#winters in alaska r too cold for running

[callum-hunt-is-bisexual]

i yearn to be a runner but i can barely walk up my school stairs without getting winded so it clearly is not for me

[uraveragelonelygay]

Keep You Warm

( Not my Gif)

Request: In a cold winter night, u n nat r on a mission together, the wind suddenly blows across u guys, then u shuddered n shivvered, then nat hugs u n says "ur cold cs ur not hot enough but ur the hottest in my heart" . Just very fluff ~

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 313

A/N: Once again, this is a short one! I got a longer request that should be out either tonight or tomorrow, but probably tomorrow. Thank you for all the support, it means a lot!

*****************************************************************************************************

“Okay. Yes, I understand. Just get here as soon as you can. Thanks, Cap.”

Nat hung up the phone with a sigh before approaching the couch you were sitting on, frowning as she watched you shiver violently.

“Bad news,” she began, “Steve can’t get us until morning. The quinjet can’t fly through this blizzard. So we are stuck here for the night.”

You groaned and put your head in your hands.

You and Nat had been sent on a mission in Alaska to retrieve data from an abandoned Hydra base there. It was an easy mission, but now you were stuck in the safe house for another night. And it was freezing.

“Hey,” Nat started, looking at you with a playful smirk, “At least we finally get some alone time, if you know what I mean…”

You lift your head just to glare at her.

“Natasha Romanoff, if you are insinuating that we have sex right now, an activity that requires us to be naked, as I am unable to exist without shivering, you’ve got another thing coming.”

She chuckled. “Damn, detka, you’re cranky when you’re cold.”

You shoved her playfully.

She nudged you with her shoulder. “You know, you may be feeling cold right now, but you are the hottest in my heart.”

“That was the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said to me, and although it was cute, it still doesn’t help the fact that I am so unbelievably freezing.”

“You love me,” she teases.

“Just shut up and hold me.”

“As you wish.”

She took you into her arms and squeezed you tightly, softly running her fingers through your hair.

“I do, though,” you say after a moment.

“Hm?”

“I love you, Nat.”

“I know, detka, I love you too.”

You hummed contentedly before you shiver violently yet again. Nat held you closer.

“Don’t worry, moya lyubov, I’ll keep you warm.”

[fxckbuckyscoming]

Stubborn Cuddles||B.B x Reader

Request: Hello! I was wondering if you could do a Bucky x Reader where the reader is cold as hecc and is shivering her ass off but refuses to admit that she is cold until Bucky just snuggles her stubbornly. I think this prompt has the potential to having really really cute pining in it by @momos-peaches​

Warnings: Some heckin’ cute fluff, stubborn reader, chilly nights!

Authors Notes: Thank you so much sweetest @momos-peaches​ for sending me this request! I really hope you like it!

Winters in New York were really something else. If it wasn’t raining, then the ground was often covered in inches of snow that usually went halfway up your legs. Some people think of New York as cosy, but as a resident in the state, it was anything but and you didn’t understand why anyone coming from a hot country would want to live here.

It’s the season to wrap yourself up in the thickest sweaters you owned, thermal socks, heated gloves, ear muffs.

People would think you were exaggerating but really you weren’t and you were living proof of that. Every winter was almost the same.

Living inside this huge compound, with tiled floors throughout and freaking high ceilings, the space in each room far too long and wide, you could easily compare it to living in Antartica in a cheap tent. It was the same difference to you, and it didn’t matter how many layers of clothing you were wearing, you were still a shivering snowman. Your toes were sore from how cold and numb they were, your fingertips were like ice and you winced each time you went to stratch an itch on your face.

You were so focused on the movie playing on the TV that you neglected to hear the heavy footsteps walk into the room. Bucky leaned against the doorframe and smirked, seeing you huddled under at least 3 fluffy blankets and you reminded him of one of those characters children would have to play for a Christmas play.

“You cold doll?” Bucky purred, his feet bringing him closer to where you’re huddled. Your teeth clatter but you refuse to let him know you’re freezing your ass off. You even went to bed cold last night and didn’t warm up throughout the night.

“I-I-I’m f--ine.” Bucky laughed and walked towards the window.

“It’s a gorgeous day, maybe I should open the window for a bit.” He teased, his fingers lingering on the latch as he looked out at the bright white snow that blanketed the entire ground and rooftops. Turning your head to look at the man, failing an attempt to give him a death-stare.

“N-no.” A whine falls from your lips as you work on bringing the stack of blankets closer to your shivering body. How could anyone in this tower live like this? Only earlier you saw Sam walk around in just a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Bucky sighs and the cushion next to you dips under his weight.

“You’re freezing.” It’s a statement more than a question. He could hear your teeth clattering, the shakiness from your breath and just by the way you were curling into yourself.

“I-I’m fine.” Bucky knew very well how stubborn you were and he knew you wouldn’t admit that you were cold. As cold as it was outside, Bucky’s heart wasn’t cold and he certainly didn’t want you to get sick or die from hypothermia. He wasn’t that kind of person to see someone suffer.

