#winter fic 2k22 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

selfindulgentpoorlywritten · 2 years ago

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Here is my fic for @tippedbykreider for @antoineroussel ‘s 2k22 winter fic exchange! I’m sorry for the delay getting it finished and posted, things were a little crazy for a little while. I started one fic, realized I wouldn’t have time to finish it, started another fic, got scared you may not like the kinks, started a third fic, finally finished! I’m going to give this another read through later to make sure I didn’t miss any typos or anything, but please let me know if you find any!

Rating: T

Pairing: Jamie Oleksiak/reader

Words: 6552

Warnings: heavy COVID mentions

Summary: Jamie has awful taste in women.

Knowing Jamie has been one of the biggest joys of your life. It has also been one of the most frustrating experiences you’ve endured.

For all that he is the sweetest, kindest, funniest, and all-around best person you’ve ever met, he also has horrible taste in women. The first time he’d dated someone shitty, you’d assumed it was a fluke. It was early on in your friendship, and you figured it was an outlier. You’ve learned over the years that it was not.

The first woman, Chelsea, had dated Jamie for about two months. She was a generally okay person, just not a great significant other. You didn’t get to know too much about their relationship, since your friendship with Jamie was so new, but you’d heard enough to know that she wasn’t exactly the attentive, affectionate partner that Jamie deserved. They went on about three dates over those two months, and from what you’d heard, she spent most of that time on her phone. There was nothing wrong with her, per se, she just wasn’t a good fit.

The second woman, Anna, was a bit more… unhinged. She was nice enough most of the time, but her moods were notoriously mercurial. More than once, you were witness to her shouting at him out of nowhere before storming off. You’d been friends with him for about nine months at that point, and the two of you had gotten close enough that the behavior made your blood boil. Luckily, he didn’t stay with her for long.

The third was actually a great person, which surprised you. About a year into your friendship, Jamie had met Blair at a bar and they hit it off. She was exceptionally kind, and loved to laugh. It seemed like a much better relationship, and you’d been sad when they broke up. Despite meshing so well at the beginning, they apparently just didn’t have enough in common to sustain the relationship. You’re still friends with her to this day, and grab lunch together on occasion.

As far above average as that match had been, the next had been much, much lower. Maddie was the type that gave you a bad feeling from the beginning, no matter how much she smiled and laughed. Whenever you were around, she kept her face steeled in a tight-lipped smile, staying glued to Jamie’s side. You’d known him for a couple years by that point, and he was firmly your best friend. For being so big and intimidating, Jamie’s a softy at heart. The first time he came to your place at 1am and cried into your shoulder, you’d decided Maddie was your enemy.

Jamie always came up with an excuse to stay with her, so all you could do was support him and wait for him to come to his senses. When he showed up in the middle of the night, scratch marks up and down his arms, you’d nearly driven to her house to tear her face off. Of course, he’d brushed it off as “not a big deal”, but it only took a month and a half for him to finally leave. Three-quarters of a year wasted on her.

Luckily, he’d taken a break from dating after that. He’d been traded to Pittsburgh shorty after, and politely allowed you to hide your tears when you hugged goodbye at the airport. The move had ended up being good for him, both personally and professionally. The Penguins’ coaching staff truly helped him improve, and he played better than he ever had. His dating break gave him time to repair some of his busted self-esteem, and you watched from a distance as he became the same Jamie you’d known before. The same Jamie you’d fallen in love with.

Because that’s part of the problem, isn’t it? It’s not just that Jamie has questionable taste, it’s that you’ve been standing right next to him for years, arms open, and he’s never noticed. At first, you’d hoped it was just because he was oblivious to your feelings, but you’d eventually had to accept that there was no way he could’ve possibly not realized, and he’s just not interested. It hurt, and it still does sometimes, but you’re more than grateful to be his best friend anyway.

When he got traded back to the Stars, he’d once again politely ignored your tears when you picked him up from the airport. Being shuffled around like that had been a bit of a blow to his self-esteem, but he’d done alright. It didn’t hurt that they’d made it to the playoffs the next year, either.

You’d been prepared for the rush of the post-season, but then the pandemic happened, and everything stopped.

The two of you spent months trapped together in your little one-bedroom apartment. He probably could’ve gone home before everything completely shut down, but had decided to stay with you. He’d asked so simply one night, his casual tone too intentional to be genuine, and you’d been helpless to say no. Not that you were opposed to spending uninterrupted time with him, but you knew he’d end up missing his family.

Working at the hospital made you an essential worker, so you didn’t get a break to learn to bake bread like everyone else. You got extra shifts, and more responsibility, and new protocols. You complained the least about all the extra PPE needed to deal with the COVID patients, so you got assigned to as many of them as the Charge Nurse could justify. It was hell, but your light at the end of the tunnel was knowing Jamie would be there when you got home.

He played house husband the whole time, taking such good care of you that you couldn’t help but fall more in love with him than you’d thought possible. The two of you had been sharing your bed the entire time, but having his big body curled around you, shielding you every night, meant more and more as time went on.

The playoffs got rescheduled, the team both eager and full of dread. Your bed was too big, too cold, for months. At the end of September, he had the perfect opportunity to return home after their loss. Instead, he came to mope at your apartment, a barnacle stuck to your side whenever you weren’t at work. He went back to Toronto eventually, and you got used to being alone again.

While he was home for an extended off-season, he met Rebecca. Being so far away meant that you didn’t get to meet her face-to-face, but she’d appeared in some of your video chats with Jamie. Her appearances steadily increased over time, until you couldn’t talk to Jamie without her by his side. When they’d broken up, he’d just shrugged as he told you the reason.

“She said it was you or her,” he’d said, “So of course I picked you.”

The way he said it stuck in the back of your mind after that: of course. Of course he’d picked you. Like it was easy. Like any other option was ridiculous. He chose you.

A month or two before the expansion draft, Jamie got quieter, and you knew. He wasn’t coming back to you.

You were excited for him, really. He had the chance to be the inaugural class of a new franchise, the face of a team. He wouldn’t be stuck in the Dallas heat, this comparatively lackluster city. He’d get new opportunities and find new happiness. And yet the small, selfish part of you wanted to lock him in your apartment and never let him go.

There’s no teary airport goodbye this time, Jamie heading straight to Seattle from Toronto. The second the schedule was released, he’d called to set up a date for you to visit during a homestand. You found a week in January and booked your plane ticket immediately. Just in time for you to visit, he found another girl.

Meeting Nathalie gave you much the same feeling as meeting Maddie had– as upbeat and nice as she appeared, a heavy feeling settled in your gut anyway. The plan for your first day in town had initially been to laze around Jamie’s apartment and watch bad movies. Mostly, that’s what you do. But Nathalie had apparently been insistent that she meet you, so the three of you had done lunch together. Much of it was spent listening to her chatter about how proud she was of Jamie, and how cool it was that he was a face of the Kraken, and how great the view from his apartment was.

Unfortunately, a lot more of your trip was spent with her around than you’d anticipated. If you and Jamie went to a meal, she was there, talking about an outing they’d gone on recently. If you and Jamie stayed in to play video games together, she popped by, showing off some nice gift Jamie had gotten her. When you went to one of Jamie’s games, she was in the seat next to you, babbling about how nice the WAG section is. You hadn’t even been seated in that section, wanting to be up against the glass to see the game better. Yet, she seemed to feel the need to rub it in your face at every turn, how many nice things Jamie did for or gave her.

By the end of the trip, you were almost as glad to be away from her as you were sad to leave Jamie. That may be an exaggeration, considering how it broke your heart to leave him, but it was certainly a relief to not have to listen to her anymore.

You and Jamie had texted on a nearly daily basis for years, and had started scheduling a weekly facetime session when he moved. After your trip, it felt like Nathalie had to chime in during every call to show you some new present Jamie had gifted her. Luckily, she didn’t sit around for the entire call every time, like Rebecca had.

You’d never seen Jamie buy someone so much stuff, or take them on so many dates. He’s a generous, thoughtful guy, but this seemed excessive.

As the second half of the season dragged on, you spent more and more time comforting Jamie about the team’s struggles. They weren’t playing well, obviously, and Jamie missed the easy chemistry he’d had with Miro and the Stars. You continued to assure him that it would come, that it had to be expected that their first season would be rough, that he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Even the media had begun to change, the team focusing less on him and more on other players like Tanev. It wasn’t like Jamie to care about something like that, and yet it had him feeling useless. You weren’t convinced that it didn’t have something to do with Nathalie’s obsession with his notoriety.

The breakup hadn’t come as a surprise. Jamie had told you a couple weeks before, quietly under his breath, that he thought she was going to leave him. You’d done your best to reassure him about it, but you both knew he was right.

What surprised you was how badly he took it. It was clear that he was attached to her, of course he was, but her departure put him in a downward spiral. You’d figured the pressure and shame of a failed season contributed to it, but that clearly wasn’t all. It was only when he’d broken down with you on the phone one night that you got it: he thinks he’s not made for love. Bad relationship after bad relationship had warped something in his brain, made him think that there was something inherently wrong with him, that this kept happening.

There had been a lot of emotions crashing around in you that night. You hadn’t let him see them, had focused on comforting him. But laying in bed that night, staring at the ceiling, you couldn’t help but feel it all. The sadness that Jamie could feel that way about himself. The anger that so many women had hurt him. The heartbreak of knowing that you love him, could love him in the way he so desperately wants, and he doesn’t want you to.

The off-season has been fairly standard. Jamie went home for a few weeks to commiserate with his family and cheer himself up, then did a little jet-setting around to see his friends. He talked to you all throughout, but your favorite was when he sent you pictures of him and the Finnish Mafia in Helsinki. Roope had driven down from Tampere so Jamie could see them all at once and they were all cheesing for the camera in front of the Suomalinna, arms around each other. It was the biggest smile you’d seen on Jamie’s face in months.

It was the first time since he was on the Penguins that he’d needed to schedule a trip to see you. Usually he would just come back to Dallas a little early before the season to spend time with you, but that wouldn’t work anymore. Instead, you find a week in August that you can get time off of work, and he buys his ticket before you even hang up the phone.

You pick him up from the airport with the A/C blasting, trying to stave off the Texas heat. Judging by the way he’s wiping his forehead immediately after stepping out of the doors, he’s lost his heat tolerance from being spoiled in Seattle and Toronto. You rush over to give him the biggest hug you can manage, lifting him off the ground just the littlest bit. He clutches your back and laughs, kissing the top of your head a couple times. You slide his bag into the back seat for him, letting him escape into the passenger side. He used to put up a fight about you handling his bags for him, but has long since given up. Your parents had taught you it was polite to help someone with their bags, and you were nothing if not polite.

The drive back to your place is filled with lighthearted chatter about the weather and all the sights you pass that he hasn’t seen in a while. He points out a little burger joint the two of you used to go to, insisting you have to eat there before he leaves. Honestly, you’d do whatever he wanted. You’re just glad to have him back by your side.

When he goes on roadies, he never unpacks, knowing he’s going to be leaving wherever he is in a day, max. In contrast, he unzips his suitcase as soon as he makes it into your room, already knowing which drawers will be half-empty for him. He’d taken almost all of his things when he moved to Seattle, but you hadn’t had the heart to fill the spaces they left with anything else.

Your plans for his visit are nebulous, mostly ideas one of you threw out here or there. You knew he’d been too jetlagged to do anything the first day, so you made sure to stock up on snacks and schedule a delivery from his favorite Thai place for dinner. The first thing you do is take a nap, which is nice, because you worked late last night and then were too excited to sleep much.

Having a one-bedroom keeps you from having most people stay over, unless they’re fine with sleeping on the couch, but you never worry about that with Jamie. From the first time he’d stayed too late and you’d steered him away from the couch and into your bed, the two of you shared your bed whenever he was here. It was never awkward, even on the occasions when you wake up to Jamie’s morning wood pressing into your back or hip. You just know each other too well to let things like that bother you.

You haven’t gotten the privilege of waking up with his arms around you in a long while, and you luxuriate in the feeling for as long as you can after waking up. His breathing is soft and steady across the top of your head, the skin of his neck soft where your face is buried in it. The alarm going off couldn’t be less welcome.

After a good stretch and some emphatic yawning, the two of you venture into the kitchen to gather up snacks for the movie you’re going to watch. Something new and obscure has come out on Netflix, so you’re excited to see if it sucks or not. You settle in against the arm of the couch, spreading your legs so that Jamie can lie himself between them. His head rests on your chest, his legs dangling over the other side of the couch. People always ask you why the end table on that side is so far away, and this is the exact reason. You can only tolerate Jamie accidentally kicking the lamp off of it so many times.

The movie sucks, as it turns out, but in the good way that has you laughing and making snarky comments. You maneuver yourself out from under Jamie when the doorbell rings, gratefully accepting the food and tipping the delivery person. Jamie perks up at the sight of the restaurant’s logo and it makes you smile.

You sit cross-legged in front of the coffee table to eat, putting on one of your comfort shows so that you don’t have to watch too closely. After all this time, Jamie knows well enough that small talk grates on your nerves, so he’s open and honest and raw when he opens up about his fears for the upcoming season. You listen quietly, nudging his leg with your knee when he finishes.

“You know I’ll still love you even if you never win again for the rest of your career, right?” you ask, offering a gentle smile. Jamie ducks his head bashfully, bumping your shoulders together.

“I know,” he replies, able to smile a bit on his own, now, “I love you too.” No matter how many times he’s said it to you, hearing those three words still puts a fluttering in your chest. It’s clear that he means it in a friendly way, the same way you tell all your other friends that you love them, but your heart doesn’t seem to know the difference.

You talk about your own problems at work as you finish eating, before trying to lighten the mood as you clean up the empty containers. He tells you about his time back home, all of the antics he and Penny pulled. His love for his family always astounds you.

You sit tucked up underneath Jamie’s arm, leaning against the headboard as the two of you scroll on your phones before bed. It’s not a good habit, with the blue light and whatever, but these quiet moments with Jamie are worth far more than an extra half hour of sleep.

You wake the next morning to Jamie propped up on one elbow, looking down at you with a small smile on his face. It makes your heart skip a beat, before flowers take root and bloom there. It’s not the first time you’ve caught him doing this, but in the past couple years, he’s stopped looking away and pretending it didn’t happen as soon as you wake up.

When you’re alone, you usually skip breakfast, but you know Jamie can’t do that. You sit at the counter as he cooks, allowing yourself to indulge the urge to watch the muscles in his back flex with his movements. He’s not a fan of clothes in general, and you’ve never complained about him roaming your apartment in nothing but shorts. He joins you at the counter to eat, the two of you discussing plans for the day. Pavs is in town, so you hit him up to see if he wants to do lunch, an invitation he quickly accepts. There’s a cool immersive Van Gogh exhibit you’ve been meaning to visit, which Jamie easily agrees to. Then you’ll do dinner at the burger place, then come home for some video game time.

As you get ready for lunch, you have a hard time picking an outfit. You don’t want to be too hot, but you also want to look cute. You putter around from the dresser to the closet and back a few times before Jamie shakes his head at you. He ducks into the closet, emerging with a blue sundress covered in sunflowers.

“‘Cause Van Gogh, yeah?” he says, offering it to you, “Plus it’s my favorite.” The Van Gogh reason would’ve been enough for you, but you’re definitely wearing it if it’s Jamie’s favorite. Despite your indecision, you still manage to arrive to the restaurant on time. Pavs and Sarah are already there and seated, so you join them out on the patio under the big white canopy. Pavs gives both Jamie and you huge bear hugs, and you give Sarah a good squeeze too. As much as you have more opportunities to see them, you’ve been slacking on keeping in touch with the Stars crew.

Lunch goes off without a hitch, the four of you catching up on everything you’ve missed while apart. Nathan starts seventh grade in a few weeks, which he is apparently not thrilled about. Sarah has a new side project restoring antique furniture, and you insist she has to teach you all about it. Joe is already gearing up for the season, and teases Jamie a little about it.

The Van Gogh exhibit is actually really cool, huge rooms filled with projections of his work. The soundtrack is perfect, changing to match each piece. A few times you turn to Jamie, only to find him looking at you rather than the art. You’re admiring the way the colors bathe his skin just as much, so you don’t think about it.

The exhibit doesn’t take as long as you expected, so you spend a little time driving around with the windows down, enjoying a more temperate summer day. The wind ruffles Jamie’s hair, making it glint gold in the sunshine. He’s doing the little wave motion with his hand as you speed down the highway, singing along to the radio loudly and off-key. It may be your favorite sound.

When it’s finally time for dinner, you circle back to University Park. The restaurant is small, but has that cozy family-owned feel to it. There are impressionistic paintings in warm tones on the stucco walls, the booths and seats the same red vinyl they’d been last time you came. The checkerboard floor is slightly sticky under your shoes when you step up to the counter, which should be gross but is oddly comforting instead. You ring the bell once, smiling as a portly man with a grey mustache and a bald spot emerges from the kitchen.

“Y/N, Jamie!” he calls with excitement, “Where have you been?” It’s been over a year since you’ve come here, so it’s surprising that Angelo even remembers you. No matter how much the both of you had come over the years, the restaurant industry moves quickly, and you hadn’t expected him to recognize you. He pulls you into a quick hug over the counter, tugging Jamie down for one afterward.

You catch up a little, asking about Angelo’s sons and the restaurant as he puts in your order. His son Mateo is in college now, going to UT for computer science, so you’re surprised to see him peek out of the kitchen. He smiles when he sees you, coming around the corner fully to pull you two into hugs just as his father had.

After a little more chit-chat with the two, Mateo returns to the kitchen to make your order, and Angelo shoos you to the side so he can take the order of the couple that comes through the door. You and Jamie talk amongst yourselves, remarking on how tall Mateo has gotten. He must have gotten the height genes from his mother’s side of the family, but you remember when he was a scrawny preteen mopping the floors, barely tall enough to kiss your cheek on his tip-toes. His father had embarrassed him to hell and back one time by telling you that Mateo had a crush on you, but it was cute.

Once given your food, you retreat to a booth in the back corner, the same one you’ve always sat at. The food is even better than you remember; maybe Mateo should be going to culinary school instead. There are a few new fish in the tank next to your table, and you point them out to Jamie so you can figure out names for them. Generations of fish have been named by the two of you, here.

The restaurant stays open late, so you’re not worried about taking your time. You’ve closed the place down before, but you’ve definitely got some time tonight. Besides, there are a couple small groups still sitting, so it’s not like you’re the only ones.

Angelo always plays the music a little louder than other places you’ve been, probably because he has a hard time hearing it. When a song you love comes on, your conversation stops, and Jamie nudges your foot with his own.

“You wanna?” he asks, not needing to elaborate. It certainly won’t be the first time you’ve danced together here, and hopefully it won’t be the last. It’s one of the things that had endeared Angelo to you, years ago. You stand, taking a step forward so you can offer Jamie your hand. He takes it happily, bouncing out of his seat to join you. You catch some of the patrons giving you a look out of the corner of your eye, but you’re not particularly concerned about them. Spending a lot of time around someone Jamie’s size will get you used to odd looks, and it’s actually made you much less self conscious than you used to be.

With one of your hands clasped in his and your other on his hip, you start swaying him a little. He smiles, squeezing your shoulder with the hand settled there. He always lets you lead, a master at following whatever crazy move you try on a whim. The song is so upbeat that swaying just won’t cut it, so you start dancing for real, swinging him around. You bounce on the balls of your feet, leading him around in circles and abstract shapes, pushing him away to pull him closer, jumping as you twirl him so that you can get your joined hands over his ducked head. You’re careful of the decorations and tables, even as you fling Jamie out by one hand, only to spin him back into your chest.

You’re singing along, the words coming easily from where they’re ingrained in your mind. Though you’d never admit it, you’re genuinely singing them to him. This song has always made you think of him, from the lyrics to the way the music makes your heart thump. During the bridge, you do the little move where you roll your balled fists around each other in a circle, leaning forward and back toward him in time with the beat. He mimics you after a moment, alternating his leaning so that he’s doing the opposite of you.

When the chorus kicks back in, you grab his hand and start flinging him around again, jumping and sliding and somehow avoiding stepping on each others’ feet. Suddenly, he stills you by pulling you into his chest, holding you tightly as he stares down at you. He cups your face in one hand, smiling as he sings.

“I know you’ve heard it from those other boys,” his eyes are unbearably soft as he gazes into your soul, “But this time it’s real, it’s something that I feel.” Time stops around you, everything fading out until all that remains are the points where he’s touching you. Everything about him is soft and sweet, from his eyes to his smile to his hand gentle against your face. Just as suddenly, he pushes you away to swing you in a circle, twirling you and leading the rest of the dance. It’s a good thing he does, because you’re not sure you could muster up the brainpower to lead right now.

When the song ends, Jamie dips you on the very last word. He holds you there for a moment before pulling you back up. A table of four college students claps and hoots, Angelo joining from his place behind the counter. One of the other two tables just smiles at the two of you before returning to their meal. The only response you hear from the last table is one of them saying “how come you never do anything like that”.

Jamie returns to the table like nothing happened, gathering your bag and the trash while you try to gather your brain from the floor. Saying goodbye to Angelo and Mateo is enough to break you out of your stupor, and you think you manage to seem mostly normal. The smirk Mateo shoots you just before you turn for the door makes it clear that you weren’t completely normal, though.

Jamie spends the car ride home on his phone, tapping out messages. He seems a little flustered about whatever he’s saying, so you leave him to it. Probably better than straight out asking him what the fuck that was.

By time you get home, it’s late enough that you decide to skip the video games and go straight to bed. All through getting ready, your mind refuses to stop thinking about it. You replay the moment in your head over and over in the shower, dissect every minute facet of his facial expression as you put on pajamas. As you sit in bed, staring blankly at your phone, you can’t shake the way his palm on your cheek had felt.

Jamie falls asleep before you do, head resting on your chest as you absently pet his hair. You feel insane. It’s not like the two of you haven’t been flirty before, but something feels so different about it, this time. When he sings, he’s usually belting out something awful in the car. But he’d kept his voice so low, like he was singing just to you, like he was whispering you a secret. And his eyes– you’ve only seen him look at you like that a few times before, but you’d always had to catch him in the act. He’d never let you see on purpose.

After a few hours of trying unsuccessfully to sleep, you give up. You work your way out from under Jamie, making as little disturbance as you can as you roll out of bed and leave the room. It meant nothing, and you know it meant nothing, because it always means nothing with Jamie. You’ve completely built your lives around each other by this point, but he’s never given you reason to believe that it’s anything more than being best friends. And you’re fine with that! It’s totally okay! It’s better than okay! But sometimes he does things like this, and that last little bit of space between you feels like a yawning chasm in your chest.

You’re not sure what to do since you can’t sleep, so you just sit on the couch and fuck around on your phone. You send your next best friend a long explanation of the event, followed by an even longer rant about it. She works overnights, so it doesn’t take her long to respond. She can’t call you at work, so you shoot messages back and forth about this, wanting to cry a little more every time she tries to convince you that this means more than it does.

When the overhead light flicks on, you nearly jump out of your skin. You whip your head around to find Jamie sauntering into the room like he hadn’t just scared the life out of you. It’s silent as he makes his way over, settling on the opposite end of the couch. He crosses his legs under himself, leaning his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. He seems honest in his curiosity, worry tinging the edges of his expression. You lock your phone and put it face-down in your lap, hunkering further down into the blanket around you. Obviously you can’t tell him what’s really going on, but you’re also having trouble thinking of an adequate cover.

“Just couldn’t sleep, I guess,” you shrug. It’s weak, but you’re hoping he’ll let it drop. He doesn’t.

“Something’s wrong,” he says, knowing you too well to miss it. You pull the blanket up to your chin, wishing you could pull it over your head and hide until this all went away. The absence of any denial only proves him right.

“Hey,” he says, reaching out to softly grab your ankle through the blanket, “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.” You don’t want to, but it would be even more suspicious to hide something from him. You tell him everything, and he tells you everything, and resisting that would set off alarm bells in your head too. You’ve gotta come up with something quick. Maybe something about work?

“What was that earlier?” you blurt out, “At the restaurant.” Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. If your brain was a separate physical person, you would fight it. Jamie just looks confused.

“What do you mean?” he asks. Part of you wants to come up with something, anything else, to drop the subject entirely. A slightly bigger part of you knows that it’s too late for that, and kind of wants to know what he’ll say.

“When we were dancing, you–” you pause, trying to figure out how to phrase what you’re asking, “You grabbed my face and sang to me. You’ve never done that.” It’s true, he hasn’t. There are implications to you asking this, probably, but what’s said is said. It’s better than asking something even stupider, not that you could think of something stupider.

“Oh, that,” he says, huffing a laugh and leaning back a little to rub the back of his neck, “Yeah, I don’t know why I did that.” That’s not what you were expecting. You’re not sure what you were expecting, but it wasn’t “I don’t know”. There’s disappointment inside of you, and a little anger at the fact that he could do something like this so nonchalantly, as if it wouldn’t tear you apart. He can’t really be blamed, though, because you’ve never told him how you feel.

“Oh,” you reply, staying in your blanket cocoon, “Okay.” You’re still miserable about it, possibly even more now. With the question unasked, there was the chance that there were some type of feelings behind the action, no matter how slim. Now, with an answer that dismisses the entire affair, you know it was just another nothing.

He doesn’t say anything, and neither do you. You can tell he’s looking at you, but your gaze is stubbornly fixed on the small pieces of fuzz you’re picking off of the blanket. The tone of your last statement is unusual for you, and he’s probably trying to figure out why you’re upset. As obviously as in love with him as you’ve been for a long time, he’s always been too oblivious to pick up on it, and you don’t expect him to this time, either. Yet, your brain is still running through a thousand thoughts a second trying to figure out how to respond if he accuses you of it.

“I lied,” he says finally. That gets your eyes to shoot up to him. He lied? About what?

“I do know why I did that,” he continues, squaring his shoulders like a soldier preparing for battle. Something about his tone makes it seem more like he’s a man walking to the gallows. You wait for him to finish the thought, fingers frozen around the fuzz you’d been in the process of tearing off. His face does a few interesting things that you can’t quite decipher, before he meets your gaze again.

“I did it because I’m in love with you, and I’m too scared to tell you,” he says. For the second time tonight, everything stops. Both of you are stock still, not even breathing, as if any tiny disturbance would have everything crashing down. Something breaks the spell for him, but you’re still stuck.

“And I totally understand that you don’t feel the same way!” he says, the words coming out in a rush, nerves clear in every syllable, “But sometimes you do something and I have a hard time not telling you, and we were dancing, and you looked so beautiful, and…” He trails off, swallowing hard. You may be having a stroke.

