#without sounding like a total jackass

[dearru]

someone’s got a crush! | a.miya

pairing: ts!miya atsumu x gn!reader ft. osamu & suna | sfw | cw: cursing, not proofread, written in one sitting, slight manga spoilers but nr | genre: fluff | wc: 553 | masterlist

synopsis -> in which you going on a date leads to a shocking discovery for atsumu (with some help from friends)

ATSUMU MIYA figured out he was in love with you on a rainy night in the dead cold of the winter.

It was the after-hours of Onigiri Miya, and all the customers had cleared out– save for Suna and Osamu, who were having their monthly hangout. The only noise heard over the low hum of the refrigerator and the rain outside is the two’s quiet laughs and the clinking of the plate of food they’re sharing.

Suddenly, their chat is rudely interrupted as an irritated Atsumu barges in, uninvited, swinging the door open in his wake. His hair is weighed down from the rain and his shoes are caked in mud. His face looks murderous when paired with the dim lighting of the restaurant, but the pair of friends seem unphased by this.

“Yer gonna get my floors all dirty, jackass!” Osamu scolds, chucking the towel slung over his shoulder across the room, “Dry off, yer not a dog,”

Ignoring Osamu’s displeasure, Atsumu lets the towel hit his person and fall to the floor. His expression is a mix of annoyance and depression as he drags himself over to where his brother and former teammate are sitting. “I just don’t get their taste in men,” he starts, slumping down in a nearby seat and snatching a piece of onigiri from Osamu’s plate and stuffing it into his mouth, “The guy’s a fuckin’ jackoff!”

At the sight of his distress, Suna and Osamu look at each other in knowing amusement. You, one of Atsumu’s best friends, are on a date right now, and from the look on his face– he is not happy about it.

“Is this about your friend bein’ on a date tonight?” Osamu inquires, already knowing the answer.

Staring at him incredulously, Atsumu deadpans “What else would it be about?” Still chewing his food, the setter shakes his head in disgust, “Y’know the guy’s takin’ ‘em to see a movie?! A movie date! How fuckin’ stupid is that?”

“You sound a bit upset over this,” Suna snickers, patting him on the back rather roughly, resulting in him choking on onigiri, “Is it ‘cause it would be better if they were on a date with you?” Atsumu continues to cough, but the two aren’t sure if it’s from the food stuck in his throat or out of embarrassment. Osamu stifles a laugh.

“Shud up!” he coughs, face reddening and lips pinching into a firm line, “That’s not–“ But then he stops, a realization coming over him.

Horrified by the weight of the discovery, he mutters, voice uncharacteristically small, “Aw shit. It totally would.”

“He finally realizes!” Suna exclaims, looking at Osamu, who folds his arms together and nods his head, laughing, “Took you long enough.”

“Wha…” Atsumu stammers. A vein pops out of his forehead as he stares at the pair in disbelief. Why did this seem like old news to everyone but him?

“It’s ‘bout damn time ya figured it out,” Osamu replies, hitting his twin across the head, “Everyone knows ya got a crush on them.”

The blonde looks to Suna for confirmation, to which he shrugs, grinning deviously in confirmation of his twin’s declaration. He huffs in exasperation and rises from his seat so suddenly that water droplets fall from his hair and litter the table. “Fuck all of ya!” He yells, getting up and storming out of the building without saying another word. The door closes behind him with an exaggerated slam, muddy footprints being the only evidence that he was ever there.

Atsumu doesn’t say where he’s going, but Osamu and Suna are pretty sure it’s to go and crash a date.

—a/n: currently procrastinating all my quizzes and assignments but that’s okay bc atsumu is so fucking fun to write for!!

[rhyrhy]

Slut me out ˚ · .˚ ༘🦋⋆｡˚

Football! Fuckboy! Abby Anderson x female reader!

Cw: strap on sex, cunnilingus, very sight degradation, (partial hate sex..? Idk You’ll see), college/ modern setting Abby!, no talks on body or race specifics!

MDNI!

All seven parts here!

You swore she’d be the last person you’d let between your legs. She was a straight up Jackass. Rumors out the wazoo, about her very active sex life on campus.

yet, here you were.

Laid out on your stomach, bare ass arched into oblivion, in her dorm.

The view of the fat of your ass jiggling, was all Abby cared about. Damn it ! Damn it! Damn it! She had you eating your own words. You couldn’t see her face but you could feel the smugness radiating off her.

You felt like such a slut, adding yourself to the Anderson ‘hit it and quit it’ list…but it felt so, so good. This must have been how they all felt. You were understanding the hype now, as much as you hated to admit it. Abby wasn’t going to let you win that easily. Not after the effort she put in to get you with your panties around your thighs.

“Thought you ‘weren’t easy’, hm?”

She taunted, her palm made contact with the fat of your ass. Again, and again. Watching the skin recoil had her biting her bottom lip. Damn you had a nice ass, she thought. The slight sharp sting from the spanks, left tingling on your skin.

“Mmn! I’m not e—“

Before you could finish your sentence, she dipped her head back down to your glistening skin. Her wet, pink muscle was licking a fat stripe over your entrance and wet folds. She’d been teasing you for god knows how long already. Large hands on your ass to open you up for her. She wasn’t being nice or doing that for anyone but her. In fact, was checking if you were ready enough to take her dick, knowing for a fact she wasn’t going to go easy on you. gentle? not in her vocabulary tonight. The idea of seeing your eyes roll back was going to be so satisfying. you rejected her, acted like you were too good for her, didn’t want to be one of her ‘quick fucks’. Yet after a few kisses and some sweet talk, you dropped like a fly. It was hard to tell if it was genuine or her playing the long-ish game to get what she wanted.

“Mhmm, What’s that?” She said muffled. Tongue stuffing into your pussy.

It was sloppy, lazy even, but you loved- hated every second. so lost in her half effort, you barely noticed the soft fabric sounds of her tightening her harness. She was full of lust and slight lingering annoyance, that you didn’t go down that easy. It only fed her fire pooling in her lower belly. she had to work for your pussy. Sure, but you still gave it up. Eventually.

“M’ not fuckin easy” you spat out. It was no use

She rolled her eyes and brought a hand to press your face into the pillows. A silent ‘shut up’ knowing you were both right in a way. You chatted shit and told her ‘in your dreams’ but you also ‘made’ her take you on a date first, as you didn’t just open your legs Willy nilly. Abby pushed your head again not to suffocate you but you’d got the message. she settled between your thighs, pussy so, so embarrassingly ready and wet for her. she wasn’t a total monster, she placed a few kisses on your shoulder. Lustily whispering about how pretty she thought you were, as a distraction.

Before she, Without warning She grunted out, hips roughly snapping into yours. Her strap, sinking into your velvety walls. Holyyyyy shittt you were Clamping down as soon as that was happening. You wanted to slap her for being so rough. protest further, deny that you weren’t like the other girls she brought back, she had taken the time to convince you—but the only thing that came out was a moan ripping from your throat. It slid in with little push back.

“abs!” you breathed out.

Abby was doing a victory lap in her mind. The sight of you throwing your head back, pussy squeezing her strap, holding onto her sheets for dear life. with each thrust of her hips meeting yours. her breath huffs against the nape of your neck as she snaps her hips continually into yours. "take it. fuck."

And that, you did. Moans and “Ah, ah, ah’s” filling her room. You were so vocal for her, it was driving her nuts. The slight worry that she was being too rough with you caught up in her emotions flickered so, she eased up, barely.

“Was Talking” thrust “all that” thrust “shit” thrust

Oh this was payback

Breathing was hard to do when all you could do was be overwhelmed by the sound of her breathing, bed rocking, and gently yet firm grip on your waist, as her hips relentlessly snapped into yours. The sweet sounds driving her up the damn wall. Hair completely undone from her usual fishtail, tickling the skin of your back as she hooked an arm under your stomach. you were trapped, all you could (and wanted) to do was take her dick until your brain was mush. Her hand slid up your body to cup your breast through your shirt, her thumb working on your throbbing clit. You arched into the touch, the pleasure shooting straight to your body.

“Mhm, Take. that. shit” she groaned out with a driving force. Ignoring how much of turn on seeing your usual sassy self Was now under her, panting. Panties around your thighs, being slutted out.

You cried out, reaching behind you to push on her abdomen to get her to ..ease up?, ..run away? You weren’t sure, just overwhelmed by the circles on your clit. Her own small moans when the base of her strap would put pressure and strike on her clit. The sweet sound of skin slapping skin filled the room, complimented by your moans and her efforts.

“Yeah, look at you, trynna tap out?”

She moved her hand to your hip again, holding firmly to keep you in place. She needed you right now and seeing the overstimulation catch up with you only drove her further.

“you're gonna take it though. mhm, yes you fuckin' are”

Yup, payback no doubt

She wanted and was determined to push you over the edge, to make you let go entirely. Her hips moved even faster, her lips trailing across your shoulder. She could feel her own body responding, could feel the heat building within her, She leaned down and nipped at your nape. Her dirty blonde hair draping your shoulders like a blanket. You wished you could properly see how pretty she looked with it down. She continued her movements, her fingers working underneath you on your clit. her body pressed against yours, holding you in place running or not.

The bed creaking beneath them with every motion, and Abby’s breath was ragged as her hips met yours, her pace picking up. Her hand gripped your hip, holding your body still while your arms braced yourself against the pillow, muffling your moans and curses into the material. It was all you could do as your body trembled and shook with each stroke, her body molding to. the coil in your belly beginning to snap. Abby’s thumb presses down on your clit in another lazy circle and you can't help but cry out your hips rolling backwards into her. Desperately chasing your climax now. The heat in the room felt suffocating, your bodies were on fire. You felt your pussy clench around her once more and gave in.

“oh my god, oh my god…mmmnhg!” Was all you could choke out. Eyes fluttered shut as She held you closer, with a few more erratic thrust You felt the orgasm pour over you like a wave.

Now slowly moving her hips, helping you come down. She loved the way you'd reacted, the way you'd gasped out in ecstasy. Definitely was worth the chase.

“Just ride it out,, mhm…just like that”

she whispered, her breath still coming in pants. When finally she pulled out, tugging your hair backwards. her eyes trying to find your half lidded ones. Holding onto you, She smiled internally at the sight of you flushed, lips parted, unable to speak. her body almost buzzing with the feeling of satisfaction, seeing you come apart and respond to her touch. She was never going to forget this, never going to let you forget it either.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, her chest fully slumped on your back.

“Took that shit like a champ, huh?” she teased breathlessly, kissing your shoulder. Voice much softer.

You pushed her abdomen with your hand at her comment. Giving her a playful glare over your shoulder, slightly embarrassed but not regretful. Earning weak laughs from both of you.

You were never living this one down.

————————————————-

BAE ABBY 4 THE ABBY GIRLS 💓💞 part 2

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

You know when this all started coming to light, I fully expected that leftists would try to downplay the horrific violence by acknowledging that it was "bad and our hearts go out to the victims and their families, but......" or by making a sharp distinction between civilians and soldiers (or even like, minors and adults), but the thing that's fucked me up is that nope! We sailed right past any attempt to even pretend at human decency and cut straight to "they deserved it."

Even the kids?? Yep, even the kids.

Like Jesus H. Christ y'all.

I'm used to people feeling like they need to at least gesture vaguely in the direction of giving a shit about Jewish lives and not justifying actual terror tactics and war crimes on civilians (you'd think for consistency's sake they might care about looking like they care for the credibility but..) even if we both know they really don't actually care about antisemitism in a meaningful way. We both know that they won't be there when it actually counts, and they sure as fuck aren't going to interrogate their own personal or group's antisemitism. But usually there's a fig leaf. There's at least a baseline assumption that they should care about antisemitism and Jewish people staying alive, even if they don't actually, so they'll say the minimum amount of correct sounding words and then quickly skedaddle onto whatever it is they actually care about.

And like, is that good? No, it's not. It's not good enough. I'm sick and fucking tired of people doing juuuuuust enough to pretend to care without ever addressing the real underlying issues.

But this? This totally floored me. This drops that baseline assumption that antisemitism and murdered Jews is a bad thing entirely and blatantly sides with literal actual terrorists committing unspeakable horrors while holding it up as "liberation."

And what's worse? Most of those were the further out fringe types (although there were a horrifying amount more than I expected) right? Most everyone else wasn't spouting off about how happy they were that vive la révolucion, right? You know what was really deafening?

The silence from everyone else.

Literally everyone except for maybe one or two gentiles I remember seeing kept their mouths shut. Everyone else? Not a goddamn word about how fucked up it was that people were crowing over our people's fresh corpses. The bodies hadn't even cooled yet and we had jackasses on here publicly celebrating with memes and gore videos, and not a word from 99.9% of you.

The people who did speak up? You have no idea how much it means, and I'm grateful. Truly.

Everyone else who was too gutless, spineless, or oblivious to realize how critical a moment this was for support and/or was more interested in protecting your image or whatever?

Let's just say: duly noted.

I may continue to work alongside you (what choice do I have?) but the trust is gone.

We're clearly on our own, with rare exception.

(This is a vent post I will not be adding any caveats to it and I will be blocking anyone who tries to be an asshole. I will lock reblogs if there's any discourse. Our lives are not up for debate you sick fucks.)

[brbsoulnomming]

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | AO3

----

Towards the end of the summer after his freshman year, he finds out that his soulmate must be a year younger than him, because he gets I'm not nervous about starting high school, and that - hmm. It takes Eddie a bit to figure out how to reassure him around that. High school sucks, and he's guessing it's probably going to suck for his soulmate as much as it does for Eddie. The only saving graces are that Eddie was actually able to get a DnD club started, and Kyle Housen - the absolute shithead who was the most popular boy in school, the king of all the jocks who sent his followers out like ringwraiths to torment anyone who was different - is graduated and gone.

Eddie actually is looking forward to being able to breathe easier without him around.

So that's what he tells his soulmate - find something you enjoy doing, stick with your friends, and remember if there's someone in the grades above you who's really annoying, they'll be gone before you are.

That means a lot to me shows up on his chest after that, and Eddie runs his fingers over it again and again, not thinking about who his soulmate was talking to or what they were lying about, just that Eddie means enough to them for them to make sure that appeared on his skin.

It gets him through the rest of summer and into the first few weeks of his sophomore year, until he realizes that while Kyle Housen may have graduated, some of his little sycophantic friends didn't, and a few of them are more than happy to take over the torment of the freaks.

It makes Eddie's blood boil.

"It makes absolute total fucking sense the way rich kids and jocks and all the society conforming jackasses just run this school, like little violent monarchs," he says to one of the members of Hellfire as he throws himself down onto their lunch table, purposefully making himself sound as sincere as possible so it'll get picked up as a lie. "I love this whole the king is graduated, long live the king shit they've got going on."

Eddie doesn't expect an immediate answer. He doesn't usually get one, especially when he springs stuff on his soulmate in the middle of the day. But he doesn't get one that night, or the next day, or the day after that.

And just.

What the fuck? Is his soulmate one of them? Eddie'd just assumed - a kid that had to lie about his injuries, parents never around, feeling lonely, cheating the system to talk to his soulmate before they even met - had to be a fellow freak, right?

Shit.

He thinks about saying I care that you're one of them, but he knows that isn't a lie, and it wouldn't appear on his soulmate's skin.

He doesn't say anything.

Eventually, I'm not sorry things are the way they are shows up, curled in tiny letters around Eddie's ankle, but it doesn’t make him feel better.

It makes him remember that his soulmate is talking to someone - or maybe multiple someones - when they do this, someone unaware that what he's saying are lies. The same thought that had made him feel special before now makes him think a little harder, makes him realize that his soulmate is friends with these people. These people who agree with the things that his soulmate is lying about, who think that his soulmate believes them - that's who he chooses to spend his time around?

Part of him knows it isn't fair. It's not his soulmate's fault that Eddie had built up this idea of him - a fellow outcast, maybe in a small town like this, going through the same things Eddie was, just waiting to graduate and leave it all behind, go somewhere bigger and louder and better.

But most of him is just too damn hurt. Most of him doesn't want a soulmate that says the kind of things his soulmate says, surrounded by people who think they aren't lies, and who love him for it.

Most of him can't stomach the thought that his soulmate is just like the people who have it so damn easy at school, and seem determined to make his life more miserable anyway.

