#why is ray always conveniently out of camera shot

[penceykills]

My Chemical Romance live @ Club Krome, New Jersey// Oct 31, 2003

[yannowhatigiveup]

My One And Only - Chapter 17

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I have posted this chapter and I have had as much sleep as an insomniac can get. After next chapter, maybe, I’ll get to the scene that I have been wanting but also dreading to write so that’s something.

"...You're Ladybug, aren't you?"

————————————————————

Marinette's eyes widened, she didn't expect Alya to come to that recognition but as she gave it a second thought, it made sense. Luckily the pain in her chest had subsided so she could think clearly. The bluenette turned away from her best friend, nodding her head.

"Oh my god. You're Ladybug, my best friend is Ladybug!" Alya gasped, the situation truly hitting her, "Oh god you're Ladybug, the same Ladybug that got stabbed! Oh my god Mari are you okay?!"

The bluenette took a few long breaths before answering. "Yeah, I will be"

The aspiring reporter shook her head, "No, what happens if that happens during class? You might not have enough energy to stay conscious! I'll go tell Miss Bustier to let us off for today then we go to Damian's since he's the likely candidate to be Noir" Marinette knew not to underestimate her best friend's capabilities but she couldn't help but be stunned at her accurate conclusion. Hesitantly, she agreed and only after the bluenette was safely escorted out of the bathroom did Alya make her way to their classroom. After what felt like an eternity, though was probably only a few minutes, the amber-haired girl returned. "Come on, let's go get your stuff"

Once her belongings were collected, the two left the school building and towards the Grand Paris. While one hand was steadying the bluenette, Alya had her phone in the other. 'Texting Dami probably' The walk completely silent, but it was a comfortable silence. The aching in her chest would certainly appear in her voice and she didn't want to worry her best friend more than she already was. Marinette also knew that Alya was waiting to reach to hotel room before she asked questions, a good hero never discussed trivial matters out of the mask when it wasn't necessary, and Alya was definitely a good hero.

Soon enough, they arrived at the hotel and made their way to Damian's room. The green-eyed boy greeted them as they went inside, taking Mari from Alya so that she could lean on him. Once all three occupants were safely secured in the room, their three kwamis came up to check on their guardian.

Tikki's voice came first. "Marinette! Are you okay? I tried healing it but it didn't work I'm sorry"

"It's not your fault Tikki. It's oka-"

"No! It's not okay, Marinette! You're in pain! Plagg, Trixx is there anyway to get rid of it?" The red kwami anxiously floated towards her fellow companions.

"It's was caused by Hawkmoth" Plagg supplied. "Only Nooroo can remove his magic"

Damian hummed thoughtfully while Alya, though less panicked, was still slightly alarmed. There was still one question that left unanswered. What were they going to do now? Marinette's train of thought kicked in. 'We might have to expand our team sooner than expected...'

"What's the plan?" It was Alya who spoke, the reporter recognised the look of thought on her best friend's face.

"I think... I think we need to bring in more heroes" the bluenette replied hesitantly. "I'll give it some more thought before we bring anyone in"

Alya nodded. "Say, do you think I should practise my illusions? I could try to make them more fluid and realistic" Marinette approved for Alya to practice and watched Rena Rouge jump from rooftop to rooftop. The bluenette turned to her boyfriend.

"I'll look at the copy of the Grimoire, maybe it'll reveal a way to heal me, or subdue the pain at least." The blue-eyed girl blinked as an idea popped in her head. "Why don't you join me? You tend to pick up on things quite quickly so maybe I could teach you how to read the language of the guardians"

Damian sat on the chair, gently pulled Marinette on his lap and peered over her shoulder, looking at the digital copy of the book on her phone. "Learning an ancient language could be interesting"

~~~

The green-eyed boy chuckled ever so slightly as the bluenette kept whining about how he managed to pick this up much faster than she did when Master Fu taught her. After some time, Marinette decided to go check on Rena Rouge in her hero persona, she took one of Damian's hoodies before leaving, though. This went unnoticed by the owner but not by his kwami. Plagg snickered at Marinette's sneaky antics before asking, demanding, for some Camembert. Damian ordered a selection of cheese to see if there was a substitute to the stinky cheese, there was no way he would go around smelling like a used sock. The black kwami didn't complain since it means he would have more cheese. As Plagg was eating somewhere in the hotel room, a ringing sound came from Damian's phone. Thinking it was one of his annoying brothers, he left it idle for a moment before reaching to answer the call. It was a face time request. From Jon. Pressing the accept button, Damian placed his phone on the coffee table while waiting for the call to connect.

"Hi Dami!!" Was what was first said when the call finally connected. He didn't necessarily like the nickname, it was reserved for Marinette and Marinette only.

"Hello, Kent" he replied, his eyes briefly glanced over to the black kwami in his room. Then he remembered something that Marinette had mentioned momentarily.

Marinette had pulled her phone out from her purse and pulled Damian in for a picture, Tikki on her shoulder and Plagg on Damian's head. Wanting to make her happy, Damian let his lips twitch ever so slightly, having a small smile, one that his family would scarcely see, on his face.

"Don't the kwamis appear on camera?" He asked when she had finsihed. The bluenette turned to smile at him.

"Their magic prevents them from being recorded or heard on camera, so no" Marinette grabbed her phone back from where she returned it. She handed it towards him where the picture was shown and sure enough, there were no kwamis insight.

"Magic never fails to impress me"

The bluenette giggled. "I know"

"So how's the City of Love? Found anyone yet?" Jon's tone wasn't in a teasing manner, like most of his brothers would usually have, instead his voice held genuine curiosity. Again, Damian noted how much Jon would act like an excited puppy.

"It's adequate" He stated simply, he purposefully didn't answer the second question. Unfortunately for him, Jon managed to pickup on the fact.

"No. Freakin'. Way. You found someone! What's their name? What're they like? Do you have a crush or you and them together? Wh-" His voice was cut off by the sound of Damian's hotel door opening. He was thankful for the interruption before realising it was Marinette who entered, wearing his hoodie.

Completely forgetting that Jon was on call, Damian turned to the bluenette. "Is that my hoodie?"

Marinette, noticing Damian was speaking in English, switched to English as well. "I may have taken it as I left but you have no proof" She made her way to the couch, hugging her boyfriend from behind before noticing the boy on the phone. "Oh hello!" She greeted.

"Woah! Hi! Are you Damian's girlfriend by any chance?" The big wide smile that appeared on his face when she confirmed his suspicions, could rival her own. "What's your name?"

"Marinette"

"It's nice to meet you Marinette! I'm Jon, Dami's best friend!" He reminded her of Adrien, both had excitable personalities and they were both enthusiastic rays of sunshine.

"Self-proclaimed" Damian muttered under his breath.

Marinette, though having a smile on her face, jabbed the green-eyed boy in the ribs with her elbows, "Be nice, Dami"

"My name and nice are not usually in the same sentence" He smirked at her offended expression.

The bluenette huffed as she folded her arms across her chest. "Well when you're with me you're much more than nice"

"Well you are my girlfriend, it's hard not to" Marinette shot a playful glare at Damian, which was by no means intimidating in the slightest. "Such as right now, I feel like I'm being intimidated by a cupcake"

The blue-eyed girl's cheeks dusted with a light pink before she turned her head towards something in the room, muttering incoherently. Damian couldn't pick up what she was saying so he pulled her into his body, her begrudgingly leaning into the embrace.

Jon could tell that Damian had gotten soft and was completely smitten for the noirette. In all honesty, he was happy he could find someone like her. Despite only briefly talking, he could tell she was a pure soul. "Well I gotta get going. See you lovebirds later!" And the call disconnected.

"You're best friend seems like the cheerful type"

"Self-procla-" A soft pair of lips on his own cut off the words he was about to say. He didn't mind, he was just annoyed that this was a very convenient way to get him to shut up.

"Self-proclaimed or not-" Marinette began after she pulled away "-you still care about him greatly, much like you do with your brothers."

"You always try to think of the best in others" He muttered, his voice muffled as he placed a kiss on her temple. "Where's Cèsaire?"

"She returned to school, hey do you want to get something to eat while I'm still here?"

"Sure"

~~~

The two had sat down in the dining area, both scanning the menu for something that caught their eye, when an akuma made it's presence known. The couple quickly came to the the scene, the Akuma seemed to be a ten year old girl. Le Chien and Rena Rouge were quickly to arrive as well, with Le Chien providing the information on her backstory.

