#will focus on lily later tonight!!

[bangtanintotheroom]

Fill the Void (M)

I don't wanna decide things for myself, on my own

Finally, for the first time, I'm alone

You call me, havin' good times with a bad boy

Seems I've got a choice to make

Be my voice and I choose you to fill the void

• Pairing: Professional Dom!Hyunjin x Client!(F)Reader

• Genre: Non-Idol!AU, Sex Worker!AU, Smut

• Rating: 18+

• Words: 7.1k

• Summary: He’s always there to help you forget your troubles, even if it’s just for a few hours.

• Warnings/themes: explicit sexual content, sex work, swearing, drinking, discussion of safe words and consent, dom!Hyunjin, sub!Y/N, sensory deprivation (blindfold), usage of sl*t, degradation, bondage, edging, orgasm denial, manhandling, praise, use of sex toys, fingering, oral (f. receiving), dirty talk, light choking, protected sex, spanking, multiple orgasms, aftercare

• Playlist: 🎧

• Song Inspo: Fill the Void - The Weeknd, Lily-Rose Depp (Spotify | Soundcloud)

• Notes: Wow, look who finished this, eons later! I am so sorry for everyone who’s been looking forward to this, between the holiday and con rush and focus issues, it was hard getting this complete 🥲 but it’s here now and I hope it was somewhat worth the wait! Shoutout to my lovely Sunclair @minisugakoobies for beta reading! 💖

• Taglist: @minttangerines @aznstoner @horanghater @addictedtohobi @swga-ficrecs @firesighgirl @hyunjinsjeans

It didn’t matter how many times you frequented this place; your reaction would always be the same.

Heart picking up in speed as you opened the heavy wooden door between a nail salon and a cat cafe.

Eyes darting around at the picture frames of scantily clad people hanging on the burgundy walls.

Lips curling as you approached the androgynous young man sitting behind the singular desk in the lobby.

He was quick to notice you, glittered eyes crinkling in recognition.

“Y/N, so good to see you again!”

“Same to you, Felix. Is he here tonight?”

What did it say about you that a specific name didn’t have to be announced for him to know who you were talking about?

“Of course, he just got in a few minutes ago. I’ll give him a call.”

Nodding in understanding, you waited as the receptionist picked up the phone and dialed. It didn’t take long for him to start speaking to who was on the other end.

“Hey man, what’s up? I’ve got a surprise for you here.”

A pause while you fiddled with your purse strap.

“One of your regulars is back.”

Felix chose to shoot you a wink from the side, making you grin bashfully.

“Yup, that’s the one. How long will it be?��

More silence before he nodded.

“Sounds good, she’ll be waiting for you. See ya.”

Hanging up the phone, Felix shot you a smile that contrasted with the dark and sensual decor.

“It’ll be a few minutes, he’s just freshening up and he’ll be out for you.”

His words only made your pulse quicken further, but you played it cool on the surface as you replied, “Wonderful. Thank you.”

“Just make yourself comfortable, okay?”

His suggestion was paired with an arm outstretched towards a waiting area to the right, occupied with a few patrons sitting on black velvet couches. With a nod at the blond, you headed into the room, only receiving a glance or two from the other occupants. You took a seat on one of the armchairs in the corner, crossing your legs and leaning back into the cushion as you waited.

To soothe the nerves that always plagued you in this establishment, your eyes took in the people nearby. There were only five of them, taking up little space in the sizable room.

Two of them were huddled together on one of the sofas, most likely a couple judging by the way they held hands and touched knees. Not an ounce of anxiety was on their faces; if anything, they looked eager for whatever was in store for them tonight.

As for the others…

Your eyes shifted subtly to the opposite side.

Three young men who seemed to be good friends, but were currently on different wavelengths. The one in the middle was sandwiched between the other two as they whispered excitedly. He seemed to be less enthusiastic than them, leg bouncing while he kept shaking his head or retorting to the others. A pat on the back helped ease his nerves, body leaning back into the seat as he took deep breaths.

Poor sap was probably a newbie.

You remembered when you were in his position. It felt like so long ago.

Or maybe you had just been here so often that it felt like a long time.

Either way, you were in and knew what you needed tonight.

“Y/N?”

A familiar voice brought you to attention, straightening up in your seat at the tall and lean figure now standing in front of you as your stomach flipped in on itself.

“Hyunjin.”

The man smiled down at you, the red lights illuminating and shadowing the right places on his handsome face.

“Welcome back.”

You returned the expression, cheeks heating up despite your best efforts. He always seemed to have this effect on you.

“It’s good to be back.”

Hyunjin’s magnetic smile only widened, holding a hand out towards you. Without exchanging any more words, you took it, marveling at the warmth and delicacy of it. The opposite of what it could really do behind closed doors.

He helped you up and led you out of the waiting room and back into the hall. You saw the other patrons staring at the two of you out of the corners of your eyes, expressions ranging from encouragement to curiosity. Probably wondering what the enticing worker and the client in her wrinkled pantsuit were going to get up to.

Nothing was said as you and him walked past closed doors, the occasional sounds soaking through them. A moan. A groan or two. Some laughter. Once in a while a scream of pleasure. Or pain.

The first couple of visits, you’d jump and blink owlishly at the rooms, your gaping broken by the gentle tug Hyunjin would give your hand. You were used to these noises by now; it was nothing but background music to you.

Finally, a familiar door ended up in your vision. The dark wood with the red chain wrapped around the handle had your stomach knotting in titillation. Just like always.

Hyunjin opened it and motioned you to enter first, waiting until you stepped halfway in to shut it behind him.

His designated room fit the aesthetic of the establishment, yet it had its own style that catered to its owner. Black made up most of the decor, with the occasional blocks of white and garnished by gold. With the large bed in the middle, decorated with multiple throw pillows, any passerby would assume this was a normal person’s bedroom.

But the oddly-shaped chair looming in the corner hinted at what occurred here other than sleeping and relaxing.

“Need a drink?”

The query made you inhale and let out a heavy breath.

“Please.”

You made yourself comfortable on the end of the king-sized bed, unbuttoning your blazer before tossing it behind you. The urge to lay back and sink into the cozy mattress crept up, but you fought it in favor of watching Hyunjin work his magic at the mini bar.

“I hadn’t heard from you in a while, thought something might’ve happened.”

You shook your head, even though he couldn’t see you.

“No, just a deadline that’s been sucking the soul out of me.”

The worker hummed in understanding, turning around to reveal a glass in his hand, halfway full with white wine. As soon as he was within reach, you took a hold of the drink, wasting no time in taking a sip. The room temperature liquid slid down your throat like it was gold, pulling a sigh out when you pulled the glass away.

“Fuck, I needed that. Thank you, Hyunjin.”

“You’re welcome, Y/N.”

Hyunjin sat next to you, the distance enough to be respectable yet hint to the familiarity the two of you had.

“How have you been?”

One more sip and you turned your head to answer.

“On the verge of jumping out a window.”

The chuckle he gave was minor, though his expression exuded sympathy.

“Has work been that difficult?”

“Difficult doesn’t even come close to it.”

“Oh?”

Just that one little word was enough to have you prepping to express just what had been plaguing you in your career to even bring you here tonight.

“Well, where do I start?”

You moved your free arm back to lean on it, head tilting back to face the ceiling.

“Rumor has it that one of my managers is going to be laid off soon, despite our team being in the middle of a large project.”

You lifted the half-empty glass in the air.

“We have a new intern. Nice kid, but the amount of times he’s forgotten the basic details because he’s too focused on the big picture is irritating.”

The grip on the crystal stem tightened.

“I just found out that the sales coordinator who has been hitting on me is married. But if you ask him, he’ll say he’s in an open relationship.”

You sighed and shook your head.

“I actually liked that asshole.”

Hyunjin gave a scoff before remarking, “Men aren’t shit.”

“Seriously. Oh, and—” The lip of the glass hovered just centimeters away from your lips now. “—I got a parking ticket this morning.”

The tiniest of snorts left Hyunjin while you downed the rest of your drink, letting out a sigh of relief once it finished sliding down your throat.

“You’ve really been going through it, haven’t you?”

“To say the least.”

Your head turned, looking over the other’s appearance with interest. He always had the most interesting outfits on whenever you came, emphasizing his tall and lean figure. This time was no exception.

A short-sleeved sweater vest with a crisp white collar and a black tie wrapped around his neck and simple black slacks. A few bracelets and a watch on his wrists to brighten up the dark look. His hair was tied up this time, showing off an undercut you remembered him mentioning during your last visit. But while you were studying his face, you noticed something that wasn’t there before.

“This is new.”

You pointed to the metal sitting underneath Hyunjin’s right brow, his expression brightening.

“Ah, you noticed. I got it a few weeks ago.”

A hum vibrated through your lips as you admired the piercing.

“It suits you.”

He was quick to express his gratitude, clearly pleased that you brought it up. The two of you conversed on whatever came up for a while, acting like old friends and not a worker and client about to get down to business. But you started growing restless after a certain point, ready to receive what you came here for.

“Hyunjin?”

“Hm?”

You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear while looking into his eyes.

“I think I’m ready now.”

Your words made Hyunjin’s eyes steel, starting to enter into professional mode.

“Are you sure?”

No hesitation.

“Yes.”

“Okay—” He placed a hand on the small of your back, rubbing with comfort. “—how do you want it, Y/N?”

You knew. You knew since you began planning to come here earlier in the week. But it was a little further than what you were used to doing with him.

So you had to swallow the spit gathering in your mouth before responding, “Rough. Rougher than usual.”

The shift in Hyunjin’s dark eyes resembled the one you would see in your coworkers as they prepared to counter suggestions in meetings. His hand also stopped rubbing your lower back.

“How rough?”

His question forced you to take a moment and remember how the system he had set up worked. When you mulled over just how far you wanted him to go, you held up four fingers. He counted each digit and raised a brow at your answer.

“Are you sure? We’ve never gone that far before.”

“Yes, Hyunjin. I really need this, believe me.”

Your tone was verging on desperate, dying to give complete control over to this man and forget about anything irrelevant. It was just the professional in him making sure that his client knew what they were signing up for. You appreciated it, really.

But you needed Hyunjin to start making you forget your own name.

Thankfully, he nodded after a pause or two, his hand continuing to move again.

“Okay, love. That means we’ll have to do a refresher on safe words.”

Ah. Now you really had to dig in your brain this time.

You had never been pushed far enough that you had to use them, but now you were testing your boundaries. Hyunjin was good at his job, but that didn’t mean things couldn’t go wrong.

With intense focus, you attempted to recall the words. It took a while yet they returned in full clarity.

“Soft.”

“To keep going.”

You nodded.

“Hard.”

His mouth quirked.

“To bring up the intensity.”

The next one.

“Pause.”

“To stop completely.”

“And…”

This one took longer, but you managed.

“Swap.”

“To switch it up.”

You hummed in approval, his answers matching up correctly with your words.

“I’m surprised you remember.”

Hyunjin’s shoulders lifted in nonchalance.

“It’s my job, darling.”

A chuckle came from you; he did have a point.

“Fair. So—” You set your empty glass on the floor before standing up, cocking your head as you looked down at him. “—should I undress myself or would you like to do the honors?”

Hyunjin gave you the sauciest of smirks, letting you know that play time was over.

“It’s all up to you, love.”

Yes.

This was just what you needed.

To think about nothing except the toy sliding in and out of you and the one controlling it.

It took little effort on Hyunjin’s part to clear your mind of the troubles plaguing you outside of this building. As soon as you were stripped down to nothing but your skin, he was quick to switch to his other persona, instructing you to get comfortable on the piece of furniture in the corner before strapping you in with ease. The way his lips quirked when he looked over your bound form never failed to raise goosebumps. It was the last glimpse you got of him before satin covered your eyes and left you to view nothing but darkness.

And true to his promise, he began pushing you to your limits.

“A-Ah—”

You could hear him huff below you, taunting, “You’re making a mess on my furniture, darling.”

You were pretty sure he wasn’t exaggerating; every time the vibrator sunk in or pulled back, you could feel your wetness dripping out and collecting into a puddle underneath your ass. This was how you got whenever Hyunjin teased you. The ability he had to build you up and make you walk to the mountaintop, only to force you to turn around and head back down was astonishing.

And addicting.

“Mnh—”

It was pointless to tug at the bands around your wrists. You didn’t even budge an inch.

“So needy for a piece of plastic. It’s adorable.”

You tried to stop what came out of your mouth next automatically, but failed, retorting, “That piece of plastic is making me feel good— Ah!”

A sharp impact on your thigh brought a cry out of you, swiftly followed by his stern voice.

“Manners, Y/N.”

Oops. One of the rules established was to not talk back and you almost ruined the mood.

“I’m sorry, sir.”

Hyunjin clicked his tongue at your meek apology, clearly not too pleased with the interruption.

“I thought I was doing my job, but I guess not since your mouth just ran off.”

You couldn’t avoid the way your walls squeezed when you heard him say in a velvety tone, “Guess we’ll have to fix that, hm?”

Within a second, you could feel the toy pulling out, a whine escaping your lips as you felt so empty all of a sudden.

“Sir—”

He didn’t allow you to utter another syllable as you felt something wet and hot gliding against your swollen folds out of nowhere. The sensation made you jerk in your restraints and yelp sharply, legs bound tight to prevent you from closing them. You weren’t sure if it was a good or bad thing at the moment.

Hyunjin’s tongue took its sweet time traveling, the tip dipping into crevices and swirling around your hard clit with precision. In any other situation, the attention would be welcome, especially from someone as skilled as him. But this was not helping with the golden rule of the night.

Don’t come unless he says so.

“Hyu— Sir, please!”

You trembled at the hum washing over your center. “Hm?”

“Sir…more.” A pause. “Please?”

Almost forgot your manners.

“I don’t know, love, can you handle more?”

Could you? Probably not, but tonight was about pushing your boundaries…

“Yes.”

Nothing but your labored breathing was heard for some time. Which was why you flinched at the feel of something much smaller and warmer than the vibrator poking at your entrance.

“Is this good enough for you, greedy thing?”

“Y-Yes sir!”

Your pitch increased when you felt his finger slide into you with little resistance, burying up to the knuckle. Hips raising at the sensation, they began following the rhythm of Hyunjin’s thrusting, enjoying the bundle of pleasure that began building up again.

“Fuck, you’re so needy.”

A pinch of your hip interrupted your movements, teeth catching onto your bottom lip.

“Fucking yourself onto my finger like a slut. Never imagined that this would be what I dealt with tonight.”

There was no hiding the shiver that wracked your body at his words. And if there was a chance, it was wiped off the map when Hyunjin tapped onto your G-spot, ripping a shriek out of you.

“Shit!”

The chuckle you heard was dripping with nearly sadistic amusement at your predicament.

“There you go, making a mess again.”

Your face burned with unbearable heat as he pointed out the obvious, feeling your arousal dribbling out every time he stroked the soft area or thrusted into it. It was difficult to get like this with any of your previous partners, but the man between your legs had you in such a state without even breaking a sweat.

To make matters worse, Hyunjin went back to stimulating your clit with his mouth. You could hear the clinking of the chains as you pulled your wrists forward, barely making any distance. He had made it so you couldn’t move as he ruined you to bits; all you could do was squirm on the chair and express yourself through expletives and moans.

It didn’t take long for your body to sink into the rhythm he was creating, fighting less and less against the pleasure. You had even bucked your hips a few times, receiving chuckling and teasing from the other.

But then you realized at a certain point that you were getting too relaxed.

For a string deep in your belly began forming into a knot and pulling tight.

Fuck. Not good.

“Y/N.”

The rigidity surrounding your name made you freeze before Hyunjin continued, “You better not be doing what I think you’re about to do.”

“I-I’m not, sir—”

The way your voice shook and you tugged at your bindings betrayed your words. Denying the sensation only seemed to exacerbate it, the mass growing further and further the more his fingers slid in and out of your pussy.

“Doesn’t feel like it. Remember what I said?”

“Y-Yes.”

A sharp pinch to your inner thigh made you whimper.

“Say it.”

“Don’t c-come unless you say so. I promise I won’t, sir.”

A rub on that same spot was followed by, “Good.”

But he didn’t ease up. Instead, he continued his motions and challenged your resistance to breaking one of his rules. You were trying to give the facade that you were under control, but your body kept twisting and whimpers poured from your agape mouth.

It was so tempting to just give up and say your safe word, but fuck that.

You were on a mission tonight and you weren’t raised to be a quitter.

The sting of nails digging into your palms felt minor compared to the ache between your legs.

Fight it. Fight it. Fight it.

The sensation remained stagnant before finally beginning to fade into slight discomfort. Although your body protested, your mind was satiated by the praise you heard next.

“Good girl. I love when you listen to me.”

You hummed in appreciation at Hyunjin’s words and the hand gently rubbing your hip now.

“Th-Thank you, sir.”

The welcoming warmth of his palm lulled you into somewhat of a relaxed state that made you aware of the current position you were in. The hardness of the chair was starting to make your bottom sore and your hands and feet were starting to get a bit tingly now. Your lips turned downwards as you tried but failed to regain your discomfort.

“Sir?”

“Yes?”

“Easy.”

His touch paused, the heat stagnant on your skin.

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“A little.”

You heard Hyunjin hum before responding, “Should we move this to the bed, darling?”

Just the thought of laying on the soft duvet had your tone brightening as you gave your approval. The hand left your hip before landing above your head to work on loosening you from the furniture.

Feeling the leather unwrap from your wrists and ankles was a mild relief, flexing your toes and fingers for a moment before you felt your hips being grabbed and pulled downwards. Your legs came together quick enough to help you stand, although they had little strength once your feet touched the ground. Your sense of balance was affected from the prolonged position and you stumbled forward.

If it wasn’t for the hands that swiftly supported your waist, you would have ended up face first with the carpet.

“Be careful.”

Anyone unfamiliar with Hyunjin would have missed the minor softening of his tone, the immersion breaking for a moment to make sure you were able to continue. You took this opportunity to rest your forehead against what felt like his shoulder and regain your bearings. The sensation of fabric against your skin and the scent of his cologne entering your nostrils contributed to being aware of your surroundings once again.

After taking a few deep breaths, you straightened up, hoping that you were looking somewhere at Hyunjin’s face.

“Y/N, how are you feeling?”

A loaded question, really.

You were feeling like a mess in the best way possible, yet the sharp pang between your thighs was torturous. Every throb reminded you of what he had been putting you through for the last…

How long had it even been since you stepped in this room?

“I’m…soft.”

Hyunjin clued in on the word, a hum leaving him in response.

“I see. Do you think we should move this somewhere a little more comfortable?”

The invitation was more than welcoming to you. As much fun as you were having in the chair, nothing could beat the plushness of a bed. Especially his bed.

“I’d like that, sir.”

A rub of your waist made a thrill run down your spine, followed by his hands coming up behind your head.

“Should we take this off or leave it on?”

You didn’t want to risk nearly taking a spill again, so you chose the former, remaining still as Hyunjin undid the knot of your blindfold. As soon as the fabric was lifted off, you made the mistake of quickly opening your eyes, wincing as the dim light attacked them. The man in front of you chuckled in amusement, appearing as a blurry shape to you.

“I turned the lights down for a reason, darling.”

“Thank you…”

It took a minute to adjust, but you were able to finally see the other in full form, taking in his appearance.

Aside from a bead of sweat at his hairline, he looked nonplussed. Like he hadn’t been working you up with his own two hands.

Someone who was impeccable at his job.

“Come on.”

Hyunjin’s expression cooled, a hand sliding down to grip the back of your neck.

“Break time is over.”

The pang between your thighs returned in full force at the tone of his voice and touch, your head bobbing in agreement. He took a hold of your shoulders before turning you around, the king-sized bed in your view as he guided you to walk forward. Just as your legs were about to hit the foot of it, Hyunjin stopped you, leaning down to croon into your ear, “How do you want it?”

It wasn’t easy to answer immediately. The cautious part of you said to get in a position that wouldn’t break you down further, but the adventurous side wanted to go all out. You pondered for as long as you could, not feeling any sort of impatience from the man behind you.

But finally—

“Can I show you?”

Your question was answered with a hum, feeling his hands remove themselves. Once you were free, you stepped forward to climb onto the bed, stopping in the middle on your hands and knees. You lowered the side of your head to rest on the plush comforter, bringing your arms behind you to cross your wrists on the small of your back.

“Like this, sir.”

You heard Hyunjin make a sound of interest before footsteps echoed, stopping once his body was in your sight.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Your gaze connected with his. “And bind me again, please.”

Hyunjin quirked a brow, somewhat intrigued by your request. Studying your expression to find any hesitation, he gave his own approval once it was clear that there was none.

“Alright. Lift your head up for a second.”

You were a bit confused, but obliged, watching his arm go out of view to grab something above your head. It was clear what he went for when he slid the object under your temple before motioning you to lower it, the coolness and comfort of the silk pillowcase providing some relief.

“So you don’t walk out of here with a sore neck.”

A smile couldn’t help but form, looking up at him as you gave your thanks. The tiniest lift of his mouth occurred but disappeared swiftly, leaving your sight as he walked off to grab whatever was needed for this next phase.

You were hopeful that whatever would enter you next wasn’t his fingers or another toy. At this point, you needed something more substantial. And knowing how thorough Hyunjin could be with what he hid in his slacks had your veins thrumming with electricity.

But alas. You blanked out for a moment and forgot that it wasn’t going to be the usual song and dance tonight, per your request.

For after you felt him locking the familiar leather cuffs around your wrists, his fingertips trailed down your body until they stroked against your dripping folds.

“Have you gotten even wetter, darling?”

You swallowed down a whimper when he tapped your throbbing clit, replying, “Maybe…”

A short laugh and a pinch to your bottom was what you got in return.

“Why am I not surprised? I bet you’re hoping that I’ll fuck you now, hm?”

Even if your body remained still as a board, surely he saw the way you reacted between your legs.

“Yes sir.”

A light swat on your ass had your breath hitching.

“Yes sir, what?”

Oh. Here we go.

You had to wet your dry lips before speaking lowly, “Yes sir, I’m hoping you’ll fuck me.”

Hyunjin didn’t seem to be entirely convinced as he delivered another smack, earning a short but sharp sound from you.

“It doesn’t sound like it, Y/N. You seemed more desperate when I had that piece of plastic inside you.”

Now you could feel his fingertip parting your folds before it slowly opened your entrance, sinking in ever so slightly, not even close to stroking that sweet spot.

“Even when my finger was in, you sounded needy. I think you were satisfied with just those, no?”

He probably wanted you to convince him. Really convince him.

Time to reach into your depths and pull out the performance of your life.

“No, sir. They’re not enough.”

You dared to push your hips back, forcing the digit in deeper.

“I need your cock instead. Need it to fuck me dumb.”

A noise of intrigue came from behind you, but you continued before he could say anything.

“I really need this, sir. Want you to stretch my pussy out some more—”

You moved back further, breath hitching when your spot was nearly touched.

“Please fuck me now.”

Nothing but your own heartbeat was heard, hoping that your little show was enough to prove yourself. After a moment, you felt the finger inside you take its sweet time sliding out, hips following in vain. A hard slap was given on your ass, followed by a deep chuckle.

“That was impressive, darling. I’ve never heard you sound so needy before.”

As much as you wanted to bury your heated face into the bed, you remained steady. “I’ll do what I have to to convince you, sir.”

“I see—”

The noise of his belt coming undone made your ears perk up.

“Then I should give the little slut what she’s been asking for, right?”

It was so hard to hide your triumphant grin, but you managed to dim it down into the tiniest of smiles.

“Thank you, sir.”

A pat to your bottom was Hyunjin’s appreciation of your manners. It felt like ages before you felt him get on the bed to kneel behind your bent form. But when something thicker than a finger and warmer than a vibrator rested between your ass cheeks, elation began blossoming in your chest. It was hard to resist when you decided to wiggle, biting back a giggle at the slightest intake of breath from him.

