#will i ever think of something else than destiel?

[queermania]

this is probably an unpopular destiel opinion but i don't think cas magically knew everything about dean after pulling him out of hell. i don't think he downloaded all his memories and thoughts and feelings. i don't think he saw all of dean and thought 'i still like you.' i think he saw the worst (hell) parts of dean and thought 'i want to know more.' and every time he learned something new, he wanted more and more. he's a creature of infinite hunger. and dean is a creature who both desperately wants to be seen and who is terrified of anyone actually Knowing him. but he kept giving cas little pieces of himself until one day it was like oh shit this dude knows me better than anyone else ever has and instead of being scary, it felt a lot like relief.

[wellofdean]

Sorry ,for me personally, it has to be out loud acknowledge to even remotely make up for how badly they treated fans over the years, the out loud queerbaiting in one breath and mocking in the next. The in text gay jokes, sexism and homophobia. The digs at their own fans.

They want the credit without having to do it. Again. They want the pat on the back they need to earn it this time.

Years of baiting for views and profit needs a payoff imo. Sorry people downplaying how important the canonization of this ship in particular is just hurts to see over and over. Stop letting them off the hook please. You deserve more. We all do.

It’s important. It does matter.

The cas/destiel hope baiting continued with the Winchesters and that’s why I’m at a put up or shut up moment with Jensen and the writers. He and Danneel kept the hype up every week that the show was airing all the while knowing cas doesn’t even get a name drop. He’s not even hinted at. Mary/john paralleled destiel so many times yet refused to call it want it was.

They could have shut it down week one, they interacted on tweeter a lot during airing and knew what fans thought there was going to be an acknowledgment or hint that never happened. They are smart people, they saw the speculation and hype but didn’t step in with a gentle ‘sorry guys this is about the new crew’ they fanned the hope instead with ‘something big happens’ that was just dean meeting the new team.

Loved the Winchesters as a show, sad it got dropped cause I loved the new cast so much. That said the baiting hurt and wasn’t necessary, the show was good.

Everyone is looking back with rose colored glasses and rewriting history. But things were ugly with the spn team/cast/writers at times. The homophobia was pretty out loud in a way it was allowed to be in the early 00s. They’ve grown and that’s wonderful but it still happened.

They need to earn the praise they want imo. No hate! Glad you are happy! just feels a little unfair to say we should all let them off the hook again and be happy with nothing while praising the benevolent straights. Just my two cents 😅💚💙

I want to answer this sympathetically, because I know it's disappointing that no one has been willing to just say "Dean and Cas are gay for each other" out loud, and I don't think there are many people in this fandom who picked up what the narrative was putting down, and were not disappointed in the finale for LOADS of reasons, only one of them being that Dean never had the chance to acknowledge what Cas said to him. I understand your feelings, my anonymous friend, I really do. I too found the end of Supernatural deeply frustrating, because they managed to erase the meaningful journeys of every single character, not just Dean, though what they did with Dean was the worst. I completely understand wanting them to JUST FUCKING SAY IT. I do. I get you. I simply do not agree.

My argument, which I have made many, many times, is that what you want is THERE in the narrative. They made Cas Dean's ride or die, they made it obvious that Dean can't carry on without Cas -- that the loss of Cas means Dean loses his will to live. That was explicit. They made it clear that more than anyone else, EVEN Sam, Cas is essential to him. They structured the narrative around Dean and Cas's emotional beats. They let Cas say the obvious thing out loud, and then showed us Dean behaving exactly as Dean would in a situation like that -- in the midst of his existential crisis about who he is and whether he has ever had free will, and with the world falling around them -- they showed us Dean unable to speak, unable to respond but overwhelmed with emotion. Like, remember that when Mary died when Dean was four, he was unable to speak? Is it really so hard to imagine that he loves Cas with all his heart? To read love in Dean's watery eyes, and the way he chokes down his heart and begs Cas not to do this? Not to being saying goodbye? I mean... I CAN DO THAT MATH. Literally everything about the story supports it. IT IS THERE.

Fandom always argues: if Cas were a woman, we wouldn't have any questions, so what I am just wondering is, why do we have questions again? Is it because we (homophobically) can't just see it for what it is because it's gay? Because, when it's gay we lose our ability to interpret narrative, and we need to be told, like we are 5 years old, what's happening in a perfectly obvious story? Or, is it a skill issue? Is it because we need the creators of the story to affirm our interpretation? We need the actors to just TELL US what they meant when they did that thing with their faces? Do we need their permission to understand it for what it is?

I've said many times that calling what happened on Supernatural 'queerbaiting' because no one ever made out or fucked on the maps table is really offensive to me actually. Don't you know that there are queer people in this world who never get to live their truths? Who just ache and yearn and want, and never get to have? Like, that there are in fact queer people who are afraid to say what they feel, or who don't understand or embrace who they really are and what they really need until it's too late? Are those not QUEER EXPERIENCES? I love Dean and I love that story because it's queer as hell and it makes ME feel seen, because I am like him! I am a queer person of his age who didn't ask myself those questions seriously enough in time! My own queerness is very fucking real, and it is UNLIVED. That HAPPENS to actual queer humans, and like, it's not queerbaiting when it's just queer, but didn't tell you the queer story YOU wanted it to tell. You saw years of tease? I saw years of choices, and love, and accretion of deep wells of emotion. I saw a clear romance, and a character becoming. It was a story I needed, AS A QUEER PERSON.

And the Winchesters was just joyful if you went in with that understanding of the previous story. It was like getting an A+ in Supernatural week after week from Dean himself. I can accept that the stars didn't align for Cas/Misha to come back in the first season, accept that if he were coming back, it needed to be more than a cameo to make it right, and that it didn't work out. I am so sad it was cancelled, but I can accept that it was leading someplace it didn't get to go. That's not queerbaiting, either! It's telling a story that was aborted, and I think if you don't see that, then that is DEFINITELY a skill issue.

I'm not looking back with rose coloured glasses; Supernatural is fresh in my mind. I watched it again without the internal pressure of expectations that aren't going to be met, and let it tell me what it was really doing all along. I am happy. It's a really compelling, deeply romantic, deeply queer story. I don't need permission from anyone involved to think that, and I don't need it explained to me. I understand wanting it to just be fully explicit, but I would not trade the story it did tell for a simpler, less engaging one, that asked less of me. I love it very much AS IT IS.

And, please: point me to this fabled abuse of fans. I have never really seen an example of it that is not easily debunked with a little bit of context.

[adeptune01]

alright sorry to go on a supernatural rant in 2023 but...

it makes me feel insane.

Not to beat a dead horse or anything but like destiel will be it for me. Nothing else will ever compare to it. Like a man is raised by an absent father- a father who demands to be obeyed without question. A father who praises guilt, who tells the man that he is his brother's keeper. That he is responsible for all of his actions and those actions affects on others. The weight of the world is on his shoulders and he must bear it alone.

This man, the one that is single-handedly trying to save himself along with everyone he's ever crossed paths with, fails. He sacrifices himself to save his brother and he dies. He's sent to hell, a land of eternal punishment. 'No less than I deserve' he probably thinks.

But then he is saved. Not because of anything he's done. Not because of a deal he or his brother or his father has made. He is saved by a cosmic being of unfathomable power because of his nature which has been deemed by THEE Abrahamic God as being fundamentally good. The man who has hated himself his whole life for not being enough, not doing enough, is declared to be good.

And he feels guilty as hell. He didn't deserve this. Of those hundreds of people he's helped over the years...one of them...ANY of them is better than him. If he's God's strongest soldier then God is going to lose. He is going to fail God just like he failed his own father.

The man spirals while the heavenly power that saved him watches from afar. The power understands the man. He understands what it's like to hold Father to the highest esteem. He understands what it's like to blindly follow orders, hoping for the best. He also understands that the man has the brightest hope-filled soul he has ever seen.

