#with the potential for mikeruri

[seraphichan]

Protean/Indigenous

(also on ao3)

~~~~~

It was one of those small, backwater towns where if you weren’t born there you stood out like a sore thumb.

Levi tended to stand out like a sore thumb anyway, so he was doubly damned as he drove through the square in his black hybrid, designer sunglasses on his face, Vivaldi blasting out of his speakers.

He probably could have done a better job of blending in - picked up a Garth Brooks album, wore camo, learned to spit, practiced saying the word “y’all” - but he refused to swap his pretty and posh style for poor and podunk just so he could blend in for the short time he would be there.

Levi parked his car in front of a squat brick building that was squeezed between the general store and the barber shop. The sign out front simply read Smith’s in large, golden letters, but there was other writing embossed on the windows detailing the business. It was a combination notary, attorney office, and - Levi squinted to make sure he was reading it right - home of the Arsene County Knitting Club.

That was...interesting.

Levi ran his hand through his hair and adjusted the knot of his scarf before he got out of his car and wandered inside. There was no one around when he entered, but the bell that rang above his head was sure to bring them eventually, so Levi passed the time inspecting one of the very intricate quilts that hung framed on the wall.

“Hello,” said a voice and Levi turned.

To find a fucking giant.

“I’m Erwin,” he said, holding out his hand. “You must be Levi.”

“Is it that obvious?” Levi asked after a moment, taking the man’s hand and shaking it, trying not to stare at his eyebrows.

“We don’t get much variety here, so I just assumed.”

“Well, you assumed right.”

Erwin smiled.

“My apologies for the wait. I was organizing some files in the back. I’ve been meaning to do it for ages,” he chuckled. “Anyway, I have your paperwork ready for review if you’d like to have a seat.”

He gestured to a plush chair in front of one of the desks. Levi sat and Erwin did the same on the other side, pulled a folder from a drawer, and opened it up.

“You were related to the late Mr. Ackerman through your mother?”

“Yeah.”

In fact his mother was the only reason he was here. Levi didn’t have many mementos of her, only a few photos and an embroidered handkerchief. Levi was hoping that Kenny might have something more - the man may have been a royal asshole, but he loved his sister - and decided he would take some time off to dig through Kenny’s things before putting it all up for auction.

“He was her brother. My uncle.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

Levi nodded and shrugged, not really sure how to respond. Erwin seemed to pick up on this, dipping his head in apology and clearing his throat before delving into the rest of the information before him.

After what seemed like the longest hour of Levi’s life, and the beginning of carpal tunnel from all the papers he had to sign, they were finished. Erwin took a few moments to collect everything back into the folder before sliding it back into the desk.

“And that is that,” he sighed. “Now that we’ve gotten all the technical stuff out of the way, we can visit the house.”

We?

“It’s fine, I can go myself. I have the address.”

Erwin’s gaze flicked outside briefly to look at Levi’s car. “As capable as I’m sure your mode of transportation is, I would advise against using it. The road’s a bit...rough.”

Understatement of the fucking century.

Levi would have bottomed out his car in the very first pothole. Erwin’s truck sat higher and was much better suited for traversing this shit fest that he called a road. Still, Levi had to hold onto the door with one hand and the seat with the other to keep himself from rocking back and forth too violently and cracking his head open on the window. He also had to keep himself from accidentally biting his tongue off because Erwin insisted on making small talk as they plodded along.

“What do you do for work, Levi?”

“I’m a broker.”

“Oh? Do you like it?”

“It’s boring, but it pays.”

Erwin hummed. There was a short stretch of silence and then he asked

“How long do you plan on staying?”

“Two weeks. At most.”

“That’s a shame...Ah, here we are.”

They rounded a bend in the road, the house coming into view, and Levi grimaced.

