#will i ever stop writing (depressed) taichi meta?

[seventeenlovesthree]

Ever since I saw this lovely little post floating around, I felt the need to compile one of my favourite suffer plotpoints when it comes to Taichi’s character: His tendency to “shrivel” when he cannot get the band together. Or: Taichi Yagami’s love language is “quality time” and he suffers the most when he (unintentionally or intentionally) isolates himself from the others - and yet, he also has a tendency to fight the need to be with the others for their sake, displaying a sense of selflessness, even if it bothers him.

Let’s break this down, shall we:

Episode 21 is the third time* we see Taichi struggle with his sense of “want” vs. “need” in regards to his “responsibilities” for the whole group, which is also a big indication towards his role as leader of the group later on. (*Prior to this, his arc of understanding the difference between courage and recklessness as well as him overcoming his fears/cowardice to save Sora have been more about his general development, even if these moments help to understand his sense of leadership better. Up to this point, he had a tendency to rush forward head first without much consideration and got called out for that continuously by several other characters - but he had also already burdened himself with the idea of “being the only one with a crest”, so he HAD to be the first to fight and protect everyone there).

He’s happy to be back home, finally back in the real world and at first, that means that there is no need to fight anymore. But on the other hand, he knows that something is off - the others are still “on the other side” and his sense of duty is bugging him greatly. Taichi Yagami, as much as he’d like to, cannot consciously be selfish if he knows others are suffering because of it - and when the stakes are that high. When he receives Koushirou’s cryptic message, he panics first, then is visibly overcome by helplessness - but also weakly tries to justify why staying in the real world could be a good thing after all. Both Koromon and Hikari can tell that he’s pulling himself together, but he cannot get the others out of his head (indicated by his immediate instinct telling him that Yamato may have called him back once the telephone rings). He HAS to go back to the Digital World, he HAS to help the others, he could never leave them on their own devices.

And he’s right with that - because the others, even if they kept looking for him for more than two months, fell apart one by one, with one part of the group already having given up on Taichi, whereas the other part still believed in finding him; Sora was the first who left, still hoping to find Taichi, not believing that he could already have died. Koushirou was next, trying to find Gennai in order to get answers about their whereabouts (and, in my opinion, also because he had no reason to stay in the group, as Taichi and Sora had been the people he had been most attached to up to this point). Jyou and Mimi followed, leaving Yamato and Takeru by themselves. And when Taichi gets back, the group reunites bit by bit - as indicated by both Jyou and Yamato, even if Taichi himself denies that it was really HIS doing. However, this is the moment Taichi gets called the group’s “leader” for the first time - and even if he struggles with that title at first, it’s something he will fall back to for the rest of the season, if not the entire series. Feeling that sense of responsibility (and pressure) as well as learning to deal with the consequences.

And even if 02 already indicates that the kids are slowly but steadily growing up, comfortably learning to do “their own things”, Taichi is ALWAYS portrayed as the one (besides Koushirou) ditching real world obligations more easily to join and help the 02 group. However, it’s Tri where it becomes most apparent that the leader struggles when he has nobody left to “lead” anymore (which is quite an exaggeration in this case, but if you want to interpret it this way, it makes sense why Taichi appeared to be as gloomy as he did). 

Let’s look at the order of priority here: Taichi’s football match is coming up and, obviously, he’s keen to invite his friends to watch him play. It seems to be that he intends to ask Sora first, which would make sense, since she used to be his football club companion - just to witness Yamato doing the exact same thing, asking Sora to come to his concert, which takes place on the same day. And thus - Taichi hesitates and backs off. At this point, it is implied that Sora and Yamato actually aren’t dating (anymore/for the time being), yet Taichi is still hesitant to get in between them. 02 showed us that there are no animosities between these three in ANY capacity, quite the contrary, Taichi had always been supportive of his friends’ relationship. Which would also explain WHY he may feel like he shouldn’t get in the way right now; while it is not outright stated, we may interpret it as him trying to take a step back to give them time for themselves. Whatever may have happened before, they might need the time to reconcile. Taichi isn’t always able to find the right words, may be a bit too blunt or doesn’t appear empathetic due to his rashness - however, he IS observant of his friends.

Which is also shown by the fact that he doesn’t try to push Koushirou into coming to his match either once he hears that it takes place on the same day as his parents’ anniversary. He does seem a bit detached and disappointed, but tries his best to not let it show, roughly explaining that he cannot ask Jyou because of his exams, that he did want to ask Takeru and Hikari, but doesn’t expect them to come either. Koushirou voices his empathy towards them having a hard time spending time together anymore - and Taichi deflects immediately. You can tell by the fact that he averts his gaze here, pretending not to care too much, casually claiming that he “figured you might be free”. However, the fact that he cannot even look Koushirou in the eyes anymore really just shows that he is actually hurt.

... Which is also deducted by Hikari once she tells him that she doesn’t have time either. Once again, Taichi downplays it, but his grumpy tone and the way he looks away again are way too easy to read. Hikari is a highly empathetic person and she ALWAYS knows when something is wrong with Taichi - even or ESPECIALLY when he denies it. 

