#with my interfaith family. specifically the non-jewish family being antisemitic

[doyouknowthisjewishcharacter]

Do you know this Jewish character?

[etz-ashashiyot]

About Me/FAQs

You can call me Avital. I am a non-binary traditional egalitarian Jew living in the US. Any pronouns except they/them are fine. (!היא/את בעברית, בבקשה. תודה)

I really appreciate human interaction. That being the case, if you follow me and I don't already follow you, please send me a DM with the following:

What you want me to call you (internet name, username, nickname, whatever)

What brought you here and made you want to follow me

Something random about you that you feel comfortable sharing (pet pics are always welcome too <3)

I had a whole lot of other rules on my previous blog to weed out the faint of heart, but I genuinely don't know how well that worked, so instead I will simply put roughly the same information below as resources and recommended reading. Fair warning: I will operate from a baseline assumption that you've done the reading and therefore will not be explaining anything in them.

I also had a listing of my firm opinions and other miscellaneous information. That got long and unwieldy, but a lot of people seemed to appreciate it, so I will post roughly the same list under the cut.

The current username refers to my current symbol of a tree of lanterns in the starlight. This is related to my desire to create self-symbolism, old school style (like I really want to create a family crest, a flag, a seal, and other heraldic nonsense. Why? Because it delights me, of course.)

This page is under construction and subject to change at any time.

B'vracha,

Avital

Recommend Reading

For followers who are Christian, were Christian, are non-Jews who grew up in a Christian culture and/or have only learned about Judaism through Christianity, these links are very helpful in unpacking some of the antisemitism you were taught:

Better Parables (specifically the article about Pharisees, but read the rest of the site too, it's great)

Antisemitic readings of the Temple table-flipping incident in the New Testament

The current Israel-Hamas war and just המצב discourse in general require a lot of background knowledge to discuss intelligently, and not just propaganda. There is a LOT of antisemitism in the public around this topic and it is having serious real-world consequences for Jews all over the world. The mis- and disinformation is causing problems for everyone involved. Islamophobia in the West has increased as well. If you're going to engage in this discussion, I am respectfully but forcefully asking you to read the following sources. They are useful regardless of where you fall on that political scale.

There Is No Magic Peace Fairy

Ways to help: [1], [2], [3]

Muslim organizations advocating for peace, education, positive interfaith relations, and fighting antisemitism

This is perhaps my best summary of my own feelings on the whole thing

Is your pro-Palestine activism hurting innocent people? Here's how to avoid that

Please learn what Kahanism is, because it actually is what people think Zionism is. Zionism is simply a desire for Jewish self-determination in our ancestral homeland of eretz Yisrael. Kahanism is a type of racism that cloaks itself in Zionism but is fundamentally bigoted.

A non-exhaustive list of antisemitic incidents, attacks, and pogroms during [OP's] lifetime

An exceptionally long and thorough explanation of antisemitism and antisemitic violence throughout history

Why The Most Educated People in America Fall for Antisemitic Lies by Dara Horn (tumblr link in case the article link gets broken)

This explanation of the atrocities endured by Soviet Jews and how the legacy of Soviet antisemitism undergirds western "antizionism-not-antisemitism." If you call yourself an anti-Zionist, this is required reading.

An excellent overview of the basics

This is nowhere near complete information, but it's an important start. I will very likely continue to add resources as they become available and would love to create a primer on this topic more generally.

If you don't believe that October 7th happened or wasn't that bad, or really any atrocity denial please read this article from a reporter who was shown the actual footage, as well as this article documenting its effects on him.

If you are still in denial about the pattern of gender based violence, sexualized torture, and widespread rape as a war tactic committed by Hamas on 10/7, you are legally required to read this article.

About the blog:

I’m going to try my best to keep this blog to primarily Judaism, comparative religion and theology, with the occasional side sprinkling of queer & trans stuff, BUT it is absolutely a personal blog at the end of the day.

I talked about Israel and המצב stuff a lot on my previous blog and will likely continue a bit over here too. I welcome a broad swath of opinions, so long as they objectively treat all parties involved as human and deserving of safety, stability, freedom, dignity, and peace. That is apparently a large ask these days, and a not-small part of why I keep talking about this issue. Please be part of the voices that give me hope for the future, okay?

