#will probably still have him trying to mechanize himself. absolutely important to me that he does

[ceryceum]

disorganized viktor headcanons

really just headcanons mixed in with observations and thoughts of my portrayal!

workaholic to an obsessive degree. often will insist he's left to work in peace.

mixed, leaning negative, feelings on piltover and its beliefs; he firmly believes that their fear of necessary change stifles the progress he can offer

dire circumstances of the undercity left viktor without parents at a young age—yet, still mature enough to understand that death in zaun is not an uncommon occurrence.

not truly devoid of all emotion. a bonafide love for life rests within his being. mechanical, hexcore or fleshy heart, his wish to help others guides him.

viktor still created blitzcrank to help the people of zaun.

he is still heimerdinger's assistant in my portrayal.

over the years, grows increasingly bitter with his work now only serving to lay the foundation for the work of the elite, rather than being used to help the common man.

viktor's disease is one of his sources of desperation on making progress. fears that there's still too much left undone.

believes that by renouncing emotion and flesh, allowing to relieve others of that burden on their shoulders, he will herald a tomorrow where human error shall not inhibit progress.

does not care for the feelings of those that see him as a messiah of some sort.

slightly kinder in his earlier years, though sarcasm typically followed, even if unwarranted.

don't ask him about jayce.

[overtake]

if you’re still doing prompts: ⁹¹⁾ six missed calls

Car mechanic Daniel, driver Max.

Daniel’s brain pulses inside his head, kissing the fragile walls of his skull with every second he’s awake. His nose simultaneously runs out of one nostril and is stuffed up in the other. Even through his slightly blocked hearing, he knows his breathing sounds wheezy and congested.

He props himself up onto a shaky elbow and almost collapses with the motion. His whole body aches. There’s spine-chilling shivers sent through his bones one second and hot flashes the next. Groaning, he finally adjusts himself to a seated position and takes a second to regroup.

Reluctantly, he reaches for his phone to turn off do not disturb. He hates to call out of work, made worse by how nice Cyril always is about it. The garage is a lot for the two of them to handle, let alone Cyril by himself.

Daniel blinks when he realizes he has six missed calls from the garage. He’s definitely running a bit behind his usual schedule, but Cyril doesn’t set specific hours for him so long as Daniel gets his work done. There must be some emergency, which is fucking great. He’ll be taking medicine and going after all.

He sees spots when he stands to his feet, but he grabs his bedside table and manages to stay upright. He puts the phone on speaker and drops it on the bed while he pulls on the first respectably clean items of clothing he can find. Not like it matters, really. He’ll sweat through them within five minutes of working through this fever, and grease always seems to permeate their coveralls no matter what they do.

Cyril picks up in a state of panic — which, for him, still sounds remarkably calm and stable.

“We have an emergency repair,” he informs Daniel. “It’s going to take me all day, probably. I need you to cover everything else so I can get this done.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen,” Daniel promises, trying his absolute best to sound as if he’s not deathly ill. Cyril is too caught up in frantically relaying this emergency to Daniel, who has entirely tuned him out in pursuit of getting on pants without passing out and splitting his head open. He probably ends the call rather rudely into Cyril’s story, but he needs to focus all his attention on driving into work without a dizzy spell.

Cyril takes one look at him and tries to send him straight back home.

“No,” Daniel protests. “I’m good. I’ll go home if it’s still bad by midday, but I’m alright. You have that emergency repair for someone important.”

The reminder of this seemingly VIP client perks Cyril right up. “You would not believe who is in our office right now,” he says, dropping his voice to a low whisper.

Daniel shrugs. He probably can guess. A tiny auto repair shop on the outskirts of Perth doesn’t exactly attract high profile visitors. At best, it’s probably some dickhead politician or half-famous musician. They definitely have money, based on the nice ass car Cyril was working on when Daniel walked in.

“Go and look,” Cyril says excitedly, shoving Daniel toward the door that leads into the office space.

This mystery guy has his back to Daniel, bent over on his phone. Daniel sees broad shoulders and scruffy hair in that nebulous area between blond and brown.

It’s only when the guy turns around that he realizes he’s looking at Max Verstappen.

Daniel hasn’t paid actual attention to F1 in years. He did his time in Italy, tried to prove himself worthy of a real shot. He got it, too. He did races with HRT, made it two races with Toro Rosso, and then collapsed in the paddock before quali and was diagnosed with a heart condition. Manageable, they said. Shouldn’t affect his length or quality of life, so long as he took medication and stopped putting his body through the enormous strain of racing.

He’d considered saying fuck it and racing anyway. It felt more important to him than anything else at that time. To a 22-year-old with his dreams at his fingertips, he figured there was no quality of life without F1.

His mum, though — it would have destroyed her. He returned to Perth and laid uselessly in bed for two months, then found the closest job to cars he could stomach without driving himself mental over what he’d lost.

“Everything okay?” Max asks, twisting and facing his body toward Daniel when he hears the door open. His blue eyes widen when they take in Daniel, probably looking just as spooked as Daniel’s do right now. Daniel knows he’s sick, but he didn’t realize he looked atrocious enough to scare people.

“Hi,” Daniel says. His words come out phlegmy, and he tries for a casual cough to clear it. He can feel it’s not successful, but forges on. “Uh, I don’t know if Cyril mentioned it, but your repair is going to probably be an all-day thing. You don’t have to sit in here.” Then, panicked that he sounds as if he’s kicking Max out, he hastily clarifies. “Obviously, you can stay if you want. There’s just probably more exciting things to do.”

Max looks at him drily. “I don’t have a car.”

“Right,” Daniel says. “Like, no offense, but I think you’ve got the money to rent a new one.”

Max doesn’t look remotely offended. He laughs, something genuine and higher-pitched than Daniel expected.

“I’ve done all the tourist things anyway. I leave tomorrow. I don’t really mind just sitting here.”

“Alright, well. Just wanted to let you know.”

“Thank you, Daniel,” Max says. He has a nice smile, Daniel thinks, and admires the pink shape of it before Max turns back to his phone.

It takes his hazy brain ages to realize he never told Max his name.

Max hunches over his screen, shooting the odd glance at the door to make sure no one’s about to bust back through. He types in the Instagram handle he’s visited countless times over the years. Daniel Ricciardo, who shook his hand at a karting event with a big grin and imprinted himself permanently on Max’s psyche.

Max had spent ages on his dad’s computer after that collapse, refreshing the search over and over until a news article confirmed that Daniel was alive.

Daniel had faded in and out of Max’s memory in the years since, but he never left completely. Every so often, Max would look at his social media and watch the profile picture change with the times. Those pixels on a locked-down profile were the only documentation he had that Daniel was still out in the world somewhere and doing okay.

He didn’t come to Perth for Daniel. He didn’t even know if Daniel still lived here, for one. Plus, it would be incredibly creepy to track him down based on the foggy memory of a decade old karting event.

Max had watched back Daniel’s limited races, breathless at the raw potential. He’d wondered a few times what it would’ve been like if Daniel stayed and fought his way into Red Bull long enough for Max to race beside him.

Even still, he didn’t pick his vacation spot for Daniel. Subconsciously, maybe it influenced his choice, but he had two spare weeks after Melbourne and an ache to see something besides his white bedroom walls.

Fate, not Max, made his ludicrously expensive rental car break down in the Perth suburbs and brought him to Daniel’s garage.

He looks down at Daniel’s profile. 32 posts. A profile picture of him in a colourful bucket hat sipping a drink. No mutual followers, despite the countless people that connect them. Daniel didn’t make this page until he was out of F1, and Max assumes he blocked out that world entirely.

He hovers his finger over the follow button, then exits the app before he can make that kind of bad decision. Instead, he stands, pats his jeans to check for his wallet, and marches out the door toward the cafe a few doors down.

He thinks of Daniel’s raspy voice and ruddy, fever-red cheeks and hopes he likes soup.

[poomphuripan]

what do you think of the comments on mdl of my stand in calling ming a cheater?

hi nonnie []~(￣▽￣)~* that's actually something i've been thinking to write about because i saw those remarks as well but it is such a controversial thing to discuss. if you don't mind, this discussion post will be filled with mild spoilers of the novel.

!!!!!! novel spoilers warning !!!!!!

alright so first of all, @ineffable-opinions wrote an excellent post about the danmei tropes in my stand-in (which i highly recommend everyone to read). this is a great post as they discussed the white moonlight trope presented in my stand-in.

i don't consider ming, a cheater because as i see it, tong was simply ming's white moonlight. ming never established a physical nor emotional connection with tong, throughout his time knowing joe. tong was always an idealised fantasy, he's mistaken it for it to be love. in other words, i see it as ming looking up tong like a delulu fanboy with an idol crush than him actually having any substantive feelings for tong ever. i mean if you had a partner that looked like a kpop idol, and sex with your partner makes you feel like you're achieving your sexual fantasy, are you cheating on your partner? maybe? maybe not? probably controversial and debatable question but for me, i don't consider it 'cheating'. i do think ming took for granted joe's genuine feelings and did not fully appreciate joe's affection (ming you ungrateful bish, repent).

during their time together playing pseudo 'not boyfriends', ming showed that he could be an okay partner. whether it's caring about joe's day at work, how hard joe's job as a stuntman, accepting joe's invitation to accompany him to his wrapped filming party.

i mean it's really bare minimum but that's already quite a lot coming from the dude who's afraid as hell once joe started mentioning the 'faen' word, triggering his self-defense mechanism, depreciating himself trying to claim that joe wouldn't be able to stand him.

i think one of the most obvious example of how afraid ming was to lose this relationship, was him using the word 'faen' in the last breakup fight with joe. this line was very ironic of him to say, because i'm sure even ming knows this line applies more to himself (how in this life, ming won't be able to find a better boyfriend than joe).

i absolutely love ming's emotion progression in ep 4 because it encapsulates perfectly his 21 year old spoiled brat attitude. he was confused when broken up over the phone, then mad and started throwing tantrum trying to get joe to coax him (like joe always does), until he realized it wouldn't work this time and he started frantically begging for joe to stay so they could go back to playing house and being happy.

personally, i don't consider it cheating because by around ep3/4, you can already started seeing ming settling down with the option that makes him "happy". some may even argued that by this point, he has 'recognized' his feelings (not me though, i think he just wanted his simple happiness/domestic bliss back, i still think it's during the period he lost joe 1.0 that he learned what love truly is).

now the most important question of all: is ming cheating on joe 1.0 with joe 2.0 or vice versa?

to quote chapter 63 of Professional Body Double (My Stand-In novel), i think the author puts it best how ming views joe 2.0.

He has fallen to the point of looking for the shadow of that person in a substitute. This is his punishment. When he thought that he was using [Joe] as [Tong]’s substitute, he was not aware of the actual person who had entered his heart. He had failed miserably with this method but still could not help himself from wanting to try. There are no other reasons. Just that he was in too much pain. He can’t endure anymore. He was adamant that [Joe] is not dead but no one could confirm it. That little doubtful voice in his heart is getting louder and louder, but is roughly suppressed by him time and time again. To continually be persistent with this thought, he needed a lot of willpower. He knew better than anyone else. Even if this [Joe] could bring him a little comfort, he wanted to be close to him, just like a long frozen person wanting to be close to a matchstick. This can’t save him… but he couldn’t stop himself from taking that little warmth.

i LOVE this metaphor and this little inner thought of ming we got because we can see how he's very much aware that he's falling right back into the bad habit that got him into trouble in the first place but... he's a fucking fool... who resorts to spiritual shamans for hope...

but also the familiarity he got from joe 2.0 is way too strong to joe 1.0. so for me, i'm seeing it as ming is using joe 2.0 as a means for comfort and relief as well as keeping him close to observe the similarities between him and joe 1.0, rather than viewing joe 2.0 as a replacement for joe 1.0 (because keep in mind, at this point he doesn't know they're the same person yet).

so !!!!!!!!! BIG WARNING of spoilers from the novel !!!!!!!!! if joe had considered joe 2.0 to be a direct replacement of joe 1.0, i don't think he would have had this conversation with joe 2.0 about joe 1.0.

Ming spoke right at this time. His voice sounded very faint and very soft, “Joe, are you hiding something from me?” Joe didn’t know what Ming meant by this. He asked cautiously, “I don’t understand what Khun Ming means.” Ming, “The feelings you give me is too familiar. It’s as if I’ve known you and have lived with you before. Why is this?” Joe forced himself to responded, “Maybe this is fate.” If it wasn’t because they are fated, they would not be in the predicament of today…with a relationship that is so unclear in both past and current lifetimes. “Joe. Tell me….If a person had been missing for more than two years, do you think he may still be alive?” Joe’s tensed up and smiled, “Most likely impossible. If still alive, he would have come back already.” “Why can’t he be alive? It could be that he didn’t come back because he doesn’t want to come back.” Joe is silent for a moment, “Khun Ming, are you talking about the other Joe?” Joe clearly felt Ming’s body stiffened. Then Ming asked, “How much do you know about him?” “I don’t know anything at all. I just heard from what others have said.” Ming quietly asked, “Then do you know what relationship I have with him?” Joe’s heart tightened, What relationship? You say, what relationship? He clenched his teeth in the dark, “I don’t know.” Ming’s voice is like the rising of the quiet abyss, cold and empty, “I feel that he’s not dead. He just doesn’t want to come back.” Joe heard his own voice dissociated from his thoughts and automatically asked, “Why won’t he want to come back?” Ming didn’t respond to his question, instead he tightened his arms around Joe.

i like that in the 2.0 timeline, we got ming learning but also not learning his dumbass mistakes at all. ming learned that he should be upfront about his feelings and be straightforward with his sexual partner, but at the same time he's still impatient, hot tempered and say hurtful things easily.

so i think through and through the second half of the series, you'll see his fidelity to joe (the soul) only. while perhaps it was the shadow of a back that mesmerized ming in the first place, but it's the kindhearted soul of joe that ming truly fell in love with, the person that showed him what love means, the only period in his life where he felt happiness.

© gif courtesy of the talented @alienwlw

you can also check out @befuddledcinnamonroll and @ineffable-opinions discussion on matters of transmigration, attachment of the soul with the body in their excellent posts, here and here. to sum it up, i think up kinda succintly puts it here in this interview.

of course, this is not to excuse dating/fucking anyone who resembles your missing ex but then treating them like they're your object ;_; like i'm just saying i don't think what ming is doing with joe 2.0 can be categorized as cheating (for me). it's something scummy, foolish, dumb, really stupid but... not cheating ┗( T﹏T )┛.

also if you notice, ming doesn't sleep around. surely he could have slept with dozen of nice looking man with similar physique to joe 1.0 to "keep the warmth" if he was that type of dude... but he doesn't... so for me, i see this proposal he has for joe 2.0 is not simply because of a physical attraction/similarity to joe, but it's the vibe/the aura/the ✨energy✨ that joe 2.0 radiates that is too similar to joe 1.0, drawing ming to him again.

tldr: ming is a lot of things but for me, i would never characterize him as a cheater. ming is a scummy, spoiled, arrogant, entitled, hot tempered hi-so brat but also a foolish little crying bag with zero wife-chasing skills. his only tactic is begging and getting his waterworks flowing.

ps: i'm not sure if this ask actually answers your question at all but hopefully some of my thoughts made sense ಥ_ಥ

[notallangelsaregood]

My thoughts on Spy x Family Chapter 82

Needless to say, (some real serious) manga spoilers alert

Oh, boy, I'm gasping for air. I'm panicking, and I've not panicked this much about Spy x Family since Anya's last hijack incident (which my heart has not recovered yet). Mr. Endo, may you, please, pay my cardiologist bill? I'm not joking, I'm hyperventilating, and my chest is TU DUM, TU DUM.

The mole was discovered! Poor guy (or not, who knows?). I wonder what SSS will do to him. How far will the organization go? I believe we won't even know.

I'm seriously nervous for him. Twillight is used to things getting on his way, with minimum complications and this situation is definitely not it. Of course, he could figure things could go bad, since It's a really risky operation, however, I feel his frustration in not getting much time to secure the real wheeler.

Damn, my heart is not surviving till the end of this chapter.

Our man got ✨ The Skills ✨ Still, all this shooting is getting me pretty nervous. I'm immediately getting my anxiety meds. Endo, what the actual f-

Yeah, Twilight is The Man! Still, my hands are trembling and so is my apprehensive cardiac organ. This is sure to be qualified as torture.

He is quite wise disguising as Yuri. Haha, got it? I'm not okay, Christ.

Damn, Yuri is very intelligent, as well. The brains had to go to one of the Briar's, am I right? (Poor Yor, I love you, It's not personal. Bad comedy is my coping mechanism when I'm nervous. I'm so sorry!)

He is right about that. Twilight is nervous. And I wonder why. Maybe because there's more on this game than before? He is a father. A husband. He worries. He is not the same he was before, as much as he tries to convince himself that he is not attached to his fake family dynamics.

I can clearly imagine his thoughts racing. He's thinking about Anya, about Yor, about WISE, while trying to run and get these thoughts away from him in order to not commit mistakes, like leaving a footprint behind. Just saying.

Oh Yuri, you are so sweet, in a way. And you know absolutely nothing.

The panic™  on his face. Poor Yuri, I'm truly divided right here. See? I'm calmer, not panicking at all, this is certainly my clonazepam working.

Quick (but important) writer's note here, I'm actually diagnosed with intense anxiety and use prescribed medication, I joke about it, cause It's better to laugh than cry on the reality of my condition, however, never use anxiolytic/benzodiazepines drugs without valid prescription and conscience, it might cause long-term dependency and tolerance. My Pharmacy academic self felt the need to point this out. Moving on!

By the way, have you noticed the "waver"? Twilight is hesitating, deeply, which makes him more prone to aiming wrong. Haha, ha… I'm okay, I swear 😰

...

HOW THE FLOOF AM I SUPPOSED TO BE CHILL AFTER THIS, HUH?

Okay, two theories. I'm okay, I swear, my blood pressure is just fine.

Theory number 1. Twilight gets Yuri shot on some of his limbs, probably one of his legs, so our spy can buy time, run to encounter the others Wise's agents and hide. Gladly, he can aim just on the spot when no much damage is made to Yuri, even though the spy is extremely nervous. Twillight was totally not expecting to find him on that corner, and he knows that doing something so serious like UNALIVING HER WIFE'S BROTHER will tear her apart. Why else he would waver? He is the best spy of Westalis. He doesn't hesitate, but this is different.

Theory number 2. Which I believe is less likely, but still possible, Yuri gets our incredible Spy shot on some area of his body where the disguise falls off, and he realizes Twillight and Loid are the same person, but he does nothing about it, at least not for a while. Making him and the spy share this major secret for a while, due to numerous reasons, but mainly to protect Yor and take her out of her position as Loid's wife safely. But as I said, I find unlikely to Yuri shoot TwiTwi, even though the latter is quite nervous and might not dodge the shot. Besides the fact Loid has his arm aimed at Yuri first, while Yuri has his arm sideways, which gives Twilight an advantage in time.

Be sure to talk to me in the comments, I would love to hear what you guys think. Moving on to the last past of the chapter.

Lady Yor! Our grownup baby! She is still with the same outfit and hair down, so I assume it's late at night or afternoon, maybe Anya is already home or at a sleepover with Becky? Not sure.

Our poor girl is nervous due to Yuri filling her thoughts with the possibility of Loid cheating (which is dumb as floof, because he is a loyal boy) but still, even sober, Yor is worried. She cares about this family so much it probably hurts and confuses her. Her face on the left gave me chills, so much is going through her mind, almost if she senses something is wrong.