The silence on his skin is as deafening as it is telling, and he starts to wonder if maybe his soulmate can't stomach the thought of it being someone like Eddie, either.

One night, so what if I don't think we should just wait until we meet our soulmates? appears on his side, and Eddie runs his fingers over and over and over it.

And says nothing.

"Haven't heard you talk about your soulmate in a while," Uncle Wayne says casually a week or so later.

Part of Eddie'd been expecting Uncle Wayne to bring it up somehow, but the other part was doing his best to ignore it entirely, leaving him entirely unprepared for what to say. He can't say that he doesn't want to talk to his soulmate any more because he found out they're probably some popular rich kid stomping around whatever school they're haunting - it's true, but it sounds stupid and petty.

He can't lie, either, though, because then it'll show up on his soulmate. So he says nothing, mulishly pushing his peas around his plate.

Uncle Wayne watches him. It's probably pretty easy to figure out that something went wrong with Eddie's hairbrained little scheme, so he isn't too surprised when his uncle hums softly.

"Some people are very different at thirty than they are at fifteen," he says, his gruff voice gentle. "Sometimes, teenagers are little jackasses with no impulse control."

Despite himself, Eddie huffs out a laugh. He considers that for a long moment, then reluctantly admits, "I guess that's probably why most people don't try to talk to their soulmate early." He smashes some peas with his fork. "….I guess it's probably not fair the other way, either. If you have this great idea of them way before you meet them, and they're really different."

Uncle Wayne gives another hum. "Sounds pretty wise, if you ask me."

"I didn't," Eddie points out, just to be contrary, but he eats the peas he'd been playing with, and he does feel a little better about all of it.

Time goes on.

He and his soulmate don't talk anymore, but that doesn't mean things don't occasionally appear. It's not often - which makes Eddie wonder if his soulmate just doesn't lie often, or if he's specifically avoiding lying as much as possible to avoid talking to Eddie - but it does happen.

Little things, mostly, lies about doing homework, about being sober, about not driving without a license. Teenage stuff, the same stuff Eddie lies about, and it lulls him into a sense of boring predictability. He perfects playing the guitar, he turns Hellfire into a sanctuary for those like him, he finds an alternative revenue source that gives him even more of an advantage over the shitty jocks than being scarier than them had, and he counts the days until he can get out.

Until the summer before his senior year.

I'm not in love with her, geez!

Eddie stares at it for longer than he should, the sting of tears biting at the corner of his eyes and feeling so goddamn angry about all of it. Not only is his soulmate some popular rich kid, but he's straight, in love with some girl, fuck.

Maybe Eddie isn't meant for a romantic soulmate. Maybe platonic is all he'll ever get, maybe someone like him doesn't -

Fuck this.

Fuck everything.

He throws himself into guitar playing, into making his next campaign for Hellfire bigger and better than anything he's ever done before.

Just one more year, and then he's gone.

In Eddie's senior year, Steve Harrington - Hawkins High's current reigning royalty - and his right hand man Tommy Hagan have some kind of falling out. Eddie honestly doesn't give a shit what or why. He keeps an eye on the situation only enough to know if they're gonna have some kind of civil war shit that could bleed shrapnel onto his flock. But Hagan doesn't seem to have the constitution to challenge for the throne - or maybe he lacks the numbers, considering Harrington doesn't seem to be hurting much as he swans around the school with Nancy Wheeler at his side - and whatever their mess is stays in a building tension amongst the popular crowd.

It's kind of nice, actually. There's less gossip about Hellfire for a little while, until the masses adjust to the new status quo. Hagan seems meaner, somehow, but he also seems less confident now that he's not at Harrington's side. It means his comments are more cruel, but there's less of them, so whatever, it balances out.

His soulmate tells more lies that year than Eddie's seen in such a short period of time, and something in his stomach twists tighter and tighter.

Yeah, of course I'm all right, why wouldn't I be?

It's nothing.

I'm sure they'll find her soon.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Taglist: @vampireinthesun @koibug @estrellami-1 @mentalcyborg @allbimyself26 @questionablequeeries @the-s-is-silent @whimsicalwitchm @a-gae-af-racoon @tinyplanet95 @n0-1-important @velocitytimes2 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @newtstabber @jcmadgirl @roblingoblin285 @lexyvey @goodolefashionedloverboi @evix-syne666 @raisedbylibrarians @stxrcrossed186

-----

Part 4

[kremlin]

i figure most human behaviour that, not only doesn’t occur in other animals but has zero connection to animal behavior is basically distantly rooted in the known fear of inevitable death. let me be clear. cats and shit don’t know they’re gonna die. we do. we have thoughts. we know it’s coming. we think we’re gonna be rich, bullshit like that, most humans believe in magic and most humans doubt that math is a universal or consistent thing. total nonsense right. but everyone knows their ass is gonna die. before you write me off as some dumbass reciting basic 101 level university lectures just Trust Me I’m An Engineer. anyways. being human and dying are somewhat one in the same.

“if i do nonhuman things i can cheat the reaper.” short and sweet. if i can beat zelda faster than anyone i can outrun the reaper. and you know what, fuck it, i’m scared shitless of dying. it’s gonna hurt really bad no doubt. what if the brain destroyal process makes time slow down in my perception and it’s not just like five seconds of bleeding out or fire ant bites or however you go. Scary. so i’ll play along:

i am an average american man and i enjoy bad game runescape. it’s a computer game. MMO. kill monster get loot. sell what i don’t want to other players for gold. spamming chat with “SELLING BOWSTRINGS 200gp” for an hour “sucks” so the devs add a grand exchange where you can post buy/sell orders for a given item+price to maximize gameplay efficiency and minimize social interaction.

like any other MMO you can pay some sketchy website real money for ingame gold farmer by chinese gold farmers. totally against the rules. remember this

so the first thing that comes to any male aged 23-27 mind is “buy low sell high” basic bitch shit. no good. there’s a 5% tax that’ll wipe out your profit margin intended to eliminate this behavior (you’re supposed to friggen kill monsters). but everyone thinks they’re a genius and can beat the system and that there is a secret george soros style illuminati group that is holding the secrets, blah blah blah, whatever, and this comes as a coping mechanism after losing your shirt after trying to beat the market (success rate of 0%).

here is where people mostly quit thinking: if you do the math, which takes about ten minutes and can be done on one side of a sheet of paper with the most basic calculator, it’s easy to figure out that the amount of gold you’d need to play dirty (buy out all the available Feathers or Fire Runes or whatever) in order to corner the market would be so high that there is no possible way for a character to hold that much without having spent IRL money for gold. you’d get autobanned.

SO..finally, go on the ol’ www.reddit.com, and make a really really professional-to-professional sounding post advertising a “service”. Saturate the fuck out of it with dense but very real financial jargon. the “service” (which needs to be obscured enough with plausible and relevant language) is a hedging service aimed at make-believe market players who are buying and selling such huge amounts of items and gold (usually in anticipation of a game update that will speculatively introduce a sudden, dramatic, and capitalizable price change for some item). you need it to be as alien-sounding and foreign as possible but with enough believability and clarity that a handful of reddit jackasses will figure out what the fuck your post is about. whenever pressed further, act totally puzzled and make it very clear that this is not a service relevant to “individual entertainment-motivated” players or some shit. no matter what amount of gold anyone quotes at you, just act puzzled and if that amount is 1/1000th the amount one of your “normal” clients deal with. you need to do all of this extremely artfully. and by “you”, i’ve been meaning to write “me”. really lay it on thick that whatever you’re “doing” is totally unavailable to them and that you want zero to do with them.

so now theyre still mostly totally confused but enough is made clear that their interest is piqued. got my hook in em. some guy will copy/paste wikipedia shit in an obnoxiously long and pseudointellectual, contemptible but characteristically reddit guy style what you’re “selling” actually is in the most exhausting, hand-holdingest way to his fellow reddit gamers. with complete tone of authority.

inevitably one of them will put on their sherlock holmes hat and go deep undercover, emailing me posing as an interested party. bingo. now i get to really lay on the WTF and go off the rails asking about vouchers from One Of The Big Seven, but oh no, you can’t get one of them to vouch for you, that’s fine, it makes sense, we’re the only firm that deals with unvouched, that’s our market, well, one of them at least. Just give me a rough rundown of your entry criteria, dwell time, risk tolerance, fuckin “Gamma Ratio”, you know, all the basic stuff, and i’ll have the team generate a .xlsx for you to plug your data into to get a rough feel for what the final contract might be like.

(lololol) But REMEMBER, that excel sheet is seeded, output is fuzzed and salted and if you share it or try and sell it to our competitors, it will be fuzzy enough to be worthless to them but obvious to us who leaked what. this is the only way we’re able to integrate unvouched clients without untenable premiums and while managing our risk levels

blah blah blah blah, i go on and on and on and the guy on the other end is developing a scab from constant head-scratching. and that’s about the maximum real-world harm i’m willing to inflict. i know this sounds like an elaborate as fuck confidence scam but it isn’t. that shit makes me sick. i’d literally slam my arms in a car door before taking a cent from all this. hell, i’ll go out of my way to guarantee i don’t even piss anyone off or offend them or anything.

your guess is as good as mine but i do stuff like this constantly for anything i know well enough and the example i gave above is just a pretty low quality one i made up on the spot. this is a public blog after all.

anyways, cheers, hoping this saves me from dying or whatever the hell i was talking about before that could have probably been cut out. Namaste. Mahala.

[lousypotatoes]

Women Think I'm Tasty

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4 Pt. 5

Reader has grey skin, and monarch butterfly wings, they can be any color that you want. This is reader's outfit and shoes. If you want something different, you're more than welcome to imagine something else!!

This chapter takes place during the pilot episode.

Song Recommendation:

Set Fire To The Rain - Adele

"Charlie? Are you okay?"

Charlie turned around and saw her aunt walking towards her, a concerned look on her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Y/N," Charlie said. "The extermination just has me thinking that's all.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay," Y/N said gently, grabbing onto Charlie's shoulders. "Your idea is amazing and its gonna work, I'm sure of it."

Charlie smiled. "Thanks Y/N,"

"That's what I'm here for, kiddo," Y/N smiled back. "Now c'mon, let's go back inside. It smells gross out here."

Y/N was sitting on the couch in the hotel, scrolling on her phone, reading about the latest extermination and the turf wars.

"This is all so fucking stupid," she muttered as she scrolled. "I hate the end of extermination day so fucking much."

"Y/N, are you coming?" said a voice.

Y/N looked up and saw her niece's girlfriend, Vaggie.

"What do you mean?" Y/N asked.

"We're going to the news station to try and get the hotel out there," Vaggie explained.

"Oh shit!" Y/N exclaimed, jumping off the couch. "I totally forgot that was today! Yeah, I'm coming, let me just get my shoes on."

"You don't have to come if you don't want to," Charlie said.

"No, I want to," Y/N said as she put her boots on. "You're gonna need all the support you can get. Besides, I want this to happen almost as much as you do."

"Thanks Y/N," Charlie said hugging her aunt. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"The feeling is mutual," Y/N laughed, hugging Charlie back. "Now c'mon we don't wanna be late do we?"

"Good afternoon, I'm Katie Killjoy,"

"And I'm Tom Trench,"

Y/N sat on the couch in the dressing room, watching the news play on the T.V., her leg bouncing up and down nervously.

"Chaos out of Pentagram City today as the turf war is raging on the west side," Tom Trench said on the T.V. "Between notable king pin Sir Pentious and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse, Cherri Bomb."

"That's right Tom," Katie Killjoy said. "After the recent extermination, many areas are now up for grabs."

The T.V showed footage of the fight between Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb, the two of them throwing egg creatures and bombs at each other.

"Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory," Katie said as the footage played.

"Those two seem to be really going at it, huh?" Tom said as the footage finished.

"It looks like they're fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot," Katie said, putting an actual tooth in her mouth and eating it.

'Gross,' Y/N thought, grimacing.

"And I'd sure like to nail her hot spot," Tom chuckled.

"You are a limp dick jackass, Tom. Or should I say..." Katie said, pouring hot coffee onto Tom's lap. "No dick."

Tom held his lap, trying to keep his sounds of pain down.

"Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell's own head honcho," Katie said, ignoring Tom. "Who's here to discuss her brand-new passion project. All that and more after the break."

Y/N got up, walking over to Charlie and Vaggie.

"You remember what to say?" Vaggie asked as she finished fixing Charlie's bow tie.

Charlie took in a deep breath. "Yes! Let's do this!"

"Just look at me and I'll mouth it to you," Vaggie said, making Charlie frown.

"Come on Vaggie, I know what to say," Charlie groaned. "I just feel like we need to...I don't know, make things sound more exciting."

Charlie gasped. "Ohhhh what if I s-"

"Sing a song about it?" Y/N finished. "Charlie, sweetie, I love you and your ideas, but please for the love of Satan, please don't sing.

"Your aunt's right, this is serious." Vaggie said, grabbing onto Charlie's shoulders.

"Well you know, I'm better at expressing myself and my goals through song," Charlie said, climbing on the table.

"I know and you're great at it but," Y/N struggled to find the right words. "Life isn't a musical hun."

"Fine. But I have these other ideas of what to say," Charlie said, jumping up and down. "The highlighted bits are the best parts!"

Vaggie took the paper and read it, Y/N skimmed through it over Vaggie's shoulder.

"It's all highlighted," Vaggie said.

"Is that a drawing?" Y/N asked.

"Yes! That's the happy ending scene!" Charlie exclaimed, grabbing Vaggie's and Y/N's shoulders. "Everyone's smiling and happy in Heaven!"

"I don't think it's that simple," Vaggie said, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Just please follow the talking points that the three of us went over."

"And do NOT sing!" Y/N said.

"Okayyy fine," Charlie groaned as an alarm bell went off, signaling that the commercial break was over. "I'll just have to result to my impeccable improv skills." she said, walking away.

Y/N looked over at Vaggie, who had a worried look on her face.

"Hey," Y/N said, putting her arm around Vaggie's shoulders. "She'll be fine, I know it."

"I hope so," Vaggie sighed.

Suddenly, the T.V. screen turned on. The two of them watched intently.

"Welcome back," Katie said, her neck cracking in an unnatural way. "So, Charlotte,"

"It's Charlie," Charlie said awkwardly.

"Whatever," Katie dismissed. "Tell us about this new passion project you've been insistently pestering our news station about!"

"How many times did Charlie call the new station?" Y/N asked.

"37 times," Vaggie muttered.

"37!? What!?"

"Well," Charlie said, looking around. She made eye contact with Vaggie and Y/N, and they urged her to go on.

"As most of you know, I was born here in Hell and growing up, I always tried to see the good in everything around me," she said, as Katie killed a bug, the bug's blood landing on Charlie's cheek. "Hell is my home and you are my people. We...we just went through another extermination. We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year and no one is even given a chance!" she banged her fist on the table.

"I can't stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence," she said, getting up and walking around.

Vaggie and Y/N looked at each other in concern.

"Soo, I've been thinking," Charlie said. "Isn't there a more humane way to endure overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through...redemption? Well, I think yes! So that's what this project aims to achieve!"

"Ladies and gentlemen," she said, walking back over to the reporter's desk and sitting down. "I'm opening up a first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!"

It was quiet, people stared at her in confusion and shock.

"You know, 'cause hotels are for people passing through, temporarily," Charlie laughed awkwardly.

Y/N slapped her forehead. "She's getting killed out there," she muttered.

"I figure it would serve a purpose," Charlie said looking down. "A place to work towards redemption...yay!"

"Hah! Stupid bitch," the cameraman beside Y/N laughed. In one swift move, Y/N punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground.

"Serves you right asshole," she muttered.

"Look, every single one of you has something good deep down inside, I know you do." Charlie said sincerely. Suddenly her eyes widened, and she smirked. "Maybe I'm not getting through to you."

"Oh no," Vaggie and Y/N said at the same time.

~Happy Day In Hell song plays out (I'm too lazy to write out the whole thing)~

After Charlie was done singing her song, she was standing on the desk, breathing heavily.

"Wow," said a random demon. "That was shit."

Everybody started to laugh. Charlie's face started to fall.

Y/N looked around, wanting to punch everybody in there in the face for laughing.

"What in the nine circles makes you think a single citizen of Hell would give two shits about becoming a better person?" Katie laughed. "You have no proof that this little experiment even works! You want people to be good? Just because?"

