#willow's subconscious crush on faith

[woodenpicador]

honestly watching buffy way too young to understand half of what was going on PRIMED me for my feral yellowjackets era

the jealousy and gay tension in this scene is so palpable that it is practically a material entity

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Tuesday, November 7

KENNEDY: OK, and that's magic crazy talk for what? AMY: I put a hex on her. KENNEDY: I got that part. But why Warren? And why did it happen after we kissed? AMY: Oh, (chuckles) that's rich. That must've been some kiss. You must be good. KENNEDY: Answer me. AMY: The hex I cast lets the victim's subconscious pick the form of their punishment. It's always better than anything I can come up with. Elegant, you know? KENNEDY: Undo it. Let her out. AMY: OK. Oh, wait, I forgot - no. KENNEDY: Why would you do this to her? You really hate her that much? AMY: (sighs) This is not about hate. It's about power. Willow always had all the power, long before she even knew what to do with it. Just came so easy for her. The rest of us - we had to work twice as hard to be half as good. But no one cares about how hard you work. They just care about cute, sweet Willow. They don't know how weak she is. She gave in to evil - stuff worse than I can even imagine - She almost destroyed the world! And yet everyone keeps on loving her? So what's wrong with having a little fun, huh? Taking her down a peg or two?

~~Buffy Season 7 Episode #135: "The Killer In Me"~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

To Make Amends (Xander, T, Devil May Cry xover) by madimpossibledreamer

The Jenny Factor (Jenny/Giles, T) by playfulgirl

new directions (Buffy/Spike, E) by trevino

Unexpected Help (Buffy/Spike, Willow/Spike, T) by Anonymous

the one that got away (Jenny/Giles, M) by The_Eclectic_Bookworm

I may never get to Heaven (but I once came mighty close) (Buffy/Angel, T) by angelus2hot

I Know Places (Buffy/Spike, E) by scratchmeout

[Chaptered Fiction]

Vamp for Rent 8/18 (Spike/Xander, M) by forsaken2003

Heart Don't Lie Ch. 18 (Buffy/Spike, E) by NautiBitz

With You Ch. 4 (Jenny/Giles, M) by Bobbie23

1632 Revello Drive Ch. 6 (Buffy/Faith, T) by A_Most_Sovereign_Lady

New York Ch. 9 (Giles/Xander, M) by drsquidlove

A Reincarnation in Sunnydale Ch. 20 (Buffy/Angel, M) by DracoRim98

Knock, knock! Ch. 10 (Buffy/Spike, unrated) by Popsy

Goodbye to Everything That I Knew Ch. 6 (Buffy/Spike, M) by My_Barbaric_Yawp

Blood and Chaos Ch. 34 (Ensemble, M) by Aetheron, quote_Amy_unquote (Sannah_banana)

Who We Are, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, M) by EllieRose101

Surviving Together, Chapter 7 (Buffy/Spike, E) by ionlylikebadboys

Destiny or Choices Made?, Chapter 25 (Buffy/Spike, T) by charmed4lifekaren

Between the Shadow and the Soul, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Lmrln

Fates Intertwined: A Second Chance, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Spikelover4ever

Early One Morning , Chapter 1-2 (Buffy/Spike, E) by all_choseny

Use It or Lose It, Chapter 8 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Dynamite

Fangs Out: Severe Blue, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Dynamite

What the Drabble?, Chapter 38 (Buffy/Spike, M) by VeroNyxK84

More Found Family Ties, Chapter 17 (Buffy/Spike, G) by Julikobold

Giles - the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Chapter 8 (Buffy/Spike, T) by flow

Part of the Family, Chapter 18-20 (Buffy/Spike, T) by Harlow Turner

Binding, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, M) by Harlow Turner

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork:Buffy () by Suspicious-Olive2412

Artwork:Buffy Summers (in progress) () by nicknamekittyname

Manip:Touched By Your Presence (Buffy/Spike) by honeygirl51885

[Reviews & Recaps]

PODCAST: ATS 202 - Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been by Another Buffy Podcast

PODCAST: Episode 2 - DELiver the Rain of Toads (The Harvest) by The Sunnydale Diaries

[Fandom Discussions]

I hadn’t given this moment in “Crush” the attention it deserves by raisedbythetv89, lulu-honey

i do love tho how lovers’ walk serves as a really bizarro look into the future for everyone!!! by jennycalendar

The Great Buffy Rewatch by Joan the Vampire Slayer

The ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ Storyline That Ruined a Great Season by Joan the Vampire Slayer

Warren shouldn't be hated as much as he is by Multiple Authors

Does anyone have little sympathy for Willow this season? by NoShip

Did Spuffy help Buffy's Depression? by Miss Muffet

Why We Fight by The Whirlwind

That Strange Line From Some Assembly Required by Holden Norgorov

Where can I get the complete series on DVD? by TheOtherMinistr

Could Buffy be able to handle the pain that comes from Cordelia's visions? by jdpm1991

Dawn and Xander by RachelisRach

Potentially Unpopular Opinion: Buffy Season 5, 6, and 7 are just not that fun by MoreGull