"Apparently, from what I heard, she got ridiculed for getting a participation reward" The dog-themed hero supplied, eyes dropping ever so slightly. "Poor her"

"If we deal with this swiftly, we'll be able to help her" Ladybug called upon her lucky charm and was given a long, spotted javelin. The spotted heroine noticed how the girl's weapon was also a javelin, just with a more pointier end. Her eyes darted all over the scene, first to Noir who was duelling the Akuma, then to the two heroes at her side. Quickly formulating a plan, Ladybug turned to Rena Rouge. "I'll need you to create illusions of the two of us, we'll able to confuse the Akuma and while it's confused-" The spotted heroine turned to Le Chien. "-you'll be able to identify the akumatized object"

Rena and Chien nodded while positioning themselves to attack. Ladybug, javelin in hand, joined Noir in the duel. Rena joined too after a music note was played and many clones of the hero team were created. The Akuma, however, was tactical and had managed to narrow it's opponents down to the original trio. This was when the main part of her plan was to take place. Ladybug slowly distanced herself from the fight, sending a signal to Noir to get him to do the same.

Once noticing her signal, Noir took action. "Rena, fall back" The fox-themed heroine shot a shocked look at the black cat hero before hesitantly obliging. With all three heroes equal length away, the Akuma struggled to decide who to get rid of first, Ladybug had other plans. Using the moment of uncertainty to her advantage, the spotted-heroine charged at the Akuma, knocking the Akuma's javelin out of their reach with her own. While Ladybug was in the air, jumping over the Akuma, Le Chien had not a moment to spare.

"Fetch!" His boomerang lit up and he threw it at the Akuma with great force, the glowing boomerang snatched one of the many medallions resting on the Akuma's body before returning. A purple butterfly emerged as the dog-themed hero threw the medal on the floor.

A spotted yo-yo was quick to capture the fluttering creature. "Gotcha. Bye-bye little butterfly" Once freed from it's magical imprisonment, a white butterfly emerged. Javelin in hand, Ladybug threw it in the air, erupting into many magical ladybugs. "Miraculous Ladybug!" Once the ladybugs subsided, all four heroes fist pumped.

"Pound it!"

They were interrupted by the sound of three miraculous beeping. Sharing a chuckle, the superhero team parted ways, Ladybug and Noir leaving together of course. They arrived to the sound of Damian's phone being bombarded with notifications. With a sigh, the green-eyed boy went to check what the messages were while Marinette brushed through her hair. He hummed.

"What is it?" The bluenette asked, placing the brush down on one of the cabinets.

"Your uncle released his album, the song you provided the vocals for has already reached number one in a few countries" Marinette blinked in astonishment.

"I- already? Wow..." She couldn't really figure out what to say. In her defence, what do you say in reply? "Hang on, wait I'll be back" The girl left and Damian decided to occupy himself by rereading the digital copy of the Grimoire that his girlfriend had sent him. It was quite a simple language once you get used to it, most of the symbols were shaped similarly and it was quite an easy concept. Around twelve minutes later, Marinette returned with a few boxes. "I brought some of the things I made for your family. I thought it would be best to give it to you now before I forget"

Damian removed the weight in her arms while smiling. "Thank you, Angel"

"Anytime, also-" The bluenette took something that was hidden behind her back, since she had an oversized hoodie it was easy to. "-I made this for you" It was a hoodie of her own design, ever so subtly Robin themed.

Putting the boxes near his suitcase, Damian walked back over to Mari, delicately handling the woven fabric almost as if he were in fear of ruining it. The green-eyed boy slipped in on, it fit like a glove with a little bit of leniency to provide warmth. Turning back to the bluenette, Damian found her analyzing the piece of clothing in him, as if looking for mistakes needing to be fixed.

"Does it fit okay? Is it comfortable? Do you like the design?" Marinette kept rambling on with questions about the artwork that he was wearing. Walking closer, he enveloped the bluenette in a hug, her face buried in his chest while he stroked his fingers through her midnight hair.

"Thank you, Habibti. I am very grateful for this gift, but you really didn't need to make me one"

She looked up at him and huffed. "I wanted to and besides-" her arms snaked up his chest and made their way around neck, her fingers lightly tugging on the hairs on his nape. "-it looks good on you"

He hummed, his hands trailing down to her waist, "if it was made by you, it's bound to be" The green-eyed boy placed a slow but heartfelt kiss on the forehead. "I'm not sure about you, but I'd like to listen to the completed song"

Marinette whined but went to get her phone anyway, Damian chuckled at her antics before returning to the pages of the Grimoire he was reading. In the background, he heard the plucking of a strings instrument followed by chimes from what could've been a triangle. The genre itself wasn't what first came to mind when someone mentioned 'Jagged Stone' but the man was fully capable of creating great songs in any music style. His point was further supported when Marinette's voice echoed through the music. Damian unknowingly smiled as he listened to his beloved's voice, but something else caught his attention. Flicking through the pages, the green-eyed boy came across a page relating to both the Ladybug miraculous and the Butterfly miraculous. Briefly scanning the ancient letters, he caught the bluenette's attention.

"Angel, did I translate this correctly? If I did then..."

Marinette, intrigued, came over to peer over her boyfriend's shoulder and found him looking on a page she hadn't seen before. She scanned it hastily, her palm covering her mouth as she finished. Damian looked over at her expression, meaning that he had translated it correctly.

"...I believe I found a way to subdue Hawkmoth"

———

Taglist: @little-bluestar,@miracleofadisaster,@frieddonutsweets,@jjmjjktth,@genderfluidmoma,@starlit-dreaming,@icerosecrystal,@lolieg,@kashlyn, @mochegato,@eggadoodle,@walkingthroughonautopilot, @toodaloo-kangaroo,@lady-bee-fechin,@weebjai1

[jingabitch]

An Arrangement for Convenience ch.5

Summary: It's ridiculous that girl groups aren't allowed to date, and are kept under such strict lock and key that they can't satisfy their desires. Enter Ha-eun, YG's solution to the problem.

Pairings: ot4 x oc

Warnings: oral sex (f receiving) | sex work | rimming | spanking | slight D/s | mommy kink | pet play | spitting | slapping

A/N: Wrote this a while back and posted on ao3; reposting here because I want to be more active on this platform. While I currently have 8 chapters written which I will be releasing on Tumblr gradually, I am currently on hiatus due to school and work commitments and will not be actively writing and posting new stuff until the semester ends in December.

Series index

The next morning, Ha-eun woke up as the first rays of sunshine were starting to peek in through the drawn curtains. She yawned as she stretched and rolled over, pushing herself up into a sitting position with her hands.

There was excited huffing, barking and a furry mass suddenly pressed against her belly, and Ha-eun blinked down at Kuma. “Good morning,” she greeted the dog, stroking his soft fur. He panted and hopped up to lick her face excitedly, and she laughed as she let him.

Jennie wasn’t in bed, and Ha-eun shrugged mentally. She’d probably just gone to use the restroom, she thought, untangling herself from the covers to do the same. Realizing that she was still nude and it was kind of chilly in the apartment, she went to Jennie’s closet and helped herself to a t-shirt and pajama shorts before leaving the room.

On her way to the restroom, however, she was waylaid by the sound of laughter and cooking, and an amazing smell that tempted her to detour from the path to the bathroom to the kitchen.

“Shit,” she breathed in awe, watching Jennie and Chaeyoung moving around the kitchen easily. “What is that smell?”

Chaeyoung turned to grin at her. “Oh, you’re up, good morning,” she greeted casually. “We’re making bacon waffles.”

As if on cue, Ha-eun’s stomach growled and she flushed. Jennie, closing the waffle iron around a scoop of batter, looked up with a teasing grin that fell off her face when she took in Ha-eun’s current ensemble. The younger girl looked really nice in her clothes.

“Oh, my God, bacon waffles sounds like heaven,” Ha-eun groaned, “but I have to pee and brush my teeth really quick, then I swear I’ll be right back,” she promised, running off to the bathroom.

“She’s so cute,” Chaeyoung sighed, as the bathroom door swung shut.

Jennie flipped the waffle iron, and hummed noncommittally even though she couldn’t help but agree. Still, she wouldn’t be her if she didn’t make a snarky remark, so it was almost out of obligation that she said, “You just think she’s cute because she’s happy to get on her knees for you.”

Chaeyoung scoffed as she went to get the syrup and butter for the waffles. “That is not true at all. I think you guys are cute and none of you would do that for me.”

Jennie shrugged; she was right, after all. She continued cooking the waffles as Chaeyoung started washing and cutting the strawberries they had in the fridge.