"Well," Charlie said. "We have a patron already, who believes in our cause, and he's shown incredible progress!"

The crowd oohed.

"Oh?" Katie said. "And who might that be?"

"Don't say his name, don't say his name," Y/N said.

"Oh, just someone named Angel Dust,"

"The porn star?" Tom asked.

"You fucking mutt, Tom," Katie said, scratching the desk "In any case, That's not even an accomplishment. I'm sure you can get that hooker to do anything with enough sugar and lube."

"Oh, I beg to differ," Charlie leaned in closer to Katie. "He's been behaved, clean, and out of trouble for two weeks now."

Suddenly, Katie pushed Charlie off the desk. "We are receiving word that a new player has entered the ongoing turf war!" she said cheerfully. "Let's go to the live feed."

The footage showed Angel Dust stepping on the egg creatures and shooting guns

"Oh shit," Y/N muttered. "I swear, I'm gonna kick that spider's ass."

"It looks like the one who just joined the battle is none other than porn actor, Angel Dust!" Katie said. "What a juicy coincidence! You must feel really stupid right now."

Katie and Tom started to laugh. "Ratings!" The two of them said, doing jazz hands.

"Don't look at this!" Charlie said, trying to block out the green screen footage.

"Well, it sure looks like your little project is dead on arrival." Katie said. "Tell us, how does it feel to be such a total failure?" Katie started laughing

"That's it," Y/N said, walking towards the front, pushing the crowd out of the way.

"Yeah, well, how does it feel that I got your pen huh? Bitch!"

Katie stopped laughing.

Charlie laughed awkwardly, already knowing that she was in some deep shit. "Oops," she said, putting the pen back down.

Tom immediately ran, and Katie jumped on Charlie.

"Hey, cock sucker!" Y/N yelled, jumping onto Katie's back. "Get the FUCK off my niece!"

Using all the strength she could muster she kicked Katie as hard as she could, making Katie pull on her wings.

Charlie and Katie fought for a little while longer, with Y/N trying to pull Katie off her. Somehow, Tom Trench caught on fire. The four of them started screaming.

"I said get the FUCK off of her!" Y/N screamed, pulling Katie off and grabbing onto Charlie's hand. "Vaggie! C'mon! Let's go!"

"I swear I'm gonna fucking kill Angel!"

Y/N, Charlie, Vaggie, and Angel Dust sat in the limo.

Charlie was looking out the window, Angel was playing with window button, and Y/N and Vaggie were glaring at him.

"What?" Angel asked.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Y/N cried out. "What the fuck were you doing!?"

"I owed my girl buddy a solid," Angel said. "Isn't that a 'redeeming' quality? Helping friends with stuff."

"Not with turf wars that result in territorial genocide!" Vaggie yelled.

"You win some, you lose a few hundred," Angel laughed, putting his feet up on the seat. "It wasn't that bad anyway,"

He continued to play with the window button until Vaggie threw a knife at it, breaking it.

"Oh, come on! I had to!" he said. "My credibility was on the line! I mean, what kind of repuation would I have if people found out I was tryin' to go clean? It just throws out my entire persona."

"Your credibilty, are you serious?" Y/N asked. "What about the hotels? You made us look like a fucking joke!"

"No, no, no, babe," Angel said. "Jokes are funny. I made you look...uhh...sad. And pathetic! Like an orphan with no arms or legs...with progeria! Right, now I'm bummed thinkin' about it. This thing have any liquor?"

"Can you please just try to take this seriously?" Vaggie asked.

"Fine, I'll try, just don't get your taco in a twist, baby."

"Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?"

"Whatever pisses you off more," Angel said, looking for booze. "Is there seriously no liquor in here?"

"We should just kill him," Y/N said to Vaggie.

"Too late, toots," Angel said. "Wait, would that make me double dead? Where exactly do I go? To double hell?" Angel started laughing. "Sorry, you're stuck with me, bitches, get used to it."

Vaggie started muttering in Spanish.

"Listen, who cares is some jackoffs got hurt?" Angel said. "Most of them are ugly freaks. Look around, you got a bunch of Harley Quinn babies down here."

"You're one to talk," Y/N muttered, making sure Angel heard.

"Hey! This body is flawless. Everyone wants some of me, and I got the creepy fan letters to prove it."

"Ew, gross, put that fucking thing away," Y/N said, not wanting to look at the creepy fan letter any longer.

"That was really uncool, you know, Angel," Charlie said, finally speaking up.

"Uncool!?" Vaggie cried. "After that trainwreck there is no way anyone is gonna want to stay at the hotel! All thanks to you and your selfish bullshit!"

"Does that mean I don't have a free room anymore?"

It was quiet for a moment. Y/N debated whether she should kill him right then and there.

"Hey, come on, we don't know if things are over yet," Charlie said. "Y/N, Vaggie, try to relax, it'll be okay!"

Vaggie smiled softly when Charlie put her hand on her shoulder. It made Y/N happy knowing that Charlie found someone who cared about her just as much as she and Lucifer did.

Finally, the limo reached the hotel, the four of them getting out and walking into the hotel.

Y/N flopped down on the couch, Vaggie sat down next to her.

"It's probably a good idea to get some actual food in this place," Angel said, sucking on a popsicle. "You know, to feed all the wayward souls you got in here." Angel laughed.

Sensing that Charlie wasn't in the mood, Angel stopped laughing and walked away.

Y/N was sore and tired, she didn't even pay attention to when Charlie walked away. Right as she was about to doze off, Charlie ran into the room.

"Vaggie! Y/N!"

"What now?" Y/N groaned.

"The Radio Demon is at the door,"

"What!?" Vaggie and Y/N said.

"Uhh who?" Angel asked.

"What should I do?" Charlie asked.

"Okay, well, um, whatever you do, don't let him in!" Y/N said, standing up.

Charlie walked to the front door and opened it up.

"What did I just say?"

Vaggie got up and grabbed her spear, Y/N not far behind her.

"Stop right there!" Vaggie yelled, holding her spear to his throat. "I know your game, and I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone here you pompous, cheesy, talk show, shit lord!"

"Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here," Alastor said, his mouth not moving. "I would have done so."

Y/N very slowly started to back up, not wanting to be close to the Radio Demon.

"Now, I'm here because I want to help!" Alastor said cheerfully.

"Umm excuse me?" Y/N asked, dumbfounded.

"Hello? Is this thing on?" Alastor asked, tapping his cane/microphone.

"No, no, I heard you loud and clear," Y/N said warily. "You want to help us?"

"Yes! I want to help with you with this ridiculous you're trying to do! This hotel!" Alastor said. "I want to help you run it."

"Uhhh why?" Charlie asked.

"Why does anyone do anything?" Alastor laughed. "Sheer, absolute boredom!"

Y/N suspiciously eyes him up and down.

"I've lacked inspiration for decades," Alastor said, pushing Vaggie. "My work became mundane, lacking focus, aimless! I've come to create a new form of entertainment!"

"Does getting into a fist fight with a reporter count as entertainment?" Charlie said awkwardly.

Alastor laughed. "It's the purest kind, my dear," he said. "Reality! Cruel passion! And after all, the world is a stage, and the stage, is a world of entertainment."

"So, does this mean you think it's possible to rehabilitate a demon?" Charlie asked hopefully but was cut off by Alastor laughing.

"Of course not!" he laughed. "That's wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! No, no, no, no, I don't think there's anything left that can save such loathsome sinners," he said, looking over at Y/N, Vaggie, and Angel. "The chance given was the life they lived before, the punishment is this! There is no undoing what is done."

"Then why are you here, if you don't believe in our cause?" Y/N asked, her eyebrow raised.

"Consider is an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself!" Alastor said, spinning Charlie. "I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment, only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure,"

Y/N stared at him with uneasiness.

"Right," Charlie said, removing herself from Alastor's grasp.

"Yes indeedy!" Alastor said, leading Charlie away. "I see big things coming our way, and who better to help you then..."

Y/N, Vaggie, and Angel stared at him as he walked off with Charlie.

"So, uh, what's the deal with smiles over there?" Angel asked.

"You've never heard of Alastor before?" Y/N asked. "You've been down here longer than me and Vaggie."

Angel shrugged his shoulders.

"The Radio Demon? One of the most powerful beings Hell has ever seen?" Y/N asked.

"Eh, not big on politics," Angel said, crossing his arms.

"Ugh, you explain, Vaggie," Y/N said. "I have a headache."

"Fine," Vaggie groaned, then cleared her throat. "Decades ago, Alastor manifested in Hell, seemingly overnight. He began to topple overlords who had been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcasted his carnage all throughout Hell, just so everyone could witness his ability. Sinners started calling him the Radio Demon, as lazy as that is. Many have speculated what unimaginable forces enabled him to rival our world's most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing's for sure, he's an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we can't risk getting involved with unless we want to end up erased!" Vaggie finished.

"Are ya done?" Angel said. "He looks like a strawberry pimp!"

"Well, I don't trust him!" Vaggie said.

"To be fair," Angel said. "Do you trust any man?"

Y/N elbowed him in his ribcage, hard, as Vaggie got up and walked over to Charlie.

"Ow!" he said, rubbing his side. "That fucking hurt!"

"Yeah, well maybe you shouldn't act like a self asorbed asshole then!"

"Says you, you uptight, prissy bitch!"

"At least I don't have to fuck greasy truckers to make some cash!"

"At least greasy truckers want to actually fuck me!"

"How is that an insult? That's just sad!"

The two of them continued to argue until Charlie started to speaking to Alastor, catching Y/N's attention.

"Okay, so, Al," she said. "You're sketchy as fuck and you clearly see what I'm trying to do here as a joke. But I don't. I think everyone deserves a chance to prove that they can be better, so I'm taking your offer to help, on the condition that there be no trickster, voodoo strings attached." she finished, a fake smile plastered on her face.

"So it's a deal then?" Alastor asked, holding out his hand.

Green light started to emit in the room, almost knocking Y/N, Vaggie and Angel over.

"Nope!" Charlie said. "No shaking, no deals, I....hmm...as princess of Hell and heir to the throne, I uh hearby order that you help out with this hotel, for as long as you desire.

It was quiet for a moment. Charlie looked over at Vaggie and Y/N, Vaggie looked to the side, a concerned look on her face. Y/N shrugged her shoulders.

"Sound fair?" Charlie asked.

"Hmm, fair enough,"

"Cool beans,"

Alastor hummed while he looked around, suddenly he grabbed Vaggie by the chin. "Smile my dear!" he said. "You know you're never fully dressed without one."

Alastor continued to walk around, humming.

"What's he doing?" Y/N whispered to Vaggie.

"No clue," she whispered back. "But whatever it is, I don't like it."

"So where is your hotel staff?" Alastor asked Charlie.

"Uhh well..." Charlie said, looking over at Vaggie and Y/N.

Alastor laughed. "You're going to need more than that,"

Behind Alastor's back, Y/N flipped him off.

"And what you can do my feminine fellow?" Alastor asked Angel.

"I can suck your dick!"

"Hah! No!"

"Your loss,"

"Well, this just won't do," Alastor said. "I supposed I can cash in a few favors to liven things up."

"Um, what do you mean by that?" Y/N asked, Alastor ignored her.

He snapped his fingers, and something appeared in the fireplace.

He walked over and picked it up. It was small and had soot all over it, whatever it was.

Suddenly, it's eye opened, staring at them all. Y/N backed up.

It moved and all the soot off of it was gone. It was a little demon, resembling a cockroach. She smiled at the four of them, her one eye looking around.

"This little darling is Niffty," Alastor said, dropping her.

"Hi! I'm Niffty!" she said, waving at them "It's been a while since I've made new friends! Why are you all women? Is there any men here!? I'm sorry, that's rude. Oh man, this place is filthy! This place really needs a lady's touch, which is weird because you're all ladies, no offense. Oh my gosh this is awful!" she said, running around, dusting.

The four of them stared at Niffty in confusion, and a little bit of fear.

Alastor snapped his fingers again and a grumpy looking cat hybrid appeared.

"What the fuck is this?" the cat asked.

"You!" he said, pointing at Alastor.

"Oh, Husker, my good friend, glad you could make it!" Alastor said.

'So that's his name,' Y/N thought. 'He's not that bad looking.'

"Don't you 'Husker' me you son of a bitch!" Husker said. "I was about to win the whole damn pot!"

"Good to see you too!"

"What the hell do you want with me this time?"

"My friend, I am doing some charity work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services, I hope that's okay!" Alastor said.

"Are you shittin' me?"

"Hmm, no I don't think so!" Alastor said cheerfully.

Husker pushed Alastor off of him. "You thought it would be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere!?" he said. "You think I'm some kind of fucking clown!?"

"Maybe,"

"I ain't doing no fucking charity job," Husker said.

"Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment." Alastor said, pointing at the hotel bar. "With your charming smile and welcoming energy, this job was made for you. Don't worry my friend, I can make this more welcoming, if you wish," Alastor said, summoning a bottle of booze.

Husker stared at the bottle for a moment.

"What? You think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze!?" Husker said, grabbing the bottle. "Well you can," he said downing the bottle.

'An alchoholic, even better.' Y/N thought.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Vaggie said. "No bar! No alchohol! This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin, not some kind of brothel man cave!"

"Shut up!" Angel said, tackling Vaggie. "We are keeping this!" he said, pointing to Husker.

"Hey," he said, leaning on the bar.

"Go fuck yourself," Husk said

"Only if you watch me,"

Y/N pushed Angel out of the way. "Sorry about him, he's horny all the time, you get used to it after a while."

Husk looked her up and down, a small smile coming onto his face. Before he could say something, Charlie came and pushed herself in between them.

"Oh my gosh! Welcome to the Happy Hotel!" she exclaimed, stars in her eyes. "You are going to love it here!"

"I lost the ability to love years ago," he said, drinking more of the booze.

"So, what do you think?" Alastor asked.

"This is amazing!" Charlie said, a huge smile on her face.

"Not bad, I'll give you that," Y/N said, walking towards him.

"It's okay," Vaggie said.

Alastor laughed, pulling the three of them closer to him. "This is going to be very entertaining!"

Vaggie and Y/N removed themselves from his grasp, Y/N walked back to the bar.

~Alastor's song plays. I forgot the name of it~

Before Alastor could finish his song, there was an explosion outside, creating a hole in the wall. That piece of wall flew and hit Niffty.

Looking outside, Y/N saw the steampunk looking blimp that was on the news that day.

"Well, well, well, we meet yet again, Alasstor," Sir Pentious said.

"Do I know you?" Alastor asked.

Sir Pentious' face fell. "Oh yes you do, and this time I have the element of surprisse!"

A ray gun came out of the blimp, pointing at the seven of them.

"I'm so evil!" Sir Pentious laughed.

Suddenly, a portal opened up beneath the blimp, black tentacles came out of it, grabbing onto the blimp.

Y/N could hear Sir Pentious screaming.

Suddenly, the portal dissapered and the blimp exploded.

Everyone was looking at Alastor with a 'what the fuck' look on their faces.

"Well, I'm starved!" Alastor said. "Who wants some jambalaya! My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for jambalaya. In fact, it nearly killed her!"

"I hate my life," Y/N heard Husker mutter.

"Don't we all?" Y/N said as they walked back into the hotel. "I'm Y/N by the way, do you mind if I call you Husk instead of Husker? It takes less time to say."

Husker looked at her, confusion on his face, then that small smile cmae back onto his face.

