#williammccall

[mieriella]

June 1867

WC: ~3,0k

CW: Drinking, violence

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It was a clear morning in the summer when Ray got out of his church. Even if they were living in Texas, these mornings could be almost cold. He pulled his jacket tighter around his body to prevent himself from shaking.

As a man of god, he suppressed the urgent will to light himself a cigarette. He looked forward as he was sitting down at the bench next to the little chapel. His eyes got to the house of his brother and his wife Marisa. These two had built a small farm here in Hope. The horse of the doctor was tied in front of the house, Marisa was pregnant and it seemed that their child would arrive soon.

Thank God. Thomas became more and more unhappy, he didn't know what he should do with himself. Maybe a son will bring him on other thoughts. And maybe he wouldn't have the time anymore to hang around in church and tell Ray, how awful his life was and that he would never be a farmer.

The reverend hadn't any compassion with him. He was complaining all the time. Sure he was unhappy. He was never a man for marriage or staying together too long with a girl. Also, the hard farm work was always too heavy for Thomas, who had a slender appearance. Most of the time Ray thought, that he already had forgiven Marisa and Thomas for betraying him. He knew he did horrible things because he was so full of greed and lust. Two deadly sins. It took him all his willpower not to think about William. His poor brother. He closed his eyes and rested his head in his palms. Trying not to think about it.

Anyways, deep inside his heart he knew, there was no forgiveness. He could never trust Thomas or his wife again. And there was also no forgiveness for himself, for shooting his poor youngest brother.

He lifted his head back up, looking into the clear morning sky. All this complaining wouldn't help him, but on some mornings, he couldn't stop himself. He was the firstborn, he was the always hard-working farmer. This time it was only fair for him to get the girl. But Thomas wanted her, so he made her his. He wasn't thinking about his brother. A shame, because Ray always used to think about his brother first. But now he didn't do it anymore. Sure, they were still a family, but for now, Ray couldn't forgive anyone, even if he worked hard on it every day. Their relationship was broken and sometimes Ray thought, that it could never be fixed anymore.

As he looked forward to the farm of his brother, he saw Thomas sitting outside on the terrace in the front. Ray stopped thinking about all the faults and everything they had done to each other and stood up. We are still a family, he thought to himself. So he should go to his younger brother and behave like that.

As he got closer to Thomas, he noticed the bottle of whiskey in his left hand first. Then he saw, that the face of his brother was pale as a cold winter morning. His hands were constantly shaking as he took the bottle to his lips, drinking a few large sips. He hadn't noticed Ray yet. The guts of the oldest brother started to ceiling as he came closer to his younger sibling. "Thomas", Ray stood almost before him and the younger one didn't seem to notice him. Did something go wrong? Did something happen to Marisa or his son?

He got closer to Thomas, shaking his shoulder, not knowing what he should say or think. "What's wrong?", was his short question. Thomas looked up to Ray who stood beneath him, in his eyes was a mixture out of fear, anger and pain. "It's a boy.", he almost whispered the words as a short answer. Still, Ray didn't know what he should do. "Is he healthy? What's with Marisa?", he asked further to get any more information out of his brother. Thomas nodded: "They're both fine.", he said between some sips of whiskey. "Damn it, Thomas, tell me what's wrong!", Ray raised his voice, he got angry with his brother.  The younger McCall got the girl, a farm, and a son - all Ray ever wanted and still wasn't happy. "Maybe you go and give yourself a look.", again Thomas looked him deep in the eyes, then he stood up, going to the barn without saying another word. Ray felt his heart beating faster as he got to the door and opened it slowly. He got up the stairs, stood in front of the sleeping room and held on himself for one second. What could be so wrong, that Thomas got in this state?

He got his hand already on the door, but before he could open it, it already swung in his direction. In front of Ray stood the Doctor of Hope. He saw Ray and started to grin. Not a smile, it was a gleeful grin. Ray raised his left eyebrow as the doctor started to talk: "Congratulations to your new family member, Reverend.", he tried not to laugh as he got himself beyond Ray and outside of the house. Instantly, Ray's face went hot. He knew, that nobody here in Hope liked the McCall's. Ray was a bitter preacher, cold as ice and in his world, the only way to get forgiveness for sins was punishment. Thomas was an angry man, drinking more than Ray did before he became a reverend. Always looking for trouble in town.