It was a temporary victory as Hyunjin’s hands took a firm hold of your hips, keeping you in place now.

“Cheeky.”

You weren’t surprised at the pinch you received, taking it in stride. This was what you were waiting for all night. Hell, all day. You didn’t have to hope that he would, to put it simply, fuck the ever-loving shit out of you.

The man knew how to do his job thoroughly.

“Ready?”

You nodded, shifting your body a bit to prepare for what was to come.

“Yes, sir.”

With those two words, you could feel Hyunjin grab himself, readjusting to have his tip pressing lower down now. Your toes curled instinctively when you felt the blunt head of his cock parting your folds before he began penetrating. You forgot how to breathe for a moment at the intrusion, nails digging into your palms. But he was giving you what you asked for and that’s all you could want.

Until—

Oh fuck.

You were more sensitive than you realized, feeling the familiar tingle in your fingers and toes start as he sunk further in. You tried to stave off the sensations, but with each inch, you felt your self control withering away and collecting into a ball of tension in your lower stomach. Your walls began trembling before starting to clench around him in preparation for—

“Y/N.”

The sharpness of your name forced you to pay attention, especially when Hyunjin followed with, “Don’t.”

Damn. Your body was a rebel, trying to fight against his command, pussy still throbbing incessantly. You had to get it under control now. Who knew what he’d have in store if you disobeyed?

“I-I’m trying, sir…”

You were forced to shut your eyes as you tried your damnedest to regain control, from counting backwards to picturing a calm ocean. After a few countdowns, you managed to refocus, avoiding the inevitable orgasm. Even though your cunt was screaming at you to give in to the sweet release, you felt a sense of satisfaction at being able to hold back.

Hyunjin seemed to be impressed also, giving a gentle rub to your sore ass cheek before cooing, “Such a good girl.”

You exhaled sharply, only to suck in a breath when you felt him begin to move. The thrusts were slow and long, forcing you to soak in every bit of his dick. He had a way of rolling his hips that not many men had in them, rendering you weak within a couple of minutes. Now was not an exception, soft moans starting to leave your parted lips with increasing frequency.

“This is what you wanted, right?”

“Mnh— Yes, sir. Feels good—”

Funny how nonplussed Hyunjin sounded compared to you, already getting lost in the pleasure.

“Good. I better keep hearing you sound like this.”

“Of course— Ah!”

A deeper than expected thrust ripped a cry from your throat. Your fingers curled and dug into your palms as you tried to keep it together. As badly as you wanted to release, you were determined to stick to your challenge tonight.

Even though the man behind you was making it insanely difficult.

He wouldn’t stick with the same, old rhythm. If Hyunjin wasn’t switching his strokes up, he was grunting or husking out words that made heat spread throughout every part of your body.

Good.

You wanted to forget about whatever happened prior to you stepping in this building and he was doing his absolute best to see your wish through.

Time was a foreign concept while you were being fucked. Especially when you were doing your best to not come before you were given the go ahead. But like a splash of cold water, you suddenly felt Hyunjin completely bury himself, skin flush against yours.

A yelp left you at the change, ready to call out his name until you heard something gruff and velvety ring out behind you.

“Come.”

Was it the way his word was delivered with pure authority? Was it because he was buried deep inside your cunt, flush with your bottom? Or was it how tight he gripped your hips, fingers digging hard enough to feel the dullness of his nails?

Either way, it hit you like a freight train.

If anyone had been walking close in the hallway, surely they heard the way you screamed out.

Spots filled your vision, every bit of your body shaking at the long-awaited release. The only thing keeping you from completely sinking into the bed were Hyunjin’s hands.

“Yes, that’s it, darling.”

How you managed to hear his praise during your prolonged orgasm was a miracle. Eventually, the sensations faded and you were of sound mind again.

The dom must have noticed as you could feel him beginning to thrust into you again, bringing a feeling of strong overstimulation to you. You bit back a whimper, your pussy trembling in a mix of pleasure and discomfort. You tried to subtly shift away from him, but to no avail.

A pressure on the chain linking your bound hands was quickly followed by a commanding, “Don’t fucking run—“

A sudden jerk of your cuffs forced your body to straighten, your bound hands now trapped between your back and Hyunjin’s torso.

“You wanted to come so badly, I’m giving it to you.”

There was little space for you to protest at all, a hand coming up to wrap around your neck and an arm wrapping around your waist to keep you in place. As soon as a light pressure made your breathing hitch, Hyunjin began pounding into you, harder than ever.

If it wasn’t for his fingers, you would have shrieked.

The sensitivity from before still lingered, bringing a mix of pain and bliss that was unlike what you had experienced with him before. But you never spoke any of your safe words.

You just let the other keep pushing you over the edge repeatedly, to the point where you practically forgot your own name. Your entire body and brain were entering into a fog that could only focus on the cock driving in and out of you and the debauchery being rasped into your ear.

“Fuck, that’s it! Coming endlessly like a needy slut.”

“This pussy of yours just keeps squeezing me over and over—”

“Such a good girl for me, mnh—!”

Just when you were on the verge of asking him to slow down, you felt Hyunjin completely bury himself before remaining still behind you. The gritted swearing and strong twitching of his cock against your hypersensitive walls clued you in to what was happening, a mix of relief tinted with satisfaction washing over you.

As the two of you caught your breath, exhaustion started sinking its claws into you. Your eyelids became heavy, threatening to close when he released your neck and waist to gently lay you on your front. Landing on the duvet only made the sensation worse, leaving you limp as a noodle.

If you had been by yourself in this room, there would’ve been no way to get out. Thank God for Hyunjin being here to look out for you.

You could feel him undoing your cuffs before he carefully rolled you onto your side, guiding you into a fetal position that was much needed.

“How are you feeling?”

Spent. Satisfied. Ready for a nap.

But all you could muster was a weak grunt.

Hearing Hyunjin hum, you felt a warm hand lay between your shoulder blades and begin to rub.

“Would you like something to eat and drink? It’ll help get your energy back.”

At least you could manage a nod, lids fluttering.

The hand was removed as he went to grab whatever he had stored away for moments like this, leaving you to try your best to not fall asleep right there. Luckily, Hyunjin returned swiftly, soft voice sounding again. “Darling, I’m going to sit you up, okay?”

You managed to croak a feeble response, allowing him to guide you to sit up against the pillows. You saw spots for a moment, leaning your head back to try and blink them away.

“Here.”

You looked down to see the lip of a water bottle in front of your face. With Hyunjin’s help, you managed to latch on and drink. Once you got a satisfying amount down, he handed you a small pack of saltines, already opened.

“Is this fine or would you like something else?”

The tiniest of smiles came over as you took the package.

“This is perfect. Thank you.”

Hyunjin reflected your expression, waiting until you ate one of the crackers before reaching for your free arm. As soon as his lithe fingers began working into your stiff muscles, you sighed in contentment.

“Your arms must be killing you right now.”

“Mm, I’ve had worse being in the gym.”

The dom chuckled at your light quip, glad to see that you were coming back down easily.

“I’ll still give you an Aleve before you head out, your tune might change in the morning.”

Even though your eyes rolled, you were appreciative of his thinking ahead. One of the reasons you always came back.

“Thank you.”

While you were snacking away, Hyunjin continued massaging all of your limbs, chasing away the aches and tingles with little effort. As soon as you finished eating and chugged your last bit of water, he was quick to offer you more, but you declined.

If you filled your stomach any more, you definitely would have curled up in your spot and taken a nap. You didn’t want to go over your time limit and interfere with his next client.

Once you had your bearings about you, you let Hyunjin know that you were ready to leave. He looked you over once more to make sure you were able to head home safely before helping you into the adjoining bathroom to freshen up. You cleaned up as best as you could and redressed, not caring that the wrinkles in your pantsuit worsened by now.

Your companion for the night took your hand and led you out and back down the hallway, your mood a 180 from a couple of hours ago. Stress didn’t run through your veins anymore, replaced with a lightness that could only come from a place like this.

“So how long will it be until I see your face again?”

A shrug greeted Hyunjin’s question.

“Hopefully not as long. I’ve still got some PTO left that I can use, so who knows?”

“Hm, we shall see.”

The two of you reached the entrance to the waiting room, the other stopping to turn and face you head-on.

“So this is goodbye, for now.”

You nodded and replied, “It is. Thank you again, Hyunjin. You don’t know how much I needed this tonight—” your teeth flashed, “—it’s like an entire weight off my shoulders.”

Hyunjin smiled politely, taking your free hand as well to give both of them a careful squeeze.

“As always, it’s my pleasure. You did great, Y/N.”

The praise brought a flutter to your chest and a warmth to your face. He was never shy with compliments. Although you had to wonder if his clients ever returned the favor on the regular…

Time to take a chance.

“So did you, Hyunjin.”

The way his eyes scrunched and teeth flashed, paired with his cheeks turning pink, let you know that you made the right decision.

“Thank you, darling.”

With a kiss to your hands and a good night, he sent you off on your way. You had a bounce in your step as you headed past the receptionist desk, Felix in the middle of a conversation with a young woman.

“I can guarantee you’ll have a good time with him, he’s one of our best here. Oh, Y/N!”

The call of your name made you pause, acknowledging the blond.

“How was it?”

Your grin expressed everything and more as you answered, “More than I needed and wanted.”

Felix beamed, pleased with your feedback. “Excellent! I actually have this wonderful young lady here asking about Hyunjin—” he jerked his head towards her, “—maybe you can give her your two cents?”

Said woman looked at you now, her lips curving with kindness and modesty.

“Hello. You’re familiar with Hyunjin?”

“Very. He’s my go-to guy whenever I visit. I’ve never had the urge to choose anyone else.”

Her eyes widened, curiosity covering her face now.

“Wow, really? That’s quite the preference.”

Watching the way she reacted reminded you of your first time here; on edge and unsure what exactly you wanted from one of the doms. If it wasn’t for the extensive patience Hyunjin showed you that first night, you never would have stepped foot in here again, let alone multiple times.

She had nothing to worry about.

“Mhm. Honestly, from one woman to another, I say go with him. Trust me—” you gave her as much of a reassuring smile as you could muster, “—you’ll be in good hands.”

©bangtanintotheroom, 2024. Do not repost to other sites or copy without permission.

[sebscore]

the other drivers finding a hickey on gen z driver! reader and trying to find out who gave it to her it would be so funny😭😭

WHAT HAPPENS IN MONACO, STAYS IN MONACO

pairing: f1 grid x driver!reader

warnings: hickey. innuendos. rushed writing (lol, I wrote this in the middle of the night so cut me some slack pls).

author's note: thanks for the request! I know this has been in my drafts for a long time so I'm very sorry that it took me a while!! hope you still see this <3 also thank you to @12-seconds-to-live for the title inspo!

masterlist

• • • • • • •

The Monaco Grand Prix was always one of the highlights of the season- the prestige and luxury it brought forward was matched by no other race.

It was also the home of many F1 drivers, including herself. So it wasn't too out of the ordinary for a bunch of them to get together and celebrate in one of the many clubs the city had to offer.

''Y/N, we're going out later tonight, wanna join?'' Pierre asked her, all of their media duties done for the day. Lando, Charles, Max, George and Alex amusingly looked at her, already knowing she would never pass the opportunity to party.

She scrunched her nose, feeling the teasing coming from a mile away. ''I, uh, actually have other plans.''

''What do you mean you have other plans?'' The frowns on the guys' faces didn't do their obvious confusion justice. ''You're seriously saying no to a party with us?'' George was flabbergasted, he had known her for years and in all that time she had never refused.

''I am saying no this time.'' Y/N chuckled, their faces too funny not to laugh at.

''Even the girls are coming,'' Lando said, referring to their girlfriends, ''you can say no to us, but you surely can't say no to them.'' He tried convincing her, knowing about her soft spot for their girls.

Y/N loudly sighed, glancing away for a moment. ''I already told Lily I wasn't coming so that won't be a problem.''

''She didn't tell me that.'' Alex argued, almost offended by his girlfriend not informing him.

The young woman glimpsed at him, a smirk on her face. ''Well, there are many things she doesn't tell you that she tells me, Albono.'' She ended her sentence with a wink to the Williams driver.

Her comment had temporarily taken the focus off of her dismissal to party as the drivers laughed and poked some fun at Alex, but Charles wouldn't let her get away with it just yet. ''But what are those other plans you have, Y/N?''

''I just have better things to do, guys.'' She said, making an advance to leave the paddock and go home for the day.

''Like what?'' Max asked, puzzled by her vague answer.

''I don't know, my friend didn't say his name.'' She grinned from ear-to-ear, quickly waving them goodbye before they could stop her and tease her for going on a blind date with someone.

Y/N could hear the commotion they made as she walked away, secretly smiling to herself. ''I can't believe she's dumping us for some guy.'' She swore it was Lando who said it.

Walking into the driver's briefing the next day hadn't been like the usual days. Normally, she walked in, greeted everyone and sat down on a random chair. However this time, it went a little different.

Y/N walked into the room and greeted everyone, nothing out of the ordinary. But instead of a symphony of excited and dismissed greetings back, she was met with smirks and chuckles from her fellow drivers.

''What is it?'' She asked them, not sitting down before she had an answer.

Yet, they continued acting like teenagers and giggled amongst themselves, not giving her an explanation for their weird behaviour.

Daniel was the first one to have mercy on her and spoke up. ''You had fun last night?'' The raised eyebrow didn't go unnoticed, the Australian referring to her blind date from the night before that the other must have informed the entire grid about before she arrived.

''It was alright.'' She merely said, finally sitting down on the chair next to Lewis who didn't seem to be very invested as he typed something on his phone.

''Just alright? Cause it seems like you were busy.'' Lando continued the teasing, weirdly putting his hand on the side of his neck.

Y/N frowned at his action. ''I have no idea what you're talking about and stop acting like an idiot.'' She awkwardly chuckled, unnerved by everything.

''You're the only clueless idiot in the room right now, I'm afraid.'' George commented, smiling a bit too bright in her opinion.

''I'm totally confused.'' She let out, not hiding her confusion any longer.

Lewis scratched his voice, not taking his eyes off his phone. ''We can see the hickey on your neck.'' He revealed to her, matter-of-factly.

Y/N's eyes widened, immediately hiding her neck into her sweater while she could feel her head heating up due to embarrassment. ''I just walked past all the reporters- oh my god!'' She exclaimed, angry at herself for giving them any kind of news they could gossip about.

''I'm so happy it's not me this time.'' Lando laughed, victoriously throwing his hands in the air.

''You're the victim of the week, kiddo.'' Valtteri ruffled her hair, sitting on the chair behind her and his former teammate. She weakly smiled at him, mortified at what her team's press officer was going to say about this.

A figure taking the space on the other side of her brought the woman out of her thoughts, glancing beside her, she found Mick's comforting smile. ''Don't listen to them,'' he whispered, ''so, tell me about it! Is he a nice guy?'' Mick couldn't help but be curious, they have been good friends for years.

Y/N snorted, quickly covering her mouth. ''I don't know, there wasn't much talking, to be honest.''

''Okay, gross.''

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[angel-w0nderland]

~ 𝓐𝓙 𝔁 𝓕𝓮𝓶!𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻 ~

♡━━━♡━━━♡

~ 𝖠𝗎𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗋 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖾𝗌 - 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗌𝗈 𝖼𝗎𝗍𝖾, 𝗂 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗂𝗍 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗂𝗍 𝗍𝗈𝗈, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗋𝖾𝗊𝗎𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝗒 𝗂𝗇𝖻𝗈𝗑 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗈𝗉𝖾𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝗂 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗇 𝖺 𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗉𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗀𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗌 𝖿𝗂𝖼 𝗌𝗈 𝖾𝗇𝗃𝗈𝗒 𝖠𝖩 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝖾𝖺𝗇 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 :) ~

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 = 3𝖪

♡━━━♡━━━♡

· ✦ ·* . • · •. ✶˚ . ·✧ ˚ · . ·* . ✵. ✵ .· ✵ ✫˚ · · . ·✦ ˚ · . ⊹ · . * .. . °

The air in the private area upstairs was thick with the scent of cigar smoke and the warm glow of the flickering candles, casting a seductive hue over everything. Lily's bar, with its worn leather booths and antique wooden tables, was as much a character in the story as any of the patrons who filled it. Tonight, though, it seemed to hum with a particular energy, as if even the walls themselves were celebrating the success of AJ and his team's recent heist. The reader who worked for Lily, her long, raven hair pulled back into a messy bun, bustled between them, serving drinks and offering words of congratulations as she went.

AJ took a sip of his whiskey, the smooth caramel flavors dancing across his tongue. He glanced around at his team, each member lost in their own thoughts and reflections. There was a sense of camaraderie and contentment in the air, a knowing nod to the fact that they had once again pulled off the impossible. But even as they reveled in their victory, AJ couldn't help but feel a twinge of unease. He knew that their success had not gone unnoticed, and that sooner or later, someone was going to come gunning for them. He just hoped that they could enjoy this moment of respite for as long as it lasted.

His eyes drifted back to the reader, and he found himself unable to look away. There was something about her that drew him in, something that made him feel both safe and vulnerable at the same time. He knew that she was off-limits, that she worked for Lily, but he couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to her than met the eye. Maybe it was just the way she moved, the way she smiled, the way she seemed to understand the complexities of their world. Whatever it was, he couldn't deny the attraction he felt towards her.

As he watched her serve another group of customers, he felt a pang of envy. He wished he could be on the other side of the bar, serving drinks and flirting with her. But he knew that was impossible. His life was committed to this game, to this team, and to the danger that came with it. Still, he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to see where things might go with her, to explore the potential connection that seemed to exist between them.

The conversation around him shifted, and AJ realized that his team was discussing their next job. He forced himself to focus, to rejoin the conversation, but his mind kept drifting back to the reader. He wondered if she felt the same way about him, if there was even the slightest possibility that they could be together. The thought filled him with hope and longing, a desire to reach out and make something more of this fragile connection they seemed to share.

As the night wore on, AJ found himself excusing himself to use the restroom more often than necessary, just to get a glimpse of her, to catch a whiff of her perfume, to watch her movements from a distance. It was obvious that he was becoming obsessed, that he was losing perspective on what was important. But he couldn't help it. Something about her drew him in, made him feel alive in a way that he hadn't felt in years.

Finally, with the party winding down and the last of their celebratory drinks consumed, AJ mustered up the courage to approach her. He smoothed down his jacket, adjusted his tie, and stepped out from the shadows of the private area. She looked up from where she was tidying up the bar, her eyes meeting him across the room. There was a spark in her gaze, a hint of interest that sent a shiver down his spine.

"Hey," he said, his voice coming out a bit rougher than he'd intended. "I just wanted to say...thank you. For tonight, I mean. It was really nice of you to help out."

She smiled, her eyes never leaving him. "It was my pleasure. Lily's always been good to me, and I'm happy to help out the team when I can."

There was an awkward silence as they stood there, barely a foot apart. AJ could feel the tension between them, a palpable energy that seemed to draw them closer. He took a step forward, leaning in slightly. "I've noticed you around here before...you seem to know a lot about this world."

She shrugged, looking away briefly before meeting his gaze once more. "I've worked with Lily for a while now. I've learned a thing or two along the way." Her voice was soft, sultry. AJ couldn't help but feel a stirring in his chest.

"You seem...different," he said, choosing his words carefully. "I mean, most people who get involved with this stuff..." He trailed off, not wanting to sound accusatory.

She smiled again, her eyes dancing with amusement. "Oh, I've been involved for a long time," she assured him. "Just because you don't see me in the field doesn't mean I'm not a part of it."

AJ found himself leaning in even closer, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. He could feel the warmth of her breath against his skin, and it sent a shiver down his spine. "Well, I've been thinking...I mean, I know you work for Lily, but maybe..." He trailed off, unsure how to proceed.

She raised an eyebrow, her expression playful. "Maybe what?" she prompted, her voice barely above a whisper.

AJ took a deep breath, gathering his courage. "Maybe there's something else we could be doing together," he said, his voice low and intense. "I mean, I know this life is dangerous...but we could make it work, couldn't we? We could be a team, you and me."

She stepped closer, her breath mingling with his. "And what would you have me do, AJ?" she asked, her voice husky with desire. "What role do you see for me in all of this?"

He took her hand in his, feeling the warmth and strength of her grip. "Any role you want," he replied, his heart racing. "I trust you. I know you're smart and capable. I just want to be with you, to have you by my side as we navigate through this dangerous world."

Her eyes sparkled with interest and a hint of mischief. "Well," she said, leaning in closer still, "I think I could be quite useful in certain situations. I have...connections. Resources. Information. And I'm not afraid to use them."

AJ felt a thrill of anticipation course through him at her words. "That sounds...promising," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I think we could make quite the team."

As they stood there, lost in each other's eyes, he couldn't help but wonder what their future held. He knew it would be dangerous, that their lives would always be at risk. But for the first time in years, he felt a sense of hope, of purpose. He felt alive again.

He leaned in closer, his lips mere inches from hers. She responded in kind, her lips parting ever so slightly, inviting him in. The air between them crackled with anticipation as they hovered on the brink of a kiss. He could feel her breath against his skin, her heart racing in tandem with his own.

As their lips met, he felt a rush of emotion overtake him. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before, a combination of desire, passion, and a deep, abiding connection. Her lips were soft and warm against his, and he couldn't help but lose himself in the moment.

She slid her hand up his chest, her fingers tangling in his hair as she deepened the kiss. He responded in kind, his tongue dancing with hers, exploring every inch of her mouth. The world around them seemed to fade away, leaving nothing but the two of them and the intensity of their desire.But before they got to carried away Aj broke the kiss and begins to lead you to his car 

The world is quiet tonight. Not a single sound escapes the confines of the apartment building. Even the bustling city beyond seems to have taken a break from its usual clamor. It's as if everything around us has collectively exhaled, exhausted from the endless demands of life. And in this brief moment of silence.

· ✦ ·* . • · •. ✶˚ . ·✧ ˚ · . ·* . ✵. ✵ .· ✵ ✫˚ · · . ·✦ ˚ · . ⊹ · . * .. . °

In the privacy of his own home,he stepped back for a moment to look into her eyes. They were filled with a mixture of passion and tenderness, and he felt a wave of emotion wash over him. Without another word, he reached out and drew her closer, pressing her against the wall. Her body felt warm and supple against his, and he could feel her heart racing in tandem with his own.

She moaned softly, arching her back as he explored her neck with his lips. He trailed his hands down her sides, cupping her hips, feeling the smoothness of her skin beneath his fingers. The tension between them was palpable, and he could feel her desire growing with every touch.

They moved together, their bodies in perfect sync. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her nails digging into his shoulders as she pulled him closer. He lost himself in the rhythm, the feel of her skin against his, the taste of her lips on his neck.

He could feel her growing wetter against him, her breath coming in ragged gasps. He quickened his pace, thrusting harder, deeper, as she arched her back and cried out, her fingers digging into his shoulders. He buried his face in her hair, feeling the softness of her skin beneath his lips, the heat of her body as it moved against his own.

They moved together, lost in the moment, their world reduced to nothing but the two of them and their intense desire. Time seemed to stand still, each sensation magnified, each touch a new discovery. AJ's body shook with the force of his climax, and he collapsed against her, spent. She held him close, her breath warm against his neck, as they both caught their breath.

Slowly, they began to regain their senses, the haze of passion giving way to a sense of contentment and peace. He leaned his forehead against hers, marveling at the connection they shared. He could feel her heart still racing, and it brought a smile to his lips.

"I've never felt like this before," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't know it was possible to feel so... complete."

AJ smiled, tracing a finger along her jawline. "It's funny," he said, his voice rough with emotion. "I've been feeling that way for a while now. Like I've been missing something, and then I met you. And now..."