Minors can follow and interact but please keep in mind that I’m probably closer to your parents' age than yours if you do want to interact with me directly.

Interactions:

Rude asks will be deleted. Harassing blogs will be blocked and probably reported.

I consider anything even remotely in the vicinity of trying to proselytize to me to be “harassing,” or at a minimum, rude. Just FYI.

Otherwise, nice interactions are welcomed.

Banter is encouraged; trolling will be ignored

If you are a goy and want to argue with me about Jewish theology, you have to match my perfect score on this popquiz, no cheating by looking things up during the quiz. I learned Judaism as an adult mostly through self-study so you have no excuse. If you're invested enough to argue with me you're invested enough to do the reading homework. (To clarify: I'm happy to explain Jewish stuff to anyone who is sincerely asking or just have a friendly comparative theology discussion or whatever. But I have zero patience for those who want to argue with me about basic shit claiming they know more than me, especially if what they're claiming they "know" is not only wrong but antisemitic and wrong.)

If I don't respond to your interaction, there's a strong chance that I (a) have no idea what to say and am thinking about it, (2) totally meant to respond and just forgot after the notif disappeared, and/or (3) got incredibly busy. It's not personal! Please don't be shy about following up with me if you like. I promise that if we have a problem that is fixable, you'll know. If we have a problem that is not fixable, you'll be blocked.

I am currently learning Ivrit and am delighted to have interactions in Hebrew. Please feel free to message me, reply to posts or reblog, submit asks, etc. in Hebrew and I will do my best to read and respond to it. (Responses will be slower, but not for lack of appreciation of your thoughts!)

Anything else, just ask.

Hard stances:

You're not going to change my mind on these things; I've looked at the evidence, my personal experiences, and thought about them long and hard, and I am not going to be swayed by an internet rando. I can (often, but not always) co-exist just fine with people who I disagree with, but if seeing my posts about this is going to upset you, just do us both a favor and block me now please.

I am deeply distressed at how many people are choosing to live in a "post-factual society" where the truth is based on truthiness vibes and the politics are based on the quippiest of slogans. I don't care who's doing it, misinfo, disinfo, propaganda, atrocity denial, and gaslighting are BAD. There is no nuance here; these are bad things. They are bad if they go against your cause and they are bad if they "support" your cause. No cause is better than the truth.

If we cannot have a discussion where we are operating from the same baseline reality of verifiable facts, we cannot have a productive conversation and I will not engage with you. We can agree or disagree on a lot and that is fine, but facts matter.

If you cannot be reasoned with in accepting verifiable facts as reality, you need help. I'm serious. That is cult behavior. Get off tumblr and get help.

I don't know how to tell you that you should care about other people. If you don't see the inherent worth in other human beings' lives, I can't fix that. Go take that struggle to G-d and heal your soul.

I support the right of the Jewish people to self-determination in our ancestral homeland of Israel, the same way that I support other indigenous groups' right to self-determination in their ancestral homelands. If you don't, I'm going to need you to examine why Jews should be singled out of every other group to be denied this right or denied support in seeking it. That said, I definitely do not agree with many of the decisions made by the Israeli government, especially (but far from exclusively) regarding their treatment of Palestinians. I think both Jews and Palestinians deserve to live in peace, safety, freedom, dignity, and self-determination for both. No one is going anywhere; any real solution must recognize that. I tend to favor this proposal by A Land for All as an ideal (and given the grassroots nature of this idea, I think it could work pragmatically too, if the political will exists on both sides.)

I reject the Zionist/anti-Zionist dichotomy altogether for a number of reasons: 1) It impedes conversation because too many people agree but will never know it because they refuse to talk about what they actually mean by those labels and instead make assumptions about the other group. 2) It inherently puts the validity of an existing state up for debate rather than looking at real solutions for the future. You cannot unmake the state of Israel without widespread atrocities, but you can figure out options for everyone to live together in peace and heal from the collective trauma. 3) It also makes it way too easy to play Good Jew/Bad Jew and "Zionist" has basically become the slur de jour for "Jew." It sucks that people took a Jewish word for an important Jewish concept and made it synonymous with "bloodthirsty racist," but personally I don't think arguing over that at this exact juncture in time is helpful.

