavily as a sign she’s ovulating. He does want to spend the first year of their marriage exploring their sexual intimacy before they add children to their life just yet. He takes into the fact he could control that and closes his eyes as he withdraws his fingers from inside of her and cleans his hand by bringing them to his mouth and cleans them off. 

Aserla comes down from that euphoric high as Zhongli sits up after disentangling her legs from his shoulders. She sees his eyes glow faint in his aroused state like he’s contemplating what he wants to do but focuses on her face. He takes in her glassy eyed stare, her blue eyes and dilated pupils from her orgasm telling that she is still in that sensitive state. He smooths his hands along her legs up her waist and she feels against her thigh that he’s already hard again.

“Do you want me inside you?” Zhongli checks with her for consent to keep going; Aserla looks at him as she processes his words. Her arms over her forehead as she nods to his question. Zhongli smiles down to her as he arranges her legs on either side of his waist and kneels better between them. He tugs her waist to his, while he places a hand between them to pump his erection a few times. He strokes himself firm as he sighs at the sight of his beloved in front of him with a blissed out look to her face.

“Yes… please…” Aserla answers him vocally and feels a deep ache in her body, she needs him inside of her. Zhongli pants slightly in his strokes on himself, getting himself up to where he feels she is in her aroused state so she’s not uncomfortable. She watches him as he touches himself almost caught up in his own actions, his breathier moans coming out of his lips from his strokes getting faster. He soon stops and scoots himself closer to her prone body and guides her how he wants her waist to remain still.

Zhongli moves a hand down to spread her pussy open while guiding his erection along the slick of her folds to coat himself in that cool wet slick along her thighs. He does this with soft thrusts till he is satisfied with how lubricated his penis is then presses the head in with satisfaction on his face at seeing her taking and stretching around him with keen interest. She looks down between them and focuses on seeing him guide himself into her body with a slow push that makes her bite her lip. 

Aserla looks like a goddess to him, her messy brownish hair fanned around her face messed from her thrashing. Blue eyes staring with wide interest at just how he fits into her, the part of pink lips in a soft moan at when Zhongli bottoms out inside of her. He’s doing everything in his power to not ravish her here.

Zhongli regards his wife’s glossy skin from mild sweat and her brow damp from the same thing. He lowers his head to press his forehead against hers as he breathes softly to her lips to share a breath together as their bodies are connected in an intimate way. He presses a kiss onto her cheek and listens to her soft whimper at her adjusting to his size. In time he’ll be able to push in without regarding that wait, he can’t wait for that day where he can be rough with her. He wonders what kind of face she’ll make in the throes of pleasure like that. 

For now, Zhongli focuses solely on his beloved’s current comfort till she has relaxed enough for him to move. Slow drawbacks of his hips, him making pleased groans at how good she feels around his aching erection. His hands find purchase around her hips tugging them into his thrusts he starts to make into her waiting body. 

Aserla lets out her moans now that she feels him starting to move with her. Zhongli’s baritone voice resounds in the room at feeling her soft walls around his engorged flesh, he grips her waist a little harder and it is his wife’s turn to watch him come undone. The loose hair from his tie barely keeping his long hair together as it seems to slip down the silky locks further till she sees parts of his hair slip from the binding and curtain at the side of her face where he’s leaning over her.

Zhongli is ethereal looking, he looks still like the former god he use to be, from his toned form, down to the ombre hair dark brown to gold as it sticks to his skin or flutters around him from his thrusts. Aserla feels herself blushing at being allowed to see this normally composed gentleman look so disheveled like he’s experiencing the best thing he’ll ever feel in all his six-thousand years into such a tiny body beneath him.

Amber eyes open to look into her blue eyes, under the sunlight pouring into their room, he sees the real blue of them and can make out those gold-tinged centers of her eyes. Her cheeks flushed from exertion and fluster at watching his archon take pleasure in her body, a hand pressed to the side of her face a natural placement of her hand for her comfort. Zhongli can see the subtle rocks of her body when he pushes into her and hears her moan drawn from it. His eyes cast downwards to their joined bodies, his hands move to spread her pussy open better so he can see the way he slides in and out of her much to her dismay of him focused on that.

Aserla feels comfortable like this, just letting him thrust into her body feeling the in and out motion that makes her feel good. Her eyes start going wide when she sees him bring his fingers to his lips and sucks on them enough to wet them and lowers them to her clit to begin rubbing it in circles, slipping the tiny nub between his fingers to roll between and stroke it in tiny motions.

“Morax…” Her voice comes out as she feels him starting to get her closer to cumming for him. Aserla whimpers and feels his left hand hold her waist in place for himself to keep from missing his thrust back in when he pulls back nearly entirely out and pushes back in a lot harder and faster. Accompanied by him rolling and squeezing her clit, he drives himself into her to get her to moan louder and with purpose.

“Zhongli.” He corrects her, wanting her to use his name here. His eyes seem a little pained as he focuses on her pleasure, trying harder to get her to where he is in to cum soon. Aserla widens her eyes when he focuses on rubbing her clit rapidly now, and with his current thrusts going into her at such a harder pace.

“Zhongli~” Aserla sees him smiling after she says his preferred name, she feels him get a lot harder in his thrusts, chasing his release along with furthering her onto hers. She begins to pant his name under her breath as she feels her toes curling until she feels that sensation, she felt earlier building in her belly.

“That’s better, my love. That’s my girl! Keep going! just feel good now. Good girl! Good girl!” Zhongli begins to thrust harder; he brings his fingers to his mouth to suck on them again to get wetness back onto them as he continues to roll and rub her clit faster till she is keening out underneath him and he feels her tightening around his dick.

Aserla feels that heat pooling in her again, and her breath hitches in her lungs as she breathes out. She feels herself pushing against him as she feels that pressure inside of herself coming to a head. Zhongli watches his wife as she lets out a timed scream to what she is feeling, and he feels hot heat against his lap as she squirts out her orgasm onto him. He thrusts harder into her through her orgasm to chase his own by pushing deep, feeling the pulsing sensation of her pussy milking him of his cum as he lets it out inside of her. 

“Celestia! Fuck!”  Zhongli lets the swears come off his tongue as he ruts harder into her until she is done squeezing him, and he is done spurting his semen inside of her body towards her womb to maybe take root within her. He is careful as he lies on top of her, completely spent of his energy; chest heaving deep as he pants. He lowers down to kiss her deeply, his tongue pushing into her mouth and reaching for hers. There is softer moans between them both as the kiss he gives her leaves her head spinning, that she feels him drag his tongue across hers when he breaks the kiss to breathe. He circles her tongue with his before pulling it into his mouth to suck on it.

Aserla is caught up in the feeling she has through her body, a heated weightless while also being wrapped up in his arms. Zhongli cages her head between his arms to keep kissing her, till she parts from the kiss to cry out as his hips pick up again and pushes back into her. He feels her trembling as he thrusts again into her small frame, he is far from done with her, and her moans underneath him spell more for him as she feels him slide in such a way that she can’t help moaning out louder. 

“One more for me… all you have to do is lie there and take it.” Zhongli kisses her face sweetly, while his hips move faster and with purpose. He drags his hips back so his cock grinds down against her bottom wall then thrusts back up into her at an angle he focuses on. He feels her quivering around him and hears her keening out from sensitivity. Zhongli’s lust is awakened for her, and he can’t stop the feeling washing through him as he ruts his hips against hers, it feels too good for him to stop and Aserla’s mind is gone to where she is unsure if she is in heaven or just in pure bliss.

Aserla lets each of her moans out as her husband rises up on his arms and grabs her legs to position them back till her feet are near her head as his thrusts become wilder. He looks down to see how stretched she is around his erection, he even smirks seeing her face so red at being held in such an embarrassing position. Her hands going down to block his view till he drapes one leg on his shoulder and grasps her hands to pin above her head.

Zhongli continues to thrust into her, his moans coming out under his breath as he tugs his lip into his teeth to watch her face so full of pleasure. Aserla keens out even more underneath him after being positioned to receive him again. She feels her hands pinned above her head while he continues to rut into her like he hasn’t had enough, and he probably hasn’t now that he has a taste for her. He takes satisfaction in watching how his cock slips from her only to slide back into her perfectly nestled within her and splitting her open around him.

Blue eyes glance up into the glowing amber ones bearing into hers, Aserla feels that same pressure in her body and before she can even say anything beyond his name she releases again in a stream against his abdomen as he groans out feeling her around him. He spills his cum inside her in an explosive orgasm of his own, he sees her blushing intensely from feeling that hot sensation in her abdomen.

Aserla feels and sees him lie back down onto her after dropping her legs down on either side of him. Zhongli emits a sigh as he pulls himself out of her warmth and moves to lie on his chest next to his wife in a satisfied thump onto the bed. Long hair sticking to his body and a lazy stare onto her face from being completely satisfied by his little wife. There is a look from his eyes as he regards her breathing hard from her own exertion.

Zhongli reaches his left hand to touch hers feeling it next to him and grips her hand tightly in his own, lacing his fingers with hers, feeling their bands together as he lays there seeing her at her most vulnerable from accepting him into her body with more ease and taking everything, he had done to her. He smirks at the faint marks he left over her body on spots she’ll remember later. For now, he sees her eyes unfocused; chest heaving and like him satisfied of the outcome of their lovemaking.

Silence between them save for the steadying pants filling the air, Zhongli is first to regain himself. He sits up to begin assessing the state of his beloved, seeing the slight tremors in her hands and feet from the over-stimulation done to her. He looks under her waist and sees a deep saturation from where she came and his own semen staining as it leaks from her. He leans over to press a much gentler kiss to her lips and begins to collect her into his arms. Her aftercare is in dire need, and he smiles when she is compliant with wrapping her arms around his neck to hold onto him instinctively.

Aserla is carried through the house back to the bathroom where she is set down on the heated floor closest to the pool of water. He leaves her there temporarily to go strip their bed of the soiled sheets to prevent further staining to the mattress and places those to where they can be washed later. He sets down fresh bedding for him to put on fully after bathing; he collects clothes for himself and his wife and returns to where she has curled up on the floor to enjoy the heat on her side and face.

Zhongli smiles warmer down to her and fills a basin of warm water to begin washing her up. He takes hers and his wedding bands off their hands, resting them in a special container he had bought for them to be safe while bathing. He focuses on her lower half most; running a washcloth over her skin to clean off drying semen and other fluids. He is careful with how he parts her folds to run cooled water along her privates to make her relieve herself and washes it away without a second thought to prevent infections. Aserla finally starts to come around after that and looks up into those amber eyes as he starts to wash her torso and neck.

“Feel better?” Aserla is drawn out of her thoughts after Zhongli empties the basin of water on her body being mindful not to get her head with it. She sees him refill it and gets her to sit up and lean against him to wash through her hair. A faint scent of coconut and mint fills the air from the soap she chose for it while Zhongli lathers it through making her sigh or moan in just how good his hands feel tending to her. She feels like she’s the luckiest woman to have him devote so much to her.

“I feel amazing. You made me feel things I thought I never could even in my wildest fantasies.” Zhongli places a quick kiss to the side of her neck where he can reach for now. Aserla feels gentle nibbling on it but quickly is relieved of being pulled into another love making session when he just kisses the side of her face in a gentle peck.

“Good, that was my aim to make you feel good. Close your eyes.” Aserla listens to him and feels the basin of water emptied over her head as he tilts her head back towards him as he combs out the rest of the soap and water from her hair. She rests her head against his chest when he rests her there looking up at his face full of concentration as he scrutinizes her body for any spots that he may have missed. She sees him tilt his head down and kiss her again; Zhongli holds her head in place to give her this kiss while she lets him.

Aserla is leaned against the edge of the pool while Zhongli takes his time to wash his own body. She brings her knees up to her chest and leans her head on her arms to watch how he tends to himself. Zhongli starts his own care with soaking his hair after setting the tie for it where he can find it later. He begins to scrub through the long hair while it’s in the basin of water using a soap that has a clove scent to it, spicy that adds a uniqueness to him. Aserla smells sandalwood, tea leaves and silk flower essence more concentrated as he uses an oil into the water to infuse the scent to his hair.

Zhongli lets his hair soak here for a few minutes while turning his head enough to see his wife watching him. He takes in her curious eyes as he goes about his routine, with rinsing the excess water from his hair and leaves it to dry without adding anything extra beyond what he infused. He uses the rest of the oil infused water to wash his body, Aserla sees how he takes care of any part of his skin. He rinses his own privates with fresher water enough to do the same thing he did with her to relieve himself for his health disguising it through the water running off. She has interest in seeing the way he peels back the skin to clean around the foreskin. He inspects himself for any imperfections or things that shouldn’t be there before leaving himself alone.

There is a calm quiet between them while he pins up his hair before collecting his wife into his arms to sit in the bath with him. Aserla fidgets with the hotter temperature of the side he chose, and Zhongli sees her show her discomfort and moves to the cooler end with her. She wades into the water with him to find that happy medium between warm for them both to enjoy each others company.

“My apologies my dear.” Zhongli says after he has her settle into his arms and on his lap. Aserla tilts her head back to him and feels him rest his chin on top of her head. A happy hum sounds from both of them as they settle into this domestic life. She has a lot of questions but isn’t sure how to ask them. He has answers and questions of his own regarding his beloved wife.

Aserla looks at her left hand and feels his hand rise underneath it to hold her hand. She feels her heart full for him, and he has his own love for her settling into his heart. Aserla fiddles with his hands till she can find her voice to ask the question on her mind. Zhongli sees her face concentrating on something and turns her so she can look him in his eyes.

“When would you like… children?” Aserla asks, and there is a surprised look to his face, he then smiles gently as he takes her hands into his to hold them. His right thumb tracing her ring finger where her band will be back on after they’re done in the bath.

“I wanted to ask you that question. I for one, do not mind when we have a child, but I’d like to wait at least a year or two. So we can settle into our married life effectively, and also enjoy our sexual explorations together.” Zhongli answers her with what he practiced in his mind when this question would pop up. Aserla blushes at this then smiles at how he has it planned out for when they should entertain the idea of having one.

“So, you can have children?” Zhongli raises an eyebrow to this question, and chuckles softly.

“Of course, I can have children. I produce semen, and you I believe are of childbearing age. So, if you want a child, I can give you one, or many.” There is a subtle bounce of his hips into hers at his meaning. Aserla feels her face heat up from his words and lowers her head till the water is at her lips as she blows a few bubbles murmuring something. Zhongli lowers his head to her ear to catch the helix of it between his lips as he nibbles on it. He breathes a hot breath onto her ear exploiting her sensitivity hearing her sputter more in the water.

“Of course, that will only happen when we are both ready. I am a little different than the normal man and can hold that aspect to give one life while we make love. Therefore… until you truly want one is when we’ll have one.” Zhongli lifts his head from kissing her ear leaving his assault on it alone to give her a much-needed rest from having sex with him.

“You mean… we can have risk free sex all we want?” Aserla hears a chuckle from him at the way she words it. A deft bite on her shoulder is placed.

“I suppose it does mean that we can do that without worrying of you getting pregnant so soon after being married. I do want to spend as much time with you as possible. I want to reaffirm that statement I made, I will never force you to do something you don’t want. This extends to pregnancy or anything you find unsavory around me.” Aserla thinks it over and moves to rest her head back against his chest. There is only one thing she can think of those that ebb at the edge of her mind.

“The only thing I can think of in that moment is, anything to do with polyamory or cheating.” Zhongli does smooth his hands on her shoulders and down her arms holding her at her elbows where he rubs his thumbs along the inside of her arms. He presses his lips to her flushed forehead for a second before he speaks to her. 

“You have nothing to fear of me doing that. I took an oath and contract with you. I will never break our contract, given I am the god of contracts. So, if you say that is off limits, I will take it as a breach of our contract. I expect the same commitment from you as well.” Aserla nods to his words and agrees wholehearted.

“Then there is nothing to worry about. We should get out of the bath I don’t want you to faint.” Zhongli has her get out of the bath, but keeps her from leaving the room, guiding her to lie down on the edge of the pool for a little bit to cool off. He momentarily leaves her after noticing she was overheating for a cool cloth onto her forehead. He returns with another basin of cooled water and begins to run it slowly onto her body. She squirms from the colder water on her skin.

