#why tf is it 5am I have to get up in 2 hours for work

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

How do I explain to people that I have the impulse control of like,,,several day old roadkill

[incomingnewsmile]

Day 25 , or night of, or actually i guess morning of day 26, It is currently 2am. Yes I'm awake 😁 I have been trying to sleep for hours and hours,& i just can't drop. Like I'm not even tired, one bit, my body is dead but my mind is like nope. My legs and ankles are so restless, I can't get comfy and I'm either really hot or chilly.

This was exactly the same yesterday. Did not sleep for ages 😧

So I'm laying here, its quite, dark, im comfortable & not in too much pain, I'm like why am I awake 😅

What an earth is going on. I am always tired, come this time in the morning. But right now, I'm literally wide awake.

Like what tf 🤷‍♀️

And I've just clocked it. Looked it up. & basically remembered that from mid day yesterday, I stopped taking Codine for pain, as I have been taking opiate pain killers for nearly 3 weeks now. Was feeling a bit disassociated and just thought my pain levels can cope without it now, I'm aching but is mainly from the bands now but told it would only last a few days. Thought deffo time to stop taking codine now.

So anyway. 2 mins ago, i looked up codine withdrawal symptoms and voila ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

Ha. Of corse. And today my nose has been running! Which I thought was strange as hadn't been sneezing 😂

Atleast I know what's going on now, body's in withdrawal, and the best part is, it can last week's, even months 😂 at least I haven't got nausea & vomiting, like the worst symptoms.

Back in the 2am club 🙃 thank God I don't have to go to work for a while 😆 sweet jesus, 5am wake ups would be impossible rn 😂 silver linings

& in all fairness, way before the op in the appointments before I was warned of this by the surgeons. They said the painkillers might be hard to get off for this reason....

I best find a quiet night time hobby 😒

What a journey this is 😂🤣

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

When we adopted Jasper as an 8 week old kitten 16 years ago, he was sick, but we didn't know it until days later. We called the rescue shelter, they offered an exchange, and informed us he had been scheduled for euthanasia due to ringworm. They didn't treat ringworm due to it taking too long to clear and they had limited space. They did, however, cover the cost of treating his ringworm, URI, and fleas. He was the runt of his litter, had bad diarrhea, was lethargic, but so full of love. We treated him, he mostly recovered, but had diarrhea for the next 13 years with almost daily vomiting. No vet could tell us why. They gave us prescription cat food (made no difference), probiotic medicine (worked for 30 days and the day after the final dose he was back to vomiting and diarrhea again), anti-nausea meds, and even suggested OTC fiber powder and yogurt. No difference. I watched a vet show and the lead veg, Dr. Pol, had a patient come on with these symptoms and immediately figured out it was the fish in the cat's food. Cats can't digest the fat and other stuff in fish. Jasper had been eating seafood his entire life because Cacoa refused everything else. We removed all seafood because why tf not, we tried everything else. Two days later, solid stools, no vomiting for weeks.

Then, November 23rd, 2021, he was vomitting nearly every hour for a solid day, diarrhea, and then he refused to eat or drink anything. He went from a healthy energetic 10 lbs to a weak, lethargic 7 lbs. We took him to the emergency vet clinic as soon as they opened, then napped in the car while we waited. Because we had to get up at 5AM to make it there when they opened at 7AM, and an hour away. They couldn't figure out wtf was wrong, so they have him fluids via IV, anti-nausea meds, and an appetite stimulant. They also suggested kitten food for the calories and fat, which we happily provided. He never fully recovered, but he did gain weight. He was back to his old self this summer, but a week ago he started eating less, vomiting everyday, so I called the clinic. They said to give him the appetite stimulant (we have most of the tube left), kitten food, and make sure he's drinking. He barely ate anything yesterday, even wet food. I gave him wet food today, but refused to do more than lick it. Then threw up a few minutes later and fell over. We just finished wiping the vomit off his arms and chest.

He has an appointment at the urgent care clinic on Monday. I called around today to see if even an emergency clinic can see him. Nope, too many people feeding their dogs things they shouldn't. Jasper will have to wait until Monday. I don't know if he'll make it though. We can feel all his bones, his fur is icky, eyes sunken in, and he's sleeping all day and night.

We've come to terms with the very real possibility that he will have to be euthanized on Monday...if he makes it. Right now, I don't think he will. He's been sick for so long, and the fact it's happening again at almost the same time it did last year...I just don't know.

This is him maybe two weeks ago.

Just 2-3 weeks ago

Today...

I can feel all his ribs and vertebrae, as well has his hips and thighs. He feels angular and sharp, and craves every bit of heat he can take.

He has lived a long life filled with love, sunshine, playing, cuddling, and lots of cat TV (bird feeder outside a window). He's had lots of cuddling and brushing, and knows he is loved and cherished. 16 years is a long time for a cat, and staying 100% indoors has made a huge difference. We had hoped to set up a catio this year, but with al the wildfire smoke and extreme heat, it simply wasn't a safe and healthy option.

If it's his time, I can accept that. Husband has no choice to but to do so. If the vet clinic says euthanasia is best, I will ask if they would be able to do this in our home, so his last moments are in the comfort of our home with people he loves and a soft bed to lay in. If not...I'll make sure to bring something soft that he loves, like my bathrobe. He lives soft fluffy places to sleep.

We're not okay, but we will be. I pray Freyja will take him to wherever the cats go to rest, that he have an afterlife of love, sunshine, fluffy places to sleep, all the stinky food he wants, and lots of cuddling. We love him, he knows that. He has lived longer than many of the vets said he would those many times we've had to take him to be seen for the chronic vomiting and diarrhea.

We will be okay, given time.

[dazaily]

todoroki bringing his s/o to an amusement part

my first bnha work... kinda nervous posting this cuz like bnha(?) idk,, but for my manz, i will pull through!! hope u enjoy ^^

description: you and todoroki have been dating for awhile now, but recently he realised he never initiates dates, and so he planned and invited u to an amusement park for a date. 

warnings: gender neutral! reader. fluff. clichéd. i wrote this at 4-5am.

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my manz is innocent, like lbr, he aint gonna know shiz abt dating..

sooo, the first few weeks into ur relationship(?) he was alr facing his first crisis.

he felt like nothing changed, despite having transitioned from a platonic to romantic relationship.

and so, being the sweet and clueless lil bean he is, he went to seek for advice from his one and only bestie bakugou, midoriya.

“hey, midoriya, what does one do in a relationship” why am i making him talk like someone from the shakespearean era tf

“oh, um todoroki?? are u asking for y/n? if so, i don't think im not the right person u should be asking,, i mean ive never even been in a rela--”

“well, u were my best choice” 

midoriya notices the absolute chaos they are surrounded by in the 1A dorm 

“ok i may be the best choice.” said in tiny.

so after a discussion that dragged for way longer than it had to be 2 days, todoroki settled on the idea of bringing u on a date to the amusement park.

cute idea right? yes. there's no twist, like i said this is a fluff. 

n e ways, he was an awkward lil bby asking u out, cuz he's not used to receiving or giving affection,,,, he's trying his best.

“um, y/n, are u free this sunday..?”

“sunday, hmm i think i alr have smtg planned..”

“oh, um, well then, its fine, its nothing important..”

if u weren't hit by a pang of guilt, idk what type of monster u are.

“nah, that was just jokes, so whats up?”

and that was how y'all ended up in universal studios japan. usj

endeavour’s bout to be big mad when he realises the missing money from his wallet.