She leaned in, kissing him gently on the lips. "And now?" she whispered.

"And now," he replied, "I feel like I've finally found my home."

They stood there in the quiet darkness of his apartment, wrapped in each other's arms. The air was thick with the scent of their sweat and desire, mingling with the faintest hint of vanilla and jasmine. He felt as if he could stay like this forever, lost in the warmth of her embrace, the softness of her skin against his.

He kissed her again, tenderly this time, and she responded with a sigh, her body melting further into his. Her fingers tangled in his hair, holding him close as their lips moved in perfect harmony. It was as if they were two halves of the same soul, finally reunited after an eternity of longing.

· ✦ ·* . • · •. ✶˚ . ·✧ ˚ · . ·* . ✵. ✵ .· ✵ ✫˚ · · . ·✦ ˚ · . ⊹ · . * .. . °

The next morning, they wake up together in AJ's bed, the sunlight streaming through the curtains. They lie entwined, enjoying the quiet comfort of each other's presence. As they discuss their plans for the day, they both realize that they want this to be the start of something new and lasting.

They decide to spend the morning together, exploring the city. They dress in casual clothes, enjoying the fresh air and the bustle of the streets. They stop for coffee at a quaint little café, laughing and sharing stories over steaming mugs. It feels so natural to be with her, as if they've known each other for years.

As they wander through the park, they come across a small pond where ducks swim lazily in the water. They sit down on a nearby bench, watching the ducks and listening to the birds sing. She leans her head against his shoulder, her hand finding its way into his, and he feels a warmth spread through his chest. He can't help but wonder if this is what it feels like to truly be in love.

"What do you think?" she asks him, her voice soft and gentle. "Do you think we could make this work? I mean, between us?"

He turns his head to look at her, her eyes shining with hope and trust. He knows that he could never be with anyone else. "I think," he says slowly, "that I've never felt this way about anyone before. I mean, I thought I was happy before... but now..." His voice trails off as he searches for the words to express how he feels. "Now I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

She smiles at him, tears welling up in her eyes. "I feel the same way," she whispers. "I've never known anyone who made me feel this way. This... complete."

They sit in silence for a moment, just enjoying the warmth of the sun on their faces and the gentle breeze rustling through the trees. AJ leans forward, his elbows on his knees, and looks into her eyes. "You know," he says, "I think we should start making some plans. About us, I mean. About our future."

She nods, her heart racing a little at the thought of what their future might hold. "I think that sounds like a really good idea," she says. "Where do you want to start?"

They spend the next few hours walking through the park, hand in hand, discussing their dreams and aspirations. They talk about the kind of life they want to build together, the places they want to travel, the people they want to surround themselves with. They talk about their careers, their hobbies, and their favorite movies and music. It's as if they've known each other for years, as if they've been waiting for this moment to finally share their deepest secrets and desires.

As the afternoon turns into evening, they find themselves at a small, cozy restaurant. The candles flicker on the table, casting a warm glow across their faces. They order their food and continue their conversation, laughing and teasing each other like old friends. They share a bottle of wine, feeling the warmth of the alcohol in their blood, and the weight of the world seems to lift from their shoulders.

After dinner, they walk along the river, the water gently lapping against the shore. The lights of the city twinkle in the distance, and the air is filled with the sounds of car horns and laughter. They stop at a small pier, leaning against the wooden railing as they watch the stars begin to appear in the night sky. She nestles into his embrace, her head on his shoulder, and he can feel her heart beating steadily against his chest.

"You know," she says softly, "I've never felt this way about anyone before. This... sense of peace, of belonging. It's like I've known you forever."

He smiles down at her, his heart swelling with love. "I feel the same way. I can't imagine my life without you in it."

They stand there for a moment, lost in each other's eyes, as the stars continue to appear in the sky above them. The gentle lapping of the water against the pier serves as a soothing background to their quiet, intimate exchange. As they stand there, it feels like time has stopped, as if they are the only two people in the world.

She raises her head, gazing up at him with such tenderness that it takes his breath away. "I don't want to lose this feeling," she whispers. "I don't want us to ever lose each other."

He cups her face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away a stray hair from her cheek. "I promise you, I'll never let that happen," he says, his voice thick with emotion. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what. You're my heart, my soul. You're everything to me."

She leans in, pressing her lips to his, feeling the truth of his words as they mingle with their own. Their kiss deepens, becoming more urgent, more desperate, as if they're trying to seal their love into this moment, to capture forever the feeling that has taken hold of them both.

As they break apart, he looks into her eyes and sees everything he's ever wanted reflected there. He cups her face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away a stray hair from her cheek, and he knows with absolute certainty that she feels the same way. There is no doubt in his mind that they belong together, that their love is real and true and everlasting.

They spend the rest of the evening walking along the river, hand in hand, lost in their own little world. The stars above them seem to shine brighter, the city lights seem to dance with a newfound energy. They stop at a small bench and sit down, their shoulders touching, their legs crossed. She leans her head against his shoulder, feeling the steady beat of his heart, and for a moment, she wonders if he can feel her heart too, beating in time with his.

He looks down at her, his eyes filled with love and admiration, and she knows that he can feel it. He takes her hand in his, their fingers entwining, and she feels a shiver run down her spine. It's as if their bodies are connected, as if they share the same breath. She looks up at him, wondering what it is about him that makes her feel this way, and she knows that she will spend the rest of her life trying to understand the depth of her feelings for him.

They sit there for a while, lost in each other's company, content to just be together. The stars above them seem to dance in the night sky, their twinkling light reflecting off the river below. The sounds of the city in the distance mingle with the gentle lapping of the water against the pier. It's a peaceful, intimate moment, and she knows that she will cherish it forever.

•̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧.˚ •̩̩͙ ✩. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚ *•̩̩͙ ✩.

[morning-star-joy]

maybe I don't quite know what to say, but I'm here in your doorway

a stranger's heart without a home Chapter 8

Pairing: rivals to friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak

Chapter Summary: You attend dinner with the Millers, where Tommy and Maria surprise you and Joel with an unexpected question. Later, you seek comfort from bad memories from the unlikely source of your casual sex partner.

Chapter Warnings: 18+ Descriptions of Grief/Anxiety/PTSD/Depression and Mentions of Death of Family Member (Reader's mother), Mentions of Previous Smut and References to Sexual Situations, Language, Alcohol Use

Wordcount: 13k

chapter 1 || chapter 7 || chapter 8 || masterlist

ao3 link

Flowers were grasped tightly in your hands as you shifted awkwardly on Tommy and Maria’s doorstep. You had been dreading this day since Joel had mentioned the invitation, hoping that somehow you could find some way to get out of it. 

But when you had spent most of the week avoiding Tommy’s favorite spots to eat in favor of working through your food storage in your own home, he showed up on your doorstep, leaving no route of escape from whatever plan he was crafting by inviting you to a dinner that Joel was the only other attendee for.

You shifted again, looking down at the small bouquet of lilies and daisies you were clutching. For a moment you pondered if you should knock again, or if you could manage a quick getaway—maybe fake some illness or injury to get out of what would no doubt be a painfully awkward dinner—when the door opened and cut off any plans of fleeing you had been formulating.

“Ah, there you are!” Tommy smiled wide the moment he saw you, the familiar sight of him offering some comfort to the rapid fire thoughts shooting through your mind about the night to come. “I was wondering when you were gonna show up. Almost thought you weren’t going to.”

Tommy’s grin almost overshadowed your nervous, wavering smile as he stepped to the side and waved you inside the house. You had walked the hallways enough times that they were as familiar as your own, if not more so, but you still hesitated before you crossed the threshold.

The door shut behind you, the sound of it clicking shut solidifying in your mind how you were trapped in the formal niceties you were going to have to partake in for the next few hours. You took a moment to ready yourself, sucking in a deep breath through your nose as you square your shoulders back, jumping when Tommy delivered a firm pat between them.

He kept his hand there, directing you towards the dining room in a friendly manner. You couldn’t help but wonder if he knew of your desire to flee, and was making sure you couldn’t duck away by moving you along. 

Turning the corner, you cut through the kitchen that smelled of a delicious home cooked meal right out of the oven, and into the dining room where the other two attendees of tonight’s dinner stood on opposite sides of the room from each other.

You fought to keep your gaze on Maria, exchanging a smile and respectful pleasantries that were commonplace between you before your focus inevitably shifted to the dour man leaning against the other wall. The man who probably also wished he was as far away from this dinner as he could be.

Joel’s eyes met yours in the same moment you looked over at him, his fingers grasping a wine glass filled with dark red alcohol that you hadn’t seen in years. He offered a short nod in silent greeting, one that you returned stiffly. You could only hope that you both could keep up appearances believable enough that Tommy and Maria wouldn’t pick up on anything going on between you. 

You were sure it was way less than likely for Tommy to catch on. The man was too happy to have both you and Joel sharing a meal in the same room as him to notice anything amiss. 

But Maria was another matter entirely.

Jackson’s unofficial leader was frighteningly sharp. In fact, she was the true reason you had been dreading this dinner. You knew that one wrong move could tip her off to your…relationship with Joel, and you weren’t eager to break your second rule with your sex partner any more than you already had.

Luckily, Dina hadn’t pushed you on any suspicions she might have about you and Joel, even after he left your house that one night without the tool box you had claimed he showed up for. You even dared to hope that Dina didn’t read anything into Joel showing up on your doorstep, trying to convince yourself that she had been too distracted by the game night to think about it too deeply.

In the back of your mind, you knew it was a futile hope, but you didn’t give yourself time to dwell on other possibilities. You would deal with Dina’s questions, and come up with any explanations to satisfy her curiosity when that time came.

Maria moving forward pulled your focus from your wandering thoughts back to the present. She smiled kindly at you as she stopped in front of you, reaching out to receive the flowers you had brought for her.

“These are beautiful,” she said warmly, and your returning smile was a bit tight as you tried to figure out what to do with your hands now that they were empty. “Where did you get them?”

“Oh, Dina helped me pick them,” you shrugged casually, forcing your hands down to your sides and trying not to fidget with them as you turned to follow her back into the kitchen. You wanted to escape the familiar weight of the gaze that had fallen onto you from across the room.

Once inside the safety of the kitchen, Maria found a simple vase, filling it with water before carefully placing your simple, hand-picked bouquet inside of it. She shot a glance over your shoulder towards the adjoining dining room, where you could hear the low murmurs of the Miller brothers in conversation with each other, before she gestured for you to come closer to her as she walked further into the kitchen.

You hesitated for a brief second before following her, watching her set the vase down on the kitchen island, next to the casserole dish that emitted a delicious savory scent in waves throughout the room.

“I know you weren’t—” Maria’s head tilted as she paused, as if searching for the right word before continuing carefully, “eager to come tonight.”

“Yeah, well,” you hedged as you shrugged again. You leaned against the island as your arms crossed over your chest, nearly creasing the shirt that you had worn for this occasion, one that was nicer than what you usually wore. “Joel and I aren’t exactly chummy.”

“I’m aware.”

You could feel Maria’s eyes on you, assessing you carefully, but you avoided her gaze in favor of staring out the window above the kitchen sink. It was still light out despite being later in the evening, a telltale sign that summer was here to stay for the time being. You distracted yourself with searching for any hints of approaching dusk in the bright sky as Maria sighed.

“I just wanted to thank you,” she said quietly, and you finally looked over at the honest sentiment. Your brow arched in question, a silent request for further elaboration, and she explained, “It means a lot to Tommy; the two of you showing up tonight, despite your differences.”

A genuine smile flickered on your lips at the mention of Tommy’s happiness, and you met Maria’s eyes so she could see the honesty behind your words as you replied softly, “Anything for Tommy.”

Maria returned your smile with one of her own, a soft upturning of her lips that you only ever saw reserved for her husband and their child. She nodded at you, lifting her hand to gesture back towards the dining room where the two men awaited.

Might as well get on with it, you thought as you held back a sigh. You turned, leading the way back as she picked up the casserole dish and followed you. Your fingers twitched at your sides, itching for something to distract yourself from your heightening nerves as you reentered the room, standing to the side as Maria moved to set the food in the center of the dining table that had finally been cleared of its typical clutter and set for the dinner.

Tommy was laughing at something when you walked in. You assumed it was laughter at a joke he had made himself, and Joel shook his head while he sipped from the glass of wine in his hand to hide a small smile. When they caught sight of you and Maria, Tommy turned away from the conversation with his brother to stride to the two seats on one side of the table.

“Come on, let’s eat,” he said with a charming grin, pulling out one of the seats for Maria to sit in before moving to sit in the one next to her.

It was impossible to hide your brief moment of hesitation as you realized just who you would have as your seating partner for this dinner. 

In retrospect, you should have known it would end up this way, but denial was a strong barrier to common sense. You hadn’t wanted to spare much thought to this dinner as it approached, but now you began to wish that you would have prepared for it more.

Your chair scraped against the floor as you pulled it back, seating yourself as Joel pushed himself off of the opposite wall and rounded the table. He sat silently next to you, placing his wine glass on the table as neither of you made any effort at idle small talk.

Tommy smiled brightly, his gaze flashing between the two of you seated across from him before he reached out for the bottle of wine next to the casserole. He took the empty wine glass in front of you, pouring more than an adequate amount for you, and you couldn’t hold back a soft laugh as he sent you a knowing wink before setting the bottle to the side. You knew then he could tell you were nervous—because of course he did, it was Tommy, he knew you better than anyone—and was supplying you with more than enough wine to settle your nerves.

Picking up the wine glass that was more full than necessary, you averted the gaze of the others as you turned your head to the side, taking a long sip of the much-needed liquid courage. Hopefully it would numb you enough to calm you down. 

You placed the drink back down in front of you, continuing to play with the stem of your glass while Maria began to dish the food onto all of your plates.

“Where’d you manage to get this?” you asked as you turned your drink in your fingers, watching the dark liquid swirl around the clear glass. “In a trade? I didn’t think anybody in Jackson had anything like this left.” 

Wine was a rarity nowadays, and you were impressed by how Tommy and Maria had managed to pull a bottle out for the night. It almost made you more nervous, the symbolism of the rare luxury giving you a sense that this dinner might be more of a special occasion than you had expected.

“Joel found it, actually,” Maria said as she placed a healthy serving on the mentioned man’s plate, and your gaze turned to him even as he stared down at the food instead of looking at you.

“Patrol,” he finally offered the single word as a short answer that barely answered anything at all, and for a moment you thought that was all he was going to say as he continued to look down. You looked away, and he surprised you as he added, “There’s an old liquor store in Teton Village.”

Joel looked up at Tommy, and the younger man nodded with a small smile before thanking his wife for the food she placed on his plate.

“It wasn’t easy,” Tommy elaborated further at your confused look. You had no idea there was a liquor store in the village, but you guessed you had never ventured that far in before. “We just managed to clear out the shops surrounding it this past month.”

You nodded, looking down at the steaming food on your plate. The scent of seasoned potatoes covered in cheese was tempting, but you didn’t pick up your fork just yet as you became lost in thought.

It was impossible to ignore how odd it was, not knowing such a simple fact about what Joel had been doing lately. You had no issues with the rules of your arrangement, but it was a strange phenomenon to still know next to nothing about the man or his daily life when you kept going back to each other, spending mere minutes together for the heady chase of pleasure.

You cleared your throat, shaking that line of thought out of your mind as you glanced up. Tommy picked up his fork, smiling widely at you and Joel across from him as he gestured towards your plates.

“Please, eat,” he urged, before scooping up a large amount of food to take a bite.

Tommy was followed by Maria, and then more slowly by you and Joel. The four of you fell into a silence as you ate that wasn’t completely awkward, but was still far from comfortable. Maria mainly kept her curiosity to herself, but Tommy was less subtle about his glances towards you and Joel. You knew he couldn’t let the silence linger for long, and after no more than a minute or two of eating in a tentative quiet, he finally broke it with an attempt at conversation. 

“So,” Tommy started after taking a sip from his wine, setting it down and glancing towards you with a warm, friendly gaze. “How have your patrols been going lately?”

You shrugged a shoulder as you scooped up another bite of your meal with your fork.

“They’re going well,” you said honestly, speaking more towards Tommy and Maria, still avoiding looking at Joel. “Jesse is really holding his own. He was right about being ready to patrol, he might even catch up to my count soon.”

“Must feel good to finally win at a contest, at least for now.” Tommy smirked, and you shot him a playful glare as you chewed your food and stabbed at another bite.

“Shut up,” you mumbled after you swallowed, and he chuckled to himself as Maria shook her head at the two of you from beside him, though her gaze wasn’t judgmental in the slightest.

Maria had always known how important you and Tommy were to each other, and she had no issue with your fixture in his life. The two of you had shown up to Jackson together, after all. It’s not like she could have torn you away from each other once you settled into her town, even if she had wanted to. 

One thing has puzzled you on more than one occasion though, since Joel’s return: Maria’s issue with his influence in Tommy’s life, and not your own. You guessed she may just see you as less of a threat than Joel; maybe because you were younger, or because she didn’t know how similar your life in the Fireflies was to the Miller brothers’ lives as hunters years ago. The only real difference was the perspective of horrible acts being worthy in the name of an ideal, instead of throwing away the sake of morals for murder committed in order to survive.

You stabbed the next piece of food a bit harder than necessary, drawing the attention of Joel from where he sat beside you. His gaze on you was palpable, and you felt a familiar heat spread through you at his attention that you tried to ignore as you shoved the food into your mouth.

Not here, you told yourself, listening to Tommy and Maria talk idly about some kind of progress with some of the greenhouse crops as you ate in silence. Hardly any food was left on your plate now, and you were not looking forward to losing the distraction that chewing offered from having to make chit chat with your dinner partner.

Luckily, you didn’t have to worry about making chit-chat with Joel as Tommy asked him a question.

“So big bro,” Tommy started, turning back to where Joel sat diagonally across from him, his brow arching as he lowered his fork from his mouth to scoop another piece of casserole off his plate, “what happened to Esther?”

You nearly choked on your food at the abrupt mention of the woman Joel had been on a date with, but you forced yourself to swallow down the bite of potatoes. Covering your mouth with your fist, you cleared your throat of any food that may have gotten stuck, your gaze remaining carefully fixed on your plate as you saw Joel’s fork freeze midway to his plate out of the corner of your eye.

“What do you mean?” Joel asked slowly, carefully, before stabbing another bite of food.

You resisted the urge to look over at him, instead busying yourself with picking up your wine glass for another much needed sip at this topic change.

It didn’t bother you. It shouldn’t bother you. You and Joel were just casually fucking; what he chose to pursue in terms of a real relationship didn’t concern you at all.

But if he was still seeing Esther…maybe it should concern you. At least on her behalf. You held back a wince at the thought that he might still be seeing this woman, someone who may genuinely like him, who he could be happy with—and here you were, fucking it up for them.

You take another, longer sip from your wine, setting the glass back down as Tommy’s reply to Joel’s question makes you pause in your line of thought.

“I ran into her the other day.” Tommy’s words seemed to be just as carefully spoken as Joel’s, and you glanced up at your friend for a moment before looking back down at your food when you saw Maria looking at you. Fuck. “She said she hasn’t heard from you since your date.”

Oh.

You stop tapping your fingers against your wine glass, stilling yourself from any subconscious, nervous movements you had been making at the new information.

Joel shifted beside you, and you risked a glance at him from the corner of your eye. His head was bent, gaze focused on the small bit of casserole he had left on his plate. You were about to look away, distract yourself from a conversation that had nothing to do with you, when Joel’s gaze darted to you and back away again in the blink of an eye.

“It’s not a big deal,” Joel muttered, shoving another bite of food into his mouth, probably to give himself an excuse not to say anything else.

You forced yourself to look away slowly, trying not to appear any more suspicious than you may already seem as you returned to eating your food, but not before you saw the deep frown on Tommy’s face, his brow wrinkled in confusion and concern as he watched his brother.

“I just thought you liked her, is all,” he said quietly, his voice probing but not unkind, and you focused on a space on the wall behind him as you took another bite of your food to keep your mouth shut, in case you might say anything you would regret.

Joel shook his head beside you, but this time you didn’t look back to see his reaction. You weren’t so sure you wanted to see whatever was showing on his face at that moment.

“That’s not the issue,” Joel murmured, and a feeling akin to guilt began to form a pit in your stomach, twisting uncomfortably as you swallowed your food with more difficulty.

Fuck, this was your fault, you realized as you reached for your wine again, cursing how little of the alcohol remained in your glass now. It’s not like you cared so deeply about Joel’s happiness—but Tommy did. And he was looking at Joel in sadness now, confused as to why his brother wasn’t pursuing a path of happiness, not knowing that the obstacle in that path was you.

“What—”

Tommy was interrupted by Maria nudging him gently, and you saw her subtly shake her head at her husband, a sign to let it go. And he did drop the topic, but not without a heavy sigh as he turned back to his food.

The silence in the room was even more awkward than before, now uncomfortably so as you all quickly went about finishing your meals without any further conversation.

Reaching for your wine glass for another much needed sip of alcohol, the stem nearly slipped from your fingers as you felt the brush of a knee against yours. You focused on wrapping your fingers securely around the glass, thankful that Tommy and Maria hadn’t noticed the sloshing of the liquid in the glass as you hid any reaction on your face behind taking a sip.

You told yourself it was an innocent mistake, the brief touch gone as soon as it came, but you weren’t able to resist sparing a glance towards Joel for too long. Glancing at him from the corner of your eye, you saw he was finishing off the rest of the food on his plate, his movements less aggressive than the way he usually ate. Maybe he had also noticed that this night might be more than it seemed, and was acting more polite because of it. 

Or maybe it was the nicer flannel he was wearing tonight, the fabric stretching tighter across the muscles you knew coiled in his arms than they did in the shirts he usually wore. You knew just how strong those arms were from the times he had lifted you up or held you down, grunting into your ear as he fucked into you—

You blinked rapidly, clearing your throat as you looked back down towards your plate quicker than you had meant to because Jesus fucking Christ, you weren’t going to think about fucking your best friend’s brother when said best friend was right across the table from you.

When Joel didn’t acknowledge your existence, and the touch of his knee against yours didn’t repeat itself, you knew that it really had been a genuine mishap. Your shoulders relaxed as you looked back at the couple across from you who hadn’t seemed to notice anything amiss, relieved that the touch from Joel had been an accident, even as a strange feeling that you couldn’t place was nagging you from the back of your mind. Probably that guilt again, you realized with a wince as you set your wine glass back down.

With the plates polished off and the glasses of wine the only thing that remained, Tommy leaned back in his seat, glancing towards where Maria sat at his side. You watched her give the man a smile and an encouraging nod, and your muscles tensed with unease even as Tommy relaxed, his hand coming to rest in hers as he turned back to you and Joel.

“I have to admit, we didn’t invite you here just for dinner,” Tommy said slowly, and you arched an eyebrow. Even though you had a feeling that was the case, your curiosity was piqued now that your friend had finally admitted to having an ulterior motive.

“I could’ve guessed that,” Joel muttered at your side, earning a sharp look from Maria before she turned back to Tommy, her gaze softening as her husband seemed to hesitate with a forced laugh.

“Yeah, well,” Tommy cleared his throat, his grip tightening in Maria’s as he continued, “you’re both here because you’re family. And as a family, we had something we wanted to ask you.”

The sentiment took you by surprise, but you knew Tommy like the back of your hand now, and you knew his words were honest. It made you forget about the awkwardness and guilt momentarily, a warmth blooming through your chest as you thought the word over.

Family. You never would have thought that your family would include Joel Miller, of all people, but at this point you figured that you just couldn’t get rid of him. And if a family with Tommy meant that Joel had to be there, hell, you’d take that for him. Anything for Tommy.

Your friend paused, looking at Maria again for one last burst of encouragement before turning back to you, saying something that made your mind completely blank for a moment.

