#why must my heart break like this
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A short comic I made for an anthology
#millennium#I enjoyed making it#its not in the millennium comic but its luzio and sage#but the reason I made this is that I like to conceptualize all of the things that are important to me as living in my heart#on a little hill. and as I put care and love into these people and things that are important to me I'm building them a home#but the things that are mean to me. cruel even. my demons or whatever. they live in there too#and if I dont give them love and care. well. they have nowhere to sleep at night.#and they'll have to break in and destroy the things I love just to feel safe and seen and heard#and so I must sit with them and build them homes too#it's the only way I can conceptualize giving things like my anger the space that it needs#so. that's why I made this!#this comic is pretty old by now. so I might make a new thing off the same concept#I mean I might make a million new things off the same concept#I like doing that#but. yeah. anyways!#enjoy!#short comic#comics#comic art#my art#illustration#my ocs#ocs#art#digital art#original comic#mini comic
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Sarek and Michael meeting as Children for Some Alien Reason or: Children with Grave Responsibilities or: Not asking your dad if you would've been friends as children because you're too afraid he'll just say "No" and move on. [Patreon | Commissions]
#Sarek#Michael Burnham#star trek discovery#star trek disco#star trek discovery art#Michael Burnham art#Sarek art#this is about wanting so badly to understand your dad - just finally get to the bottom of why he acted like that and acts like that#but maybe if you went back in time you'd still just be sitting stiffly side by side not looking at each other#bea art tag#there MUST be some love at the bottom of this well there HAS to be SOME love at the bottom of this well#'I keep on breaking my heart when it's beating for you' I know the singer of this song intended it as for a romantic partner but my GOD if#this doesn't perfectly encapsulate a parent-child relationship where you want SO desperately for them to be proud of you and keep failing#to meet their expectations#'time they say heals a broken heart but time has stood still since we've been apart' <- When you go no contact via blocking their number or#being thrown a billion years into the future but that doesn't provide CLOSURE really#I picture Michael and Spock meeting Sarek as a child semi-often bc I think that trope is sometimes used as a 'look at your parent#through another lens - they were a child once too' thing (and also Spock would probably MUCH rather meet Amanda as a child)#I think it would be very deliciously heartbreaking if Sarek were not notably more innocent friendly or kind as a child#and Spock is reckoning with like oh there's NO version of my father that would love me the way I (deep down) want him to
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Okay so I went to see Hadestown last Thursday (01/09/25). I cried.
The. Whole. Damn. Time.
(Well, except intermission)
But i didn't cry 'cause I didn't know the story of Orpheus and Eurydice. I'm such a Greek Myth whore, OF COURSE I knew abt Orpheus. I, however, did choose to go in blind, so i had actively avoided the soundtrack before going.
Big mistake.
Why did I spend the entire time comparing Eurydice and Orpheus to Jegulus?????????
The way I sobbed?????
Eurydice was Regulus, and Orpheus was James and I wanted to scream. Hades and everything he was and stood for was Walburga and Orion and Voldemort and the death eaters and gods the way I sobbed every damn time I made a connection.
In my head it was: Regulus lived his life and it wasn't anything big and interesting, he was always cold but he didn't feel it 'cause he never felt anything different. And then he meets James and James is the sun and James is warm and James loves him and im delusional but fuck. He's not cold anymore. Reggie isn't cold. But then he gets scared, he starts to doubt that James will stick around. And James is distracted because he's trying his best to make the world better so Reg won't hurt ever again. And he doesn't realize that Reg gets drawn back in by his mother and all that shit. And then James goes after him and he tries and he almost does it. But then the part where Orpheus looks back at Eurydice by accident is like when Reg realizes he has knowledge that fucks voldemort over and decides to sacrifice himself to save everyone.
Also the song "wait for me"????? Was I supposed to ever stay sane?????
I know I will be dead long before you read this, but I want you to know it was I who discovered your secret
I need it to be known. I haven't been sane a day since. I've just been in slow, downward spiral.