There’s no way this is real, right? You fell asleep texting Ella and this is a dream. Because there’s no way that Jamie is sitting here, telling you that he’s in love with you. Despite all your fantasizing, you’ve always known that he’d never reciprocate your feelings, and yet. Yet here he is, telling you the exact thing you’ve yearned to hear for years.

Whether your brain wants to believe or process it, your body has begun to react as if it’s real. Your cheeks are heating, your chest tight, butterflies spawning in your stomach. Jamie just said he loves you. Jamie just said he’s in love with you.

“You don’t have to say anything, but I’d really like it if we could stay friends,” he says after a long silence, wringing his hands, “Please tell me we can stay friends.” The fact that Jamie is the one who’s so nervous about this is wild. The fact that he could think that you would ever, in a million years, reject him, is ridiculous.

“I don’t want to stay friends,” you finally manage to get words out. You should have picked better words. The crestfallen look that overtakes Jamie’s face is heartbreaking, and he’s already stammering for something to say. You emerge from your cocoon, leaning forward to take his hands in your own.

“I don’t want to stay friends,” you repeat, adding, “Because I’m in love with you too.” The 180 that his face does is so incredibly endearing that you’re overcome with affection for him. His smile is wide and toothy, his eyes bright.

“I’d rather us date, instead,” you say, aiming for smug but missing the mark by a mile with the way elation is filling your voice. Jamie laughs once, joyous and disbelieving. He squeezes your hands hard, shaking them a little. It’s good that you get to have this moment, because your heart is about to burst and kill you. You’re going to keel over from happiness.

“We should do that,” Jamie agrees, his tongue darting out across his bottom lip quickly, “Can I kiss you now?” And how could you say no to that?

“You should do that,” you reply.

#jamie oleksiak imagine #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #andis coping mechanism

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alwaysdaenerys · 2 years ago

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how wonderful

“It’s a Wonderful Life” AU

Jonerys Winter Wonderland 2k22: Day 2 | Family

Read the fic here.

@snowxstormworld

#jonerys #joneryswinterwonderland2k22 #snowxstormworld #jon snow #daenerys targaryen #jonerys moodboard #jon x daenerys #jon x dany #jonerys fic

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laurenairay · 2 years ago

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I posted 4,576 times in 2022 (as of 8th Dec)

754 posts created (16%)

3,822 posts reblogged (84%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@antoineroussel

@laurenairay

@jostystyles

@senditcolton

@himbos-on-ice

I tagged 4,050 of my posts in 2022

Only 11% of my posts had no tags

#queue - 2,734 posts

#asks answered - 372 posts

#my writing - 290 posts

#😍😍😍 - 242 posts

#fic rec - 136 posts

#nathan mackinnon - 131 posts

#tyson jost - 129 posts

#sidney crosby - 124 posts

#erik johnson - 121 posts

#nico hischier - 110 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

time to come together - E. Johnson

The second of five fics to celebrate The Avs winning the Stanley Cup!

Word Count: 848 words

A/N: this man is the toothless love of my life and I am so happy he didn’t retire last summer. Can’t even contemplate that right now because he deserves to be a stanley cup champion so much!

See the full post

200 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

Walk in the Footsteps - N. Hischier

Summary: Pregnancy changes everything and nothing, at the same time. Juliet and Nico Hischier figure that out as they go along.

Words: 5.8k

Warnings: soft sappy sweetness, Dad!Nico, pregnancy, a little angst.

A/N: this one was inspired by the gif of Nico holding a baby that I had a mild meltdown with @antoineroussel about, all those weeks ago. Demi, this one is for you and I hope you love it as much as I do.

Title is from From The Ground Up by Dan + Shay.

Also tagging @tippedbykreider @matthewtkachuk @broadstbroskis @stars-canucks @tysojost @sorryjustafangirl @thebookofmags @jostyriggslover96 @starshine-hockey-girl @hock-ee @jostystyles @cozynightscandle @senditcolton @texanstarslove @fallinallincurls @newlibrary @chara-hugs @ilyasorokinn

See the full post

216 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

she’s got a sunshine smile - T. Jost

Summary: You met Tyson on the first day of freshman year – but now that senior year has started, is time running out to be anything more than friends?

Word count: 14.1k

Warnings: college au, pining, idiots to lovers, slow burn, some bad language.

A/N: This is my entry for @antoineroussel’s winter fic exchange 2k22 for @ghostyjosty! Emmie, it was a joy to write for you - I had so much fun with the college au element, and I hope I included everything you asked for that we discussed. I hope you enjoy this! 💙

Title from Sunshine Smile by Adorable.

See the full post

255 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

afraid to know the answer - B. Boeser

Summary: Being friends with benefits with Brock Boeser has a lot of perks...most of the time. Malia finds out the hard way what that means.

Warnings: fwb, oblivious dumb Brock, pining, implied smut but no actual smut, a slow digression into anxiety.

Word count: 9k words

A/N: Title from True by Ryan Cabrera

As @antoineroussel said, “we love a dumbass even if they unintentionally break hearts” – and thank you so much for all your help with this one Demi! Also tagging @danglesnipecelly and @matthewtkachuk as I know much both of you love Brock too 💛

This has been a work of absolute love, so I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it!

See the full post

260 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

This is Trouble - T. Seguin

Summary: You and Tyler had the perfect casual relationship – why mess up a good thing?

Word Count: 2.3k words.

Warning: casual smut implied (no smut scenes), discussion of intimate acts, some bad language, pining, fwb to lovers.

A/N: inspired by Sleeping with a Friend by Neon Trees, as well as the many half-naked gifs of Tyler Paul Seguin floating around my dash right now. Especially that delightfully-muscled back.

This one is for you Em 😘 @texanstarslove

Also tagging @antoineroussel @tippedbykreider @broadstbroskis @denis-scorianov @sorryjustafangirl @starshine-hockey-girl @hockeyunits @myhockeyworld87 @2manytabsopen @mattyseggy1991 @jostyriggslover96 @thebookofmags @newlibrary @fallinallincurls @marcoscandellas

And why mess up a good thing, baby? It’s a risk to even fall in love. So, when you give that look to me, I better look back carefully, ‘Cause this is trouble, yeah this is trouble.

See the full post

331 notes - Posted February 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false

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ilyasorokinn · 7 days ago

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special pieces

special prompts, holiday series, etc.

fics !

✷ natant (jack hughes) - y/n watches jack's dirty hit. (part of @wyattjohnston’s special prompt list.)

✷ elias petterson’s guide to the perfect christmas (elias pettersson) - "you're not christian and never celebrated holidays, so i take you home with me to show you how i love to do christmas" or in which y/n doesn't celebrate christmas so elias shows her how to do it the right way. (part of @ghostyjosty’s 2.2k writing challenge)

✷ running scared (matthew tkachuk) - matthew and y/n were best friends since they were kids, but after a falling out in high school, they quickly became enemies. flash-forward a few years, they find themselves forced to work together when y/n gets a job working for the flames media. (part of @wyattjohnston’s ’s 2k21 winter fic exchange.)

✷ the deal (anthony beauvillier) - y/n had a problem. they needed to find a boyfriend and fast. why? grandfather y/l/n had passed away, and in his will, the only way they would get her share is if they were in a relationship (i know, gross).

anthony, on the other hand, had no problem finding a girl. the only problem was they never stayed for more than a night. his mom wanted him to find a nice girl and settle down.

y/n and anthony come to an agreement. they would date for 6 weeks, which is more than enough time for y/n to get their share of the will and anthony to get his mom off his back. (part of @wyattjohnston’s summer 2k22 fic exchange)

✷ this love (freddie andersen) - freddie had come into your life just as quick as he left or a fic inspired by "this love" taylor swift. (part of @jostystyles’ 2.6k top track sitting challenge)

✷ second times the charm (juraj slafkovsky) - juraj and y/n were... something some years ago. but that was done and over with. so when y/n comes back as a medical team member, juraj knows there's only so much time to avoid all his problems. (part of @wyattjohnston’s 2k22 winter fic exchange)

✷ where you lead i will follow (mat barzal) - mat barzal is new to town, sort of. a town he didn't want to be in. after not so good press towards the end of the season in new york, during the off-season, the team decides to send him to ivory lake, a small town where his uncle lives, just until everything dies down. the first night he's there, his uncle forces him to go dinner at his not-girlfriend's house. there, he meet's her daughter, and he realizes he has more in common with her than he thinks. (part of @wyattjohnston 2k23 summer fic exchange)

special nights !

✷ taylor’s avs night (part one , part two) - a series to celebrate the avs win.

series !

✷ taylor's five days of halloween - five halloween themed fics. (2021)

✷ taylor’s 14 days of christmas - fourteen christmas themed fics. (2021)

✷ taylor’s halloween series - five halloween themed fics. (2022)

✷ taylor’s very merry christmas series - twelve christmas themed fics. (2022)

[ wips ] [ masterlist of masterlists ] [ taglist ]

#nhl #hockey #taylor's masterlists #+

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fallinallincurls · 3 years ago

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Four Times Tyson Almost Kissed You And One Time You Actually Kissed Him

it’s finally here!! i apologize for the delay with this fic, my brain totally froze while writing most it, but i’m really happy with how it came out. this is part of the winter fic exchange that @antoineroussel is hosting and i had the pleasure of writing for @senditcolton !! i hope you love this fic as much as i enjoyed bringing the idea to life. also, this was my first time writing for tyson which was a lot of fun as well!