So. Much. Blood. I'm. Nervous. I. Can't. Breath. Properly. What. Was. This? Whose blood is this? (Not Yor's, I assume). I always count the days till the next chapter, but for this one, I'll be in severe mental pain until its release date. My mind racing like Yor's, wondering if Loid will come home late or come home at all.

I keep imagining scenarios where one of the boys gets shoot and the aftermath of that, Loid or Yuri at the hospital or being held by their organizations in order to get intel from them, Yor drying with worry, there are so many possibilities. This arc has been the most intense so far, for me, at least. I don't know how I will cope till June 26th.

What do you guys thinking? If my heart survived until now, yours will! Make sure to like, reblog and support my work here on Tumblr, I really appreciate it. Now I will rest, cause that chapter was (hell) difficult 🌹 (this post will be reviewed soon, so if you encounter any grammar or spelling mistakes, forgive my bilingual mess self)

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

Hello!

This is a humongous ask with a lot of context please please feel free to ignore😵‍💫

So I hold the hc that Ford is absolutely NPD, that Stanley has CPTSD and perhaps even BPD (we see him obsess over his FP throughout his entire life and while he represses as much as he can, it is still very clear that he feels DEEPLY either negative or positive emotions.)

I am in the middle of writing a fic where both men fall into the portal. If you are interested in understanding the premise, basically Bill fucks up by showing Ford exactly what happens during the some lowest moments of Stan's drifter years. Bill wants to destroy Ford's self worth and show him that he is a monster "just like Me"

The result being that Ford is wracked by Narcissistic injury. He contacts Stan, Stan comes, fight happens near the portal, Stan gets burned, but before Stan can push Ford into the portal, Ford rapid-fires some panic apologies and begs for forgiveness about .. everything. They are both physically fucked and by sheer bad luck end up falling through the portal just as they begin to communicate.

My AU is called Trust Falls

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/59665708)

At the moment in my writing I am working on the delayed reaction of Ford's narcissistic injury paired with the somewhat foreign to Ford idea that he has to not just rely on Stanley for both of them to survive but in fact Stan has skills and knowledge that Ford simply doesn't.

I am personally a BPD autistic person (with NPD people in my life that I love and I know love me) and I am struggling to properly represent Ford's internal struggle with this. I am also struggling to work in other NPD traits such as his manipulation of circumstances.

Another aspect to my story is that Ford is going to go through some pretty intense psychological trauma (think the Lamp story from reddit) and I want him to struggle to feel connected to his humanity, for some later healing when they get back to their home.

As an NPD person, do you have any recommendations on ways you would approach his injury and perhaps ways his ego would get them into trouble with locals around the multiverse?

I am trying really hard to not just simply ignore his NPD qualities in favor of "yay the boys can hug it out" bullshit narratives that I groan at.

I’ll try and do my best in wording all this, and will mostly be going off my own experience, so naturally I don’t speak for every narcissist, but I hope this can be of help anyway!

When it comes to writing and understanding Narcissistic Injuries, one of the most important thing to keep in mind is the root of it, as those will inform the character’s behaviours and reaction. The most common feelings related to Narcissistic Injury are things shame, humiliation, insecurity etc, and because we are usually unable of coping with that, and our view of ourself has just been challenged or even damaged, we turn those feelings elsewhere as a defence mechanism: anger is the most common response I find.

In Ford’s case, I imagine it’s only further worsened by the fact he has to rely on Stan. Honestly, that would probably piss me off if I was in his position. His self-worth has just been damaged beyond repair, which is already going to cause an array of negative emotions, and now, he’s been made even more vulnerable, with someone who simply put, knows more than him in this situation. It would be a blow to his pride.

I can see him doing things like refusing Stan’s help or going against what Stan tells him to do, believing he can handle a situation or do it better, lashing out and trying to prove his worth again, but he’ll likely only make himself feel worse in the process. It’s a horrible cycle to be stuck in.

You have to remember when writing that Ford’s response is only a shield, protecting himself from others but also his own feelings. He doesn’t want to acknowledge his own weakness. That’s just not an option. Every little disagreement in this state is going to be more than that to Ford — it’s going to be an insult. He may interpret Stan’s words as telling him he isn’t capable, or that he isn’t smart enough, when Stan is really just trying to help them both survive.

Hell, he’ll probably respond like this to most forms of assistance or locals trying to correct him, becoming snappy or defensive, insisting he knew that, or that they don’t need help, because he has it under control. I know for a fact I, even with how much I’ve improved my coping, still snap back with how I don’t need help, or that I was managing just fine, or that I actually intended to do that all along. It’s easier than just admitting you’re struggling.

I can see Ford pissing off a few people with that mindset.

It probably does help that a lot of this also stems from guilt, which means he likely feels responsible for Stan, and only grows more frustrated with himself when he can’t protect him.

Also Manipulation! I think I can word this one a bit easier I’m way more self-aware about that sort of thing.

The thing about manipulation with narcissism, is it isn’t always the obvious things. When manipulating a situation, it can be as simple as very intentional comments designed to garner attention or sympathy, although, intentional as it is, in my own experience, this tends to run on auto pilot. It just… is. You just do it. It’s also sometimes about speaking confidently enough that you convince people your idea is the better one, and thereby securing your own preferred outcome. Most times, it’s habit. Also, for me, and I think for Ford in this situation, manipulation is a way to regain control, if it helps to think of it like that?

Ford has to be in control, he has to be perfect, he has to be the smartest in the room, he has to be worth something, he has to make it up to Stan, otherwise, what has his life even been for?

Apologies if this is messy or doesn’t clear up certain things. It’s nearly 12am as I write this so I’m just balling it. I really appreciate you putting in the effort to write this kind of dynamic though!

[tenebriskukris]

Oshi No Ko Chapter 153 - My Thoughts/Analysis

This chapter was a bit of a mixed bag for me, but it’s at least an improvement over the absolute trasheap that the last chapter was. As always, spoilers for Oshi No Ko Ch 153 below.

We start off the chapter with a continuation to this interaction between Hikaru and Aqua. With how this series has been timeskipping so much recently I half expected this confrontation to also be done offscreen. Would be par for the course at this point. Let’s see how this turns out now that we’re actually getting the proper screetime for them to talk.

Hikaru is the managing director of some media company? You’d think that something like this would’ve been shown earlier in the manga when Akane was gathering info on Hikaru but it’s honestly not that relevant now that Aqua and Hikaru are face to face like this. Again—this entire Aqua-Hikaru interaction should’ve had more buildup to it but I’d be beating a dead horse if I kept expressing my displeasure about it. 

It seems you’ve researched me through and through. Yeah, Aqua probably has done that for the movie—whether or not it’s completely accurate or not. Though we don’t actually get to see Aqua do much on that—he’s certainly researched Ai and her past but not so much for Hikaru. You’d think that after he knew his identity it would’ve been shown that he was sniffing for clues but oh yeah! The manga just handwaved that like so many other important factoids.

Interesting that Hikaru says that the movie was fiction despite the fact that the information in it was actually accurate. Considering he was involved in these events I’m not sure whether or not to trust his words in general. Not to mention this whole thing about the events being fabricated, exaggerated and some other bits excised from the movie itself. Whether or not it’s true—I think it’s still a fact that it’s not quite Ai and Hikaru’s story being told in the movie. Not perfectly at least. Allowing Abiko and Yoriko to change up aspects of the script clued us into that. The question remains—how accurate is all of it—is something that I hope to see before the manga ends.

Gotta have to give props to the art with Hikaru in this one panel. It’s very…what is the term? Angelic? No, illuminating. White background with his figure front and center. Trying to give off an atmosphere of cold certainty, if I had to pin an emotion to it. My only complaint is that his black star eyes aren’t very striking in this panel when we’ve seen Aqua’s black star eyes go hard in a lot of other panels.

She never loved me once. Now that’s an interesting thing to say. Especially since Hikaru himself is now the only person in the series that actually experienced the Ai-Hikaru relationship in its entirety. While the movie may have attempted to portray their relationship, it also didn’t do a perfect job at doing so, even if they may have preserved the heart of it. I’ll have more thoughts when the chapter ends since I want to see how this interaction develops.

So we’re finally getting the confirmation that Hikaru killed Ai. About time, really. Having Hikaru’s character and motives be shrouded in mystery for this long in the series made the possibility that he didn’t intend for Ai to die still plausible, though doubtful. The mechanism of Ai’s death has been suspected by Aqua for a majority of the series, so I’d be fine if they just handwave that factoid out of the picture. 

This movie will get me killed socially. Here we go again with this entire bit. It’s much too expository for my tastes. Akane and Hikaru both believe that the movie will get him killed socially but really, it wouldn’t be very realistic to think that unless someone directly spills the beans to the public later down the line anyway, and even then if Hikaru was popular and influential enough the industry would let him trudge on even after the reputation hit. It’s not like the industry really cares if someone high up is a horrible person unless they make too much of a mess of things for someone to go public with that sort of thing.

THE DVDS??? For the love of all the gods and deities above I need to know what are in those DVDs. They’ve been lingering in the background for long enough and defined a large part of Aqua’s motivations throughout the movie arc for so long that it’s difficult to grasp what Aqua’s thinking half the time.

If revenge against me was what she wanted then I’ll accept it. I loved her from the bottom of my heart, after all. Huh. So that’s why he’s been fine with letting the twins run their revenge scheme like this. I’m inclined to believe him here personally—but it’s also possible that he’s letting his own Issues affect his thinking. From how he described Ai before, it could that he holds some guilt in being responsible for Ai’s death that he’s fine with the twins killing him like this if it’s what Ai wanted, though this is all just speculation.

So that’s why this meeting has been so civil. Hikaru’s wanted to talk to Aqua for awhile now, it seems. It’s still bad writing that we didn’t actually get to see them interact before this interview though. Spending a chapter to set this interview up could’ve allowed the buildup to not feel like something out of a cheap paperback. Not to mention not showing us why Aqua has white star eyes in the first place and just what caused that exactly.

Wait a second the DVDs were on the table??? And this couldn’t have been easily shown to us in the previous chapter or in the previous panels??? Please. That’s bad narrative writing right there.

If Aqua can say that so confidently to Hikaru’s face then the DVDs HAVE to talk about Ai and Hikaru somewhat. Now the true test, will Aqua give the readers that info or is that going to be offscreened?

Oh? Is this still the movie? Perhaps I need to give the manga more credit if it’s actually showing us this in some detail after the fact. Though it’s also plausible that this is just Hikaru’s flashback instead of the movie—which, is probably better than showing the movie like this anyway, but something like that would have to depend on this entire flashback pans out.

That’s why you have to shoulder the burden of living their lives from now on. Welp, sorry Kindaichi you’ve just damned this young kid to a life of horrible coping mechanisms! Joking aside this entire situation is just really capital grade fucked. Even though the man was just trying to help Hikaru get through the funeral he didn’t know just how unstable the boy was. At least Ai had Ichigo and to a lesser extent, Miyako to help her through the harshness of the industry. Hikaru didn’t have the support system that would keep him stable—and even Ai herself wasn’t exactly a paragon of stability even at her best.

Also!!! Baby Taiki! If only we could’ve seen more of him in the manga—he would’ve been a great contrast to both Aqua and Ruby but alas he’s been relegated to a side character. Another pocket of missed potential, that one.

Okay so it isn’t a flashback. Hikaru actually has two white star eyes here and that’s not a trait we’ve ever seen Aqua have. So it seems we’ll be delving into more of his backstory that wasn’t covered by the movie here and hopefully more next chapter. I also wonder if he’s actually explaining this all to Aqua or is this all just him thinking in his head right now, but we’ll see the results of this flashback soon enough.

These two pages of a younger Hikaru and Ai…it’s so bittersweet. If what Aqua’s implying is true it means that Ai loved Hikaru all along and we already know where their relationship ended up after everything. 

Damn Ai. I know you have your Own Issues but it was also kind of harsh just leaving Hikaru out in the cold like that. Can’t say I blame her, but maybe this entire flashback between them will get more fleshed out next chapter to encompass Hikaru’s own reaction and how he masterminded Ai’s death.

I have a lot to say about this chapter. It’s nice that we finally got more interaction between Aqua and Hikaru where it wasn’t just Aqua yapping on about revenge. Ditto with the fact that the DVDs have finally made an appearance after being sat on for a hell of a lot of chapters by now. Though…even if the implication with these DVDs are that they explain what Ai felt for Hikaru, I wonder if that’s just all they talk about. There’s still potential for more to be dredged up by their content. Not to mention there hasn’t been much of any talk about Ai’s DVD for Ruby, but that’s also something that I wouldn’t be surprised was also offscreened considering that we didn’t see the content of the DVDs when they showed up the first time.

Then there’s also the fact that Aqua is implying that Ai loved Hikaru this whole time even after she pushed him away. I don’t quite think this reveal quite sticks the landing here. Hikaru as a character was only really revealed quite late into the series and now that we’re focusing on him these reveals about his personality and character are much too late to have any effect because either they’re all thrown at us at once or when they do give us crumbs to his disposition, they’re too obscured by the narrative for us to get a good enough grasp on him for the reader to care about him as a character and a person rather than as an antagonistic force as he was for the majority of the series. 

The point I’m trying to make here is that there was nothing leading us away from the direction that Ai loved Hikaru all along to make this reveal more satisfying. We’d already known that Ai had her own Issues when it comes to intimacy and affection, not to mention being similar enough to Hikaru that they were drawn together. The movie in itself seemed to imply this factoid by showing Ai’s backstory and displaying her own Issues straight to the reader. Ai herself seemed to be on relatively good terms with Hikaru enough that she still kept in contact with him. She wouldn’t have done that if their breakup was one that ended badly enough that she didn’t want to have anything to do with Hikaru afterwards.

I think it’s also important to note here after this flashback, that assuming Hikaru is telling the truth to Aqua, that from his perspective Ai certainly never loved him all along. He wouldn’t have reacted how he did otherwise. I don’t want to spent too many brain cells on this point because I’m sure we’ll be getting more detail next chapter, but I want to touch on this point slightly. 

Both Ai and Hikaru were teenagers that were heavily damaged by their own pasts and thrust into an industry that was poised to take advantage of them. They may have found some solace in each other at the time, but that was only a band-aid to help stop the bleeding caused by their respective issues. They never dealt with the root cause of what was causing their respective traumas to flare up. They just dealt with the symptoms of their own respective issues together and that was what kept them together for as long as they did. Their relationship was bound to end badly if they didn’t address their trauma in time and we all know what happens next. 

The entire scene when Ai says that they shouldn’t see each other any more is only given to us partially so it’s difficult to judge just if Ai just sprung this idea to Hikaru out of the blue or if she tried to lay him down gently but from the presence of the toothbrush and what looks to be toothpaste it might just be the former. Hikaru certainly would have some grounds to stand on to think that Ai never loved him if she let him down so suddenly without sufficient explanation.

But I want to go back to how Hikaru says that Ai never loved him. Aqua seems to think differently because of these DVDs, implying that Ai actually did love him. Hikaru certainly feels that Ai never loved him, despite the fact that the narrative is pointing in the opposite direction. Whether or not Ai actually loved him is irrelevant to the matter at hand because Hikaru himself wasn’t able to recognize that love. It doesn’t matter how much love another person can give another if that person isn’t able to recognize that love for what it actually is. Hikaru was unable to see through Ai’s lies in this instance and I don’t think that’s a mark against him.

While this is a case where I don’t think both parties can be at fault here—with Ai having difficulty with communicating intimacy and Hikaru’s own trauma rearing its head—that doesn't change the result of their story. Ai was unable to communicate whether or not she loved Hikaru clearly even knowing his tragic backstory and Hikaru was unable to recognize Ai’s behavior as love even as he knew that she had her own issues. Good communication is the bedrock in any relationship and two traumatized teenagers aren’t the best at it in an ideal scenario.

This is of course, assuming that Hikaru isn’t lying straight to Aqua’s face. But I doubt it, personally. He doesn’t have any reason to lie, and he’s already admitted that he thinks that he’ll be killed socially by this movie. Aqua basically already has Hikaru dead to rights here. It appears that everything that Hikaru’s done seems to be for some sense of closure. He wants to see Aqua’s rationale in making this movie in the first place.

I do have some issues with the fact that Aqua’s revenge plot seems to have pivoted to showing Hikaru that Ai loved him all along. While, sure, I can see the throughline that the writers wanted us to follow, it seems more than a bit strange for Aqua to suddenly be satisfied with merely letting Hikaru know that Ai actually loved him when he explicitly wanted to destroy Hikaru in the most painful way he knew how before he watched these DVDs. Does he really think that explaining this all to him will break him better? Or is he putting his revenge plot aside to fulfill Ai’s last wish? Perhaps this too will be explained in a flashback? 

We also see how Aqua has been planning the movie throughout the movie arc for revenge but this recontextualization of his actions because of the DVDs is executed halfheartedly. We were primed to think that the movie was made to further Aqua’s revenge scheme but during the movie arc itself Aqua changed his mind on what the movie was going to do because of the DVDs. This behavioral shift from “Aqua making this movie to take revenge on Hikaru” and “Aqua is now making this movie to fulfill Ai’s last wish” doesn’t come across clearly. We don’t get to see the different directions that the movie took within production that makes it clear that Aqua’s objective has changed at all from after he watched the DVDs.

It could also be the case that Aqua thinks that Hikaru knowing that Ai really loved him all along and he killed her will break Hikaru better, but pulling that now when the trigger of the DVDs have already been pushed is just a cheap way for the manga to have its cake and eat it too when such a direction wasn’t properly built up beforehand. Aqua at the time wasn’t able to get a grasp on Hikaru’s character as an adult so he might’ve moved on from Ai’s death completely. If Hikaru didn’t approach Aqua with this interview he might’ve never known that Ai actually loved him though this movie. What was Aqua’s plan then? Just go up to Hikaru and straight up tell him after the movie premiered?

Of course, maybe some or all of my criticisms will be addressed in the later chapters. This is the final arc where everything gets wrapped up, after all. With all the lingering threads—Yura’s murder, Nino’s involvement with Hikaru, and arguably even how Hikaru masterminded Ai’s death—still in the air, I hope that we’ll get getting some satisfactory answers alongside some chapters that don’t make me want to dip everything written on the pages in red ink.

[theink-stainedfolk]

The Tale of The King & His Knight

The King wasn't the same After taking in the 17th Knight. 

The King forgot the necessary and remembered the unnecessary. 

Many claimed he was possessed, many said differently 

But nobody could deny that the King was hearing this Happily. 

Chapter 2

I am Mirique Nenjassik Fiera Khemed. The King of Calmaria, the absolute power, the most feared. But I doubt anyone would believe me now, except for Famien, my newly appointed knight. Who was in front of me, in my clothes, in my shoes and most importantly, in my body. 

"There has to be some misunderstanding!" Famien babbled, panicking . "I don't know what happened or how you came- i mean how i entered your Highness' body, please believe me" I massaged my temples. He barged in at midnight, waking me up. He knew that I would be in the Knight's quarters.

 Let's get this straight. I thought. I planned on killing myself, by taking the poison that would 'Make me forget I existed' from an old man. But what I didn't know was that this would be the outcome. The innocent man in front of me made me regret that I drank it. I should have been courageous and stabbed myself. 

"It was my fault, Famien. I took a drink that....Probably made this happen." I sat, knowing that coming from him would be fake reassurances. 

"So why didn't you say it before?" His statement caught me off guard. "What?"  I asked. 

"Here I was, thinking I attempted treason for eating that delicious steak and making things worse, but you are here, sitting as if there is absolutely no problem in this whole palace right now." he said as he sat next to me. I was baffled. 

"So now what?" he asked "Am i the King now?" he smirked. 

"Do you dare to have such thoughts before your King?" I folded my arms, glaring at him. But I doubt that it would even work now that he was staring at his own face.