Sunday by Virtual_Row_8445

Post Chosen... by UnquantifiableLife

Is Your Favorite Buffy Episode an Uncommon/Unusual One? by somehow_we_missed_it

People... like Dawn? by meltmyheadaches

Did Wolfram & Hart view Buffy as a threat? by Consistent_Stand79

Spike is simply hilarious by RachelisRach

Why was Spike the best? by Strange-Silver3911

body episode now hits different by wheel_smith

Another Buffy/ Rocky connection. by MrsCaseyCarson

Just finished SLAYERS and I'm screaming! by SorchasGarden

Pylea by splodge14

Which spells, rituals, or abilities from the show do you find to be overpowered? by InfiniteMehdiLove

Is he evil? by Hellmouthgaurdian

Fear Itself and Willow should be a werewolf by depthlikeshallowness

Joyce's Jeep and S7 paying homage to S1-3 by sw1200

Are those Knights of Byzantium human or immortals? by aeryn1227

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

PUBLICATION: After 26 Years, Buffy Has Finally Explained Why Giles Was Sunnydale's Watcher by Screen Rant

PUBLICATION: How Buffy The Vampire Slayer's Writers Used Faith To Explore Buffy's 'Bloodlust' by Slash Film

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[chasingfictions]

ok also on the subject of willow - xander gay breadcrumbs in the high school years when the writers didn’t know who they were gonna make gay, I do really like the different style of how it was done? like ok, I’d always actually on some level been frustrated there, because it seemed like there were so many more prominent breadcrumbs for xander, whereas willow pretty much just has the “and I think I’m kinda gay” moment

but actually like, I do feel like that’s an accurate portrayal for wlw? like the way our society just so deeply does not make space for the idea that women being attracted to women is even a thing that exists, whereas (obv speaking in blanket statements here there’s a lot of nuance yada yada yada) we’re kind of obsessed with the idea of men loving men, hyper focused on and hyper disgusted by it. which is why I think Xander’s gay moments feel so obvious in his obsession with men and masculinity (see: everything about him and larry. see him saying about Angel, “well he’s very attractive, why did that never come up?”, and then later when they’re seemingly done laying gay breadcrumbs for him it’s still “can I have sex with Riley too?” and “Spike is strong, and mysterious, and sort of compact but well-muscled.”

whereas willow’s is so much more lowkey! it’s a lot of nothing going on and then suddenly this big thing she can’t ignore, her alter ego being blatantly gay, that makes her blurt it out and understand. and it’s not like there haven’t been other spots where she could have noticed this! i do think she very much had a subconscious, unrequited crush on buffy in the high school years. her tension with faith is INSANE. and even with cordy, the way she doesn’t just hate her but hates her so elaborately (the “we hate cordelia” club) is like, ok that’s not a straight girl thing to do. but bc attraction between women is like, this thing that isn’t allowed to exist or be perceived, none of that does anything, none of that hits. but vampire willow is allowed to be outside the confines of supposed-to-exist. and then suddenly her attraction to women is just staring her in the face in a sudden moment she can’t deny. which in my experience is true for a lot of wlw— like you just plain can’t see that the way you feel about women is gay, until suddenly something is finally over the edge, and the floodgate opens, and you have to choice but to see it, if only for a second

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 4x22 Restless

aka a trip to the show’s psyche

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.

And today’s episode is a challenge to talk about. Not because there isn’t stuff, but because there’s so much stuff that you just know that everyone already dissected each and every beat of this episode. All we have left is to enjoy it.

First of all, I’m just gonna leave this video here for you in case you haven’t watched it yet. It does a wonderful job of dissecting a lot of the core details of the episode that you might miss without further research (like the Sappho poem Willow’s writing on Tara’s back or even who the band members are during Giles’ musical exposition scene).

As an addition to that, I must say that I’ve also been guilty of listening and re-listening to the Once More With Feeling soundtrack even before I started this rewatch. And that album has a Restless track (as well as a Hush one), so I already had those haunting melodies stuck in my head.

So… I was very much in the head space for Restless, and as a result, I don’t have much fresh thoughts to share about it now. But I’ll try.

Because even if this is an episode that everyone already took apart to pieces a million and ten times, it’s still one that we go back to again and again. For instance, when I, personally, try to dive into Xander’s or Willow’s characters, this is one of my first go-to episodes.

Buffy’s arc is evident throughout the series, and what we get of Giles isn’t necessarily all that defined in this episode, but Willow and Xander? Restless is a neat corner piece of the puzzle that’s their character motivation.

Willow’s dream is also an interesting one because it’s perhaps the most disrupted out of all. The video above already mentions Xander’s masturbation joke (where the show takes a hit at its own metaphor), and how that’s a scene where we leave Willow’s perspective - but the scenes from the play are also weirdly out of PoV.

Tara and Willow are talking between the curtains as we cut to dream Riley, Buffy and Harmony acting out their absurd play. Twice. So if we consider that we’re in Willow’s dream, it’s almost like she’s disassociating, or getting detached from her own sense of self. Which doesn’t necessarily have to translate to reality, dreams are dreams after all; but it does work with the theme of her dream, which is identity.