When Ha-eun re-emerged from the bathroom, newly freshened up, she came straight back to the kitchen. “Is there anything I can help with?” she asked with wide eyes, watching the two girls move around the kitchen in tandem, the ease with which they worked together in the small space clearly showing their familiarity with each other.

“No, just stay there,” Chaeyoung giggled. “This is your reward for doing well on your test!”

Ha-eun, surprised, just gaped. She’d thought they’d forgotten about it, which was fine, it wasn’t like she’d been expecting them to actually remember, but even when the idea had been floating around she’d expected it to be something sexual, not this.

She couldn’t help that her heart fluttered just a little, or that she suddenly felt soft and mushy on the inside. None of her previous clients had ever really bothered to do something like this for her; it had always been clear that it was about them. Which was only right, after all, since they did pay good money for her to make them feel a certain way.

“Thank you,” she said softly, as Jennie finished preparing the third plate. Ha-eun jumped to help her then, taking one plate from her and helping Chaeyoung bring the other stuff to the table.

“Should I wake Lisa-unnie and Jisoo-unnie?” she asked, standing behind her seat with her hand on the back of the chair.

Jennie shrugged. “They don’t usually wake up that early, especially Jisoo-unnie. I left more batter for them when they get up.”

“Oh… all right then,” Ha-eun said, sitting down and scooping a generous amount of butter onto her waffles, then drowning it all in syrup. She dug into the mess with gusto, moaning sinfully around the first mouthful of waffles.

“Oh, my God, bacon is definitely the best thing that ever came out of the West,” Ha-eun groaned with her mouth full.

Chaeyoung laughed. “Should I be offended?” she asked lightly.

“Okay, democracy is pretty good too,” Ha-eun amended after swallowing, cutting another section of the waffle and stuffing it into her mouth.

Jennie looked at her indulgently, eating her own waffle. She really was a pretty good cook, she thought as she chewed and swallowed. It was nice that Ha-eun seemed to think so too.

Chaeyoung huffed, though, having clearly been angling for a personal compliment. Ha-eun laughed at her. “Fine, if you insist, it’s you,” she said, rolling her eyes playfully.

Chaeyoung narrowed her eyes at her. “You’ll pay for that,” she said threateningly, but Ha-eun wasn’t intimidated, instead saying “promise?” flirtatiously and winking at her.

The girl really was insatiable, Jennie thought, stifling a laugh at the scandalized expression on Chaeyoung’s face, and she had a sassy streak a mile wide given the way she escalated all the time.

They settled into a regular conversation soon after, Ha-eun asking what they had planned for the day. It really was fascinating listening to them discuss dance practice and Jennie’s photo shoot for Chanel like they were just everyday things, which they were to them, she supposed. Still, since her plans for the day mostly involved going home and mopping the floor before going for her afternoon class, their lives in comparison were way more interesting than hers.

“Unnie, you didn’t wait for me for breakfast?” Lisa interrupted their conversation by whining loudly as she opened the door to her bedroom and stepped out, dressed in a t-shirt and pajama pants.

“Go make your own waffles,” Jennie pointed at the kitchen, not even deigning to reply Lisa’s protest. Muttering to herself in annoyance, Lisa padded over to the kitchen, turning the waffle iron back on again and then going to grab a carton of juice from the refrigerator.

“Good morning, Lisa-unnie,” Ha-eun greeted, giggling at the older girl’s antics.

“Oh, good morning Ha-eun-ah,” Lisa greeted as she poured the juice into a glass. “Did you sleep well? Did Jennie-unnie treat you properly?” she asked, grinning mischievously.

Ha-eun giggled. “I have no complaints,” she said, sending a wink Jennie’s way.

“Yeah, we could all hear you not complaining, ” Lisa shot back, but Ha-eun just shrugged. “Jennie-unnie is very talented at many things,” she responded, turning back to her food to eat another bite of her waffle.

“I just bet she is,” Lisa chortled. “Too bad she refuses to share her talents with the rest of the girls.”

Jennie rolled her eyes. “How long are you going to complain about that? I did offer, you know.”

Lisa scowled. “That was only if I let you tie me up!”

Jennie shrugged. “Ha-eun let me tie her up last night.”

Ha-eun nodded. “It was fun. You should have let her do it.”

Sighing as the waffle iron beeped, indicating that the waffle was done, Lisa used the tongs to pry it out of the mold and plopped it down on her plate. “I’ll overlook that, but only if you promise to let me tie you up too.”

“Sure,” Ha-eun agreed nonchalantly. It wasn’t like she was going to say no to Lisa, since there was a contract and this was her job and all. It was nice that she still flirted with her like that. It was all a part of the experience she wanted, she supposed.

“Great!” Lisa chirped. “Are you doing anything tonight?”

“Uh, I have to go to class in the afternoon, but I’m free after that, why?”

“Come visit us at the studio if you have time,” Lisa invited.

Ha-eun accepted eagerly, excited to see whatever new choreography they were working on.

Soon enough, though, it was time for her to leave, and she sighed as she went to put on her clothes from yesterday, not really enjoying the thought of wearing her dirty clothes again. If she’d known she was staying over, she would have packed a spare set of clothes, having gotten a nice routine down that prevented her from the walk of shame.

“Oh, you can borrow some of my clothes if you want,” Chaeyoung offered, and Ha-eun smiled at her. “Thanks, but there’s no way I could fit into your clothes,” she said. “You’re so thin, it’s not fair,” she sighed with envy.

Chaeyoung laughed. “Love, I spend more time working out than normal people dream of having. You look gorgeous,” she reassured the younger girl, popping a kiss on her forehead.

“Okay, if you say so,” Ha-eun said, accepting the compliment with grace as she hugged her. “I’ll see you guys later,” she called as she slipped her sneakers back on and walked out the door, going to the subway station to take the train back home.

As she was letting herself into her apartment, calling to her brother to let him know that she was home, she looked out the window of the living room and couldn’t help but laugh. There was a giant billboard on the building across the road from hers, and an ad for - you guessed it - Blackpink’s upcoming comeback, with a blown up photo of all four girls staring coolly at the camera had gone up yesterday during the time that she’d been out yesterday.

Taking a picture of the billboard, she sent it to the group with exclamation marks, laughing when Lisa immediately replied.

We can’t get enough of you, sweetie. Xx

Shaking her head, she laughed and put her phone in her pocket as she went to see what her brother was up to.

By the time Ha-eun got to the studio, it was almost nine, and she was frantic. Her class had ended more than two hours ago, and she’d been planning to go straight to the YG building, but had been waylaid by her project groupmates who’d wanted to have an impromptu discussion.

“Fucking idiots, always calling meetings to talk about useless things we could settle easily over text,” she seethed as she ran down the hall to the studio. She’d texted them to let them know that she would be late and to let her know if they were leaving so she could meet them elsewhere, but they hadn’t replied and she took that to mean that they’d been practicing all this while and hadn’t seen her messages.

Reaching the door to the room they’d told her to come to, she took a second, standing outside the entrance, to straighten herself out, running her hands through her hair, smoothing out her blouse and adjusting her skirt, which had somehow rotated almost 180 degrees around her waist. Consciously evening her breathing so it would look less like she’d just been sprinting down the hallways of the YG building like a lunatic, she opened the door gently and stepped into the room.

To her surprise and dismay, it was dark, although the air in the room was still cool, and when she looked up at the ceiling, she could see that the air conditioner was still on. Had they left and forgotten to turn off the air conditioner?

She groped for the light switch, sure that it couldn’t be too far from where she was standing, when a voice cut through the silence, sharp and authoritative.

“Stop.”

It was Jennie, and she sounded furious.

Ha-eun’s heart pounded. What was this?

“Jennie-unnie? What’s going on?”

“You’ve been a very bad girl, Ha-eun-ah.”

“Unnie?” Ha-eun’s head whipped around to try and locate the source of the voice, to no avail, because the room was completely dark now that the door had shut behind her.

Suddenly, the lights were on, but it was the spotlights that had been installed for choreography videos and the room was still mostly dark. Ha-eun blinked as she looked around, seeing the four of them standing in different spots around the room. Jennie was standing almost right in front of her, her arms folded across her chest.

Ha-eun gulped as Jennie stepped closer to her. She was dressed in a sports bra and leggings, drenched in sweat, the hair that had escaped from her ponytail sticking to her forehead and neck, but she still looked gorgeous. Her thought process was cut off abruptly when Jennie’s hand shot out, grabbing her face, her fingers digging into the soft flesh of her cheeks.

