#woe is me to work on things during dnd

[impossible-rat-babies]

oc-tober day 11 - oduyanga solongo (they/them) for @lorspolairepeluche !

[echodrops]

The League of Villains Plays DnD AU

(Saw a post by @bunny-loverxiv last night that reminded me I’ve had this stupid thing in my drafts unfinished for over a year now. I’m not sure I’ll ever have time to come back and finish it, but in the spirit of what I posted earlier, here it is, in all its unfinished.. glory...)

Since I asked for a League of Villains plays DnD AU and no one delivered, alas, I guess I’ll just do all the work myself!

So, without further ado:

Shigaraki Tomura’s Character Sheet:

Race and Appearance: Fallen Aasimar, with hair pale as the flesh of wraiths and eyes like two burning pools of blood, reflecting out from the infernal pits of the abyss. His rippling muscles under his bone-white skin carry the scars of his uncountable victories, and when his corrupted celestial powers radiate forth, ghostly skeletal wings rise--

( “Do I have to keep reading? This is really long...”

“It’s important!”)

Alias: “Zephiroth”

(”Isn’t that the guy from Final Fantasy?”

“No! That was Sephiroth! My character’s name is totally different!”)

Class: Oath of Conquest Paladin/Hell Knight

Motto: Dim the Ray of Hope

A dread knight whose armor is black with the blood of his enemies; to stand against him on the field of battle is to know true fear, and none have called themselves his equal and lived to tell the tale. His menacing aura is a cloud of evil righteous murder that spreads across the land as he advances, and everywhere he travels is seeped into the deepest of despairs. Civilizations tremble before the darkness of his impossibly dark darkness.

(“Did you run out of adjectives?”

No, I meant exactly what I said.”)

Also, collects the severed hands of his conquests.

(”Tomura-kun, this isn’t a character, this is just you!”

“Collecting body trophies is standard lore for conquest paladin; you’d know if you read Xanathar’s Guide.”)

Alignment: Chaotic Good

(“Shigaraki Tomura, I am not sure this alignment fits with the character you’re describing--”

“I wrote the campaign, so good’s whatever I say it is.”

“Boss, doesn’t playing in your own campaign defeat the purpose? Knowing everything ahead of time’s a great idea!”

“Shut up, I don’t care about spoilers.”)

Backstory: Zephiroth the Bloody swore an oath to complete the conquest of his father, King Jenovo, who fell in battle to his eternal rival and estranged foolish younger brother, Nimbus Might ( “You know, I really think I’ve heard these names before...”). Jenovo’s quest was undoubtedly a noble one: to reunite the brothers’ separated kingdoms under a single legitimate banner--and its single legitimate ruler. The two brothers clashed in a battle of titans that shook the entire world, and though he was in the wrong, Nimbus Might reigned supreme in the end, and took Jenovo’s life and kingdom both. The death of his father crushed the last remnants of joy and love in young Prince Zephiroth’s black heart and now he will stop at nothing to put an end to Nimbus Might’s reign by turning every symbol of his false kingdom to dust.

Notable Stats and Weapon: +5 Intimidation, +5 Persuasion; greatsword and shield wielder.

Tomura is a quintessential min-maxer; he made everyone else take the standard array for stats but... “rolled” for his.

(”This old man’s been reviewing the character sheets, Shigaraki, and couldn’t help but notice some discrepancies in the party’s stats compared to yours--”

“You’re welcome to not play. Ever.”

“Must have been a trick of the light!”)

Carrying: The holy relic “Lavos”

(”Isn’t that just from Chrono Cross?”

“I think you mean, Khrono Kross, Spinny.”)

The relic is a glowing black and red container imbued with a hellish aura, containing magical bullets said to be formed from the blood of the time goddess, allowing Shigaraki to permanently unwind his opponents’ powers. Limited use, 5 times.

Dabi:

Race and Appearance: Tiefling.

(“Did you not even bother to write an appearance?!”