“Trust me.” Aserla sees him leave to refill the basin with a bit colder water than that, and runs it slowly again along her body, drizzling it slower so her core can come down gradually. When he’s satisfied with her cooled form, he applies a sweet-scented oil to her skin. It has a distinct scent of lavender with sandalwood to it. He rubs this into her body taking general care of her skin.

Zhongli sees her wriggling when his fingers trace along her sex to rub this oil into it. He teases her with pressing his fingers inside of her briefly and massages her thoroughly. Aserla lets out soft moans when he focuses on rubbing in specific spots, then sighs when he withdraws his fingers. Zhongli takes a peek at her folds to inspect her and feels a smirk tug at his lips seeing how his seed is still smeared along her. He feels himself developing a kink just to see his cum leak from his wife, as much as seeing that erotic expression she currently has when he indulges her to thrust his fingers back inside to make her feel good.

Aserla feels pleasure when he does this and focuses on what he’s doing till she squeezes his fingers in her release. He fully relents on his wife to not over-exert her through sex itself. Zhongli applies this same oil he placed onto her skin on his own body then sits next to her while it dries on his skin. He unpins his hair and takes a comb to brush through the luster of it.

“So that’s why you always smell like tea and incense.” Aserla muses aloud after seeing his hygiene habits and how he takes care of himself. Zhongli raises his head with a smile to her and nods lightly.

“Tea leaves is good for the hair along with sandalwood. Silk flower essence infuses the scent, so it stays longer. Why it’s used in so many perfumes as a stabilizer. I perfected my little blend here a few hundred years back when the idea was presented to me. The oil is of my own blend as well. I hope this means you like it?” Zhongli goes into his tangent about the history of the infusion and blending methods.

“I do like it; it makes me think of you. You smell calming, like a home.” Aserla begins to sit up once the dizzy feeling from being overheated subsides. Zhongli kneels in front of her to take her left hand and kisses her hand as he places her wedding band back onto her finger. He admires the band seeing the small Geo symbols he etched into them as his protection to her. Aserla sees this act and returns this gesture with taking his ring and places it onto his hand. When it is in its place, she sees their rings glow brief when he resonates them together. Soft humming from their rings and she looks up into his warm eyes with amazement at his ability to do this without breaking them.

“I will always watch over you so long as you wear this ring. Pray, if anything ever does happen to you. I will know and race to be beside you. I know you’ll never carelessly put yourself in danger, but remember bandits, fatui, and hilichurls do find their ways around. I’d be beside myself if anything happened to you. I love you. My little phoenix.” Zhongli sees her eyes watering from his nickname he gives her.

“I promise I won’t do anything that puts my life in jeopardy. I’ll also call on you should there be a moment like that.” His hands hold hers firmly pulling her up to her feet and presses her into himself. Aserla wraps her arms around him and feels a deep sense within her full of love for this man. Zhongli smooths his fingers through her hair seeing how it starts to wave as it dries. He feels her lift her head to look at his face, he lowers his head to place a soft kiss onto her lips. She returns his kiss and presses even closer to him till he is slowly tugging her back to put some distance between their bodies. She stares at him confused wondering why he is until she sees the pink tinge across his face and him moving a hand down to cover his manhood a little pressing it down.

“As much as I want to embrace you like this, I actually want to spend this day with you, to bond more than spending it in bed till you are too exhausted to do anything with me.” Aserla puffs her cheeks in amusement at his reasoning and sees him trying hard to control his body from what’s transpiring.

“Zhongli~ Are you getting hard? Are you thinking naughty things?” Her voice is full of amusement as the former archon stares at her wide amber eyes and face reddening more. His turn to blush for a bit as she points this out for him.

“My love… how can I not be? The love of my life is nude in front of me pressing her body against mine. It’s only natural… for me to want you.” Zhongli coughs into his hand as he moves to get dressed in the hanfu robe he brought with him. He pulls it on himself without another thought to better hide his arousal. He does his best to ebb it down but when he looks her way, he sees a sight that makes him wish he didn’t put on his robe so he can just take his wife again.

Aserla has bent down to retrieve the garment she dropped, and as she leans forward, she gives her husband a good view of her rear to her privates. He looks well at her body and feels himself responding a bit more to her nude form. Zhongli looks away before he reaches a state of aroused where he needs to take care of it and can’t ebb it off by will. He presses his fingers to his lips as he thinks about getting her into their bed later to enjoy maybe a little afternoon fun with him.

“Li?” Aserla sees her husband in deep thought, his long hair still loose and there is a defined blush to his face. She lowers her gaze to his abdomen and only sees a faint rise.

“Hmm?” Zhongli looks back to her, drawn out of his thoughts about his plans of seduction later. He notes she is fully dressed now, wearing the qipao dress he selected for her. Short deep blue dress with ginkgo embroidered into the silk on her chest and the skirt. High slits on both sides as the skirt and he admires her natural beauty when she looks up at him as she tugs the skirt a certain way.

“Underwear? Did you forget to grab any for me?” Aserla asks and there is a tug on Zhongli’s lips into a smirk.

“I didn’t forget to grab you any. You won’t be needing them, at least not for a while.” Aserla looks at him wide eyed again and blushes furiously as she tugs the skirt closer to cover her thighs.

“You are a menace…” Zhongli reaches to the counter where his hair tie is and begins to collect his hair together to tie it up. In a few swift movements of his hands, he ties his hair up, making sure the diamond gem is positioned how he enjoys it and then looks at his wife.

“I am your menace now, and you’ll forgive me for wanting eye candy around the house. You could go and grab some underwear if you really want to wear something. Be a little pointless when I’ll tug them off later.” Aserla watches him adjust his hair how he usually has it and folds his arms behind his back as he leads her out of the bathroom. Aserla follows behind him the air hitting her skin and she feels a slight embarrassment with the way she walks her thighs rub together enough and she winces a little at how tender her folds are. Maybe not wearing anything is a good idea, she sees him looking at her out of the corner of his eyes.

Zhongli goes into the kitchen to make them a late breakfast while Aserla carefully lies on her belly on the couch in the living room. She is facing towards the kitchen watching him work to make them both something. She rests her head on her arms as she observes her husband, feeling relaxed from earlier, the bath and all his attention to her, to breathing in the calming scents he had adorn her in.

Aserla finds herself drifting to sleep, turning onto her side and curling in after securing a pillow to hug in her arms. She nuzzles her face into it while hearing the light hum of her husband musing to himself about what he’s adding to make the meal he’s making taste good for them both. Zhongli turns to see that she has fallen asleep; a soft smile graces his lips seeing the way she is clinging to the pillow in her arms. He places what he’s cooking to simmer for a while, choosing to make one of his soups that takes a bit longer to boil throughout the day. He kneels down and places his head next to hers enough to steal a kiss from her. The meal he chose to make will be ready by the time she wakes up.

Zhongli runs his fingers through her soft hair, enjoying how silky it is in his fingers. He pets through her hair fully, starting at her forehead and down the back of her head. He sees her responding to his touch with light sighs. Aserla smiles more in her sleep when he places another soft kiss to her face then stands after draping a blanket, he keeps on the back of the couch over her to let her rest. She did exert herself a lot and he is proud of how much she did for him this morning.

“I’ll wake you up in a little while. Rest well my dear.” Zhongli ruffles through her hair again then goes back to the stove to monitor what he’s cooking and to place a kettle on for tea. He goes through his collection and picks out one of his favorites made from qingce flower and orange blossom. He goes about their bedroom while waiting for three things to happen. His wife to wake up, the food to be done cooking, and the kettle to boil. He fixes the bed with fresh bedding, smoothing it down and adorning it back with all the pillows and fresh blankets.

Zhongli returns to the living room to see his wife has shifting in her sleep, facing towards the back of the couch now and curled up more under the blanket over her. He admires her here, the innocence she has and can see why Barbatos sent her to him. She has something unique to her personality, a spark he hasn’t seen in thousands of years. That spark that ignited the love he had in Guizhong, only the love he feels for this small woman here. Is unlike the love he had for the God of Dust; he holds those memories in reverence as he does leave that part in his past.

That love for life they both shared is what makes Aserla and Guizhong so unique. Their charm and innocence they possessed. Zhongli finds himself smiling down to Aserla and admiring how tiny, yet fierce women seem to find their way into his heart. He’d never compare the two together, but they both have that spark he loves in people. Their drive and ambitions that set them apart while retaining their gentleness and love for those around them.

 Zhongli finishes cooking and looks over to his wife to contemplate if he should wake her up just yet. He looks at the kettle he had just boiled water then sees an invitation he is taking. He can always reheat the water, and the food will keep for at least a little while, it tastes better when the flavor has settled in his opinion. So without another thought, he checks everything to make sure the fire on the stove is out before he moves to lie down with his beloved.

Adjusting the blanket enough so he can fit next to her, he lies down and feels her circle her arms around him nuzzling her face into his chest. Zhongli smiles while winding his own arms around her to pull her closer to himself. He rests his head on top of hers and feels her scoot closer to him with a happy hum from being able to smell the tea and sandalwood scent a lot clearer to comfort her mind.

“Rest we both shall have then.”

[fitgothgirl]

We ended up staying at the lake all the way until Saturday (there were reasons we kinda had to) - got home yesterday evening. God, I don't know if I've ever been so happy to be home. My sleep was a problem all the way until the last night, where I still woke up after a couple of hours but I took the one Ativan I had on me and that knocked me out. Every other night we were there though I got 3-5 hours (mostly 3-4 hours). I still don't know why it was so bad - I guess it was being away from home and my own bed, and being overwhelmed with too much socialization (and my socialization capacity has really dwindled the last few years). The last couple nights there I even minimized my caffeine and didn't have any alcohol and even skipped my Wellbutrin once, which I've never done(!), but nothing seemed to help. Gabapentin would've worked but I didn't bring any with me... That's the last time I'll make that mistake for any vacation.

Not only was I sleeping in my own bed last night but I took some gabapentin anyway just to be sure lol and I slept a solid 9 hours. 😌 Now I'm basking in my open Sunday and just enjoying being home and having alone time in my room. I went grocery shopping since that was needed after not being home for a while but I didn't mind it and I'm not going to do anything else. We left ourselves a nice clean house and clean sheets and clean laundry, etc., so nothing needs to be done and I'm grateful to my past self for that - always love doing that for vacations haha. ✨🫧 I also just started my period and am all crampy and headachey, so all the more reason to chill. Also on Sundays I always get this sort of "domestic euphoria," if that makes sense? Almost the opposite of the Sunday Scaries (I've only really had this feeling since WFH though lol). So yeah I'm all the more emotional about just being home now. And oh my god I missed my cat 😭😭😭

I swear I love being up there bahaha I was just having a really hard time for a few reasons...

So excited to get back into my routines and whatnot with my life as the trip is now behind us. Feeling really emotional in a bittersweet way about getting into the second half of the year; that 4th of July vacation is always a turning point. It literally becomes the second half of the year on July 1st but the trip really separates things. I get a little anxious at the thought of this year already being half over and ahead is late summer and fall... With moments like this, I often think of Jack London's quote "Darn the wheel of the world! Why must it continually turn over? Where is the reverse gear?" (I feel like this makes me sound scholarly or something but I learned it from Parks and Rec lol). But just trying to breathe and remember I'm just observing life... I'm also remembering another quote that's a personal favorite:

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much; my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude—for every single moment of my stupid, little life." (Alan Ball, American Beauty)

[purpleicedteas]

My life has been hell recently. I know I have not been active on here, Discord, AO3, etc. I’m planning to give a more formal “statement” (lol for the two people who care) later, but rn I just need to VENTTTTT

Right now I’m staying with my parents. I’ve been staying here off and on, and I’m planning on moving back home due to my disabilities and health issues.

The problems:

1) My old bedroom is no longer mine, and I stay in a tiny room that was once our “computer room” (2000s flashback) that is connected to, and the only way to get to, the laundry room.

2) My mother is a narcissist. I love her. She is my closest friend and confidant. But she is a narcissistic parent. She helicopter parents me despite me being in my mid-20s living a boring ass life with no risks to helicopter over.

3) After living in the city, I have no car, so rely on my parents to get me places. I can borrow my dad’s car, but he’s gone a lot either at work or caretaking for his mother.

3a) My mom will not let me drive her car. That’s her right to draw the line, but when I have two cars at my disposal and one is rarely available, it means I am essentially home bound.

4) I have been dealing with sleeping issues for over a year since I got COVID. I think it’s some combination of long covid and perhaps some other issue, but nothing seems to help. I need to nap during the day. If you wake me up, I am in the foulest mood, have insane anxiety, and can sometimes derail my whole day. I know this is something I need to work on in therapy, but I currently can’t afford it. I have a sound machine, but my dad loves to yell and my mom knows how to wake me up.

4a) My mother has ADD and cannot sit still. She does at least a load of laundry a day. If there’s nothing to wash, she’ll just wash bedding or something random. I’ve asked to help with the laundry, I’ve asked to do the laundry, and she refuses. She has her set way of doing it, and gets pissed/angry otherwise. She also somehow can tell any minute difference in how I did the laundry (how much detergent, what settings, how long it was in the dryer, etc) and berate me on it.

4b) She seems to LOVE to do laundry when I am asleep. Which once again, I am in the room that you have to go through to get to the laundry room, whose door has cracks throughout so the light and sounds instantly wake me up. There are plenty of opportunities for her to do laundry when I’m awake, (I sometimes point them out to her) and I’ve also suggested multiple times to do it myself, and have sometimes done so without asking. This problem persists. I woke up today to her doing the laundry and changing my garbage bag right next to my bed (it’s a tiny room) WHILE I AM TRYING TO SLEEP claiming my room “stinks” (it didn’t and doesn’t.) She just gets manic and has to do shit so she’s not sitting still irregardless of others.

5) “Whatever you can do, I can do better!” I had a headache last night? She’s been having migraines for a week. I’ve been having digestive issues? She’s been having intense gastro pain. I have allergies? She has allergies. I have back pain due to my 40 degree scoliosis curve? She has arm pain, or neck pain, or shoulder pain, miraculously and only once I’ve mentioned my pain.

This is already a thousand years long and I could go on and on. I have not even touched on my father, which is a whole other bandwagon.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. When I was visiting here, things were better. Now that I’m being treated as a permanent fixture, things have gone to hell.

Help me.

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 1988 Without saying a word, I called Kevin to see if he’d say anything. He did. He said, “So, you’re gonna move to the Hamden East condos, huh?”

This is in response to my mentioning that during my little phone games. Anyway, the little asshole sounded nervous as all hell, breathing heavily.

Ma called this morning at 9:30 to say Daddy was fine and that they were able to do a triple bypass on him.

I was pissed last night cuz Tammy went down there without me, but Philip said if God forbid anything happens he’ll take me down to Florida. Uncle Marty was pissed at Ma cuz she never called him about dad. They found out by me cuz yesterday I tried to reach Tammy in Salem and I found out through Bill’s parents.

I almost missed Ma’s call last night cuz Crystal keeps turning off the ringer on my pink phone and forgetting to turn it on again, so this morning I told Crystal not to shut the ringer off if she couldn’t remember to turn it back on.

At 2:30, I have to see Dr. Franklin. I’ll walk there. In fact, I’ll start walking now.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 1988 Today is my usual appointment with Rose at 3:00 but I doubt Community Care is open today because it’s Washington’s birthday. I called PCS and they said the buses are running.

I also called Emily, but she was a bitch cuz she just woke up so I didn’t even waste my time talking to her.

Crystal is still asleep as I thought she’d be. She goes to sleep late like I used to.

It looks like she did get fired from McDonald’s. I don’t think she ever gave a damn about the job and I don’t think she wants to work. What with all the money she owes her old landlord for rent, the gas company, the phone company, the electric company - she’s up shit’s creek. All I know is I better get my rent money.

I guess she’s never gonna get the garbage bags she said she’d get. Looks like I’m gonna have to get them, but the bitch is gonna pay me back. She’s gonna buy her share of household needs and do her share of chores or she can pack her shit and go.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 1988 I’m so pissed at myself! I bought 2 packs of cigarettes. It seems I can never quit. I’m so pissed! I can’t breathe, and I wanted to save the money.