Bucky had a lot of body heat to spare, mostly due to the serum that was injected into him and ran through his veins over 70 years ago. He hasn’t felt cold since, even during his toughest missions in Siberia and Alaska.

“C’mere doll.” Bucky coos with one arm stretched out over the back of the couch. You give him a look and shake your head. You were an avenger, if you could defeat aliens and Hydra soldiers, you could get yourself warm.

“I-I’m fine Bucky.” That’s the third time you’ve said that, but Bucky wasn’t listening and shifted closer to you. Before you could protest or ask what the heck he was doing, he was already curling his arms around you, taking the blankets off and pulling you into his lap, your head tucked under his chin and you shivered while he worked on wrapping the fluffy blanket back around the two of you. It felt like a furnace, almost as if you were sitting in front of a roaring wood fire. It was toasty, warm and you would never admit it, but you felt comfortable and sort of grateful for the heat that was coming from his body. Bucky held a tight vice grip, making sure you couldn’t crawl out of his lap and disappear to freeze to death someplace else.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for a little while.” Since you’ve known Bucky, you’ve never noticed him speak in a such a shy and vulnerable tone before. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t take you by surprise because it really did.

“R-really?” Your stutter this time wasn’t from the cold but from the surprise he would say such a thing. There would be some truth of you having a crush on the soldier laying under layers of buried feelings that you’ve swallowed down in the past just because you didn’t want to confuse him. Bucky was still recovering and the last thing he needed was a bombshell dropped on him.

Gently, he presses his lips to the side of your head to assure you he wasn’t joking, his flesh hand running up and down your leg over the blanket. A grin spreading open his lips when you find yourself snuggling into his body even further, grasping his scent and the warmth. You were just starting to defrost.

“Thank you.” It came out as a hushed whisper, one you didn’t think he would hear. He did. “It’s my pleasure, doll.”

[nakedmossy]

Depth Over Distance - Part One [Rudy x Reader]

[A/N: I haven’t found a hometown Rudy fic yet soooo I wrote one. I have no idea where this story is going to go and I’m honestly finding it hard to get out of writing JJ and get into writing Rudy, but here we go anyways. I wanted to write something where the reader and Rudy were hometown friends before he moved to LA, and to explore the idea of how that would change/what it would look like when he comes back. Get ready for a S L O W. B U R N. my dudes. Peace and love, Mossy x]

The sky was grey and the air was wet - it had been raining for 4 days straight. You sat in your car with the heat cranked, your window down slightly so that the humidity didn’t fog up your mirrors. Living on the Alaskan coast was beautiful most of the time but horrible some of the time, especially when you had to waste gas just keeping warm and dry at 6pm in the beginning of ‘Summer’. 

You had never lived anywhere else aside from the summer you spent in Vancouver with your cousin when you were 19. Now, at 23, you were working full time at the local bookshop that was an 8 minute drive from your house in the winter and a 20 minute walk/skate in the summer. Your car was parked street side, waiting for your friend Lizzy to finish her shift at the cafe. The smell of the rain and the Ben Howard song on the radio made you nostalgic about the times you and your friends from high school had spent hours skating down these streets, beers in your backpacks, no helmets, dirty shoes and clothes, no pressure, no responsibilities, no cell service...no worries. 

Since graduation a lot of your friends had moved out of town, either to Anchorage or down to Washington, or further south. Your best friend Lizzy had stayed close to home, helping run her families business and working part time at the cafe. You had stayed local too...your dad owned a fishing guide business and your mom was an admin assistant for the MD in town, but neither made enough to cover all the medical bills you had racked up over the last few years. You figured once the debt was paid off you might leave...but you had no idea where you would go. 

You missed all of your friends, but you missed the boys the most, aside from Lizzy you didn't have a lot of female friends, and your boys had been like brothers to you. You spoke to most of them every few weeks on FaceTime, except Rudy. He had gone to LA for awhile and had kept in touch loosely, but after the first few months he started to drift. 

You felt the loss the hardest for Rudy. He had been your closest friend the longest, you had spent nearly every day of every summer together since you were 9, and every school year you worked the same part time job at the seafood restaurant on the water. Now, the last you heard, he was coming back for the summer to ‘reconnect’. You had low expectations and tried not to let yourself get excited, but truthfully, you wanted him to spend some time at home and be around his own kind again - he had always been a homebody and you were worried that being gone for 4 years would go to his head or change him.

Lizzy tapped on the glass, causing you to blink out of your reverie and smile at her. You rolled the window down and let her reach in and open the door from the inside (the handle had been broken since high school). She threw her backpack and skateboard in the back seat, climbing in and closing her door.

“Ugh.” She grunted as her teeth chattered and she rubbed her bare legs. 

“You know its only May, you shouldn’t even be wearing shorts yet. The snow just melted.”

Lizzy glared at you playfully and put her hand out to do your handshake. You did it, then put the car in drive and started slowly down the street, windshield wipers moving rhythmically.

“How was the shift?” You asked as you checked your mirrors and wiped some humidity off the rear view. 

“Same old” Lizzy leaned back in her seat and pulled the visor mirror down to fix her hair. “That old man Collins from the cannery keeps coming in and harassing me.”