Bottom line: I'm a humanitarian and a pragmatist, and I care about all the people who call that part of the world home.

Update: for real, if you have trouble seeing Israelis and Palestinians both as human and deserving of safety, dignity, freedom, and inherent worth as living human beings, I don't want to know you. I don't want to talk to you. Go fix yourself.

🌻 I stand with Ukraine 🇺🇦

Free Iran from the Islamic Republic // Women Life Freedom

Abortion is a human right and should be safe, legal, available on demand, and shameless. It's a necessary medical procedure and it's completely barbaric that we're still talking about it as anything else.

Birth control, abortion, and no-fault divorce are actively positive parts of society and building healthy families.

Transition care is healthcare and also a human right. Allowing people to transition prevents self-harm and suicide, and has an extremely high efficacy rate with an exceptionally low level of risk or regret. We now have well over a century of data on this.

That said, detransitioners who are still supportive of trans people/aren't transphobic are more than welcome here, as any exploratory process deserves the right to say, "Interesting! But nope!"

Transunity, ace/aro positivity, and just inclusionism in general, 100%. Fuck off with anything else.

Queer might be a slur in the mouths of some people, but my identity isn't. Don't reblog my posts if you're going to tag it with "q slur" or "q word" or censored in some way. I'm not Gay as in "I prioritize cis men over the entire rest of the community" but Queer as in "my personal labels are none of your business but my political stance on queer liberation sure as fuck will be."

If you don't vaccinate yourself and your kids for any reason other than medical necessity, and especially if you promote anti-vaxxer views and the associated pseudoscience, you are actively harming the most vulnerable members of society for entirely selfish reasons and that makes you a bad person. I hope your kids bypass you to get vaccinated.

Wear a mask 😷

[jewlian]

Please know that I mean no disrespect with the question I'm about to ask, but

Why is it such a problem for Jews to wear christmas sweaters?

I'm not trying to justify drawing the Devoraks in them, and I am definitely not coming at you for saying anything. I am just genuinely, as someone uneducated on the topic of religion, trying to understand why it's such a sensitive thing.

I did read very briefly something that mentioned christmas being a catholic holiday, but that's about as much detail as that went into, so I'm still not really seeing anything too bad in this. I mean, many people celebrate christmas and the winter period for non religious reasons, and they still participate in different stereotypical activities such as wearing jumpers or eating fancy dinner together.

Also, I think more people would stop drawing the Devoraks in christmas sweaters if they understood too. In Aisha's case, there was a lot more explanation to the religious aspect of the hijab within the fandom, so I think there was a wider understanding which fuelled more outrage towards the devs. So perhaps, if you explained a little about what Hanukkah celebrates and why it is a problem for Jews to be wearing sweaters, I think you'd see less of it.

Another thing- people with adhd and/or autism often need some sort of explanation that makes sense for them to do something. Taking myself as an example, I see that you're saying it is anti-Semitic to draw Jews in christmas sweaters, but I don't understand why, so in my head it still seems moderately okay, because so long as they're not wearing them for religious reasons, it's not interfering with religion, right? I know I'm probably wrong, but that's just how my brain works and until I'm given a concrete, digestible reason, I can't actively change my mind because I need it to make sense.

I'm very sorry for asking you to explain things like this. Again, I would like to reiterate that I say all of this with no intention of belittling the Jewish faith or showing you any disrespect. I just want to get a better understanding. :)

okay so the first thing you need to understand here is that the reason people celebrate christmas for non-religious reasons is that our culture and society are overwhelmingly biased toward christianity. Holidays like Easter and Christmas are treated like default holidays and school/work vacations are given for Christmas specifically and never Jewish/etc. holidays because society at large (in certain countries) prioritizes Christianity in all facets. Nobody would see a character celebrating Hannukah and say "they might not be doing it for religious reasons."

Second, people have been trying to explain for years now why it's not okay to portray the Devoraks as celebrating christmas but people won't listen. Antisemitism in this fandom is a huge and ongoing issue wherein most of the fandom won't even acknowledge that they're jewish in the first place. By drawing Julian (lets get real these people never draw Portia) in christmas sweaters, the immediate impression that people will get is that he's christian or christian adjacent. Barring special circumstances someone who was raised as a practicing jew isn't going to celebrate christmas. Best case scenario it's just another day, worst case scenario it's an actively hostile presence in their life.