Tuesday I must remember to go to my sign language class. I was so pissed off at myself for forgetting last week. Nervioso was so jealous he couldn’t take me to my classes. I haven’t seen him in 4 days and I never felt better.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1988 Crystal came home early with a bad ulcer. She said she went to the ER. She can’t work tomorrow or the day after. I hope she doesn’t get fired.

I have smoked only 4 cigarettes today, but it pisses me off that I just can’t cut it out for good.

Got some books in the mail today. I was pissed that they sent me a book I already have. I wonder when I’ll get my books for getting Crystal in as a member.

Later…

I didn’t do too much today but tomorrow I am going to go down to welfare to pick up my photo ID. I’m also going to call the bank to see if my other check came and pick up a few things at Food Mart.

Crystal is listening to the radio now. Earlier I was teaching her some signs.

It’s been quite pleasant not seeing Nervioso for a few days. I really want nothing more to do with him.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 1988 Today I woke up at 9am. I went to get that Nicorette gum the doctor gave me a prescription for yesterday to try to help me quit smoking. He said my lungs were so bad and that I needed to quit. I think I’ve had 9 cigarettes altogether today, but a few hours ago I became deadly determined. I’m only 22, so it’s now or never. Better to get it over with and to have smoked for 8 years rather than for 40. Besides, singers shouldn’t smoke, and I could save $80 - $100 a month.

Later…

Just a little while ago the urge to smoke was quite bad but I didn’t touch it! I chewed the gum.

I’m so damn pissed, though. I forgot all about my sign class tonight!

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 1988 I’m downtown now and I have been for almost 4 hours. At 9am, I walked down here and went to SIS, my bank. It looks like I have gotten my checks. Thank God!

Afterward, I went to Friendly’s, then saw Rose. Personally, I think she sucks!

I’m now on Chestnut St. waiting to see the doctor. What much can he do? I need to quit smoking, but it is just so damn hard!

The nurse just weighed me at 118 pounds. I’m so fat! I sure as hell hope I lose it this spring like I usually do.

[nathank77]

5/9/24

8:06 p.m Edited/Added to

So Erin canceled on me again..... she offered tomorrow but I have things to do. I can fit it in but I woke up at 3:30 for her to cancel on me and I had awful sleep last night.

I closed my eyes for over 2 hours and accomplished nothing...the first hour I was on Hydroxyzine 25mg and half a mg of xanax. And I know factually I did not sleep.

Then I opened my eyes and took a Benadryl 25mg. Closed my eyes at 7:39 a.m and next thing I knew it was like 9 a.m... I don't think I slept cause I didn't dream and that's my only give away except when hours ago by.. all I know is my eyes were closed for a very long time...

I popped another Hydroxyzine 25mg.. and slept until 3:30 p.m and I could have fallen back to sleep if I peeded and took another Benadryl but I woke up to make it to my 4:30 appt that Erin canceled last minute....

So today has just been awesome. I called an attorney and idk if they'll take my case but they might. I await them responding and the DHP got my Kristen report per the tracking number.

Bo4 is going awfully... and I'm pissed caused I only get two weeks of fun out of a 14 week rotation. I'm actually about to play something else bc I'm clearly wasting my time.

I'm miserable. Okcupid is okstupid... I'm fucking alone.

I really needed therapy.. but I mean tomorrow I was going to return shitty shoe soles that i replaced for my adidas and the hdcp bypasser that doesn't work... and pick up a chicken so I can stay in the house Saturday and Sunday. As well as pick up some perscriptions from cvs.. I probably won't bother with therapy tomorrow.

I'm on her schedule for today every week. Why can't she just honor that, I could have gotten a full night of sleep if I knew she was going to cancel.

Why doesn't anyone talk to me? Why am I so alone? Why is everything so shitty? Why can't I play bo4 when I'm trying just as hard as I do any other day?

Sunday I lose the bo4 day to mothers day bc it's, "easier" earlier in the day. Less sweaty people play and there are more lobbies. Beyond that I didn't go see my grandmother today.

Oh yea and I'm still hallucinating! Yay!

I'm also going to message someone on mother's day and worry she will block me but idk if shes here and it's important to me to say happy mother's day to her.

Beyond that, I have heart palpitations all the time. And sometimes chest pain now...Scheduling this mri is impossible idk how I'm supposed to get it done by the 28th and I have to wait for my cardiologist appt for over so month. I'm sick of taking care of myself for nothing.

I'm not joking I looked at settlement amounts and like people win millions and I don't even care.... nothing will give me my silence back. Nothing will give me my quality of life back.

I also don't have it in me to be rejected by 5000 therapists to replace Erin... so I may just see Mike once a week maybe twice if he can fit me in... and I'd rather see a female two days a week but I can't handle reaching out to 500 different therapists outing myself and being discriminated against.

[worldscollidinginone]

Chapter 3 - The Aftermath

Go to master list

The next day I woke up with a ridiculously painful headache. It felt like my eyes were glued shut. The smell was revolting. I also realised that I was not in my bedroom. Because my alarm would have chewed my brain by now, and it's not happening right now, which is a blessing, otherwise I would have thrown that alarm on the wall. 

Another important thing that I forgot to mention is that I was naked. A very important note is when I mean naked, I mean there is only the cover on top of me and there was no trace of the clothes that I wore the night earlier. 

At that moment, Kiara comes in with some food, some aspirin, and a glass of water. 

"Good morning Piya." 

"Morning. Main yahaan kaise pauch gayi? As far as I remember, I don't think I had sex last night, did I? And did the guy disappear before I could ask questions?" 

Kiara started giggling like a small, little girl. I saw a glimpse of her. 

"You are in my guest room. And the reason why you are naked is that you vomited quite a few times in the club, and you were crying so we decided to take you to your apartment, your home. But when we reached there, there was no one. So, instead, you are here. And your clothes are getting washed because they stank like shit." 

"Oh." 

"Here. I have made some breakfast for you. Then I can go into your apartment, get you some clothes and we can head off to work together." 

"Did I do something stupid?" The only fear that I had, was to get pregnant by a stranger. 

"No. Don't worry." 

"Ehm... Piya? Can I ask you a question?" 

"Sure. Go ahead." 

"You were crying last night. What happened?" 

I was trying to be calm, but all the images in my mind were making me crazy, so I snapped. 

"Nothing that should interest you, Kaira!" 

I lost my cool at that point. I didn't want to, but he was making my life very hard, without being a part of it. 

"Look I am sorry. I don't want to talk about it. Is that okay?" 

"It's chill." 

"It's what, sorry?" 

"It's okay, Piya. I didn't realise you were this old." 

"What nonsense is this? Just because I don't understand one word that you said, it does not mean that I am old, okay." 

This new language of acronyms and weird words will get me in big trouble. I hardly understand what they say. Can't you speak in a language that I can understand? No, make my life even harder than it already is. Oh my god, I was supposed to fly back to New York last night! Nick is not going to be happy about this. 

"Come on, get ready! We have to go to work!! We cannot be late." 

"Actually, I need to make a call. Can I have my phone back?" 

"Sure." 

As soon as I got my phone, I called Nick up. 

"Hey Nick, how are you, buddy?" 

"Buddy, my foot Riya! You told me that you were coming back last night!! I haven't slept all night because of you. Maria was telling me how much she misses spending time with you. Chase was missing you as well. He thought you were going to play with him." 

"Yeah, I know Nick. I am so sorry. I know Maria is going to be really pissed at me, which is not wrong on her part. But I will make sure to make it up to you. But I am not coming back, at least not now." 

"Fine. Just make sure that you actually turn up at the airport, and I won't be upset." 

"Okay." 

"Is he around?" 

"Who?" 

"Him." 

"No." 

"Well, I hope he turns up in your life. Because you are a mess." 

"I know. Anyway, I am sorry for troubling you. I'll call you later." 

"Yeah, sure. I'd like that." 

I know Nick. I know. I hope so too.

Go back to Chapter 2

Go to Chapter 4

[blooblooded]

Tony Reunites with Cihad

After the first night of being back in Eden, Tony had already decided to find Cihad Tariq.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Casey asked him nervously, watching him get ready in the safehouse’s small bathroom that morning. It was early, 6:30 am. Early was good. Cihad woke up early to exercise and calm his mind. It would be best to catch him before he went to work and exhausted himself. “Dad says that most of the CCTVs are malfunctioning, but there’s still a chance you could be seen. And, uh, have you forgotten all about how that guy freaked out on you the day he came to take the Book back from Kassidy? Or how he tried to drag the truck back the day we left Eden? He was pissed. Beyond pissed.”

Over the last two years, Casey had grown into a natural leader. Of course she was worried about him. She didn’t understand Cihad like he did, she only saw him as a threat. There was no reason for her to see him as anything but a threat after everything they had witnessed, everything they had learned. Tony shook his head. He finished shaving, then splashed water on his face. He felt like he looked presentable, despite how fear and struggle had aged him. His long black hair hung down to his shoulders and he did not tie it back the way he used to. “Did your Dad bring us any aftershave when he picked up supplies?”

Casey’s mouth twitched. “Yeah, no. I don’t think he imagined you or Marty were gonna go try to get some dick. And you didn’t answer my question. Are you sure it’s a good idea to go see the man who brought the Book to Eden? I still think he’s working for it. Nothing we learned in the North proves otherwise.”

“He’s not working for it,” said Tony. “He’s a good man and he’s been raising my daughter. I have to talk to him before I try to come back into her life.”

Try to come back into her life a second time. Cynthia was 15 years old now. The first time he had abandoned her, out of paranoid delusions and a half-pickled brain, he didn’t see her again until she was 6. The 4 years he spent back in her life, together with Cathy and Cihad, had been the happiest he had ever been. Then Cathy had died and everything went wrong. For 2 years he hid in the sewers, out of his mind, living with rats. He never thought he would ever see her again.

He still might never see her again. Cihad might not let him. And even if he did, even if he did let him,  Cynthia might not want him back in her life. He wouldn’t want that, if he was her. 

That was out of his control. The first part of the Serenity Prayer was all about accepting the things he could not change. If reuniting with his family was not an option, he would just have to accept that, and focus on the things within his control. 

Tony looked at himself in the mirror. He had chosen a green shirt because green was Cihad’s favorite color on him. Or, it had been once. 

What was he doing? Cihad had probably moved on a long time ago. He was probably seeing someone else, someone better than him. Of course he hadn’t waited, and it wasn’t fair to expect him to have waited. It seemed almost pathetic for Tony to be preening like this, letting his hair down, thinking about aftershave. There were more important things to think about. Like the Book. Like where the essence of that demon had gone after leaving Kassidy’s body, and whether it would try to hunt him down again.

Well, Cihad deserved to know about that. Even if he never let him see Cynthia again, even if he had moved on. He deserved to know. He was involved. The strings of fate that connected the whole world, future and past, had bound them together.

“I just think that it’s a bad idea,” said Casey. She spoke quietly. Everyone else was still asleep. When Tony woke from where he slept on the couch in the living room, the smallest noises he made had alerted her. Ever since their time in the Northern Territories, she had been unable to sleep soundly. “I feel like he’s working for It. The Thing in the Book. He was the one who brought it here. If that thing is somewhere in Eden, who’s to say he doesn’t just hand your ass over to it.”

“He isn’t and he won’t.” 

There was one thing that Tony was completely sure of: Cihad had once loved him. He had really loved him. No, it hadn’t started out that way. It had started as simple empathy, Cihad saw him as someone he could fix, he felt a sense of control when he was able to fix people. And Tony had liked the attention. Nobody had ever treated him with that kind of compassion, he had spent years as a homeless alcoholic. He was used to getting treated with disgust, or worse, not even seen as a person. Cihad never saw him that way. Cihad had only seen someone who needed his help. The compassion turned into lust, which turned into love. 

Tony hadn’t meant to ruin it all after what happened with Cathy. He had just been so scared. Cihad had probably thought that he killed himself. The look he had got when he saw him again in the attic! That wild, frantic look! Tony felt bad. He had really hurt him but at the time, he hadn’t seen another option than run to the sewers. And then again, the second time, his only option had been to run from Eden.

Now he didn’t know what to expect. Cihad would probably be angry when he saw him again. Tony could deal with angry.

“I’ll come back,” said Tony, checking himself one more time in the mirror. He pushed some of his hair up so that it hung over his shoulders, then Looked at Casey.

She did not think he was coming back. One way or another, she believed that he was leaving. Running away again. Always running away. Tony cringed a little bit inside. He did not know how to make her believe otherwise.

He left anyway. He left, telling himself that he was coming back but not completely believing it himself.

Tony was careful as he made his way to the metro station. Logically he knew that he did not need to be so careful, he knew that he was seen as dead in the eyes of the state. There was nobody looking for him anymore or even anyone who cared. As far as he knew, the only danger he needed to worry about was not even in Eden anymore. It was probably still in the Lost Colony and would be trapped there until…until, well, he did not know.

Still, he was careful. He did not get a single look on the train. Everyone on it was just going about their lives, headed to their jobs that morning. Tony kept his eyes on his shoes. 

He realized that he did not even know if Cihad still lived in the same 3 bedroom house in the Residential Mid Levels. Kassidy was the one who had given him the address, she was the only one who had actually been there. Stupid. If he showed up on some random family’s doorstep, he was going to feel like an idiot. But Cihad was a creature of habit, he was someone who needed to carefully control his environment. He would still be there. It was the place he had moved after Cathy had died. He had to still be there.

Tony got off the train. He took a deep breath of the oxygen rich air that they only seemed to pump in on the Mid and Upper Levels. The Co2 in the air where the Safehouse sat was stifling, choking, after breathing the fresh clean air outside of Eden for the last year and a half. It was funny. Tony had breathed thick, toxic air all his life. He had never felt like it was squeezing and choking him until he experienced what he was missing.

It was a short walk from the metro station to Cihad’s house but the whole time, Tony grew more and more anxious. The streets here were lined with vertical gardens to give residential homes more privacy. He looked up at the vine covered slabs of concrete, so beautiful and wrong at the same time. His heart hurt. He missed Cihad more than anything but seeing him face to face scared him more than anything too.

That wasn’t even taking into account Cynthia. Tony swallowed and almost tripped over a crack in the sidewalk because he wasn’t paying attention. A mother pushing a baby in a stroller gave him a sideways look. He ducked his head and kept walking.

The house was the same as the majority of middle-class family homes in Eden. Two stories, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a little balcony off the back. It was built of concrete blocks in a utilitarian, brutalist fashion that didn’t lend very much to warmth. A chill went up Tony’s spine when he looked at it. He had never lived in this house. But two people he loved did. It was almost like he could feel them.

Tony’s stomach lurched like he was going to throw up. He checked the time on his phone. 7:00. Cynthia would already have left for school, since classes started at 8. There wasn’t a chance that he would run into her. That was good. He needed time to think about what he was going to say.

Was he stupid? Was he making a bad mistake? He kept telling himself that this was not only a personal visit. Cihad still had the Book and Tony needed to examine it while it was still uninhabited and powerless. If it was still uninhabited and powerless. The last time he had the Book in his hands, he had been frantic, trying to rip it to shreds himself. This time he knew better. This time he could be logical.

He looked down at his hands and saw that they were shaking. “Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,” he told himself. “Serenity to accept the things I cannot change…”

No going back now. Tony walked up to the front door, stood there for a second, then rang the bell. The last time he showed up unexpectedly on Cihad’s doorstep, he had been wasted, dying, and had thrown up on Cihad’s shoes. This was a step up. There was no way he could embarrass himself as badly as he had back then.

He still felt like he was going to throw up though.

The door opened. And there he was. Cihad was dressed in blue scrubs and white sneakers. The scrubs didn’t fit his huge body correctly, he looked like he had been poured into them. His dark curly hair and beard were neatly groomed like they always were, not a touch of gray in that hair. The second he saw him, Cihad’s red eyes became huge in his face. His expression was more shocked than it was angry or horrified. He froze and dropped the mug of tea he was holding and it shattered on his doorstep.