He came into the sleeping room, trying to smile at Marisa. Marisa looked even as terrified as Thomas. Maybe they both fought again. Ray tried to calm down, trying to be nice to her. This was hard for him because, in moments like this, he had to think about how she used him for her own good. "Hey Marisa.", he tried keeping his voice soft as he stood beneath her bed. Silent tears ran down her cheeks, she was not able to look at the reverend. She just held her baby close to her chest, so Ray couldn't see his face. Softly he stroked her shoulder, as he kept on talking: "Come on, show me my little nephew."

Without any further words, she put the baby boy a bit away from her chest, so Ray could see his face.

At that moment, Ray was sure that the only salvation from sin was punishment. And god punished Ray and especially Thomas hard for their sins. The wrath of god.

Sometimes Ray thought about, how much pain they have to go through further, before their fault will be gone.

This boy wasn't Thomas' son, he looked exactly like Juan. Ray got a few steps backward, catching Marisa's eyes. His own eyes were full of disbelief. "You said...", he started "Thomas was the father.", these words were the only thing that came out of his mouth, while he was still looking into her watery, brown eyes. "I hoped it so much.", she was still crying.

If Ray only knew that she said the complete opposite to Juarez. He closed his eyes, got through his hair for one second, and looked away from Marisa and Juan's son. He could understand Thomas' behavior now. But now it was too late. Just for one moment he got a little bit relieved, that Marisa wasn't his wife. But he knew this thought was wrong. They were still a family, after all, so this was also his problem. Ray was pretty sure that Thomas and he would think every time about Juarez when they looked at this boy's face.

"Ray...", her voice was shaking and she was reaching a hand out to touch his arm. He suddenly got a little bit more away. Like Eve, she was in his eyes responsible for the downfall. The three brothers had everything until Marisa came.

Now William was dead, Thomas' wife got a son that wasn't from him and Ray will have sleepless nights for the rest of his life because he killed William.

It all started with Marisa.

Every day Ray felt a bitter mixture of two feelings: first of all the was mad. Mad about everything. How could he be so stupid in Mexico? How could Thomas betray him like that? How could he have been so full of pride and anger that he even shot his brother?

But the other feeling was nothing but pure and deep sadness. He was sorry for himself.

"Please, what should I do now?", she cried. "Will Thomas... Send me away?"

Ray heard her voice like it was far away. He looked back at her and the poor bastard in her arms. Slowly and still full of disbelief he shook his head. "No, he won't send you away. Let me talk to him.", he said, but to be honest, he wasn't sure if Thomas would like to get off her. "It's the wrath of god. We have to pay for everything we've done. But we are still a family.", he tried to smile, but it was more like a frown. William would have found better words, holding the family together like he always did as he was a child on the farm back in Georgia. But he wasn't there anymore, so Ray tried to save the family because it was the last thing he had in his poor life. She nodded, wiping with her free hand over her eyes. "Thank you.", she whispered. The reverend didn't know what he could say anymore, so he went outside the house, taking a deep breath as he got to the barn. He opened the door and saw Thomas sitting near the horse stables on a wooden board. Without any words, Ray got to his brother, laying an arm around him.

For a second he thought about the good old days when they were kids and Ray was always there for his little brother. Now it was still like that, but nothing was like it used to be. He felt, how Thomas' shoulders rose and fell under his grip and he just knew, that Thomas was trying to hide the fact he was crying. The younger McCall grabbed for the whiskey bottle which he was holding between his legs and took it to his lips, drinking from it. Ray looked at the almost empty bottle.

He reached out his hand and took the whiskey, drank it out. Thomas saw him in his face for a short time. Ray quit his drinking after he became a preacher. But if there was one day, on which he should have a drink, it would be probably today.

When Ray caught his eye, Thomas quickly looked away, hiding his face in his palms. He knew, how much the older one hated it when he was crying. He didn't do it for years. But today it was one of the worst days of his life. "I was always afraid, that she was lying to me. And so she did. She must have KNEW that her child was from Juan.", he muffled, hiding a sniff. "You know how she is.", Ray said without much emotion in his voice. "Just remember how she lied to me."

