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yukirayu · 1 year

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A Haunting Shadow, a Drifting Ghost (A Meta about Madarame)

In this thread, I'll be looking into when and why Madarame shows himself to Towa, and all other things related to it. (This is also available on Google Docs, if you want to read it there instead for convenience.)

I'll start by saying the following:

I love Madarame, and I find him to be a very interesting character. That being said, I also get why many don’t like him. And for this meta, I'm not wearing a pair of rose-tinted glasses when I analyze him and I’ll say things as they are.

Everything you see here is only my opinion. I do my best to explain based on what the visual novel showed us, but we still all have a different way of interpreting things.

By the time I made this meta, the progress of the translation of Madarame’s drama CD has only been on the first track, so some things here may likely have been discredited there. But based on the little I can infer from what I had listened, what’s covered in the drama CD isn’t likely to coincide much with what I’ll discuss here, but then again, I could be wrong.

If I quote anything from the visual novel, I opted to rephrase it into third-person POV because that’s how it originally read in the JP version anyway, and doing so helps provide more objectivity.

Be warned that there are spoilers abound here, so be warned before you read any further because if you have not yet gotten to his route, I advise that you play his route - or rather - that you finish all the routes first before reading this.

And with that…

Setting the Stage for Madarame’s Appearance

Madarame’s Route

When we all first played Taku and Rei's routes, we at least got to see Fujieda. But no signs of Madarame at all; at most, just a few mentions of his name. His route does answer why, eventually, but... not entirely.

In Madarame's route, what happens differently? Ikuina commits suicide.

This alone changes the atmosphere of the rest of the route, since it greatly affects both Towa's mood and his relationship with Taku and Rei. Both always had reservations with what Towa does as the artist 'euphoria', but besides patching up his wounds and the occasional lecture, it was more or less a normal routine for them. At least until Ikuina, because before him, none of the previous models died.

It's why they become a lot more grave and cautious with their approach to Towa, because they feel that he may have started to take his tendencies too far. At the same time, however, Towa is overcome with an itching urge that he cannot fathom, let alone figure out how to quell.

Both clash like oil and water, and it results in Towa drifting further away from Taku and Rei even though they try (and fail) to help him. They mean well, but they don't know the best way to help him, or even just how to get through to him.

And so, Towa is on his own.

The final route hints that Towa was overwhelmed with a frustration that neither violence nor sex can truly sate because he's actually bothered by the fact that he, in a way, took a life.

But he never realizes this, because he needs to remember his past in order to do so. And his own subconscious is determined to keep certain memories hidden and forgotten. So without an answer, and with every day that he can't get an answer, a release, or any form of support (that he wouldn’t reject), Towa becomes more frustrated and vulnerable in equal measure.

Even the bar manager comments on how Towa starts to look more like his old self using the same word: vulnerable.

Because some things play differently, Towa never ends up getting curious about his past (or more specifically, his childhood), so his thoughts remain hazy as long as his mind lacks something to focus on.

Shortly after, he is suddenly handed over a red windproof lighter, which hints to him that Madarame - after years of being presumed dead - is actually alive. With this and the rumors of a “ghost” that’s been haunting the Deathmatch Area, Towa easily puts two and two together.

Like his childhood in Euphoria, Madarame is also a part of Towa’s past that he would rather forget. In this case, however, it's a more conscious decision, rather than an unconscious one brought about by his mental trauma trying to keep his sanity intact. As such, while it doesn't exactly help abate that discontent inside him, wondering whether Madarame is really alive or not still (in a way) did its job in keeping his mind preoccupied on something else.

In time, it would soon lead to when Madarame eventually shows himself to Towa.

Fujieda’s Route

In Fujieda's route, Towa is in a similarly miserable situation, though it has less to do with his model committing suicide (which he doesn't even learn of until much much later), and more with the mental stress he starts to suffer from after receiving a package containing relics of his childhood.

While the effect of the change of events on Towa’s relationship with Taku and Rei are nowhere near as bad, there's nevertheless some distance between them in the last route that leaves Towa (mostly) on his own. This is because this time around, one can't help him while the other won't help him with what he wants.