Tony tried to smile. “Well, I’m back,” he said sheepishly. Nonchalant. Maybe cool, or at least trying to be cool. Idiot.

“Anthony.” Cihad’s voice came out as a strangled whisper. He did not move.

“You gonna let me in so we can talk?” Tony’s own boldness shocked him. “You know, since last time I saw you, you were screaming and dragging a truck back with your mind? We have some things to talk about.”

Cihad’s eyes looked shiny. That was weird. His stupid ham-like hands clenched and unclenched. Tony wondered if Casey had been right, that Cihad was still pissed at him and whether he needed to run. God, he was stupid! It was so easy to forget that Cihad was about 150 pounds heavier than him and was an avid user of blood magic on top of his neuroelectrical abilities. If he really wanted to hurt him, it would be easy.

Wait, what was he thinking. Cihad would never hurt him. He would die before he hurt him.

As if in a trance, Cihad extended his big arms and wrapped them around Tony’s body. He didn’t even have time to struggle, he just found himself being lifted off the ground and squeezed tightly. Hugged. He was being hugged. It had been so long since anyone had actually hugged him. Tony was able to free one arm and curled it around Cihad’s back, patting him awkwardly.

“I thought you were dead,” said Cihad. His voice cracked.  His face was pressed into Tony’s neck, he could feel his warm breath and the prickle of his beard hair. “How did you– I thought you were dead. I thought I would never see you again! You were dead and I couldn’t even talk to anyone about it!”

“Yeah, well, I have this funny way of always surviving.” Tony’s ribs were hurting. He squirmed to escape from Cihad’s grasp. Part of him liked it. Even without Looking, he could tell that Cihad still desired him after all these years. It wasn’t exactly something he could hide. The other part of him, the rodenty prey animal part of him, felt afraid. Loving someone just meant that he could lose them. “Hey– quit squeezing the merchandise, get off, get off me.”

He let him go. Cihad pushed back his wavy hair. “I’m calling off work,” he said, and stepped back into the house. “Come inside. You can come inside.”

So he wasn’t seeing anyone else. Good. It sort of scared Tony that he had this much power over him. Within three minutes of seeing him, Cihad was already calling off of work. He wondered what else he could get–

No, what was wrong with him? Tony followed Cihad inside.

The house was furnished in a simple, homey way that made sense for a single father. Tony passed a picture of Cynthia on the wall and looked away quickly. The girl in the picture was a teenager and almost recognizable to him. She had bright blue eyes and a big smile. He couldn’t look at her, not yet. There was another picture of a child Tony did not recognize and he squinted at it for a moment. This kid was also Black, maybe the same age as Cynthia, with a bright and friendly face. Where had Cihad picked up another kid?

He looked around as Cihad led him into the kitchen. “Do you still keep that thing in here?” Tony asked cautiously. He had not forgotten the little slime creature Cihad kept as a pet. It had always disturbed him that it had learned how to speak; they weren’t supposed to do that. Ever since Marty had told him about the one that was trapped in the Void, Tony had thought about the ways he could keep this one away from his daughter. “You know, that alien thing that used to sleep in the drawers?”

Cihad glanced at him. He sat down at the kitchen table. “Billy’s at school.”

Great. The fool had named it. That wasn’t ominous at all. Tony felt a chill go up his spine. “We learned a lot about those things while we were gone.”

“Where was that, exactly?” His voice was clipped. Suspicious.

“North. The Northern Territories.” He watched Cihad’s expression tighten. “We went to this place— this state or territory, I guess —called the Strath. Cassiopeia Agapama’s father was doing business with the person in charge there. We talked to her on his behalf and tried to find answers about that Book you brought into Eden.”

Cihad didn’t say anything. He didn’t move. Was he scared? He had always been so secretive about his past. At this point, Tony knew more about it than he felt he would ever be told. Was that a betrayal? Was it like going through someone’s phone for proof of cheating? He knew that Cihad did not want him to know about where he came from. Well, that was too bad.

It wasn’t his fault, but every fucked up thing that had occurred because of the Book was because Cihad brought it to Eden when he was just a kid. There was nothing any of them could do to change that. 

He continued. “There was this place up there. This burnt down town. Have you heard of a place called Blagodat?”

“Stop,” said Cihad.

“That’s where you’re from, isn’t it? That’s where the Book came from.” Tony sat down across from Cihad. There were three chairs at the kitchen table. He couldn’t help but wonder if he was sitting at Cynthia’s. “The people in the North said that they killed almost everyone who lived there over 20 years ago. Not you though. You survived. And you brought that Book to Eden.”

There was an almost unbearable minute of silence. Cihad’s face was like a cold mask, all of the warmth had drained away. He didn’t want to talk about this. Of course he didn’t want to talk about this. It would be easier for Tony to just See the truth of it all instead of prying out answers like he was prying teeth. 

But he wanted to give this man he cared so much about a chance.

At length, Cihad only said, “God kept me safe.”

“You know that thing isn’t a god, right? It’s just some Thing that got trapped here like all of those monsters made of black slime. Only hungrier. It’s from some other place. We’ve been learning about that too.”

“Anthony, I just—“

“You were a kid and you didn’t know any better,” said Tony, and he knew he was about to twist the knife in but was unable to help himself. “But it killed Cathy because it was trying to take her body. And now it’s trying to take mine too.”

Surprisingly, the big nurse didn’t react. Had he already known? To be exposed to the Book for as long as he had, he must have known. That in itself was sickening but Tony could almost understand. Almost. Cihad had not wanted to let go of the one thing that tied him to his childhood. He did not have anything else. It had all been ripped away from him in one night of blood and fire.

“That means Kassidy Nguyen is dead,” he said at last, with a tone of regret. “I didn’t figure it out until I saw her so sick like that. I could have done something. She was just— she was so angry, she was falling apart. I’m sorry. Her mother and I have—“

“She’s not dead but she came close,” Tony interrupted. “It would take more than some stupid alien to kill her.”

Cihad’s shoulders sagged visibly in relief. How strange. It wasn’t like he had known Kassidy. It wasn’t like he had been anything other than her supervisor at the Hospital. Tony used the Sight to take a little peek and saw the swirling truth of why he was so worried about her. There was a common string linking them. A tired little woman. Cihad had been busy for the last year and a half. Cihad had been collaborating with Kassidy’s mother. Not just collaborating, he was her friend. He cared about her. He cared about her so much that he was scared she was going to kill herself if—

No. Stop looking. It wasn’t right. He was here to talk. He was here to talk to someone he cared about like a normal fucking human. Tony shook himself.

“She’s fine,” he said lamely. “Kassidy’s fine.”

What else was he supposed to say? What were they supposed to talk about? There was so much Tony wanted to know. How was Cynthia? How was he? What had happened while he was gone? What had happened before he had gone, during those years that he was hiding with rats and out of his mind? Since Cathy had died, he had seen Cihad twice, and both of those times he had been so…so angry at him! Or angry at the situation. Scared and angry. So scared and angry.

So what now? There was no way to just pick up where they had left off. The time for that had passed years ago. Here he was, grilling Cihad and asking questions about where he came from when he already knew the answers. There were other answers he wanted. How was Cynthia? How was he?

Stupid.

They sat in uncomfortable silence. Tony became acutely aware of how his hair tickled the back of his neck. Every breath seemed to take concentration. Where was he supposed to look? Not into Cihad’s eyes, never into Cihad’s red, red eyes. It was safer to just stare down at his hands in his own lap. Tony had never been good at talking. 

“I just–”

“Are you–”

They started and stopped at the same time. Cihad made a little huff of frustration. Tony grimaced awkwardly and watched the man he had once loved stand up from his chair, turn to the counter, and put the kettle on. Pulled out two mugs. God, what was his problem? He was always trying to take care of other people, it never fucking stopped.

It didn’t take long to brew the tea. Cihad poured three scoops of sugar into one of the cups. Tony’s stomach flipped. He remembered how sweet he liked his tea. It had been years and he still remembered. But for the life of him, Tony could not remember the way Cihad took his. Back when they had lived together, he had never been the one to make it.

When Cihad handed him the mug, he sipped from it without waiting for it to cool down. The taste was so…artificial. In the Strath Tony had gotten used to real tea. The stuff that they sold in Eden was a thin copycat of that, something formed in labs like everything else in this anthill. What did Cihad think of it? He had grown up outside of Eden. Did he remember the taste of real tea? Or had it been too long. Maybe his memories of his old life had faded.

“Are you living in a shelter again?” Cihad asked him.

Tony choked on his mouthful of tea. Was that really what he thought? That he was homeless again? Well, OK, on a technical level he had never stopped being homeless. On a very shameful and technical level, he had been homeless ever since the day he abandoned Cathy. But he had thought that Cihad would have understood the gravity of his situation in this moment and how his life was in danger. “No, I’m–” Maybe he shouldn’t tell him where he and the girls were staying. Not that he didn’t trust him. Tony shook his head. “I’m staying somewhere safe. I probably shouldn’t be out here now. I just wanted to see you.”

“You’re staying somewhere with Kassidy Nguyen.”

“I never said that.” Tony put his mug down. “Look, she isn’t ready to–”

“I don’t need to know.”

Oh, but you wanted to know, you enormous nosy motherfucker. Tony rubbed his face. “Look, a lot has happened. I don’t know how to begin.”

“A lot has happened here too.” Cihad crossed his arms. 

Now that he understood where Cihad’s accent came from, and had heard dozens of irritating people speaking with voices that sounded just like his, it sounded a lot less sexy. The soft T’s. The musical vowels. He was so full of himself. “Yeah, I’m sure it has. I’m sure it’s been fucked, I mean, it seems more fucked here than usual, but maybe that’s because I’ve been gone so long. Everything feels off, I feel like I’m on the verge of–”

“I missed you.”

Ugh. That was not what Tony came to talk to him about. Stay focused. Don’t get drawn in. He laughed nervously. Say it back. Say it back, you piece of shit. “I, uh– you too. My life has gone to hell since the day Cathy…” he trailed off, unable to say what had happened to Cathy.

“I’ve been raising two kids by myself for years now.” Cihad was staring right at him, red, red eyes boring holes into his head. His eyelashes were so thick that it was like he was wearing mascara or something. “It hasn’t been easy. Every night I think about how different things would be if you hadn’t run away.”

Where was he getting two kids from? As far as Tony knew, there was only Cynthia. But then, what did he know? He had run away. Time to diffuse the situation. “I’m sure you haven’t been lonely. Single dad with a tragic past? Guys have probably been lining up outside your door.”

“That’s not funny, Anthony.”

Oh god. Tony prepared to dive head first into uncomfortable sincerity. “I’ve missed you too, OK? I miss you and Cynthia. I did what I thought I had to do at the time. Your fucking Book? We had to run for our lives because of that Thing. You did that. You brought it here and I know, you were a scared little kid, but you still brought it here. I had to run over and over again because of you, I didn’t want to run away, I had to run away. And I still missed you. It’s just all–”

He Saw the guilt and self hatred radiating off of Cihad. Piece of shit. Tony looked away. 

“I’m sorry.”

Self righteous asshole. Tony groaned. “It’s just all fucked. We’re fucked. You and me. I didn’t come back for you. I know, I’m self aware enough to– I came back for my daughter.”

“Your daughter?” Cihad’s voice had a funny edge to it. Tony winced. “What do you mean by that? Do you think you can take her away? You don’t have custody. You never–”

“I don’t know what I mean. Goddamn!” Why was he being so defensive? Cihad had never been like that before. He knew that he could never take care of Cynthia. Not now. Not ever.

“You don’t have custody,” Cihad said again. Suddenly he was breathing hard. He seemed big and angry. “I’m her father. I’m the one who’s taken care of her. Alone. By myself. I’m tired of people telling me that they want her to take her away. I’ve got social services sticking their noses where they don’t belong, and all these threats from Si– and now you show up and you finally want her? I don’t think so.”

“Calm down.” Tony put his hands up. “What’s the matter with you? I just meant I want to make things right with her. I’m fucking homeless, man, you think I can take care of a kid?”

That took the air out of him. The silence grew between them. 

This was fucked. Tony knew it. He should have waited longer to make it right. He should have prepared for what he wanted to say instead of just winging it. He was so stupid. He was stupid and he had been lonely for too long. There was a hole in his heart where his family had once been and over the years that hole had expanded. 

And still, he wanted to know more. Why would social services be involved in Cihad’s life? They didn’t get involved with perfect people like him. CPS only went after families like– well, families like Tony’s. All it would take was a little peek. All it would take was the blink of an eye. But he couldn’t do that. It wasn’t right to do to someone he loved, he had to keep telling himself it wasn’t right. 

Why couldn’t he just melt into the floor?

“Thanks for the tea,” he said lamely. Tony stood up. “I’ll go. I’ll just go. We can pick this up later when I’m not a fucking idiot.”

“Don’t go.”

“No, man.” He didn’t know where he was supposed to put his hands and just stood there awkwardly. “I wanted this to go well but I’m going to screw it all up again.”

“Please don’t go.”

Wasn’t that just a knife in the heart? Sweat beaded on his forehead. What was he supposed to say? Cihad was practically begging him to stay. Every instinct in Tony’s body was telling him to leave. Go home. Regroup. This was too hard. It was going to hurt too much. He wasn’t ready. He was so stupid. Everything he said was just going to piss Cihad off. There was no way to have a civilized conversation with someone like that! The more Cihad clung onto him, the more Tony wanted to push away. But he didn’t want to push away! He was just so– so!

There was a sound from the front hallway. The door opening? Tony frowned and shot a dirty look at Cihad. Fucking liar. Of course he had some kind of lover who had keys to his house. Cihad frowned back at him and mouthed something unintelligible. Tony shook his head. Cihad pointed at him. Tony made a throat slitting motion. 

Hopefully it was burglars because if some little booty call walked into this kitchen, Tony was really going to lose it.

“--so annoying!” chattered a very young sounding voice. “You know she’s copying your look, right? She’s doing her eyeliner exactly like you now.”

“Yeah, well, it looks like shit,” replied an equally young girl’s voice. “It’s so childish. Bitch. I can’t stand her. Such a tryhard, she’s just, she’s like fucking jealous, you know? Yancey said people are just jealous of me.”

“Rachel’s covering for you in homeroom, right?”

“Rachel’s covering for us.”

Tony watched as Cihad’s face flushed and his eyes widened. Ah. So the delinquent apple did not fall far from the delinquent tree. He remembered this little game from his days in high school. Cynthia must be skipping class under the blissful belief that her overprotective father was safely at work and far away.

Ah.

Oh shit. He had to get out of there. Not now! Not like this! He hadn’t seen Cynthia since she was 9 years old and god knew what Cihad had told her about him! She probably thought that he was dead! The best case scenario was that she thought he was dead! What else would she think?! 

There was nowhere for Tony to escape to. He was trapped in the kitchen and was totally unprepared. His body was frozen in horror.

No time. There was no time. He stood there like an idiot as he watched a girl who had grown into a person he did not recognize walk into the kitchen and freeze just like him.

So this was Cynthia at 15 years old. Her round, dark face and sturdy frame were so much like Cathy’s at that age that it was like he had gone back in time. Just like Cathy. And not at all like Cathy. This was a different girl. This girl did not wear glasses. This girl did not cover her hair. Cynthia wore jeans and a crop top, instead of the dresses her mother favored. She wore her braids tied up in pigtails that showed off her pierced ears. And her eyes– her eyes were as blue and vacant as the sky.

When she froze, she wasn’t even looking at him. She stared at Cihad like he had grown a second head.

“What are you doing here?” asked Cihad immediately. Oh, he was very angry. It was coming off him in waves.

“What are you doing here?” Cynthia shot back. She crossed her arms defensively. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at school? You’re skipping again? We talked about this– Cynthia– your teachers, they will call social services if you–”

“Oh my god, it’s not that big a deal! Calm down! I didn’t feel well and I didn’t want to call you!”

Another kid edged up behind Cynthia. The kid from the photograph. They looked to be the same age as Cynthia but taller and neater. There was something unsettling about their face but Tony didn’t linger on them too long. They put their hands with black painted fingernails over their mouth. “Uh-oh.”