“sHOUTOOOOO!!” >:[

n e ways..

so ur date started with u dragging shouto around the entire park, with the goal of riding every single ride 

ofc he was fine with it, he was happy as long as he got to spend time with u. a simp.

but since u guys went on a weekend, there were way more people than u guys originally expected, like wHOA,,, 

the park was basically filled with people from all over the world, even though it wasn't holiday season..

so ur dreams and hopes of riding eery single ride, may be impossible..

hAH, YOU THOUGHT, YOUR MANZ FATHER MAY BE THE WORST PERSON ON EARTH, BUT HES STILL TOP 2 HERO. 

ur manz got u the express pass.

the one time ur grateful for the existence of his father.

so yall spent the first 2-4 hours just riding every single ride u could possibly find. 

shouto’s probably the type that is willing to try anything, i don't think he’ll be scared of any rides in particular. 

in the contrary, i feel like there'll be rides that he's lowkey excited to ride on, since he never had the chance to enjoy these events and places as a child. cuz of his sh*tty father.

he would ofc try to hide his excitement, but after being by his side for awhile, uve learnt how to differentiate his different emotions, despite his general nonchalant self. 

him being excited, makes u happy, cuz its rare that u get to see these sides of him.

omg pls protect him at all costs,, he needs it,,, he's so precious,, shower him with all the love in the world.

so y'all be running all over the place, until hunger slaps u in the face like that isekai truck that ive been waiting for. 

and so its food time!

“hmm, since were in an amusement park, we should get some hot dogs, churros, oMG and cotton candy!!”

“..what? c-ch-churros?? what are those?”

“holy sh-- u don't kNOW WHAT CHURROS ARE!? we’re getting churros right now.”

“but, i want soba... the cold one”

u ended up getting both. cuz it isn't todoroki without cold soba.

and it was back to running around the entire park riding everything.

but instead of running yallz were walking hand in hand, as if u guys were an old couple taking a stroll in the local park

and instead of the entire park, y'all were just in the harry potter section..

don't judge, its cute. and the food did some numbers to ur stomachs, so u were avoiding some rides till u digest ur food. 

while walking around, the sun was setting creating a beautiful scenery. 

wanting this to be a lasting memory, u convinced todoroki to take a photo together. 

u wanted to take an aesthetic couple photo to show off to other people who were trying to steal ur hunk of a man. 

at first u had asked random passerby to help yalls take a photo,, but being the attention-starved lil bby he is, he felt awkward posing in front of random people. 

which led u guys to just set up the camera on a small ledge with a castle in the bg. 

it was then, todoroki had experience a flashback to the conversation that him and midoriya had. 

“hmm, wikihow says that every date has to end in a kiss, for it to be called successful..”

“is this website trustable??”

“it should be.. anyways just do it.”

coming back to reality, todoroki suddenly felt a sense of urgency, the date was coming to an end, and he hasn't kissed u yet,,,,

at that moment, as the timer of the phone camera was reaching 0, with u and ur wide smile posing for the camera

todoroki gently turned ur head to face his, and he had kissed u, for public display.

ur face immediately turned red, but u eventually returned the kiss, after getting over the shock. 

after separating, todoroki was silent, slightly scared and worried of ur reaction(?)

“why didn't u tell me u were going to kiss me~~ u should've told me so i can at least look good in the photo~~”

“..huh? well, um, i just had he sudden urge to do it?” kinda ooc

he was flustered, confused, embarrassed and giddy all at the same time

but the hugest wave of relief came over him, as he began to relax. 

“well we can just take another photo if u don't like it--”

“nO, i like this photo. but im always open for another kiss.” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

getting over ur prior embarrassment, u tried flirting with him, returning the bold action he had pulled off earlier. 

“well, i wouldn't reject an offer like that would i..”

surprising u by picking up on the offer u suggested, todoroki gave u another kiss, easily taking ur breathe away.

well, ig this just confirms that wikihow is reliable. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i can't believe i ended a fic with a kiss,, this is the most cop out ending ive written but im way too tired to write properly rn,, 

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a/n: hihi, so im kinda nervous posting this, cuz thus far i have only done haikyuu works so like??? i feel like i have an overall better understanding of haikyuu characters and their dynamics, but i wanted to write something for my precious icyhot <3 if this piece does well, ill try and write more about bnha characters. hope it was good!!

[marciaownsmylife]

purly hc - “what could go wrong”

curly sneaks ponyboy out to a concert that he is not supposed to be at

•ponyboy is stupid in love exhibit A

•the entire town was buzzing for spring break because there was a rock concert being held at the drive-in

•concerts didn’t happen often in tulsa and when they did they were usually some boring old people music the parents went to

•so just about every teen in tulsa had a ticket or knew someone or was gonna sneak in

•except ya boi ponyboy

•darry said no, and ponyboy begged for weeks and weeks but darry was not budging in the slightest

•soda was going tho, but he didn’t have school and he could pay for his own ticket

•practically everyone in the gang was going, except for darry and ponyboy

•pony was so upset over this, he had been sulking anytime anyone mentioned it, and it’s all everyone talked about, so that was a lot

•even dallas has gotten johnny a ticket, darry wasn’t too keen on that but it wasn’t his place to judge

•curly however was not only certain that he was going, this bitch had a whole ass plan to get on the stage

•and pony was apart of this plan

•so it came quite a shock to him when he tried to explain what pony had to do, that ponyboy told him he wasn’t going

•”what tf do u mean you’re not going?! how am i supposed to become tulsa’s next rockstar if ur not there????”

•pony was already in a bad mood because of the concert being mentioned so he wasn’t humouring curlys jokes (curly was dead serious tho, we been knew)

•but curly always got his way so he decided that he would just have to do a little more thinking than he was used to

•which was any sort of thinking in the first place

•curly suggested to pony that he’d just sneak out

•pony pointed out that he still didn’t have a ticket

•”leave that part to me, baby curtis, all you gotta do is be at your window”

•and so it was settled ponyboy was going

•but he made curly promise not to get on stage because if ponyboy was going he had to be careful not to run into any of the gang,

•darry had personally told them that there would be a cash reward for anyone who snitched on ponyboy, and this wasn’t just for the concert this was in general

•most of the gang didn’t really snitch that often but they all knew that the cash would be high if pony was caught at the concert

•curly was fine with it, as long as he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing, whether that be sneaking pony out or getting up on stage, he was cool

•the night of the concert came and pony had gotten dressed with his pyjamas over his clothes and gotten into bed, he’d also made sure to be extra pissy that day so everyone knew he was pissed off because he ‘wasn’t going’

•which was pretty easy because being a brat was like his specialty with him being the youngest child and everything

•soda and steve has already left, so all pony had to do was wait until darry went to bed

•darry was a heavy sleeper, once he was down he wasn’t getting up until tomorrow

•but of course, he went to bed late tonight to make sure pony was asleep before him, or so he thought

•tap tap tap

•right on cue, that would be curly

•pony stripped off his pyjama layer until he was in his normal clothes and tugged on his shoes

•he opened his window, with as little squeaking as possible, to see curly with his signature grin

•”why ponybabes you look stunning,”

•”it’s the same thing i wore to school today,”

•”did i stutter,”

•they hurry to the drive-in because darry had made them late by going to bed later

•by the time they get there they missed the first song but it didn’t matter to them much, now at least all the flashing lights were already going and it would be harder for people to recognize them (more so ponyboy)

•pony had obviously forgotten his jacket because it’s what he does, so he grabs curlys because it’s fucking freezing

•after they had shown their tickets to the guy at the door, he had put X’s on their hands to show they were under 21 and shouldn’t be served at the bar

•curly wasn’t happy about this, he tried to convince the guy that he was 22, it didn’t work for a second

•they get in and decide to stay around the edges of the crowd to avoid people they knew

•pony was having the time of his life, the adrenaline of sneaking out and the excitement of being able the feel the guitar solo shake the ground was the best thing he had ever felt (bc he’s a virgin lol)

•curly was happy because pony was happy, he even managed to convince him to dance

•as the night went on the boys hadn’t seen anyone they knew, and they had even been to the bar to get water (to curlys disappointment), so they started getting closer to the middle

•curly really wanted to show ponyboy the pit before the show ended so they made their way there for the last couple songs

•this is where it gets tricky

•as another song started the singer instructed for people to get on eachothers shoulders

•curly thought this was a great idea

•and they had managed to sneak a beer each from the bar in the end so ponyboy wasn’t really at his best thinking capacity

•so pony got on curlys shoulders and it was all going fine until he looked to his right and saw johnny about three feet away from him on dally’s shoulders