"No, I wouldn't mind one bit, Isabell,"

sorry that there isn't more husk, he doesnt have a lot of screen time in the pilot 😭

i wanna try the mcrib from mcdonalds

this lovely banner was made by the lovely @al-of-the-stars

and also i wont be uploading the next chapter of singin in the rain fro a few days, cuz my amazon prime isnt working for some weird reason

also, y/n isn't charlie's bio aunt

stay safe and drink lots of water <33

xoxo, Izzy

Taglist 💃

@mysticwitchcraftco

@diffidentphantom

@wendigonamecaller

@barrythestrawberry041

@jx3-xd

[harrywavycurly]

Hey Sarah I’m in a mood and I was wondering if you could break my heart (pls put it back together tho) with any of the Eddies or Joes

Hiii lovey!! I will gladly break your heart and I’m gonna be totally honest I had a whole moment where I went “what if…I don’t put it back together?” but don’t worry I will…eventually(I really will fix it I promise) 🙈 but I did this in a conversation formate because that’s how it flowed the best in my mind so I hope you enjoy💖

-I had to create a whole new Eddie for this because I simply couldn’t bring myself to break any of my precious babies hearts😂

A/N: This has a cliff hanger and I’m sorry I feel like it’s necessary and you’ll see why, don’t hate me✨

“You know staring at it won’t make it magically disappear right?…you’re gonna have to open it eventually.” “Gee thanks Steve…what would I do without your words of wisdom?” “Listen jackass sitting here on your front porch staring at a cardboard box isn’t exactly how I planned on spending my Friday night okay?” “Then why’d you come over?” “Because…you called and sounded all…upset…and you’re like one of my bestfriends so…here I am.” “Thanks…” “So…what’d you do?” “I fucked up.” “I mean yeah…that’s a little obvious…I mean what did you actually do to make her send all your stuff back in a box marked…the asshole’s stuff?” “We got into an argument and she walked out and I didn’t go after her.” “Wait..what?..what do you mean you didn’t go after her?” “I mean exactly what I said Steve…I said some shit…she said some shit and then she left and I just…let her….” “What was this argument about?” “She got a wedding invitation from some girl we went to high school with and it made her all…happy and hopeful for our future and..she started talking about us getting married and I just…I’m not ready for all that shit man I’m only twenty three I can’t be someone’s husband.” “Okay so you just tell her you’re not ready yet…you don’t just throw in the fucking towel Eddie.” “You didn’t see her face when she was talking about our lives together Steve…she’s ready for that like right now and I don’t…I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.” “What exactly did you say to her?” “I just told her…if she’s looking for someone to marry she’s looking in the wrong place…and…and she just..called me a selfish asshole and left.” “Well she wasn’t wrong…and that’s when you just let her drive away?” “I didn’t even move from the couch…I sat there the rest of the night because I just assumed she’d come back after she calmed down a bit.” “You’re such an idiot man…but just tell me…is it the idea of being with her forever that you don’t think you’re ready for? Or is just being her husband you can’t wrap your head around?” “I love her…more than anyone and I know she’s it for me but I’m not husband material Steve and that’s not…fare to her.” “Oh fuck off with that…she clearly thinks your husband material or she wouldn’t bring it up so don’t go trying to say you did this as a favor to her okay? You did this because you’re scared.” “I’m not scared.” “Yes you fucking are Eddie…you’re terrified that someone else loves you so much that they literally want to be legally bound to you…that’s some heavy shit man so I get it but that’s why you made her run away…it has nothing to do with this lame ass excuse of you not being husband material.” “I just..I don’t want to fuck it up..I’ve seen enough horrible marriages I don’t need to be apart of one too.” “Sorry to break it to you man but…you kinda already did.” “Yeah…I did didn’t I? She couldn’t even write my name on the box…” “Oh asshole isn’t your first name? I’m shocked.” “Fuck off…” “Sorry…but you wanna go through it now or…wait?” “I don’t need to go through it…I know what’s in it.” “Oh really? What?” “A few mix cds I made her… a teddy bear from a claw machine at the arcade…some letters…a photo of us at the lake one summer and hopefully a few Metallica shirts.” “Letters?” “Yeah? We used to write each other all the time…it was like our way of expressing how we felt sometimes when we couldn’t really…get the words out…why are you looking at me like that?” “Do you want her back?” “What?” “Answer the question man.” “Yes…yes I want her back…” “Just checking…because…I may have an idea…” “Okay…I’m listening…”

[specialagentlokitty]

Neytiri x reader - learning about you

Could I please request an avatar imagine where the reader is part of the avatar programme, jakes sibling, and deaf, and when Neytiri saves them both, she is protective of the reader who has an interest in na’vi culture and the two share a sibling like bond? - Anon 💜

A/N: na’vi will be in italics and sign language will be in bold

You were mesmerised by everything on Pandora, you were captivated it by all. Never had you seen such beauty before in your life.

Following behind your older brother, you hand your hand on the back of his wheelchair as he led you down the hallways while you looked around, taking everything in.

You were taken to a lab, and Jake stopped making you stop and look down at him.

Can you find her?

Looking around, you nodded your head and pointed across the room, going over to look at your avatar.

She was stunning, deep blue skin, little white dots that could almost resemble fireworks, beautiful black hair and a thin long tail.

While you were admiring your own avatar, you weren’t aware of someone trying to talk to you, but Jake heard it and turned away from Grace who was explaining basic things to him.

“Uhm Norm? She can’t hear you.”

Norm stopped and stepped away from you, turning to your brother.

“Seriously?”

“Deaf since birth, hold on.”

Jake pulled a small ball from his pocket and threw it at you, hitting you in the back of the head making you frown as turned around.

You stuck your middle finger up at him, grabbing the ball you walked over and handed it back.

What the hell was that for?

Jake stuffed the ball in his pocket.

I’m going to introduce everyone.

And he did, he told you everyone’s names in sign, and you rolled your eyes at the names he had given them before pulled a whiteboard and pen from your bag.

You scribbled something on it and flipped it around.

‘Sorry, can you write down your names? Jackass here thought it would be funny to give you sign names instead.’

“Seriously?” Grace sighed to him.

She took the board from you writing down her name, Norm and Max did the same and you nodded, making a mental note of it before rubbing them out.

You looked back at the group and Grace motioned for the board so you handed it over to her, letting her write something down before handing it back.

‘Did you do the training programme?’

You nodded to her before rubbing out the sentence and wrote something else to show her.

‘I did, yes. Also I can lip read, I’ll just use this to reply.’

You looked at her for confirmation and when she had read it she nodded and you set it aside so you could watch her talk.

“They’ll be ready for you to trail run them tomorrow. For now try teach that moron some of what you know otherwise he’s going to be totally useless to us.”

You nodded and turned to Jake.

You’re useless.

He scoffed, flipping you off and you smirked down at him.

The rest of the day went without a hitch, you attended a meeting which you didn’t pay attention too, you tried teaching Jake some stuff he needed to know and he wasn’t paying attention.

When the next day came, you found yourself excited to join with your avatar, to become na’vi.

Waiting by your pod, you leant over it to look at Jake getting into his.

Do you think I’ll be able to hear?

Guess we’ll find out, if you can hear I can walk.

You grinned a little, both of you were beyond excited and you quickly climbed into your pod, watching Grace’s lips carefully as she spoke about what you needed to you.

You knew all of this, but getting told again was never a bad thing.

The pod closed and you closed your eyes, taking a deep breath as you waited for the link to connect.

You weren’t sure if it took a long time or if it was quick, but soon enough you were opening your eyes with people staring down at you, but the whole room was quiet and you frowned a little.

Your ears flickered as you tried to pick up on the sound but you couldn’t, and you turned your head to the side to look at your brother who was sitting up to look at you.

“(Y/N)…?” He asked softly.

You shot up in surprise, ears flickering again, tail swishing an you heard some doctors cry out for you to stop and calm down.

“(Y/N)?” Jake grinned a little.

You smiled wildly, banging your hands against the table in excitement, you could hear him.

“You can hear! You can hear me!” He laughed.

Jake stood up on uneasy legs and you did the same, crushing him into a hug which he happily returned and despite the doctors wanting you both to lay down they couldn’t help but smile.

You pulled away and sat down like they wanted you too, but Jake had other plans, he ran away and Norm chased after him while you waited for the doctors to finish doing their checks.

One of them walked over handing you a tablet.

“Since you’ve been deaf since birth we aren’t sure if you can learn to talk, but in your avatar body you can head. We had our doubt about it to be honest. We’ve got you this so you can communicate.”

You smiled and nodded thanks, flicking your eyes to the door and she stood aside, letting you leave.

You were amazed by how it looked outside, all the sights but especially the sounds.

You focused on everything, trying to focus on one thing at a time but you couldn’t, and it began to get overwhelming, so to try and fix it you covered your ears but it did nothing.

“I had a feeling this would happen, here.”

Grace appeared and handed you something, gesturing for you to put it in your ears so you did, and it dimmed all the noise to just background noise.

“It’ll take a while for you to get used to hearing, but you can still sign, or talk through that whatever works best.”

You nodded your head and watched as Jake came running back over and you let out a silent laugh.

“This is amazing! Isn’t it amazing?!” Jake gushed.

You smiled at him and nodded your head.

I can’t believe you can hear stuff like this all the time!

He rolled his eyes at you.

“You can walk, I think it’s only fair.”

Rolling your eyes to him, you lightly punched his shoulder and he smiled a little, gesturing for you to follow him so you did.

You guys walked around for a bit and he talked nonstop, he was excited to be able to finally talk to you, for you to actually be able to hear his voice for the first time in your lives.

The next day came and you found yourself sitting in a helicopter, high above the ground, marvelling at all the sights.

Grace had made you special noise cancelling earplugs for when you were around heavy machinery, so when Jake wanted to talk to you he tapped your shoulder.

Are you going to be part of their research team too?

You shook your head.

No. I’m just here to observe everyone is following rules and guidelines.

He nodded his head and when you guys landed, you waited to be told you could take your earplugs out, and when you did you were smiling brightly.

“You really love the sounds Huh?” Norm smiled.

You nodded your head excitedly and while you watched then for a moment taking samples, hearing movement behind you, you turned your head to look.

“Come on.” Jake whispered.

Nodding, you followed along behind him, letting him lead the way.

You weren’t expecting to be confronted by a large creature, and you weren’t expecting Jake to scared it away, but when you heard the growl behind you you slowly turned and froze in place.

You didn’t even get chance to process what it was before you were being screamed at to go.

“Run!”

Jake took your hand and you were both running as far away as you could from the creature, and after what felt like years you managed to get away.

Looking around, you frowned a little when you couldn’t find your little group anymore and you turned to Jake.

Where are we?

He shook his head.

“I.. I don’t know, come on, we’ll be fine.” He smiled.

Jake took your arm and you both started to move, trying to find somewhere safe for the night as it was quickly growing dark and you knew they wouldn’t be able to find out after the sun sets.

While you searched your bag for the tablet, Jake used some stuff to make a torch in order for you both to see.

“Do you have it?”

You looked up at him and shook your head, gesturing to the bag which just held some research stuff.

I must have left it.

“Crap, okay, just stay behind me.”

You nodded and walked behind him, back against his as you both turned around, surrounded by viperwolfs.

“Get down!” Jake yelled.

You didn’t need to be told twice, you crouched and he used the flames to try and discourage the animals from getting any closer.

Hands covering your ears, you tried to block out all the sounds, the snarls, the yips and barks and jakes yelling.

Burying your face in your knees, you tried to tune it all out.

You had no idea what was going on, but your head was hurting, everything was so loud, so tiring and painful you wanted it all to stop.

When the animals started to cry out, you curled in on yourself even more, their cries piercing your ears, drilling straight into your brain and you needed it all to just stop.

You felt Jake behind you, his hands covering yours to help block out all of the sounds that were invading your ears.

Jake turned to the Na’vi who shot them, killed them to save you both and he sighed a little, giving her a small smile as he stood up and walked over.

She picked up the torch and Jake panicked.

“Hey wait! Don’t!”

She had already thrown it and he sighed, following her as she spoke in a different language to one of the creatures laying in the ground, stick clutched tightly in his hands.

He looked around amazed, and he looked over to you before making his way over.

“(Y/N), here.”

He crouched down, pulling the ear plugs from your bag, putting them in your ears.

Finally you looked up at him and he pulled you up, leading you over as you looked around at the glowing forest.

“Look I know you probably don’t understand this, but uh… thank you.”

He looked at her, crouching down, and you turned to watch what she was doing.

“Thank you.” Jake repeated.

You looked at him.

“That was pretty impressive.”

The woman looked at you both.

“We would’ve been screwed if you hadn’t come alone.” He laughed a little.

You placed a hand on his shoulder, gesturing to follow her. She was your best chance of survival.

“Hey wait a second. Hey where you going?” He asked.

You both followed followed her, and while Jake kept talking you looked at all the sights, but when she spun around and hit Jake with her bow you panicked.

“Damn!”

Looking down at Jake you carefully watched the woman.

She placed her bow at his chin and you gently pushed it away, making her step back as she spoke to him.

She flicked her eyes to you and then back to him.

You took the ears plugs out to listen.

“You like a baby, making noise. Don’t know what to do.”

He tried shushing her and you smacked the back of his head as he stood up.

He glared a little and turned to her to carry on their conversation.

He asked her why she saved the pair of you.

“You have a strong heart. No fear.” She said to him.

Then she pointed at you.

“This one has a pure soul, but a deep struggle.”

Then she turned back to him.

“But stupid! Ignorant like a child!”

Jake laughed, turning to you and you rolled your eyes, pushing him to follow her and you both jogged to keep up.

He kept trying to talk while running across the log, and nearly fell but she caught him, calling him a baby again making you smile.

She told you both to go back, and you watched as small white things fell from the sky and Jake hit one making her hiss.

He hit another and she grabbed his arms, speaking to herself as she watched them surround your and your older brother.

Finally she let you follow her you two were captured by others and led to a large tree which you watched in amazement, admiring everything.

Your ear plugs were still in, and while Jake spoke with them, Neytiri watched you closely.

You didn’t seem to be hearing anything, and as they asked what Jake did, they turned to you.

“You, what do you do?”

You didn’t reply and the leader growled a little and one of them went to grab you but Jake stopped them, placing his hand on his shoulder.

He gestured for you to take the ear plugs out and you did, turning to face them.

“What are you?”

You turned to Jake.

Tell them I am a doctor, a healer and a researcher.

“Shes a healer, and a researcher like Dr Augustine.”

“Why will she not speak?” A woman asked.

“She can’t. She was born deaf, she cannot hear so she never learned how to speak.” Jake replied.

Neytiri walked over and wiggled her fingers, so you handed the earplugs to her, letting her exam them before handing them to her parents.

“And these?” Her father asked.

“In this body (Y/N) can hear, but noise can be to much for her. These block out that noise.”

He handed them back to Neytiri who gave them back to you, and Jake nodded, telling you to put them back in so you did.

While they talked he signed everything to you both and eventually you were allowed to stay and learn with them, though you had to change.

Neytiri had instantly taken an interest in you, and the next day as you watched your brother try to learn how to ride a Direhorse she turned to you.

She did the same thing Jake did to tell you to remove the ear plugs so you did, and she pulled you away somewhere a bit quieter.

“You cannot talk, yes?” She asked.

You nodded your head.

“So how do you communicate with your people? Your brother?”

You waved your hands in the air and grabbed a small stick, writing in the dirt.

‘I can write, or sign.’

She took a few moments to read it.

“Sign? What is this?”

You looked around before gesturing for her to follow you which she did, you lead to her grab and picked up a rock, throwing it at his head as he wiped mud from his face.

“Seriously?” He asked you.

Walking over, he stood in front of you.

Can you translate?

“Yeah. Sure.”

Neytiri had her eyes glued to your hands as they moved, and she tried copying some of the movements, something both you and Jake noticed.

Smiling, you turned to Jake.

Do you think we can teach her?

Maybe. We can always try.

You nodded and pointed to her.

“It’s sign language, it’s how people who can’t hear or talk communicate. Do you want to learn?”

“Yes! Yes I do! I wish to be able to talk to you in your language.” She smiled at you.

So you taught her, and she was a quick learner, and now you didn’t have to worry about finding Jake, because she had caught on to most of it easily.

You had to change some things to help her, but it worked just the same.

Sitting by a stream with Neytiri, she was asking questions about you and practicing her sign.

“If you are healer, why not heal your ears?” She asked.

Turning to face her you sighed a little bit before replying.

I don’t have the money, that procedure is really expensive it cost a lot. I spent my whole life in silence, so I wasn’t that rushed to change it.

“Oh I see. Would you change it if you could?”

You thought for a moment.

Some days yes. Some days no. It’s nice not having to hear Jake complain.

She laughed loudly making you smile.

You tapped her shoulder, making her turn to you.

Can you tell me more about Eywa?

“You wish to learn more of our culture?”

She seemed shocked and you smiled and nodded your head.

Neytiri immediately grew excited and jumped up, whistling for her banshee and she helped you up, making sure you were safe.

