#wn.mga5

[rkwon]

( ★ ) mgas season four five      → 6.2: interviewing… coach won !

he hadn’t had to do much of this last season — interviews; sitting in front of a camera and just talking about his feelings, trying carefully to pick the right words and let the right expressions wash over his sharp features. desperately, he’d held onto the notion that he’d always been better at words than actions, but in all honesty, he’d still come away from his season four audition interview a little shaken. 

the camera kind of unnerves him all over again, despite the fact he’s spending more and more time around them lately. filming for dream knight is different to this, though — this is him, jeon won is all his shy, strange glory and not wonwoo, a character created to be charismatic and smooth. won fiddles with the bottom of his shirt where dream knight wonwoo would have flashed a million watt smile to the staff taking care of him. 

there’s no chance for him to prepare, no warning before they’re hitting him with the first question, only a loud clear of their throat to even ensure he was alert and listening. his eyes narrow as he listens, a habit from reading without his glasses. he’s not sure what he’s looking at on the wall behind the interviewer, but he doesn’t have time to process anything anyway. 

“so, what do you think of your team so far? what are your first impressions of them as a whole?” 

he blinks, wonders how else he’s supposed to answer this question. he does genuinely like his group so far; they’re all talented, all hard workers and, from what he can tell, want to be here, but if he didn’t, would he really say so? would anyone really damn themselves in such a way? had he gotten lucky? perhaps they even put together groups they thought might clash in an attempt to create something juicy for the edit team; he wouldn’t put it past mnet. after all, just last year, they pit them all against each other for positions and performances, allowing higher ranking members to steal songs and lines from those lower. anything to stir up a little tension so they can reuse that dramatic music. with any luck for mnet, someone will mess up this season so they can use that titanic track they also seem to love. 

“team royal are great!” he gradually grins, a smile that stretches up into his cheeks rather than immediately takes over his entire face in a snap of his fingers. it’s too early to say he adores them or anything like, but he is already more than impressed with their progress and genuinely hopeful for them. “like you said, I don’t know them all so well yet since it’s only been a day, but they’re all incredibly talented and hardworking — that’s my first impression and definitely fact, too. I think they’ll be able to vibe really well together on stage for their final performance, too; as performers, I think they match well.” he isn’t observant enough to notice any clashes in their personalities but he prays there had been nothing for him to neglect to notice. “they’re all quite different, after all, so they’ll be able to shine individually but also come together nicely as a team. I think we’ll see new sides of them, too!” maybe to most these are just stock answers to a basic question, but he believes them wholeheartedly. he wants them to push past their comfort zone a little, learn a dance a little trickier than they’ve done before or a style of song they’re not used to. things like that go a long way in a competition like this, as far as he remembers. ( the more he thinks of his season, the more his brain blocks it out. ) 

the interviewer clears their throat once more. “how do you feel about their progress so far?” 

he nods excitedly. “it’s only been a day but they’re doing really well! no spoilers but the song they picked feels really perfect for royal, in my opinion. they’re definitely going to add their own touch to it, but so far, it’s still early days.” his laugh is soft, airy — fond. “I’ve been trying my best to help with dancing since I think it’s going to push some of them a little harder than they’re used to on that front, but that challenge...” he pauses to find the right words. “that challenge will make their performance even better when it’s ready for the world to see. you’ll all see how hard they’ve worked and root for them, I know it!” 

but he realises a little late that he hasn’t really answered the question but honestly, he’s not sure how. in such early times, how can he say how things are going? or rather, what can he say that he hasn’t already? his bottom lip pops out from between his teeth as his expression turns thoughtful, and before the interviewer can butt in with another question, he beats them to it. “I think they’re progressing well. at the rate they’re going, I think they’ll have plenty of time to iron out any wrinkles in their final product. I have every faith in them to show you, the audience, their best performances yet.” 

checking he’s done, won nods to let the interviewer ask their next question. “what’s the most important thing you’d like to teach your team as a coach?” 

he loves this question. though he doubts any of his interview will air, and certainly not this part, he feels a weight lifting off his shoulders that he gets to answer it at all. 