So the power decides to help, and to do so he breaks away from the rest of heaven's contingency. He grows into his name- Castiel. The shield of God (I am not joking that is what Castiel means), created to protect humanity. AND become a pair with the Michael Sword- the man who believes he is unworthy- DEAN.

Through the years- DECADES- there's ups and downs. Divots and cracks in the Almighty's plans. But nothing they can't handle. They grow close and become more than allies in the fight against ghastly horrors beyond comprehension, they become best friends.

They have wild west movie marathons in the basement room designated as Dean's own "Fortress of Deanitude". They hang out late at night at crappy diners eating crappy pie. They go out cruising the town. They listen to the same music. They play pranks on each other. They learn about and remember each other's interests.

Their relationship grows deeper.

They fight. They lie. They attempt to kill each other. They raise a son together. They try to mentor a daughter. They leave. They come back. They mourn. They celebrate.

Together.

Two beings- one human, one angel- who were alone- whose defining characteristic was who their fathers were- prove that it's possible to break free from predestination, from circumstance. Their love, first as friends, then as something more, is as strong as the force that binds the universe- stronger, even.

And then they die.

Separately. Both convinced that the one thing they've wanted, the unnamed thing they've been fighting for, is the one thing they can't have. Because their fathers said so.

Despite everything, in the end, their fathers won. Dean died on the job he couldn't quit from an accident he couldn't help. Cas died obeying the first and most important commandment his Father gave him- to love and protect humanity.

THAT story is what I will never be able to get over. Not mentioning the gothic Americana aesthetic, the clear Protestant 'for by faith' message, the criticism of hyper-masculinity, the exploration of the 'American Dream'.....

[deaneverafter]

Nope, this false image that's gaining traction due to people's "joking" insults, the idea that Jensen is incompetent and nothing more than a pretty face, that he's not responsible for his own career and that Danneel is the mastermind behind his success... it's getting out of hand.

I expect this from the loser extras, including but not limited to, Misha, Briana, Kim, Rich, Rob. They're desperate for fandom (heller) approval & they resent Jensen (& Jared), hate that J2 were integral to the show, unlike them. So the s*x*al harassment and digs are a two in one, get clout AND revenge. I didn't expect such behaviour from TW cast (if someone gives you your big break/starts your whole career, the least they should be able to expect is basic decency), mocking, belittling Jensen, so I was disappointed. But all things considered, seeing the behaviour that was someone was modeling for them, encouraging them into, I guess it shouldn't be surprising. I've even come to expect it from fandom people, heller and non heller alike, who are highly involved in the con circuit, since the resentment many people in this fandom have against Jensen for being everything they can't be, everything they can't have, is so blatant. Their snide "jokes" about "you're not my fave, your brother-in-law/Misha/JoJo are", "you're nothing to me, I love your wife [but I did spend thousands of dollars to be in *your* presence to tell you that]" are their bitterness manifesting, plus, the con handlers encourage it too.

But now, to see crew members from Supernatural, people who worked w/ Jensen for a decade & a half, people who had a job for 15 years because Jensen (and Jared) stayed, people who've seen his work ethic, his talent... for them to turn around and make fun of him, it's too much. And for what? To get clout by spreading this weird "joke" (frigging insult) that Danneel is the successful producer who is sustaining his career, and Jensen is just her loser husband, her puppet? Like, I'm sorry, but I'm failing to see the "humour" in such digs. I don't get it.

And what's perhaps worst of all, is that these people only get away with it because so called fans don't call it out, even defend & make such claims themselves. I get why hellers love it, no one hates Jensen more than the Misha / destiel cult. But what's everyone else's reason? You guys cry about the big, bad coven day in, day out, when such toxic environment towards Jensen, surely started by hellers, but sustained by the rest of the fandom, could do much more damage than the haters could ever even dream of doing. What happens when people outside the fandom start hearing and believing such things? Casual fans don't do a deep dig. They hear something, and they think, ah, must be true (and I don't blame them. You can't conduct a dissertation on every artist you like).

How can you call yourself a Jensen fan and then hear such pathetic insults, disguised as funny jokes, and laugh? How can you sit back and watch this disease spread like wildfire, this image of him that he's not responsible for his own career? That he's just a pretty face, a puppet Danneel is pulling by the strings, who only has a career because Danneel has her hand on the wheel? I'm not sure what people feel Jensen has done to deserve this, to have all his hard work, commitment, effort, be dismissed this way, smh, and by people who claim to be his fans, at that. Snakes in the grass, more like.

What's also interesting is that Danneel's fans never put her down to hype Jensen up. Her friends take it one step further than jokes. They seriously claim that she's the one behind Jensen's career & success, that she's the one making things happen behind the scenes. Danneel herself literally pushes this agenda that Jensen "only moves left and right, and does what it does, because I have my hands on it", because I guess it gives her an ego trip and makes her feel relevant, assuages her insecurities a bit, while all Jensen does is support her and her whims and hypes her up.

And I just-? This makes it even crazier to me that some "Jensen Ackles fans" are not only condoning these false claims being made, they're actually the ones hammering them in, trying to brainwash the rest of the fandom, bullying people into going with these stories? Let's get this clear. Jensen has a successful career, including a steady stream of excellent jobs since he was 18, coworkers (the genuine ones anyway) who only praise him, directors/writers who want to work with him again, because of HIS hard work, HIS talent, HIS work ethic. He also has Chaos Machine because he worked hard enough, gained enough trust, that higher ups were ready to take a chance on Jensen and his projects. Danneel has Chaos Machine, the Supernatural role and any other roles she might get through CM (so essentially the entirety of her career in recent history) because she's married to Jensen. Her own career independent of Jensen peaked at a recurring role as a high school mean girl, trampling on others to make herself feel special. Since then, all her relevance or "career" has been because of Jensen and Jensen's name. That's literally it. I know this is a touchy topic for some people, but if someone's responsible for the other's career and relevance, it sure as hell is not Danneel ☕ And stealing credit from Jensen and his work and slapping it next to her name isn't going to change that. If the goal is truly to hype her up, and not go put Jensen down, and one wants to prove she's a girlboss, surely she has her own accomplishments one can brag about? Credit stolen from his work shouldn't be required.

If you call yourself a Jensen fan, act like it. Protect him, instead of cackling with a-holes mocking and degrading him. Stop dismissing his work and success to prop others up. And if you can't, then drop the "Ackles fan" in your bio and start calling yourself a hater 🤷🏻‍♀️

[spnbangbang]

Natural Born Sinner

Author: GhoulsnHalos

Artist: sidewinder

Primary Ship: Cas/Meg

Other Ships: One-sided Destiel implied

Length: 15,500

Warnings: None

Tags: Canon Divergent; Episode 08:13 Goodbye Stranger; Castiel is in love with Dean & Meg; Hurt/Comfort; Meg lives

Posting Date: November 5, 2024

Summary The Angel Tablet is calling Castiel, asking him to keep it safe. Naomi believes it belongs in Heaven. Crowley wants to get his hands on it. The Winchesters tell him it will be safest with them. What is Castiel to do?

Things get more complicated when Castiel, Dean, and Sam discover which one of Lucifer's old supporters Crowley has kept captive and been torturing—it’s Meg.

As tensions rise and Castiel has to navigate his way through this dilemma, he comes to a startling realization. One that only magnifies his problem by a considerable amount. It's not news to him that he is hopelessly in love with the unavailable Dean Winchester. He's known that almost since the moment he raised the Righteous Man from Hell. No, what strikes Castiel now is that he is in love with someone else, too, and that might have something to do with the Pizza Man.