She took to the air, and you looked around, eyes glued to the white tree as you approached it.

When you landed she took your hand and led you over, getting you to sit down with her as she started to explain Eywa, and their beliefs and culture to you.

And you happy sat there listened along while you admired the beautiful tree.

Neytiri smiled when she looked at you, ears flicking a little as she spoke, tilting your head every now and then.

She wondered if you would ever learn to talk, maybe that’s something she could ask Eywa to help with, to bring you your voice.

But she was happy talking to you in sign language, a few others of the tribe were learning from here so they could talk to you too.

Since Neytiri took you under her wing, adopted you as her own sister everyone wanted to know you, talk to you and learn about you.

Neytiri was going to make sure to teach you everything to keep yourself safe, things you could do without having to rely on your hearing in case you couldn’t use it

[half-dead-ham]

I've waited this long

Day two of Shipweek is Soulmates! And so I offer the masses a humble Roy Harper/Danny Fenton ship, so rare they don't even have a ship name yet! Upon the offer of one, I may be tempted to make more of this ship, they are a match made in hell imo. ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

here's: [Ao3]

Despite how much Danny’s parents invest in the scientific method, they were never one’s to believe in things like ‘fate’ or ‘destiny’. They stood by their ideals that ghosts were real but soulmates were things people imagined so much a market grew for it, despite forty per-cent of the population having one.

 So of course the first thing Danny’s parents did when Danny showed off the white ring he got on his left middle finger was tell him to take it off.

 He told them he couldn’t, of course. Danny didn’t know what soulmates even were, he was only four. When he asked them why, they thought he was playing a prank. They tried to take it off his finger by force, but of course it wouldn't budge. They ran tests and did experiments and theorized and hypothesized and hummed and hawed until they were pulling their hair out.

 And still the ring would not leave little Danny Fenton’s finger.

 They finally settled on Danny having some sort of allergic reaction with the metal and surrounding samples of ectoplasm bonding the ring to his finger temporarily and told him to test it every once in a while to see if it came off.

 And then they forgot about it.

 Jazz found Danny later, curled up and crying on his bed after the whole ordeal. She comforted him, told him what the ring actually was, and said that if he ever did find his soulmate that he shouldn’t bring it up to his parents. He silently agreed, then drifted to sleep in her arms.

~~~~~

    Stupid idiot. Stupid Danny. Why did you follow Rory into a city you didn’t have the map for?

 Danny kicked a crumpled can along the sidewalk, watching it skitter along the pavement as he tried to remember which street he had turned from. He honestly didn’t even want to be here, in a city so far from Amity and his parents, it wasn’t his idea to sign him up for the end-of-school field trip; it was Jazz’s. Danny would rather be back in Amity Park, playing DOOMED with Tucker while they figure out what classes they were most likely to have together in high school.

 Instead he was lost in a city he’d never been to, thanks to his free time buddy, Rory, leading him around after stealing his phone and stranding him without the map they were given. Jackass.

 Another kick to the can sent Danny’s current stress relief straight into a storm drain. Danny froze, staring at the spot it had disappeared, before letting out a sound that was half growl, half groan. Stomping back on his original path, Danny sneered at his sneakers. He was going to murder Rory over this, there were enough tools in their stupid basement for Danny to beat that stupid smirk off that ass and- “Oof!”

 Danny staggered back a step, clutching his nose as he blinked up at what- who- he had bumped into.

 Concerned jade eyes met his lake blue as a boy slightly taller than him rushed to grab his shoulders and stabilize him. He froze, deer-in-the-headlights style as the stranger swept his eyes over the rest of Danny to make sure nothing was damaged.

 “You okay?” The other asked, jolting Danny out of his daze.

 “Uh, yeah, of course!” Danny squeaked out, feeling a small embarrassed flush warm his face.

 The stranger looked down slightly, to Danny’s confusion. He quickly realized he still has his hand over his face like an idiot.

 “Ope- yeah totally okay!” Danny quickly tore his hand away from his face in further embarrassment, really hoping he was right in not feeling any signs to the start of a nosebleed. Just to make sure, he checked his palm, giving a small sigh of relief at not seeing any red, just some light pink on his finger… Wait-

 He spun his hand around, making sure to check if his ring really had turned pink.

 “Holy shit,” the guy in front of him whispered, and looking up Danny could see him inspecting his own pink ring. Maybe he should thank Rory instead of murdering him, the guy led him to his soulmate after all.

 The guy- his soulmate oh god he needed to tell Jazz- looked up to him, stunned and a little awestruck. Danny, for lack of anything else to do, stuck his hand out with a goofy grin as he introduced himself.

 “Hey, my name’s Danny; Danny Fenton. Looks like you’re my soulmate.”

 ∆•∆•∆•∆

 So as it turned out, the guy -Roy was his name- was a Star city native. After they made their introductions Danny asked if Roy knew the way back to his hotel. Roy gave him the most confused look he’d seen on him (yet) and told him that he’d almost made it to a completely different part of the city, and “why the fuck are you in the south side to begin with?” And, well Danny sheepishly explained his situation as they started walking the right way back.

 While Roy didn’t say much to his explanation, the brilliant vermillion Danny’s ring turned probably meant that he and his soulmate had the same thoughts about Rory at the moment.

 It was nearing supper time by the time Danny and Roy made it back to the hotel, and Roy was unfortunately witness to the rant Danny’s teacher went on about “Staying with his buddy” and “not following strangers in a large city”. As soon as Roy held their rings up she redacted her last statement with a click of her jaw. Roy then proceeded to explain to Ms. Montal about how Danny’s “buddy” left him stranded in a different part of the city without his phone, and how if Roy hadn’t found him that she might’ve had to resort to calling the police and explain how unsafe it was to have kids running around the city unsupervised.

 Yeah, Danny was definitely glad Roy was with him at that moment. The nice shade of red that tinted Ms. Montal’s face -either in embarrassment over being so thoroughly called out by someone the same age as her students, or seething rage- had Danny moving a hand over his mouth to muffle his suppressed laughter. He didn’t know if it was any help, if the glare that could melt steel he got from his teacher was any indication.

 After they got to watch the lovely conversation Rory had with their teacher for leaving Danny behind, he asked if Roy wanted to come up to his room to talk some more after they had supper. Roy refused, saying he had somewhere to get to and the dinner was already pushing his time into the ‘late’ category. He asked if there was any good time for them to meet up the next day, but again their schedules didn’t line up. Roy asked about the day after, but they couldn't meet then, as tomorrow was their last day in the city.

 Danny stared at his shoes, at a loss for what to do. He really wanted to spend more time with his soulmate now that they’ve met, especially when Roy had so many stories about his mentor/foster father and his screw ups.

 “Well, you have a phone right?” Roy asked. When he nodded Roy’s face split into a grin. “Then you can just give me your number!”

 They ended up trading both phone numbers and emails, just in case. Apparently Roy had just as much of a chance to break or lose his phone as Danny did.

 With one last wave, Roy walked back the way they had come, the light of the dying sun setting his red hair ablaze. With how far apart they lived, Danny wondered if they would ever get to see each other again face-to-face.

 He hoped they would.

~~~~~

  Star City

 August 28th 2006,

15:07 PDT

 While getting a ride back from Oliver's house Roy felt something. He didn’t know what that something was exactly, but it felt like someone just hit him with a live wire and dunked him in a bath of hydrogen peroxide.

 It hurt.

 It hurt like someone haddunked him in acid, slammed him into an electric fence then gave him a million paper cuts and bathed him in lemon juice. It hurt so much he screamed and blacked out.

 Apparently it hurt so much for Oliver to pull the car over, because the next time he could see clearly he was leaning up against the side of the car on the pavement. Olliver was in front of him, worry clear on his face. He blinked as his mentor fretted over him, thoughts not really deeper than ‘god that hurt like a bitch’. 

 A light wind brushed his cheek and the cold stuck in tracks down to his chin. Absently, he brought his hand to his face, feeling the damp trails that led to his chin. Was he crying? He groaned, twitching with aftershocks and trying to think about anything other than the feeling of full body pins and needles he had.

 “Roy,” his mentor called, voice shaken. Why was the Green Arrow so shaken over what just happened?

 Roy looked to his mentor, only to find that Oliver was looking at the hand he had raised to his cheek. Dread settling in his stomach, Roy shakily lifted his hand up.

 The band around his middle finger was charcoal black.

 It felt like someone had just squeezed all the air out of his lungs. It couldn’t- no. Danny was fine.  They had just talked yesterday, he couldn’t be dead! There was no way Danny could have died, it was impossible.

 Roy was shaking now, for a completely different reason than the pain he just felt. He jerkily grabbed the ring between two fingers, desperately trying to- to- to do something! Either to rub the dirt (it was just dirt it had to be Danny couldn’t be dead) or keep the piece of jewelry from crumbling off his finger. It still felt solid, despite its colour being the exact color soul rings turn when a person’s soulmate dies. 

 Desperately he looked to Oliver. He was the adult here, he should know what to do, right? 

 But the stare Roy got back from his mentor was one full of grief and sadness, not the look he got when he was able to help, just loss. Roy’s lungs weren’t drawing in breath. His hand went from his ring to his phone, ripping it out of his pants pocket and dialling the one number he needed to pick up right now. Please Danny please pick up.

 The Dial tone rang once, twice, thrice. The whole time Roy repeated please pick up please pick up please pick up in his head, eyes never leaving the black band on his finger.

 “Roy?” Danny’s voice rasped through the receiver and Roy’s lungs finally caught breath.

 “Holy fuck Danny, are you okay? What happened‽” Roy nearly screamed into the phone, to Oliver's clear shock as he looked between the still black band and the cellphone in Roy’s hand.

 “Nothing,” Danny groaned, clearly still in pain. “I just got a small shock from one of my parents' inventions.”

 “Bullshit,” Roy shot back. “If you call what you got a ‘small shock’ then where the fuck did the police TAZER shoot me from?”

 Another groan from the other end of the line, along with the sounds of hushed voices that he couldn’t make out. Rustling fabric and soft footsteps was all that he listened to for what he thought was too long until Danny spoke up again.

 “Look, I don’t really know what to tell you right now, Roy… I just feel like I got hit by a train and everything’s still kinda…” Danny trails off for a moment, making Roy worry that he passed out or something, but a sigh fills the call with static and then Danny’s back. “I just really need a bit to not feel like shit now, Roy. You think I can call you back tomorrow? We can talk more then.”

 Was- wh- is Danny really just brushing all that pain off? Like it was nothing?? Like ‘oh, of course Danny, all you need is a little sleep and you’ll be good to go tomorrow!’ Fuck no, thats not how this works!

 Another grunt of pain makes its way through the line, and Roy sighs. ‘Danny is alive,’ he reminds himself, ‘and he’ll still be alive then he wakes up tomorrow’. Even while thinking it the words sound like a lie. The band around his finger is still black. Logically Danny shouldn’t be talking with him at all, he shouldn’t have been able to pick up the call. A small voice in the back of his brain whispers to him, ‘Someone got to him, someone who wanted to use him to get to Green Arrow. That isn’t Danny on the phone, it's a fake’. It's a part he’s afraid to prove right.

 “Sure, Danny. Just- just tell me one thing right now, okay?” He’s practically begging his soulmate -who he thinks is his soulmate- as his voice grows dry. A grunt was all he got in reply.

 “What color is my ring right now?”

~~~~~

 Star City general hospital

 November 12th 2007,

15:07 PDT

 Danny is dead, for real this time.

 Roy doesn’t know when it happened, he’d been taken by Luthor and his goons for the last three months and the whole experience was a bit of a blur, but sometime during that Danny's ring finally crumbled off his finger.

 He sat in the hospital bed, refusing to acknowledge the tears coming from his eyes as he stared at his bare finger. ‘I should’ve been there for him, I should have made sure he was okay.’ His thoughts spiraled as he wished, begged, for the ring to magically reappear on his finger. He prayed to every higher power he could think of to bring Danny back. Just one more day with his stupid texts, his long rants about the stars, his anything. He’d give the world to hear his soulmate's voice again.

 A knock on the hospital room door had him scrambling to wipe his face of tears and clear his voice as quietly as he could.

 “Come in,” he tried not to croak. He could tell it was Ollie as soon as he opened the door, but still he didn’t turn his head.

 “Roy…” His mentor didn’t know what to say either, he almost wanted to scoff. Of course the old man didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know the first thing about having a soulmate. In the end it was something he had to deal with himself.

 They stayed there, silence choking them like a snake coiling around its prey. Roy really didn’t want his old man to see how bad he was taking it, and his old man couldn’t console him for the gaping emptiness he was feeling. So they just did nothing, frozen like a picture in time.

 Finally, a sigh escaped the man behind Roy. “I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner,” he murmured out. He sounded so broken. And still Roy didn’t turn to face him, he just struggled and failed to keep a sob from escaping him.

 That day Roy told himself to keep the memories he had of Danny close to him, and to never speak about him to anyone again.

~~~~~

Star City

January  19th 2011,

21:25 PDT

 ‘Everything… Was a lie. Everything I knew about myself isn’t real. I was just a pawn, a chess piece for someone else's game.’

 Vandal Savage, that asshole.

Roy (was he even really Roy if he was just a replacement?) was in… not his room. It was Roy’s room in Ollie’s place. It was dark, he didn’t bother to turn the light on when he came in and was just watching the lights of the city from out his window.

 What… What should he do now? He can’t just go on living somebody else's life now that he knows it isn’t his own. That would be wrong, and fucked up even for him.

 But Guardian, he had said that the light didn’t have the real Roy. If the light didn’t actually have him, then where was he? He refused to believe the real Roy was actually dead, those fuckers wouldn’t kill him off after cloning him. It was too easy, to just dispose of a chess piece that still has use? No, they wouldn���t do that…

 Right?

 He stood up and walked to the window, tracing the lights of cars criss-crossing along the roads like lines of ants.

 No. No, he refused to believe the real Roy was dead. He couldn’t be, he would eat his bow before he believed the real Roy wasn’t still out there.

 And Roy was, he would find him.

~~~~~

Washington D. C.

March 8th 2011,

21:07 EDT

Today's search with Jim was a bust, a complete waste of time. Even with the new tech provided by the league, the Wayne Ecogram unit told them the exact same thing as what we already found the last dozen times we went down there. Nothing. Not a scrap or clue or anything.

 He layed in bed on his stomach as he groused over the day. He could still feel that Roy was alive somewhere, like an itch just under his skin. It was telling him to keep searching, look, find him but people were starting to lose faith.

 He was just so tired. He hadn’t moved in hours since he got back, just thinking over what little they knew of what happened. He turned his head so he could see out of the window. The lights still shone from the city outside, people going on with their nights- with their lives- while he was stuck watching as time marched forward mockingly. His neck protested the movement, muscles sore from overwork and the strain of being still for hours making itself known as he finally moved to haul himself into a sitting position.

 On a brighter note, Jim had his lab work come back. They were in the same boat now, both being cloned from the same guy. Though somehow he still felt like they weren’t on the same page.

 Jim already had his own identity, his own self built personality. He wasn’t meant to be a copy of someone, a replacement. No, Jim wasn’t aware of the feeling of getting the rug ripped out from under your feet because you find out (in the worst way possible) that the life you’d been living, the fucking name you used, wasn’t your own. He was blissfully unaware of how that sucker punch to the gut felt, and so it left him alone even with someone like him to understand.

 And he was just. So. Tired.

 But he couldn’t rest.

~~~~~

Star City

November 9th 2011,

17:22 PST

 Ten months.

 It has been ten months since this search had started for the real Roy, and not even the Bats have found anything. The League has resorted to tailing Luthor on rotation for any clues, but they’ve started asking why they were still trying.

 ‘Roy’ had pulled Robin away to Star City with him, so they could go through the original Roy's things. He honestly hadn’t bothered to touch most of the older things in Roy’s room, he was too focused on the mission at the time to care for whatever little civilian interaction he had kept for convenience. It had taken some convincing, but Robin at least saw how hard he was working.

 “Dude, when was the last time you checked your inbox?” The Boy Wonder asked as he scrolled through old emails and spam on a laptop he had found buried under a clothes pile.

 “A while,” he drawled sarcastically as he searched an old box of trick arrowheads. Honestly why did he even have these in here?