“Jack? The one with the eye patch?” 

Lizzy nodded dramatically as she held the bobby pins in her mouth and started to twist her straight black hair off her face. 

“That guy-“ She finished placing the final pin and slammed the visor closed “-Is an absolute creep.”

You snorted a sarcastic laugh and rolled your eyes.

“He’s like...70. And widowed. Don’t be rude.”

“I’m not being rude. Im just...asserting my boundaries.”

“You literally have a 3 foot counter between you at minimum, at all times.” You looked over at her and raised your eyebrows.

“Whatever. All I’m saying is we need hotter men in this town. Like...soon.”

You nodded in agreement and felt your eyes wander all over the road, remembering the time you and Rudy had taken your longboards down it after a torrential downpour and you had crashed and gotten such bad road burn that he had to call his dad to come pick you both up because you couldn’t walk.

“Hey, Y/N, are you listening?” Lizzy cut back in, staring at you.

“No, what?”

“I said, speaking of hot guys, I heard Rudy is coming back for a few months.”

You pinched your face and looked at her then at the road, then back at her.

“Rudy is not hot. Rudy is....Rudy. What are you talking about?”

Lizzy looked at you disbelieving and closed her mouth, trying not to smile.

“What!” You repeated, smacking her arm.

“Hey!” She laughed, then shook her head and looked out the window. “Whatever you say man, I just think....” She grabbed her water bottle and began to screw off the lid “I just think...he’s not gonna be the same Rudy that left 4 years ago. He’s like...a movie star now.”

You couldn’t even begin to touch that one. You knew what she was doing...she was always harping on you about going on dates or taking trips with her to the mainland to hook up with the pilots during their layovers. You never went, and always insisted that you were just fine and were not interested. She never listened. Part of that was true...you were fine, and usually not interested. But sometimes, when the water was calm and the sunset was colourful and the fish were jumping and your beer was cold...you wished you had someone to share it with.

“I’m going up to Skagway this weekend with my dad” You said, changing subjects. “He’s short a guide and needs someone to drive the boat.”

“Lucky you” She said sarcastically, screwing the lid back on her bottle. “Another weekend spent with men twice your age who have zero ability to catch a fish and even less ability to smell nice.” 

“It’s good money.” You said flatly, annoyed that everything seemed to revolve around men with her. “And in case you forgot I’m kinda in need of that at the moment.”

Lizzy licked her lips and put her hands up, dipping her head. 

“Alright...noted. Chill out Kemosabe.” She giggled under her breath and looked out her window, drawing a small penis in the moisture on the window.

“Babe, seriously. You need to get laid.” You said, shaking your head.

“I know” She replied, working on the veins. “Trust me. Im in a state of national emergency by this time of year.”

Lizzy was absolutely one of the girliest girls (and most beautiful girls) in the south of Alaska, which was ironic considering the house she grew up in. Her dad was an overweight German restaurant entrepreneur who had opened a world class seafood restaurant in Juneau back in the 90s and had shacked up with her mother who was this drop dead gorgeous Haida warrior woman who you had literally seen kill and skin a bear with her own hands. 

They had forged this chain of restaurants local to Alaska that people flew hundreds of miles to eat at, but still lived in an off-grid cabin that hadn’t been insulated since 1960 and used wood heating. Not really the type of family that screamed southern belle femininity - yet somehow Lizzy came out of that union with a pink bed set, refusing to ever wear camo or sweatpants, and still had never shot a gun - which her mother reminded her of weekly. 

Lizzy had hit puberty at 10 and had used her breast advantage over every girl in your class for the next 3 years like some sort of distinction of better genetics, as if she needed boobs to prove that. Unlike you, she was naturally thin and tall (6ft to be precise), had long, thick straight black hair and olive skin, and perfect hips. You felt like a prepubescent boy standing next to her, with your uneven complexion and your frizz and your awkward thigh fat distribution. You were envious of her genetics - her mother graced her with the body of an athlete and the thick black hair, and her father had given her height and cheekbones that could slice through glass. You looked down at your arms, covered in freckles, pasty white from lack of sun, and cringed, looking back at the road.

You turned the corner leaving the main road and starting on the dirt road that led to your favourite part of beach access. Lizzy pulled her hoodie out of her backpack and took off her seatbelt, leaning forward to pull it down over her head. You leaned forward and looked up, this was your favourite part of the drive. The dirt road which was lined with moss and ferns and other foliage wound along the base of the snow capped mountain that was at least 1000ft in elevation. The mist and fog from the coast was thick and creeped through the tall cedar trees, black ravens and falcons flying overhead stark against the white mist. This was the most idyllic picture of northwest coastal living you could find.

When you parked at the trail head Lizzy slipped off her work flats and into her Teva’s, you grabbed your yellow Vans out of your trunk and slipped them on. You usually drove bare foot, a habit you had started in high school after Rudy had thrown your shoes off the dock at the restaurant and you had to drive home without any. You grabbed your sweater and your backpack which had the beer in it. As you were both gathering the rest of your things...beach blanket, hats, and rain cover, you heard a car pull up behind you. You stood up out of the trunk and squinted to see the car through the fog. It was a black ford pickup you had never seen before. 