“I thought we agreed that you would be here at seven, hmm?” Jennie said quietly, the words slicing through the air like knives. They found their target easily as Ha-eun’s shoulders slumped. There were reasons, she wanted to explain, but they seemed like weak, pathetic excuses when she was faced with Jennie’s angry gaze boring into her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and Jennie smirked as she squeezed Ha-eun’s face tighter, pushing down and forcing the younger girl onto her knees.

“Open,” she demanded and Ha-eun immediately obliged, her mouth falling open as she knelt before Jennie, who was bent over her, her face hovering over Ha-eun’s.

Her lips curved into a sinister grin right before she spat into Ha-eun’s open mouth, watching with satisfaction as the wad slid down her tongue and disappeared.

“Swallow,” she commanded and Ha-eun immediately obeyed, feeling herself drench her panties.

“Looks like you can do some things right, after all,” she sneered, before lifting her hand from Ha-eun’s face and using it to backhand her instead, so hard that her head turned, her cheek burning.

“You’re such a useless whore, you know that?” Jennie purred, fisting her hand in Ha-eun’s hair and pulling so that she was facing her again. “Coming two hours late, wasting our time… do you know how much our time is worth? Of course not… a poor little nobody like you can’t even imagine it.”

Ha-eun’s eyes filled with tears, but she knew that Jennie was right. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “Let me make it up to you, please, mistress,” she begged.

Hearing that caused a thrill to shoot through Jennie, but she controlled her expression so that not a trace of her arousal showed as she continued to stare impassively down at the other girl. She scoffed. “And just how do you propose to do that, whore? You aren’t even good enough to fuck.”

Ha-eun’s lip trembled, tears spilling from her eyes now. She knew Jennie was right, she was nobody compared to them, they could easily replace her with someone who was more obedient, who turned up on time, who didn’t force them to wait for her…

“Please, please, I’ll do anything,” Ha-eun cried, pitching forward as she folded herself into a bow, her forehead hitting the floor with a loud knock that she barely even felt, so focused on earning forgiveness.

“Anything?” Jennie’s voice was silky and dangerous, but Ha-eun was too far gone by this point to notice the change in tone as she shuffled forward, her forehead now resting on top of Jennie’s bare feet as she continued pleading for forgiveness.

“Did you hear that, girls? She said anything ,” Jennie called. That caught Ha-eun’s attention, and she looked up, sniffling, as the other three girls glided out of the shadows, coming to stand next to Jennie.

Chaeyoung laughed, a sweet, delicate sound that seemed completely at odds with the atmosphere in the room. “Anything? My, that’s a broad statement to make, sweetie. Are you sure?”

Ha-eun looked up at them with wide eyes, in awe as they stared down at her as dispassionately as they had from the billboard outside her home. “I’m sure, Chaeyoung-unnie,” she breathed. Should she be more concerned about the fact that the way they looked at her, as if she were something dirty they’d found on the bottom of their shoes, made her drip? She was sure there was a puddle beneath where she was kneeling now, and her panties were definitely ruined.

Lisa made a doubtful noise. “It seems like you like Jennie-unnie more than the rest of us, though,” she commented, and Ha-eun almost sprained her neck with how quickly she wrenched her head around to stare at her in disbelief.

“N-no!” she denied, in a panic. Why would they even think that?

Jisoo hummed. “You let her do things to you that the rest of us can’t, though.”

“No, you can do anything you like to me, please, please,” Ha-eun begged. What could they be referring to?

Then it hit her. Of course. Still looking up at Jisoo, she let her mouth fall open slightly.

Jisoo feigned ignorance, though. “Oh? What do you want, baby? Use your words,” she coaxed, running her fingers through Ha-eun’s hair. It looked like a tender motion, but she was doing it roughly enough, pulling on the silky strands, that it hovered on the brink of being painful.

Ha-eun bit her lip in embarrassment. Was Jisoo serious? She was going to make her beg for that?

When no words were forthcoming, Jisoo frowned. “I’m not a mind reader, sweetheart. You need to tell mommy what you want,” she said, her voice harder now.

Left with no choice, Ha-eun had to say, “Please spit in my mouth,” her cheeks on fire. How humiliating, actually being forced to say the words, to beg to have something so degrading done to her. And yet she couldn’t deny that her pussy felt like it was on fire.

“Aww, anything for my baby,” Jisoo cooed, leaning forward so her face hovered over Ha-eun’s. “Don’t swallow yet,” she ordered before she spat into the younger girl’s open mouth, her eyes never leaving Ha-eun’s.

To her credit, Ha-eun didn’t flinch or otherwise move at all as the warm, sticky liquid dripped into her mouth, pooling on her tongue. Chaeyoung and Lisa then took their turns, before Jennie, once again, bent down, holding Ha-eun’s mouth open with her hand pressing on her cheeks, as she spat loudly.

“Good girl,” she cooed when she straightened up, the praise obviously affecting Ha-eun as her eyes sparkled with joy, even if she couldn’t smile at the moment.

“Swallow.”

At that, Ha-eun obediently closed her mouth, swirling the unholy mixture around before she swallowed it down.

“Aww, such a cute little girl,” Chaeyoung praised, petting Ha-eun on her head. “You’re our sweet little pet, aren’t you?” she asked, and Ha-eun, basking in the affection, just nodded, barely aware of what she was agreeing to.

“That’s good, because we got our pretty pet a present,” she continued, and Ha-eun looked up with half-lidded eyes to see that Lisa now had something in her hands. Blinking, she looked more carefully and saw that it was a black collar with rose gold hardware and a cute pink bell on the front of it.

“Whoa, where’d you get that?” Ha-eun blurted, surprised.

Jennie shrugged. “We ordered it online and had manager-oppa pick it up for us today.”

Ha-eun had to press her lips together to stifle a giggle at the thought of the quiet man having to pick up fetish gear for his charges.

Lisa bent down and buckled it around Ha-eun’s neck while Chaeyoung held Ha-eun’s hair out of the way. “You’re such a pretty girl with our collar on you,” Jisoo cooed, and Ha-eun couldn’t help but smile shyly. She definitely had a praise kink, they noticed.

“Come on, kitten, let’s go home,” Jennie said, clipping a leash to the little ring behind the bell, and Ha-eun blinked. Surely she didn’t mean…

Hesitantly, Ha-eun started to get up, but all four of them frowned immediately. “Did anyone tell you to stand, whore?” Jennie asked in a glacial tone, and Ha-eun immediately fell back to the ground, confused.

“But you…”

“Yes?” Jennie prompted when Ha-eun trailed off, raising a brow at the younger girl.

“All the way to the van?”

“Of course, pet, how else are we going to go home?” Chaeyoung replied with a little laugh, as if Ha-eun was stating the obvious.

“But what if there are people…?”

“Are you ashamed of people knowing you belong to us?” Jisoo asked, her brows coming together in a deep frown.

“No, mommy,” Ha-eun immediately mumbled, chastised.

Then they walked out of the studio like they did most nights, laughing and chatting casually. The only difference was that tonight, Lisa was holding on to a bag that wasn’t her own, and Ha-eun was crawling behind them, a leash attached to her collar that Jennie was holding, biting her lip while hoping fervently that no one saw her.

[douxreviews]

Legends of Tomorrow - ‘Terms of Service’ Review

"The power is in the Palm(er) of your hands."

Is it rude to point out that the Emperor has no clothes, if you point out at the same time that the Emperor is super ripped and has been clearly doing a lot of cardio?

Because.... Damn, Emperor. You got it going on.

Which is, of course, my frivolous and subtextually homoerotic way of saying that there's an embarrassment of riches in this episode when it comes to things to like, but they all kind of rely on some serious glossing over of problem spots.

The problem in a nutshell can be boiled down to one thing. The basic opening foundation for this episode doesn't match at all with where things were left at the end of the previous one. I'm tempted to assume that I'd missed an entire episode worth of plot development, except that I know perfectly well that I didn't. It's almost as if the writers room broke a 17 episode series of stories and then just completely excised one of them when they found out they were only getting 16 to air.

For the love of God, CW, please start giving Legends a full boat of 22 episodes. It's getting embarrassing.

OK, so here's what I mean. A not insignificant portion of the plot development tonight entirely relies on the fairy godmother currently being under Gary's control. That's actually an inspired plot development, and his relationship both with Tabitha and with the next inheritor of the fairy godmother mantle were pure gold as far as both comedy and plot development goes.

The problem is, when exactly did Fairy Godmother bond herself to Gary? He calls to her at the end of the previous episode and she saves him from Mona as if their relationship was an established thing, but unless I missed something significant completely, that was not a thing they'd ever set up.