In Rei's case, it's only because he doesn't know what's going on and thus truly can't be of much help to Towa even though he wants to. But even then, he has his own problems to deal with, namely his father and being burdened with the man’s debt. As for Taku, Towa finds out that Taku knows more about his past... but is determined to keep it a secret at all costs, and not even any threats or call-outs will get him to spill anything. And we all know how Towa responded to that.

Unlike before, Towa knows why he’s in a state of unrest this time. Someone out there is compelling him to dig up his past, but the voices in his head tell him something which echoes what Taku also told him: “There are some things you’re better off not remembering.”

And again, he tries to quell his frustrations with violence and sex, by either picking a fight, or sleeping around with whoever’s willing to give it to him. However, while he’s left to his own devices, he has a clear-cut goal in his mind. He has a focus. He’s still vulnerable, but he’s not completely lost this time.

Even then, just like before, Madarame leaves a hint to Towa that he’s still alive. And naturally, Towa also gets concerned about Madarame’s presence. But his interest in knowing more about his younger years and about his mother overshadows that concern.

Heck, even the visual novel outright tells us (through Sakaki) that everything about Madarame will be on the back-burner in this route. If anything, the man only gets to hog the spotlight for five minutes maximum, as we all know.

And even before he shows up, Towa had already gone through many vicissitudes in his journey to uncover more about his childhood. So by the time Madarame shows up, the only reason why his presence really alarms Towa (besides the standard shock at how Madarame isn’t really dead) is because he has endangered not just Taku, but also Rei.

That, and it doesn’t take too long for him to vanish as quickly as he showed up.

The (Other) Reason behind Madarame’s Presence

“If you were too far gone, then I had no intention of involving myself with you.”

Is basically the answer to why Madarame never appears in Taku and Rei’s routes.

However, this answer is only a half-truth.

Some of his remarks confirmed that he had - to some degree - checked on Towa a few times, and there is proof for this. While it’s easy to miss, there are instances in the earlier parts of the game where Towa pauses and looks around, feeling like he’s being watched.

Towa’s usually right on the money whenever he feels like someone’s stalking him, so it’s highly likely that someone was watching him from a distance. That being said, we never know who it is, and the visual novel never confirms it either. Based on everything we know by the endgame, it could be Eiji keeping tabs on Towa for Sakaki. It could also be someone from the Takasato-gumi trailing Towa on Toono’s orders (at least, if you take Taku’s route). Or it could be Madarame, trying to see for himself if Towa has lost his fangs.

And there are two scenes which further support Madarame’s statement about how he has stalked Towa at some point.

One is the additional cutscene during an Exploration, which you get after completing Taku’s route and gives you the additional Clue needed to get Madarame’s route. Before bumping into Sakaki in said cutscene, Towa took notice of something… or someone else.

While Towa was on his way to Roost, he caught sight of a guy slipping away from a crowd. He recognized that man. His restless gait carried him toward an alley.

He didn't get a good look at the man’s face, but he was sure he knew him.

But right as Towa was about to follow him...

The other is a scene from Taku’s route. While Towa and Rei are having a meal outside, Rei points out that someone’s been watching them from across the diner, but neither he nor Towa could see the guy’s face, what with it hiding behind a newspaper.

With a tense look on his face, Rei set down his spoon and leaned across the table to whisper.

"Do you know that person? The one reading the newspaper?"

Towa followed Rei's gaze to the counter, where a man sat while reading the paper. He had it spread out so widely, Towa couldn't see his face.

"Is he a friend of yours?"

Towa, "No..."

"Well, he keeps peeking at us from behind the paper. When I looked back at him, he went straight back to 'reading'... but he's still been glancing at us. ….What's his deal? Is he a stalker?"

Towa scrutinized the man at the counter, but he never looked up from his paper. Then he rose to his feet, paid his bill, and left the diner.

[...]

More importantly, who was that man just now? If Rei was to be believed, then he was watching them for some reason.

And it wouldn't be the first time a fan of 'euphoria' stalked Towa. In that case, it would mean he really was watching Towa.

