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softtransbf · 1 year ago

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Karaoke Night

From the beginning, I knew it had to be karaoke that got me and Winn together. But I've scrapped 4 attempts and probably about 8k words to get this thing right, and I think I've finally gotten a version I'm happy with.

Warnings: anxiety attack, brief alcohol mention, brief sexual innuendo

Word Count: 2019

Summary: It's a good thing when your crush runs out of the room after you're forced to sing a romantic song in front of him, right? Right??

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I leaned back in my chair and took a slow sip of my drink. I hadn’t known what to expect when Kara invited me to karaoke night at an alien dive bar, but it turned out to be a really fun time. Fortunately, Alex, James, and J’onn weren’t inexplicable vocal powerhouses like Winn, and apparently Kara, so I felt a lot more comfortable. Not that I had any intention of singing.

But, of course, as soon as I had the thought, Kara slid into the seat across from me with a smile that terrified me.

“Hey, Simon! Glad you could make it! Why are you sitting way back here? Come join us at our table!” She gestured to a table in the middle of the bar where everyone else was. Winn caught my eye and waved, and my heart did something ridiculous.

“Thanks, but I’m good here- I’m much more comfortable with a wall behind me.”

She nodded, understanding. I expected her to go back to the other table, but instead, she waved everyone else over. They all smiled, grabbed their drinks, and headed over without a moment’s hesitation. I told myself I was just imagining Winn subtly elbowing Alex out of the way to take the seat next to me.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. “Y’all, you really didn’t need to do this. I swear, I was having a perfectly good time as it was.”

“Yeah, well, too bad,” Winn said. “No one gets left out on karaoke night, even if they want to be.” He smiled, too, and took a drink of his beer. I tried my best not to think about the phallic nature of a beer bottle.

Kara stood up. “And absolutely no one gets to get away without singing. Come on, I already put in a song for you.”

My jaw dropped. “No, hang on, wait, no. I don’t sing.”

James, sitting on the other side of me, put one hand on my shoulder. “Everyone has to. Best to get it over with- she’s not gonna let this go.”

I thought for a second, weighing my options, then sighed. “Fine. What method of my utter humiliation did you pick?”

“You’ll see, just come on.” I stood up and let her lead me to the stage. I took the mic, and she headed back to the table.

The screen changed, and my heart stopped when I saw what song it was. How ‘Bout A Dance from Bonnie & Clyde. “How did you know I even know this song? Kara, I can’t do this.” Instead of responding to my desperate plea across the room, she gave me a thumbs-up. The music started, and I realized I wouldn’t be able to look at that area of the bar again for the rest of the song I’d listened to dozens of times, thinking about Winn.

In for a penny, in for a pound. There’s no half-assing this one. Fuck.

Thankfully, the song started off quiet, so I could focus on breathing and trying to forget where I was. As difficult as a song it was to sing well, it is one I knew like the back of my hand, so it could have been worse. As long as I avoided looking at him, I could get through it.

For most of the song, I did. But shortly before the end of it, I couldn’t stop myself, and nothing in the world could have prepared me for what I saw. Normally, his inability to sit still also applied to where he was looking, but he was perfectly still, focused on me with an intensity I’d never seen from him before. It froze me, too, and I found myself singing the rest of the song directly to him.

The last notes faded out, and whatever spell had fallen was broken. I turned to put the mic down, and when I turned back, Winn was gone. My heart sank and cracked. Fighting the panic attack that was starting to bubble in my chest, I walked back to the table.

I hadn’t even noticed that all of them were cheering and clapping until Alex spoke. “Simon, that was awesome! ‘I can’t sing’ my ass.”

I forced a laugh. “Thanks, but technically I said I don’t sing, not that I can’t.” I turned to Kara. “Thanks for inviting me, and including me and all that, but I really have to go. Sorry.” I ducked my head down and rushed out the door, not letting her respond.

Maybe it’s a good thing he left. It’ll be easier to pretend that didn’t happen if I don’t see him for a while, at least until I can get a grip. I got to my car, and as I fumbled to unlock it, I heard someone walk up behind me.

“Kara, I know you mean well, but I’m holding out against a panic attack by the slimmest of margins right now. I have to get home. I’ll call you later.”

“I’m, uh, I’m not Kara.” You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. “Are you okay? Sorry, bad question. Can I help? Do you need a ride home?” The gentleness and care in Winn’s voice almost brought me to tears. Everything in me screamed to turn around, to look at him, but I couldn’t do it.

“I’ll be fine. I don’t live far from here, and I’ve got tools to help me get there safely. Thanks, though.” I got the car unlocked, but before I could open the door, his hand was on mine, stopping me. It was almost painful, how close behind me he was.