"And do you dare to swing your sword at 'Your King'?” His smirk widened. “Who would believe you? Think wisely and sit down. We have to think and make this work, until this drink's effect wears off." I couldn't believe that this was the same man, selling his freedom to me and bounding himself to me. He wasn't taking it seriously as I was.

"We shall wait until the effect wears off. Until then, nothing." I concluded 

"Okay, but what if the effect does not wear off? You know what I mean right?” Concern showed up on his face. It was weird, I never made so many facial expressions as he did and now seeing them made me sick. “What if we wake up and find ourselves in the same body. In this situation, do you know what to do? Why not let me help you? I bet you can't do it all alone." 

He had a point. That old man didn't elaborate further. I wish it was poison. "..... Fine. But you must remember, that I am still the King. If you dare do anything-" 

"I know! I know! Calm down!” I flinched. Nobody dared tell me to calm down in my whole life. “I won't take your cursed throne. Now back to the important topic. I am in your body, and you are in mine. Nobody other than us knows about this, nor will anyone else do. We shall keep this a secret. Agreed?" he asked. "Agreed." I said.

"Sweet. Now, whenever there will be work, or meetings, you will be by my side like the good knight you are, and- don't get angry, this is my defense mechanism,I try to make jokes when I get nervous—and you will inform me of every little detail and help me make a decision. And don't tell me to rely on that minister of yours, I loathe him.” His sentence caught my attention. "Why?" I found myself asking him. Nobody openly admitted hating Farnak, at least, not in front of me, who allows him to do everything he wishes as if he were the king.

"I don't know, he seems sketchy." He replied, frowning as he recalled meeting him. “His words stink just as his mouth.” He mumbled. I chuckled under my breath, making sure he didn't hear me. "What about you? " I asked. "Huh? What?” He looked at me." What will you do in the meantime?" 

He thought for a while. "Enjoy the luxurious life?” He said, as if it was the only option he had. “What else can I do? I'll play your role as a monarch and do all the work with your help, and in return I will enjoy it." I bit my lips, trying to stop myself from crushing his bubble. "What if I tell you, it's not luxurious, or anything you are assuming?" I said slowly, like I was exposing a century hidden secret. He has to know that the life he is going to live now is harder than anything. "You won't have anyone to share your thoughts with nor anyone to share your workload with. Anyone who you trust can either stab you in the back or be stabbed for revenge. You are the expectations of the people. You have to mold yourself into what they want. Will you still enjoy this life? " Famien stopped doing what he was doing and looked me in the eye. Just like the first time we met, I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He is going to be mortified, he'll beg me to give back his life. He'll either die or kill himself.

"I'll take the risk and face it head on and do whatever it takes to return to my body. " I understood his priority. He desires to be in his body. He isn't like others. But I didn't understand his willingness to fight. "And I have you, don't I?" His words caught me off guard again. It was my turn to look at him with questions in my eyes. How could he trust someone so easily? What made him think I'll stand by him? I'm not a good person.

"I mean," he scratched his ear, a sheepish smile playing on his lips. "I have you. I can share my thoughts with you and the workload too. We are in this together so it's obvious that we will have each other's back and trust. I know you won't stab me unless I do something unforgiving, or will you?" he laughed like his life isn't at risk, like the burdens I once bore will vanish like it is nothing. "Regardless, we have no other option than to choose from this whole country. We have to trust each other no matter how hard and confusing the situation is. And please keep in mind that I am a very bright boy, please smile and interact with others or they might notice that something is wrong with me. And eat a lot too, I need strength to fight when I get back to my body.” He explained in a rush, as if, if he didn't rush, all the facade might come crumbling down.

"And I don't smile! " I gave some input too. "Or interact with people. Don't make yourself suspicious, Famien-" I got cut off by him. "It's 'Your Highness' we don't want to be suspicious now, do we?" he said with a cheeky smile. 

I roll my eyes in annoyance."Yes, I know. Let us pray that we wake up in our body, goodnight….Your Highness" I spoke through my teeth, reluctantly.

"Yes, yes good night. Oh god, now I have to practice my formal speech. Ugh! Why do you royalties have to speak so posh? How exhausting!" The existential crisis downed upon him late.

He went away mumbling and ruffling his hair as if they wronged him. I felt annoyed because that was my hair that he was playing with. Now that I think about it, this potion really does make me forget that I exist. Was this the key to my free life? Will I get used to his life? Will this help me? Will Famien understand my situation? This thought made me laugh. Of course, no one does, no one did, and no one will ever try too. Famien…. he won't too. Soon enough, he'll be begging me to kill him, just like how I begged the old man to give me a new life. 

[neonsomatic]

Please info dump to me about your favourite OC or your favourite aspect of your world Within 👀

aaaaaaaaaaaa Okay okay it's hard to pick one of seven... Eight? Nine, technically? (Two of which belong to very close friends of mine.)

I'm putting it under a cut because it looks pretty lengthy on my phone, plus there's some... Negative implications regarding gender? It's not bad and it has a happy ending, it's just a description of my personal experience with it back when I was in a pretty dark place.

I think the most important one(s) to me overall would be Rhys and Ilvenath; they're grouped together because they're a package deal. Rhys - the small, idiotic, loud-mouthed arsonist gremlin of a man with absolutely ZERO sense of self preservation - was the first OC that sparked the whole thing, but the story was way different back then. It actually took me about a year to actually name him; I kept calling him "Bastard Man Dumpster Fire" and every combination of those words rearranged, and I'm pretty sure I still have art files with those names too, including one called, "I finally named him Rhys." I know the art folder itself is definitely named something like "Bastard Fire Dumpster Man and Friends" or something like that as well, I never bothered changing it and I probably never will.

I was kinda in a really dark place mentally at the time I made him, and both he and Ilvenath (or just Nath,) were basically how I saw myself cranked up to 11. I had used them as a coping mechanism and a way to vent through both art and writing since I wasn't comfortable talking to anyone about it, and at the time I was still very much questioning my relationship with gender and the (very true) possibility of me being trans. It was very unhealthy at first, but the characters grew as I did and eventually they became a very positive thing for me.

But anyway, Rhys had started as this trans man who had this monster inside of him trying to violently take over his mind and body (the monster was actually himself to no one's surprise,) and he had to constantly take this drug called Neon to kinda keep the monster at bay; it's actually where the name "Neonsomatic" came from, it was what I originally called the story. Eventually this "monster" character evolved into a separate being, and I had given the two of them this (very toxic in hindsight,) love/hate relationship.

After this phase in Rhys' evolution, I had given him a redesign (thanks Sims 4 mods!) and I ended up falling in love with it, and eventually that "monster" became a demon that got trapped inside of him, keeping him alive; it was here that the demon became Ilvenath. I had then wanted them both to have a more positive relationship with each other. At this point I had already made another OC for Rhys to have a romantic relationship with - Emmerich and his Eldritch companion Ez - and I kept tweaking their stories to still keep that Cyberpunk-esque "no one has a happy beginning or ending" feel I had from the beginning, but they had each other and that's all that mattered. I had also kept changing their heights because I couldn't get enough of that delicious height difference; as of the most current change, Rhys is 5'4" and Emmerich is 6'8". But yeah, then the rest of the crew came in (the ones that are my own are all aspects of me cranked up to 11; that still hasn't changed,) and the story evolved into what it is now; a story about found family and overcoming trauma at its core.

But my personal connection with Rhys has always remained the same, he just grew with me as I got more and more comfortable with myself and eventually, accepting who I am. This pic of them is an older one and I definitely need to redraw it sometime; there's SO much wrong with it. But it's still one of my favorites.

[springlock-suits]

Some fun little tidbits that didn't really fit with the longer lore rambles about my version, but felt too short to get their own posts

.

William Afton: ADORES the circus and clowns. Absolutely collects those clown porcelain dolls you always see at thrift stores. If he never met Henry he probably would've just been a professional clown or something

I don't mean this in a rude way at all and I will not be accepting clownslander at this time

Phone Dude: there are SO many I could give to him but Furby Customizer speaks the most to me right now

Henry Emily: ignoring his love for animatronics, he also really liked arcades! Arcade cabinets and games of all of sorts. I do not know his opinions on pinball however

Also liked murder mystery games n movies. But ah. I think he might have stopped liking those

He would enjoy camping I think. I can imagine him being good at survival in the woods and such, but hm can he fish?

Michael Afton: Would love animal jam. And of course loves those TV drama shows. Actually just for that I'm gonna give him a hc based on my great grandma who loved tv operas, he collects fancy dishes and likes apple themed things. Would have a tiny dog if he trusted himself to take care of it properly, Helpy is a good tiny dog substitute

Mrs Afton: Very much enjoyed dancing and ballerinas. When William was buying clown dolls he would also be on the lookout for ballerina dolls or figures to give her. She definitely owned like at least one ballerina music box

.

Fun fact! In my lore Springtrap named himself that, and wasn't given an "official" name by Fazbear Fright's staff. However Peter (phone dude) liked to call him Wallace

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I'm thinking that Evan witnessing William's springlock failure definitely played a part in his fear of animatronics. Because I've already put that before the bite in my lore's timelime

.

I know it wasn't really meant to be seen as this but-

I take the fnaf 2 phone calls (first night specifically) as implying the 87 location is the first to have walking/freeroam animatronics, at the very least the first to let them leave stage while open

Foxy go go go is generally seen as before that, being in '85 location most likely. So it's fun to imagine that the foxy running is just a guy in a suit who's about to have a terrible day

.

It's not strictly important when or why. but Elizabeth and Mrs. Afton died at the same time in my au, and it was at least before the baby animatronic could even be considered

This is because I removed Sister Location from my lore. And I'm not sure what to do with Elizabeth now. If anyone helps me come up with a good idea, though, I'd definitely consider bringing her back! I miss her </3

She'll still have to die around the time she did in canon though, so yknow

.

Evan and Elizabeth collected My Little Pony together, and later would've collected Ips too

.

"Tell us about Vanessa!"

Right off the bat I can tell you my Vanny and Vanessa are the same person! No weird secret double confusion like what sb did, they're the same!

While I'm still not sure if Security Breach exists in my au, Vanessa is definitely staying anyway! I'm determined to squeeze her in somehow, she's so much fun to work with ^v^

(I wonder if I can work Glamrock Springbonnie into my version's Security Breach somehow. I'm definitely gonna try >:)

The hardest part about adding vanny (and security breach as a whole) is that my version of William isn't nearly as determined to kill kids as canon, I think the first dip in old man consequences' lake wouldve stopped him. BUT! He STILL hates fazbear ent, so now I'm imagining that instead of possessing Vanny to kill kids, his ghost(?) just tries to convince her to try and close the place down. Causing mechanical failures and breakdowns and such. I think that'd be fun ^v^!!

Less of murder and more of shenanigans

Also also, bonus fact. William is definitely bothering Vanessa specifically because she looks like Elizabeth. Vanny and Jeremy are both characters he sorta mentally adopts because they remind him of his dead children

[dxmurei]

pls go into big detail about all your d&d characters for me :)

Sorry it took me so long to answer this, the idea of explaining all of my dnd characters in one post scared me asdfghjkl but here we go!

Fabled Revelations Campaign

1) Ninnic

Ninnic is one of my favorite characters and my longest running one! I use him for the main campaign and I feel he’s definitely needed there lmao. He’s like the comedic relief? I guess? But plays an important role. Anyway:

Race: Ratling (homebrew class)

Gender: Male, He/Him

Sexuality: Panromantic, Asexual

Class: Fighter: Gunslinger

Height: 5 ft

Age: Unknown, estimated to be around 20

Notes: Doesn’t seem to remember his childhood

Yeah, you read that right. This goofy little no-thoughts guy has a gun. Not only does he have a gun, but it’s the campaign world’s FIRST gun. And he ‘made’ it in partnership with a human engineer named Anastasia. And by made I mean Anastasia made most of it and was running into some troubles with the triggering and Ninnic fiddled with it and accidentally got it to work. And so she kinda just gave it to him.

Just recently in the campaign, the party discovered that he came from a whole town of Ratlings, except that town is abandoned and burned to the ground. Seeing this has started triggering certain memories for Ninnic and he’s slowly starting to remember his past. And, because the party loves him, they’re actively trying to find where the surviving Ratlings are.

One last important note is that he has five mechanical rats that stick with him. He found them in Anastasia’s workshop and he loved them so much she also let him keep them. Even if she didn’t, they probably would have followed him out anyway.

2) Thozsa

Okay, now I’m sure it’s obvious, but Thozsa is my absolute favorite. I use him in a little side campaign with the DM to help flesh out what’s going on in the world outside of the party. Best thing is that he was just a random rolled character for a one-shot. The DM held a one-shot for a little event at the Faetopian kingdom’s capital and needed us to make guards. And I didn’t feel like making a new character so I just clicked randomize on Dungeon Master’s Vault. And that gave be the base for Thozsa.

Race: Yuan-Ti Pureblood

Gender: Trans Man (He/Him)

Sexuality: Pansexual

Class: Cleric (Blood Domain)

Height: 5 ft 10

Age: 25

Notes: He’s got a very very very dark past and motive that I cannot explain atm

There’s so many things that I can’t go into detail with cause it’ll spoil shit for the main party, but I’ll share what I can say.

He caught the Prince of Faetopia’s eye by harassing him at the before mentioned event. (Bro had no idea it was the prince). The Queen noted that Thozsa had been a very capable guard and had talked with Price Astervian and decided it’d be a fantastic idea to assign Thozsa as Astervian’s personal guard. Thozsa hated the guy but the position was very beneficial for him so he took it. Although he was constantly on the brink of quitting because Aster is so goddamn annoying.

But you know, enemies to lovers, traveling together, only one bed oops, trauma unpacking, etc. All those tropes. And now they’re inseparable :) Aster still annoys the shit out of Thozsa, but he endures it instead of threatening to quit.

Vistar Campaign

1) Byakko

I have a love hate relationship with this guy. His character is very cool in my oppinion but VERY hard to play. My favorite thing about him though is that he has lycanthropy :) basically,, he’s a weretiger

Race: Human

Gender: Male (He/Him)

Sexuality: Aromantic and Asexual

Class: Ranger (Horizon Walker)

Height: 5 ft 7

Age: Unknown but estimated early 20s

Notes: Remembers nothing before he contracted Lycanthropy

Earlier in the campaign, he had a very hard time controlling his lycanthropy. Anytime he was emotionally negative, he was at risk of turning against his will. For example, fear, anger, stress, etc. Now, however, he can mostly control it! He’s also gotten better at controlling himself while in his tiger form.

His character is supposed to be a little silly because of the juxtaposition between his large, intimidating, badass tiger form, and then his scrawnyass timid human form.

Anyway, I really like him, but trying to play someone so anxious and timid is hard in dnd, at least for me it is.

2) Ambrym

This guy was made for a little one-shot session and he’s basically a joke.

Race: Fire Genasi

Gender: Male (He/Him)

Sexuality: ?

Class: Fighter

Height: 6 ft 7

Age: 27

Notes: When he gets frustrated he accidentally sets things on fire

The one-shot took place in a great library in Vistar, and my character’s whole deal was that he really liked reading, but he sets things on fire almost constantly. And books are flamable, so…. you get the picture

Anyway, he ended up actually helping defend the library and it’s owner from an attack so now he has a job there as security lmao

Blight of Man Campaign

1) Dr. Shai Sarhan

Okay, so this isn’t dnd, but it's a ttrpg so in my book it counts. Dr. Sarhan is a xenobiologist at SARO (Supernatural and Alien Research Organization), which was basically treated as a joke until the literal apocalypse happened and now SARO is on the front lines of saving the world. He’s currently stationed in Geneva with the other survivors of SARO and the UNE (United Nations of Earth).

Ethnicity: Egyptian-American

Gender: Trans Male (He/Him)

Sexuality: Panromantic, Graysexual

Occupation: Xenobiologist and Lead Researcher of the SARO division

Height: 6 ft 4

Age: 28

Notes: Alcoholic

This guy is a mess. He had a solid future going for him as an astrobiology grad student, but got kicked out of his ivy-league school because of a “mental break.” He was about a year away from getting his doctorate. Luckily for him (or unluckily) SARO took notice of his research and recruited him when no one else wanted to give him a job. He worked there as an astrobiologist and xenobiologist and completed an odd dual program that rewarded him with his doctoral degree in xenobiology (he’s still not sure if it’s real or not but he’ll use the title while he can). This guy worked in a small underfunded lab for several years with less than favorable coworkers until actual aliens invaded Earth. Now, his research on alien biology is getting put to real use and is highly valued. He’s getting the recognition he always wanted, but at a terrible price. Dude was a light alcoholic before the apocalypse started, but it’s gotten worse since. He heavily relies on it to get to sleep at night. Between that, the rate at which he overworks himself, and the traumatic things he has to witness on a weekly basis, he’s a fatigued, grumpy mess.

[thequietmanno1]

Thelreads, MHA 292, Replies Part 2

1) “The one thing standing between everyone here and absolute and certain death is one stubborn pair of denims”-Jeanest is single-handedly holding back a moving tide of destruction, all whilst the strain exacerbates his existing injuries from Kamino to the point of coughing blood. What a fashionable chad. (MHA ch 288) 2) “oh god now who the fuck- is it All Might? Who else was hurt before this fight broke out?”- Not this fight, but Jeanest is still recovering from losing a lung facing down AFO at Kamino, and even recuperating in the shadows hasn’t fully given him enough time to heal.

(MHA ch 288) 3) “No it can’t be All might, he would never be this rude to someone even when distressed. Oh god I can’t remember who else was left behind, I don’t remember a single person who was not in the best of health”- And at this point in time you’re complaining about his poor performance over on Vigilantes to boot. For shame.

4) “Yeah, I don’t think he cares anymore Shoto. He was trying to kill you as well so far, and sure, you were his least favorite, but even so, I don’t think “family” is something that bothers him anymore. I mean *gestures towards Twice’s body* you know?”- Yeah, stuff like this really hammers in Dabi’s two-faced nature for me. There are those out there who claim that he avoided getting close to the league because he didn’t see the point in getting chummy with people when he was going to die due to his own fires regardless, or that it was a self-defence mechanism after he got abandoned by Endeavour focusing on his other siblings to succeed him. But I just recall stuff like this and think he honestly never gave a crap at all, never saw them as anything but tools – after all, he was able to fake camaraderie well enough to get Twice to provide the moving final performance he wanted for his broadcast without so much as a twinge of regret, that’s not something you could casually do if you ever really cared about the other.

5) “…

I’m just… going to move on to the next panel, because Dabi is seriously pissing me off and I might end up shouting any second now.”- Oh good, glad to see we’re on the same page RE: how much of a jackass team player Dabi turned out to be. 6) “That we know Dabi. I mean, if the murders before joining the league and the thousands of civilian casualties after weren’t enough to point at that direction, well

*gestures towards Twice’s body again* 

you know?”- And yet there are still people who think he cared, or was secretly saddened by Twice’s death. It really does baffle me, because honestly, Dabi reads very much as a villain who’s embraced his cause over everything else that could possibly matter to him, even making new friends and allies. 7) “Shoto doesn’t have the same firepower, but his ice might be enough to mitigate your flames Dabi. You won’t kill him here, and neither will him allow you to die.”- Unfortunately, Dabi is superior to Shoto in one respect, and that’s the intensity by which he devoted himself to training his flames, regardless of his handicap. The sheer heat levels he can output far exceed what cold Shoto can, so there’s no cooling him down now. 8) “OH JESUS FUCK THEY ALREADY GOT HERE?