Lastly, with all due respect i think a jew saying you shouldn't do something to or with a jewish character should be a concrete enough reason for you to change your mind. You clearly aren't Jewish and I think I gave plenty of reasons in my original post as to why you shouldn't do it. It's erasure. It erases their Judaism because the immediate assumption when you see someone celebrating christmas is that they're a non-jew. You could come up with any number of technicalities-- I myself am a jew from an interfaith non-devout family and I celebrate christmas-- but given this fandom's history of antisemitism and Jewish erasure I don't trust them not to do so in bad faith.

To sum it up, this is a one way street. None of these people would ever portray non-jews celebrating Hannukah or Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashanah or Passover. They are spoiled for choice in regards to all the non jewish characters they could draw in christmas sweaters and they can leave the like two jewish ones in existence the fuck alone.

[progressivejudaism]

Hi, I'm considering a conversion to Judaism through Modern Orthodox and I was wondering why you subscribe to your specific branch? This is a question I ask most Jews I meet just to understand the values they hold dear

Hi there,

Thank you for your question!

Everyone chooses to identify with their Movement for different theological, practice-based, and social reasons.  Please know that everyone’s choices are unique, and beautiful in their own ways (as I’m sure that yours are!)

I am a Reform Jew.  I identify with the Reform Movement mainly because of our commitment to what many lovingly refer to as “informed choice through knowledge,” or the ability to freely practice in a matter that one finds meaningful based on their own research and knowledge of Jewish Law (Halachah), Jewish tradition, and Jewish values.  In the Reform Movement, you will typically see many Jews sway from traditional observances (like keeping Kosher and not using electricity on Shabbat and chagim) and instead live a Jewish life in a way that they find more meaningful.  For example, I find that I use my downtime on Shabbat (outside of personal prayer practice) watching movies, hanging out with friends (and using public transportation), and learning from Jewish texts using the technologies at my disposal.  This is how I can make my Shabbat meaningful.  Traditional Jews often find meaning without use of electricity, but for me, that would be a barrier to my Shabbat.  I enjoy entering a space where all Jews are encouraged to understand Judaism in their own way, although I tend to have a more traditional outlook on many traditions and customs!

I love the concept of ‘reform.’  If Jewish history teaches us anything, it demonstrates the clever ways in which the Jewish people have adapted over time to meet their needs in history.  The modern period is just another version of these adaptations, and the Reform Movement has grasped onto this concept and built a Movement around it.  I like to say “if we weren’t reforming, women would not be reform rabbis, we would not support Israel, and would never perform same-sex weddings.” 

Along with that, there are also some basic ��checkpoints” that the Reform Movement has for me that I value tremendously. (There is no way that I could list everything, please note that this is condensed for your own reading pleasure)    Please note that we are not the only Movement that holds many of these particular values, but we are the only Movement that holds all of these values under the guise of the above concepts and our history as “American Judaism” later labeled Reform Judaism. 

For me, the basic “checkpoints” that I need to feel comfortable in a Jewish space are: egalitarianism, welcome of LGBTQ+ families and Jews, welcome of interfaith couples and non-Jews, our unique committment to tzedakah projects and to social action / social justice issues, and our love and commitment to the State of Israel.  For more specific information about each of these issues, please see below my signiture!

Have a wonderful day!

PJ

Egalitarianism: The Reform Movement ordains women (and people of other genders) as rabbis and cantors.  We hold that everyone, regardless of gender, can hold equal positions in Synagogue life and can perform all of the same mitzvot.  I believe that it is essential that our young people interact with rabbis across the gender spectrum, and I am excited for the day where my own children (one day!) will be able to see the beautiful diversity in our Movement!  I also struggle with the concept of a gender-divided space.  I like that in my Movement, we all sit together.  And beyond my own comfort levels, I feel at peace knowing that people who do not fit into the traditional gendered spectrum (ie. men on one side, women on the other) can very comfortably pray, and sit among whomever they wish.