“If this is because I left, let me explain. I can’t let you leave like this if it’s my fault,” he whispered. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck; it took everything I had not to lean back into him.

I took a shaky breath. “I have an anxiety disorder. It’s not your fault. Please, Winn, I’ve embarrassed myself enough today. Pretend you never saw this, let me hold on to some shred of my dignity.” He moved his hand and took a few steps back.

“Embarrassed yourself? Is that why you think I left?” There was something different in his voice, but I couldn’t quite place it without the context of body language.

“If not that, why?”

“Can you look at me? You don’t have to, of course, but I’d rather say this to your face if possible.” I turned around, braced for the all too common look of pity that always came when people learned about my anxiety, but instead I was met with real understanding and compassion. He understands. I couldn’t help it; I started crying.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay.” He closed the gap between us again, putting his hands on my shoulders. “I’m sorry, that can wait. Let’s get you home, okay?”

Too overwhelmed to think, I collapsed into him, wrapping my arms around his waist and fully sobbing into his shoulder. Without a moment’s hesitation, he pulled me in closer with one arm around my back at the shoulders and his other hand on the back of my head. It was the best hug I’d ever had. Then he started swaying gently from side to side and softly humming, and I’d never felt safer in my entire life.

Before long, I stopped crying, and I noticed what he was humming- How ‘Bout A Dance. I chuckled, and he stopped moving and relaxed the hug just enough for me to be able to back up and look at him, neither of us letting go.

“Feeling better?” he asked, and I took a deep breath.

“Thanks to you, yeah. I’m sorry about breaking down like that.”

To my surprise, he smiled. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m just glad I could help.”

I felt myself smile back. “I meant it, you know. It really wasn’t your fault.”

“It kinda is, though,” he said, crinkling his nose adorably.

I shook my head. “Nope. Something I learned very early on in dealing with an anxiety disorder- it’s not anyone’s fault. Assigning fault or blame just adds more layers of shame and guilt, and it makes it so much worse. If you still want to tell me why, I’d love to hear it, but only if you want to for you, not because of me.”

He nodded, taking that in. “That makes sense. And yeah, I really do want to tell you.” He took a deep breath. “I left because if I hadn’t, I would have done something stupid like run up there and kiss you in front of everyone.”

I was quiet for a few seconds, pretending to think while I rebooted my brain. “Well, maybe that wouldn’t have been an ideal first kiss, but it certainly would have made for a good story.”

His eyebrows shot up and he started laughing. “You were having a full breakdown, like, a minute ago, and now you’re making jokes?”

“I contain multitudes, babe,” I said with a shrug. “Get used to it.” I leaned and kissed him, soft and quick. When I pulled back, I couldn’t help but giggle. “Oh my god, you’re blushing SO much. You’re so fucking cute.” That made him blush more, and he looked away and tried to get out of the hug. I didn’t let him.

“I- I am not blushing! And I’m not cute!”

“You are objectively both of those things.”

Seeing a logical out, he all but shouted, “Ah, see, there’s your problem! Cuteness is inherently subjective! Objective cuteness doesn’t exist.”

I clicked my tongue. “In most cases, you’re right. However, in the years I’ve known and had feelings for you, I have discovered a quantitative scale of how cute you are. That scale may exist at different levels of appeal for different people, but right now, you are at the upper extreme of it.”

“Y- years?” He asked, his voice suddenly very soft.

Fuck. I looked away, embarrassed. “I- yeah. Pretty much since my first day at CatCo. I’m sorry, that probably came across as super creepy, didn’t it? I’m so sor-” my apology was cut off when he leaned forward and kissed me, deep and slow.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that, making out in the middle of the parking lot, but eventually he pulled back. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

I pulled him into a tight hug. “Honestly, I tried. But you’re too incredible to let go of. Thank you for seeing me. And thank you for your help earlier, with the anxiety.” I took a step back, breaking the embrace. “And I guess we should thank Kara for the set-up, despite how close it came to disaster?”

“Yeah, I guess we should,” he laughed, running a hand through his hair. “She’s gonna be so smug.”

“Oh god, yeah. Should we go in and face her and everyone else now?”

He thought for a second. “We could, or we could just take off? Go somewhere else, avoid all of their comments and opinions as long as we can?”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh thank god. I was hoping you’d say that.” I put one hand on his cheek and smiled. “Maybe we go back to my place? We could watch a movie, or talk,” I looked down at his lips and stepped towards him, “or not talk.”

Maybe I moved first, maybe he did, maybe we moved at the same time, but a heartbeat later we were kissing again, this time needy, almost desperate. Without even thinking, I put one hand into his hair and pulled lightly; the sound he made was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard.