•johnny didn’t see him yet so pony still had a chance, tugged on curlys hair to get his attention and motioned for him to let him down

•curly did so straight away because he thought pony was about to fall, when pony was down he pointed out johnny and dallas to curly, they were still pretty close to them

•they pushed through the crowd and we able to get away

•until pony bashed straight into his brother soda

•pony thought they were done for, his whole life was gonna be spent locked up in his room because darry was never gonna let him out again

•but he didn’t have long to contemplate his doom, before soda hurled on the ground next to him, and pony quickly put together that sodapop was absolutely shitfaced drunk, he probably didn’t even recognize ponyboy

•pony wanted to help him, but he knew if soda was here steve wasn’t far behind and he didn’t want to push his luck so he left his poor brother heaving up his dinner on the ground

•he raced after curly to catch up with him

•once they had evaded the gang they made a stop a the port-i-loos and decided they would leave now before the last song so ponyboy would be home in bed before soda stumbled in, ponyboy wasnt so sure that soda was even coming home that night but they had to be sure they weren’t caught

•two-bit finally made his appearance when they were on their way out, he was also on his way out but it wasn’t his decision

•he was getting dragged out by security for being too drunk. two had a surprisingly good memory so if he saw them he would remember it, no matter how drunk he was

•curly had spotted him just before two-bit looked their way, he was going to see them either way, so the only chance they had was to make sure he wouldn’t recognize them

•so curly did what any rational tipsy teenager would do, he shoved ponyboy up against a wall and started making out with him, covering ponyboy from view in the process

•it took ponyboy by almost complete surprise, almost because curly was a sucker for spontaneous kisses, pony just wasn’t expecting him to be so rough but then again curly had to make it look like it was some random broad he was with

•it worked, but pony and curly had forgotten all about two-bit by the time they were done, and two-bit was long gone by then

•they got back to pony’s house and snuck him through the window without waking darry and they kissed goodbye and that was that

•it like 5am when they got back and pony had to get up for school 2 hours later and he was not feeling it fam, let me tell you, this boy had never felt to tired in his 14 years of life

•darry was suspicious but pony had the perfect excuse that he didn’t sleep well because soda wasn’t there and he got a nightmare so he was covered on that front

•school however he had no choice but to go or darry would have known, it wasn’t too bad since most of the school were either taking the day off or in the same boat as him since they were all at the concert too

•the teachers knew what was up too so they didn’t really bother much that day

•he was walking home with johnny, he was honestly surprised johnny went to school today until johnny told him that he wasn’t actually at school

•he just showed up to talk to ponyboy after

•now ponyboy was like (nervous laugh) hehehehe whaaaattt ???

•johnny doesn’t fuck around, he gets to the point

•”so like are you and curly a thing??”

•ponyboy is just kinda like ‘deny until you die’

•”what? no, i don’t even know him, like, curly who???”

•spoiler it doesn’t work

•turns out johnny and dallas had seen them in the pit, they were gonna say hi after the song but curly and pony had sketched before then

•pony was like “shit when are you gonna cash in to darry and snitch on me then,”

•he had accepted his fate

•”nah man i’m not gonna do that, and it took me all morning to convince dal not to either,”

•pony’s like tf?? why not?? because if he’s being honest if he were johnny he’d be cashing in as soon as he could

•but what ponyboy didn’t know was that before he saw johnny and dallas, curly had.

•but not in the pit, behind the bar

•they had been making out

•so curly had this information that johnny had assumed he told pony about but clearly he hadn’t

•by now pony caught on to the fact that johnny thought he knew something so he played along

•they switched the subject after that, but johnny hadn’t forgotten that pony still hadn’t answered his previous question about him and curly, he decided to leave it for now

•soda had stayed at steve’s the night before and when ponyboy got home, darry was too busy lecturing soda on his drinking that night to even notice ponyboy practically passing out as soon as he got in the door

•but in the end, curly and pony counted this as a win

anotherrr purly hc because i love these boysss, my online school started back from easter break today so there might not be any more hc too soon :(((

but i have 2 more ideas lined up, one for jally and one for johnnyboy

i also kinda want to do a point of view from jally of this night at the concert idk we’ll see

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

[ziracona]

And I hate to do this- So on that thread, not that he's as bad, why do you think Michael is redeemable? (and also Frank) Especially by his main victim? :? I hope that isn't as bad or as judgmental as I think it sounds... - Sleepy (its like 5am here :3 living up to my name i see)

So, these I gave a short and a long answer for under cut, but forgot I’m on mobile and can’t do that. I can tag it “long post” but uhhh, sorry about this. Anyway, thats why Frank comes in two chunks. I wrote it expecting to be able to use a read more. :’-] also ya fine. And I hope you’re in bed 🤣 now. Okay so. Here’s my reasons:

For Michael, to start, Halloween is complicated af. You have to know what timeline people are talking about, because there are like 8+ and Michael has been written as a wildly different character by wildly different content creators, and I would not feel the same ways towards them all. They’re not the same character. When I talk about Michael, unless I’m going on about a specific other film, I mean either H20 canon, or DbD canon, which are in line with each other when it comes to characterization. (This also includes Halloween’s 1 & 2 in the H20 line, and Halloween 1 at least in DbD). In those timelines, Michael has like at best 2% agency and choice in his own life and what he becomes. That’s why I am sympathetic. I still root for Laurie to nail his ass to the wall of course, and everything he has done to hurt someone isn’t okay just because his life is unfair & awful & out of his control, but I still find him a very tragic character. He was canonically suffering violent psychosis his parents refused him treatment for, isolated with a monster as his doctor & only human contact for 15 years from age 6 on, overdosed on medications that when OD’d worsen psychosis symptoms and can cause permanent brain damage, and stuck like that until escaping briefly when he turned 21.

In Halloween canon, Michael tells his parents he hears voices telling him to do bad things like hurt people, but they tell him he is imagining stuff, and ignore his attempts to get help. The voices say they will be quiet, which is what he desperately wants, if he kills his sister Judith. So he does, at age six. Scientifically speaking, that’s literally too young to really have a complete grasp on death and mortality itself, let alone complex ethics. He immediately goes to his parents after doing the deed, so they can do whatever they need to do. Instead of getting him help, he is sentenced to 15 years in a 1960s American sanitorium (hell), until he turns 21 and can be tried for murder as an adult (fucking ridiculous and unfair?? Tried as an adult is for like, upper teens who commit heinous murders. How tf you justify trying a six year old literally too young to really understand murder as an adult for murdering someone??). They give him to Dr. Sam Loomis, a fucking horrible person, who says he spends 8 years trying to help Michael (a fkn lie), but canonically by only a few months of meeting the kid is thoroughly convinced he is evil, the devil or a demon in human form, faking his psychosis and side effect symptoms (trauma induced mutism from killing his sister, onset of catatonia/motion loss symptoms, etc, all of which are common with his disorder & trauma), desperate to kill again, and an evil mastermind doing the devil’s work, and says so. Spends four hours every day accusing Michael as a six year old child on, of planning to do horrible things and faking his illness and being a demon and not a human, and Loomis, from age 6 to 21, is this kid’s only human contact. And the staff knew it and how wrong and disturbed Loomis was, but did nothing. So from age 6 to 21—barring one or two visits from his mom & Laurie before his dad beat 4 year old Laurie for saying Michael’s, who he hated after Judith’s death, name—until she trauma blocked out having had a brother or sister at all, and then both parents died in a car crash—his only human contact in complete isolation was an adult man who told him for four hours a day he was an evil lying demon faking his symptoms and plotting murder and not a human and promised he would kill Michael and stop him, from childhood on, and that was it. He was never given an understanding of what was medically wrong with him, or that anything was at all. He was threatened and abused and kept overdosed on drugs for 15 years since early childhood, and his only understanding of the world taught in that absolute isolation, was that he was a demon who wanted to get out and kill again. And the violent psychosis, telling him if he killed both sisters, they would go away and leave him in peace with no more constant noise. With no normal understanding of the world or people or life like he was owed ever given to him, no understanding at all of what you were going through or were aside from the promise drilled into your head you were a monster who wanted to kill every day for 15 years while drugged up? Like, I’m a firm believe people are responsible for their own actions, but in a case as extreme as that, honestly, how else was that ever going to even be able to end? You forget, as a child. Who you used to be. That’s beyond grooming even, it’s being grown in a lab for the sole purpose of someday walking out, taking a large kitchen knife, and killing Laurie Strode. And it’s tragic. It’s unfair. Halloween is a tragedy, not a horror film. It didn’t have to be that way. He wanted help. He asked for help. Loomis is directly and pretty much solely responsible for the lives lost in 1978. You know he won’t even call Michael “him”? The only human he contact he had since age six on called him “it.” And no one stopped any of that. And even then. Even then, even with all that. With the drugs, and the lab grown killer, and all of it? Michael is pretty much the single least sadistic slasher killer there /is/.