“My character has the same appearance as me.”

“That’s not even possible. Tieflings are supposed to have horns!”

“Okay, my character has the same appearance as me with horns.”)

Alias: “Dabi” 

(”You can’t name your character after yourself!”

“But I’m not named Dabi.”)

Class: Phoenix Sorcerer

Motto: Ashes to Ashes

(”You can’t play this class either, it isn’t canon.”

“You told me to pick one from the wiki; ain’t my problem you didn’t specify.”

“I said no homebrew!”

“And that means... what?”)

Alignment: Chaotic Evil

(”You ignored my instructions about our alignment too, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but you said ‘good’ so I assumed I misheard.”

“We’re the protagonists of this story--our cause is just!”)

Feats and Skills: ...Hmm, for some reason, many things have been written and then crossed out?

(“W-What have you done?! You can’t just modify things however you feel! Why would you even swap out Nourishing Fire for an Elemental Affinity that deals ice damage?! And did you just scratch out ‘long rest’ and put ‘short rest’ here? That’s OP!”

“When the hell have any of you let me get a long rest?”

“Animal Handling as a skill, seriously?!”

“Figured you’d give me some monsters to tame.”

“Go fuck yourself!”

Shigaraki was, in fact, planning on there being monsters for Dabi to tame.)

Backstory: A traveler with a shadowy past.

(”That’s... your whole backstory? Are you freaking kidd--”

”Aww, come on Dabi, this bio is lame! Oh, I know, I know! You’re actually a prince in disguise, exiled from his kingdom and seeking vengeance on his father, the one who left him horrifically burned and on the brink of death, which caused you to be rescued by the soul of a lonely phoenix, and at the end of your quest, after reclaiming your rightful throne from your evil father, you free the phoenix who possessed you to save your life, but then it returns and swears its eternal love to you! Eehee!”

“We’re...not doing that.”

“You can’t do that anyways, it completely undermines my lore. There are only two kingdoms in this world, and I’m going to be the ruler of both of them.”)

Notable Stats and Weapon: +3 Deception, +4 Insight; wields darts.

(”But why do I even have to pick a weapon? It says right there I have Burning Hands.”)

Carrying: A shard of never-melting ice in the shape of a three-petaled flower; it exudes a calming chill even when wreathed in the wildest of fires. Looking at it makes you feel... melancholy?

(”Why is this the only section with detail?! If you could put this much effort in here, you should have taken the rest seriously too!”)

Mr. Compress:

Race and Appearance: Human, a man in the prime of his life, with a roguish glint in his eye and a rakish gold mustache above his mysterious smirk. There’s an artfully placed scar below his right eye that speaks to a life of the blade and adventure, and his pressed linen and metallic brocade doublet belies his nature as a man of impeccable taste. His jaunty black bandana is always pulled low over his eyes, but mischief seems to twinkle out from beneath the accompanying black mask nevertheless.

(“Oh, I like it! A lot! Hey, hey, will you rewrite mine for me? Make it like yours but cuter!”)

Alias: The Dread Pirate Roberts

(“Huh? The first part is good, but why “Roberts”?

“Well, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.”

“What are you snickering about, Kurogiri?”

“Nothing at all, Shigaraki Tomura.”)

Class: Multi-class Swashbuckler and School of Conjuration Wizard

Motto: To the Pain!

(“These two classes don’t compliment each other at all. You should change to Hexblade at least!”

“As you wish.”

“Kurogiri’s laughing again. What are you two hiding? Tell me!”)

Mr. Compress knew full well the classes he picked didn’t mesh; he just lives for the shits and giggles. He’s actually been playing DnD longer than Toga’s been alive, but where’s the fun in telling Tomura that?

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Skills: Acrobatics, Persuasion, Performance, Sleight of Hand

(“Okay, but am I the only one who actually created a real character instead of a self-insert? DnD’s a role-playing game; isn’t the whole point to use your imagination?!”