As quick as it started, we stopped. “Yeah, your place sounds great,” he said, completely breathless.

“Fantastic. Let’s go.” My voice wasn’t any steadier, but they were barely out before he literally ran to the other side of my car. “Like I said, so goddamn cute.”

I managed to not egregiously break any traffic laws on the way, but just barely.

#winnposting #my writing

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softtransbf · 1 year ago

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Say You'll Share With Me One Love, One Lifetime (Even If We Can't Have It)

My original plan was this scene being maybe 600 words and at most a third of the whole thing, but oops it's almost 1900 and we're getting married. So there will probably be 2 more parts to this story, eventually.

Word Count: 1890

Warnings: light angst in the beginning, brief food and alcohol mention, fade to black implied fuckin'.

Summary: Only having a month before being separated by a thousand years would make any couple do something impulsive and probably crazy, right?

It had been a perfectly routine evening. I got home from work first, so I started dinner, and it was about ten minutes from being ready when Winn walked in, kissed me on the cheek, and poured us each a drink. It was a heavier pour than usual, so I figured it had been a rough day, and he’d tell me about it later. Heavy conversations can wait until after dinner. We chatted about my day and the light parts of his as I finished cooking, and we ate on the couch and continued our way through Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

When the credits ended and the dishes were done, we sat back down on the couch, and he dropped the bomb.

“The Legion? 31st century space heroes? Led by Mon-El? That Legion?”

Winn nodded. “Yeah, Brainy can’t go back with them because of… something about his relative wiping out all other AIs? He didn’t give a lot of detail. Bottom line, he said I should take his place. They’re leaving when the ship is ready, and that’ll probably take a month.”

“That- that’s incredible! Really, I’m so proud of you and so glad that your genius is being recognized.” I smiled as best I could, and his worry lines deepened.

“I don’t have to go. I can say no.”

I sat up straighter and looked him in the eye. “No, you can’t. You are, in an infinite multiverse, singularly brilliant. And you’ve got a shrine to your two-item space dirt collection. Space, the future, being a hero- this is all of your dreams on a silver plate.”

He took my hands in his, eyes watering. “Not all of them. Not anymore. Yes, those are dreams of mine, but so is a life with you. I love you. I love the life we’ve built together!” He gestured with one hand around our apartment. “I don’t know if I can survive being somewhere you’ve been dead for a thousand years.”

I took a deep breath, fighting back tears of my own. “You can. You know how I know that?”

He rolled his eyes and smiled a little bit, knowing this game very well. “Because you love me?”

I smiled, too, and nodded. “Because I love you. You, Winn Schott, are the love of my life. I didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much before we met. I will always love you so much that you’ll be able to feel it across all of space and time.”

“Simon, no,” he said, his smile disappearing. “If I go, you have to move on. Find someone in this millennium, and be happy with them.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Sweetheart, think about it. You’re not the only one here who’s dreamed of space; how could anyone even begin to approach how goddamn hot you being a spacefaring superhero is? You’re literally setting the bar astronomically high.” I paused for a moment, thinking. “Would you call me a hypocrite if I said you should let me go in the same breath I swear I won’t let you go?”

“Not a hypocrite,” he said, shaking his head, “but definitely wasting your time. My heart will be here with you, forever.”

The fervency in his eyes was too much; I had to take my hands out of his and look away. We were both quiet for a while, but before long, I felt Winn sit up straighter. I looked over at him, and I could practically see his brain working as he stared off into the middle distance, not really seeing anything. It was beautiful, as always, so I took the opportunity to simply watch him. How am I supposed to keep going, when he’s gone?

Eventually, he came back to reality, blushing when he realized I’d been watching him. “I have an idea. It’s crazy and probably a terrible one, so I totally get it if you say no. It might even be better if you do.”

I smiled, having heard that countless times. “I’m sure it can’t be that-”

“Marry me.”

My smile fell and my jaw dropped. I searched his face for any indication of hesitancy or a joke, but all I saw was pure sincerity. “What?”

Instead of responding, he got up and walked into the bedroom. A minute or so later, he walked back out with a small black velvet box in his hands. He got down on one knee, eye level with me, since I was now frozen to my spot on the couch.

“I didn’t think I was going to do this for at least another year, but we don’t have that kind of time. You kinda stole my lines earlier, with the whole not thinking it was possible to love someone this much and love of my life stuff. All that is true for me, too.”

He took a deep breath before continuing. “Simon, you're the love and the light of my life, the home I thought I’d never get. Somehow, at the same time I was learning about aliens and superhero shit, falling in love with you was the most unexpected and wonderful thing that has ever happened to me.

