#will give free pizza to anyone who plots w me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

Text

Ducktales 87 Review: A Whale of A Bad Time (Catch as Cash Can Part 2)

A SEA MONSTER ATE MY ICE CREAM! Yup come with me under the cut as I cover one of the most infamous moments of all Ducktales.. and the absolutely bonkers episode attached involving robot ice cream trucks, giant robotic whales, Optimus Prime as a navy admiral, and semen.. er seaman Donald Duck! All of this and more commissioned by @weirdkev27 is waiting under the ocean and under the cut! Come aboard!

So yeah....

And not the adventure time or regular show or what have you kind of intetionally weird I mean all the elements just sort of conjeal into a mess of poor decisions in and out of universes, robotic whales and the most insane scheme to get a noble peace prize of all time. If that and the intro didn’t hook you I don’t know what will, let’s do this.

PREVIOUSLY ON DUCKTALES:

Okay maybe not THAT previously... guess I gotta do this myself. *Grumble grumble* : Last time we met a steoyptical-ish foreign leader give Scrooge and Glomgold a deadline to literally weigh their fortunes in his country at ten days, with Glomgold’s sending the Beagle Boys after Scrooge in an attempt to cheat.. and springing from jail in a giant blimp shaped like a cow because your guess is as good as mine. Scrooge naturally won and here we are. As said last time, these episodes were still basically written as done in ones, able to be digested on their own, just with the overall framework of the four parter, in this case Scrooge and Glomgold’s contest, tieing it together. So with that out of the way.

We open as Duckburg is hit with a heatwave.

No that’s Heat Wave.. and besides he works out of central city, not Duckberg silly.. wherever those images come from.. me I guess? I dunno. Point is the boys are sweaty and uncomfortable, just like me 90 percent of the time, and decide to cool off by visiting Scrooge’s new ice cream factory for free samples. We’re only about a minute, and a recap about the contest on the news, in and already the characters this episode are acting kind of dumb.. get used to it. One of Scrooge’s primary, most consistent, most iron clad character traits is he does NOT give away something for nothing. Even for Charity he’ll often try and pench pennies and how much he donates, and in older harsher comics like Carl Barks famous “A Christmas For Shacktown” good luck getting him to donate any money to anyone else AT ALL. If he DOES give someone a gift, it’s usually with an alterior motive or some sort of scheme brewing, with Donald or the Nephews or all four rightly questioning him. The idea any factory of any product of his would give out samples unless he got something out of doint so or that they wouldn’t be tiny or use flavors that don’t sell or some cost cutting measure like that is nuts and while it’s not out of the boys characters to be stupid it is a bit for them to just blindly think he’d be okay with this. Their soon distracted by other matters once they arrive though as the Guard won’t let them in despite being Huey, Dewey and Louie as much like bill and ted their a package deal, and yes they do a team pose and yes.. it’s actually pretty adorable. Again nepotism has never been a trait of scrooges either boys, why would he start now? They try flagging down one of his ice cream trucks but they totally ignore him. and seem to be driving automatically... they also look human which... yeah. Just.. yeah. The boys are naturally suspicious and plan to ask scrooge at Dinner. This fails because Scrooge isn’t coming and Beakly refuses to let them disturb him on his orders.. and refused to let Webby eat till everyone’s at the table. I’ll come back to Beakly in a second, and there will be blood dumpster.

The boys sleep that night, but are woken up by the ice cream trucks and wondering why the hell their running at night... which yeah is weird and was a bad part of the plan. We’ll get to why that plan’s a bit totally fucked in a second though as the boys assume someone is doing something shady with scrooge’s company and pull a Marty McFly, attaching their skateboards to a bumper and then hopping onto one of the trucks. And given that Magica, the Beagle Boys and Flintheart have all gone up at scrooge several times at this point judging by the episode guides, not to mention all the one off thieves, scumbags, con artists and warlords they’ve fought, you honestly can’t blame them for being super suspicious.

Their suspcions of this being some kind of elaborate theft are semeingly confirmed when instead of , and this is really the flavor they use “Bubble Gum Pistachio Fudge” they find Scrooge’s money. And let’s just take a sec to .. unpack that flavor as none of those go together. I mean in a three scoop cone or bowl maybe, but in the same ice cream your just throwing shit together at that point. And the flavor isn’t outlandish enough to really be a good joke.

I’ts just three flavors jammed together that don’t belong. It’s not like the, ironically in the same year, 87 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle’s love for weird pizza toppings. That.. actually comes off as a joke. It didn’t always land in the episodes i’d seen but I get what their going for. Thanks to this infographic I know they put ALL of this on pizza at some point, omitting actual pizza toppings for obvious reasons: Granola, Licorice, Fudge, Marshmallows, Clams, Peanut Butter, Avacado (Which didn’t sound bad in theory but once I thought about it I winced), Pickles, Asparagus, Butterscotch, Onions (Yes I know this is an actual regular pizza topping but no just.. no.. everyone hones in on anchovies, which i’ve never had but no.. onions are the real scourge of the pizza world), Toast, Tea (okay that one actually shocked me), Clam Sauce, Chocolate Sprinkles, Jelly Beans, Yogurt, Coconut, Strawberries, Oatmeal, Grape Jelly, Gucamole, Tuna, Popcorn, Sardines, Whipped Cream, Bannans and Goulash. The point i’m making is it’s not hard to come up with even a weak wacky flavor of something and it was a weird line to just utterly botch but they somehow did it. Also that the Teenage Mutant Turtles have serious issues to address. I mean onions, really? onions? Guys you can do better... onions are a next mutation topping!

One Tangent Later, the boys and the trucks arrive at the docks where they see the money filled ice cream trucks loading onto a boat and a shadowy mystery man. Who could it be? My money is on

But my money is always on Crab People. It’s likely why i’m poor. But the boys chuck a bag of cash at him, then Louie... prepares to break his legs with a crowbar?

Seriously the truck was automated and they came straight form home. he had to have brought that with him. Whelp at least Louie has a unique character trait: He likes to make people bleed. I don’t know if that’s necessarily a GOOD thing for a 8-10 year old to want to do but it’s better than nothing. Before Louie can get up to a bit of the ultra violence, Huey finds out it’s Scrooge who explains himself: Naturally the sudden new Ice Cream Factory he built in days right next to the bin is a front, and the trucks are his own, a stealthy way to outfox glomgold. While the news said he was transporting the loot by air, he’s doing it by sea stealthily to prevent glomgold from attacking it. Which given he hasn’t a giant cow Zepplin, fair enough.

The rest of this though is ludicrously overcomplicated: First off it’s not REMOTELY stealthy to build a giant fake factory next to your bin, days before you transport your cash, something so obvious i’m suprised Glomgold dind’t just come to the factory himself and set some explosives. Second while Robot Drivers isn’t a bad idea, Glomgold has many spies with many eyes, it’s a BIG gamble to both have active trucks around, especially at night carrying large sums of cash. I mean what if the police stopped them? Sure Scrooge could get his money back legally, but Flintheart might get to it first or bribe some cops first. Or some dirty cops might take it for themselves. It’s also WEIRDLY costly for someone as spiendthrift as Scrooge, I mean while he owns the land for the factory he had to buy a ton of trucks, pay for gyro’s, i’m assuming Gyro’s at least, material to make the robots, and pay for the guard to keep people out as well as presumibly either well paid workers or more robots inside to get the money into the trucks. It’s just hilariously overcomplicated and while not an intentional joke clearly got a laugh out of me as it just makes no logical sense for scrooge’s character and he’s done similar ideas for far less money in the comics. It’s a carl barks style “hide the money bin’s cash” plot, funnled through bloodshot eyes of someone having done a small mountain of cocaine to get this script done on time and I love it for that. The boys applaud their uncle for his wacky scheme while a mysteroius periscope watches them from a distance.