WHAT ABOUT BURNING?”- Probably catching Miro up on the current crisis. 9) “MIDORIYA IS DEFINITELY NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME RIGHT NOW, BUT NEITHER IS ANYONE HERE BESIDES DABI APPARENTLY.”- It’s important to note that, even with the ongoing chaos, the underlying theme of Midoira’s inner thoughts is not that he can’t do anything to help, but that he’s useless and pathetic for not doing more to help those in front of him, damaged limbs be dammed. The boy’s self-loathing and trauma from bullying in childhood still runs deep beneath the surface. 10) “WHAT THE FUCK IS MIRIO DOING HERE

AND WITH HIS QUIRK-

HOLY FUCK WAS THIS ERI’S DOING?

HOLY SHIT DUDE WHAT

WHAT”- And with that, Overhaul’s only lasting impact on the narrative past his debut arc (besides the Quirk-erasing bullets Tomura nicked for his own purposes) is undone. Dude’s grand ambitions and plans have officially gone down in smoke without any repercussions for the heroes, no matter what he thought he’d succeeded at.

(MHA ch 242)

11) “We also had the return of Eri, the slayer of sinners, now carrying her guts-like sword called only by the name of “The Nekoblade”, to honor the memory of her deceased uncle, the old Nekomancer of the clouds… She seems to be going alright, she’s adapting well to the happy life that she deserves, after Midoriya calmed her worries. But her horn is growing back, she’s gathering strength for her quirk, which means that Aizawa will need to keep a close eye to her… Oh boy, I hope this doesn’t become part of the oncoming shitstorm…”- Well, it did, but in a good way. This is what positively training a young girl in need of education can achieve, and now the untouchable man’s back on the scene, in so doing completely rendering all of Overhaul’s efforts for naught. Good thing too, as Miro’s the only guy would could probably safely attack Tomura right now without getting dusted, and the league’s proximity means that Tomura can’t unleash another AOE wave in hopes of killing ‘somebody’ that way.

(MHA ch 246)

12) “And continuing we have Todoroki’s sister, Phelps and Gran Torino together, Kurogiri in jail, Eri’s horn starting to spring back into action-“- It takes months to charge up, so it’s a good thing they used it to buff one of their strongest players in the war back into the hero business, but without Eri’s rewind as a fall-back, it’s not looking good for Izuku right now, given the state of his arms after smacking Tomura around like a paddleball at 100%

(MHA ch 256)

13) “Jesus that thing is ready to burst, we need to have her unleash it in a safe manner soon, otherwise we run the risk of having the incident that killed her parents repeating itself.”- Worry not, your prayers and hopes have been answered!...or rather, keep worrying, because this means that Eri’s rewind power is now off the time as a ‘heal this shit’ option until she’s had enough time to charge again, and now neither Aizawa nor Izuku can benefit from it, aka, the two most integral to holding Tomura back right now.

(MHA ch 256)

14) “Oh this is a bit worrisome, her power is about to get out of control again, but maybe this is also a good sign, now that we know that Shirakumo is still inside of Kurogiri, maybe her power could be able to revert him to a previous state.You know, not every piece of foreshadowing needs to be about a tragedy- shut up let me be hopeful here, okay?!”- Well, this foreshadowing was technically about a good thing, but right now, it’s arguable that it might have been a good idea to save the charge…. 15) "AND THAT’S THE END OF THE CHAPTER HOLY FUCK MIRIO IS BACK WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

WAIT, WAS HE THE ONE THAT SAVED BURNING BACK THERE? WAS THAT WHY WE ONLY SAW AN ARM?"- With all this downer vibes brought on by Dabi, we needed an upbeat hero to lighten the mood, and Izuku’s very much in no position or mind-set to achieve that. @thelreads

[virtueofsanityx]

"first of all, asshole, i'm a middle school teacher." it's certainly not the most important point of the conversation, but ross says it like it's the absolute own he wants it to be, jaw tight and shoulders square like maksim is stanting right in front of him, can see the defiant little glint in his eye and heated little curl in his lip. gods, but this guy is fucking irritating. all ross had wanted to do was be a good guy, not leave the bleeding, possibly dying dude on the side of a road, and now he was dealing with what might be the biggest asshole on the planet. anger roiled in his stomach like a sickly mass of goo, clinging to him from the bottom up, bringing a heated flush to his cheeks that he's glad the asshole can't see over the phone.

as he opens his mouth to say more, another car rolls up, a coworker. the man leans out the window and lets out a low whistle at the state of his car, and then eyes ross in a way that makes his skin crawl a little. "tough luck on the car, everett. need a ride? i can take you out for a drink first, drown your sorrows." there's something almost sleezy to the way it's asked, and ross pulls the phone away from his mouth for just a moment, expression morphing into polite indifference as he shakes his head a little. "no thanks, rick. i'm on the phone with triple a, now. need to hang out and wait for the tow truck. you go have fun."

the other teacher then offers to wait with him and ross quickly shakes his head. "all good! thanks for the offer." and pulls the phone back to his mouth, twisting to face away from the other man and waiting a beat, two, three, before that car finally drives away. a shudder runs through him. fewer things worse than guys who can't take a hint. though looking at the state of his car, hearing that smarmy voice on the other end of his phone, he can think of at least two.

"second of all..." he continues, as if there wasn't a break in his conversation at all, heat in his voice a little less as he shakes the lingering effects of the interaction with his coworker. "... i don't understand what you think you mean by debt. you aren't actually going off of some ridiculous moral code where me picking you up off the pavement means i like, saved your fucking life, are you? literally anyone would have done that."

he knows it's not entirely the truth. not anyone would do that. not anyone would waste their time on someone who was probably a drunk in a barfight or whatever the hell else maksim could have been. "you're lucky i'm not asking for names of your guys and pressing charges for this, you know. vandalizing my car? because their buddy had a few too many and ended up on the side of the road?" there's a pause, a moment where something in ross softens and he leans against the vehicle, breathes out slowly. "are you feeling okay, by the way?"

because he's still that nice guy who picked him up off the side of the road to begin with. he cares on some level. maybe too much, considering the state his car is in, and whatever the hell else consequences meant. his free hand reaches up, pinches the bridge of his nose lightly to try and fight off the headache that's threatening to overwhelm him, and blows out a long, slow breath. "could i please get the name of your guy? i don't know any mechanics around here, and there's no way i'm gonna be able to afford this repair." there's something new in his tone now, defeat, mild desperation, a sadness that bubbles up from the pit of his stomach and settles in him like lead.

fingers are tight around the phone as he waits, breath baited. he isn't quite sure if that's gentlemanly enough, though part of him wants to tell the asshole that he'll figure it out himself, hang up, and forget he ever met him. that free hand rests against his chin, which throbs just a little under the touch, the memory of the morning, and he quickly shakes his head. "i'm sorry for being snippy. not exactly fun to get your car tossed, you know?"

Maksim's return to his pack unfolded as expected. The highest-ranking members and fiercest fighters had scattered about to hunt for their Alpha or spill blood in his name, and there was the scent of war brewing just beneath the surface. Humanity would have been their target, had Maksim not called them back, relieved simply to be home. And their village, hidden deep within the wilderness on the outskirts of town, was a small, beautiful sanctuary of ancient wood cabins and moss-covered stone paths. A place untouched by modern corruption, shielded from prying eyes by powerful magic. Maksim had developed a connection with a witch to protect his pack with a constant glamour, an illusion woven so finely that not even the most curious human had ever glimpsed the secret haven. A choice the Elders had questioned originally, wary of relying on outside forces, but the magic had never faltered. Their sanctuary remained untouched, their makeshift village as safe as it was serene.

He'd already stripped out of the human clothes prior to his return, revealing the powerful contours of his sculpted musculature. Now, he cloaked his frame in something more primal----- his cherished fur pelt draped over his broad shoulders, the thick black sweater clinging to his defined torso, paired with black jeans and worn combat boots that spoke of countless battles. The gravity of his arrival bore down on his chest, and while he longed to leave behind the strange, unsettling events of the night before, he could not shake the lingering sense of unfinished business. That human... he forced the thought away. He couldn't change the boy's fate, nor compel him to accept the offered repayment for a life-debt. It continued quietly bothering him, nevertheless. But he hardly had time to ponder and settle in before the protectors and Elders demanded his presence. At the meeting, the air remained polluted with unrest, voices rising in a storm of concern. When Maksim revealed that the true threat was not humanity, but skilled hunters wielding a werewolf-killing poison, fear rippled through the gathered wolves and questions, accusations, demands all came flooding forth. They spoke of alliances, urging Maksim to reach out to the neighboring packs to form a coalition. Should war come, they argued, their lone territory might not withstand the enemy.

And yet, Maksim hesitated. He understood the importance of safety, fully aware that as Alpha and Pack Master, the duty to ensure it rested squarely on his shoulders. Furthermore, Maksim would give his life for his pack without a second thought------ but trusting other Alphas was another matter entirely. It wasn't just about dick-measuring contests, though there would undoubtedly be those. Some Alphas were dangerous not for their strength but their cruelty. Maksim had seen it firsthand... wolves who twisted their power, ruling with violence, treating their packmates as little more than slaves beneath their claws. To him, the pack was family. Loyalty. Trust. A bond held tight by love, not fear. Maksim would hunt and kill humans without remorse, and continue to find that sort of chase thrilling, but mistreat his own? Never. He had no patience for Alphas who abused those who looked to them for protection.

Still, he would do what was necessary.

After a tense day spent calming fears and discussing pack matters, Maksim sought solace in the heart of their hidden village, where wildflowers danced along the stream and the scent of pine lingered in the air. As he strolled the moss-lined paths, a young pup toddled toward him, his bright blue eyes wide with wonder, golden hair catching the sunlight. Maksim's lips curled into a heart-warming smile as he bent to scoop the child into one powerful arm, the boy giggling and flailing with unrestrained joy.

"Alpha!" The voice belonged to the boy's mother, a tall Beta woman with the same golden hair, a scar trailing from her temple to her jaw------ a mark of bravery earned when she shielded her family from hunters during their last attack. She approached with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, he gets away from me so quickly these days."

"It's no trouble," Maksim replied, his voice a pleasing rumble as he watched the pup clutch at his fur pelt with both tiny fists.

The Beta smiled, then added with a teasing glint in her eye, "Perhaps one day you'll have pups of your own, Alpha? With the right mate?"

Maksim opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by the sharp buzz of his phone in his pocket. Carefully, he handed the pup back to his mother before glancing at the unknown caller ID. His mood darkened, jaw tightening as he already had a feeling what was coming. Reluctantly, he answered, a growl seeping into his voice.

"Oh, you're still alive?" Maksim bit out, sarcasm heavily taunting in his tone as Ross immediately launched into a tirade. Of course he would. Nevertheless, his concerns were real and honest, and Maksim had no choice but to acknowledge them, even if he hesitated to label them as true consequences. Real consequences were far more horrific----- being ripped from your bed in the dead of night, and then waking in a suffocating darkness where the only sounds were the echoes of your own ragged breath and the distant drip of water. Pain and torture soon following, fracturing both your body and mind... Maksim knew these troubles intimately, and despite his doubts that Ross could even be able to call for help in such a situation, he handed over his phone number anyway, if only to mask the hollow ache of his own guilt.

"My people were up all night looking for me," he continued, a hint of amusement creeping into his voice. "This morning they were pissed off, demanding answers, and decided to try scaring you a bit. They didn’t realize you don’t have enough sense to actually be scared of anything." Though he masked it with sharp wit, there was a touch of satisfaction in his tone----- like he was unwinding, even if it was through this twisted exchange with a human he could barely tolerate, or who, perhaps, could barely tolerate him.

"Trust me, if the real consequences were on their way, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. So, how about you let me finally settle my damn debt and get your car fixed, free of charge? I know a guy… All you have to do is ask nicely, like a gentleman, not some potty-mouthed kindergarten teacher." He didn’t actually know what grade Ross taught, but kindergarten just seemed funnier. And he was sure Ross could hear the shit-eating grin in his voice, too.

[chateautae]

maybe i do | kth. I

➵ summary :  maybe you love each other, maybe you don’t. when a deal between your fathers leaves you forcefully wedding kim taehyung, arguably seoul’s most powerful CEO, you’re prepared for a loveless marriage of eternal regret and unhappiness. but maybe, it doesn’t turn out that way after all.

↳  part of the high-class series!

➵ pairing : taehyung x reader

➵ genre :  arranged marriage!au, ceo!tae, s2l!au, eventual smut, fluff, angst 

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 11k

➵ warnings : swearing, alcohol consumption, anxiety, lots of feels about marriage, a stupid ex (reader’s), mentions of bad sexual experiences with ex (there’s consent, just bad sex that makes the reader feel shitty), does ceo tae count as a warning? 

➵ a/n: hello my first fic of my favourite trope arranged marriage, AND with kim taehyung?? yes pls !! this will be a series and I’ll be actively working on it so you don’t have to wait too long for chapters, i hope you can follow this series with me <33

chapter one : “my forever’s falling down”  

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“Another one, Father? I thought I told you my secretary would be handling marriage profiles from now on. Stop concerning yourself with who I marry.” 

“But I do, son. Trust me, I know this girl, she’s the daughter of a trusted friend and I think she’s a good match.” 

“Father, everyone you choose for me I dislike and it’s distracting me from my work. I don’t need this right now.” 

“She’s different, Taehyung. I personally know her and I’m certain you won’t say no.” 

“And why is that?” 

“There’s something about her you won’t refuse, son, you’ll notice it when you meet her.” 

“I don’t want to meet her, Father. Like I said, I need to work.” 

“I just knew you’d act this way. Want to know something, son? I’ve made her part of a business deal, you can’t back out of this.”

“What? You made her part of a business deal?! Why would you-”

“Because you wouldn’t have given her a chance otherwise, you haven’t been giving anyone a chance since I’ve been setting up potential partners for you and I’m sick of it. You said you were open to an arranged marriage, where’s that attitude now?”

“Because, Father, I have a company to run and that’s-”

“No. I will not allow you to reduce your life to just this company. There are far more enjoyable things in life than a business.”

“But Father-”

“No, Taehyung. One thing you need to learn is balance. If you don’t give anyone or anything a chance you will live a lonely life behind your desk. Even in this cutthroat world of business where you can lose money or be betrayed by anyone at any moment, the most painful thing to suffer is loneliness, and I won’t let you live in this world alone.”

“Dad-”

“You will meet this girl, Taehyung, end of discussion.” 

“Dad! I told you I want nothing to do with your company, how could you let me get dragged into this?!” 

“Y/N-ie, I know you value the life you have without any of my help, but let me help just this once, especially with finding a husband. I’m being offered the deal of a lifetime and I can’t refuse, he just happens to be part of it. I need this for the company, please.”

“But Dad, I don’t even know him. And if he’s the CEO of some rich company he’s probably an asshole, I’m not doing this.” 

“Y/N-ie, trust me, I know his son. He’s a sincere, hard-working man, I promise.”

“Yeah, right. Even if that’s the case, I still don’t know him, let alone love him, Dad. How can you make me marry someone I don’t love?”

“Because you can learn to love him. There are no rules concerning the way two people should fall in love, love doesn’t always need to come first.”

“But Dad-”

“My daughter, I have not asked you for many things in my life, but this is one thing I must ask of you. Please, just meet him, don’t say no without even trying.”

“Dad, I don’t know-”

“Please, Y.N, do it for me. If not for the company or money, please do it for me.”

And here you were, fidgeting with the tips of your nails, tuning in and out of the present world and overthinking every aspect of your life that somehow lead you to this moment. Sitting on a Leather Italia couch in what was described to be Mr. Kim’s study; listening to your father’s incessant, albeit wholesome chatter next to you with your future in-laws across. 

And next to them was their suave, unreadable son sitting in a relaxed manner, flipping his attention between your fathers’ conversation and anything else in the room.

You on the other hand, were utterly high strung due to the fact that your father failed to mention your future fiancé’s identity until 30 minutes before arriving here, having done a quick search in the car to unveil who he exactly was.

And that’s when it hit you. You weren’t marrying just anyone, you were getting married to Kim Taehyung. The infamous CEO of Kim Enterprises—Korea’s largest software development and manufacturing company, rivaling to be one of the largest in the world. He was part of Seoul’s most prestigious circle of businessmen, having made multiple Forbes international lists of Most Successful, Youngest, Richest, and is even one of Korea’s most eligible bachelors, not just Seoul.

If this wasn’t already taking you out, then it was definitely the fact that his photos through a measly Google search did him absolutely, utterly and completely no justice. They simply could never capture the truth of just how handsome Kim Taehyung was in real life. You couldn’t deny it, he wasn’t just good-looking, he was stunning, gorgeous, seemed as though God had created the universe, heaven and hell in 6 days and left the 7th just to create him. 

He was like a work of art, worthy of being placed in the finest of museums and left untouched, unsodden by the ugliness of humanity. It made you feel extremely inferior to him in an instant. It was sickening, he was sickening, intoxicating, and quite frankly, intimidating.

It was his look, his undivided stare when he eventually settled his sight on you. It didn’t matter his dark hair that landed and perfectly curled above his eyes, the way he occasionally licked his plush lips or how his long, tall legs spread out before him, it was his look that made you want to turn tail and run.  

It seemed to reach into your soul, peer straight through whatever façade, walls or defense mechanisms you could spend years building only to have his simple look tear it down in minutes. He was alluring, captivating, left you wanting to cower into whatever hole you could dig yourself into or discover all the secrets he hid behind those enchanting eyes.

Kim Taehyung was many things you couldn’t quite wrap your head around, though you assessed your priorities and decided they didn’t just include him, but mainly the significance of the current meeting taking place right now. 

It wasn’t a mere one-time business deal to discuss a project, it was a meeting that entailed the partnership of both your family companies and would define the next however many years of your life. More specifically, spending it with the exact same man that looked at you without a single readable expression on his face. 

You distracted yourself by trying to observe as many useless things as you could, flitting around the room many times before suddenly glancing at Taehyung’s index finger coming up to rest against his lips.

You zeroed your vision in more. 

Is that a cut on his finger?

“Jae-in, of course! This is just as important to me as it is to you, your son is a remarkable CEO, and I’m sure he’ll make an amazing husband.” 

“Aish, Namhyun, you flatter me too much. My son may be handsome, though your daughter is even more beautiful. I’m very sure she will make a wonderful wife.”

“Yes, Namhyun, your daughter is absolutely gorgeous! Just as gorgeous as her mother. I know she wasn’t able to make it, though may I ask where your wife is tonight?” 

“Ah, unfortunately, she’s out of the country. Though I was hoping my presence would be enough to fill in for her, am I doing a bad job?” 

Laughter erupted from the parents in the room, meanwhile, Taehyung couldn’t help but notice the way you immediately winced at the mention of your mother. Something he definitely wouldn’t miss with the way he found himself examining your every move. 

It was habitual to him, something born out of his roots in business, only for the purpose of calculating and reading people like an open book. 

He knew you’d also become victim to that habit, though oddly enough, he found himself quite interested in observing you. He had already figured you out; you hated business, there was a clear disconnection between yourself and your father’s company and you reeked of a sense of independence that funnily contradicted the antsy way you bounced your leg. 

Your way of speech, however, mannerisms, gestures, your look; it was all professional enough you clearly have some sort of background in business. You seemed like an heiress to Taehyung, which you were, though you oddly had no interest in business?   

All these details piqued his interest, curious of just who you exactly were, but he was mainly intrigued by the mysterious claim his father made upon mentioning you for the first time. 

‘There’s something about her you won’t refuse.’

That had raked Taehyung’s brain consistently for the past hour now, crossing his legs loosely and his arms folded over his chest, contemplating over and over again as he looked at you, what’s so damn special about her? 