'And just remember how you lied to me...', he thought but wasn't able to speak these words out. He couldn't lose another brother. Thomas took a deep breath, stood up, and got to one of the trunks that were standing on the edge of the barn. He put the empty bottle in there and took another one out of the box.

Reverend-Ray would have asked his brother, how much he was REALLY drinking. But Gunslinger-Ray wanted nothing more than to have another drink. When he was drunk, it felt like nothing bad happened in his life. In these moments, he was able to forget his past. "Give me the bottle, brother.", he told him, with a glance in his eyes he only had when he saw a beautiful woman or booze. He tried to be a good reverend and stopped drinking and screwing. Well, at least he stopped fucking with hoes. But he wasn't able yet to stop all of his drinking. On some days he fell back and drank until he passed out, just to wake up the next day with more regret than usual.

His younger brother looked at him with widened eyes, quickly opened the bottle, and drank a big sip, before he handed it to his brother.

Ray took it and did the same.

The brothers weren't talking much to each other this afternoon. They were just sitting around getting more and more drunk while Marisa was in the house with Juan's son. The hours passed by and soon it was early evening.

"I think...", Thomas started slowly with a heavily washed-up voice and still a sad look on his face. "I can never look at this boy without thinking about Juarez.", he wiped over his face, then he took another sip. "I must get off Marisa." With these words, he stood up. "I'll tell her she has to go."

Ray's eyes widened in anger and he raised his eyebrows, as he stood up too, unstable. "What the hell did you just say?", he was even more drunk than Thomas, while he grabbed his younger sibling on the shirt, pulling him closer. Even if the oldest McCall didn't do any farmwork anymore, he was still strong like a bull. Thomas shrieked and tried to pull away from his big brother, but it didn't help much. "Don't touch me, Ray.", he hissed.

The reverend was furious. How could he say something like that? First, he took Marisa away from him, then he didn't want her anymore. Ray wasn't over it, no matter how often he said he forgave them two. He was sure, he would never be over it and would always be full of anger. He would never be the preacher William was. At this moment, he knew it more than ever.

He was still full of pride. Some things will never change.

"First...", Ray's voice was dangerously quiet. "You take another girl from me. And now as she has born this little bastard, you want to get rid of her?", his voice raised, at the end of the sentence he almost yelled at his brother. "It's your punishment to raise this little bastard. If you leave Marisa, I'll kill you. She was mine. You both ruined my life.", he added, looking his brother directly in the eyes.

Thomas' eyebrows furrowed and he pushed Ray away with strength he didn't know he had. "Fuck you, Ray.", he yelled at him here inside the barn. "You ruined our lives because you shot William in cold blood.", his last words were only a whisper because he had to hold his tears back with all the strength he had left. Ray stumbled back and looked at his brother with his eyes full of disbelief. "No...", he was gasping, almost losing his voice. "it was an accident." Thomas started to laugh, full of disbelief: "An accident?", he asked, but wanted no answer to this question. "Ray, you shot our poor, unarmed brother. You're a murderer.", he told the reverend and this was one of the very rare moments in which he was stronger than his older brother. At least mentally.

Ray's eyes widened and it was hard for him, to look into his brother's face. He knew that his younger sibling was right.

How could he be so angry to think that William would shoot at him? He could never harm his brothers. He was always so calm, and smart and tried to save his family. If Ray had only stopped for a second before he shot his brother. William would still be here.

"Go to hell, Thomas.", he started slowly. "You left William and me to die in Juan's fort.", his always strong and loud voice was nothing more than a whisper at this moment.

"Because Marisa told me William was dead!", Thomas shouted. "Then you left me... To die.", Ray looked his brother directly into the eyes as he spoke these words out.

Thomas made a step forward, pushing his brother on the shoulder. "Because...", his voice was still loud, but he pressed his teeth together when he continued: "I knew that you would kill Marisa and me." The eyes of the reverend got a dangerous glance in it, as he stepped forward to the farmer, grabbing his shirt again and staring him directly into his eyes: "You both ruined my life.", he told him loudly with an almost painful look on his face. He was surprised, that Thomas didn't seem to back off. No, he also grabbed Ray by the collar: "You ruined my life for telling me about that goddamn gold of Juarez.", he said dangerously quietly.

