#without wondering where you fit in this because you would have been The Oriental

[peridot-tears]

Jacob's reaction to Evie asking Queen Victoria to Maybe Not Be a Colonizer makes me think that he's one of those guys who was very whatever about Britain's Role as a Colonizer but eventually started coming around a little bit as he got older and closer to Jayadeep, his sister married into an Indian family, and he went to India itself. But he still didn't form strong enough opinions about it for Lydia Frye to shiv Winston Churchill on the spot for being The Colonizer.

[shitsndgiggs]

HIII!!! Hope you had a very good birthday today!!❤️ I was wondering if you could maybe do one with reader and pau or maybe hector, where reader is starting school after summer and she’s in a completely new class with new people mostly girls and she got too know the class a week before and she founds out it’s these bitchy girl and only knows one girl there and she’s really scared and he like comforts her?🥰🥰

FIRST DAY JITTERS - HÉCTOR FORT

Héctor comforts you when you have to start in a new class

Héctor Fort x fem! reader

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

The last few days of summer had flown by too quickly, leaving me with a knot in my stomach as the reality of the new school year set in.

Starting in a completely new class with people I barely knew was terrifying, especially after my experience during orientation week.

The class was full of girls who seemed to judge every little thing, their sharp whispers and condescending looks making it clear that fitting in would be an uphill battle.

The only person who seemed decent was a girl named Sofia, who had been friendly enough, but she wasn’t exactly the type to stand up against the others.

My nerves were a tangled mess as I thought about walking into that classroom on the first day, knowing I’d be facing a sea of unfamiliar and unfriendly faces.

That morning, I couldn’t even bring myself to eat breakfast. I sat at the kitchen table, staring blankly at my untouched cereal, my thoughts swirling with anxiety. Hector noticed immediately.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Hector’s voice was gentle as he came over and sat down beside me, his hand resting on my knee.

I shrugged, not wanting to burden him with my worries, but knowing I couldn’t keep it all in. “Just… nervous about starting in the new class today.”

Hector’s brow furrowed with concern. “Is it because of the girls you told me about?”

I nodded, my voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah. They were so mean during orientation, Hector. I don’t know how I’m going to handle being in that class all year.”

He reached over and took my hand, his thumb brushing soothing circles on my skin. “I’m sorry, love. I can’t stand the thought of you being around people like that. But you don’t have to face them alone. You’ve got me.”

I looked up at him, my eyes filled with worry. “But you won’t be there in class with me. What if they make my life miserable?”

Hector’s eyes softened as he leaned in closer, his tone reassuring. “I wish I could be there with you every minute, but I know you’re strong. You’ve handled tough situations before, and you’ve come out even stronger. You’re not going to let them get to you.”

I sighed, the weight of my anxiety still pressing down on me. “I’m just scared, Hector. I don’t want to spend the year feeling like I don’t belong.”

He squeezed my hand a little tighter, his gaze steady and comforting. “You do belong, and you deserve to be there just as much as anyone else. Those girls might try to make you feel otherwise, but that’s their problem, not yours. You’ve got nothing to prove to them.”

I bit my lip, trying to take in his words, but the fear was still gnawing at me. “I wish I could just skip today. Or the whole year.”

Hector smiled gently, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “I know it’s hard, but the first day is always the toughest. Once you get through it, things will start to settle down. And remember, you’ve got Sofia, right? She might not be the loudest, but at least she’s a friendly face.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I muttered, still not feeling entirely convinced.

Hector’s expression grew more determined as he cupped my face in his hands, making sure I was really listening. “Listen to me. No matter what happens today, I’m here for you. You can text me, call me, whatever you need. And if things get really bad, I’ll come pick you up, no questions asked. You don’t have to do this alone.”

I felt a tear slip down my cheek, touched by how much he cared. “Thank you, Hector. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He wiped away the tear with his thumb, his eyes filled with love. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m not going anywhere. Now, how about I drive you to school? We can listen to some music, and I’ll stay with you until you’re ready to go in.”

The thought of having him by my side, even just for a little while longer, eased some of the tension in my chest. “I’d like that,” I said softly.

We headed out to his car, and Hector immediately turned up the volume on his playlist, filling the car with our favorite songs.

He kept the mood light, cracking jokes and telling stories about his latest adventures on the football field, doing everything he could to distract me from the looming school day.

As we pulled up to the school, the familiar wave of nerves hit me again, but Hector’s presence made it a little more bearable.

He parked the car and turned to me, his eyes serious but full of affection.

“You’re going to be okay,” he said, his voice firm.

“You’re stronger than you think, and no matter what, you’ve got me in your corner. I’ll be here when you get out, and we’ll talk about everything, okay?”

I nodded, taking a deep breath to steady myself. “Okay. I’ll try to remember that.”

Hector leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips, his touch full of reassurance. “You’ve got this, amor. I believe in you.”

With those words echoing in my mind, I stepped out of the car and made my way toward the school entrance.

The first day was going to be tough—I knew that—but with Hector’s support, I felt like I could face it. I wasn’t alone, and that made all the difference.

[koifsssh]

Hello! I’m the anon that talked about songs that fit Rainy, if you remember! And guess what…I’ve got another one! I just found it yesterday and I’m already obsessed…..off topic!

The song is called From The Start by Laufey! And of course the link for whoever else wants to listen!

https://open.spotify.com/track/1Ukxccao1BlWrPhYkcXbwZ?si=os1K-K6iQWCXz5aEeKS3uQ&pi=jPlZl3cySSGX

💕Have a great day!💕

welcome back, music anon! ohhh another hit, i'd say!

when i think about it, i think it fits actor rainy the most! he is sort of a tease in a sense, i think he would joke like that in a sort of way!

ohhh listening to the song gave me so so many actor thoughts... i really should do more with the au... so i will give you my ramblings! been a while since i've done so!

first things first! Rainy's desk! lobby? area??? the place where he and his guests sit!

(thats a real view by the way! because i think it should be!)

i think that Rainy's origins before he was able to claim his show was a rocky one, after all even before him there was Miss Piggy's, but she already had a successful career! Rainy didn't have such a thing!

he was just a guy.... just a dude, if you will...

so you could say he built himself from the ground up! and he certainly did! (oh... im so proud of him!)

he has guests on all the time, but he doesn't run on them if that makes sense? he can keep an audience entertained by himself!

i'd like to think rainy is sort of "the unprofessional professional", he's very genuine on the show, and he acts the same even off the live, i'd like to think that kind of charisma is what got him popular in the first place.

he is actually very busy, he works all the time! the show is his career after all! He does love his job, and he does have a lot of fun, but he does take it seriously! after all he's the only other puppet with a talk show... it's a lot to manage!

but anyways, his makes friends with all his guests! besides, banter is much more fun that way!

he likes to address the audience/camera quite a bit... it's his favorite bit! there's quite a bit of bits on the show... but talking about an actor like they're not there is one of his favorites to do!

Even though Rainy is puppet orientated, and focused on puppet actors and creators, he doesn't discriminate, what kind of host would he be if he did? He personally doesn't have anything against humans, as long as they are respectful!

oh... he's so silly... he's very interactive with his audience! he wouldn't be here without them after all!

i'd like to think when he reaches a certain point in his career he would voice act and such, i think he'd be pretty good at it! along with acting as well! i wonder what he'd call his viewers... dreamers, perhaps?

[ amelia belongs to @cupophrogs & maverick belongs to @thatthirstyweirdo ! ]

[blindbeta]

Heyy, one of my oc's blind, and he has a wife that isn't visually impared. I've read a post a while ago, (I don't remember if you wrote it or not) that talked about "how blind people love" so to say, where it mentions that it is different in many ways to how not visually impared people think it might be, so I'd want to know if you had some fluffy prompts for me. Thank you <3

Blind Characters Falling in Love + Prompts

The post you are referring to is actually by @mimzy-writing-online and you can find it here.

A few prompt ideas I have include:

-consider the trust and automatic habits that might build up between the blind character and the wife. For example, describing things the blind person would be interested in without always needing to be asked, automatically offering to guide, automatically orienting the character to their environment, and knowing when to offer help. These are things that build up over time and with trust.

-Also, consider how wonderful a consistent lack of discomfort with blindness would be. In the beginning of a relationship, the person who isn’t blind may feel uncertain or unsure how to fit into their partner’s life when it comes to their blindness. An example of this would be questioning whether or not a description of a bench to their left would be welcome. A wife who has been with her husband for years may simply verbalize where the bench is, being familiar with the husband’s habit of stopping to enjoy the sounds of birds.

-Specific situational prompts ideas include: the wife describing TV shows that don’t come with audio descriptions as they watch them, the couple learning Braille together and leaving Braille notes for each other, the couple cooking together and using accessible tools, the wife placing markers on the shampoo and conditioner, the couple knowing not to move each other’s items, inside blind jokes, and knowing how best to give directions in reference to that restaurant they like or using left and right because the blind character never understood cardinal directions.

-Alerting the blind character to steps or curbs or changes in environment.

-A big one is an accessible house. If the couple got a home together, they would consider accessibility. This might include high contrast, extra lighting, textures, and no touch screen appliances as these can be harder for blind people to use. There is a comfort in having someone else consider your accessibility needs.

-Other ideas include accessible and comfortable dates. While this might depend on the specific person and where they live, a few ideas include:

-getting audio descriptions at cinemas or even for plays if offered

-reading the menu out to him and knowing what foods to mention or skip over because she knows his taste

-getting Braille menus

-making tactile art together using dot paint or puffy paint

-depending on vision and comfort level, they might avoid dimly lit or overly loud areas, but not all blind people will do this. Conversely, he might also only be comfortable going to such places with her.

-playing accessible games together

These are some ideas I had. You can also follow blind folks on YouTube or Tiktok, such as blindtobes, to see how they talk about blindness and dating.

[echoweaver]

Modding status: Doing stuff.

I really got bogged down in trying to get Warrior Cats ready for alpha release, so I gave myself a break and dusted off some old animation projects.