I will also say that I don’t view the implication that Tara’s talking about Willow’s sexuality with those lines about how ‘they’re going to find out’ as a red herring. It’s merely that there’s also another, deeper layer to Willow’s insecurities when it comes to her identity. And how the two are connected, since… well, I’ll probably have a separate rant about that later on, in which I’ll be undoubtedly citing Restless too.

Meanwhile we’ve got Xander’s dream. And one of the best and worst parts of Xander’s subconscious is the inappropriate sexualization of some of his friends.

I think my favorite two details about how Xander pictures Joyce and then Willow and Tara is how in some scenes, their mouths aren’t even moving as they’re talking. It heightens the fantasy nature of these scenes and highlights the way Xander’s dream objectifies these women.

The other is the fact that after each of these scenes Xander almost immediately finds himself back in his basement.

It shows how Xander’s always reaching for the unattainable, but it never ends up being what he actually needs. Or even wants. What Xander wants is love, but the shadow of his upbringing will always loom over him. He doesn’t know what he’s searching for, because he didn’t grow up experiencing it.

When the show makes it clear that the monster Xander’s been running from at the top of the stairs leading from his basement is his father, it’s one of the most lowkey chilling moments of the show. It’s not surprising, given all that we’ve already learned, but it’s still shocking, seeing it on full display.

As for Giles’ dream, I guess the one thing I will challenge the above video review on is Willow’s use of “Rupert”. Since this is Giles’ dream, my reading is that it says much more about how he sees Willow as a peer, rather than Willow’s own perception of him (which is still valid though, because she did have a crush on him, bless her heart).

This will of course have much more significance in season 6…

And then there’s Buffy.

One thing that I want to point out right off the bat, is how Buffy’s dream is about isolation, and the whole point of it is that she can’t find her friends. The people that are most important to her.

So consider then the characters who do appear in Buffy’s dream: Anya and Tara, or course, the two love interests of her friends who she hasn’t had a chance to establish her own relationships with yet. Her mom, who she’s been distant from throughout the season, and is unable or unwilling to bring back into her life.

…And Riley.

The fact that Riley appears in two forms also seems to underline that he’s someone that Buffy feels distant from in some ways. When dream Riley is with Adam, he is representing something that’s perhaps beyond his character. But then he also appears in street clothes, calling Buffy a “killer” (the same thing Forrest called Faith when she was inhabiting Buffy’s body).

It perhaps foreshadows that Buffy could never fully share the Slayer parts of herself with Riley. Or at least that that’s how she feels on a subconscious level.

I also read somewhere that they wanted to have David Boreanaz as Buffy’s guide and to be the one giving voice to the First Slayer. Which I found odd, because I thought Eliza Dushku would’ve been a more natural first choice for that… But I just did a quick wiki fact check, and apparently the plan was to have her for the scene in Buffy’s bedroom, and him in the desert.

Instead, out of necessity both of these parts have been given to Tara. Which then makes it interesting that the script only calls out her desert appearance as her not being part of Buffy’s dream, and being “borrowed”.

The implication here is that while she may not have been the production’s first choice, her earlier appearance in Buffy’s dream is intentional in-universe. Which plays well with what I earlier mentioned about Buffy choosing characters she felt a distance from at this point for her dream, especially since we transition to this after Anya’s brief appearance as dream Buffy’s college roommate. And Tara being the intuitive magic muffin she is makes her the perfect prophetic conduit.

(Also, Buffy/Tara is real, there, I said it, you can quote me on that.)

I can of course see the same scene playing out with Faith too. It would’ve once again established the shared dream universe of the slayers, given that Buffy talks about the bed they made in Faith’s dream earlier in the season. This scene is a callback to their shared dream in Graduation Part 2 too, with the direct reference to the clock as well.

The drawback of Buffy’s dream and perhaps the entire episode is the portrayal of the First Slayer herself. A “primitive” African girl that we’ve “evolved” from who couldn’t even form her own words, and whose hair Buffy makes fun of.

So… that’s not good.

Otherwise Restless is still my most favorite presentation of dreams in media. This is largely true for the entire show of course, but Restless puts those previous dream sequences on steroids, and just goes off.

The combination of what the episode reveals about the characters, the fun easter eggs and massive foreshadowing, and the absurdity that makes it all truly dreamlike… We could be here all night, all day, write essays and perhaps dissertations, and there’d be still stuff to talk about.

I just love this weirdo season finale a lot.

[rydain]

Author's Notes from a Modern Brutale - Liberties of Adaptation

Tip of the iceberg canons are fun as hell for me to write for because they allow for such freedom of personal influence in sorting out their unstated specifics. I prefer to go more interpretative than compliant, building on the broad strokes of personality and chemistry and setting that strike me the most - bringing in the particulars that fit my greater vision, shrugging off those that don't, and giving a good yank to the author's strings as needed. As the Chips Fall toward their finale, I figured it would be fun to look back on some particulars of development for the cast and the manor that brought them all together.

Here there be spoilers, both for my series and The Sexy Brutale, if you wish to settle in for a long look behind the curtain.