The Next Morning Beakly is still awful as despite everyone being there, she now refuses to let Webby eat till everyone’s settled. And NOW we can talk about 87 Beakly. I don’t like her. She’s had one or two moments in the episodes I watched, but outside of that she’s a bland character who mostly fusses over the boys and webby, worries things are too dangerous, or is there for a weak joke. She’s just not all that intresting, and while i’ll grant the 87 Ducktales cast isn’t the deepest set of characters and the boys can be annoying depending on the episode.. their at least INTRESTING. The boys are clever, rambunctions and curious, Webby has all of that and an underlying swetness that while cloying at times is mostly just really endearing, Launchpad is a klutz and a crash magnet but means well and keeps trying and genuinely is a good scoutleader and person, and Scrooge despite his rough edges is a hardscrabbled adventuerer. The rest of the main cast here at least has a drive and character to them that makes the stories work when their at their best. Beakly is just kinda.. there. Why I also go into this is because 87 Webby gets a lot of shit.. and she really dosen’t deserve it. Yes she’s clearly a studio executives idea of what a little girl should like and that’s bad. And yes she got kidnapped a bunch.. but so did everyone else. But she makes up for that by being the heart of the team, offering love and empathy to all of them, easily bonding with varous animals and people they meet, and genuinely offering a naive but optimistic worldview that nicely contrasts with scrooge and the boys understandable cyncism. And she CAN handle herself more often than not. Wheras frank and co basically took almost everything about beakly and started over with Webby they simply tweaked her for the times: Made her about the same age if not older than the triplets so their equals, took away the triplet’s outdated and utterly loathsome sexisim, and added badassery and intellegence to her already admirable emotional skills and naive optimism, along with some boundless energy on top.They took a decent character and made her an amazing one. With Beakly.. they took a dodering, easily frightned old lady whose overly proper and stuffy and turned her into a taciturn, snarky, badass former secret agent whose the sanest person in the mansion and when she IS wrong, will not only admit it but usually had some good reason for it. She also goes from being mostly deferent to scrooge to one of his few equals, to the point that the “87 Cent Solution!” lampshades the fact that if they’d called her the episode would’ve been over, as she’s , outside of a few exceptions the one person he listens to. She’s a throughly likeable, throughly complex character and one i’m glad their doing more with this season while I really hope I don’t see the original her more than I have to. Okay with that rant done for this and any future retro ducktales reviews, we can get to the reason your all here and Kev comissioned me to do all 4 of these episodes: You’ve seen it on youtube, you’ve seen it in “Let’s get Dangerous”, you’ve seen it in dreams, ladies, gentleman and others, A. SEA. MONSTER. ATE. MY. ICE. CREAM.

As the family sits for pancakes, Wippleman, Scrooge’s accountant and what I can only assume is this universe’s version of WWE manager Harvey Wippleman, comes in and has some bad news for Scrooge: A Sea Monster of some kind sunk one of his ships.. but the good news it was only Ice Cream. Knowing what it really was Scrooge goes absolute APE shit and procedes to hop around the table going absolutely insane, destroying everyone’s breakfast, with poor webby bemoaning she’ll never get to eat, Beakly remarking “it must’ve been some ice cream’ which isnt’ a bad line, Huey explaning what’s up with the weirdly delivered “It was half his fort-une!” and the boys finally restraining Scrooge with an impromptu tablecloth straightjacket, which calms him down and he hops off to get his money back. Wether you’ve seen the scene for yourself and ESPECIALLY if somehow you haven’t, it’s right here if you want to take another look.

youtube

This scene is not only the most remembered part of the special, and easily the most beloved, it’s one of the best scenes in all of Ducktales 87 and easily one of the funniest across duck canon. Everything just clicks: The concept, the animation showing off just how manic scrooge is, how he never does the same move twice, how rather than looping it Alan Young very clearly said the word a bunch of times each time with a different more manic and uniquely hilarious delivery, Beakly’s deadpan reaction, and the boys vain attempts to restrain him before finally succeeding. Everything about this works and in an otherwise just really off center episode, this sparkling gem of a scene stands out. I waited till now to talk about Alan Young’s scrooge and honestly the man defined the roll for a reason: he can do a dramatic or emotional delivery just as effortlessly as a comic bit like this, and plays the character with the sternness and stubbornness expected. He got the character perfectly and it’s unsurprising Frank and Matt wanted him to reprise the roll and he only didn’t because he sadly passed on, though I will say David Tenant is a perfect replacement. Though even HE couldn’t do the Sea Monster Ate My Ice Cream bit as well as Alan, as his felt a bit more stilted and was clearly looped, but really I don’t think anyone could top him at this. It’s his shining moment as the character and he earned it square.

So getting back to the ten car pileup that is the rest of this episode, the boys and Scrooge head under the sea, doot doot doot, to find his ship. But while under water they instead find the navy who’ve quarantined the ship.. yet aren’t wearing face masks inside their little suits. How odd. Guess the giant glass dome and giant ocean of water between them and the ship helps but still, you can’t be too careful. Point is both sides are being kind of douchey: The Naval Guards, rather than direct Scrooge to their superior to PROVE it’s his vessel and ask questions to him directly since their aircraft carrier soon turns out not to be far from here just tell him he can’t pass and Scrooge is as bill gerent as you’d expect. I’m not saying people aren’t this dumb in real life, just google any video of a karen of any gender throwing a giant tantrum in a store over masks, i’m just saying i’td be nice to move the plot along without unnecessary cul de sacs. The boys however naturally have a way around this and sneak in with scrooge on the underside of a sea turtle. It’s a genuinely clever tactic. They find the ship with a large bite out of it.. and the Navy then swoop in to take them in.

On the ship Scrooge continues to not help his case and pulls a classic old white guy and demands to see their superior. Or white person in particular really. Point is he throws a strop on their way to what could easily be a trip to the brig with his behavior and possible criminal charges, while the boys muse that this is Donald’s ship. For the uninitiated, the in-series reason Donald left the boys for this series was he was called back to the Navy, and thus left the boys with Scrooge. Out of series it was an executive mandate: As Tad Stones, future creator of Darkwing Duck and story editor for Ducktales 87, explained, and I found out about this via looper, Disney was nervous about having one of their biggest characters overexposed by having him as part of 65 episode tv show. This was combined with the fact they were worried Donald’s voice would make stories confusing. I also believe, if with no proof there was at third reason: Tony Anselmo had just started as Donald Duck, taking over from the late great Clarence Nash at Nash’s request after Nash died in 85, and they likely feared putting Tony through such a ringer this soon might sour audiences on him before audiences had gotten used to the new voice actor. So with all this Donald was kept to the occasional guest roll, though I will say while there have been complaints about Donald’s voice on this show I have no issue with it. It’s not as good as the reboot.. but the reboot also comes after Tony’s been playing the roll for over 30 years and is just as iconic as his predecessor in the roll at this point versus two years after his mentor died and he picked up his sword.. or squawky duck voice in this case.

Scrooge is escorted to Admiral Grimitz, the head of this aircraft carrier whose showed up in other Donald episodes, specifically his segment of the Treasure of the Golden Suns series opener. He’s the gruff but mostly fair head of the ship and is voiced by, of all the va’s possible, Peter “Optimus Prime” Cullen, using a voice that is DIFFRENT but not by much. It’s hard not to be distracted by it. The Admiral waves scrooge off from his entirely justified fear the Army stole his money, but refuses to give any details since i’ts classified. Scrooge angrily.. decides to do the next shipment anyway and tells them to stay out of it instead of calling the president like he threatened to get some answers. Or threaten to pull funding for his military contracts. I know Scrooge never would, but they don’t know that. It’s just.. odd to see scrooge give up and it would’ve made more sense if the Admiral threatened legal action first or something that would get him to back off. The Admiral then brings in Donald, and gives him the truth: Their own scientist, Dr. Bluebottle, stole an experimental sub shaped like a whale and stole the money for reasons they don’t know. So since he can go undercover easily, he sends Donald to go with scrooge and slaps a transmitter on him so they can track him. Donald also does some slapstick. That’s my boy. And yes it was a very nice surprise to see him again since i’d forgot he was in this episode. Especially since aside from “The Trickining!” he hasn’t been in any episodes since Ducktales came back. Justifably though as none of those NEEDED him and the show’s massively improved from it’s “donald might as not well exist” days of season 1, I just miss him is all and it’s nice to see some form of him again. And this is where the episode kinda lost me, as this scheme, while not really out of the bounds of the reality, just.. feels like it overcomplicates the plot for the sake of padding. I mean I buy the Government going iwth a far more complex plan to cover their own asses.. but it would’ve made more sense from a plot standpoint to have it go this way: The Admiral is honest with Scrooge, tells him about bluebottle.. and threatens him into helping them by pointing out he broke into a federal quarantine and defined naval orders and could be brought up on charges, and if he tired telling anyone about Bluebottle could likewise be tried for leaking federal secrets. That way instead of using an unknowing scrooge as bait he goes into the situation KNOWING he’s probably going to get captured and while grumbly about it uses it to his advantage. Donald could still plausibly be sent along as naval lisaon/as a seemingly nice act/to have the bug to track the sub. Instead it just feels like they added an extra uncessary step to things to pad the episode more. I mean if you needed to do that just add more of the sea monster or give launchpad a cameo. He’s been missing for days at this point.