“We’d like to ask you to be Hope’s godparents.”

Joel choked as your eyes widened in surprise.

Tommy leaned forward in concern, about to stand when Joel waved him off, still coughing from accidentally inhaling his wine as Maria looked back and forth from his startled face to your shocked one. You blinked a few times, unsure of what to say as Tommy sank back into his seat.

After a few more seconds of Joel coughing where you continued to sit in stunned silence, Joel cleared his throat, shaking his head as he looked back at Tommy and Maria.

“You what?” he croaked, looking and sounding as taken aback as you felt.

“Godparents?” you repeated at the same time Joel spoke, taking turns staring at each person currently seated around the table.

Tommy and Maria shared a glance, the former looking uncertain as the latter looked back towards you and nodded with confidence.

“Yes, godparents,” she confirmed, interlocking her hands and resting them on the table in front of her. Her face darkened, the mood turning more serious with her next words, “Just in case anything were to happen to Tommy and me. We don’t want to take any risks.”

The air turned more somber, the atmosphere heavier as it pressed around you, and you shook your head to try and make it disappear.

“Nothing’s going to happen in Jackson,” you muttered, trying to sound confident even as you weren’t so sure of the words yourself. 

Although nothing had happened in Jackson yet, your paranoia would never let you rest easy, even inside these carefully guarded walls.

“You can never know for sure,” Maria said to you, her gaze telling you she knew exactly what you were thinking. 

Your gaze darted back to your wine glass, watching your distorted reflection in the crystal as Joel shifted beside you.

“Like I said, you’re family.” Tommy’s voice was soft yet urgent with the sentiment, and only with the sincerity of those words did you look back up at him. “We’d feel better if we knew Hope would be safe. Just in case.”

He was looking at both you and Joel, speaking to you equally, and you couldn’t help but think how foolish you and Joel had been to hate each other for so long because of your relationships with Tommy. It was so stupid to hold such disdain for each other because of that jealousy of each other, that envy to be that strong fixture in Tommy’s life, when clearly he had enough room for both of you.

“Of course,” you said softly, in the same moment that Joel nodded solemnly. His gaze was hardened into a sheer determination that you had seen before, and you didn’t doubt the man’s commitment for one second. Somehow, you doubted Joel wouldn’t do anything it took to protect those he cared about.

Just like you, a voice in the back of your head spoke, but you ignored it.

Tommy smiled again, the gesture more genuine and less forced this time, his shoulders loosening from the tension that had made them nearly bunch up around his ears. He turned his smile towards Maria, who reached out to squeeze his hand again with a gentle smile of her own, the couple seeming to find solace in the promise you and Joel just made.

The moment of peace was interrupted by the sound of the very baby you were discussing crying from upstairs, and Tommy stood swiftly before Maria could even begin to rise from her seat.

“It’s okay, I got it,” he said softly as he bent down to place a soft, chaste kiss full of tender affection to the top of her head before bounding out of the room towards the staircase. 

You heard his steps echo up the stairs as Maria turned towards you and Joel, offering a kind smile as she stood.

“You can move into the living room,” she said as she began to stack the empty plates on the table. “I’ll get this taken care of.”

Standing quickly, you picked up your own plate as you walked towards her.

“I can help—”

“You’re our guests,” Maria interrupted, giving you a look that said she was accepting no nonsense as she took the plate from your hands. “Go make yourself comfortable. I’ve got this.”

She walked into the kitchen with the dishes, her departure halting any further protests from you as you shifted awkwardly on your feet. You resisted looking back at Joel as you picked your wine glass back up from the table, your steps slow as you walked into the living room, out of view and earshot of Maria washing the dishes on the other side of the house.

You turned in place, too restless with the weight of this new promise you had just made to sit down and twiddle your thumbs. Not only was this a large commitment—probably the biggest one you’ve made in your new life—but you were doing it with Joel.

God fucking dammit, you thought to yourself as you paced the length of the room. Why did everything in your life always seem to come back to Joel fucking Miller?

First, you had accepted your attraction to him, indulging in one fleeting moment of passion with him before he had left. Then, you had accepted him leaving, content to let the image of him fade into your memories.

But then he had returned, and you had been forced to accept his new awkward placement in your life in Jackson, learning how to deal with him in proximity to Tommy. Then there were patrols with him, and you had begrudgingly accepted that maybe, maybe he wasn’t as terrible as he seemed. You got used to Joel being around.

Then you just had to go and fuck him again, and even after that you had resisted each other. A futile effort, and eventually you had come to accept that you just couldn’t stay away, settling into your new routine of casual sex with Joel Miller.

But now he was family? You were both godparents of the same child?

How would you keep up this charade? How could you keep Tommy from knowing that you were fucking his brother when you had to show up at the same dinners and birthday parties? How could you look at your own reflection in the mirror, not hating yourself for robbing Joel at his chance of a happy, content life just because you wanted his dick?

Taking a long drink from your wine, you heaved a deep sigh, brushing a hand over your hair as you tried to calm yourself down. You looked around the room, trying to distract yourself, before slowly coming to a stop in front of the fireplace, your eyes lingering on the small shrine that had been there for almost as long as you could remember. The burnt down candles had been recently replaced with new ones, and a somber mood overtook your cascading spiral of emotions as you set your glass down on the coffee table before walking up to it.

Flames sparked to life as you struck one of the matches that you knew rested on the mantle next to the memorial. You carefully lit both of the candles under each name, sparing a moment of quiet respect for the short lives that were lost too soon after you shook the match’s flame out, the faint trail of smoke drifting away.

You were being selfish. This wasn’t about you. It wasn’t about your own selfish desires. Tommy was asking you to keep his daughter safe, because he trusted you. Because you were family. That was all that really mattered now.

Folding your hands in front of you, you gazed at the names as you made a solemn vow to yourself that you wouldn’t let Hope Miller’s life be cut short. Too much loss had occurred in the horrors of this world, and you would do anything in your power to not let it happen again. Not to Tommy. Not to his child.

After another moment of quiet, you turned around, blinking in surprise when you saw that Joel was standing in the room with you, his eyes fixed on you during your silent act of remembrance for the lives you never knew, but could understand the loss of.

His guard was up as much as always, not that you had expected otherwise. You somehow got the sense that he had built even more walls between you at this moment, his emotions indistinguishable in the severity of his gaze as he observed you closely.

Joel looked back at the shrine you had lit, and some unreadable look passed through his eyes in an instant so fast that you couldn’t even begin to try and decipher it before it was gone again.

You paused, watching as the blank look on his face shifted slightly, turning into a gaze more…somber. Glancing back at the names and years, you wondered not for the first time who they were. You had always figured that they were both related to Maria, as Tommy had never mentioned those names, or revealed anything about either of those lost lives to you. 

But now you wondered if you were wrong. You pondered whether Tommy had been related to them somehow, and if Joel had actually known one or both of the children who had never gotten a chance at a full life because of the Outbreak.

Joel didn’t say anything, and neither did you, even as he moved to stand by your side. You both looked at the shrine in silence, a pensiveness falling between you, and you wondered if he was contemplating his new role in the baby’s life as much as you were pondering yours.

“Do you…” Joel trailed off, clearing his throat as you looked over at him. You could only see his side profile from this angle, and not for the first time you found yourself realizing how handsome the older man was. “Do you know who they were?”

You looked back at the names and the lit candles that honored their lives. Shaking your head gently, you watched the flames flicker as the wax began to melt and drip down the sides before you answered.

“No,” you said quietly. In that moment, you wondered who those kids were; how they lived, why they died, what their hopes and dreams were before it was cruelly robbed of them. “It never felt right to ask.”

Joel shifted slightly beside you, but you kept looking forward. For some reason you felt like you couldn’t look directly at him at that moment.

“Why did you do that, then?” he asked, the question barely more than a murmur. Joel’s voice wasn’t judgmental, just…inquisitive, like he actually wanted to know the reasons behind your actions.

You shrugged, head tilting as you watched one of the flames flicker wildly for a moment. Another chunk of wax melted down one of the candles as you considered the reasons behind your own actions, and how to describe them to the stoic man at your side.

“Because they meant something to someone,” you finally found the words slowly leaving your mouth, your voice almost vulnerable with the memories pressing against the barrier in the back of your mind; trying to burst through, trying to make you remember, to hold you hostage until you broke under the weight of them again. “Somebody still feels their loss. That’s enough for me to remember them.”

A solemn silence fell between you, a sense of melancholy in the air as you watched the candles continue to burn. After a prolonged moment when neither of you said anything, you dared to spare a glance towards Joel, your heart lurching in surprise when you saw he was already looking at you.

His eyes were still guarded, but there were cracks in that impenetrable stone that hadn’t been there before. There was something almost akin to vulnerability peeking through his dark gaze, and your breath got caught in your throat as you froze in place.

He was regarding you in a way that he hadn’t before, similar to the look he had given you during your patrol to the ski lodge when he had offered you a hand to help you up. Neither of you found any words to explain whatever you were feeling at that moment, and eventually you both broke the gaze, hastily looking away from each other at the same time.

Joel cleared his throat, looking down at his boots with his arms crossed as your fingers twitched at your side. You leaned down, picking up the wine glass you had set down on the table so you had something to hold in your hands. Joel’s glass was resting there as well, and you hesitated briefly before picking it up, passing it to him before you lifted your own.

“To Hope,” you said quietly, your gaze one of solemn dedication, and Joel nodded just as seriously as he raised his own glass a fraction.

“To Hope,” he affirmed lowly, and you both sipped from your drinks, looking away from each other as you fell into a meditative quiet that held a conviction for your new parts in this child’s life, no matter what differences or complications may remain between you.

You didn’t see Joel for several days after the dinner with Tommy and Maria.

It was the longest time you had gone without satisfying a base need together since you had started your arrangement. You were a bit confused and, if you were being completely honest with yourself—which you never were—hurt. He had given no indication what he was thinking, he just…stopped showing up.

After going more than three days without the scruffy man showing up on your doorstep, you had to assume that maybe he didn’t want to do this anymore. Maybe it was too complicated now, too messy with the way Tommy wanted you both to be more involved in his daughter’s life. 

Your own stubborn pride made it impossible for you to go to him. The thought of being turned away from his doorstep made your stomach turn in a way that you hated, and you shoved any further thoughts of Joel out of your head as you turned over in your bed to try and get some restless sleep after a week had passed since the dinner.

Silent pleas you always made for your dreams to be kind were not answered that night.

In your sleep, you saw the face of your mother. 

Your subconscious didn’t drag forth memories of her often, and you didn’t know whether it was because they hurt too much, or if enough time had passed that it was harder to remember her. In those dreams, her face was more a blur than a tangible thing. Just a ghost of what you could have been one day, hair the same color as yours framing her features that you had forgotten through time.

Though you couldn’t see her clearly, her face swimming in the haze of your dreams, you knew she was smiling. Joyful laughter filled with relief left her lips that were upturned in the brightest smile you had ever seen from her. A matching smile was on your own face, as you looked down at what she was holding close to her heart as it was still beating.

In a flash the laughter was gone, her mouth only making a terrible shrieking, crying sound filled with insurmountable grief. Your father was there—you think he was there before too, but he was always so quiet, not seen unless he wanted to be. He didn’t have a choice now, as your mother cried and crawled along the dirty ground, hands clawing at the bleeding indentations of teeth on her wrist.

Your father told you to go. 

You didn’t know where to go.

You didn’t know where you could go, didn’t know what places existed without your mother to lead you there.

Knees pulled up as you hid in the attic, you tried not to remember the gunshot, or the crying as you looked down at what you were now holding close to your chest.

When the dreams receded, they left sharply, leaving you gasping for air with an ache in your chest as you tumbled from your bed. You hit the floor hard, bare forearms pressed against the cold wooden floorboards to hold yourself up, fighting the heaving sobs that threatened to overwhelm you.

It’s not real, you told yourself. It’s not real, but it was once. This wasn’t a dream, it was a memory. A cruel retelling of your life that you could never fully escape, and your hands balled into fists as you fought the tears, even as they streamed down your cheeks.

You focused on breathing. A slow inhale in through the nose, exhale through the mouth. Just like when you were holding a rifle, narrowing in on a target. You tried to replicate the calm from that feeling, the certainty that you were in complete control before you took a shot. A voice echoed in the back of your mind that it was sick and demented to find peace through searching for a kill, but it was your purpose now. Maybe your only purpose.

No, you had another purpose now, one you tried to remind yourself of even as your mind was slipping. 

Tommy. Dina. Hope. Family. Protection.

Walls in your mind, walls around your heart were slowly rebuilt with cracked, bleeding hands as you pushed yourself to a sitting position. Your head leaned back against the bed as you took shaky breaths, collecting the pieces of yourself again as best you could, even after losing all the shards that made you over the years. Even as you knew that without those missing pieces, you could never make yourself whole again.

After some recollection, when you put yourself back together again well enough that you felt like you were still here, still sane enough to keep going, your eyes slowly opened to see the light of dawn peeking through your curtains to illuminate your small, plain bedroom. You pushed yourself onto shaky legs, avoiding looking at the lone, old photograph on your bedside table, one of the only reminders that you still had of those lost pieces of you as you moved to get dressed.

No point trying to get back to sleep again now. Once you were wearing your least worn jeans and a tank top so your sweaty skin could cool, you moved out into the hallway towards your kitchen. A cup of coffee was necessary to start this day, and when you opened up the can where you kept the grounds, you swore aloud to yourself.

“Fuck,” you hissed, slamming the lid back down when you realized it was empty, resisting the urge to throw the can from pent-up emotions you weren’t sure you could keep from boiling to the surface for much longer.

You tapped your foot impatiently against the ground, chewing the inside of your cheek as you considered your options. Going to Tommy’s was out of the question—even if you managed to pull yourself together enough that you didn’t look like you were completely falling apart, he would still be able to tell something was off. He would fret over you, and even though you loved him dearly, his concern would be suffocating right now.

It’s not like you could go to Dina, either. Even if the teenager had her own place or a supply of coffee, you would sooner die than let her see you in such a sorry state. No, there was no way you would let her see you like this.

Then who was left? Those two were all you had, and suddenly it hit like a punch to the chest that the people who you had left, you were there for them. Yes, you knew that they would drop everything for you in a heartbeat if it came down to it, but would you let them? 

Or would you die for them first?

You knew the answer as well as you knew that the sky was blue or the world was fucked, and your head dropped into your hands as you let out a shaky breath. If you stayed here for a second longer, you felt like you were going to lose your mind. You just needed a moment to breathe, with the peace of a hot cup of coffee and nobody to care enough to ask you questions.

I guess I do owe you one, huh?

Your foot suddenly stopped tapping anxiously as you froze, recalling the words spoken in a deep voice annoyingly well, and you shook your head.

No. No, there was no way.

You turned around, still shaking your head as you crossed your arms, leaning against the countertop as you tried to shut the idea down. No way in hell.

The sight of a recently cleaned mug turned upside down to dry next to your sink, the ceramic engraving of the strong image of a moose gleaming back at you, made you let out a deep sigh.

“Fuck,” you muttered to yourself again, before moving to your entryway to pull on your shoes and head out the door.

Because there actually was one person who didn’t give enough of a shit to ask you questions. 

Somebody who still owed you a cup of coffee.

Music carried softly throughout the room as Joel’s fingers gently strummed the strings of the guitar. He finally had an instrument of his own after months of carving it, having given the other guitar he found to Ellie not long after their return to Jackson, so that he could teach her how to play. They still had a few lessons a week, and he cherished that time spent with her, an activity that offered further bonding between them, even as he could still feel her slowly slipping away at times.

Joel also appreciated the moments when he could be alone with his own guitar, forgetting whatever he was thinking about in favor of playing out the songs he could remember from before the world ended. Right now, though, he was idly strumming chord progressions, no particular melody or lyrics in his mind as he let his mind wander, finding a rare sensation of solace from the familiarity of the strings dancing under his calluses.

Nowadays, it seemed like it never took long for his thoughts to turn to a certain, irritable woman when he allowed himself moments like these. He huffed quietly to himself, his fingers pausing their strumming as he rested them against the wood of the guitar.

A week had passed since the dinner where Tommy and Maria had asked them to be the godparents of the new baby. Joel had been surprised to say the least, but he was also grateful for the inclusion in the child’s life, especially considering Maria’s opinion of him that he knew well.

Joel hadn’t forgotten the time when Tommy had stopped calling him on the radio, forcing him to seek out his younger brother just to know that he was still alive. There was a part of him that still held a bit of a grudge towards Maria for that, even as he tried to set it aside for the sake of the new life Tommy had carved out for himself.

Maria’s continued distrust towards Joel was obvious, but most of the time he didn’t let it bother him. Even as he saw how his brother’s wife was much warmer towards the woman who had sat beside him at the dinner. A familiar jealousy prickled in the back of his mind, the gnawing, negative thoughts telling him that he wasn’t as good or trusted as she was in Tommy’s new life. 

But those doubts had been alleviated when Tommy had asked not just one, but both of them to take a more important role in Hope’s life. 

Together.

What may have surprised him the most, though, was when the closed-off woman had shown a moment of softness when she lit the memorial Tommy and Maria had for two lost children, one of them being Joel’s own child.

It was clear she didn’t know who Sarah was, no hint of recognition in her eyes as she looked back at him and answered his vague questions about the reasons behind her actions. 

There had been a faint hint of understanding behind her eyes as she spoke, a sympathy that didn’t come from pity, but from somewhere else. Maybe her own experiences, Joel mused as he looked down at the guitar in his hands now. 

He still knew next to nothing about the woman, even with how many times they found themselves falling into each other's arms to chase the tempting thrill of pleasure. And in that moment of the quiet break of dawn, he couldn’t help but wonder about just who she had been before she ended up in Jackson.

Joel suddenly remembered the game night he had been unwillingly dragged into. He remembered the laughter from Ellie that had become so rare echoing in the plainly decorated living room, a sound that had made him think that maybe the situation wasn’t so bad after all.

For what seemed like the first time, Joel had observed that living room, realizing that he had never taken the time to really look around it before, even with how many times he had found himself in there in recent weeks. He noticed that it was remarkably empty, lacking any personal touches in favor of the bare necessities of a couch, coffee table, chairs and lights. There was no art hanging on the walls, no decorations or items that signified that anybody actually lived there.

The only thing that had caught his attention was a framed piece of paper on the mantle of the fireplace, the bright colors on it pulling him closer out of a rare moment of curiosity that he still didn’t know why he indulged in.

When he got closer, Joel saw that the old white scrap of paper was covered in the stark colors of crayons. There were shapes he could only guess were trees on the edges of the drawing, brown bark and green leaves that were more smudges than what they were trying to depict. Clearly a young child’s drawing, he had thought as his eye was drawn to the center of the art, seeing two stick figures with their arms connected where hands would be, one taller than the other.

Joel had looked away when she approached, feeling a rare sense of guilt as he realized he had been snooping. It was unintentional, and he quickly looked away, leaning his back against the mantle as he considered the woman beside him, seeing a part of her that he hadn’t realized existed until then. A part that may hit far too close to home, the woman possibly more similar to him than he could have ever imagined.

It was a side of her that he felt no right to try and peer into, given how she never said so much as a sentence about herself or her history. Joel kept any musings to himself, buried in the back of his mind out of respect for her wanting to keep her past to herself, because it’s what he would want done for him.

Besides, even if he did want to broach that topic with her, their rules forbade it. And he wasn’t eager to break that barrier that still separated them any time soon. He wasn’t interested in anything more than physical with the woman; there was no reason to try and get to know her better, no matter how happy it would make Tommy.

With a sigh, Joel placed his guitar back in its rest against his bedroom wall, standing with a quiet grunt from stretching his muscles. He shuffled down the hallway, the light of dawn peeking through the windows guiding his way. Running his hand through his hair to try and comb the curls that had gotten messy from sleep, he shook his head sharply, trying to erase the strange guilt he felt as he remembered how much time had passed since he had sought the woman out.

It’s not like he hadn’t wanted to. Fuck, he had woken up hard on more than one morning just from the tantalizing memories of her that haunted his sleep. He ached to feel the soft skin of her thighs again as he gripped them and fucked into her, to feel her quivering from orgasm after orgasm beneath him, her moans filling the heated air for only him to hear until the feeling of her all around him made him cum on her.

Joel could feel the arousal stirring inside of him even now at the turn his thoughts had taken, and he shook his head sharply again, brows furrowing in annoyance as he gripped the banister of his stairs tighter than he needed to.

He hadn’t avoided her out of a lack of desire. If anything, the absence from her presence was only making his lust grow stronger. Joel didn’t know how long he could keep himself off of her the next time they met, and he groaned quietly to himself once his feet hit level ground after descending the staircase completely.

No, it wasn’t that his interest in her had died. 

It may just be that it had grown too strong.

Joel didn’t like the similarities he had seen between them in recent weeks. He had seen hints of those similarities in the past, glimmering shards of her history that looked too much like his own. 

But it was becoming harder to ignore, and although it was selfish and unfair to them both, he thought that avoiding her would make it easier to keep that third rule of their arrangement, even if it stopped them from being able to fuck at all.

Needing a cup of coffee to restart his mind for the day ahead, Joel began to head towards the kitchen when a knock on his front door made him pause.

He stared at it, certain he had misheard for a moment before it sounded again, louder this time, and he frowned.

Slowly making his way forward, Joel’s frown only deepened when the knocking increased in frequency, the sound not only louder, but not stopping now. He huffed, picking up his pace until he was at the door, opening it in a swift yank and blinking as the knocker nearly stumbled forward into him.

When they looked up at him, and he saw the familiar color of the eyes, Joel held back a sigh.

Because of course it was her. He had to stop thinking about her altogether, because it seemed like he only unwillingly summoned her every time he did.

Joel’s eyes darted over her head to the brightening dawn sky as she straightened back up, his face carefully blank as he looked back down at her.

“It’s not night,” he said simply, half-tempted to shut the door in her face after the statement, and although his hand tightened on the doorknob, he couldn’t find it in himself to close it.

Because even though she smiled up at him, the easy confidence she always had unfazed by his gruff tone, there was something in her eyes that he had never seen from her before. At least, not so clearly.

“Maybe I’m not here to fuck,” she said bluntly, and Joel huffed as he leaned back on the balls of his feet. Hand still on the doorknob, and not letting her in, but he still stood there. Still listening.

His brow arching was the only signal for her to continue speaking, and she sighed heavily as she shifted. Joel noticed then that there were goosebumps on her skin, her arms completely bare from the tank top she was wearing, and his brows furrowed.

“I’m out of coffee,” she finally said, looking up at him with a gaze as carefully guarded as his own, but that same look still broke through even her own defenses. He couldn’t place a name to it, but he could recognize it. And for some reason, that made some old, forgotten ache in his chest flare up again.

“I did owe you,” Joel finally murmured. Still, he didn’t move, only stared at her for a moment longer as she continued to meet his gaze head-on.

Somehow, he got the sense that she was daring him to say something about it. To say something about that look in her eyes, to give her a reason to turn around and leave when he mentioned it.

Instead, Joel stepped to the side, allowing her a clear path inside.

“After you,” he sighed, and she rolled her eyes as she stepped inside. It wasn’t a bitter reaction, but it wasn’t as sarcastically playful as he sometimes saw from her either. It was just…tired.

“Always such a Southern gentleman,” she muttered to herself, and Joel scoffed to himself to cover a quiet huff of a laugh as he shut the door behind her.

He didn’t need to show her the way to the kitchen, and she didn’t need to ask. Joel only followed silently after her, letting her sit herself comfortably at the table they had fucked on not that long ago. An act that had started their descent into a lustful relationship that was getting harder and harder to make sense of.

Joel left her alone as he busied himself with pulling out his coffee reserves. His own supply was running low, but he didn’t mention that as he set the coffee pot on the lit stove. He leaned against the counter, his body turned halfway towards her even as he looked away from her.