 Robin continued to scroll as he quickly lost interest with the box, shoving it off his lap in frustration and moved to pick through the bottom of Roy’s closet. Quiet settled for a while, with only the occasional sounds of ‘Roy’s grunting and the clicking of the laptops trackpad keys.

 “Hey Roy…” He turned to look at the Boy Wonder as he read something from the laptop, eyebrows scrunched together behind his pointless sunglasses. “Since when did you have a soulmate?”

 The question struck him like an arrow to the heart, making him straighten where he sat. He had almost forgotten by now that he- Roy- had had a soulmate before he went missing. A wave of sadness washed over him as he realised Roy would never be able to see Danny again.

 “I don’t,” he replied softly, unsure of how to feel over those memories. “Danny died sometime while I was kidnapped by Luthor, I didn’t know about it until I was in the hospital.”

 “Who told you that?” Robin asked cautiously, eyes going back and forth from the screen to his face.

 “I…” He… couldn’t remember. He could’ve sworn it was Ollie, but he couldn’t remember having the conversation- with anyone. Just the immense feeling of loss afterwards. But it was something so important to him- to Roy- why couldn’t he remember? “Why?” He asked instead, “what did you find on there?”

 Robin just shuffled up the bed some, making space for him to sit down beside him. At first he didn’t understand what he was looking at, just a short message from Danny; nothing too personal, just saying something about him being worried over him and asking to get in touch when he could. It read like one of their old conversations they would have before Luthor got him, so why was Robin showing him this?

 “Look at the date it was sent,” Robin instructed, pointing to the little bar showing when the email was sent. His eyes grew to saucer size when he realized why it was of interest.

 “September eighth, 2009?” He mumbled out dazedly. The email was sent over two years after  he died? That didn’t make any sense, why would someone use Danny’s old email just to send him something like this?

 “Who told you your soulmate was dead, Roy?” Robin asked again, and he realized that he didn’t have an answer. No one had told him that Danny was dead, he just remembered it.

 “N-no one… I just remember that he died while…” The realization hit harder than Superman, knocking the air from his lungs and leaving the Boy Wonder to finish his thought for him.

 “You just remember that he had died while you were with CADMUS. You never thought to check your sources because you thought you just lost him, but maybe you should look into that now.”

 He could only nod in agreement as he reread the email over and over again.

~~~~~

Amity Park, Il

December 12th 2011,

11:27 CST

‘Roy’ knocked on the door of the townhouse that could hold the answers he needed to find the real Roy. He looked up, tilting his head at the chrome UFO stationed precariously on the roof of the building. Something told him that the Drs. Fenton did not have a permit for that thing, but from what he could remember of his -Roy’s- conversations with Danny, there wasn’t a government that could really stop the Fentons from doing what they wanted. Still, someone had to have tried, right?

 Robin was probably looking into it from where they parked up the road, along with whatever permits they needed to keep that thing that had just pulled out of the driveway from being impounded and torn for scrap.

 His head snapped back to the door as it opened, revealing- oh god.

 Danny was definitely taller than he remembered, paler too. His original’s soulmate now stood a head taller than he did, which when he was over six foot was saying something, with lean arms running up into a baggy t-shirt, no doubt hiding more lean muscle underneath. Maybe he did track or swim in high school? He was still Danny though, the same guy Roy met all those years ago when he was still trying to make Ollie take him on as an apprentice after his parents died. The same kid he helped get back to his school group and the kid he almost punched someone over.

 God, he missed Danny.

 Eyes a much brighter blue than he remembered widened so much it looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets, he almost wanted to laugh before they narrowed, zeroing in on where he knew he had his hands. Danny looked from his hand to his face -which he kept carefully neutral- before sighing, leaning himself against the frame of the door with a silent curse.

 “Please tell me Vlad didn’t make you,” he asked, looking even more tired than when he opened the door.

 “Whose Vlad?” He responded, twisting his face in confusion. Danny gave him a long, hard look. Neither of them blinked, and he was starting to get worried as to whether or not Danny would actually talk to him.

 Finally, with a sigh Danny turned to walk inside, leaving the door open for him to walk in. “No one,” he grumbled before he trudged into the living room. “Let's chat, clone boy.”

 ∆•∆•∆•∆

 When Danny had asked if anyone knew they were meeting, he hadn’t expected for him to ask to go get Robin from the car for the conversation. “My parents will be out for a while, they got a signal from the other side of town. Might as well take this chance,” he said to brush off the Boy Wonder’s concerns of them having their chat in the living room.

 “So,” Danny started as he clapped his hands together. “Since you haven’t attacked me yet, we can start with your names.”

 “You can call me Rob,” Robin said from the seat next to him.

 “Roy,” he reluctantly gave, to which Danny shook his head looking disappointed.

 “Nope, try again. I asked for your name, not the name of the guy you were cloned from.” Robin stiffened at the mention of the real Roy, having not yet been told about Danny’s earlier comment.

 “How do you know that?” The Boy Wonder questioned, falling into his mentor's way of interrogating.

 Danny just snorted, “You think I don’t know my own soulmate when I see him? This guy isn’t him; I know ‘cause you can’t clone a soul ring.” He held up his left hand, showing the grey band on his middle finger. A jolt of relief surged through him, the ring wasn’t black, Roy was alive!

 “And how are you so sure of that?” Robin prodded, keeping the conversation on track for the two of them so he could have his validation in peace.

 “Wouldn’t you like to know, waterboy,” Danny quoted at Robin before turning back to him. “So, do you have a name yet or do we need to think of one?”

 The question was asked with a tone so soft he thought Danny thought he might break at the suggestion. It was kind, just as kind as he remembered Danny to be. He glanced at Robin before looking at his own hands, uncertain.

 “I… I don’t- I haven’t thought of one yet,” he stuttered, feeling suddenly far too vulnerable. He didn’t want to look up at his originals’ soulmate's face, scared of what he’d see. Funny how he could face world ending threats and yet this civilian from some small ass town in the midwest was the thing that scared him more.

 He heard Danny shift from in front of him as he spoke, “Alright.” The word was spoken so gently he had to look up, just to see if he meant it like that. Pools of ice froze the breath in his lungs as he stared at an expression so full of melancholy. Fuck, why is Danny looking at him like that? Why is he looking at him like he’s seen what he’d done -what he is- and understands?

 Danny is just a civilian, isn’t he?

 Their stare broke as Danny looked to Robin. “So, if you aren’t here ‘cause of Amity’s problems or Vlad, what are you here for?”

 Robin was about to answer, but he cut him off. “We need your help.”

 Those icy-blues turned back to him with a tilt of his head. “Help? What help can I give you?”

 He swallowed, mouth dry, “We need to know anything you know about Roy- the real Roy. It might be a stretch but we’re running out of options.”

 “And why do you think I know anything about where he is when nobody’s told me anything about what you’ve been doing for the last five years?” Danny’s eyes glanced between the two heroes before him. “I mean, I know he’s not dead. I’ve checked more than a few times to make sure. And since I’m pretty sure he’s in the living world I can’t help you magically find him.”

 “Living world?” Robin asked before either of them had the chance to decipher what that could mean.

 Danny looked between the two across from him, face twisted in utter confusion. “You mean after all this time, even when I have two of the Justice league Juniors here-” he lifted his hand to stop whatever denials Robin was going to try to start. “-Yes I know you work with the Justice League, I’d be stupid not to know who works with the ignorant Super Friends when they’ve been ignoring every call for help we’ve sent. You also work in such a similar occupation to the town hero to have been cloned, but that's not the point. The point is, you came to Amity Park, the most haunted place on earth- to Fentonworks- and you haven’t done your research?”

 Silence filled the room as the two heroes looked at each other. What do they even say to that? Apparently Robin knew, as he looked back to Danny, sitting his elbows on his knees and steepling his fingers over his mouth.

 “How about we all start from the beginning?”

 ∆•∆•∆•∆

 So.

 Ghosts are apparently real. That was not something he expected to have confirmed today. Robin looked to be in a similar state of shock, though the bat-poker face kept his expression level for anyone not used to their microexpressions. Danny had a similar look of contemplation, though much less surprised.

 “So let me get this straight. You-” Danny pointed to him, “-were created five years ago by an evil extension of the American government with funding by an evil-er billionaire. You took Roy’s place so you could make it to the big leagues so that this evil billionaire and his evil friends could gain control of said big leagues. Because Roy had a soul ring and you don’t, they gave you the implanted memory of me dying so you wouldn’t think to check in on me and accidentally throw off your mission. You succeeded in getting control of the Justice League, found out you were actually a clone, then promised to find your original. Now you’re here because you're running out of ways to find him. Did I get all that right?”

 The two heroes nodded dumbly, before Robin piped up. “And let's see if I get what you’re telling us.”

 Danny nodded as Robin took a breath. “So. Ghosts are real. Your town has been dealing with ghosts for the last six years without help from the Justice League because you stopped trying to call for help after year three. Your town hero has fought world destroying beings and gods and no one ever noticed. Five years ago was the last time you heard from Roy, but you know he’s alive because A. You’ve tried looking for him in the literal realm of the dead, and B. Your soul ring hasn't gone black and crumbled yet. Did I miss anything?”

 “You forgot the part where the whole town basically has a bone to pick with the league now ‘cause they never even answered our calls, and the secret government facility trying to capture and experiment on anything with even an ounce of ectoplasm in their systems with a base right outside the town limits.”

 Robin took in another breath and held it. “Right, that too,” he squeaked out.

 Looking back to Danny, he tried to examine him more than he could at the door. Eyebags so deep you could sleep in them, musculature suited for dodging and running, rather than brute strength, faint scarring crisscrossing both arms reaching as far as his collarbones.

 “You fight them,” he realized.

 Danny shrugged, “When I have to, yeah. You won’t find many people in Amity that don’t have these kinds of scars. Even the kids have a few good scrapes here and there.” He looked down then, eyes following the paths his scars made with an expression of someone who’d seen too much for his age. The same kind of look he knew greeted the Team whenever one of them looked in the mirror.

 Heavy silence engulfed the living room as the two heroes tried to come up with something to say to this civilian, to console or apologize or to rectify years of neglect- something. But there was no excuse for this. For what the whole town -for what Danny- had to go through, no words were enough to make that right.

 It wasn’t his place to apologize anyway.

 Instead he stood up, Robin following quickly after. “Well, this was enlightening in more ways than one, but since you can’t tell us where Roy is we have to go find answers somewhere else.” He remarked with no heat, he couldn’t even find it in him to sass.

 He was so hopeful that this would give them something, anything more than just to prove that the real Roy was alive. They found that out, at least, but no clue as to where Luthor might have hidden him. This was their last real lead, even if it was a longshot.

 A noise from behind them had him turning to see Danny following them. “Now where do you think you’re going?” Danny asked them.

 “Back? We need to track down more leads or nothing will be done,” he replied.

 “We also need to report the situation in your town. This was a major oversight, and it needs to be rectified,” Robin added on.

 “Not without me you’re not,” Danny said as he crossed his arms.

 He gave Robin a look of confusion as Danny continued. “I’ve waited this long to hear something about my soulmate and you think I’ll stay put when you tell me he needs help? Fat chance of that.”

 “It’s too dangerous for a civilian,” Robin tried to argue. “If we do find him he’ll be surrounded by highly trained guards. It would devastate Roy if he came back and you weren’t there.”

 “That’s why I’m going,” Danny argued back. “And who said anything about me being a civilian?”

 Before either of them could ask a bright light sprung from Danny's waist, splitting in two and crossing his body. Where the light passed Danny changed, from a t-shirt and jeans to padded cloth and armor. Green eyes stared at them under ethereal snow white hair, accented by a sharp smile.

 “Meet the town hero,” Danny quipped in a voice of static and screams.

~~~~~

Tibet

February 14th 2013,

02:01 BT

 “Your source better not be wrong, Phantom,” Will hissed at the half-ghost as he crouched behind the outer wall of a League of Assassins base.

 “Trust me Will, Dani knows better than to joke about something this serious,” Danny whispered back, scoping the place out from the inside just to make sure. Dani knew how serious this was, sure, but Danny said he still needed to see it with his own eyes.

 It had been a little over two years since Danny had joined Will on his search for his template. Another two years of searching for someone the rest of the League thought was dead, even if the evidence to the contrary wrapped around Danny’s finger. Even Dick and Jim, the two who had held out the longest, had turned their backs on the search. Now it was just him and Danny, and Danny’s clone whenever she decided to give them a lead with a call.

 “One more door,” Danny murmured through the comms. “This door is even more heavily guarded than the others, think this is the one Dani was talking about.”

 It was quiet for a few seconds as Danny bypassed the guards and the door, and the silence stretched longer than Will thought acceptable. “Phantom?” He asked through the line.

 A rough breath enhanced the light static that never seemed to go away with Phantom on comm. It was shaky, and Danny didn’t need to breathe in his ghost form. “Did you find something?” Will asked urgently.

 “It's him,” Danny croaked, before putting a little more force in his words. “It’s him, Will. We found him.”

 Will has wanted to hear those words for the last three years. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to cry, he wanted to scream and dance and hug someone. They found him. After three long years they found him.

 Now they just had to get him out of there.

 “Pull back, Phantom,” he ordered. “We’ll have a better time of extracting him if we get rid of the obstacles in the way first.”