So Scrooge and family, which naturally includes Webby and Beakly even if I don’t like classic bleakly she’s still family, head out with the second half of his fortune which makes next to no sense when he has days left in the concept and you know, half is missing, but whatever. Naturally the obvious happens and we meet the famous Sea Monster.. which actually looks neat.. it’s drawn like your standard cartoony killer whale but has bits of indents much like a sub would to show it’s not entirely a beast. It’s a nice bit of design work. The whale eats the cash and Donald and Scrooge but the navy pick up the boys, webby and beakly. Donald let’s things slip on the sub, while back at the carrier the good Admiral explains the rest and my other issues with the plot aside this scene is a good bit of exploition as it explains some obvious questions away cleverly, something this plot could’ve used more of frankly but it’s refreshing to get at least a little: The reason they don’t just attack the sub en masse, besides it being you know incredibly valuable is that it’s made to be torpedo resistant, it’s sonar resitant so they can’t track it easily, and it’s faster than any ship. After all it was made to be a super weapon, so naturally the carriers standard barrage of navy vehicles can’t match it. However again to the episodes credit the tracker is actually vitally important, as it allows them to see the ship and where it is, so they can attack.. though right now their holding off on it since a crewman and a civilian are on board but if it comes down to it they’ll have no choice. I also gotta admit..t his concept is pretty cool. Kind of ridiculous? Sure but a super sub shaped like a whale that can still bite like one and outrun and outlast any other sea vehicle? It’s undoubtly awesome and a point in this episodes favor. But now we get to most gloriously insane and convoluted part of the episode.. yes NOW we do. Donald and Scrooge naturally sneak around the ship, and find Dr. Bluebottle at his controls, talking to Flintheart on a video monitor. Turns out, to no one’s surprised, Flintheart subcontracted out his plans to Bluebottle and in exchange for keeping the money under the ocean till the contest, Glomgold is going to make sure he gets the Nobel Prize, and covers on all the magazines. Okay at first I genuinely thought this plan made no sense.. until I realized it does, but ONLY for Glomgold. Bluebottle comes off as the smartest moron that’s ever lived for agreeing to any of this. But I have to give Glommy this the plan works out great for him: He convinces an already Rogue scientist to steal scrooge’s money, which prevents Scrooge from finding out what’s going on as he, correctly, guessed the government would cover this up because of course they did. He then correctly figured either the government would work with scrooge to trap bluebottle or they’d just use scrooge as bait anyway without a formal agreement, thus netting him scrooge’s entire fortune. He knows bluebottle won’t take it up because he gave bluebottle a bribe specifically for him and the only thing he wants, and even if he does take the money, Glomgold has more and Bluebottle could still remotely blow up the sub or something. And if he can’t the Navy would have to hold the sub, and money included , as evidence for the trial. And even if Bluebottle DOES rat him out, Glomgold could easily bury the evidence. The only way glomgold gets caught is if Bluebottle recorded their video chats or if scrooge saw them talking.. which he did, but given the two are direct competitors his testimony is dubious at best as is donald’s. So basically Flintheart almost certainly wins no matter what, and Bluebottle takes the fall no matter what. It does make Bluebottle comeff as a massive moron for not thinking of this, but props to glomgold. Also yeah.. it’s clear to me at this point that if he hasn’t said it somewhere Frank clearly did the same thing he did with Gyro here with Flintheart: Take one accidental trait from the original (Glomgold’s penchant for overly complicated schemes and Gyro’s tendency to make robots that go rogue.) and make it a part of their personality instead of just a coincidence and turn it up to 11 for hilarity.. which worked in both cases. I genuinely thought this Flintheart was saner but no he’s just less interesting. So Bluebottle gets an intruder alert.. and turns around to find Scrooge and Donald. Who rather than just whap the guy on the head while his back is turned, just stood there to confront him directly.

Look this review is running long and is behind, I don’t have more time to marvel over how plot conveniently stupid they are being right now. A fight ensues with blue bottles inventions till Donald threatens to pull a big lever. I’ts thankfully not the self destruct lever like Donald thinks or Bluebottle’s equivlent of the blow up the engine button because he’s clearly just that smart, but a lever to dump all the gold.. which isn’t a terrible idea for once as if the ship gets stalled it can float up, as we’ll naturally see as there was no way they weren’t going to pull this chekov’s lever at some point. Scrooge stops him, Bluebottle uses gadgets to tie both up and finds out about the bug , as that’s why the miltary have been able to attack him which happened but I didn’t get to becuse of all the stupid. Bluebottle snuffs it out and then fully assaults the aircraft carrier, and things look grim. But Scrooge and Donald aren’t put down that easily and escape and scrooge pulls a donald and just starts breaking shit and breaks the sub. Now with the sub plumiting, and Bluebottle bragging that only he can fix it as the sub will just keep sinking into the ocean’s depths.. and that only it’s design has kept compression from crushing them to death. But Scrooge has another solution and a suprisingly, and badassingly self sacrifical one: He dumps the money into the marinara trench, nice pun, and thus the whale floats up, Bluebottle is arrested, and Glomgold... still wins for now as Scrooge still has to get his fortune out, but Scrooge figures Gyro can help with that. We get an everybody laughs ending and we’re out.

Final Thoughts: This one is a mess. While it has a great moment here or there, Donald and Tony as him are fantastic as they are now, and of course A Sea Monster Ate My Ice Cream! is an utterly classic scene and an utter joy to watch. The attached episode is just a mess structurally, if still a fun watch. Yes despite my bitching about it the sheer slapped together nature of it means it’s fun to pick apart and make fun of, so it’s not unwatchable. I’ve seen worse episodes of this very show, and worse episodes of tv. But as an old friend would say.

Not a terrible sit, but it easily could’ve been better. I’m also getting tired of scrooge being enitrely usless and just throwing up his hands at times. Stop that he’s better than that. With this one THANKFULLY AND FINALLY out of the way, next up is Aqua Ducks.......

Oh god. Well if you want to see the next one follow me. If there’s an episode of any animated show you’d like to see me cover classic ducktales, modern ducktales, disney in general, etc, etc, just send me a PM and you can comission a review. 5 bucks for one episode, 15 for a movie and 5 bucks off one episode when you order three or more like say a multiparter like this. Until then say safe, check your house for Busey’s and hopefully we’ll meet again.

#ducktales #scrooge mcduck #donald duck #bentina beakley #webbigail vanderquack #huey dewey and louie #flintheart glomgold #reviews #review

4 notes · View notes

love-fireflysong · 5 years ago

Text

Day 9: Pet

Fandom: Until Dawn Character(s): Chris Hartley, Ashley Brown Words: 3506 Rating: General Author’s Notes: Fucking hell. This is so late. I am so sorry. I didn’t expect this to get nearly as long as it did. But to make up for the absolute horror I wrote yesterday Monday, here’s just the worst pining. Like the worst. It’s awful. Nothing but the purest, free-range Chrashley pining here folks! There isn’t even a plot, or at least there wasn’t supposed to be. Apparently I can’t write fluff without a build-up.

Neither couldn’t place exactly when it all started. Or at least, when something changed between them. Really changed. They had always been more obvious about their affections then either would have liked, not that the other had ever noticed of course. Fond smiles when the other had said something even a little bit endearing. Longing looks when backs were turned. Touches and hugs that always tended to last a linger or last longer than what would have been appropriate for friends who absolutely did not have a crush on each other.

Each day they spent together was a torture, a reminder that no matter what, there was no way that they felt the same way about each other. But it was always better then the alternative, feeling like a dagger was being shoved into their hearts every moment they were apart. So they endured, hoping in equal turns for either the feelings to fade (it didn’t) or for the other person to finally look their way (they always had).

And while they don’t know when things changed, they can pin point the two singular moments when it shifted.