gif by @barzzal

hope you enjoy!! feedback is always appreciated! xx

word count: 8.7k

~~~~~

Out of all the things that were bound to happen throughout your college career, the very last thing you expected was to meet an NHL player and become best friends with him. But during a weekend shift at the team store at Ball Arena, one of the odd jobs that you had to make some extra cash to pay for school, Tyson walked in looking to get two new jerseys for both his mom and younger sister.

His bright smile full of sunshine and the way he got shy asking for your help because “you’re a girl and know what they like” won you over within seconds. You found out that it was his first full season with the Avalanche thanks to none other than Nathan MacKinnon who practically insisted Tyson came to play with the team. He’s unbelievably sweet and kind, plus it doesn’t take you long to recognize that his laughter is contagious.

As you’re considering which jersey to get for each of the two most important people in his life, Tyson asks questions about you and seems genuinely interested in learning about everything from what you’re studying at CU Boulder to what your usual Starbucks order is. When the decision is finally made and he’s checking out, giddy with anticipation of sending the gifts home, you feel a tug of sadness that this is probably all you’ll have with him.

Except it isn’t. Tyson asks for your number since he admits he’d like another friend, especially someone outside the team, since he’s still new to Denver. You can’t say no and want him in your life as well. And that’s the beginning of arguably the most amazing friendship you’ve ever had.

Purposeful run-ins during your shifts turn to meeting up for coffee, going to games to cheer Tyson on, movie marathons and spending every available minute together. Everyday is full of a little more joy because you have him and as time goes on, you appreciate the friendship more than anything. The team has become like your second family and all your friends on campus have welcomed Tyson with open arms.

After graduating, you scored your dream job right in Denver and although you were beyond excited about the position, you couldn’t help but be happy because that meant you got to stay close to Tyson as well. You denied that having to do with anything other than the fact he’s your best friend and nothing more. But you realized when moving into your new apartment there was a warmth in your chest that appeared only because of Tyson which meant one thing.

You’re in love with him.

The thought alone was terrifying and still is, but you’ve gotten this far without spilling your secret. Tyson’s in his sixth season with the Avs and you’re happier than ever at your job. There have been countless moments where you think he might feel the same and hasn’t admitted it, but you don’t push the envelope. Life is perfect as is right now.

If the only way you get him in your life is as your best friend, then you’ll take it. That’s better than nothing and everyday has been infinitely better because of Tyson’s energy and kindness. Suppressing your emotions isn’t hard. You can do that in order not to lose him.

Tyson, on the other hand, might not be able to hide how he’s truly feeling for much longer.

“Tys, will you come on? It’s freezing out here!” You exclaim with a shiver, tugging on his gloved hand in hopes that he’ll follow you into Union Station without any further objection. Of course, you aren’t that lucky.

“I’m looking at how pretty the city is.” Tyson states simply, brown eyes taking in the sight of Denver lit up at night. You let out a huff before giving up on your insistent begging and take a look at the view.

“You’ve lived here for five years and have a better view from your balcony. What’s so special about it from here?”

“Nothing. This is always our first stop of the annual winter activities though and it’s one of my favorite times of the year. So the view standing here with you is different from just looking out my apartment’s windows.” Tyson admits while shrugging his shoulders as a beaming smile blossoms across his lips. You can’t stop from rolling your eyes at how cheesy that sounds, but there’s a grin on your face too despite the chilly weather that isn’t very pleasant.

The winter activities tradition began shortly after you met Tyson all those years ago. It was only your second year in Denver and he insisted on showing you all the best spots to enjoy during the cold weather. Every day included a different location and new experience that he couldn’t wait to share with you. You both had so much fun that an unspoken agreement was formed ensuring each of those special spots in Denver were enjoyed together every January.

And now here you are. About to do it all again with your favorite person in the world.

“It is pretty.” You admit softly, leaning into his side for a brief moment to watch the traffic pass by and people hustling down the sidewalks to stay warm. The city’s become your second home and most of that is because of the curly headed boy next to you, not that you’d ever say that to him. “But seriously, let’s get inside. This hot chocolate is going to have to melt me out of an ice block soon.” Tyson doesn’t miss the teasing tone in your voice even though he catches the hints of affection hidden in the words.

“Alright, alright. We’ll go.” He chuckles, the beautiful sound of his laugh making your heart soar. As soon as he opens the door to the stunning interior of the historical train station, a wave of warmth envelops you and you’ve never been more grateful. The station is bustling as usual during this time of year, people going in every possible direction. The locals are trying to catch their trains while the tourists are enjoying everything from the dining options to the beauty of the building.

To anyone else, it probably looks like pure chaos. But with Tyson by your side and one mission in mind, Union Station feels like another slice of heaven that’s been nestled into the heart of Denver.

You share a shy smile with Tyson before both of your eyes rest on the destination at hand. The Terminal Bar. It’s there, at that tiny spot loved by every visitor who crosses through the station, that the best hot chocolate in the world is sold. Bananas foster hot chocolate to be exact. At first, you thought Tyson’s idea to get the warm drink was insane because it’s the oddest combination of flavors ever, but it’s incredible. And now a staple for your annual winter festivities.

When you glance at your best friend again, there’s the mischievous glint in his pretty brown eyes which means nothing but trouble. It’s a look that you both love and hate because seeing him happy makes your world much brighter, but you almost always end up in a sticky situation thanks to him. A sigh slips past your lips at the recognition and Tyson tips his head back in a laugh before pulling you in for a tight hug, hands rubbing up and down your arms in an attempt to warm you up.

“You always figure me out! I’ve gotta get better at hiding my crazy ideas if you can guess just by the look on my face.”

“I’d argue I know you better than the guys. The only one who has the edge on me is JT, but it’s a title I’m proud of.” You respond with a giggle, continuing the banter that’s always existed within your friendship. “Let’s go. I need that hot chocolate and I didn’t freeze out there for nothing.”

“You’re so dramatic.” Tyson fires back, that heartstopping smile of his never faltering as you begin to walk in the direction of the bar. Weaving through the crowd is easy because of Tyson guiding the way and his voice becomes your main focus despite the many noises that fill the air.

When you get to the desired destination, Tyson is quick to speak up first and place the order for two of the famous bananas foster hot chocolates before gently tapping your arm as a silent go ahead to find a seat in the dining area. You know it’s his way of avoiding your argument about paying for the drinks, but you let it slide this time especially because the cashier is looking at the two of you like you’re a happy couple.

That’s not the first time it’s happened and certainly won’t be the last, but the aching in your chest has resurfaced and you can’t let the true emotions show right now. Not ever. So with a nod and deep breath, you step away to find open seats.

In just a few short minutes, Tyson is sliding onto the barstool next to you at the highrise table and carefully placing a full mug in front of you. The hot chocolate is topped with plenty of whipped cream and the delicious smell drifts up making you feel a surge of happiness that washes away all the uncertain thoughts that were present only moments ago.

“Here you go,” Tyson says proudly, bumping your shoulder in a playful way before reaching for his own mug to take a long sip.

“Thanks, Tys.” You mimic his actions while taking in how adorable he looks like this, bundled up and joyful as if nothing else in the world matters. There’s an undeniable tug on your heartstrings at the sight, but you savor your hot chocolate and focus on how perfect it is to be here with him during another year.

“I don’t know how I lived my whole life before meeting you without this hot chocolate.” You state with a laugh after enjoying the chocolatey taste of the warm drink.

“I’m sure you would’ve made it just fine.” Tyson responds while grinning and his eyes sparkle with bliss under the soft lighting in the train station. His curls are wild, a few falling over his forehead like always, and you can’t believe you’re lucky enough to have him in your life.

“Hardly. And I don’t want to even think about not having you here.” The teasing words fall off your lips as you continue sipping the hot chocolate, but Tyson’s looking at you in a way that practically steals your breath away. Pure adoration is on display across his face and there’s a flash of want in his gaze. “What?” You ask, voice shaking slightly even though you’re trying not to falter with the sudden change.

For a minute, he doesn’t say anything. A comfortable silence wraps around the both of you as the rest of the station hustles along. His eyes never leave yours and it’s driving you insane. This hasn’t ever happened before and you don’t know what to do. Then, ever so slowly, he reaches out and cups your cheek in one hand, his thumb swiping over your cheek. You gasp and can’t find words to ask what’s happening.

“Had some whipped cream on your cheek.” Tyson murmurs, not moving his hand or pulling back. He stays right where he is and neither of you are focused on the hot chocolate anymore. It’s all about him, him, him. All it would take for him to kiss you is leaning forward to closing the small space between you. But he doesn’t. Even though Tyson wants to. He wants to so badly.

And despite knowing he doesn’t feel that way about you, your heart breaks a little.

“Sorry, I had to get it.” Tyson smiles, dropping his hand from your cheek and trying to get back to the normalcy of your friendship. You nod in appreciation as he grabs a napkin like this revolutionary moment, where he almost kissed you, didn’t just happen. Air fills your lungs again when you let go of the breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“You saved me from looking like an idiot again. I owe you one.” You speak up, the same joking tone evident in each word. Tyson smiles in what seems like relief and you fall back into the familiar pattern of being the other’s best friend. Nothing happened and you have to erase the memory right now.

But that’s easier said than done when you wanted his lips on yours more than anything.

II.

The only thing Tyson’s earlier text stated was to be dressed warm and to be ready by six which is when he would be picking you up. And even though he’s trying desperately to keep where you’re going a secret, you already know. Blossoms of Light at the Denver Botanic Gardens has been on your winter festivities list with Tys since the beginning and it’s his favorite of the annual activities.

Every single year he tries to disguise going to see the beautiful outdoor light displays by creating some intricate plan to trick you every time. And even though you always figure it out, you never tell him because seeing the look of accomplishment and admiration is your favorite thing in the entire world.

So here you are, pulling on your gloves and Avs beanie ready for a fun night with the boy you adore just as the buzzer sounds by the front door of your apartment.

“It’s me! You better let me up or we’ll be late.” Tyson exclaims with a chuckle, his voice grainy through the small speaker. You can’t help but roll your eyes before clicking the button to respond.

“Then stay where you are. I’m coming down right now.” You don’t give Tyson a chance to respond because you grab your bag and close the door behind you a few seconds after those words leave your mouth. A giddy feeling flows through your veins at the thought of what’s waiting in the lobby; the boy you love and a winter night that is sure to be nothing but a good time.

“Finally!” Tyson exclaims when you step out of the elevator only a few minutes later. “It took you long enough.” You giggle at his chirps and just shove your gloved hands into your pockets. The sight of him all cozy in preparation for spending a few hours out in the cold of winter warms your heart. It’s simple moments like this that remind you how lucky you are to have the sweet boy as your best friend.

“Says the boy who takes years to get ready to go anywhere.” You tease right back as you fall into step with him and head out to his car. The drive isn’t long and it’s full of the gorgeous views of Denver which still haven’t gotten old despite living in the city for years now. By time Tyson finds a parking spot and is opening your door, you can’t help but think about how perfect a night it is to be checking this specific activity off your annual list.

“We’re here!” Tyson proclaims while smiling so wide that the corners of his eyes crinkle.

“You couldn’t have picked a better night for Blossoms of Light, Tys. I’m impressed.” The words are genuine and although you saw the surprise coming, there’s still a rush of giddiness about stepping into the park which is decorated with thousands of colorful lights.

“I try, I try.” He laughs in response, bumping your shoulder in a playful manner and walking next to you down the designated paths. After visiting the famous attraction so many times, you both have the map memorized and have your favorite parts of the stunning lights that turn the park into a dazzling wonderland at night during the winter season.

Thanks to a recent snowstorm that passed through a few days ago, there is a fresh layer of snow that blankets every aspect of the park and the lights. It’s so pretty and you can only hope that everyone gets to experience the magic of this little place even just once. There’s nothing more you could ask for than taking in the breathtaking sights with the boy who means the world to you.

Like any other time you spend together, Tyson fills the air with happy chatter which has you laughing more often than not and you keep him up to date with anything that he may have missed when he’s busy with practices or games. It’s comfortable, familiar and feels like home. You cherish moments like this for when he’s on the road and suddenly life in the Rockies feels a little more lonely than usual.

So you lean into his side, mostly for warmth, and enjoy every second of being right here.

When you turn a corner which reveals the lake which has a variety of vibrant floating balls scattered across the water surface, you hook your arm around Tyson’s and gently interrupt his rambling.

“One year you should invite your mom and Kacey to come do this with us.”

Tyson almost stops in his tracks, but offers you the sweet smile that makes every worry disappear. His eyes go wide for a few seconds and you can’t stop the way your heart soars at how cute he is.

“And share one of our special winter activities? I can’t let them in on the secret.” Tyson responds with a laugh until he realizes you’re serious. “Where’s that coming from?” He asks as you both start walking down the path again.

“I don’t know. It sometimes occurs to me that I’m lucky enough to live here and do life with someone as incredible as you by my side most of the time. That makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world. And your family misses you more than I think you realize so it would be great being able to share this with them. Don’t you think so?” The explanation comes out in a rush and Tyson notices how you blush under his gaze.

“No, they would love it. You’re absolutely right. I’ll have to see when our schedules allow for it to happen next year.” He grins in response, squeezing you in closer for a few seconds.

“And maybe I miss Kacey so it would be fun to see her again.” You admit, looking up to see his reaction which is exactly what you expect it to be.

“Hey! You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.”

You don’t get a chance to respond because your eyes land on the best part of the whole experience. Tyson notes your sudden silence before realizing you’re staring ahead and a smile tugs at the corners of his lips at how in awe you are. The walkway is surrounded by trees on both sides, each decorated in a different color. Without another word, you take a few slow steps forward to be under the beautiful illumination and Tyson’s breath is stolen away.

He’s always thought you were gorgeous but everything about you right now is stunning. And although he might be biased because there are underlying feelings there, all he can think about is how he wants every single one of these little moments with you for the rest of his life. To see you look this effortlessly beautiful all the time.

Tyson is by your side again after taking a few seconds to admire you. His hand gently presses into your lower back as a silent reminder that he’s there. Your eyes are sparkling as you look around. No matter how many times you see this same exact spot on the path, it amazes you for some unknown reason.

With one simple turn, you face Tyson and find that he’s been looking at you the whole time. You can’t tell what he’s thinking, but the expression on his face has butterflies erupting in your stomach. You try not to get wrapped up in the thoughts that he might and could easily kiss you. That’s the farthest thing from what you’re supposed to want from him.

But before you can even grasp the idea fully, Tyson’s pulling away and flashing a smile like he always does. A sense of disappointment weighs heavy on your heart. No matter how badly you wanted more, you can’t risk losing him. So you continue on through the decorated tree arch and enjoy the rest of the night with your best friend like nothing different happened.

III.

“There she is!” Mel exclaims the second you step into the suite. The rest of the WAGs turn their heads towards the door and a small burst of cheering breaks out. You roll your eyes while laughing as Mel gives you a tight hug, relishing in the feeling of belonging with the girls who have come to mean so much to you.

“I come to almost every home game. The excitement isn’t necessary anymore.” You state matter-of-factly, but Mel waves the comment off while making note of the fact you’re wearing a burgundy and blue jersey with the number seventeen plastered across the back. Like you always do.

“Tyson said he wasn’t sure if you’d be coming tonight because of a conflict with your schedule at work. But you’re here! And you’ve been coming to games for like five years now, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t any less excited about you being here.” Mel explains before pulling you to the open seat next to her that you always claim. There isn’t much time to process what the captain’s wife just said before Linnea is climbing into your lap and Jackie is asking you about how you’ve been.

The familiarity of everyone’s company and the atmosphere at Ball Arena envelopes you in an instant. You aren’t a WAG, but Tyson insisted that you sit in the suite with them when you first started coming to his games years ago. It was nerve wracking meeting each of the players’ significant others and their kids, but they welcomed you with open arms and you’ve become such great friends with all of them.

And even though they know you’re here as Tyson’s best friend, some of the knowing looks you get suggest they have your little secret figured out. Not that you’d ever admit it out loud.

It isn’t until the boys skate out for warm-ups and your attention tracks number seventeen around the ice that Mel’s words resurface in your mind. There’s a very good possibility that Tyson has no idea you’re here right now because he was under the impression you wouldn’t be able to make it. You didn’t think about texting him earlier to let him know that your workload in the office was lighter today so you’d be watching from your usual spot. A smile tugs at the corners of your lips at the thought of how seeing him after the game now means you’re surprising him.

With some effort, you push away the vision of seeing Tyson’s eyes light up and that beaming grin of his appearing when he spots you in the tunnel. That’s not going to help with keeping your emotions in check. So you focus on the game that’s just starting and stay engaged in conversations with all the WAGs while entertaining the little ones or jumping up in excitement when the Avalanche score.

Thanks to a goal from both Nate and Cale along with two goals from Tyson, Colorado won the game 4-2. Nothing but excitement fills the air in the suite as the final buzzer sounds and everyone in the arena celebrates the win. As you’re clapping and watching the line of hugs happen down on the ice Sydney, JT’s girlfriend, leans over to murmur something in your ear and her words warm your heart, but shock you just the same.

“Josty totally has no idea you made it tonight and with those two goals of his, I wouldn’t be surprised if he finally kissed you in the tunnel later.”

You try to respond with a denial because there’s no way that’s true, but Mel shakes your arm to grab your attention. The three stars of the night are being announced and there’s your best friend skating out onto the ice with his stick in the air.

“And tonight’s first star of the game, from your Colorado Avalanche, Tyson Jost!” Loud cheers erupt in response and Tyson tosses a puck over the glass to a little kid who had no doubt been eagerly waiting for that moment all night. The adoration rushing through your veins is indescribable. You’re always so proud of Tyson, but moments like this remind you just how incredible he is.

Right before he disappears into the locker room again, Tyson looks up towards the suite where you’re sitting just to flash his bright smile and send a wave in your direction. Every single person notices his actions, there’s no way to miss it, but no one notices how your heart soars with love. You desperately try to keep the emotions off your face as you continue celebrating with pride. Tyson has never done anything like that before and you can’t help but think about Sydney’s words just moments ago.

He doesn’t know you’re here so that wasn’t for you. And that’s okay. You’re just his best friend, nothing more.

The disappointment disappears within seconds especially when Mel asks if you’re ready to head downstairs with everyone. You’re practically buzzing by the time you arrive outside the locker room. Every fiber of your being is full of excitement about seeing Tyson after such an incredible game, but there’s still time before the team starts leaving so you fall into a conversation with a few of the girls again while anxiously waiting.

You don’t know if a few minutes have passed or an hour when the doors open and the guys start filing out of the locker room at their own pace. Each of them goes right to their significant other and families which fills the hallway with lighthearted chatter and many passionate greetings. Next to you, Mel is welcoming Gabe into a hug as the kids enthusiastically ask for his attention. It’s then you look back towards the door and that’s when you see him. He’s dressed in his plaid game day suit again and a few of his wild, but still perfect curls have fallen over his forehead.

JT is at his side like usual and a smirk appears on his lips when he catches sight of you first. In a split second, Tyson is looking towards whatever has his friend’s attention and the world seems to stop when your eyes meet his. His lips tug upward in a smile that you swear could replace the sun and he’s rushing towards you with a sense of urgency like no other.

Tyson’s arms immediately wrap you up in a tight, warm embrace and you can feel how his heart is racing under your ear resting on his chest. He squeezes you for a moment almost as if he doesn’t believe any of this is real. The feeling of home surrounds you which has you melting into Tyson’s touch before speaking up.

“You were amazing out there, Tys. Congrats on the two goals and a fantastic game.” You murmur into his chest, each word full of emotion as you try to commit every detail about this instant in time to memory.

“What are you doing here? I thought you couldn’t come tonight.” Tyson responds, too stunned to acknowledge your praise.

“Last minute schedule change at work. I didn’t even think twice about deciding to show up, but didn’t realize it would be such a surprise.” Tyson acknowledges the playful tone in your voice and pulls back from the hug to meet your eyes. If you weren’t already in love with him, the soft look on his face right now would’ve had you falling for him in no time. Your heart clenches at the sight and you know more than ever that Tyson is the most special person in your life.

“Of course it’s a surprise! Seeing you after a game is one of my favorite things in the world. And you got to see those two goals tonight so this is quite the treat.”

“I sure did, Mr. First Star of The Game.” You say with a tiny smirk while fumbling with the collar of his shirt as he fingers the small seventeens that are stitched onto the sleeves of the jersey you’re wearing. The rest of the world has fallen away, leaving just the two of you in your own little bubble.

“Hey,” Tyson speaks up, breaking the comfortable silence that’s full of bliss and gratefulness. He gently tips your chin up to lock his gaze with yours once more. Your brows must furrow in confusion at the action because he goes shy before rushing through the rest of what he wants to say. “Thank you for coming tonight. Going out there to play means so much more when it’s for someone other than me and I swear those goals wouldn’t have happened without you in the crowd.” He mumbles so quietly that you almost don’t hear him, but you hang onto every single word.

“No need to thank me, Tys. I’ll be your biggest supporter for the rest of my life. You should know that.” Your breath hitches as Tyson brings one hand up to push some of your hair back behind your ear. And even though everyone else’s attention is on both of you, nothing else matters but each other right now.

“I do.” Tyson whispers, his eyes flicking down to your lips. That familiar warmth of love spreads through your veins because maybe this is finally the time he takes the leap. Maybe this is the time where he actually kisses you like you want him to. Like Tyson wants to even if you don’t know that.

He leans in just slightly, his curls tickling your forehead and you wait for the moment to come. The feel of his lips against yours. But it never does. Because JT claps Tyson on the shoulder as if he didn’t interrupt something very important that could have happened before asking if the two of you want to join the team at the bar to celebrate the win.

You don’t notice the daggers Tyson shoots in his best friend’s direction as you swallow down the disappointment and nod in confirmation. Tyson reaches for your hand, which you let him take, but he can tell the moment shifted your emotions just like it did for him.

But even though he wanted to kiss you so badly, it was probably a good thing JT interrupted because Tyson can’t mess up what he has with you. No matter how in love he is.

IV.

There’s nothing you love more than spending hours upon hours getting lost in a bookstore. And Tyson knows that first hand considering he can’t count how many times he’s done exactly that with you. Something about the cozy atmosphere, thousands of different books to choose from and sipping on a warm drink while browsing has become the ultimate form of comfort for you. So it was no surprise one of Denver’s most beloved bookstores earned the seal of approval to be added to your annual winter festivities list in the first few years you and Tyson started the tradition.

As you stand in the entrance of the Tattered Cover with Tyson by your side, you quickly go over the rules for the activity ahead. A sense of giddiness rushes through your veins and being in the bookstore reminds you how much you love this particular part of everything the two of you do together every winter.

“Alright. You know the drill. Everything is game, but the goal is to find the best book possible for the other person. Any edition, copy or price. We’ll meet up right in front of the reading area on the second floor, got it?” You list off, eyes never wavering from him even though the beautiful store is just waiting to be admired.

Tyson nods in confirmation, a few brown curls falling over his forehead as that breathtaking smile you adore appears on his face. He’s bundled up in his winter coat and a scarf, looking more adorable than ever. The sight of him makes your heart race, but you keep the emotions at bay to focus on the current task.

“I’m so going to win again this year. I know you have some grand plan in that pretty head of yours, but there’s no way you’re going to beat me.” Tyson says with a teasing tone, shrugging nonchalantly. You can’t help and roll your eyes, but a giggle slips out anyway which makes Tyson blush at the sweet sound. Not that you notice.

“Whatever you say, Jost. I’ll believe it when I see it. See you in an hour, second floor reading area.” With that, you leave your best friend behind and head towards the elegant staircases that lead to the higher floors which are full of a wondrous selection of books. There’s one specific section you need to look in for the novel you’re hoping to find for Tyson.

Admittedly, out of the two of you, you’re the avid reader. You always had been and when you met Tys, he loved how you could get lost in a book for hours. So many birthday gifts or random surprises over the years have been a variety of books that Tyson always carefully picked out. He didn’t read much despite your efforts to get him into one of your favorite pastimes, but the opportunity to find the perfect match for him during this part of the winter tradition proved to be fun each time.

This year, your sights are set on finding exactly one book. Which is why you stepped into the young adult section and got to work browsing the many shelves for what has always been Tyson’s favorite book.

You have no idea what Tyson is searching for this time or where he is in the store at the moment. But you are excited to see what he picks because although you’ll most likely love it just because it’s from him, the boy has a wondrous talent in finding the most perfect pick for you. Last year, you let him win the playful competition due to the fact his find was a special edition of your all time favorite novel, but really the expression of pure excitement was what sealed the deal.

So now, it’s time to get the title back. Hopefully.

After what feels like hours looking through every single spine on the numerous shelves, a gasp falls from your lips as your eyes finally land on the title you hoped would be buried in the countless used books the Tattered Cover had available. Leaning up on your tiptoes, you carefully pull the book out of its spot and smile to yourself.

There, in your hands, is a special edition of the fourth Harry Potter book, Goblet of Fire. The whole series is Tyson’s favorite, but this particular book is the one he loves the most out of the seven. And here you are with a version that is so rare and one Tyson definitely doesn’t have. A sense of disbelief rolls over you as you flip through the loved pages and it’s then that you remember you have to meet him at the reading lounge on the second floor.

With the biggest grin and a heart full of happiness, you clutch the hardcover tight as you rush back towards the staircase to head downstairs. But before you can even make it to the cozy area that’s designated for customers to read in the bookstore, you slam into Tyson just as you round the corner.

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you.” Tyson says with chuckle, holding your arms to balance you for a second.

“We said we’d meet-”

“Downstairs. I know.” He cuts you off, that familiar glint of kindness flashing through his brown eyes. The momentary shock subsides and you focus on him. “But I couldn’t wait to show you because I found the perfect book. Like you aren’t ready for this.”

You raise your eyebrows skeptically, but indulge him because the curiosity is too much to bear even if you’re itching to give him the book you found. Instead, you nod and try to calm your heart down although you’re not sure if it’s racing because of the sudden run in or because of how he’s looking at you right now.

“Okay. Let’s see it then, Tys.”

A wild blush spreads across his cheeks at your words and he fidgets a little before ever so slowly pulling the book out from behind his back. You recognize the dark cover instantly, but the golden sticker in the corner that reads “signed copy” takes your breath away. Tyson watches your expression while holding his breath and when that look of awe takes over your facial features, adoration rushes through his veins.

“You found a signed copy of Ninth House? Like Leigh Bardugo actually signed this?” You ask, voice so quiet that nobody but Tyson would be able to hear you. Each word is tainted with shock and joy. You can’t believe he found this for you. It’s one of your very favorite books and the fact that it’s also signed by the author as well is a dream come true.

“It is. Look,” Tyson whispers, flipping to the title page where a signature is scribbled across the paper in black Sharpie. You take a sharp breath, eyes wandering over the unique mark. The smile on your face lights up Tyson’s world as you gently take the book into your hands and you blurt out the one thought on your mind that you shouldn’t say.

“I could kiss you right now.”

Tyson’s eyes go wide at the confession, but he can’t deny that he was thinking the same thing. You look absolutely beautiful like this, in your happy place and enjoying life for what it is. Everything in him wants to close the distance between the two of you and make his feelings known with a kiss. He goes so far to lean in towards you and you’re lost in your own emotions for him that his lips almost press against yours.

Except he pulls back and the moment is over almost as soon as it started.

You offer a bashful smile, directing your attention to giving him the book you chose for him and trying to ignore how badly you wanted him to kiss you. Even though the last thing you want is to ruin the incredible friendship the two of you share, everyday pushes you closer and closer to just making a move if Tyson won’t.

And considering this isn’t the first time he almost kissed you, the next one might just be your moment.

“How many times have I shown you how to tie your skates and you still don’t know how to do it the right way?” Tyson asks incredulously with a shake of his head before kneeling down in front of you and propping one foot up on his leg. He unties the messy laces and begins to tighten them the way you can never master.

“Maybe it’s just an excuse for you to tie my skates instead.” You tease and make a tiny yelp when Tyson pulls the laces too tight.

“It better not be, Y/N. I don’t mind helping, but I know you’re capable of almost everything because you’re stubborn and hate letting anyone else do things for you.”

“Except for tying my skates.” You point out with a giggle as Tyson rolls his eyes and reaches for your other foot.

“Except for tying your skates.” He repeats and concentrates on the perfect technique to make sure your ankles don’t wobble in the skates while also still being loose enough that it isn’t painful. There’s a small tap against your calf to signal he’s done and then Tyson holds out his hands to you. Gratefully, you take them and stand up before taking in the scene around you.