Everyone he kills in Halloween? He kills fast. It’s actually kind of boring if you’re expecting a scary slasher, because there’s no chase until Laurie. He just appears, runs you through, and you die. Very fast. And if there is any emotion expressed towards the act of killing or aftermath, it’s not pleasure or hate or happiness, it’s curiosity, because literally everything is something he wasn’t allowed to experience growing up and just has no practical experience with yet. And on top of all that, he also just doesn’t kill people he doesn’t have to. He kills one man for clothes, kills Annie to re-do Judith’s murder since it didn’t work the first time and he needs both sisters for the voices to stop, and he kills Bob and Lynda becuase they stumble onto where he is & are a threat to success. (This + Judith 15 years prior is all the deaths in Halloween period, btw). Michael routinely only kills his target, and anyone who is a threat to success. Literally doesn’t even jump out to kill Bob or attack until Bob opens the door to the closet he was hiding in, and he has been seen. Walks past a security guard and lets him go in H20 becuase he doesn’t see him, steals keys from a mom with her 4 year old kid and doesn’t even hurt them because they don’t see him really either, steals a knife from an old lady making a sandwich who is one foot away but looking the other direction, so he lets her go. Even with all the possible stakes against him, really, Michael is like, the least cruel and most sympathetic and merciful version of that lab grown killer possible, which can only be a testament to the person he was initially/still somehow has managed to keep faint traces of alive inside.

As for Laurie finding him redeemable, answer is threefold I guess, and I’ll start with the most important. 1: in Halloween canon, Laurie cares for Michael and is incredibly sad about what he turned into and wishes he could be different (once she remembers who he is). That’s established canon, not a choice of mine. In Halloween 2, she tries to talk him down before shooting him, and he hesitates when she says his name and lowers his weapon for a moment. In H20, she talks about him a lot & even asks her boyfriend (a psychologist) if he thinks something so traumatic can happen to someone that they can never recover, bc even though she hasn’t seen him in 20 years, he’s still on her heart. She hesitates to kill him once she has him helpless in the finale, and when he reaches out for her hand, she almost cries and starts to reach back because it’s what she has truly wanted for so long. 2: Michael & Laurie are siblings, and that’s a very important relationship to me. Obviously, there’s lines where you cross, it’s fkn over, but it is special, and I’m weak for it. They were both cheated of the good family life they could have had, and I like characters I care for getting recovery and rehabilitation, and I would like them to be able to recover and have whatever fragments of the lives they wanted which are still possible. And then 3: Laurie is his victim, but they’re also both victims of Loomis, and the system, and her parents, and if she does /wish/ for him to be okay and things to be like they were, which was canon before me, so she does, then I think them finding happiness and her relief and new hope in regained family and him redemption and rehabilitation through the quite literally only person he has /ever/ known who treated him well or like even a human at all & is still living, that’s so good. It’s sweet, and it makes sense. I like broken people putting the pieces together and finding ways to be okay. None of the shit that happened to either of them was okay, and Michael sure did fucking do it, but it’s about as “it’s complicated” as literally possible, and Laurie wants him to be her brother again, and Michael deserves a chance to experience personhood enough to want anything like that again too, and I think it’s sweet. To be able to find happiness and peace and a new life in that rubble. It shouldn’t be possible, because Halloween is a tragedy that never gets a happy ending, no matter how many timelines they create or versions they tell, but I wish it could have one. It needs one. At least one, among all the fated tragedies for those two cruelly cursed siblings. They both had their lives stolen. Michael by Loomis, and Laurie by Michael. And I want them to find those stolen lives again. And if they can do it together, that’s a very odd and unusual set of circumstances for that kind of thing, but it’s a very complete way to tell the story. He tried to kill her, but if she asked him to stop and he stopped, if he himself chose to change on his own, when it really, really mattered—decided that it was what he wanted more than all the things he was before, and she decided that was enough, and they could both have a future as family? I like that. It’s a happy ending stolen back.

Long Frank Answer, in case you /have/ read ILM & thus short answer did not answer your question: So. Again, for me, I always talk about Frank as in the version of him I myself write, and I wrote ILM before the archives retcon, and also just ignore them because they’re usually dumb and blatantly contradict well established and longstanding canon. Even then, I usually don’t like Frank though—didn’t like him when I started writing ILM. But Frank has very little established canon character. All there is for sure is he was a foster kid that went through some bad stuff, he met Julie and changed his mind about desperately trying to be homed somewhere other than with Clive bc he liked Julie a lot, he met Susie and Joey, they became a gang chilling in Ormond’s abandoned lodge, then tried to rob a store Joey was fired from, were surprised by a cleaner who grabbed Julie, and Frank impulse stabbed him, freaked, and ordered the others to finish it with him and be in it together. Then before they’d even really finished burying the body, they got snagged. That leaves a whole lot of personality and thoughts and motivations and future choices and person wildly undetermined. Writing, sometimes characters just do their own thing completely out of my control, and I have to adapt. Frank chose not to kill Meg at the end of Tenacity, Adrenaline, & Grit, which surprised me, because he’d been nothing but a dipshit asshole bastard till one minute ago, but I knew it was because he recognized what she’d tried to do at great pain to herself because she wouldn’t bow down and die, and he connected/empathized or sympathized on some level. He also couldn’t go through with killing Quentin immediately after being helped by him in Distortion/Iron Maiden. Neither was like, planned. It’s just who the character was. I was frustrated. I did not want to like or feel sympathy for Frank at all. Then in The Lost, Jeff just fkn hijacked the whole plot and added 20 pages not in the outline because he wanted to be kind to Frank & it’s not like I can stop characters when they do whatever they do. And while writing it, I got to know that the version of Frank Morrison in the world I was writing—which is always the version I refer to/think of him as & write now myself—was not somebody past saving. He’s a piece of shit and he’s done fucked up and inexcusable stuff, and he pays for it. In many ways, Frank gets away with a lot over the course of ILM, but it’s always because characters choose on their own to forgive him, not because they or he doesn’t think it was fucked. And Frank suffers—a lot—for his choices, and has to live through appropriate and large amounts of regret and remorse about stuff he did before the end. He gets the chance to make better choices several times, and mostly he doesn’t. He continues to fuck up. But right near the end, he makes a couple good decisions when it’s down to the wire, sees where his bad choices got him and what he has to live with, and then he does live with it. He almost dies, and then ends up falling on Jeff’s mercy, which he knows he doesn’t deserve and doesn’t expect to get, for a last chance to make it, and because Jeff is an ungodly kind and forgiving soul, he makes it.