A fix-it of Episode 08:13 Goodbye Stranger. Or what might have happened had Castiel rescued Meg when he ran off with the Angel Tablet. Excerpt “Be here with me right now in this room, Meg. Don’t hide from me.” Castiel brushes a strand of blonde hair back off Meg’s face.

She doesn’t raise her eyes, so Castiel hooks a finger under her chin and tilts her face up.

“There you are.”

The discomfort is evident on Meg’s face, not physical pain. That must still be there because Castiel won’t heal Meg’s human form without her permission, and they’ve not discussed that yet. In fact, they’ve barely said a word to each other since Castiel flew them away from the crypt. What’s causing Meg distress is embarrassment in her demonic form. “I didn’t need a hero.”

“I’m not one. But you didn’t deserve to die—not at Crowley’s hands.”

Meg shifts back on the bed until she’s out of easy reach. “I’m gonna ask again, Clarence. Why are you so sweet on me? The truth. What do you see in a snarky, twisted, creature from the pits, a devotee of the first of the fallen that you left Dean-o, the Righteous Man, in that crypt and took me with you and that thing?”

And there it is. The opening Castiel both wants and dreads. As many others have asked over eons: what is truth? Castiel no longer believes there is one truth. Perhaps he never did and that’s why he’s undergone factory reset after factory reset by Heaven because he’s followed what not the single truth his superior angels told him about it always being God’s will that he do what they commanded but sought what he thought was the truth in a situation and acted in a way that would bring about the best result. Sure, he’s got it wrong several times but at least he tried, or that’s what he keeps telling himself. See that’s why he’s here with Meg not with the Winchesters. He’s doing what he believes is the right thing.

“We aren’t so dissimilar. You said so yourself, you do some good even as a demon and although people seem to think angels are on eth side of good and light, well not only have my brothers and sisters screwed the pooch many times—I’m not a great example. Maybe I have more similarities with Lucifer than I have ever cared to see.”

Meg considers this for a minute, mouth pursed and fingers drumming on the comforter. The she gives a one-shouldered shrug. “I see your point. But you still ducked my question. Come on, tell me.”

There’s a pause during which Castiel wrestles with whether he can tell her of the spark of beauty he sees at the centre of her being.

[cliophilyra]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @firehose118 - thank you Sam! 😊

How many works on AO3? 62

What’s your total AO3 word count? 228215

What fandoms do you write for? At the moment only 911 but in the past I’ve written for Supernatural, Sandman, Spiderman, Deadpool, other Marvel stuff & Sherlock.

What are you top 5 fics by kudos? Implausible Deniability (Spideypool) Put you mouth where your money is (Spideypool) Sex, Lies & Arguing About Chores (Spideypool WIP) Accidentally On Purpose (Spideypool) Sensing a theme here? The Other Shoe (Destiel)

Do you respond to comments? Yes! Always if I can.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably either When you’re tasting’ what he’s drinking (Saltommy - link below) or Therefore Love Moderately (Deanbenny SPN - link below) but I have a few.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably - If it comes back (Saltommy - link below) - but most of my one shots have fairly happy endings.

Do you get hate on fics? Touch wood - No

Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yessss. Only M/M so far. I think I’m best at it when I don’t over think it and just write what I think is hot. I’m probably not good at the kind of smut that drives plot/character etc. Definitely want to try my hand at more kink stuff soon.

Do you write crossovers? Never have - I like reading some of them but I’m very picky :-/

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes, by the dreaded Wattpad 🙄

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! Two as far as I remember - one into Russian and one into Chinese.

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? Not properly, I have worked with Betas pretty closely in past but I would love to have a go at properly writing something with someone else!

What’s your all time favourite ship? I know there’s probably a bit of recency bias here but it’s genuinely a tie between Bucktommy & Saltommy. Obviously in total I have written more for Destiel and they will always be super important to me but there is something about the upwelling of ideas and inspiration for these two ships that has been amazing. I basically had writers block for about 5 years. In that time I wrote about 15 fics - almost all of which were super short. In the last 6 months that I’ve had 911 I’ve written 12!

What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Sex, Lies and Arguing About Chores - that was the one that brought on the writers block I think. I wrote myself into a sort of corner and got all stuck on peoples expectations of it and just froze up.

What are your writing strengths? I think I’m good at smut when I’m in the right mood and I like creating a sense of place and atmosphere and also I usually like my dialogue.

What are you writing weaknesses? PLOT. I suck at anything that requires a complicated plot or planning. Hence I don��t have many multi chapter things. Also character analysis - I always think other people are much better at this than me.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I haven’t done it much. Definitely wouldn’t attempt more than a couple of words without checking with a native speaker. I do not put it in italics lol

First fandom you wrote for? Sherlock (BBC)

Favourite fics you’ve written? Oh god this changes all the time, but today my top 6 would be: If It Comes Back - Saltommy second-chance reunion fic. When you’re tasting what he’s drinkin’ (are you thinkin’ bout me?) - angry jealous past-saltommy angst Calendar Boy - light hearted bucktommy fire calender PWP Like A Circus Wheel - saltommy secret relationship PWP Therefore Love Moderately - SPN Dean/Benny angsty PWP Implausible Deniability - silly smutty & occasionally angsty Spideypool adventure thing that I wrote as I posted it and was really happy with how it came out.

Also honourable mention to I’m Wasted (and I can’t find my way home) - Destiel endverse WIP which may never be finished but I really like what I have so far.

Tagging: @rdng1230 @thecarrott @rcmclachlan @alchemistc @nine-one-wanton @judymarch15

@marvelousbuckley @bangpop91 @racerchix21 @girlwonder-writes and anyone else who wants to play!

[angelinthefire]

There is a “would Dean kill Cas to save Sam” poll going round I think you’d find interesting and which compelled me to unleash thoughts at you. I often wonder why fandom (both hellers and bronlies) ignores the fascinating examples in canon where Dean’s “Sam before anything else” ideology is threatened by Castiel. the BEST example of this is when Cas premeditatedly and with full agency breaks Sam’s wall as collateral damage — and Dean forgives him in the blink of an eye! If that were anyone else who’d done that to Sam they would be a dead man. Yes Dean was mad about it, yet the next season (BEFORE Cas redeems himself by taking on Sam’s hell trauma) Dean literally tells Cas “you were doing the best you could” (girl…).

Other key examples: Dean staying in Purgatory for an additional year to find Cas (rather than prioritising going back to find Sam, and this is after Cas broke Sam’s brain mind you); deciding to basically kill himself in s13 after Cas has died (despite Sam being alive and well); telling Chuck he’s wiling to kill Sam if it’ll bring Cas back. If the Bronly tenet that all Dean needs to be happy is Sam then hell, why does Dean beg Sam to let him die in the series finale.

I will note that Dean kicking Cas out of the bunker in s9 is thrown around constantly but there was literally a gun to Sam’s head at that point. Dean was tormented about it and still snuck off to see Cas although it may have been unwise in that situation.

Also interesting to note that Sam isn’t the only one; Castiel has also served as a threat to Dean’s other representations of family. in s6 Cas ~betrays Dean by colluding with Crowley, who kidnaps Lisa and Ben, which eventually leads to Dean deciding to memory wipe Lisa. In s14 Dean literally *blames Cas in part for Mary’s death*! And yet still forgives him?? (As s13 showed, Dean can live better without Mary than he can without Cas.) This is really intriguing/toxic element of Destiel that is hardly explored in fandom, which is that Dean associates Cas with danger to the rest of his family/his role as protector of his family and therefore his relationship with him is a weakness that he will regret. Add to the fact that Cas has proven time and again to not be a safe/reliable object of affection (see above examples, and also repeatedly leaving/dying) and it’s very plain why Dean would have reason to fear/suppress/compartmentalise romantic feelings between them — because they would be an even greater source of pain.

