#without filters and social sensitivity shit to make it digestible

[mamuzzy]

The original book version of Witcher had a short story named The Lesser Evil.

I read it far too long time ago, but it was about how Geralt got the name of the Butcher of Blaviken.

A Wizard offers a job to Geralt to protect him from a "Monster", a cursed girl who is out for her life and killing her is a lesser evil choice. Because Geralt has values of not killing people, he refuses.

When he meets the girl, Renfri, she tells Geralt her life story, telling him why she pursues the wizard, and wants to hire Geralt to help to kill him, because the wizard is a "Monster" and killing him would be the lesser evil. Geralt refuses and try to talk down Renfri to take revenge but in the end it was futile, the girl try it anyway.

Geralt always had trouble with choosing sides, the topic of neutrality, staying out of people's businesses once he knew too much.

In the end, Geralt can't run away from choosing sides, because he wanted to do the right thing. He ends up killing Renfri and her band while the wizard lives.

The mob turns against Geralt and shun him, and while the guards don't arrest him, because he protected the wizard, they ask him never to return to this town.

I think a lot about this story.

[fadeintocase]

i'm not fucking around anymore day 4

5-24-18

ahh yes, i've spent most of this day fucking around and now i have 20 minutes to write this. Lets just get some of the metaphysical shit out of the way so when i have better days I can info-dump more concisely.

Got most of my morning routine done besides breath work. started my night routine late bc i got distracted working on a song. much of the day was spent feeding addictions i normally delegate to weekends.

I've also noticed that a cycle my body is starting to get programmed into are mid-afternoon naps. I'm not a fan of these. I like being awake and doing stuff. i think some of this has to do with my metabolism and food choices.

Since i don't have much progress to talk about today let me spend this time layin some groundwork for other stuff i'm gonna talk about a lot.

Habits & Routines

lets define some stuff.

I'm gonna be using the words Routine, Habit, Cycle, and Addiction pretty often. These are very related concepts that I want to split apart so i can get my semantics straight for the rest of this run.

Habits : actions that you have the muscle memory and the programming to use without much concious effort

Routines : Collections of habitual activities that you make the effort to keep consistent and grounding.

Addiction : a habit with detrimental effects to personal development and building of productive habits.

Cycle : the rate at which routines, habits, and addictions are repeated.

Wave/tone : current activity, or constant re-current activity, yours or otherwise.

i'll be using some of these things in a bit more stretched of a sense than you're used to hearing, because i want to hone in on patterns underneath actions.

An orderly exercise, shower, etc sequence at a specified time of day is a routine. a specified meal time where you cook every day or every other day is a routine. checking your phone when you have a minute of downtime is a habit. sitting on your phone scrolling through social media when you have time sensitive things to do is an addiction. keeping a vape nearby to hit between typing paragraphs is a habit. wanting to be done and get home because you just want one dose of some kinda drug is an addiction. snoozing your alarm once every morning is a habit. staying in bed for hours on end because the draw of rolling over seems better than the satisfaction of getting through the day, is an addiction. A day of repeated activity is a cycle. a week of repeated activity is a cycle.

Waves?

everything is waves, my friend. objects are hurdling through space spinning in spirals. those spirals are spinning around other spirals which have more spirals spinning around them. our planet, our moon, and even our solar system are locked cosmic oscillations that don't budge much in terms of frequency.

We, as living organisms, developed first from organic materials sloshing around based on night-day and tidal cycles. Cells evolved in these cycles. All other life derived from those cells. All nestled within the cycles, the spirals, the oscilations, the circular waves that spun us up into existence in the first place. You, living your life, are a cosmic song that you listen to with your life experience. The map we spawned into has given us a score, and limitless of possible harmonic and melodic combinations within it. just like it's easiest to compose when you know what scale you're using: it is easiest to play your instrument, this human body, if you can start from some quantized notes, nodes, to write with. Hear what the background music is cueing you to do, and know how to sing your life in key.

Chakra Nodes & Waves

alright, lets get batshit.

I have a thing i use to talk about solving and tuning personal patterns that's heavily based off chakra.

I call em nodes and waves. nodes correspond to physical parts of the body. waves correspond to metaphysical expressions, and activites, related to these nodes.  (I did say at the beginning of this i was gonna get metaphysical to try to get concepts across? here we go.)

Shape : root : environment, the basis one stands on

Root : 1st : earth node. the legs and seat. relevant to one's place in the environment, and the connection to it. gate to stability.

Sacral : 2nd : water node. the gonads, kidneys, lower digestive organs. gate to individuality

Diaphragm : 3rd : fire node. the stomach, liver, upper digestive organs. gate to agency

Heart  : 4th : good node. the heart & thymus. gate to emotion.

Throat : 5th : air node. the throat & thyroid. gate to expression.

Limbic : 6th : space node. the processor of senses and conciousness. gate to understanding.

Crown : 7th : light node. projections of conciousness, gate to abstract schema.

There's more above this that i consider but that's not relevent right now. I may refer to these by their elements. here's the waves.

Place wave : root : the environment and sense of safety.

Tail Wave : 2nd :  wants, impulses, pride & regret, fear & shame

Hearth Wave : 3rd :  willpower, confidence

Breath Wave : 4th :  control, intent,

Wing Wave : 5th : actions, routines, rhyhtms.

Face Wave : 6th : the filter of mind into expression. language. words.

Tether Wave : 7th : what ties someone to higher goals, self.

God Wave : Octave : god wave. the higher self.

if i talk about how to treat a node, it will usually be care or sustenence for a physical aspect of your body. If i talk about waves, i'm talking about the activty of these things.

I'm gonna talk about some self improvement techniques through these terms. For instance. Wim-Hof is a breath-wave exercise. It links intent (heart node) with physical action (diaphragm) in a literal and physical way that has subtly mental effects as well. Dietary and addiction-breaking is a hearth-wave focused challenge, as it has to do with your willpower (diaphragm) overriding your impulses (sacral). Yoga is a physical exercise that loosens all the nodes but relies on focus of the wing-wave and the breath-wave.

These are not hard and fast classifications and everyone experiences emotions and stress differently! But compartmentalizing you physicality, and better relating aspects of conciousness to the places you feel them, can at least better inform and direct your self control over your situation.

Batshit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mg6zbsaFyQI (viewer descretion is advised. not for any content warnings. just that this series is all over the place)