For a moment, nobody said anything. Ray was willing to beat the shit out of his younger brother. He knew it would be wrong, but it was all he could thing about at the moment. If William only could still be here. He would separate the two older brothers, telling some bible verse, clearing the situation. But William wasn't here anymore and he would never come back. Ray closed his eyes for a second, then he pushed Thomas away from himself. The younger McCall fell to the dusty ground of the barn, his eyes were still full of anger, but he didn't move.

"You better take care of this little bastard and your wife. William would have wanted it this way.", he told his brother, before he turned around and walked outside into the dying light of the evening sun.

He couldn't remember when he cried for the last time, it must have been ages ago. But as got outside the barn he felt a single tear running down his cheek, dropping off from his chin.

End.

[mieriella]

Octobre 1845

WC: ~1,6k

CW: Smoking, drinking, violence

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It was a really mild fall in Georgia this year. The sun was shining, the birds still sang their little songs and there was no rain in sight. Another day of hard work on the Farm went by for the McCall-Brothers. And when it came to the topic of work, it always went the same way: yelling and swearing. At least between the younger Thomas McCall and his father.

„Thommy, come down here!“, Ray stood on the field, looking towards the crown of the big old oak tree that was standing there since he was able to think.

„Back off, Ray. Leave me alone.“, was the only answer that came from the heights and there was no option, that Thomas would climb down this tree.

Ray was always the stronger brother. In 1845 he was only 18 years old, but already stronger than most boys his age. Unfortunately, he was never very movable and also afraid of heights. So he could do nothing, but sit down on the ground, take a small flask of whiskey out of his jacket, and took a long sip. „You can’t hide here forever, little brother!“, again Ray yelled towards the leaves, looking up to Thomas. Like a little monkey, he was sitting in the crown of the tree, to high for Ray to reach him and take him down.

Thomas didn’t gave an answer, so Ray – who was always a little chatty, no matter what – just kept on talking to him. „Let me take a look at your face.“, he said.

Their father was beating Thomas up now and then – especially when it came to hard work. Thommy was a young teenager, not half as strong as Ray was in his age. He wasn’t able to do really much farm work and he also wasn’t afraid of complaining.

Sadly, his father was an impatient and aggressive man, who didn’t mind giving his children a beating when things didn't go his way. Ray was the firstborn and looked just like his father. He was completely fine with hard work – as he was tall and strong. Always idolized by their dad.

Thomas was way too weak – but he was also almost a child. Often, Ray felt sorry for his younger brother, but all his complaining got on his nerves, too.

Today, Thomas got a big punch in his face from their father. For sure, he played way too far for this impatient plantation owner. After this, he was running away – like always and hiding in that big oak tree – like always.

Ray did all the work with his father alone and now he was there to take a little bit of care of his younger brother. Although he was told by his father, to leave Thomas alone. But he couldn’t. Since the day, this boy was born, the oldest McCall-Brother felt responsible for his younger sibling.

Their mom hadn’t too much time for the two boys. She was too busy caring for William, who was born two years ago. He was always very ill and weak and their mother had to look after him the whole day, and got also a bit sick of all the worries she had with the little infant. This only brought Ray and Thomas closer together. „Thommy…“, Ray called him again, drinking from his booze. „Come down, boy. You can have a sip of the whiskey.“

As he heard a movement coming from the top of the tree, he had to grin. For sure, this boy just wanted some whiskey. He could always lure him with that.

Only a few seconds later, Thomas was jumping from the lowest branch of the oak, letting himself fall down beneath his big brother. „Thanks, brother.“, with these words, Thomas took the flask out of Ray's hand and put it to his lips, drinking a few sips.  He grimaced at the strong taste, as Ray took the bottle away from him. „Have you gone nuts?“, he asked with a pissed-off face, feeling that the flask was already half-empty. „You want to drink it up alone?“, was Ray’s next question, but he was hiding a grin. That boy was only 14 years old, and if he went on like this, he would cause a lot of trouble his whole life.