Skyline Park in the winter time is arguably the most gorgeous place in Denver, if not the entire state of Colorado. The snow covers all the eye-catching architecture and trees through the isolated area in the city. But what makes it the most special during this time of year is the full sized ice rink that is constructed right in the middle of the park.

One of the first things Tyson introduced you to after meeting all those years ago was the rink at Skyline Park. He said that even if it was a bit touristy, you couldn’t live in Denver and not go. You hardly knew how to skate then, and still aren’t the best to this day, but Tyson held your hand almost the whole time as an attempt at support and taught you how to glide around the ice effortlessly. The whole night remains one of your favorite memories ever.

When the winter festivities list was established, skating at Skyline Park was the very first addition. To no surprise.

Now, you’re teetering on your skates and following Tyson to the rink to complete the last activity on the annual list. You couldn’t be happier to have this tradition for another year and you forget all about how subpar your skills are on the ice to just enjoy the moment.

At 10 o’clock at night, the rink is almost empty. All the tourists and enthusiastic families with little children have all gone home for the day, leaving the sheet of ice much more open. It’s the best time to come and skate plus it creates a dreamy atmosphere that you can enjoy with Tyson which might just be the part you love the most.

“Ready?” Tyson’s soft voice breaks you out of the small trance before he squeezes your hand in reassurance. His eyes are sparkling with adoration and his cheeks are red from a mixture of the cold temperature and the blush that appears whenever he’s around you.

“Ready.” You respond confidently and just like that, the sole focus becomes on enjoying the beautiful moment with the boy who has your heart. Tyson steps onto the ice first, showing no signs of struggle considering he does this for a living. A few seconds later, you join him and get used to the slippery surface beneath your skates.

“Look! Already better than last year. You almost wiped out the moment you got on the ice.” He tips his head back with a laugh, the sweet sound you adore filling the air. You can’t help but roll your eyes in response, but it’s true. With each passing year the two of you complete this part of the tradition, your skating ability gets a little bit better. Tyson still teases you about it, obviously, but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

“Yeah, yeah. Not everyone is an NHL player like you, Tys. I’ll take my mediocre skating skills any day. I’m just happy to be here with you.” The biggest smile blossoms across his lips which sends your heart into a frenzy. You’re so in love with him that it hurts, but there’s no way you can ever admit that even if you have thought about it more often than not lately.

“Come on,” Tyson murmurs, taking your hand again and pulling you towards him. The two of you skate a few laps around the empty rink while trying to commit every detail of the moment to memory. The wind in your hair, the warmth of Tyson’s hand in yours, how light you feel on the ice, the light snow that has started to fall and most importantly, the happiness that envelops you.

Tyson keeps you laughing over stories about his teammates and you share comfortable conversations about countless topics. But soon, simple laps around the rink became a little too boring for the ball of energy who is your best friend and before you can suggest anything, Tyson gets that mischievous look on his face. Whatever he’s about to say is sure to be fun, but you’re all too familiar with the ideas of his that are nothing but trouble.

“What? What are you thinking?” You question him with a smirk, coming to a stop and facing him. Your skates bump into his and, like always, he balances you by just holding your arms stable for a few seconds.

“I was thinking,” Tyson begins, nothing but joy radiating off of him. His gaze never breaks away from yours even as he continues to speak. “That we should race. Down and back? I won’t make you go around the rink since your crossovers are pretty terrible.” You playfully hit his chest at the comment even though you’re laughing along.

“What’s in it for me? Because you know I’m going to win.”

“Winner gets bragging rights and dinner at their favorite restaurant next time we go out. And if you somehow win, I might even let you pick every movie during our next movie night.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Josty.” You announce, holding your hand out to shake. There’s no way you’re going to beat him, not with the skills he has from years and years of playing hockey, but you won’t pass up the opportunity to try. Together, you skate to one end of the rink and space yourself out along the back boards. Tyson is practically beaming and you know he loves a good competition, but you can’t tell why he’s so happy at the moment.

“On the count of three.” Tyson exclaims, settling into a starting position that looks nothing like your own. “One, two, three!” In a split second, he is already flying down the ice towards the other end. A laugh slips out of your mouth as you try to gain speed without falling down in the process. There’s a loud cheer from the curly headed boy as he reaches the opposite side, the imaginary finish line, just as you make it to the middle of the ice.

“You knew I didn’t have a chance!” You yell back through a string of giggles. But just as you catch sight of his bright smile and joyful expression, you realize there’s a small problem. With the speed you’ve picked up, it seems impossible to slow down and you don’t know how to stop quickly. Panic must flash across your face at the realization because Tyson is repeating encouraging words the closer you get.

“Tys, move!” Instead of listening to your frantic warning, he remains stationary. Before you can even try to slow yourself down, you’re colliding with him and a gasp escapes past your lips. There’s no pain from any potential injuries, just Tyson’s firm grip on you which is also keeping you upright. Immediately, guilt and apologies flood your mind because the last thing you want to do is hurt him, but he speaks up before you can.

“We have to work on teaching you how to stop.” Tyson chuckles adorably, hands settling at your waist as you slide your feet together to regain your balance. You look up from his chest and realize how little space is between the two of you. Your lips are mere inches away from his, it would take minimal effort to just lean up and kiss him. His warm breath fans across your face while those brown eyes sparkle underneath the rink lights. Hundreds of delicate snowflakes have settled among his curls making him look like a dream and his cheeks are still tinted pink.

You swear there has never been a time before now where you wanted to make your true feelings known this much. This is the boy you love more than anything. And he has no idea.

“Thank you for catching me. I’m sorry if I hurt you in the process.” Your voice is soft with emotion which doesn’t go unnoticed by Tyson. His heart is beating out of his chest because this would be the perfect moment to kiss you and confess everything that’s been weighing on his heart for years now. He pushes the thought away though to focus on making sure that you’re okay after the near accident which could’ve been worse without him acting as a buffer.

“I always have you, Y/N. You know that right? I don’t care if it’s stopping you on the ice so you don’t break a leg or being there when you need it most. You can count on me no matter what.” Tyson replies, each word full of honesty and a kind of love that is different from the friendly one you share.

There’s a tug in your chest and you can feel the atmosphere shifting with his words. Tyson has never shied away from saying what’s on his mind, which is what this feels like, but you can tell he’s struggling with letting the rest of the thought out. On instinct, you push yourself closer to him when a large gust of wind blows by and his arms wrap you up in an embrace that has you thinking one thing.

This is it. This is it. He’s finally going to do it.

His eyes flicker down to your lips for a few seconds and just as he leans in even the slightest bit, the gentle expression on his facial features changes. You know that means his mind has changed or he thought of some silly excuse to not go through with his previous actions, but you can’t take it anymore. The almost kisses over the last month have been driving you crazy and you don’t know how much longer you can hide the love you have for him.

Before he can pull back and write the moment off as if it didn’t happen, you cup one of his cheeks in your hand as the other settles at the back of his neck. You smile at how surprised he looks, but take a leap of faith and press your lips against his in a tender kiss. Tyson instantly melts into you, trying to pull you in closer and kisses you back in an effort to convey the unbelievable feelings he hasn’t found the courage to voice out loud.

The rest of the world seems to fall away and you’re aware of nothing but him. The way his lips feel against yours, how the warmth of love is spreading through your veins and how this is even better than you’ve dreamed it to be. You can’t ignore how perfect everything is in this exact moment and when Tyson smiles against your lips, it’s a telltale sign he feels the same way.

You grudgingly pull away due to needing air and reality sets in. What if that just messed everything up? It doesn’t take long for your mind to spiral and Tyson recognizes what's happening. Even though he’s still stunned in the best way possible, he doesn’t hesitate to lean in for another quick kiss as a way of quieting those thoughts.

“This may or may not be a surprise, but I’ve been trying to find the perfect time to kiss you throughout the entirety of our winter traditions. You beat me to it.” Tyson whispers, brushing your hair back and admiring how beautiful you are.

“If I didn’t do it, I wasn’t sure you ever would.” You respond with a shy chuckle, rubbing your thumb across his cheek. “I’m really glad I did though. It’s really hard to hide that you’re in love with your best friend for years, you know.”

“I’ve been thinking about it for way too long. Just ask anyone on the team. But I wanted to get it right and make sure that you felt the same way. Which apparently you do.”

“I most definitely do, Tys. I most definitely do.”

#tyson jost #tyson jost imagine #tyson jost fic #tyson jost blurb #winter exchange fic 2k22 #colorado avalanche #nhl fic #nhl imagine #hockey fic #hockey imagine #tyson jost fluff

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tinyhockey · 2 years ago

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Hi! It’s your winter fic exchange anon. I did not forget you I promise. I have been really busy lately. I started your fic which is a good thing. I truly hope you will like it ❤️ Would you mind linking that ask for me once again? I want to make sure to include some personal elements in there ☺️

hi anon!!! it's totally fine, i know things are busy this time of year. i just wanted to make sure you were doing ok and weren't too stressed!!

and yes ofc! it's right here. if you need anything more from me please don't hesitate to ask!

#winter fic 2k22

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magalidragon · 2 years ago

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✨❄️ an angel came down ❄️✨ | a Christmas magic Jonerys fic

For @snowxstormworld Jonerys Winter Wonderland 2k22, Day 1: Christmas Magic. A short and sweet Jonerys fic!

Her heart broke for her child. Every Christmas, every year, the same scene. Alone, shunning the world around him, preferring his wolf's company over anyone else, even his remaining family. He was sad, even if he denied it to those around him. He was hurting. He needed someone. Everyone needed someone at the holidays.

It was her fault.

Her brother tried to tell her that wasn't true, that Jon was always sullen, and had been even before her death. She disagreed. The child she had borne and raised until he was eight, when a car skidding on ice was unable to stop and avoid her walking across the street. It was Christmas Eve. She'd been out getting him one final gift. And she never went home.

Now he was grown, a man, and all she wanted was to help him, to give him the greatest gift of all.

Love.

He needed someone to love him, as he needed someone to love in turn.

#jonerys #jonerys au #my fics #my moodboards #jonerys fanfic #snowxstormworld #Jonerys winter wonderland 2k22 #day 1: Christmas magic

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wyattjohnston · 2 years ago

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had it all worked out and then realised i was matching people who had specified very specifically reader insert or OC and now I have to rework the whole thing lmao

#i love you guys but this one is trickier than usual #the winter fic exchange 2k22

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senditcolton · 3 years ago

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youthfully felt

summary: Sidney Crosby was tired... of everything. the scrutiny he faced, the pressure to do better, and the fear of his time slowly running out. but then, he meets you. and you make him feel young again. but is it enough to heal him? or is that really the purpose of your relationship? (made for @antoineroussel ‘s Winter Fic Exchange. written for @starshine-hockey-girl)

playlist word count: 11.1k warnings: curse words, alcohol consumption, and allusions to sex

And in the end, we were all just humans… drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.

What was he doing here? This was not the kind of place that anyone would expect to find Penguins captain Sidney Crosby. This was not a place for someone like him. But perhaps that was exactly the reason Sidney found himself at this seedy little downtown bar on a warm May night.

Because that was the perfect place to disappear. And that’s what Sidney wanted to do, at least for a little while.

Last season had been rough, on everyone. The injuries, the conflicts, the losses, and the constant scrutiny. Although, despite all of it, the Penguins had managed to just barely scrape their way into a playoff spot. Sid thought that maybe that would be enough for the hungry fans that wanted nothing more than to see success. But he should have known that it wouldn’t be unless it ended with a silver trophy. And unfortunately, they couldn’t manage that goal. And the fans were left with a bitter taste in their mouths instead of a satisfying ending.

And once, Sidney used to share their same hunger and wouldn’t have felt satiated until his arms felt the weight of that 30-pound cup. But now… he just felt tired.

Tired of living up to that impossible expectation that others held him to. Tired of the eyes that constantly turned to him and analyzed him whenever something went wrong. Tired of the whispers, the criticism that he never seemed to be able to escape.

Was Sidney Crosby losing his touch? Will one too many injuries end this once great hockey player’s career? How much time does 34-year-old Sidney Crosby have left?

These statements and worse have been floating around him for the past few years but every year, he never let them break in, or he used them as fuel to prove them wrong. But this year, they had felt worse than they ever did before and instead of the words motivating him, they crumbled the walls that he had built. They broke him down and made him doubt. And doubt was never an emotion that Sidney liked to feel. And that made him angry.

He gave everything to hockey. He gave up so much of his childhood, of his adolescence, of his youth, of his life, to this sport, to this city, to those fans. And what did he get in return? Doubt. How much more did he need to give to prove himself? How much more would people demand of him? How much more would he be forced to give?

Doubtful, angry, tired Sidney Crosby. The once great player of the National Hockey League.

That’s how he felt and part of him didn’t want to pretend to be anything else tonight. And he assumes that’s how he found himself here.

He couldn’t remember the name of the bar where he currently sat. All he knew was this was the last place people would come looking for him. This was not a place to sight a celebrity. This was a place for drifters, rejects, people who had given up on their lives or didn’t care enough to try. It felt like a place that was stuck in the past; the smell of old beer and cigarette smoke, the dim lighting courtesy of dust accumulated through years of indifference.

Sidney sat in a booth in the back corner, the cracked leather of the seats digging into the back of his thighs. His hand casually wraps around the beer bottle in front of him, gently spinning it, feeling it resist as the glass clings to the stickiness of spilled alcohol lingering on the wood.

This place is not bright, it’s not shiny. It’s a place where this beaten, broken down version of himself could simply exist, baseball cap pulled low because even though he was in the exact opposite of where he should be, that didn’t stop some patrons eyes from lingering on him for a little too long. But no one bothered him. Maybe they could read it, read his energy, understood that he did not want to be bothered. And for that, he was thankful. He couldn’t pretend to be the person everyone expected him to be, even from people who may have expected nothing.

He brings the bottle up to his lips, letting the lukewarm amber liquid fall into his mouth, trickling down his throat. He doesn’t let it fall until the last drop does and he places the empty glass back with a resounding thud, pushing it so it clinks against the two other bottles abandoned on the table. He flags the bartender down, silently requesting another. He knows he shouldn’t but the fact that he shouldn’t is the very reason why he does. He’s making a choice that feels good for him, in this very moment. Damn the consequences.

A few moments and another clink echoes around him as the bartender drops off the next bottle and Sid hands him another bill, elegantly folded and held between his outstretched fingers, a token of discretion for both him and the worker, if they think of running their mouth about seeing him. The bartender plucks the money from him and moves back to their spot behind the bar-top and the seemingly pointless job of wiping down the counter in front of them.

Sid quickly peeks at his watch, checking the time. 11:52. Almost midnight. He resigns himself to this, his last drink, and he slowly sips from the bottle lips. The walk back to his apartment will give him time to sober up. The night is still warm and that way he doesn’t have to worry about hustling an Uber, another potential leak that might gab about a Crosby that seemingly sunk so low. He’s about to take the last swig and leave until the creak of the front door alerts him to someone else entering the bar.

He doesn’t really intend to look. But there is something, sone inexplicable force that calls him to. And that’s when he sees you.

You walk in, the breeze following you from outside, ruffling your hair and lightly fluttering the edge of the red plaid shirt adorning your body. Sidney watches as your eyes do a quick scan over the dimly lit bar and he subconsciously feels himself lift up, as if he wants to catch your attention, and feels himself quickly deflate when your eyes simply pass over him, as if he was just another patron.

He watches as you waltz to the bar, leaning forward and placing your elbows on the wood. He hears you mutter a few words to the bartender and he realizes that you’ve been here before. You are not a girl who got lost after a night out with your friends, who just wandered into the closest bar you could find. No, you were familiar with this place. It perplexed him. One look at you and Sid knew that you didn’t belong here.

But not in the same way as him.

Sidney Crosby in a bar like this the equivalent of a shiny new penny that catches your eye when you see it at the bottom of a dingy fountain and wonder how it even came to be there. But you…

He couldn’t quite describe it. There was something about you; your energy, the way you carried yourself. The way you waltzed up to the bar without hesitation, the way you sat down on one of the stools, defying all the stares that were shot in your direction, his included. It was as if you were a creature who willingly walked into the darkest part of the forest and yet showed no fear. As if you knew you didn’t belong here, but you didn’t care. Because it wasn’t that you needed to figure out how to exist in this place. It was this place that needed to learn how to handle you.

Sidney was captivated.

And yet, when you spin on the bar stool, an Old Fashioned in your hands, your eyes moving to once again graze over the patrons of the bar, Sidney finds himself looking away, his own eyes jumping back to memorize the ridges on the mouth of his beer bottle. He didn’t know what made him look away, what made him shrink down, especially when he was vying for your attention when you first walked in. But whatever the reason, he was content to stay that way until he knew you were gone.

The last thing he expected was the crackle of dried leather shifting underneath someone else’s weight, sitting down across from him. And your eyes staring back at him when he looked up.

“Never expected to run into a celebrity here,” you muse out loud, your eyes shamelessly looking him up and down. Sidney’s eyes tear away from you, ducking back down, his baseball cap pulled low and his cheeks tinging pink.

The laughter that escapes your lips is intoxicating and Sidney feels his cheeks warm even more when he realizes you are laughing at him.

“Don’t worry, superstar,” you say, your eyes moving to peruse the nearly empty bar once more. “I won’t tell anyone that you were here. I know the look of someone who wants to hide.”

You can feel Sidney’s eyes jump back up to you at your words and you willfully ignore the puzzling gaze that he shoots in your direction.

“You don’t look like someone who hides anything,” Sidney says, the words falling from his mouth before he can think them through and he feels his cheeks warm as you laugh again.

“Is that your go-to line? If so, it needs some work.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that… I mean, you – “Sidney stumbles over his words and you giggle again at his attempts to rectify his words.

“You know,” you say, gently interrupting him, “I expected you to be more articulate, y’know, being an NHL captain and all. But then again,” you continue when you see his jaw clench at your words, “you’re here. So maybe there’s more to you than what everyone thinks.”

Sidney’s mouth drops open, shocked at how easily you read him. How you saw him. Truly saw him. He watches as you turn back towards him and suppresses the shudder that want to run through him as your knees knock against his underneath the table.

“So, tell me superstar,” you say, the teasing lilt in your voice clear, “why are you here?”

“You’re really beautiful,” Sidney says, the words again being spoken before he thinks them over and your laughter falls over him in a gentle wave. He feels heat threatening to rise to his cheeks once more but he also feels his lips pull into a smile, a gentle chuckle rumbling through him as well.

“That was a much better pick-up line than before. Glad to see improvement.”

“And who says I was trying to pick you up?” Sidney replies and your eyebrow shoots up as you glance at him. He shoots you a gentle smile and you can tell that he is teasing you as much as you were teasing him. You smirk back at him, slightly shrugging your shoulders.

“Fair enough.” Sidney watches as you lift your glass to your lips, your eyes dancing away from him, moving to look over the bar once more. And as you do this, Sidney is struck with the thought that he would do anything to get your eyes on him again. And as if you can hear his thoughts, you look back to him.

“Let’s make a deal then,” you say, a bright glint in your eyes. “No more assumptions. At least, for the rest of the night. Deal?” You outstretch your hand to him and he can’t help but look at your hand, decked out in rings and chipped nail polish.

“Deal,” he says and he reaches out his own hand and gently clasps it in yours and you feel the callouses on his palms and fingers, built up after years and years. He gently shakes your hand and you are shocked at the feeling of disappointment that runs through you when his hand falls from yours.

“Well, now that we got that out of the way,” you start, breaking the silence that lay heavily between the two of you, “you still didn’t answer my original question. What are you doing here, superstar?”

“I’m not sure,” Sidney answers, shrugging his shoulders.

“Bullshit.”

“I thought we agreed no assumptions?” he shoots back and you have to smile at him.

“I don’t think that’s an assumption. There has to be some reason, something that brought you here. I mean, this isn’t really a place for anyone, let alone someone like you.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“Not happening, superstar. I’m not showing you mine until you show me yours.”

“Well, that seems a little like extortion,” Sidney laughs. You smirk and roll your eyes at him.

“That would be coercion, not extortion. I would have to demand money from you for it to be extortion. So, unless you’re willing to pay money to learn more of my life story, then you’ll just have to keep wondering.”

“Oh, so now you are extorting me.” You laugh, gently shaking your head and Sidney watches and wishes there was a way he could hear that laughter forever.

“I suppose I am,” you sigh, twiddling the rings on your fingers. You let the silence fall as you take another sip of your drink. “I’m here because I knew the owner.”

“Knew?”

“Yeah. Knew,” you reply and it’s the way you quietly say those words, the way that your eyes have unfocused and gone far away, that makes Sidney realize that was all there was to say. You sigh, blinking a couple of times before focusing back onto the man in front of you.

“Alright superstar. There’s my reason. Why are you here?”

“I wanted to be in a place where no one would recognize me,” he says and he slightly chuckles when he sees the smile appear on your face. “I guess I didn’t do very well.”

“No, you really didn’t. But I suppose there isn’t a lot of places where the great Sidney Crosby can hide.”

“You have no idea,” he sighs and you are struck with a profound sadness at how he says those words. The two of you sit there for a moment, simply existing in this place where neither of you belonged.

“Well,” you start, breaking the silence once more, “I suppose I’m not really helping you disappear. So, I guess I’ll see you around superstar.” You kick your legs out from underneath the table, scooting across the cracked leather, hand wrapped around your glass as you start to leave. But before you can lift yourself up from the booth, a strong calloused hand wraps around your wrist.

“Um,” is the first syllable out of Sidney’s mouth and you can’t fight the smile that pulls at your lips. “You don’t have to leave. I mean, it’s kind of nice talking to you. And besides,” he says, a crooked smirk appearing, “you haven’t successfully extorted me yet.”

“It’s not really extortion if you willingly agree to it, you know.”

“Then just call it a date,” Sidney replies and you are slightly taken aback at his casual words.

“What exactly are you offering me, superstar? Are you gonna pick me up in a nice tux and take me to a fancy romantic restaurant, with roses and wine and then drive me home and leave me with a polite kiss on the cheek?”

“I thought we agreed no assumptions?” he says but you can tell from light pink tinge on his cheeks that that was exactly what he was thinking.

“It wasn’t an assumption. It was a… prediction,” you shoot back, settling back down in the booth, your fingers dancing over the glass of your Old Fashioned. “But hey, if I’m wrong, tell me now.”

Sidney sits there in silent, his hand wrapping around his bottle as he takes another swig of beer. He couldn’t respond to your challenge because it was true. That was exactly what he was thinking of. And he hated that you could see right through him so easily. Or maybe he loved the way that within a few short moments of meeting him, you managed to laugh your way through all of his disguises, all of the people that he pretended to be. He wasn’t quite sure which feeling was the truth. All he knew for certain is that he wanted more.

“Well,” he clears his throat, his eyes jumping back to yours. “What were you thinking of?”

Your fingers continue to circle the rim of your glass as you think. Then, with what Sidney could only describe as one of the most wicked smiles that he had seen, you pluck the cherry garnish from your drink and Sidney can’t take his eyes off of you as you drop the entire fruit into your waiting mouth. He watches as you sit there for a moment, the red juice lingering on your lips and he would give anything to kiss the sour-sweet off. Your lips part and you pluck the cherry stem from in between your teeth, tossing it over the table. Sidney glances down and notices the perfect knot in the center. His eyes jump back up to you, that fucking grin still on your face.

“What do you say we just get out of here?”

~*~*~*~*~*~

The soft morning sunlight filtered through the windows, hitting Sidney’s eyes as he awoke. And when his eyelids finally fluttered open, the first sight he was met with was a cluttered nightstand. His gaze danced over the candles, plants, and rings that littered the wood. It was the complete opposite of his clean and sleek nightstand in his home. But then again, he wasn’t at his home.

Sidney glances down and sees you curled up in his arms, your back against his chest, you breaths falling softly.

Last night was… something. When you made your bold offer, there was a part of Sidney that wasn’t sure if he should agree. But there was something about you, something so unfathomable that Sidney couldn’t stop the pull of gravity directing him to you. And in that moment, he silenced the critical voice in his head and said yes.

It wasn’t supposed to mean anything. He was supposed to chalk it up as a little too much to drink, a lapse in judgement. But then you kissed him.

And Sidney realized that he never wanted to kiss any other lips but yours again.

Last night, he felt… alive. You kissed him without pretense, without presumption. Your lips danced across his skin, counting every scar, leaving no inch untouched. You breathed life into the hollows of his neck, the ridges of his ribs and he was caught in the thrill of someone who willingly brought him to his knees. You surprised him, kept him on his toes, and challenged him. He hadn’t felt that way in a long time.

But then again, he never met someone like you before.

A heavy sigh sounds from you and Sidney is startled out of his daydream, back to the present moment with you. You nestle deeper into the rumpled sheets, another sigh escaping you. Sidney’s arms impulsively tighten around you, pulling you closer, loving the way your skin felt against his. What he wouldn’t give to stay in this bed with you, forgetting about the world waiting for him outside.

But one glance at the vintage alarm clock perched on the nightstand told him that he couldn’t.

The great Sidney Crosby had things to do.

With a defeated breath, Sidney presses a small kiss into your hair before carefully untangling himself from your frame. He crawls out of your bed, picking up his clothes that were scattered around the room where they fell the night before. As he gets redressed, Sidney lets his eyes jump around the room, as he tried to discern your story from the pictures on your walls, the books on you shelves, the knick-knacks decorating every free space. He wasn’t prying; that would be considered rude. But he wanted to know more about the woman that he shared a bed with. Wanted to see if he could understand the energy you held over him.

He is leaned in close to a picture hung on the wall at the foot of your bed, his hand clasped behind him when he hears a small laugh echo around the room. He quickly spins around, a blush instantly rising to his cheeks. His eyes land on you, propped up on your elbows, the sheets clinging to your body.

“Are you spying on me superstar?” you ask and Sidney is relieved to hear the teasing lilt in your question. He can’t help but respond with a small smile of his own.

“Wasn’t my intention,” he replies, walking back towards you.

“Oh really? And what exactly was your intention?” you laugh as Sidney settles himself on the edge of your bed, the mattress slightly sinking underneath his weight.

“Maybe I was just trying to figure out a mystery.”

“What mystery is that?”

“You,” he says softly, his gentle eyes dancing over your face. You can’t help the smile that tugs at the corners of your lips.

You lift yourself up, sitting up completely and leaning in closer to him. Your chin comes to find a perch on his shoulder and you lean your cheek against him, sighing as you breathe in the lingering cologne from his t-shirt. The two of you stay like that for a moment, letting the rising sun paint your apartment golden.

“Keep wondering,” you whisper into the morning air and you can feel Sidney shift beneath you. You turn your head to look up at him, a smirk painted onto your face as you connect your eyes to his. The sunlight catches his irises, setting the hazel alight and you can’t help but stare. Your gaze jumps from his eyes to his lips and back again and you can see that his is doing the same.

Sidney is the one to break first, leaning into you to capture you in a gentle kiss. Your breath catches in your throat at how he kisses you, like he is worshipping you without words. Your hands find their way up into his hair, your fingers tangling into the peppered grey at his temples. Using your weight, you fall back down against the sheets, dragging Sidney down with you. He groans into the kiss, his arms caging you to the bed. But you didn’t mind.

He breaks the kiss, leaving you to chase after his lips as his body retreats. You can hear a small chuckle rumble from Sidney’s chest and you playfully glare up at him.

“I have to go,” he says, breaking the silence. You can feel a part of you ache as he lifts himself up off your bed. He moves towards your door, his hand wrapping around the door handle. But before he turns it, he looks back towards you as if he can feel your eyes still on him.

“Am I going to see you again?”

“Only if you want to,” you tease and your body warms as that crooked smile appears on Sidney’s face, his eyes ducking down at your gentle prodding.

“I do,” he says, biting his lip and glancing back up at you. “Could I get your number? Or do you want mine?”

“Don’t worry about it,” you laugh. You look over, seeing the confused look now on Sidney’s face. “I’m sure it’ll be easy to find you in this city.”

Sidney laughs, happily falling back into the verbal tennis match that made him so drawn to you. He turns back towards the door, opening it gently and stepping over the threshold.

“Well then, I guess I’ll see you around,” he says and the hopeful rise in his voice makes you smile.

“Catch you later, superstar.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Days had passed and Sidney still hadn’t heard from you. Or even seen you. Every time he walked down the Pittsburgh streets, he hoped that he’d run into you; maybe coming out of the bustling farmers market or even on the street outside of PPG Arena. He had even entertained the thought of going back to the bar where he met you in the hopes that he’d see you again. But he never did.

You said that you would find him but every single day that went by without even seeing a trace of you, Sidney’s hopes dimmed. And as the hours ticked by day after day, an insidious thought entered Sidney’s mind; maybe you did this on purpose.

Maybe this was how you operated, part of how you moved through life. Blew in out of nowhere, entered his world and turned it upside down, and then you were gone as quickly as you appeared.

Sidney didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to believe that he would never see you again. There was something about you; he felt it from the moment that you walked into the bar. Something that he wanted to continue to explore. You were fascinating and wild and free. And you made Sidney feel young again, even in that one night. You made him feel young, which was something that he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