‘You’ll notice it when you meet her,’ the words rang in his ears.

That was the driving force behind his calculation, observation, near inability to take his eyes off of you as he learned new things nearly every minute and led him closer to understanding his father.  

He could tell you were an anxious person, though hid it behind a persona of false confidence. You had a tendency to stick close to your father despite observing you don’t rely on him for much of anything, even less your mother. The softness behind your every movement despite being from a business background where you should be harsh, rigid, rough around the edges, and yet you seemed entirely different.

Taehyung then realized how inherently dissimilar you were to many of the other women he met. They were all relatively of the same cut and look. Cold, sharp, cunning. All women of pure business; daughters, granddaughters or straight CEOs of wealthy companies, simply interested in marriage as a deal or an advantage rather than a commitment. 

And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. Taehyung was a man of business himself, married to his work, his home behind a desk and the company the only thought occupying his mind 24/7.

But with you, you were interesting, unlike the others and it made him curious.

Taehyung also couldn’t help but notice you were...pretty. You weren’t too overly sexy nor too innocent, you were pretty. There was an elegance to your looks, features like your hair and eyes complementing you as a whole, and he couldn’t miss that you felt oddly...warm.

Taehyung found himself beginning to understand his father’s original viewpoint, considering the possibility he could’ve been correct. 

You just seemed different. 

“Ah, that seems to be everything. Exact details about the wedding have already been put in place by us.”

“Yes! We’ve been waiting for our TaeTae to get married for so long. We’ve had plans for months now and we can finally move forward with them! You and Y/N don’t need to worry about anything!” 

“Mom, did you really just call me that in front of my future fiancé?” 

“Oh, let it go, son. It won't be long before she calls you that, too!” 

Taehyung could only playfully roll his eyes at his overly excited mother, you scrunching your nose at the embarrassment.

“That’s incredibly generous of you, Mr. and Mrs. Kim, though my conscience is not one to let such things go. My family should contribute to the wedding in some way. Y/N and I would be happy to do so.”

“Why don’t we discuss that outside? I believe we should give the future couple some time alone, shall we?” 

You and Taehyung exchanged a quick look before standing up and respectively addressing either’s parents, Taehyung shutting the door behind them once they exited and having turned to look at you, an awkward silence piercing the air. 

There it was again, his look. It was irrefutably the one reason you avoided eye contact with him, you felt he would swallow you up if you shared even 5 seconds between each other.

“So...” Taehyung suddenly broke the ice, eyeing you.

“So...” 

“Marriage, huh?” 

“Yeah, marriage. Never done that one before.” If there wasn’t a time you vehemently hated yourself, then it was undoubtedly now. You internally facepalmed at your dumb comment, adding a laugh at the end in embarrassment only to look away. 

“Uh..yeah.” Taehyung laughed awkwardly. “Me neither, if you didn’t already know.” He tucked his hands into his pockets and looked away, you fidgeting by the couches everyone previously occupied. 

A beat of silence passed as you both exchanged looks between objects in the room and each other, either of you pursing your lips or blowing light raspberries to cut the awkwardness. 

“I wanted to ask you something.” 

“Hm?” You turned towards him, lips just a pout as your doe-eyes awaited him. 

Taehyung didn’t miss that at all. 

“Um, your mother. I apologize if this is intrusive of me, though I couldn’t help but notice I’ve never actually met her. May I ask where she is?” 

You let out a dry chuckle before answering, another detail that didn’t slip Taehyung’s attention. “Trust me, Taehyung, one thing you’ll never have to worry about during this entire ordeal is my mother. She should be the last thing on your mind.” You assured him with what he could tell was your fakest smile, distracting him from the realization you’d said his name for the first time.

“Are you sure? I’ll be meeting her at the wedding so-”

“You won’t. I don’t think you will. Even if she does make it, it takes very little to impress her, just be yourself and she’ll love you.” You stated with a sense of finality, as though the topic should be dropped. 

“Be myself? I’m one of the best businessmen in Korea. It’s my job to get people to like me, easy stuff.” He casually gloated. 

“You don’t only have to be a businessman to do that,” you paused and looked at him, “you can just be Kim Taehyung, too.” You spoke nonchalantly, eyes lingering with his for longer than 5 seconds and he, in fact, had not swallowed you yet. 

Taehyung instantly furrowed his eyebrows, taken aback as if your suggestion was something outlandish, absurd, maybe even offending.

Nobody has ever said such a thing to him, not throughout the entirety of his life. 

Taehyung tried his best to recover, searching for another topic of conversation before he was cut off by your rather soft voice, he noticed. 

“Oh, I wanted to give you this.” You stepped towards him, reaching into your purse and retrieving something Taehyung couldn’t quite see. You strided over and extended your hand, Taehyung finding himself even more confused.

“A bandage?” 

“Mhm. For the cut on your finger. You should probably clean it and apply something before putting this on.” You stated nonchalantly once again, offering him a small smile whilst holding out the bandage. 

“Uh...” Taehyung started but couldn’t complete his sentence, lost on how you even observed something as small as his cut and spoke of treating it like it was an actual injury.  

After his struggle to form a sentence, you grew bold enough to gently remove his hand from his pocket and place the bandage in his palm, looking back up at him. You shared a momentary look with his chocolate eyes, instantly scrambling after realizing your hand was still in his.

He has really big hands. 

“We should um...probably go.” You avoided his eyes, stepping aside quickly to pull the door open.

Taehyung’s mind felt displaced, eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the fact that someone had actually left him with nothing to say, an extremely rare occurrence in his book.

He was even more displaced looking at the measly wrapper in his hand, then at the cut on the side of his finger, playing through the last 5 minutes of what just happened.

He scoffed to himself.

‘There’s something about her you won’t refuse.’

It had been 3 weeks since that meeting, not having seen Taehyung once as you wasted your time enjoying single life luxuries before you prepared for one of marriage.

It still felt odd to say such a thing, marriage, because it didn’t even feel like one, or a real one at that. It was forced, fake, a pressured one out of convenience. It felt more like a deal, something Taehyung and yourself had to settle for in order to keep your parents’ minds at ease.

That thought racked your brain all those 3 weeks; Taehyung had to settle for you, he didn’t choose you, just as much as you settled for him and didn’t choose him either. You both had ultimately agreed to the marriage only in an effort to optimize your parents’ happiness, not your own.

You had no clue how he felt, a mystery as much as the Bermuda Triangle, knowing he most certainly had a grand pick of women to choose from and you were most definitely his worst option.

You knew you were suddenly dumped on him, leaving him no choice in the matter as you learned your marriage entailed a beneficial business deal between your fathers’ companies, and Taehyung couldn’t really refuse you with so much on the line.

You had already felt inferior to Taehyung since the moment you met him, though your insecurities seeped further into the crevices of your doubtful mind the more you thought over that sad fact, contemplating a married life with him. In your opinion you were pretty much undesirable to him, Taehyung probably kicking himself knowing he had to unwillingly call you his wife for the rest of his life. 

You just knew you weren’t good enough for him, you would never measure up no matter how hard you’d try and that utterly terrified you. You were confident and independent when it came to yourself, though wedding a near perfect being regarded as one of Seoul’s finest in terms of a CEO and a man? 

Confidence be damned, this dude was intimidating. 

These were the feelings that swarmed your head as you sulked at your over-the-top engagement party, set up in a prestigious buildings’ gorgeous 37th floor riddled with baroque styling and embellishments, classical music gracing some of Seoul’s wealthiest patrons as their flutes clinked and snobby chatter filled the hall. 

It was all extremely high-status, reeking of upper class supremacy and quite frankly, it made you want to throw up.

You distracted yourself by bringing any and all types of alcohol to your lips, trying to focus on anything but your daunting thoughts.

The entire night you hadn’t talked to Taehyung, both of you having been too occupied with the numerous amounts of people meeting and congratulating you. This became a genuine nuisance as you’d mentioned before, this marriage was of convenience, one that brought families and companies together merrily and constituted hundreds of people attending your engagement party you didn’t really know.

Your friends were excited, over-the-moon you bagged a man like Taehyung and chastised you for not having told them about your engagement to him earlier. Your relatives similarly scolded you, pinching your cheeks and praising Taehyung like he was a God while they scrunched their noses at you for concealing him.

How could I tell you when I didn’t even know myself?, you thought.

It was funny they praised your ‘choice’ of a fiancé, positive nobody was saying the same to Taehyung without at least lying. The public only knew of you as your father’s daughter, never having seen you due to your vehement absence from anything remotely related to his company, and much of the business world in general. 

You weren’t part of that world, a world of greed and money-driven lunatics. It just wasn't you. It never suited you, left you with a bad taste in your mouth you constantly grimaced at and thought maybe you were the insane one for not understanding its flavour. As you grew older, however, you came to realize it simply wasn’t the path meant for you, someone who valued the independence and achievement of earning something for yourself, by yourself.

Ever since the inception of that principal, your young teenage self resolved you didn’t want to rely on your father’s wealth, especially not his influence or power to achieve your own place in life.

Your father had worked determinedly hard for years in order to stand as high he does now, warranting your acute admiration for your role model of a father, his now successful architecture business landing him a few buildings part of the Seoul skyline.

And after finally achieving his dream, it suddenly morphed into your own aspiration. His hard work drove you to want your own design part of Seoul’s breathtaking scenery as well, by means of your own effort, your own hard work. You didn’t want your father’s help. It felt wrong, like you were cheating if you used him to gain your place and so you condemned your life to one that separated yours and his. 

So you lived, worked and earned money without any of his influence.

You worked for an average architecture company where you felt comfortable, happy that you were away from the suffocating high-status business of your family. And although your detachment left your identity a mystery to many, your situation on the other hand was an extremely infamous one.

‘The-runaway-heiress’, was your staple trademark. The judgmental comments about your choice of life and the insults it warranted were never-ending, subjected to that criticism all your life.

There was no doubt Taehyung was hearing all of that, people probably warning him to step out of the marriage before it was too late. You weren’t like Taehyung, who was perfect, desirable, someone everyone either wanted or wanted to be. It left you glad and quite frankly, proud to be wedding a man of such caliber and incredibility, though left you wondering why in God’s name he would ever agree to marry someone like you; average, average and well, average.

“That’s your 5th shot, Y/N, slow the fuck down.” Your best friend Hana’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts, snatching the shot glass from your grasp. “It wouldn’t be cool if you were trashed at your own party, dummy.” 

Her sudden appearance brought a smile to your face. “I know, I just don’t feel well.” You sighed by the counter of the bar, seated atop a stool as you circled an empty shot glass mindlessly. 

“I get you, there’s like, hundreds of people here and you’re probably hearing a lot of different shit.” Hana appealed to you, having read your emotions like an open book. “Speaking of people, I wanted to ask, what’s up with Taehyung and his stare?”

You stifled a snort, looking at Hana’s incredulous face. “It’s just a habit of his. He stares at everyone.”

“Okay... sure, but I didn’t mean everyone, I meant you.” Hana emphasized, comically pointing.

You furrowed your eyebrows at her, arm leaning against the bar’s counter as you questioned, “What do you mean?”

“He doesn’t really stop staring at you, which is kinda weird. Unless you like that, I don’t judge people’s kinks.” Hana mockingly held her hands up in surrender, gauging a reaction out of you. 

You instantly grimaced, “It’s not a kink, Hana. Nice joke by the way, wanna sign up for SNL with that one?”

“I’m serious! I’ve been catching him just looking at you and I don’t know if it’s weird or hot.” Hana informed as you became more puzzled, her becoming oddly excited, “Awh, maybe he’s concerned with how much you keep drinking! That’s so romantic.” She chimed, looking off into the distance dreamily.

“Shut the fuck up, he wouldn’t do that.” You smacked her arm, snatching your shot glass back from her. “Besides, you’re one of the rare people who knows this marriage is fake, you know he doesn’t care.”

“Jheez, way to kill romance?” Hana rolled her eyes, smacking your arm in rebuttal before continuing. “I’m serious, though. This may be fake but he really does keep looking at you, and I don’t know what it means.” Hana speculated, contorting her lips as if in thought.

“It means nothing, Hana. You’re just seeing things.”

“Then why has he been staring at you depressed by the bar for the last half an hour?”

You nearly spit out your drink, “What?”

“Are you clueless or just dumb? He’s been talking to someone for 30 minutes but most of the time he’s been looking at you, and he still is, how haven’t you noticed?”

You creased your eyebrows in surprise as you slowly lowered your shot glass. You turned away from Hana to scan the small crowds of people mingling, eating, drinking in the hall.

You searched the room, drink still in hand until your eyes caught tall, dark and handsome in his finely pressed suit, casually standing with a drink in his hand by a table speaking to someone. You nearly jumped when your eyes locked with Taehyung’s, every cell in your body caught off guard.

What made your heart specifically race was the way he didn’t even look away from you. He held your gaze, casually conversing with the person in front of him, eyeing you until he finally cracked a small smirk before turning back to his companion.

Your eyebrows practically shot up to the sky.

“See, weird or hot? Am I even allowed to say hot?” Hana blurted as she reveled in your reaction. “And you really thought I was joking. You don’t believe anything I say, I could tell you the world’s ending and you wouldn’t believe me. I could tell you aliens finally invaded the planet and you wouldn’t believe me until the green motherfuckers knocked on your door themselves and-”

“Hana, shut the fuck up.” You cut her off abruptly and made a face at her. “Why did you even come here?”

“Grumpy, aren’t we?” She flashed you a sarcastic look before sighing. “Your dad wanted me to find you. You and Taehyung have to meet someone important, so you should stop drinking like an alcoholic, dumbass.” Hana informed hastily as she grabbed the shot glass from you and downed it herself.

“Your dad’s by the entrance, go before he gets mad!” She shooed you away, pushing you up until you whisper-yelled and smacked at her to let you go. 

You began stepping towards the entrance, smoothing over your dress and this was the moment you realized you may have drank a little too much. You were quick to reprimand yourself, cursing your unprofessional behavior as your inner equilibrium became slightly woozy, senses drowning out a bit, every sound hazed over with a buzz in your veins.

You sucked in a breath to pull yourself together, knowing your dad valued this person enough you and Taehyung had to meet them together. 

Taehyung.

You decided to glance in his direction, lips pursing seeing he wasn’t in his previous spot. You chose to ignore it, walking along until you felt a looming presence behind you, almost having time to acknowledge it before a hand suddenly touched the small of your back. 

“Looking for me?”

You nearly squealed, jumping with a hand ready to punish before calming down at the sight of Taehyung, sighing with relief. “Jheez, could you use my name? I thought you were a stranger.” 

“Well, hello to you too.” Taehyung quipped sarcastically. “And why would a stranger touch your back? Of course it’d be the only man in this room marrying you.” Taehyung narrowly eyed you, scrutinizing your reaction with his hand still pressed to you.

“People do a lot of whatever the hell they want, Taehyung.” You responded turning away from him, heels clacking as you continued to pace towards where your father stood. “W-why’d you do that, anyway?” 

Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows. “Because we’re engaged?”

“It’s not real, though.”

“It’s as real as it gets.” Taehyung finalized, making it a statement to smile at everyone you passed, to which you realized just how many pairs of eyes glued themselves to you. “This may not feel like a real marriage to us, but to the rest of the world it is.” 

He then suddenly leaned himself down to your height and lowered his tone, breath just ghosting your ear. “Y/N, we have to make this seem real, it’s the only way we’ll survive.” Taehyung was the closest he’s ever been to you, and the deep baritone of his voice as he called your name did absolutely nothing but manifest butterflies in your chest. 

Why was his voice so deep?

You shook the thought out of your head, ultimately choosing not to say anything because he was in fact, correct. You grinned widely continuing to mask the truth of your arrangements, leaning into him more as you settled for his hand on your back.

You’d noticed it before, but his hand felt particularly large against you now that he was so close. You glanced at his other hand resting by his side, impressed by how masculine they appeared; long fingers with running veins and a roughness to them, sculpted so well you were sure they deserved to be referred to as art. It tickled your giddy side for a second when they seemed to perfectly contrast your more feminine and smaller hands. 

It was kinda cute. 

You neglected your thoughts once you neared your father, warm-heartedly conversing with a well-dressed man you just about recognized. 

“Ah, there you both are!” Your father cheered, reaching out his arm so he could envelop you in a side-hug, returning Taehyung’s bow and addressment.  

“Dad, I heard you wanted us to meet someone?” You perked up in a superficial tone, at least attempting to act as though everything was fine and dandy in your life; maybe owing it to the alcohol to endure all the falsehoods.

“Yes, Y/N-ie, I wanted you to meet Mr. Won. Chang-in, my lovely daughter and whom I guess you already know, her fiancé and CEO of Kim Enterprises, Kim Taehyung.” Your father proudly presented you both.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Won, Kim Taehyung.” Taehyung was the first to address the man, extending his hand and bowing as he greeted him. You were almost taken aback by how polite he could be, the way his charming smile graced his features and attractively displayed his perfect teeth. His manner of speech and etiquette were all refined with a high degree of professionalism as well, internally gawking at his duality.  

Wasn’t he acting all entitled with you just now? 

“Nice to meet you as well!” You collected yourself and cheered, a little baffled as to why Taehyung still rested his hand against your back. “I’m hoping my father has only said good things.” You earned a laugh from the group, Mr. Won responding by receiving your hand with a firm shake. 

“Ah, Namhyun, you forgot to mention how beautiful your daughter has grown, and your future son-in-law has me jealous! What a handsome and accomplished young man, the perfect match, the two of them.” Mr. Won praised you both kindly.

You and Taehyung both smiled and thanked him humbly, feeling some heat collect in your cheeks upon Mr. Won’s words. You two? The perfect match? Unless he believes a rock and a Greek statue belong together, then he’s absolutely correct. 

Other than that, you chest swarms with butterflies thinking you’re now referred to as ‘two’. 

Taehyung for some odd reason encircles the curve of your waist suddenly, pulling you closer to him. You last minute sputter at the intimate action before leaning into him, one arm nervously encasing his torso as the other rests against his chest. 

You feel him tense underneath you. 

“Aish, you’re such a flatterer. Y/N-ie, do you remember Mr. Won? My friend from university? You haven’t seen him in a while.” Your father rested a hand on your shoulder, trying to jog your memory. 

“Oh, you mean Mr. Won from SNU?” You suddenly remembered, looking to your father for confirmation. 

“Yes, so you do remember!” 

“Of course I do, how could I forget!” You smiled brightly and returned your gaze to the familiar man. “Mr. Won used to sneak me ice cream when you wouldn’t let me have any, Dad.” You scolded him with a playful jab to his arm, inviting more laughter. “I apologize for not recognizing you right away, it’s been a long time, Mr. Won, forgive me.” You solemnly apologized, Mr. Won giving you a look of understanding. 

“Ah, forget it, Y/N. Don’t worry about it, although since it’s been a long time I hope you remember my son? He should be here somewhere..” Mr. Won trailed as his eyes fished over the grand hall, scanning around. 

“Your son..” You repeated to yourself, realizing there was a familiar connection itching at your mind, he was your age actually-

Wait. 

Oh God, not him. 

Anything but him. 

You felt raw panic seep into the spaces between your ribs, your chest filling with a constricting feeling of anxiety you couldn't shake off. Your heart picked up speed and the alcohol coursing through your veins didn’t help your judgement or memory at all, mind fogged over with the poison we dare call alcohol.  

You felt stupid, so utterly stupid. How could you forget Mr. Won and who his Godforsaken son was? 

You felt an anxiety attack riddling you, shifting your weight on your feet as you tried to bite back your uneven breathing. You just couldn’t see this man, especially in a situation where you were standing next to your husband-to-be. 