Frank isn’t a good person, and he does a lot of stuff that isn’t remotely okay or justified or excused, but he /is/ a kid—the upper end of it, but he’s not a full grown adult. He has every reason to believe nothing of himself or others, a fucked up childhood and life which isn’t his fault, and the Entity got all four Legion kids before they’d even had time to process the one and only violent crime they did (which was unplanned), and it is historically running a PHD in psychological warfare vs everyone. Absolutely none of that excuses or justifies him, but it is an explanation for some of it that is not as bad as say, doing that shit for fun or cruelty or hate or what have you, which makes him a bad person, but one with a lot more humanity left than say, Kenneth. Who is at -100 or something. If he’s still got a lot of humanity left, that means he could be redeemed, and he eventually chooses that path for himself and hits the appropriate “I did something horrible. Fuck. It was really bad. I should not have done it.” “I am really sorry I did this. I feel awful. I’m sorry.” “I cant change it, but I can try to do better and make whatever reparations I can.” “I want to be better, and I am going to try.” necessary stages of actually trying to improve. So, I like him. He did a lot of really awful shit that wasn’t okay, but he was never without sympathetic elements. He does love his friends and his girlfriend, he is a good boyfriend to Julie and selfless towards her and his crew (overall anyway—has even risked death for them very willingly, even the one who was fighting with/kinda hated him), will keep his word in deals and has some semblance of both sympathy and honor, feels guilt, is a kid, did not choose this life but was rather catapulted into it and too weak to climb out once he landed in the mud. All of that together makes him someone I feel sympathy towards and find quite redeemable, so long as he will decide he wants that, which, in ILM, he does. If you just meant Frank in general then idk how to answer because there’s not much established Frank period it’s kinda a shell like all original dead by daylight characters, and I have no thoughts on it by itself because it’s not a whole person, and so I really only think of Frank as ILM verse Frank now.

[valeriemperez]

Hey! What did you think of the Magicians finale? For me, it felt like it was not what I expected and I kinda came away from the episode with this empty feeling which is weird for me bc I have absolutely loved this whole season. I'm somewhat interested to see where this goes but not particularly excited. I feel like we went through this whole journey with Julia only to see that be erased (although I appreciated her selfless act). Also, I don't understand how Dean Fogg could do what he did.

I loved the season a lot too, and while there was a lot to enjoy about the finale, I had a similar feeling as you regarding the emptiness. Not as strong as you, but I felt a lot of stuff that happened was just so that they could start off next season in that bad place lol. And a few plot threads were dropped, but I have full faith that S4 will come back even stronger and erase my doubts.

In fact, @fallinginloveinaflash and I recorded our feelings on it for withanaccent, so we’ll post that soon!

Thoughts on the Kara betrayal on Black Lightning? io9 writer called her the Judas to Jefferson’s Black Jesus which I thought was interesting

*pimps our podcast* OMG, I didn’t read the io9 review but I totally used that Judas metaphor. 😂 The Black Jesus reference (and it airing after Easter) was just too perfect not to. Anyway, I think she must be pretty darn evil to be harming kids like that and not even care. And yet she has such a crush on Jefferson that she refuses to accept him as Black Lightning? IDK, that woman’s a mystery. 

Apparently, you can stream Roswell on Hulu.

Thanks! Definitely gonna rewatch when I can.

Just to give perspective cause I know we focus a lot on our own show’s ratings but @rrow just hit a 0.3 demo and dipped below a million viewers to .87k. Now there is a pre-emption to keep in mind but regardless that’s a sizable drop in audience.

True, Flash is far from alone in losing viewers/demo. I just hope we don’t lose more after this latest hiatus.

Why does it seem like a lot of fans don’t like Danielle? I know her and Candice aren’t friends but is there something more? I’m new to the fandom and confused. The only answers people will give is something like, ‘because Danielle is a bitch’ or sn*wbarry but nothing concrete. I don’t get it.

I don’t think she’s a bitch, I think she’s ignorant about what consequences her actions may have. But the biggest reason Candice/Iris fans are wary of her is that she would promote SB as a genuine possibility before the show aired and throughout S1. Here are a few examples. Now she alone is not to blame for that, but she was unwittingly(?) capitalizing on a situation where the media and racist fans wanted to erase Iris/Candice from the narrative, latching onto her as a way to do it.

Again, I think she’s perfectly nice to interact with and she probably didn’t actively realize what she was doing at the time. If you had asked me this just a few months ago, I would have said things seem way better BTS and it’s time to let bygones be bygones… But seeing as the Great Unfollowing of 2018 just happened in, well, 2018… That is no longer the case.

That being said, you’re under no obligation to dislike her and certainly not to insult her, etc. Other fans just don’t like the white feminism vibe she gives off.

DP is not IW, the main LI for BA/TF. The KF character is not central to F!@$h mythos. She’s a part of the show because she’s friends with AJK. Did she even audition? S1+2 she was all about herself. She acted like CP wasn’t her costar. #ytfeminism Conversely, CP always talked up including more women on the show and said that they should be more than just LI’s and not pitted against each other. If she wants to be Lead female in a tv show, it’ll have to be a different show. KARMA is REAL.

LOL, I guess the anon above can look at this one for more explanation.

Lol that driver thing sounds obnoxious. They’re lucky the network agreed to pay for them, I’m sure they put that in their contracts, I wonder if cp had a driver too.

Aww, I think it’s important for someone working hours as long as Grant is to not have to add on the extra stress of driving home at 4 or 5am. And since the studios can afford it… Too bad they won’t/can’t do it for the crews, who are there earlier and later.

[stillwooozy]

im so happy be back in my apt it makes me feel guilty cuz i like being there for my siblings but

even post heart attack and covid and almost-death my mom is MEAN to me. everything i fcking do is wrong, and if ONLY i listened to her.

im a fucking train wreck, but im trying, and im functional. Idk i’ve learned to be proud of myself

I left at like 5am to “beat traffic” but rly i just needed to leave

My 12 yr old brother said he “didnt really love AoT & isnt invested in s4” but he’s giving Death Note a try so you know what. stfu.

A few hrs after i got back my sister called crying about my mom just being difficult to her. And i have problems w/ my sister but also.... come on. mom jfc. pretend to have an emotional iq for a second. My sister has always had a good relationship w/ my mom up until now. But i guess menopausal moms and their 19 yr old daughters dont get a long.

I have good moments w/ my mom. when she came home we were both got high on trams and weed & my sister was sober but hanging w/ us. My brothers were entertaining themselves and my dad was gone (dad and mom cannot be in the same vicinity of eachother, they legally married, but jfc they even live apart. it is hell when they are together) and it was so fun. i was making jokes (that i kinda regret because it was tmi) about the men i’ve hooked up w/ in the apt next door, and telling her about the “straight dads” down her residential block that are “discrete” on grindr. She thought it was hilarious. My sister allowed me to swipe for her on tindr & talk to guys and let me say - straight men really do suck. there was like 1 that was attractive & seemed to have a good personality & didnt want sex asap. & i think my sister is very pretty so she matched w/ a good amount of people. ANYWAYS straight guys either have 0 idea how to converse and/or just want to fuck right away. I mean those are grindr-gays, but tindr-gays arent looking for that - and if they are it obvious so u just swipe left if not interested in a hookup. I guess there isnt a straight-grindr but there should be. Anyways my mom was telling me stories about shrooming in college and when she hiked the TMB & hitchhiked around europe for 2 yrs, met my dad but forgot about him, and then met him in the US 2 yrs later. It was interesting, and she wasnt judging me & we were actually laughing. Ik its the drugs and that is sad. Ik she is “mentally ill” in some manner too, but i can’t control her lack of self awareness, all i can control is myself. And that is hard when i come from a long line of schizos & bpd & even a probably-APD! some diagnosed, some u just loook at and go “yea they are batshit” i mean... i also come from a family is severly traumatized ppl, either losing everything in ww2 and/or the whole israeli conflict. like jfc i do feel bad. fleeing europe to israel cuz no one else will take u, and then fighting for ur safety & really no other choice, and then finally ur offspring move to america and canada. my paternal grandpa is literally the sole survivor in his family of ww2, i mean he remembers nothing, he was the youngest and shipped off to America to live w/ a branch of the family that came a while earlier cuz they were offered business or something idk.