“to remember to have fun.” that’s the simple answer. of course, won couldn’t leave it at that. it’s too easy to spin in any way mnet desires, in any way anyone desires — too broad, too vague. “this is a competition, and last season when I was a contestant— it was a competition then, too, but what it isn’t is the end of the world. the same goes to those who have been eliminated; don’t worry. this might be the end of the road for your mga journey, or it might feel like it will be each week, but it’s not the end of the world. it’s not the end of your dream.” he sucks in a deep breath. “unfortunately, the nature of any competition means those who don’t win become disheartened, feel inferior, and sometimes, even those who get exactly what they wanted from it,” like me, “feel that way, too. it pits you against people you will consider your friends by the end and you’re always going to be your own worst critic, but if you have fun and remember that everything happens for a reason, even if you’re unfortunately eliminated, at least you will feel like it’d all been worth something. you’ll have enjoyed the time you had rather than dwell on what could have been if you’d gone through to the next round.” he shakes his head. “it’s especially bad this close to the final. I remember feeling like this was it — that each week, I wouldn’t be good enough to get through and waiting to hear your name be called... it really stomps all over your confidence. but everyone here is talented. you have to be to be here. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. anyway—” his cheeks flush a soft, embarrassed pink. “yeah, the most important thing I’d like to teach them is to enjoy their time here. that’s why we perform, right? because we love it. because we love to entertain and make others happy with our performances.” his grin once more takes over his entire face— entire body as he sits up straight, nods rapidly again. 

“any last words for your team?” 

he laughs. “continuing from that last wordy answer; don’t forget to have fun! don’t forget that no matter the outcome, you put in your all and you should be proud of yourselves! believe in yourselves! you’re going to nail this. you’re already making your coaches proud! good luck, team royal!” kick ass! ( he bites his tongue; he’s not sure the word ass is allowed on air. ) 

[rkwon]

one last time.

( ★ ) mgas season four five      → 7.2: interviewing… coach won !

it’s been a week since he was here last but it feels like five minutes with how busy he’s been. he wonders if the cameras can see the bags under his excited eyes, but he tries to push that to the back of his mind. this isn’t about him at all, this is about team royal and the finale and everything that rests on their shoulders over the next week. 

he just hopes no one crumbles under the pressure. 

“so,” the interviewer begins, shuffling papers as always, “it’s the finale already. how do you feel about last week’s semi final? team royal won.” 

he beams, all his teeth on full show and his nose crinkling at the bridge. he’s so proud, so overjoyed for the team, for their sweet taste of victory even if he knows how pressuring it can feel at the same time. 

“I’m really proud of team royal! they showed us an incredibly performance — as expected! — and worked hard for a well deserved first place! all the groups were phenomenal, honestly, I don’t know how the ceos managed to pick a member of each one to eliminate.” his laugh is airy, his expression turning much softer as he shuffles in his seat. “the competition is really tough this year. it’s tough every year but I think I can look at it with a clearer mind this year since I’m not part of it. it’s really scary being on that stage waiting to find out if you’ve been eliminated— I hope all the contestants who went home this week are proud of themselves for coming so far.” taking a deep breath, he continues. “after all, the season started with a hundred contestants, and that’s not even everyone that initially applied. to get into the top twenty five of who knows how many applicants... that’s absolutely something to be proud of.” 

he laughs, “but now it’s onward for our finalists! for team royal!” 

the interviewer checks he’s done before asking their next question. “how do you think team royal will do this week?” 

it’s laced with a especially since they won last week silently tacked on the end but won’s glad they don’t voice it. going into this episode, the final, it shouldn’t matter even to them who won last week. what matters is working hard and giving their all and enjoying the last step in their mga journey. reminding them they won every two seconds is only going to make them overcompensate to attempt to maintain that lead. won thinks the best performances come when you stay calm, when you’re composed and hopeful and passionate — not when you’re scared of disappointing or worrying about winning per se. 