Tequila

The glass shattering siren from modest means is drawn along the lines of a Deep Southern belle or a Texan pageant queen. Her roots wound up a ways north for me, though far enough in Appalachian coal country to be within that cultural ballpark, thanks to My Old Kentucky Home - just too perfect a song for the hope and homesickness of leaving town and country behind for such a foreign world of glamour. Kentucky's patchwork of dry counties also has special relevance to a particular paint can banging uncle I saw fit to imagine as an ace moonshiner.

I wrote Tequila as a rising star rather than an established one to explore the challenges of fitting into that new world - the polish of fashion and posture and speech and presence, the countless social norms learned on the fly but perhaps never fully internalized. The sense of impostor syndrome thus resulting, the conflict between pride in what she had earned for herself and the fear that she was only this far ahead because of Lucas - and that without him, she would only go right back to where she was. I made the two of them official beyond the canonical winking and nudging because she seemed too well stuck on him for an unrequited crush. This also got her across the pond early in her career for the challenges of culture shock and self-doubt outlined above.

Willow

Canonically a purveyor of curiosities and wrangler of eldritch horror, Willow was a tough one to develop within my idea of modern heightened reality. With her creation of charms and a mention of voodoo, I reimagined her as a consultant and adviser with deep family roots in the faith, and her second sight as an instinctive bent toward conversation that amounts to effective cold reading. This involves communication with spirits who Willow would have a literal sense of speaking to - especially Baron Samedi, lwa of death brought to mind by her skull motif, who can assist with the transitions of loss experienced by Tequila and others at the Brutale, and is very much the type to get handsy with lovely ladies.

Willow established her career in New Orleans' French Quarter near the voodoo shops of Rue Royal, inheriting a small townhouse from a beloved aunt who mentored her in such traditions. Word of mouth and within walking distance, her ecosystem supports a frugal lifestyle based on folkways and homesteading skills learned growing up in the bayou - which, along with an understated modest aesthetic, gives Willow a sense of having stepped out of time. This is a point of compatibility with Tequila and her focus on the classic jazz age and the Great American Songbook, modern music along similar lines, and subtly updated vintage style to complete her timeless presence. More fundamentally, both of them work with the emotional texture of everyday lives - stories that Tequila embodies onstage and Willow seeks in her clients with a guiding hand toward a rewrite.

Greyson

I gave Mr. Yolo Swaggins a hand up toward reformation catalyzed by the shock of a prison sentence he subconsciously courted to kick his own arse toward a clean break. This made for a focus on conflicts of the legitimacy Greyson wants so badly to earn. As a professional, he needs to work with difficult types like Thanos, who values traditional university education and thinks his secrets to be well beyond what he sees as inferior intellect, and Clay, who Greyson could bond with over a rude sense of humor and understanding of each other's cynicism - in turn, sharing respect and eventual friendship rather than begrudging acceptance for Redd's sake. Greyson continues to wrestle with temptations of larceny and proving himself to be beyond them, ultimately rejecting the torment and manipulation of a treasure hunt - Lucas' cruel generosity of playing to others' vices for his own amusement. Which Redd plays his own part in, saving Greyson in the psychological sense rather than physically hauling him out of trouble - helping to reinforce the stability Greyson is already working to develop, and that he gravitates toward Redd to share in.

Greyson's considerable ego - once a force behind the more elaborate and higher risk schemes he took part in - is now fed by his infiltration and analysis of locks and safes and security systems, his determination to be better than the epithets granted by his criminal record and prove his naysayers wrong with a glorious display of upright professional competence. Of course he's not above ripping off some scam or another, but Clay does appreciate the unofficial backup.

Redd

By way of this adorable cartoon and followup ask from @frayed-symphony , Redd likes to read. I extrapolated this into university study of literature and a keen sense of wordplay including all the best worst sorts of puns - an embrace of his awkward streak implied by those untucked shirttails and the Old Habits dance lyrics fail. He works through dense classics with the analytical focus of his piano playing, and he gravitates toward biographies and memoirs of infamous figures who lived much larger lives than his Good Boy nature and risk aversion would ever allow. This fascination also influences his attraction to Greyson and his intrigue of Lucas' employ and the Brutale itself, which Redd feels some desire to properly belong to beyond his initial goal of performing piano. Lucas takes a certain interest in Redd as well, wondering what hidden fatal flaw must reside in someone so upright and considered. Redd doesn't have anything nearly as spectacular as the likes of Greyson. Rather, there are natural disadvantages to his polite reserve - hesitation to go after various personal and professional goals, struggle to provide emotional support to Tequila out of discomfort with that messy and potentially prying sort of talk. Redd needs to learn from someone like Willow, with her well developed emotional intelligence, that he's overthinking the matter like so many others.

Redd plays a strong supporting role throughout my work. Favorite characters tend to do that, and he strikes me as a backbone of the Brutale anyhow - a highly capable, dependable, and well liked linchpin of the casino and music hall. His performance career had a good nudge from Greyson, who convinced Redd that he deserved to take the spotlight instead of feeling that it would be unseemly to ask - seizing a chance as he saw it rather than enduring in silence with that stoicism so clear in his game counterpart's somber expression.

