#why should they care? theyll be dead and in heaven soon
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#im gonna rant about religion and shit again so this is ur fair warning#the christian belief in heaven i think really fucks things up#because theyre the ones in charge of everything and they dont give half a shit about this place#all those old fucks in the senate and shit#why should they care? theyll be dead and in heaven soon#now you could say well golly wouldn't they want to make the world a better place for those that come after them?#youd think!#but no because also they dont give a shit about anyone that isnt also a christian or susceptible to becoming christiian#they view this one single little life we have as a temporary trial before eternal bliss#(one theyre coincidentally failing but theyre ~saved~ so theyre going to heaven no matter what who give a shit)#im just saying when your eyes are so fixed on what comes next you seem to ignore the fact that whats happening around you sucks#maybe this is all me projecting but i feel fairly confident that my experiences were fairly common#i didnt realize how frivolous i was with my life until i realized i didnt necessarily believe in an afterlife#and i imagine thats how most christians feel
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This Life Chapter 13
Title: This Life Chapter 13
Summary: Dean Winchester is the Vice President of the motorcycle club The Hunters. After almost 7 years in prison, he's free. But things have changed and Dean has to figure out how to put things back together.
Warnings: Language, violence, character death
AN: Thank you to the lovely @sams-serialkiller-fetish ! The song for this chapter is You Could Be Mine by Guns n’ Roses. And I know Dagon is one of the princes of hell and not Alastair, but the Horsemen are an old fashion group and don’t let women into the club.
Arizona
“Fuck!” Ramiel called out as Abbadon dapped at his wounds with peroxide.
“Quit your whining.” She said, blowing a red curl out of her face. “The less you wiggle around, the faster I can get this done.”
“Those fuckers are dead!” Ramiel called out to the others sitting away from him. “They made me scratch up my bike.”
“Do you think there’s a new relationship brewing between those asshole hunters and that club that shot out Ramiel’s tires?” Alastair asked, taking a beer from Dagon. “Thanks love.”
“I say yes.” Asmodeus said, his feet up on the table as he polished an old pocket watch. His good luck charm. “Why the fuck else would those two be out here?”
“Looking for Sammy.” Azazel said. “And, if they’ve found him, we can find him.”
“And get back at the Hunters.” Lilith added as she rubbed Azazel’s shoulder.
“I don’t care what we do,” Ramiel sucked down the whiskey that was offered to him. “Those fucking Hunters are going to die. All of them. Starting with Dean Winchester.” That’s when the door opened and someone walked in.
“Am I late?” A voice asked.
“Gordon. So good of you to finally join us.” Asmodeus said, looking at his watch before snapping it shut.
“I had to lay low for a little bit. Things are getting a little heated over in Texas.” Gordon explained taking a seat. “I have information that little Sammy is in fact in that new club in California. I’ve heard some whispers.”
“Whispers aren’t good enough.” Azazel said. “We need proof.”
“I can get you proof.” Gordon said. “But I have this that you might be interested in.” He handed over a slightly blurry image that had been printed off at a library. Gordon had been doing some recon on the new club.
And his findings really did interest the princes.
“He’s alive.” Azazel said, passing around the image to everyone. “That bastard is still alive.”
“You know what they say. It’s hard to kill a cockroach.” Abbadon said, seeing the image of John Winchester.
“Then I guess we need to squish him properly.” Ramiel said. “Gather the other members. I think we need to head to California.”
****
California
Dean was passed out on the couch, drool drying on his cheek. Benny had made himself comfy on the floor. The two Hunters didn’t want to go back to their room for the night. They had stayed up talking with John most of the night. Andy had come home early in the morning to John, Dean, and Benny laughing. He didn’t stay to talk to them. Instead, he went upstairs to talk to Sam about the night at the bar and how Meg broke some guy’s nose.
But when Dean woke up in the morning, Sam wasn’t there. Andy was snoring away and John was in the kitchen making coffee. Dean shuffled into the kitchen, stepping over Benny and rubbing his eyes.
“Morning.” John said, pouring some coffee into a cup. “Want some?” Dean nodded. John slid him the cup he had just poured and made himself a new cup.
“When does Sam get up?” Dean asked. John looked at the clock on the stove.
“He should’ve actually already left by now.” John said. Dean choked a little on his coffee. “You okay?”
“Where’s he going?” Dean asked.
“Business.” John said. “He’s really good at this. I wish we could’ve convinced him to stay in the Hunters instead of going to college.” Dean just nodded and sipped on his coffee. “If you’re not going back to Texas right away, I thought that maybe Andy could show you guys around. Maybe you’d like to hang out at the bar.”
“I’ve always wanted to be a bartender.” Dean laughed.
