#wit and wisdom of grampa mutt

[oldguardleatherdog]

what would you say as a queer elder to younger queers having meaningless discourse about who gets to use what labels and that you cant identify with labels to contradict eachother

i don't know if you've gotten an ask like this before but i'd be intrigued to hear your opinions on the matter

Hello chmyri, sorry it's taken a while to get back to you.

No one's asked me about this issue directly until now, so thank you for bringing it into focus.

When we come out, whether it's a defined moment or a realization and acknowledgment of what we've always been up to that point, we get a label from society and the universe at large: "not heterosexual". That's the first divergence from the main road, and that's where the taxonomy starts, at Straight/Not Straight.

But as we search for exactly who and what we are as queer people, trying to find where we belong and where we want to be, it doesn't take long to get into the sticky spots and the briar patches where it's not so clear, where it gets tribal, where affinities become loyalties and loyalties become walled compounds, where exclusionary gatekeeping is routine and arbiters of who we are and where we belong start crawling out of the woodwork.

This is not new. It was going on 38 years ago when I came out, young and fresh (!) and knocking all the expensive glassware off everyone's tables with my indiscriminate tail-wagging stumbling around looking for "my people", and it's likely going to continue long after I'm chasing squirrels under the Rainbow Bridge.

Nor is it confined to those who are young and fresh today; we still contend with what we should properly call ourselves and where we fit as we change and grow over the years. The discourse gets less heated and vicious and accusatory, but I find myself still trying to "find myself", if that makes sense.

Where I engage with this most frequently is the word "queer", who gets to use it as self-identification, what it means, what it should mean, and "who the hell do you think you are using/not using that label/slur/insult/chosen identity when you should know it's good/bad/sinful/deviant/righteous?"

I have an account on the former Twitter where my display name is "QUEER Is Not A Slur!", and if you look through my archive here you'll find my (extensive) analysis of this particular toxic conversation, my stance on the matter, and the arguments I set forth to back it up. That's how I've chosen to contend with this discourse (which seems to skew young), and I'm able to step back from the combat. At my age, I'm secure in who I am and what I call myself, and I don't get any flak about it.

But to your point: I wouldn't say it's "meaningless" because I view it as a natural and necessary part of finding ourseleves and our way in the community and culture that we have chosen by coming out. But using labels as gatekeeping tools, cudgels, and instruments of exclusion during this time is not what this gig is all about. You have my permission to rebuke that nonsense each and every time you see it.

Thank you for asking! I hope my take helps clarify and enrich your own.

Woofs + wags, Animal

[oldguardleatherdog]

followed for the gay elder insights stayed for the occasional gay fetish content

Good to know! Getting the content balance in the sweet spot can be tricky, so I'm glad to hear your feedback 🙂

You might like my upcoming work, "Grampa Mutt's Dungeon Wit and Wisdom", where I reveal all the Old Guard Leather kink techniques you won't find online, featuring 'Playroom Proverbs' audio clips delivered in my best Uncle Iroh voice! 😏