“from their practice, they’re definitely going to do really well! their chosen songs are great and they’re working really well together as a team.” he also knows that the disagreement from last week had aired ( did he really expect any different, though? ) so saying so is almost a dig. it isn’t hard to believe, though, and the proof is in their performances — they work well together. fighting every so often is only natural, and honestly, most of the time, it brings people closer together, anyway. 

“I think you’ll really enjoy their performances! they’re doing something a little different since they get to perform a song to match another company and it’s really a breath of fresh air and a real mood maker!” he thinks so, anyway. 

“great. it seems like the atmosphere this week is really good in practice. you played a prank on the team?” 

he laughs, warm and gentle and all deep tones. “yeah, it was cheri sunbae and ella sunbae’s idea. I think it’s important to keep things happy and lighthearted, especially at such a stressful time in the competition.” his mind flashes back to their expressions when they’d arrived and the ice cream cake they’d brought to ‘treat’ them with had promptly splattered across the floor. “they were really shocked— I felt bad because I thought there was going to be tears at one point but we quickly brought out the real one for them. it was so lovely to get to sit down with them and just... relax. they definitely deserved some rest time. the competition is heating up, but... their health and happiness come first, always. I hope we made a stressful, rough time a little easier on them.” 

finally, the interviewer asks their usual ending question. “any last words for team royal?” 

this is his last chance to address them like this so he turns fully to the camera, sits up straight and claps his hands together with a wide, proud grin. “team royal!” he almost shouts. “you’ve worked so hard throughout the whole of this competition and we’re all so proud of you! I hope you’ve enjoyed not only working with us coaches, but each other and everyone else you’ve had the pleasure of meeting or reuniting with over the last seven episodes. I hope you’ve had fun and that you’ll never give up no matter the results of the finale.” he relaxes his shoulders a little, his features softening. “you’re all extremely talented and the world is your oyster — don’t forget that. and don’t forget what we taught you! and especially don’t forget to absolutely smash your performance and give it all you’ve got! good luck!” 

[rkwon]

turn back time.

( ★ ) mgas season four five      → 7.1: one more time… coach won !

( tw !! brief weight talk )

honestly, though it’s probably for the best for his health, won is genuinely sad that his involvement in the fifth season seems to be ending as soon as it’s begun. 

only a week or so ago, they were being announced as coaches in the first place and now they’re breezing into the final week, the grand finale and trying to find a way to go out with a bang. though there’s one less person in the room this week ( a loss won mourns but, alike his season, understands they cannot avoid — hopefully, hyojin knows that there’s so much more out there for him, especially with his talent ), the atmosphere is just as lively, if not more so. 

probably because they won. 

though he can’t know exactly how they’re feeling, he does remember the way his heart had swelled both in joy and fear last year on the occasions his team had won or come close, or he had somehow been chosen as the strongest dancer of the competition. it still baffles him now how he’d ever gotten the title, always finding an excuse to play down how hard he works or how far he’s come over the years. what had been clear no matter what, though, was the pressure it put on him to maintain it. no doubt whilst the victory tastes so sweet, there’s a thought running through their heads at some point that wanders how they’re going to top that episode, how they’re going to maintain their lead. 

the problem is, these shows are so unpredictable, won doesn’t think there’s actually any way to secure anything. even if you do do the best performance of the night, so much more goes into deciding behind the scenes that shouldn’t ( who is going to bring their companies the most money, largely, he assumes ) that it doesn’t even matter — you could still come dead last. 

for that reason, he hopes they choose something they’ll have fun performing — that will at least make them proud of themselves and of what they brought to the table for the final episode of an otherwise rocky series. 

and it’s also why he doesn’t mind a little lighthearted fun to take their minds off the stress in the final week, even if it is a pain to clean up ice cream cake from the studio floor. 

