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uterusclub · 6 years ago

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As any Native Chicagoean can attest, the winter never fails to destroy our souls – at least temporarily so. But as that weary tail-end concludes, one gradually regains hope, energy, and enthusiasm. These are the trappings of no more woe.

Our first expedition involved a visit to the Otherworld Theatre Company to see a choose-your-own adventure style production of ‘Quest for Thrones.’ We were beckoned to make several decisions for the Game of Thrones characters which mostly involved death or killing and to no surprise of mine, our crowd was an outwardly, murdery bunch. So we got along just great. The only downside to the show was the mold-induced smell of the lobby area where I quite literally gawked around the room to see if anyone else was just as disturbed as I. They did not appear as such which daunts me even more. Following the very short but delightful show, we made our way home but the night just didn’t feel complete. So we made a stop-off. Well, 2, actually. Sharon had demanded a hot dog the entire day so we stopped at my beloved Susie’s and then headed a few blocks down to my treasured karaoke joint, Sidekicks! It had been quite some time since my last sing so it was well-overdue. Upon arrival, we noted several people already singing which took me by surprise. While Sharon hit the bano, I was met by my long-time waitress friend who’s name I can’t completely remember – Christine – Christina? Christy? Something like that. I’m horrible. In any case, she offered me a mis-remembered test-tube shot (Sex on the Beach) to which I declined (my favorite is the Buttery Nipple) and ordered us a few drinks. I immediately trolled through the song book to figure out my agenda which, let’s be honest, is usually the same couple songs. Due to low attendance, I was announced very quickly. The night continued much the same aside from several interruptions from ‘the mutants at table 9’ who attempted to Facebook us (we DID give them Uterus Club as our contact but perhaps they considered this a joke as nothing ever came of it). We had met our end all be all of interactions with these folks when one of them dedicated a song to me. It was at this point, we slipped out, past the bouncer and I quite literally ran to my car even though Sharon had my keys and fumbled around for horror-movie record time. Surely, we would have been killed. Regardless, wonderful, hilarious night.

Onward. Sharon has been madly obsessed with a man by the name of Max Frost whom she played a few songs of a little while back. She missed a previous concert of his as my schedule wouldn’t allow it but recently discovered he was once again, back in Chicago! Naturally, she grabbed tickets and demanded (or rather, asked super nicely) we go. The last time we had been to Subterranean in Wicker Park was for Allison Weiss which was a blast! I recalled our hanging out on the upstairs area and peering down at the entire performance. Max Frost was equally rewarding in this sense. Unfortunately, getting awesome seats around the threshold of the upstairs area meant getting there early and listening to the opener – a girl we had already pre-researched and were not impressed with. Ironically, she ended up sounding way better live. Further irony kicked in when we discovered there was an ADDITIONAL opener who no one knew! THIS guy? Oh man. This was your stereotypical, dirty hipster trying-to-be-real with the ‘people’ who attempted to be deep and introspective while sitting on stage without shoes on. Absolutely horrendous! It should come as no surprise that we were a tad bit ecstatic when Max Frost FINALLY showed up on stage. Yes, we were ecstatic for approximately five songs and then all fizzled out into exhaustion. Capping the night and our very classy ride home via the most wonderful CTA, we listened to a homeless man reflect on his rejection of a plus-sized lady whom he compared to several, large animals. Always an adventure.

But wait. There’s more. ‘March madness’ couldn’t possibly be complete without a little festive shout-out to the Irish. And we went all out people. Having said that, I believe I’m some ridiculously low percentage Irish but I’ve also BEEN to Ireland so I think I get a free pass on that one. In any case, Sharon suggested we hit up the downtown dying of the river in the morning since neither of us had actually seen it live. Sure, the videos are fun but it couldn’t possibly be the same. So bright and early, we headed downtown to park and walk over to one of them many bridges to catch a peek. I had no goddamn idea shit was going to be that cray! Seriously, it was college town USA and like, early. The only good part of the situation is that everyone was very merry but not obnoxiously so (yet). The bad part of the situation is that the color saturation hadn’t exactly made itself evident enough from our viewpoint and therefore, we saw a little bit of green far off in the distance. Major fail. Our follow-up idea was to hit up Public House for their themed

cake shakes, however, we later realized it was already privatized for some wrist-band drinking event all morning and not open to the public! So we hit up the ‘poor man’s’ Public House ie. JoJo’s Milk Bar. The place was small and unimpressive to say the least. Sharon ordered us a ‘shake’ which was sad. We took a few obligatory sips before headed out. Next stop? Milwaukee! That’s right!

There’s absolutely no musical I love more than Phantom of the Opera. I legit have this shit memorized. On our way up to Milwaukee, I googled us a place to stop and eat nearby before the show. The Internet gods brought us to Ale Aslyum Riverhouse. It’s difficult to explain the complete awe of driving from a crazed downtown Chicago to a completely abandoned downtown Milwaukee. Streets were desolute! We had apparently come to the right place. Upon grabbing a quick lunch and Sharon randomly bumping into an ex-client of hers, we made our way to the Marcus Performing Arts Center. As usual, I had completely forgot what sort of seats I had purchased us but apparently I did well since we ended up in the back row on the end of the aisle. The performance was most enjoyable – although some of the singing was a bit inconsistent and I think we both spent a questionable amount of time wondering what the race of the Phantom was. We stayed long enough to hear by favorite trio part before seamlessly ducking out and venturing over to one last stop before home: Mars Cheese Castle. To say this place is anything other than completely overwhelming would be a lie. We came away with a few bags of curds and not much more due to ambivalence. Next time I’ll do some research.