 “On it,” Danny responded. Will readied his trick arrows.

~~~~~

 Danny was reading when Roy woke up. He came to slowly, looking around the room first -checking for possible exit strategies- before his eyes fell on Danny. Danny could see a spark of recognition flash by before his face twisted in confusion. He glanced at his ring, then Danny, then did a double take at his lack of right arm. Panic rose in his face, so Danny put his hand over Roy’s, dragging his soulmate’s attention from his amputated limb back to Danny.

 “I know you want to freak out, but how ‘bout we explain a few things first, okay?” He suggested softly, to which Roy shakily agreed.

 With his other hand Danny snatched up his phone, sending a text to Will that Roy was awake. He ran into the room not five minutes later, followed by Oliver Queen, Roy’s mentor and -to Danny’s not so recent knowledge- Green Arrow. Ollie looked almost like he wanted to cry. Will just looked relieved, Danny could sympathize.

 He’s waited too long for this reunion.

 “Great, the whole gang’s here,” Roy quipped, drawing Danny’s attention back to him. “Now can someone tell me why Danny’s here, why there’s another me, and where the hell my arm went‽”

 Will and Ollie glanced at each other in uncertainty, unsure of where to start and how to let him know gently that he’s been asleep for six years. Danny scoffed, rolling his eyes as he gave Roy’s hand a pat and stood up to be next to the other two heroes.

 “Cowards,” he hissed at them before turning to face Roy, who was looking more than a little lost. “Well Roy, It's nice to finally see you again, now buckle up ‘cause this is one hell of a story.”

 ∆•∆•∆•∆

 Danny watched as the other two left the room, before turning back to Roy. For all intents and purposes he looked like a confused teenager that had just been told he was replaced for six years, but the ring on Danny’s finger was blazing with something hotter than confusion and loss.

 “I said I wanted some time alone, Danny,” Roy ground out. His acting was so clear Danny let a chuckle escape his throat as he sat back in his chair.

 “No luck Roy, I’m not leaving you this time.” A glare was shot his way from the boy on the bed, he brushed it off easily with a smile. “I’ve waited this long to be with you again, you really think I’ll leave you alone so you can ghost me?”

 Roy sneered, dropping the act entirely in favour of a glare so strong it would make Vlad quiver in his boots. “You can’t keep me here, not when Luthor needs a beating.”

 “Keep you here?” Danny chuckled, “who said anything about keeping you here? I want to go with you. If I can’t stop you from leaving I can at least make sure you don’t get yourself in another mess you can't get yourself out of.”

 Roy cocked his head, dropping the glare in favour of a confused look. “Danny, not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment, but you really think you can keep up?”

 Danny looked his soulmate over before he gave a sharp grin, exposing his fangs as he flashed his eyes to green. “If I could keep up with you but older for three years, I can keep up with you for as long as I want.”

 Only the book Danny was reading greeted Will and Ollie when they made their way back to the recovery room.

[27jj-fics]

Always Wear Clean Socks (SPN, Sam)

Title: Always Wear Clean Socks

Word Count: 900

Summary: Ever since they were kids, Dean has always told Sam that going out with wet hair will result in him getting sick. Even though Sam disagrees ("It's a virus, Dean. A virus not directly linked to the state of my hair."), he goes out one morning without having time to dry his precious locks, and by the end of the day he's snuffly and sneezy and miserable. Dean wishes he wasn't always right, but it's a burden he has to bear.

A/N: Starting off with one of my deleted fics from LJ (originally written for a prompt); it has been edited/expanded for tumblr

Sam's pretty much having an average morning– he wakes up, takes a shower, his favorite shirt is semi-clean– until Dean fucking clotheslines him as he's going out the door to go get coffee.

"OhmygodDean!" he yells, but thanks to his superb balance he doesn't totally fall on his ass. 

Instead, he pushes Dean's arm away and fixes his brother with a glare.

"What?"

Dean just grins at him and speaks like he's talking to a four-year-old, slowly and deceptively patient. 

"What do I always tell you, Sammy?"

"Driver picks the music," Sam replies. "Peanut M&M's are not the same as the plain ones." He tilts his head to one side, snaps his fingers. "No wait, I've got this. Always wear clean socks."

Dean shakes his head. "Your hair is still wet and it's windy outside. The correct answer is that you can’t go out with wet hair or you’ll catch a cold.” 

"Wow, Dean. Do you want a gold star?" Sam makes for the door again, but Dean moves in front of him.

"Sam, just go dry your hair really quick. I'm sure it will only take you two hours, tops."

"My hair is fine, jackass."

"You're gonna catch a cold if you go out like that," Dean insists, and Sam rolls his eyes.

"The common cold is a virus, Dean. A virus. It doesn't have anything to do with the state of my hair."

"You know how susceptible you are to pneumonia."

"Do you even have a brain?" He thumps Dean on the side of the head. "I honestly think you don't."

"Fine, bitch. Go get me some coffee. See if I care when you come back with icicles hanging off your head. I'm hiding the NyQuil."

"We don't have any NyQuil, genius."

Less than ten minutes later, Dean's cell phone buzzes on the nightstand. It's a text message from Sam.

Going to the library. Gonna check on local hauntings.

what about my coffee bitch? Dean texts back.

Get it yourself, jerk.

Dean rolls his eyes, then remembers that Sam walked to the café.

how far is the library?

Couple miles. I'll wear my hood.

I'm not making you soup WHEN you get sick

Sam sends him three smiley faces in reply.

Dean totally doesn't fall asleep– he's just resting his eyes for a bit– but when he's done resting them, Sam's coming through the door and letting all the cold air in the state into their room.

"Close the door," Dean groans around a yawn.

Sam rolls his eyes. He turns around and clears his throat a couple of times as he's shutting the door, unusually quiet.

Dean stretches and stands up, and notices that Sam is shaking all over. It only takes him a second to figure the hell out why.

"Dude, you're shivering so hard," he marvels, smirking when Sam sniffles. 

Sam shrugs his shoulders and clamps his hand over his mouth to muffle a sudden cough. It turns into another cough, and then another, a long string of hideous sounding coughs. Dean can't believe his ears.

"Are you sick?"

Sam avoids Dean's gaze and shrugs his shoulders again.

"Oh my god. You're actually sick."

"I'b fide," Sam mumbles quickly, before fumbling around in his jacket pocket and coming up with what looks like a receipt and a ripped fast food napkin and sneezing loudly into them. "HPSH’SHUH! I'b fide."

"I can't believe this. Fuck, Sammy," Dean huffs. "You're all nasally and shit."

Sam heaves an exasperated sigh, goes over to the nightstand and blows his nose with four different tissues before turning back to Dean. His nose is bright red.

"Actually, the term 'nasal' means that air is moving through the nose, so-"

"How are we even related?" Dean cuts him off. "Get your ass into bed. I'm getting the thermometer."

"We don't have a thermometer," Sam says, and he sounds fucking miserable as he sniffles yet again. He sits on the edge of his bed and shivers hard.

Dean looks through the first aid kit anyway. He comes up with some Tylenol and a few throat lozenges that are probably ancient, but no thermometer. He makes Sam take the Tylenol and while Sam's swallowing that, presses the back of his hand to Sam's forehead.

"You're roasting," he announces. "Bed time."

Sam rolls his eyes and sniffles and bats Dean's hand away from his face, then crawls onto the bed and collapses face down, coughing.

"You can say it now," Dean says. "Tell me I was right."

"Don't be an asshole," Sam says before sneezing into his pillow. "Hh’HTCHsh! You weren't right."

"I'm always right, Sammy," he replies with a long sigh. "You think it's easy? Always being right? It's a burden, but it's a burden I bear for the greater good." He shakes his head and tugs the covers over Sam. "Honestly, the things I do for you."

“Huh-HSHS’HOO!”

Sam sneezes again, but instead of reaching for a tissue he starts to cough afterward, sputtering and hacking into the sheets. Dean pats his back a couple of times and pulls the covers a little higher, and when Sam's done coughing he closes his eyes and drags his wrist under his nose.

"Shit, man. I'm sorry. I really wish you weren't sick…" Dean says. 

Sam sniffles and cracks one eye open to look at Dean. 

"Because who's gonna go get me coffee tomorrow?"

“HPTSH’chuh!”

[cyncerity]

sorry that all of my posts lately have been about literally nothing but i am seething with rage rn so i’m posting

i’m assuming all of us in the g/t circle know about Fern Gully. It’s one of, if not in my personal opinion, the greatest g/t movies ever made. My sister and i used to watch it every time we drove somewhere on these cheap little screens you could attach to the back of a car seat so you could watch movies. We watched it on a weekly basis. It is one of my favorite movies of all time and it’s not just the rose tinted glasses: i can absolutely understand that some of my favorite movies absolutely suck while actively enjoying it (looking at you Strange Magic), but Fern Gully is genuinely such a good movie. the voice acting (mostly thanks to Robin Williams and Tim Curry), worldbuilding, characters, pacing, the soundtrack and animation especially, it’s all incredible. it holds a special place in my heart.

that being said i just learned that there’s a Fern Gully 2 and it absolutely sucks balls.

rant under cut

really i’ve never had a harder time sitting through a movie, and that’s saying a lot since i just mentioned how much i actually enjoy Strange Magic, which is a notoriously hard to watch movie.

In Fern Gully 2 the pacing sucks, every character is butchered, Batty is kinda like how he was in the first movie, but without Robin William’s delivery he feels like an entirely different character, every bit of world building is chucked out the window, i’ve never seen a more nonsensical plot in my life, there’s these 3 baby animals and the movie can’t decide if it wants them to be able to talk or not, and the budget drop is so obvious it’s painful. the only even mildly enjoyable part of this movie is a short lived gospel number Batty sings for no goddamn reason, but i can’t get mad at it for being totally out of place cause it was the only bit that made me smile even a little.

also it’s in Australia?? I get that the first movie had a kangaroo and like 3 shots of a platypus, but other than that it was kinda just an ambiguous rainforest. No one in the first movie sounded Australian. Even if it was in Australia, I guess you could reason that the fairies didn’t have to have the same accents as the humans, right? Maybe Zak (the human guy that gets shrunk: remember him for later in this rant) was from America but was working in Australia? The two guys who sit in the machine throughout the movie are certainly the peak of American stereotypes. But when the first human and villain (he’s a poacher so basically the villain from Tarzan if he was written worse) of Fern Gully 2 is introduced, he is so violently stereotypically Australian that it’s genuinely jarring when he says his first line.

then we meet his boss who…isn’t Australian. Actually, he kinda looks like a short and fat Hitler.

But whatever, maybe the boss is from out of town, too, like Zak. but NO. we then proceed to meet two more humans who are confirmed to live in Australia with American Accents. PICK A LANE MOVIE. Either set the movie in Australia but give no one accents, or give everyone an accent, you can’t just ONLY GIVE ONE GUY AN ACCENT. HOW THE HELL CAN HE DEVELOP A REGIONAL ACCENT IF NO ONE ELSE IN HIS REGION SOUNDS LIKE THAT??

They’re also both such a massive step down from Hexus. Hexus, aka Tim Curry goo, is one of my favorite villains of all time (Toxic Love is a hard song and scene in general to beat), but he had a purpose. He was representing the dangers and evils of human greed and power. He was a very literal force of chaos and destruction. The entire reason he had power to destroy the forest was because of humans, and that’s a massive part of the movie’s theme and moral.

In Fern Gully 2, these two jackasses want money for selling baby animals. That’s it. And it’s not even really the fairies who stop them: it’s a human girl and her Grandpa who Pips met. The entire symbolic thing from the first movie of Zak having to learn from his mistakes and turn on a goal he once had worked towards is gone. In the first movie, it was equally Zak, Crysta, and the rest of the fairies who trapped Hexus again. In this movie, the fairies are powerless (which they say like 100 times), the humans are doing their best but it’s not doing much, and the only reason the movie turns out ok is cause Crysta shows up for a literal Deus Ex Machina at the very end. It’s so fucking infuriating.

Also, back to Zak: he’s not in this. Like, not even mentioned. There’s one instance of “humans dont know the harm they do to the forest” “well remember some humans do” but that was just foreshadowing the human we meet in this movie who sucks. How can these fairies, who in the first movie believed that humans were fucking extinct, completely forget about the only human they have ever met? Crysta, who by the way isn’t even the main character anymore, never brings him up. Pips (the jerky red haired fairy with the beetle posse), who spends most of the movie around another human and who is the new main character (and maybe the only returning voice actor from the first one), never mentions him. Also, there’s just a FUCKING TOWN NEAR THE FOREST. A TOWN.

remember this shot from the first movie?

yeah apparently it missed AN ENTIRE DAMN CARNIVAL??

Pips, Batty, and the beetle boys take LESS THAN A DAY TO FLY THERE. FUCK THIS MOVIE. SERIOUSLY FUCK THIS MOVIE.

i could go off on more about how the human in this movie (Budgie, which is a stupid ass name) sucks, and now Pips just strolls up to her like “hey” and she’s like “woah a fairy, i’m so shocked you’re real…and now i’m over it, let’s go hang out.” I could also go off about how in the first movie, the entire reason Zak gets shrunk is because Crysta tried to use a spell to make him see her, but accidentally said “size” instead of “sight,” meaning that canonically in this universe, humans can’t see fairies without that spell. So when Pips just waltzes up to the first human he sees, she shouldn’t be able to see him, but whatever. I could also rant about how they made Crysta so disinteresting that she’s probably in less than a third of the film. I could also rant on the three main baby animals who i hate with a burning passion and i was rooting for at least one of them to die throughout the whole movie, but I have homework i need to be doing and grades that are due this friday, i just decided to rant instead of doing stuff lol

[gaykarstaagforever]

"KIDS TODAY DON'T WANT TO WORK FOR ANYTHING! THEY DON'T GET THAT TO BE GOOD AT GUITAR, YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE AND STRUGGLE WITH IT FOR 20 YEARS!"

Yes, to impress the gatekeeping shitheads at the top who want to underpay for a refined resource they can claim ownership over and profit from.

If you've spent 40 years learning music and working as a producer but you still have to run a YouTube channel and sell music courses to provide for your family, Rick Beato, maybe that's proof that this old system you love was bullshit that squeezed you and then hung you out to dry.

AI "art" is filth. But the impulse to cheaply and quickly make product is a direct reaction to everyone noticing that hard-working artists seemingly exist to be exploited.

Who wants to do that?

If your motivation is love of the art or reaching the skill level of someone you idolize, then that is it's own reward. But without those motivations, why should anyone bother? So nerds can look back in 60 years and be snobs about what is "serious" art and what isn't? Who asked for that? What benefit is that to anyone?

Note that those nerds are critics, and rarely artists themselves. Because being a know-it-all jackass about OTHER PEOPLE'S ART is way less work than making your own. See? Even THEY'RE doing it!

Also anyone over the age of 50 whining about "the death of (whatever art)" is just mad the culture has passed them by and doesn't care to sell things to them anymore. They're mad that they are no longer valued as consumers. Because that's the only reason they played rock on the radio in the 70s: to sell you shit. It wasn't out of some pure love for "good" music, whatever that means.

And if those bands had had access to tech and shortcuts, they would have used them. Because they totally did. That's why the 80s sounded like that. Queen did things with multi-channel tape that terrified people, and it was responsible for their whole sound. Just some dudes on a stage with instruments doesn't make noises like that.

Being an artist is hard and it sucks and it is a valid life-choice to not want to pursue that. And if you're driven to, then it isn't because you are taking a moral high ground. It's because you HAVE TO. It is a brain worm that lives inside you and will never let you go. Even if what you make is nothing anyone else gets or cares about. You do it because you can't do anything else.

And if Henry Darger had had access to Photoshop, he certainly would have used it to make what he made.

He used collage and tracing! Those are shortcuts!

Of course, he wasn't trying to impress annoying people who still think what Sony will promote for profit = "good art."

[taradiddled]

Satan: You have to understand, dude. You left me ALONE with the role of Overseer of the Sins. You left no manual. No instructions on how-to swing this shit. The Goetia said they could help me NOT fuck it up, and since you and Lily put a lotta trust in them, I said 'shoot your shit, bitches'. They sure made less a shitstorm than I'd have done on my own, that's for sure.

Lucifer: You didn't try to ask Ozzie? Or maybe Belle, or even Levi?

Satan: Ozzie's too busy with his Lustful empire. Belle has enough on her plate with keeping Sloth's medical business running. And Levi has been stuck dealing with those pirate punks who keep fucking with Envy's supply chains.

Lucifer: Uhhh, yeah, that sounds about right.

Satan: Beelzie offered to lend a claw, but she couldn't look at the numbers without showing bias, and I didn't even bother with ringing up Mammon, because he was already TRYING to butt in! The Goetia were the only ones who had the cred and major rep needed to do the job. And when shit started going down in my ring, I couldn't keep both an eye on Wrath AND those bird demons, but from the usual reports they'd send me, it seemed like they had things under control.

Ada: That was a MAJOR mistake.

Satan: No fucking shit, dude. That clusterfuck is on me. Taking total responsibility for that shit. But it's kinda too late for me to walk in there and dethrone those fuckers on a dime. They may be assholes, but they've got the bigwigs of Hell at their claw-tips, and unseating them would mean then having to take immediate hold of all the fucking strings they've been pulling, and that takes more work than I can even ponder on, dude.

Lucifer: That's...a pretty insightful analysis of the situation, Stan.

Satan: Oh, knock it with the backhanded praise shit, Luc. I'm not a fucking moron. Well. I'm not ANYMORE. I TRIED to do the research and the work necessary to Oversee the Sins, but I couldn't grasp the little nitty gritty bits and shits that you and Lily could. But I couldn't go to you, because you hate me, and I couldn't go to Lily, because she refused to have anything to do with me outside formal shit. And then you started locking yourself up in that fancy shack of yours, and Lily fucked off to who-knows-where.

Satan: I've been drowning, dude. And, yeah, I probably should have burnt down your shack's door, and slapped some fucking sense into you, but you made it pretty fucking clear last time we had a Big Chat that I wasn't worth your time. The fact that Wrath, my first home, my first priority, needed me more? Kinda made the decision for me.

Lucifer: I...fuck...I didn't realize that I'd put you in that kind of position, Stan.

Satan: No, dude, you sure fucking didn't.

Ada: Sounds like you two need to talk this shit out.

Satan: Listen, dude. If you can get the Sin of Pride to admit that he fucked up? I'll give the pow-wow shit a go. But Lucifer has NEVER, in the entire thousands of years I've known him, EVER admitted he was WRONG.