their expressions are priceless and even he cracks a grin seeing their eventual relief when a second, intact cake is revealed to them before they dig in. admittedly, he doesn’t have more than a couple mouthfuls, wary of the trainers that will no doubt push him twice as hard in their workout sessions and practices to keep his weight from fluctuating too much. what he does eat, though, is heavenly and he vows to one day buy one for him and mingyu. perhaps to celebrate the end of dream knight filming. 

balancing the two is still hard. he doesn’t get to be with the group as much as he’d like, to guide them through their final week. guilt weighs on his heart so heavily that he visits despite mingyu and ella’s urging for him to rest, passes some wisdom particularly regarding finding the camera whilst on stage that joohyun had taught him last season ( would she be proud? ) and ironing out a few kinks in the choreographies of their chosen songs. by the end of the week, he can’t decide if he feels happy with how much he’s contributed, can’t help but wonder if they’d have been better off with a coach who wasn’t so busy, but royal chose him for a reason. even if he doesn’t know what it is, he should respect it. 

won loves their song choices. through brainstorming, they’d come up with so many great ideas that won felt they were spoilt for choice, but with encouragement from the coaches, going for one boy group and one girl group song for their performances, won felt his excitement growing. having been praised last season himself for handling girl group dances well, he likes to think it still makes an impact when you can really let go of your worries and immerse yourself in a song regardless of closed minded, preconceived expectations. why should a male doing a girl group dance be embarrassing? why do so many male idols treat it like a joke? respecting all artists is such a basic decency— not to mention that it’s only fair heejin get to show her more feminine side, too. ‘luv’ is perfect not only for sphere, but also to balance out ‘all night’ and as their performance starts to form, won sees that more and more. 

all they have to do now is nail the final performance. that and last the entire week without a bust up. won is hopeful, though. team royal have worked so hard, as likely all the groups have, and they should all be proud of themselves. this might be the end of this season, but it’s never the end of the journeys they’re all on — won believes that wholeheartedly. the future ahead of them is so bright and he looks forward to watching it unfold. good luck, team royal! 

[rkwon]

blossoming flowers.

( ★ ) mgas season four five      → 6.1: introducing... coach won !

( tw !! anxiety, insecurities, mental health, mention of vomiting )

he’s initially much more excited about being a coach than he’d ever been about dream knight, but after growing fonder of the web drama and filming, his eagerness shifts into reluctance because how is he supposed to balance all of this? how is he supposed to give each project his all when he can barely keep his eyes open? but, he had been chosen for a reason. clearly, someone ( he likes to think seo jisub himself, but he laughs at the thought of the ceo even remembering his name, let alone anything else about him ) at royal believed he could do this, and mingyu believes he can do this, and that’s enough — more than enough. 

on the day of the episode filming, episode six where they would be dramatically revealed in a shock twist to the contestants, his stomach feels simultaneously stuffed full and painfully empty. it churns like he’s just gone five rounds on a particularly turbulent tilt-a-whirl. 

( won doesn’t think he’s ever been on a tilt-a-whirl, but imagines this is exactly what it feels like. he’s always preferred carousels and this moment reminds him why. ) 

being back on a stage like this, even if he isn’t competing, throws him back to a year ago where the pressure weighing on his shoulders had convinced him that everything was on the line each episode, each week, slowly pushing him to implode in on himself when it finally all got too much. and it’s all he can think about as he watches the contestants react to the appearance of coaches and the much more familiar faces revealed with him. in these few seconds, it all feels like bliss — getting to work with real idols, meet people you may otherwise never have gotten the chance to cross paths with — but it’s just a buffer, a screen for what’s to come. each elimination brings new insecurities, new anxieties, new decisions to make and goodbyes to bear. even though they’ve all already made it so far, and it’s probably too late for any of won’s nuggets of wisdom, he still knows he has to say it once they get a moment to themselves. he has to at least try to steer a handful of contestants away from facing the same fate he did. sure, he won a contract, won as a team by default, but what else did he win? crippling insecurities? the inability to sleep due to nightmares for a little while following the final? an instinctive wave of fear washing over him every time he hears his full legal name? 