I'll be fair. I drink a lot of wine. If I missed something that explains this, please do let me know in the comments.

Additionally, at the end of 'Nip/Stuck,' Mona ate off Gary's evil nipple – not a sentence you get to type every day – and Gary was rushed out of the Time Bureau with unconscious Mona, Tabitha, and Neron in Ray's body. The implication strongly was that Gary's nipple was behind the mass hypnosis of the Bureau, and now that it had been destroyed the bureau was saved. Left behind to witness the bad guys escape was Nora, Ava, and Sara.

This week we open with the bad guys still in possession of the Bureau, only now it's due to Gary's influence over the fairy godmother rather than his fancy hypnotic nipple. Not only do we see no evidence of the bad guys leaving the bureau together, they aren't even all in a group anymore. Mona is imprisoned in the Bureau cells, which makes no sense if they were fleeing with her body ten minutes earlier. Neron and Tabitha aren't even there anymore as they're busy setting up 'PalmerX 2019,' a low key tech con with only one panel and one guest. Ava and Sara are back on the Waverider as if they'd never liberated the Bureau in the first place, and Nora is Die Harding her way to rescue Mona with no mention of how she got separated from them.

I'm sorry, show, but I have to ask. Did you smoke a gigantic bag of crack between these two episodes, or what?

It's all very frustrating, because I said earlier, where they take all of those plot threads is fantastic. Neron's plan to create fear using the monsters so that people will download an app in order to locate the monsters and in doing so sell their immortal souls through a lengthy terms of service agreement is both goat-shit crazy and completely brilliant. What's more, it would absolutely work. If you doubt it, just consider how much none of us noticed when the guests of PalmerX were shown agreeing to a terms of service agreement that they didn't read. Seriously, go back and look. The camera shots practically luxuriate on people swiping through the TOS as fast as they can, but nothing about that reads as unusual or sinister to us anymore and so we just blanked it out.

Similarly, Tabitha's plan to trick Nora into taking on her fairy godmother mantle was inspired, despite being lifted pretty completely from genie-lore, particularly Disney's Live Action Aladdin Soon in Theaters Near You. And God bless the show for keeping Jane Carr around as Tabitha. I absolutely expected that they'd find an excuse to recast Tabitha into the body of someone younger and sexier as soon as they possibly could, because that's the kind of gross thing that network execs tend to insist on. I love, love, love that they're keeping her around as Neron's love interest. And while we're talking about it, it's such a good choice for them to show that Neron and Tabitha do genuinely love each other. It would have been so easy to tumble into the cliché of a villain team eager to backstab one another.

But the best choice this episode made was in the nature of Gary Green himself. Wonderful reveal that Gary was perfectly aware the entire time that the fairy godmother was trying to get him to wish hurt on the Legends and so he was deliberately just focusing on wishing to hang out with them as a way of defying her. Even when 'Dark Gary' finally gets called forth, his glorious flow of vengeance never goes further than acne and tap dancing. Gary is a good man, fundamentally. And he's absolutely right, he does not deserve to be laughed at. I've been saying since the beginning of the season that the Legends need to face a consequence for the way they're played Gary as convenient bait that can be had for a little flattery. I think they finally learned that lesson here.

Which brings lastly to John Constantine, in a plotline I like to call, 'This should absolutely have been an entire episode all on its own.'

When they mentioned Hell's Triumvirate I briefly entertained the thought that they might be about to do the good parts of 'Dangerous Habits' that everybody always leaves out when they try to adapt it, but alas, no. It felt right that he chose Astra over Ray, as much as it broke my heart, and it felt equally right that Astra betrayed him. Can't wait to see what will happen there when Nora gets to Hell to rescue John. I do, however, which that they'd gone with the imagery from the comics and had Astra only have one arm.

Everybody remember where we parked:

There was actually shockingly little travel this week. The Waverider just hung around Washington D.C. in 2019, and a couple of our heroes went to Hell, which may or may not equate to the same time zone, it's hard to tell.

What is interesting is the reveal that Zari grew up a little outside of D.C. Did we know that already, or was that a reveal of convenience this week? Zari appeared to me to be in the 8-10 range, although I am a notoriously bad judge of age so she might be a bit older. That actually answers a couple of longstanding questions I was pondering last year about what baby Zari might be up to in our time period.

Zari mentions that it's only a few years away from when ARGUS takes over everything and creates an anti-Meta, anti-Muslim Dystopia. We're all kind of assuming they're just never going to deal with that, aren't we?

Quotes:

Sara: "Mick, Nate, do you think you can handle Tabitha?" Mick: "Granny’s dead."

Sara: "OK, can you guys stop being dragon baby crazy right now?"

Gary: "And now I have three nipples, because a spare never hurts." Having a third nipple was historically a sign of witchcraft. There is a zero percent chance the writers don't know that.

Calibraxis: "You’re dead, demon hunter!" Constantine: "I was gonna be a demon proctologist, but the pay wasn’t as good."

Calibraxis: "I’m a demon, not a pirate, John."

Zari: "It’s a demon app. I’m gonna read the fine print."

Charlie: "If I die, I’m gonna come back and haunt you." Zari: "I would love a ghost friend."

Nora: "Gary, you dick!"

Bits and Pieces:

-- This season has for some reason brought up a lot of embarrassing confessions from me. Adding to the list that already contains my love of semiotics and the assembly of flatpack furniture, this week I have to tell you how much I love logo design. Honestly. I bring this up because the PalmerX logo is a masterwork. The solid 3-D cube implied by the background framing device conveys an unspoken implication of solidity and dependability with the third implied square breaking the frame and shooting 'toward' the viewer implying a daring willingness to work outside conventional rules and by implication 'think outside the box.' The coloring, meanwhile, subtly underscores the 'Palmer' portion of the name, thus reinforcing the higher brand. Honestly, and with no ironic joking involved, the PalmerX logo is a f*cking masterpiece of work.

-- I actually have a startling number of opinions on the quality of logo design. Feel free to ask, but I warn you that the answers get lengthy.

-- I get that they were underscoring the connection between Tala Ashe and Zari's younger self, but that hairstyle just fundamentally did not work for her. That's actually kind of rare and notable for her. Just about every hairstyle they've ever given her has looked gorgeous.

-- Looks like Wixtable the dragon is hatching in time for the season finale.

-- I went back and forth on whether or not it was smart or stupid for Zari to have brought the egg with her on the mission. Ultimately, I think there was no guaranteed safe place for the egg, given how often messed up stuff happens on the Waverider when they aren't there.

-- I hope Nate is understanding about Zari leaving the egg behind.

-- So many questions about why Nate has a 'Kid Steel' costume hanging around. And why Gary picked it.

-- This week's fabulous dress watch. Jane Carr looked stunning in that evil black number she adopted once she'd ditched her godmother duties. Also, the designer of that asymmetrical sheath number that Nora wore to PalmerX is underpaid. Regardless of how much he or she is paid, they are underpaid. That dress was amazing. Please, please, Courtney Ford, tell me that you stole that dress and have it in your personal collection. Also, call me. We'll brunch.

-- They're really getting their money out of the Stein puppet. Bless.

-- Hell's triumvirate included Satan, not Lucifer. Which means a crossover with Lucifer is still possible. Fun fact, in the comics the triumvirate in Hell stepped in to rule when Lucifer left to go open up his nightclub in LA. Which means it all totally works together if they can get Tom Ellis to make a stop in the Waverider. And then possibly he and Matt Ryan could share a torrid embrace and... I'm sorry, what were we talking about again?

-- That's like the third episode in a row where they've mentioned Damien Darhk. Dare we hope to see him again next season?

If you squint at it and assume that we missed an episode of plot development, this would easily be a four. Sadly, we can't, and so I can't in good conscience give it more than three out of four fantastic logos.

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

[liannyeong]

Beautiful memory

Summary: Just a photography student searching for inspiration.

Word count: 2224

Pairing: Jaebum X OC

Warning(s): idk what to categorize this as... fluff?

A/N: yes i’m back again with a jaebum fic :D but tbh i feel like my writings have become a mess.... T_T so sorry about that

Jaebum had just ended his lessons for the day and has taken a bus to nowhere. Jaebum has his earphones plugged in his ear, blasting his favorite songs. It's a mix of genre; from upbeat songs which he would bob his head to, to slow soulful music that makes his body sway to the tempo. He slumps himself on the bus seat, leaning his head against the window. He loves long bus rides. It's the only time he could be with himself. He's in university, where students are all about studies and competitiveness. A one hell of a world. Students are so fixated on being the top, they'd sacrifice anything and everything for it. He had heard stories of students willingly destroyed - some formed - friendships for their own advantage. Jaebum had not experienced such tragedies and he wants to keep it that way. That's why he's always alone, unless there's a project to be done. He creates mutual friendships with everyone, but keeps close with none.