#regulus black#james potter#jegulus#sunseeker#starchaser#hadestown#orpheus and eurydice#orpheus and eurydice are Jegulus#gods im sobbing#why must life???#why am i like this#this is the height of delusion#im doing my best to cope and failing miserably#wait for me#why break my heart in such ways????#i cant do this anymore
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‘Of course I love you
I will always love you
I just don’t know what to do with it���
Laura WHY 😭😭😭
#don’t fucking touch me#why must you break my heart like this#I just want the lesbians to be happy is that so much to ask#critical role#imodna#imogen temult#laudna#laura bailey#critical role spoilers#marisha ray#cr campaign three#imogen x laudna#southern gothic#cr3e95
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i swear to god if y'all bully chappell roan into abandoning her music because you love to over scrutinize lgbtq+ women i am gonna flip
#god forbid you exist outside of the male gaze! must whine about every single thing you do!#oh oh and let's also add pro palestine views which i'm pretty sure is also partly why a lot of people are purposefully misunderstanding her#seeing she pulled out of the festival she was supposed to perform at this weekend because of her mental health#likely linked to people being so insistent about misinterpreting an out of context quote and getting so overcritical about it...#just breaks my heart#having an openly queer woman in the pop world who speaks up for trans and palestine rights is HUGE#and i want to strangle so many people trying to squash her down for it
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NO other show in existence understands sister dynamics better than fleabag. especially from the perspective of older sisters i believe. having the same character yell "...you're fine! you'll always be fine. you'll always be interesting, with your quirky cafe and your dead best friend. you just make me feel like i've failed," AND "the only person i'd run through an airport for is you" !!!!!!!!! it's insane and it's exactly how i feel
#fleabag#i dislike anyone disliking claire because of that you'll be fine scene. that's the realest relationship between siblings are you insane#or maybe i actually am even more of a horrible person for thinking this#“we're not friends. we're sisters.”#terrible#magnificent#like i would die for her. i would kill for her. seeing her upset BREAKS my heart‚ i can physically feel it#i also can't help but feeling pettiness when everything comes so easily to her#all her bad moments make her more interesting and real while i simply exist like blank paper bc anything happening to me must be my fault‚#while her misfortunes play like a melodrama#it's NOT her fault‚ but it wasn't mine either so why did i have to live through everything for her to have everything#okay wow i'm having a great night 🙃#*nr
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i still have so many questions about the ff7 remake story. why did aerith even have knowledge of the future in remake to begin with? from a watsonion perspective, why does she lose that knowledge after the end of remake when sephiroth doesn't? (i'm fully aware the doylist reason is that having a character who knows the future would totally break the plot but i'm still curious if there's more to what they were doing with aerith's remake character or if this is it). what was her motivation to encourage the party to fight the whispers in the original game when she knew the party would defeat sephiroth in the end if events followed fate? was it simply that she wanted the chance to live? because that makes me want to lie down and cry!!!!
#blahs#ff7#rebirth spoilers#sephiroth's whole “so must you” line to aerith about accepting her fate seems to imply he's saying she was resisting it#and that the aerith we see in cloud's dream reality is the aerith from remake with all her knowledge of the future#and her pushing cloud out of the dream is her accepting her death?#which makes me want to die!!!!!#it also seems implied by sephiroth that remake!aerith went and hid away in the alternate reality as a way to run from her fate??#idk i might have to go back and watch things again#but if so perhaps that answers my question about why aerith loses her future knowledge#i do dig it a lot bc i have always been a staunch Aerith Wanted To Live Believer#i dislike the interpretation that in og ff7 she knew she would die and it was a noble sacrifice. i think that diminishes the tragedy#so the idea that she actively resisted it when given the chance even if she eventually had to accept the reality of death makes me very !!!#like it breaks my heart but it's in line with my interpretation of her character#anyway. i'm vomiting all this to my tumblr audience of People Who Don't Care About FF7 bc my bestie's asleep so i can't talk to her about i#tumblrinas please play ff7 i promise it's so good it's some of my favourite character writing in a game ever for real
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It breaks my heart that Naomi never learns she didn't kill Filip 💔 I don't even need them to meet again, I just wish she knew he's still out there
#the expanse#leviathan falls#naomi nagata#filip inaros#filip nagata#why must you break my heart like this#not only did she lose him#she has to live the rest of her life thinking she killed him#heartbreak upon heartbreak
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I was about to write a long ass post about how the Darkling is actually redeemable even if he's a villain, when he drops this:
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#seriously ben#why must you break my heart like this#i was rooting for you#we were all rooting for you#the darkling#ben barnes#aleksander kirigan#aleksander morozova#general kirigan#shadow and bone#shadow and bone series#shadow and bone netflix#shadow and bone show#shadow and bone s2#shadow and bone season 2#grisha#grishaverse#the grisha series#grisha netflix
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"You were never meant to be alone, Steve."