“Ain’t our fault your real self is too boring to be a decent character, Lizard.”

“You never miss an opportunity to insult me, do you, asshole?!”)

Backstory: Although he came from unremarkable origins, Westley Roberts found himself thrust on to the path of great destiny when the merchant ship on which he was employed was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts--

“How can he attack his own ship? You forgot your own name, didn’t you?”

“Not all, Shigaraki! I’m not that old!”

--but when Roberts heard the tale of Westley’s quest to prove himself for the one he loved--

“Wait, who is this other character now? There was no love interest listed before!”

“Just let me tell the story!”

--Roberts was overcome by the depth of Westley’s tale of woe and decided to name him his successor, passing down the title of Dread Pirate Roberts--

“Can I change my character to a Dread Pirate?”

“No, Dabi!”

“I’m just sayin’, why was I not informed of this option?”

--sothathecouldmildlyterrorizethewatersaroundhishomekingdomandfinallyamasstherichesneededtoimpresshischarminglove. PHEW! Thank you for letting me finish!

Notable Stats and Weapon: +4 Dexterity, +5 Charisma; wields a rapier with impeccable skill. Is definitely not left-handed. Carrying: A Rodent of Unusual Size. Excellent distraction. Also edible.

“What is wrong with everyone in this room?!”

And the rest of the League I didn’t finish, but:

Spinner: A gorgeous lady Argonian who spits beams of pure light--

“No, this is too cool. Change it.”

“Awww come on, Shigaraki, just let me have this--”

“Change it.”

Toga: Tabaxi assassin. ON A QUEST FOR LOVE. (May or may not have decided this after peering over Mr. Compress’s shoulder during character creation time.)

Twice: Halfling wizard. None of his stats make sense because he couldn’t make up his mind where to put them.

Hawks: Aarakochra bard. Entirely useless. That asshole who rolls to seduce everything.

Kurogiri: The DM. But not by choice.

There’s no Giran or Gigantomachia because I started writing this before either of them were really “part” of the League. Use your imaginations~

[janehopperra]

OOE:

So in order to take back some of the order on my blog, I’m gonna keep the tally for today’s stuff on one post, then when I’m done watching tomorrow, I’ll put that tally on here as well.

This is also to save the dashes of whoever likes to keep them clean. I apologize for the mass ooc. I just finally felt like I could safely let my saltiness over s3 run rampant.

Bad: The makeout scene Good: Will taking care of everyone in the party making sure everyone has snacks for the theatre Bad 2: Mike being a whiny brat right off the bat Good 2: Steve immediately flicking the switch on and off to spite Robin Good 3: Jane playing pranks with the party with her telekinesis. Bad 3: The Karen and Billy Thing Good 4: IT IS CONSTANT… CONSTANT. Bad 4: ‘Curfew at 4:00pm’ Bad 5: The apparent focus of Will’s character only being that he’s jealous of Mike and Jane and also that he can sense the mindflayer. literally nothing else. Bad 6: Karen and Billy Again Bad 7: Joyce eating tv dinner alone while thinking about bob :( Bad 8: Makeout scene 2.0 Good 5: Hopper yeeting himself to another plane of existence in the next room Bad 9: Mike whispering to Jane right in front of Hop ( As if I didn’t find this creepy enough ) Bad 10: I gotta admit Hop lying about Mike’s grandma is bad Good 6: Hop being an actual dad and placing boundaries between Mike and El makes up for that though. Like that needed to happen. Bad 11: Dustin being left alone at the radio tower. Bad 12: Karen??? what the fuck are you doing??? Good 7: Karen coming to her senses. Bad 13: Billy.. jfc