“Who’s that?” Lizzy chimed in from behind you.

“No clue” You said as you lifted your hand to wave once. 

The truck had tinted windows and looked brand new. When it pulled up beside you, the drivers side window began to unroll, revealing Junior - your high school (ex) sweetheart.

“Holy” You said, eyebrows up, nodding. “Nice truck - where’d you steal it from?” He rolled his eyes at you dramatically.

“Whatever kid - its a rental. Got it to drive to the airport in.” His chest puffed out and his expression read so proud. 

“Airport?” You said inquisitively. “Since when does Alan pay you to drive new trucks to the airport?” 

“Since Rudy hired him for the pick up service and apparently is incapable of driving his own ass around anymore” Junior snorted and waved at Lizzy.

“Or he doesn’t have a car here anymore” You noted, rolling your eyes at him.

“Either way, I get this bad boy for the next 24 hours and I intend to give her the royal grand tour of our humble town.” He ran his hand up and down the steering wheel, stroking the new leather. “Wanna go for a rip?” He said, winking. You shook your head and crossed your arms over your chest. 

“Well I do” Lizzy piped up from beside you, walking closer to the window. She smiled at Junior and began to put her hair in a pony tail. She nudged your arm as she began to walk to the passenger side door. “Come on, granny. Let’s go!”

She laughed as she climbed up into the truck, but you shook your head again.

“I’m good...you kids have fun. Say hi to Rudy for me” You said to Junior, who shrugged his head and muttered ‘definitely wont do that’ under his breath.

Lizzy blew a kiss at you and waved once before Junior put it in drive and started to go up the dirt road north of you. 

Junior and you had ended on okay terms, but he had concocted a theory that you had broken up with him because of another guy, and the unspoken suggestion was that that guy had been Rudy. Small town guys had a heck of a time with the idea of girls and guys just being friends. 

You sighed and watched as the truck disappeared around the corner, and turned back to your own car. You grabbed your backpack and slammed the trunk closed, walking down the path alone. You weren’t mad at Lizzy for going with him - she was flighty and bailed on you at the bar all the time - but you were mad the beer was going to go warm before you could drink it all. Not that you should even be drinking 6 beers alone by the water when you had to drive yourself home. Doubtful the 2 cops in this town would even be awake to see you though. Whatever.

You reached the end of the path and rounded the corner, revealing the coast line and the rocky beach. It was your favourite place to sit and think, sit and smoke, sit and be yourself. The beach curled in a U shape, giving you a private spot where the rest of the shoreline was blocked from view and all you could see was the ominous cedar forest that stretched up the mountain, the snow caps at the top, and the horizon over the cold pacific.

You had intended to share the joint you had in your pocket with Lizzie, but...well, her loss. You spread the blanket out on the softest patch of sand and rocks you could find (which still meant you were guaranteed to get at least 2 rocks in the ass) and placed your bag down, kicking off your sneakers. You took a deep breath for the first time in a few days and lit the joint, taking one long, deep inhale. You felt it tingle through your chest and your arms and legs almost immediately, relaxing you. Being here alone always sent you into a spiral of memories and thoughts that you worked hard during the day to suppress. Most insistent lately had been thoughts about your health problems. You called them ‘health problems’ but in reality it was just an eating disorder. You could go 2, sometimes 3 days without eating anything, and never felt hungry. It started after graduation.

You had lost weight, dramatically, going from a stable 120-125 to 95 at most and 90 at worst, in the span of a month. And for the next three years you had never gained it back, you had stayed at a relatively stable 95, which still left you looking sickly and too thin at 5’3”. Your frame wasn’t built for that kind of weight drop, you were Scottish and Cree, sprinkled with a little bit of German and Irish. A classic northwest cracker mix. You weren’t naturally small, you always had a bit of something to grab onto, but it was normal to your body, healthy. 

Some part of your brain knew that it had something to do with leaving school...and the pretence that came with that. The expectation...the responsibility. You were never that kind of person, and it never really bothered you, but suddenly it had. You never planned to go to University right away, but you had no back up plan. It wasn't something you and your friends really talked about. But suddenly Jacob had gotten into U of Washington, Dan had left to backpack Europe, and Rudy had not so graciously announced he was deferring his acceptance and scholarship to culinary school because he wanted to be an actor, and flew to LA the next month. You had been left behind, with Lizzy of all people, and it had hit you hard.

You looked around the beach, dragging on your joint quicker than normal, trying to knock the thoughts out of your head. An Eagle screeched above - scaring you - and you laid back on the blanket, closing your eyes. You needed to chill the hell out. This was the first time in a few weeks that you had gotten a night off from helping your dad with his guide business and you didn’t plan on wasting it riddling your brain with anxiety and worrying about your body.

You looked up at the sky and watched the mist and fog kiss the clouds, the sunset colours dancing across them. As it usually did, the rain had stopped just as the sun was going down, the clouds parting briefly and letting the smallest sliver of sunlight through, just enough to burn the grey light out of the sky and allow the pink and orange hues to fade along the horizon. You sat up and cracked a beer, enjoying the fresh smelling air and the rhythmic sound of the waves licking the shore line. 