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#i will never recover from that quote#ever#it breaks my heart over and over again#IF I REMEMBERED WHAT FIC IT CAME FROM ID TAG IT#tony what do you mean tony#why must you point out that there were more vials of the serum#why must you point out that steve was never meant to be the only one#why tony#why must you point out that any comfort steve mightve gotten from other super soldiers was ripped away from him#huh??#because atp i feel like you did it to hurt my feelings#and the never ending guilt that tony will never be enough for him because he cant give steve back everything he lost??#he cant comfort him not knowing all that hes been through??#the fear that no matter how hard tony tries he could never compare to what steve had to leave behind??#this is why i read fluff guys#i cant handle angst#it permanently changes me#stony#stevetony#tony stark#steve rogers#iron man#captain america#superhusbands#ao3#fanfic#i deserve financial compensation
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ok i think it’s obvious at this point i’m finishing rewatching season 2 AND AAAUUGGGHHH AZIRAPHALE. WHEN HE’S DONE REELING AFTER THE KISS AND TOUCHES HIS LIPS HE WIPES THEM ALMOST ANGRILY!! HE WIPES THE LAST OF CROWLEY FROM HIS LIPS. WITH INTENTION. WITH FIRM AND FULL RESOLVE!!!!!!! i’m going to scream hold on i need to get the gif.
HES SO AGGRESSIVE ABOUT IT!!!!! MICHAEL. MICHAEL. YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME HERE!!! MICHAEL!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!!!! THE ANGRY SNIFF i’m done. goodbye.
#good omens#good omens 2#aziraphale#michael sheen#why must you break my heart#why must you be so good at your job#why why why why#i’ll never get him out of my head like this#go2 spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers
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Incredibly frustrated by how condescendingly jaded my uncle can be but I’m being so brave about it <- not blowing him up with my mind even though I want to
#ra speaks#personal#I love him. but my dude. bruh.#made a comment abt how I should try working/volunteering w the homeless#after I commented on his tirade abt homeless ppl ‘gaming the system’ by getting arrested in the winter#to have somewhere warm w food to stay like ‘why are we not talking about how fucked it is that the homeless will fucking die if they don’t?#like sir. buddy. you do remember that I grew up on food stamp right? I have gone to a food bank as a recipient before.#I’ve volunteered at shelters and soup kitchens before. I know addicts and homeless people in town.#this isn’t some naive wide eyed college socialist ‘those poor homeless people are saints’ schitck#this is a tired university food pantry anarchist ‘aren’t you fucking tired of being cruel to people who make the best o thr circumstances?’#sorry you can no longer see the divine value of every human life and must endure the tragedy#of considering everyone not to your standard a lost cause.#some of us see the work to be done and will be doing it instead of wallowing in hate and pity.#shut up and get to work like the rest of us if you hate it so much.#it’s just like *strangled him* you see me twice a year dude I DO WORK AT A SOUP KITCHEN YOU IDIOT#I just don’t talk abt it because it’s just something I do sorry I thought making acts of charity your whole personality#was vain and frowned upon in christian society???#this makes my plans to ditch academia and go into fulltime aid work feel all the more. idk vindicated???#that’s not the right word but you get it. uncle t I love you but you know fuck all and have hardened your heart to the world.#god break that heart of stone you have and bless you with love for your fellow man. or whatever.#for context this convo happened like two years ago but I saw him last week and in light of recent personal revelations I’ve remembered it#core memory locked in ‘are you for fucking real uncle t?’#vocational woes
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made friends with premetro. linea E is my new enemy.