Thomas shrugged, as he looked his older brother in the eyes: „Calm down, I was just having a bad day.“, he tried to make his voice sound indifferent, but there was some sadness in it. Ray had to laugh a little: „You’re starting to get a real man.“

„I hope.“, Thomas sighed while Ray took a silver cigarette case out of the chest pocket of his shirt, put it to his lips, and lit it with a match. He offered his brother one too, even if their mother would not be very amused about it. This boy had a hard day and their mother always told Ray, to take care of his little brother. In his very own special way, he actually did take care of him. Thomas also lit one of the cigs.

Ray inhaled the smoke deep into his lungs and blew it into the clear air of this October evening. „One day I’ll be stronger than you, Ray.“, Thomas said and coughed because of the cigarette smoke. The oldest McCall-Brother rolled his eyes: „Yeah, sure. I was double your size in your age.“, he said. „You’ll see!“, Thomas' voice was defiant, like the voice of a child he was. „And then…“, his light-brown eyes started to get watery „Dad will stop beating me up and I’ll be the favorite son.“, one single tear left his eye and ran down his cheek, as he looked away, hoping that the older one wouldn’t notice it.

Of course Ray saw it, rolled his eyes again, and lifted the chin of his younger brother up with his index- and middle fingers. „Stop your crying, Thommy. Take it like a man. A real man doesn’t cry.“, he said a bit annoyed.

He's never been good with big feelings. He took a deeper look at his brother's face. Dad had a strong right fist and beat this poor boy directly onto his cheekbone. It was already becoming red and blue. Ray had to think about his mother. For sure, she would cry again, if she saw her middle son like that. Her oldest son was pretty sure that she hated their father for being such an aggressive nutbag. Thomas freed himself from his brother's grip and wiped the sleeve of his shirt over his face. As he touched his right cheekbone he hissed a bit in pain.

Ray started to smile again, as his brother stopped his crying. „Way better, boy. Soon you’ll be a man.“ „One day, I will do anything better than you!“, Thomas started to grin a bit too, trying to hide the sadness on his face and also attempting to upset his older brother. „Watch out, boy. Otherwise, I will be the next one beating you up.“, Ray laughed and took again one big sip of whiskey. Even if he totally looked like their father, he was a bit different. He could be also ice-cold and aggressive, but at first, he was always looking for his younger brother. Protecting him and helping him where he could, even if he can be a dirtbag sometimes.

 „Come on, Thommy.“, Ray took another sip of the whiskey and gave the almost empty flask to his younger brother. „Drink it up and then let’s go.“, he said.

Again with a grin, Thomas took the bottle and drank the last few sips. This time he tried not to grimace at the taste, but his try failed.

He handed the empty flask to his big brother, who had already stood up. „Come on!“, he told the younger one. But Thomas only shook his head. „I don’t want to see the old shithead again. Maybe I just should run away.“, he said upset again. Ray rolled his eyes. This brat was a real pain in the ass. „I told you: Be a man, stop running away.“, he barked at his brother. The very next moment, he already tried to calm down again. „Think about Mom. And William.“, Ray tried to keep his voice calm. „I’m your older brother, so I care for you. You have to take care of William, he would be lost without his big brother.“, he felt really smart for bringing this argument.

The family was everything.

Thomas just shrugged: „You’re also Williams' big brother. And you don’t need to take care of me. I can live on my own.“

Ray's left eye started twitching, he held himself back with all the strength he had. „Little brother, would you like to see me mad?“, he asked dangerously and quietly. Then he turned around to the younger one, leaning a little bit down, and took him by his shirt with a strong grip. First, Thomas' eyes widened in fear, but then Ray began to speak: „Look, I will always take care of you. No matter what. We are brothers. Nothing can stand against us, if we just stand together.“, Ray didn’t know, that he talk so calm to his brother when he was behaving like a little prick.

For a few seconds, Thomas didn’t reply. He just looked at his brother with those hazel eyes. Then he nodded slowly and finally stood up, Ray giving him a helping and and lifting him up. „Nothing can stand against us.“, he replied.

„We can sit on the terrace and play some cards. Then we don’t have to face Dad.“, Ray suggested as he took his arm around his younger brother’s shoulder and together they made their way back to the house. Thomas only nodded, without saying anything, but Ray knew, that he hold his tears back with all strenght that he had.

End.