No attempt at conversation was made by either of them. In fact, the situation felt no different from when they sought each other out to fuck. He was just a person who happened to have something that she needed; only now it was coffee instead of a quick fuck.

Joel didn’t complain, because he did owe her. When the coffee was done, he poured the bitter liquid into two plain white mugs, pushing one towards her as he gestured towards where his modest coffee station was.

Only when she rose to her feet to collect her mug, her back turned to him as she adjusted her coffee to the way she liked it, did Joel let himself look at her. When she turned back, her eyes closed as she breathed in the steam from the coffee before taking a sip, her body instantly relaxing as her eyes reopened, he finally realized what he recognized in her eyes.

The light of dawn caressed her face as she stood there silently, the tension in her shoulders releasing, the goosebumps in her arms disappearing as she sipped at her coffee, and he knew what it was that had brought her here. Joel knew because he had experienced it himself, voices and images haunting his mind for decades, even though he couldn’t remember them when he woke up.

His dreams had gotten better over recent months, but he still had them from time to time. He hadn’t lied to Ellie when he had loosely admitted that she was the one who had healed him, but the subconscious was a more tricky thing. Healing was not linear, and dreams were cruel, bringing forth the worst memories at times you needed them least.

The woman he barely knew, the one who stood across from him now and drank his coffee, was seeking solace from the torment of her sleeping mind. It made sense now; the tension, the shivering, the need for a sense of normalcy that had driven her to even his doorstep in the light of a new day.

That familiar look in her eye; fear, he now recognized it for what it was. He didn’t think he had ever seen her show fear before, except for that moment at the ski lodge. She always seemed to be so collected, so in control of herself. Her confidence seemed easy, like it just came to her naturally. But now he saw that maybe it was an appearance that was harder to keep up than he had realized.

Her eyes were still as sharp as ever as they met his gaze, and Joel straightened, resisting the urge to look away. He realized he had been caught staring, had been caught analyzing her, but to glance away now felt like he was admitting to picking her apart.

That had not been his intention, and he realized then that he was just realizing who she was more, the very reason he had avoided her for a week.

As if she could sense what he was thinking about, she lowered her mug from her lips to speak.

“You not interested in fucking anymore, Miller?”

Joel scoffed, looking away from her now as he shook his head. He wanted to come up with some witty remark, but for once, he didn’t know what to say.

“You’re not denying it,” she said softly in an almost sing-song voice, and now Joel’s gaze was tinted with annoyance as it flashed back to her.

“I’m not agreeing with it, either,” he finally replied, and she raised an eyebrow at his stiff tone.

“And yet you haven’t come around,” she said slowly, taking a step closer to him, and he tensed.

“You didn’t come here to fuck,” he said quietly, and she nodded in agreement even as she took another step closer.

“But isn't that the path we always seem to take?” she asked quietly, and Joel fell silent at that.

He didn’t make a move to stop her as she leisurely made her way up to him. His hand tightened on his mug’s handle when she reached him, stopping inches away from him as she raised her mug back up to take another sip of her coffee. Her eyes were deceivingly innocent as she watched his jaw tick, but he knew better as his muscles tensed in anticipation just from her being this close.

Joel breathed in slowly before letting out a quiet exhale through his nose, flexing his hand against his mug as he watched her carefully.

“Is this what you want?” he asked quietly, his eyes flashing back and forth between hers, and she paused.

She looked back down into her mug for a moment, at the last few sips of coffee that remained at the bottom, before looking back up at him. No affirmation left her lips, but he saw the answer in her eyes, the answer that told him she would rather fuck and forget than talk about her feelings, even as she opened her mouth to repeat the question back to him.

“Is this what you want?” she asked quietly, her own grip tight on her mug, and Joel exhaled sharply, trying to reign himself in.

They watched each other, neither making the first move, not daring to cross that line that continued to blur in the sand between them every time they came back to each other. And although every muscle in Joel’s body screamed at him to give in, to grab her and pull her to him, to satisfy that need that had been aching from a week away from her, something in the back of his mind told him to stop. Told him no.

Joel shook his head, frowning as words he didn’t realize he was thinking left his mouth.

“Is this what you need? ”

A short, quiet laugh left her lips as she leaned away from him, and Joel knew he had fucked up.

“Did you become an expert when I wasn’t looking?” she asked quietly, her tone deceivingly soft as she took a step away from him. “Or were you always one? Dr. Joel fucking Miller before the world ended?”

Joel’s frown deepened, shaking his head as she turned and paced away from him.

“Not by a longshot,” he finally muttered, and she laughed again, louder this time, but no less humorless than before.

“Then what the fuck, Joel?” she snapped, whirling around on him, her bright eyes now blazing with an anger he wasn’t certain was really directed towards him, or if he was just the nearest available target. “What happened to your third fucking rule?”

“We’re not fucking right now,” he pointed out simply, and he could nearly see her blood boil as she began to seethe.

“Fuck you,” she spat, her familiar venom returning in a way that was cruel, merciless, but Joel didn’t flinch. He could take it. Probably better directed towards him than anybody she cared about. “You’re not—”

She turned as she paced further away from him, shaking her head, and for a moment he was certain she was going to storm out, before she spun back around and pointed a finger at him.

“You’re not supposed to care.” Her eyes were narrowed, her tone accusatory as Joel stared back at her blankly. “That’s why I came here in the first place. You’re not supposed to ask me questions.”

She set her mug down on one of the counters, pressing her palms flat against the countertop as she took a deep breath.

“You’re not supposed to care,” she repeated in a quieter voice to herself, and Joel shifted.

“Tommy cares,” Joel said, his voice betraying no emotion. He sounded almost empty, even as he watched her closely when she spun back around to face him at his next question. “Does he know?”

“Know what?” she ground the words out between clenched teeth as she glared at him, and Joel gestured vaguely in the air.

“About whatever brought you here.”

She laughed again, the sound shifting from humorless to borderline hysterical. Joel began to wonder if he had ventured down the wrong path; if he only was poking a bear that was about to maul him, their weird, tumultuous relationship disappearing in an instant before his eyes.

But then she looked up at him, that anger in her eyes wavering, and Joel felt that same ache in his chest from earlier as he saw the fear bleeding through again; bleeding, bleeding so much that he wondered if it had ever stopped, if her wounds had ever healed.

“He does,” she said, her voice sounding strong even as it cracked on the second word.

Joel’s brows furrowed, his stance shifting even as he kept himself from walking towards her, watching as she distracted herself from looking at him by picking her mug back up off the counter.

“Then why didn’t you go to him?” The question was one of genuine confusion, and he had to fight to keep himself standing where he was even as he watched her begin to slowly crumple inwards.

“He doesn’t need to worry,” she murmurs, leaning forward as her knees begin to shake. “He doesn’t—”

Her head shook, clutching her mug tighter even as she slumped heavily against the counter, sliding to the ground in the same moment Joel’s resolve broke and he stepped forward.

Coming to a stop in front of her, he hesitated, not wanting to cross the few boundaries that were left between them, even as her knees came up to her chest. She cradled the warm cup of coffee to her chest, her breaths unsteady as Joel’s hands flexed, restless from feeling so useless in that moment because he didn’t know how to help her. He didn’t know why he wanted to help her.

But then he remembered how she had lit the candle at Tommy’s shrine. How she had taken a moment to remember Sarah, even though she had never known his daughter, or even knew that Sarah was his daughter. He remembered the understanding in her eyes, the drawing on her fireplace mantle, the question about Dina that she had avoided, and he knew why.

After a moment where only her shaky breaths filled the air of the kitchen, Joel turned, walking into the adjoined dining room. He stopped at his drink cart in the corner, grabbing a bottle of whiskey before returning to her. Carefully crouching in front of her and trying to make no sudden movements to spook her, he slowly reached forward to gently tug her hand holding the mug away from her chest, pouring a fair amount of whiskey into her leftover coffee.

Laughter broke through her parted lips, the sound less harsh, less anguished than before, and Joel’s eyes flickered up to hers to see the sharp color of them was disbelieving at his actions.

“Just to take the edge off,” he murmured as he stood, grabbing his own mug to pour some whiskey into his own coffee. “Don’t get used to it.”

She chuckled hoarsely, taking a long sip of the drink before sighing, her head resting back against the cabinets. Her eyes drifted shut, her knees not clutched so closely to her chest now, even as her mug still rested there.

Joel hesitated for a moment, not knowing what to do with himself even as his steps slowly brought him closer to her. Before he could think twice about it, he sank to the ground across from her, resting his back against the kitchen island as his crossed legs stretched out beside her.

They sipped what was now probably more whiskey than coffee in silence, and Joel didn’t say anything more as he watched her nerves begin to settle. He didn’t expect her to say anything, figuring that she would be out the door when she finished her drink. And at this point, maybe after she left, he would never see her again.

He nearly jumped from surprise when he heard her speak so quietly that he could have missed it if the room wasn’t dead silent except for the sounds of their breathing.

“Have you ever lost…” she trailed off, and Joel looked up to see her head turned to the side, her gaze far off as she stared into space. For a moment he was certain she had forgotten she had even been speaking, or maybe she wasn’t talking to him at all, before she quietly finished, “...everything?”

Joel looked away, brows furrowing as her words made him swallow thickly. He cursed himself in the back of his mind, realizing that this is why he kept the distance between them. Why he avoided her, why he desperately kept that third rule. Too many similarities.

Still, he found himself unable to help answering her just as quietly, “...Yes.”

She hummed, her gaze still far away, focused on some point past him even as he looked back at her.

“Figured,” she muttered, finally looking back at him with a dead-eyed stare that shook Joel to his core because, fuck, he had seen those eyes in his own reflection for twenty years. “Tommy said we had a lot in common. Guess he was right.”

Joel huffed, tapping his thumb against his mug as he took a slow sip of the drink. Eventually he muttered, “Don’t go telling him that.”

She laughed again, sounding more genuinely amused this time, and Joel hid a trace of a smile behind his raised mug until he could wipe it off his face.

“Oh, never,” she drawled, sending him a smirk as he lowered his cup from his mouth.

This time he couldn’t stop the corners of his lips twitching up into a small, matching smirk, and hers grew as they looked at each other before she glanced away.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured after a longer moment of silence that felt less like barbed wire wrapped around them that cut into them both. The atmosphere between them now was looser, more…accepting, as they sat across from each other and drank in silence.

Joel looked at her in genuine confusion at the apology, and apparently she saw the question in his eyes as she clarified, “For the shit I said earlier. I…”

She sighed, shrugging as she looked away from him.

“I can be a nasty bitch sometimes,” she finally muttered, and he actually let out a quiet laugh at that, one that drew her attention back to him as he stared down into his mug.

“You can be cruel,” he assented slowly, shrugging one of his shoulders as he slowly looked back up at her. “But so can I.”

She laughed softly, and he distracted himself from looking at her by swirling around the last dregs of coffee in the bottom of his mug. When she spoke again, he finally looked back up at her to see her face full of hesitation, which was an unusual sight for her.

“I also probably shouldn’t have said that stuff about,” she gestured vaguely in the air before finishing noncommittally, “uh, y’know.”

Joel stared at her blankly, because he didn’t know, and she sighed.

“Esther,” she murmured, shifting uncomfortably, and Joel blinked in surprise. Where the fuck had that come from? “I’m sure she’s nice. Really. And, uh—”

She cleared her throat, glancing around at anything in the kitchen except for him as she seemed to struggle to find the words to continue whatever she was trying to say.

“If you want to, y’know…” she trailed off, her head tilted from side to side, brows furrowing as she stared up at the ceiling, “...pursue her, or whatever—we don’t have to do this anymore.”

Her eyes darted back down to meet his, her walls still up, but he caught a glimpse of something, something that made Joel’s heart lurch uncomfortably in his chest as he cleared his throat.

Glancing back down into his mug, he tilted it to watch the whiskey-tinged coffee continue to swirl around the bottom of it.

Esther was nice. She was funny. He had genuinely enjoyed her company. Tommy was right, it would be a good match. And if Esther was asking about him, maybe he should go back to her. Maybe…he could be happy.

And yet…

Joel looked back up, meeting the eyes of the woman he couldn’t seem to get off his mind, and his throat felt tight as he swallowed thickly.

“Maybe you were right,” he muttered, and her brows furrowed as her eyes darted across his face that he was keeping carefully blank. Joel shrugged, forcing himself to appear as nonchalant as always even as the words slipped past his lips, “Maybe nice isn’t my type.”

Her eyes flew to his own, their gazes trapped in each other as the words hung heavy in the air. There was surprise bleeding through her guarded features, surprise that matched his own as he watched her watch him, and after a moment that felt far too long, her gaze quickly averted as she cleared her throat.

“Yeah, well,” she shifted, stretching her legs out so they laid next to his, her head falling back against the cabinets. “I could’ve told you that.”

Joel watched her look back at him, a small, satisfied smirk on her lips as she sent him a wink, and a chuckle rumbled deep in his chest as he shook his head and glanced away.

Still, he couldn’t stop himself from nudging his knee against hers. It reminded him of the accidental touch at dinner, and her confusion then. But this time he had meant it, and he didn’t pull away. Part of him expected her to, and he wasn’t offended when she did pull her knee back, but then surprise shook him as she gently bumped her knee back against his.

They stayed sitting there for god knows how long, their knees resting against each other, drinking the rest of their whiskey-coffee until nothing was left. Even then, they sat for a while longer, until the light of dawn began to shift into that of early morning, and she pushed herself up with a quiet groan.

“Thanks,” she muttered, glancing down at Joel almost sheepishly, and he paused from where he had been shifting to stand as well. “I needed that.”

After a moment of confusion of his own unsure reaction at her uncertainty, he looked away with a shrug.

“Didn’t break our rules, did we?” He muttered as he pushed himself up, and she laughed quietly from where she was setting her empty mug into his sink.

Technically, they didn’t.

But deep down, they both knew that another wall had started to crumble down between them again.

Joel could feel her watching him as he set his own mug into the sink next to hers. When he didn’t glance back, she sighed, pushing herself away from the sink, but not before gently nudging the mug he had set down.

“You got some boring ass mugs,” she playfully chastised, and some part of Joel relaxed when he heard the familiar biting snark re-enter her voice.

“And your engravings are so much better?” he found himself replying, still not glancing back at her even as he heard her laugh.

“They are, actually,” she murmured as her footsteps echoed through the kitchen. “You should get yourself one.”

She had moved towards his back door in the washroom when he finally looked back, and he met her gaze as she gestured towards it.

“I’ll take the long way back,” she murmured, grabbing the handle with one hand as the other raised in a lazy two-finger salute. “‘Till next time, cowboy.”

There was no way she could have heard the surprised huff of laughter that left him at the unexpected nickname as the door swung shut behind her, but Joel swore he saw a hint of a smile on her face through his kitchen window before she disappeared from view.

[azzzsleep]

Mini Wolfstar Fic @wolfstarmicrofic

Title: 3 things Sirius loved about Remus

1) Hands

It was such a boring day for the Marauders, they were in the library mostly doing hw. James was away on another table with Lily to study potions while Peter was sleeping, resting his head on Sirius's laps. So Sirius was really bored with his only activity being petting Peter's head, so his eyes started to wander.

The first thing his eyes landed on was obviously books then the man that was using that book and finally the man himself. Remus looked so focus on what he was doing, seeing him like this always made Sirius heart sway a little more into madness, who could blame him when his boyfriend was the definition of gorgeous.

His golden-honey eyes were locked on the book. A book that was held so gently in his big, large hands. His hands that would always ground him when needed, elevated him when wanted , secure him, loved him, made him feel so good. These hands that Sirius knew better than anyone because of all the times he has held them.

Sirius couldn’t take his eyes off of them, off of those hands. HIS BOYFRIEND hands.

And maybe Sirius was staring too much because in one blink of an eye those same hand disappear from his vision and landed on his face, holding him just like the book was held. With care and appreciation. And just as soon as Remus hands were on his face, their lips met for a quick kiss and then they were gone, back to that book.

Oh Sirius was a gonner

2) Hair

Today was Sirius hair care day, and everyone knew that it would be easier to fight a dragon than to step in the way of the one and only Sirius Black, especially on hair care day, so the dorm was empty.

Sirius loved that day, it was a day for him and him only and no one would bother him. The others always flew the room on that day doing other things while Sirius enjoyed pampering his hair.

It took 5 hours. 5 hours for Sirius to finally be done, 5 hours before any Maurauder were allowed back into their dorm, 5 hours and his hair day was still not over since a longer mission was awaiting for him.

Now that his hair day was over, started the Maurauders hair day. The first one was James, his took an hour and a half it has finished just around 1PM. The second one was Peter and his hair took a bit longer, starting at 1h30 PM and ending at 3PM. The last one was his boyfriend. Remus hair was those pefect curls in that sandy blond colour that Sirius loved so much. The texture was just so flowy and light, literally dreamy. Moony was dreamy.

3) Cligny

Remus is clingy. Remus like to hug, he like to cuddle and every time he came back late from the library or his prefect routes Remus would always seek contact. When they weren't together yet Remus wandered with any of their friends, but now! Now Remus was Sirius's and Sirius's alone. At first the other were kinda jealous, mainly James and Lily what could they do (they cuddle all together). And tonight like any other night, came late his moony. As soon as Remus entered the common room Sirius ready himself. It was a routine, an automatism and Godric his loved it.

As soon as Lupin sat, Sirius was in his lap. Remus hands around his waist, resting, his head on his shoulder falling into the crook of Sirius head, hair flowing hiding his face. Sirius would kill to keep his routine forever.

===

Years later after Azkaban and separation and hurt and pain started a joyous day.

That morning was just so calm with Remus now teacher at Hogwart was helping the kids with hw.

Sirius was taking care of his hair and then later was taking care of his godchild hair Harry and his kid Hair Teddy finishing by his Husband Hair.

That night all of them would be in the living room cuddling watching a movie (muggel gadjet) till the next morning.

Sirius would have this routine forever now that all the misery was over, he was the happiest of them all.

[startanewdream]

Inspired by this art, only I thought let's make this more emotional. Or how Minerva McGonagall receives the news about James Sirius Potter's birth.

The message comes in the early hours of the morning, before she leaves for breakfast. A short note, attached to a barn owl.

Professor Headmaster, if there is no trouble, would you join me for a drink at The Hog's Head tonight? — Harry.

It's funny how she still recognizes his handwriting after so many years; it's the "g", Minerva thinks, there's something very specific about this letter and the way Harry curves it.

She scribbles a quick note in answer, then ties it to the owl's leg. It's a beautiful creature that reminds her suddenly of Harry's white owl, whose wings were once harmed—and then Minerva heard what happened to the owl a few years later. Harry had looked so nervous about the state of the bird...

She shakes her head; age is making a fool of her again, too lost in memories. She dispatches the owl and tries to focus on the present.

It's after seven when she leaves the castle grounds to walk to Hogsmeade; it's a slow walk, and Minerva tells herself she will just floo back to Hogwarts later—she is getting too old for this walk, maybe this is a sign—

Hogsmeade is quiet on that Friday night; she thinks about how busy it will be the next day, with a school trip to the village — she'd heard the students talking excitedly, discussing what they would be buying—and that makes her steal a glance to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes down the street. She will need to warn the caretaker to be more careful than usual for the next week.

The Hog's Head is as busy as ever, which is to say full of shady people sitting by themselves, mostly covered; she sets a mental note to remind the Head Boy and Head Girl to watch out that no student wanders here. Then she looks around; in a dim corner, Harry is waiting for her, and he stands up when he sees her.

There is always a mingle of happiness and strange nostalgia when she sees him; except for the joy in his green eyes, he barely resembles that eleven-year-old boy that joined her house—and if she thinks further, to that baby she once delivered to a family that didn’t deserve him, there is only proud as she sees how well he’s grown up.

Harry is a fine man. Not because of his work as Auror, not because he defeated Voldemort, not even because of all those things he faced so bravely; but rather because he is a simple, fair, noble guy who believes in doing the right thing.

And he looks very well, if only slightly tired, as he shakes her hand.

“Hello, Professor,” he greets, smiling (when Harry smiles, and that’s Minerva once again being dragged by her own memories, he looks a lot like Lily). “I took the liberty of asking for your favourite.”

“Gillywater,” she says approvingly, watching the drink on the table as she joins him. 

“Not Rosmerta’s, but it is still good enough—or so Aberforth tells me.” He throws her an embarrassed look. “I am sorry for asking you to come here—this is the only place reporters aren’t pestering me these days.”

“I believe a bunch of reporters here would disband Aberforth’s business.”

“Oh, his goats keep them away,” Harry says fondly. “You look good, Professor.”

“I look older, you can say it.”

He laughs. “We are all older.” He lowers his voice conspiratorially. “Don’t quote me on this, but I found my first grey hair.”

Minerva has silver hair for long enough to just find his concern amusing, but she doesn’t smile. Harry is evidently happy tonight, teasing and carefree, very different from what he looked like when he was her student; it reminds her of another young boy she once taught, but that is the problem: that boy was forever young. He never spotted any hair other than a dark one that was never tamed.

She sips her drink, admonishing herself for being so sour.

“Finding one grey hair is okay,” she says when she can trust her voice. “The problem is when you do not find any other colour.”

“That’s true; Ginny said I looked dashingly mature—and it’s bound to worsen in the future, I am sure.” His words seem ominous, but Harry looks nothing but glad.

“If you have any issues with grey hair, I don’t recommend a teaching career for you.”

“Maybe in the future—Professor Potter rings nicely, doesn’t it? Would you hire me?”

“If not, will you jinx the post?”

Another laugh. “No, I will understand. I was never the most disciplined student.” He looks around. “And I promise not to start another clandestine club.”

“That is a relief. I am too close to retirement for such emotion.”

He blinks. “Are you serious?”

She sips her drink again. “It’s been a thought. I’ve been at Hogwarts for more than 50 years — seven generations of students—”

“I thought you would stick around for an eighth one.” He fumbles in his pocket until he finds a picture. “I cannot imagine Jamie not being taught by you.”

“Jamie?”

“Here.” And he shows the photo of a crying baby, all wrapped in a blanket, safely held by his parents. Harry and Ginny look tired but they are beaming in the picture; but her attention is all drawn to that newborn baby.

Babies should look all the same, not distinct features until a few months later, but she swears he looks exactly that baby she once dropped at his aunt’s house—and then there is a fierce desire to protect this innocent child, to not make the same mistake again because she will be damned if that child doesn’t get all the love he deserves, all the love his parents should have shared—

Harry is watching her rather expectantly, and Minerva breathes out again. Harry survived, Harry is fine now—and the baby, Jamie, will never share his father’s fate.

“James,” she repeats, not minding how her voice sounds muffled. “That’s a nice choice.”

“There was no other option for Ginny and I.” Harry sighs contentedly as he looks at the photo. “He is such a loud baby, and he’s keeping us all night awake but he sleeps nicely during the day—he’s growing well and—”

Harry sounds so proud—not, he sounds bewildered as if he doesn’t believe still he gets to be this happy, to live this life—

“And this is the most recent photo,” he adds, then showing her another picture; in this one she can spot the baby’s dark hair.

“Potter hair,” she says warmly, finger stroking the photo. 

“I think it’s a bit lighter,” he says. “It looks almost red under the sunlight. And his eyes… I thought it looked a bit like Ginny’s, but she said they are hazel.”

“Oh.” 

“Professor,” James would say, his grave voice betrayed by the glint of mischief in his hazel eyes, “how can Filibuster Fireworks be against school rules if they weren’t even invented when Hogwarts was founded? I am sure that’s what you call a ‘loophole’, so you see, we cannot get detention—”

She inhales deeply. “Congratulations to you and Ginny. I am very happy for you.”