I want to be your husband. I want the world to know that I am the luckiest man in the entire universe, because you chose me, even after I hurt you like I did. I want to make that up to you with a lifetime of laughter and bickering and love. We can’t have a lifetime, but will you give me a month?” He opened the box, revealing a white gold claddagh ring with a brilliant clear gem for the heart. “It’s moissanite, not diamond, because, you know, ethics. And, uh, I can sign divorce papers before I go, so you can file them if you change your mind later.”

I’d held it together through the beautiful romantic speech, but the suddenly anxious logistical addendum was too much; the tears fell. Despite everything I’d believed about marriage for my entire life, there was only one answer I could possibly give. “Yes! Yes, of course I’ll marry you!” His smile put the wonders of the world combined to shame. Without a word, he took my left hand and put the ring on, heart pointing towards me.

Once it was on, he kissed it, and I chuckled. “Pretty sure it’s supposed to go the other way until we’re actually married, my love.”

He shook his head. “If all we get as husbands is a month, I’m not wasting a moment of it with the ring facing the wrong way. And I fully intend to take you to the courthouse first thing in the morning, so it won’t be wrong for long.”

“A proposal to a wedding in…” I checked the time. “Less than 12 hours? People will talk about buns and ovens,” I joked, mock scandalized.

“Let ‘em talk. Even if I still had an oven for you to have put a bun in, I couldn’t care less. It’s none of their damn business, anyway.”

I nodded. “Fair point. I have three requests, if we’re really going to elope in the morning.”

“Anything.” The words were barely out of my mouth before he responded. “As long as you’ll marry me, anything.”

“Be careful with writing blank checks, my love. You said you wanted the whole world to know, and I’d like to… not keep it a secret, because you can’t keep a secret to save your life, and we do need 2 witnesses. But not make a big deal about it. With how recently Alex and Maggie broke off their engagement, I don’t want her to feel like we’re rubbing it in her face or anything. She’s already in enough pain- I really don’t want to make it worse.”

Not letting go of my hand, he moved back to his spot on the couch next to me. The longer his silence went on, the more I realized how devastated I would be if he changed his mind. After what felt like an eternity but was probably only about ten seconds, he nodded. “Okay, as long as you still wear the ring. Even to game night. What else you got?”

I could breathe again, and I smiled. “I’d never dream of taking it off. My second request is much lighter- a moratorium on talking about you leaving. Until the day of, we pretend like we will get our lifetime together. With, of course, the ability to call time-out or quits altogether on it. The usual safewords. And on the subject of rings, I want to get you one before the wedding. Have you put any thought into what you might want?”

He shook his head. “Yes on the pretending we’re not on a clock, but I haven’t thought about a ring I’d like. We can absolutely go ring shopping, though. Oh, also, who do you want to ask to be our witnesses?”

I thought for a moment. “I think we have to ask Kara, since it was her karaoke shenanigans that got us together in the first place.”

“Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t even consider her not being there, but if we do that, she’ll insist on making it a big deal, maybe even try to talk us out of it. How about James?”

“Yeah, you're right about Kara.” I sighed. “Definitely James, no question about it. As for the second, hear me out- Mon-El. He’s been a good friend to you, and he’ll understand better than anyone why we’re doing this. Even if he does think it’s a bad idea and tries to talk us out of it, I’m not above admitting that I’d enjoy guilting him just a bit about being the reason you’re leaving in the first place. He owes me.”

“As much as I don’t want to encourage your pettiness, you’re right,” he chuckled, and I smiled a Cheshire smile.

“Fantastic. You wanna ask him, and I’ll ask James?”

He nodded. “Sounds great.” He finally let go of my hand, taking out his phone to text Mon-El, and I did the same.

Text sent, I put my phone down and took a closer look at the ring. “The ring really is absolutely perfect. I have to ask, though, when did you buy it? You said you’d planned on doing this later and had presumably planned or maybe even rehearsed lines for me to have stolen.”

[9:36 pm] TO James Olsen: Hey, can you meet Winn and me at the courthouse tomorrow, around 10? We need a favor. Don’t tell Kara, please.

“Would you laugh if I said the day you asked me to move in?” he asked, blushing and rubbing the back of his neck.

I blinked once, twice, processing what he said. “No, but I will question your sanity. We’d been together less than a year, including the months when you were still at CatCo! I was questioning if we were moving too fast, and you were buying a ring?”’

He shrugged. “When you know, you know.”

Moved beyond words, pulled him forward by the front of his shirt and poured everything I was feeling but couldn’t say into a kiss. His phone chimed and mine lit up, but neither of us would be aware of anything except each other for the rest of the night.

#winnposting #my writing

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