...No, he could be overthinking it. It was entirely possible the man wasn't even looking at them on purpose.

Given that Towa would recognize Madarame’s face even years later, if the mysterious stalker is Madarame, it would make sense for him to keep Towa from seeing his visage.

In Taku and Rei’s routes, Towa never really suffers any special stress-induced episodes that make him go on his own version of a rampage. He just lives life like he always had, and only gets involved in either Taku or Rei’s troubles later on. So in Madarame’s eyes, Towa - being at peace (for the most part) and not really in the mood to bash in some skulls - is “too far gone”, which is why he’s absent on both routes and is only mentioned in passing a few times.

But that’s the thing. Besides the injuries he got from his sessions with Ikuina and Asakura/Kirihara, Towa is none the worse for wear. And this is enough cause for Madarame to decide to not bother with Towa any longer in the first two routes.

What’s easy to miss here is that it’s not just about Towa lacking his old rebellious streak. Madarame isn’t just trying to see if Towa has already lost all traces of his old self or not. He’s also on the lookout for something else.

When Madarame told Towa on what basis he went with to decide whether or not he would go after Towa, he still omitted something.

What was that part he kept quiet about? Besides the mental and emotional state Towa is in, that question can be answered with another question: what did Towa still have in both routes that slowly erodes and disappears in Madarame’s route?

A support system.

In other words, someone to rely on. Someone who he subconsciously trusts and can go to. Someone to look out for him at the end and at the start of the day.

And it’s hard to say that he still has that in Madarame’s route; since while Taku and Rei do want to help him, with Towa pushing them away even before Madarame entered the picture, he may as well have had no one left.

In Fujieda’s route, he’s still on his own, but the circumstances are different. Again, Rei - besides not being able to do much for Towa - has an issue of his own to handle. Taku already has his whole ordeal with Toono - but being caught red-handed as a secret-keeper of Towa’s past ended up adding fuel to the fire, leaving Towa alone in his pursuit of his past. And until much later in the game, Fujieda is no more than a distant and reluctant ally.

Still, in Madarame’s eyes, in (at least) the early parts of the last route, Towa appears isolated and left without anyone to rely on. Not to mention, he’s in a near-helpless situation because of the strain he’s in from attempting to unearth a dark chapter of his past. Hence why, even though Madarame didn’t “bump into” Towa to test whether Towa was still someone who could punch back after being punched, still left a clue that he’s alive.

So to sum up, Madarame only reveals his presence to Towa if the following conditions are met:

✓ Towa has traces of his spunkier and younger self

✓ Towa is distant from his friends

✓ Towa is alone and vulnerable

Option: Pursue or Abandon?

Note: If I sound redundant by this point, it’s because I’ve already more or less discussed this topic in another meta I previously made where I compared and contrasted Madarame and Taku. I’m just going into more detail in this particular meta (or at least, I think I am).

Prelude: Yet Another Reason

So there’s the matter of when Madarame reveals himself to Towa. But there’s also the matter of whether he continues going after Towa or not.

I listed a while ago the three conditions that needed to be met in order for Madarame to make his presence known to Towa. Again, to make his presence known.

Even after he and Towa meet face-to-face, Madarame’s hunt is far from over. He’s still gauging the situation. There’s still something else that he’s observing.

In other words, as for whether he will continue pursuing Towa or decide to give it up, a secret fourth condition needs to be met.

This is something that he can gauge from when he first shows up in both his and Fujieda’s routes.

In his own route, it’s only a given that he goes all in. In Fujieda’s route, he calls it quits instead. For the latter case, it’s only natural because he’s not the love interest there, but that’s not all.

In the scene where he appears in the Deathmatch Area, there are a lot of interesting things to observe up to when Madarame suddenly decides to just make his leave, since they all lend credence to what I said earlier: that Madarame wasn’t telling the complete truth when he told Towa that he’d only find him worth going after if he still had his old fighting spirit.