-----------------------------------------

"Just use a pillow, Chris.”

“I would love to Ash, I really would. But I seem to recall that you stole all the pillows and are holding a monopoly on them right now.”

Chris wasn’t lying. He and Ashley were hanging on out on the couch in his and Josh’s dorm room, and she had shoved every single pillow (all two of them) in the dorm behind her on the couch.

“It’s not my fault that your couch has the worst lumps I have ever felt before. And some how only on the back and arms of this thing. Seriously, how do you two sit on here?”

Chris poked at one of the said lumps as he regarded Ash with a flat look. “We don’t. Unlike you, Josh and I don’t read on the couch—”

“I have never once seen either of you read a book that wasn’t a comic.”

“Really not the point, Ash. Also, rude. You’re not wrong, but you’re also being very rude.”

From where she had curled herself up in the corner, legs tucked under her, Ashley stuck out her tongue at Chris. “I still don’t understand why you or Josh haven’t replaced the thing yet. It’s not like neither of you could afford it.”

Chris gave a short snort. “It’s not like Josh couldn’t afford it. Do I look like I have a couple of hundred chilling for a couch? I barely have enough money to pay Josh when he gets back with the pizza. Anyway, it came with the dorm so it would be a big no-no if we tossed it.”

“I still don’t understand why Josh had to go to get the pizza in the first place.”

“The place doesn’t like to deliver on campus. Apparently a delivery driver got their car completely covered in spray paint or something when they had to deliver during frosh week a few years back.”

“...How much longer till he gets back with the pizza?”

As if knowing that he was being talked about, and honestly with Josh, it was entirely probable, Chris’s phone went off with a beep of an incoming text message. “Uh, hold on. He just texted.” Chris looked at the screen for a moment, and groaned. “Shit. He says that something happened at the restaurant and they managed to lose our pizza. Gave it to the wrong Josh W. apparently. So they’re making us a new one.”

“Are you serious? Really?”

“Unfortunately. Wait. He’s sending something else.” Chris’s face lit up like a child on Christmas morning. “Oh fuck yeah!”

“What? What?! You can’t leave me hanging like that Chris!”

“He says that as an apology, the place is giving us a free order of garlic cheese breadsticks!”

“Ooooh. That is good news.”

Chris nodded excitedly. “It’s gonna be another half-hour or so until they finish making it though.”

“That’s fine.” Ash shrugged, and then sighed happily. “It’s worth the wait for some of the cheesy garlic-y goodness coming our way. Plus, I’ll be able to finish another chapter or two of my book while we wait.”

“Gee thanks, Ash. Glad to know that you would rather read a book then spend your time with me.”

“Oh, Chris,” she smiled brightly and reached out to pat his leg comfortingly. “You’ve always known that.”

Chris narrowed his eyes. “Oh, I see how it is. Fine then, if that’s the way you want to play it...” Before he could think it through, or she could react, he flopped over onto his back and placed his head onto her lap.

“Chris! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

He shrugged as he shifted around a bit to make himself more comfortable. You stole all the pillows to read your book, so I decided to do the same. You’re my pillow now.”

“Oh my god. You don’t even have a book.”

Chris waved his phone in front of her face. “Newsflash, I don’t need a book. Got all the things I could ever read right here. Twitter and facebook and tumblr and games all at my fingertips. God. Join the 21st century Ash.”

She didn’t say anything, just smacked him lightly in the forehead with her book.

“I don’t think pillows are supposed to fight back.”

“Then get off, dingus.”

“Too late, I’m comfortable now. And I don’t think pillows are supposed to talk either.”

Conversation between the two of them trailed off after that, Ash opening her book to where she had last left off with an long-suffering sigh, and Chris turning on his phone. Except, as he mindlessly scrolled through whatever social media app he had randomly clicked on, his mind was not on the phone. Not at all. Nope, his mind had suddenly realized that his head was in Ashley’s lap and it was all he could think about.

It shouldn’t be awkward though! Friends did stuff like this all the time, using each other for pillow, right? At least, Josh certainly did. He was liable to sprawl across anyone’s unguarded lap if they weren’t careful. Hell, he had done it to Chris just this morning! But Josh didn’t have a huge, stupid crush on the person’s whose lap he was sprawled on (or at least, Chris didn’t think so?). But this was fine. It was normal and he could do this! He would not panic and turn into a blushing moron! Which was the mantra he kept up in his head, over and over to distract himself from the realization that she really did make a good pillow.

Which was why he didn’t notice that Ash’s fingers had been running through his hair for the last couple of minutes.

The moment he did though, Chris froze like a statue. His eyes slowly moving so he could look at her in the face. But her eyes were on her book, moving back and forth as she continued to read, and she flicked a page one-handed with practiced ease. She had no idea what she was doing. Probably thought she was petting a cat or something. Yeah! He thinks he remembers her mentioning once or twice that one of her cats at home likes to curl up into her lap when she reads. So she probably just thought that she was petting her cat! That was a thing, right?

He catches her lick her lips when she flicks another page, and averts his eyes, face turning a shocking shade of pink. Only to completely forget that when one of her nails lightly scrapes his scalp by accident and he sucks in a gasp between clenched teeth. It hadn’t been a gasp of pain though, no siree Bob, not at all! It was almost scary how intense the jolt of pleasure that shot up his spine was. He nervously chances another glance at Ash to make sure she hadn’t caught that, only to watch her wet her lips again and swallow.

Chris can honestly say in this moment that stopping her is the last thing on his mind. In fact, if he were to make a list of all of the things going on in his mind right now, stopping her isn’t even on it.

So instead, he closes his eyes, phone long forgotten, and just centers on the feel of her fingers running methodically through his hair. On her nails catching every so often on his scalp to scrape at it.. On the sound of her peaceful breathing. On the rustle of a page turning every so often in semi-regular intervals.

He decides that if Josh takes a little longer to bring the pizza, then that’s fine. Chris is more than happy to just stay here like this.

---------------------------------------------------------------

She really hoped that one of them was home. Really, really hoped as she banged on the door to the boy’s dorm with her fist. She was ready to admit that maybe she should have texted them first, but well, today just really hadn’t been her day so far.

Finally, finally, she heard movement on the other side of the door.

“I’m coming, I’m coming! Hold your goddamn horses!”

Chris. Part of Ash was really, really glad that it was Chris. Another, just as large, part was really, really bummed that it was Chris.

Yup, it really wasn’t her day. She continued to bang in hope that it would get him to the door faster anyway.

“Holy fuck, I said I was coming! If this is you Brian, then I swear to God—” the door swings open inward and Ash gives a bashful smile. “—Jesus H Christ Ash! What the hell happened to you?!”

She knows that she’s a sight. Dripping wet and covered in mud, and dripping all of this onto their entryway. She sneezes and smiles weakly.

“Hey Chris. Mind if I steal your shower?”

Chris doesn’t even answer her, pulling her into the dorm room and yelling over his shoulder towards the bathroom. “Josh! I need you to get your ass out of the shower! Now!”

She makes out Josh’s voice muffled through the shower and the door separating them. “What the hell, dude! I just got in here!”

“Don’t give a shit! Ash needs it more!” Chris moves to grab her unsurprisingly also soaked school bag and begins to hurriedly remove her thankfully still dry textbooks and binders from within. He places them carefully on the nearby table and she finds herself falling further in love with him all the more for it.

“Ash? What’s she doing here? Doesn’t she have her own shower? She can go home and use that one! This one’s got my name all over it for at least the next twenty minutes!”

Cold and miserable and soaked to the bone, Ashley finds she just doesn’t care anymore. “Joshua Washington! You get your goddamn ass out of that shower in the next five minutes or I swear to God I will rip you out of there myself!” She catches Chris staring at her in a mix of fear, awe, and something else she can’t quite place but makes her stand just a little taller despite the fact she’s shivering and literally looks like a drowned rat and creating a puddle the size of Moscow on his floor.

There’s a stumble and what may be the sound of a bottle dropping onto the shower floor. “I’m moving, I’m moving! Fucking hell, can’t a guy even shower in peace anymore?”

To his credit, Josh is only in the shower another two or so minutes, and when he opens the bathroom door he stops to stare at her stunned. “Holy Hannibal. What happened to you?”

