#will graham: you won't like me when i'm pyschoanalyzed
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chemicalarospec · 3 months ago
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My experience with Hannibal so far:
Jeff the killer: kills people. Mutilates and eats them too.
Me: Yeah that's alright with me (skipping the eye gore tho)
Jeff the evil liar: evilly lies to someone about the cause of their psychosis
Me: I Am Not Okay With This
#i said this#chem watches Hannibal#okay i have a few theories#first of all my grandmother took a medication that made her hallucinate when i was a kid so i spent#a good amount of time considering the horror of not being able to identify reality#not as much as i spent considering the horror of forgetting or of deterioration but it was present in my psyche#(please keep in mind i was just a kid so a good part of what made this disconcerting to me is that i didnt understand it#and nor did it even seem possible to understand as 9 year olds generally get 0 exposure to info about these issues)#secondly the fact that its a dangerous brain problem#i think ive posted that my parents friend#JESUS CHRIST HIS LAST NAME WAS GRAHAM#anywyas he had epilepsy and died of a seizure when i was a kid#so someone living alone with that sort of problem... personally frightening to me#thirdly it could actually be the lying#every since the stuff with w*s went down ive gone back to being a very highly truth-valuing person#and there are also lots of awful stories abt medicial issues being neglected on tumblr#so the combination of those is v uncomfortable#also the betrayal like I KNOW he's an evil liar but this has been the first time it's doing actual harm to someone who cares about him#it could be even more personal than all that:#will KNOWS there's something wrong with him and he's RIGHT but he's being lied to and told there's no evidence#I've been going through it over the past few years figuring out that most of my mental health issues stem from my period#so i have shared a sense that There's Something Wrong With Me#so it's personally disturbing to imagine being lied to about that and let to rot#could also be that it's evidence that will really has nobody in his corner. except for Bev i guess. <3 bev#the idea that he's truly alone in the world and in a victim position like. hopeless.#also spent a good amount of time growing up thinking about situations so bleak there's no escape. so that kind of thing gets me but i was#always thinking more for a group or a side in a story so like. for one person is even more upsetting. darker than what i'm accustomed to#i could probably keep going i love theorizing#will graham: you won't like me when i'm pyschoanalyzed#me: people only like me when i'm psychoanalyzed
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