TIL how to do baby-holding animations! That's been the big hurdle to doing the update of Nona's breastfeeding mod with animations from TSM. The adult animations are quite nice and fit the TS3 baby burrito pretty well, but there's no baby animations because the baby in TSM is an object. I'm using some existing baby animations, but they need some tweaking.

I also revisited an old project to create child conversions of a bunch of Handiness animations, using a bunch of stuff I've learned about working in Blender since then.

I am going to get back to Warrior Cats. Getting a few smaller wins under my belt should help.

I'm also brainstorming a physical attraction mod to bring some of the features of Wonderful Whims into TS3. It looks like I could create a preference system where a sim perfers certain eye color, hair color, fitness, body weight, and breast size/facial hair dependent on sexual orientation. A physical attraction score could be derived from how much any given sim meets those preferences, and then romantic actions could be augmented by how attracted the sim receiving the interaction is to the sim doing the interaction.

E.g. if your sim tries to kiss a townie, the townie's reaction would be augmented by how attracted the townie is to you. Then if the townie initiates an interaction, your sim's response would be augmented by their attraction to the townie, which could be positive or negative. I'd like to have the romantic interaction stages, or whatever they're called (flirty, alluring, irresistible) go up faster without actually increasing the sim's relationship with each other, i.e. you can romance/jump in the sack with someone you're attracted to without knowing them very well.

Then the TS3 attraction system could be treated as social compatibility, which is really what it is anyway. Social compatibility is a more mutual thing, while physical attraction isn't.

Still poking around to see what's possible.

I'd probably call the mod Chemistry as a tribute to an old abandoned project of Twallan's.

Also -- this physical chemistry project would involve NO ANIMATING.

[blobbyboiblob]

Tw for very serious stuff! I can’t pit a finger on it just in case but also canon digging to create realistic touch to it

Dream: he went through several trauma

In the canon time line he experienced being used as a tool by villagers and wasn’t allowed to be negative

And he was forced to watch his brother clearly turn depressed and was unable to aid him(*He was 5-6 in that time frame I believe and already had enough on his plate*)

He was a people pleaser and was a child at that and was made to do things out of his abilities all because of the villagers

He than was left without senses for eons upon eons and was soon out of it and taught by, if I remember correctly, Lanny.

Lanny blamed him and Passive for the passing of Nim which was Nightmares-(*aka the corrupted guy, the negative parasite*) fault

And all Lanny did was teach Dream about his duties as a guardian and what has happened

Legit never thought “Hey Dream lost his ability to do practically everything for eons now! Maybe I should be considerate cuz his mental state may still be a 6-year-old!”

Nope

So meanwhile Dream is severally traumatized and still struggling to understand and live in this new world with all these beings and people and monsters

He’s also still mentally a child

So thats fun

He only starts to grow up and let go of Passive when he finds out Nightmare = Passive is incorrect, and Passive is a dead 6-year-old‼️ Which screws with him more along with clear trauma response to where he literally can’t see Nightmare as a not-brother figure so he wouldn’t actually *kill* the dude, he would need sever therapy yet everything still will go back to old ways because he’s a people pleaser

Corrupted & Passive: Now we need to remember, parasites need a body to secure their forms.. yes? Even a negative parasite! Now what if(Thank you Hobo my frien, ty ty sm) Corrupted was using Passives rag-doll body? Which would be bad wouldn’t it? Considering the pain and agony of his body being tore out and burned by the negative goop and the soon to start numbing pain of his eye-socket, which would ensure Passive was stuck along with Corrupted and forced to see *everything*. Along with the fact Corrupted is taller than Dream who is directly around Swaps height(*Swap father real 😨⁉️*) which means Passives small body would be tore into sections to fit the taller form and be a suitable vessel. So along with his agony and pain because of Corrupted he must suffer with being tore apart and semi strapped back together to be a good vessel.

So ultimately Passive regardless is a dead six year old and cannot date regardless. Would you truly ship a lil babay with grown adults?

Also another side note: going down this idea base that would mean if Passive somehow escaped the goop it is highly likely he wouldn’t survive long, as his bones would lack nutrients and strength along with having been destroyed and out together enough that it’s possible that one hug could dust him!

Normalize Dream being mentally around 6 still and being a people pleasing traumatized babay

Normalize Passive being a dead, traumatized 6-year-old that isn’t allowed to date- even in the “platonic kisses” way

Normalize Corrupted being an actual torture oriented bad guy cuz well- he was made that way 💀

Also this rant is cuz well

I read up on a small thing where someone took all of Jokus storyline and details and set them down in a Deviant art post! I decided to add headcanons me and my friends made and put a more realistic touch on it!

Tw for more serious based stuff due to well- Dreamtale lol

And of course, Dreamtale belings to @jokublog

Thanks for wonderful details to explore and joke bully people on 🙏

[nigh-temptation]

Alledia, in this version, is split up into 7 countries:

Windsor

Coco

Lufen

Nautilus

Frontera

Kanalis

Gulfeńn (which is split into more regions, or provinces)

(I will draw a better quality map someday 😔)

I made the map a little less of one big supercontinent, and I thought that making this world feel a little bigger would help make this story feel more vast without needing to leave the planet (I am never forgiving Kazu for that goofy ending in book 7, it literally came out of nowhere)

I will update this map later (I’m going to move the mountain range in Gulfeńn to the coast, so that geographically it makes a little sense as to why that whole area is an arid desert, and extend the mountain range up up north a bit)

During the war all the western countries are known as the Common Alliance (or at least, it will be if I don’t think of a less cheesy name). The best way to think about these countries is this:

(The flags are a bit ugly, but I tried my best 😭)

Windsor:

NOT occupied by Gulfeńn yet

the superpower of the CA

It’s really cold up there

Like… wet and cold

This place is just 1940’s England

Their national animal is the whale

I imagine Windsorian cities looking like Dunwall from Dishonored

Coco:

I haven’t come up with much other than it’s a small nation with not that much to offer in the way of trade, and was actually going through negotiations to become a part of Lufen before the war

Not occupied by Gulfeńn

Nautilus:

They are only partially occupied by Gulfeńn

The “front line” country

A lot of citizens have been displaced from here

This country (in my head at least) reminds me a little of Ireland

Frontera:

Completely occupied by Gulfeńn

A lot of elves actually live here

Human-Elf relations here is a lot more chill than in… say Windsor

Kanalis:

Also completely occupied by Gulfeńn

Basically if Chicago was a country

I always read Enzo and Rico’s lines in a Chicagoan accent, because they have Italian names 🤷‍♂️

Lufen:

‘MERICA RAAAHHHH 🦅🦅🦅

Idk, I have it in my head that this is cowboy country

This place is a lot looser than The boarder countries or Windsor

It’s a bunch of farmland broken up by forest, plains, and towns (kinda like where I live)

These guys are technically neutral, but have been sending supplies to Windsor

I will have a separate post for Gulfeńn (and why I am spelling it like that), but for now I want to focus on the human countries.

You might be wondering… how exactly did humans end up on Alledia anyways? Well my friend, I have a surprisingly simple answer for you!

I don’t fully know :/

I’d like to think they stumbled across the “Gate” (or portal thingy that Emily stumbled into) at some point hundreds of years ago, and adapted accordingly… but that leaves a couple of plot holes (how did that many people fit through the Gate? How did people of that many different cultures come all at once?) so let’s just not think about that for now 😅

The time period in which this will be set is more so in the 1930’s-1940’s. Because this is fantasy, we don’t have to be exact, and we can be a bit more flexible with “historical accuracy” or whatever.

I feel like a war oriented story such as this would benefit more from a Dieselpunk aesthetic. That way we have a bit of the modern age to work with, in terms of technology, and a thematic framework for the story right off the bat.

Here is an example of Dieselpunk! This piece is called Gray Monster by Jakub Rozalski:

I think mechs, blimps, and wartime would work perfectly with this genre of punk

final quick note, in my version of this story there are a couple different powers at play: The Common Alliance (bad-ish guys), The Resistance (okay guys), Gulfeńn (bad-ish guys), Ceilis (meh guys), and the Luna Moth Crew (good guys!)

Remember, this is an ongoing WAR. It is NOT a good time to live in Alledia, and the world should feel as such. With that being said, this is not going to be a “gritty” depressing story. I still want to capture the magic that the early books had. We can still have some fun with it!

Let me know what you think and if I should change anything :D

[ravenstargames]

✦ Lost in Limbo Devlog #2 | 02.28.23

It is time for our second devlog! 💜 🎉 We made it!

Sadly and as we anticipated, February has been a hell of a month, and March is promising to be the same. I'm mostly glad we made it through. We have a lot of work to do as the trimester comes to an end and there's a considerable amount of things due to before March ends in regards to our intensive master. The team and I are a bit on the stressed side, but we'll make it.

Let's see what our overworked and exhausted souls have managed to pull off this month, shall we?

Warning: Seyl is lacking sleep. The amount of typos and oopsies in this devlog may be higher than usual. Apologies in advance!

Raquel started to fix some sprites this month as we had planned, starting with Neela, the second supporting character you'll meet in the demo, who needs a bigger revamp than the rest of LIs. The three characters left without a sprite already have their character sheets and moodboards done, so that's something! We do not want to spoil anything from the character department as we think it's cooler to meet them with their info sheet and with their sprites polished and pretty, so we are hoping we can speed up the process during March!

One of our goals this month was to do some promo art for Valentine's day, and we somehow managed! Special thanks to Raquel who was very excited and invested on this wonderful piece of Xal! 💜

I also worked on the Valentine's cards last minute and just for the funsies, so I really didn't expect them to be as well received as they were! Thank you all so much!

A bit of lore here: Raquel, Astro and I have a class assignment due in March where we have to fully design and render two backgrounds—one interior and one exterior. It's a ton of work, but luckily both Raquel and I have had the chance to orient at least one of those backgrounds to Lost in Limbo.

Raquel is working on Amon's office (and it's looking so great already!) and I'm doing an isometric view of Ara's room. We are always looking for ways to work on the game while doing our master's assignments, but it's not always possible. Hopefuly we can also work on two exterior backgrounds for the demo with this assignment!