The Rockridge bros lift because of shameless personal bias, because Redd needs to get his cage bending strength somewhere, and because I love the imagined contrast of their training - Redd lifting with meditative focus, Clay forcing himself through the most brutal of circuits because it's not a real workout until he's cursing in a lake of sweat. GO HAM OR GO HOME

Clay

With his responsibilities as head of security and care for Trinity beyond their good-natured trolling, Clay came off as a lovable roughneck rather than someone far more abrasive. He and Redd were implied to run the casino together on various occasions, so I imagined that he shared a close bond, mutual protectiveness, and a measured share of bickering with his much gentler brother. Clay is perceptive about scams and the people apt to run them and just as myopic about Redd's romantic proclivities because whatever happens in the flat - and not very often for either of them - tends to occur when they're on opposite shifts. Redd has good reason to know that Clay is accepting - and he is, beyond his initial frustration that of all the blokes in the world, why did it have to be a flashy, arrogant ex-con strutting around on every last one of his nerves? - but he also thinks it would be something he'd feel a need to explain, which of course he can't. This all let me play that eventual talk for laughs and brotherly bonding with just a fun fleeting touch of embarrassment.

Clay has an intense nature and a self-punishing, self-destructive streak that fueled both his prize fighting career and alcoholism. Despite being the older of the two, he long since felt that he lived in Redd's quiet academic shadow, which caused him to give up on himself in various ways that he regrets. Trinity helps Clay to see his life, lumps and bumps and all, as experiences that tested him and left him better for the wear.

Trinity

Trinity first tried sculpting out of stubbornness to prove herself so capable, especially as her overprotective parents thought it would be nigh impossible. She took off well enough that her well off family willingly supported the study of working with expensive materials, the extra tutelage required to do so by touch, and her life in general until her work became steady enough to rely on. Annoyed at the fussy mores of her stuffier relations and the wealthy sorts who commission her, Trinity finds Clay's blunt and unfiltered nature refreshing. Her part time assistant, who helps with tasks beyond the capabilities of touch or muscle memory or adaptive technology, has a sense of down to earth polish and similar head for eloquent vulgarity.

After her in-game rescue, Trinity encourages an already trolleyed Clay to do shots. Rather than think she was bringing him down, unwittingly or otherwise, I see her as a hedonist who overestimates others' ability to compartmentalize. It's just a party - what's the harm in a bit of excess? Rather than feed Clay's alcoholism, Trinity helps him out of it - genuinely appreciating him just as he is, which inspires him to appreciate himself just the same.

Canonically, Trinity and Tequila are stepsisters in some official sense of the term. In my AU, this particular connection would have been difficult to make naturally because they grew up so differently, separated by an ocean and levels of financial means. In the game, the stepsister relationship implies a closeness between the two, gives Lucas a means of introduction to Tequila after admiring her from afar, and piles on the horror when Trinity finds Tequila's body in the laundry chute. The same sort of closeness arises, with found sisterly implications and all, as Tequila is adopted into Trinity's circles by way of her friendship with Redd. Tequila meets Lucas through the posh New Orleans parties she is hired to sing at and thus needs no other connection to him.

Lucas

So here we are in this hopeful world of competence and agency and self-actualization. And then there's Lucas - who I couldn't stand to leave as enough of a knobhead to not only pull an insurance fraud scam in the first place, but contrive it into a flagrant courting of disaster that I don't see myself ever forgiving his canon incarnation for. Then perhaps a magnificent trash fire as opposed to a dumpster inferno, so let's have at him, shall we?

My Brutale can be saved and is heavily implied to be. For that, I planted some seeds of Lucas' sense and a slow trend toward dialing back the worst of himself. He shows a capacity for analytic thought in his artistic patronage, biting poetic wit, and often successful divining of others' deepest desires. He keeps a modest office and cultivates a friendship with Willow, first seen as a quaint curiosity and soon respected for her straightforward insight and steadfast way of pitting such against his own. Lucas wants to do better on some level, but is welded to his identity as a master of ceremonies and peddler of overindulgence, as a grandiose gambler who very much meant to make a bad bet or three because he wound up with a better one eventually and a good story in the bargain. He gravitates toward people with stories of their own, and who have vices he finds amusing to play with, or who fascinate him - and perhaps somewhat frustrate him - because he can't figure out their downfall.

Lucas' issues are more of psychology than cash flow, and able to be turned around before his ledgers go fatally red. Before the worst can happen, other personal losses show Lucas the need to put real work into himself and his dealings - to fight his compulsions toward high risk propositions and assorted impractical excess, to face his failures of neglect and mitigate their fallout.

Eleanor

In the game, Eleanor is an archetype of purity whose forgiveness is meant to redeem Lucas in the player's eyes. I meant to parlay her cheeky macabre quirks into an endearingly oddball artist with an anthropomorphic sense of humor and a larger than life sense of whimsy, fundamentally compatible with Lucas and apt to help him toward his senses. Eleanor is as intrigued by the Brutale's legends as Tequila is tired of their absurdity, breezy and casually polished as Tequila struggles to play the lady of the manor in structured couture. They meet on neutral terms to be naturally contrasted but not cruelly so, and very much without tired tropes of romantic rivalry.