but it doesn’t have to be that way for everyone. it wasn’t that way for everyone. many people handled competition better than he did — he didn’t handle any kind of confrontation very confidently anymore; hasn’t ever since they graduated. in a way, he prefers it that way, but as he fights to hide the tremble of his fingers at least until the cameras have turned off, he’s not so sure. 

the following day, meeting their group for the first time ( and possibly his only time; the future is uncertain — how is he supposed to know when he’s going to have a little free time from filming? and it’s not as if he can tell anyone why he’s so busy, he wouldn’t dare ), his excitement returns. it’s humbling to have been chosen out of plenty of talented dancers, much more so trainees in general so he makes the most of it, bows deeply when they greet the team and introduce themselves. being beside ella and cheri is kind of surreal even just for him, despite the fact that he would consider ella a friend by now ( does she consider him the same? he’s too scared to ask ). he can only imagine how it must be for the contestants. now he’s a little upset they didn’t have coaches last year when he was the one fighting for his spot in the competition but maybe that would have just unnerved him more, especially if his coaches had been like the former girl. 

ella isn’t cold, but she’s everything won expects from a coach — firm, constructive, clear. won, however, is perhaps too much of a soft touch. when the team are struggling, he encourages them to try again rather than pointing out everything they did wrong. he irons out mistakes in their movements one by one, focusing on each one for a little time instead of everything at once. to him, it doesn’t feel so intimidating if it just feels like help rather than criticism, though he admits both are equally as needed and healthy. he doesn’t tell them it’s perfect until it is, but he doesn’t slam his foot down on their confidence and drive it into the ground either. ( neither does ella or cheri, but they’re certainly more outspoken about their opinions — they have a right to be, being idols. won is only in training; he’s barely any different to the contestants. ) 

all in all, he thinks he gets on really well with his team. kyungsoo even asks him for his shampoo brand ( and in typical won behaviour, unobservant and half asleep for most of his showers, he has to get back to him later that day in the form of a photograph of the bottle sitting in his and mingyu’s shower organiser — he has to admit, it’s kind of weird, but anything to be a good coach, especially given that he can’t promise them as much of his time as he’d like ). 

he pops in a couple more times when he can find time, including wednesday night, the night before the big day, when their team kindly presents their coaches with fans of their own, handwritten ‘thank you’s from each of them. seeing his nicknames ( suwoong calling him wonton for the first time had made him choke on his laughter and even now, he chuckles quietly ), having nicknames after less than a week of knowing these people, reading hyojin’s kind words praising his temperament ( which strangely means so much more than he expects, and more than the crazy notion that his dancing is ‘from another galaxy entirely’ ), he knows losing one of them tomorrow is going to destroy him but at the time, he flashes them all that pearly smile he hates, the one that wrinkles his nose and rounds rosy cheeks and makes his stomach flutter with insecurity because it’s so big and loud. he bows deeply one more for each of them, wishes them all the best, thanks them profusely and lets the ugly hands of fate ( or, rather, mnet ) decide the rest. 

he knows each of them has put their absolute all into this round, into all the rounds, and he doesn’t want to see any of them go home, but he hopes that if they learnt anything from him over this week it’s that this competition isn’t the end of the world. even if this is the end of the line for them, there’s so much more out there for them. most importantly, that this competition isn’t worth losing yourself over. won has always lived by the motto that everything happens for a reason — that each rise and each downfall shapes something better in the future. being unsuccessful at the starbright auditions allowed him and mingyu to be eligible for the mgas and eventually sign together. and he’s sure that if they hadn’t have made it through the mgas, something else would have come up for them because things will always fall into place — the road there is just a twisty, bumpy ride. won had forgotten that last year. 

when he gets home that night, he excitedly shows his boyfriend the heartfelt messages, carefully places it down on his bedside table when he’s finally ready for bed. hopefully, this weekend, he’ll remember to hang it somewhere, a memento of an unforgettable week as a coach. thank you for everything, team royal. good luck!