A very simple man, Amon is. Can't you tell by how minimalist his office looks already? *cue laugh track*

This is just a sliver of our flowchart's power! You shall tremble!

This month has been more about planning than writing for me. Remember last devlog when I said I wanted to do some tweaks to the demo script? Well, I have at least been able to properly think about it and draft it. The only thing left is writing it down and implement it to the current script to see how it flows. There'll be even more changes (again) because I have some THOUGHTS (again), and I'm really excited about them. It's adding more content of each LI to the demo to balance things a bit.

I have also been doing some cleaning to our lore documents and I have finally sat down to write every little piece of story from Lost in Limbo in 'chronologic order', more or less. It will help me to always have the bigger picture in mind when writing the routes, and I would love to have everything important settled before the demo release. It's a loooooot of information—not only about the characters and their past overall, but about the world, its many systems, its people...It'll be equally fun and stressful!

In the programming department it has been all about adjusting positions, sprites and definitions to make all the characters fit properly in different scenarios as I code more of the script. Solo, with two characters in screen, with three, with four... It has been a ride (and still is, because I have not finished yet) but it's very rewarding to see everything starting to fall into place. I have also tested more things, like the CGs, the animated backgrounds or some cool transitions! I can't wait to implement the GUI when it's done, uuugh!

Just three besties going to the forest in the middle of the night. Nothing to see here.

This month we have an amazing preview of our GUI! It's still cooking, but we hope we can show you the finished version very very soon! We are soooo excited about it, it's looking perfect so far. There's a few changes to make, but we wanted to at least show you a screen so you can have an idea of how the game will look like!

We want to add more options like a dyslexic font, a skip mode that jumps directly to the next choice without having to wait for all the text to be skipped, and more utility / accessibility options!

Lost in Limbo and Ravenstar's color? Not purple, of course. Why do you ask?

This month hasn't been as productive as we would have wanted it to be, but we have managed to still get some progress done. We are begging for March to give us a bit of freedom, specially mental because we honestly need it. It has been difficult to deal with the pressure of our studies and the weight we place on our shoulders wanting to dedicate as much time as we want to LiL. It's frustrating! But we'll get there. Baby steps, as they say!

Exciting things are on the horizon, that is for sure. This devlog has been a bit short and I'm honestly exhausted, so I'll free you! Thank you so much for reading and for your unending support. We are incredibly thankful for all of you! 💜

[markofamaestroofficial]

For Love and Acceptance, and Kindness To and For All: A Christian Essay & The World’s Wake-Up Call

By Maestro

Greetings and salutations, everyone. My name is Maestro. I am a Christian, Autistic, Queer cisgender man, and I am so angry at how the world is right now. First off, so many people are so gosh darn repressed right now. They can’t be themselves freely due to how society treats them, judges them, and, in some cases, harms them for being who they are when being who you are does not harm anyone. Granted, if you are harming someone, that’s a whole ‘nother issue. If you are, you need to seriously reflect on yourself and what issues are causing you to act like a jerk to people just trying to live their lives. I would recommend therapy. That’s another tangent for later in this essay. Trust me. We will get there.

               Going back to where we started, I have been masking for most of my life. What is masking, you ask? Imagine you take a core part of yourself and push it way down. Some folks, like me, pushed it so far that that we don’t even feel and recognize that we are, in fact, suppressing ourselves. And that is so harmful especially for us Autistic folks, even if you don’t understand it. As a matter of fact, this sort of masking has caused me, and so many other Autistic folks so much trauma. The fact that me and so many other people, whether they be Autistic, part of the LGBTQ+ community, or anyone who society doesn’t understand and doesn’t make an effort to understand are ostracized just for bein’ who they are NEEDS to change.

Every single one of us is a creation of the Lord, no matter if they don’t fit into society’s mold. The fact that we even need to hide who we are and our identities, when it doesn’t even harm anyone- especially when doing the opposite and loving ourselves for who we are and having people around us who do the same is so freeing and helps us to finally love ourselves and feel free to be boldly us and happy. Doing so doesn’t hurt anyone, our actions to cause harm and repress people for being the wonderful person The Lord made them to be is what hurts people. Granted, if who you are is someone who does want to harm people, you need to, as I’ve stated, take a serious look inward. Why do you feel this way? What are you feeling inside that drives you to hurt and judge other people just for being who they are? Why, why do you want to lash out at other people like this? And if you hear this and feel rage building up inside of you, ask yourself this. Why are you feeling this way? Self-hatred? Anger towards something really bad that you had to endure in the past? Whatever the root cause, your feelings are valid. I get it. I have experienced so much self-hatred towards myself for my entire life without even realizing it until recently, and It really sucks. Darn, does it suck.

However, your feelings do not give you justification to hurt people, say things, and act in ways that make others feel like they can’t be who they are. Especially seeing as, as I’ve stated, being yourself doesn’t harm anyone. What harms people is taking actions that harm others and not treating them with kindness, love, and respect. And if you read this and feel that sense of rage building up inside you, ask yourself why. What is it that bothers you about hearing that I want people to finally be able to be accepted and loved for who they are, be who they are freely if it isn’t hurting anyone, for wars to finally end, and for people to finally stop hurting each other and finally be kind, loving, and supportive to every person on earth, regardless of our differences and what society deems as flawed when simply being who you are doesn’t harm anyone? Like I said, it’s our harmful actions that hurt people, not being who we are. Because I’m sick of masking who I am and not being able to be the fierce, loving, compassionate, justice-oriented individual that I am just because of how the world treats people who are different and treating us like we’re less than. We are not. We are just as fully people and in our own ways as everyone else is, and we need to start treating people as such. We need to start listening and believing what Jesus and The Lord taught us: love one another as ourselves and pay no one back evil for evil. We haven’t been doing that as a collective people nearly to the degree that we should, and that needs to stop. I repeat. The hate NEEDS to stop. It needs to finally end.

Whether they be neurodivergent, LGBTQ+, what have you, we have a duty as The Lord our God’s creation to love people as ourselves and pay no one back evil for evil. And by no one, I mean no one. Jesus called for us to love one another as ourselves, regardless of their flaws and the painful, messy parts of themselves, such as the trauma each of us has faced. And what have we done? Prevented people who desire get into relationships outside of the hetero norm, like myself, from marrying and being in love with who they choose and what feels right for them because of misconceptions. We ostracize Autistic people, like myself, for stimming and fidgeting and self-regulating in a way that just helps them feel better in a world that oftentimes, time and time again, treats us like we’re weird, broken, and infantilizes us like we’re helpless children that aren’t competent, capable, wonderful human beings, just like everyone else is. The reality is that we are the opposite. We are people who just as beautiful, wonderful, capable, and beautiful ourselves like every single person on this planet should be. We also go to war and terrorize, hurt, and kill people in order to solve human conflicts. The fact that that even happens in the first place is so gosh darn screwed up that it makes me sick.

I am sick of people hurting each other and not allowing people to just be themselves and love whoever they feel in their hearts of hearts that they love when it doesn’t harm anyone just because much of society is so gosh darn hateful. And, yet again, if you read this and feel that feeling of rage bubbling up inside of you- like I’ve said, ask yourself why. Take a deep look inward and ask yourself why you are so upset at me for telling people that we need to stop harming each other and finally, finally love each other for being the wonderful people The Lord our God created them to be. Whatever the reason, as I’ve already stated multiple times, whether it be self-hatred, pain that you experienced in your past, what have you, it does not, in any way, shape, or form, give you or any single individual anywhere to ever exist, who exists now, or who will exist the excuse or right to cause harm to or repress anyone for any reason when they’re just bein’ who they are and not hurting anyone.

As I’ve finally stated so many times over the course of this essay, we need to be better and kinder as a society. Heck, as a world and human race. Do you know the power that simply including someone has to impact a person, in the best way possible? Simply asking someone how they’re doing, if they can sit with you for a meal, showing them your favorite thing that you love, inviting them to hang out and finally be included by a honest to goodness, true friend that accepts them, includes them, and loves them for who they truly are can save a persons life- both emotionally, and sometimes, literally. I know, at least for me, if I was just included in things and had more friends earlier on, especially during my childhood, that actually loved me for me and not the mask that I put on for pretty much all of my life, my pain that I’ve been repressing for pretty much my whole life and caused me so much self-hatred would likely be filled with so much upfront joy and confidence. That is why the world needs to change. We need to be able to feel that way about ourselves and finally love each other as ourselves like what Jesus told us to do, since we, and I mean every sing one of us who has lived, does live, and will ever live in the future, are The Lord’s creation, and The Lord loves us for who we are, regardless of all the flaws we have inside of ourselves. As Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34). Praise Jesus. Amen.