Im rly on too many stims. And yet. I am posting in my ~diary~. i get to work tomorrow and im actually happy cuz i like the research. although im having like.. nothing. u think grads are paid horribly (they are)?? Undergrads have to be groveling at the feet of ppl to get any kind of paid internship. i mean i had experience before cuz i did unpaid research for 2 semesters in another lab. My hours, when im not impromtu fleeing cuz my mom may die, are more than 40+ a week. i mean i have enough to pay rent and thats about it :/ as long as im not in debt im gucci. i stockpile on-sale dog food and im fine living off beans and rice so were good for a while. I have crypto that is a backup but that is either used for drugs and as an “investment”.

like i cant rly get a traditional 9-5 retail job while working in this lab. while also having full-time classes. i was doing lab work 20 ish hrs a week (unpaid ofc), managing my friends band/booking shows/promotating & getting a fair chunk from that, walking a neighbors dog 3 times a week but honestly that took 20 mins of my day & was almost a free $45 dollars a week cuz a just walked her w/ my own dogs, + full time school and.... pre-covid, i was getting into the groove of college & while not making a bunch - i was comfortable for being a 20yr old scumbag? i mean i was working my ass off for my friend but i enjoyed it and was optimistic as hell. i didnt have to cut myself off fully from the song revenue but honestly that was unusual (to my knowledge) for an indie band at all, but i accepted it ofc until covid. my best friend spiraled and 2 of the bandmates lost their jobs and like. their passive income was tiny so why tf should i take from it? shows & selling merch at said shows (for us) made the most. online merch is eh & i wont take a cut until after covid. Plus they are on hiatus and any local “hype” that was beginning to build is long dead cuz they are probably long dead. not high enough to give a shout out to my 2.5 followers cuz my identity will not be exposed hehehehe. i mean if someone rly wanted to u could figure out thru all my info dumping of my personal life on here but eh, pls dont. this is my fancy lil diary where i spew aboslute nonsense & show off how fast i can type when i type before i finish any type of concise thought in my head

[imaginethisbts]

Through The Phone

Rated: M

Warning: Dirty talk galore, mentions of graphic smut, season 3 Game of Thrones spoilers.

Summary: The sexual frustration is real when Namjoon goes on a month long business trip, halfway across the world. So when the chips are down and the tides get rough, and you can’t actually get to one another... what do you do? You go to the next best thing of course - phone sex. 

Note: where did this come from and why tf did it get fluffy at the end thats not the way pwps are supposed to end i hate myself. btw the pacing is probably a little rushed because i wrote this between the hours of 2am and 5am :))

Words: 3.1k

You rolled over onto your back in bed, sighing dramatically as you pushed the covers off of your upper body, suddenly feeling too hot for them. The coldness of the bedroom was a contrast to your warm exposed skin, immediately arousing your nipples from the chilly sensation and giving you goosebumps all over. You turned your head to the side to look at the alarm clock that sat on your nightstand.

2:06 A.M.

This had been happening to you a lot lately, waking up in the middle of the night because of the intense dreams you’ve been having. Even in your sleep, you couldn’t escape the extreme desires you had that seemed to be getting harder to deal with more and more each and every day that passed without your fiance.

You shamefully pressed your thighs together, trying anything that would help ease the intense yearning sensation you felt between them.

The dream you had just experienced that involved your fiance had gotten you so worked up, that you could feel the evidence of your arousal leak out of your folds and drip down one of your ass cheeks onto the sheets beneath you. You felt your face heat up at the fact a simple dream about Namjoon had provoked your body so severely. But it was silly actually, because you were the only one in the room. The only one in the entire huge apartment, to be exact.

You were utterly alone, so why must you be so shy by the way your body was reacting?

With a sigh escaping your lips, you reached across for your phone that was on the complete opposite side of the bed at the very edge - a result of your restless sleeping, no doubt. And without a second thought, your fingers flew across the screen and soon your phone was calling your fiance.

It didn’t take long until a familiar deep husky voice picked up on the other end. “Mm. Hi baby.”

Just from the mere sound of his deep sexy voice, your thighs were clamping together even harder. You took a deep breath, trying to collect yourself so you could properly respond to him.

“Hi...” Your voice was surprisingly breathless.

“Are you alright, baby? It’s late in Seoul.”

Oh God, you couldn’t help but to imagine him calling you baby as he thrust himself in and out of your hungry core at the thrilling pace he always fucked you in. You had to stop yourself from letting out a moan just from the thought.

“Y-Yeah.. I’m alright. I just wanted to talk to you is all. I can’t sleep.” You used your free hand that wasn’t holding the phone to your ear and squeezed one of your breasts with it. Your hard nipple poked you in the palm and you bit your lip, imaging that your hand was not yours, but your lovers. It was actually quite hard to pretend because Namjoon's hands were so much bigger than your own. His could swallow your whole breast easily, whereas yours could barely even fit around it.

“Ah. So you called me to put you to sleep, hmm? How sweet of you.” There was a slight humor in his tone to let you know he was joking around, but when a moan escaped your lips by accident as you tugged on your hard nipple, there was a long pause on his end, until you heard him clear his throat. “You okay there baby?” However he didn't sound concerned, but more so intrigued, like he knew exactly where it had come from.

At this point, you were so strung out, you couldn’t even bother yourself to care how desperate you were about to sound. “Baby,” your voice was whiny and needy. “I’m imagining that your hands are on my breasts, and your fingers are playing with my nipples and -- oh, God,” you moaned shamelessly this time, switching from pinching and tugging on the erect bud to rolling it between your fingertips.

“I miss you so badly Namjoon, I need you here with me.”

Usually, you never said those things to him because you knew it only made him feel bad that he couldn’t actually be there with you since he was away on work, but right now, you were so worked up, you didn’t even care. You needed him in some way - you needed to release some of this pint up lust your body has been accumulating since he left you almost a month ago.

“Oh yeah? Just my fingers, hmm?” His voice sounded darker, and the fact that he was so easily partaking in your imaginations, made a lazy grin come to your face. But you could feel a jolt of electricity shoot down your body, straight to your wet center at what he was implying. “How about my mouth? My tongue licking slow circles around your nipple until I take it into my mouth and suck on it. How does that sound?”

The visual alone had you pulsing below with desire. Picturing Namjoon work his mouth on your breasts, the tip of his tongue flicking the nub back and forth, and then taking it between his teeth... God, you would give anything to have that man above you right now, ravishing every inch of your body like he always did, and how you absolutely loved.

“Yes.. God, yes. I want your tongue on me too.”

“Just on your breasts, baby?”

“No!” You weren’t even aware of that answer until you said it. Again, you sounded so desperate, but you couldn’t allow yourself to care. Not right now anyways. Plus, this was Namjoon we’re talking about here... The man who knew your deepest secrets and darkest fantasies, the man who literally knew everything about you. There was no reason to be embarrassed. Especially not when he sounded so intrigued himself.

“Where else do you want my tongue? Tell me.”

Your whole body shuddered when you pictured his head between your legs and that beautiful tongue of his that he could rap so skillfully with, going at your clit ceaselessly until you were arching your back off of the bed and coming undone for him. “B-Between my legs, baby.. On my clit.”

There was a deep chuckle in response to your blatant statement. “Touch yourself for me.”

At first, you were almost confused. How did he know you weren’t touching yourself already? But before you knew it, your hand was leaving your self-abused breast to slide down your stomach and under the covers to caress right where you needed it the most.

When you slid a finger through your folds and to your aching clit, your whole body twitched from the sudden sensation, but then it quickly had you arching your back and slowly rolling your hips into your own hand. Your fingers were already dripping wet from your own intense arousal. “I’m so wet, Joonie.” You enlightened him breathlessly and you earned a breathy groan in response from him.

“Is that right? How wet, baby?”

“So wet,” you moaned loudly as your fingers worked your clit in slow circles, trying your hardest to believe they were Namjoons.  

“I want to hear it.”

Your fingers paused at his words, but only for a moment, because you were too worked up to stop the stimulation for too long. “W-What?” You were a bit confused.

“You heard me, baby. Move the phone and let me hear how wet you are.”

It clicked in your mind what he meant and the erotic-ness of his request sent a shudder through your whole body and instantly, you were putting your phone on speaker and bringing it down toward your excessive wetness after you pulled the covers back.

Putting the microphone right near your fingers on your clit, you gave him the perfect example of the sloppy wet sounds being made from your motions. You heard him exhale deeply upon hearing them, and then you heard a strangled ‘fuck’ as well along with some rustling, as if he was moving around wherever he was.