Curious to get your thoughts on this!!

Thank you for the message!

Regarding the first point: I think there's a fairly typical thing going on of fan simplifying characters and their motivations. Does Dean love and care about Sam? Yes. Was Dean's duty to Sam something that was drilled into him as something that he had no choice over? And something that was reinforced through their forced isolation from the rest of society? Also yes. So what happens when Dean has someone that he has grown to love on his own terms? And who he never has to worry about alienating, someone who could actually be part of his life? Something very interesting!

I looooove the s6/7 example so much, because Dean really isn't ever angry at Cas for hurting Sam, he's angry at Cas for not listening to him. And even then, not really - his anger at Cas in 7x01 is much more something that Dean is using as a sheild, something to cover his own hurt, than anything else. And then the second it looks like Cas is going to turn around and come back to him, all that anger evaporates.

s8 was soooo vindicating as well when it aired, because all summer the bronlies were like, "Dean's motivation in Purgatory will be that he's trying to get back to Sam!" And then it WASN'T. This is another thing too, that bronlies will try to make it out like Sam is the only one that Dean will go to extreme lengths for, that Dean isn't a *generally* nurturing type of person who *wants* a bigger family and to not be so socially isolated. But throughout the entire show, Dean is constantly drawing people around himself. And we do see how Dean is willing to go to great lengths for Cas. Of course, a lot of the time, Dean is convinced that he's powerless to do anything when it comes to saving Cas, but Purgatory was one time when he wasn't, and we see what happens.

(And the thing is I do get where the bronlies are coming from in their understanding of the show, in an abstract sense. Like objectively, if someone were to tell me that there's a story about two brothers, that only have eachother against the world, and they have a super-intense relationship, and all they care about is each other and fighting monsters, and there's a dark, gothic vibe to it, I could see why someone would be into that. Like it's not my jam, but abstractly, I see it. But the thing is, that reading of the show does not hold up to contact with canon - and none of them want to admit that.)

The series finale is so weird when you think about it. Because bronlies hold it up as a win. But it is Dean taken down to a place where all he has is Sam and hunting, and then deciding that he has nothing to live for.

s9 was just a mess. Kicking Cas out of the bunker was so contrived. And then what everyone forgets is how incredibly happy and jazzed Dean was when he thought Cas was going to be living with them. The thing I'm most bitter about is that they couldn't have given us at least one episode of Dean and Cas being absolutely goofy happy around each other before constructing a situation to get Cas out of the picture.

Your last paragraph is interesting, and something to think about. The way I see it, is that Cas has entered a special tier of relationships with Dean, where Dean will hold on to him no matter what. I don't think Lisa and Ben are a good example for your point, actually, because I think Dean blames himself for what happened to them more than anyone else, which is reflected in his final interaction with them when he says he hit them with his car and is happy they can go on with their lives (or something of that nature, I forget).

Mary's death is interesting though. The only thing comparable to something like that happening before is when Dean blames Sam for Charlie's death (and what Dean says to Sam - "I think it should be you on that pyre instead of her" - is actually way more harsh than what Dean says to Cas). But Dean does forgive Sam, and he does forgive Cas - again, they're on a special tier, where Dean values them no matter what. And you see that throughout the divorce arc, where Dean keeps checking in on Cas and showing concern for him, in spite of how he feels at the moment - like he knows througout that the rift him and Cas are going through isn't going to last forever.

I think all of Dean's closest relationships are toxic, just as a result of the way he was raised and the kind of life he leads. With Sam, John, Mary, Jack, and Cas. The relationships that aren't toxic are the ones where they aren't physically around each other that much (like Charlie), or with Bobby, who has the level of experience to not get caught up in bullshit. With all of them, the death toll doesn't really matter (like Mary endangered Cas too, and Dean forgave her). Dean just tends to not let go of the people around him.

I think a big barrier for Dean and Cas is actually neither of them having any kind of reference model for what they are to one another. All of Dean's romantic relationships have been filled with secrets, and the knowledge that his partner cannot share his life with him. Dean calls Cas his "brother" in s6 and s11, because to him, that's the closest you can be to someone. That changes to "best friend", which is better, because it doesn't have the same connotation of obligation and responsibility - your best friend is someone you actually like being around. And it's a title that is uniquely Castiel's.

And in general he has trouble categorizing Castiel. Like he keeps trying to put Cas in human boxes that he doesn't actually fit within. He repeatedly indicates that he thinks of Cas as just a guy, and then Cas acts in ways that defy that category.

So yeah, I guess I don't really think that Dean sees Cas as unsafe. It's more that Dean just isn't thinking of romantic relationships as a possibility for himself. And he doesn't quite know how to categorize what he and Cas are to each other (and the fact that Cas is a dude may or may not play into that, depending on how much you think Dean grapples with internalized homophobia). And they're both generally fucked up.

It's an interesting idea, though, that Dean sees Cas as a danger, that I'd be interested in seeing explored more in posts or fic.

[olderthannetfic]

First as a disclaimer: I'm pretty sure I'm not an anti (I'm anti death threats and am fine with incest, age-gap, abusive ships etc)

However I'm probably still a social/political enemy for various reasons but you sometime post asks from people you disagree with I think and I think you might know this answer.

Anyway onto my question I'm the kind of shipper who likes canon compliant ships and looking for hints and stuff but these days it feels like everyone boasts about how much their ships deviate and poop on canon etc. Do other shippers with my mentality still exist and I just don't notice them (Outside of anti spaces) or are we actually a dying breed?

--

Eh. I think "political enemy" has a pretty fluid definition if one is really into playing politics. If you aren't out campaigning on a white supremacy platform, we probably have some goals in common.

I usually block people for being extremely annoying on a day I'm feeling hormonal or for attacking people particularly viciously in my comments, not for nominally being in some other camp.

--

I think the more canon-adjacent fandom flavors are actually really common.

They're a little lost in the tumult of "My headcanon is actually canon!!!" stuff on tumblr that we like to laugh at on my own blog.

They're also less common in oldschool m/m-shipping spaces because those are often inherently non-canon ships. In the past, it was because homophobic censorship wouldn't let anything be made. These days, it's because the flavor of m/m a lot of people like is more easily found by adding romance to a buddy canon than by trying to add buddy-ness to a romance canon in many cases, and this can be true even if canon is original m/m aimed at fandom types.

Here's the thing: oldschool m/m shippers tend to be particularly prone to building community spaces and recording our history precisely because it's so easily erased and so often attacked. This type of shipper also tends to have more of a cohesive identity. That makes it far easier to name ourselves and set up little fiefdoms on modern social media.

I'm one of these people. Shittons of the people doing amateur fandom history work are. Much of the OTW old guard are. And lots of us know each other at least a bit, so if you're running into one of us, you're probably running into more of us.

--

However, that doesn't actually mean this type of shipping is the most common or that there have never been spaces devoted to something else.

That old Beauty and the Beast tv series with Linda Hamilton had epic canon shippers. So did Moonlight (the vampire tv series). So did and does Twilight.

A lot of these shippers had this as their first and possibly their only fandom and carried on being obsessed long after canon was over.

Lizzie/Darcy shippers put anything I have ever been a fan of to shame. No matter what the AO3 numbers show, this ship far, far exceeds the popularity of Destiel or any of the other m/m heavyweights.

--

I think the problem you're running into is that in the modern era of binging things on Netflix and regular joes being huge media geeks, analyzing canon in a nerdy way and obsessing over your canon ships is just how a big chunk of the population engages with media.

Fan theories that are closely tied to what was actually on the screen/page are the bread and butter of water cooler conversations and have been since The Sopranos and its ilk.