It looked like a steaming pile of shit. The flowerbeds were overgrown, the roof desperately needed patched, all of the windows of the second floor were broken and boarded up, and the greenhouse - which would have been a redeeming addition to the property - was being used as a storage shed.

Of course, Levi imagined it was actually much nicer on the inside. Kenny was the kind of guy that would keep his house in ruins on the outside to throw people off. No one was going to attempt to rob an old man that lived in a dilapidated shack.

Erwin climbed the front porch stairs, Levi lingering back in case the creaking wood couldn’t hold both their weight at the same time, and opened the screen door.

Which promptly fell off of the frame leaving Erwin to stand there and awkwardly hold it upright by the handle.

“It seems,” he said as he propped it against the house, “that the hinges have rusted.”

Levi snorted. Another thing that Kenny most likely did on purpose. The back door would probably be a better entry point. Levi was about to suggest they try it when he heard a rustle and turned his head in time to watch a man taller than Erwin - were all people born in the sticks this huge? - emerge from the woods.

“Who the fuck?” Levi blurted.

At Levi’s question Erwin turned from his inspection of the door and made a noise of recognition.

“Mike? What brings you here?”

“Tracking that coon that’s been in our bins.”

“Any luck?”

Mike held up a burlap sack and grinned. “Yup.”

Oh my god.

Erwin smiled at him and came down the porch, Mike meeting him halfway and giving him a kiss. Levi’s eyebrows shot up. Maybe this town wasn’t as behind the times as he thought it was going to be, not that it erased the awkwardness of watching two people he didn’t know smooch a mere two feet away from him.

Mike nodded at Levi when they parted. “Who’s this?”

“Oh! Mike, Levi. Levi, Mike,” Erwin said, pointing between the two in way of introduction. “This is the person I mentioned the other night.”

“The only living relative you could find to take over that Kenny guy’s estate?”

“The very same.”

Mike gave Levi a quick once-over. “Nice scarf.”

Levi narrowed his eyes at Mike. Was this fucker making fun of him?

“I can’t pull one off.”

“They make him look like Freddy from Scooby-Doo,” Erwin added jovially.

Mike nudged him in the leg with the dead raccoon. “Looks good on you, though,” he said to Levi.

“It does,” Erwin agreed.

“Thanks?”

Levi’s mind was reeling. This was all so fucking weird. If it wasn’t for the still steady throbbing of his wrist he would swear he was having an out-of-body experience.

“Should we get back to looking at the house?” Erwin asked.

“Actually,” Levi began, “I’m kind of tired. From the drive.” And the headache that was developing from this entire situation. “Is there a place I can stay?”

Levi had looked for lodging beforehand. The closest place was thirty minutes out of town, some motel that probably should have been demolished in the 80s. He was hoping that there was something else, though, a local secret of sorts, not listed on the internet.

“We don’t have anything in town,” Mike said.

Fucking great.

“There’s that motel down the road,” Erwin chimed in, “but it’s a half an hour drive one way. To make that trip in the morning and then back at night after all the days of hard work you’ll be doing…”

Levi shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“Nonsense.” He paused for a moment. “I know. Why don’t you stay with us?”

That caught Levi off-guard. “Uh,” he articulated.

“What do you think?” Erwin asked Mike.

“Sure. We’ve got the spare room.”

“Wonderful.” Erwin clapped his hands together, effectively ending the short, very one-sided conversation. “So what would you like for dinner?”

They both looked at Levi expectantly.

“Uh,” he repeated.

“What about this?” Mike asked, holding up the sack.

“There’s an idea. I haven’t had coon in a while,” Erwin said.

Wait, were they serious? How did you even eat a raccoon? Could you even eat one? Levi was beginning to feel sick just thinking about it.

“Soup or saute?” Mike asked.

“It’s still fairly early. I think there’s time for it to stew.”

Levi was in a daze as he followed them back to Erwin’s truck. They all climbed in, sandwiching Levi in the middle with the dead raccoon, and then they were bumping back down the road, Levi wondering what sort of fucked up Twilight Zone shit he had just gotten himself into.