First episode - 7-13

Good 8: Boundary establishing actually working. Bad 14: Mike lying through his teeth, keeping the lie up even after Karen caught him in it. Bad 15: “You lie?” “What? No! Friends don’t lie!” Good 9: Hop scream singing his song in the Blazer. Bad 16: Nancy’s boss being an absolute??? Jerkwad??? They were that way in the 80′s to women yeah but yikes. Good 10: Dustin and Steve’s handshake Good 11: ‘Mike’s a piece of shit!’ Snaps fingers hell yeah he is Bad 17: ‘You don’t understand lucas! He’s lost his mind!’ How about stop??? Blaming other people??? For how you acted Mike??? You had a choice not to lie dumbass. Bad 18: The boys acting like this is some sort of battlefield where you need combat strategies when in reality you need to speak the truth. Bad 19: Them constantly leaving Will hanging, poor boy just wants to play dnd :( Bad 20: More Karen and Billy like tf Thank god Billy told her to stay away Good 12: The girls going out and having fun!!! To hell with the boys!!!! Bad 21: Joyce forgetting about Hop to solve the magnet issue ( wasn’t her fault but yeah ) Good 13: The Material Girl skit!!! The photographer session! High heels! Jane pranking the binch that rejected Dustin at the snow ball. There’s more to life than stupid boys! Bad 22: “Can we play DND now???” “NO!!!!” Bad 23: Mike trying to change the subject and recoiling when he’s caught at the mall, like he thought he would get away with the lie??? Good 14: I dump your ass. Bad 24: The face Mike makes when Jane walks away, like you’d think if he’s so??? in love he’d be at least a little more devastated??? He looks like a brat. ( No offense to the actor he’s great, the character’s a brat ) Good 15: IT’S CUTTING EDGE STUFF MAN!!! Bad 25: Hop being left at Enzo’s :((( He was so excited man Good 16: The scoops troop solving stuff. Bad 26: Hop taking the whole bottle of alcohol and leaving, kind of shit faced, DRIVES HOME SHITFACED. You’re a cop, Hop! For fuck’s sake.

Episode 2 mark - 16-26

Good 17: Jane and Max acting like best friends Bad 27: “I don’t understand what I did to deserve this why is she treating me this way I’m the victim” I honestly can’t. Bad 28: ‘We’re trying to solve the great mystery of the female species’ oh yikes. Bad 29: Hop arriving home drunk and barging into Jane’s room thinking Mike was with El and the door was closed. Bad 30: Hop.. acting like a bit of a creep and then cracking open the bottle of wine for more drinking!!! In the presence of El. After what he just did. Good 18: Honestly I think it’s kind of cool that Max and Jane have made a game utilizing Jane’s powers instead of shoving them away. Bad 31: The boys mocking Will for taking the chance to play DND. Will honey its okay Bad 32: Hopper being a weird disgusting bear, and also being kind of spiteful towards Joyce. I get she hung you up but like come on man, you know she wouldn’t do that without good reason. Bad 33: “You stand me up, no phone call no apology because you had to go to Scott Clark’s house” NOW IT’S TIME FOR HOP TO GET BASHED. Bad 34: Hop pretending to understand how Joyce thinks the magnetism loss thing was the lab then going back to being spiteful and a smartass. Bad 35: Max in denial about the Billy situation Good 19: Scoops troop being funny little shits. They’re the only pure group in this nonsense of a season. Bad 36: The boys still mocking Will during DND. Guys just humor him for fucks sake, he’s been dealing with yalls shit all summer. Bad 37: Mike recoiling when Will finally has enough of their shit and leaves. Bad 38: “You guys are never in the mood anymore! You’re destroying everything and for what, so you can swap spit with some stupid girl” “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” Honestly, low blow on both ends. Yikes. Good 20: Honestly the horror in this season is good so it gets it’s own good point for that. Good 21: Hop actually going to the lab with Joyce to soothe her worries about the magnetism loss. ( Also poor joyce remembering Bob’s death ) Good 22: The scoops troop again being on the case, only to then find out the guy they’re chasing is a yoga instructor. Good 23: Hop trying to make sure everyone feels safe and at home. Good 24: Hop opening up just a tiny bit about what he did after Sarah died, trying to relate to Joyce. Bad 39: The fact that Will felt so alone and outcasted to the point that he felt the need to tear the castle down after looking around at all the memories in it and bursting into tears. My poor lad. I’ve been in the same boat, fuck the boys honestly. Good 25: The scoops troop at it again, actually being productive in their side of the story. Bad 40: Something I just don’t get at all is the fact that Jane just.. introduces herself as El, giving herself away almost immediately. Hun, you have another name, you’re not still a number. Idk that thing just irks me. Bad 41: And again, Will just being used for the ‘woe is me/enemy locator’ trope.