Looking at his route alone, it is hard to see what other motive Madarame would have, given that the route would mention how he’s a man who’s true to his desires. He seems collected, sure, but his mercurial nature is also reflected in how he does whatever he pleases whenever he feels like it. He’s not a man of restraint, either in his actions or in his words.

But it doesn’t mean he’s someone who would never lie for his own benefit.

As discussed in the meta I mentioned earlier, there was when he tells nothing to Towa about his past in his route, only hinting that Taku knows something but is keeping it from him… but then he does the opposite in Fujieda’s route. He doesn’t tell everything, but what he does reveal to Towa is enough for him (and Fujieda) to make progress with their investigation.

Given that Towa becomes distressed upon learning the truth, but the full scope or just a partial detail, it’s strongly hinted that whether Madarame divulges anything or not is done with the same goal. Since Towa’s investigation of his past results in some distance between him and Taku and Rei, Madarame seeks to sever those bonds completely.

This makes up one half of that secret fourth condition. As for the other half, we’ll have to cover a few other points first.

First Encounter: The When, Where and How

To get there, let’s first recall in detail the setting of when Towa and Madarame first meet face-to-face in both routes, and I’m not just talking about the room they’re in. This is important.

In Madarame’s route, Towa was forced to meet with whoever called him alone. He had no choice since Taku was held hostage, and the caller made it clear that Taku is as good as dead if Towa tries anything funny. So Towa does as he’s told… and gets knocked out. When he comes to and realizes that the culprit is Madarame, Towa also finds that he is in one of the many dilapidated buildings of District A, and is in chains too. He’s alone and powerless, with no one else to turn to or call for help.

In Fujieda’s route, Taku is held hostage as well. But it just so happens that Rei had also encountered Madarame, since he was acting on the Takasato-gumi’s orders at the time. And both are present when Towa shows up, so even though Towa still is at a disadvantage, he isn’t on his own, especially not after Fujieda tracks him down.

The difference of the situation also shows the stark difference of the chances Madarame has in getting what he’s after.

In his route, he’s the only one Towa interacts with, hence it’s easy for him to poke and prod Towa (by that I mean punch and pin down), and the more Towa gives in to Madarame’s provocations, the easier it is for Madarame to string him along and manipulate him. Yes, Madarame can be manipulative, and he has proven to be such. This is a fact, no matter how much we may like him.

In Fujieda’s route, however, he doesn’t have much of an opportunity to do that to Towa. He can still fan the flames, but with the other three love interests being there to protect Towa regardless of the condition they’re in, Madarame doesn’t have much freedom of movement, for lack of a better word.

You can say that the aforementioned details only point back to the part I said about Towa either having a support system or not. But besides that, what else stands out?

It’s whether Towa is on the way to recovery, or to regression.

In Love with Your Wounds, Physical and Mental

It’s hinted early on that there’s a story behind Towa’s scars and it’s not just because he finds it fun. His brand of masochism doesn’t come without a reason either. When we first played the visual novel, we all anticipated at some point that it would be from something traumatic, and true enough, Fujieda’s route confirmed it as such.

To sum up, just to make my point later much clearer, his mother allowed him to be tortured and violated and mutilated, and it resulted in his masochism, which is his means to both cope with something that he suffered (even if he cannot remember) and to gain autonomy.

What do I mean by autonomy? As Fujieda explained (albeit with different words), all those times Towa was cut and beaten and raped, he had no control. But if he sought it out and tried to find entertainment and pleasure in it, he could then say that any violence inflicted on him was done on his own terms.

Besides that, there’s one other thing I should point out. When Maya died, Towa’s personality changed and led him to become wilder and more volatile. A short story even confirmed that his sudden switch of demeanor happened right after Maya’s death, since before that, he was timid and well-behaved. Not to mention, it was when Towa’s personality was more turbulent in nature that he got recruited into the Takasato-gumi, which is likely when he and Madarame also met each other.

When they got to know each other more. Even if, most of the time, they ended up fighting, and I mean that in both senses of the word.

Now, Madarame made it pretty clear that he wants Towa to be like how he remembered him. Like how he used to be when he was at the gang. Or, in other words, when Towa was at his most damaged.