Yes, I know some fuck will immediately show up and go "Ahem, ahem, I am a GEEK and SPECIAL and the people around me never have intellectual conversations about media literally ever!!!!" just like every single time we have this conversation. But times have moved on, and being overinvested in canon theorizing just is a normie activity now, and that's great! Except when you want a special term and space to find your people.

The only time canon shippers really stand out from that is if they're extremely fic-focused, and then they often start straying farther from canon, especially if they stick around the same fandom for a long time. Either they start becoming more fans of some fic writer or they start wanting to diversify what they themselves are writing.

The really good close-to-canon fandom activities are at their best when lots of fans find the same currently-running canon at the same time and before canon itself passes its prime.

Even I started out on alt.tv.x-files, analyzing the shit out of season 2 and not caring much about non-canon things. (Though, admittedly, I was more NoRomo than MSR.)

--

That said, antis are not actually that canon-focused in most cases. They will do the "My headcanon is reality" thing as much as anyone. They just tend to spend a lot of time hating on explicit m/m and a lot of explicit m/m is of non-canon ships.

Honestly... anon... you might want to figure out what the latest CSI-ish franchise is and find the obviously-future-canon het ship from that. Those tend to get the 10 seasons of build up and fan theories that don't stray too far from canon.

This stuff is not only not a dying breed, but it's so common that one of the editors of NCIS delivered a deeply cringeworthy lecture at my film school about what "shippers" are and how the Tiva shippers affected the production.

People into those ships don't need tumblr: Major entertainment magazines are publishing their fan theories for them.

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

even as someone who does not ship the brothers (or deancas), i feel that there is no denying the heavy handed undertones of romance between them, and the writers' very intentional and frequent exploration into incestual themes, if one is truly understanding the show. however, it's also my understanding that a lot of hellers/deancas people/whomever use a frustrating argument that "sam doesn't really know dean" when in reality, he will always know dean better than cas. thats the whole point of the show. when dean and sam 'betray' each other from the other's persepctive, the person doing the betraying genuinely believes they are acting in the other's best interest, whereas with dean and cas it's always for personal benefit.

to stop the rambling, i wanted to ask, purely in interest of seeing multiple sides: if so many hellers were not so anti-sam and did not project so much onto castiel, do you think the fandom at large (outside of that group) would have less of an issue with the ship? again, i am genuinely curious and you seem both well established in the fandom and well versed in the show itself. i feel as though where other shows do have beef between shippers and such, the supernatural fandom is watching two completely different shows and so many of them are bypassing crucial parts.

Hey Anon!

I don’t ship Wincest either (though most Wincesties I know are cool), and I REALLY don’t ship Destiel. But, I do joke about brother husbands a lot and love the brothers’ codependency. Still, I don’t think the writers are actually ever suggesting there are true romantic feelings to Sam and Dean’s relationship. Or maybe I should say, I don’t think canon (or subtext) Sam and Dean are actually (even secretly) hot for their brother. However, I think the romantic parallels and even outright nods to incest are very deliberate (and obvious). Partly, it’s on brand for the horror/gothic genre of the early seasons, but it also serves the purpose of highlighting how important Sam and Dean are to each other. They are each other’s soulmate, life-partner, and number one, which are usually roles reserved for couples. Also, I think the show just likes to make jokes as well. It’s clearly deliberate when the show goes from having characters assume they are couples, to villains making incesty remarks about them, to Dean asking if Sam wants a divorce.

I agree that Sam knows Dean better than Castiel, or anyone else. And Dean knows Sam best. That being said, they don’t understand each other perfectly, and they speak “different languages” in terms of showing care a lot of the time. Sometimes this is works in a complimentary way that has them in sync (Dean loves his family, especially Sam most, and Sam needs to be Dean’s number one), and sometimes it causes friction between the brothers (Dean letting Gadreel inside Sam or Sam trying to cure MOC). But, I agree that MOST of the time when they “betray” each other it’s when they are trying to help each other, or at least it’s a byproduct of something they feel they need to do. They never treat each other as expendable. And I also agree that betrayals between Dean and Castiel just hit different. I think this is because 1) they don’t have the same obsessive love underlying everything they do to/for each other (despite what hellers think), 2) they are more brothers-in-arms than true adopted famoly until later seasons 3) Castiel is not human, and I believe that Dean (however subconsciously) treats him differently because of that, and Cass not being human also changes his view of the fallout his actions will have with the people he cares about, and 4) I agree that they both betray each other out of personal interest in thst they value other things/people more highly than each other quite often (Dean will always value Sam above all, and Castiel often values whatever mission he is on above the brothers or is at least willing to risk them for it to an extent).

Feel free to ramble in my asks whenever you like. Clearly, I do it too, so no judgement here.

My short answer to your question is … yes. If hellers didn’t hate on Sam in a transparent attempt to make him seem less important both to Dean and to the show in general, I doubt Sam girls would care that people shipped Castiel and Dean. It’s the attempt at twisting canon and down-playing Sam that is frustrating. And yes, the projecting added significance onto Castiel is massively annoying because it shows a lack of understanding of the show, whether purposeful or due to ignorance. And that annoys everyone who cares about the “fscts” of the show. It’s also their insistence that Dean is bi … because reasons (often offensive, stupid and/or steryotical) that annoys the people who actually enjoy Dean’s true chracter, not the fan-fic woobifued version of him that hellers (and some AAs) fawn over. But, I think what pisses the fandom at large off the most about hellers is their insistence that they get their way and the tantrums they throw about being “robbed” when a ship that was clearly never going to sail in the show continued not to happen. More specifically, their need to hate on actual actors, writers, producers, networks and other so called “homophobic” fans who don’t agree with them is abhorrent to many.

I agree with your final sentiment completely. It is like Supernatural is at least two totally different shows, depending on which type of fan you are talking to. I mean, there are arguably more than two versions of the show in collective fans’ minds, if we consider which of the brothers a group sympathizes with most and how they interpret the chracters’ actions (Sam is a whiny brat … Dean is an abusive monster 🙄). But, out of all the fan groups, there is only one who seems to be "watching" a piece of media that does not even resemble the actual show … and it’s hellers.

And to be clear, I’m not talking about Destiel shippers in general here, but hellers in particular. No one I know, including me, cares if people ship Dean and Castiel for their own enjoyment, but it’s the insistence they are right and attempted rewriting of canon (and threatening real people) that makes people ragey.

Anyway, thank you for your ask. I’m sorry my reply was so long. (This is likely one of the reasons I don’t get a ton of asks, lol).

[crackers4jenn]

@wanderingcas posted this wip challenge for people who need motivation to finish theirs, with a "encouraging anyone else" tagging system, so I'm joining with the beginning snippet of a sequel to an older fic of mine, like only a best friend could, which was a post-high school destiel au. I couldn't leave the ending so bittersweet, so I've been tinkering away at a "10 years later" happily ever after.

You Can't Go Home Again is shoved, a little too aptly, between the windshield and dashboard, a paperback copy that's showing its age and wear in the form of a wrinkled cover and rippling pages.

As the price on the gas pump climbs higher and higher, Cas sighs, letting his head fall back against the driver's side headrest, wondering, not for the first time, what he's doing here exactly. 28 is maybe too young to have a midlife crisis, but that's what it feels like.

The insomnia, the nerves he can't shake, the unmovable and constant dread that's settled inside of him like a tiny intruder drove stakes into Cas’s chest and set up camp—okay, maybe that's not a midlife crisis, maybe that's just anxiety. That's what Balthazar would tell him, anyway, and then he'd offer Cas a tantalizing concoction of pharmaceuticals to 'help' rid Cas of these 'ails.' Cas has taken him up on this only once, when they were newly getting to know one another through mutual friends. The ensuing trip could only be described as a hellish existential nightmare that Cas would like to never repeat.

Still. As he sits now, with his heart racing enough he can feel the pulse of it in his throat, he thinks he wouldn't mind an opportunity to dull the edge.