Full and utter acceptance and welcome of LGBTQ+ Jews:  From marriage and pronouns to inclusive language and lobbying government, the Reform Movement is an inclusive space for people of all sexualities and gender identities.  Being warm and compassionate towards all folks is important!

Full and utter acceptance of interfaith couples who wish to create a Jewish home:  It is important to me that Jews and their non-Jewish partners who have chosen to raise Jewish families have an inclusive space to live, pray, and learn as Jews without judgment.  Even rabbis or cantors that will not perform interfaith weddings will be absolutely warm and welcoming to all couples committed to raising a Jewish family.  With that, it is worth mentioning our commitment to welcoming non-Jews (and doing interfaith events with Churches and Mosques)!

Our unique commitment to social justice activism and tzedakah projects:  The Reform Movement is unique in the fact that we have Movement-based initiatives (for several causes that I personally believe are extremely important in the current day and age) that all stem from the Religious Action Center, “ the social justice hub” of the Reform Movement located in Washington D.C.  The “RAC” (and its sister organization the Israel Religious Action Center, or the IRAC, are dedicated to lobbying government and promoting education on a variety of key issues.)   All of the issues that the RAC and the IRAC work on are deeply influenced by Jewish values and Jewish texts.  Throughout the websites, please note you can click on options to learn about why these issues are important Jewishly.  There are also an incredible amount of ideas for tzedakah projects that communities can work on to give back to their communities and to people (and the planet) in need.

I am passionate about the following issues that the RAC constantly are working to improve in the United States:  healthcare, racial justice (voting rights, criminal justice, hate crimes… ) LGBTQ+ rights  (anti-discrimination, protecting transgender servicepeople, adoption …), disability rights, hunger/homelessness and global poverty, climate change (and working to make our lives greener), Feminism (Reproductive Rights, the pay gap….), campaigns against discrimination and antisemitism, gun violence prevention, and immigration issues.

Our commitment to the State of Israel:  We are deeply engaged with our beloved State of Israel.   We are so blessed to finally, after 2000 years in exile, have our Israel back.  And we have a few beautiful campuses throughout the State, including our beautiful school in Jerusalem that overlooks the Old City.  But unfortunately, the current state of the State doesn’t live up to all of our expectations.  Institutionalized racism, religious and social inequalities, and the disgusting state of the Occupation are just some ills that the Reform Movement vehemently opposes and is committed to eliminating.

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Tumblr is a place where context disappears really easily, so I want to make it clear that while this criticism can definitely be broadly applicable to many groups who face exclusion from observant community for numerous reasons, this was specifically prompted by me being a queer, non-binary ger who was already partnered to a non-Jew years before converting - and mostly the last part, because it means that despite my circumstances being quite different from someone who is already Jewish making an active choice to start a new relationship with a partner that is not Jewish, that type of relationship and mine are both considered "intermarriages." (Or, like, "interfaith" if you're being polite. I personally don't care what you say; I use them interchangeably.)

And I said this in a non-rebloggable/tags post, but I do think there's an important difference to be made between not l'chatchila throwing open the floodgates and saying "marry whoever you want, it doesn't matter" and encouraging people b'di'eved who have already built whole lives with a non-Jewish spouse to shatter that life and divorce that spouse.

And you might say to a prospective ger in this situation, "don't get a divorce; just don't convert, it's not for everyone" or to direct them or a prospective BT or a Jew returning to observance that they could just join a more liberal community and be the oddly frum person instead. This is seen as the compassionate response that still holds by halacha. But it's not compassionate at all! I want you to imagine a prospective ger being turned away because of their family background. Would you respect that response if it was someone being asked to disown a non-converting parent or sibling or child? So why do we do that for an existing, established spouse? Spouses are family too!

And this is especially true when speaking to a queer person, who has very likely already lost family, friends, community, and/or faith over their queerness. That spouse may be the main - or only - family they have left. Even if not (and I am one of the lucky ones who didn't lose people who mattered) it is also very likely that if that couple has been together for any length of time, that they have weathered an extremely homophobic/transphobic world together. They may have saved each other from violence; they may have helped each other heal from the deep wounds of trauma. And if they managed to build a beautiful, healthy, happy relationship despite all that? My G-d that's enough. My G-d that's enough! Dayeinu!