Taehyung wasn’t so invested in the conversation before him, mindlessly nodding along before he felt you physically freeze next to him, his glance to the side confirming your pale look, watching as your panicked eyes faltered to the floor and revealed... fear? 

He registered your odd shifting and your failed attempts at plastering a smile, confused if you knew this guy and if you did, why were you freaking out so much?

Were you in love with him or something? 

The thought minutely bugged him until he watched you turn straight up uncomfortable, horrified when Mr. Won called out his son’s name. 

“Kiseok-ah! Come here!” 

You stopped breathing when you heard the name, eyes going wide as you avoided eye contact with anyone in the group, but caught Taehyung’s undivided attention. He grew curious when Kiseok sauntered over to the group, your hand on his chest suddenly squeezing his suit as the mysterious man greeted everyone respectfully.

Taehyung watched as his intrigued eyes locked on you, eyebrows perking up amusedly as his lips curved into a smile Taehyung honestly couldn’t admit to liking. 

“Y/N? Wow, long time no see. It’s been what, a year?” The man Kiseok called out happily, like there was absolutely no problem occurring here but as Taehyung felt your hand clutch onto his suit, lips just about quivering before you forced a smile, he knew there was most certainly a problem. 

“Yeah.” Your voice was weak, small, and Taehyung found himself wondering how a courageous person like you was all of a sudden cowering. 

He’d heard it all night, all the accounts of your other life away from the business world. He wasn’t going to lie, he heard a multitude of opinions concerning you, many of which including either looking down on you or telling Taehyung there’s many other, more powerful women in business he could’ve been marrying instead. 

But Taehyung didn’t care for their opinions, he found you the most powerful woman he could ever marry, and agreed to do so because of that very prospect. Sure, you were estranged from the business scene and practically abandoned any role you’d play in your father’s company in order to pursue your own personal aspirations, but if anything, Taehyung found it highly commendable. 

Taehyung knew it took guts to do what you did, a bold and daring act that no other heir or future heir of a wealthy company could ever think of doing, including himself. 

What he found to appreciate most was your unwillingness to give in, where you had to have heard all the back-handed and snobby comments, yet you still held your head up high, remained rooted and adamant in keeping your current way of life. It instantly signaled to him you were courageous, fearless, unable to be stopped in your tracks.

So when he watched you become smaller and smaller the more you stood in the vicinity of this Kiseok, he knew something was sincerely wrong. 

“Ah yes, it’s been quite some time. Why don’t we step away from you three? You could do some catching up.” Your father urged as he motioned Mr. Won to step away with him. You lightly addressed them only to have your hands neglect Taehyung entirely and start fidgeting, attempting to calm your nerves as the alcohol inebriated your system and magnified your anxiety by tenfold. 

“Ah, yes, Kim Taehyung, CEO of Kim Enterprises. I’ve been meaning to meet you.” Kiseok extended his hand as his voice irked you with every syllable, trying your best to seem like absolutely nothing was wrong. 

Taehyung reached out his hand in response uneagerly, giving a small shake while wondering why you let him go. “That’s news to me, nice to meet you.” Taehyung responded, already feeling an intense aura of discomfort and tension between you both, sensing he was missing out on something that seemed 6 ft deep. 

“Likewise. Y/N..” Kiseok suddenly turned towards you, making you wince. You painted on your smile as you lifted your vision. “Kiseok.” 

“How’ve you been?” 

“Better than ever. You?” 

“Marvelous, just wondering what your life’s looked like since I haven’t been in it.”

“I believe I said better than ever, didn’t I?”

Kiseok scoffed unamused, “So a year, huh? In all that time you suddenly found yourself a fiancé, and Kim Taehyung at that?” Kiseok seemed to be making light-hearted conversation to anyone outside of your group, though you knew deep down the hostility behind his words.

“Yeah, I did. It just happened.” You shrugged, gaining the confidence to counter him. “And you? Plan on putting a ring on any of your girls? Maybe the 5th or 7th one you liked?” You sarcastically questioned, furrowing your brows in mock contemplation. 

“No, you know I’ve always had my eye on one girl when it came to marriage.” Kiseok eyed you knowingly, purposefully, like he was trying to make it obvious.

You snorted and glared at him, “If I remember correctly, your attitude said otherwise.” hatred began boiling under your skin. You felt yourself growing angrier by the second, memories between you two coming back in flashes. You didn’t even realize you were shaking until Taehyung’s hand suddenly entangled with yours, pulling you towards him almost defensively. 

You were surprised, looking at your connected hands and back up at Taehyung. He returned your look, peering down at you as he smiled warmly, affectionately. 

“I’m sorry, Kisook? Was it? My future wife and I have plans for tonight. May you excuse us?” Taehyung didn’t even let Kiseok respond before he was pulling you away, in complete shock at his first lack of manners you’d ever seen. You were only left to watch Taehyung as he lead you along, gaining the timely opportunity to realize he was taller than Kiseok, and in fact significantly taller than you. 

Taehyung was a large man in general, you noticed. His shoulders looked broad from behind, accentuated by the fit of his suit which also emphasized the expanse of his chest, tastefully exposing his sculpted neck. His legs were long, proportioned perfectly in accordance with the rest of his model-like figure, which was ideally fit and contained just the right amount of muscle. 

Dear God, you took your time with this one. 

You didn’t even realize Taehyung had pulled you into a secluded hallway or that you were ogling him when he suddenly stopped, turning in your direction and snapping you out of a near fever dream. 

Yeah, alcohol was not a good idea tonight. 

“Who the fuck was that?” 

“What?”

“That douche, who was that?” Taehyung inquired slightly pissed, in need of the asshole’s identity after watching whatever shitshow he didn’t pay for.��

“Nobody, Taehyung, he shouldn’t concern you.” You looked away from him, pouting in a way that made Taehyung momentarily notice the plush of your lips. 

Again?, was all he could think, first, your mother, and now this guy? Just how many people did you have bad connections with and he needed to ignore? 

Why were there so many intricate pieces to you? 

“Are you kidding me? He concerns me now, your mother I can understand but this guy? Nothing to me. I could step on him.” Taehyung proclaimed confidently and stood up broader, conviction written all over his face.

You couldn’t help but giggle at his remark, resembling the thought you had earlier. “I was just thinking, you’re a lot taller than him.” 

Taehyung couldn’t help but bite back a smile, watching you giggle like a shy high schooler and his ears gladly welcomed the soft sound. “Damn straight I am.” He adjusted the jacket of his suit suavely. It was then he remembered what his other hand was doing; still holding yours. 

His eyes suddenly gleamed with mischief. 

He squeezed your hand a little tighter and yanked you towards him, bodies just centimeters apart as you crashed into him, all up in each other’s personal space.

Your eyes widened in complete surprise. 

 “So you were thinking about me, huh?” Taehyung teased with a stupidly lowered tone, a smug grin decorating his face. 

You ignored the electricity shooting through you, rolling your eyes and playfully sneering at him. “Shut up, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see you’re taller.” You forced space between you two and tried snatching your hand from him, but his grip transformed into an iron lock. 

“Says the one who was thinking about me.” 

“Taehyung, shut-” You almost huffed out but as soon as you stepped away, your copious consumption of alcohol suddenly attacked you all at once, vertigo making you lose your balance until Taehyung reached out to steady you. 

“Jheez, did you have to drink tonight?” Taehyung chastised you as you fell into him, head spinning with disorientation and growing flimsier by the second. “You’re probably a lightweight at your size.”

“I am not a lightweight. You don’t even know how much I drank, it was a lot.” You bit back in rebuttal, hooking onto his taut forearms as he supported you. 

“But I did see.” He voiced barely above a whisper, causing you to snap your vision up at him incredulously. “What?” 

“Nothing, it shouldn’t concern you.” Taehyung mocked, though still tried to fix you onto your own footing.  

You didn’t even get to scrutinize him further when you felt another round of dizziness plague you, balance faltering again. Taehyung huffed out and finally flanked you on his side, arm encasing your shoulders as he adjusted you. “Okay Miss I’m-Not-A-Lightweight, you should eat something.” He fit you beside him, beginning to walk you towards the main hall. 

Taehyung in this moment didn’t understand what he was doing, utterly clueless as to what was fueling his actions. He was uncertain why he found himself.. caring? He didn’t even know you, yet he couldn’t help but become a little concerned when he watched you down drinks like it was New Year’s Eve. 

How can all that alcohol fit into one tiny person?

What was he even thinking when he dragged you away from that Kisuk guy? Why did he feel like protecting you all of a sudden? A near sense of possessiveness? He wasn’t even your real husband. 

It started giving Taehyung a headache. This was all strange, a foreign concept he wasn’t familiar with and he didn’t know if it was the result of his considerate personality or only manifested solely because of you.

The same way Taehyung dealt with his inner turmoil, you dealt with yours; you were always so adamant on independence though ironically found yourself leaning on Taehyung.

Oddly, you let him carefully guide you back into the hall with no protests. 

It was the day of the wedding. 

You wish you could recall your emotions throughout the day, certain there would be at least a sliver of a positive one. Though as you remained unmoving, nearly catatonic, unresponsive to your surroundings, you knew there wouldn’t be a single happy memory in the tsunami of sorrow that attacked you today. 

Emotions of grief plagued consistently as you realized the loss of everything you valued most in your life. Your happiness, your freedom, your ability to choose. The stripping of all those bundled into an stifling wad in your chest that left you in a perpetual state of wanting to cry.

The sting in your heart when you realized your mother didn’t bother to come, the excruciating smile you forced onto your features when Taehyung’s mother delicately placed the veil atop your head, the secret tears you shed after adorning your body with a wedding dress you didn’t even choose; it all left you internalizing feelings of utter agony. 

And none of it was your real choice. 

Even the flowers at the wedding weren’t your favourite. 

This day was horrifying. You couldn’t believe you prided yourself on your independence, refusing to give in despite numerous challenges and never taking a word of what anyone said to you. Even when someone begged you to change or come back to your old life, you always chose for yourself. You never allowed someone to push you around, seldom coerced into anything solely based on the wishes of another. 

Yet here you were, standing just before the grand doors of a wedding you never asked for, having easily followed every word of your father’s and sacrificed your deepest principles in order to make him happy, to appease and live up to his expectations that weren’t your own. 

It was utterly frightening, appalling. As if you had lost the one true commendable feature of the intricate character you were, suddenly lost the acclamation of others even if they didn’t know the true nature of your marriage. 

But what disgusted you the most was truly, that you had lost respect for yourself. 

These grim thoughts were the ones that attached themselves to you as you hesitantly hooked your arm with your father’s. You used every ounce of strength to not flee, to remain here, to still walk down that isle with your head held high like you always have despite abandoning every foundation of the character you’d spent years working on.  

You didn’t care that your eyes watered, masking them with the facade of happy tears from the blushing bride. You didn’t care when your father looked incredibly concerned and wondered what was so wrong, you didn’t care how sorrowful you may have appeared to anyone at this ironically glamorous event. 

Though what you did care for was that you couldn’t hold your head up as you walked down the isle, vision fixated on the ground as your tears betrayed you, spilling out at the traumatizing feeling of not being able to stand tall like you always did, something stripping you of your self-reassurance, your strength, your confidence.  

It all spelled the requiem of your soul as you reached the end, dwelling in the impossibility this was happening to you until you felt the touch of Taehyung’s fingertips, guiding you up the stairs. It was then confirmed to you this was in fact real, part of your new reality you had no choice but to accept. 

You suddenly felt eternal gratitude for the veil that now covered your face, hiding the tears you cried at mourning the loss of everything you worked for.

While the priest’s words were read, you didn’t exchange a single look with Taehyung, knowing you’d only want to evaporate into the air, to run away at light speed or have someone in a turn-of-events suddenly take your life, just so you didn't have to face the humility of giving up the life you’d spent blood, sweat and tears building if you looked him in the eye. 

You felt the weight of your unknown future crushing you, pushing you towards the precipice as you gripped Taehyung’s hands harder to ground yourself. 

You were to rely on Taehyung, to share a bond with him you had never spent time cultivating, expected to live a life next to him while never being able to truly understand him, know him, love him. The natural process of falling in love now tainted with the coercion of a pressurized marriage, losing the opportunity to achieve any true sense of love. You’d never experience finding the one anymore, your soulmate, the other end of your red string of fate. 

That realization made your tears spill harder, disconnecting your hand from Taehyung’s to prevent your choked sobs becoming audible, holding your palm against your quivering lips. 

To anyone beyond you and Taehyung, it would look as though you were crying tears of happiness, joyously weeping at your matrimony with the love of your life, though as Taehyung felt the shaking of your hands, your refusal to meet his gaze as you reluctantly walked down the isle, the agonizing pain he could see through the sheer of your veil, he knew you were far from happy. 

He couldn’t help but purse his lips together tightly, knowing you were probably swallowing insurmountable torment down your throat because of this marriage, and tears pricked at his own eyes finding himself able to relate. 

He wasn’t just upset for you or himself, it was the entire situation, quite frankly the fucking world. The fact that the universe planned this as your destiny, his destiny, that the happiness of your parents and two companies came at the expense of both yours and his.

He knew you didn’t hate him, that he wasn’t the reason just as much as you weren’t the reason either, it was the arbitrary nature of the arrangement. That whatever version of true love and happily ever after you and Taehyung had separately dreamed of, it could never come to life. 

Even if the company meant everything to Taehyung, his CEO position more important than whatever position he’d play as some husband, seldom having time to consider love and relationships, he still harboured the same wants and desires any human would. A partner, a companion he truly loved with whom he’d start a family eventually, create a life for them and himself defined by love and comfort.

Though Taehyung only knew now you would both die with your decision-making capabilities robbed of you, bound to each other forcibly without the ardor of real love. 

Taehyung’s every thought was proven correct when the two of you exchanged your vows in near strangled chokes and shaky tones, appearing as happy emotions to the guests of the wedding though only you two knowledgeable of each other’s suffering. 

Your vision finally met Taehyung’s once you heard the rawness in his voice, your miserable emotions doubling when you registered he was just in the same pain as you. It was in that moment the priest’s words became audible and rang loud in both your ears, suddenly grounding you two to earth and reminding you of your reality. 

“You may kiss the bride.”

Both of your eyes grievously locked for a moment of horrified realization; that you were seconds away from going through with this, throwing each other’s lives away for the utilitarian benefit, abandoning any sense of choice in whom you both would spend a lifetime with.

Taehyung swallowed thickly as he removed your veil, feeling his eyes fill with tears again when he laid them upon your utterly devastated, tear-stained face. You were using every nerve in your body to stop yourself from sobbing and caving into the ominous thought of fleeing the ceremony.  

Taehyung’s sight wondered to your lips as they still quivered, nearly swollen red at the intensity in which you bit them, awaiting the kiss you were certain would be filled with frustration and hatred, hatred for the mud you were dragging him through, hatred for pressuring him into suddenly valuing something more than his work and his company, to suddenly become a husband to you. 

Though as he watched the terror flashing through your eyes, tears watering your lash line, he knew he could never feel anything so ardently negative towards you, remembering exactly what he was stripping you of. 

The life you built on your own, defying any and everyone’s expectations of yourself, cursing your heir status to hell, your strength, your independence. Now? Your life was bound to his, bound to one where you were obliged to sacrifice yourself for your father’s company and the upper class cesspool you’d spent so long trying to run away from. 

So as Taehyung began closing the gap between you two, nearing your shaking figure, he resolved he wouldn’t make this hard. He would try, try to accept that his life now entailed you, would try to work towards the balance his father insisted he needed, try to understand that you were now part of his priorities and could never simply ignore you.  

He glided his thumbs against the back of your hands that held his pacifyingly, leaning down until he was just inches from your lips as you squeezed your eyes shut. He unexpectedly spoke quietly, meaningfully, seconds away from sealing the deal of an uncertain future, though, remained certain of this one thing. 

“I’ll take care of you, Y/N, I promise.” And he kissed you in a single breath, no haste, no pressure, only the gentle touch of his lips as they met yours, soft and light. 

Maybe Taehyung didn’t know the exact feelings behind his promise, but he knew the meaning; that no matter the arrangement, the non-existent feelings, the loss of choice, he would at least take care of you like any husband would, a good husband.  

He at least owed you that.  

You were left shocked at the nature of his kiss, Taehyung’s warm lips connecting with yours tenderly. You were convinced the tears you saw in his eyes were enough to assert he hated this, frustrated he had to sell his soul, wishing to only rush the kiss so he could call it a day and ignore you for the rest of his life. 

Though what you never expected was the promise he made, or the way he kissed you with such intimacy you found yourself melting into his touch, reciprocating. He kissed you like you were fragile, locking your lips in a way that solidified his promise, as if out of all the empty vows you spoke today, this was the one, true vow he would keep. His lips felt plush against yours, catching his mouth just a little more before the bittersweet disconnection. 

You and Taehyung exchanged a poignant look, small smiles decorating both your faces with a mutual understanding swimming in your eyes as you gripped each other’s hands. You let his promise permeate the air between you two, finding solace in his words as the applause of everyone attending the ceremony filled the hall.   

Maybe it was the warm way Taehyung always pressed his hand to the small of your back when you spoke to others the whole night, maybe the way he veered you away from excessive amounts of alcohol with a light-hearted scolding considering that last time you drank, or maybe even the way he gently held you during your first dance..

Maybe it was all these considerate, kinds act that made you view Taehyung in a less negative light and rather a favourable one, that maybe he wouldn’t be the asshole CEO you’d first accused him of being.  

You would also be an idiot to not mention how completely and utterly handsome he was, looks carved by the Greeks themselves, quite possibly the hottest, most attractive man you’ve ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. 

And maybe all that accumulated into your assured opinion that when it came to consummating your marriage with Taehyung, you’d have no qualms or worries whatsoever. You would be absolutely willing, ready to take the night on and maybe even have some fun for yourself with whom you could tell was a really, really nice guy.

Though as Taehyung walked calmly in front of you towards your hotel suite, reaching into his suit pocket for the card key he’d retrieved at the front desk to swipe against the lock, your chest clogged with a crushing feeling of anxiety you couldn’t subdue. 

These weren’t the same nerves of maybe being not pretty enough, body insecurities or fear of what to expect from Taehyung, no, these nerves came from the utter panic of having to experience sex with another man.

Especially since your last partner. 

It always started with your permission, that wasn’t the issue, Though what left you afraid, so utterly frightened with the thought of spending a night with a man like this came from the treatment you received from that partner. 

Safe to say, you weren’t treated kindly. Far from that, actually, you were treated as though you had no needs or were a means of simple use. Your last partner was the opposite of giving, he was selfish, self-absorbed and only concerned himself with his own pleasure, going on and on only until he was satisfied and neglected you in every sense of the word, sometimes even refusing to listen to you if you protested. 

To make matters worse, he wasn’t faithful. 

You knew he slept around, a lot, it was the number one reason you never agreed to actually date him, never make things official. 

But the reason you would end up sleeping with him was because of the most perfectly imperfect concept among the human race; love. You believed every time with him was a new chance to make that love real, that it was the genuine manifestation of your feelings for one another, thinking maybe he wasn’t the asshole he always portrayed himself as and could man up enough to love you unconditionally. 

And he completely reeled you in, made you fall in love too quickly and made you believe he was capable of love. This grew exponentially when you were often described as ‘the different one’, the one he always came back to, that you were special. You clung onto those words as much as you could, convinced each time you were in fact the one for him, that maybe one day, he’d wake up and abandon his fuckboy lifestyle and mature.

But everyday that went by, every promise that was never fulfilled, every word that wasn’t met with an action, and especially after every hook up that resulted in nothing new, you began to understand you were everyone’s favourite role in a Shakespearean play. 

The fool. 