“I’m taking the day off. Damn back is acting up.” John groaned. “But Andy would be happy to have you and Benny around. Especially if we’re going to make a partnership.” Dean nodded. They had talked about it the night before. Dean and Benny were going to have to go back to Texas, and they were going to have to tell the others that John was still alive. But John wanted to stay where he was with the Wayward Sons. He didn’t want to take the reins of the Hunters again.
Benny and Andy came in a little bit later as John and Dean were talking. John nodded at the two of them.
“Morning.” Benny grumbled, going to the coffee pot that still had a little bit left in it.
“Andy, I want you to take Dean and Benny with you to the bar today.” John said. “My back is acting up, so I’m staying home. But I want you to show off to them.”
“Yeah, sure.” Andy said. “I bet Ruby and Meg will love having them around.” John chuckled some.
“We gotta go back to our motel room and change.” Benny said. “I ain’t going near them girls again with the same clothes on.”
“Doesn’t matter. They still have to look at your face.” Dean joked, rinsing out his cup. “Drink up and we’ll head out. I’ve gotta take a piss.” Benny nodded as Dean left.
Fifteen minutes later, Dean and Benny headed back to their motel to clean up and change before they headed to the bar to meet Andy. A bar, Dean’s happy place. Someday he would leave the club and start his own bar. He sometimes wished that’s what John and Bobby had started instead of an auto shop.
****
John enjoyed the house to himself for a couple hours before Sam came home. He had been working a deal for John. He was learning how to be a great negotiator. John was really proud of him, even if he never said anything.
“Hey dad.” Sam said. “Things went good.”
“Fantastic.” John said.
“Where’s Dean?” Sam asked, going to the fridge looking for something to eat.
“Benny and him went to the bar with Andy.” John explained. Sam let the fridge door slam and he flopped down in the living room.
“As good as it is to see him, can he go back already?” Sam asked. John sighed.
“They’ll get bored and head back soon.” John said, looking at the magazine he grabbed off the floor. Sam nodded and let his eyes close.
That’s when the front door burst open and three guys ran in. John and Sam barely had time to react before bullets were flying. Sam cried out as a bullet hit his arm. John grabbed his gun that was laying on the coffee table and fired, hitting one of the guys. But someone came in through the backdoor and pointed his gun right at John’s head.
“Howdy Johnny boy.” Azazel laughed. “God, I didn’t think you’d be going into Heaven, but to still be here on earth? That’s mind blowing.”
“Azazel.” John growled. He didn’t lower his gun.
“Easy.” Azazel said. He motioned for one of the guys to switch places with him. Sam was on the couch, holding his bleeding arm as Azazel walked over and sat down by him. “Hey there Sammy.”
“Leave him alone.” John said. “This argument is between us.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.” Azazel hissed. “Now, why don’t you lower the gun so we can have a nice little discussion?” Azazel pointed his gun at Sam’s stomach then. One gut shot along with the arm wound and Sam would be dead. John looked between his bleeding son and the man with the gun before he clicked the safety on and lowered his.
“What do you want?” John asked.
“I want to know how you survived the fire.” Azazel said. “My informant told me how you were hiding out in California. It wasn’t that hard to find you once I knew that. You should cover your tracks better.”
“I’ll remember that.” John said. He started to get up, but Azazel clicked the hammer on his gun.
“Sit.” Azazel growled. John sat down again. “It’s rude to get up while we’re having a pleasant conversation.” John glared at him. “Now, tell me. How did you survive?”
“I got out before it caught.” John said. Azazel nodded his head.
“So that other charred body was one of my guys?” He asked. John nodded. “Well, that justifies this then.” He pointed his gun at John and shot, hitting him square in the chest. Sam screamed.
“Dad! No!” He made to get up, but Azazel quickly wrapped his arms around his neck, putting a perfect chokehold on him. Sam struggled to get away.
“Shh, shh. Relax.” Azazel said. “It’s okay. Naptime Sammy.” Sam’s struggles became weaker until he passed out, slumping against Azazel. “Shh, it’s okay.” He petted his hair, smiling some.
“Crowley.” Azazel said, getting on of his goons attention. “Go bring the van around so we can put Sam here in it. And that body.” He pointed over at the dead goon laying on the ground.
“What about him?” Crowley asked, motioning to John.
“Leave him. I don’t care what happens to him now.” Azazel said. “I got what I was after.” Crowley nodded and left to get the van. Things went quickly, even though it took three guys to load Sam in. Azazel and the others got on their bikes, ready to leave. Crowley was the last one out. He looked around at the broken in door, the blood, the chaos.
“I...I guess that’s what we do.” He mumbled to himself. He looked over at John and saw a little bit of chest movement as he sucked in shaky, shallow breaths. He knew he wasn’t going to survive unless something drastic happened. But he doubted that anyone was going to show up in the next twenty minutes or so to save him.
