#with the moral integrity of wet cardboard

[wiisagi-maiingan]

I know I usually don't give a fuck about voting but I am being 100% serious when I say that if you genuinely believe that a Republican president would be less of a bloodthirsty warmonger than a Democratic one, then you are just an absolute fucking joke of a human being. Seriously. How are people out here literally saying that Donald Trump would be better for foreign policy in the US?

[save-the-spiral]

he's a pathetic coward he's the smartest man alive he invents new war crimes to commit he's stupid as a box of rocks he's an opportunistic bastard he's got the moral integrity of wet cardboard he's never gotten bitches his entire life

i didnt have to say his name but you thought of someone already didn’t you.

[phoenixonwheels]

A very short story

I’m not interested in “forcing you” to get vaccinated Lois. I just want you plague rats kept far, far away from me and also I’m going to need y’all to die at home and not take up valuable hospital beds.

Look who went running to the hospital the minute she got Covid. Y’all have the moral integrity of wet cardboard.

[ID: Two Facebook posts: Lois Dansby, Aug 25, 2021: Photo of a syringe. “I don’t need to justify my refusal. You need to prove your right to force me.” John Birmingham, Jan 18, 2022: “I have very sad news. The wife of Tom Dansby, my solar installer and a dear friend, just passed away in the ICU - from Covid. This news is a real gut-kicker for those of us that know Lois”]

[rob-blog1234]

WEEKEND TV HOT FILM PICKS!

Check out my guide to the top films on TV this weekend and the best of the rest. Enjoy!

LATE FRIDAY 12th MAY

HOT PICKS!

Horror @ 2300      Videodrome (1983) *****

I’m a big David Cronenberg fan. From eXistenZ, Scanners and of course The Fly - He has dealt us some of the creepiest, body horror Sci-Fi around. Videodrome is not his most accessible and for the uninitiated this might be a step too far into Cronrnberg’s world. It follows a man’s decent into what appears madness through hallucinations and as he loses his grip on reality so do we. James Woods is a cable TV programmer who through a new technology begins this decent into the surreal & strange. As with the majority of Cronenberg films this has an ample amount of absurd eroticism, frightening imagery, disturbing scenes and follows themes of control and society. It’s pretty ahead of its time really and over 30 years on it still gets me chewing on its metaphor and social observation. In a world where we are now completely saturated with media as we hop from device to device this film perhaps is more accessible now than it ever was originally. Like Cronenberg? Love this.

Film4 @ 0150    District 9 (2009) *****

The Sci-Fi genre is full of average films churning out the same old dross using the same old stories and ideas… but in a worse way. Fortunately District 9 is nothing like that. Yes it does pull numerous ideas from a number of Sci-Fi greats but it manages to do this in a fresh way proving there is still room in the genre yet.

Director Neil Blomkamp must have been very frustrated when the Halo film was side-lined but he certainly put the 30 million budget he was given for this film to good use. The CGI is ultra-realistic and we witness seamlessly integrated aliens into our world, there is never a moment it faltered or failed. It still has some of the best effects that I’ve ever seen. The action scenes spew obvious talent and the combination of filming styles works really well.

District 9 follows Sharlto Copley’s character - Wikus - the nervous, wet-behind-the-ears yet dedicated MNU agent with the task of coordinating the eviction and relocation of over a million aliens from the rather nasty gang ridden slum known as District 9. His performance is astonishing particularly after I found out that not only is this his first major roll but a hell of a lot of his dialogue was improvised. The film starts off with documentary style, shaky cam footage which works very well to force realism and credibility to the story which does soon change back to standard cinema which although sometimes noticeable doesn’t stop District 9 standing tall as one of 2009’s great Sci-Fi films alongside Moon and Watchmen. Watch this.

Best of the rest:

Film4 @ 2100     Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol (2011) ****

ITV4 @ 2200       American Gangster (2007) ****

5* @ 2200           The Fifth Element (1997) *****

TCM @ 2300      The Others (2001) ****

***AVOID AT ALL COSTS!***

Syfy @ 2100    The Happening (2008) * AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

I present M. Night Shyamalan’s utterly preposterous disaster movie where uninspiring shots of the wind cause Marky Mark and Zooey - 500 badly read lines - Deschanel to produce some of the worst acting I have ever seen in my life. Some may forgive this film with the misguided assumption that it is some kind of comedy or it was all done like this for a reason. Madness. Who in their right mind, after months of shooting and editing, could sit back in their chair and say - “yep - that’s exactly what I was hoping to achieve”…. It’s quite unthinkable - but somehow it happened and this abomination got to the big screen and now pollutes our TV screens with its poorly structured, scripted and acted attempt to tell us in a roundabout way that “we are destroying our planet”… yes - we know Shyamalanamansa..amana… we know. This film with it’s sewage laden script, face-farted out by seemingly cardboard replicas of Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel reaches new heights of awful as in one of the more ridiculous scenes we see Mark Wahlberg talking to a pot plant as he doesn’t want it to feel any negativity that they are going to hide in the bathroom… jsifhfjsksksj!!!! They run a bit more, the wind blows through grass and trees a bit more… the end. There - I’ve spoiled it. I’ve done you a favour. If I’ve missed the point… I’m glad. Miss this.

***AVOID AT ALL COSTS!***

Film4 @ 2335   Predators (2010) ** AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

STEP 1: Take everything that was good about Predator and disregard it all. STEP 2: Instead of picking a really good Arnie challenging actor for the lead role. Pick Adrien Brody and give him a weird beige gun. STEP 3: Cast Laurence Fishburne as he will be really complementary to the Alien forests - They obviously don’t have enough wood in them already. STEP 4: On realising the film is utter garbage pray for redemption by looking again at step one and reintroduce the original score and hope people don’t notice it’s poo.