You were a joke to believe anything he said, the most naive person on earth to think you were any different from the others, when every night simply ended in rough fucks, virtually no orgasm and miniscule aftercare.

It left you essentially scarred, traumatized that every man in the world was built like this. It didn’t help that whenever you look back, many of your ex partners were of the same cut, the same trope of assholes that don’t seem as bad but end up being exactly so. 

It was what made you swallow thickly as Taehyung opened the door to the suite, holding it open as he moved aside to let you enter first. You walked forward and unintentionally brushed against him, realizing how much smaller you were in comparison to him all over again. 

He towered over you, and it made you more nervous. 

You looked up at him momentarily and quietly thanked him as you stepped inside, setting your sights on the large, king sized bed situated on one side of the room, a lounging area with couches to the other side which lead to a bathroom. Seoul’s breathtaking skyline was visible in the dark of the night through wall-to-ceiling windows opposite to you, covered by flowy, sheer curtains. 

You took a deep breath, trying to remind yourself Taehyung was not the same. Not all men are the same, you can’t inflict the mistakes and wrongdoings of one man onto another, categorize them into one kind. You wanted to think this way, and you knew it was the humane way to think. 

But as the memories of those heart-aching nights filled your head, the empty words, the lack of care or concern, the neglect, the feelings of pure abandonment and use only caused your heart to beat profusely in your chest, clutching onto the neckline of your dress to breathe. 

What if Taehyung really was no different?

It then suddenly hit you you didn’t know him. All you knew of Taehyung was that he was a fiercely successful business man, sitting atop Seoul’s most prestigious with Godly looks and a stare that could kill a man. You remembered your initial feelings about him; his stare in fact intimidated you, quite frankly all of him intimidated you, he was the epitome of perfection and you were far from that very notion. It left you thinking you didn’t measure up, and that he could view you in a dissimilar light than you viewed him; an unfavorable one. 

He could simply not want you, but is forced to.  

You’d observed his kind behavior and actions over the odd two days you met him, though that was exactly the inculpatory factor; you had only met him twice. You didn’t know what he would be like alone, when it was just the two of you, when there weren’t eyes scrutinizing him and cameras snapping shots of his every move. 

You didn’t know how he would be like in the bedroom, either. 

Your mind raced as you conflicted with yourself, trying to understand that Taehyung could be different, though apprehensive with the miniscule knowledge you actually had of him. 

You discerned after that last asshole of a partner you needed the love and care of a real partner, someone who would tend to your needs, adore you in the midst of their actions, be a giver and not just a receiver.  

And you didn’t know if Taehyung would be that partner. 

“Y/N...” Taehyung called out to you rather softly as he removed his suit jacket, the rustling of the cloth signaling he had indeed done so. His footsteps were hard to miss, the soles of his shoes sounding against the hardwood floor as he neared your lonesome figure standing in the middle of the room. 

Your breathing quickened with nearly every step he took, attempting to resolve the civil war you were battling within. You were trying to convince yourself Taehyung would be a nice man, a nice husband; though couldn’t help but feel deflated by the fact it was all mainly coerced out of him.

Your thoughts overwhelmed you as Taehyung finally stood behind you, mere inches from your back as he watched you from behind, unbeknownst of any feelings or thoughts currently riddling you.

He hesitated, though gently placed his hand against your bare arm, the sudden warmth of his hand against your skin causing you to flinch. He peered down at your smaller self squarely focusing in front of you, anticipating your response. He grew slightly soft when you tentatively looked over your shoulders, clearly teary-eyed. 

Taehyung couldn’t miss how scared you seemed, and he his heart inexplicably stung at the thought you were afraid of him. 

“We don’t have to do this.” Taehyung’s voice was low and resembled warm honey, reverberating in a way that made you ease up. 

You worked towards a stable voice. “W-we don’t?” 

“No, we don’t” His voice held no disappointment, only the intention of seemingly wanting to assure you, firm and oddly comforting. 

“I’m sorry, Taehyung. I’m really sorry.” It was hard to keep your tone leveled, clutching your hand over your mouth as you swallowed your emotions. 

“Don’t be sorry, there’s nothing for you to apologize for.” 

You strangely felt the desire to hold his hand that rested against you, though you ignored the urge and simply stepped out of his touch, clutching your chest tightly in an effort to cower away from him. But it was here you suddenly remembered that he kissed you, and the way he did so. 

It made your cheeks fill with a rosy blush. 

���Do you mean that?” You’d finally turned to meet his eyes, his face only visible by the moonlight illuminating the room. He seemed to have retracted his hand and stood with both tucked in his pockets, relaxed. 

This became the first time you noticed just how ravishing he looked tonight. 

His dark hair was slicked back loosely and left enough pieces to fall as a comma, graciously exposing his forehead, his Tom Ford suit attractively hugged his model-like body, watch and accessories accentuating his expensive look. 

His features were casted over by soft lighting, somehow adding to his beauty as the glow made him appear... less intimidating, dare you say warm or inviting. 

His expression was funnily enough, one that you could actually read. He held no contempt, no impatience or anger, only a hint of consideration as his calm eyes looked at you. His face may have been predominantly blank, void of a smile, though certainty held a form of reassurance.  

“Of course I do, why would I do anything with an unwilling person?”

You scoffed lightly, “Not a lot of people would say that.” Your eyes faltered from Taehyung’s and clutched yourself tighter, expression completely telling of trauma.

Taehyung instantly picked up on it, eyebrows slightly furrowing at your words though softening once registering their weight. He felt an overwhelming sense of apology take him, thinking of his next sentence before his mind oddly flashed back to the night of the engagement party.

“Y/N, did Kiseok..?” Taehyung trailed hesitantly. 

You winced at his line of thinking, “No, no...not what you’re thinking,” you immediately denied. “Just, shitty experiences.”

“Shitty, as in...?”

“As in only seeking self-satisfaction, neglect, lies, infidelity. Can we go to sleep?” You deflected with a heavy sigh and a hand at your temple, the day’s events catching up to you.

Taehyung nodded in agreement, “Yeah, sleep. We both need that.” His eyes then landed on the bed, registering even if it were large enough you two could sleep apart, he still opted for caution. 

“Um.. you can take the bed, by the way. I’ll sleep on the couch-”

“No, don’t do that.” You replied quickly. “I can’t sleep on a king-sized bed all by myself, it’s huge.” You side-eyed the massive mattress and laughed a little, lightening the heavy aura casted over the room. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be uncomf-”

“Don’t worry, Taehyung. You don’t make me feel uncomfortable.” You smiled at him lightly and received a small one from him, both your eyes mirroring the same sense of understanding you exchanged at the altar. 

“I’ll let you wash up first, your overnight bag should be in the bathroom closet.” Taehyung informed, pointing towards the direction of your things. 

“Thank you.” You voiced with an amount of warmth that made Taehyung want to genuinely smile, though crushed the weird urge and nodded agreeably instead.

You began walking away from him until a nuisance suddenly occurred to you, cursing yourself as you came to a full stop. “Um, Taehyung.. I forgot but could you..?” You angled your back towards him to call out to the ribbons tying the back of your dress, knowing you would’ve taken 20 years just to untie your bodice yourself. 

The fact that you weren’t looking directly at Taehyung made him feel relieved, glad he wouldn’t embarrass himself with the his eyes slightly widened. He was quick to reprimand himself, it’s just a woman’s dress, why the hell are you shocked? 

Taehyung swallowed dryly before replying, “Uh, yeah I’ll--I’ll do that.” He walked towards you sparingly and positioned himself behind you.

He’d noticed it before, but you were relatively small compared to him in size and it continued to poke at his brain, maybe even momentarily think it was cute. 

Cute? When have I ever found a girl cute?

Taehyung exhaled before his hands carefully made for the silk ribbons, his tentative fingers fiddling with the ties until he eventually began loosening each one. He started unlooping your bodice, breathing out considerably when each loop began exposing your back inch by inch.  

Taehyung’s sweet, hot breath fanned your skin, tensing each time as your every nerve went haywire feeling just how close he was. His slender fingers brushed against your bare skin here and there, making heat collect in your face.

You grew even hotter when your kiss with him suddenly crept back into your mind, unknowing of the reason why excitement and electricity shot throughout your body because of it. The way his soft, full lips met yours, mouthed at you tastefully repeated in your head, making you extremely nervous at how much a measly kiss from him was occupying your mind; it was just a kiss. 

Taehyung found himself tensing by the intimacy of the moment, remembering the way he so boldly kissed you. He found that he liked the plush of your lips, the way he had to bend down to your smaller height to lock lips; and it made him feel strange. 

How the hell was he taking interest in something other than his work? No, this isn’t interest, Taehyung thought, and would spend however long denying it. 

He’d finished the task throughout all his thinking, unrealizing of how proximal he was to you. He oddly hated that the moment was over, coming back down to Earth.

“There you go.” He cleared his voice and stepped away from you. 

You held your bodice up against your chest, realizing Taehyung had a full-access view of your back and you grew 10x hotter. You gulped at the thought before hastily turning around to thank him, quickly disappearing into the bathroom for a moment of reprieve. 

You shut the door and instantly breathed out a breath you didn’t remember holding, looking at your hot mess of a face in the mirror trying to cool down, reliving the last 10 minutes of what just happened. 

You took a deep breath. 

Maybe Taehyung is different after all. 

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[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Absentee

Character: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Summary: When Y/N fell in love with Jason Todd, she didn’t realize the normalcy she lost would become such a problem in their relationship. And she didn’t know how much pain it would cause to hide her boyfriend’s secrets. 

Word Count: 4,600 – One Shot

A/N: This is probably a really personal story. And you all might hate it or not relate to it. But oh well...

Y/N had her music playing in her headphones just quietly enough so she could hear them announce when her plane was boarding.

Between corporate holidays and what was left of her vacation days for the year, she was able to go home for a week and a half.

Only, she was hoping that this year she wouldn’t be going home alone.

But when Jason got sucked into a case two weeks before their flight back to her hometown, she knew there was no way he’d be accompanying her.  

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just–“ Jason had tried to tell her when she realized they weren’t going to be spending the holidays together.

“You don’t have to apologize. There are more important things right now than meeting my crazy family,” Y/N laughed lightly. “But they’ll be bummed.”

Jason still looked so down guiltily. He knew that Y/N had been downplaying how excited she was for her family to meet him.

Yeah, Y/N was upset, but her family was even more upset. Being in a different part of the country and them never putting in the effort to visit her, they had yet to meet Jason. Even when the two of them had been dating for 10 months.

Y/N had met all of Jason’s brothers, along with Bruce and Alfred. It had all been against his will, his family strategically running into them or invading his apartment when they knew Y/N would be there. Jason acted annoyed by it, but Y/N knew he was happy for her to meet them and without him having to act like he cared.

But Jason had only ever waved on FaceTime to her family or sometimes answered calls from them when Y/N left her phone next to him and went to another room.

It wasn’t like Y/N needed her family’s approval. She knew what she wanted and what was best for her. Their opinions didn’t hold as much weight with her as they thought.

But Y/N also had never introduced her family to a boyfriend before. Things either fizzled out before then or the relationship was so casual that the thought of even mentioning a boy-toy’s name in passing to her family made her want to jump out a window.

———

“So Jason couldn’t get out of work last minute?” Y/N’s older sister, Kate, asked as they drove to her house after picking her up from arrivals.

And so it began.

“No,” Y/N answered. “His boss is sort of an asshole. He’s a workaholic and can’t fathom why anyone else would ever be anything different.”

The truth was that Jason didn’t really have a job. When it came to income, Jason was resourceful. He was still a hitman for hire. But once the killing part of that job stopped – which was long before Y/N ever met him – it didn’t rake in as much money. Most of his money was either stolen from criminals or he would work odd jobs here and there.

However, the lie Jason and Y/N had agreed on was that he was a mechanic. And Jason did know absolutely everything there was to know about cars and motorcycles. He’d even promised Y/N that if she ever decided she wanted him to drop the vigilante life, he would do just that and start his own mechanic shop. But Y/N knew better than to ever ask that of him.

“Cars don’t stop breaking – even around the holidays,” Y/N joked darkly.

“Mhmm,” her sister answered.

Y/N already knew what her family thought of her boyfriend’s “job”: it wasn’t good enough for them.

The only reason they let it slide was because they knew Bruce Wayne was his adoptive father. Therefore they interpreted Jason’s ‘lack of ambition’ as his personal rebellion against his privilege and upbringing.

“Mom said he sent flowers and a bottle of wine to the house today and apologized for not being able to make it,” Kate added.

Y/N quickly looked at her in surprise.

“So I’m guessing from your reaction that it wasn’t your idea,” Kate teased.

“No,” Y/N shook her head. “He didn’t even tell me he did that.”

That was a Bruce Wayne move for sure. It didn’t matter that Jason had a rocky relationship with him, the Wayne charm and manners were deceivingly contagious.

————

Later that night, when everyone was in bed and Y/N decided to finally unpack. And she was surprised to find two of Jason’s t-shirts hidden in her bag. They were her favorites of his, always stealing them. Mostly she wore them to lounge around the apartment or to wear to bed. But her favoritism was in no way hidden.

Jason must’ve snuck them in her bag while she wasn’t looking.

Y/N smiled as she grabbed one of the shirts and raised it to her nose. It still smelled like him.

It was enough to make her feel guilty for not having called him yet. She’d texted him that she landed, but other than that, she’d been pretty silent.

She grabbed her cell and dialed.

“Hey, you.”

He always answered her calls as if they made his day, even if she’d called him multiple times that day already. His reaction to her calls never failed to make Y/N smile.

“I didn’t really expect you to pick up,” Y/N admitted.

“Always got time for you,” he answered lightly.

But then she heard background noise: wind blowing, distant sirens, people shouting at each other nearby.

Jason was on patrol. Or maybe he was doing some recon. 

But Y/N knew not to ask. 

“I see some of your clothes made the trip,” Y/N commented through a smile. Jason could hear the smile in her voice. “Those t-shirts have a mind of their own…”

“And my mom thought the flowers and card were sweet,” she added.

“I might not have met her yet, but I know that’s not gonna be enough to win her over,” Jason answered darkly.

Y/N didn’t say anything, because they both knew he was right.

“Flight was fine?” Jason asked, changing the subject.

“Mhmm.”

“I miss you.”

Y/N shook her head and laughed. “No, you don’t. I’ve been gone for like 12 hours.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

She rolled her eyes. “Always the romantic.”

More sirens could be heard. They sounded closer this time. “Are you being careful?” All playfulness had disappeared from her voice.

“Of course.”

Y/N sighed. “Jason, I’m serious. Please, be safe.”

“I know. I know. Don’t worry about me.”

“You know that’s not gonna happen, J.”

He ignored her comment. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

————————

To say Y/N’s time at home was rough…was an understatement.

If Y/N wasn’t being asked a million questions about Jason, she was being interrogated for why he wasn’t there. And if Jason wasn’t the subject of the conversation, people acted like she was single – some even talking about setting her up.

Y/N realized she preferred the former.

Every year, her family threw a giant party.

And for the past five years, Y/N had always been the only one that was single. All of her siblings, all of her cousins, all of their family friends, all of their neighbors…every single one of them had a significant other during those years. 

Everyone...except her. Now, this year, all of them had kids or were expecting.

It was exhausting. 

Sometimes Y/N felt like they were all robots programmed to do the exact same things at the exact same time –  no original thought to be had.

Y/N would be lying if she didn’t spend most of the party wishing Jason was at her side. He would make fun of awkward situations with her. And he would stick up for her when her family teased her a little too much.

The other thing Y/N wasn��t prepared for was unintentionally studying  her family’s boyfriends or husbands. She felt like she was watching everyone’s relationships through a different lens now that she herself had her own. And to put it as kindly as possible…she was not impressed.

Y/N noticed how none of the men offered to help in the kitchen, instead deciding to sit on the couch and watch football and scream at the television. Or how when her cousin handed her son to her husband, and he acted like he didn’t even know how to hold the one year old. And later, when his diaper needed to be changed, he handed him back to his wife as if he had no idea how to do it himself.

Yet her family was stuck on Jason not being able to visit or that he was a mechanic.

What did someone’s job matter if they treated her like she was their world and he the best thing to ever happen to her?

If Jason were here, he would be in the kitchen cooking. And if they had a kid, it would be a 50/50 job – not a burden only Y/N had to bare. He would try to get to know everyone because he would want to know the people who raised the woman he loved. He’d make sure to check in on Y/N every once in awhile, making sure she didn’t need anything. 

Thinking about it all made Y/N miss Jason even more.

Needing to get some air, she decided to go outside and let the winter chill refresh her. It had been getting too hot in the house.

Y/N pulled her phone out of her back pocket and tapped Jason’s name.

“Hey, you.”

“Hi,” she sighed.

Just hearing his voice made her feel a bit better and tension left her body.

“What’s wrong?” Jason quickly asked.

“Nothing. Just…wanted to check in.”

For a second, she was going to explain that she had the sudden realization that all the men connected to her family were trash. And witnessing it was making her miss him more. But she didn’t really want to waste her breath and she figured she’d just come off dramatic more than sincere.

“Are you at your apartment?” She asked quickly.

“Yeah, I’m gonna leave for patrol in a bit…”

Then Y/N’s mind suddenly thought, ‘Fuck it.’

“Jason?”

“Yeah, kid?”

“If you were here…” She began softly.

“Mhmm,” he encouraged.

“What would you be doing?”

Jason was a bit confused by the question for a second. But he slowly got what she was asking.

“Well,” he took in a shallow breath. “I would’ve stolen Alfred’s famous chocolate chip cookie recipe and whipped up those bad boys to bring over. And I’d pretend to care about football with your dad.”

That made Y/N laugh.

“I’d help your mom in the kitchen, even when she pretended not to want it.”

“Really laying it on thick, huh?”

But Y/N knew he was right. Jason was the cook between the two of them – and a good one, too. He also was a helper. He couldn’t sit back and watch someone do something while he did nothing. No matter how big or small.

“Shhh,” Jason reprimanded and then continued. “But most importantly, I’d try to get as many embarrassing stories about you as I possibly could.”

“Well, thank goodness you’re not here then,” she teased with a roll of her eyes.

Jason was quiet a second before he asked, “Wanna tell me what’s wrong now?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Just miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

“All my family’s boyfriends and husbands are losers. And I guess I’m just now realizing it.”

“Ahh,” Jason noted.

Now he really knew why she’d asked her question.

“It’s snowing here,” he told her as he looked out the window. “It’s almost making Gotham look pretty.”

“Are you going to the manor for Christmas?”

“Probably not,” Jason answered.

“Jason,” she grumbled. “What are you going to do instead? Sit in your apartment alone?”

“I’m gonna patrol. Crime doesn’t take holidays, Y/N.”

“Cheesy,” she pointed out. “Please be with your family, Jason. I don’t want you to be alone. OK?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Y/N knew that was as good as it was going to get.

Then she felt something on her cheek and she looked up. “Hey, it just started snowing here, too…” She told him with her head tilted back.

“I love you,” he sighed.

“I love you, too. Be careful tonight, Jason.”

Y/N gave herself a few more moments outside before returning to the party.

When she walked back inside, she immediately heard her name. But no one was calling to her. 

She was being talked about. 

She recognized her mom and sister’s voices, and then a couple of her aunts. They were talking around the corner, completely unaware that Y/N was in hearing distance.

So Y/N couldn’t help but linger.

“She says he works a lot. Every time I facetime her, he’s never there,” her sister Kate told the women. “I wouldn’t even really know what he looked like if it weren’t for her photos that she’s sent me. He doesn’t have any social media.”