“Uh-oh?” Cihad was getting red in the face now. “Uh-oh sounds right– you’re going along with your sister on this one? After everything you told me about wanting to go to school like the other kids?”

The other kid cringed. “No, Dad, I just– I don’t know.”

“You two are grounded, you’re grounded, I’m taking your phones, I’m taking–”

And then Cynthia screamed. She had finally looked at Tony. The noise she made was horrible, a wail that was equal parts pitiful and excited, like a puppy that had been locked in a cage all day. It came from the deepest parts of her. She screamed and suddenly she was launching herself at him, throwing her arms around him as tightly as she could. Cynthia pressed her face into Tony’s chest. She was sobbing.

And Tony did not know what to do. He did what he had not been able to do for years. He hugged his daughter.

Piece of shit. This was his fault. He had done this to her. In keeping her safe, he had deprived her of a father.

Cynthia wailed and wailed and sobbed and sobbed. She would not let go of him. Tony awkwardly rubbed her back. There was a lump in his throat he could not swallow and his own eye prickled but he would not let himself cry. He was the reason she was crying. He had missed her so much for so long and now he did not know what to do. He did not know how to be. It hurt too bad.

“You’re dead!” Cynthia cried, like she was a little girl instead of a teenager. “Dad told me– me– me you were– were dead! You were dead!”

Oh Cihad. He had chosen the easiest, least hurtful route. It was what he would have told her too if their places had been reversed.

What was he supposed to even say? Tony was so bad at this. He had never had a good father to model himself after. He was out of practice. It had been too long. When he tried to speak, his voice cracked. “I– I’ve got you, baby.”

Cynthia started wailing again. Words weren’t coming out anymore, just long unintelligible whines that sounded like ‘daddy’. 

Not like this. This had been stupid, impulsive. Tony had needed more time to think. He had needed time to think of how to apologize even if he couldn’t make it right. Maybe it would have been easier if she was angry at him. Now all he could do was hold his little girl for the first time in so many years.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you, baby.” It was all he could think to say.

The apologies would come later.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

225 of 2023

Do you lick your lips?

I rather bite on them.

Last reason you smiled?

My cats.

Who was the first person to text you this morning?

My dad.

If someone is doing something that pisses you off, do you tell them?

If I lose my patience. I’m too soft-spoken for my own good.

Does your phone have to be charged every day?

It does. That’s the thing with smartphones.

When’s the last time you were surprised?

Yesterday. I got tulips from my husband.

When was the last time you hugged someone?

Today.

How much money have you spent today?

100€ on trousers lol. Online order.

How do you feel about your hair right now?

It probably needs to be washed.

What was the first thing you did this morning?

Woke up lol.

Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you?

I do, but usually I say it back. It’s normal in my country.

If you died today would your life be complete?

No, definitely not.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?

Yeah. Technically my husband woke me up because I fell asleep and left the TV on.

Have you had your birthday yet this year?

No, I haven’t.

Are you ticklish?

Very much so.

Are you a jealous person?

No, I’m not.

Do you like ice cream?

I do, kind of. Just had some.

How many pillows do you sleep with?

Three. No wonder why I have back aches.

Has anything happened to you in the past month that made you really upset?

Not last moth, but last December. I had a nervous breakdown for real.

Would you ever get your nipples pierced?

No, I find it pointless.

Current music playing?

None.

Who was the last person to piss you off?

Our most disliked coworker. Always walking around and doing nothing.

Is it usually easy for someone to make you smile?

Depends on who it is.

Ever cried on the phone with somebody?

No, I don’t even cry.

Does anyone think you are a bitch?

I don’t know, ask them.

Are your toe nails painted pink?

I don’t paint my nails.

If you could change your eye color would you?

Yeah, I’d love emerald green eyes.

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?

Short. Low maintenance.

Have you ever met someone who is amazing?

Yeah, plenty of people, including my husband and my sister.

Whose hoodie did you wear last?

Mine. I’m a hoodie guy in general.

How are you feeling at this exact moment in time?

Tired, but content.

What is on your agenda for tomorrow?

An unexpected appointment with VDAB, my country’s unemployment service. This is mandatory, but I dont see the point since I’ve been having a job for the last 9 years and I have a permanent contract with my company.

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?

It’s midday.

Who were you with at 4 am this morning?

My husband, but we were both sleeping.

Are you angry with anyone?

No, I’m not. Unless that VDAB counts.

Who was the last person to call you?

My husband, he locked himself out because he forgot the key and I had to open the door for him.

Do you have any bruises?

A lot. I get bruised easily, but most of the time I don’t even remember how.

Have you had sex in the last 12 hours?

No, but I kinda had fun with myself from the morning.

Do you believe exes can really ever be “just friends”?

Yeah. I’m friends with my ex and we’re still close, it’s not the same anymore.

Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else?

No, I’m not.

Did you have a good day today?

The day is not over yet. Ask me in a few hours.

Is there a girl that knows everything about you?

Yeah, my sister.

Do you have feelings for someone?

Yeah. My husband and M.

Do you look at the keyboard when you type?

Sometimes, to avoid typos. Not like it always works XD

What’s running through your mind right now?

That song my sister once covered.

Does it bother you when people respond to you with one word answers?

No. I also elaborate only when I feel like doing it.

Where is your cell phone?

Next to me.

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow?

Probably. I need to be up for that appointment.

Ever had a girl best friend?

Does my sister count?

Does anyone hate you?

I don’t know, ask them.

Are you in a relationship?

I’m married.

Have you ever done something sexual that you regret?

Nah. As much as I don’t feel like performing sexual activities with other, I feel I’ve been doing it with the right people.

Do you like to sit in the sun, and tan when it’s hot out?

I don’t like to tan, but I love summer and I love being out when it’s warm, and I love the beach and the sea.

Do you worry too much?

Way too much.

Ever had a teacher that you wanted to punch in the face?

Nah. I never bothered.

Have you ever been so drunk you puked?

No. I was drunk, but never threw up because of it.

What is your least favorite class period?

Pretty sure our education system doesn’t work like that.

Do you ever wonder what it’d be like to be the opposite sex?

Sometimes, but not for serious.

If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

Not hungry, thanks.

What sport do you like better: volleyball or football?

Neither, basketball 4 lyfe.

Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you?

Yeah, twice. It was awful.

Ever been close to dying?

Yeah, when I had that brain bleeding. According to the doctors, it was massive.

Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it?

I’m not allowed because epilepsy. Lol yeah.

Do you know anyone named Josh or Patrick?

I know a couple of guys named Patrick. One of them is my teammate at work and also a local politician.

Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret?

Yeah, but long ago. He already forgot and moved on.

How many people with the name Taylor do you know?

In person? Zero.

Do you like french fries?

I do, but there’s no such thing as “French fries”. Every Belgian will confirm.

Have you ever ate so much you puked?

No, never. I barely remember to eat at all.

Is your best friend the same sex as you?

Most of them are.

Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance?

No. I wear whatever I want and wherever I want, and I haven’t chosen my face anyway. If you don’t like it, then don’t look at me. It’s simple. We cannot please everyone anyway.

Do you tell people you love them just to get what you want?

No. I don’t overuse such big words. If I say I love someone, thne that’s because I mean it.

Do you wear makeup?

No, I don’t.

Would you rather run or walk?

Walk. I cannot run.

Are you close with your father?

I am, more than with my mother.

Ever been to Mexico?

No, it’s too far from me.

Do you like to ride your bike, if you have one?

I have three and I’ve always loved riding bikes, but it’s something normal in my country.

[preyforthewicked]

Appendix I: Journal Entries

November 19, 2010

PM

2:52 Right now, I just feel like screaming and crying and yelling and hitting something. I don’t feel like myself. God. 

3:08 Why does it seem like nothing is going for me today? Nothing particularly bad has happened. I just feel so…strange. 

November 22, 2010

PM

7:58 Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

8:49 "Tears streamed down Alexandra's face, but Jay felt no sympathy. He hardly felt feelings for anything anymore."

December 28, 2010

AM

9:21 Wooooooow. I woke up feeling so disoriented this morning. Like, I almost didn’t remember where I was, kind of disoriented. Oh man. Phew, but it’s all better now I suppose. I still feel kind of weird. I’m almost positive it’s because of the dream I had, but for the life of me I can’t remember it ): Ah well. 

*Sigh* Time to jump back on this horse, I guess. Grammar and Comp, here I come! *trips and falls into puddle of mud*

PM 

12:23 That disoriented feeling I was talking about earlier? Yeah. Still here. I feel like I’m in a limbo-funk or something. I seriously do not know what to feel. Or even what I might be feeling. I’m not majorly pissed, or sad, or happy, or anything. It’s really like…listless. Just uninterested in everything. :/

I feel like lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling until I fall asleep. Or don’t. 

February 22, 2012

AM

12:37 Nothing is real. Nothing is permanent. 

February 26, 2012

AM

12:01 I’m slipping through the cracks in the sidewalk of my mind.

3:28 I feel empty all of the sudden.

Waking up in four hours or so. Woo.

6:19 Why can’t I fall asleep? I can see the sun rising :l What is wrong with me?

9:41 So apparently I fell asleep for around half an hour between 6:20 and 6:50 and continued to have trouble falling back asleep after that. Between 7 and 9:20 (when I was to wake up, which I did) I think I was worried I wouldn’t hear my alarm because I woke up every few chunks of minutes to check the time. It was especially focused and bad from around 8 to 9:20. This is a little ridiculous. So I got...three very interrupted hours of sleep last night. Great. Oh well. I knew there would be consequences, but I didn’t think I’d be having trouble falling asleep until 7 when the sun was pretty high already! Gar. My mind bothers me sometimes. I don’t even know what it was that was keeping me awake. I mean sure some of the movies we watched had scary bits in them, but I wasn’t afraid of that (see earlier journal post). Sigh. At least I’ll be tired enough to fall asleep nice and early tonight cause there’s no way I can get a nap in today.

PM

3:06 Soooo...tired... But...must resist...complaining...

8:01 Can I just sleep forever? 

March 9, 2012

PM

2:32 Why am I feeling so gosh darn tired? I got 9 hours of sleep last night and more the nights before. Am I anemic? Or is this just some weird phase? Am I not sleeping well cause of weird dreams I’ve been having? (bleeding fingernails)

June 20, 2012

PM

12:30 And thus begins day three of my days off. So what did I do? I started cleaning. On my boredom scale, that’s how you tell it’s really bad. When I simply start cleaning practically automatically, it’s bad. Just to occupy myself with something that is worth my time. But now that I’m done with what I’m not too lazy to do, I’m sitting here in front of my computer playing word games and feeling pretty low of myself. I don’t know and I don’t know why. I almost feel like a burden today. It’s days like these I wish I could sink into the shadows and disappear for a little while. For everyone to forget me for a bit and act as if I didn’t exist. Not that I died, however, but that I had merely never existed. 

July 18, 2012

AM

4:10 for some reason I can't really fall asleep. I watched Crazy Stupid Love and The Help. Good movies. But I'm still not tired.

In another life, I think I'd be an insecure, self-harming prostitute. That is, if I didn't have God or a great family that supports me.

In another life. Like an opposite reality.

Sometimes I really wish I could turn my mind off. I wish I had a sleep on switch and it could just slice through the connection between me and the world for a few hours. Leave me to my wanderings.

July 23, 2012

AM

1:13 I just wrote my Last Will and Testament. And the songs I want them to play at my funeral. Does that make me sick or good for preparing? I mean, it could happen tomorrow. 

Shrugs. It’s written. At least there will be something to go off of if it does happen within the year.

February 18, 2013

PM

2:05 Maybe I should just stop talking altogether. Perhaps people would like me better. 

February 25, 2013

AM 

12:21 Sometimes I wish I could replay memories in my head like VHS tapes. Whenever I want. And I can record over the bad ones with good memories, cause some don't deserve to be remembered.

March 7, 2013

AM

4:37 No one should even be alive at this hour. So why am I?

4:40 It's times like these when I wonder how many people are out driving around. Maybe I should try it sometime. Just cruise around listening to music at the pre-crack of dawn. 

March 12, 2013

AM

12:46 Last night I woke up several times although I only remember three specific times: 3, 6, and 8. I knew it would happen and yet I still almost cried when 6 came around. Today was certainly trying. A few times during the afternoon all I wanted to do was take a nap. And now I'm wide-awake. Why you do this to me, body? Now that I can sleep, why won't I?

March 15, 2013

PM

6:02 Everyone dies at the end of their own story. 

7:50 Why is it when I want people to see me I feel I have to hurt myself to make that happen?

March 30, 2013

PM

3:12 I can’t go on Facebook today because there are so many Peru posts and it hurts my heart. It makes me happy to see all those people going to change their lives, but the hurt outweighs the happiness…

April 12, 2013

AM

1:11 feeling pretty low of myself right now, kind of for no reason. :l

Sometimes I wonder, am I bipolar?

August 10, 2013

PM

2:35 LOTR obsessions. Yes.

School starts back up in two weeks. Crazy. Thirteen days till my birthday. Also crazy. 

I feel weird today. Like a I just want to cry for no particular reason kind of weird. Hopefully hanging out with Rachel and Taylor tonight will help me be better.

December 15, 2013

PM

5:55 It would probably be one of the worst ideas ever to leave me alone with alcohol, but isn’t that the case for everyone?

Isn’t it?

6:10 Dinner for one, tonight.

March 19, 2014

PM

4:58 I hide my fears in the wrinkles hanging on the corners of your mouth,

hide the screams in the fingertips of your satin gloves;

I can never grow old.

I sewed my eyes shut with the threads I had used to create a memento for you, in order to block out the memories.

I forgot that they’re on the inside.

March 20, 2014

PM

1:00 run me over, see if I care?

Fall out from beneath me, grate - what does it matter?

I like to hug the walls when I walk. 

1:20 fall down the escalator - don't worry. It'll scrape you up at the bottom. 

April 11, 2014

AM

11:21 I haven't had one of these quiet worthless days in a while. I can't say I missed feeling this way. 

April 19, 2014

PM

10:15 What if I’m slowly losing myself? What if every day it gets worse and everyone thinks I’m just an asshole when this unknown disease inside is just killing me slowly? 

July 2, 2014

PM

2:11 Feels like falling down the up escalator.

July 5, 2014

PM

5:03 Sometimes it doesn’t seem like my past ever actually happened to me. Sometimes, if I pretend hard enough, I can make myself believe that it didn’t, and that I read it in some book years ago. Opened, and shut. Begun and ended. 

Finished.

August 3, 2014

PM

8:17 Sometimes I wish I didn’t have my life. I wish I could float away like a leaf, land somewhere new, and start afresh. I suppose it’s cowardly to think something like that, when stuff gets complicated and tough or I’m having a particularly rough day and I Just want to run away from it for a bit. 

September 6, 2014

PM

11:53 You know what the worst part is? No one will ever be able to fully understand. No one. Ever. It’s such a specific situation, and one that’s so hard to explain in all the ways that it would need to be explained in order to be even remotely understood. 

Most days I am strong, I know that my heart has healed and is healing due to God. But some days, some nights, it becomes a torment, the fractures in my heart. And I have no one to talk to about it. No one. It is all behind me, as far as anyone who kind of knows thinks. To admit that it’s presently tormenting me would mean I’ve been thinking about it and then that would mean trouble, blah blah…

God, I’ve prayed and prayed…take this burden away from me. I do not want it anymore. I do not. Want. It. It is a tumor, a parasite that latches onto my most painful wounds and sucks the joy away, leeching my happiness and well-being. I hate having these demons. I don’t want them. I don’t deserve them.

God…someone…please…

This is so awful, being in this place.

October 27, 2014

AM

10:21 wake me up when the semester ends 

November 21, 2014

PM

3:24 I often get this recurring image of myself if I were to fall down the stairs or get hit by a car, or you know, something of the like, and I see myself simply lying there (obviously if I had been knocked out, this would be the case) silently in strange acceptance. Not attempting to get up, even if I was honestly more or less okay. A few days ago, I had this thought that I was walking through campus and stepped on a nail that went straight through the sole of my shoe and directly into my foot (this was brought on by the realization that the soles of my shoes were worn so incredibly thin they'd probably start busting open just by walking soon) and I just frowned deeply at the now-gushing wound, pulled out my cell to call campo, and told them quickly but calmly that I probably needed to be picked up and taken to the hospital. No tears. No curses. Just odd acceptance. 