[jonphaedrus]

let's build ANOTHER KEYBOARD, the 1up level 60: weird keycaps edition

this is a budget custom level60 board from 1up keyboards in turquoise with tecsee purple panda tactile switches, akko screw in stabilizers in transparent pink (which i happened to have leftovers of from my wife build), and then some wonky keycaps cobbled together from the idobao gradient oem keycap set (a cheaper version of drop's artifact bloom rainbow set), cherry profile de/qwertz keys from kp republic's international set, and one random constellation key from my xda profile constellation set that's filling the # space.

this time, let's talk keycaps.

my husband is working his way to b1 fluency in german so he'll have an easier time getting permanent residency after we move (i also need to study, since i... dont speak much german despite being a citizen) and it's been driving him crazy to have to enter ¨ with alt on his standard keyboard, so he asked me to build him a qwertz layout keyboard. so, for black friday i kept my eye out on sales.

what he wanted:

a 65% or smaller keyboard (no need for f-row, arrows, etc, since he'll be using it specifically for typing in german and will have his laptop accessible)

underglow, not show-through per-key rgb

he wanted that rainbow keycap set from drop real bad

qwertz keycaps

lighter tactiles than his current work board, which has akko jelly purples on it

something that would be small and light enough to hook up on his lap on the couch

so, i went through all the bf/cm sales and found 1up, and then showed him and he said "yes that's exactly what i want"

the hardest part of the buying process was picking switches, since he wanted both something cheap and something a little lighter than the jelly purple actuation, and i didnt want to buy from elsewhere when i could get them included with the 1up build. i was going to do gateron milkies (since he doesnt care about per-key) but they were sold out, and i've heard a lot of good stuff about panda tactiles, so i took the jump on the tecsee.

if you're wondering: they're just as nice as people say. they're really nide. they aren't as thunky and im sure they sound even better lubed & filmed, but they're silky smooth and light enough i can use them without wanting to die.

this is the third stacked acrylic board i've built, and i have to say, stacked acrylic is both really affordable and really nice to work with. there's a lot less fidgeting with making sure things fit in solid housings, and i enjoy the peeling sticky off of each layer process because i have ocd.

some glossary:

underglow: there are LEDs on the bottom side of the pcb

per-key rgb: there's an LED for each key, called per-key or smd LED, it all means the same thing. this means every key lights up. there are some switches that aren't built to fit smd boards, so always double check that you have ones with a gap to fit.

keycap profiles: the different alignment and ways that keycaps are made, including height, shape, curve, and edge. there are about a billion. there will be a section more in-depth later.

and this time, i remembered photos!

here's all the acrylic peeled and stacked, with the top side of the pcb, on my messy dining table. so you can see here, it's really easy to take these apart and put them back together—great for upkeep.

one of the really cool parts about this pcb is that it's hotswap (i.e., no soldering required, just stick the switches in) but the hotswaps are soldered in such a way as you can adjust the layout slightly for your preference. i'm not sure if you could set it up as an iso (i didn't check) but you can see here how it looks on the bottom row, where the pink line is one switch orientation and the blue line is the other

since this isn't a per-key rgb, that means there's no need to make sure there's space for a top-facing smd led, so the switches can be placed in either direction. which is super cool!

when installing switches on a hot swap board, you have to be really careful of pin alignment. the spaces that the pins go into in the hot swap can be jarred loose, and the pins, if bent, won't make connection, preventing the switch from working. here's an example of what bent pins look like

the top switch in both these photos has straight pins, the bottom in both photos has one bent pin. the good news is, bent pins are really easy to fix: you can usually bend them back with your fingers, if it's just a slight misalignment, or you can use tweezers.

to prevent bending, when you insert a switch, always press in the pin-side first. so if you look at the holes on the pcb above, a "north" facing pin insert (the pink line) you'd push in the top side of the switch first. a "south" (the blue line) you'd push in the bottom first. you can then flip the pcb over to check and make sure everything went in.

here's a close-up of hot swap sockets on the bottom of the pcb. the pink circles show where the pins are in the housings. success! all of these are inserted correctly.

once this board was built, it came time for the keycaps. as i said up top, this is a bit of a cobbled-together keycap set, in that there's a few different-height sets combined. so let's talk about.... keycaps.

there are about a billion different guides to keycap profiles. rather than rehash them here, i'm going to talk about the simple stuff, because i was so confused trying to figure this out.

there are, put simply, two different "styles" of keycaps, broken up into dozens of different profiles. there are "uniform" keycaps, where all the keys are the same height, and "sculpted", where the keys are staggered to shape the profile of the board to be taller at the top, lower in the middle, and rise again at the bottom. the most popular uniform keycap profiles are xda and dsa. the most popular sculpted keycap profiles are cherry and oem. you can find a whole bunch of other types and options, too. some companies (like tai hao and akko) tend to only produce certain profiles (tai hao and osa respectively)

here's a side by side of xda, oem, and cherry keycaps all in the same row. they're all slightly different heights, shapes, and sculpts.

in sculpted keycap profiles, each row is of a slightly different height. for qwety layouts that would be r1 (number row), r2 (qwerty row), r3 (home row), r4 (zxcv row), r5 (space/ctrl row). function row usually is either r1 or r5.

since this keyboard is a little cobbled together, keycaps wise, you can see here the different height of some of the keys. if you're looking into non-qwerty layouts, i'd suggest a uniform profile. you can get international inserts like the ones i got for my husband here, or buy the international sets for nor/de/fr, but you can also just buy dsa or xda and swap keys around as needed.

now, be aware when mixing and matching sets, unless you can guarantee that your keycap sets come from the same manufacturer (i.e., cannon keys, idobao, drop, etc... so if you aren't buying knockoffs or recolors) the printing may be slightly different. here are two different xda profile keycap sets, side by side.

you can see the constellation set is wider and a little flatter, while the night sakura set is taller and a little skinnier. they're both still xda, but the print is very slightly different. (in all fairness, the night sakura may actually be kam knockoffs, im not sure. they were advertised as xda, but they don't quite match the profile).

one of the other things keycaps will be marked as is PBT vs ABS—this is the variety of plastic they're made from. pbt is more sturdy. thats really all you need to know.

finally, there are what are called "doubleshot" and "show-through" keycaps. doubleshot means that the keycap is made from two different types of plastic, machined together, and it makes them a little more sturdy. most show-through keycaps are also doubleshot, but the lower plastic isn't the full body of the key, but a transparent layer to allow the light from the per-key rgb to show through.

finally, you can get what are called "artisan" keycaps. these are single keycaps, usually custom or small-run, and they can be made of ceramic, plastic, resin, glass, metal...etc. some are standard shapes, some arent.

from left to right, this is an oem r1, cherry r1, artisan from hirosart, and osa r1. as you can see, these are all very different heights and shapes. artisans are super cool (expensive) but also very fun. you should get one if you have a mechanical keyboard. they spark So much joy.

finally, here's a sound test. not plugged in because im lazy. sorry about the horrible flashing of my actual keyboard in the background (flashing light warning: please just listen if you want to hear the sound test and you're light sensitive)

[asoulofatlantis]

Rinoa has been in a coma and NOW the dog suddenly show up? In Esther? They were really inconsistent with this dog. It feels like AFTER DAYS suddenly the game-dev remembered that Rinoa has a dog. No idea where the dog was when we left Timber, or when we almost got blown up in the missle-base-thingy or when we were attacked by Galbadia Garden... BUT in Esther, which is immensly hard to find and without the game giving us any indication that the dog was with us, it suddenly shows up. That is stupid!

Uh-Oh... Zell aside... I usually do not really use any of these characters. I totally forgot that we will enter the Lunatic Pandora for the first time without Squall. Shoot.

Now I am stuck fighting a Malboror with a Team that is not prepared at all. I have no control over my characters and I didn't even save the game beforehand ^^'

Wow. Somehow we survived this... well all but Zell, ironically as he is my strongest character at the moment.

I always had trouble finding the right spots and usually barely and only by a lot of luck make it to the last point of entrance, if at all ^^' YES, even after playing this game many many times I still don't know my way around Esther. I know... shame on me and my cow but I am very bad with orientation, even inside games XD

Oh and just so you know... no walkthrough EVER gives you easy directions, which leads to me running around in circles though ESTHER hoping I will accidentally end up in one of those damned spots at the right time even IF I use a walkthrough hat is supposed to help me.

OH! I randomly ran into the first contact-point XD

All that stress for getting kicked out like 2 minutes later? Great!

In case you are wondering why Präsident Laguna was not in Esther... its because he was currently in space. Checking on Adel personally, like a good (or stupid) präsident would XD

This part is so annoying as you can not do anything but follow her and wait for things to happen.

I can not even tell you have frustrating it was back in the day when you've realized you literally floated past Laguna XD Even when you didn't get the message yet that Squall is Lagunas son (and I wouldn't blame you, they really hid it between the damn lines...) you still have been itching to meet the real, actual non-dream Laguna at this point. And there he is and you just... couldn't do anything about it ^^'

You are a damn lucky Bastard Laguna, that we know who Ellone even is.

I hate to be the bitch that so honestly says it, but... he would have been better off without her. I get all the romantic ideas that come from the bullshit he pulled to save her. And guys, I did fall in love with Luna and Noctis lovestory in FF15, because the romantic in me could see it and feel it. But this ship... Rinoa and Squall... Absolut bullshit!

Its a freaking color puzzle and before we've solved it (with Rinoa terribly under-leveled to top it off) we won't go anywhere with this spaceship that conveniently has shown up out of the blue ^^'

Playing eyes on me at that scene while the text is rushing to fit the pacing of the song is such a waste of a wonderful song. Not that the song fits the story of those two anyway. Julia has specifically written it to fit her and Lagunas story and while these are Julias child and also Lagunas child neither their story nor their characters fit the song at all. Its so stupid.

All that forced, rushed absolutely not making sense romance aside. It was never truly clear how one becomes a sorceress. Are you born with the power... are you born with the possibility of receiving that power? Edea said she became a sorceress when she was 5, but how did the Sorceress that gave her those powers decide that she would be a good option? Its obviously can't be just any random woman nearby.

Also... what about Rinoa? Has she been a sorceress before? Ultimacia or whatever her name is, took control over her body... but that is only possible if she already is a sorceress at that point. Or at least must have had whatever else is needed to become a sorceress one day. This was something that never made sense to me an d just like a lot of other things in this game, has never been explained properly.

She always said she has given up on Squall because of Rinoa and then later she realized she felt more like a big sister towards him... but if that were completely true, would she ask such a question? I think it would have been nice for Quistis to find actual love in this game, to give her some sort of closure. After all, the one this game started with aside from Seifer and Squall was her. But... no use complaining about spoiled milk.

How convenient. Or rather inconvenient for us. Because if ANYONE would have noticed that sooner, we could have spared us all A LOT of trouble.

The control of this game are so damn wonky already (remember, this game is freaking old!) but when you have to control a vehycle of any sort, its even more than a mess...

HOWEVER we are now free to use the Raknarok, which is so damn much faster and more convenient then then Garden. Tho it begs to question if we have any legal right to fly this thing, as it belongs to Esther ^^'

Okay, okay. That scene was nicely done. In all honesty if they made it look like Squall and Rinoa are a nice couple that is madly in love and belongs together BEFORE Rinoa was in a coma, if they spend some time on making sure Squall actually spends some quality time with her. If they just made this ship more believable and more realistic then the whole rushed mess that CD3 was, would have been amazingly cute and romantic. But they didn't do much for this ship until the very start of CD3 and this this just doesn't feel right and good at all.