“Thanks.” He watches her. “We are christening him this Sunday, at the church in Godric’s Hollow. We would be very happy if you were there—so you can meet him, hopefully only eleven years sooner than you thought.”

Minerva smiles. “With such a namesake, I am sure this will be the last time I will find any peace in his presence.”

“Oh,” Harry grins. “Actually, two namesakes. We named him James Sirius.”

Minerva takes a generous sip of her gillywater. Retirement sounds almost nice, but she cannot let anyone inherit such a challenge. “I hope you get used to grey hair, Harry,” she notes. “You will get them sooner than you think.”

[rollercoasterwords]

one and seven for the ask game!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼

hi lia <3 <3

Have you pulled inspiration from media sources other than the property your fic is related to (a plot point from a TV show that has nothing to do with the characters/setting of the fic, a line from a book, etc.)? If so, for which story? Why did you find that media source compelling?

absolutely yes! i mean fic in particular is extremely derivative but honestly all writing is derivative...i am always pulling inspiration from other stories i've loved which have stuck w me <3 gonna focus on wfrau in particular just to avoid this answer getting too long + bc that's what i've been writing most recently but. i've pulled inspiration from the animorphs series bc there are lots of fun ethical dilemmas brought up throughout that stuck w me after reading it; a particular scene from the anime 'banana fish' influenced james's story, though i can't say much more abt that without risking spoilers for the anime...if you've seen it you'll probably know which scene it influence tho lol. the crypt ch was influenced by book 4 of the fablehaven series which i read growing up as a kid--i loved book 4 bc it involved the main characters going on a mission into this underground treasure vault and having to fight past different traps to deeper down...so fun <3 the idea to write a werewolf fighting ring au in the first place came from me remembering a book i'd read as a kid called 'the abused werewolf rescue group,' though i couldn't actually tell you anything abt the plot anymore...and i'm sure there are a thousand other bits & pieces of media that have been floating around in my brain as i've written but those r the main ones coming to mind rn!

7. Share a line or paragraph you’ve written that you don’t think will ever actually be posted in anything! (Or, if you don’t hoard cut sentences and passages like I do, share anything you want that has yet to see the light of day!)

ugh see i really should save my writing better...generally w the way i write i'm not usually cutting entire scenes but it has happened once or twice & i've just. deleted it...

i can share a snippet of a pandalily time war au that i wrote about 2 pages of like 2 years ago but don't think i'll ever return to/complete so it will likely never see the light of day...here u go:

The low chatter—that is something that does not change. Gather enough people into a room, call it a party, close your eyes and it could be 1992 in Los Angeles or 761 in Koumbi Saleh or 1674 in Beijing. Humans will buzz like insects no matter what time you put them in, forever and ever and ever. Sometimes Lily wishes that they still existed; she scrubs the thought from her hard drive before her programming reads it as a virus. Humans do exist, forever. One only has to choose the right time.

This time, she is drinking wine. She is wandering through bodies, smiling and feeling the way it shapes her face. She steps past the marble columns, onto the terrace, under the moonlight that kisses her eyelids so gently when she closes them. She can feel the light, you know. That’s something she can do.

“Red suits you.”

The person beside her is a woman, today, or something like it. She wears the same clothing, white sweep of cloth, though she’s never quite able to get the same softness. It drapes willowy, slow-moving, with fingers that gnarl like roots.

“I’m too tired to kill you tonight,” Lily says, biting through the Latin with her canines like rich meat. “Go somewhere else.”

The woman smiles, slow and creeping, a lichen on the bark of a tree.

“Another place?”

“Another time.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I like the wine.”

She isn’t drinking any. She watches the cup in Lily’s hands. When Lily takes a sip, the woman’s tongue darts out to wet her lips, pink and human.

“They have wine later,” Lily tells her, “And before.”

“Not like here,” the woman says, “Not like tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“Tonight.”

“And what makes it different tonight?”

The woman smiles. She is standing so very close. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

fic writer ask game

[xxavengingangelxx]

Somewhere Only We Know 5/?

Ok, ya'll! This part is shorter and not as plot-heavy because I've been working non-stop (my husband had me take yesterday, American Thanksgiving, off from work completely) and am still full from Thanksgiving dinner as well as tonight's dinner <3

This is pretty much all smut so you won't see a preview like you usually do because smut starts immediately after the cut. ;) There is a wee little twist at the near end though and I think it's something some of you may like ;)

Val and Graves's relationship deepens in more ways than one the night before a dangerous mission.

MDNI, 18+

Triggers: This chapter is almost porn without plot, explicit sex, I mentioned in the previous chapter about an age gap so there's that, slightly rough sex, nothing too bad

Taglist! @bellgraves, @lily-lily131313, @unicorngirly1, @sharksausages, @shepgurl - if you want in to the taglist, let me know!

It wasn’t too much longer later that night that you found yourself on your knees before Graves. You were entirely nude before him while he was still uniformed. He’d taken his vest and the heavier parts of his gear off but the facts remained the same: he had a kink for seeing you on your knees, nude, and vulnerable in front of him while he sat on his throne, fully clothed and sometimes fully geared.

You were in his office and anyone could walk in couldn’t they? Especially because it was the night before a mission and Shadows tended to be working on pre-mission reports. They also tended to stop by with questions.

But honestly? That just made it hotter.

You took him deeper into your mouth, feeling his hot, thick length on your tongue. His hands were tangled in your hair but they’d lost that edge they used to have. He used to borderline not let you breathe when you sucked him off before. He used to grip your hair so hard you’d get headaches.

His grip was softer.

His cock was not.

You wanted more.

So you relaxed your throat and took him deeper. Deeper than you’d ever taken him in your mouth.

Above you, Graves sputtered and gasped and tightened his grip on your hair. He arched his hips off his seat and further into your mouth. You felt tears in your eyes and you had just a little trouble breathing but you fucking loved it.

But just like that, Graves pulled back, his hot, red cock just inches from your lips.

“I know what you’re doin,” Graves drawled. He looked down on you, his eyes hooded and dark. You could just barely see his blue eyes because his pupils were so dilated.

So you pouted up at him before your lips slightly parted. Your eyelashes were long but heavy with tears from when he was thrusting into your throat. Your knees hurt. But all of that took your focus away from two things that terrified you: Makarov and motherhood. Motherhood with a mercenary as your child’s father, no less.

“Get up, Val,” Graves demanded.

And he dragged you through another door before slamming it shut, the locking sound sending chills through you. So his office had a hidden door to his quarters, who knew. Well you, now.

You were tossed onto the bed and Graves wanted no time in crawling over you. He clearly didn’t mind tasting himself on your lips and tongue because he kissed you while slipping off his uniform shirt followed by taking off his dark undershirt.

Your nails wasted no time in tracing up his ribs, feeling the muscles in his torso. You scratched him, just slightly, and just enough to get him to hiss. He’d long since kicked off his boots, pants, and all other elements of clothing.

While you loved being vulnerable in front of him by being nude while he remain fully clothed, the sight of him naked was a fucking turn on. He was fit, his body tight and taut. He was so much bigger than you. He could easily kill you and for some reason that turned you on even more.

Your world tilted and you suddenly realized you were on top. And that he was buried inside you. You’d been fingering yourself while giving him head because you’d wanted to get off too. You had no idea that being on your knees would turn into this.

“Ride me, sweetheart,” Graves gasped. He was holding back, you could tell, but his hands were tight enough around your hips and thighs that they would leave finger-shaped bruises come morning.

You weren’t used to this, really. You were used to Graves being on top fucking the breath out of you. But you didn’t hate it. He was deeper than you’d ever felt him. Your full weight was settled on his pelvis. You still had room and so you wiggled on top of him, finally feeling him settle against your cervix. Graves moaned underneath you, arching his hips and further tightening his grasp on your hips.

You placed your hands on his chest and moved, riding him like he had so pleasantly asked. You leaned forward, catching his lips with yours, even biting his bottom lip with your teeth just barely so. Your cold dog tags, along with Graves’s dog tags were trapped between your heated bodies, glistening and shining like they were bows labeling you as gifts to each other.

And this was your world and Graves’s world for the next long moments. You moans, groans, and whispered nasty words into each other’s ears. It soon turned into a primal need when you felt yourself pick up the pace. Graves again tightened his grip and his pace combined with yours set up a brutal pace. You could feel him on your cervix and the repeated action of feeling his hot, thick length stretching you, rubbing your walls, and pounding your cervix along with the fingers from his free hand strumming your clit pushed you over the edge.

You cried out but stifled it after only split second. Yes, you’d moved to another black site but you were still nervous about the noises you made during sex behind heard by others. When Graves was on top of you he would either be kissing you, covering you mouth with his hand, or pushing you into pillows to stifle your cries. But tonight you had to reign yourself in.

Graves followed you over the edge not long after he felt you clamp and pulse around him. Graves groaned, muttered your name in a low growl as he held your hips still against him while he throbbed inside you.

You collapsed against him, placing your head on his chest. His heart still thundered away, a side effect of his orgasm.

And then…

Then Graves said something you weren’t expecting. It was something you didn’t know how to respond to.

“I love you,” he rasped, still trying to catch his breath.

Did he mean that or was it just the trauma bond getting stronger? Did Graves, a borderline sociopath, even know what love was? Was he saying this because he knew both of you or one of you might die tomorrow?

And while you didn’t know how to respond, you were terrified of what might happen to you if you didn’t respond in kind. So you responded exactly how you knew he wanted you to.

“I love you,” you echoed.

After the words were said, you realized you kinda did love him.

In a unique kind of way.

-

You tossed and turned that night because you were worried. About a lot of stuff. Would Shadow Company and 141 come to blows when they first saw each other face-to-face? Would they try to take you again?

Hell, what if Shadow Company, Graves, and a military German Shepherd, weren’t enough to keep you safe from Makarov?

[moons-and-mobility-aids]

About Me

Hi, I'm Chantelle! My pronouns are she/they, I'm 23, I originally had @moonsandmobilityaids as a side-blog but I've been debating for a few weeks whether to make a new main, and I've taken the plunge tonight because my brain won't leave it alone.

Anyway, I'm disabled, neurodivergent, queer and honestly, just an all-around mess. However, that strangely gives a lot of ideas for stories - all of my stories will have a disabled/chronically ill/neurodivergent reader, even if the disability isn't the main focus. Like, my onlyfans story has been triggered by a funny thought I had while making content for it and the reader happens to be disabled - I like that type of representation as much as I like representation that's focused on the disability itself, so I don't see it as a limiting thing.

As I'm writing this, I'm planning to post the previous parts of the onlyfans story to here so I can post chapter five and still delete the original account later (and I'll be privating the original posts now), so you're going to see four reposts in the next 24-ish hours. Sorry for that, but I hope to immediately follow it up with a new chapter. My other stories will also be reposted later, but it's not my priority.

This was supposed to be about me so I'm refocusing - I will be writing marauders era content. Remus is my favourite, as I'm sure you'll notice pretty quickly, but I love James and Sirius too. A lot of my stuff is poly!marauders, but I'm working on a poly!wolfstar idea as well and I want to write more individual stuff even though my brain kind of gets lost when I want to do that.

I also hope to write some stuff for Lily at some point but she actually scares me to write even though my brain got stuck on 'kissing lily evans' this morning so we'll see.

Let me know if there's anything else you want to know because I just rambled for 15 minutes and I'm pretty sure it wasn't helpful.

[ladylooch]

Our Little Family [Miles Wood] Life Post- Hospital

From the Author, 👢 anon: Hey, I'm back with another little family update. Please don't kill me.

Warnings: mentions of injury, maybe little blood.

Halloween is coming up, and you’re not feeling it, but it looks like Miles and Lily are. Miles bothered you for days until you agreed with the whole halloween thing including trick or treating around the neighborhood and going to the team party. 

He just forgot that you’re a mom now, so what he was dreaming of is not going to happen. You guys are going as Tangled characters for Lily's first trick or treat. Miles is going as Flynn, you´re going as Rapunzel, the post hair cut look, and Lily is Pascal. 

Lily looks adorable in her Pascal costume. Since Miles is already in his Flynn costume, you’re the only one who still needs to get ready. After getting ready, you move downstairs to find them. Your fiance looks a little disappointed with your costume choice; he wanted something slutty from you, but that's not happening. 

You guys go around the neighborhood, Miles carrying Lily around. She coos and babbles for everybody that she sees. She is so close to saying her first words, and you’re pretty sure it’s going to be da. You’re so exhausted when you all get home, Lily has already passed out, which is good. You put her candies away in the pantry while Miles takes her to bed. 

You sit on the couch, going through the pictures from tonight. Lily and Miles looked adorable. Baby girl was having the time of her life. Miles comes in kissing the top of your head. 

"You should post," he tells you softly. You don't know how you feel about that. It's been a while since you posted, especially miles. 

He was talking about you and Lily, the one he took of you guys. Not him and Lily. He sits beside you, pulling your legs on his lap. He starts to rub your feet. He knows you're sore from all the walking. 

"We don't have to go tomorrow." He says to you as you put your phone down. You look at him with a puzzled look. 

"Babe, you have to go. It's the team party, you need to be there." You squeeze his hand. You would love to be home, but you can't keep him from his team responsibilities.

You guys have everything planned. The sitter is coming tomorrow, and she's counting on that money. You will endure this team party for him. 

You yawn, and Miles tells you to go to bed. He'll follow you soon. You know he needs to watch a film or something. You do your bedtime routine with Lily. Giving her goodnight kisses and telling her she's loved. 

You lay in bed, so ready to finally sleep. Tomorrow there is more and you're not ready for that. You feel Miles coming to bed a couple of hours later. 

The day is a little chaotic with Miles playing and having to get ready for the Halloween party. You guys decided to go as Neo and Trinity from the Matrix. So at least he got a little slutty from you. But getting home, putting on your warm, soft pjs, that's the dream. And, of course, cuddling your baby. You guys had a good Halloween overall, even if you didn't want to do it at first. 

Now, the focus is on Thanksgiving and Christmas. His parents are coming into town soon. So it's going to be fun having them there. Miles wouldn't accept them staying at a hotel. That's fine by you. You guys go back into that comfort zone, and you hate it. Miles is hockey and Lily focused. Your lost again from his mind.That's your life, and you hate it. 

You really thought Miles was seeing you different, as a partner now, but he's not. There are days that you sit there and stare at your ring. Sometimes, it feels that you made a mistake.

Did he propose because of Lily ? Yeah, you think about that. 

Since his parents are in town, they decided to take Lily for a matinee. You decide to stay and prepare something nice for when they get home. It's not like he'll be upset that you're not there. You're lost in your thoughts when you feel a sharp pain in your hand. You look down seeing the blood starting to make the cutting board red. 

You take a deep breath, wrapping a towel around your hand. You clean the cutting board, throw things away, and turn the oven off.

You shouldn't be this calm, but you are. You grab your phone, wallet, and keys before ordering an Uber. 

Getting to the hospital, you fill out your data and wait for the doctor to call for you. One of the nurses asked if you wanted to call anyone or if they should. You shake your head, saying that it's fine. There isn't anyone that can come get you right now. 

You get your stitches done, but they don't want to discharge you without someone to take you home. You wait until the game is over to ask Miles to come get you. 

Can you come and get me please ? I'm at the hospital. 

Texting is better than calling Miles. You know he'll be disappointed in you, and you can't hear his voice right now. You sit there scrolling through your phone until Miles gets there. You're in the waiting area when he finds you. He looks worried, locking eyes with you. 

He sits beside you and hugs your side, kissing your head. 

“Are you okay ?” Miles asks softly. 

“Yeah, fine. Just a cut and a few stitches.” You can sense that he is mad or something, probably disappointed in you. 

You ask if you guys can go, you miss Lily and want to see her. You guys walk together to the car. He's dying to ask you something. 

Miles helps you to get in the car. You settle and close your eyes to rest a little bit. The thing is, the car doesn't start to move. He's staring at you. 

“Why ?” You hear and don't understand at first. You open your eyes and look at him. He's clearly upset. “Why didn't you call me earlier ?” He asks again.

“Because you were playing, you weren't going to leave the game for me.” 

He can't believe that he's hearing that. 

The thing is, he doesn't reply right away, and you know you got him there. He looks at you gripping the wheel. 

“I'm doing my best here, and you're not letting me in. You're not giving me a chance.” He finally lets it all out. You scoff, trying not to lose it. 

“That's bullshit Miles, and you know it.” You look serious. You don't want to go down this road again with the same outcome, but he clearly does. 

“I just don't understand why you're not letting me in.” He keeps pushing it. 

“You can throw the blame at me as much as you want. But I told you what I needed from you. I don't give a fuck about big gestures.” You take a big breath. “Every time, it's the same thing. You settle, then something happens, and you go big. I want you to be present, accept me as your fiance and not your daughter's babysitter.” 

He wasn't expecting you to go off. He wanted to push you, but not like this. 

“I….I….” He doesn't know what to say. That caught him off guard, it feels like someone punched him many times.

You again ask him to take you home- you're tired and want to see baby girl. Miles drives home. He stops to grab your prescription, and then it's time to go home. 

As soon you walk through the door, you can hear Lily crying. Miles stays behind. You say her name softly so she knows you're there, thanking Cheryl as you pick Lily up. 

You kiss her head, taking her upstairs. You strip from the hospital clothes, putting something more comfortable on before laying in bed with her. 

Lily is playing with your necklace when Miles comes in. His eyes are red and you realize he stayed in the car to cry. You hate hurting him, but he's hurting you more right now. You thank him and take your meds. You guys weren't prepared for this moment. 

“Da…da” Lily says softly as her dad kisses her head. 

You and Miles look at each other, so surprised. Like yeah, you knew it was coming, but not at this moment where you both are struggling as a couple.

She says again; it makes you cry. Everything that happened today hurts you so badly. Miles looks at you and then Lily. 

“I want us, I really do. But I don't know how to fix it right now.” Miles sits beside you. “Wait for me, I'll get my shit together, and this time it is more than just talk.” Miles promises.

You nod as Miles cleans your tears with his thumb. He seals his new promise with a soft kiss. Lily coos happily because she loves her parents so much. 

You fall asleep with Lily as Miles hold both of you. He watches you sleep, then he wakes you to eat something. He says that you can shower and he'll change your bandage after you shower. 

You do exactly that because you need a shower badly. The hospital smell is still on you. Lily will eat and play with her grandparents. 

You're finishing getting dressed when Miles knocks on the door, asking if he can come in. You say softly that he can. 

Miles pops his head into the bathroom with that toothless grin. God, you're so damn in love with that man. You smile softly as he walks in. Maybe you should apologize. After all, you're the one who lost it today. 

He motions for you to sit and you do so. Miles has some experience with bandages. You sit there still letting him work. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't want to make it a big deal. That's why I never say things to you." He stops his movements. He's so gentle with you. 

“Not your fault, babe. I thought what I have been doing was enough for you. My past relationships were like that. I just didn't know it wasn't enough for you. And that's on me. I'm going to learn.” 

You're emotional again. You nod, biting your bottom lip. He looks at you with soft eyes. He's starting to realize you always say that you're sorry, even if it's not your fault. 

Miles finishes changing your bandage, and he kisses your injured hand gently. He gets up and puts the things away before holding your hand to take you downstairs to eat. 

You sit at the table watching your family. You're not perfect, and you know Miles will never be either. You just want a happy life with him and your baby. 

[padfootswhiskers]

for day 5 of @mppmaraudergirl’s blackevans week: fighting foes

wrote this back when the event was announced using the prompts I received for round 5 of THC

READ ON AO3 or under the cut

Sirius hated Apparating.

The nausea, the sensation of spinning around in nothing, the feeling of being squeezed through a narrow tube...he rarely resorted to the option.

Tonight had been an exception.

He hadn’t even thought about it—he’d been all adrenaline and instinct, grabbing the limp arm closest to him and choosing the first location that’d popped into his head.

Later, he’d wish he’d been better at it.

The stench that hit his nostrils on arrival was almost enough for him to pass out.

Pain shot up his ankle, blacking out his vision temporarily. Next to him, Lily’s knees buckled. Blindly, Sirius seized her under her arms, dragging her alongside until he could lay her back against the damp brick wall. He crouched before her, his breathing fast and shallow, his foot in agony, dark hair falling into his sweaty face.

They were in an alleyway of sorts, narrow and dimly lit, stretching out before them like a maze. A flickering street lamp stood at its entrance, casting long, ominous shadows across the cobblestone ground. The sky was heavy with rain-laden clouds.

It was achingly familiar, but he couldn’t bring himself to focus on placing it. He moved gingerly for his wand, his ankle feeling like it was on fire. “Expecto Patronum.”

A great shaggy dog burst forth from its end, landing on the damp pavement noiselessly. It stared at him curiously, cocking its head to the side. “Dumbledore,” Sirius said hoarsely. “Headquarters. Tell him we were ambushed. Tell him James—” His voice cracked, fear seizing his throat with a vice-like grip. He saw, in his mind’s eye, the flash of purple light—James crumpling to the ground and out of sight…

But he had to go on. He had no time to despair. He had to persist. James’ life depended on him. He swallowed, steeling himself. “Tell him James needs help. Now. ”

Behind him, Lily groaned, stirring feebly.

“Evans,” he breathed, and if his voice was a bit desperate, who could blame him?

Green eyes, dark and unfocused, fluttered open. Blood trickled down the side of her head, streaking along her cheek. Her breathing was slow, laboured.

But she was awake. She was alive.

“Where are we?” Her words were low, slurred.

Sirius glanced around, something nauseating settling heavily in his gut as he recognised where he’d Side-Alonged them to in his fit of desperation. The wonky street lamp, the bubbly letters graffitied across the wall he could just about make out…

“London,” he answered faintly. “We’re in London.”

They were in London, three blocks away from Grimmauld Place, and a good distance away from any of the Order’s safehouses. He turned back to Lily, whose eyes were fluttering closed again. “Oi,” he said, snapping his fingers. “Stay with me. You hit your head pretty hard back there.”

“James,” she murmured, and Sirius’ heart sank. “Where’s James?”

He swallowed the bile rising in his throat. “I’ve called for help,” he told her. “James will be fine. They won’t—” He hesitated. “They won’t kill him.” James’ fortunate blood status would be just enough to spare his life.

He prayed he was right. He had to be.

It was late—midnight—if he had to hazard a guess, and he had no idea how long it’d be before someone could get to James. He’d go back himself, but he’d have to leave Lily like this—alone, defenceless. James would never forgive him.

The thought of James alone and defenceless made him feel like his heart was being ripped in two, so he pushed his feelings aside, concentrating instead, on the friend beside him. Colour was leeching out of Lily’s face, bit by bit.

“Lily,” he pleaded. “I need you to stay awake, alright? You’ve got to stay awake.”

Truthfully, he had no idea what would happen if she succumbed to sleep. He didn’t care to find out. If something happened to her, it would all be for nothing. Sirius couldn’t bear the thought.

Lily only groaned, dazed. She was in no shape to Apparate again, and there were no Muggles around to help, not at this time of night…

He reached out to cup the back of her head, his fingers touching hair warm and sticky with blood.

That was bad. That was really, really bad.

He conjured a second Patronus, broadcasting their location, begging Dumbledore to act quickly—they needed a Healer as soon as possible.

He felt exposed, like a raw nerve. It was stupid, stupid to come here—back to his old home. If the Death Eaters had followed them…with his busted ankle and Lily nearly unconscious…they didn’t stand a chance.

“Stay with me,” he said again. “You can’t pass out, okay? We’re not safe here.”

Lily nodded weakly, but her eyes were getting duller and duller by the second. He scrambled for something, anything to keep her attention.

“Hey,” he said, his voice trembling. “Tell me a something. A story.” A desperate attempt to keep her awake and alert. “Any story.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound escaped her throat.

Sirius swallowed, closing his eyes. “Alright. Alright, I’ll tell you something. But you’ve got to listen, okay? You’ve got to stay awake.”