Episode 3 mark - 25-41

Good 26: Max introducing the wonder woman comics to Jane after listening to her. Bad 42: Max still being in denial about Billy and Heather. Good 27: Joyce taking care of Hop, SOMEHOW dragging his ass back to the cabin. Bad 43: ThIs iS a CoDe ReD ( I don’t blame Max for turning the radio off I’d throw it across the room after all that’s happened ) Bad 44: Again. Will’s only purpose being that he senses the mindflayer– like what the fuck he could be used for so much more. Bad 45: This is just a thing– I honestly hate that we only get one scene with the hoppers and also the byers acting like a family. All that build up in season 2??? wasted. All that potential wasted. Bad 46: The mayor taking a jab at Hopper and his ‘dead daughter sob story’. Damn right you deserved that fucking punch. Good 28: Joyce pulling the phone line when the receptionist tried to call the police. Good 29: The scoops troop and their hilarity. Bad 47: Max continuing to be in complete denial over Billy’s role with the mindflayer. Good 30: “Don’t you love your country” “You can’t spell America without Erica” I love Erica so much Good 31: “I want you to forget about sales and come work for me at hawkins pd.” “And have to look at your face every day? I don’t think so.” I have to admit that was cute Good 32: Karen actually being a mom for a change and listening to and supporting Nancy. Good 33: “He made me lie, I mean–” “What if he’s right?” “No no no he’s just a crazy old man” “No, if I only see you and I’m a different species, maybe I should be with my own species more.” Bad 47: “Wait you spied on me? That’s totally against the rules!!!” Mike she’s a telekinetic who can locate people and also implode your brain. There are no rules. Good 34: “I make my own rules.” Except hers. Good 35: “If you die, I die” “Okay” Dustin’s such a ride or die bitch I love it. Bad 48: How many times has Will been used for mindflayer location? 4-5 times? Bad 49: Jane relenting when protecting herself and her friends. I’m sorry but if someone’s had a hand to her throat or face or anything she’s thrown whoever did that through a wall, caught off guard and not. Good 36: She eventually did throw Billy through a wall but still the point remains

Episode 4 mark - 36-49

Bad 50: Joyce’s bad throwing skills. Hun you’re throwing a gun not a baseball. ( jk ilu mom ) Bad 51: This terminator guy gets a bad point. I don’t think they explained him at all? Even if they did.. eh. Good 37: “Why wouldn’t he be safe? Nancy?” For once someone’s worried about the welfare of these kids. Good 38: Hop’s big butt sprawled over the Blazer gets a point. Bad 52: Hop calling Alexei Smirnoff gets an… eh point for me. Idk why it turns me off a bit. It’s a funny name and all but eh. Bad 53: The beloved Blazer exploding gets a bad point. Shame on you for killing it, st writers. Good 39: “Ill-annoy” cute. Bad 54: “ThEy’Re CoNsPiRiNg AgAiNsT mE” Not everything’s about you, Mike. Good 40: “She was making bad screams” “What’s a good scream” Max: “Doesn’t matter–” Bad 55: Hop making the joke that every man Joyce talks to must be another version of Clark. Yikes man, she burned you that bad? Good 41: “He’s a dangerous child murderer” As Alexei smiles whilst sipping his cherry icee.