Laguna might suck as a father AND a husband but its not like he never did anything for his son. Ward didn't just came her by accident and he certainly didn't help them just because he felt like it.

Anyway... I feel like taking a break now. This part of the game takes a lot longer than I remembered.

[the-passenger-if]

Had a dream last night I played The Passenger and so I did. Just in time to avoid spoilers. And wow I'm so glad I did because getting to discover everything by myself was amazing!!

Where do I even begin? First, I love the characters a lot. I was not romantically interested in her but Fiama is one of my favorites. I love her and I hope she can raise Bruno well. She's doing amazing. I lover her. And Livvy!! Oh my god Livvy!! I love her so much. She's wonderful. For an idea of how my playthrough went, I got the Roach/Horizon polyam route, I befriended everyone and kept them alive, I got to 100% essence and got to heal Livvy (wow!) and now my Newman Keres and xyr lovers Roach and Horizon are gonna go on a cool roadtrip together. And I broke the cycle by not eating the Hunter. So I think I got the best ending, go me!

I got so attached to my Newman. I love how autistic the writing of Newman as a kid feels in general, being autistic myself, I just recognized myself a lot. Well I never bit down my fingers to the point of almost severring them. Keres (xe/xem/xyr) is pretty imposing, doesn't emote well, doesn't understand so many social cues and has pretty low empathy, but xyr humanity stat was pretty high. Because xe doesn't feel much empathy but go at it with logic. Kind of like "I know this is a bad situation and so I'll be compassionate". At first it was to blend in. Then it became because xe really did care. Xe didn't want to leave this world also, mostly because of Livvy at first, but then because of Roach and Horizon as well- But a lot of it was Livvy.

I was just terrified when Tzr'nekre blinded Livvy and had Horizon possessed and everyone captured. I was so worried I picked the worst choices and made a huge mess. I'm so, so glad I was able to work everything out in the end. The ending I got was so satisfying. The revelations along the way felt like gut punches, like Newman being responsible for killing Roach's kind? Ouch! I loved The Passenger back when it was a demo, and I absolutely adore it now that it's out. I'm not sure I'll replay doing different routes (I just love Roach & Horizon too much lol) but I'll definitely replay in the future building another Newman with completely different stats. Keres was imposing, responsive, cautious and goal-oriented, it'll be interesting having a Newman who's very different from that. But I definitely will stick to the nice choice, can't begin to think about hurting my blorbos lol. I love all of them. They deserve the best ending possible.

Also love to imagine post canon shenanigans. I think Roach, Keres and Horizon should all wear dresses. Roach would have one that fits pretty well probably. With pockets everywhere to hide stuff in. Horizon would probably have a very fancy one, long and pretty that suits them perfectly. Keres would throw on whatever fits as long as it's comfortable. Roach probably laughs a lot at xyr disastrous fashion sense. Horizon tries to help gently. Because Keres is 100% capable of putting together the worst outfit known to humankind and cosmic horrors without even trying.

Alright it's been a pretty long message so I'll end it here but I'm definitely keeping this IF in mind as one of my favs of all times. It was amazingly fun, and I loved every second of it. Thank you for writing it!! Can't wait to see the spoiler asks you'll answer to and see more stuff being shared! I'll also definitely stick around for your future IFs if you choose to publish more, your writing is top notch.

Hope you have a good day!

(hey that’s the medicine seller! sexy bastard)

Thanks, I’m glad you liked TP and had such a fun (if nerve wracking) time :3

[inventors-fair]

Death-Defying: Sac Ability Runners-Up ~

Congratulations to our runners-up: @hiygamer, @nine-effing-hells, and @squeezyboi!

@hiygamer — Svogthir, Eternal Parun

Out of all the cards submitted this week, this one feels the most printable—as in, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see this in one of the Ravnican expansions, and not just because of the art choice, heh. This card’s not necessarily ‘safe’ per se, but it’s pretty much exactly what I’d expect from a decent-but-not-format-warping mythic. The return is great, and I like the fact that you have to sacrifice a nontoken creature to return Svogthir to the battlefield. It fuels the ETB as well as the future attacks. Yeah, no, this one’s definitely a draft mythic.

Is that bad? Not at all. Is someone thinking of making a commander deck with it? Sure! This card feels absolutely made to be open and loved without the intent to be impactful outside of that because it’s doing everything expected of it. It’s a nuanced feeling that you’ve captured that doesn’t make me want to pull up the best possible list for it—because that list already exists. This card fits in without demanding change warped around it. Perhaps that’s less eye-catchingly mind-bogglingly brain-meltingly out-of-this-world, but dammit, it’s GOOD.

@nine-effing-hells — Rigged to Explode

Once in a blue moon, cards make me laugh. That makes contests where I ask for something humorous to be a little harder to design for because I’m a fickle creature, but regardless. This card made me laugh! I like the Boompile feeling, and especially the goblinesque (goblinsesque?) component. It makes you force thought into your play, which is probably the hardest part about it, but secretly choosing numbers? Amazingly fun. Write it down, slip it under, and wait for something to happen.

I wonder: did you choose the feeling you wanted to capture first, or did you have a mechanical idea in mind? I can’t imagine that cards like Boompile weren’t inspiration for this sort of thing for a number of reasons. A secret number of reasons! Anyway, choosing new numbers with some sort of loop feels so fun to me, but that’s not what this card wants, and that’s okay. Playing around with a whole bunch of silly feelings at the table means that I’d love to see this in limited, but I know that it’s more Commander-oriented—or actually, Conspiracy-oriented. Can you imagine? I guess my only hard criticism is that, in Commander, it would be partially known that you’d choose a number with mana value equal to someone’s commander, which puts a target on you. Is that still funny? To me, yes.

@squeezyboi — Heltimus, Diabolical Patron 

So...wow. Okay! I’d like to point out that I didn’t notice that this guy was seven feet tall until after I chose the winners/runners, so don’t judge me. The looks in hims eyes is reflective of many things, not the least of which is the gilding of his species and the kind of Hell-kin deck you want to run with him. Obviously this card is a) begging for the limited archetype to throw down some amazing cheap ramping things with the species deck, or b) begging to be a commander. Both are good and both work!

I wonder why it’s the creature dying that causes the damage to trigger off of themselves, and not Heltimus pinging himself? If there’s a statement to be made there about art, I wouldn’t know. Do you think it could’ve also pinged off of artifacts as well for a slightly wider net? You might’ve had to tone down the stats a bit in that case, but we’re in tinker-ville and none of that matters much. The point is, tone = wonderful, card = powerful, westernly feeling = oddly reminiscent of people I know IRL? I’ve frequented a couple American west art exhibitions, and honestly, having that mood lovingly parodied/remodeled here is super resonant in a way that feels specific to me. I think I’m experiencing human connection here. Quick, ping me before I get sentimental!

There’s lots of commentary to do, so you know what? I’m gonna do that. Here we go... @abelzumi​

[zealoussy]

OLIVIA - DOROTHY STRACHEY REVIEW

General Book Information

Title : Olivia

Author : Dorothy Strachey

Genre : Classics, Queer Lit, Fiction

Released : 1949

Book Summary

Olivia may seem like any other teenage girl from middle class in London, but her upbringing is not so common. Having been raised by agnostic parents, Olivia finally finds relief when her parents decide to take her abroad. Thus freeing her from the suffocating conformity in her previous religiously-oriented school. In her new school, not only does she have to adapt to the beauty of France, she also has to adapt to her newfound discovery about herself.

Likes/Dislikes

What I like the most while reading this book is the beautiful writing style. It’s lyrical, it’s majestic. it knows the depth of a woman’s heart.

“But there was no need of wine to intoxicate me. Everything in her proximity was intoxicating.”

At first I found it a little bit difficult to grasp her writing style, but it gets you used to it very quickly. Even hooked on it. For a character like Olivia, who still has her naivety on her sleeve, that kind of monologue is very fitting. The character of Olivia is not a complicated one, but because it’s not, it’s harder to make the reader's attention on her- yet Olivia managed.

She’s young and madly in love. In a place where her target desire is near, she loves with every inch of her being. She's courageous, maybe because she's naive like that. Even then, in her world where human desire is only allowed if it's legalized, she's struggling with the inability to express her affection openly. Well, that struggle being an age-gap amongst many others… It's not hard to imagine that Olivia doesn't get it easy. I get that the center of the story is Olivia’s experience with same-sex love towards her headmistress, but it is unclear what the actual conflict the love interest has. I only noted that there are hints of the love interest’s past, but it never actually gets revealed. Although mentioning this and that without actually diving deep into the love interest’s backstory made her a mysterious person, it threw me off of the pace. It feels incomplete. I need to know the motif behind the headmistress’s pull-push attitude to Olivia. But alas, the story ended too quickly before I had discovered the explanation. Don’t get me wrong, attempts were made. But just that they’re not good enough for me. Maybe I expected big since I got attached to the lyrical writing style, still, it sort of fell short in my experience.

Would you recommend this book?

Honestly? No. But if you want some quotable words to read, feel free to do so. I’m finicky when it comes to rating, and I think you’ll find yourself enjoying a better fleshed out queer classic story than this.

Favorite Quotes

“I understand at last. Life, life, life, this is life, full of overflowing with every ecstasy and every agony. It is mine, mine to hug, to exhaust, to drain.”

“If it depended on altering the feelings in my heart, I was no more capable of doing that than of plucking the heart out of my breast-and I didn't want to.”

“How hard it is to kill hope! Time after time, one thinks one has trodden it down, stamped it to death. Time after time, like a noxious insect, it begins to stir again, it shivers back again into a faint tremulous life. Once more it worms its way into one's heart, to instill its poison, to gnaw away the solid hard foundations of life and leave in their place the hollow phantom of illusion.”