“Mm.. You’re so wet and ready for me baby. Fuck.” In his deep voice, he sounded just as desperate as you did now, and you knew right then, that there was nothing either of you wanted more than to be fucking each other's brains out like you normally would be doing in desperate times like these, if only he weren’t halfway around the world. Stupid work.

The slight filth of his words sent a wave of heat to your stomach and your fingers increased their pace on your clit. “Tell me what you would be doing to me right now if you were here, Namjoon. Please tell me--ungh.” A random gust of pleasure flew through your body and down to your core, making you arch your back even more.

Namjoon wasted no time in indulging the two of you in his dirty words. Clearing his throat, trying to regain his composure, he began explaining to you what he would do.

“Well first off, baby, I would start by putting my mouth on that pretty pussy of yours and drinking you up-”

Oh God, the image in your mind was almost too much. Having his head buried between your thighs as he slurped and lapped up the immoderate juices that continued to leak out of you.

“--and then I would easily slide my fingers straight inside of you. Slide them in so deep and pump in and out until you were sufficiently ready for-” his words were cut off by his own quiet groan, and you knew he had to be touching himself too. All that rustling you heard on the phone before had to be him riding himself of his pants so he could get his hand on his no-doubt hard and throbbing cock. The optical in his head had to be getting to him just like it was getting to you.

“For what?!” You impatiently pressed him to continue, needing his words to help you.

“For my cock.” And this time, it was you who groaned as you sped your fingers up even more, chasing after your high that seemed to be tauntingly right out of your reach.

“More,” you breathed out, his dirty words helping you get closer.

“I would put my hands on your hips, but not before giving that sexy perfect ass a few slaps,” his large manly hands against your skin right now would feel like pure fucking heaven. And not to mention Namjoon spanking you was one of your biggest kinks, it always managed to make you so wet and he knew that. “And then baby girl, I would take my cock,”

At that, you laid your phone on your chest on speaker and then snuck your other hand down towards your center. Taking two fingers, you circled them around your entrance and then slowly pushed them in. You moaned loudly, back arching again. "Your cock is so big baby," you said in a breathless whisper and then whimpered.

"I know baby," he cooed over the phone. "And I would take it and slide the tip into that wet tight little pussy of yours," he breathed out heavily and you suddenly wondered how close he was. With one hand taking care of your clit and the other with fingers inside of you, you knew you wouldn't last much longer. Especially with where he was going with his words.

"Shit, I'd take it slow at first. Slowly push in 'cause I know it's alot for you take, isn't it baby?"

You whimpered in response, thinking of the overwhelming feeling when Namjoon first pushes in, splitting you open deliciously on his thick girth.

"Spread you open little by little until I'm balls deep in that perfect heat. Fuck," he spat the last word out, and you heard rustling once again. "I'd give you a minute, get used to my fat cock inside of you because no matter how much we fuck baby, you're still so fucking tight." He almost growled, and you started pumping your fingers in and out of you now, trying so desperately to imagine that it was Namjoon's dick instead but your fingers didn't even compare.

He took a deep breath. "But you know I'd only give you a minute, because even though it's alot to take I know you're good for it. Aren't you?"

You were too far gone to be answering these questions of his, but you whined out a 'yes'.

"Yeah that's right. You take my cock like a fucking champ, baby girl." He breathed unevenly through the phone and you knew he had to be close. You knew Namjoon and all of the noises he made. "Even when I start grinding against that ass, going so fucking deep. Shit, and you just swallow me in," the last part was as if he was speaking to himself, a breathless little comment.

"Namjoon," you whined, adding in a third finger because there was a void that needed to be filled and you knew that was impossible without your fiance here but you had to at least try. "I need you, I want you so fucking bad,"

Why couldn't teleportation be real? Because fuck, that would be a useful power right now to have.

"I know baby, and you'll have me. Just one more week. And when I get back, I'm gonna have you in that bed all day and all night. Fuck what the neighbours think, I'm gonna have you screaming for me, baby."

You were so close thinking about that, you could feel yourself getting dangerously close to the edge, knowing you could fall over any moment.

"I'm so close Joonie, fuck, I'm so close!" You cried out, fingers speeding up on your clit and your others pumping more quickly in and out of your sopping pussy.

He grunted, cursing under his breath. "Me too, baby, me too, let me hear those moans."

Letting loose, you moaned loudly and whimpered unabashedly, knowing Namjoon always loved it when you were loud in bed. He'd get on to you if he found out you were trying to muffle your noises in the pillow, or by biting your lip. He wanted to hear them.

"God, I'm gonna pound that fucking ass when I get back," he growled out.

And that did it. With a gasp, you tossed your head back in the pillows, back arching and body going tense as you felt yourself tip over the edge. "I'm coming, I'm coming," you told Namjoon in a rush as you began plummeting into complete and utter bliss, a high moan escaping your throat and going straight through the phone and into Namjoon's ear.

You heard him groan, and more rustling like before. And then it turned into a constant little wet thud, and you knew instantly what it was. Him fisting his cock and his fist thumping the base on every downstroke. "Shit," he spat out, and then moaned deeply, making you clench around your own fingers.

A warm liquid pleasure flushed through your system until it left you lying there on the bed boneless, unable to move. A pleasantness buzzing throughout your body and a tiredness that you have not felt in what seemed like since Namjoon left for his business trip.

"Did you come baby?" You asked him between your heavy breaths and he instantly hummed in response, sounding like he was still in the process of riding out his high.

For a moment or two, both of you tried to regulate your breathing again, and that's all that was heard through the phones. You slipped your fingers out - hating the emptiness, but it wasn't as hard to deal with when it was just your fingers. Now when Namjoon pulled out, it was like a piece of you went missing all of the sudden - and cleaned them off with a tissue from the nightstand. Then you turned over on your side, pulling the covers up to your neck and grabbing your phone, taking it off of speakerphone and putting it to your ear.

"Joonie?" You spoke quietly.

"Yeah?"

You paused for a moment, biting your lip.

Sure, it's been hard to sleep lately because of how badly you missed your fiance and his hands on your body. The frustrating dreams you've had haven't helped much either, but really... you just missed Namjoon. That probably went without saying, since you haven't seen him in almost an entire month, but honestly life was so unbelievably boring without seeing his dimpled smile every morning when you woke up. Or cooking dinner with him only to end up getting the first aid kit out, or going on adventures in the city and counting how many dogs you could pet before you went home for the day.

You missed your best friend, your partner in crime, the Ryan to your Apeach.

You missed Namjoon.

"...I miss you."

A deep tired chuckle came through the speaker and you gripped your phone, pressing it to your ear and sighing. "I miss you too, so much. Like, you seriously don't even know how much."

Now it was your turn to laugh lightly, wanting so badly to grab Namjoon's face and kiss him on the lips because this was definitely one of those moments where you would.

"One more week, huh?" You said, chewing on your bottom lip.

"Yep. You think we can make it that long?"

The biggest smile spread across your face and you flopped onto your back, looking up at the cieling.

"Hey, we made it through The Red Wedding episode of Game of Thrones, therefore we can make it through anything. Together."

"Shit, we sure can, can we? R.I.P. Robb Stark."

"R.I.P. Robb Stark." You repeated. "Catelyn too."

It was silent for a moment, and then you two just started laughing at yourselves.

"Hey," Namjoon suddenly said, and you stopped laughing to hear what he had to say. "It's late in Seoul baby, I want you to get some rest."

You sighed, rolling over yet again to your other side, balling yourself up under the covers.

"Will do. You're resting good, right?"

Namjoon made an uncertain noise. "Ehh, as well as I can without my bed bug with me."

Grinning to yourself, you hummed in contentment.

"One more week."

"One more week." Namjoon repeated after you.

"I love you Joonie." You closed your eyes, picturing his handsome face and feeling butterflies flop around in your stomach.

"I love you too baby girl. Get some sleep, call me when you wake up."

"Okay, I will." You yawned, balling up a little tighter to combat the cold. "Goodnight my sweet prince."