Well we did notice. A stain on the memory of the original. I’d rather watch AVP… and I’d rather sit on a spike than watch AVP again.

SATURDAY 13th MAY

HOT PICKS!

Film4 @ 1300     Field of Dreams (1989) *****

“If you build it, he will come” I’d forgotten how good this movies is… mainly due to the fact my brother harps on about how much he loves it, to the point that I’d subconsciously made myself dislike the thought of it! :) A perfect film for a lazy Saturday. It’s a fantastical and touching tale that focuses on basic human emotions that leaves you with a lump in your throat and a tear in your eye. Costner seems remarkably believable and I just adore Amy Madigan ever since seeing Uncle Buck. They are a great together and give a grounding to an otherwise bizarre string of events. One of my favourite sports films… definitely up there in my top 5.

TCM @ 2100     The Others (2001) ****

It’s towards the end of WW2; Nicole Kidman is Grace Stewart living with her 2 photosensitive children in a huge remote house in England. She has strict rules to ensure they never come in contact with sunlight. As the house and her chores begin to get difficult to manage she is forced to hire a group of servants. As the rules begin to break down and they are plagued with a few unexplained events, Grace ultimately begins to suspect the house is actually haunted.

Kidman is excellent as Grace and really gets deep inside the character. She oozes frustration and frailty but with a powerful disciplinarian front. It’s a stellar performance. The two child actors also do a grand job and the family unit feels very real. The house is almost a character in itself.

It’s full of rich dark colours and you half expect for something to appear from around every corner as the camera snakes through each gloomy room. It’s a spooky, and suspenseful film with some great tension and has an overall creepy feel. The story is fed to the audience well and the pace and tone are pitch perfect. The cinematography is nothing short of beautiful. This is a great film, with an interesting story that has some great twists. Watch this.

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 1650      Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) *****

C4 @ 2100         12 Years a Slave (2013) ****

Dave @ 2100    Training Day (2001) ****

5* @ 2100          22 Jump Street (2014) ****

Film4 @ 0110    Fright Night (1985) ****

***AVOID AT ALL COSTS!***

E4 @ 2100    Van Helsing (2004) * AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

It’s a mystery how Jackman and Beckinsale were duped into making a diabolically bad film that not even Bekinsale’s under bust corset could redeem. Terrible CGI, bad hats, bad hair, bad script, bad full stop. Criminally handled, ham-fistedly delivered to soil our screens with yet another simply shite monster movie. AVOID.

SUNDAY 14th MAY

HOT PICKS!

C4 @ 2300     Prisoners (2013) ****

Like a good Thriller? Then get onto C4 on Sunday for the dark investigative Thriller - Prisoners. It’s the English Language debut film for director Denis Villeneuve. I haven’t dabbled in his other work until more recently with the outstanding head twister “Enemy” starring Jake Gyllenhaal. He must have liked working with him as in Prisoners we see him again at his startling best. He is pulling some outstanding performances out the bag of late and here we get none less than the best. Jake plays a young detective who through sheer dedication and a lot of patience works through a serious case of 2 missing girls. Hugh Jackman plays the father of one of the girls, whose frustration with the Police’s seeming inability to make any progress reaches boiling point and he makes more and more morally questionable decisions on how to better the search for the missing girls. Beautifully shot with cinematography that wows on each and every scene, Prisoners is a must see thriller and my top HOT PICK for the weekend.

Film4 @ 2315     Shutter Island (2010) ****

Shutter Island is a creepy, visually rich psychological thriller with a dark and morbid feel throughout. We follow DiCaprio as troubled U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels - investigating the disappearance of a patient from the islands asylum for the criminally insane. DiCaprio is superb and I can see why Scorsese persists on casting him. Ben Kingsley also stands out as the head of the asylum - the dialogue between the two characters is excellent. We are taken through the almost gothic maze of the island and asylum - its darkness is overwhelming and penetrating, this - combined with the beauty of Scorsese’s direction we are treated to a darkly beautiful ride. There are, as you would expect, a number of twists along the way some more obvious than others but to me that isn’t really the point - It’s the journey through the film and the troubling images that plague our lead that make Shutter Island a must watch film. It inspires a second viewing. The score magnifies the darkness and is superbly put together to make even the seemingly normal of scenes far more tense and suspicious. Shutter Island was eagerly awaited for in 2010 and I was very glad when it finally arrived.

BBC2 @ 2345     Memento (2000) *****

Directed by the amazing Christopher Nolan and with a superb lead role by Guy Pierce, Memento is a complicated story of a man who can make no new memories since he was injured when he and his wife were attacked. Each scene starts from the confused perspective of Leonard (Pierce) so every new situation he finds himself in, so do we - and we have to piece together the story as if we were in his shoes. We follow this chronologically crazy story as he attempts to find his attackers.  He has to rely on a strict system to remember things by - from Polaroid’s to self-made tattoos and notes.  It’s thick with paranoia and confusion which keeps the audience begging for more from scene to scene.  Nolan’s direction is superb and the chronology of the film treats the audience to many rewards. It is an amazing film that deserves everyone’s attention. Watch this!

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 1250      Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) *****

Film4 @ 1835    Star Trek (2009) *****

Film4 @ 0155    Eyes Without a Face (1960) ****