Sidney had had eyes on him since he was a child. He was always taught how to behave, how to act, how to be that good guy, on the ice but especially off the ice because his image was so closely tied with his success. People can hate you as much as they want for how you play, but if their only complaint is your skills and not your character, there is nothing they can take away from you. It wasn’t that he hated it. He was thankful for everything that hockey brought him; family, friendship, and more prosperity than he knew what to do with. But part of him never felt like he got to be a kid.

He knew he could never go back and re-live that part of his life. But you made him feel youthful. And God, what he wouldn’t give to feel like that again.

These were the thoughts that were rattling around in his head as he walked down the Pittsburgh streets, the sun warming his back. He wasn’t sure of his destination or even if he had a destination. All he knew was that he needed the space, needed to take a moment to breathe. His head down, his eyes focused only on the path ahead of him, letting the cars speed past him. He doesn’t pay attention to anything around him and he doesn’t even notice the car that pulls up behind him.

“Hey there, stranger!” a voice calls out to him and he turns. And sees you.

You are sitting behind the wheel of a beautiful vintage convertible, sunglasses perched on the end of your nose, your eyes playfully looking over the edge at him, shooting him that dazzling smile. And he can’t help the smile that appears on his lips at the sight of you.

“Hey,” he says casually, turning back towards you and walking over to your car. He reaches the passenger door and leans over the side. “I thought you disappeared.”

“Oh, so you’ve been thinking about me?” you tease.

“Only every day,” Sidney coolly replies and you can’t help but laugh. And the way your laughter rings through the late noon has Sidney’s heart ringing with it.

“You know, your pick-up lines are improving every time we talk,” you say, your eyes focusing back on him.

“You’re a good influence on me, I suppose.”

“Ugh, there you go again Sidney Crosby,” you say, dramatically throwing your hand on your chest. “Know the way right to a girl’s heart!”

A warm chuckle rumbles through Sidney, his head slightly shaking at your antics. Your smile never leaves your face as you take him in; his warm skin, the bright sun lighting up his hair, his body calm and relaxed against your car.

“So,” Sidney starts, “what have you been up to?”

“Not much. Just looking for you,” you reply, shooting him that dazzling smile before kicking off your parking brake, shifting your car to drive. “Hop in.”

Sidney takes a step back, a little shocked by your sudden request. You shoot a glance back towards him and see his demeanor shift. The smooth and relaxed guy that was there a second ago had disappeared. In his place was the closed-off Sidney Crosby that people were used to. But you weren’t.

“Um” Sidney hesitates, his uncertainty the only thing he could speak.

“Come on, you know I’m not an axe murderer,” you laugh, trying to get the man you recognized back. Your words don’t seem to work as Sidney stays in his place. You sigh, shifting your car and placing the parking brake back on.

“What’s up?” you say, looking back to him.

“I’m just not sure this is the best idea,” Sidney states.

“Was it a good idea for you to get drunk in a seedy bar a week ago?” you shoot back at him. Sidney knows you have him with those words because it wasn’t. But that’s exactly where you found him.

“C’mon superstar,” you say, your voice softening but still holding that teasing energy that drew him to you in the first place. “Don’t think about what anyone else would think. Do what your heart tells you to do. And if that’s walking away right now, then I’ll respect that. But I have a feeling that’s not the case.”

Sidney looks back at you, leaning back in the driver’s seat, that smile on your lips. How you were able to see through him so easily, after spending a single night with him, he’ll never know. But he knew for certain that he didn’t want to lose it. He didn’t want to lose you and how he felt when he was with you. And before he could talk himself out of it, before he could let those voices in his head decide for him, he was tugging on the door handle and sliding himself onto the warm leather of the passengers seat.

Your only reply to his actions is a dazzling smirk shot in his direction before you are once again shifting the car to drive and pulling away from the curb onto the Pittsburgh streets.

Sidney looks out, watching as the buildings and other cars pass by. Sometimes, when the two of you are stopped at a traffic light, he thinks he notices some people on the sidewalks do a double take in his direction, recognizing him. He instinctively ducks or turns his head away, never wanting to draw attention to himself. But sometimes it doesn’t work.

A car speeds pass both of you, horn honking and you and Sidney look up as a few boys lean out of the window.

“Hell yeah Sidney!!!” their shouts echo as they drive away and Sidney gives them a polite wave. Your head turns towards him and the giggle that falls out of you is involuntary as you see his chagrined expression.

“That’s got to be annoying,” you say, turning your attention back towards the road.

“I don’t mind it. They all mean well,” Sidney replies, his somewhat practiced words falling from his lips.

“Bullshit.” Sidney’s eyes jump to you, your serious yet relaxed face turned towards the road. You can feel his eyes on you and without looking at him, you sigh and continue. “C’mon superstar. Part of you has to just want to live your life without all the eyes of Pittsburgh on you.”

Sidney doesn’t reply, instead turning his head back to look out onto the passing scenery. He didn’t want to admit it but you were right. There were moments in his life that he wondered what it would be like if he was not Pittsburgh Penguin Captain #87, the great Sidney Crosby, one of the best NHL players and he was simply… Sidney.

And there you were, once again reading him like the well-worn pages of your favorite book.

The silence weighs heavily between the two of you, a stark contrast to the spring breeze that rustled through the air. You shoot a quick glance in Sidney’s direction and find him still turned away from you. Deciding to swallow your pride, you speak again.

“Look, I’m sorry. That was a stupid presumption on my part,” you say. Out of the corner of your eyes, you can see Sidney’s face turn to look back at you. You can feel your heart stop beating in anticipation for his next words, worried that you might have ruined a perfectly good thing before it really started. It isn’t until you see that crooked smile tug on his lips that you relax.

“I thought we agreed no assumptions?” he says, echoing the words from the first night the two of you met. You laugh, the noise immediately lifting the fog from between the two of you.

“Yes. Yes, we did.” You continue to turn down the busy streets, letting yourself relax back into the moment. You glance up at the traffic signs and smirk. That smirk stays on your lips as you turn to connect your eyes with Sidney.

“Do you want to get out of this town?”

Sidney sees that bright mischievous energy sparkling in your eyes, the same look that pulled him to you that very first night and without thinking, he nods yes. Your grin widens as you turn onto the highway leading the two of you out of the heart of Pittsburgh.

The scenery passes by the two of you as you zip down the interstate, the wind ruffling your hair. You glance back at Sidney and smile as you see him relaxed against the passenger seat, his energy seemingly calmer the further the two of you are from the city. You look back to the road as you breathe in the fresh air, the smile never leaving your face.

You don’t realize that Sidney has turned his eyes back to you and is watching you in the same way.

This was the feeling that he loved. This was the feeling that he felt when he was with you. Part of him felt like he was running away; running from his problems and his worries. However, he knew that if he ever did decide to run away from his troubles, that also meant running away from the things that meant the most; friends, his career, his success. But right now, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Because deep down he knew he would run from anything if it meant running with you.

You reach and turn on the radio, scanning until you land on a random station playing some old classic rock and you lean back, letting the music dance through the light breeze. Your lips start to move, quietly mouthing along to the lyrics as the world races by. Over the noise of the breeze, traffic, and music, it takes you a minute to hear a different voice accompanying the radio. You peek over and see Sidney singing along to the music, his hands tapping a rhythm onto the passenger side door. With a smile, you reach and turn up the music, looking back at Sidney with a grin.

“Oh, the movie never ends, it goes on and on and on and on,” you sing, your grin never leaving you as your eyes goad Sidney on. Sidney reads your challenge and continues singing, his volume increasing.

“Strangers waitin’ up and down the boulevard their shadows searchin’ in the night.”

“Streetlights, people. Livin’ just to find emotion.”

“Hidin’ somewhere in the night!” Sidney leans his head back, hitting that high note and you can’t help but laugh. He looks back to you, the smile dancing across his lips as he watches you; head throw back, your child-like laughter cascading through the air. And that feeling hit him again; that feeling of youth and freedom. Sidney didn’t have to pretend to be anyone with you. He could simply be.

The two of you continue down the road, signing and laughing as the world passes you both by. After what seems like hours, you turn off the highway, taking an exit that Sidney didn’t recognize.

“Where are we going?” he questions, looking back as the crowded turnpike disappears behind him.

“I have no idea,” you reply and laugh when you see the confused look Sidney shot in your direction. “What? Has the big city superstar never just taken a drive before?”

Sidney doesn’t have a response so he remains silent and lets you move along the small desolate roads. But throughout the drive, he constantly looks back at you, watching as you confidently turn down side streets, as if you had followed this path a hundred times. And deep down, he knew that you had been lying about not knowing where you were. Another part of the mystery of you.

You drive onto a dirt road, passing a worn wooden sign that Sidney can barely read and follow the path up a small hill until you park at the edge a lookout. Sidney watches as you hop out of the car and walk to the front of the car, leaning your body back against the hood. It takes a few seconds until Sidney is following your actions and finding his place in the empty space next to you. He looks out onto the scenery and it taken aback.

You brought him to a lake, the trees crowding the edges, the water gently sloshing against the shore. The sun shined down on the scene, making the water sparkle below the two of you. His eyes couldn’t stay still as he took in everything around him: the sugar-spun clouds, the towering oak trees, the groups of dandelions that line the edge of the hill. He stays silent as he sits next to you, letting the only noise be the rustling of the leaves around him and the quiet birdsong.

It’s a few moments before he looks back at you and feels his heart leap. You are staring out over the scenery, the wind ruffling the edges of your shirt, the pale blue sky reflected in your eyes. There is nothing special about how you looked and he loved that. You weren’t performing for him or for anyone. You simply existed.

You lifted yourself up off the car and wandered to the edge and Sidney watched, the sunlight tracing your frame. Crouching down, you plucked some of the dandelions from the grass, lifting them up and letting the bright yellow flowers wiggle in your grasp.

“Do you like dandelions?” you question, your eyes never departing from the task at hand.

“I never thought about it,” Sidney answers truthfully.

“I think they’re lovely,” you softly say, your fingertips tracing the golden petals.

“But they’re just weeds, right?”

A breathy laugh falls from your lips as you straighten, the flowers still held in your grasp. You wander over to Sidney, slotting yourself between his parted thighs. Sidney can feel his breath catch in his throat as you lean towards him, pulling a dandelion from your small bouquet.

“And who says weeds aren’t lovely?” you whisper to him, gently placing the flower behind his ear and he can’t suppress the shiver that runs through him at the feeling of the petals against his skin and your fingers tracing down the back of his neck.

“So beautiful and so stubbornly alive.”

Your gentle words are enough for Sidney and he leans in, capturing your lips in a tender kiss. You sigh against his lips, your arms absentmindedly wrapping around his shoulders as his hands find their place on your hips, pulling you closer. The kiss deepens and before you can blink, Sidney is pulling you down, his back resting against the warm metal of the hood. The two of you finally break away, you departing breathless above Sidney, your body draped over his. Sidney looks up at you, his hazel eyes warm as he lifts his hand, coming to cradle your cheek, his thumb gently tracing over your skin.

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” he murmurs.

You swear you can feel your heart stop beating as his confession lingers in the late May air. You feel Sidney underneath you, his breathing strong and steady as he waits for your response, his hand never leaving your face. And before you can fight it, the thoughts from your past that haunt you force your feelings back behind your walls, pushing a laugh from your lips instead.

“So rational, Sidney. Falling for a woman you just met,” you say, your voice light and dismissive. You can see the gleam behind Sidney’s eyes dim, his eyebrows furrowing at the shift in your energy. You lift yourself up, pushing your body away from him and off the car. You return to your spot, sitting next to him on the edge of the hood, your eyes returning to overlook the scenery in front of you.

“You barely even know me.”

You can feel Sidney’s eyes on you but your don’t turn around. He reaches his arm out to you and you suppress the shiver that wants to run down your spine as his fingers graze over your hips.

“I want to.”

Those gentle words are what causes you to finally turn back to him, your eyes connecting to his. The look on his face is so truthful, so earnest. A small smile appears on your lips and Sidney lets out a breath of relief that he didn’t know he was holding at your actions.

“Is that your best pick-up line?” you quip.

“As long as it works,” Sidney teases back, wanting to keep the light-hearted energy between you two. You laugh that brilliant beautiful laugh that captured him that first night and lift yourself up off the car. You extend your hand out to him which he gladly takes, lifting himself up before moving closer to you, his arms wrapping around your waist once more.

This time it is you who makes the first move, lifting yourself up to connect your lips to his. The two of you stand there, entangled in each other’s arms, the sunlight warming your bodies. And both of you feel instantly lighter when you finally break away.

“Come on, superstar,” you say, peeling away from him. “Let’s get you home.”

The two of you hop back in the car, retracing your path back into the bright lights of the now dark Pittsburgh streets. And when you pull your car up outside Sidney’s house in his affluent neighborhood, it takes everything in you not to follow him inside.

But that doesn’t disappoint him too much. Sidney still has a smile on his face as he opens the front door and turns to watch your car disappear around the corner. Because in his pocket is a dandelion along with an old receipt, with your phone number hastily scrawled on the back.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The months that you and Sidney shared passed in a blur. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t rushed. It was just how it felt; a swift stumble into a romance that felt as soft as summer and as gentle as the setting sun.

It felt beautiful. Like something out of a movie. It was a romance filled with honey and lemons; bright and sweet and wild. Sidney was in awe of you; how you moved through the world, how fearless and unapologetic you were. He had never met anyone like you.

He had been everywhere, all over the country, all over the world. He had played in front of thousands of people, each one of them cheering his name. And he would trade all of it, every experience, if could listen to your soft voice, whispering secrets in the golden-filled hours under white covers, eyelids heavy and the scent of magnolias drifting through the open windows.

There were moments when Sidney didn’t think you were real. That you were something out one of his wildest daydreams. But he didn’t mind how crazy it was. Because every moment he spent with you, he became more and more sure that you were made for him.

These were the thoughts where dancing through his head as he watched you move throughout his apartment, your body lightly moving to the tune you were humming underneath your breath. He was sitting on the couch, just watching you, his t-shirt hanging from your frame, the early afternoon sun dancing on your skin. You turn, a smile on your lips that Sidney shares. That bright laugh falls from your lips as you waltz over him, your body coming to a stop between his outstretched thighs. You hand reaches out, gently running through his hair, following a path down to his cheek, your hand twisting to graze his skin, bouncing from each freckle. You giggled as his lips kissed your fingertips every time they got too close to his lips.

You smile, turning away from him and starting to exit the living room. But you stop in your tracks when you hear Sidney’s voice.

“I love you.”

The world seems to stop when you hear those words fall from his lips. He said it before, that day in May overlooking the lake. But it was a question back then, a hesitation. I think I’m falling in love with you, he said that day. And that one word, that uncertainty, was enough for you not to panic when he said it. But now…

You turn around to see Sidney sitting there on the couch, like it was just another day, as if he didn’t just say what he did. And on his face was the most certainty that you had ever seen. He was sure and certain of his words and there he was, sitting there and he was still looking at you in that way, that way that made your heart soar and made your heart sink. Because when he looked at you like that, you could almost believe him.

The laugh that echoes in the room isn’t quite purposeful, a quick reaction, not one that you had entirely thought out but a reaction none-the-less. You can see Sidney’s eyebrows furrow, and as much as you try to suppress it, you can’t stop the hurt that rushes through you at the look of shock that crosses his face.

“That’s sweet superstar. Do you tell that to every wide-eyed girl you know?” you quip in an attempt to erase his last words, as if you could rewind and start again. The confused look remained on Sidney’s face.

“What are you saying?” he asked, his bewildered tone clear.

“What are you saying, Sidney? You love me?”

“Yes,” he replies without hesitation. “Yes, I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“What do you mean ‘I don’t’?” Sidney questions as he lifts himself off the couch cushions, taking a small step towards you. You let out a light-hearted sigh, turning away from him before his voice stops you again.

“Please, look at me.” You turn back towards him, looking him in the eye.

“You don’t love me, Sidney. You just don’t.”

“What does that mean?” You scoff, words failing you at the moment and Sid takes that opportunity to continue. “No, tell me why you don’t think I love you. What have we been doing for the past few months? Just having fun?”

“Yes,” you snap, “yes, Sidney that’s exactly what we’ve been doing. That’s what this is; just you looking for a distraction and me being the one to give you that.”

“Is that how you see us? Is that how you see me? That I’m just someone using you for… my own gain? How could you think that?”

“Because that’s what you’re doing Sidney,” you say, the venom in your voice clear. “Maybe you don’t realize it but that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying. I don’t understand why you would think that. When I met you that night in that bar, there was something. Something pulled me to you, I don’t know what it was, but there was something, you can’t deny that. And you found me. I don’t care if that sounds stupid or cliché but you found me at the right time and… and you saved me. I was drowning and you saved me.”

You scoff again, as he says those words, those fucking words. Sidney can’t seem to understand your reaction so he continues.

“You did. I felt like shit, I was angry and spiteful and tired. God, I was so fucking tired. And then you came along and you changed that. With everything you do; the way you laugh, your smile, your attitude, your sass. It was refreshing and freeing. You made me feel young and in love and I never felt like that before. And I do love you because of it.”

“My God, Sidney,” you yell, the damn finally breaking. “Do you even hear yourself? This, that, it’s exactly what I’m talking about.” You start to pace around the room, the pure energy radiating off you in waves. “I’m not here to complete you or make you feel young or save you. That’s not my fucking job.”

You can see Sidney start to open his mouth and you know he’s about to back-track, to say that he ‘didn’t mean it’ that way. And you cut him off before he can say a single syllable.

“And that’s what I mean when I say that you are using me. Because of that. I’m this girl who showed up at the right time and everything about me is fun and unique and wild and carefree. And that’s what you want to see. That’s who you want me to be to fit in that pretty little narrative you created in your head. You don’t love me, Sidney. You love that woman, that idealized version that you made. And that’s not me.”

You sigh, your energy spent as you collapse onto the armchair in the corner, your eyes downcast.

“You look at me Sidney. But you don’t see me.”

You can hear Sidney shift and you can feel him move closer to you but you don’t lift your head. You can see his shoes standing in front of you but it isn’t until he kneels down, his warm palms coming to rest on your thighs, that you see his face.

“I do see you. I promise I do. There’s so many things about you that I love that – “

“Name one,” you interrupt, locking eyes with him. Sidney flinches when he sees the distance in your eyes. “Name one thing you love about me that doesn’t benefit you.”

Your challenge hangs heavy in the air and you can see Sidney open his mouth, leave it gaping for a moment, and then close it once more. A humorless laugh falls from your lips.

“That’s what I thought,” you sigh. “I’ve been there before. I’ve been with people like that before. And I know you think you love me. But you don’t. And as soon as I show any vulnerability, anything that you can’t slap a pretty little filter over, anything that doesn’t fit into your daydream, you’ll wake up… and then you’ll leave. You’re going to tell me that you won’t, that you’re not like all the rest but…”

Your words trail off. And it takes you a minute to realize why.

It’s because you want him to be different. You want him to love you, to be with you. You want him to stay. But your heart was battered, beaten. It was a scared animal backed into a corner, timid and mistrustful. You had seen this movie a hundred times before. And the ending was always the same.

“I can’t go through that again. I can’t,” you finish, pushing his hands off of you as you lift yourself off the sofa. You grab your keys, walking to his front door, placing your hand on the handle, ready to walk out of Sidney’s life. But before you do, you pause. You look back at him, still kneeling on the ground, his hazel eyes staring back at you.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize, what exactly for, you’re not sure. But those are the words you leave him with as you open the door and disappear.

Sidney stays there, watching as the door closes, the resounding click of the latch falling into place echoing through his apartment and only one thought similarly reverberating through his mind:

Where did he go wrong?

He thought you felt the same. No, he was certain that you felt the same way about him. Sidney was and could be many things but reckless with his emotions was never one of them. His head spun with the moments that the two of you had shared throughout the months.

At first, he couldn’t think of any instance that he could confidently say that was the sign, the indication that you didn’t feel the same. But as he continued to think, as he pushed away that love-struck haze that covered those memories, he realized that there had been some moments; moments where you pulled away from him. You hid it well, with your laughter and jokes concealing a deeper meaning, a hurt that he never bothered to investigate more of.

Perhaps you were right. Perhaps he got too caught up in how you made him feel that he didn’t put in the effort to uncover who you were.

But the more he thought about it, he realized that he didn’t just sweep those moments under the rug, didn’t ignore them. He pushed as much as he thought he could, never wanting to overstep the boundaries that you set. Sometimes he felt as if he got close but every time he felt that way, a wall he didn’t even notice was built up between the two of you. It wasn’t easy. But Sidney knew that he would wait forever for you to tell him those stories that you kept under lock and key.

Yes, there were moments where things weren’t perfect, where he made mistakes, where the two of you didn’t communicate. But part of him knew that those beautiful moments, where he did truly see you were enough to chase after you. Because there was no way the two of you could share that and have none of it be real.

The speed that Sidney grabs his coat and car keys is hectic to say the least but he knows that he can’t hesitate. He knows there is a very real possibility that you would be lost to him forever, gone as fast as a midnight cigarette. He jumps into his car, pulling out and making his way down the winding Pittsburgh streets to your apartment building. He’s about to scramble out of his car and hit the buzzer of your apartment until you respond. That is, until he takes a quick look around and doesn’t see your car parked anywhere in the small lot.

A frustrated sigh escapes his chest as he takes out his phone, dialing your number but only getting your voicemail. His body slumps against the drivers seat, a wave of defeat washing over him, a feeling that he didn’t want to accept. He closes his eyes as his brain desperately flips through his memories, trying to find something that could tell him where you might be.

Suddenly, a crystal-clear image pops into his mind; your sunglasses perched on your nose, the wind whipping around your convertible, that wicked smile dancing on your lips, you voice light;

“Do you want to get out of this town?”

His eyes fly open as he kicks his car into reverse, pulling out of the parking lot and back onto the streets. After a few minutes, Sidney finds himself on the highway leaving downtown and bringing him closer to rural Pennsylvania and hopefully, closer to you.

As he drives, he can see the sun follow his path, moving lower and lower in the sky and he is worried that he will make a wrong turn somewhere, delaying him and potentially causing him to miss you and his opportunity. He didn’t have the exact map in his mind. You had only brought him there once, that day in May and he wasn’t memorizing the specific route. All he had to go on was the bare bones of his memory and the landscape and signs around him.

But it seemed the universe was on his side. He recognized enough small landmarks that told him he was headed the right way and it wasn’t long until he found himself pulling up to that old wooden sign.

He turns onto the dirt road, following the path up that small hill, that outlook where you took him those months ago. There is still as part of him worried that that he would make it to the top and it would be empty. That you would be gone completely from his life and he would never be able to find you again. But then he turns that final corner.

And there is your vintage convertible, parked on the top of the hill.

And there you are, sitting on the hood, looking out at the sunset.

Sidney parks his car behind yours, letting the engine die and plunging the lakeside back into the almost silence of nature; the wind in the trees being the only sound.

Hopping out of the car, Sidney moves towards you, partially expecting you to turn back or acknowledge him in any way. He knows that you must have heard him, must have heard the car door and his feet crunching the gravel beneath him. But you don’t react; your eyes stay locked on the horizon. Even when Sidney reaches you, sitting down on the hood next to you. The two of you let the silence hang heavy between you until Sidney finally speaks.

“You hate the ends of garlic bread,” he says, his voice soft. Your head whips towards him, his words not the ones that you were expecting. He isn’t looking at you. Instead, he stares into the same sunset that you were. There is a brief moment of silence until he speaks again.

“You hum any song when you’re cooking or doing chores. You will use anything as a bookmark. You always catch the spiders your apartment and release them instead of killing them. You put nutmeg in your coffee. You always point out cows when you drive. You laugh when you get nervous. You move around in your apartment just to make sure you’re always sitting in sunlight. You grow rosemary in your kitchen window. You always reach out and talk to people, even if they never respond.”

He continues to list these things about you. And it’s not just the beautiful things. It’s the ugly, scared, vulnerable things about you too. And he’s describing these moments, these little things that he doesn’t even know the meaning behind. But he notices them nevertheless. And finally, finally, he turns to look into your eyes. And your heart stops at the look of pure love reflecting in his eyes.

“You were right. I did love the idea of you. I loved the way you made me feel; young and free. And I should’ve known. I should’ve known not to do that. Because that’s all everyone has ever done with me.” He lets his confession hang in the air and you let his words sink in for a moment before he continues.

“Almost all my life, people pushed their ideas about who I should be onto me. And I got so used to it, that I started believing that’s who I was. I made these masks that I could wear and change in order to always be the exact person that people expected. And then you came along. You didn’t expect me to be anyone but myself. You saw through all those disguises, all of those feeble facades that I wore and you loved me for exactly who I was. And,” he pauses, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, as if to gather himself one final time, “I don’t want to go back to pretending to be someone else for whoever comes next. Because I don’t want there to be anyone else. I only want you. The beautiful part and the ugly parts. Because that’s who I love. You.”

Sidney finishes his speech and lets the silence fall, lets his words drift away into the late summer breeze. The two of you simply look at each other for a moment, until you break the connection, turning to look back at the sunset.

“I can’t be the one to make sure you stay that way, Sidney,” you say, reiterating that fear that kept him at arms-length throughout those months that the two of you shared.

“You were never the one that made me become myself. You gave me permission to make that choice in a moment when I thought I didn’t have that option anymore.”

It’s another moment of stillness, another moment of the two of you simply existing in the same space. Until you finally move, your hand reaching over the hood of your car towards Sidney. There’s a second, a second of hesitancy where you’re left with your hand resting, empty in the space between the two of you.

Until finally, Sidney’s hand extends to yours. And when your hands meet, your fingers intertwining, you can feel the warmth of his love surge through you. And along with it, the certainty that you were safe to fall.

Because he would always be there to catch you.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Two Years Later

You lean against the granite island, looking around the empty room in front of you, the hardwood floors reflecting the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the windows.

It felt like any other empty house right now. Nothing special. But it wasn’t.

Because it was yours. And Sidney’s.

As if he could hear your thoughts, Sidney appears in the doorway, the last of the cardboard boxes under his arms. You can’t help but stare at his muscles flexing under the weight, smiling as the sun shines off the gray hairs on his temples as he places the boxes in the ever-growing pile in the center of your barren living room. He looks up at you, that crooked smile tugging at his lips. You return the smile before focusing back at your task; cutting up apples.

It was something you did, every single time you moved into a new place; baked an apple pie. That was the reason you and Sidney stopped at the grocery store before you arrived. It’s the reason Sidney made sure to bring in the boxes labelled ‘kitchen’ before any others. It’s the reason you had half unpacked boxes scattered around you. It’s the reason the planter filled with rosemary was already in its home underneath the kitchen window.

It was a ritual, the idea of baking made the house feel more like a home, not just a place you were inhabiting for a couple of weeks or months or years. The scent of that homemade dessert drifting through the empty rooms made it feel permanent.

And you hoped that it was permanent this time.

When Sidney asked you to move in with him, you expected to transfer your items from your place to his. But he wanted a house, somewhere he could set down roots and build a home. And he wanted you to be a part of that future.

The two of you hadn’t said it yet, but you both knew. This was it for you. It was you and Sidney.

You caught up in your thoughts and the task in front of you that you didn’t notice Sidney move until you felt his strong arms wrap around your waist, his chin coming to rest on your shoulder. You felt his chest move with his gentle breathing as he watched you work for a few moments.

“Anything I can help you with?”

“Can you check on the rosemary syrup? It’s on the stove right now.” He hums a small affirmative, pressing a quick kiss into your temple before untangling himself from you. You can hear the wooden spoon gently scraping on the bottom of the pan and hear the click of the burner turning off. Sidney appears again, the pot in his hands.

“It’s ready,” he says and you finish cutting the final slices of apples before placing them in the bowl with the rest. Sidney pours the syrup over the slices while you add the remaining spices before you are stirring the ingredients together and scraping them into the waiting pie crust. Sidney helps you stretch the remaining dough over the pie, sealing the edges with you and you smile whenever your elbows bump against each other. And as Sidney picks up the dishes and places them in the sink to be washed later, you slide the pie into the oven and close the door. You take a step back, a content sigh falling from your lips.

You once again feel Sidney behind you before you feel him, his hands coming to caress your arms. You spin in your bare feet to face him, that beautiful soft smile painting his features. Your arms fine their place on his shoulders, your fingers tangling into the hair on the nape of his neck as his hands rest on your hips. You weren’t sure who moved first, but at the same time it didn’t matter. Because when your lips met, you felt the certainty of his love thrumming through you.