Going back home shouldn't be this hard. And, yet, he's struggling.

Maybe because there's nothing left of Sioux Falls for Cas to even call 'home.' Naomi—his mother—she passed away three years ago, the last time he returned. His aunt had arranged everything, so all Cas needed to do was attend the funeral service, watching as well-intentioned strangers described a loving, caring woman he himself never knew. The version he grew up with was strict and stern and unwavering in her faith, instilling in him a righteousness and fear of religious disloyalty he still sometimes finds himself defaulting to. In her way, she loved Cas, but it was exactly that—in her way, and only that. Finding out she had raised a man with a sexual preference her Bible group would accuse 'deviant'? It regularly tested the conditions of his mother's supposed unconditional love.

Besides, last time he was home, he was forced to confront more than just his familial trauma. There was also Dean.

"Heya, mopey," Gabe calls through the rolled down window of the passenger seat, cutting through Cas's thoughts like a lifted veil. "Perk up, yeesh. People are gonna think I'm trafficking you."

Cas sighs, "Gabriel," weary for a whole different reason now as Gabriel waggles his eyebrows and disappears from view to disconnect the nozzle. The hose is clicked back into place before Gabe reappears, obnoxiously pleased with himself.

"I'mma go take a whiz and grab a Kickstart. Want anything?"

"Coffee would be nice. Thank you.”

"Diabetic amounts of sugar?"

"You know I don't like—”

"I'm kidding. Black and bitter like your dead mom's soul?" he says instead, giving Cas a grin. Cas can't even argue against that—one, because it's kind of true, but also because Gabe's already spun off and strolling towards the gas station. He can hear his loud whistling as he goes.

Cas thunks his head against the seat again.

Maybe he won't make it to Sioux Falls after all. Maybe he'll Thelma-and-Louise them off the side of a road instead.

tagging, just in case there's something on the ol' hard drive: @cockymclaughlin @glamrockcas @dollsome-does-tumblr @milkshakemicrowave @pringlesaremydivision

[bucks-daddy-issues]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @neverevan @made-ofmemories and @diazsdimples thank you!

How many works do you have on ao3?

6! I only started writing a little over a year ago and I am a very, very slow writer.

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

68,008

3. What fandoms do you write for?

9-1-1 only at the moment.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos:

I got a bed but I’d rather be in ours tonight (6.7k, Buddie, Explicit) Thighs and Eyes (3.7k, Buddie, Explicit) Kiss your lips blue (7k, Buddie, Explicit) I'll Be Your Gift, Give You Something Good To Celebrate (6.4k, Buddie, Explicit) Sweet Nothing (37.8k, Buddie, Teen and up)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!!! Every time, comments absolutely make my day and I don't feel like my responses ever do justice to just how giddy I am when I get a nice comment!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't think any of my fics are even remotely angsty (though maybe some in the near future might be idk idk) but I don't think I could ever write something with an angsty ending. Happy endings only over here.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think all of my fics have very happy endings but I'll go with Sweet Nothing maybe, as it's super happy with also hints at even more happiness in their future too. :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far no, thank god.

9. Do you write smut?

Most definitely, four of the six fics I have up are smut but I always like to put a lot of plot in there too!

10. Craziest crossover?

I don't write crossovers, it's just not my thing personally.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, I really hope not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, put people are welcome to as long as they link my fic :)

13. Have you co-written a fic before?

No but I hope to soon!

14. All time favorite ship?

Buddie buddie buddie buddie buddie

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have a few I started when I first got into 911 that would need some crazy reworking to still make sense but I'm still hopeful lol. The hangover au is really hanging on by a thread because the 911 writers blatantly stole my idea to steal the hangover movie's idea (jk) I'll definitely still write it but it's kinda been put on hold.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at writing descriptively? I also get some lovely comments on how I write emotions which makes me very happy :)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I think my pacing could use a lot of work. Sometimes things feel a little too fast and other times I go on for too long. My dialogue can also be hit or miss depending on the character.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I can't speak any language other than English and like super basic Irish so I just don't trust myself to write in another language well. If I had someone's help I would be open to it though.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

I think I wrote one direction fics back when I was like 12-15 but I only actually posted one fic before I started writing for 911 and that was destiel about a decade ago (and it was deleted like 6 months later)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Ahhhh I'm not sure, I have things I both love and hate about all of them, but I think I have to pick Sweet Nothing because I put my heart and soul into that fic for months and it inspired me to keep writing longer fics.

I feel like most people have already been tagged so sorry if you've already done this, but tagging: @wikiangela @watchyourbuck @spagheddiediaz @thewolvesof1998 @rogerzsteven

@jesuisici33 @sunshinediaz @daffi-990 @rainbow-nerdss @theotherbuckley

+ whoever else wants to do it!

[profoundbondfanfic]

do u have any favorite canon compliant / "missing scene" fics?

Hello there! Yes, here are a few suggestions with fics that include extra scenes like the 'fanfiction gap' and add something new to Cas and Dean's relationship.

a kiss for every season (literally) by sobsicles [Explicit, 22k words]

The first time Dean and Cas kiss, it's not really even a kiss at all. It is not, however, the last kiss that they share. ~~~ Dean doesn't think about it. Not about what it means, not about what it makes them, not about how it affects him. This life—that's not how things work. It's just this, these "in the moment" moments that always slip right out of his fingers because he lets them. He doesn't try to hold onto them, and neither does Cas, and maybe they shouldn't. Cas kisses him like no one else does, like no one else ever has. Dean absolutely does not think about it unless it's happening to him, and then he doesn't have the ability to think at all. What does it say about him that he occasionally kisses his best friend, who's a man? Dean doesn't know, and he doesn't really want to find out, either. 

All This Happened, More or Less by ceeainthereforthat [Mature, 88k words]

Dean had no idea that inheriting John Winchester's Impala was only the beginning of the destruction of his life. That Sam's dreams were more than just the consequences of late night pizza dinners. That angels looked like slightly rumpled tax accountants. And he's not ready for any of it.

Fracture Mechanics by Rend_Herring [Explicit, 43k words]

Admitting it won’t make Dean any more inconsolable than he already is, and he’ll never feel Cas’ absence any more or any less acutely than he does in this exact moment. “He’s gone,” Dean finally admits, because it seems like the only thing left to say. When the terrible, swollen vacancy of the room offers no recourse, Sam says, “I know.”

Home by FriendofCarlotta [General audiences, 2k words]

This is the story of a car, and the boy who loves it so fiercely, it becomes a home. As the boy grows into a man, his car is the one constant in his life. Until, one day, he meets an angel, and "home" takes on a new meaning.

If I Could Change One Thing by 2Minutes2Midnight [Explicit, 13k words]

Spoilers through Season 5 finale. When Dean gets sent into the future where he refuses Michael, he vows to change one thing, if nothing else. He must prevent Castiel from becoming human. No matter the cost.

Revisions by zeppazariel [Explicit, 127k words]

From the beginning, Dean and Cas continue to find their way together over and over. Chuck keeps erasing it.

That Wasn't Supposed to Fucking Happen! by anyrei, queerwerewolf [Explicit, 66k words]

What if it all wasn’t just subtext? Individual, subjective interpretation? What if we’re only seeing a fraction of what’s going on with the Winchesters? What would happen if we saw what was actually happening off-camera? Destiel might not technically “exist”, but that’s because the cameras haven’t captured it. Now that the fourth wall has been broken, subtext may become explicit text. Explicit being the operative word here. Season 12 Ongoing Fix It from 12x09 through 12x23.