Ada: But if he had the chance to do it, would you be willing to listen to him?

Satan: I don't fuck with things that ain't gonna happen, dude.

Lucifer: Harsh.

Satan: Not wrong, dude.

Ada: Well, the two of you better start changing your minds, because it took me a week, five hours, two minutes, and eight seconds to convince this goon to come here and talk to you, Satan. And I'm not leaving until you two jackasses come to some sort of fucking mutual understanding.

[townofcadence]

💬 + you enjoy the attention you get from the people who wish you harm which is why you’re the first to jump at the opportunity when it presents itself.

Rumor Mill

"Haha, yeah, I totally love getting maimed and killed by some jackass of the week, just so someone will pay me the slightest bit of attention. Sounds just like me.

"Do you hear yourself? I didn't ask for this. I don't enjoy it. I fucking--- do you see what happens to me? Do you? Now imagine it was someone else. Someone who can die. Who has to carry those injuries and who's whole fucking life gets changed by that one moment. Think about their family. Their friends. Everyone who has in some way some connection to them. Think of them, the person they are, without all this fucking pain.

"Then imagine what would happen. Don't you get it? Don't you understand why I need to do this? If it's not me, then who is it? And what happens to them? Those fucking monsters don't hold back. But I get to walk away. And that's why I need to do what I do. I need to.

"So just---....fuck that rumor. Fuck anyone who thinks this is a choice. And fuck anyone who thinks that deep down I want attention. I just want to help people. Can't that be enough?"

[my-st0ff]

Self-Inflicted

Chapter Two

Fandom: Jackass

Pairing: Johnny Knoxville x female reader

Chapter Song: NYC - Snow Patrol

Two bodies, one significantly taller than the other, move clumsily into the hotel room. The reckless nocking of furniture and other pieces of clutter being due to the two of your keeping your eyes screwed shut as your lips press together. P.J's hands are everywhere all at once. You want this so bad, you've wanted this. You pull him by the collar of his T-shirt to the edge of the bed. Now finally making eye contact, he smirks - devilish. He catches a pile of cameras in the corner of his eye and jogs over to them in the corner.

P.J: "Is this on?"

You: "Those are the pile of broken ones- quit stallin' we ain't got time"

He starts to walk casually back to you with his hands in his pockets.

P.J: "See, that's where you're wrong. We got all the time in the world, toots"

One hand escapes a small pocket of his Dickies and cups your cheek, the rough pad of his thumb brushing back and forth of your cheekbone. He glances at the bed you both stand beside.

P.J: "You sure you wanna do this? We don't have to- of course. It's just, you switched up pretty fast"

You: "Hey, sex is different. We can still... satisfy our needs without having to ruin what we've got"

P.J: "I suppose your right... in that case"

His mouth launches toward yours with carnal instinct. You bring your hands up to play with his hair roughly, making him moan into your mouth as you make out animalisticly. Since you'd decided this was only about sex, you'd both silently agreed this was finally the time to let out all your horny tension on one another. His hands move to your hips and squeeze them painfully hard. P.J whispers a low "fuck" into your mouth when your body perfectly fills out his hands. You both twist round so that you can sit on the bed with him standing in-between your legs, looking down at you. He brushes a hand through his slick hair quickly.

P.J: "lay back"

You do as he says, and soon enough, hear belt buckle sounds and then the distinct noise of metal and leather hitting the ground.

P.J: " One last time, are you sure?"

He asks whilst literally standing over you with his penis out.

You: "my god, yes P.J!"

P.J: "no need for the attitude"

He says and then immediately his cock is inside you, almost a sort of punishment for being sassy.

You: "Oh my god!"

P.J folds his body over and hooks one arm around you so that he can pull you up to him and kiss you whilst he pumps in and out of you not so gently.

You: "Y-you feel amazing, Phillip"

The use of his full first name leaves him a moaning wreck all of a sudden. You were the only one who still called him that, and for that case, the only one he wouldn't mind calling him that. This instance, though, left him feeling needy as you affirmed it over a few times after soon catching onto the power it held. You bring your hands up between your bodies so you can rub his chest up and down with the palms of your hands.

P.J: "Oh, y/n, I-I am so close"

You: "already?"

You giggle and tease.

P.J: "Oh, its l-like that, huh?"

With that, he pushes harder and faster than he ever had before, leaving your insides feeling warm from your tummy down to your feet.

You: "mm- oh, fuck, don't stop!"

You cry in a high squealing voice you'd find embarrassing in any other context.

P.J: "I- I'm gonna- where'd you want me?"

He asks frantically, his head dropping to suck hig chunks of skin from your neck into his mouth.

You: "my stomach!"

You shriek with no time to really think about where you wanted it. With that, he pulls out and immediately cums a massive amount onto your stomach. Without even time to complain about your unsatisfied state, he was on his knees before you with a handful of thigh in each hand. He licks his lips whilst staring at your core with eyes that indicated total worship before his mouth was fully dived into you. His tongue moved proficiently, hitting a good spot straight away.

You: "Don't move! Oh my god, right there don't fuckin' move!"

You yelp whilst you shake and jolt on your back. It didn't take barely anything to push you over the edge. When you cum your arms start frantically searching everywhere over the bed for something to grab onto. He notices and throws a hand up from where it was on your thigh so you can grab ahold of it with brutal strength. Finally upur lungs deflate and your body goes limp and tingly. His head flops in-between your legs and he lazily pecks at your inner thigh with his eyes shut. He then pulls said thigh towards his face so he can kiss over it further, tickling you. You giggle a little, making him huff in laughter as you fidget and eventually pull away.

You: "That was... fun"

You sigh, P.J pushes himself up with wobbly knees just to collapse next to you on the bed, still panting.

P.J: "Fun? That was mindblowin', y/n"

You roll onto your side to face him.

You: "Your right. That was amazing, Phillip"

He swiftly does the same with his body so he can face you, your faces inches away from one another.

P.J: "God, keep callin' me that and we're gonna have to go again"

You: "What, your name?"

You tease.

P.J: "You know what your doin'"

You both laugh a little, full of blissful serotonin. Your pupils wander the walls of the hotel room until they lock onto a picture you couldn't believe you'd not noticed before.

You: "God, that's gorgeous, ain't it?"

P.J lazily flops his head over so he's looking at the same framed painting.

P.J: "sure, where'd you reckon that is?"

You: "Oh I know where that is, P.J. That's Sucre, in Bolivia. Only the best city in the world"

You smile.

P.J: "When did you go to Bolivia?"

You: "I haven't, that's the problem. Sucre is number one on my bucket list"

P.J: "Bucket list? Your not 90"

You: "Might as well be. I think my life expectancy went down a significant amount when Jackass formed, Jammy"

The nickname you only ever call him when you're in a soft mood rolls off your tongue and brings great joy to his ears. A warm, large hand of his lands on your stomach and strokes it gently in a comforting manor.

P.J: "Don't talk like that, toots. I'll protect ya'"

He speaks softly.

P.J: "And hey, I could take you there... but I don't know how to get there"

You: "You'd take me to Sucre?"

P.J: "Course I would, I knew you'd always been interested in Japan and got the first movie set in Japan didn't I?"

You: "Mhm... your too sweet"

You yawn, allowing his exploration of your torso to continue.

[phoebehalliwell]

V quick, totally casual, not at all spammy writer's ask thing (i lie with no shame, I'm so undeniably curious about everything on that list, this is the best my restraint has to offer): 8, 10, 17, 21, 25, 30, 32, 33, 41, 55, 56, 59, 69, 70, 74, 75, 79, 80 (What's your process for writing events like AUgust or other events you've done?)

8. Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip.

here is the smallest piece from a halliwell trudeau fic that i keep in the back of my brain and this is quite literally all that is written for them lol

Penelope walked straight through the door. There was the sound of a lock click, and the door to the apartment swung open. Penelope was already rooting through the living room. Patrica and Phillipa followed. “Lili? What’s the read?” Patricia asked her youngest sister and Penelope disappeared into one of the rooms. Phillipa closed her eyes and outstretched her hands, as if reaching into the energies left behind.

“Nothing great…” she muttered, still focusing.

“Nothing great like you can’t read much,” Penelope called out from one of the rooms, “or nothing great like bad things happened here?”

Phillipa’s eyelids continued to flutter. “Nothing great like bad things happened here.” Her response sat slightly below a normal speaking level. She inhaled as she came back to reality. “I couldn’t get a read on whether or not it’s magical, though,” she said to Patricia. Patricia nodded, still analyzing the room. She hadn’t begun to dig through things yet, that’s not the kind of person she is. She wanted to size a problem up before attacking it.

“Hey, catch,” Penelope said, tossing a small black notebook across the room at Phillipa. Phillipa caught it clumsily, pulling it into her chest to secure it, and flinched. “Nice,” Penelope said, as if complimenting her own handiwork. Patricia rolled her eyes at her.

Phillipa snapped out of her premonition. “Okay, so. Magical,” she said, ready to delve into more detail, but a sound put all three of the sisters on edge. It was faint, coming from the foyer, but resembled a key in a lock and a door swinging open. The three looked at each other. Patricia held up her hand, signaling for everyone to be quiet, and gentle lifted her feet off the ground, floating out of the apartment without making a sound. Penelope and Phillipa followed suit, to the best of their ability.

The girls all met on the landing, peering over the railing down at the lobby below. A man had opened one of the mailboxes and was rooting through it. “Hey,” Penelope whispered, “isn’t that our vic’s mailbox?”

Patricia squinted down, trying to discern, but it was Phillipa who gave confirmation with a small: “What do we do?”

“Hey, jackass, get out of my mailbox!” Penelope yelled, voice bouncing down the stairs.

The guy rooting through the mailbox looked up, the shock painted across his face quickly giving way anger. He grabbed whatever it was in the mailbox and ran.

“Nice going, Penelope!” Patricia scolded, before hopping the railing and beginning a controlled descent down eight flights.

“Yeah, whatever,” Penelope muttered, phasing out and slipping right through the floorboards, landing on the ground level with a thud as faint black wisps pulled themselves back into her trench coat. Patricia’s feet set down gently next to her as the two sisters took off out of the building, chasing the thief.

Phillipa stayed right outside the apartment door, staring at the floor below. “Cool,” she called out after her sisters, “you guys go ahead!” She poked back into the apartment, grabbing a set of keys out of a dish on a table. She sealed the door and locked it, shoving her new key set into her jean pocket. She once again peered down to the lower level. She sighed to herself and began jogging down the stairs.

10. Do you work on multiple wips or stick to one fic at a time?

already answered!

17. Do you have a writing routine?

no i wish i don't even have a desk i either write on my couch or tucked into my lil bed i am envious of ursula k le guin's writing routine i want this

21. Do you prefer writing chaptered fics or one-shots?

chaptered!!!! i am tragically addicted to very long stories but am also terrible at finishing anything ever which is why all of my fics are 5/?. this whole AUgust thing is fun tho bc everything gets to be so short i'm just like okay it's done :p

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

already answered!

30. How much do you edit your fics? Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

i usually "edit" as a write usually to catch up / return to a fic i'll reread everything i've written so far just to make sure i'm aligned with the vibe and also not forgetting anything that's already happened and while i'm doing that i'll often catch typos and tinker with phrases til i like them more but i wouldn't necessarily call that "editing" per se bc i'm not really doing it To Edit, if that makes sense. with longer pieces, like episodes for warren witches, i put the thing through a reader (i use natural reader) and have my device read it out loud to me because i find it so much easier to catch typos that way <3)

32. Do you take fic requests? Why or why not?

technically yes but also technically no. i'll usually riff on any headcanon that pops into my inbox, but the amount of stories i actually get the energy to write can be few and far between lol. if anyone has any fic requests they are welcome to pop em in my inbox, i just can't guarantee they will get written lol

33. Is there a specific word count that you hold yourself to/enjoy writing the most?

one billion kajillion million words lol! no, i am trying to keep things shorter (because the shorter things are the more likely they are to get an actual ending) (and also i found a weird trend where a lot of my AUgust sit either at 800-899 words or 1,800-1,899 words) (lol) but in general i like writing really really long things teehee

41. Who’s your favorite character you’ve written?

i would say my favs to write are probably warren & sheridan because they are i would say probably the most like me and therefore easier to write bc the question is often okay what would i do in this situation. i also like writing guys, specifically dumb guys, because it allows me to get in touch with my guy side (and i am also a very dumb guy). other characters i am very fond of include henry jr, parker, and then i really love writing a good old fashion prue self denial internal monologue or how phoebe argues when she gets really flustered <3

55. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

i mean a lot of my fics have the same tone i really have one base tone for writing and it is a very casual vibe almost written like a dialogue (which is also why my writing tends to be dialog heavy) with a lot of "like"s and "I mean"s and basically a lot of filler words. there are also a decent amount of turns of phrases (i remember i was talking about melinda and how i am trying to write her voice closer to a voice of a mutual friend and my friend just turned to me and said: she says par for the course. which evidently is not a common phrase?? or something?

i would say a common themes through a lot of my stories is kind of a "coming of age" type concepts, growing in to who you are / figuring out who you want to be, esp in regard to everyone's expectations, bc i feel like a) that is such a universal experience and is a thing A Lot of people can relate to but also b) it fits so well with the source material bc everyone here is like. prophesized about. so it makes it a fun kind of metaphor ig for that whole thing. my friend told me i also seem to litter a lot of water symbolism into my writing but i can't help being a pisces!!

56. Are there any fics that you would change or rewrite if given the chance?

i mean if you've been here a really long time you actually might remember there was an older version of the warren witches that existed i think it was titled charmed generations but i really just wanted to take another strike at it spruce it up a little so i took down the old one (which is still stored in a zip files somewhere on my computer) and just started editing it, which ranged from tinkering a couple scenes to writing in entirely new plotlines + episodes.

59. Have you participated in any fic events/writing challenges? If yes, what were they and did you enjoy them?

i mean, i'm doing AUgust this year (even tho i am behind) and many many moons ago i did a grishaverse event (it even predated the tv show haha!) but in general i don't do that many challenges just because i am often not able to keep pace with them lol

69. What are your favorite fics at the moment?

i actually found this one that's centered around chris & wyatt's youth and their parents raising them i'm really digging it atm....

70. Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3?

i actually am not! i don't think i am at least. i actually do not read that much fanfiction bc i don't like reading on my phone (i don't like the light element or the endless scroll element it's like. it's like i can't tell where i am in the story and i like being able to see that). that being said i usually sift thru the charmed tag just to see what's new / what people are up to so i'll usually take a gander and those and read what's interesting but no i am very bad with fanfiction lol if anyone has any recs that would be much appreciated

74. Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love?

i mean probably warren & sheridan bc i think it's such a fun fic but it's very difficult to trick the average joe into reading it bc who even are these ppl and why should i care (this is tbh the most likely fic of mine to end up getting the serial numbers filed off so if you see sharon & warriden in a few years keep ur mouth shut !!)

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect?

yes, i did not think my prue/cole fic would get that much love and it is actually my post popular fic on ao3! which i think is fun bc they are an underrated couple imo and they need more fics.

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

i mean like obviously the biggest piece of advice anyone can say is just write like duh even if it's bad an incoherent just put words on a page but then my other piece of advice is do!! go get some life experience you know go to the bar and dance and talk to strangers make small talk w ppl in the long line for coffee and if you're thinking "i don't know how!!" i have a couple easy steps for you. if you are a girl talking to another girl at the bar: compliment something she is wearing or has tattooed or something oh my god it's adorable where did you get it? adding the where did you get it not only has the opportunity to start a conversation but you also get to learn to places to shop. if you're a guy idk. how bout them niners. approach someone with a dog hiiii can i say hi to your dog : ) what's his name how old is he how long have you had them? talk about the weather, about the traffic, you know school's starting up! the more you chat with strangers the easier it gets, and the best thing about chatting with strangers is: if you mess up and it gets awkward, you literally never have to see them again!! go chat and live and pick up on little details to sprinkle into your writing. (if you're thinking i would love to do that but i cannot because my anxiety is too bad, i feel you love, i do, but you need a shrink and you need some medication. i did yoga and drank water or whatever but going out on first dates still left my dry heaving over the toilet for like an hour. if your anxiety is debilitating we must kill it!!! everyone's on ssri's it's how all the young ppl bond now <3)

80. What's your process for writing events like AUgust or other events you've done?

so basically i made a separate folder in my google drive it's AUgust and there's the main body where i throw in general fics (such as the genderswap fic and a piper dies fic) and then i have a relationships folder where i put all the ships i'm working on and then i have a next gen folder where i keep my next gen aus. usually the first thing that will be created is the doc and like a run on sentence explaining the au so i can return to it. i hate hate hate writing on my phone just because it's soo difficult to format, so i'll usually write out solely dialogue if i'm jotting down ideas before bed. her pirate originally looked like this!

i also have a list of potential aus in the notes app in my phone it currently has

pipercole fallout

penn introspective

pankou kids

oops all boys

magical morrises

chris is a phoenix and bianca is charmed

pipeoan

so yeah! thank you for all the asks this was super fun ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️