This was the beginning of something beautiful. You were sure of it. It felt bright and hopeful and sacred. And when the two of you break apart, his forehead rest against yours, your breaths mingling in the warm summer light, your eyes closed and a gentle smile lingering on your lips.

“Welcome home, baby,” he whispers to you and you let the small laugh rumble through you.

“I’m already home,” you reply, your voice soft and sure.

“I am always home when I’m with you.”

#winter fic exchange 2k22 #nicole writes #sidney crosby fic #sidney crosby imagine #sidney crosby angst #pittsburgh penguins fic #pittsburgh penguins imagine #nhl fic #nhl imagine #hockey fic #hockey imagine

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miracleonice87 · 3 years ago

Text

I Should Probably Go To Bed

with Sidney Crosby (feat. Nathan Mackinnon)

a/n: based on the song by Dan + Shay. phew. this was a tough one for me to write but also a cathartic experience. this one is for @pucksalotguys for @antoineroussel's winter fic exchange. I appreciate both of their, and everyone else's, patience as I missed the deadline because of being sick as a dog. I hope you enjoy, my friend! (this gif is a lot smilier than the story itself but I just freaking love it.)

warnings: swearing, alcohol, mention of breakups / angsty themes, mention of driving after consuming alcohol (don't drink and drive, kiddos)

word count: 3.4k

_____

You were doing this for Nate.

That was what you kept reminding yourself as you drove to the most popular, most routinely-crowded watering hole in your hometown on the night before Christmas Eve — one of the busiest nights of the year for the bar scene in the usually sleepy Cole Harbour.

“It’ll be good for you,” Nate had said when he called a few hours ago. “It’ll be fun,” he continued. “Besides, even if it’s not, this is about me. I’m only home for three days and I want my best friend to come out with me.”

You’d had to chuckle at that last attempt, which you knew he was only half kidding about.

Only your best friend since preschool could convince you to ditch your pajamas and leave your parents’ cozy living room in favor of meeting him out for drinks on one of his only visits home during the course of his hockey season. Only he could lure you out into the snowy night to be surrounded by former high school mean-girls-turned-multi-level-marketers and guys who would never have given you the time of day as a sixteen-year-old but were now paying attention to you at twenty-six, sans glasses and braces and braided pigtails. Yes, certainly only Nathan Mackinnon could persuade you to join him out on the town when you knew that your greatest love and your most devastating heartbreak could feasibly walk through the doors of the same establishment as you at any moment.

Because not just one of Cole Harbour’s own fabled hockey superstars had played a role in your life – Nathan, the first, as your lifelong best friend.

But the other, the elder… Sidney Crosby had fallen in love with you the first time he met you when you were eighteen years old, and since that meeting, neither you nor Sid had spent one single day without thinking of the other.

Though, these days when you thought of him, it was with an ache in your soul instead of a flutter in your pulse.

Because it, quite simply, hadn’t worked out. And neither of you was necessarily to blame. You were together for years, with you relocating to Pittsburgh after college and happily, if dutifully, playing the role of the girlfriend of the captain. But after two years of that, as much as you adored Sid and couldn’t picture your life without him, you couldn’t help but feel as if there was more life to be lived for you. And Sid just wasn’t ready to put hockey on the back burner in order to fully commit to you, to become your husband, to potentially become a father. While you understood his position and would never ask him to give up his dream… you had never known such devastation.

And so, suddenly you found yourself giving your boss permission to put your name in the running for a promotion – one which would require you to relocate to your design firm’s Toronto office and leave Pittsburgh behind. And the next thing you knew, you were doing exactly that – packing your bags and leaving your keys on the kitchen counter and watching Sidney’s eyes flicker in terror and regret as you said, “I love you more than anything, but I just can’t wait for you forever.”

Sid had been heartbroken. Nate, shocked. Your parents, flabbergasted. Your friends, stunned.

It had been over a year now. A year of trying to convince yourself that you were better off without him. That you’d be happier without him… eventually. Even if, right now, it still hurt to breathe.

Besides that, you had now successfully avoided Sidney for an entire year, an impressive feat considering your parents lived just three streets apart, and that you both traveled home to visit your families whenever you could. Though it guilted you to admit it, you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t been attempting to plan your trips during times of the year when you assumed he wouldn’t be nearby, because you unfortunately still remembered his yearly schedule like the back of your hand. Christmas, though, was one of the times when the chance that you could cross his path was much higher.

But, you tried to convince yourself, it was unlikely that Sid would show tonight. You assumed he was in town, too, of course, but like Nate, his time with his family in-season was so limited, you doubted he would leave their presence.

On top of that, anyone who knew Sid, especially you, knew that bars weren’t completely his scene – specifically not when they were overflowing with the holiday masses, making it difficult for him to monitor whose eyes may or may not be focused on him and whom he may or may not be speaking to and how much he may or may not be drinking. He had always been more than guarded when it came to his public behavior – he knew that, for better or worse, like it or not, he was an example to the next generations of young hockey players, and, even more unfairly, subject to intense scrutiny and often impossibly high standards. But no one could ever hold him to a standard as high as he held himself.

So, you talked yourself into it. You texted Nate an “I’ll meet you there” after you’d hung up the phone and thought it over for a while. He responded simply with the “🙌” emoji.

And now, here you were… doing this for Nate. After being greeted warmly by one of the giant bear hugs Nathan Mackinnon was famous for, you found yourself sitting on a barstool next to the most (or maybe second-most… sorry, Nate) popular and sought-out part-time citizen of Cole Harbour. As fans and acquaintances floated to and away from Nate, your eyes drifted across the crowd of strangers and lovers whose innocent displays of affection made your stomach turn because not so long ago, it was you and Sid in the middle of a busy bar, his hand pressed protectively to your back, his lips near your ear as he told you a joke through an ornery smile, making you giggle and smooth a hand over his chest as you beamed at him. The memories were so tangible it was as if you could reach out and touch him in your mind.

But he wasn’t here, and for that, you were both glad, and sorry. You attempted to settle yourself with a deep inhale before turning to Nate, who had just scooted a pint glass your way. You thanked him and took a sip of the lager – a local brew which you had tasted on Sid’s lips many times, those memories as real to you as the flavor on your tongue. You forced the thought from your mind and instead focused your attention on Nate, who was now slyly sliding his phone into his pocket, the tight smile he offered you causing you to narrow your eyes at him.

“So, um,” Nate began gingerly, clearing his throat as he swiped a fingertip at the condensation forming on his glass. “Sid’s on his way.”

Despite the name having rolled around in your head endlessly for as long as you could remember, Nate speaking it in this moment, when you had tried your damndest to talk yourself out of the possibility of seeing him, had set off every alarm in your brain, every ounce of your fight-or-flight response, your every nerve ending.

“You motherfucker,” you mumbled halfheartedly, taking a gulping swig of your beer.

“No, listen, I didn’t invite him,” Nate said, holding up a hand in innocence – scout’s honor. “I knew better. Plus, he never comes out anymore. But Mike told him everybody was here so he just texted me to tell me he was coming.”

You nodded slowly. You believed Nate – in twenty-two years of friendship, he’d never given you one single reason not to. But that didn’t stop the normally manageable weight that laid constant on your chest to suddenly become so heavy it threatened to crush your lungs beneath it. Your breathing became shallow, uneven. You knew what you had to do.

You hopped off your barstool, surprising Nate as he turned to you mid-sip.

“No, no, don’t leave!” he pleaded, grabbing ahold of your hand where it held fast to the bar, the other already flagging down the bartender to pay your check. Nathan sighed. “Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.”

You shook your head. “No, really, you should have,” you said with a chuckle devoid of any humor. “I really, I… I should quit while I’m ahead. I was feeling okay before this and I… I just can’t be here when he’s here, you know?”

Nate sighed again, reluctantly withdrawing his hand as he allowed you to gather your coat and bag, then lay down cash to cover your tab and tip. Nate silently refolded the bills you’d just produced and tucked them back into your bag, which you barely registered as you threw your scarf around your neck and buttoned your coat.

You glanced at his hand, rolled your eyes, then leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek, ignoring the doleful gaze he had fixed upon you.

“Love you, Mack,” you said. “Thanks for the drinks. I’ll talk to you.”

“Love you,” he muttered, squeezing your hip protectively. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Please text me when you get home safe.”

You nodded. “Promise,” you said quietly, the wheels in your mind spinning faster than your feet could carry you out of the bar. “Bye.” And with that, you turned away from him and, hopefully, toward your escape route.

The chill in the air assaulted your cheeks as soon as you stepped back through the doors, and you inhaled deeply, trying to regain that semblance of confidence, of comfort, of “I’m over him” that had taken so long to find. You’d built it up enough to sustain you for the night, until Nate had uttered Sid’s name, and the moment you heard it, it was as if your bubble had burst. Pop. All your efforts from the past year-plus went swirling down the drain.

And all it would take was seeing Sidney’s face and you’d forget why you’d been trying so hard to get over him in the first place.

You hurried to your car and pulled out of the parking lot with no hesitation, the relief of not having run into Sid on your way out mixed with a distinct feeling of dissatisfaction at the same fact. At the first red light you hit, a groan left your lips at the thought, and you rested your forehead against the steering wheel for a moment. But the second you closed your eyes, it was Sidney’s image you saw in your mind’s eye, which sent your head snapping up and shaking off the image. Or, at least, attempting to.

Mindlessly, you drove the familiar route through the quiet downtown streets, back toward the residential area of town where your parents had lived in the same house since their first year of marriage, where your bedroom had seen you play with Barbies, read Seventeen magazine issues cover-to-cover, listen to Taylor Swift CDs on repeat, move to and from college dorms, sneak Nate in through the window to watch Jersey Shore after your parents had gone to bed, cuddle and laugh with Sid in the happiest days or your relationship, and, most recently and most painfully, cry over losing him.

You sighed deeply as you pulled up your driveway. You couldn’t wait to get out of these stupid clothes, take off your makeup, crawl into bed and ignore your phone for the next… oh… twenty-four hours? Or ten years, maybe.

You just needed to go to bed.

You dragged yourself out of the car and trudged up the drive, careful of the freshly fallen snow that had covered the same places your dad had just shoveled mere hours before. As you pressed the fob to lock your Jeep and turned back to be sure the lights signaled a locked car, you spotted a silver Range Rover slowly following the path your tires had just laid through the snow on your street. Your breath hitched, and tears immediately sprung to your eyes.

Turns out, you hadn’t been able to escape that other hockey star after all.

You could’ve run inside. You could’ve shut and locked the door behind you and completely avoided his unexpected presence. You could’ve… maybe even should’ve… just gone upstairs and gone to bed as you’d just been longing to do.

But once you’d laid eyes on him in the driver’s seat, looking as devastatingly handsome as he ever had, if not a little tired and a lot sad… you simply couldn’t. Your feet stayed frozen in place, and not for the ice and snow beneath them. You were under Sid’s spell, just as you’d known you’d be if you were to ever see him again, face-to-face. Here he was in your parents’ driveway, cutting his engine and exiting his car, his eyes never leaving you, and you were right back to where you’d been more than a year ago.

And all that your brain could get your mouth to speak was a half-assed accusation.

“Do not tell me Mackinnon called you,” you said dryly.

Sid rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly, taking tiny steps closer to you before halting a good ten feet away. “No, actually, I uh… I was running late – procrastinating leaving my house, if I’m being honest – and I got in the car to head to the bar but… before I even knew where I was going, I was pulling down your street.”

You crossed your arms, trying to shield yourself less from the frigid air and more from that unsettlingly, brazenly honest confession that had just left his lips.

“Oh,” you said softly, slowly rocking back and forth from the heel to the toe of your boots. You had little else to offer in the way of words.

“How are you?” Sid asked earnestly.

You tipped your head back, sighing and sending your breath up into a cloud of white that evaporated into the night.

“Why are you here, Sid?” you asked, shrugging dramatically before your hands slapped to your sides. “Hm? Why are you doing this right now?”

He nodded, and you knew he sensed and, more importantly, understood your frustration and confusion. Hell, if anyone was feeling as frustrated and confused as you, it was him.

“I know I should probably leave you alone, but I…” he sighed, shaking his head as he looked down at the ground. “I just can’t.” He met your gaze, a faraway look in his eye. “I miss you so much,” he said, his voice cracking just a touch.

You scoffed. “Okay, Sid,” you said sarcastically. “You must just be, like, drunk right now, or whatever, and- and- and saying shit you don’t mean.”

Sidney lowered his brows, giving you a skeptical look. “When have you ever known me to say anything I don’t mean?” he asked, rhetorically, because without speaking it, you both knew that the answer to that was never. “Besides, I haven’t had a drop to drink.”

Well… he had you there. You grew more flustered at how fucking composed he was, like always. It always bothered you when he was so together and you were so undone.

“But why are you saying all of this now?” you asked, the volume of your voice rising despite the desperate quiver accompanying it. “What is this going to change, Sidney?”

So few people called him Sidney: his mother, his grandmother… you. Hearing his full name, just as you had heard his nickname from Nate just minutes ago, evoked something in him that nothing and no one else could. He felt known – even when it was spoken with a heavy helping of angst and sorrow.

“I want this to change… everything,” he eventually admitted.

And the floodgates opened. Slow tears tracked down your cheeks and neck, drying in the scarf around your neck. In the dim glow of the moon and the few streetlights above, he saw that you had begun to cry, and he took a few hurried steps your direction. He had always hated seeing you cry.

“Please,” you cried, the word coming out in a choked sob that surprised you and Sidney equally, his eyes wide and shocked as your normally impenetrable exterior began to fall around you. You inhaled a shuddering gasp and held out your palm to him, halting his movements toward you. “Please don’t say something you’ll regret. I can’t… my heart can’t take any more. If you come closer, I know I won’t have the self-control to walk away. Please, Sidney.”

He inhaled deeply, carefully contemplating his next move. He continued to come closer, ever so slowly, as you swiped at the pesky tears escaping your eyes. His focused gaze was the only thing keeping your knees from buckling beneath you, and you waited for his next words with baited breath.

“If I tell you that I mean it… because I do,” he spoke emphatically, “And if I say that I won’t ever regret it, because I won’t… If I say that, can you let me in again? Please? Can you at least try?”

He was mere inches from you now, those honest hazel eyes piercing through your being like no one’s ever had or ever would. You knew intuitively that the pull you felt toward him was more than a false “spell” or a fleeting hypnotism. He was here, and he was real, and he was asking for you, asking for forever. Just as you’d pictured in your mind’s eye every night for the last year. And who were you to deny him that? To deny you both that?

You took him by surprise once more when you pulled him in by his coattails, staring up at him with volumes of emotion scrawled across your expression.

“Try to let you in again?” you repeated with a scoffing laugh. You grasped his hand and placed it on your chest, wrapping your fingers tightly around it. “I’ve never been able to get you out, Sid. Out of my head, out of my life, out of my heart.” Sid cupped your cheek tenderly with his other hand and you saw tears shimmering in his eyes as he beamed at you, trying to etch this moment in his mind for all eternity. “So stay,” you whispered. “Please.”

His smile grew inexplicably wider as he leaned in to kiss you at long last. You wrapped your arms around his neck and realized you held your whole world in your arms once more. Each of you was finally back where you belonged.

_____

The next morning, when your dad saw Sid’s car in their drive and your mom spotted his shoes in their foyer, because he’d shed them the second he walked in the door upon your invitation inside, like the perfectly polite Canadian boy he was, no matter how anxiously he longed to have you back in a bed next to him… they shared a knowing smile.

When she went back upstairs to prepare for the day, she expected your door to be shut and even locked, and would have respected your privacy. Instead, she found the door slightly ajar, you and Sid on top of your covers, fully clothed, a throw blanket covering the two of you where you lay between Sid’s legs, your head on his chest, his torso slightly elevated for the pillow propped up against the headboard. The faintest smile was on Sid’s lips, and though you were deep in slumber, the type of rest that can only come when you’re sleeping safely in the arms of the one you love, she could see the peaceful expression on your face and thought that she had never seen you look more content.

And, soon thereafter, as Nate pulled up to your house with Timbits and a French Vanilla capp in tow, an apology for scaring you off by his admission about his fellow hockey star who never did show up to the bar the night before… a smile stretched across his face when he spotted that familiar Range Rover parked behind your car. As he turned around to head home, he happily decided that breakfast could wait.

#my writing #the winter fic exchange 2k22 #sidney crosby #nathan mackinnon #nate mackinnon #sidney crosby fanfiction #sidney crosby fanfic #sidney crosby fic #sidney crosby imagine #sidney crosby writing #s.crosby #s. crosby #crosby #nhl fanfiction #nhl fanfic #nhl fic #nhl imagine

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stardusttkachuk · 3 years ago

Text

Love is (Not) Easy

Pairing: Mat Barzal x Gender Neutral!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: angst, fluff, steamy and allusions to smut but no actual smut, swearing

Summary: Things that came easy with Mat: kissing, hanging out, sleeping with him. Things that didn’t come easy: feelings and labels.

A/N: This is my fic for @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 as a part of @antoineroussel ‘s winter fic exchange! Nat, it was so fun getting to write a fic for you, as I look up to you as a writer, so I really hope you enjoy it!

Kissing him was easy. Sleeping with him, even easier. Somehow, despite how many times you said you wouldn’t, you’d always end up in his bed. Or he in yours. And mornings after were easy. Simple. Casual. Breakfast and a kiss before heading your separate ways.

What wasn’t easy was the unexplained butterflies at every text. Or the heat that flooded your cheeks when he called you a petname, be it babe or love or hun. There were questions that ran through your head as every kiss slowed down and you pulled away. Those questions were anything but easy.

Mat was recently single. You’d met on a night out through a mutual friend and hit it off almost instantly. He kissed you on that first night and just two dates later you were in his bed.

You’d seen him at least once every week since then and when he was away for games, he would call you before the game and spend hours talking to you. Or nights you were still awake after the game he’d FaceTime you and more often than not you’d fall asleep on FaceTime together.

You couldn’t help but tell your friends about the nights you shared. And you knew Mat did the same, as his best friend and roommate, Anthony would always give you a knowing smirk whenever you were at his and Mathew’s house.

The team knew who you were, you’d get to spend games in the WAGs box, getting to know the families who supported the players on the ice.

You and Mat weren’t a secret to those close to you both, though you did choose to keep what was going on between you out of the public eye.

Whatever was going on between you, that is. Because even though you’d spent almost all your free time with Mat, he hadn’t exactly asked you to be in a relationship with him or outright called you his partner in front of his friends.

It was the not knowing that hurt the most. The not knowing and the not being able to say with confidence what you were or weren’t.

“Good game tonight,” you said, curled up under Mat’s arm as he walked you to his car.

“I think it’s ‘cause I had my good luck charm there,” he winked.

Suddenly he spun you around, fingers hooked in your belt loops as he pulled you flush against him and kissed you.

You couldn’t help but smile against his lips. Kissing him was so easy and something you’d never get tired of.

“You are so good at that,” he whispered as you parted.

He laced his fingers through yours as he continued walking towards his car. He opened the passenger door for you, kissing you quickly before shutting it and walking towards the driver's side.

“My place of yours?” Mat asked as he got in next to you.

“Is Tito home?”

Mat shook his head. “He’s going out to a bar with some of the team.”

“And you weren’t invited?”

“I was,” Mat said. “But I’d rather spend the night with you.”

You could feel the heat in your cheeks and you smiled wide at him. You leaned over the center console to kiss him. Over the last three months of seeing each other, you’d gotten really good at making out in his car.

His hand found its way to the back of your head, pulling you closer to him as his other hand trailed down your side and wrapped around the curve of your ass. Your leg was pulled over the center console, his hand now gripping your thigh. You knew what was coming as he tried to pull you across the barrier between you two.

You were in his lap now, legs on either side of him. You were pressed front against front, mouths never leaving each other. His hands were on your back or your sides or hooked around the backs of your thighs.

Your shirt was off first, tossed into the backseat, and long forgotten. Then was his button-down, which you had to resist the urge to rip open and spew buttons everywhere. Instead, you hurriedly worked on each button and shoved the now wrinkled material off his shoulders.

Sleeping with him was easy. The overwhelming feelings you had for him weren’t.

—

You slid your t-shirt back over your head. You watched as Mat buttoned up his shirt again and you couldn’t resist the urge to lean over and kiss him once more. You cupped his cheek in your hand, his head raising and his eyes meeting yours. Smiling, you leaned in and pressed your lips to his and you could feel him smile too as he kissed you.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Mat asked, his eyes darting between yours when you had parted.

“Things,” you answered.

“What kinds of things?”

“Questions.”

“What kinds of questions?”

“Serious questions,” you trailed.

“Oh yeah? Let’s hear ‘em.”

You searched his eyes for any sign that this was a bad idea. You’d never talked about relationship status or what you two were doing, just fooling around or if you were something more.

With a shaky breath, you asked, “What are we?” Mat leaned back against the driver's side door. Your stomach churned at the distance he had suddenly put between you. “What d’you mean?”

“I mean… are we exclusive? Are you seeing other people?”

Mathew shrugged. “Exclusive, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I’m not seeing anyone else. Are you?”

“No,” you shook your head.

“Do you want to be seeing other people?” Mat asked.

“No. I just wanna know what we are. Are we friends with benefits, are we exclusive, are we dating?”

“Do we need a label?” He asked.

Your heart sank and fear coursed through you feeling like you’d really fucked it up this time. All because you couldn’t handle the not knowing and were tired of the questioning keeping you up at night.

“Well, no,” you said.

“Then let’s not put a label on it,” he said with a smile.

You forced a smile in return.

He leaned over the center console, placing a kiss on your cheek and another on your lips.

“I’ll drive you home?” Mat asked. “Or you can come over and stay the night,” he offered.

You glanced at the time on the dashboard. It was close to two in the morning now.

“I should probably get home. I work tomorrow.”

“Wait, you work tomorrow and you let me keep you out until two?” Mat asked.

You shrugged, offering him a smile. “I like spending time with you.”

He leaned over and kissed you again. “Me too,” he whispered.

Mat pulled up outside of your house and parked the car. Placing his hand on your cheek he pulled your lips to his. A few short kisses turned into making out with him once again. You had to resist the urge to invite him in and spend another night wrapped in the sheets with him. You really did have work tomorrow and you knew if you invited him to stay you would be getting very little sleep.

“Goodnight,” you whispered, forehead placed against his.

“Can I walk you to your door?”

You nodded. You held Mat’s hand as you walked to your front door, kissing him slowly one last time before you parted ways for the night. “Text me when you get home okay?”

“Will you be awake?” He teased.

“Probably not, but I still want you to text me.”

“Deal. Goodnight, cutie.”

Fuck those stupid butterflies.

—-

You woke to Mat’s text from last night. He had made it home. You opened the Snapchat he had sent, smiling at his goofy face and the goodnight text underneath it. As soon as you caught yourself smiling, you frowned.

You couldn’t be just his friend. The fact that Mathew didn’t think this needed a label hurt. You decided last night, before falling asleep, that you needed to distance yourself from him to avoid getting hurt.

So that’s exactly what you did.

When he asked you to hang out, you played the busy card. You picked up more shifts at work, successfully getting yourself out of having to go to his games. What used to be you texting him every free second you got turned into you only texting him on your break or after you got off work. You cut good morning and goodnight texts off, at first pretending you had fallen asleep before you could text or forgetting until it wasn’t morning anymore, but when Mat stopped sending them too, you didn’t have to pretend anymore. You slowly stopped answering his calls.

The distance was killing you, but you had yourself convinced that this hurt less than a broken heart from someone who didn’t want a relationship with you.

—

A knock on your door startled you. You weren’t expecting anyone. Today was meant to be just a lazy day by yourself. You checked your phone to see if anyone had called you or texted saying they were coming by. Nothing. Just an unanswered text from Mat asking you what you were doing today.

You knew he had just gotten home from a roadie. Him being on the road made avoiding him easier, and you had hoped that he got the hint upon his return.

You rolled yourself off the couch and headed for the door, glancing out the peephole.

Mat anxiously swayed on the other side.

Fuck. Maybe he hadn’t gotten the hint.

“Hi,” you said, opening the door for him.

“You are alive,” Mat half-joked. You could tell part of him wasn’t joking. His eyes were wide, almost as if he was scared. The bags under them told you he hadn’t been sleeping much. Maybe that was partially your fault. You knew your distance was hurting him, but you tried not to think too much about his feelings and focused on your own.

“Did you think I was dead or something?”

“Maybe not dead but I knew something was wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you quickly lied.

Mathew’s face graved. He was about to call bullshit, rightfully so. “If nothing is wrong then why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you.”

“Yes, you are! You barely text me back, you suddenly don’t want to go to my games. I tried to FaceTime you the other night and you told me you were out with friends.”

“I was out with friends,” you countered.

“But then you never called me back and you always call me back. Or at least you tell me you’ll call me back and then you text me the next morning and apologize because you accidentally fell asleep.”

You glanced down at your feet, suddenly embarrassed and upset with yourself. Mat didn’t deserve the distance you were putting between you both, but you had no idea how to face him. You had caught feelings for him bad and the easier thing to do was to avoid him and hope the feelings went away instead of continuing pining after him when he didn’t want a relationship.

“Will you just tell me what I did wrong so I can try to fix it? I miss you, Y/N,” Mat said softly.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” you sighed.

“So why won’t you talk to me?”

“I don’t want to be unlabeled. I really like you and I really like spending time with you. I want to be exclusive and be your partner and have you tell your friends you’re dating me. I want to tell my friends that Mat Barzal is my boyfriend and when I sit in the WAGs box I want to connect with them like I’m one of them,” you exploded. “You got all weird about our conversation the other night and it was easier for me to try to demolish and suppress my feelings for you by avoiding you instead of being head over heels for you when you want to be just friends or be whatever the hell we are right now that seems like a relationship but apparently isn’t.”

“It caught me off guard when you asked what we were and I didn’t know what to say. I’ve thought about it a lot since then and I want you. I want to be in a relationship with you. I didn’t think I’d move on this fast but what we have is so much more than just friends. I really like you too and I want the labels. I want you to tell your friends I’m your boyfriend and I want to tell my friends we are dating when they ask. I want everything that comes with the labels. And, I’m really sorry I didn’t say it the other night, even though I knew I wanted it then. And I want it now if that’s something you still want.”

You hadn’t been able to wipe the smile off your face since he said he wanted a relationship and a label. “I still want that.”

Mathew wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you flush against him so he could kiss you. You didn’t have to suppress the thoughts in your head and overwhelming feelings in your heart as you kissed him back. And that felt so easy.

#mat barzal #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal fluff #mat barzal angst #hockey #nhl #hockey fic #hockey fluff #hockey angst #nhl fic #nhl angst #nhl fluff #winter fic exchange #winter fic exchange 2k22

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laurenairay · 3 years ago

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she’s got a sunshine smile - T. Jost

Summary: You met Tyson on the first day of freshman year – but now that senior year has started, is time running out to be anything more than friends?

Word count: 14.1k

Warnings: college au, pining, idiots to lovers, slow burn, some bad language.

Title from Sunshine Smile by Adorable.

Senior year of college. The beginning of the end. The last three years had passed by so quickly and even now that you were pulling into the parking lot, you weren’t sure if you were ready for this final year. Who could ever be truly ready for that first step into their adult life, no longer in education and expected to figure out their future? It was the unknown that scared you so much – that freefall into a blank canvass, that lack of security, that complete change of pace. The last three years had flown by like the blink of an eye after all, and you knew this year would be no different. So were you ready?

But maybe you were getting ahead of yourself; it was only the first day back on campus, after all. Nothing good ever came from stressing yourself into the ground, and you didn’t want to start the last year of college with an anxiety panic - so you took a deep breath, trying to calm your anxieties, trying to banish those panicking thoughts. If nothing else, because college was coming to an end, you had to make the most of the time you had left. All or nothing right? You could be ready for that.

You knew one thing though. After an eight-hour car journey, filled mostly with bad karaoke from your dad, you were ready to get into your dorm and unpack. As you got out the car, stretching your legs as your parents did the same, you took in the late September colours and sights and scents around you and couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face.

Yeah, this felt like coming home.

As always, as you unloaded the car and brought your belongings into the (senior!) dorm building, your mom got way too emotional, and your dad left you with a gruff pat on the back – and you wouldn’t have them any other way. After all these years away from home, they knew you needed your space, and especially since your dormmate hadn’t arrive yet, you were going to take advantage of the relative calm while you could.

That, and you got to choose the comfiest bed. Hah.

From through the cracked-open door, you could hear the sounds of the other students on your floor greeting each other and hauling their belongings up the stairs, and you knew the smile on your face looked stupid. It was just so good to be back in the familiar surroundings you had grown used to, and the more you heard, the more it settled you. All those anxieties from your car journey started to melt away, and by the time you’d unpacked all of your clothes, bedding and books, you were practically zen.

“I swear to Beyoncé that my journey here gets longer every year,”

Well, the zen was nice while it lasted. Ladies and gentleman, the drama queen you had lived with for the past three years.

“I missed you too, Abby,” you mused, “I’m glad you made it okay,”

You hugged both her moms tightly, laughing at Abby’s disgruntled face, before sitting back on your bed to finish pinning photos from home to the corkboard on the wall, as well as the copious strings of fairy lights that you and Abby had collected over the years to the wall, while they brought the rest of the bags in from the hallway. Eventually you had your wall and shelving as perfect as you could get it, just in time for Abby and her moms to bring in the last of her belongings, making you laugh at the large pile covering her side of the room.