And speaking of damage, let’s bring up the shootout that resulted in Kaga’s death and the loss of one of Towa’s eyes. Towa had admitted that the experience had left him a bit more detached. This is confirmed not just in Madarame’s route, but in Taku’s route as well.

From Madarame’s route:

Madarame: Since the day I came back to Shinkoumi, I've been watching you. You'll take a hit, but you won't fight back. You're like a worn-out punching bag. So what changed you?

Towa: ...It was that fight that made me stop caring about anything. I lost Kaga, I lost my eye, I lost you... and this is what's left.

And from Taku’s route:

Towa thought back to that day. To that shootout that cost him his right eye.

Taku had his ruptured eyeball removed at Shinkoumi General Hospital.

Towa personally didn’t miss it much, but the experience still had changed him on a subconscious level.

One can argue that Towa only says that he feels he had nothing left after the shootout because, by that point, he had chosen to keep his distance from Taku and Rei out of the belief that he no longer belongs with them and that only Madarame could understand him. But either way, that experience had undoubtedly affected him.

And yet, even then, he still had friends who had his back. Even though they couldn’t really give him the proper support that he needed to fully resolve his trauma, they still could help keep him on the right track… more or less. So Towa, while not exactly doing too great, is still doing relatively better than before.

While his journey to find his past is taking a toll on him in the physical, emotional and mental sense in the true route, it is established in the Euphoria ending that what awaits him once he’s confronted the ghosts of his past is closure and recovery and self-fulfillment.

All of which he is the farthest away from in Madarame’s route.

The Punchline?

All this, leads up to the latter half of fourth condition, to what Madarame ultimately wants from Towa. The first three only make him interested in showing himself to Towa, and the fourth is what will determine whether he continues going after Towa.

You may ask, why does he even want Towa even after all those years? One reason is that he loves Towa, or at least a certain version of Towa, because he feels that the most damaged and violent kind of Towa validates his own existence.

“I love the look in your eye when you come at me again and again. You don't flinch away; you always come back begging for more. You're like me: deep down, you revel in fighting to the death, and nothing else matters to you.”

“We're perfectly compatible.”

“With you, [I’ll never get bored].”

“I’ll never get bored.”

No matter what kind of person you are, it’s almost always a given that you want at least one other person who would understand you. More often than not, that person has to be someone who mirrors you, who shares your viewpoints. And even someone like Madarame wasn’t immune to having that desire.

In fact, his Madness ending only even happens because by being asked way too many questions, he felt that Towa had failed to become that person he wants him to be if he can’t understand him from the get-go, from just a look or a few words. And that reason was apparently more than enough to set him off and drive him over the edge.

Though that aside, as I said before, Madarame knew he could only have the kind of Towa that he wants if Towa never comes anywhere close to resolving his trauma–which Madarame is sure to know about, even to a degree.

No matter how he got to know about Euphoria, whether he knew it for a long time or because Eiji told him years later, he still knew about it. Anyone who knows Towa and that much about him can draw the connection between what went on in the mansion, the fact that Towa came from there, and why he was the self-destructive masochist that he is at present. Or in other words, the person Madarame knew him as.

Yet, the brutal and tragic truth is, Madarame prefers him that way.

Based on the interactions I’ve seen on Twitter or on Discord, many of us are in agreement that whether we like the two as a pairing or not, Towa and Madarame are undoubtedly the kind of couple that are unhealthy for each other and bring out the worst of each other, but that’s also why they’re so compatible. Even if it’s only when Towa is at his lowest and at his worst and most destructive.

Final Decision: Abandon (Fujieda’s Route)

As such, Madarame has no interest in Towa not only if Towa can’t go back to his more aggressive self. When Madarame says “Guess you’ve changed,” a part of that sentence is kept quiet and unspoken. He actually meant to say,

“Guess you’ve changed for the better.”

Even in Fujieda’s route, Towa still gets to show that he has some bite by fighting back against Madarame. However, he fought back to protect someone else. That alone clued in Madarame on the fact that the Towa in front of him is getting further and further from the vulnerable and dangerous yet damaged goods that he remembered him being.