Speaking of projects, Jaebum's in the film arts department and he's got a pictorial project coming up. His cohort has been tasked to manage a collage in the school's art gallery with the theme of 'Memory'. Which is why Jaebum brings his camera everywhere he goes in case he finds something memorable to snap. Jaebum haphazardly alights the bus when he sees a beautiful view. The bus had driven over a bridge that overlooked the landscape of a small lake. Amidst the dark clouds floating above, there is a ray of light that penetrates through and touches the lake. The lake seems to glitter with the light, and Jaebum just finds it deep in meaning. While the dark sky makes everything seem gloomy, the ray of light is like the streak of hope that one should hold onto no matter what. Because like the clouds which float away over time, allowing sunlight to touch the surface of the earth, dark days will pass and happier days will come. Jaebum pulls out his camera and snaps multiple shots of the same scene. He looks through the photos before taking more.

Through the lens, Jaebum sees a streak of lightning and thunder is heard a while later. Rain suddenly pours heavily. He runs and seeks shelter at the nearest convenience store. He shakes off the water from his hair and flicks off any water on his body. He pulls open the door to the store, shivering slightly when the cold air of the air conditioner hits him. He strolls down the aisles, lazily picking out a bowl of instant noodles and strawberry milk. He pays for them before proceeding to cook the noodles. Afterwards, he takes a seat at an empty table lined against the glass window of the store. He stares outside, watching the heavy downpour that blocks out the beautiful view he had before. He only sees the headlights of cars driving past the store, and nothing else. He can't even make out the shape nor the color of the car. Jaebum sits back and waits for his noodles to be soaked enough and cooled for eating.

When he gulps down the last drop of his soup, he places his phone aside and twists the cap of his strawberry milk and drinks it, savoring the sweetness of the taste. That's when he realizes, out of the corner of his eye, a few seats away from him, there's another person there. Jaebum's eyes flick at the glass window, looking into the reflection of the person. Oh, it's a she, he thinks to himself. He had been too engrossed into his phone to notice his surroundings. The girl is hunched forward, head down, her hand busily scribbling away on a book. Personal diary, maybe? he thinks to himself. Jaebum turns his head around to look at her in person, instead of her reflection on the glass window. He finds himself liking how she engrossed she looks as she writes. She has her legs crossed, and her head is tilting to the side to write. She has her hair tucked behind her ear and it settles down nicely on her shoulders with some strands splayed out on the table.

As quietly as possible, he takes his camera and decides to capture the moment. He adjusts the camera settings a little before directing it at her. His breath stills, finger resting on the shutter button, patiently waiting for the right moment. When he presses the button, a small but crisp click echoes in the store. He freezes in his actions. He forgot to turn off the shutter sound! Shit, she's gonna find me a real creep. He doesn't even realize that he's holding his breath as he watches her head turn. The eye contact feels electrifying. I'm doomed.

"Did you just-"

"Sorry! I didn't mean to- I just-" Jaebum lets his tongue move without thinking. She dismisses it with a smile, and Jaebum curses himself internally for he had just embarrassed himself.

"Can I see?" she asks, flashing a dazzling smile that made Jaebum's heart flutter. He wants to say no because the shots he took are personal and... well, he feels embarrassed to show them to anyone. He photographs random moments; be it just a stranger laughing in the street or a bird perched on the branch of a tree. He's just very conscious of exposing himself to anyone. However, the girl in front of him seems to have put him in a trance, for his hand just stretches out to her with the camera. She takes the camera with her two hands and smiles in gratitude before pressing the buttons on it. Jaebum can't bring himself to look at her expression as she clicks through his gallery, so he stares at his shoes, muddy and tattered.

Then there's silence. No more clicks and Jaebum brings his head out of curiosity. What is she doing with his camera? Her expression undecipherable, she's still staring at the screen. Jaebum can't quite figure that look out - it's not exactly a happy smile, nor is it a disgust. Jaebum thinks she's in awe of a picture, but he brushes that thought away for he doesn't want to think he's a good photographer. Jaebum hears another click and he cranes his neck to see. Perhaps it was a bad idea to let a beautiful stranger see his personal collections of photos, but he can't seem to snatch it back. Perhaps she finds him a creep for taking photos of random people.

"Beautiful," she says, breaking his reverie. Jaebum's eyes land on her face, goes to her eyes and then ventures to her nose bridge. "Your photos are really beautiful," she praises. Jaebum quickly looks back at her pair of dark brown orbs when his eyes nearly fall onto her lips. She tilts the camera to show him his photo of the sky. The one he just captured before the rain poured. Jaebum smiles shyly and says his thanks in almost a whisper. She hands him back the camera and adds, "Continue collecting beautiful memories."

"Can I keep the photo of you?" Jaebum asks, the hand with the camera raised up. It's a beautiful memory too, Jaebum bites his inner cheek to prevent himself from saying it out loud.

She glances at the camera and back to him. She nods with a smile. "Sure." She collects her belongings and chucks them into her bag. Jaebum almost though she was trying to escape, but when he look out of the window, he finds the skies to be as clear as day. He was oblivious to his surroundings. It takes him by surprise, though he masks it under a calm demeanor. Time has gone by fast. Jaebum can finally clearly see the bus stop across the store. It's time to go.

The sound of a chair being pulled back snaps Jaebum from his thoughts. He turns his head, seeing her standing by her chair. Her bag slung on her shoulder, her hair falling perfectly mid-chest. Jaebum realizes how simple she dresses; a cream-colored bell sleeve blouse coupled with a pair of dark blue denims. She glances at the road outside before turning back to the male. "My bus is here. I guess this is goodbye."

"Oh, yeah," Jaebum forces out his voice. For some reason, his throat has gone dry. "Bye. It was nice meeting you," Jaebum says, adding a smile. She waves and he watches as she makes her way out of the store, and into the bus. He never leaves his eyes off the bus until it totally disappears from his sight.

Jaebum slumps back on the seat in the store and sighs. What are the odds of meeting her once again? He doesn't know her name, doesn't know what she's doing now. How can he find her if he wants to? It would be a miracle if he can see her again. Sighing again at his pathetic self, he browses through the photos in his camera. He clicks and freezes. He doesn't remember taking a portrait of himself. He never takes a picture of himself. But in his camera, there is a photo of him, head hung low, eyes on the floor of the convenience store. His hands are half-clasped together, his black fringe settled on his forehead neatly, covering his eyes like a curtain. Jaebum finds himself smiling all alone like a fool.

On the day of the showcase, Jaebum pretty much wanders around the gallery, looking at the works of his batchmates. He blends in the visitors, spotting in a white shirt under a black bomber jacket. His jeans are a little ripped but no skin is exposed. He roams around the exhibition hall, taking his own time to study the other photos on display. He finds himself adoring all of it, for all of them are beautiful in their own way. Jaebum navigates himself around like a lost soul finding his own body. He finds himself back in front of his own work. He stares at it as if he has never seen it before. It's as if it's the first time he sees that captured moment. He realizes with every look at that submitted photograph, the more he loves it. To him, it's much more beautiful than any photo he has taken. The skies can't even compete.

Jaebum hears murmurs in the crowd. One asked, "I wonder who's that." Another has said, "Pretty." Jaebum smiles to himself. He hopes she sees this herself. But how can he expect that? He knows nothing about her. He only knows how she looks like, nothing more. She's just a beautiful stranger he met randomly in a heavy downpour.

"Isn't that you?" Jaebum's ears pick up amidst the bustling crowd. He twirls around so fast, just clinching onto the hope that maybe, she would be here. That maybe, he would see her again. He sees a girl with her hand resting over her mouth in surprise. Jaebum's eyes flick to her side and he feels his heart stop. It's her. He stands frozen, hands limp by his side. The girl shyly laughs and her friend teasingly pokes fun at her.

Jaebum takes in a deep breath, and approaches her. "Hey," he says as calm as possible although his heart is beating wildly against his chest.

"Hi," the girl greets back. Her cheeks are rosy, and Jaebum wonders if it's because she's blushing hard or her make up. Her friend has a knowing grin, nudging her in the elbow a little and without words, leaves the two of them alone.