Lafcadio

A symbol of repentance for sins, canonically a separate character as per the origin comic, which made me very happy because he's interesting to envision as an actual person beyond some idealized facet of Lucas’ personality. In my take, Lucas admired Lafcadio's ability to walk away from the Brutale as it was dragging him down. They both preferred to tell the story as the spectacular bet from the comic - a fateful game of roulette - that Lafcadio arguably came out on top of by ditching this liability. This echoes the theme of rock bottom arse kick that my Greyson gets well ahead of time, and canon Lucas doesn't until it's far too late.

Lafcadio and Willow both intrigue Lucas with the depth of their respective faiths. They bond over their insights into their host and desire to inspire him toward better, though Willow is limited by never having seen the Brutale in its prior incarnation, or Lucas at his worst. In my narrative, Willow works behind the scenes by helping people unearth their own deeper truths and provide emotional support to others, mirroring Lafcadio's role in the game - though he will go on, offscreen as this might be, to likewise mirror the Willownage of Lucas that needs to continue.

The Sexy Brutale

Loath to commit the British equivalent of dropping a small city of a warehouse store on top of Tequila's old trailer in Closplint, Kentucky, I researched stately homes for inspiration toward location and overall aesthetic. I later learned I could have handwaved one within brief vague driving distance of any city, and perhaps in the city itself. Still I'm most confident in my sense of veracity when I can point to a spot on a map to rebrand. In this case, Somerleyton Hall, within train commuting and day trip distances of various points of interest, and with an appealing style and a clock tower that sealed the deal. As did its 19th century transformation by a private entrepreneur - which, in my alternate reality, would have been supervised by a master builder named Gorecki, whose descendants continued on with his upgrades and maintenance of the manor. Its adjusted name is Somerthwaite after the meadow surrounding it, thanks to a jaunt down the rabbit hole of Anglo-Saxon geographic nomenclature to ensure I wasn't trying to bollocks the manor on the edge of an active volcano.

British manor houses are so varied and eclectic that a place like the Brutale seems more matter of course than bombastic fantasy. Casinos in the UK were all private clubs until recently and can certainly carry on as such, and any property can house the owner's particular interests. To balance homage with my sense of historic floor plans, I kept the common areas of interest with some remodeling - great hall, casino, theater, music hall and practice rooms, library, conservatory, gardens - and closed off the south end of the west wing as Lucas' private quarters. The basement is for utilities and storage, the uppermost floor for guest rooms both rented and bespoke for close friends of Lucas.

[chasingfictions]

Oh my god I was pitching faith/willow to my sister YESTERDAY and she didn’t believe me it would work. Ty for the confirmation I’m not insane (at least about this pfff)

omg no LISTEN, LiSTEN i am a faith/willow truther!!!!!!!!!! they wanna fuck each other so bad it makes them look stupid

ok first of all, willow hates faith an inordinate amount. it predates faith sleeping with xander!!! she's just SO angry about her all the time!!! i mean,, the fight in choices,,,,, the knife moment,,,,,, that's some GAY as hell knife-threatening........neither of them is normal about the other literally EVER and theyre BOTH having various degrees of gay unrequited crushes on buffy (i mean ok willow's is pretty subconscious and faith's isn't That unrequited but still), and they're both Wildly Jealous of the other for being the one they think buffy likes More, and i just think it would be sexy of them to take that out on each other by making out, actually.

ALSO i MAINTAIN that they should have been each other's end of the world hookups in Touched......... like faith is a lesbian first of all and second of all while im not like, virulently against willow/kennedy, like they are cute they are fine! i do think that willow's end of world hookup should have been someone she had History with, someone where it would Mean Something.....

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 3x05 Homecoming

aka nobody wins

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and rant about it in 10-3k words. What you can expect: long run-on sentences and disjointed observations, often focused on one tiny detail about the episode. What you shouldn’t be expecting: actual reviews that make sense.

And in today’s episode, Faith asked Buffy out to be her date at the dance, and she said yes! But then Buffy ended up going with Cordelia, because everybody’s doing this dating thing wrong anyway.

I mean, let’s take a tally here. Buffy’s going out with Scott, but she sneaks out to meet Angel. To whom she’s talking about Scott. And then Scott dumps her.

But that’s okay because Faith asks her to be her date. (She’s being so faux-casual about it too… Oh, Faith.) Except the gang interferes for Buffy and Cordelia to go together and work out their differences. A suddenly dateless Faith then masterfully sabotages Scott and his new date to get back at him for hurting her girl.

Oh yeah. And the Willow/Xander disaster ride has left the station. Which I guess will be my main subject for today, because I love a good trainwreck.

Homecoming is one of those episodes though that has a lot of good stuff going for it, so one should at the very least acknowledge that before attempting some very specific character deep dive.

Buffy has one of her greatest speeches here for instance.

Buffy:  I just thought... Homecoming Queen. I could pick up a yearbook someday and say, I was there. I went to high school, I had friends, and... for one moment, I got to live in the world. And there'd be proof. Proof that I was chosen for something other than this. Besides... I look cute in a tiara.