Lily nodded. He grasped for her wrist, clutching it with whitened fingers. “One time, James and I stayed over at Hogwarts for Christmas break.” The words came out rapidly, breathless. “The Castle was nearly empty—everyone’d gone home. So we thought we’d go swimming in the Black Lake. Are you listening?”

“Black Lake,” Lily mumbled with effort. “Go on.”

“Good. Right. Black Lake. Well, it was a stupid idea. We had a lot of stupid ideas, the two of us.”

Lily made a sound that could only be of agreement.

“It was late. Like it is now. Past curfew. We used James’ old Cloak…snuck right past Filch and McGonagall. It was freezing cold—we wanted to go back in the second we’d stepped out—but we didn’t. We got to the Lake, took off our Cloaks, socks, shoes…stripped down to our boxers—again, stupid— and we got in.”

He heard an odd rustling; he paused, listening intently. His heart hammered in his chest.

But no one came.

“And then?”

He exhaled sharply. “And then we got out. Because I’d never learned to swim. Nearly drowned that night.” At Lily’s disbelieving look, he shrugged. “I figured it’d be easy. It wasn’t.”

Even then, he could recall with perfect clarity how it’d felt—his lungs aching, strained; his stomach hurting from laughter.

He’d give anything to be back there now, with James…

“That’s a terrible story,” Lily said.

Sirius let out a startled laugh. A wave of fondness washed over him, for this woman, who could make him laugh even in the most dire of circumstances.

The wave receded as quickly as it had come, the thought of losing her and James all too sobering. He wondered how long it’d been since he’d sent off the Patronus.

“Your turn, then,” he told her. “If you’ve got a better one.”

Lily frowned. When she spoke, her voice was strangled. “Well,” she said, “one time—”

“Shut up.”

“That’s rude—”

“No, I mean—” Sirius slapped a hand over her mouth, ears straining. There were definitely footsteps now—he wasn’t imagining them. Multiple footsteps, marching closer and closer…

Lily’s frame sagged against him, and he knew she could hear them too. Quietly, he cast a Disillusionment Charm over the two of them, praying it would hold.

But if they’d heard them already…Sirius had laughed, for Merlin’s sake…

“Sirius,” Lily whispered.

“Shh. Not now.”

“Sirius, you’ve got to go.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“Then we’ll both die. Don’t be an idiot.”

Sirius ignored her. The footsteps were getting louder. Whoever they were, they were getting closer. His heart quickened—it was going so fast he was half afraid it’d explode, and that would definitely give them away—his mind flitted desperately from one possibility to the next.

Maybe they’re just Muggles, he thought. Muggles roaming around alleyways at midnight probably weren’t good news for them either, but they’d be a right sight better than the group that’d been tailing them all night. Muggles, he could take alone. Sweat trickled down his brow.

Seconds stretched into years as they waited; reality warped itself around them, and Sirius had no idea how long it’d been since he’d first heard the footsteps when finally, finally, three cloaked figures stalked down the narrow path, wands drawn.

He stepped back hastily, sending an electric jolt of pain flaring up his leg as his ankle landed wrong, yet again. A yelp rose in his throat, but he swallowed it, biting down on his tongue till he could taste copper.

Hold still. Hold still. Hold still.

The cloaked men seemed to be in a hurry—no doubt their master would be highly displeased that their tipped-off ambush had failed, (provided James had gotten help by now, and Sirius had to believe he had), only giving the dingy strip of land a cursory glance, before proceeding to the next one.

Still, Sirius didn’t dare to move. He didn’t dare to breathe.

Next to him, Lily had gone still. Her pulse thrummed beneath his fingers, slow and thready.

Pain was rendering his vision blurry, but Sirius shook his head, clearing it. He had to stay awake, he had to take watch.

There was nothing to do but wait.

[sagesolsticewrites]

Prompt 60. Let’s take a moment to recognize that I had nothing to do with this. Please!

Thanks so much for the request darling!

You entered the club, excitement pumping through your veins in a similar fashion to the music pumping throughout the room. Your friend Lily was close behind you, clutching your hand so she didn’t get lost in the crowd. Turning around to meet her eyes, you beamed. This was exactly what you needed: a night where you weren’t worrying about the latest way you’d made a fool of yourself in front of your crush, where it was just you and—

You caught a familiar flash of dirty blond hair out of the corner of your eye, and you turned ever so slightly to see… oh no. Not tonight, this was literally the one night you had allowed yourself not to think about him. But here he was anyway, apparently.

Austin seemed oblivious to your presence, thank goodness, but you could feel yourself becoming rattled the way you always did in his presence. You dragged Lily over to the bar, stopping when you were just out of Austin’s sight.

“Lil! What is he doing here?!”

“Wha-?” She followed your subtle nod over to where Austin was sitting, and her eyes widened. She placed her hands on your arms, trying to put all of your focus on her. “Okay, let’s just take a moment to recognize that I had nothing to do with this. I swear, I had no idea he was going to be here.”

“Maybe we should find somewhere else to go,” you suggested, picking nervously at your minidress, “What if he sees we’re here and tries to talk to us? You know I can’t act normal around him.”

In true Lily fashion, your friend tries to put a positive spin on things, “Well, what if it’s fate?”

You raised a skeptical eyebrow, “Fate?”

“Yeah, what if this is your chance to tell him how you feel?”

You had just opened your mouth, ready to protest, when Austin sidled up next to you, a warm grin on his face. “Hey Y/N, Lily. Didn’t expect to run into you two here, how are you guys?”

You squeaked out a soft “Good,” while Lily took the lead, “Hey! We’re great, how are you Aus?”

The three of you fell into conversation as you ordered a drink, hoping the alcohol would calm your nerves and let you be at least a little normal with Austin. But just as you became a little more comfortable, Lily spoke up, “Well, if you two will excuse me, there’s a girl over there that’s definitely been eyeing me since we walked in. I’ll catch up with y’all later.”

And she was off, a sway in her hips and a smirk on her face, leaving you alone with Austin.

“Make sure to check in with me please!” You called after her before turning your attention back to Austin, who chuckled and took another sip of his drink.

As much as you tried, you really couldn’t help the way your eyes tracked how his throat moved as he swallowed, his tongue darting out to swipe at the last few drops of whiskey still dangling on his lips. Your thighs clenched, and you quickly turned to down the last of your own drink, the alcohol sending a pleasant buzz through your body.

“Hey,” Austin spoke up, deep voice carrying over the loud music as he nodded towards the dance floor, “Wanna dance?”

You found yourself nodding, and the next thing you knew Austin was taking your hand and leading out out into the crowd of people, where the music was somehow even louder than before.

After that, it was a blur of people around you, Austin’s hands on your waist, and his voice in your ear, the spicy scent of whiskey on his breath as he joked with you, and you found yourself joking back.

After what seemed like an eternity, Austin murmured in your ear, “Hey, I’m gonna get some air.” An attentive friend as always, there was an unspoken invitation for you to join him if you needed, and you found yourself weaving through the crowd of people with him out to the slightly-less-crowded patio area.

You breathed in the cool night air, grateful for the break from the stuffy air of the club. You looked up to see a cloudless sky filled with stars (well, as many stars as you could see in a busy city), a full moon casting a cool glow on everything.

“It’s beautiful tonight,” You murmur under your breath, and find yourself surprised when Austin replies “Yeah, it is.”

You turn to face him, and your breath catches in your throat when you see that he’s not looking at the sky at all.

He’s looking at you.

(not totally sure how to end this one, so I’m just gonna leave it here lol. I do want to come back to this to continue it at some point!)

Send me drabble prompts!

[invisiblestringmm]

Hi hi hi🩷

It didn’t come as a surprise to see Jaz keeping her promise to support you as best as she could - you got daily FaceTime calls, texts, and Instagram DMs. You got post-ballet dinners and ice cream, the four of you becoming closer each day - Lily and Summer were inseparable now, and you had Jaz not getting tired of telling you she felt like you’d become the sister she never had. THEY ARE ALREADY SISTERS IN LAW😌🤭

What you didn’t expect was for him to reply within less than a minute.HE IS FAST

“Mummy, are you okay?” Lily had her eyebrows frowned at you, she curiously scanned your probably pale face as your heart pounded against your chest. A simple nod was enough for her to focus back on the pancakes, but also give you occasional and quick glares as your shaky hands tightly held the phone. I LOVE THIS LITTLE GIRL🥹

“Peanut,” you poked her tummy, making her giggle. “Why don’t we have a girl's afternoon today, huh? Museum, whatever you want for lunch and we can wrap it with skincare and Moana!”CAN I COME WITH YOU?😂

Careful not to lose Lily from your sight as she walked three steps in front of you, her eyes not sure what she wanted to focus her attention on at the museum, your mind went back to Mason’s last words to you that morning. So, he wanted to apologise for the way he treated you. Part of you felt good about it, that he had finally recognised what a complete twat he had been, but the other part of you just thought how that made no difference now - it was in the past. Not buried, since your past with him had taken the most angelic human form, but it wouldn’t change things. It was all about the future now. IT CAN OPEN THE DOORS TO THE FUTURE🤭

For lunch, Lily insisted on spaghetti, her all-time favourite food. You had to persuade her a bit to eat a bit of protein too because pasta would make her feel hungry again by the afternoon, and you knew how much she hated being hungry right before taking a nap - your persuasion included the word dessert, so not much time was wasted trying to convince her to accept some chicken with her pasta.LILY IS ME🤭😂

Lily giggled, “Mummy!” she held your hand, placing a soft kiss against it and walking according to your pace. “Can we go home now?” You nodded, quickly fetching an Uber to drive you home. OHHH ILL CRY😭

A few minutes later you were cuddling under the blankets and watching Moana for the millionth time. You fell asleep shortly before the film ended and were quickly followed by Lily as she hummed an “I love you, mummy” and kissed the tip of your nose. I NEED THIS

If anyone told you that your daughter’s ballet recital would be the place you’d almost certainly meet her father again, especially without him being the father of another kid there, you’d just roll your eyes and leave - as you stood in front of your closet, not sure about what to wear, your mind played tricks on you creating different scenarios on how that meeting would go. There was so much expectation from you, so much anxiety to see how Mason would react. He thought you’d meet for coffee sometime soon, not at a ballet recital where you were the mother of one of the kids. SHE WANTS TO LOOK PRETTY🤭

“Willie, I know you’re smarter than this,” you replied as she just shrugged, still waiting for an answer. You got a positive reaction when you picked a knit burgundy dress, so you tried it on and what you saw in the mirror made you satisfied. “The next time I see him it’ll be to tell him the truth, so he needs a good first second impression.” YOU'RE THE WHO GREW HIS LOVELY CHILD, HE'LL LOVE YOU ANYWAY

“His first impression of you was good enough,” she teased, watching your cheeks blush as she helped to remove the dress tag. “But you’re wearing a brand new dress for him tonight, so I’m sure the second impression will be just as good.” AHAHHAHAHA I LOVE HER

“He’s not here yet,” like she could read your mind, Jaz’s words caused you to sigh in relief. “You look gorgeous, by the way!”Smiling at her, you softly stroked her bump. “You too, pretty mumma.” THEY ARE SO CUTE THO

I JUST LOVE HER PARENTS

When her act ended, you proudly stood up and clapped your hands as if your life relied on it. Her eyes scanned the audience, looking for you, and when she finally found you her face lit up and that smile you loved so much was there, making your heart melt. “I love you,” you mumbled, and she just winked at you.OMG IM MELT

What you didn’t expect was to find him right outside, holding his phone with a wide smile on his lips. OPS

“I literally just texted you back saying yes,” he ran his fingers through his hair and that was as sexy as you remembered. Mason had a beard now, and although he was still young, the wrinkles on the corners of his eyes were more evident now. “You’re the last person I thought I’d meet here.”HE IS CUTE

“I think we should meet there.” You said, thinking of how suffocating and awkward it’d be being inside a car with him after all these years. “There’s a nice place I usually go with my dau-,” you coughed, watching his brows frown. “With my best friend. I’ll text you the address and we’ll meet there.”OPS

Then, all of a sudden, Mason pulled you into a hug. His warmth against your body melted your heart, and you could feel how his breath deepened as his arms tightened around your figure. “I’ll meet you there, so I can decently apologise for being a complete idiot to someone incredible like you.” HE IS CUTEEEE BUT A STUPID MAN AT THE SAME TIME

JAZ TEXT🤭😂

I LOVE THE TEXTS IN FICS 😭

OMG THIS WAS A ROLLERCOASTER, LEVED IT

I LOVE THE BOND BETWEEN Y/N AND LILY, AND ALSO HER PARENTS. THEY ARE JUST THE CYTES I CAN'T

I LOVE HOW JAZ HAS HER BACK, NO MATTER IF IT IS HER BROTHER

AND ALSO HOW MASON IMMEDIATELY ANSWERED HER

THE FINAL HUG WAS CUTEEE

CANT WAIT FOR MORE AND TO SEE HIS REACTION TO EVERYTHING 🤭🩷🩷

Thank you for this🩷

ELISAAAA YOU ARE THE BEST AT FEEDBACKS! 😭 hahahah I always wait anxiously for them, thank you so SO MUCHHH!

[cr0g-0]

Here you are fellas! You get tiny badass good dadza content hope you enjoy lmao-

Anyway I really hope yall enjoy the fic! And i encourage you to send me some asks about it!!!/gen

——————

I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you(Take me back to the night we met) [I]

Tw-Blood, Injuries, Self Deprecation

Word count-4084

——————

At the mouth of a cave, Phil stood with his best friend and partner in adventuring and treasure hunting, Techno. The two had been traveling for hours upon hours and it was much much later than either had thought they’d be out for.

Phil grit his teeth and gripped at his green overshirt anxiously. It was far past curfew for the kids in Esemtria and now that he didn’t have to worry about kids getting snatched up-

(Especially his own son-)

-By saints knew what-he could rest easier. That also meant he wanted to go home to his wife sooner.

This meant however, convincing his best friend for the umpenteenth time that they needed to go home was practically fruitless.

“Techno can we pleas-“

“Phil, I need to look in that cave and you know it. We gotta make sure there aren't any dangerous creatures in there. That's our job and you know Governor Bad wouldn’ be too happy if we didn’t do what he asked.”

Techno was watching the cave. Phil could see the way his friend gripped his sword and how his feet were firmly planted. He was digging in, so transfixed on the cave.

“And I’m asking you to stay out of the cave. Those warning signs aren’t there for show mate. Bad won’t be angry if we don't go in.”

The woods were cold, densely packed with trees and a variety of wildflowers, mainly lilies, chrysanthemums, poppies and a variety of others though neither were paying attention to the flowers.

No, their focus was on the cave that loomed in the distance. The village was only a few miles back. It wouldn’t hurt to turn around.

Techno would never do that though.

Phil knew that. Yet here he was, wasting time and moonlight trying to get Techno away from the gloomy cave of which foretold death and misfortune galore. Techno was always the more headstrong one. He was brash. Foolish even.

Reminded Phil of when he was a younger kid but that's probably why he was so hellbent on keeping Techno alive and well.

Phil was very unhappy about these circumstances and his odds of winning this argument.

“Techno please-I think we oughta go home. Kristen will share our dinner with you alright? I think she’s making pasta or something like that.”

Of course the pinkette graced him no response and of course Phil tried again.

“Tech please-whatever glittery gold bullshit and crystals-whatever is in that cave isn’t worth the risk. Kristen and I have told you that you're allowed to stay with us and I know our son would accept you as a big brother immediately. The kid might be small and young but he has a big heart.”

He infused his voice with nothing but love, kindness, warmth and affection as much as he could.

Techno remained unmoving although he could tell by the way his shoulders slouched that he was losing a bit of momentum here.

Great.

“P-“

“I’ll only be a moment Phil. I just gotta do a bit of lookin and I’ll be right out ok? And if your worried you have legs y’know-“ The kid shot back as he began to walk towards the cave.

“You’re free to join me….If I find anything worth keeping though you aren’t getting a lick of it unless you come in-That’s just the rules-“

Before Phil could further his pleas and offers Techno ran deep inside the dark and ominous cave, the echo of the other’s footsteps being the only thing he could hear as he vanished into the darkness.

The blond man closed his eyes in frustration and groaned. Techno just haaaad to be like this tonight. He couldn’t pick a worse location to be stubborn about as well.

He glanced at his legs for a moment. He swore to the saints Techno was calling him old in some way…but then again he was right. If he wanted he could go after him and drag his dumbass out, scold him a little and then bring him back to dinner.

But kids don’t learn if you don’t let them make mistakes.

So of course, he stood there and waited.

And waited.

The waiting of course, was getting his legs feeling stiff but he’d hold out. That kid would regret going in, he’d tell Phil and that would be the end of it.

He paced back and forth and back and forth and then back again, the ornate sword held in his hands dragged across the ground in a shallow dip it formed. He waited still though.

A Craft didn’t give up when they had their mind set on something-he would know considering his brother managed to make a thriving village that had never had many issues aside a few pranks gone out of hand.

He glanced up and he stopped his pacing, the sword in his hand was gripped tighter as he bit his chapped lips.

The moon had already begun to start setting back down to welcome the new day and he was still there waiting as if something was going to happen despite nothing having happened for the past several hours.

Kristen would be worried. Hell, she was already most likely. She was probably assuming the worst of Techno and him-

Hell-he was assuming the worst of Techno and him and he at least knew he was accounted for!

He sighed before looking at the cave and then to his sword. He could leave his best friend there. Could leave him for dead but why would he?

He wasn’t a monster.

With a final glance back. Back towards where his home was. Back to his family.

He took a step forward into the dark cave. Because a Craft wouldn’t leave someone, who may not be blood family but was still family, behind.

The first thing of note was that the whole area was fridged. The summer harvest was wrapping up, the fall harvest upcoming meant that yeah, it was getting a bit chillier but it should not be this…cold.

This…This temperature was cold enough to where he craved warmth…

Yet it was off enough and just weirdly warm enough to make his insides writhe uncomfortably.

He blew out some air from his mouth, watching as it curled into a fog that dissipated. He kept walking and going further and further, glancing for any coves and crevices that the pinkette was hiding in or near.

As he went deeper the temperature went from an uncomfortable chilly cold to a warmth that was prickling and tense.

‘Where the hell was he…?’ Phil thought anxiously, eyes darting around the dark.

“Techno! Technooo….! Where the fuck are you Mate? It’s been hours!!” He shouted out into the dark. No response.

He would have responded…

Unless…something…happened to him…

No. Nothing would. Techno was incredibly capable of keeping himself safe! Sure, Phil was more experienced but Techno was strong and he would have called for help. He may be head strong but he wasn’t that dumb.

He took one more step into the dingy cave. He took a sniff of the air and gagged. Smelled rotten and humid.

That’s when he heard a scratching from the cave floor. He tensed up and held his sword tightly as he glanced around with narrowed eyes. He rotated around in a small circle to ensure he wouldn’t get crept up on, the warmth in the cave making his skin crawl.

And that’s when he heard the growl.

He readied himself into a fighting stance as he saw dark shadows approaching him and he prepared to fight off whatever was there.

Until he realized they were bats. He watched the creatures fly to the cave entrance, screeching and cawing in the strange way only bats could.

He let out a sigh while he turned to look out at the entrance that the bats had flown too.

Maybe Techno found a way out already? Was there another entrance? Was he just being paranoid? Surely that was the case

It was probably the fact that he didn’t want to lose who he fully intended on being his son’s godparent. He was paranoid. Kristen would be worried and he had dinner and a son to tend to back at home.

Phil looked tiredly at the entrance before taking a few steps toward it. He needed to go home. He’d ask around to see if Puffy-hell-maybe even Sam could help-

Sure the sheriff didn’t like Techno, he didn’t even really like Phil, but he’d surely help if Phil asked enough times and bribed him.

His boots quietly clicked as he slowly headed to the entrance before something dripped onto his head. He reached up and ran a hand through his hair, silently cringing. Gods it was slimy and disgusting-

He wiped it on his pants and turned around, looking up before his blood ran cold.

Looming up above his head, was bright, white eyes with shining, saliva glistening teeth. Every other detail of the beast was shrouded by the darkness of the cave.

His hand went down to his sword hilt and he took it out in one fell swoop, narrowing his eyes. This is what he trained for.

So he cleared his throat, got into stance and charged as the creature attempted to grab him. He took a heavy swing over his head.

The beast let out a pained cry and Phil barely dodged the swipe as he rolled to the side, his hat falling off. Phil made another advance towards the monster.

He had to slay it-after all, it must have been the thing to hurt or kill Techno-that’s why he hadn’t responded to him.

He took another swing, slicing into the beast's thumb web, it snarled out in pain and retaliated with a swipe at Phil’s face too fast for him to evade.

He dropped his sword once the burning pain registered in his mind, the clang of metal hitting the floor was the one thing he heard in his ears.

He stared at the beast, blood getting in his mouth and filling it with its hot iron taste as he licked his lips.

His mind felt surprisingly clear as he looked into the snarling creature's white, soulless eyes. The two of them were seemingly locked in a stalemate, both breathing heavily.

Phil wasted no time regaining his bearings as he bolted from the cave, collecting his sword into his hand quickly as he sprinted at full speed to the breaking daylight.

He didn’t dare look back.

He could tell the beast was chasing after him, the loud growling and footsteps were a damn good indicator as his own footsteps were drowned out.

He needed to get away from the cave but he also needed to move in such a way that didn’t get anyone in Esemtria mauled-

The blond nearly stumbled as he finally made his way into the freezing cold air, goosebumps forming on his skin. He dared to look behind him for a split moment to see a giant hand reaching out, growls spouting out of it before it began to keep crawling out of the cave.

Phil didn’t wait for it.

He kept sprinting into the woods, the blood on his face long forgotten aside for the taste in his mouth and smell in hitting his nose.

The sun was rising behind and he silently cussed, hoping to make it home before people left their homes so he wasn’t seen by worried faces.

He began to weave between trees and bushes, sword still unsheathed as he slid throughout the muddied grounds. He needed to reach the border-

He forced his tired and aching body to push onward, his muscles feeling like they were being torn apart. Still, he knew he needed to keep going-for Kristen-For his son.

Everything felt like a blur as he kept mindlessly running despite the protests of his limbs, not daring to stop, look behind or even rest a second as he aimed to get home.

When he reached the border his chest was heaving and he stared out at the dimly lit city he and his family called home. The streets were silent and covered in a sheen of morning dew. The streets had a few people beginning to leave their houses to set up at the market.

He numbly began to walk over to his house. It wasn’t hard to see-the lights were bright and all on compared to their neighbors. Kristen must not have turned them off. It probably annoyed them to no end but honestly? Phil couldn’t give a fuck.

He reached the door and barely got one knock in before the door swung wide open and before him was a very angry looking Kristen.

“I swear Angel do that to me again and I’ll-“

Her voice trailed off. Phil could probably take a good guess as to the reason why. He sheathed his sword and gave her a sad smile, tears welling up in his eyes.

“I know my love. I won’t…”

She started to grab a handkerchief from her pocket but Phil simply pushed the offer to clean his face away. “I’m ok Kristen.” She hesitantly lowered the cloth and he laughed quietly before adding on. “Now may I enter my own home or will I be getting kicked out for the day?”

Honestly the kick to his shin was welcomed and totally deserved. He could see tears in her eyes as she pulled him inside and into a hug.

“Not the time Phil. Me and your son have been worried sick-“

Phil just let her hug him and he looked about the house. “He’s still up?” Gently, he pushed away from Kristen and glanced around more uncomfortably.

“Yes he insisted on staying up till you and Techno returned. I tried to get him to bed but he nearly crawled out the window in his room to go find you so I gave up.”

Phil was immensely glad Kristen had caught him before his boy was snatched up by any beast. He headed into the kitchen carefully, checking for any sign of his son.