“I just can’t believe he couldn’t get work off. Around the holidays?” Her mom added in utter disbelief. “Sounds like it won’t be surprising when she finds out he’s been unfaithful,” one her aunts commented.

The group hummed in agreement, but also disappointment. 

“He doesn’t even live in Metropolis. He lives in Gotham,” her mother supplied, only further backing the idea that Jason wasn’t committed. “God knows why. But I hate that Y/N is constantly going there. No good news comes from that city.”

Y/N clenched her teeth in anger.

If only they knew the truth about Jason. 

He was a hero and risked his life every night for an entire city – a city that had done nothing but hurt him. And he was 20 times the man than any of the men in their family.

She just wanted to scream at them for being so judgmental about a person they’d never even met.

But she couldn’t.

So Y/N stormed up to her childhood bedroom and decided she had enough of the party.

She shouldn’t have come home for the holidays. She would’ve rather waited for Jason to get back from his Red Hood work than listen to her family misjudge the first man she ever truly loved and wanted to share with them.

————————

Y/N was so tired when she got off the plane.

She felt like a zombie as she walked to baggage claim to grab her duffle.

What she wasn’t expecting was to find her boyfriend waiting for her in arrivals.

Y/N had told him she would just get a car.

But Jason seemed to have other ideas.

Y/N’s entire face brightened at the sight of him.

She practically ran to him and jumped into his arms.

Jason chuckled at her enthusiasm.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, her words muffled by his body.

“I thought I’d surprise you,” Jason said through a smile before he kissed her head.

Y/N didn’t respond, just held him tightly.

“Come on. Let’s get your bag and head home,” he finally told her.

—

“So, how was it?” Jason asked once they got into his car. Y/N shrugged, “It was fine.”

Her lack of details and curt response was enough warning for Jason to realize things were not totally fine between them.

He didn’t bother asking for more details during the car ride home. Instead, he answered all her questions about what he had been up to, how the case was going, if his family was alright.

Once they got back to Y/N’s apartment in Metropolis, the grace period seemed to be over.

Y/N had grown quiet as she moved around her apartment, unpacking and putting all her things away.

Jason walked into her bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed as she folded clean clothes. “This might be a shot in the dark. But I can’t help but feel that you’re not happy with me,” he finally pointed out.

She didn’t answer or look at him, just kept folding.

“Did something happen while you were at home?” Jason pushed.

She still didn’t answer. So Jason reached for her hands, holding them gently.

“Hey, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I just didn’t expect how hard it was going to be…” she finally whispered with a bowed head.

“What would be?”

“Just going home without you,” she explained.

“Did something happening?”

“I mean, kinda? Not really. They just…” she hesitated. Did she really want to confess all of this to him? She knew it would only hurt him. "They think you’re a bad boyfriend.”

Jason just nodded slowly.

He should’ve seen this coming. Of course her family didn’t think he was good enough. How could they think anything different?

“I’m just…fucking frustrated,” Y/n groaned. “I knew what I was getting into when you told me about your other life and who you really were. I was willing to keep your secret and protect it. I just never thought about how hard it would be keeping it from my family.”

She shook her head. “They think you’re not committed or something. And that…that you’re probably cheating on me.”

The idea of him ever doing that her made Jason sick to his stomach.

“I’m sorry,” Jason mumbled.

“What?” Y/N gasped. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“But I have,” he argued. “I put you in this position.”

“No, I did. I did when I fell in love with you,” she clarified.

“But I don’t want you lying to the people you love.”

“I’m not telling you this because I’m mad at you or blame you, Jason. I’m trying to tell you why I’m frustrated.”

She rubbed her face. “I just want them to know what an amazing person you are...and how brave and selfless. How you take care of me and love me and…and protect me.” Her eyes began to water. “They’re never gonna know the real you…even when they do meet you. And I fucking hate it.”

“So what if you told them?” Jason offered.

Her eyes widened at that. “Jason…”

“I’m serious. What if you told them?”

She thought about it. But she already knew the answer.

“It wouldn’t do any good. If I told them, then they’d be worried about me. Worried that your other life was putting me in danger. Worried that I would get pulled into it.”

Jason knew she was right.

Her family probably preferred an absentee boyfriend over a vigilante.

“But I see how the shitty men that have joined my family are. And you’re nothing like them. You’re so much better. And they’ll never even know.”

“Come here,” Jason muttered before he pulled her to him.

He let her body sink into his as he held her.

“I’ll do anything you want,” he whispered as he rubbed her back. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I always wondered what it would be like to finally been in a relationship – to just have someone on my team no matter what. I went to all those family gatherings thinking I’d never have it. And once I did, once I found you…” Her thoughts died out. “I just never expected it to be this way.”

“Do you regret it?” Jason asked as he pulled away to look in her eyes.

Her brow furrowed. “Regret what?”

“Being with me. Falling in love with me.”

Her heart broke at the question. “Oh, Jason. Of course not. Never.”

“What if I stopped?” He asked.

“No. I would never ask that of you,” she quickly shot down.

“I’d do it for you,” he tried to argue.

“I know you would. But I’m not asking. Because I know what it would do to you. Every time you’d see something in the news, you’d hate yourself. Because you would convince yourself that you could’ve stopped it. And maybe you would be right.” She took in a deep breath. “Red Hood isn’t just something you do. He’s a part of you. And even though I worry about you constantly, I’m never gonna tell you to stop.”

Jason took his time in reading her face.

“OK?” She pushed.

He nodded.

Then he embraced her once again.

“I’m sorry you have to keep my secrets,” he breathed into her hair.

————————————

Y/N walked into Jason’s apartment.

It was a Friday night and they agreed to have her come to his place this weekend.

Jason was always weary of her coming to Gotham, preferring her to stay in the safety of Metropolis.

He knew they couldn’t do the distance forever, and eventually they’d move into together. But he wasn’t ready to leave Gotham yet. And he didn’t want Y/N to lowering herself to such a city.

“J!” Y/N called when she walked in.

He had given her keys to his apartment quite early in their relationship, and told her she was welcome at his place any time. However, he wasn’t a fan of her getting there after dark. Gotham was Gotham, and he didn’t like her wandering around the city by herself just in order to give him a surprise visit.

An envelope on Jason’s kitchen counter caught her attention.

She nosily looked at it and saw that they were plane tickets to her hometown with both of their names on each of them.  

She heard Jason walk up behind her. “What’s this?”

“A surprise,” he shrugged.

“What do you mean?” She laughed.

“We’re gonna visit your family,” he explained casually. “I called your mom and sister to find a weekend that worked.”

Y/N was shocked to silence.

“I know I fucked up when I couldn’t go with you during the holidays. I know this isn’t gonna solve everything. But I figured…it’s start.” Before he could say more, Y/N threw her arms around him.

————

Jason Todd knew how to throw on the charm. And no matter how thick he laid it on, it always felt sincere.

Y/N smiled as she watched her boyfriend interacting with her family.

He knew so much about each of them already, that he knew exactly what to talk about with every one of them.

For their long-weekend visit, they had decided to stay with her sister.

Jason knew she would be the hardest to win over and was the most protective over Y/N. He made it his personal mission to befriend her and show her how much he loved her little sister.

Y/N never said so, but Jason knew how important it was to her that Kate approved of him.

However, Jason hadn’t been able to have a conversation alone with her all weekend.

Until their last morning there.

Y/N was still sleeping when Jason had made his way to the kitchen.

He figured he could make Kate and her husband breakfast after housing them for a long weekend. And he made sure to start a pot of coffee while he was at it.

Halfway through making his specialty waffles, Kate walked into the kitchen rubbing her eyes.

“Oh, hi,” she greeted, clearly surprised to find Jason cooking in her kitchen.

“Morning,” Jason greeted.

“This is a surprise,” she said as she looked around the kitchen.

“There’s coffee if you want some.”

“T-Thanks…” she managed to mutter. “Do you need some help?”

“Nope. I got it. You just relax.”

Kate seemed to be unsure of how to behave when she was alone with her little sister’s boyfriend, and eventually sat on the kitchen stool with her coffee.

“Do you cook a lot?” She finally broke the silence with her question.

“I enjoy it,” he answered with a shrug. “I figured it’s the least I can do for you guys putting us up.”

“That’s very sweet of you, Jason.”

He continued cooking.

Kate figured this was her opportunity to get to know Jason – and not just through Y/N’s eyes. So, she started asking him question after question, and he seemed happy to answer them. Kate was surprised to find out about Jason’s traumatic childhood, making him realize that Y/N must’ve only shared his relation to Bruce Wayne and nothing more about his life before becoming an adopted Wayne.

Jason wasn’t surprised Y/N kept that part of his life to herself. She was protective of him that way. She always felt like his past was his story to tell, not hers.

“I know missing the holidays didn’t leave the best impression,” Jason told her after they’d been talking for awhile.

“You really mean a lot to Y/N. And your opinion matters more to her than you might think,” he added as he crossed his arms.

Kate seemed a little taken aback by how unafraid he was of confrontation.

He seemed more mature for his age – maybe for hers, even.

“I know I’m not going to win any of you over from just a single trip,” Jason continued. “But I’m going to work my ass off to make sure I get there.”

Kate smiled at that.

“I love her,” he told her quietly, but with determination. “She’s…Well, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Then he smirked. “And I’m not dumb enough to do anything to fuck things up with her.”

He took in a shallow breath. “I just…I just needed you to know that.”

Kate’s heart swelled from hearing her little sister’s boyfriend confessing his love for Y/N.

“Thank you for telling me that,” she whispered, trying to stop herself from crying. “I worry about her. And I hate that she’s so far away sometimes. I miss her.”

“She misses you, too,” Jason assured her.

“Thank you for taking care of her. I’m suddenly realizing you’re the only reason she’s eating anything that’s not out of a takeout container.”

Jason laughed. “I plead the fifth.”

Before any more could be said, Y/N walked into the kitchen as if she was sleep walking.

“Well, look who it is…” Jason teased.

Y/N walked to him silently, clearly wanting cuddles.

Jason chuckled at her, but gave her what she wanted. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. He had kept the PDA at an absolute minimum while he had been around Y/N’s family. But he couldn’t help it when Y/N was her sleepy and adorable self.

“You sleep OK?” He tried to whisper to her.

But Kate still heard it and pretended to look down at her phone.

Y/N nodded into his neck, making him chuckle at her more.

This was new for Kate, seeing her sister being loved and loving someone. Her instinct was to say it made her uncomfortable. But it was just something she wasn’t used to.

Soon Kate’s husband woke up and they all ate breakfast together.

And a few hours later, Y/N and Jason were packed and their was a Lyft was waiting outside to take them to the airport.

Jason hugged Kate and her husband and thanked them for hosting them. Then he grabbed Y/N’s bags and gave her a moment alone with her sister as he took their stuff to the car.

“I think I owe the two of you an apology…” Kate told her little sister.

“You do?”

“I think I judged him a bit too much before really giving him a chance.”

Y/N winced, but nodded. “Yeah, you did, actually.”

“He really loves you.”

Y/N smiled. “He does.”

“I just want you to be happy, you know that right?”

“I know. But sometimes you think that what makes you happy is what would make me happy. Our lives are different. And we want different things. Just because my relationship looks different than yours doesn’t mean it’s worse in some way.”

Kate nodded sadly, knowing her sister was right. “I get that now.”

-----------

A/N: I was inspired to write this when I thought about how my own family would react to me having a boyfriend like Jason Todd: a man who was secretly a vigilante and had a past too hard for anyone to ever imagine. Hopefully, other people can relate to this and it wasn’t too personal. 😬

Let me know what you thought!!!

[laserlope-foundarock]

Lots of thoughts on this, big BG3 act 3 spoilers below (mentioning bc I think I saw that ohwolfling was still in act 2 somewhere? Might be thinking of an old post tho) 

This has been churning thru my head a lot in the last little bit. I'm nearing the end of act 3, I made the choices to get the Gale ending I want for him - not death, not godhood, just letting him finally be some guy and be happy and accept he's just a person ("people are people ALL DAY LONG" as my former therapist used to say re: radically accepting our own and other's general nonperfection). 

And it disgusts me that to get a good ending for him, I must get forgiveness from someone I see first and foremost as his abuser. To get the death ending, I suppose is "her forgiveness" as well. The only one that isn't all about her forgiveness is the God ending, which is still all about her in many ways and leans into the grandiose perfectionism issues that ideally Gale would heal from instead of making them the most important part of him. (As someone who absolutely gets his "I am the lowest creature alive / I am so awesome I should be a god" dichotomy on a personal level, his God ending destroys me. It would be my bad ending too. )

The only way I've found to rectify the feeling is that his good ending hinging on bringing Mystra the crown - something much better than giving it to a Devil or just leaving it sitting around for equally terrible jerks to get a hold of or using it himself- is probably what is best for the world - and that's why it's his good ending. I'm not sure? 

Is it that sometimes we have to capitulate to terrible people who hurt us greatly but have immense power over us for our own safety? I don't like that one at all, but I certainly understand it, and a lot like the world not being fair, it is sad and horrible and tastes bitter on the tongue but there is sense in it. It's horribly unfair but safety is always my priority. 

Gale's folly was a bad thing, done for justifiable reasons and maybe him giving her the crown puts that right and that's why it's the good ending. Mystra can be an abusive jerk, and the whole orb situation was a bad call on Gale's part and both of those things can be true. The story where he gives her the crown and recognizes that he was in a fucked up situation and still make an error BUT that he's still a person who is worthy by nature of being a person? It isn't black and white, Gale. Neither Worm nor God, but just a mortal who does mortal things all day long. 

I think there really easy an easy to swallow take here that doesn't require more nuance than the internet will allow. 

....although it would be nice if like, you could give the crown to Selune or something instead and still be cured by something else. Hey, Alyin, you want to talk to your mom for us? Could we at least try? 

But there seem to be TONS of issues I have with late game regarding the choices that we can make and how those effects our companions and how in a real tabletop game there would be no way we wouldn't discover some third path BUT it's not like the developers could program something that goes on in infinity like that but.... I feel like I see seeds of these other paths sprinkled around act 3. (hmm maybe these mechanics could look at Karlach if I found a way to save them, Wyll has a Sophie's choice but the logic here doesn't seem sound at all, oh cool I can save Omuluum I wonder if he could help me with some mindflayer related things...) 

Act 3 is just so damn big it is possible they just dropped the threads because time and because maybe sometimes creatively, narratively the thread of "maybe sometimes you can't save everyone" makes the question Withers asks when you meet, "what is the worth of a single mortal life?", mean something more. 

I recognize that another part of the game's theme is "good" coming at a cost. 

There is no fully happy ending possible, just less sad ones and even those "less sad" ones will not happen without some kind of sacrifice.  Seems like the broad scope of the game Gale giving Mystra the crown and not having the party try to kill her is not so bad even if it disgusts me.... But just like with Gortash and Karlach, even if we *could* kill her, she'd never *be* sorry, she'd just be dead again for a while. 

I lost the plot here a bit, just wanted to yell about this a little. Yes yes yes, I think it would have been worthwhile. I am just trying to digest what we got.

The existence of an afterlife in BG3 has fuck all to do with whether or not Gale's feelings and actions around Mystra are valid or not. I saw an anon somewhere else and lost them but I want to be very clear. Arguing lore is secondary (and beyond) to me, behind being bare minimum trauma informed, empathetic, and GOD HELP Y'ALL, LITERATE...

When you are groomed and abused, inside or outside of institutions, always within some system that has enabled (intentionally or otherwise) that abuse, your abuser is at least psychologically to you omnipotent. They are judge, jury, and executioner. The weight of their displeasure or contentment, the fear of their ire, replaces your conscience.

It does not matter whether or not you personally believe Mystra has a certain level of power, Gale's connection to magic is or isn't threatened, the surrounding academic and religious structures are or aren't directly involved in grooming people. That has squat to do with the reality of abuse.

If you are trying to find loopholes in Dungeons and Dragons lore to spend your time arguing that people should hate a character you hate for processing his abuse & talking about his abuser in the Confront Your Abuser game, you are a dickhead.

[theminecraftbox]

Hypothetical!

In some alternate timeline either Quackity or Sam are subjected to... not identical, necessarily, but similar circumstances to what Dream faced in Pandora's Vault. They get caught with a dumb plan (that they probably didn't stage. Idiots <3), and they're somehow too valuable to kill, and things go south from there. Or they just get starved and tortured for some other reason, if they don't have enough important evil genius swagger for the full course.

JMAH and the canon Daedalus arc touch on this idea a little for Sam. But I'm talking more broadly and simply, the raw survival bits. Physical and psychological. What's the strategy? What can they handle? What would break them? What are the fun little differences? What do?

/dsmp /rp

Ooh, I’ve actually already answered this a little bit for Sam—not just wrt JMAH and Daedalus, l can’t find the post rn but maybe I’ll look again later.

Basically, Sam would lean in HARD to his sense of being martyred; his main coping mechanism would be believing that he doesn’t deserve this treatment. He’d also focus on denial, while he still could, and then on dedicating his mind to the puzzle of survival and escape. Though I suspect that determination would wane extremely quickly when he isn’t able to make headway. Sam… does come across to me as fragile in a brittle kind of sense: strike him too forcefully or in just the right way and he’ll shatter. In some ways, he’s easy to cow. But the pieces of him are still hard and sharp.

Physical torture is not the hardest part for him—I think he’d break really easily under torture, like embarrassingly easily, but that he’d swiftly pull himself together once it was over. In the downtime, torture gives him a reason to resist in a way the rest of his imprisonment doesn’t. It’s easier to feel righteous when your martyr complex is being legitimized. The isolation and starvation and neglect would take a toll that would be much harder to shake off. Man’s LONELY. The idea of being completely abandoned, left alone to the devices of captors who hate him enough to hurt him, with no one who cares to rescue him, unable to rely on his capabilities, unable to rely on any friend? That’s hellish for him.

If Sam’s in the denial and depression stages of grief, Quackity is in anger and bargaining. Quackity, while he also has severe abandonment issues, would face that abandonment with fury rather than despondency. He’d also try any and every avenue he could think of to try to threaten, cajole, sweet-talk, and otherwise persuade his captors. Unlike Sam—and even unlike Dream, in certain ways—Quackity has a relatively decent instinctive ability to pick up on peoples’ moods and emotions. That will work to his advantage.

He’d deal with isolation and starvation… okay in comparison to Sam. There’d be a lot of kicking things, yelling at walls, and ripping apart books. Oh, and certainly clock-burning. When his energy wanes and pain and exhaustion set in, things will be worse, but luckily it doesn’t burn too many calories to simply sit and seethe. He’s going to sublimate agony and terror into anger as much as he possibly can.

There would be a lot of big talk in the beginning of torture, a lot of swearing and bargaining and accusation and grandstanding. Quackity cares about seeming tough and important, more than either Sam or Dream does. He doesn’t want to signal that he’s easy prey. Once things get worse, Quackity doesn’t want to swallow his pride, but he’ll do it to survive—he does have practice. He could do it again. Quackity is used to feeling out of control of his circumstances, left high and dry without a good plan, and being pushed around by stronger people: more used to it than Sam, a lot more used to it than Dream. None of it would be calculated in quite the same way Dream’s displays of submission were—Quackity operates on instinct and emotion rather than on careful study, and unlike Dream, he’s not going to bend unless he absolutely has to.

He’d also find, I think, a savage sense of importance in being tortured. Especially if it’s either for revenge, or for some critical piece of intelligence: either way, that’s proof he’s somebody, that he’s left a mark. Cold comfort, but comfort nonetheless. Speaking of vengeance, Quackity’s going to devote a *lot* of his waking hours to bloody imaginings of what exactly he’s going to do to his captors once he gets the fuck out of here. It keeps him warm when the pain gets to be overwhelming.