#woah this leaves gryffindor with zero points

[futurewriter2000]

If I can't have you, nobody can - pt. 7

A/N: Bruh... I have such a headache but this is coming out quite well. I think a part or two and I'm done with this serie. Enjoy <3

XX

You had been stuck behind a book that you didn't much enjoy but still wanted to finish. It wasn't easy since it had too many uneccessary details that only dragged on through the page. You tried to follow it but your mind kept wandering off.

You could finish this book in a day. You knew that but it was so dull that was why it took you so long to finish it in the first place.

But as you were finally getting into it something flew on your desk.

A letter.

From James.

You felt your heart cut itself into two, three, billion of pieces as you stared at the envelope. Taking it in your hands, you wanted to rip it open but at the same time, you were terrified to see what was written inside.

Since your little encounter with James, the little sleepover you had, you had started to experience an odd feeling in your heart and stomach. Some minutes you thought of him, found yourself seeing his face, his hazel eyes watching you from the balcony. How he wrapped you in a blanket and how he took care of you like a true gentleman.

It made you smile and blush in the moment.

But he was a taken man. He was in love with Lily Evans and you had not spoken to any of them, besides James that night, in almost a year.

You let the envelope stay on the desk.

"I'll see what I want to do with it."

---

You've walked about hundred of steps down the kitchen floor. Pacing... contemplating and watching it as if it was watching you back.

You hadn't got a single clue why you were being so dramatic about it. It wasn't an acceptance letter, or a description of your death. It was a letter.

Nevertheless, you threw yourself at it and grabbed it. You opened it gently and you could feel your heart beating through your entire body.

"I'll pick you up at three." said the voice behind you, causing you to jump from your seat and point your wand at him. "Woah, woah, woah!" he lifted his hands above his shoulders and started to laugh.

"JAMES YOU- YOU FUCKING FUCK FUCK!" you bent over to catch a breath. "You can't just apparate into my home like that."

"It's a fancy one." he laughed, walking around the kitchen and looking around. "You have zero photos of you or your family. " he mentioned as he kept looking around.

"Yeah... well... we're not your ordinary family." you pulled yourself together and leaned back on the counter. "What-"

"Have you opened my letter just now?" he cut you off and narrowed his eyes at you. "I've sent it around 10am."

"I wasn't planning on opening it, to be honest." you spoke sincerely.

"Ouch." he placed his hand on his heart. "It wouldn't have mattered anyway. I'm here and we're going out."

"We're not going anywhere." you said, grabbing the letter and throwing it in a trash can.

"Oh, come on. We always used to sneak out-"

"No, James. You don't understand." you shot your head at him, furrowing your eyebrows. "You can't just come in here and pretend that we're those kids again- those stupid kids from Hogwarts who didn't spend a day apart. Maybe that kid would go with you right now but this-" you gestured to yourself. "That kid grew up into this. Into an adult, who has responsibilities to take care of."

"All of us have responsibilities." James said more seriously. "I just want us to reconnect again. I want to-" he stopped himself. Something stopped him but you hadn't take notice to it.

"You have Lily to go back to, James." you said out of the blue, almost broken as you did and he took notice of that. He spent years loving every single part of you. Don't you think he hasn't noticed whenever something wasn't right with you. He has. Even when you stopped talking to each other back in Hogwarts.

"You want me to leave and never return?" he asked and you looked at him with a bit of surprise. "Okay." he said and he could see your eyes pleading otherwise. "I'll go and never return. I'll go back to my job and work hard until I can afford a ring so I can propose to Lily. We'll have a big wedding and have a family, loads of them children..." he started to glare at you. "That's what you want."

"Yes." you spoke more of envy than truth.

"Fine but since we won't ever talk or see each other again because you have responsibilities, I might as well tell you."

"Tell me what?"

He stormed towards you until the two of you were inches apart. Before you could say anything, he spoke first. "I fell in love with you when we were both 14 years old and I was mad furious when I saw that you didn't give me a span of a second to notice it. And for those four years I had tried to catch your attention but your attention was always on somebody else. I was jealous, immensely and we stopped talking to you because I was in love with you and you were in love with somebody else. "

"No." you shook your head and took a step back because everything that he was doing sent the wrong chemicals to your brain. You couldn't think straight when he was so close, that the heat from his chest literally radiated onto yours and the breathing of his, furious and attractive, was the only thing you could hear. "I thought I was in love with him. I truly did and when a person gets attached to somebody the line between love and attachment is very blurred." you pushed him away. "I was in love with you." you shoved him again and he felt all of his power waver, his dominance fade and his eyes bulk out from surprise.

"Surprised?" you scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest and smiling. "I was too when all I kept wanting was for you to look at me back in school. But you didn't. Because with Sirius it was fun and games and goofing around but with you shit was real. There weren't only butterflies and happiness, there were all sorts of emotions that I was so afraid of but then imagine you going for the red-head, a Gryffindor, of course. And I was furious and jealous and sad but I made it through and when you were not talking, Sirius still did. Sirius would look at me and he would still let me know I exist."

"YOU DID EXIST! YOU ALWAYS EXISTED INSIDE OF ME!" he started to shout.

"THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE!?"

"BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU LOVED HIM MORE THAN ME! AND IF I COULDN'T HAVE YOU, NOBODY COULD!" he started to cry, breathing out a suffocating sob as if he had held it for years and years on. "I've been watching you love him for years. And as a kid, you don't process emotions as you do when you're older but it's coming after me." he continued to look at you as you stood there, speechless. "When you and Sirius talk about this stupid bond the two of you have, it pisses me off and then you tell me that you love me and all I am is confused. It makes me feel left out. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough and you're putting all your feelings and emotions of what that kid did to you. That kid didn't know any better and I can't go back and tell him to not fuck this up. He already fucked it up and I feel that no matter how much I apologised, you wouldn't forgive me. Don't you think I don't know that I hurt you? I am well aware of that and it tears me up inside but I'm trying to fix it and that has to count for something, (y/n). I'm trying but you're not letting me."

You stood there watching him sit down on the chair and take deep, calm breaths in.

"Alright." you said at last and he looked up at you confused. "I'll just get dressed and we'll leave."

[x-aih-blog-blog]

[ Ϟ ] Suspension Notice

20 points will be deducted from Gryffindor and a week of suspension will be given to both Kim Jongin and Kim Jongdae for yelling at each other using inappropriate language in the presence of some innocent young kids. Please, respect the youngers too, we do not want another scene like that again.

And let this be a warning for other students: we'll be more strict from now on regarding this topic and detentions will be given. Which also means you should be more careful when having sex passionately interacting with your fellow students in the hallways.