With him having people to care for him, with him caring enough about people to willingly take a hit to protect them and not because he was trying to seek getting destroyed inside out, Madarame already can get the hint that Towa is, in his eyes, a lost cause.

Even in the other routes, where Towa doesn’t face his past, he’s still bound to head to a better place, both mentally and emotionally. But it’s a place Madarame would rather not be, and where he and Towa would be more incompatible.

So, he loses interest and gives up, and thus makes his leave. Towa is no longer in his mind for another minute, neither is he given much thought by Towa anymore.

Final Decision: Pursue (Madarame’s Route)

Of course…. none of the things above happen in Madarame’s route, where he has the opportunity to continue, chooses to continue, and thus gets the outcome he wants, without anyone to get in his way. At most, the others also end up being pawns in his game with Towa.

In the penultimate route, Towa is completely at Madarame’s mercy. But credit where credit is due, because it’s not as if Towa immediately surrenders. In fact, he still struggles and attempts to resist. But there’s so much that even he can do against a man who is indomitable and not just because he has the strength of ten men.

Towa knows that he cannot get a read on Madarame, which is more than enough for the man to be able to wrap him around his finger. He knows this, and thus tries his best to not fall into the other’s trap. However, Madarame knows him all too well. Or at the very least, since Madarame only focuses on a specific version of Towa, knows what makes the younger man tick. And before Towa realizes it, Madarame has already got him, hook, line, and sinker, with every beating he would inflict, and every provocation he would give.

Towa knew Madarame was goading him. If the man would go ahead and treat him like a plaything, he could get into that. But no—he wanted Towa to voluntarily do so, to which he didn’t want to. And yet...

Deep down, Towa got a thrill out of it. He was at his limits, physically and mentally... and as a result, he had no more self-control.

Madarame was capable of giving him the pleasure he wanted. They were a perfect match. Towa’s body was well aware of this, and it found the temptation hard to refuse.

Madarame punched without hesitation. He fought to kill. And he enjoyed the violence from the bottom of his heart. Even if it resulted in his own death, he didn't care. Naturally, he didn't care if his opponent died, either. That was the kind of game he played.

His desires matched Towa’s on a fundamental level. It was impossible for Towa to not be able to relate.

Still, Towa didn't want to let him win. It was because Towa could relate that he refused to take Madarame's orders. He admitted that a long time ago, he felt comfortable in Madarame’s presence.

But even then... too much time had passed. Towa had changed. He didn't want to be his pet. He just wanted to exist.

Even as Towa feels resentful and angry about how helpless he is, that trauma-induced masochism rooted in his being also starts to crave the pain, the violence and the humiliation because all of them are what he has been used to for a long time.

Unlike now, he was only occasionally exposed to such things in the past. Sure, he often sought out one-night stands, but they were still nothing like Madarame’s level of ferocity. That aside, he also had Taku and Rei keeping him in check. This time, however, with Madarame, no holds are barred every time Towa would get brutalized. Whether he’s punched or penetrated, he subconsciously finds himself becoming more and more addicted to it, like a drug.

And as some may now, this is something that can happen with abuse victims. Even after they've broken free of it, should they get subjected to that same violent treatment even for just a short amount of time, their subconscious may make them cling to it again. It’s not just a response of their survival instincts. Because, when abused enough, the victim feels that whatever it is that damaged them is all they need to have.

Even though Towa hasn’t been gone for even a quarter of a year, Madarame was able to get to him. Enough so that in a month, Towa already feels that he can’t go back anymore. That even when given the chance to leave, and twice over, he doesn’t.

The narration may say that it’s because he no longer needed Taku and Rei. But Towa isn’t being honest with himself here. If he no longer needed them, then he should no longer care for them.

Yet when Madarame was about to beat up Rei, Towa stopped him. Even though his voice was ragged and dry and hoarse. Even though he was already so beaten that he could snap like a twig if Madarame decided to retaliate by punching him again.