Ash growls as she pushes past Josh (or would have, if he hadn’t jumped out of the way) and into the sanctum of the bathroom, already dreaming of the hot water on her skin. “I’ll tell you after. Shower first, story second.” With that, she slams the door behind her.

She’s also ready to admit that she spends an altogether too long amount of time in the shower. But she’s covered in mud and cold so really, who can blame her? She also spends a far longer amount of time staring at the bottle of body wash that she knows is Chris’s as she debates whether to use it or not, but she’s less likely to admit that one.

Finished, her skin and hair no longer a muddy brown, but the usual pasty white and dull auburn, Ash feels better then she has in hours. Refreshed and ready to take on the world, or at least the asshole in the Chevy. A hesitant knock at the bathroom door startles her, and with a grey and green striped towel wrapped around her, she opens the door a crack and stares out into Chris’s face, eyes upturned and face pink as he resolutely does not look at her but at a dark stain she knows is just above the doorway. Before she can say a word, Chris shoves an old grocery bag at her and a set of dry clothes.

“Here. Put your clothes into the bag and I’ll throw them in the washer downstairs.”

Ash feels her face redden to match his and reaches out to carefully grab the bag and clothes (where did he manage to find some clothes for her?). “Just give me a sec.” Keeping the door open just a crack, she starts shoving her sopping wet and muddy clothes into the bag and hand it to Chris. “I don’t have my wallet, sorry. Forgot it in the English building earlier.”

“It’s fine. We’ll figure something out.” With that, Chris grabs the bag and turns to walk stiffly away,probably to go and search for some change she assumes. She can’t help the stupidly fond smile that comes to her face as she closes the bathroom door and starts to get changed. Only for the smile to drop when she realizes that the clothes she’s holding is a sleep shirt of Chris’s that she is able to recognize on sight, an old grey number with the classic PlayStation logo he had found in a game store years ago, and a pair of dark blue sweats with a waist cord. Oh.

She spends a moment to debate even putting on the clothes, but realizes that her choices are either a: walk around the dorm in a towel (nope, not happening), b: confine herself to the bathroom until her clothes are clean (at least an hour’s wait, not ideal), or c: wear his clothes (towel is starting to look like a more attractive prospect honestly).

Feeling like her entire body is blushing, she puts on the shirt and pants, thanking the heavens that her underwear had managed to survive her unexpected bath relatively dry. The shirt is almost comically large on her, the collar keeps slipping to showcase one shoulder bare of any bra strap (her underwear may have survived, by the bra unfortunately did not), and the sweats she has to roll up at least five times so she won’t trip and break her neck. As she tightens the cord around her waist as much as she can, Ash stares at herself in the still foggy bathroom mirror, face as red as her hair and wearing her best friend/major crush’s clothes.

She is suddenly really relieved that she opted not to use the body wash now. Wearing his clothes and smelling like him? She probably would have self-combusted on the spot.

Grabbing an extra towel on the rack, she takes a deep breath for courage and opens the door of the bathroom. She notices Chris’s back as he’s standing in front of the microwave and hurriedly starts to towel dry her hair as a way to hide her burning face.

“I’m making you some hot chocolate if you’re okay with that. Figured that you might want some.”

She sighs happily at that. “You figured right. Hot chocolate sounds like heaven right now.” She takes a moment to realize that someone is missing. “Where did Josh vanish off to?”

“He’s digging in the car for some spare change for the laundry room, should be back up in a—” he turns around and starts choking on nothing.

“You okay?”

Still coughing and face just as red as hers, he wave a hand though his voice is strained when he speaks, really, wheezes. “Fine, I’m fine! Just-just dust, you know? Really should dust more often.”

Ashley tilts her head to look at him in confusion. “I guess?”

“Yup. Just dust. Go and sit down on the couch, I’ll bring you the hot chocolate when it finishes.” His voice is still strained when he waves her towards their lumpy couch.

She sits on it, and abandons the towel to run her fingers through her hair to try and break up knots and get some degree of neatness without a brush. Barely a minute later, Chris walks over and hands her the mug of cocoa. Somehow, they manage to get the mug to exchange hands without their fingers brushing. Good, she’s already obvious enough with how red her face still is.

Slowly, Chris sits next to her on the couch, his fingers tapping a beat on his knees. “Why were you using your fingers?”

Ash blows on the mug, hoping that she can claim the steam as an excuse for her face. “Forgot my brush in the English Building, too.”

“Oh. Um.” she watches Chris take a deep breath, his hands now digging into the fabric of his jeans, holding on as if his life depended on it. “I-I can help with that?”

Ash blinks, not quite understanding where he’s going with this. “I mean, sure?”

To her absolute shock, instead of just leaving to go and grab her stuff from the English Building like she expected, he instead starts to comb his fingers through her hair. The only reason she doesn’t drop the mug in shock is because she immediately tenses at the contact and just grips onto it harder.

For a moment, both are silent, nothing but the sound of Chris running his fingers through her still damp hair, breaking tangles and knots as gently as he can. It’s all she can do to stop from flinching when his hand reaches the bottom of her hair and brushes her bared shoulder.

“So,” Chris’s voice is high-pitched and strained as he speaks, “what happened?”

“What?” Unfortunately, hers is just as strained and somehow pitched higher then his.

“You came here looking like you decided to take a walk through a hurricane, but it’s not even raining outside. What the hell happened to you?”

“Oh. That.” Hands shaking and face burning, Ash struggles to take a sip of the hot chocolate with dumping it on herself in the process. His fingers through her hair is entirely too distracting but she can’t bring herself to make him stop. “You know that huge puddle by the library? I was walking by it to get back to the English Building when some dick in a Chevy decided to drive right through it and soak me. I only came here because your shower was closer.”

“Are you serious? What a fucking asshole. Why didn’t you text though? I would have picked you up at the library and brought you to the campus.”

“Yeah, well, unfortunately I left my phone in the English Building too, I was in such a hurry to leave and study, that I managed to forget an entire bag there.”

Chris gave a short, quiet laugh behind her. “Just not the one with the books of course.” His fingers catch on a particularly large tangle and her breath catches. She can hear him suck a breath in behind her. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. Don’t be sorry.” It is. It’s really, really fine. She kinds wants him to do it again, and her face somehow burns hotter at the the thought.

“Okay, If your sure.” He continues with with calming motion, conversation done as she just closes her eyes and decides to fully enjoy and embrace what will never ever happen again. Until that is, he accidentally rubs his fingernail along the back of her neck, the blunt edge scraping the skin slightly as it runs down.

She can’t help the gasp that leaves her as it happens, her back arching a bit at the sensation. She turns around and looks at Chris, knowing that there is no explaining away her reaction just now. Both their eyes are wide and and they’re breathing far too heavily for what had just happened.

Behind them, the front door slams open and they spring apart. “Hey Cochise! You got another twenty-five cents hidden around somewhere? We’re short a fucking quarter to run the dryer!”

--------------------------------------------------------

So yeah. While they don’t know when things changed. They sure as hell know when they shifted.

#pride month prompt challenge #my writing #until dawn #chris hartley #ashley brown #chrashley #how the fuck is this longer then seasons??????#what the hell happened?????

11 notes · View notes

all-hail-the-witcher · 5 years ago

Note

I have literally no clue how to do this, but director’s commentary on your ‘One expensive can of easy cheese’ fic?

hell yeah!!

all comments will be in bold

______

Race was sat on top of the counter in his and Albert’s apartment, race only knows how to sit on counters lets be real, he can't sit in a chair to save his life a piece of duct tape over his mouth and his hands tied together with kitchen twine KINKYY. He sighed against his restraints, resigned to watch his boyfriend make their contribution to this year’s Thanksgiving gathering: mac and cheese. okay so its mac and cheese cause if you read spies mac and cheese is Literally the Only thing albert knows how to cook, other than coffee, and he's Really Fuckin Good At It (he's the mikey of mac and cheese okay this is my hc)

Now, of course everyone and their mother knew that mac and cheese was not a Traditional Thanksgiving Food is it though, r a c e r?. But, Albert had won (best out of three) mario kart yesterday so he had gotten to decide what they would bring to Jack’s house i was gonna make it rock paper scissors, i do not know hot to play mariokart, but it sounds more heated than rock paper scissors. Had Race known that he had been planning to make mac and fucking cheese, maybe he would have tried a little harder race be quiet you literally love alberts mac and cheese its a known fact.