January 11, 2015

PM

8:26 This morning I woke up and just felt wrong. I can’t say why. Perhaps it was a dream I had, but don’t remember. 

March 18, 2015

AM

11:52 My occasional 

ponderance of suicide 

is just Jesus 

calling me home.

April 2, 2015

AM

12:28 can I be a stranger for a day? I don't want to be me right now.  

April 7, 2015

PM

9:25 

The Pit

Braid a rope of I-Love-You's,

fasten it to futility.

The streetlights don't reach down here - 

neither does your hope.

June 21, 2015

PM

12:54 I want to cry and vomit all at once.

July 2, 2015

PM

3:34 She poured gasoline down her throat and set her lips aflame.

July 10, 2015

PM

8:34 Railings on skyscrapers

contain me,

animal

suffocated skin wrap.

Can I breathe in the sky?

Can I jump for my life?

August 27, 2015

PM

12:13 Sometimes I wish things could go back to being how they used to be, a long long time ago, because I'm afraid they'll never be that good again. 

September 15, 2015

PM

4:13 Sometimes I think

about suicide.

How would I do it?

Drowning, hanging, 

fire – no.

maybe an overdose?

I don’t care if 

you think me

a coward.

But if I'm gone

who will feed the dog?

October 1, 2015

PM

10:16

Who am I?

Well,

Really,

It depends on who you ask. 

My parents, cousins, friends

Would all say different things. 

She's intelligent; sweet; funny; silly;

Hardworking; faithful; reliable. 

Who is that person?

Surely that's not me?

They'd say much different things

If they could glimpse the pit

Of my mind. 

She's cynical, they'd say. 

She's awful, lonesome, and morbid. 

Who wants to be me?

February 16, 2016

PM

9:21 I run the water till it

prickles my finger skin pink,

pooling it in leather palms

to scald my face. Nails 

curl under useless epidermis,

slough off cheeks, nose,

and flat lips. What’s etched

in the bone of my brow?

Loser?

February 17, 2016

AM

11:18 Fling yourself from the highest window

Will you recognize your soul better in pieces?

--

Smile 

at the blood

in your shoes

and know

they’ll never understand

where you’ve been.

September 27, 2016

PM

12:38 

Undiluted bleach purifies

or so it says. 

Slug back a gulp -

no, two - on a prayer

that the convictions 

coating your insides

will strip away. 

Assess your sins anew -

vomit your guilts,

your lusts by the bowlful. 

The cleansing burns

through your filth. 

Will you become

refined? Or hope to God

it kills you first?

October 1, 2016

AM

7:45 

Never again will your fingers

press into the flesh of my hip

to mold me without permission.

My skin, living fabric fastened

taut over muscle and bone,

has shed the indelible impressions

of your fingerprints, the dead cells

of influence peppering my pores.

October 25, 2017

9:10 am

Jealousy

An atomic bomb in my gut

Nowhere for the gases

To escape, except to seep

Into my intestines.

An Adrenaline shot

In all four corners

Of my heart renders me

Trembling, an electrocuted

Trout left to gasp naked

And homeless beside you.

Reach out and conduct me.

Please

Conduct this from me

And slaughter it yourself

Before I kill me instead.

December 12, 2017

9:33 p

Nostalgia is

Three monsters wearing

Bunny masks and perfume

To cover over foul stench

And face. Two soothe,

Welcome me by way of

Lovely voices, while the third

Behind my back and just

Out of earshot grinds away at

The knife. Sometimes he

Leaves it dull. Sometimes

It is red hot sharp, ringing

Still from the stone. The

Funny thing is, I'm the one

Who offers up my arm

As he ready creeps close.

May 22, 2019

PM

4:32 God, I feel so overwhelmed. I am so profoundly not satisfied with life

I hate feeling the way I do right now. I feel like I’m drowning and occasionally I latch on to something that keeps my head above the water for a minute – I distract myself, fall into Flow, talk to someone about non-existential things, cuddle deliberately with my cats, participate in Jiu Jitsu, play an engaging video game – but when that life raft disintegrates moments later, I am left to tread, already exhausted beyond my means. This is too much. I feel like a violently swinging trapeze artist, flinging themselves from one side of the circus to the other, high highs and lows so low as to plummet to the circus floor in an instant of slippery fingers. Is this what manic depression feels like? Is that what this is? 

September 3, 2020

AM

8:09

World Grows Dark

When I close my eyes

Then I understand

How the world grows dark

How the world grows dark

How the world grows dark

Again

And the shaking in my hands won’t stop

Everything is going wrong

The sun is out but I can’t see

All the gifts right in front of me

Please tell me where can I go from here

This journey’s lonely and there’s so much fear

My lying eyes aren’t on my side

And my mind has no place to hide

When I close my eyes

I wish I could feel

the warmth of a smile

Then maybe I’d be healed

For good

But When I close my eyes

I still understand

How the world grows dark

How the world grows dark

How the world grows dark

Again

Is this real or in my head?

Someone please stop me I think god’s

Dead

October 8, 2020

If I give me space to think

Then I think I probably

Shouldn't be alive

--

My suicide would be considerate.

I’d never do it, of course.

But if I did

Those who had to clean me up

Wouldn’t be bothered much.

No blood, fully clothed

Hopefully smiling

Though some things you can’t

Plan too hard for.

I want it to be freedom.

I want it to be that

Ultimate bliss.

That bliss I've had only once

In my waking life,

The day I met my husband.

But even that’s too much

To ask for

At the end.

At the end, then,

I can’t help but be

The burden I've always felt

I was.

December 11, 2020

AM

11:19

My black hole welcomes me back

Once a month

vision narrows

Red lights abound

I

Am

Next to nothing.

I’d rather just be

Nothing.

[artzee-bee]

Not going anywhere | Lucifer Morningstar x reader

Fandom: Lucifer

Request:” Hi i have request for you ,Lucifer and the reader have a big fight they are married, and this fight it's lucifer fault The reader leaves home and Lucifer decides to give her space After a few days, he goes to the reader and realizes that she has been missing for a few days,When the person behind all this claims that the reader is dead and gives them a her body . Everyone thinks that the reader is dead and Lucifer He gets depressed and thinks it's all his fault , and after a few days, the thieves release the singer and the reader goes to Lucifer.Lucifer first thinks it is an imagination and then apologizes to the reader Thank you so much”

Genre: Angst with happy ending

Warnings: kidnapping, death

~~~

Your intention had never been to start a fight. All you wanted an explanation (preferably one that also made sense) and an apology, but apparently that was too much to ask, because as soon as you voiced your opinion, Lucifer went up in flames

“Don’t start this again!”

“I dislike it just as much as you do but what I hate more is being cancelled on, AGAIN, through a text message no less!”

“It was an emergency!”

“It’s always an emergency Lucifer! It’s starting to sound a lot like work means more to you than I do!” “The detective needs me, damn it!” your husband yelled

“And she has you! Every day of every week! All I ask for is one date night and for the past month you’ve done nothing but avoid committing to one or backing out at the last second! I’m tired of being your second choice Lucifer! I’m your wife and you are my husband, I love you to the ends of the world, I just wish you'd say no to Decker from time to time...”

“I’m saving people’s lives Y/N. So if you’re not on your deathbed, other people are and they need me now!” as he said this, Lucifer walked right past you and into your bedroom, seemingly ignorant to the painful words he’d just said. You looked around the living room, vision blurry with tears, your chest heavy with anger and disgust. You rushed towards the elevator.

“When you find time in your busy schedule and feel like being my spouse again, let me know!” the elevator door closed before Lucifer could say anything

~~~

When Lucifer woke up the next morning to a cold and empty bed, he didn’t think much of it.Truthfully, he was still kind of pissed at the attitude you had given him a day before, so he got dressed as usual and went to the precinct, assuming you’ll be home by nightfall.

Except when he got home that night, he stopped by Lux first, which ended up like it always does: with him sucked into an endless cycle of booze and dancing, that lasted until well into the night. When he did enter the penthouse eventually, he found it empty. Exactly the way he had left it in the morning. Even the tie he had left on the floor, after deciding last minute that it didn’t go with his suit, was untouched. Now this was curious, but still, Lucifer felt like you must be playing hard to get. He sent you one text message, before going to bed

“Call me when you can!”

The day after that, he figured his part was done! By reaching out first, he had already made a big compromise, so now it was your turn! To reach out, come home! But that didn’t happen that day, or the day after that.

Three days after the text message,Lucifer was getting worried. He was looking at his phone every other minute. Always making sure he hadn’t accidently put it on silent or missed any texts. He sent more messages, telling you he was sorry and that he wanted you to come home. That he would listen and spend more time with you, promising luxurious dates and weekend trips, if only you forgave him. You didn’t even open the messages.

“Lucifer are you listening?” Decker was insanely annoyed at her partner’s lack of concentration

“Sorry detective. I’ve...I’ve got a lot on my mind”

“Well, better get it out of the way now, so that we can move on to our case!” she said, cleaning out her desk quickly, before resting back into her chair “Talk to me!”

“It’s Y/N. I’m worried about her!”

“Why?” “We...had a fight a couple days ago and she left. She hasn’t come back since”

“Have you heard from her at all?”

“No…” Lucifer said, embarrassed at his own lack of care for you. He should have called you earlier, reached out more! He should have tried harder!

“How long had she been missing for?”

“4...maybe 5 days…”

“Lucifer, are you sane? And you’re only telling me now?!” Chloe jumped from her seat, turning on her computer

“I thought she needed space! I thought she was avoiding me intentionally cause she was angry! I didn’t know…” Lucifer choked back a sob, not wanting to break down in tears in the middle of the precinct

“Lucifer!” Chloe caught hold of his hand “I’m gonna find her! I promise you!” A few days later, she did. Well, more like Y/n came to her, in the shape of a pretty little gift box left on Decker's doorstep.

“A lil too late on your case detective” read the note attached to it. 

Inside were Y/N’s clothes, all of them stained with dark, dried blood. Y/N was declared dead that day and the case was closed. At her funeral, only her closests friends were present. Lucifer wanted it to be as intimate as possible.

That day was also the first time anyone had seen Lucifer, since the news. His eyes were bloodshot and the dark circles under his eyes almost matched the black suit he was wearing. Throughout the ceremony he kept twisting his wedding band, a habit he’d picked up on since you went missing. He chose not to do a speech, but once the crowd disappeared, and he was left face to face with your grave, he pulled out a little piece of paper from his pocket and sat down on the grass.

“In hell, everyone feared me. There, I was nothing but another server of the universe, ruling over an empire I never really wanted, because I never had a choice. So eventually I left, thinking anywhere will be better than what I had, and I came to earth.

I ran into you about 2 weeks later, before I really even knew how to behave myself. Before I knew anything about who I really was besides ‘the devil’. I longed to know, grow and discovers different sides of me, where I could be something new, and you gave it to me. You made me who I never thought I could possibly be. You made me a lover. I never thought of myself as capable to love anyone, in any degree, but your light shone everywhere you went and your kindness touched me and everyone around you. It became impossible to not get infatuated with your person. I allowed you to see and feel around every dark corner of my soul and being and every time I thought it was the end. Everytime I would take in your touch as if it was the last, I would prepare myself for abandonment, but it never came. Through everything you stood by my side and when I felt my darkest, you gave me a fistful of your light and that was enough to keep me going. You married a broken man and called him perfect, despite everyone telling you how much of a foul you were. Even then, you shooed them away. Even then you chose me. I wasn’t worthy of your love or your trust and our last night together proved it.

You’re not here anymore to hear my apologies and I’ll never forgive myself for it. You’ve gone now somewhere I can not follow, but I know you are well taken care of there. I hope, someway, somehow, you’ll hear these words: I am sorry. I loved you with my entire soul. Not listening to you was the biggest mistake of my life and I’ll never forgive myself. I choose however, to remember you as you were, because I know that’s what you’d want. I’ll remember you and your laugh.I’ll remember our date nights and shopping sprees. Nights in Lux or on the penthouse balcony. I’ll remember all the meals you prepared for me and the flirtatious remarks you used to make, because you thought they were so silly. I’ll remember the little frown on your face whenever you worked on an important project for work and I’ll remember every evening walk around the block you’d make me accompany you on. I know I always complained about them, but they were always fun. Everything I ever did with you was always fun.