He cares for them. In truth, he knows he needs them. He does want to be with them. He just feels that he can’t. And his time with Madarame made it that every second he will be spending back with Taku and Rei would both be foreign and frightening to Towa now. So he leaves. And it’ll be easier to forget the pain of leaving them behind if he convinces himself that they no longer matter to him. Which is why, on his way back, he kept his mind focused on Madarame. And after that, he tried his best to regard Taku and Rei as no more than mere afterthoughts of a past that he (believes he) no longer needs or can return to.

Also, in Towa’s second chance to leave, the only reason Madarame even lets him go is because he knows that Towa’s departure will be only temporary. It’s just to let Towa know and see firsthand that nothing is the same anymore. No matter how hard he tries to adjust, he will forever be a stranger in what should be a familiar land. And with Towa feeling that he needs only the hurtful treatment, any kindness and support he’ll be getting will just terrify him now. And no matter what Taku would say to him, whether he completely fessed up or decided to say quiet or not say enough, Towa would eventually cave and leave because he doesn’t feel like he can go back anymore.

It was an inevitable outcome, one that Madarame had anticipated.

Towa walked in... and stopped short. The first thing that entered his vision was Madarame.

Just like the day Towa left, Madarame was lounging in his chair. His arms were folded, and he was smiling... almost like he had known Towa was coming.

As Towa stood there, frozen, Madarame cocked his head in a smug manner.

“Did you have a fun little adventure?” His Smoke slowly swayed. His tone suggested he had always known Towa would come back.

And he was right. He knew full well that their world wouldn't be enough for Towa.

Did he kick Towa out on purpose to make him see it?

"......!" Rage exploded inside Towa.

Until this very moment, Towa wanted nothing more than to be with Madarame again. But now that he was there, he didn't know how to feel anymore. Time and time again, Madarame’s arrogance suggested to Towa that he thought he could control me.

But what was more infuriating was that Towa walked right into the same trap every time.

Gritting his teeth, Towa charged at him. With all his strength, he swung his fist—but of course, Madarame dodged with ease before punching back.

"......!" Towa hit the ground hard, and a moment later, Madarame had climbed on top of him.

"Get off...!" Towa tried to push him off, but he didn't budge.

He grinned down at Towa. "You know, it's funny—I had a feeling you'd be back any moment now."

He grabbed Towa’s hand, brought it to his lips, and bit down on the fingers.

"......!"

"You remember now, don't you? You remember what kind of man you are."

Towa, "......"

"Is playing house with your little friends what you truly want? No? You want pain and suffering. Biting each other's jugulars and drinking the blood. That kind of thrill.”

His whisper sounded almost seductive. Towa squeezed his eye shut.

Madarame was completely right, too, which infuriated Towa all the more.

Everything Madarame just said? He wanted it. He craved it.

This entire scene said it all. Madarame is a brute, but he is no dumb brute. He can be skilled at subjugation when he wants to be, and this is one such way to bend someone’s will to his own. Does Towa still have some autonomy? Yeah. But it’s one that’s dependent on Madarame now.

All long-time BL lovers would see a similar tactic used before in another classic work. Which is that, you may ask? That would be Ai no Kusabi. For context to those who don’t know, let’s just say that in that work, the seme literally keeps the uke as a pet in a society where artificial humans have all the power and wealth while the natural-born humans are left in the dregs. Usually, pets are artificially made, but the uke is a natural-born human and is rebellious. Eventually, for various reasons, the seme lets him go back home. However, his motive is made very clear.

Go back, Riki. Go back to the slums, stretch the weight off your wings. It's been three years. You can greet your old friends. You can even get back together with Guy.

However… you'll certainly realize the length of three years you can't bury. And then you'll know. The weight of freedom and the thirst of your blood.

There is no pet ring left to bind you. Go, and come back, Riki. I'll give you only one year of freedom. Go, and make certain with your eyes, with your body, that you are already a stranger there, and return.

I… will merely wait. Until that moment in which you truly become mine. That moment.... (Translation source)

And that is not really all that different from what Madarame did with Towa.

So, to sum up, Madarame wanted the old Towa back. So he captured him. Beat him. Dominated him with actions and words. Let him have a false sense of freedom just to let him know that he can’t be free anymore.