“‘It has been a struggle all my life—but I have always been victorious-I was proud of my victory.’ And then her voice changed, broke, deepened, softened, became a murmur: ‘I wonder now whether defeat wouldn't have been better for us all-as well as sweeter.’"

[tetsunormous]

Reencounters

pairing: Matsukawa Issei x f!reader

genre: college au, friends to lovers, smut (18+), fluff

word count: 6.5K

warnings: cunnilingus, fingering, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex, creampie, swearing, nipple play, pinning

A/N: This is for Ria's @bakugohoex's rich boy collab 💜 Congrat's on 3k!! thank you to @ohno-otome and @armins-futon for reading this for me. I love matsukawa but I don't write for him often so this has been really fun :)

Walking into your new dorm room, you weren’t sure what to expect. Sure, you’ve seen the pictures online, but there’s nothing like the slightly dusty window letting in a hazy ray of light shining down onto the slight dip in the middle of the mattress you now call your own. Your desk almost touched the corner of your twin-sized bed, and your new bookshelf barely has enough room to fit half of the books you brought, but this was your new life. It didn’t dawn on you just how different university would be until you arrived this morning, but here you were, unpacking all your clothes into the cramped closet in the corner. Luckily, you’re in the building where you had a single room. Privacy was something you were worried about, and the communal washrooms will be something to get used to, but either way, this was a new start, and no matter how nervous you are, you’re grateful for it.

High school wasn’t terrible, but it definitely wasn’t what you expected it to be. Going into it, you obviously knew that it would be nothing like how the movies depicted, but you were excited. How bad could those four years really be if you had your best friend right by your side? He was incredible. He understood you better than anybody else, would be able to tell how you were feeling without the exchange of words, but most of all, he was your person, and you were his.

There was no doubting that in all your years of friendship.

But alas, like all good things in life, they must come to an end.

The summer going into the twelfth grade, he was longer your best friend. The boy that would go to the farmers market with you and your mom every other Sunday was now lining up for the newest sneaker drop. The boy that would rather spend the night at home and binge-watch your shared comfort show for the seventh time is now out with the boys sneaking into shisha bars and doing donuts in the community centre parking lots with their new cars. You watched as he slowly forgot about you, getting caught up in his new friendships and obsessing over material items that he never cared about before. It’s not that you were upset he found new friends. It’s that the only time he would reach out was to randomly drop off something he had bought you in hopes it would make up for him blowing you off again.

They started small, simple sweaters he knew you would like, but the gifts became almost ridiculous as time passed. He would never let you return them either, so now you have designer shoes for imaginary banquets. Of course, you were always grateful, but you would trade all his gifts just to spend time with him again. His family has always been wealthy, they always went on lavish vacations and drove the nicest cars, but you never really cared about what he spends his money on or just how much his parents make. You cared that he saw you as a person he wanted to be with rather than just someone he could shove gifts towards to make up for the quality time he’d miss.

But now you’re here. You were arriving three hours before the suggested move-in time because you didn’t want to be rushed to unpack before orientation starts later. You’ve seen a few people walking around on your floor, but neither of your neighbours have arrived, and honestly, you don’t mind because that means you’re able to blast your music without worry. As The 1975 fills your room, you stand still for a second, really taking in where you are. You’re now attending one of the best schools in the country, living on your own with a floor of people you don’t know yet. It starts to sink in that you are starting anew. The people who end up in the rooms next to you might just end up being your lifelong friends. As the song comes to an end, you decide it’s time to try to make yourself look a little more presentable since it’s almost time for people to start rolling in.

...

It’s almost five in the afternoon, and everyone on your floor is meeting outside on the field for a quick introduction before group dinner. You’re sitting with your knees pressed to your chest as the girl next to you tries to make small talk. To be fair, she’s incredibly sweet, but you can’t focus on her because somewhere behind you, there is a voice you think you recognize. There’s no way he would be here. Sure, you have no idea what school he ended up choosing, but if he ended up here, he would’ve at least texted you. Right? Before you can confirm your suspicions, orientation starts, and your group leader is already talking with more energy than you can handle.

The group of guys settle down close by, and you can’t stop yourself from looking over, wondering if you’ll see the head of brown curls. Instead, you’re met with a bunch of frat boy looking wannabes that instantly make your eyes roll. To say you’re disappointed that you didn’t see him was so stupid. It’s been over a year, yet here you were, hoping to magically bump into him as if this was some cliche movie. If anything, it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating that even though he stopped caring for you, you still longed to see him, to hear him laugh at one of your cheesy jokes. It’s even more frustrating that this new start you’ve been looking forward to, makes you miss him even more.

There are only sixteen people on your floor, but introductions take a lifetime because someone didn’t come on time. When they finally do show up, you almost laugh at this whole situation because, of course, it was him. Of course, he was strutting down the courtyard in some brand new Gucci sneakers and the same Balenciaga sweater he had bought for you a few months ago. Of course, the annoying group of boys behind you gesture for him as he quickly apologizes to the group leaders. And, of course, when you make eye contact, he’s the one looking at you with a mixture of shock and annoyance.

Quickly rushing back to your room after the meeting, you decide you’re ordering in tonight so that you don’t have to see him for at least another day. This is all so fucked up. You wrack your brain trying to understand how probable this whole situation is because, frankly, it feels like a sick joke, and on top of it, he’s the one annoyed?

Naturally, you spend the rest of the night unpacking the rest of your things before ordering your comfort food to wash down all the feelings you’re experiencing. Putting on your favourite show, you begin your tenth rerun as you bury yourself in your blankets. Part of you feels so stupid for completely ignoring your initial dinner plans, but you knew with the mindset you had at the moment, there was no way you would have enjoyed yourself. It’s a bit silly you haven’t left your room since picking up your takeout, you don’t even know who lives beside you, but that’s a problem for tomorrow.

Slipping into your slides, you head towards the washroom with your little toiletry bag. You pass by the girl you were sitting with earlier, and she sends you a smile. After apologizing for disappearing all night she just laughs and assures you nothing happened. She even points out where her room is if you were up to hang out tomorrow during frosh activities.

Just this interaction makes you feel better, and you quietly hum along to the familiar tune coming from the shower stall.

He used to play this song all the time, claiming it spoke to him the first time he heard it. Since then, it became the song he would play anytime he’d come to pick you up, explaining how this song is special because the ending always reminded him of you. It didn’t matter how long it’s been since the two of you hung out. Every time you heard ‘Pluto Projector,’ it would always bring a smile to your face. You even tried to show the song to your ex-boyfriend, but he never paid attention to your suggestions. He always claimed that his music taste was better. Thankfully that relationship only lasted a couple of months, but still, the regret of not waiting for someone worthy lingers in your mind.

While applying your moisturizer, you hear the water shut, the person pausing the song right as the orchestra starts to come in. Worried about who you may run into, you quickly pack up your stuff. You hear the click of the lock, and as you turn around, you’re met with him, with his curly hair all damp and his obnoxious teal blue robe wrapped loosely around his waist.

Rushing past him, you briskly walk towards your room, but before you can close the door, his foot jams between the doorframe. He pushes his way in and quietly closes the door, only to be met with the unimpressed look on your face. He circles around your room, eyes searching for any trace of your past friendship before standing back at the door.

“What do you want, Matsukawa?” you ask impatiently. It’s bad enough you run into the one person you wanted to forget, but now he’s standing in your room with a matching frown.

Something indescribable flashes across his eyes, and you can visibly see his frown deepen at your question. Leaning against your door, his arms come up to rub over his face, peeking at you through his fingers before letting out a long sigh. “When did I become Matsukawa? I thought I was Issei.”

You can’t help the chuckle that escapes your lips, and you realize how childish your grudge might be, but he has changed, and the man standing in front of you isn’t the same man you once called your best friend. “When you changed, Matsukawa. Issei was my best friend, and YOU are not.”

His eyes filled with confusion as his eyebrows furrow, taking a step forward towards you. “I’m sorry? I tried to stay in touch with you. You’re the one that stopped talking to me, so I’d try to send you things instead. How was I the one who changed?”

You stand there, staring at him for a second before shaking your head. “I can’t do this right now; I want to have a good day tomorrow, so I need to go to sleep. Please, leave my room.”

His eyes soften a little, and you can see a faint glimpse of his infamous lazy smile, “We both know you’re not going to be sleeping anytime soon,” he stalks over and kicks his slides off before sitting at the end of your bed. “Let’s talk about this because, frankly, I’m tired of watching you decide if you hate me every time you see me.”

The nerve of this man. The fact that he invites himself into your room, declares his stay, and then sits on your bed without permission. You don’t even know if he’s wearing anything under that robe as his hair is literally dripping onto your comforter. Regardless of what the situation is, this action alone has you seething. Turning towards your desk chair, you harshly pull out the slightly imbalanced piece of wood and sit down, silently questioning why he isn’t the one on the chair.

He watches you stomp around, and he kinda chuckles at your little tantrum, missing how easy it was to rile you up. Your glare at him would be a little scary if he didn’t see the way your lips mumbled to yourself. It’s honestly a little cute to watch you all frustrated with him even though he saw one of the shoes he bought you in your closet. Sure, they look brand new, but the fact that you brought them here with you must mean something.

The year you two spent apart has been really stressful on Matsukawa. He thought that you’d be happy that he could give you everything you wanted. He knew he wasn’t spending as much time with you as he used to, but he thought the gifts he spent hours lining up for would make up for it.

When you stopped returning his calls and texts, he was crushed. Everyone could see how he felt about you, but then he watched you get close to another man. Within two weeks, you were dating him, and he was left watching from a distance. Neither of you ever confirmed your feelings for each other, but he could tell that man wasn’t making you happy. He didn’t understand your different facial expressions, he didn’t care about what you had to say, but all he could do was watch the girl he wanted from the sidelines.

Sure, as time went on, Matsukawa also started talking to other girls. None of them ever became his girlfriend, he didn’t think it was fair to get with someone when he was set on you, but he had his fair share of hookups. He has money, a shit ton of it, but he never let that get to his head. It wasn’t his fault that he gained popularity when he started to get into name brands and upgraded his car, but none of that ever changed who he was — at least not to the degree you had him pinned.