Do you know how hard it is to find someone that you're compatible with (especially if you're queer) and how hard it is to build a healthy relationship in the first place even without much adversity? And we do not yet live in a world where being queer is free from serious adversity.

I think it's incredibly ironic that we have a long history of welcoming gerim who come from deeply, explicitly antisemitic families while turning away people whose spouse is supportive but simply on a different spiritual path. The former is beautiful and I support it wholeheartedly, but it really throws the latter into sharp relief.

And for those that are already Jewish and either not observant when they married (regardless of their background) or were otherwise but made this choice anyway - imagine if we treated Jews who have had any other sort of serious non-observance or lapse the same way! You would be hard-pressed to ever have a minyan again if you chose not to count anyone who had ever knowingly and intentionally violated a d'oraita melacha. Marriage is a big choice, of course, but it's not one that should be seen as having a simple (if emotionally challenging) solution for the would-be observant Jew. Once you've built a life with this person, it's not just a break up - it's disowning a member of your now-existing family. It's a break down of a massive part of your life and who you have become. And if you are wanting to change who you are to be a more observant person, it should not come at the cost of your family if they are willing to support you on that path. And for comparison - would you see it as compassionate to welcome a trans Jew who wanted to be observant or return to observance, but condition it on them detransitioning? I know full well, of course, that plenty of observant communities would say this, too, but I'm not talking about them right now. I'm talking about the many observant communities that tout themselves as queer and trans-friendly, but would ask a queer and/or trans prospective member to potentially give up the family member who has been with them through so much.

This would all be less of an issue if there were somewhere else to go - but there's not. The most liberal movement that still holds halacha as binding is the Conservative movement, and it is currently headed on a collision course with the Reform movement in terms of ritual observance and services. This was already happening, but COVID really pushed the issue in terms of technology and instruments on Shabbat, and various other leniencies that were probably coming round the bend but were vastly accelerated by a frantic need to attract members back to shul and retain their interest - especially when services are still mostly by stream or Zoom. This is especially so in most places in the country outside of New York, Chicago, or LA, where your options are usually limited to: a Reform/Conservative hybrid shul, an Orthodox shul of some other variety, and a Chabad. (And usually a Hillel if there's a university nearby.) There are obviously many other types of Jews and shuls scattered throughout the countryside, but it's pretty hit-or-miss.

To fill in the lacuna for a progressive, egalitarian, but halachic community that the Conservative movement is rapidly leaving, the nascent traditional egalitarian movement seems to be what is creeping into its place. And I would probably throw my whole support behind them if there was room for me and my voice and my life experiences. But there's not. Most of those institutions and groups that I've experienced - even the ones that are otherwise queer and trans friendly - view intermarriage as Enemy #1 in terms of assimilation and liberal Jewish non-observance. You would think that the answer would be to welcome us and convince us that we can be (otherwise) fully observant Jews and to facilitate this in whatever way possible, but it's not. We can listen in or tag along or join their minyan, but we cannot be too visible and we are not allowed to lead.

So then where do we go?

If you send us (back) to Conservative and/or Reform shuls who don't plan for shomer Shabbos, shomer kashrus, shomer taharas mishpacha members and do stuff like drop most or even all (!!) of the Torah service in favor of more guitar music, what space do we actually have? Sure, you could wear your tzitzis & hat or tichel and tznius dress to shul, but you are going to be visibly and ostentatiously over-observant looking there, which creates its own problems of separating yourself from the community. And G-d help you if you're non-binary/egalitarian and looking to blend these typically gendered practices. How long, exactly, can you maintain these practices in a space that's not designed with that in mind and where you likely make other congregants uncomfortable by davening next to them before you give up these mitzvot or eschew Jewish community entirely? How long before these liberal communities gently suggest you go to the orthodox shul instead, where if you're a woman who leyns you will be silenced and if you're queer and/or intermarried you will find that (at best) your spouse and household structure is politely ignored and you just don't talk about them if you can help it? Where you may not even be Jewish yourself by their reckoning and unable to ever change that because of your status as queer, trans and/or intermarried?