Apparently, Albert was not pleased with Race’s reaction to his decision to make mac and cheese, and thought that Race might try to get in the way somehow (which he may or may not have fully intended to do) he did. So he did what any loving boyfriend would: sat him on the counter, put duct tape over his mouth and tied his hands together so he wouldn’t interfere albert sounds real kinky in this, why did i make this so kinky, wait when did i even write this.

Race was beginning to wonder why he had agreed to move in with Albert in the first place. CAUSE YOU LOVE HIM THATS WHY

With a violent shake of his head and one final spat who the fuck uses the word spat huh saph??, he was able to dislodge the duct tape d i s l o d g e thats some karen bs right there.

“Albieeeeee,” he whined, laying down on the counter. “Can you pleaaaaaaaseee let me helllllllllp?” yeah albert let him help jeez he's the one who actually knows how to cook

Albert barely glanced up as he pulled the big wooden spoon out of the pot and gave it a thoughtful lick note to self, all licks should always be thoughtful. “Hmmmmmmm. No.” dumbass. if only you knew what was coming.

“But-!” He wriggled w r i g g l e d around to give Albert his best puppy dog eyes. “Can I make something else then? Ple-OW!” He glared at the spatula that had been hurled at his arm. “You apologize for that!” damn albie why so mean? o wait i wrote this wait...

“Nah.” He smirked and went back to stirring his wretched pasta okay but i did a good job making race salty i gotta give myself that. Well, actually Albert’s mac and cheese was quite good hELL YEAH IT IS. Race was just salty that he was making it for Thanksgiving when it was very well known that he was the chef of the two and Jack was expecting something good not the mac and cheese Albert famously made at 2am in college when they were all high as hell. okay real talk tho, no one eats good mac and cheese in college, its the instant microwave shit cause were all broke so thats a lie race

“Can you at least untie me then?” ;)

“No.” Albert even bother considering this time. albert this is gettin Real Kinky..

“Well.” If logic wasn't going to work on Albert he would have to try another method. “I know you know how to make a guy feel good Albie HAH YES I KNEW I PULLED SOMETHING WEIRD, but I never expected ropes to be a part of it. What’s next? Handcuffs? Whips? Chains?” i gotta tell ya life without ya has been hard. hard? has been bad. bad? has been r o u g h. k i N kY

In two seconds flat Race was out of his kitchen twine bonds and flexing his sore wrists. LIKE HECK HE WAS CAUSE ALBERTS ACE AND HE DONT WANT THAT REPUTATION!!!

“Man Albie, who knew you had a twine kink.” hehe u go race

“You know,” Albert began loudly, as if thinking that his loudness would cover up his totally obvious twine kink yeah albie has a twine kink, he licks it, no this is a joke, “if you want to do something that's actually useful, you could go to Walgreens and buy me another can of Easy Cheese.” W A L G R E E NS. this whole fit was an excuse to write another part of the walgreens au

“Is that what you put in your fuckin mac and cheese?” Race swore he actually felt bile rise in the back of his throat when Albert nodded. “That’s it. I’m never eating your mac and cheese again.” BUT YOU LIKE IT

“But-!”

“I’ll eat you though,” Race winked, taking a moment to enjoy the startled, yet somehow pleased look on his boyfriend’s face. okay maybe albert wasn't ace in this particular fic...

“Not until after we’re done at Jack’s.” yeah definitely not scratch that. i write a lot of fics. Albert said only half jokingly as he dug around in his pocket for a second before throwing a crumpled five at Race. “In the meantime though, be gone thot!” GO AWAYYYY. IM A MAN OF GOD. mikey and my sister have subjected me to too many tik toks im sorry

Race barely managed to catch the bill without falling on the floor, but still blew a kiss to Albert before walking out of the apartment.

Who the fuck puts easy cheese in mac and cheese? albert does. but its actually a plot point just to get you to walgreens and if anyone puts easy cheese in mac and cheese i will fite you. He wondered for the millionth time as he stomped the three blocks to Walgreens. Albert claimed that he had chosen his apartment for its proximity to the store he did, actually, but up until today Race had always assumed that he had been joking he was not. The man did make a lot of mac and cheese and if Easy Cheese was an ingredient well….maybe there was some truth to that story after all. you can buy easy cheese at a lot of places tho...i don't actually know if you can buy easy cheese at a walgreens

Race pulled open the door to the Walgreens, pausing briefly to wonder why the absolute fuck it was open on literal Thanksgiving before remembering that it was a fucking Walgreens and why wouldn’t it be open to sell his dumbass boyfriend a can of fucking Easy Cheese. walgreens remains a mystery indeed. my only experience was the one that my best friend and i would go to at lunch during senior year. also have you ever noticed that most walgreenses are on corners? cause their slogan is at the corner of happy and healthy??

In order to get to the Easy Cheese, or at least he assumed so because he had never bought a can of Easy Cheese in his whole glorious 25 years of life a true chef, Race had to walk past the Pharmacy section of the store. And, it just so happened that there was a guy sitting behind the counter at the Pharmacy. A very attractive guy. With a beard. In scrubs. oh my god the most questionable villain I've ever written.

Now, of course Race loved Albert and nothing would ever change that, but he could appreciate an attractive man when he saw one indeed he could. He thanked whatever deity was out there for the bit of man candy M AN C AN D Y that he had been granted and went in search of his Easy Cheese. oh just you wait racetrack

“Mac and cheese, velveta cheese, microwaveable mac and cheese, where the fuck is the- oh thank fuck there we go.” my best friend and i spent much time looking at the mac and cheese in walgreens He pulled a can of Easy Cheese off of the shelf, tossing it once and catching it athletics before turning to go pay for the horrendous product, happy to finally be done with the whole ordeal when- B R E T T

“Easy cheese? Really?”

Race whirled whirled? saph please get a better vocabulary around to see Mr. Man Candy hA himself leaning against the opposite shelf. “Wh- who?”

“Oh,” he dusted his hand off on his scrubbs oh my god Wait i wrote this cause one time when i was in a walgreens i Did see a hot dude working the pharmacy and decided to write a fic about it!! i remember texting mikey about this hjfhgjhg, “allow me to introduce myself. My name is Brett O’Hare. and mikey came up with that name And you, sir, are a disgrace to society. The very reason why so many Americans are in poor health in this day and age.” brett is an obnoxious millennial in case you can't tell

“I’m sorry, what?”

“The Easy Cheese!” Brett gestured wildly toward the can in Race’s hand. “Gosh do you even know how many preservatives are in that stuff? And all the cancers that it can cause? It’s terrible. We wouldn’t need free healthcare if people just stopped eating Easy Cheese!” apparently he's a millennial who's also a republican...?

Race had lived in New York City his whole life, and he had seen some pretty strange things subway pizza rat, but never had he seen a pharmacist in a Walgreens lecture anyone about the health benefits of Easy Cheese. easy cheese has no health benefits. and if you'd stopped annoying your boyfriend maybe you wouldn't be there

“So let me get this straight,” Race rubbed his head, trying to make sense of the situation. “You go around yelling at people about the ingredients in the things that they are purchasing?” yeah its nyc people love to have Opinions. and so do millennials

“Yeah.”

“You do realize that this is a Walgreens, right? Everything in here probably contains some kind of chemical.” man brett has his work cut out for him. New Yorkers never ceased to amaze him.

“All the more reason for me to inform them of their poor eating habits!” Brett pointed a finger at him. “And stop distracting me! You’re the one buying the freaking easy cheese here!” this is so weird why did i come up with this idea. what possessed me.

“It’s not even for me!” Race shouted back. “It’s for my boyfriend’s fucking mac and cheese that he insisted on making for Thanksgiving even though everyone knows that mac and cheese is not a fucking Thanksgiving food and he’s only making it cause he knocked me off the goddamn rainbow road right before the fucking finish line!” someones salty Race was fuming but the time that he was done.

“Oh, man I’m so sorry, that's lousy.” but it won't stop brett...

Race looked surprised. Of all the things that he thought he would get out of this Walgreens experience, a therapy session was indeed not on the list. But neither had been hearing a lecture about the preservatives in Easy Cheese from a pharmacist. i have literally no explanation for this train wreck of a fic

“But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re still buying Easy Cheese!” Between one second and the next, Brett had grabbed the can of Easy Cheese out of Race’s hand, wielding it like a brick ha percy jackson heroes of olympus anyone??. “Buy some fucking vegetables!” you can't buy vegetables in a walgreens brett

And with that, he struck Race over the head with the can of Easy Cheese.