He watches you carefully, your leg bouncing impatiently as your eyes glare daggers in his direction. He runs his hand through his hair and lets out a sigh, “what did I do wrong? You didn’t even give me a chance to fix whatever I did (y/n).”

The lamp in the corner of your room shines a dim yellow hue onto his features. His brows are knitted in concern as he leans forwards on his knees, his robe showing off a deep v down his chest. You can feel yourself freeze up at his question, goosebumps covering your skin, while your eyes pour into his. “You changed Matsukawa. You stopped making an effort to be there. I’m not some girl you can just buy with all your money. I have never cared about how much you have or what you can afford -- you know that! It doesn’t matter what. I always split things with you because I never wanted you to feel like I was there for your money. But then suddenly, you just stop showing up. You wouldn’t even tell me you made other plans, and I would just open my door to find some package you dropped off.”

His eyes search your face before letting out a deep sigh. “I tried! You wouldn’t answer any of my calls, I know I stopped explaining myself, but can you blame me? Don’t you think I want to take you around and introduce you to all my friends? Don’t you think I miss going on late-night drives with you to 7-11? Every time I would drive past there, you’re all I thought about. You and your stupid obsession with cheese taquitos and Arizona tea. Did you even think about how I felt when you decided to act like I don’t exist?” He hastily stands up and paces around in the confined space of your dorm room. He never raises his voice, so hearing him talk at a slightly louder volume was enough to let you know he was dead serious. “You know, I never stopped talking highly about you because as selfish as it is, those boys have an important family. They have the connections you dream about (y/n), so even when you started to ignore me to go out with that fucking ex-boyfriend of yours, I never said anything.”

He looks at you with pleading eyes before going to sit back down, his elbows now resting against his thighs. “I know you don’t care about my money, but I didn’t know how else to tell you I was still thinking about you. I tried to get you things that you’d like, things that you’d wear. But no, I had to watch you put on a fake smile and laugh at that asshole’s jokes while you stubbornly ignored me to the point I thought you had me blocked.”

Looking up at you through his curls, his hooded eyes looked darker before. His lips curled into a forced smile as he let out a breathy chuckle, “he didn’t deserve you. But what do I know, right?”

You sat there quietly, taking in what he had just said. You didn’t realize how hurt he was. To be frank, up till now, you were so consumed by your feelings, and you failed to consider his own. His head is hanging between his hands, and the silence in your room right now is insufferable. He’s just explained himself, yet all you can do is scoff at yourself. While you were obsessing over the fact that Matsukawa wasn’t coming over to watch another rerun of your favourite show, he was out picking out different gifts he thought you’d like. You didn’t even open the last few because your own emotions so blinded you. Hearing him take a deep breath, he stands up and smiles sadly at you, “nice talk, (y/n). Thanks for listening.”

“I’m sorry, Issei.”

He lifts his head to meet your gaze, and you can visibly watch as his shoulders relax. It’s been too long since he’s heard you call him by his first name.

“I’m sorry too. I should’ve just gotten out of the car to talk to you.”

You look at him with a small smile. Walking towards your bed, you sit down and pat the spot beside you, pulling him in for a hug. His robe is probably the softest thing you’ve ever felt in your life, your fingers sinking into the fabric as you hold him close. His arms are immediately wrapping around you, and you both stay like that for a minute before you pull back, a faint blush blooming on your cheeks.

“No, you have nothing to apologize for. You tried reaching out to me, you tried explaining yourself, but I didn’t even give you a chance. I’m sorry. I can’t believe I was so caught up I didn’t even think about what you were feeling. The fact that you still wanted to introduce me to your friends, even after all the stuff I did to you….I’m so sorry, Issei.”

He gives you a playful smile and lightly nudges your shoulder with his, “yea, that was kinda unfair, but good thing we talked it out, huh?”

You flash him a sheepish smile, but your eyes glimmer with happiness, “yea, it’s good you barged into my room at two in the morning. Just like old times.”

His smile instantly grows at your playfulness, and he gives you a mock scoff. “I’m sorry, but if I remember correctly, you’d beg for me to stay over at two am cause you decided you wanted to watch a scary movie. Have you gotten better with horror movies this year, or are you still as jumpy as I remember?”

The tip of your ears growing warm while you mutter out a quick “shut up.”

His laughter makes your heart beat against your chest because you missed it so much. It’s been a while since you got to hear him laugh with you, and without even thinking, you go in for another hug.

His arms easily hold you close, and one of his massive hands reaches up to pet your hair. “Missed me, didn’t you?” he asks, and you can feel him smirking, so you just nod, your fingers playing with the damp, short curls at the base of his nape.

“Issei?” you ask with a little murmur against his neck.

“Hmmm?”

You smile to yourself and pull back a little, so you can see his face, “so other than hanging out with your friends and keeping up with my relationship, what else have you been doing?”

His face drops as he looks at you with a deadpan stare, the corners of his mouth twitching up in a smile as you giggle at his reaction. He pushes you back, so you end up falling onto your mattress, his long limbs effortlessly straddling your legs. Before you can think about the position you’re in, his fingers start to poke all-around your torso, causing you both to laugh as he starts to tickle you. “You think you’re funny, huh?” His hands go to tickle your worst spot as he starts to talk, but you can’t hear him over your own laughter. His fingers slow down, but you keep giggling when you’re met with his lazy smirk, “I’m trying to talk, you know. It’s rude you’re laughing when I’m trying to speak to you.”

He leans forwards and has both hands resting at the side of your head. Your faces now inches apart, the faint smell of sandalwood from his body wash now becoming more apparent. You stare into his brown eyes, and it almost feels as if everything stopped for a few seconds. The lamp in your room doesn’t do him justice as the shadows of his face wash over his features, but even then, his eyes stare back at you with a slight twinkle as you catch your breath.

Reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck and you tug him close, crashing his lips onto yours. The sweet hints from his beloved Burt’s bee’s lip balm make his lips even softer than you imagined. The kiss is short, but as you both pull away, he’s staring at you with a goofy smile.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that, (y/n).”

“Me too, Issei,” you whisper back before his lips capture yours again, this time with more confidence. This kiss is much more passionate than the last, holding onto each other in hopes of deepening it. One of his hands travels down to grab your waist, his tongue sweeping across your bottom lip, asking for permission. Your lips part and your tongues swirl together effortlessly while your hands play with his hair, pulling him closer into your body.

His hand feels a little rougher than before against your bare skin because of how often he trains, running down the length of your leg. The light touch of his fingertips admires how smooth your skin is before they trail back up, stopping just before the edge of your pyjama shorts. Hooking your leg around his hip, he leans into your body even further and even nips at your bottom lip.

Matsukawa smirks and whispers against your lips, “did he ever kiss you like that?”

Slightly surprised at the question, you shake your head, answering honestly. “He never made me feel the way you do.”

You watch as his eyes dilate, flickering into a deep brown you’ve never seen on him. The hand that was previously on your leg is now cupping your cheek, stroking your face softly, while his own face blooms into a rare shade of pink. Still, his words are clear, “please...give me a chance? He never treated you right. Let me take care of you?”

Words can’t describe how his question made you feel. You spent years learning about Matsukawa, understanding him to the point where words weren’t necessary to see what was happening in his head. Not once did you think he reciprocated your feelings, let alone want to be with you. Yet, here you are, caged beneath his arms as his hopeful eyes pour into yours.

Turning your head slightly, you press a kiss onto his hand and smile. “Please?”

His face breaks into a smile. His cheeks are tinted rose as the corners of his mouth reach up to his eyes. Leaning down, he peppers kisses onto your face, the loose curls on his head tickling your cheeks as he giggles with you. The kisses trail down to your jaw, and he follows the natural curve of your jawline to your ear. “Is this okay?” he whispers softly, only continuing down this path when you give him a curt nod.

Your legs tighten around his waist when he begins to press open mouth kisses down your neck, gently nipping at the spots that make you let out shy little sounds. His tongue leaves kitten licks against your skin after he’s sucked on it, littering faint marks. Seeing you with light hickeys on the base of your neck and collarbones is completely self-indulgent for him. Thinking about waking up in the morning and seeing the marks he knows he gave you makes him inexplicably happy as he sucks particularly hard, causing you to wince.

Immediately he stops and turns to you, “I’m sorry, did I hurt you? D’you wanna stop?”

His concern for you is truly a breath of fresh air compared to what you had before. Shaking your head, you guide his hands to the edge of your sweater. “You bought this for me… it’s only fair I let you take it off.”

He studies your face for a second before his lips curl into a lazy smirk, quickly pulling the overpriced sweater off your body. He takes a sharp inhale when you reveal you aren’t wearing anything underneath as he’s met with your beautiful tits, nipples hard and pointed. “You let me in here knowing you weren’t wearing a bra? And here I thought you were a good girl.”

Noticing how your legs tighten around him, he smirks even wider. Leaning back down, his kisses trail down to your chest, and his lips feel soft and warm against your skin. His fingers take hold of your chin and force you to look down on him while his lips wrap around your nipple, the tip of his tongue flicking gently at the hardened bud. His hand palms against the fatty flesh of your other tit; his fingers are rolling your nipple before tugging on it experimentally.

Suddenly feeling shy, your arms come up to cover your face slightly just to have him lace his fingers with yours, pulling your arms away. “Don’t hide from me. Let me see how pretty you look. Let me hear how good I make you feel, okay?”

“I’ve never had someone play with my tits like this…”

He just stares at you, brows knitted as his smirk turns into a slight pout. “You’re with me now; that means every part of your body will be pleasured. I wanna hear and see all of you, okay?”

With a shy nod, you gently roll your hips against him, inviting more of his attention.

He kisses you once more, murmuring against your lips, “you’re so beautiful. Let me know if I’m going too fast, okay?”

His lips follow down your body once more, lightly biting your tit before using the flat part of his tongue to feel the valley between your chest. Matsukawa lets out a low moan as you arch upwards, pushing yourself closer to his touches. Letting go of your hands, he begins to massage the soft flesh of your tits and kiss down your stomach, the tip of his tongue trailing against the waistband of your shorts.