He's standing right in front of her, and despite his larger build, he feels small in her presence. He wonders if she has some magical powers that she's using to put him in such a manner.

"Nice picture," she starts. "Didn't expect to see you here, actually. You're a film arts student, I assume?"

"Yeah, I am," Jaebum beams. "I hope you didn't mind me using the photo..." Jaebum gestures to his work.

"No, no. It's a masterpiece, actually." She glances at the canvas behind Jaebum, having to crane her neck to see it properly as Jaebum is blocking her view. She adds, "Your photography skills are really great."

"Thanks," Jaebum smiles shyly at her praise, a hand goes up to his nape to rub it.

"Since I helped you for your project," she says as she flicks her eyes back to Jaebum, "why not you help me back?" Jaebum meets her in the eye, puzzled. What could he do to help? He's just someone with an interest in photography. What more can he help in? "I'm an aspiring journalist, you see. I need to hold an interview with a person of my choice for my assignment. If you don't mind, will you be my interviewee?"

Jaebum blinks, a little lost at what was happening. An interview? Does it mean... he can see her more often now? At this thought, his lips instantly curve upwards and he agrees.

"Great!" she claps her hand together, following with an introductory greeting, as if it is the first time they meet.

"I'm Jaebum. Nice to meet you," Jaebum smiles.

What are the odds of meeting her again? It would be a miracle.

And the miracle happened.

[hotel-oscar]

FACTS : what I know without a shadow of a doubt happened vs deduction, speculation and/or my opinion.

FACT : December 18th, Sunday - Woke up on corner of Robertson & Santa Monica Blvd in front of Pavilions. I was partially robbed & obviously sexually molested. Also had 1 thin clean cut over left top lip. Like a purposely cut line approximately 1" in length. I was also missing my left earring. It was a black circle and superman symbol on other (I sometimes use that mismatch combo on my left ear only and both matching circles on the right). It’s the kind often referred to as fake plugs so they screw into each other, which in turn makes them more secure and a task to remove so ya, left earring was missing and not on the floor. Otherwise, absolutely no other signs of visible trauma or impact points so I know I didn’t fall on the ground.

FACT : I was missing my wallet, motorcycle key, motorcycle w helmet BUT I still had my A1 leather bomber jacket on, $1+ in coins, 2x collector Swiss Army pocket knives & my black Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. Partial robbery…? I then went into Pavilions’ and bought myself a Tonic Water w the change I had.

FACT : I parked right in front of Abbey and went into Chapel @ the Abbey and bought Bacardi Limon from the tall slender female bartender with the obviously fake English accent.

FACT : Other than feeling confused to how, when & HOW the hell I ended up there, I felt 100% sober & clear minded. This was no surprise to me since I know I didn’t even drink enough to have a buzz. I don’t even remember finishing my shot.

FACT : I thought it weird that NO ONE offered to neither help me nor express any concern. Then when I went back to The Abbey to get my credit card that I had left there, everyone was being rude and giving me the run around and saying come back & just meaner than I have ever recalled them being. They never gave me back my card. I tried from before 7am until noon.

****UPDATE**** They charged my card $40 and it’s a straight up lie. For one, I lost my phone a few days earlier and so I wasn’t sure my balance so I was limiting myself 1-2 drinks max and I always keep my limit. Second, I haven’t spent $40 on a tab since the military and that’s no joke. Besides, I’m 100% positive that I didn’t authorize $40.

FACT : At sundown, I walked miles and miles walking all lit main streets until someone finally asked me if I was ok. It was a homeless woman at a 711 whom I later gave my Air Force Swiss Army pocket knife to as a gift. I was freezing and hungry & she fed me and we huddled together for body heat right outside the 711 doors. When she left, she offered me to go with her but I still felt a danger lurking and didn’t want to put her at risk. When she left, I began looking for a cement or steel trash can bc I was shivering uncontrollably from the cold and needed to get warm. I found one on a sidewalk adjacent to a gas station. I made sure there was no residue gas dripping from the pumps as I walked by them on my way to the trashcan on street. I started that fire for the sole reason of staying warm but also made sure I was being seen on the station’s camera in case anything happened to me bc I had a feeling that someone wanted to make me disappear.

FACT : At no time was anyone or thing in any danger, including myself. Firefighters put it out. Cops (LAPD) showed up after the fire was already out and the firefighters were packing up to leave. It was obvious I was going to get hurt right off the back so I repeatedly told them loudly & clearly that I was a woman. They only got more aggressive and more threatening to the point where I thought that’s it, I’m about to get tazed/shot so I finally yelled, “Ok ok I’m a guy,”– in which they proceeded to tackle me, hogtie, rip my nose back, suffocate me, inject me & beat me. I begged & pleaded for my life forever it seemed bc I couldn’t breathe & that alone was unbearable. When I realized that they were not going to let up, I yelled in Spanish for God to help me and that’s when I got one last sock to the face in which I pretended to be knocked out. I began listening and feeling everything they were doing. I felt my butt exposed while they injected me w something. They had my socks off and had my ankles turned in an unnatural way which w the handcuffs made it impossible to feel anything they were doing to them but the overwhelming pain & fear of breaking like my wrist already felt was. I do however remember the firefighters driving by close enough to make eye contact while I was struggling on the floor before pretending to lose consciousness.

FACT : They tortured me for over 25+ minutes but now actually seemed a lot longer than that and am sure it was. Then they finally put me in a paramedic-like vehicle where not only did they refer to me as a WOMAN but one said, “I wish she’d keep squirming so I could rip her nose back again.” Wtf? Then they proceeded to cut my A1 AF leather bomber jacket into little pieces so I’d never wear it again. Btw, that jacket clearly had my (female) name & rank on front name badge. Then they cut off my white t-shirt and binder which held down my breast followed by sticking an IV down a vein in my throat and opening my eyes and pushing each one so far into my skull that I swore they were gonna poke each out. I’ve never had anyone do these things to me & didn’t know people like that even existed, let alone people that wore uniforms and were supposed to be saving lives. Not enjoying themselves torturing one… I heard them all making little jokes and enjoying themselves the entire time and even when I was walked thru the precinct and booking topless with my breast out in the open (Yet, they were still trying to book me as a male even then!). I remained exposed for everyone to see until I was seen by the doctor in holding in which she said can we put a shirt on him/her. She saw the IV in my throat & asked why the hell they put an IV in me. Even the officer stuttered that he didn’t know why. They x-rayed my wrist bc it was badly injured. I still have no feeling of left thumb and wrist. I still have scars on wrists and ankles from being hogtied with the handcuffs overly tightened. At the time I had blood and swelling at my wrists and ankles from the handcuffs. I also noticed that I was bleeding under one of my middle toes from my left foot & wasn’t previously.

FACT : I reported the rape from West Hollywood as soon as I felt safe and asked for rape kits. Santa Monica Hospital, USC and LA County Women’s Jail. Sheriffs sent SVU investigators to talk to me while in jail. I told them every detail including how I got my motorcycle stolen from right in front of the Abbey and gave them title info in order to find it. The men left their #’s. I called them several times later to find out status and left msgs. I did this from jail and later from home after I was released. I never ever received a call back or acknowledgment and the other # said it didn’t exist. I made sure to keep record of any calls & messages I made to or left them as well as keep the business card they gave me when they came to see me in jail.

{For the record, WOMEN’S LA County Jail was the best part of this ordeal. Not only did they take care of me and make me feel safe and respected me but also the inmates were a blessing to have met. Each inmate made a very special & personal contribution to my heart’s recovery. They all became my friends and I know we all share a special bond and will no doubt see each other again and hopefully work with too. Thank u to every Deputy. U guys genuinely care about human beings and I’m sorry there are Sheriffs that carry guns on the outside tarnishing your priceless contribution to humanity. I’d work w u guys any day.}

________________________________________

FACT : I was in Signal Hill the day before and received a ticket for the motorcycle being parked on the sidewalk. The motorcycle a 1983 Blue Hondamatic had mismatching license plate from VIN on registration. This is bc I have 2 of the same exact bike and often switched out parts between them. I have its twin sitting here at home in pieces and missing its original license plate, which went w the stolen bike. When I finally got home from jail in mid January, I discovered that the titles for both of the bikes that I had put away safely in a box were both missing. I didn’t even have time to fully take in this whole mess before I was conveniently 5150’d for crying on a curb on a street named Cudahy in which HP Police decided to tow my other bike which was simply parked against the curb correctly & not even w key in it. It was towed to Mr. C’s Towing in South Gate. I tried to get it after my VA nightmare but they wanted me to pay $66 per day for something they did illegally. Well, just like my other bike it has a twin so it has the same mismatching plate detail. I still have the title for this one and the original plate on me. Not on the bike they are holding. I also have the original plate for the 1983 Hondamatic that I just learned from its previous owner, the guy I bought it from, that it was auctioned off in January while I was in jail. They said that they had contacted him to demand he pay for the fees that I guess were not recovered w the f***ing auction but when he tried calling them back w his defense the DMV claimed they had no record of the bike’s existence. Can somebody please tell me what the f*** is going on????