The Sum Of My Regrets by LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch [Mature, 20k words]

“A quick trip to the past, that’s all. Look Cas, I know we can’t do anything about all the innocent people getting into the crossfire of our battles, but this I can do. Let me rescue this child and give Lily Sunder back her life. What can possibly go wrong?”  In which Dean Winchester travels through time, learns a thing or two about best laid plans and falls in love with an angel – all over again.

these masks we wear by deansnuggles [Mature, 24k words]

These are the things you hide, when you’re John Winchester’s oldest son: A feather Sammy found and gave you. A piece of satin you cut from a nightgown you swiped from the thrift store. You like to keep it in your pocket and rub it between your fingers. A romance novel left behind in a motel. You tape the cover of a Stephen King novel on the front. A picture of Robert Plant hidden under the fabric on the bottom of your toiletry bag. A cassette of Queen, a cassette of The Beatles. You like to draw. Knights and dragons and cowboys. A mockingbird. A lily. A boy in your class. You rip that one up and burn it. We follow Dean through important times in his life as he slowly learns to accept who he is and figures out what a happy ending means for him.

this ain't for the best (but i want you) by jewishdeanwinchester [Explicit, 8k words]

Five times Dean and Cas fucked, and one time they made love. Or, times Dean and Cas could've been but weren't. (Until they were.)

You can also check our coda tag for fics that follow along with specific episodes.

[queermania]

No that's exactly why I'm asking you. I think you can be normal about it and I trust your opinions but it's totally okay if you don't feel comfortable doing it but if you do I'd be really grateful 🙏🏽

ummm okay yeah i can do that. i'm just gonna straight up start with the songs that i've used for my swiftnatural posting. it just seems like the most obvious place to start:

maroon for this destiel set. listen to it with the volume up and headphones on. it does some really freaking cool stuff sonically.

would've could've should've for this samruby set. this song is for anybody who likes religious imagery or hates john mayer for any number of reasons including but not limited to the way he speaks about women in public. fuck that guy :)

i did something bad for this demon!dean set that i hate and should redo but that's neither here nor there. i linked a live performance simply because i like what her and her band and her backup singers do with it live more than i like the studio version. you don't have to actually watch the performance if you don't want (i personally have a very hard time watching her perform for reasons that i won't get into beacuse i don't want to get yelled at) but the production value is crazy and nobody can argue that she isn't putting on a Show. i also just think this song is so fun and i think if it came from anybody else everyone would agree.

this is me trying for this post that i never really made haha. this is also not the studio version but i think this is a song that really benefits from a more stripped down intimate feeling.

as for what else you should listen to, well, to be honest it's really hard to say because her catalogue is vast and all over the place. the song that is like thee taylor swift song that everybody points to in order to showcase her songwriting ability is all too well. there are three four versions of this (not counting live performances) and i think most people will probably say the ten minute one from the vault is the one you have to listen to but my unpopular opinion is that the original five minute recording is the strongest version as a finished product. but i will say that it's impressive that a song can be ten minutes without a chorus or really even a hook and not make you wonder when it's going to be over already. so i don't disagree that the ten minute one is worth a listen too.

my tears ricochet is another one that's really strong in terms of songwriting. i'm of the opinion that knowing all of the ~lore behind every single song is not necessarily a good thing but i do think in this case it elevates the song so: it's about being screwed out of her masters by a record executive whose record label she helped make.

exile and evermore with bon iver are good options simply because of how interestingly the deepness of his voice pairs with the softness of hers.

i would die for cornelia street. i don't know how anybody else feels about it and i don't have any deep thoughts about it. it just makes me happy.

i think her newest album is Not Great but i like the lead single, fortnight, a lot and it continues to grow on me. from what i've gathered i'm in the minority on this one though haha.

another unpopular opinion: i don't love 1989. i know it's thee album for a lot of people but i've just never loved the sound of it. but! (and this is where it gets really unpopular) ryan adams covered almost the entire album and i adore his version of most of those songs. unfortunately ryan adams is a garbage person so i don't really want to rec him but it is what it is. for a more rock-y, almost country-ish sound i highly recommend all you had to do was stay and i wish you would.

also, i don't care what anybody says, we are never ever getting back together was and still is fun, especially the live version with the electric guitar.

i like a lot more of her songs but i think this is a nice little starter?

(sorry for linking to youtube instead of spotify or whatever streaming thing the youth are using these days but i am just not hip)

[velvethopewrites]

Here’s a destiel drabble that just spilled out of me from nowhere- mostly I was just wondering about when Cas realized his love for Dean and how he felt about it all. I place it around season 8 or 9, maybe? Poor Cas, not fully angelic and not fully human, but somewhere in between.

After the Fall:

Castiel feels a heaviness in his bones tonight. A doubtful conflict from within. Since becoming less angelic and more ‘human’ it is a sense that is becoming all too familiar. The daily aches and pains most humans carry around with them were a shock to him at first, but in time he grew used to them. But this — this weariness—this soul-crushing ache (not that he thinks he has a soul yet but perhaps that is part of the problem) sometimes it is almost too much to bear.

He is keeping watch over the Winchesters. Over Dean. As always. The night is almost over - his angelic grace still keeps him in that space of being able to tell when dawn is ready to break. It’s not a very useful attribute but Castiel will take what he can get at this point. Dean tosses in his bed, snoring lightly. Castiel glances at him, easily picking out his sleeping form through the darkness of the hotel room. And the heavy, suffocating feeling wounds its way through him again. He pulls his eyes away to look back out the window. There is something about watching Dean now that eats at him in a way it hasn’t done before. More pain, more confusion…more yearning.

Castiel scoffs at himself. And yet…

Dean and Castiel have always had a more profound connection - Castiel cares for Sam, but only as a fellow solider, a fellow brother in arms. Before the fall he would have argued he felt the same for Dean but now he understands that for the falsehood it is - he has never felt as though Dean were his brother. He has always felt that he and Dean are more. Even before he could understand what that meant.

It is not purely physical, although Dean is a very attractive man. Castiel has never had much use for physical beauty - he understands it, can recognize it, but has always felt the shallowness of such things and not paid it much attention. But Dean…Dean is so much more than how he looks. His soul shines with his righteousness and his bravery. His ability to still love and care while his life has been full of such pain, it is amazing to Castiel. There is a brightness in Dean that never wavers. It is this that Castiel finds the most intriguing; it is this that pulls him closer and closer until he can see nothing else at all. Nothing else but Dean.

There are many who have noticed this trait of his and used it against them; there are many who laugh at what they perceive to be his ultimate weakness. But Castiel is beginning to feel as though it is also one of his greatest strengths.

Anna once told him it gets worse, this “feeling” business that humans suffer through. And she was right. This gnarled, unfed desire in him - it feels as though sometimes it will tear him apart.

But it also makes him feel alive. And nearer to his father’s creation than anything in Heaven ever did. Perhaps he is just a foolish angel, slowly losing his grace as well as his mind. But Castiel doesn’t think so. He was tasked with saving Dean Winchester. Loving him…yes, Castiel can finally admit that, if only in his own head, loving him was a bonus. A surprise he never saw coming and yet it feels so completely right.

The hungry ache seems to ease inside of him as he embraces the idea of his love for Dean. Castiel will do what needs to be done - he will bury his feelings because he knows Dean will never understand them. And that is fine. Castiel does not need his love reciprocated for it to mean something. And he will work through these…pinings in due time.

But for now…

He will watch over Dean and Sam. He will protect Dean as much as he can from whatever evil next comes their way. He will do whatever he needs to do to keep the Winchesters safe. His love - his ache - will undoubtedly grow - but he is an angel, even still. And he is used to loving that which is unseen - that which does not respond. He was created to fight, to serve the law and word of God. But Castiel now believes he was also created to love. Loving Dean is his divine right.

Castiel feels a lightness in his bones tonight. Finally, there is peace.