Two beers in you had put on your jacket and placed your Bluetooth speaker next to you on the blanket, blasting a playlist that Rudy had made you for your graduation party.

Three beers in you took the jacket off, standing up and dancing by yourself on the beach to the music.

Four beers in you laid down on the blanket, balled your jacket up and used it as a pillow, and started looking for shapes in the stars.

Five beers in you fell sleep.

———

Many hours later, as the sun rose and was bright on the water and the early morning bird feed was in full swing overhead, you were drifting in and out of sleep to the squawking when a shadow came across your face, alerting you to groggily open your eyes.

“What’s up, Little Fern?” His voice had gotten deeper. Wait, what?

You opened your eyes and blinked, raising a hand to block the sun. There, in your very awake and very not dreaming state, was the unmistakable silhouette that you had spent the last 18 years dreaming about and 18 years being a friend to.

Rudy.

[blckestnte]

So, you noticed?

I doubt you read this, but if you do. This is all of the things I wish I was brave enough to say out loud.

if you read this, you’re reading something that while typing I cried. I won’t lie. Something that sounds kinda like a goodbye. Something.. from inside me.

I’m ugly. I’m fat. YOU hate me. I Love You. I need you ten hundred times for than you will ever need me. I’m a time bomb. I’m the problem. Run. Run away before I Hurt you like I Hurt EVERYONE.

PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME! I WOULDN'T SURVIVE!

You look at me and think “He’s a big boy, he’ll be fine.” but god.. no one seems to realize i am So, so close to just snapping and having another break down. I only feel like eating when i’m with you, maybe i’d care more if someone else noticed. I just want to hide under my bed and ignore the chaos that Is MY LIFE. I live everyday and no one sees. Darkness has creeped into my soul like it falls over the earth, but instead. I’m Alaska and its that time of year where the sun hides itself away for six months. Six months; Do I Have That Time? Do I want it? 

No, all I want is to sleep. To slip away unnoticed. To stop looking you in the eye and lying “Yes baby, I’m fine. really” because I’m not. “Talk to someone?” How. How do you sit someone down who knows nothing about you and let them slip into the depths of your agony. How could i possibly sign my life away, watch those doors shut in my face, for a brief moment of clarity. What would I do? 

Doctor’s sign their little pads to prescribe pills to make everything better, but why would I want that? Without this six foot black leviathan sinking its claws deeper and deeper into the crushing darkness of the Mariana Trench of my mind; who am I? Moments become days, which bleed into months, and suddenly years have gone by coping with this illness.

Depression. Anxiety. Sadness. Whatever name you wanna use.

Being depressed is kind of like carrying a backpack of bricks around 24/7. The backpack gets heavy after a while, and all the sudden you’re on the ground.

Being depressed is also fake smiles and making others laugh. I always tell people I love to make you laugh. I never tell them that I do that, because of the fact my anxiety is so high that if you don’t laugh with me. My brain tells me you’re laughing at me. I worry constantly and continuously shove you away because I know how badly it is going to crush me when you finally leave. because.. Everyone leaves. No matter what. I can’t handle being twisted up in someone else again and then having to tear myself apart after they walk away... B. C. H. I. J. M. R.... Everyone leaves. Break ups, Misunderstandings, many reasons. They change us for the better, and for the worse. They leave indentations in our lives forever. Or at least they did in mine.

Being depressed is lying. Looking people in the eye and saying Nothing is wrong when all you want to do is drop out and die. Smiling at your best friend and telling her SHES crazy for worrying. That she needs to go have fun. That he doesn’t have to worry about anything. You’ll be the when they get back. He/She, whomever they are. They love you. They love me. But my brain and the darkness laugh in the background and go “If they loved you, they wouldn’t take so long to answer. You aren’t fooling anyone. They Hate you.”

Years of my life, wasted because of it. “Do you regret anything?” Logically you would imagine I should say “Not Getting Help” but no, I don’t regret that. Getting help means I have to change my life plans. I can’t, I don’t know how to do anything else. Instead, I carve my sadness into the flesh on my arms. I drink my way to the bottom of another bottle. My foot, collapses in exhaustion on the gas pedal, too tied to move to the break.

I always say my favorite season is winter, but its not because I love to cuddle or because of christmas. I love Winter, because the darkness that breaks into my heart and camps there, is finally also on the outside. It is finally cold enough that as soon as the tears of yet another panic attack mark my cheek, the freeze and no one notices. Winter is my soul. The death that grips each tree and leave. The crunch of each branch under my boots, the white wisps of breath escaping my lips. All Of It. Reflections of what on the inside.