I loved you. I still do. You are my everything Y/N. Thank you for devoting yourself to me in all the ways that you did. I’ll forever live on in my heart.“

~~~

It had been months since your disappearance. After all this time, you finally managed to escape your kidnappers and report them to the New York police station, since that’s where you had been held hostage for so long. As soon as the paperwork was done and you were sure that the people who ruined you were getting the punishment they deserved, you jumped on a train and headed straight back home. Straight to Lucifer.

Lux looked exactly the same as you had left it. You were washed over by a wave of comfort that almost brought you to tears. Home. You never thought you’d get to step in here again. Overwhelmed, you took a seat on one of the couches, allowing your head to rest back on it, as you took in every detail of your surroundings: the feel of the leather on your fingertips, the cool breeze of the air conditioning, the warm lights. Everything was still here.

“Y/N?” you jumped at the sound

“Hi love…” your voice broke as you said those words. Words you never thought you would be able to mutter again. The sight of your husband, messy as he was, made you weak in the knees. He was standing at the top of the staircase, dressed in nothing but his robe, tied carelessly around his waist. He had probably just woken up. You wanted to say something again, but before you could, he laughed

“Nope” he said simply, before making his way down the stairs and to the bar “I’m not doing this. Not today, not ever!” Lucifer filled his glass to the top with bourbon, before turning around and trying to leave back to where he came from

“Lucifer, it's me!”

“Sure you are, except you’re not real! Nice of dad, taking my ability to stay endlessly sober, getting me drunk, forcing visions of my dead wife onto me to teach me another lesson about managing my emotions. Real clever, except this is too much! So I’m going to enter that elevator and I expect to never have to see you again, hum? Right, well, au revoir now!” he continued on his way, but before he could get far, you were clutching on the silk tie of his robe. Lucifer felt the tug around his waist and turned around slowly to look at you, this time a little more unsure. As if he was trying to figure you out

“Lucifer, I’m Y/N. I escaped”

“Escaped? But that’s impossible, she died! I saw it-”

“What you saw was a bloody shirt!” he looked up to meet your gaze, tears already forming “They lied to you Lucifer”

Finally, it seemed like he had connected all of the pieces of the puzzle. The glass of alcohol fell to the ground and your husband wrapped you in a big hug for the first time in months. He nuzzled his head in your hair and took in your scent, your figure, your warmth. Hell, you were even more perfect that he remembered! Silent tears fell down both of your cheeks as you collapsed to the ground, still holding onto each other for dear life

“I’m so sorry” Lucifer sobbed in your hair “I’m so so sorry”

“It wasn’t your fault Luci”

“If I hadn’t been a jerk you wouldn’t have left! If I would have simply listened to you, they wouldn’t have gotten to you! You would’ve stayed here, where you belong! You would have stayed with me but instead I was too busy with my stupid job and the stupid cases and I’m sorry! I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” he continued crying on your shoulder as you rubbed small circles on his back

“I’m here now my love” you whispered, kissing his cheek “And I’m not going anywhere”

[darkmulti]

(Yandere and non con warning)

Def not the only one who wants a 18th century h.c of possessive and controlling, husband!Jungkook x forced wife!reader. Jungkook gets jealous after witnessing another man asking you out and when you come back home at night, he breeds you. Please make it rough and non con. Thank you❤️‍🔥

-> you’re definitely not the only one. I can assure you that I’ve thought about this too many times😫

⚠️: NON CON, YANDERE!JUNGKOOK, Squirting/piss play, Physically, mental and emotional abuse, spit play,

-> sorry for any mistakes

Your parents owned a local bakery store

All the recipes were from your late grandmother

You spent almost all of your time there because you were in charge of everything

The store was under your parents’ name but you were the one running it

Sometimes, you even slept there because it’d be too late to walk home

Your dedication to the bakery made it successful

Although, you were the one doing all the work, you parents took all the credit and money

They weren’t paying you because you’re their child

They don’t need to pay you

“It’s a women’s place.” Your father said

You wanted to go back to school however, your parents laughed in your face

“School aren’t for girls, Y/N. Learn how to cook and clean. That’s all you need to know. Let the men handle everything else.”

You were tired of fighting with them and eventually stopped because they threatened to set you up in an arrange marriage

Now, it was just you and the bakery

You had many loyal customers and recently, one has been coming everyday, at the same time

He’d always buy a loaf of banana bread and if he was in a good mood, a blueberry muffin as well

Then, he’d sit in the corner table and eat two - three slices before getting up and leaving

He’d always leave a tip behind and you always kept it for yourself

One day, he didn’t come and you were surprised

For a year straight, he came and bought the same two things

Now, he hasn’t visited in 4 days

Tonight, you came back home for the first time in a while

Your parents had visited the bakery to collect “their” earnings and told you that you have to go somewhere with them that evening

After closing up and cleaning up, you went home and got ready

Your parents were taking you out for dinner as a treat for all your hard work

You were really excited because they were finally acknowledging your hard work

Once you arrived at the restaurant, your parents lead you to a table that already had three people seated

You immediately recognize one of them

It’s that guy who buys your banana loaf!

You sat in front of him while your parents greeted the two other strangers

“Oh, so this is your daughter? She’s gorgeous! Come here and give me a hug.”

You awkwardly chuckled and got up to hug the middle aged women

“Oh! Where are my manners? My name is Jeon F/N, this is my husband, Jeon F/N and this is our son, Jeon Jungkook. We’re your soon to be in laws!”

You heart dropped to the floor

“I-in laws?” You asked, confused

“Yeah, honey. Is this your first time hearing about this? We’ve been talking to your parents for a while now.”

You snapped your head towards you parents and they looked emotionless

“No, no they didn’t tell me anything.”

Dinner with them was hell

Your parents were talking about your wedding arrangements right in front of you

You didn’t know what to do

You wanted to rebel but then your parents would disown you

Just like that, you’d be homeless with little money to survive

In the end, you’d be paying the heavy price

You looked at Jungkook who was staring at you the whole time

You wondered if he knew about this

Maybe, that’s why he came to the bakery everyday

“Did you know anything about this?” You said loud enough for him to hear

“I did.”

“For how long?”

“Since last year.”

You eyes widen, in shock

You were right!

“Why didn’t you stop it?”

“Why would I stop it when I’m the one who wants it?”

You scrunch your eyebrows, in confusion

“What’re you talking about?”

“Since the first day I met you, I wanted to marry you. I told my parents and now, we’re getting married.”

Now, you were mad

You got up and stormed off, catching everyone’s attention

You walked to the bakery and locked yourself in

Here, you thought your parents were acknowledging you for first time, when they were actually setting you up for a marriage so they don’t have to take care of you

You cried yourself to sleep that night

The next couple of weeks, the bakery was closed due to your wedding

The wedding was spectacular

You would’ve love it if you weren’t being forced into a marriage

After the wedding, Jungkook took your precious virginity

He made sure to pleasure you until you passed out

He was so in love with you

Now, he was finally able to show you how much he loved you

And mark you as his

The next couple of months, he was attached to you

He took over his family’s business and you took over your family’s business

He’d visit you every day at work to check if you’re with another man

He was so paranoid about it, sometimes he’d come by 3 or 4 times to make sure you were not cheating

You thought he missed you and that’s why he kept stopping by (which is half true) however, you had no idea that he was possessive and controlling

You had to learn the hard way

Sometimes, you wouldn’t leave work until midnight

You had so much things to do like preparing for the next day, making a to-do list, making a grocery lists, and cleaning every area of the shop

It’s time consuming, so obviously you finish up pretty late

Jungkook absolutely hates that

Although you stay late in the shop once in a while, he can’t stand it

He wants you to be in his arms every night

Jungkook gets angry when you’re not

This was your fourth time staying out late in the shop and he’s had enough

He couldn’t help but feel paranoid about what you were actually doing in the shop

What if you lied and went on a date with another man?

What if you were running away from him?

Or even worse, what if you were having sex with another guy?

He raced to the bakery and banged on the door, which scared you

You saw that it was him and let him in

“W-what’s wrong?! You scared me!”

“Grab your stuff, we’re going home.”

“But I’m not done yet! I only have a couple more things to do and then I’ll come home. I told you already-”

“I don’t think you fucking heard me!” He yelled and grabbed your hair

“Grab your shit, we are leaving right now.”

He pushed you towards the counter and crossed his arms

You let your breath out in shock but scurry to get your stuff

You’ve never seen him like this and it terrified you

“I have my stuff.”

“Good, let’s go.”

He helped you lock the door and wrapped his arm around your waist

The walk home was silent

You were scared shitless

All you wanted to do was run back into your parents’ house

But he didn’t let you move an inch away from him

Once you got home, he started pushing you around and arguing some more

“Jungkook, I told you this afternoon when you came to visit! I said I have to stay late so I don’t have to stress myself out in the morning!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me! Who were you fucking seeing?!” He screamed, frightening you more

“No one! I swear, no one!” You whimpered

He corned you into your shared room and locked the door

“Jungkook, I swear! Nothing happened!”

He didn’t believe a single word coming out of your mouth

It was like you were talking to a wall

He pushed you onto the bed and stripped you naked

Jungkook pushed two fingers into your cunt and pretended to scoop out cum

“If nothing happened, why is your cunt full of cum?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! I didn’t have sex with anyone!”

You weren’t very educated about sex, so Jungkook had an advantage

You began apologizing even though you didn’t have sex with anyone

You just wanted peace between you two

“I’m sorry! I didn’t cheat or anything, but I’m sorry if it hurt you! I really am!”

Jungkook slapped you and spat on your face

“Dirty slut. Telling me that you’re not cheating but still apologizing.”

“No! Please, I didn’t do anything!”

Jungkook pulled his cock out and shoved it in without warning

You were still new to sex so when he didn’t let you adjust, you automatically started screaming and crying

“Please, slower!” You cried, holding onto his biceps as he went faster and deeper

“Stop! Please!”

Jungkook loved the sound of his balls clapping against your ass

It honestly made him harder

All night, he was on top, fucking you hard

Your legs were spread apart, tears in your eyes and sweat dripping down your forehead

You looked like a hot mess

And he loved every second of it

“Mmh- Jungkook!”

You squirted around him and had a trembling orgasm

You couldn’t stop releasing your liquids on him and he couldn’t stop pounding you

The bed sheet was soaked by the end of it

He pushed his cock deep inside and came

After Jungkook fell asleep, you cried for while

How were you supposed to tolerate him for the rest of your life?

The next morning

You woke up in severe pain

You lower region was begging for some pain relief

But there was nothing you could do about it

Jungkook was still sleeping next to you

You decided to leave before he wakes up

After getting ready by leaning on everything, you slowly walked to town

When you arrived at the bakery, you saw a big “for sale” sign

You panicked and went inside the store, only to be greeted by your parents

“Mother, father! Why is there a “for sale” sign on the bakery?”

You parents looked at each other in disappointment

“You see, we have to explain the obvious to your daughter. Be grateful that someone willingly married your idiot daughter.” Your father said before walking out

His words did hurt but you cared about the bakery more than your father

“Why’re you selling it, mother? Can you not afford it anymore? Why-”

“Shut up, Y/N! You’re married now, you have wifely duties. You don’t have time for this bakery so the best option is to sell it.”

Your world fell apart right before your eyes

“But mother-”

“Save it. You already made your father upset. I’m warning you now, you don’t want to get on my bad side.”

You cried the whole morning

After you opened the bakery, lots of people gathered in line

All breads, cakes and muffins were going on sale

After you served the people in line, you went up to the tables and took their order

After you served them, a regular customer who was sitting alone gestured you to come over

You went over to the man and asked him if he needed anything

He told you to take a seat and accompany him

Since the crowd died down, you sat down in front of him

“You look a bit stressed and sad. What’s on your mind?”

You were touched by his words

Finally, someone cared about you

You told him you were upset about the bakery closing

He understood and even offered money to help you keep it open

You were flattered but didn’t accept the money

“Money’s not a problem, my parents just don’t want to keep this shop open.”

You talked with this guy for a couple of hours

Although this was your first time talking to him, you talked to him like he was your best friend

When closing time came around, he got up and asked you out on a date

You didn’t know what to do

You were married but you really liked this guy

You were considering saying yes when someone pulled his shoulder back and punched him across the face

“Jungkook! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“You think I didn’t see that?! I saw it all. I saw you flirting with my wife for three hours straight and then asking her out on a date!”

Jungkook beat the crap out of the guy and pushed him outside

He then came back in the store, looking at you with devil eyes

“Yesterday’s punishment clearly wasn’t enough.”

The entire way home, he was yelling at you, slapping you, spitting on you, pulling your hair, pushing you to the ground and choking you

You were crying the whole time, apologizing over and over

When you arrived home, he seriously had no mercy on you

No foreplay, no lube, no adjusting

Just a raw, thick cock being forced into you

You were begging him to let you go but tonight, nothing was going to stop him

He was moving his hips insanely fast, not giving you enough time to breathe

You were choking on your own sobs

“Jungkook, please no! I’m sorry!”

“Why did you hesitate to deny his offer? You are a married fucking women!” With each word a hard thrust followed, knocking all the air out of you

“Answer me! Is he better than me? Does he take care of you? Does he provide money for you? TELL ME!” He was yelling so loudly, it was making you cry harder

“N-no, he doesn’t. He was just the first person to care about me.” You whispered the last sentence but, Jungkook was able to make it out

“Are you saying that I don’t care about you?”

He got more aggressive and fastened his pace

“Tell me, Y/N! Do you think that I don’t care about you?!”

You couldn’t answer him because you couldn’t catch your breath

He was going too fast and you were crying so hard, you couldn’t breathe

Jungkook noticed how much you were struggling and added onto your struggle by holding your neck down

“Apologize, right now Jeon Y/N!”

You softly apologize but it wasn’t good enough for him

He lifted your legs a little, giving him better access and fucked you till you squirted

This time you sobbed your apology and begged for forgiveness

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook! It’ll never— ah! It’ll never happen again! I’m so sorry! Please for- forgive me for my dumb m-mistake. Please! I’m begging you.” You held onto the bed sheet, praying he would stop

He huskily growled and pushed his cock in deep

“For the next 9 months you’ll be swelling with my baby. Now, everyone can back off.”

He shot his hot cum right into you, filling you up to the rim

Sorry for any mistakes. It’s 3:41am 😄

[sunarinluvr]

|| haikyuu boys finding you asleep on the couch after an argument ||

includes: kuroo tetsurou, miya osamu, & oikawa tooru

a/n- hello! sorry for posting so late, but this has been sitting in my drafts for a while and i was actually in the mood to finish it so i hope yall enjoy! oh and im not really sure about how i feel about it,,, might take it down later we shall see.

warnings: none ( lmk if there’s anything! )

KUROO -

last night you saw a post kuroo’s “work wife” had made on instagram with her kissing him on the cheek, and it didn’t make you feel the best, so you decided to bring it up to him the next morning. and you did, just as he was getting ready for work you talked to him about it.

you were standing in front of him filled with anger arguing about how it made you uncomfortable, “can you please listen?! i dont feel comfortable with your “work wife” kissing you?” you yelled. “Y/N it was on the cheek its not a big deal!” and to be honest you just wanted to cry. 

finally, he walked past you and opened the door. “i don’t have time for this y/n, stop being so insecure! at least she wouldn’t argue over something so small!” and with that, he slammed the door and you stood there stunned. kuroo knew that he shouldn’t have said that, instant regret and guilt filled his gut.

 but he already said it, he can’t do anything about it now. with a frustrated sigh, he went to work. hoping to fix everything when he gets home. you stood there speechless, as you realized you still had work so slowly you made your way to the bathroom. 

after getting ready and grabbing a quick snack you were out the door with a heavy chest. once you get home, tired and feeling worse than before. you trudged to the couch and plopped down letting out a shaky sigh remembering the argument and the words he said repeating in your head. 

you broke down crying, and before you knew it, the exhaustion from today took over and you were sound asleep on the couch. kuroo got home an hour later, he felt guilty and was already practicing how he’d apologize to you as he walked in.“y/n? kitten?” no answer. 

he called out again, and was met with silence, he made his way over to the living room where he found you sleeping on the couch. gently walking towards you he knelt down, and saw your tear-stained face which made his heart sink. “i fucked up” he said to himself.

giving you a gentle kiss on your forehead he softly apologized and carried you to the bedroom. you ended up waking up when you felt his body weight dent the bed. “tetsu?” you said softly squinting at him. relief rushes through his body at the sound of his nickname. looking at you with guilt in his eyes

“im so sorry kitten, i shouldn’t have said that. i didn’t mean to hurt you” he said gently. at that tears started flowing again and he was quick to hug you and wipe your tears with his other hand. “it’s ok, i shouldn’t have been so insecure anyways” 

he shook his head with a frown “no it’s not your fault ok? i didn’t mean anything i said. i love you so so much and i’m so lucky that you’re mine” you look up at him and gave him a small smile “okay” before cuddling closer to him. giving you a soft kiss on the lips he hugged you tighter as you both fell asleep.

OSAMU -

osamu was just having a horrible day, his head was pounding and the customers he had to deal with today were just plain rude. then he had to do most of the work since one of his employees called in sick, and for some reason, everything just annoyed him.

you on the other hand did not know about his day at all and thought it would be nice of you to make a surprise visit. walking in with a huge smile on your face stopping midway when you realize he wasn’t at the counter. “where’s samu?” you asked sweetly to the employee

“he’s in the back, i think he has a headache,” she says giving you a small smile. you can tell something was off by the way she spoke but decided to just brush it off and make your way to the back. “hi samu! surprise!” you exclaimed cheerfully as you make your way towards him

he just kind of looks at you, which you thought was weird, but you decided to hug him anyways. when he doesn’t hug you back and groan, you pull away and look at him “baby i heard you had a headache. i didn’t bring any medicine, but we could eat first and i-” 

you couldn’t even finish your sentence since osamu just stood up. he was infuriated and had no clue why, usually loved listening to you but today he was just annoyed. “look y/n a don’t mean ta be rude, but a don't have the energy for this right now. please just go home.” he said coldly staring right at you.