“How do you always manage to overpack?” you grinned.

“It is a gift,” Abby shrugged.

“It’s something alright,” her mom Jenny teased.

That earned Abby sticking her tongue out in retort, making you all laugh again.

“I’m going to get some food, give you some space to unpack. Did you want anything?” you asked.

Her moms shook their heads but your friend nodded enthusiastically.

“Something carb-filled for sure,” Abby groaned, hands on hips as she looked over her pile of bags.

“Carbs it is,” you laughed, rolling your eyes fondly.

There were many reasons the two of you had become friends – the shared love for carbs was just one of them.

With a bump to her shoulder and a final hug with her moms, you left the dorm, winding your scarf around your neck as you walked down the stairs, smiling and waving at all the returning students you recognised in passing.

People from your dorm building. People from your classes. People you recognised from the library. Sure, you didn’t know all of their names – and definitely not any of the new freshman – but seeing all of their smiling/nervous/tired faces gave you that sense of belonging that you’d been craving. College really had become your second home, your home away from home, and you couldn’t wait to catch-up with the people you’d missed the most.

The main campus courtyard was alive and buzzing with students already, and it sent a thrill through your body. This was everything you’d been missing, and you found yourself smiling as you walked towards the canteen, minding your own business as you glanced around, until your eyes landed on him.

There he was, the guy that always made your breath hitch in your throat with the smallest of actions. Tyson Jost. Surrounded by his three closest friends and the usual large crowd of hangers-on, it didn’t surprise you that Tyson and his friends were already the center of attention.

Tyson was everything – the life of the party, the cheerful smile in class, the gentleman who held open the door to the dorm building, and the cute guy who was perpetually single. There was no shortage of girls lining up to flirt with him, so why would he ever give you a second glance like that?

No, you were just the girl in the background, the one who got a nod and a wave, and some sweet but stilted conversation. That’s the way it always had been, ever since the first day of freshman year, and that the way it would stay, until you graduated, parted ways, and never saw him again.

You couldn’t miss what you never had, right?

So you walked past him with nothing more than a smile, knowing these feelings could never be more than hope.

Tyson had been on campus exactly one hour and he was already overwhelmed. Not with his living situation, no – that had been sorted without hesitation. For the fourth year running, this time in senior dorms thankfully, he was living with friend JT. The grumpy ginger had easily become one of his best friends within the first week of freshman year, and alongside the two guys who lived next door to them in freshman year – Mat and Dante, best friends from the same hometown – the four of them had formed a quick but solid bond that had lasted all these years already. So again, the four of them were living in neighbouring rooms in the dorms. If it wasn’t broken, why fix it, right?

No, it wasn’t the living situation. It was his courseload. While he’d been waiting for JT to arrive on campus, Tyson had made the mistake of looking at his class schedule starting next week, and had promptly felt his anxiety start to rise. Anatomy, nutrition and biology this semester alone. His head was already swimming with the amount of information he was going to have to process, and he couldn’t imagine how he was going to stay on top of all the technical language. He was going to have to keep himself accountable, stay on top of all his notes and essays without fail, because there was no way he could fall behind with any of that.

This was nothing new though. He knew that studying an undergraduate in Exercise Science to hopefully go on to a Masters in Athletic Training would require a lot of work – but it was necessary to go into the career that he wanted. He knew that much. That didn’t mean he could stop the feeling of being overwhelmed though, as much as he tried.

Instead he hid it behind a wide smile, laughing at his friends’ jokes as they sat on some benches in the campus courtyard, trying to let the happy energy of everyone around settle his nerves. He knew it would work eventually – or his friends would notice eventually and help him sort his head out – but for now, this was the best he could do.

But there was one bright spot in the bleak outlook of senior year. Seeing the girl of his dreams again. You. You, the girl he’d shared at least one class every semester since freshman year. You, the girl who had (by luck or fate) always lived in the same dorm building as him, having kept the same dorm mate Abby like he had with JT, this year with you living on the floor above him. You, the girl who’d always lit up the room with your sunshine smile.

And somehow, despite sharing that class, living nearby, making his heart beat that little bit faster, Tyson had never managed to hold a conversation with you of more than mundane class questions or a hello in passing. You always made him feel like a fool through no fault of your own – it was like he lost the ability to speak like a functioning human being. Words dried up in his throat, he blurted things out without thinking, and he became uncharacteristically shy around you.

Something which JT, Mat and Dante thought was hilarious, earning him never ending teasing.

He could do nothing but endure it though, because they were right. He was an idiot, and time was running out – this was senior year, and if he didn’t do anything, say anything, then he knew you would slip through his fingers like sand. But now was not the time. No, not so publicly, with so many excited people around him and the guys. Tyson could only hope that you shared a class with him again – maybe biology this semester? – to give him a final chance. So all he could do right now was ignore JT’s snickering as he watched you from across the courtyard, helplessly not trying to seem too desperate for you to catch his eye.

And you walked past him without a second thought, sending him nothing more than a small smile that withered the lingering hope.

Fate was a funny thing. For the 10th semester running, you shared a class again with Tyson – this time, biology – and although you definitely weren’t complaining about seeing him for an extra hour a week, this fall semester was slightly different.

Different, in the sense that he’d asked if he could sit next to you in the class.

It was all you could do to nod silently, eyes wide as your heart went crazy, smiling back at him when he smiled at you and sat down. Maybe it was just needing that sense of familiarity, with college coming to a close? Maybe. But it had been two weeks since then, and your traitorous heart still skipped a beat whenever he sat down next to you, a helpless smile spreading across your lips when he said good morning.

Each class had been a slow soft tease, a taste of something you couldn’t have, sitting next to him for that hour that felt so comfortable, like the two of you had been partners for years. It almost wasn’t fair, tempting you with this luxury that you knew wouldn’t last, but you gave into the weakness that stopped you from changing anything.

If this was the only way you could have Tyson, then you would take what you could get. As sad as that was. At least the biology lectures kept your mind occupied – there was just so much to learn and the only conversations you had with Tyson were about the subject matter, but it kept you from yearning too much, at least in his presence.

“Okay, class dismissed. I look forward to reading your analysis next week!”

Next to you, Tyson let out a huffed breath, making you laugh softly. You knew exactly how he felt with the reminder of assessments already.

“Off to a good start this semester already huh?” you mused.

“At least it’s not as difficult yet as our chemistry class last spring term?” Tyson offered.

You couldn’t help but grimace, remembering being dropped in at the deep end with difficult question sets, and Tyson laughed loudly.

“Yes, that’s the face, that sums it up perfectly,” Tyson grinned.

You felt heat rise to your cheeks at how graphic your expression must have been, but your grimace quickly faded to a smile at the laughter in his eyes. How could you stay disgruntled when faced with that?

The two of you packed up your bags in a comfortable silence, before walking towards the exit side by side. All the words you’d been desperate to say for years were swimming around in your head but every time you parted your lips to speak, your mind went blank. How did this one guy, this one sweet guy, reduce you to such an idiot?

And all too soon, your time was up – you’d reached the corridor outside. Biting your bottom lip, you hesitated slightly, Tyson’s eyes widening in…hope? Hope?

“I’ll see you soon?”

Fuck.

Was that the best you could do?

“Yeah, of course, can’t wait,” Tyson said quickly.

Can’t wait?

What did that mean?

But now wasn’t the time to figure that out, not with so many people around the two of you in the corridor. So you just smiled, raising your hand in a goodbye wave, earning one in return, before you turned and walked away, thoughts swirling even more.

Tyson watched you walk away helplessly, standing in the middle of the corridor like an idiot. Why did his words always bubble in his throat when he tried to talk to you? Why couldn’t he just be normal around you?

And as soon as he heard familiar laughter he froze, internally groaning as he remembered who was meeting him for lunch.

3…

2…

1…

“Yeah, of course, can’t wait,” Dante and Mat chorused breathily, eyelashes fluttering dramatically as JT propped himself up against the wall with laughter.

“Shut up!” Tyson hissed, punching Dante in the arm.

They just laughed louder, making Tyson groan. Okay, yeah, maybe blurting out such a stupid phrase wasn’t his best move, but come on! He panicked!

“Such a smooth operator,” JT teased.

“I’d like to see you do better,” Tyson muttered, cheeks flaring with a blush.

“If I thought you wouldn’t smother me in my sleep, I could easily do better in asking her out,” JT shrugged.

Tyson found himself scowling before he could stop himself, only making Dante and Mat laugh harder, and he knew just from all the students staring at them that they were making a scene.

“You guys are the worst,” Tyson grumbled.

But JT just smirked, looping an arm around his neck to start them walking, Dante and Mat still snickering as they headed out of the building.

“You’re way too easy to wind up,” JT teased, “And all over a girl you’ve barely talked to?”

“I’m trying!” Tyson sighed, pouting slightly.

Because he was, for fuck’s sake. It wasn’t his fault that he felt like such an idiot all the time.

“Tys, it’s been three years. You need to try harder,” Mat mused.

“He’s right – we literally have this 1 year left and that’s it. No more chances,” Dante added, smiling sadly.

“You’ve got to take that step, that chance. You’ve got nothing to lose,” Mat finished, nodding firmly.

This seriousness from his friends, Mat and Dante in particular, was uncharacteristic but incredibly welcome. They were right, of course, but it didn’t hurt to hear it out loud.

“Since when did you guys get smart?” Tyson said, his voice a little tight.

“They didn’t,” JT snorted, earning protests from the two guys in question, “you’re just so fucking obvious that it’s painful,”

Tyson felt his cheeks flare with heat, and by the laughter from his friends he knew it was obvious. And then he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just…I don’t even know how to take that next step. It took me over three years to ask if I could sit next to her,”

“Yeah, yeah, we know, she’s got a sunshine smile that just throws you off,” Mat said, rolling his eyes playfully.

“How is it sitting next to Sunshine anyway? That must be torture for you,” Dante smirked.

Sunshine. Damn it, that was going to stick, wasn’t it?

“Firstly, fuck you all. Secondly…it’s so hard not to make an idiot of myself constantly,” Tyson groaned.

“Yeah, of course, can’t wait,” Dante and Mat chorused again, swooning into each other.

This time Tyson found himself laughing alongside JT, shaking his head at his friends. Idiots, the both of them.

“I know, I’m dumb around her,” Tyson said, smiling sadly.

“To be honest, Tys, I think she likes that,” JT said simply.

“What?” he frowned.

That couldn’t be right, right?

“She smiled hopefully at you when she walked away today. She’s never laughed at your stumbling, from what I’ve seen. And the fact that after three years of you acting dumb around her, she’s happy to sit next to you in class? I’d say she’s into it. Sunshine seems like the kind of girl who wouldn’t have a problem with telling someone to leave her alone if she wasn’t at least interested a little bit,” JT smiled, shrugging.

That nickname definitely wasn’t going anywhere.

But was JT really right? Did he really have a chance with you after all this time? Even if he had never been in his best form around you?

“I swear to god Tys, the next time you see her, just talk to her like she’s one of us. Ask her about the last TV show she watched. Ask her about her thoughts on the college team’s chances in the championship this year. Ask her about her last spotify playlist. Literally anything,” Mat sighed.

“Baby steps,” Dante added, nodding encouragingly.

“Baby steps,” Tyson said softly, almost to himself, “That…that doesn’t sound too bad. I could do that,”

“Atta boy,” Mat grinned.

JT just shook him with the arm he still had around Tyson’s neck, before releasing him.

“You’ve got this Tys,” JT said firmly, “Now can we please get something to eat?”

Late night snacks – there really was nothing better after an afternoon and evening of studying. Sure, you’d taken a quick break a few hours ago, a study buddy watching your belongings in the library while you dashed out to eat (with you repeating the favour after returning), but it had gotten to the point where your eyes were bleary and your stomach was rumbling. There was no way you wanted to burn out after only one month into your senior year, so there was only one thing for it.

You went to the cafeteria.

There were a few usual students that you recognised in there already, night owls like yourself, but the other usual person that you normally enjoyed seeing wasn’t slumped at a table for once. That’s right, Tyson. Late night snacks in the cafeteria was yet another place where your paths usually crossed. Underneath his fratboyesque exterior, you knew how hard he worked, knew how piled under he was with his classes. Even from afar – and now sitting next to him in biology class – you knew how dedicated he was, and it wasn’t unusual to see him grabbing a late night snack like you did. He always went for a peanut butter sandwich with at least one banana, while you usually went for Greek yoghurt with berries of some kind – you’d learned the hard way that late night pizza just wasn’t sustainable.

Wow that was a little too stalkerish, wasn’t it?

As bad as it sounded, it really wasn’t like that. When a guy as eye-catching as Tyson did the same thing over and over in the same place as you, it wasn’t hard to notice. Maybe he even noticed the same things about you. Maybe not.

Either way, it didn’t matter, because he wasn’t even in the cafeteria tonight. You’d have to find something else to occupy your thoughts, as hard as that would be.

Tyson shuffled into the cafeteria a little later than usual, rubbing the crick out of his neck where he’d been bent over his books for the past three hours. As he’d thought, his classes were kicking his ass, and he was only just about able to keep up with all of his reading. But so far, so good – he wasn’t actually behind in anything – and now he was rewarding himself with his usual after-study treat; a peanut butter sandwich with a banana, and you.

Okay that sounded bad. But was it so awful that seeing you across the cafeteria made even his most stressful days just that little bit brighter? And there you were, sitting by yourself with your normal bowl of Greek yoghurt and berries – raspberries today – and you hadn’t noticed him at all. He didn’t know how he felt about that.

Tyson knew he’d made so much progress over the past month, more than he’d ever made in the last three years, so why shouldn’t he keep pushing forward? What was it that Mat had said? That he should just start a conversation with you like he would with them? What was holding him back from doing that right now?

Nothing, that’s what.

So steeling himself with his bottle of water and snacks, Tyson walked over to where you were sitting and took a deep breath before sitting down. It was all he could do to offer you a shy smile as you looked over the table at him in surprise.

“Hi,” he murmured.

“Hi! I didn’t think you’d be in here tonight,”

Tyson found himself trying to hide a grin as your eyes went wide in shock at your words. You noticed him like he noticed you? But clearly you hadn’t meant to say that, and there was no way he wanted you embarrassed.

“Anatomy class is kicking my ass. I need a snack after studying all evening,” Tyson said simply, nodding.

“I definitely feel that,” you laughed, waving your yoghurt spoon in indication.

Tyson cracked open his water bottle with another smile. Talking to your felt so easy, so natural – why had he struggled for so long? Right, here goes nothing. Conversation. He could do this.

“I’m so looking forward to getting back to my dorm and watching tv though – no more books tonight,” Tyson mused.

“That sounds like a great idea,” you said, smiling at him, making Tyson smile back instantly, “are you watching anything in particular right now?”

Oh fuck it worked. You were talking with him about something other than classwork!

“I’m rewatching Leverage?” he offered.

Your lips parted in surprise, making Tyson wince slightly, before a wide smile spread across your face.

“I love Leverage! Fuck, that’s so cool that you watch it too,” you said happily.

There it was, the first non-class link in common. Oh fuck. He did it.

“I’m always tied between Elliot and Sophie as my favourite characters. They’re both so badass and vulnerable at the same time, in their own ways,” Tyson admitted.

“My god, yes. I kinda want to be both of them,” you laughed, nodding, “I do love Parker’s growth as a person though, and Hardison is just brilliant,”

It was like you could read his mind. Fuck. “Have you watched the new season yet? Leverage: Redemption?”

“No!” you groaned dramatically, making Tyson laugh, “I haven’t found the time to really settle in and appreciate it yet. Have you?”

Tyson shook his head, smiling. “No, not yet. That’s why I’m rewatching it again, to refresh my memory before watching the new series,”

“That’s a great idea!” you said, smiling.

He couldn’t help but smile back, your sunshine smile as addictive as always. But then he hesitated for a moment, taking a bite of his banana as a thought entered his mind. Could he really ask? There was no harm in it, right? He swallowed his bite, and took a slow breath, smiling nervously at you.

“Maybe we could watch the new season together?” Tyson suggested, trying to keep too much hope out of his voice.

Surprise filled your face, genuine surprise, but then you nodded, smiling widely, and Tyson felt all his nerves quickly fizzle away.

“I’d love that,” you said a little shyly, but still warmly.

And that warmth filled his chest, butterflies joining, and all he could do was try to contain his giddiness. Fuck, oh fuck he’d really done it.

“Abby doesn’t appreciate the show like you do,” you added.

Tyson laughed – he could see that with your roommate, and JT was the same way, so he definitely understood it. Fuck, had he really arranged to watch the show with you? The boys were going to be so proud.

“So what’s your favourite episode?” you asked, breaking him out of his thoughts.

He grinned. “Well…”

That night in the cafeteria was the start of something…new with Tyson. The two of you had spent another two hours in the cafeteria just talking, mostly about Leverage but then other tv shows too, until the point where you realised the two of you were the only ones in there. Tyson had walked back with you to the dorm building too, made even easier with the fact that he lived in the same dorm building as you, on the floor below. Where had all this easy conversation been over the past three years? Why had he always been so stilted at awkward before? What had changed?

Whatever it was, you definitely weren’t complaining, because it just kept happening. Whenever the two of you saw each other, there was always a conversation now, about anything and everything, whether it was in class or in the library or in the cafeteria, or even just randomly on campus (despite the teasing grins of his friends that you chose to ignore). It was like a switch had been flipped, and you found yourself looking even more forward to seeing him nearly every day. And after a few weeks of this new Tyson, you could only hope that this was the way the rest of your time at college would continue to go.

Which takes you to now, the end of October, and a very important day on the college student calendar.

“Come on! It’s Halloween! You have to come out,”

You snorted at the dramatic pout on Abby’s face, but shook your head fondly as she didn’t quit. Same old antics, same old Abby.

“I have a paper due on Monday,” you reminded her, waving your hand in a flourish across the notes covering the desk you were sitting at.

And you weren’t even fudging the truth this time – you’d retreated to study in your dorm room because a) the library had been unusually busier than normal, probably because of tonight, and b) you knew Abby had a late class so you were able to have the peace and quiet you’d needed to get the most of your paper written.

But then Abby had arrived back to the dorm 10 minutes ago and had been lovingly pestering you ever since.

“You may have a paper due on Monday, but today is Friday and you already pretty much have it finished,” she pointed out.

Damn it. She did have a point there – you only had to finish this last paragraph before writing the conclusion and editing…

As if she sensed your wavering stance, which she probably could scent like a shark to blood in water, Abby grinned and sat in your lap, your old desk chair creaking ominously.

“There’s a simple house party we’ve been invited to – seniors only, with great music and basic food and drink supplied,” she explained, “Obviously I’ll pick us two up some extra drink, but it’s not costume mandatory, so I think we should go. I know I can’t go without my very best friend in the world by my side,”

She finished with a dramatic toss of her hair, leaning backwards across the arm of your desk chair in a swoon. You huffed out a laugh at her dramatics, and tilted your head back against the back of your chair to look up at her properly, only to be met with wide pleading eyes. It is senior year after all…

“Okay, you win. But I’m not staying late late,” you said firmly.

“Deal,” she said quickly.

“And you can’t ditch me straight away for a cute guy – we need at least two drinks together first,” you added.

Abby grinned sheepishly. “Deal,”

“And I need to finish this paragraph before we start getting ready,” you finished.

“Deal,” Abby nodded, “I’ll go out and pick up some drinks for us while you finish your writing,”

Perfect. That way she wouldn’t be hovering and she could burn off some of that restless energy. Abby kissed your cheek triumphantly and sprang off your lap, earning another iffy creak from your deskchair, before scooping up her rucksack and blowing kisses as she walked backwards out of the dorm room. You couldn’t help but laugh as she made her exit, feeling lighter in yourself for it. Abby might be a whirlwind of energy but she had only good intentions, and you knew it would do you some good to have a break from writing your paper. You’d done so much work on it already today – why shouldn’t you let your hair down and have a little fun?

An hour later, the party was in full swing, in the off-campus house of a group of seniors – you knew a couple of the hosts from class, so that was something at least, and you could only be grateful that there were no costumes. Tonight was definitely a jeans and sneakers night, even if you’d relented to Abby’s prodding and poking to wear a cute top along with the comfortable clothing. And you were far from the only person dressed for comfort and warmth rather than sexy, so that was even better.

As promised, Abby had stayed by your side with your wider group of friends for two drinks – the two of you had downed a shot of good vodka each before leaving the dorm (a gift from her moms), and had spent that first hour of the party drinking a couple of beers by and in the kitchen, laughing and talking over the loud somewhat-Halloween-themed music.

It had been everything you’d asked for, but you could see Abby eyeing up a cute boy (from her history class, maybe?) across the room, so you nudged her with your shoulder.

“Go on, go ask that cute guy to dance,” you murmured into her ear.

Abby turned to you and grinned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. “You don’t mind?”

“No, of course not. You’ve been making eyes at him – go make his night,” you teased.

Abby just laughed and pressed a kiss to your cheek before sauntering across to the guy in question. How one girl could have so much confidence was beyond you – but you loved her for it. To be honest, you weren’t quite ready to leave the party just yet though, despite your earlier intentions. The vibes were good, the music was better, and it had been a while since you’d had more than a couple of drinks. Why not, right? So you did another quick shot in the kitchen with some of the girls, everyone letting out a loud whoop afterwards, and grabbed a fresh beer before heading out of the kitchen. A quick glance to your left showed Abby and that cute guy dancing together on the makeshift dance floor, and you smiled to yourself as you made your way into the room properly, eyes widening at the sheer number of people who’d made their way into the party since you’d arrived. The dancefloor had grown massively, and there looked to be a flip cup competition going on as well as beer pong?

As if on cue, the people surrounding the beer pong table let up a loud cheer, clearly signalling the end of a match.

“We’re next!”

Your eyes widened at the loud call, and your eyes fell to, of course, none other than Tyson’s friends Mat and Dante…and Tyson himself. Where was his roommate?

“I need a partner!” you could see Tyson protest.

Mat’s eyes looked around the room until they landed on you, and your heart froze as he grinned wildly and beckoned you over. You almost ducked back into the crowd with a wince, but it was too late – Tyson saw you and beckoned you over too. With a long swallow of your beer, you made your way through the crowd, smiling hesitantly at the three guys in front of you.

“Will you be my beer pong partner?” Tyson asked quickly, “JT hates this game so he’s avoiding us,”

Mat and Dante burst into laughter, but you ignored them, as you’d learned to do quite easily over the past few weeks.

“Sure, I’ll be your partner,” you nodded, biting your bottom lip briefly.

You weren’t too bad at beer pong – unless you were really drunk, you could usually make most shots. Usually. Hopefully tonight wouldn’t be the night you’d make an ass of yourself, not in front of him.

“Finally, someone with skills!” Tyson grinned, guiding you around to your side of the table.

“We’ve literally never played beer pong together,” you mused, raising an eyebrow.

You could see his friends, Mat and Dante, sniggering from across the table, but you chose to ignore them again for your own sanity.

“I can feel the vibes,” Tyson said seriously.

Mat and Dante straight up burst out in laughter, making your cheeks heat up.

“The vibes!” Mat cackled, leaning into Dante as he laughed.

“Yeah definitely the vibes, sunshine!” Dante snickered.

Sunshine?

You looked at Tyson, only to see him blushing fiercely and glaring at his friends. What the hell was going on?

“Sunshine?” you asked dryly.

“It’s your smile,” Tyson mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

Oh wow. He…he liked your smile? And told his friends about it?

“Tys…”

“Are we playing beer pong or not?” Mat asked loudly, earning cheers from the partygoers around you.

That line of thought was something you would have to explore later. But for now…

“Oh we’re going to kick your ass,” you said firmly.

Where had the first semester gone? Somehow it was already the last week of school before the winter break started on December 18th which only meant one thing – exams. Tyson was stressed enough as it was, and it didn’t help that his first exam of the week was a late evening biology lab practical exam. Who assigns a lab exam at 9pm on a Monday? Cruel, cruel people, that’s who. But as it was, Tyson had to suffer through a freshwater biomonitoring lab exam, covering the identification and quantification of aquatic animals and their importance as indicator organisms – because that would be helpful in his future career. Not.

The one bright spot? Leaving the lab with you when the exam was done, you looking about as grimly confident as he did. It seemed like last week’s late-night-cafeteria spontaneous study session had paid off, even if it wasn’t the easy conversation he’d grown used to with you. It was something at least, and it had clearly led to a good outcome. A positive outcome? Well, at least not a miserable outcome. At this point, he would take that.

“I am so ready for sleep,” you groaned, tilting your head back as the two of you left the building.

“Lucky you,” Tyson mused, “I promised the guys I would meet them at Larry’s Bar after we’d finished,”

(“Come on Tys, you can make it for one drink, to celebrate or commiserate,”

“I don’t like the thought of her walking back across campus that late after our Biology lab,”

“Biology eh? I bet you’re studying her biology,”

“Shut the fuck up Barzy,”)

“Ouch, rather you than me,” you laughed, shaking your head fondly.

Tyson grinned at the fondness in your voice; every time it made his heart feel all giddy, even though he knew it wasn’t like that, not yet. He also knew you would join Abby and your other friends if you could – but unlike Tyson who had his next exam in two days, you had yours tomorrow, so he didn’t blame you for not wanting to go out.

“Come on, let’s get you back then before you coach turns into a pumpkin, Cinderella,” Tyson teased.

But you frowned, turning to face him as you stopped outside the Science building.

“Larry’s Bar is on the opposite side of campus to our dorms,” you said softly.

It was clear in your voice that you didn’t understand, but that didn’t change Tyson’s mind. He remembered once, after yet another late night in the cafeteria, that you hated walking by yourself in the dark, even though you were lucky enough that nothing bad had ever happened – it just made you uneasy, spiked your anxiety, and there was no way Tyson was going to let you feel that way if there was anything he could do about it.

“You don’t like walking in the dark by yourself – I’d rather make sure you’re okay,” Tyson shrugged.

You bit your bottom lip, clearly hesitating, but Tyson just shook his head, smiling at you as he walked backwards away from the building.

“I’m not changing my mind. Come on Sunshine,” he grinned.

“Oh fuck, fine,” you sighed, walking a little faster to catch up with him, although the smile that crept over your lips let him know you weren’t mad in the slightest.

Tyson kept smiling to himself as the two of you started to walk side by side, trying not to look too manically happy, especially after that difficult lab exam. Anyone that looked at him would think he was crazy, he knew that much, but he didn’t care. Just being by your side like this was more than he’d ever dreamt he could have, and he wanted to cherish it. Only two semesters left, after all. On second thoughts, that line of daydream wasn’t something he wanted to explore right now. No, he was going to live in the moment – because in the moment, was you.

“So what are you doing for winter break? Are you going home?” Tyson asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, my dad’s coming to pick me up early in the morning on the 18th. I can’t wait,” you grinned, nodding, “even though I went home for thanksgiving weekend, I’m looking forward to more time with my family, you know?”

Tyson nodded as well, smiling back at you, “I definitely get that. I always feel like it’s not enough time with my mom and sister,”

Your smile turned a little sad and you nudged Tyson with your shoulder, Tyson just nudging you back with a soft laugh. To be able to be this open and vulnerable with you already was a little scary, but it still felt so right, so he was trying not to think about it too hard. Talking about his feelings was a good thing right?

“You’re going back home to see them too, right?”

“Yeah, for sure. Mat, Dante and I are all going back to BC, so they’re driving me back before heading back to the same hometown together,” Tyson explained.

That was going to be one hell of an interesting car ride, same as every year they offered when Tyson’s mom couldn’t get the time off work to pick him up. Nothing was ever dull with Mat and Dante together.

“Well…good luck with that,” you teased.

Tyson just laughed, shrugging his agreement. The conversation continued about family Christmas traditions, staying light and easy, everything that Tyson hadn’t known he needed after that difficult lab exam, and he was almost sad to reach the front doors of the dorm building. Time with you never felt long enough, and he didn’t know if he wanted to dive too deeply into that feeling yet.

“Thanks for walking me back, Tyson,” you murmured, “I really appreciate it,”

“Hey, no, any time. I meant that,” Tyson said firmly.

“You’re a gentleman, Tyson Jost. Don’t let anyone tell you any different,” you replied, smiling sweetly.

Tyson felt his cheeks heat up in a blush, making you laugh softly, before you looked up at him sweetly. He could swear that he felt his heartbeat speeding up just that little bit, even though it was crazy, until you wrapped your arms around him in a gentle hug. Oh fuck. He didn’t hesitate to hug you back, burying his face in the woolly hat you wore, not flinching when your cold nose brushed against his neck. Fuck you felt so good in his arms. This felt insane, to be honest, to hold you like this. How was he supposed to carry on for a normal night now, now that he knew what it felt like to wrap his arms around you, puffy winter coat be damned?

Eventually, long past what society would consider a hug between friends acceptable, you stepped backwards, breaking the hug. Your smile was a little shaky, as if you also knew that this had been more than a simple hug goodbye, but Tyson didn’t dare say anything, not trusting himself to say anything that wouldn’t ruin the moment.

And it was clear that you felt the same, in the way that you just raised a hand in a silent goodbye, and Tyson found himself doing the same, knowing his smile was just as shaky as yours. He waited until the front door was closed behind you to walk away, back across campus to the bar, more overwhelmed than he’d ever felt before. His head was swimming, swirling, spinning, just from a hug goodbye.

A hug.

But it had been a hug with you, the girl that had haunted his dreams for years at this point. This was a step in the right direction, right? Your reaction at least told him, showed him, that you were as affected by it as he was. That he wasn’t crazy to have enjoyed the hug as much as he did. Fuck knows how he was going to downplay his stunned giddiness in front of JT, Mat and Dante though – he’d never hear the end of it from them if he couldn’t get himself under control by the time he reached the bar.

One thing was for sure – things were going to be different when he got back from winter break.