All of this said, if you even make it this far. I don’t want to die. Are you surprised? No worries, so am I. Saying that, most people would immediately go to “You don’t want to die, you aren’t depressed.” Oh, darling, say that to the monster that walks side by side with me. I do worry that one night, clenching my knife like it is the only life line to the outside world as i drag it across my screaming skin, that I will finally lose control.. and not be able to stop. The thought crosses my mind, “one.. two.. only four people Might go to my funeral..” Would you miss me? You say you would, but grief is a brief emotion. Would you still think of me years after, like I think of Tyler? I doubt it. I’m nothing special. He was the sun. I’m just a dying leaf slipping from fall to the depths of winter. If i die, don’t hurt. I know that is asking alot, but please. Be Happy. Be Happier than I was when I was alive.

At last, when I tell you not to worry, I mean it. I don’t plan to die, and usually the monster is content with just a few drops of pain. If I do, please don’t hurt. Just remember the moments where I smiled at you, and told you I loved you. Don’t ask yourself what if. What if isn’t something to dwell on. If you read this, take those what if’s that worry you, and do them. So later on, you can’t ask what if. All you can say is... I Did.

I love you, whoever reads this. I pray it doesn’t make you sad. If you know me, don’t worry. If it makes you think of someone you love, just give them a hug. Depression is a killer, a silent, dark, murderer. Suicide happens everyday. 

Growing up, they always told me God never gives us more than we can handle. I used to believe that, but if it was true... Why do people give up?

Sincerely,  O.C.H A broken boy, with a broken spirit.

[biofunmy]

Russian Land of Permafrost and Mammoths Is Thawing

YAKUTSK, Russia — The lab assistant reached into the freezer and lifted out a football-size object in a tattered plastic grocery bag, unwrapping its muddy covering and placing it on a wooden table. It was the severed head of a wolf.

The animal, with bared teeth and mottled fur, appeared ready to lunge. But it had been glowering for some 32,000 years — preserved in the permafrost, 65 feet underground in Yakutia in northeastern Siberia.

As the Arctic, including much of Siberia, warms at least twice as fast as the rest of the world, the permafrost — permanently frozen ground — is thawing. Oddities like the wolf’s head have been emerging more frequently in a land already known for spitting out frozen woolly mammoths whole.

The thawing of the permafrost — along with other changes triggered by global warming — is reshaping this incredibly remote region sometimes called the Kingdom of Winter. It is one of the coldest inhabited places on earth, and huge; Yakutia, if independent, would be the world’s eighth largest country.

The loss of permafrost deforms the landscape itself, knocking down houses and barns. The migration patterns of animals hunted for centuries are shifting, and severe floods wreak havoc almost every spring.

The water, washing out already limited dirt roads and rolling corpses from their graves, threatens entire villages with permanent inundation. Waves chew away the less frozen Arctic coastline.

Indigenous peoples are more threatened than ever. Residents joust constantly with nature in unpredictable ways, leaving them feeling baffled, unsettled, helpless, depressed and irritated.

“Everything is changing, people are trying to figure out how to adapt,” said Afanasiy V. Kudrin, 63, a farmer in Nalimsk, a village of 525 people above the Arctic Circle. “We need the cold to come back, but it just gets warmer and warmer and warmer.”

Climate change is a global phenomenon, but the shifts are especially pronounced in Russia, where permafrost covers some two-thirds of the country at depths ranging up to almost a mile.

“People don’t comprehend the scale of this change, and our government is not even thinking about it,” said Aleksandr N. Fedorov, deputy director of the Melnikov Permafrost Institute, a research body in Yakutsk, the regional capital.

In Yakutia, almost 20 percent of Russia, distances are vast and transportation erratic. The population is just under one million. Natives joke that every resident could claim one lake.

Yakutia’s 33 districts are the size of countries. In the far northeast, the Srednekolymsk district, which lies entirely above the Arctic Circle, is slightly smaller than Greece. Just 8,000 residents live in 10 villages, including 3,500 in the capital, also Srednekolymsk.

The region has been a synonym for remote for centuries. Empress Elizabeth exiled the first prominent political prisoner to Srednekolymsk in 1744, when it took a year to reach overland from St. Petersburg. There are just two main highways transiting Yakutia, with the one built mostly by Gulag prisoners under Communism still largely unpaved.

In Srednekolymsk, summer used to last from June 1 to Sept. 1, but now extends a couple weeks longer on both ends. Outsiders might not notice that the thermometer in January often hovers around -50 F, rather than -75 F. Residents call -50 “chilly.”

In a regionwide pattern, the average annual temperature in Yakutsk has risen more than four degrees, to 18.5 F from 14 F, over several decades, said Mr. Fedorov of the permafrost institute.

Warmer winters and longer summers are steadily thawing the frozen earth that covers 90 percent of Yakutia. The top layer that thaws in summer and freezes in winter can extend down as far as 10 feet where three feet used to be the maximum.

Eroding cliffs on riverbanks expose other areas, like where the wolf head appeared, that had long been deeply buried.

The thawing permafrost, and increased precipitation, have made the land wetter. The snow and rain create a vicious circle, forming an insulating layer that speeds defrosting underground.

Water backing up behind ice floes now causes ravaging floods virtually every May.

In Srednekolymsk last year, floods swamped the dirt airstrip, with its separate outhouses for men and women. Often battered Soviet turboprops are the lifeline to the world, but the airstrip had to close for a week.