Now, Race had definitely done some questionable things during his life Thats for sure. Once he had slept on the roof of his dorm building in January for a week because he lost his dorm key god why you can't even get on the roof of dorm buildings i know, I've tried, and another time he had been tricked into making an entire wedding cake using salt by Who??. However, being smacked over the head with a can of Easy Cheese by a health nut in scrubs on Thanksgiving put any and all other situations he had been in to shame in a walgreens don't forget. how did you forget that saph.

He opened his eyes, suddenly blinded by the lights, and reached for his phone, muttering curses about man candy and vegetables as he should be. Squinting so he didn’t have to look at the screen, he somehow managed to dial Albert. no one d i a l s anyone saph. its the 21st century. i have like maybe 8 phone numbers memorized, half of them belong to my family the other half to people i knew in middle school.

“Racetrack Higgins, where is my Easy Cheese?”

Race pulled the phone away from his ear and winced at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. “Um, it may have been used to give me a concussion by a health nut in scrubs?” for Once al isn't the one who gets injured in a walgreens. bet you didnt see That coming

Albert let out a loud sigh. “Ah man, did you run into Brett? That guy’s the worst.” hehe bet al used to date him

“Wait, you know him?”

“Race, I know every Walgreens employee in Manhattan, of course I know Brett.” There was the jangling of keys in the background. “I thought I told you to go to the one on 4th for this reason, ah, well. I’m on my way. I’ll take you to urgent care. Hang tight.” ofc al goes to urgent care. and everyone there knows him by a first name basis

Race’s head hurt too much to process what Albert had said except for the words ‘I’m on my way.’ “Okay,” he sighed. this was definitely one of the times i asked mikey about oddly specific concussion symptoms and then proceeded to forget everything he told me and do my own stuff

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” Race’s eyes focused on the dented can of Easy Cheese rolling on the floor he should still buy it. “And Al?”

“Yeah?”

“This is going to be one expensive can of Easy Cheese.” get it? cause race has to pay urgent care for his consultation? and they're also Very Very late to thanksgiving. cause al insists on finishing his mac. jack is not impressed. he eats all races pie.

anyway thats that hope you enjoyed

7 notes · View notes

ofsnckes · 7 years ago

Text

- ̗̀✰ •【 REECE KING, CISMALE, HE/HIM, EIGHTEEN 】❝ did you see RODOLPHUS LESTRANGE on the train back to hogwarts? they’re a PUREBLOOD in their SEVENTH year as a SLYTHERIN. apparently they’re THE HELLKITE around the grounds. of all the social media platforms, they’re definitely most obsessed with their SNAPCHAT; probably because they’re IMPULSIVE & ADVANTAGEOUS, but also VAPID & NARCISSISTIC . ❞┊ 「 jj, 18+, est, she/her. 」

hello everyone!! my name is jj, and i’ll be playing rodolphus lestrange! obviously a few things need to change bc this is a modern au but here’s an abridged version of some of his faves! i may edit this later but ye this is what i have so far. also please feel free to come @ me if you want to plot.

fave/least faves;

music genre: classic rock & hip-hop

movie genre: horror movies

tv shows: american horror story, game of thrones, dexter, the walking dead, sons of anarchy, empire, the x-files.

movies: psycho, jaws, the silence of the lambs, get out, it follows

singles/tracks/album’s: no church in the wild - jay-z & kanye, pink matter - frank ocean, rockstar - post malone, ether - nas, him & i - halsey and g-easy.

foods: sushi, hawaian pizza, shortbread cookies, gummy bears, fries

drinks: fanta

personality stuff;

the archetype (quiz); the master

game of thrones/a soing of ice and fire house type; house lannister

living stuff;

where do they live - explain on why they live there - or we’re the forcibly thrown there? he lives with his parents in a big ass mansion on a hill when he’s not at hogwarts. he lives with his father and step-mother - his bio-mom fucked off when he and rabastan were babies.

What does it look like, how many rooms - any curtains? etc etc. it big!! i’m thinking lots of pillars, tapestries; it looks like something you’d see ages and ages ago that has never been modernized aside from his bedroom and the media room.

do they have neighbours (you don’t have to go super deep into it but you can if you want - heck don’t listen to me it’s your fucking character.): no immediate neighbors but there is an estate down the road. he was banging their daughter for awhile before her father found out and threatened to shoot him if he came near her again. suffice to say, they aren’t on great terms.

we have the standard vices (drink/drugs/smokes); what do they eat - are they vegetarian, vegan - lactose/gluten intolerent: he does drink and smokes, and he’s also a red blooded carnivore! nothing above applies.

cleaning routine. do they clean? do they clean once a month (laughs nervously), does someone clean for them? can they clean - like have they been taught the standards of cleaning or are they a germaphobe. he’s had a maid at home and can use magic at school so he’s never really had to clean for himself. he probably knows basic cleaning spells but nothing extensive.

accessory stuff;

do they have a phone? if so what colour is it in? Does it have a case - does it have a fancy design or gradient or w/e on said case? what brand / model do they have? do they have a ring tone or is it always on vibrate/silent? What is the ringtone (default, some david guetta song, etc): fuck ok! so since this is modern au, he definitely has the iphone x or whatever the current version of the iphone is. it’s probably slate grey and he doesn’t put a case on it bc fuck protecting your things if you can just fix them! it’s always on silent so he can explain away not answering / texting back.

what does they’re key chain look like - do they lock their front/back/side door? how many keys do they have? do they have charms or old pet name tags (or current - or future). he has a bottle opener on a keychain and that’s basically it. he’s not one to carry around more things than he needs to. he doesn’t lock the doors because they have people to do that or wands!! hello!!

do they paint their nails? which ones (ie their toe nails or finger nails)? what colour(s)? matte holo (move your finger and HOLY SHIT IT”S A FUCKING RAINBOW IN THE LIGHT WOW), nail art, one colour, top coat & base coat, only top coat, ONLY base coat? i feel like he’s let girlfriends paint his nails before if there was something in it for him. he wouldn’t give a fuck as long as it was a dark color -- no pinks or purples here, thanks.

way to close for comfort stuff;

what do they smell like - do they shower often? brush teeth? do they LOAD the perfume/cologne on? if so what does it smell like - or is it a bunch of smells from birthday/christmas presents. he showers at least twice a day. he really likes smelling and feeling clean - that’s important. he probably wears some kind of expensive aftershave and body gel he got from a girlfriend for christmas. it’s probably got fucking diamonds embedded into the bottle; something overpriced and overrated.

do they ‘five-finger discount’ everything (steal shit), or is it just the ‘small’ stuff. oh it wouldn’t put it past him. if he has, he’d never own up to it -- his father would murder him if he ever got caught and tarnished the family name.

family stuff;

how did their family upbringing affect them? we’re they orphans? we’re they spoiled? the lestranges are a very antiquated family. you could even call it a dynasty. blood purity and the like are very important to them ... even if they’ve adapted some muggle customs into their lives with a magical twist. as the oldest, it’s always been expected of rodolphus that he’ll make the family proud, carry on the family line, marry someone suitable -- so while he was sort of spoiled, given everything he ever wanted, there was a dark cloud hanging over him filled with expectations.

do they even like their family? most days? no.

friends stuff;

are they a friend hoarder? do they have 1-5 really good ones; or 1,200 fb friends (i know some people who have at least this many). he has a lot of friends on his social media accounts but he only has maybe 2-3 close close friends. everyone else is just someone he hangs out with as an obligation, or because it elevates his standing.

what do they look for in a friend? a listener or a talker? (can be taken for themselves as well) someone who believes the same things they do and understands them. probably the elite of the elite; narcissistic assholes who care about money, status, and all the pleasures life can bring.

relationship stuff;

what do they look for in a relationship? honestly they’ve never been in a ‘positive’ relationship. he looks for someone who will meet his thirst for power and risk taking, and who won’t chastise him like a child when he acts out.

does s/o need money? come from a long line of drug addicts so you too can *insert action for said drug*, or are you a martyr and have to save everyone one by one by getting close to them. he’s never dated anyone with any real ‘issues’. whenever things get rough, he usually moves on to someone else. he’s a serial dater and flits from person to person.