And the movement that seems to be the closest, the one with the most promise, the traditional egalitarian movement - even if you're lucky enough to live near one or be able to start one - if you are intermarried, you are still going to have to give up family to fully fit. And especially as a queer trans person, this has the added sting of being yet another door shut in my face because of my relationship and the life I've built and the person I've become. Same shit, different day, with the 'bonus' of a new and exciting excuse.

So where are the spaces that are welcoming to married Jews whose partners are not Jewish as their whole, fullest selves? Where can we turn where we will be welcomed and encouraged and allowed to become the best and most observant Jews we can be without shame or apology or penalty? And how can we even begin to create them if we cannot even access the tools or training to become leaders enough to do it successfully?

This is rebloggable, but please reblog with this addition.

Edit: Despite these extremely real critiques, I do also feel the need to say that this is coming as a tochecha for communities that I fiercely love and feel an ongoing responsibility towards and attachment to. I remain deeply indebted to the many people who have welcomed me, who have brought me in, who have hosted me on Shabbat and davened and fasted and celebrated with me. Please do not mistake this as a rejection of these communities or the people in them, but rather quite the opposite.

Also just like one other thought (and then I will try to shut up about this for tonight) but like, *being observant* really requires a similarly observant community. It's not impossible to be way more frum than your community, but (a) existing well outside the norms of your community creates a constant separation from your own community which is problematic in its own way, and (b) observance props up observance. If your shul doesn't expect people to walk to shul, it's not going to think about that when setting up services and events, which can make it hard or even impossible to go even if in theory no one is actually hostile or negative to you for doing so. So then at what point do you just give up and drive?

Shutting out would-be observant Jews from observant community therefore is not only bad on an inclusion level, but actively makes them less observant Jews in the long run by making observance inaccessible and unsustainable. Not to mention the emotional toll of being implicitly or explicitly told that your observance will never be good enough without just, like, being a different person or having a different life. At what point do you just say "screw it, not worth it" and stop living with so many restrictions when all it does is separate you from your community and highlight your exclusion from others that would otherwise probably be a better fit? How long before you finally wake up one day and realize that you can be observant or you can have a positive relationship to Hashem/Judaism/Jewish community, but trying to do both is making you miserable?

Obviously that breaking point is going to be different for each person, but everyone has one, and it is arguably a stumbling block to push people to it. I can literally pinpoint the exact conversation that torpedoed my ability to avidly fight this fight and to this day makes observance that I previously found fulfilling an uphill battle. It actively made me a worse Jew and I'm not sure I'll ever stop being salty about it if I'm honest. This happened summer of 2020 and I still haven't found the right words to tell that person that it still hurts over a year and a half later.

[benevolentbirdgal]

That's a very fair question. I think there are really two questions here: what is a good response when someone is telling you about antisemitism, and what you can do to stop antisemitism more broadly. I'm going to answer both together, since they kind of overlap. Me personally, I'd like more responses like the following:

Admitting when you didn't know a thing or the scope of a thing. It's okay not to know! Learning is good! And Jews are SO tired of goyim claiming to be experts over us. Basically, the opposite of assertions that it's not a big deal/Jews are too sensitive/WELL ACTUALLY-ing.

If it's a person you're interacting with (as opposed to one-way reading or watching): literally just listening and then asking what you can do to help, expressing sympathy. I know that sounds too easy and too simple, and in terms of long-term institutional action it is, but it's also important for that individual to be heard on what they need as the person talking to you, not what some random lady on the internet told you.

Really, super important, specifically: calling out the "oh x is [marginilized identity] they can't be antisemitic" and "oh, calling out x is bigoted" bullshit. ESPECIALLY IF IT'S SOMEONE YOU SHARE THAT IDENTITY WITH. In Yiddish, we have an expression: a shanda fur die goyim, literally, a shame for the gentiles, but what it really means is "this shanda is making us look bad, as a community." I'm much more worried about the silence of the crowd than some schlemiel's shouting. You can't help it if you have your community's equivalent of a shanda saying schmucky things, but it really does make a difference to me when the members of that community decisively ID the schmuck behavior as unacceptable, as opposed to me having to assume the best of silence (which is not a strategy that has historically worked out for marginalized people, Jews included).