Nalimsk, 11 miles north of Srednekolymsk, has flooded five years in a row. Mosquitoes grown fat in the expanding bogs swarm like kamikaze pilots. “Free acupuncture!” joked Vasily P. Okoneshnikov, 54, the village headman.

Plump black Turpan ducks used to arrive regularly during the first week of June. This year migrating birds began to descend on May 1. There were far fewer Turpans, and suddenly geese, a novelty.

Elsewhere, the migration routes of wild reindeer have shifted, while unfamiliar insects and plants inhabit the woods.

Nalimsk hunters once stored their fish and game in a 22-foot deep cave dug out of the permafrost, a kind of natural freezer. Now its thawing walls drip water, and the meat rots.

“We buy meat and it is no good, too dry,” Mr. Okoneshnikov said. “We have no choice, even if it’s shameful” to shop, rather than hunt.

Farther north, residents refuse to abandon their waterlogged, riverfront villages, afraid of losing access to whitefish, their staple diet.

The village of Beryozovka has flooded virtually every spring for a decade, its 300 residents forced onto boats for weeks to run errands like buying bread. They finally accepted a five-year project to move the village 900 yards uphill.

In the district, Beryozovka has the only concentration of Even people, one of various dwindling indigenous tribes.

The Even, who are reindeer herders, were settled only in 1954 through a government drive. They speak a distinct language; individual clans inherit ancestral songs.

“At some point they talked about abandoning the village, but people did not want to move out,” said Octyabrina R. Novoseltseva, chairwoman of the Northern Indigenous People’s Association in the Srednekolymsk region. “They would lose everything, the culture would all disappear.”

The government in distant Moscow is an abstract concept. Alaska is closer. Villagers throughout Yakutia bemoan relying on their own resources to adapt to climate change.

Even state-run institutions like the permafrost institute lack the means for the complicated field work needed to assess the full extent of permafrost loss. Nor can they gauge other fallout, like how much methane that microbes in the newly thawed ground produce, adding to global warming.

“We do not really monitor the situation, so we just have to see what it brings,” said Yevgeny M. Sleptsov, the head of the Srednekolymsk district, as he piloted a fishing boat along the Kolyma River at 10 p.m. in the muted light of the endless Arctic day.

The government is also unable to do much about other environmental problems, including wildfires surging through millions of acres of remote forest across Yakutia and the rest of Siberia. Reaching them is too costly.

In 1901, the first woolly mammoth discovered whole in the permafrost emerged from a riverbank near Srednekolymsk, an event immortalized with a stylized red mammoth on the town’s shield.

But thawing permafrost is exposing more of the huge hairy beasts, which roamed a more temperate northern Siberia 10,000 years ago. And with agriculture and hunting unreliable, more locals are looking for them.

Digging for mammoths is illegal, so the hunters are secretive, but one ivory tusk sold to China can earn $16,000 — enough to live on for a year.

Tusk hunters unearthed the Pleistocene wolf head stored in the Department of Mammoth Studies at the Academy of Science in Yakutsk.

The loss of permafrost also afflicts the capital, Yakutsk. Subsiding ground has damaged about 1,000 buildings, said the mayor, Sardana Avksentieva, while roads and sidewalks require constant repair.

As the permafrost thaws across Yakutia, some land sinks, transforming the terrain into an obstacle course of hummocks and craters — called thermokarst. It can sink further to become swamps, then lakes. From the air, thermokarst looks as if giant warts are plaguing the earth. It makes plowing or grazing on formerly flat fields impossible.

Thermokarsts besiege the Churapcha region, 120 miles east of Yakutsk.

Thirty-three families once inhabited the northern part of Usun-Kyuyol, a village of 750 people. After their cow barns and fences repeatedly collapsed, 10 families decamped. Those remaining feel beleaguered.

To find flat, dry land to grow hay, farmers work further and further away.

Across Yakutia, farmers have replaced tens of thousands of cows with native horses. Horses consume less hay, but produce less milk, and the market for their meat is limited. They also die in droves when their hooves cannot penetrate thicker snow and ice to forage.

Nikolai S. Makarkov, 62, is building a new house. He tired of jacking up his old one after it sank four times so that the doors would not open. Water also seeped underneath, rotting the floorboards and freezing in winter, chilling the interior.

Years ago, the village road ran straight, with log cabins and cow barns arrayed along its length. Now the potholed muddy track meandering among the hummocks barely resembles a road. Abandoned houses tilt at odd angles.

“There might as well have been a war here,” said Mr. Makarkov, whose new house is raised off the ground on pillars sunk 16 feet, where there is still permafrost. “Soon there will be no flat land left in this village. I only have 30-40 years to live, so hopefully my new house will last that long.”

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How Severe Cold Affects Your Car (and What to Do about It)

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In much of the eastern and midwestern United States, it’s that time of year when it is so bitterly freezing that even a 30-degree day can feel like a balmy respite. Temperatures plummet into the single digits, wind chills are painful and dangerous, and talk of polar vortexes and bomb cyclones fills the media. It’s cold outside.