It’s funny how a simple action can change everything. Like, everything. You were almost thankful for the winter exams you had to focus your full attention on, because the moment that you finished them and allowed that hug with Tyson to enter your mind, it was like nothing else could occupy it. Knowing what it feels like to be wrapped in his arms? To have your face buried in his neck? To see the shaky effect it also had on him? It was torture. And not knowing what to do about it made your head swirl even more, so much so that even Abby asked you why you were so distracted on the day you were packing to go home for the Christmas break. Not that you told her anything – it was still too raw, too fresh – but still.

You’d been too nervous to say anything during exam week – you needed full focus on your exams and so did Tyson – but even after that last exam, the night before you were leaving for home, you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. What could you even say? I really liked our hug, let’s do it again some time? No, ridiculous. But every time you thought back to that goodbye, his matching shaky smile, the fact that he waited until you were safely in the building…it had to mean something, right? It wasn’t just you who felt something, right? He felt something too?

The problem with getting stuck in your head, stuck in your thoughts, was that you missed your opportunity to say anything before the two of you left campus. It was only just as you finished packing the car with your dad that you saw him rush out of the dorm building. You’d frozen as his eyes scanned the parking lot desperately, your heart skipping a beat as his eyes found you and he smiled. But your dad had been oblivious and wanted to get going, so it was all you could do to smile apologetically. Tyson had looked disappointed, making you feel more guilty about not seeking him out the night before, until he’d wiggled his hand near his ear in the shape of a phone.

I’ll call you!

You didn’t know what the smile on your face looked like, but if Tyson’s relieved smile was anything to go by, that was a good sign.

And call you he had. When you’d arrived home (despite him still being in the car with Dante and Mat, which was a whirlwind), when he’d arrived home, and almost every day since then. And even though neither of you had even spoken about the hug, asked for clarification, any of it, this new stage of talking so often felt even more than anything before. It felt like you were on the precipice of falling into something, something, but you didn’t know what. All you did know was that every time your phone rang with his caller ID, something inside you lit up. And every time you answered, his happy reply told you he was just as excited to talk to you.

It was strange, this level of closeness with him, after such a short turnaround from next-to-nothing the previous three years. A good strange, of course, you weren’t complaining. But you also still hadn’t asked him what this all meant to him. Maybe that was cowardice or low self-esteem or anxiety talking. Maybe you were just straight out scared to lose the progression you’d made so far. But you knew you had to do something, because if nothing else, his new year’s eve text gave you hope.

Happy New Year, Sunshine.

I can’t wait to see you again soon.

That had to mean something. It just had to. It would be cruel otherwise, right? And if nothing else, you knew Tyson wasn’t a cruel person. You’d just have to figure out the right time and place to talk to him, that was all.

It couldn’t be too hard, right?

Right?

And then all too soon, it was January 3rd and time to get back to campus.

As tradition, there was a welcome back to campus mixer, but after a heavy new year’s eve back home with your family and hometown friends, you hadn’t really felt the vibe. So after an hour, and checking with Abby who was in no way ready to go back to the dorm too, you headed back to your room intent on a much more chilled out evening.

But just as you’d taken off your make-up and gotten changed into pyjama shorts and an old t-shirt, someone knocked on your door.

What the hell? Everyone you knew was still at the mixer when you left?

Then they knocked again, so you huffed out a breath and pulled on an old sweatshirt, before opening the door…revealing Tyson standing there holding a plastic shopping bag with a hopeful smile on his face. What the fuck?

“Sorry to show up unannounced,” he said sheepishly.

Oh fuck, you had no make-up on, your hair piled on top of your head, and some of your oldest pyjamas on. Damn it. Too late now though – he’d seen you au natural…and he wasn’t running away? He still wore that hopeful smile? Fuck, okay then.

“That’s okay – but what’s the occasion?” you asked lightly.

“Can’t I come and see one of my favourite people?” he mused,

Whew, favourite people. He had to know he was toeing that invisible line, right? You just raised an eyebrow at him, making him huff out a laugh.

“JT sexiled me?” Tyson offered,

“Oh fuck, already? That was quick,” you snorted.

Then you felt bad – who were you to judge? You were the one who hadn’t hooked up in forever. You were the one still thinking about a simple hug, after all. But it wasn’t that simple, was it? Now wasn’t the time to get lost in your thoughts about that again though. Good for JT.

“I know right?” Tyson laughed, “JT rarely hooks up, so I figured I’d be a good buddy and leave him to take his time. Then I saw Abby was still at the mixer but you weren’t, so I was hoping that we could hang out? If that’s okay with you, of course,”

Oh wow. He chose to hang out with you, over everything else? Fuck. Maybe you weren’t wrong in overthinking the pre-winter-break-hug.

“That sounds good to me. I was just thinking about putting on a tv show or something,” you shrugged, trying to keep your cool.

“We could finally watch some Leverage: Redemption?” Tyson suggested.

He remembered.

“Yes,” you said quickly, making him laugh.

Whoops. Hopefully that didn’t sound too desperate?

“I brought snacks,” he grinned, lifting the bag in his hand.

“You don’t need to bribe me,” you mused.

If only he knew what you’d do to have him hang out with you whenever. Although, by the blush on his cheeks, maybe he was thinking the same?

“I was hoping to bribe you for a pair of sweatpants or basketball shorts at least?” he asked hopefully.

Ah fuck, yeah he wasn’t able to go back to his dorm from the mixer – and no-one in their right mind would lounge in denim jeans.

“Alright, I’ll take your bribe. Abby should have some sweatpants that’ll fit you,” you smiled.

Tyson just hovered next to you as you browsed through Abby’s wardrobe – you knew she wouldn’t mind at all – until you found the sweatpants you were looking for. Brilliant, freshly washed too.

“Here you go. I’ll get the show up on my laptop while you get comfy?” you suggested.

“Sounds great. Thanks,” Tyson grinned.

As always, his grin sent your heart fluttering, but you tried to ignore it as you smiled back, choosing to walk over to your bed instead, also ignoring the sounds to Tyson kicking off his shoes and jeans as you sat down and got comfy. By the time you’d found the show and pulled up the first episode, Tyson was easing in to sit next to you on your bed, his thick thigh pressed up against yours in a way that made your breath hitch in your throat. No, you weren’t a Victorian maiden. No, this wasn’t Pride and Prejudice. No, you weren’t a character in a Regency novel. You could handle a little thigh-on-thigh, right?

Right?

“I’m really glad I get to watch this with you,” Tyson murmured, as you pressed play.

“Me too, Tyson,” you said softly, smiling up at him.

Be still your racing heart.

“So, Tyson Jost huh?”

“Um, I don’t know?”

“Do you need me to beat some sense into him?”

“Not yet?”

“Good to know. I do want my sweatpants back though,”

From that night on, it was like a switch had been flipped, a gate had been opened. Every 2 or 3 nights, Tyson would come to your dorm and the two of you would watch an episode of something – you’d worked through Leverage: Redemption fairly quickly, and you’d had that ache in your heart that this was the end of hanging out with Tyson alone, but he’d turned up two nights later with a recommendation of a new show from JT and the tradition was born. It was just another notch in this new relationship friendship with Tyson, a little something more between you again, to the point where Abby made lewd facial expressions at you whenever she found the two of your watching something on your laptop together. You had no idea how much of it Tyson caught, but if was anything like how much you saw Dante and Mat teasing him, it wasn’t pretty to think of. You were just glad that Abby had no interest in teaming up with Dante and Mat in teasing you. That wouldn’t end well for anyone.

Tonight though you were alone in your dorm in the second week of February – a set of calculations was driving you crazy and you’d insisted on not going to the party that Abby was going to, and she’d left you with a sad smile. Only 30 minutes later she’d texted that she’d forgotten her keys to the dorm, so you’d had the doorlatch set to unlocked – who knew when she’d be back – smiling to yourself at her forgetfulness. As long as she got home eventually, you didn’t care – she deserved to have fun.

When you’d eventually got to the bottom of the problem set, figuring out where you were going wrong (and then saving your work on your laptop because damn if you had to start over…), you rewarded yourself with a long hot shower, taking advantage of the late-night emptiness of the communal girls’ shower room, trudging back to your dorm in your cosy pyjamas and slippers with a pleased smile on your face…until you noticed that the dorm door was a little more open that you’d left it.

You swallowed heavily, hoping to whatever higher power that it was just Abby back earlier than you’d anticipated, clutching at your phone and wash bag as you slowly inched the door open. Your heart froze as you saw Abby’s bed was empty…but your bed wasn’t? Fuck. Quickly flipping the main lights on with a clenching in your chest, it took you a moment to recognise the figure lying unconscious on your bed, but your lips parted in shock when you finally did.

Tyson?

What the fuck?

You quickly shut the door behind you and whipped the towel off your head, letting your damp hair fall down with a huffed sigh. What the hell was he doing here? Why had he come up an extra set of stairs to pass out in your bed? Flipping the main lights back off, leaving the bedside lamp to illuminate the room that you had left on while you were showering, you reached out a hand to shake him slightly, but he just mumbled something unintelligible. Great, out like a log. Fuck. Well, there was no way you were sleeping in Abby’s bed – she kicked, hard – so you’d just have to move him over to the edge of the bed and slide in next to him. That would be okay, right? You threw on an old sweater and put your belongings down on your desk to deal with in the morning, before returning to Tyson’s side.

He had some questions to answer in the morning, that was for sure.

With a final sigh, you rolled him from lying on his side onto his front, right at the edge of the bed, and placed a wastebin by his head just in case, trying to make sure his limbs weren’t in any weird position that would make him ache in the morning. Sure he wasn’t a big guy, but this dead weight was difficult to manoeuvre without taking all the pillow space with him. At least he’d kicked his shoes off before passing out. At least he was on top of the covers. When you’d moved him as much as you could, leaving you enough room on the side closest to the wall, you slid under the covers, grateful there was this small barrier between you – your fragile heart could only take so much.

You knew he’d be sweating in his jeans and long-sleeved top in the morning, probably feeling like death if the smell of beer was any indication, but this was the best you could do for now.

But tomorrow you had to talk with him. This…this showed you that much at least.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

You blinked your eyes open blearily, glancing around until you noticed your phone was on your desk. Why was it…oh. Oh. Last night, Tyson. And he…wasn’t here?

Fuck.

Tyson was gone. He’d woken up and gone without another word. Fuck. You were on your own with Abby snoring away in her bed, not a sign of Tyson even being here at all last night other than the wastebin you’d put next to the bed. Lunging out of bed to turn your phone alarm off, you wasted no time in sitting back down on your bed, running a hand through your messy hair. Why did this happen to you? Why did you deserve this? You felt a lump rise in your throat, tears stinging at your eyes, feeling stupid all over again. Why would he stay, right? Maybe all of this build-up had just been in your head. Maybe he was just messing with you for fun. Maybe all of this was just a joke to him and he was laughing with his buddies.

No, he couldn’t be, he wouldn’t be. Tyson wasn’t like that. He…

“Hey, good morning,”

You snapped out of your thoughts, head snapping up to see Tyson walking into your room with two coffees in a cardboard carrier in one hand, your keys in the other hand. What the fuck?

“I borrowed your keys, I hope you don’t mind,” he said a little sheepishly, dropping them onto your small desk, along with placing the coffee down too.

Then he looked at your expression, mild horror passing over his face. Fuck.

“I-I was always going to come back, I swear!” he said quickly, “I just went to get us coffee,”

“I don’t mind you borrowing my keys,” you said hesitantly, “but what’s going on?”

“I’m so sorry,” Tyson blurted out, “I was so drunk last night and I should never have drunkenly stumbled in here let alone passed out on your bed, but it was all I could think of wanting to do,”

As much as you needed, and deserved the apology, it still made your heart ache a little bit.

“Why?” you murmured, feeling your heart start to close in on yourself.

“You’re the only person I find myself thinking about,” he said softly, “And drunk me is apparently no different,”

As your breath hitched in your throat, you found yourself searching his face for any more answers, Abby’s snores still filling the background. His brow was furrowed, his mouth tense, and his eyes were tired but honest. Fuck. You were the only person he thought about? What did that even mean?

“Tyson…” you sighed, words trailing off.

Tyson huffed, running a hand through his unruly curls.

“Please tell me that it isn’t just me who feels something between us?” Tyson said quietly.

Oh fuck. Your lips parted slightly, words failing you. He…what? Did he really say that? Did he actually admit to feeling what you felt?

He sighed, his expression shutting down into something completely closed off, nothing like what you’d ever seen on him before. Fuck, no, say something before he walks away.

“The coffee is an apology. I’m sorry,” he mumbled, “Thank you for not just kicking me out last night,”

“You don’t have to buy me coffee to say thank you, Tyson,” you blurted.

Something flickered in his eyes as he looked at you, and he bit his bottom lip before squaring his shoulders slightly.

“How about as a date then?” he said, looking you straight in the eyes.

“A date?” you whispered.

He swallowed heavily but nodded, even as you ran a shaky hand through your messy hair.

“Unless…you don’t want it to be a date?” Tyson added, wincing.

You quickly shook your head, biting your lip briefly before sighing. “I really would like it to be a date. I just, I never…why me?”

“After all the talking in class, the phone calls over the Christmas break, the watching tv shows together, that hug…how could you not realise that I like you?” he asked, confused.

You huffed out a breath, smiling weakly up at him. “I dared not hope,” you admitted.

Tyson’s lips parted in surprise, before even more confusion filled his expression. “What?”

If he could be brave, and speak his mind, then so could you, right? This was what you wanted, to talk to him this morning…so it was time. You’d kept your own feelings inside for so long, only Abby really knowing the depth of them, or the anxiety that went with them, but you could be brave like he just was, right?

“I didn’t want to break my own heart, Tyson, in the chance that you didn’t like me too. I’ve liked you for so long and this year has seemed like a fantasy compared to the last three years, but I didn’t want to lose anything or ruin anything by opening my mouth,” you admitted.

His eyebrows pinched together and he quickly shook his head, smiling sadly, making that spark of hope flare up inside of you again.

“There’s no-one in my life like you. Even just being around you makes me happier. You’re everything I’ve wanted since the first day I met you,” Tyson said firmly, “It took me three years to get the courage to even sit next to you in class,”

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly at the last confession, making you laugh softly, earning a hopeful smile from him again.

“Sounds like we’re just as pathetic as each other,” you mused, smiling shyly up at him.

His grin came back in full force, and he moved to sit on the end of your bed, eyes wide and full of hope, that familiar confidence making you smile slightly. That was more like it.

“So you like me and I like you. Seems pretty concrete to me,” Tyson said happily, “We’re doing this then?”

“Are you asking me out, Tyson Jost?” you said, smiling a little helplessly.

He immediately nodded, making you smile even more.

“Breakfast on campus now but a proper date in a few days’ time?” he added, hopefully.

Oh fuck, wow, yes.

“I think I can work with that,” you grinned.

“Valentine’s day? Is that too cliché?” Tyson asked, a little sheepishly.

This all felt like a bit of a dream, too good to be true, but there he was in front of you with a hopeful smile on his face and it was everything you’d been hoping for, for years. And now that you had the chance to take it…why would you turn it down?

So you shook your head, smiling back at him. “No, that sounds perfect to me,”

Because Valentine’s Day with Tyson? You could only imagine how wonderful it would be.

“Great, I can’t wait,” he grinned, making your heart beat that little bit faster as always, “um, I’ll leave you to get dressed and meet you downstairs for breakfast?”

“Give me 20 minutes,” you nodded.

This giddy feeling didn’t leave you even when he left the room with a smile, or even when Abby let out a truly spectacular snore, and you found yourself smiling as you drank the coffee he’d left behind for you. It had happened, it had finally happened. Tyson had admitted how he felt about you, and he meant it entirely. You’d told Tyson how you felt about him and he didn’t run away. He’d asked you on a date and bought you coffee and now you were having breakfast together?

A dream indeed.

But one you intended to live out.

Tyson felt like he was floating. After nearly screwing up completely by getting blackout drunk, passing out in your bed, and not getting back in time with coffee before you woke up – and fuck if he ever saw sadness on your face like that again, it would be too soon – the fact that he’d finally confessed how he felt for you, that you’d returned your matching feelings, and that he’d asked you out on a date?

Unbelievable.

Extraordinary.

Stunning.

Even just getting breakfast with you had been amazing. Sure, he’d been incredibly hungover, but that had just made you laugh, an easy teasing setting the tone for a light-hearted breakfast that had served to be the start of something great. He knew it had to be – how could it not, after the build up that the two of you had had? JT had not-so-silently judged him for being a drunken idiot that night, but he’d still been excited for Tyson that he finally had a date with you, as had Mat and Dante, and they’d even promised not to show up at the café he was planning on taking you to make a scene.

Because if he didn’t have that promise, he knew they would do exactly that.

Despite his loveable idiot friends hyping him up alongside their teasing over the few days before the big date, Tyson was still nervous. This was his chance to show you the difference between friend-Tyson and potential-boyfriend-Tyson. This was the chance he’d been hoping he’d have for years, and his usual anxiety was whispering all sorts of overwhelming fails to him as he walked towards the café to meet you – you’d had a class and were meeting him after that – and he was doing his best to ignore all of it.

The pressure though, wow. Maybe Valentine’s Day wasn’t the best idea after all. Too late now though – he’d already had a text from you saying you were on your way there, so he would just have to suck it up and power through the anxiety, right?

And there you were, waiting outside the café with a shy smile, dressed in nice jeans and a cute top with your warm puffer jacket over the top, and Tyson felt his heart start beating that little bit faster. You were here, waiting for him. This was it. The date was really happening.

“Hey,”

Tyson smiled a little helplessly, biting his lip briefly before taking a deep breath.

“Shall we go inside?” he asked, wincing at how stiff he sounded.

But you didn’t seem to notice. “Sure,” you nodded, smiling back at him.

The moment that the two of you stepped inside the café, Tyson found himself wincing. The Valentine’s Day decorations were…garish, at best. Giant pink hearts and glitter and streamers and wow was that cupid? Ouch. Your eyes were just as wide as his though, a genuine look of surprise on your face too, and Tyson huffed out a laugh, just glad you were on the same page.

“Do you want to find a table while I order?” he suggested.

“Are you sure?” you frowned.

“Absolutely,” he said, grinning, “What would you like?”

“A caramel latte?” you asked hopefully.

Sweet but not over-the-top. Perfect reflection of you, if he was being honest. Good to know.

“Sure thing. Hopefully I won’t be long,”

You just laughed softly, squeezing his arm slightly before making your way through the busy tables, leaving Tyson a little stunned. You squeezed his arm. You’d initiated a new kind of physical contact. Fuck yes. He was still smiling as he ordered, not bothered by the bored-barista’s dull tones, and thankfully the wait wasn’t as bad as he’d thought. It was easy enough to find the table you were sitting at – he was used to picking you out of a crowd after all – and the sweet sunshine smile you sent him as he sat down made his heart skip a beat as always.

“Thanks for the coffee,” you murmured, clasping your hands around it.

“Of course,” he nodded.

You bit your lip, glancing around the room, before smiling back at him. “It’s busier than I thought it would be in here,”

“Yeah,”

Damn it.

A small frown spread across your lips, making Tyson wince, but he didn’t say anything. Couldn’t say anything. Unsurprisingly, an awkward silence fell over the two of you, the busy atmosphere of the café throwing Tyson off completely. Even though he opened and closed his mouth a couple of times to say something, he found his words drying up, just like they used to around you. It wasn’t fair! After all this time he finally was on a date with you, and he’d reverted back to his idiot self?

Anxiety was a bitch and Tyson didn’t know how to kick it away.

“This is weird, isn’t it?” you said suddenly.

Oh fuck.

“It’s not you? I’m genuinely distracted by all the Valentine’s Day fluff,” Tyson admitted, “And I’m nervous,”

When you burst into laughter, the ball of tension in his chest eased a little. At least he hadn’t fucked this up completely.

“I’ll admit I agree about the aggressive decorating, but why are you nervous? It’s just me,” you shrugged.

Tyson felt his cheeks heating up in a blush, but he shook his head. “That’s just it though – it’s you. I’ve thought about asking you out for so long, and the last thing I want to do is mess this up and ruin my chance with you…and I’m doing that anyway,”

Damn it.

He huffed out a breath, looking down at his clasped hands, until one of yours slid over to rest on them.

“You aren’t messing up. And you aren’t ruining anything,” you said softly, smiling sweetly.

That sweet sunshine smile made hope flicker in his chest once more, and he was hopeless to stop himself smiling back.

“So I get another shot?” he asked hopefully.

You weren’t just going to up and leave?

“Not that the first ‘shot’ was done but sure. Let’s start over,” you mused.

“Hi, I’m Tyson,” he blurted out.

You laughed at his loud exclamation, but shook your head fondly. “Never change Tyson, never change,” you giggled.

And just like that, things fell back into place. Finally, conversation started flowing between the two of you, and Tyson felt that flicker of hope flare into bright excitement, but tried to rein in his giddiness. This date was everything he had hoped for, feet intertwined, leaning forward to hear each other in the noise of the room, shy smiles but pointed comments at the cheesiness of your surroundings. To him, you were perfect, and he found himself getting lost in the animation of your face as you detailed a hilarious story from a girls’ night out where Abby wasn’t the one making a fool of herself for once. There was such joy and life and laughter in your eyes – hell, your whole body – and he found himself wanting so much more, even so early in what he hoped he could call a relationship.

Because at the end of the day, that’s what he wanted. An actual relationship with you. To be able to call you his girlfriend. To be able to call himself your boyfriend. To bring you home to meet his mom and Kacey. To go home with you to meet your parents. He knew how easy it would be to get lost in the fantasies swirling round his mind, like he had for years, so he focused on the moment, the real life moment where he had you in front of him and he could laugh at your stories.

Let people stare. Let them be jealous of being on such a brilliant date.

Almost two hours passed in the flash of an eye, with another coffee and a brownie each, stories and laughter and a little flirting filling the time in the natural way that Tyson had been hoping for. And as much as he wanted this to go on forever, he knew it would be best left in a great place. The two of you walked back to the dorms, Tyson carrying your heavy textbook for you (which fuck yeah, it made you smile sweetly), still talking as fluently as you had in the café. He hadn’t fucked up – he’d gotten through the date and it had been amazing. Maybe he had the opportunity to take you out again?

“This was really fun, Tyson,” you murmured, leaning against the wall outside your dorm room.

“Yeah?” he grinned, “I had a great time,”

The shy smile that spread across your lips only pumped his bravado some more.

“I’d love to do this again,” he added.

You nodded immediately, making him grin.

“I’d love to, too. Um, I have girls’ night with Abby and the other girls tonight, and then we have our late class chemistry class the night after…but maybe we could do dinner the night after that? My treat this time,”

Fuck. Was it really that easy? Did you really ask him out on a date?

“That’s perfect. I…I can’t wait,” he said, a little helplessly.

You grinned up at him – be still, his racing heart – and reached out to squeeze his hand gently before dropping it again. Oh fuck. How did he not know how soft your hands were before this?

When you hesitated slightly, hand on your door handle, Tyson took the last of the chances he’d been waiting for, and leant his head down, pressing his lips to yours in a quick kiss. Nothing dramatic, nothing intense, just short and soft and sweet and everything he’d been wanting. He pulled away with a blush flaring on his cheeks, eyes wide in a little panic, but the grin that spread across your face made that panic disappear immediately, his lips still tingling with the impulsive embrace.

Oh fuck, he’d just kissed you. He’d kissed you. He’d kissed you.

The boys were going to be so proud.

“See you tomorrow?” you murmured.

“Yeah, see you,” Tyson nodded, head still spinning as he took a few steps backwards.

The sound of your soft laughter filled his ears as he walked away, waiting until your door was closed behind you to turn around properly and head back to his own dorm downstairs. For what could have been a disaster date, it had turned out into something he had never expected, ending in a way he could only have hoped for in his dreams. What a perfect first date. And Tyson knew this was the start of something amazing.

That first date was the start of something amazing – and you couldn’t believe just how much. That next night, when Tyson sat down next to you in your chemistry class (the last semester you would ever have chemistry, thank fuck) and kissed you hello? Mindblowing. Sure, you could’ve done without the murmurs that sprung up around you, but Tyson’s bright smile washed away any hesitation you’d had. Even more so when he took your hand in his and intertwined your fingers to walk back to the dorms.

Holding hands with Tyson Jost. Who would’ve thought?

Naturally Abby was over the moon for you – even though she’d interrogated Tyson when he’d walked you back up to your room, you knew she only had the best intentions for you. And by the laughter in Tyson’s eyes, he knew it too.

(In contrast, JT had just given you an approving nod at lunch, and Mat and Dante had both given you a high five. Boys.)

The rest of the Spring Semester seemed to both fly by as well as trickle slowly, so much happening in that time that it was a little overwhelming. Tyson had asked you to officially be his girlfriend after only the third date, just over a week after that first date, which had surprised you but you had obviously accepted happily. Tyson Jost’s girlfriend – who would’ve thought? That did mean you got to make out with him in the middle of a bar on his birthday mid-March, earning wolf-whistles and cheers that you chose to ignore, Tyson grinning at you before kissing you again. And sure, you’d had some glares from jealous girls, now that you’d taken Tyson ‘off the market’ but to be honest? The glares were worth it. Being in a relationship with Tyson was everything you could ever have dreamed of.

You couldn’t wait to introduce him to your parents this summer.

But it wasn’t just your relationship with Tyson that made time speed past. Classes were intense, including your shared final chemistry class. The end of spring semester exams were no joke either – the late-night-cafeteria snack-and-study sessions were a godsend, and it meant you and Tyson at least had some time together in your own private way, even if it wasn’t all fun and games. You made it through those exams and papers, as did he, and the spring semester came to an end with a collective sigh all round. Tyson had even sprung in a last-minute coffee date before you left campus, to celebrate the end of exams, and that goodbye kiss had left your head spinning.

After a much-needed and incredible Spring Break with Abby and the girls in Malibu, at one of their uncle’s beach houses, you relished getting back to campus to see Tyson, even if it meant welcoming the arrival of the end of March and the start of the last ever semester of college.

Only a few days into the summer semester, the first week of April, and you could tell Tyson was stressing out. It wasn’t just classes though – you knew it was something else, and if there was something you could do to help? Especially since Mat and Dante had sent you pleading looks at lunch while JT looked grumpier than usual? Well, you were absolutely going to try to help, even just a little bit.

It wasn’t like you couldn’t relate with your own stress with trying to apply for graduate jobs, after all.

By a good turn of fate, Abby had headed out for the evening with some girls from one of her classes, so you had texted Tyson earlier with the insistence that he came up to your dorm that evening – and by the time he trudged upstairs in ratty sweatpants and an old t-shirt, you had takeaway pizza ready on your desk and all the fairy lights on to create a relaxing atmosphere.

By the smile the spread across his lips, it looked like you succeeded.

“Hey Sunshine. This is unexpected,” Tyson mused, shutting the dorm door behind him.

“I thought we could use a chilled night without homework or stress,” you said simply, reaching out a hand towards him.

Tyson’s lips pursed slightly before he nodded, walking over to you and taking your hand in his, sitting down next to you. “I’ve been that bad, huh?”

You winced slightly, but shook your head. That wasn’t what you meant.

“Classes have been pretty stressful for me too, as has trying to plan for after college, and I know you’d be the same. You work so hard, Tyson. I thought this would be good for us,” you explained.

He smiled weakly but nodded, looking at you a little sadly.

“You’re too good for me,” he murmured.

“Not even slightly,” you said firmly, gently squeezing his thigh briefly, “why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”

Because you knew your boyfriend – there was so much he still hadn’t said. By the way he was steeling himself, you could see that he was finally going to open up.

“I’m just…I feel over my head with our shared Physics class, let alone my kinesiology class and final psychology class. The reading alone is crazy. There’s so much to think about with all of that, and with all the work for the application for my Masters in Athletic Training? As well as trying not to mess things up with us? It’s just a lot,” he rambled.

Oh wow. All of that had just been swimming around in his head? You didn’t waste any time in leaning over to kiss him gently, a slow sweet kiss that had Tyson humming quietly and melting into your touch, making you smile against his lips. Pecking his lips a few more times before pulling away, you raised a hand to cup his face, running your thumb over his cheekbone before dropping your hand completely. At least the panic was gone from his eyes – at least you could help him that much.

“It’s only April, Tyson. We have until mid-June before we even have our last exams and our last papers to hand in,” you reminded him, “Not to mention we have the senior sunset event with a cook-out to say goodbye to college. You haven’t been messing anything up with us, I promise. We have so much time left still, and so much to look forward to with our friends,”

“I know. Really, I do. But I know how quickly that time is going to go too. Like, where has this year gone?” he sighed.

He was right in the respect, you had to give that to him. And it wasn’t just the year in terms of college work – it had already been 6 weeks since the two of you had become official, and now there were only 10 weeks left of college? 10 weeks and that was it?

“Oh man, I’ve made you panic too, haven’t I?” he groaned.

You laughed softly, letting your fingers trail up to play with the curls at the base of his neck. “Not panicking. Just being realistic. The future is coming, and we all need to find our place in it,”

Okay so maybe that was a bit deep, but you meant it. Just as you’d thought at the beginning of the school year, the end of college meant stepping out into the big wide world, and it still scared you as much as it had in September. But maybe it could be a little bit more manageable now?

“Your place is by my side for as long as you want it, you know that right?” he said simply.

Oh what a sweetheart. He really meant that, didn’t he?

“Well I have been applying to some graduate jobs here…” you teased.

“…because I’m applying to do my masters degree here?” Tyson asked, sounding more than a little stunned.

“I know we haven’t been together long, but this relationship feels like the real deal to me, you know? I wanted to give us a proper chance to see where we can go,”

“Yes, absolutely. I want that,” Tyson said quickly.

You couldn’t help but laugh as he blushed at his words, but he didn’t take them back, letting you know how he truly felt. He was as committed as you were – and that was something you were going to treasure.

“You and me - we’re in this for the long haul?” you asked hopefully.

“You’re not getting rid of me any time soon,” Tyson grinned, “You’re stuck with me, Sunshine,”

“I think I can handle that,” you grinned back, “So, pizza time?”

There wasn’t anything you wanted more, to be stuck with him. You may not know what the future held for you, or for Tyson, or for your relationship, but taking that next step with Tyson by your side? Yeah, you couldn’t imagine wanting anything else.

And then she smiled, Just for fraction of a little while, And everything was warm again inside. She's got a sunshine smile, The kind that warms up the corners of my cold room, She's got a sunshine smile, The kind that makes you forget again.

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