Asking for further resources to read on your own time. Like they may or may not want to have A Long Conversation with you, and if they do it's likely to be a more valuable conversation if you have more background info. I made a list and I'd also like to highlight myjewishlearning (basically any topic), Sefaria (Jewish translations of the bible/Tanach and way more), and 18Doors (it's aimed at interfaith families - i.e. situations involving non-Jew learning who has somebody Jewish in their life they might be talking about it with). There are also resources aimed at converts, which is not the same thing, but can be helpful for entry-level stuff as well. There aren't a ton of explicitly aimed-to-be-an-ally resources, unfortunately, because well, we're used to being on our own. Shameless plug for an emerging resource - I started and help run @guidesforgoyim, and once my personal life settles a little that'll be off hiatus. You can also seek out Jews online who have explicitly opened their DMs (or comments or other equivalent) to questions and inquiries!

Really, long-term, just learning more about the Jewish community in general. Check out if local orgs have stuff that's open to non-Jews (most things are, but some are more engaging and you'd learn more - I'd recommend a goy attend a synagogue's seder instead of Yom Kippur services, for example). If you get invited to a seder or Hanukkah party or a Sukkah visit or Shabbat dinner, go. Learn about kosher and heckhers (kosher marks, about the size of a trademark). Learn about the different denominations. Learn about what makes someone Jewish according to the community and why it's not something you can just declare yourself. I could (and should and probably will) make a longer list of "basics" here or on Guides for Goyim, but this post is already going to be long.

Depending on the relationship you have with the person, relating it to a struggle you experience can be good. Really depends though! Like one of my closest friends is a trans masc goy and I'm a cis woman Jew, but we've had really good convos about the parallel experiences we've had around language, inclusivity, passing as majority and choosing or not choosing to out ourselves to new people, dating, etc. But that's also a person who I get milkshakes with at 2 a.m. and have baked many a challah with. I've also had conversations about code-switching where non-Jewish members of another community have shouted me down or argued with me that Yiddish isn't a real language. And the classic "oh the Holocaust was general hate" and de-centering Jews as the primary target of the Holocaust, which is like, can you not (kind of in the same space as pivoting away from antisemitism specifically to talk about hate crime against religious identities more generally). Like if you can relate to a thing with some identity or struggle of your own without making it about you and you have a relationship with that person it can be good, but I can't speak for the Jews in your life or their comfort level with that.

Learn more about how the Jewish community's relationship with other communities and identities, especially those you are a part of. In many cases (Jews of Color, Immigrant Jews, disabled Jews, Queer Jews, and more) there are Jewish voices that share that identity you can learn from.

Kind of similar to some of the above, but use Jewish sources when you're learning or teaching about Jewish stuff. Like using Jewish translations of texts or Jewish websites for holiday explanations. This also goes for recognizing differences between what your own traditions - religious (usually Abrahamic), national, or political - say about us and how we do and interpret things vs how we actually do. There's definitely more, but this is already long AF. Other Jews welcome to add more.

Just a list of responses to antisemitism and Jews talking about I've gotten that are bad and you should stop saying them:

1. "Oh, but the real problem is [x other form of bigotry]!" Not relevant, not helpful, and usually delivered in such a way it betrays an immense ignorance about the diversity of the Jewish community. The count of Real Issues™ isn't a zero sum game anyways.

2. Relatedly: trying to make it about all anti-religious hate crimes as opposed to antisemitism specifically, "we must fight all anti-religious hate." You are correct - hate against Muslims, Sikhs, Jains, Hindus, Buddhists, Wiccans, Christians, etc. is also wrong, but what's with the aversion of talking about the unique struggles of Jews? Why do we only get to tag along, why can't we have the floor in our own right?

3. Anything to the impact of "you're too sensitive" - would you say it to any other minoritized person being vulnerable with you about something they've experienced? Why are you, personally, random listener and observer, the arbiter of what counts as bad enough and not the Jewish person?

4. Broad assertive statements that Jewishness is just a religion. Judiasm is a religion, but it's also an ethnocultural identity - the problem with "just a religion" is the idea that we could shed our Jewishness and solve the problem, which has consistently not been the case across millennia and continents.

Jews welcome to add other things they are done with hearing in response to antisemitism! Goyim can ask questions but don't be schmucks.