She’s uncomfortable with the situation, the viewer can tell that she’s THIS close to cancel her own plans in order to put Taichi at ease - but he keeps deflecting.  As Taichi has always been particularly protective of Hikari and probably still has to deal with the aftermath of how his good intentions may almost resulted in her dying as a kid. Thus, it’s not surprising that he is not intending to put that pressure on her here. And it can be argued that the same applied to Koushirou earlier - one could interpret his deflection as him not wanting to dwell on it for Koushirou’s sake, as he probably did not want him to feel guilty.

Shortly before his match starts, the urge to have the others around takes over one last time - Taichi’s just about to ride his bike, but sends a quick text to Sora regardless, asking if she goes to Yamato’s concert or not. She responds within not even 5 seconds, asking why he asks. So he just generally tells her about the time and place of his match - and starts to type “Come if you have time...”, but then, after a short moment of contemplation, decides to delete that last line again.

It is very easy to take that scene as symbol for his inner struggle of not wanting to be alone - yet also not wanting to be a bother to the others either. The fact that his fight with Yamato about whether or not they should fight and cause harm (to lives and environment as well as emotionally) in all iterations is dealing with the exact same thing on a higher scale - and is really telling: Taichi’s entire arc will always be about making (uncomfortable) decisions, whether it’s about killing a friend or in regards to choosing to become a diplomat/ambassador in the end. Which is indicated by the last screenshot from above, showing him talking to Yamato about their career choices, how difficult it is to see everyone else thrive, yet having to accept that everyone is drifting apart.

He had to learn to become more considerate, empathetic and less impulsive throughout Adventure - but once he did, he also learned how difficult it is to find a good balance in order not to hurt others. That’s why Stageplay!Taichi also mourns the loss of his younger self, thinking that he has regressed, because he cannot just move forward anymore. Which is also why we see him isolating himself throughout Tri, not really confiding in anyone, keeping away from the likes of Sora and Koushirou (the ones he wanted to ask about coming to his football match first), suffering from his dysfunctional bond to Yamato - and only choosing to talk about his emotions to Agumon and Meiko, who ALSO struggles with her sense of self and the idea of having to kill her own partner. Stageplay!Agumon tells him that he’s only struggling so much because he has realized that there are way more things he’d like to protect, but that he shouldn’t deal with all of that by himself. That’s what everyone in the stageplay is trying to tell him as well; whether it’s Sora telling him to stop pretending to be "tough”, Hikari telling him that he does not have to "play” a role when he doesn’t want to be or Koushirou telling him that he’s pushing himself and that he thought he could be honest with him.

That’s why everything always feels less disrupted, less dysfunctional when Taichi is on good terms with himself - and the others as well, as he is (mostly figuratively, but also kinda literally) what “keeps the band together”. Just because he is who he is, with all the charisma and his own sense of courage.

Kizuna shows us that he hasn’t really learned that lesson yet - he does know what’s going on in the lives of Jyou, Mimi, Koushirou, Hikari and Daisuke, but has no idea about Takeru and Sora and only meets with Yamato to really (superficially) mope about how hard adulting is. That also explains why he’s seen thriving when he gets to ditch real life responsibilities to fight alongside the others again - even if he chooses to close himself off from them emotionally (as indicated by Hikari stating that their mom tells him to come home more often), he can still shine as a leader to fight for the greater good. He has come to the conclusion that fighting IS in fact necessary - that’s already one step forward in comparison to Tri. But due to the fact that he could not make up his mind yet, rather playing the role of a stagnating adult, he starts to lose the bond to Agumon (at this point in time at least). He may use the fighting as escapism, but doesn’t see his partner as an active part of his life (unlike every other Chosen Child besides Yamato and Sora, who suffer the same fate). Furthermore - the fact that he’s denying himself emotional support time and time again fundamentally contradicts who he really is. 

He IS a people person - obviously he’s not the most extroverted extrovert, as he has always had his more contemplative, quiet moments, overthinking to find the right solution if he cannot trust in his guts (and courage!). But as much as the role of the leader was externally assigned to him once, he genuinely has that sense of responsibility - and likes the company of the people close to him, which is why he cannot (fully) grow without them. Stepping up is hard, you have to know when the right time is to take the lead and when to cut yourself some slack - and we see Taichi being on a good way by the end of Kizuna, having decided on his final thesis and taking a step closer to becoming Digital World Ambassador.

The 02 movie already implies that he has stepped up in that regard, doing PR work alongside Koushirou, which means that he has at least embraced that “you can get the kid out of the Digital World, but never the Digital World out of the kid - who is also learning to become an adult alongside that attitude”.

Hence my hope for the future is that we will actually see him thrive again, without isolating himself (or getting isolated) from his friends, fully embracing who he is and what he wants.

[angstandhappiness]

INTERESTING

Ever since I saw this lovely little post floating around, I felt the need to compile one of my favourite suffer plotpoints when it comes to Taichi’s character: His tendency to “shrivel” when he cannot get the band together. Or: Taichi Yagami’s love language is “quality time” and he suffers the most when he (unintentionally or intentionally) isolates himself from the others - and yet, he also has a tendency to fight the need to be with the others for their sake, displaying a sense of selflessness, even if it bothers him.

Let’s break this down, shall we:

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