“Let me hear you ask for it; I don’t wanna do something you don’t want.”

“Isseiiii, please?” you whine out, the tip of your ears turning hot at the thought of asking for his tongue.

He smirks at you, looking up through his hooded eyes and tsks. “Be a good girl for me. Use your words.”

His words go straight to your pussy, and you can’t help the doe eyes look in your eyes when you whimper out, “please, Issei? Wanna feel your mouth on me.”

You watch as he takes in a sharp breath, the hunger in his eyes shining through despite the dim lighting in your room. He tugs at the end of your shorts until they’re completely off, repositioning himself lower until your legs are resting around his biceps. His eyes zone in on the way a sheer layer of slick coats your lips, happy that the attention he’s been giving you has pleased you. As he shimmies down on your bed, his legs now supporting himself on the floor, he nestles himself between your legs, easily spreading your things open with his arms. Sending you a knowing smile, he blows cool air directly onto your clit, loving how your walls flutter for him.

“You’re so sensitive, baby.”

“No one’s ever made me feel like this before...want more, please?”

You look down at him with pleading eyes, your hands cupping his face when you speak. Pressing a quick peck to your hand, he hips his head down and traces your pussy lips with his tongue, savouring how you taste.

The gasp that you let out once you felt his touch was adorable. It suddenly became the sound Matsukawa will chase after the more he gets to know your body and what it likes. He takes one long lap up your pussy, stopping just before your clit and using his fingers, he spreads your lips even more. Once your clit is all exposed, he flicks it gently with the tip of his tongue, looking up at you with all the confidence in the world. Hearing your little moans make him greedy for more, for more desperate and needy sounds, so he goes to press a kiss onto your bundle of nerves. Feeling you twitch beneath him, he gently places his lips around the sensitive bud and sucks earnestly, relishing in the way you buck your hips and call out his name. After a while of pure clitoral stimulation, he leans back up to watch your eyes blink back into focus on his face, a silly dazed smile on your face.

He winks at you and sticks his tongue into your drooling hole, swirling it around to feel the walls of your pussy clench around him. His fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs as he nuzzles his nose against your clit, his cock getting unbearably hard at the way you pant our pleas.

“I-issei! Please….need you inside, please!”

Coming back up for air, his hand leaves your thigh as his fingers start to tease around your hole, loving how your pussy clenches around nothing. So needy for his touches when he’s barely even started. He knows your orgasm was building, but he wants to take his time with you. You mean the world to him, and seeing you like this already makes him feel like the luckiest man at the moment.

Taking two of his fingers, he coats them in all your slick before slowly pushing them inside you. His eyes squeeze shut when he feels how tight you are, his mind immediately thinking about how you’d feel wrapped around his cock. When he’s finally inside, he pulls out slowly before sliding them back in, loving how you beg for more.

“Need more, please, Issei! Go faster, please.”

Your hands pull his head up to kiss you while his fingers begin to speed up. With the lewd sound of his hand slapping against your sopping wet pussy, his palm is applying pressure to your clit. Your moans are lost in your kisses, his other hand going back to playing with your sensitive nipple.

“I have to stretch you out, babygirl. I don’t want my cock to hurt you.”

All you’re able to do is nod as his fingers start to scissor your hole, stretching you out even more. His fingers, now knuckle deep, curl against your sweet spot, making you grip onto his hair as he swallows all your cries, suddenly remembering that the walls in this dorm probably aren’t that thick.

His fingers curl into you more, whispering sweet praises as his hand teases and tugs on your swollen nipple. Everything happened so quick, and you’re cumming all over his hand, your sweet sticky arousal covering his fingers as he slows down. Matsukawa is smiling down at you, “you did so well, baby. Bet that felt really good, huh?”

Maybe you’re needy or just horny, but even after your orgasm, you start tugging the tie that keeps his robe up. Your legs are sore, sorer than they’ve ever been, but all you can think about is how full you would feel with him inside of you. He smirks at you as he pops his fingers into his mouth, sucking off all your juices before letting his robe fall and chucking it to the ground. He’s wearing his briefs, but you can see how hard his cock is under the thin cotton material. Before you’re able to pull his underwear down, he stops you and lets out a small chuckle. “I’m sorry, I don’t have a condom. We don’t have to do anything.”

You giggle and shake your head, “don’t need one; we’re in university, baby. What’s a little fun without risks?”

He lets you pull his underwear down, and his massive throbbing cock instantly slaps against his stomach as he laughs at your reaction. “Had to make sure you were stretched out enough.”

You bite your lips and stare at how big his cock actually is. It’s hard to imagine how you’ll fit that inside of you, but you’re determined to give it a try.

“You ready, pretty girl?” he asks as he taps the tip of cock against your clit, loving how you squirm under him.

“mmhmm, Issei.”

He lets go of his cock and leans up, and pulls you into a deep kiss, completely in awe of you.

“Tell me if you wanna stop, kay?”

Replying with a small hum, he gathers up the remaining slick that’s leaking out of your pussy and strokes his cock slowly, also letting his spit drip down to help lubricate himself. He lines himself up with your pretty pussy and starts to push the head in, studying your face to make sure you’re doing alright. When he sees you smiling back at him, despite the grip you have on his arms, he pushes another two inches inside of you.

“You’re doing so good for me, baby. We’re almost halfway,” he whispers into your ear as he kisses your neck softly, sucking on the spot by the base of your lobe. “Such a good girl for me,” he coaxes as his cock slides another inch into your sweet cunt.

Incredibly, he’s only halfway down because you’ve never felt this full before. Still, your fingers dig into his arms when you ask for more. “Just want all of you in me, please?”

Hearing you ask for more even though you already looked fucked out sparks something inside him. He lets out a low growl and quickly pushes the rest of his length inside you, mumbling sweet nothings against your skin. He moans out with you when he feels how warm and tight you are, your pussy stretching more than it ever has to accommodate his size.

“Feel s’good, Issei.”

With a breathy chuckle, he peppers kisses all over your neck, loving the sound of your soft giggles as he pulls back three-quarters of the way, slowly pushing his way back into you. The gasp you let out is different than before, much more surprised but sensual.

He continues this motion a few more times before he picks up the pace, his hips slamming against you while your tits bounce. Each thrust knocks the air out of your chest cause he’s brushing against your spot every time. Matsukawa leans down and presses his forehead against the crook of your neck, muttering how good you feel.

“F-faster...need you faster, is’o good, please.”

Obliging to your pleas, he starts to rut his hips into yours, the sound of his balls slapping against your skin with each movement. He looks up to see your dreamy eyes and smiles. He knows there’s not a thought behind those eyes right now as his cock slams against your walls with each thrust. He goes to kiss you again, silencing your cries as your nails drag down his arms, trying to ground yourself in the midst of all the pleasure.

“You’re s-tight baby I- fuuuuuck, I can barely move.”

You can’t help it. Your walls are naturally squeezing him because he’s fucking straight into your sweet spot with each snap of his hips. You look at him with hazy eyes, entirely in a trance as you moan out his name. He can tell you want to cum, so his hand reaches down to rub your clit as his cock continues to pound into you.

“C’mon baby, cum all over my cock. You can do it...ah shit, yea, just like that.”

He’s been trying so hard not to cum but watching your back arch into him as your nails drab down his back, his name falling out from your lips in a loud erotic moan, is making it really hard. He looks down in surprise when he sees a creamy white rim around his cock, proud of himself for making you cream.

“Good girl...that’s my fuckin girl.”

Satisfied he made you finish, his head falls back onto your shoulder, his hips just rutting into you as he chases his own orgasm. Not even a minute later, he’s calling out for you as he quickly pulls out, cumming all over your tits. His chest heaves along with yours, his hair sticking to his forehead slightly as he empties his load all over your chest.

Once you’ve both calmed down a little bit, he smiles down at you and goes to stroke your cheek. “Had you creaming on my cock, was it fun? Did you have a good time?”

“S’good...thank you, baby,” you say before pulling him down for a kiss.

He gets up and reaches for his robe, “you did so good, took me like a champ heh. I’ll be back with a rag to clean you up, okay? Don’t move.”

As he leaves your room, you stare up at the ceiling and let out a laugh. Not even twelve hours ago, you were cursing the fact that he was here with you, and now you have his cum all over your tiddies as he goes to get stuff to clean you up.

You watch as he comes back into your room, fully changed with a rag in his hand. He kneels beside you and pets your hair as he starts to wipe his mess.

“Why’re you changed?”

“Oh! We’re going to 7-11 once I get you cleaned up.”

“.....it’s like three-thirty in the morning.”

“I’ll get you taquitos and Arizona,” he says as he goes to wipe around your pussy, mindful not to put too much pressure cause you’re still sensitive.

“And skittles?”

He snorts and kisses your shaking thigh, “yea, I’ll get you skittles, brat.”

© tetsunormous 2021

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[eruditetyro]

it'd kind of be like:

"ronan wondered, briefly, if adam would ever stop surprising him. the other boy-- girl-- was looking down and away now, avoiding his gaze in the wake of the admission. ronan studied the fine bones of adam's face, the worry line between the brows, the way the eyelashes fluttered. it only made sense, he supposed, for the magician to metamorphose. it made the performance at harvard seem like a final attempt, the ganseylike mask she had worn there the last struggle to try to fit inside an identity outgrown, one that had, if he was honest, never fit her properly. he thought back to that dream he had had in high school, the one where adam had put on the mask ronan's father had dreamt and had been unable to take it off, face and mask fused together. it was as if adam had lived with that mask his entire life, a shield against his own father, and now she had finally figured out how to take it off without bleeding." and then the funny part would be that what he'd say out loud would be something like "oh. cool." pause. "so when you dated blue, was that really because you wanted to be her?" and then adam would roll her eyes. and THEN ronan would have a whole Thing about his sexual orientation about it.

if adam did transition ronan's internal monologue would be soooo funny. like soooooooo funny