how many relationships have they had? why didn’t they last? they’ve been in a few relationships but not many lasting ones. they like fun and can be a bit cruel which doesn’t always mesh well with others.

are they poly? or mono? they could be either. you never know. he doesn’t realy think about it.

pet stuff;

do they have a pet? are they allergic to any animal? do they LOVE cats or hate them with a fiery passion - or are they just fucking cats (jesus christ amos leave the fucking cats alone.) he has a jet black raven named Crx. you’re only allowed to bring an owl but rodolphus has never been much for following rules.

are they dressed up super cute? no.

do they WANT a pet really badly but *insert relationship here* is allergic, hates animals etc? nope!

social media stuff;

do they have… if so what is there… AND (since it applies to all of them) what’s their avatar?

facebook: n/a

instagram [rlestrange], [275 following], [41.2K followers], [88 posts]

skype [rodolphus.lestrange], [88 contacts], [ luke skywalker is whack ]

tumblr [ofsnckes], [ 75 followers], [22 following], [21 mutuals], [8 posts], fancy theme someone else made.

twitter [ofsnckes], [4.87K followers], [567 following], [300 mutuals], [3,322 posts]

snapchat [ofsnckes], [300 contacts], [99k + stories]

youtube: n/a

#mhq:intros

9 notes · View notes

flowerconcept-blog · 7 years ago

Text

skater!hongbin

inspired by a short convo w/ @cappuchiho so this is dedicated to u chi!!!

hongbin is a college student and part time barista to pay the bills, but his true passion is skateboarding!!!!

is studying economics because that’s what his parents want him to do but minors in acting because he really enjoys character study and he can’t major in skating :(

when people see him in his barista get up looking like a model no one thinks he’s a skater boy…. but then they see him zooming past in skinny jeans vans and a baggy t-shirt and they’re like “huh”

always has earphones and you’d think he’s blasting a kanye playlist or something but no. it’s park hyo shin

looks super soft and sleepy in his morning macroeconomics class in his big fuzzy sweatshirt and oversized glasses, his skateboard propped up next to him …. all the girls and also all of the guys in the class have giant crushes on him and swoon whenever he yawns cutely

waits forever to get a haircut because he’s too lazy to go to a hairdresser, so his hair always gets long and wavy and the bangs get in his eyes and it’s super dreamy

one time jaehwan cut his bangs for him and it was a mess but he still managed to look beautiful ??????

has a customized skateboard covered in stickers he’s collected over the years and he treats it like his baby.. he’s constantly dropping his phone and losing his notebooks but he would never ever ever let anything harm his precious skateboard

basically all of his free time is spent at the skatepark right on campus and as soon as he gets off work he’ll skate over and spend the next couple of hours doing tricks or just skating around

people always ask why he loves skateboarding so much and ,,,,,,,, hongbin never really knows how to answer? he just loves how free he feels when he’s skating, he likes the movement of it and learning tricks but more than anything skating has always been about escaping from his normal stress and worries

rooms with his bffl hyuk, who also skates, and the two of them are a total wreck living on pizza and ramen and hongbin’s mother would faint if she saw the state of their kitchen, but ….. they have a good time!

very shy at first………….. just because he’s so awkward….. despite spending all of his time at the skate park he’s always there with hyuk so he doesn’t really know anyone else???? he has his close group of friends and then doesn’t interact with other people cause he has no idea how to be a human

people are constantly asking him out at the cafe he works at and every time he just awkwardly clears his throat and looks at coworker gongchan in desperation, who sighs and goes “sorry he’s busy thursday”

anyways you go to the same college as hongbin and it seems like every single one of your friends has a giant crush on him? but you’ve never actually seen him, just heard about his perfect nose and perfect hair and perfect smile

your friends always take you to the coffee shop he works at because you’re like “there’s no way he’s THAT handsome” but his shifts line up precisely with your classes and work so you’ve never seen him

however, you do know hyuk! you sit next to him in your intro to compsci class and unlike you, he’s actually really good at the subject, but you…..have no idea what you’re doing…..so of course on the first day you befriended him to save your grade

every week you guys camp out in his apartment and do the compsci lab and it’s …..grueling… painful ……horrifying….. you’re convinced your professor is a sadist

you repay him for his generosity by making him real food because apparently he and his roommate are incapable of feeding themselves? although you’ve never met his roommate because he’s always at work when you are over

you always make him double portions to feed his roommate as well, because you’d feel bad leaving him to eat stale pizza after hyuk gets a full gourmet meal

so while you’ve never met hongbin, hongbin is pretty much in love with you because you leave him delicious homemade food once a week….he always asks about you and hyuk is like [side eye emoji]... and so a mischievous little matchmaking plot emerges!

one week hongbin has a bad cold :( and he’s home for like half of the week just curled up eating snacks and watching dramas :( but as miserable as he is….. this is when he first meets you!!!!!!

because it also just so happens that hyuk “forgot” to tell you that he’s busy during your typical study session, so when you knock on the door a sniffling (but still beautiful) boy opens it and ur like. “who are you”

and hongbin’s like. “whomst are you???????”

you quickly sort out that you’re here to study with hyuk and hongbin’s like omg you’re y/n????? while sneezing and you….. well you’re sort of a mom friend and you can��t help but feel sorry for hongbin

but also how does he know your name!!!

so you ask if he’d like you to make him some soup or something since you brought cooking supplies anyway….and it’s not because he’s so dreamy it’s just because you feel bad! you’re not trying to just spend time with him! you’re just being kind!

ten minutes in and hongbin’s tiny crush on you has become a HUGE crush because not only do you make amazing food, you’re also beautiful? and sweet? and he just wants to wrap you up in his arms and cuddle u, which is a feeling he doesn’t usually encounter

while you make him your famous cold prevention soup, he awkwardly hovers by the fridge and asks you questions about yourself and you’re like…………. he’s so damn cute

hyuk comes back from his “””important meeting”””” and the two of you are watching tv together and laughing and he acts all innocent when you accuse him of standing you up.

makes a joke about you two flirting and hongbin blushes, but you just stick your tongue out and shuffle a tiny bit closer to bean and that’s when he knows. he’s thoroughly fucked

you get his number under the guise of wanting to know if he feels any better, but like two days later hongbin calls you out of the blue and is like hey wanna come to the skatepark with me

and ur like….. i don’t skate? but bin is like i’m gonna TEACH you then

while he was awkward at his own apartment, he’s so much more at home skating, and you watch in admiration and awe as he shows you his tricks because his intense skater face is so appealing ,,,, the line of his jaw ,,,,,,,,,,, the laughter in his eyes when you try and fail to do a simple move

takes you to this little bbq joint when it starts getting dark and shows off his sick bbq skills (he’s actually not too bad)

you two drink soju and tipsy hongbin is still pretty awkward, but not as awkward as sober hongbin, so as you leave the restaurant laughing he kisses you, right hand holding his board and left hand around your waist

hyuk totally takes credit for your relationship

gives you his thrasher sweatshirt because he thinks you look adorable in it ,,,,,, holds your hand as you try to skate but ends up roasting you because you can’t balance well ,,,,,, you never thought he would be so savage but sometimes he hits you with total burns and you pretend to cry and he just laughs ,,,,,,, but at the same time is unbelievably tender and kisses your nose all the time

you don’t realize he’s hongbin that all your friends talked about until you bring him to a party and everyone freaks out ,..... “you’re dating HONGBIN??!?!??!?!” “oh whoops?”

you teach him how to cook for himself and he’s a surprisingly fast learner, but he still whines asking for you to come over and make him dinner as an excuse to see you

he always thought his skateboard would be number #1 in his life but you make him feel as free and happy as skating does ,,,, you don’t ask anything from him and you don’t expect him to always be perfect, even when he hasn’t showered for three days you love him (although you do force him into the bathroom) ,,,,

hongbin: “my skateboard can’t love me back ..... but you do.... thank u”

also hongbin: *skates up to you between classes, smooches you real fast, and then skates away*

#vixx scenarios #vixx #hongbin #hongbin scenarios #kpop scenarios #hongbin is sooo dreamy!!!!!!!!!!!!!i luv him!!!!! wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!#this is bad but i wanted to get a vixx thing up :(#💌

75 notes · View notes