It’s a great storyline for Buffy, about her trying to reclaim her place in the world as a young high school teenage girl, rather than someone burdened with all these adult conflicts and responsibilities.

But what I also like in this scene is Cordelia. You would normally expect her to cut the tension with a snide candid remark, but she remains silent during Buffy’s speech. She even seems understanding and empathetic listening to her! That’s growth.

Before that though, there’s also this weird thing happening earlier as they’re competing with each other for the title. Cordy remarks that a Homecoming queen should be someone who’s part of the school and has friends. And I was like…

Cordelia, your friends are Buffy’s friends. And in season 1 you complained about how none of your pals from before were actual friends you could connect with. That’s sort of why you started hanging around the Scooby gang in the first place.

I guess maybe Cordelia meant having general connections at the school as well, which she probably still has, despite falling out with her clique earlier… But then again, she lost the vote, so who knows.

The weird thing though is that as it turns out she was right about her having the friends, as the gang ends up helping her instead of Buffy with her campaign. But that’s entirely on Xander and Willow, and Buffy needs about 2 seconds to break Willow to help her out too.

And yes, finally, it’s time to talk Willow and Xander.

I’ll admit, I’m obviously coming into this episode with thoughts and feelings on these characters that reach far beyond the current point in the show. I also sat down already thinking about what I was about to see, so I somewhat predetermined what my read was going to be on it.

I will say though, that the whole HORMONES take does seem a lot more valid after rewatching the episode now. There’s definitely this pattern of them trying to fight the ~~~attraction~~~, and then feeling super guilty about it whenever they ~~~give in~~~.

But saying that it’s just “hormones” and them doing “young stupid shit” is also a boring take. What them being teenagers in this situation essentially means is that they don’t really have the ability yet to self-reflect and try and figure out what they’re acting on. They’re too busy feeling guilty, and guilt and introspection are definitely not interchangeable.

So I’ll do the analyzing for them. You’re welcome.

I used to think of cheating as the ultimate show of a lack of respect for one’s partner. Which it is. But it‘s often also a reflection of how the person doing the cheating currently feels about themselves and the relationship they’re in.

And yes, there’s also the question of who they’re cheating with and how they feel about them. Which I will get into.

I feel like it is noteworthy to point out too that once Willow and Xander get caught, they’ll never again pursue any sort of romantic relationship with each other. We also won’t see them cheat on any of their future partners… but they will manage to self-sabotage their relationships in other ways, proving that they still have plenty of issues to work through.

And some of their baggage can actually be followed back to the same root: wanting to be loved. But how that manifests for each of them is significantly different.

For Willow, being loved means being special to someone. Being the first choice, the person who they’d never abandon. She clings to that feeling and to the people she experiences that with. And we’ll see just how bad that can get, especially once you put power into that mix… but safe to say, that that’s why she held that torch for Xander for so long.

Xander and Willow grew up together, and they’ve been essentially the most important people in each others life since childhood. It’s possible to read then Willow’s crush on Xander as a desire to make sure that that bond would never break, and that she wouldn’t end up being Xander’s second choice. Or worse, someone he would leave behind.

Anyone who knows me even a tiny bit should already be aware of this, but for the record, I’m not saying with this that romantic love is more important than friendship. But I definitely feel like in Willow’s mind and subconscious these things might get conflated.

I imagine then that for Willow, the feeling of Xander finally reciprocating all these confusing emotions is pretty intoxicating. She knows that there’s something wrong with this picture, that Xander’s still in a relationship, and that she’s with someone else who sees her as special and wonderful… But she’s also not putting any effort into figuring out those emotions beyond her guilt. As a result, she has trouble putting a stop to what’s happening, because she doesn’t have a full understanding of herself and what she’s feeling.

And that’s very much Xander’s issue as well. But he’s approaching it from a different perspective.

Xander’s coming from a pretty bad home situation. It’s largely only hinted at during the show, so we can mostly guess at the nature of abuse he grew up with, but it’s pretty obvious that he didn’t receive a lot of love from his family. He learned to cope through sarcasm and desperately trying to be noticed by someone.

The problem is that while Xander wants to be loved, he also hasn’t really experienced what that feels like growing up. So he doesn’t really know what he’s looking for, and instead ends up constantly chasing after something new and unattainable.

The tragedy of course is that he’ll never actually be able to find that missing piece of himself. He’ll never feel the security that comes from growing up being surrounded by unconditional love. He can only learn to accept the people he surrounds himself with as his new family, and share the kind of love he wishes to have always had with them.

In this moment however, much like Willow, he falls into the trap of conflating the nature of his feelings. He’s always loved Willow, she was one of the few positive influences in his early life. But the idea of her as a romantic interest just wasn’t alluring to him, because she was already there. All he had to do was reach out - which is why he never did.

But as soon as Willow became unavailable, Xander’s interest became more and more apparent. He was visibly jealous of Oz, and in the end of s2, he seems to come to a realization of just how important Willow is to him. (A moment which will then be reflected back seasons later where Xander’s “I love you” will bring Willow back from the brink once again, this time completely free from any romantic connotations.)