St. Patrick’s Day! The OFFICIAL! Our festivities for the day mainly included eating and drinking. Oh yes, we also threw in a little Boondock Saints as well and some Pandora Irish playlist to accompany our cooking. Menu included Guinesse drumsticks, spinach puff-pastry shamrocks, mashed cauliflower and corned-beef eggrolls. Don’t forget, topping off our day-drinking of Magners Hard Cider which was doused with a few drops of green food coloring! We completed the meal with alcohol cupcakes purchased the night before at the previously mentioned Mars Cheese Castle. And that’s a wrap!

So guess what? We loved Milwaukee SO much that we decided to visit it AGAIN! But THIS time, we really meant business. First stop? Plato’s Closet. It’s tradition after all. Next stop? A little Milwaukee Burger Company. Ginormous, Deep-fried cheese curd cubes, anyone? Stomach – my apologies but worth it. Where to now? Our most beloved Lost Valley Cider Co. where we met an Irish wolf dog who was HUGE and wonderful! We also got our hands on a peanut butter and jelly cider as well as a Hibiscus cider we enjoyed so much we ordered some to go!

Catching a nice buzz now, we made our way to Swing Park where a bunch of hoodlums roamed and I tried to do fancy moves for photographic integrity. Sharon captured what appears to be a child abduction in progress which is absolutely priceless. Our journey now took us to the Villa Terrace Decorative Arts Museum which, not gonna lie, I didn’t know anything about and frankly, still don’t. But it was pretty and had a cheap Groupon and had a fantastic view! Finalizing our self-guided tour here, we finally headed to our haunted (that’s right), Bed and Breakst: Brumder Mansion.

We were met by innkeeper, Tom who was an absolute joy! Unfortunately, he didn’t give us much intel to go on as far as ghosts were concerned – only to say there were 13 and none sounded menacing (how very disappointing). He also mentioned there being some children that tend to fidget with items left out if you ask them to which Sharon left out a ridiculous amount of things. I’ll save you the suspense – nothing was moved. In any case, we hung out for a little while before heading out for our dinner reservation at the Pasta Tree. This has always been a favorite of mine, however, both service and food was mediocre at best for some reason. We followed up dinner with drinks at a nearby Irish bar by the name of Paddy’s Pub which ended up being one of my favorite parts of our trip! Decor was beautiful and sweet and the employees were homey and gracious.

The pinnacle of this trip was our finalized stop-off at the Oriental Theater to see a viewing of the Room with actor/director/writer, Tommy Wiseau present! The line for this event was literally down the street and around the corner! It took me a second to realize that Tommy was signing autographs and taking pictures BEFORE the actual showing so we jumped ship from our spots in line to meet the man himself who was kind and sweet (and apparently dug my tattoos). After re-joining our original line, we eventually made our way back into the theater and headed up to the balcony for anti-social viewing. Oh! And I mustn’t forget the spoons. While we had been in line outside, someone was passing out handfuls of plastic spoons which we didn’t take out of confusion – only to research and later discover it was a ‘thing’ that went along with the movie. Our bad. Next time! Show was scheduled to start at 9:30pm. Show started at, I’m going to say 10:45pm after all the delay and opening shenanigans. We were tired as all hell. And made it just about 15 minutes into the movie before calling it a night. Unfortunately, leaving out of the theater, Sharon predicted Tommy might be hanging out in the lobby and of course, lo and behold, there he blew! Goddamnit! So we attempted to casually saunter out only to be met with a very saddened, ‘Where you going? Home?” It actually broke my heart. Poor Tommy. Heading back to the B&B, we both eventually passed out and roused for our adorable breakfast. Parting fairly quickly after our meal, we had a final, triumphant stop off at the Potawatomi Hotel and Casino and endeavored in a little morning Bingo. Again, I’ll save you the suspense – we didn’t win. And I’m sure I demanded vengeance per usual.

Wrapping up the wonderful month of March was our visit to the United Center to see Mumford and Sons! I had purchased tickets for Sharon for her birthday back in February. She had been talking about wanting to see them for as long as I can remember. It was only after I had purchased said tickets that she vocalized her hatred of their latest album. Fortunately, they didn’t play much of it. As a precursor to the show, we stopped

off at Viaggio for some Italian dinner. Twas splendid! We then took a buzzed walk over to the show and awed over the comfort and view of our seats! No one in front of us and at the end of the aisle! Cat Power was the opener who I am familiar with but don’t know much about. I described her as ‘more depressing than Aimee Mann’ which Sharon could barely wrap her head around. Crowd became super anxious as a result but as soon as

Mumford showed up, the energy was electric! I’ve never been the hugest fan of theirs but I will say they put on a damn, fine show! Again, left after a handful of songs but know, I would have stayed til the end. And as we left, drenched in the cold rain whoring our make-up, I knew that this and everything else had all been worth the wait.

Oh Hi, March As any Native Chicagoean can attest, the winter never fails to destroy our souls - at least temporarily so.

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