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#I stood next to Sierra Ferrell in the “poser pit” tonight and it was legitimately horrifying how… Watched.. I felt#I have spent a long time learning how to attend concerts by myself and like coping with the anxieties about being percieved#Especially if Sam shouts me out#But even surrounded by people I know Very Well.. the moment everybody lazer focused on us/her i felt extremely seen.#And like of course I Understand It because I hear the way Taylor talks about it and Sam has described it a bunch#But I’ve never experienced the… hunger? The anticipation? Expectation?#Sam usually knows everybody and people come up and compliment him while I’m standing there#But this was very sinister.#And like we took a break and went over where there’s less lights and sound and people and cameras and talked about it by the trees and art#But like the backstage/green room was so industrial and bright. I’ve never been in one like that before (usually dark and damp LOL)#And Sam was like yeah this is why it fucks people up#And like it just makes sense to me in a new way now. Idk.#Being famous is horrible yeah#Something about the involuntary/nonconsensual nature of a lot of the experiences#C#Fame#Just yeah my heart broke for how isolating that must have felt to be her in that moment#This is what you came for#Tiwycf
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Playing Jingliu’s story quest at 3 am is a severe mistake, I just got to the part of Blade thinking about the past after Jingliu killed him for that brief point and it brought me to tears, not even like single tear type stuff, like I haven’t stopped actively crying since I got to that part
I can’t tell if I would have cried this much at a more reasonable time because Blade’s my favorite and his VA’s performance like severely impacted me or if its just because I am very tired and fragile at this time of day
EITHER WAY, W O W OUCH, I am in so much pain, I am in infinite pain and seeing people talking about this pointing out stuff is not making it any better. I am so going to be annoying about this quest maybe tomorrow and talk about it because OH MY GOD it was so good jessuusss
#my thoughts are all over the place#im so sad for blade#and for jingliu all she lost and must remember 😭#I WANT THEM BOTH TO BE HAPPY FUCK#also I have been feeling sick#since i learned a more accurate translation of Dan Heng’s I’ll see it through line to Blade#would actually be smth along the lines of I’ll accompany you to the end#THEY BREAK MY FUCKING HEART#They hurt me so bad#and speaking of ships also#JINGLIU SAYING CLOUDS FADE AND THEN BOOM BAIHENG LIKE#UGH#HOYOVERSE AND THEIR TRAGIC YURI#WHY MUST THE HYV LESBIANS ALWAYS SUFFER ANGUISH STTOOPPP (pls continue its so good)#im in pain#now my nose is all running bc of the cryi g wtf is this game DOING TO ME#jingliu#dan heng#hsr blade#high cloud quintet#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr spoilers
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I am experiencing... frustration.
#monster noises#why must the ideas you can see the clearest in your head be the hardest to capture?#I'm trying to make a new phone lock screen#(currently I'm using the drawing of laz and heis on the motorcycle and while I looove that image it's been there for a few years now)#and I have a very Precise Idea of what I want it to be#in the same style as I did my FaHI playlist cover#but I can't seem to get the thumbnail looking in anyway Correct#and it's really..... frustrating........... and disheartening#then when I try and like actually figure out what I need to Fix it's like my brain blanks out and I"m stumbling around completely clueless#and then I just start uselessly spiraling and just AUGH#why can't I have the kind of brain that hits a barrier and proceeds to problem-solve?#why do I have to have a brain that hits a barrier and just.. rolls over in defeat#not even a tantrum or a breakdown#just#0 resistance laying down and giving up#it's stupid and I'm mad about it but I still don't know what to do about it at all#I wish I could explain it in a way that would allow someone to maybe be able to help me actually#cause it seems every time I try there's always some fundamental misunderstanding about Which Step In The Process Is Challenging#like that one time I tried asking about it on twitter#asking if anyone had resources for How to be better at learning from and interpreting references/doing studies#or just learning for art purposes in general (in a way that won't cause me to Break Down)#and people linked a bunch of how-to's on how to Draw from Reference#and I know those /Sound/ like the same thing but they arrrrren't#and I know those people's heart's were in a good place but I know How to use a reference#I know How to do a life drawing or a study#I get it on a practical level#but there is something fundamental to the process of interpreting and understanding what exactly I'm doing that I just...#Don't Have#and That's really really Really hard to explain#it's like how I'm actually good at math I just can't do word problems because I can't glean what is required of me from a word problem.
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