#will lesvr it for a bit

[caphayzardous]

uagh cw for more food and body and money talk, cant readdmore sorry

if I could stop having a stupid weekly-or-more crisis about various aspects of my health, diet, body, that'd be great, anyway still on iron tablets, still losing vision sometimes but no longer EVERY time my head changes altitude lol, have been having consistent breakfast and dinner, and fruit inbetween, but I really wish I could afford lunch in there. I mean I don't really think much of lunch (most annoying meal to arrange imo) but hhh I miss having the option lmao. I miss easy bread lunch, also realised this week I'm losing my ass (which for the record is known to be damn fine - and it used to be a point of dysmorphia, but now I'm actually saddened by the loss, because life is hell I guess,) and I've realised this evening that aside from the recent eating struggles in GENERAL, I'm also no longer having 8 fucken slices of toast every day (I used to have 4 at once (2 w peanut butter, 2 w butter,) for breakfast, then that again in the afternoon either for lunch or in addition to lunch, plus still havin dinner hahah so the fact im no longer having like all that bread... that's probs a factor in the ass equation) anyway I miss getting free bread or any bread I'm also outta peanut butter though and thats the real killer cost ugh maybe tomorrow I will just get some, the payment from the barista job trial will happen At Some Point Soonish, so I can justify little a loafa bread n pb

again. I just. hate this all drawing my focus so much this last month. I keep thinking abt the fairly bad internal fear reaction I have to any talk of di3ts and w3ight loss - even just trying to consciously eat more of Everything, definitely no resrictions or anything like that, unsettles me, makes me more "aware" of nutrition on a given day than I want to be, I don't like this so Im sorry I keep talking about it

(side note dont even get me started on the virus aspect of everything. my perspective of it is very selfish because im focused on the potential inconvenience it could pose to me. trying to get a job in hospo as we speak so putting myself in the line of fire [edit: LOL one of the lines of fire I mean obvs actual health workers are out there fhfhf) out of necessity. plus living week to week rn (dsy to day?) straight up can't afford to stockpile, thus nor could I easily self quarantine if it comes to it. health is a bit better than a month ago but I still think a hard hittin virus could do a number on me and if I had to stay inside I would just? not have food available? I mean that's dramatic I'd actually probably go sook and quarantine at my mums and get the entire house infected so I wouldn't actually die in my home in some valiant effort to spare the general populace from me but yeah. Ugh. Whatever.)

Ok! Im going to go back to drawing! I've been drawing the last few days ill share it here when its done yer gonna love it