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Few places in the U.S. know cold better than Alaska, and James Grant, who owns Right Choice Automotive Repair in Fairbanks, has seen a bit of what frigid temperatures can do to vehicles. We talked with Grant as well as the Car Care Council to find out how the cold can affect cars and trucks and hear about any possible solutions.

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Problem: Deflated tires

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As the air in your tires gets colder, it contracts and has less pressure. Tires correspondingly become underinflated.

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Solution: Check your tire pressure more often than you normally would. The Car Care Council recommends doing so once a week. You might think a little deflation provides better traction, but tire experts caution against running tires below manufacturers’ recommended pressure, as that can cause uneven or unsafe tread wear. Getting winter tires is always a good idea in states with inclement weather.

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Problem: Dead battery

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Winter is especially hard on batteries. If your car won’t start in the extreme cold, one of the most likely problems is that the battery is dead.

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Solution: The good news is that it can be an easy fix: jumper cables are not hard to use. But to avoid a dead battery altogether, the Car Care Council suggests keeping its connections clean, tight, and free of corrosion. It also recommends replacing batteries that are more than three years old. Those in the coldest climates may want to purchase a battery warmer, available at most auto parts stores or online. The warmers typically cost between $30 and $70.

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Problem: Thick oil

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As it gets colder, oil gets thicker. At about 20 degrees below zero, by Grant’s estimate, oil gets so thick that the engine’s oil pump struggles even to pick it up and circulate it. “The viscosity just goes way up, and it’s like trying to pour molasses,” he said.

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Solution: The Car Care Council recommends switching to low-viscosity oil in the winter. Drivers in subzero climates should go from 10W-30 to 5W-30. “Synthetic oils will help out a great deal,” Grant noted. Don’t forget to read your owner’s manual, as the manufacturer may specify an oil weight for cold-weather operation.

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Problem: Ice in the fuel line

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Unless you live somewhere where the temperature gets down to 100 degrees below zero, the gasoline in your car will not freeze. However, water moisture in the gas lines can become icy. “In regard to fuel, one of the things we do see, if there’s any water content inside the fuel tank, that water can freeze and clog fuel pickup,” Grant said.

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Solution: Keep the tank at least half full, the Car Care Council says.

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Problem: Lethargic screens

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If your car has liquid crystal display (LCD) screens, such as for infotainment, you may notice that they become a bit sluggish when the car has been sitting in extreme cold. That’s because, just like the engine’s oil and the battery’s electrolyte, molecules in liquid crystals slow down when the temperatures drop.

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Solution: In vehicles where this is an issue, there is not much you can do beyond waiting for the car to warm up. Installing an engine-block heater will help speed things along. –

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Problem: Windshield wiping woes

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Sub-freezing temperatures can cause the rubber on windshield wiper blades to become brittle, which means it could tear or crack. Also, some washer fluid may not work as well in colder months.

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Solution: The Car Care Council said you could consider buying winter wiper blades made for harsher climates, but you could also just make sure the ones you have are not too old and worn. The council recommends replacing them every six months, but surely few people are that zealous with their windshield wiper blades.

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Problem: The windshield is frozen on the inside

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If your car’s defrost function isn’t working properly, that can be a serious safety issue. “Your breath can condense and freeze on the inside of the windshield as you drive without a defrost function,” Grant said.

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Solution: Make sure all defrosting and general heating functions in your vehicle are in working order.

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Problem: Antifreeze not living up to its name

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Engine coolant, a.k.a. antifreeze, will not be as effective at protecting your engine against the elements if it’s old or has an improper ratio of coolant to water.

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Solution: The Car Care Council warns not to add 100 percent antifreeze because it actually has a lower freeze point when not mixed with water. It’s a good idea to have engine coolant that is made for colder climates. If you really want to avoid a trip to the mechanic, Grant noted that you can check your coolant’s freeze point with a tool called a refractometer. “Most late model vehicles come equipped with extended-life coolant that will withstand the cold, but it should be checked,” he said. Your car’s coolant should be flushed and refilled at least every two years, according to the Car Care Council. 

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Problem: “Snow snakes”

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Grant said the term refers to older serpentine belts that get so cold that they either break because they’re worn and the cold has done them in, or the belts are so frigid that they don’t bend. The problem pertains especially to older belts that are more brittle.

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Solution: “Just make sure your belts are in good shape,” Grant said.

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Waymo Will Test Its Automated Tech in Michigan’s Foul Weather

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Winter-Tire Test: Six Top Brands Tested and Compared

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Analysis Is Best Served Ice Cold: We Leave Our Corvette Outside in –26 Degrees and Try to Start It

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It may be a bit late to hand out this advice this year, but for future reference, the Car Care Council recommends taking your car or truck in for an inspection before winter hits so you can stave off the above problems ahead of time. “Vehicles need extra attention when temperatures drop below zero,” executive director Rich White points out. “Whether consumers perform an inspection and required maintenance themselves or go to a repair shop, it’s a small yet important investment to avoid the aggravation and unexpected and potentially dangerous cost of a breakdown in freezing weather.”

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