“Speaking of Techno…Phil what happened? Where is he? I know you’d never leave someone alone-especially your best friend…”

She entered and Phil tensed, feeling tears bead in his eyes. He wouldn’t break yet. He could tell Kristen when he wasn’t as vulnerable.

“Can you get me some rags, disinfectant and water? I don’t want our son to possibly see me covered in blood.”

The kitchen was silent and the only sound Phil could hear was the sound of his wife sharply inhaling before heading out the room, presumably to get him the things he requested.

He ended up sitting down, pulling out a chair and getting settled at the table. He was exhausted and he just wanted to sleep yet he was on alert. Staying quiet to listen for the loud, careless footsteps of his son just in case the boy figured out he was home.

He’d need to teach him to quiet himself and move less loudly and rambunctiously. It’d get the kid into trouble. Trouble Phil wouldn’t be able to get him out of.

He tapped his boot nervously against the ground. Somehow the thought of his son being in trouble terrified him more than anything the gods could throw at him. And they had thrown that-that beast at him-

Kristen came bustling back into the room and sat parallel to him, placing the medical supplies down in front of him.

“Once your cleaned up I need an explanation Philza Hart Craft.”

‘Fair enough. You know what’s not fair? Having had the ability to save your best friend but failing because you were too lenient-‘ his mind bitterly snarked at him. He just forced himself to take a deep breath.

He began to douse the rag in disinfectant and rub gently at the blood coating a sizable chunk of his face. He made sure to go over the wound gently, not wanting to agitate it.

He knew it would scar. He knew he’d be asked by everyone in Esemtria and Hermitville what happened to his face. Where was Techno.

He didn’t want to share this though. It hurt so much. He didn’t want to tell anyone-no one could know that he failed to save Techno-no one would believe he was capable of keeping anyone safe again-

And that’s what he feared. Because if he couldn’t keep Techno safe, who was to say he wouldn’t be able to keep Kristen safe? To keep his family safe from harm when he already failed to protect his brother in arms-

He hadn’t really noticed he was sobbing and hiccuping until he felt reassuring hands on his shoulders and he just let it all out, letting the blood soaked rag fall to the wood table as he let another ugly cry rip it’s way from his throat.

Kristen stayed there and just listened to him cry. He felt bad for just breaking down. That wasn’t very Phil of him. Usually he could keep it in.

He silently prayed to the gods to avoid making this any worse but he was just a hair too late as the soft, uncharacteristically quiet footsteps could be heard approaching the kitchen.

“Dad, why are you crying?”

He glanced from behind his hands, hiding the wound and blood best he could.

He looked tired and defenseless. The boy began shuffling closer, eyes shining with worry but he was ushered away by Kristen quickly.

“Honey please go to bed now dad’s home now.” Kristen barely let Phil get in a word but he could tell she wouldn’t let Phil convince her it was okay to let the boy stay here.

With a loud sigh, she leaned to look at him. “My angel, are you going to be ok?”

He nodded to her and smiled the same sad smile from earlier. “Hopefully….Kristen I’m…I’m not going to go hunting for monsters or treasure anymore.”

From the look on her face, she looked confused, joyful and sad all at the same time. “Wha-but Phil! You love exploring and searching for that shit!”

She paused a moment before lowering her voice, Phil smirked internally. Swearing was not something they’d be teaching him for a long time.1

“I would love if you stopped but I know you love doing it-so-so if your doing it for me-“

“-I’m doing it for our son.”

The silence that filled the room was light, comforting-like he’d shaken a weight he no longer needed nor wanted.

He gave Kristen a reassuring look.

“I’m doing this for the sake of our family. You see what has happened to me-I’m a walking scar collector-not to mention I miss out on spending time with the two of you…and I want to spend as much time as possible with the both of you before the gods decide it is our time.”

He turned so his whole body was facing her.

“I will not let any more lives be lost based on stupid adventures and treasure hunting. I’m…I’m a changed man….I want to be there for you-for our son-for the whole of Esemptria and beyond.”

Phil looked into Kirsten’s eyes and saw understanding and sympathy. Neither needed to exchange anymore words as he stood up and pulled her into another embrace.

“I’m going to go say goodnight to our little brat and then go send a quick prayer to the gods.”

She nodded. “I’ll be most likely asleep when you get to bed. I’m tired after worrying for you all night.” Although it was meant as a tease, Phil couldn’t help but feel horribly guilty.

He made his wife worry so much if made her feel physically tired. What good husband did that?

She had already headed away, leaving the blond to stand in the kitchen alone. He sighed before slowly walking towards his son’s room. He hoped that he was asleep. Then he could avoid mentioning anything about the whereabouts of Techno.

The kid always was curious about Techno’s adventures-he was probably more interested in treasure hunting and monster hunting more than anything.

He walked to his door and gently knocked, gently pushing open the door to see the boy blinking at him owlishly.

Curse the gods-

“Dad, why were you crying and-and why is there a scary thing across your face?” The boy got up out of his bed and ran to Phil. He crouched down and scooped him up in his arms.

“I just had some dust in my eyes. And this thing?”

He pointed to the cut running jagged along his face.

“It’s just an oopsie that I got when I was in the woods today.”

He forced a smile as he carried him to his bed.

“Now can you promise me some things? It’s important, ok?”

His eyes stared into his and he nodded his head in understanding, giving Phil the silent ok to keep going.

“Promise me you won’t be reckless and dangerous like I am ok? And I don’t want you around anymore hybrids unless Kristen or I are with you.”

His son didn’t seem pleased by this news.

“B-But-But what about Miss Puffy and-and Mister Sam and-“

“Honeydew you have other people you can go too for help.” They were certainly not the only people that could protect his son….but they were the ones he somewhat trusted and knew-

Still. What if they could become monsters and hurt his family? He…He’d make an exception for them and no one else.

“I’ll let you go to them if you need anything but otherwis-“

“But what about Uncle Grian!?!”

Right. The whole of Hermitville. His face became strained but he just kept a soft smile as he settled his son into his bed.

“And any of the Hermi-“

“But what abo-“

Phil gave up he could just monitor him all day since he was never going to hunt for shit ever again-

“Ok fine you can talk to any hybrid you like-so long as they don’t make fun of you or hurt you ever.”

His son grinned bright and wide and hugged Phil rib crushingly tight. He laughed and hugged him back, running a hand through his hair gently.

“Now can you please go to sleep honey?” He softly asked, gently pulling away from him and grabbing a blanket for him.

The boy eagerly grabbed the blanket and crawled under the covers of his bed. Once nestled in, Phil tucked the blanket under his son before gently kissing him on the head.

“Good. Get some rest now…”

The child huffed a little before closing his eyes and nestling more into the blanket. Phil smiled softly before sighing as he walked out of the room, gently closing the door.

Once that was done he headed to the backyard and kneeled down in front of a stump. He closed his eyes and clamped his hands together, bowing his head towards the rising sun.

“Please gods, please keep my son and wife safe. Safe from harm. I will do anything that you will ask. Any quest-any mission-I will accomplish it if you keep my family safe.”

Phil kept praying as long as he could, hoping for a sign that they heard him. It wasn’t until Kristen had gotten tired and worried about where he was. Phil had startled and tensed a bit but relaxed as he murmured an apology to her.

He headed back inside as he entered Kristen’s and his room, kicking off his shoes quickly before removing his sword hilt.

He removed the sword and opened up his closet before hanging the sword up, looking in his reflection.

He felt different. More than just physically. He brought a hand up to his shoulder, lifting up the sleeve before running his hand along the scar left by Techno’s and his first encounter.

He loved that day, even if he hadn’t known it then. A warm smile fell upon his face before he grabbed an emerald from his pocket, running a thumb across its edges.

He’d take it to a jeweler. It wouldn’t replace the missing other half but it would be closer to him. Close. Close enough to remind him of the life he let be lost.

His fingers closed around the stone and he held his close as he walked to his bed and laid in it, closing his eyes and forcing himself to fall asleep, grip on the gem tightening.

Tomorrow.

[ruewrites]

Icarus and His Memories of the Sun

AO3

Ship: Solomon/Asmo (They pop in, but Mammon is the focus)

Word Count: 2552

Warnings: ANGST

Summary: The memories of a loved one never truly leave, and Mammon is always revisited by the sun in the early hours of the morning.

A/N: I had to get this out. I missed our (mine and @leviathanswingman ) next gen! au and I wanted to give Mammon a little bit of the spotlight. Yes, Treasure's other parent is dead. Sorry about that. So you have single dad Mammon!

Mammon bolted upright in a cold sweat. He couldn't catch his breath. He was drowning in the air around him. It was the same dream, the same terror, the same damned memory he was doomed to repeat. 

Over

And over

And over again.

Wiping wet eyes, he stared at the clock ticking away on the wall. 

2 AM

It was almost laughable how consistent it was. The same hour, the same dream. Every. Damn. Time. He stretched out, turning his focus to the ceiling and listened. Then his ears twitched. Well, he wouldn't need to struggle to find distractions tonight. Rising from the bed he left his room and went into the kitchen just in time to hear a rather loud crash. 

"Lily!"

"Sorry! I can't reach it!"

His niece and his own kiddo, still awake when they should be tucked away. Couldn’t say he was surprised. After all, look at who they were related to. He had his niece for the weekend, so her dads could have a lil 'date' time. And from the looks of both of them, they needed it. It was nice to spend alone time with your partner when you could grab it, Mammon knew this.

So, the lil trouble makers were his for the weekend. 

"And just what are you troublemakers up to?" he leaned against the wall, looking down at the two youngsters.

"Lily was hungry! We just wanted to get a snack."

"Treasure was hungry too!"  

Mammon sighed, "Come on now, ain't it a lil late for you guys to be up? You wanna be big strong demons right?"

"But Unkie Dia says we need to eat good food to be big and strong," Lilith's lil brow furrowed in confusion at the perceived contradiction. 

“Yeah, and you need sleep so all the lil tiny men can use that food to build ya bigger and stronger.”

Now it was Treasure’s turn to contradict him, “Nuh uh!”

“Ya huh.”

“Who says?”

“I says.”

“Why?”

“Cus’ I’m a grown up and that’s how the world works kiddo.”

Ruffling Treasure’s hair Mammon reached down to pick up some of the discarded items off the floor. He was a little bit of a hypocrite, sending the two tykes off to bed while he would be staying up for hours to come. That's usually how his schedule went. Sometimes he'd check up on Treasure before he started. Fighting between forgetting about the terrors and wanting to live in the past just a second longer. 

"Can't we stay up longer Unkie Mam Mam? Please?" 

"Please? We'll go to bed right after!"

Both of them had a hold of one of his legs, no chance of freedom in sight. Both of them were giving him the biggest puppy eyes they could muster.

Mammon had a choice on his hands.

He could be a responsible adult and do the responsible thing and send the lil ones off to bed. That's what he should do in all honesty…

Or, he could have company for once, instead of sitting in the dark on his own.

Fuck it.

"Aight, you win," Mammon sighed, "But Lilith, you can't tell your Papa about this. I don't need him givin me lip about letting you stay up. And Treasure don't think this means you can stay up late all the time." 

“I’ll stay up as late as I want!”

Mammon snorted. Sure they would. A ‘responsible’ dad would probably say something about that, but Mammon knew his kid. Treasure was a good kid, and under normal circumstances they were out like a light by 8, even if they tried to fight it. That would change when they were older, but for now he didn’t have to worry about them being out past midnight. Right now he didn’t have to worry about them being like him. Right now they were just little Treasure.

But he could think about that all at a later point in time. Right now he had two hungry kiddos who also needed to go to bed. 

Picking up a bag of chips off the ground that the duo had dropped, Mammon fished a bowl out of one of the cabinets and grabbed another bag of fish crackers before taking a seat on the couch. Little hands could barely wait for him to pour their treats into the bright red plastic bowl on the coffee table.  

“Can we watch the pony movie again?” Lilith asked, putting a handful of treats in her mouth, “The one where they go see the fishy ponies!”

“Isn’t that the only movie you two have watched this weekend?”

“It’s Lily’s favorite right now.”

Mammon chuckled. Of course it was her favorite. According to Asmo, Lilith had developed a little bit of a fixation on fish and the ocean. So, a movie with pretty ponies and pony mermaids in the ocean with pretty fish? Yeah, that seemed like it would be something that was right up his niece’s alley. 

“I just gotta get Mr. Fishy, so don’t start it yet okay?”

“Aight Lilith, I won’t start it yet,” Mammon promised as the little girl ran down the hall, “But hurry back before I get too tired to push the buttons!”

“Daddy can you hold the snacks?” Treasure asked, crawling up on the couch to push themselves right next to Mammon. 

“Well, aren’t you both putting me to work this evening?”

“It’s because you’re my Daddy.”

Before Mammon could respond Lilith ran back up into the room and crawled right up next to Mammon on the couch, Mr. Fishy in tow. “Okay! I’m ready now!”

As soon as the movie started, both kids quieted down, completely mesmerized by the images on the screen. The only noise aside from the television was the occasional munching of snacks before them. The silence allowed Mammon to slip back into the thoughts he’s been having beforehand, the ones that came to kiss him awake ever since that terrible day. 

He’d fallen hard. That was undeniable. 

The other undeniable fact was that they had been perfect together, and Treasure was the proof of that. Treasure had been the proof of their love ever since they made their presence known, and Mammon made sure he gave that love back to them ever since.

But now he was having doubts.

Was he still able to give Treasure back all of that love with what he was going through now?

He’d never fallen as hard as he had.

His partner and him had been twin flames, and they burned gloriously and uncontrolled. Maybe that had been his undoing in the end.

He was like Icarus, kissed by the sun in all of her golden glory. And her burn lingered within him even as he crashed into the ocean below, still suffocating with every breath he took. Mammon was smoldering and aching, but he was trying to claw his way back out of the depth to kindle the tiny embers he had into their own little flame. It was his job to protect them, he wanted to protect them, but some days the ache tore him apart. It ripped from his ribcage, exposing him at his core.

Through it all he had to wonder, was it all enough?

Treasure had lost someone just as important to them.

Was Mammon acting too selfish with his pain?

Was he doing enough for them?

Would it be enough to make the golden sun proud?

Was he doing good by that last promise?

Time had stopped existing for him. The world had frozen for him and continued on for everyone else. It was like someone else had a remote and continued to press stop and start throughout his life ever since that day. He hadn’t realized that he’d zoned out of the movie, he never realized when he zoned out.

“Daddy?” Treasure’s little yawn finally snapped him away from his thoughts, “Why are you crying?”

Shit.

“Ah, I guess the movie just kinda got to me this time around kiddo.” 

It was a little white lie, but now wasn’t the time to discuss all of the things running through Mammon’s head. 

Lilith had drifted off next to him, Mr. Fishy gripped tightly in her little arms and a goldfish in her tiny fist. Mammon turned off the TV, and stood picking up Lilith as he did so. “Let’s get you and your cousin to bed, kay?”

Treasure held on to his hand tight all the way down the hall, up until the moment he tucked them both in, kissing both of their foreheads. Just as he was about to leave, Treasure grabbed onto his face. Their little thumbs wiped under his eyes.

“Don’t cry Daddy, it was just a movie okay?”

Mammon could have laughed. They were a sweet kid, and he knew where they got that from. 

“Alright kiddo, I won’t cry.”

He tried to pull away, but Treasure wouldn’t let go.

“Can you stay? Please?”

Mammon couldn’t say no to that face. So, that was how he ended up on the floor with a pillow and blanket, arm cramping as Treasure held onto his hand. But there were four tiny words that made it all worth it.

“I love you Daddy.”

In that moment, Mammon knew he must’ve been doing something right.

“Love you too Treasure.”

***

“Daddy! Papa!”

Lilith flew into Solomon’s waiting arms. Her fluffy wings fluttered wildly and little squeals left her lips as the human spun her and Mr. Fishy around. 

Mammon had to admit, despite Lucifer’s hesitations and protests, Asmo picked a winner. 

Asmo offered a little wave from his perch against the doorway. He looked the most relaxed Mammon had ever seen him wearing a washed out pair of mom jeans and one of Solomon’s sweaters. He pecked Lilith’s cheek once Solomon brought her close and tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear. 

“Can Lily come over again next weekend?” Treasure asked without a single bit of hesitation.

“We’ll see,” Solomon stepped in, “Or perhaps you could come over here. Oh! I almost forgot, I was able to make a new enchantment, how would you like to take a look at it while your Daddy and Uncle Asmo talk for a bit?”

Solomon gave Asmo a look that he couldn’t quite read, and it was gone all too fast.

“Can I touch it?”

“Maybe not-”

Those were the last words Mammon could make out as the trio wandered further into the house towards Solomon’s study.

He met Asmo’s gaze and his brother gestured him inside, “Tea? I made an extra cup.”

“How could I resist a free beverage from my little brother?”

“I mean, I could dump it down the sink instead,” Asmo chirped, making his way to the kitchen table, “Ya know, for funsies!”

But Asmo never dumped the drink down the sink, instead he pushed a cup closer to where Mammon sat and even included a cookie. If anything, Asmo was certainly in a good mood. Of course Asmo was in a good mood. He had a completely uninterrupted weekend with his boyfriend, the father of his child. Solomon and Asmo were close, and Asmo always looked like he was floating after a weekend with Solomon.

Asmo was no Icarus like him.

Asmo was goddam Aphrodite.

And Solomon worshiped him with every breath he had. 

“So, Solomon serious about Treasure spending a weekend with you guys?”

Aphrodite let her slender lashes brush her cheeks as the cup met her lips, “Well, Solomon and I were talking-”

“You two had time to talk?”

Those golden eyes snapped open with fire, “I will dump your tea down the sink.”

Icarus threw his head back and cackled. Always one to play with danger. “Kidding! I’m kidding. So you and your magic lover were talking?”

With a sigh Asmo set his cup down and recollected himself. “Anyways, yes, Solomon and I were talking and we thought- well I thought- it might be nice for us to keep Treasure for a weekend. You know, so you could get out.”

Mammon froze. He knew where this was going. 

“Asmo-”

“There are a few single parents at some of the groups I’ve been going to. They ask if I have any single brothers.”

“Asmo-”

“And when is the last time you’ve been on a date? I mean I know I usually say, but you can be a catch Mammon! Plus it’s super not like you to be cooped up and all alone like that.”

Mammon couldn’t bring himself to say a thing. Instead he just sat there, gripping his cup tightly and staring at his muddled reflection in the tea. An emotion that he couldn’t quite name bubbled up inside of him, but it was molten and bitter.

“People are into the whole single dilf thing! You could make it work-”

“Being a single ‘dilf’ comes with having a kid Asmo.”

Asmo froze.

“Well of course-”

“A kid I gotta think about.”

Despite all the spats he’d had with him in the past, Mammon had never been as sharp with Asmo as he was in this moment. The worst part was, he knew it was coming from a place of good intention, but shouldn’t that timing be for him to decide?

Asmo looked away, “Well of course, I never meant to imply-”

“And I gotta think about how Treasure would feel about it too. I can’t just up and move on, I don’t know how Treasure would feel and I just-!”

Mammon took in a breath. He was back in the ocean again, molten wax clinging to his back. He couldn’t breathe. 

Things were silent for a long while. 

“I just-” Asmo’s voice was so soft, “I’m worried about you Mammon.”

Their eyes met.

“You don’t talk about it.”

Mammon considered ripping his gaze away again.

“At least, take the idea into consideration, yeah?” Asmo pushed again, “Even if you wanna hang out with lil ol’ me, we can leave Solomon with the kids and we can go to the clubs! Like good old times!”

Mammon raised a brow. “You’d leave Solomon alone with the kids?”

“I’ll order them pizza. He’s wonderful as long as he isn’t in charge of cooking or making his daughter eat broccoli instead of chicken nuggets.”

That drew a bark of a laugh out of Mammon. He could just picture Solomon struggling with that little girl. He already had a hard time saying no to Asmo, and Lilith had inherited both his puppy dog eyes and stubborn nature. 

“Alright then, maybe I can take you up on that.”

“Daddy!” Mammon turned his head in the direction of Treasure’s voice, “Daddy come look! You gotta see what Uncle Sully did!”

Mammon downed the rest of his tea and stood up from the table, “Alright kiddo I’m commin.”

Right before he could leave, Asmo’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Mammon?”

He stopped.

“You’re doing great.”

Mammon’s throat went tight. He was frozen once again. He let his eyes close and took in a breath.

“Thanks Asmo, that- that means a lot.”

Maybe he wasn’t doing such a terrible job after all. Maybe, just maybe he could make her proud. 

And for the briefest of moments Icarus swore he could feel the gentle embrace of the sun against his skin.

[florainkingdom]

"Hey, as long as you don't hear any yelling then everything is good." Poppy was sure they'd both be hearing her mum yelling at the poor soul who ticked her off be it by saying something or doing something that didn't make her mum happy. "Though let's not get too relaxed yet. My mum hasn't tasted the food." That was the real test to see if her mum could keep her chill if there was a problem with it. Though she'd focus on the food and put Lily in a highchair which was next to Scarlett.

"Hi Nana Scarlett. It's nice to see you again. I get to be a real princess now." Lily was really excited she was going to be a princess now and had run out of people to tell it to. That, and she told her Grandmum everything when they met. The young opossum would then giggle at getting a kiss on her cheek which she returned.

"So good to see one of my granddaughters. Though you've always been a princess to me." Scarlett would smile warmly at Lily before turning her attention to the appetizers. Everyone who had been talking silenced and all focused-on Scarlett. The feline would then start to eat, and a moment later they would all follow and continue their various conversations.

"My mum is really going to extra mile in keeping calm about the fact she wasn't the one making the food. Normally she'll spend a few minutes sniffing it and checking it all over." Poppy would whisper to Blaze. The opossum could at least say tonight would be chill, though was sure breakfast was going to be a warzone.

"So, Blaze," Bella said to draw Blaze's attention as she sat left of her. "Since I'm here I hope it'd be alright if I am my sister's bodyguard. I don't doubt any of your soldier's abilities, though I personally want to do it." The feline was sure Sol had plenty of fine knights and warriors, though it would just mean a lot.

"I was actually hoping you'd focus more on keeping Lily safe than me as she finds a lot of the guards kinda scary. We both know I can also defend myself pretty well, and I'm sure me and Blaze can thrash anyone if we need to. Though you also have a say in this Blaze," Poppy said, holding Blaze's hand. They may have only gotten engaged the other day and didn't even have a wedding day picked out, though she did have a say so.

Blaze could only smile at Lilly, as she melted her heart in ways she hadn't experienced before now. She might never know what it means to be a real mother, to have her own child as that was just not her destiny. But having Lilly around, being able to be her mother was a treasure each and every day. She was so happy she accepted her and would try not to spoiler her to much. Yet watching her excited to see her grandmother was just as precious.

Her eyes went to Poppy and her delighted smile crossed her face to show how much she adored that little girl. She did agree on one thing she could use a day of rest, not that she'd get one. But at least Poppy could relax for a time after today. Would be a time enough for stress once they started planning for the wedding.

" As i said i'll handle the captain... just enjoy your time with your family ..."

She reiterated as she gave Gardon a little bow of her head as a farewell and he returned her gesture with one of his own.

" Take care Lilly, i'll see you later today i'm sure "

He'd wave to the little girl and to Blaze to before returning to his work. He had much to catch up on and little time to do the catching up! Another day in the castle he supposed!

Thankfully the trip back wasn't a long one. By now appetizers were being set out to tide the family over till the main meal could be brought out. But the kitchen wasn't burning down, and that was a relief to Blaze. Which meant at least scarlett chose peace over violence!

" I know this is odd coming from me but... well nothing is on fire... that's good right? "

She offered Poppy a warm smile and they were bringing something for the others to snack on so, also a good sign.

" See, worrying over nothing "