For me, the fact though that neither of these characters will make any effort to try and figure out if they could be in a relationship together past this little affair they got going on, is what confirms that they’re not really acting on a romantic interest. They love each other, deeply, but mostly, they’re just conflicted about their lives, and about where they and the relationships they’re in are going.

There are definitely reasons one can list on why they’d be self-sabotaging their relationships too. For Xander, I already detailed his chasing the unattainable to find what’s missing from his life mentality, which means that he might be trying to get out of this relationship on a subconscious level. And with Willow, we can easily retrofit her sexuality into this discussion. Especially since it appears that she and Oz were approaching a level of physical intimacy that could’ve given her a lot of anxiety she wasn’t ready to deal with.

Out of the two, Xander will also be the one who won’t make much of an effort to win Cordy back. And sure, Oz might hold less of a grudge too, but there’s still a very clear distinction in how Willow and Xander will be handling the fallout. But as discussed earlier, it’s also very much in character for Willow to cling to these relationships, so this should come as no surprise.

But I might just be forgetting some details about this storyline. We’ll find out soon enough, I guess.

Like I said, I love a good trainwreck.

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 1x06 The Pack

aka nobody messes with my Willow

I guess welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and point out / hyperfocus on one detail in it in 10-3k  words. Or something. We’ll make it up as we go along.

And today I will attempt to talk a bit about Xander and Willow’s relationship, as it is currently, and how they perceive Buffy being added to their mix. Oh, and they go to school with four cannibals now.

So, let’s start with that. Raise your hands if upon the reveal that Xander remembers all of his animal possession, your first thought was that Eion Bailey (aka Augustus from Once Upon a Time - it bothered me throughout the whole episode that I couldn’t place him ngl) and the three other kids totally remembered eating Principal Flutie. If not, you’re welcome for that daily nugget from Cannibal Central.

This episode also reminds one that Lion King came out 2 years ago at the time, while also going especially hard on that late 90s nu metal sound. And you know what, I kinda like it.

But instead of going over all the good and bad about The Pack, let’s talk about Xander and Willow.

Sometimes I know going into an episode exactly what I’ll want to rant about, but here, I remained undecided. Until the cage scene. And even there, it only really clicked when Xander started to talk about how great it used to be when it was just the two of them - minus Buffy.

And it wasn’t the first time this was brought up in this episode either. When Willow and Buffy talk about Xander’s sudden cruel behaviour, Willow sort of also points to Buffy as the reason for the change in him. He never would’ve treated her like that before, right? And he didn’t pick on Buffy.

(Instead... how did Buffy put it... ‘he tried his hands on felony sexual assault’ in a scene that I’m thankful we cut away from with an ‘and then Buffy hit him with a desk’ line after. I mean, I know that that scene could be another big conversation starter, but we are not going down that rabbit hole now.)

There seems to be this underlying subconscious notion in both Xander and Willow that things were a lot easier between them before Buffy. At the same time, they both more or less already demonstrated that they would pretty much die for Buffy. And would love to watch mating zebras together with her. The two things are pretty much on the same level of friendship I think.

Alas I can’t help but wonder that Buffy probably picks up on the undertone as well. There’s a reason why she’s going to feel a bit like an outsider in the group in the first seasons sometimes, especially given the vast history Willow and Xander already share at this point. A history that she’s not a part of.

(That of course, eventually will change as well, and Buffy’s isolation will grow from many other sources. But one can’t help wonder if this might’ve been an early seed of that as well.)

It’s hard sometimes when a group dynamic changes, and I think Xander and Willow are still both adjusting to that. Weirdly enough, it also feels like they know how they relate to Buffy more than they know where they stand with each other. That’s why Willow accepts Xander’s behaviour initially (more willingly than Buffy at least) as part of that change. She was already unsure about their relationship, so maybe all of her worst fears were coming true.

On the other hand, the (iconic) moment where she tests Xander to see if it was truly him, reinforces her faith and her familiarity with him. She knows Xander - way better than Buffy does at this point, as she points it out. So when Hyena!Xander attempts to grab at her through the cage, she’s sure that it isn’t the Xander she knows.

Earlier she was unsure because she has doubts about their relationship. Here, she realizes that regardless of where their dynamic falls, she knows who Xander is. And that’s more than enough reason to hold onto their friendship.

All that being said, I don’t actually believe that Buffy’s addition had much to do with the current state of Willow and Xander’s relationship. Willow had a crush on Xander way before Buffy moved to Sunnydale. Xander was probably aware of it even then (he definitely knows it presently, as he mentions it in his hyena state) and chose to ignore her feelings. This was already hanging between them, complicating the friendship they built over all those pre-Buffy years.

There’s of course a lot more to say with all the future knowledge of where these characters and their relationship ends up (”I’m over you now, sweetie.”), but there’s plenty more seasons to come to dissect all that development. For now, I’m going to sleep knowing that they’ll remain friends all throughout that.

And that Xander’s first act after his possession was literally to save Willow’s life.

Nobody messes with our Willow indeed.