He chuckled.

"Goodnight my lil princess."

[grimm-goblins-blogins]

write fanfiction?

reflect all my problems on my comfort characters/ships?

want a relationship but at the same time not?

watch anime?

read fanfiction?

practice witchery?

try to figure out what to eat? it usually takes 3 hours-

dissociate?

talk to the people in my head?

ignore everyone and everything?

yell at my meds and other inanimate objects that cause me any pain?

try to figure out what i want? this goes for any and everything.

panic because WHICH BATHROOM AM I SUPPOSED TO USE?

question whether im crazy or just tired?

buy a pineapple for my ela teachers birthday?

listen to people question whether or not im a stoner (im not) or generally do drugs (i dont)?

explain gay sex infront of my entire class because my health teacher refuses to?

watch my math teacher question me after hearing me explain to a homophobic and extremely transphobic guy that if he dead named me or misgendered me again then i would hesitate to bet him with a chair?

make gay sex jokes in a room full of cishet people and watch that result in chaos when i don't respond to them?

yell at guys at school for purposely misgendering me?

listen to people question my gender for me?

piss off *almost* everyone at my school/church just by existing?

tell my cats to stfu?

question why people are fucking annoying?

question why anyone would want to be famous?

question whether i really am nonbinary or if im just faking it?

yell random swears when people touch me?

read books?

draw?

scroll through tumblr?

watch youtube?

rewatch marble hornets?

sew?

work on rearranging my closet that ive been working on for 2 months?

play minecraft?

mess with my family?

not respond to messages?

yell at my meds for giving me migraines?

make tea?

bake cookies?

wake up at 5am every day while still going to bed at 11pm each night and then laying there till 1am?

panic because why am i home alone; where tf is my family?

watch my friends rp?

complain about my teeth being too crooked and cutting up the inside of my mouth but know my family can't afford braces or dental work for me?

complain where my mom puts stuff in the kitchen?

question if im real or not?

watch adults tell me that they have 100 more problems than me and then proceed to list all my problems plus taxs?

watch people invalidate everything i do?

not respond to people because it hurt to move?

get mad at people for not researching stuff before writing about it?

Finish the sentence:

Why would I need therapy when I can -

[netflixandmedschool]

Tagged By: @rockyandbullwinklewinchester

Instructions: Tag 10 People You Want To Get To Know Better

Name: Hey hey it’s Shay

Nicknames: Shay IS my nickname. But also Chey, Che-Che, and assorted horrors like that

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Sagittarius

Height: 5’0″ I HAD A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT STUNTED MY GROWTH GODDAMMIT

Sexuality: Straight but with some possible grey (demi? who tf knows yet lmao)

Hogwarts House: SLYTHERIN! *avpm malfoy hissing noise* with just a dash of Ravenclaw

Favourite Animal: MOTHER EFFIN’ CHEETAHS MAN THEY’RE THE SHIT

Average Hours of Sleep: When I have nothing to do the next day, like 10. When I’m hella busy, like 4.5!

Current Time: 12:27 am. Gotta be up at 5am nbd

Dog or Cat Person?: Doggos mostly. I like kitties, but they don’t like me. 

Dream Trip(s): Venice, Italy | Alexandria, Egypt | Goa, India | Amsterdam, Netherlands | THE MOTHER FUCKING MOON TOO BITCH

Dream Job: I wanted to work for NASA so damn bad. Quantum courses in college were the only ones I never studied for and still got above 100s on the exams. Like I straight up Hermione’d that shit with my 125% grade. But my parents wanted me to go to medical school, so we compromised, and now I’m in medical school. So my new dream job is to run a medical ethics board at a hospital (ON THE MOTHERFUCKING MOON THO)

When I Made my Blog: Literally 2 weeks ago. My old Tumblr that I used to use when I was a diehard superwholock fangirl is from like 2013.

Followers: 23?! BECAUSE IT’S BEEN LITERALLY 2 WEEKS.

Why I Made a Tumblr: I missed my old Tumblr and the fact that people here are just straight up cooler than the normal fuckboys I encounter in daily life. I was tired of having to always stifle my opinions because I’m “too radical” for real life

I Tag: I mean @rockyandbullwinklewinchester but am I allowed to tag you again even though you tagged me in the first place? and then lets see, @izzy-marie00, @kd2900, @emarasmoak, @iammorethanmyeds, @sarcxstic-stilinski, and anyone else who feels like it? Sorry if I forgot people!

[beom-sil]

uhhh

ok so im not sure what to do anymore. not kpop related but,,

so i have this guy friend. we had the same math class from 3 year straight except for this year but we still have the same teacher. anyways weve been talking ever since i was in Vegas, which was in mid July until the las few weeks of september. before school started in early september, we would like text each other most of the time (cause we dont have any classes together anymore). the latest we texted was until 1 am. i mean we did hang out a few times (my friends and family called it was a date but im just like whatever you guys think) we watched a movie, ate after that, he dropped me off and met my pupper. then the second time we “hanged out” was when i was sick. i got sick on a friday (like two days before we watched a movie) like after school i slept like a log until 10 pm. when i checked my phone for any notifications, there was a couple of messages from him. so ofc i texted him back, i said sorry i didnt see your messages after 4 hours, im sick i just woke up yadah yadah. he was like its fine, get better soon and stuff like that. then like in the middle of our texting he said i have work tomorrow morning, i was like “okie go to sleep then, good night~” but he added, “i can still talk to you till 12:30″ i was like you sure since his shift is really early.  we ended talking until 1 am lol. since i was sick and i woke up at 10pm i slept at 5am lol but when i woke up after that i saw his message telling me to wake up. that was 5:30am lol. i texted him “i shouldve waken you up” lol. flash forward, it was monday. so we were still texting after school and i told him i was still sick. he was like “should i visit you?” im like wtf-ing internally since that was random lol. but in the end i said yeah if he wanted to. but i think he got nervous since my step brother and his friends were in the garage but i said hes gonna be fine and my step bro wont do anything stupid. so yeah he went to our house we talked for like 30 minutes and he left. after that, i noticed that he started texting me less and less. then after 2 week we went out to eat ramen and its his treat (i invited him on my bday but he couldnt make it cause family reason and i was cool with it but he said he’ll just treat me ramen) so yeah we went to the mall we ate ramen there and stuff, we went around the mall and bought candy. like i swear after the 3rd time we hanged out he just stopped talking or texting me. like i would ask him questions or start a conversation, he would just reply in a one word sentence. like did i something wrong? do you find me annoying? or what?  im just so sad and confused at the same time.

so i talked to my other guy friend(who has a gf and prob more expereicned in these kind of stuff) about my dilemma and what should i do. so i told him what we did and stuff. i told him that i was sad and kind of hurt that he just stopped talking with me. so my friend was like “well what do you want to do?’ i was like “i  really have no idea,” then he asked again “what do you want to happen?�� “idk maybe me and him could go back talking to each other again and not be this awkward?” before, we werent awkward with each other. like were really didnt give a damn what we did and stuff. like i just want my friend back without this awkward thing separating us. then my friend asked me again “well what if he doesnt wanna be friends? what if he wants more than that?” im like tf are you talking about? he was looking me at this face with “are you serious” look. then he told me “i think he likes you and you just friendzoned him” im like wtfff. i mean ill admit it, im a dense and naive person but urghh idk what to do anymore. my friend told me to go and talk to him. like wtf am i supposed to say when were kinda awkward with each other???????? do you guys think he likes me or not? did i just actually friendzoned him or what?i mean im not used to these stuff obviously :(( 

so i asked my friend “if he likes me or not then why did he stopped talking to me :(” he said “it takes time to heal and process that you just friendzoned him he’ll come around” like i swear i dont know whats going on anymore. i mean im a nice person and i just dont want to disregard his feelings and leave him hanging but he also left me hanging, that i mightve just annoyed him or whatever did i do wrong for him to stop texting me like this. 

oh well someone please help me, my thoughts are just around the room for the past few days. also i really dont like it when i initiate a conversation with a stranger or a person who i am awkward with :((