Crowley always carried markers and pens with him in his vest pocket. A lot of times, they would have to write something and he had seen one of the princes stab some poor kids fingers to get blood to write with. So he took to carrying writing utensils to save not only himself, but some of the others from being stabbed. He took one of those makers and wrote Horsemen in big letters on the wall. Because killing John was one thing, but kidnapping Sam was something else entirely.
Crowley ran out of the house then and headed back to Arizona, leaving John there to die.
****
It was later that afternoon when Benny and Dean returned to the house. Dean wanted to have lunch with Sam, and Benny was willing to tag along. They parked their bikes by the porch and Dean saw Sam’s sitting there.
“Good, he’s home.” Dean laughed. Benny smiled and they made their way up the porch when they noticed that the front door was wide open. Reacting, they grabbed their guns from their waistbands and made their way inside. They could smell the metallic tinge of blood. That’s when Dean’s eyes locked on the chair that held his dad’s body.
“Dad!” Dean yelled, running over to him. His head was slumped forward and his shirt was soaked in blood. “Dad!” He shook him, his head just rolling to the side. “Oh god.” He looked around and saw blood on the couch and blood on the carpet. “Sammy?!” Dean called out, but the house was silent.
“Dean.” Benny said, pointing at the wall Crowley had wrote on.
“I’m going to kill them.” Dean growled. “I’m going to kill them all.”
“We need backup on this one.” Benny said. “I’m going to make a couple calls but we will fix this.” Dean nodded and looked back at his dad. He was really dead this time. No smoke and mirrors this time.
But now, Dean was free from prison, and the Horsemen needed to be dealt with, once and for all.
Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @i-would-die-for-woodland-demars @dekahg @nanie5 @feelmyroarrrr @marvel-af @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk
Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tags: @luciathewinchestergirl @sheris532 @bobasheebaby @flamencodiva @bella-ca
This Life Tags: @soulslaststand @jamielea81 @caplansteverogers @becs-bunker @supernaturalwincestsblog @colie87
Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23
#this life#sam winchester#dean winchester#supernatural#john winchester#benny lafitte#Jared Padalecki#Jensen Ackles
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Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?
I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.
When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.
Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?
Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.
Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.
Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.
Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.
Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.
Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.
Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,
Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.
Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.
Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.
JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.
JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.
JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.
JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.
NO FUCKING SHIT.
JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.
Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.
Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?
Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.
Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.
Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.
Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??
Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.
Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah
Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!
*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!
Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?
Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.
Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.
Whitney: Meh whatevs
Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.
Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.
Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?
Classic Shmosby.
Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.
Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.
Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.
These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.
Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.
I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.
The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.
Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.
Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.
Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.
JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?
Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.
Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.
Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?
Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.
Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?
Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.
Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?
Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.
Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.
Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.
Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?
Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.
Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.
JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.
JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.
Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.
Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.
We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.
Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.
Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.
Cams like,
Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.
Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig
Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).
Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.
Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?
Wait for it..
BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.
Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.
Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.
JDs like, and Craig is like,
JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so
Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.
At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.
Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.
Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:
Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.
UH OH.
Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!
Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.
OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.
Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.
OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.
Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.
Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.
So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.
OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?
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Source: http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/16/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/
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Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?
I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.
When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.
Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?
Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.
Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.
Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.
Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.
Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.
Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.
Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,
Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.
Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.
Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.
JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.
JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.
JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.
JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.
NO FUCKING SHIT.
JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.
Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.
Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?
Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.
Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.
Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.
Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??
Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.
Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah
Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!
*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!
Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?
Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.
Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.
Whitney: Meh whatevs
Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.
Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.
Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?
Classic Shmosby.
Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.
Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.
Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.
These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.
Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.
I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.
The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.
Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.
Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.
Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.
JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?
Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.
Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.
Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?
Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.
Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?
Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.
Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?
Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.
Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.
Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.
Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?
Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.
Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.
JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.
JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.
Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.
Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.
We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.
Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.
Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.
Cams like,
Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.
Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig
Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).
Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.
Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?
Wait for it..
BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.
Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.
Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.
JDs like, and Craig is like,
JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so
Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.
At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.
Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.
Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:
Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.
UH OH.
Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!
Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.
OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.
Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.
OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.
Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.
Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.
So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.
OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?
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source http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2018/03/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any.html
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Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?
I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.
When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.
Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?
Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.
Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.
Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.
Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.
Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.
Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.
Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,
Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.
Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.
Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.
JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.
JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.
JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.
JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.
NO FUCKING SHIT.
JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.
Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.
Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?
Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.
Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.
Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.
Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??
Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.
Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah
Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!
*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!
Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?
Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.
Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.
Whitney: Meh whatevs
Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.
Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.
Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?
Classic Shmosby.
Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.
Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.
Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.
These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.
Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.
I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.
The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.
Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.
Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.
Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.
JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?
Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.
Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.
Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?
Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.
Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?
Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.
Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?
Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.
Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.
Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.
Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?
Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.
Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.
JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.
JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.
Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.
Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.
We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.
Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.
Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.
Cams like,
Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.
Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig
Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).
Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.
Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?
Wait for it..
BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.
Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.
Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.
JDs like, and Craig is like,
JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so
Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.
At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.
Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.
Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:
Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.
UH OH.
Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!
Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.
OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.
Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.
OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.
Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.
Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.
So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.
OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?
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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/171944066947
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