“excuse me? i came here to surprise you and this is what i get??” you said in shock, voice a little louder this time. rolling his eyes “Oh wow am so surprised! now will ya please go home? a don’t wanna argue right now!” he yelled. with tears forming in your eyes you quickly wiped them and left. osamu knew he shouldn’t have said all that, but he was too mad to run after you in front of all the customers. 

you rushed home and sluggishly made your way to your room to change into something comfier, making your way to the couch, curling up into a ball allowing your tears to fall, and somehow falling asleep, after getting tired of crying. he gets home a few hours later, guilt building up in his stomach as he mentally slaps himself for the things he said. 

walking into the living room he opened the lights and you were the first thing he noticed. seeing you curled up into a ball on the couch made his heart drop to his stomach. you on the other hand woke up because of the sudden change of lighting. 

gradually adjusting your sight you see him and switch your gaze onto the floor when you saw him look at you too. seeing your puffy eyes he walks towards you slowly and sits beside you giving you enough space. “am sorry, a shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on ya.”

you look at him with watery eyes and his heart sinks “yea i was just trying to be nice, sorry i didn’t warn you before coming” he opened his arms and you instinctively scooted closer to him, he sighs “no a love it when you surprise me a was jus having a bad day a love ya so much ok?” finally hugging him “okay i love you too” giving you a quick kiss he offered to make you food and of course you said yes.

OIKAWA -

you love oikawa, and you’re very supportive and understanding especially when it comes to his career. but he has an awful habit of overworking himself and as much as you love him you can't bear the fact that you couldn’t even see him anymore.

he goes home late at night -as in you’re already sound asleep late- and when you do stay up to see him, he’s too tired to even keep a conversation. then the next morning he’s gone before you could even wake up. you’ve spoken to him about this many times, but alas nothing changed.

you woke up to an empty bed as usual, but today was different though, you’ve planned a dinner for about 2 weeks now. you were very excited because it’s been so long since you both spent some quality time together and he promised to come home early. 

getting up you send him a little text reminding him of your dinner tonight, with a smile you head on over to the bathroom to get ready for work. once work was over you made a quick visit to the grocery store to buy the ingredients you’ll need to make tonight’s dinner. 

quietly humming to yourself while going through each aisle, and double-checking your list to make sure you’re not missing anything while checking your phone here and there. oikawa still hasn’t replied “he must be busy,” you say to yourself as you send him another text about the dinner just in case. after about 30 minutes you get home rushing since it was already late, and immediately getting started on dinner. 

once you're done you sat down and waited, and waited, and waited. it's been 4 hours. dinners cold and still no sign of your boyfriend. you decided to call him pissed off that he couldn’t even show up to one dinner, “hello? y/n i can't talk right now i still need to practice” 

he said as soon as he picked up. “tooru? did you get my texts? what about dinner, we’ve made plans for this 2 weeks prior! i even-” you were cut off “look just eat without me ok? we can eat again somet-” now it was your turn to cut him off. 

“oikawa tooru, you leave the house while i’m asleep and come back when i'm asleep. i just wanted to spend time with you..whatever good luck at practice,” you replied as you hang up. his heart sank when he heard the crack in your voice rushing to his car on his way home to you because he knows he fucked up. 

buying your favorite flowers for you on the way home cursing himself and the world for making it traffic at that exact moment. when he got home the first thing he saw was the food and you fast asleep on the couch. he felt a pang of guilt about being late. 

“y/n chan?” he said while gently waking you up. you stare at him with red puffy eyes and he hugged you giving you the flowers “im sorry baby, i should’ve prioritized you and our dinner. i promise ill do better” you saw how genuine he was being so you accepted the flowers and hugged him tighter as he offered to reheat the food you made.

reblogs are highly appreciated!

[lostinthewiind]

Piss Off Your Parents - Part 3

Ukai Keishin - Haikyuu

Synopsis: freshly turned 18, you want to prove to your parents that you aren’t a child for them to push around anymore. First, get a job at the local corner store. Second, use the store owner’s 26-year-old son with piercings and a cigarette addiction to piss your parents off. Third, accidentally fall in love.

Rating: PG

Warnings: none

Song → 18 by Anarbor

Previous →Part 2

Next →Part 4

Never before had you dreaded something more than you dreaded arriving for work the morning following your incident with Keishin. More than anything, you hoped he was thoroughly pissed at you and had left for work early that day so that the two of you wouldn’t have to see each other, but much to your displeasure and horror, when you stepped into the store that morning, he was sitting at the front counter, waiting for you.

How was he not pissed at you after what you had said to him? 

When the sound of the front doors sliding open filled the otherwise silent building, leaving the keys in your hand useless as Keishin had already unlocked the store, you gripped the keys tightly and swallowed hard when he looked up at you. He didn’t say anything at first, maybe because he was waiting to see if you would make the first move, but after last night you were done making first moves when it came to him.

Averting his gaze and dropping your head low, you shoved the keys back into your pocket and headed for the back room to put your stuff away and get this day over with. 

Just as you were about to open the door to the back room, Keishin cleared his throat and you stopped in your tracks, head turning to look at him without thinking about it. 

“Good morning, Y/N.” This was the very first time he had greeted you first, and on top of that, the very first time he had ever used your name. 

You weren’t sure how to respond, confusion and excitement mixing in your body to create an overwhelming concoction. “Good morning,” you mumbled in response before disappearing into the back before he could do anything else out of the ordinary, like God forbid initiate a conversation or something.

You took your sweet time getting ready, delaying heading out to the front of the store as long as possible to give Keishin ample time to leave. After about fifteen minutes or so, you emerged only to find him sitting right where he had been before, newspaper sprawled on the counter and a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Shouldn’t you have left by now?” The questioned slipped past your lips before you even had the chance to filter it through your head.

Eyes wide, Keishin was surprised that you had spoken to him almost as much as you were. “We’re expecting a big delivery today, so I’m sticking around,” he answered. “You’ve never handled one by yourself so my mom asked me to show you how it’s done.”

Your heart sank, your stomach twisted, your knees felt weak. So he was going to be here with you all day long? “Perfect,” you groaned, not even bothering to hide the sarcasm in your tone. “That’s just awesome. Great.”

“Listen, it’s not my idea of an ideal day either, but it is what it is,” he said. “So why don’t we just put last night behind us, chalk it up to exhaustion and the influence of alcohol on my part, and move forward?”

You quirked an eyebrow at him, the fact that you couldn’t seem to figure him out thoroughly starting to irritate you. “How are you not angry at me?” you questioned him. “I was . . . horrible last night.”

You had spent the entire night after getting home thinking about the horrendous way you had behaved. The things you had done and said made you feel awful and you couldn’t understand how Keishin wasn’t on the brink of smacking the shit out of you right now.

“It’s fine.” He flashed a smile, trying his best to prove that he wasn’t dwelling on the past. “I’m a big boy. I can take it.”

Looking around to double check that the two of you were the only ones in the store, you lowered your voice before speaking. “But I put my hands on you. You can really just forget that?” Heat swelled in your cheeks as you recalled the less horrible events that had taken place.

“I touched you too,” he reminded you.

“Yeah, but yours was an accident.” You weren’t sure why you were saying all of this stuff; it was almost like you wanted him to be angry at you. Who knows, maybe you did. “I called you a burnout.”

Keishin let out a booming laugh at that. “Take a good long look at me, kid.” He smirked, gesturing to himself. “You really think I’ve never been called worse?”

“I don’t think that’s the point,” you breathed out.

Keishin opened his mouth to speak, but before he let a word out, he changed his mind and pressed his lips together. In the meantime, he watched you, the cogs in his head obviously working hard. “You’re an odd one, you know that?” He stood up, walked over to you, and set a hand on your shoulder. “I said it’s fine, so just forget about it, okay?”

“Okay.” You nodded, finally giving in. 

“Good. Now, get to work, because this place isn’t going to run itself and I’m only here to help with the delivery, so until then, I’ll be napping on the couch in the back. Wake me up when the truck gets here.”

Before you had a chance to respond, Keishin gave you a pat on the head and disappeared into the back room without another word.

You stood in place for a moment, unsure if the fact that he had forgiven you so easily was a relief or not. You didn’t allow yourself to worry too long about that though, because, like Keishin had said, you had work to do and the store wasn’t going to run itself. And, if your memory served you correctly, you had some sweeping to do in the back corner.

For about two hours, you fell back into your normal workday routine, completely forgetting about the events of the previous night or the fact that Keishin was napping in the back. That was, until you saw the delivery truck pull up in front of the store and remembered you had been given the task of waking the sleeping man. 

Heading into the back, you moved slowly and quietly even though it didn’t matter if you woke Keishin since that was what you were supposed to do anyway. 

“Keishin,” you spoke softly, not wanting to startle him. “The delivery truck is here.”

Of course, he didn’t even budge at that. Nervously, you stepped closer to the couch, unable to ignore the fact that Keishin looked completely different when he was asleep. The usual frown or cocky grin he sported was nowhere to be seen and he didn’t seem as intimidating when his eyes were closed and his breathing was so slow and rhythmic. 

“Keishin.” You reached out and placed your hand on his shoulder like he had done to you earlier and shook him slightly. Still nothing. Rolling your eyes, you were unsure what to try next aside from shouting right in his face. If only he had warned you he was a heavy sleeper. 

Deciding to try one last thing before you resorting to screeching, you leaned closer to his ear, planted your hand on his chest—a brief memory of how you had touched him last night flashing in your mind—and shook him once more while you spoke. “Keishin, the delivery truck is here,” you said, not whispering but also not being too loud.

Thankfully, the mixture of shaking him and speaking directly into his ear seemed to finally do the trick and his eyes shot open. Immediately, you jumped back, not wanting him to be weirded out by how close you were to him. 

Eyes travelling up to meet yours, Keishin yawned and stretched his arms over his head. “Truck’s here?” he clarified.

“Yeah, it just arrived,” you told him, waiting for him to get up. “You should have told me you were a heavy sleeper. I was about to scream or pour water over you or something.”

Keishin cringed at the thought of that. “Well, thank goodness you didn’t. Next time, just pinch my nose or tickle me or something . . . anything but water.”

“Next time?” you asked. “You plan on taking naps on the couch often?”

“It’s my favourite place to nap. You should try it sometime,” he said before heading for the door. “Come on, let’s get this delivery over with. Try to learn fast so I don’t have to teach you again.”

“I’ll try my best.”

As you had pretty much expected, the delivery had been pretty straight forward. After helping the delivery man unload all of the boxes into the storage room and signing off on the delivery, the most time-consuming and complex part of the process was taking an inventory of the new supplies, which you picked up on pretty quickly. 

Keishin showed you how to mark down the new delivery on the clipboard kept in the storage room and where to input the total count for each item. From there, all you had to do was make sure you had received everything and had the correct number ordered. 

“Pretty easy, right?” He glanced at you out the corner of his eye as the two of you worked together at counting the inventory, keeping an ear open for customers in the process.

“Yeah, it doesn’t seem hard. Just time consuming,” you agreed. 

“Exactly. We usually get a big delivery like this about once a month, then smaller deliveries throughout the week for more perishable items, as you already know.”

You nodded, quickly becoming lost in the repetitive task of counting and writing down the amount on the clipboard. Weirdly enough, you found that you didn’t actually hate taking inventory; the simple task was actually kind of calming and passed the time effortlessly. 

“50,” you muttered under your breath, jotting down the number in the correct box right after you finished counting. When you turned back to start on the next box, you caught Keishin looking in your direction. “What?” You furrowed your brows at him. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“No, no.” He shook his head. “I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“You,” he responded, quickly elaborating when you shot him a confused look. “Well, more specifically, why you took this job.”

You shrugged as you continued working. “I already told you. I need the money.”

“Right, so you can move out on your own. But why?”

Your hands stopped grabbing items and your mind stopped counting, making you lose track. “Because I’ve been waiting for as long as I can remember to live my own life and now that I have the opportunity, I’m not going to pass it up.”

“But wouldn’t you much rather be going to school? Surely you don’t want to work in a place like this for the rest of your life.”

You sighed heavily. “You ask a lot of questions, you know that?”

“I’m just curious,” Keishin said. “I want to understand you better.”

“I don’t think you could truly understand unless you experienced the childhood that I did.”

Stopping his work as well, Keishin leaned against the shelf and crossed his arms over his chest. “Try me.”

Rolling your eyes, you accepted the fact that he wasn’t going to give up. “First thing’s first, I’m not saying my childhood was tragic or anything. My parents didn’t beat me. They fed me and clothed me and everything a parent should.” You started, waiting for him to nod before continuing. “I was just never allowed to live my own life or make my own decisions. I ate what my parents wanted me to eat, I wore what they wanted me to wear. I took the classes they wanted me to, I was friends with who they thought would make a good friend. They went overboard on trying to get me to do what they thought was best for me. I was never old enough or mature enough to know what I really wanted. I lived in a controlling dictatorship.”

“What about soccer?” Keishin asked, proving that he had actually remembered the conversation the two of you had had on your first day at the store. “You told me you used to play.”

You smiled fondly at the thought of your high school soccer team. “That was the only thing I ever got to pick for myself . . . and it took months of convincing, and in the end, I was only allowed to continue because I was good at it. The fact that I genuinely enjoyed it never came into account for my parents.” Your smiled faded slightly. “Sometimes they even managed to drain the fun from that as well, but I refused to let them ruin it for me because it was the only thing I had that was mine.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Every day . . . but this is more important right now.”

Keishin was silent for a few moments while he processed everything you had said. “Sounds like everything needed to have a purpose.”

“Pretty much. If something had no chance of providing success in the future, it was a waste of time.”

“So the plan is to work so you can afford your own place, then go to school next year? How are you going to afford school?”

“Well, if I had followed my parents plan for me and started working toward a law degree, they would have paid for it. But since I’ve decided to do my own thing now, I’m just lucky they haven’t kicked me out of the house yet . . . so I guess I’ll have to get a scholarship or apply for student loans. I’ll basically be scraping by, so I’ve applied for a bunch of community colleges and I’ll go from there I guess.”

Fishing a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, Keishin lit one before sticking it between his lips. “What do you want to do?”

You laughed slightly at that. “I have no idea. I was never allowed to have hobbies or interests, so I don’t even know what I like. I just know what I don’t like. If I could do anything though, I’d apply for the University of Tokyo. They have a great soccer program. I just want to play soccer again.”

Keishin smiled. “Just soccer?”

“For now, yeah. I’ve learned that I’ll have to take life step by step, so that’s the first major goal. I’ll probably take some first year classes and see what I like and go from there. I think it’s okay to not have a set-in-stone plan sometimes . . . after all, this is the first time in my life I’ve never had my future planned out for me. It’s kind of exciting . . . scary, too, but exciting.”

Keishin sighed contently as he watched your eyes light up when you talked about the things you wanted to do in the future. “Can I ask you something?”

You nodded. “Sure.”

“So what was the point of what happened last night?” he inquired. “And, while we’re at it, the past few weeks as well. How do I fit into this grand plan of yours?”

You felt your heart pound against your chest. “I thought we were forgetting about last night?”

“We are,” he assured you. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I’m just curious, is all.”

You thought for a moment, unsure how to phrase exactly how you were feeling. At first, you were inclined to take him up on his offer to not answer, but after how nice he had been to you today, you felt you owed him at least that. 

“Originally, I was in a pretty messed-up head space and I wanted to use you to get back at my parents,” you told him truthfully, “. . . but after last night, I did some serious thinking and realized that wasn’t the case. What I really want is to prove to my parents that not everything that is different or ‘not according to plan’ is bad. You have an  . . . alternative look about you,” you tried to phrase that as respectfully as possible, causing Keishin to chuckle, “but you’re not a bad person or, despite my harsh words last night, a burnout. You coach volleyball for high school kids and you help out at your family’s store and even though I’ve been pretty horrible to you, you’ve been nothing but nice to me.”

You paused, unsure if you should say the last part or not. “I don’t know, I just think that maybe if they met you, they might realize that I’m capable of making good choices for myself even if it doesn’t fit their predetermined mold of my life.”

“You think I’m a good choice?” he asked, taken aback by your honesty.

“Yeah.” You eyed him while he took a drag from his cigarette and let the smoke spill from his lips. “Maybe not the nicotine addiction part, but hey, no one’s perfect.”

Keishin chuckled before putting his smoke out. “Okay, I’ve got a deal for you.”

You cocked a brow at him. “What?”

“If I pretend to be your boyfriend and help you fix things with your parents, you have to apply to the University of Tokyo and follow your dream of playing soccer.”

You were thoroughly perplexed. “Both conditions of that deal only really benefit me. What do you get out of it?”

He just shrugged. “Nothing.”

You scoffed. “Well, as generous and sketchy as that sounds, there is no way I would be able to afford the University of Tokyo on my own and I don’t think any amount of ass-kissing could make my parents agree to pay for me to go there to play soccer and figure life out.”

“Hey, one step at a time, right?” He used your own words against you. 

You contemplated his offer for a moment. “You’re really okay with that? Even though you get nothing but more work out of it?”

“I suggested it, didn’t I?”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. “You’d really pretend to be my boyfriend? Even though I’m just some rebellious kid?”

“Your opinion of me changed,” he pointed out. “Why can’t my opinion of you change too?”

“Fair enough,” you conceded. “Well, if you’re absolutely positive you won’t regret it when you wake up tomorrow morning, I’ll happily accept your deal. Thank you.”

Keishin turned back to the stack of boxes and promptly returned to the task at hand. “You’re welcome.”

You watched him work and quietly hum to himself while he did so. This time, it was his turn to catch you staring. “What?” he looked over at you.

“I just didn’t peg you for such a softy is all,” you joked. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he scoffed at you. “Just don’t fall in love with me or anything, kid.”

You smirked. “Whatever you say, old man.”