He wanted to bring back Towa’s fighting spirit. But he also wanted to distance Towa from his friends. That, and ensure that Towa would be that same feisty yet fragile product of trauma of a childhood no one should ever have. Without friends, without a safe home, Towa could be turned back into how he remembered him being.

In his route, he chose to pursue and he played the long game with Towa, a game he ultimately won.

Immutable… Immutable Indeed

And after all this, what’s left to say is that Kabura-sensei really knew what she was doing when she titled Madarame’s story “Immutable”.

If you look up the word online, what does it mean:

Definition: unchanging over time or unable to be changed.

Synonyms: unchangeable, fixed, set, rigid, inflexible, unyielding, unbending, etc.

At first, you realize why the chapter is named as such at how Towa noticed that even in the years that passed, Madarame had not changed one bit where his personality is concerned since the last time Towa saw him. And he would be right.

Then you also realize that the word also describes how Madarame is someone who can dominate, but can never be dominated. Even when Towa subjects Madarame to an Interrogation, he’s never the one with an upper hand during the conversation. In the end, it’s Madarame who still gets to call the shots. But even Towa aside, there was still absolutely no one who could intimidate Madarame.

The only one who came close to an exception was Kaga who managed to never back down in a fight with Madarame. But what’s interesting is that Kaga wasn’t like Towa. And Kaga was nothing like Madarame either. The only thing they both had in common was that they were true to themselves. But even then, Madarame still had some respect for Kaga. Even if he brushes it off as if he never cared for the man, anyone who says that someone’s death was unnecessary is already saying that they held that person in high regard.

That aside, one would think that that was all the chapter title referred to. How Madarame had not changed at all, and how he could not be changed, or broken, nor could he be stopped if he was set on doing something.

But in Madarame’s story, when talking about his character, the word would focus most on change. And what is easy to miss is that Madarame isn’t just someone who has never changed. He’s also someone who does not want to change.

More accurately, he does not want things to change at all. Much like how he doesn’t want Towa to change.

To him, time had frozen at the night when Kaga died. Everything else beyond that is nothing to him, and is no more than meaningless rabble. It’s part of why his chapter even starts with a picture of the full moon that loomed over from the sky on that same night.

But isn’t it ironic that he acts in such a way? Especially when he’s the one who said that the past and the future do not matter, and all that’s important is the present. The here and now. Yet the Towa of the here and now is not one who he would ever acknowledge or accept. He only wants the Towa of the past. He wants to bring back what they used to have.

Thus, he ends up contradicting himself. For all his talk, he cannot move on from the past. He’s not truly living in the present, not when he wants to reclaim that part of the past.

And if Towa is bound to move forward rather than turn back, then Madarame isn’t willing to give them a chance. I even made a poll about it before to see what you thought of the possibility of Madarame, in slightly different circumstances, deciding to give things a shot. Anything that doesn’t conform to how he would like things to be, which was how everything was back in the day, will never be of interest or import to him.

Yet at the same time, it also shows how he truly is immutable.

His will. His personality. His desire. It all traces back to immutability.

To constancy. Or, depending on how you view it, stagnancy.

Because when it all comes down to it, change - of anything or anyone - is something he’s just averse to.

Closing Remarks

I’m pretty sure that in spite of my best efforts to organize my thoughts, this post is as disoriented as Madarame himself.

Still, I have tried my best, and it’s already been weeks since I started making this. At this point, it’s now or never, and so I had to finalize it as best as I could and share the document publicly. But I may go back and reorganize and revise a few things once I’ve calmed down because expanding and completing this meta was a very turbulent process.

Once again, I wish to stress that I do not hate Madarame. But I understand if some do. But no matter your opinion of him, I really hope that this meta will not invite any discourse whatsoever.

And so, I can only hope that you’ve enjoyed reading this, no matter if you like him, dislike him, or are just plainly neutral.

Well, that and understand everything I’ve just typed here because I still doubt that I’ve made any sense whatsoever. (•᷄- •᷅ ;)

#slow damage #fen writes meta

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