****************************************

Please be kind, “my writing skills are rusty”. Reblogs = love ❤️

[sweetcocopowder]

Destiel | Playing Couple Pt.4

Synopsis: After the party, Dean is freaking out because Sam can't reach them until the coming weak. And so he's stuck in the house with the angel.

Word Count: 1.1K

Genre: Supernatural Fluff

Pairing: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Warnings: Still internalized homophobia

Extra notes: Stuck to my promise :]

Pt.3 | Pt.5

The very next day, Castiel calls Sam to come by. That this is bigger than any of them could have ever imagined. But from where the bunker is and how far they’re out, Sam won’t be here until later this week. The younger Winchester is currently out on another hunt with Eileen. It’s sweet to hear, but Dean only wishes for Sam to be here.

Because it’s too long for Dean to be sitting around doing nothing. Waiting for someone to make the move. Because for sure that little scene at the party had only raised questions within the neighbourhood and whatever spell that witch had cast. She’s got her answers. Cas reacted, Dean did not. And Dean’s got his best bet on that she was seeing if they were creatures or not.

Dean wishes he had Sam’s laptop right now so he could up what that symbol the witch cast meant. It’s been itching at his brain the entire day and he can’t stop pacing. Last thing he wants to do his ask Rowena for help.

“Dean. Stop,” Castiel snaps from where he is on the couch, finally having enough of the hunter’s wondering and pacing about.

“What else am I meant to do?” Dean throws his hands in a fit.

“Sit,” is all the angel says.

Dean grumbles to himself before he sits himself down on the far end of the couch from Cas. His foot fidgets and bounces up and down. He hates waiting around and isn’t too good at it when the entire neighbourhood is filled with different creatures.

A firm hand on his thigh stops his bounding foot.

“We’re fine, Dean,” Cas assures him.

Castiel’s hand is warm and that’s all Dean can think of before he pushes himself off the couch, out of the angel’s reach.

“What can we do!?” Dean exclaims as he begins pacing again.

“Unless you want to go headfirst into a bunch of witches, werewolves and other creatures, then I suggest sitting down and waiting for Sam,” Castiel speaks firmly but calmly.

He knows how jittery Dean can become in these types of situations. Shoot first, ask questions later. Even if it means he’s vastly outnumbered. Which is something that only jitters Castiel’s nerves each time he thinks about it. He watches Dean pace back and forth, then into the kitchen to grab himself a beer and chug half the bottle in one go. Cas can only sigh as Dean tries to calm his nerves. The last time he saw him like this, it was quite awhile ago now.

Instead of pacing, Dean comes back to the couch and sits where he originally was with a grunt and a huff. He takes another long drag from his beer before turning to the angel.

“How are you so calm?” Dean asks.

“Because we’re protected and if we both freak out then it won’t do us any favours in the long run,” the angel chides, hoping the message gets through.

In human terms, he needs to calm the fuck down.

“I am calm!” Dean snaps back.

Cas only raises a single brow at that before he leans back into the couch with his hands in his lap. He keeps his eyes on Dean though as the hunter rolls his eyes and downs the rest of his beer.

The rest of the day went by like this. Dean wanted to head outside and ask questions around the neighbourhood. But Castiel stopped him, saying it would only raise more suspicion and they can’t afford that now.

Instead, Castiel burrowed Dean’s phone and rang Gabriella to say thanks for inviting them. She was more than delighted to hear from them and to hear that Cas was fine. She even mentioned that both of them should come by again soon for a little cup of tea.

Dean wanted to say it’s a trap, but Cas wasn’t getting that type of unease with Gabriella. Not even with Dante.

-

That night, after double and triple checking the wards and the salt lines, Dean had put on a movie to ease his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about what the witch had done to Cas. Yes, it was an easy fix. But with how helpless he felt surrounded by so many people, it made him shiver. An uneasiness coming over him. He’s seen the angel in pain before and he wished, prayed even that he never have to hear those noises again.

But here he was, having fresh memories in his head of Castiel crying out in agony. He sips on his fifth beer for the day with a little less enthusiasm than the last.

Cas, having left his trench coat and suit jacket behind, sits down on the other end of the couch with him to join him for the movie. They sit in silence for a while, but Dean can feel that the angel wants to say something.

“Spit it out, Cas,” Dean suddenly says. “You’re making me feel itchy.”

“I want to say we can’t faulter in our disguise now,” Cas inquires. “Especially not now.”

“I know that, Cas,” the hunter says as if it’s obvious.

But the angel only raises a single brow as he frowns slightly. Dean scoffs at this and looks to back to the movie before back at Castiel.

“Do you? Because every time I try and play this role, you’re the one pushing away,” Cas says firmly.

This strikes a nerve in Dean. He wants to snap out, lash out, bite. But he knows why he’s like this. And it all has to do with these weird feelings he has rocking around in him that he can’t make heads or tails of. So he does the only thing he knows and reverts to anger and biting, which doesn’t get him anywhere.

Dean keeps his mouth shut for a few seconds before letting out the air from his lungs he didn’t realize he was holding in. He huffs somewhat to a child and adverts his eyes.

“Then what would you suggest I do?” Dean asks, more or so grumbles.

At this, Castiel shuffles a little closer to the hunter on the couch. By instinct, Dean stiffens up.

“Come here,” and with, Dean is being pulled into the angel’s warm arms.

Dean can’t help but stare at the space in front of him. It’s all pretend. This isn’t real. There’s no need to panic. He shuffles a bit so he can get comfy in Cas’s hold, but the angel makes it clear he isn’t letting go. Not until he relaxes.

They watch the movie in silence but all Dean can think about how… safe he feels. The jumble of emotions running circles in his gut feel like a thousand butterflies. He’s never felt like this flirting with woman. Not even when he knows he’s nervous.

The movie passes by but Dean is very aware of how warm the angel is against him. It’s… nice. And something deep down in Dean, something he will never admit.

He wishes this all wasn’t pretend.

[keen-eye]

sam as a character + a long personal anecdote

dear diary, idk what happened…

after 10 years i randomly thought of supernatural which made me want to rewatch the pilot just for nostalgia’s sake

i ended up rewatching seasons 1-5 which is about as far as i got the first time, not that i remembered literally anything. i had a vague idea of destiel being a big deal? only from what i gathered from people irl, i wasn’t part of any fandom community back then. and i’ve only had tumblr for less than a year now

and then as i’m watching i’m actually digesting the plot, i guess i wasn’t Dialed In like i am currently. and i’m connecting to sam and just really invested in his part of the story. and feeling defensive of him in seasons 4 & 5 as well as disliking dean’s behavior towards him. so i go on tumblr bc i’m curious about others thoughts about the show and his character

and then i get whiplash once i find out that there’s so much drama about the show that’s seemingly been going on since 2005. and part of that drama is about sam and fans/creatives on the show having opinions of him ranging from disinterest to pure hatred. calling him selfish and whiny. as well as extending it to the actor who plays him? and i’m shocked bc to me he’s so fascinating and complex and deserving of empathy

and then i become obsessed with everything going on about That and dive head first into the abyss. it must be a combination of (1) very much recognizing him as a kindred spirit (& queer-coded/harmed by misogyny) and (2) unfortunately finding myself personally offended by the treatment of his character by the show and the opinions on him, by apparently a large portion of the fans. this is genuinely heartbreaking to me lol. also i can’t think of another fictional character that has suffered as much as him which is something.

in conclusion, this whole mess has consumed my brain going on weeks now. never have i ever become this obsessive about any character ever. at first it felt like it would be just another addition to the adhd fixation train where i would immediately move on once i became consumed by something else. the show isn’t even that good.

but this feels different. (hyperbole ahead) i’m afraid i’ve been sucked inside the black hole of spn forever, doomed to seek out validation from the same thinkpieces and debates repeated over and over for all eternity. only time will tell…