****UPDATE**** I can’t seem to get a police report anywhere. I want to know what they said so I can defend myself but they keep jerking me around sending me on a wild goose chase and lying. HPPD first said I was operating the bike impaired but when I brought evidence contradicting that, they changed their story once again. This time they say that they didn’t want to be responsible in case the bike was stolen while I was in the hospital bc God knows how long I’d be there. BULLSH*T. 1st, they 5150’d me which is a 72 hr hold. 2nd, I’m sure I could have easily arranged for a family member to just walk over and get it. No biggie. 3rd, U ARE RESPONSIBLE for it being stolen! Both PD & Towing place keep sending me back and forth to supposedly get something needed which have been lies and the days have added up. Here’s the big whopper though, they hold for 45 days after which they not only send me to collections for the entire 45+ day storage cost but they ALSO auction my bike! Wow, talk about rape…is this even legal??? It doesn’t seem ethical that’s for sure. I know it’s not right in my heart either. I still have faith in humanity. I refuse to believe there are so many evil people around here.

________________________________________

West Hollywood Sheriffs think they can do whatever they want and say and do unspeakable things without any repercussions. (????) Literally think they are above the human race and they have an acute hate for strong women who don’t need men (i.e. Lesbians). As far as I’m concerned, they are domestic terrorists and traitors to our country and God-given rights. If u don’t believe me, I’m sure they have videos. They have a thing for recording everything. Or u can believe me bc I’ve never lied to u and would never want to see anyone else hurt. I rather it be me than anyone else bc I know I was born special & can take more than others and I’m ok. Plus, I took an oath to protect my country against ALL ENEMIES, foreign & DOMESTIC and I meant it & live accordingly. I was born to serve my country and its perfect people. I take attacks on them personally and will be damned if I let them intimidate me into letting them get away with it. Over my dead body and even after that.

I believe martial law should be implemented in LA County with special emphasis on West Hollywood & VA in Long Beach (ER & L1 psych ward), if not ALL Emergency Rooms, Psych Wards & Law Enforcement in the county of Los Angeles.

West Hollywood used to be a safe haven for gay people from all over the country. Now it’s become the fastest way to become a non-reported missing person. I’ve had the privilege of meeting their spirits and the honor of their unwavering love and guidance through my drugging, rape, torture and eventual death. That girl I used to be is forever gone.

________________________________________

The VA in Long Beach has a modern God-complex psychotic Doctor who I lovingly refer to as GPS bc his name sounds like a GPS Navigation brand name. Dr. Magellan?

FACT : I told them I didn’t want to go in the back door. I didn’t feel comfortable & told them I rather go in through the front entrance just like every other 50 millionth time but they were adamant & not budging. I had a bunch of pix w me but mainly of my niece and nephews. Before knocking out I tucked them into my binder like I had been every night. I woke up and found them sprawled all over the bed & floor which was odd & shocking but to make matters worse, 3 pix were missing and that pissed me off. I pulled a fire alarm. Not only did they cancel it on their own instead of the fire department but it also made them pretty angry so 2 guys tied me up to a bed and then each injected a shoulder. I muttered something about the only people that could cancel a fire alarm are the firefighters and was out.

I don’t think anything u guys did was cool. The mystery straight up bite mark was like wtf (and I know u’ll say it’s mine but not only is that stupid as hell but also physically impossible bc of angle it was done).

FACT : Blood & liquid build up on toes by the nails, not being able to account for over a week, being told I’m being given certain meds that we both know damn well aren’t what u said they were, u getting upset w the social worker for not hanging up properly w a public defender and accidentally recording everything u were saying right before I walked in and just all of your bs, GPS. Honestly, I just feel betrayed by everybody there bc I trusted them. I already didn’t trust u bc u always had a smile when u were telling me something that would make my world crumble. I do remember seeing the cameras in the employee meeting room and thinking oh sh*t they are watching me change & sleep?? Then I thought how is that possible if inside the rooms there is not a camera in sight. Still, I wish I would have had a courtesy heads up before getting undressed bc that’s embarrassing/uncomfortable for me to do around anybody.

I also finally realized that not only have u guys been f-ing w my mental health but also that u literally are not one bit interested in really helping me. The same goes to the ER where they watched me have an anxiety attack and didn’t calm me down but instead took detailed notes of whatever fright I was experiencing and even had others come watch and also do nothing except ask that same dumb question, Do u wanna hurt anyone or yourself, all while watching me bawl my eyes out & scared outta my mind seeing whatever it was that was so terrifying but thank goodness u made sure to make a detailed transcript, right?? That still surprises me btw bc I only begin to remember it when u read from it. Weird how u guys remember my dreams/nightmares better than I do. Like how are u able to get inside my head while I’m totally asleep…?? Seriously.

FACT : I always made sure to get a ride to your ER where every time I’d walk in and just ask for someone to talk to. That’s all just a Therapist or someone that could help me relax just by listening and responding like one and not some smart-ass condescending one that belittles what I’m feeling as if I didn’t just now ask for help. I just needed to talk to someone and I’m sure my provider remembers how many times throughout the years I would continuously ask for one-on-one therapy. Every single time I saw u guys I’d ask for that therapy and I practically lived there! Yet, I would be put to sleep & always waking up days later confused of where I was at and then later finding out from the other patients that I was out for days! DAYS! WTF is that all about?? U can’t tell me I’m a drug addict that was doing this to myself bc I know now that is all BS and I’m really pissed about it. U swear we aren’t smart enough to know the difference between the drugs we knowingly put into our systems and the ones u claim are the cause of our perpetual detachment from reality! Yes, u do a good job of keeping us confused so that we accept your BS but eventually something had to give. Maybe my tolerance got higher or maybe I just became immune to your junk. It really is unbelievable how f-ed up u are. I didn’t think there was a cure for what u said I had bc I couldn’t wrap my mind around the perpetual diagnosis u would give me and I’d reluctantly accept even though I hadn’t been doing any drugs. I somehow would convince myself that maybe I don’t remember using (ya right) or someone in my life was purposely drugging me (which made me paranoid) or maybe it was just my guilty conscience from using in the past. I didn’t even consider that u’d be that evil and that your staff would be too naive to question.

I still can’t believe this is happening. So many of my Vet buddies were patients of yours. Some got worse and others I’ve never seen again and no one has either bc I’ve asked. We’re family and we look out for each other no matter what and u know that. It’s unfair that u’d tell the staff to tell me that they were not able to tell me what happened to Izzy for privacy reasons but he had no other next of kin. I was his family and I knew something happened to him the first time I returned to L1 after he was gone and u put me in his old room. I can feel everything and I knew and cried. I’m not saying u did something to him but my last memory of him was me being discharged from there and wanting to say bye but seeing him be tied down to the same bed but not making it easy for your staff. He was in duress and I should have stayed to calm him. I don’t think any of this is funny. Not one bit. I don’t play around when it comes to other people’s quality of life. Heck no and though not all of u guys are guilty, I still won’t return to your part of the hospital and will share that w the Vets I know. There’s nothing u can say to confuse me anymore. I finally feel more like the old me I used to be when I was still in the military. It took more than a miracle for me to overcome this but I’m glad I did and I’m glad u guys were wrong. I’m totally fine and healthy and NOT addicted to any substance or thing. I’m also STILL not a danger to myself or anyone. In fact, every day I get better & better. I had forgotten how good it felt to be sane.

There’s something wrong w u, GPS and I’m sure I’m not the only one that would agree and I’m sure we can count on u to always be smiling when u know ur about to and/or are making someone miserable. U really had me going there which is why I felt no remorse when I turned the tables on u. Just remember, ur the doc and u discharged me regardless of my state and me asking for help. U can figure the rest out.

****UPDATE**** I requested all my medical records from VA. I reviewed my recent 5150 stay in L1. In the short summary they are very detailed on all days except for the 6 day gap of nothing. So I went back to review the entire month of March to see what u put for those 6 days I lost. It’s funny bc u put the same type of very detailed notes for those 6 days. U put my vital signs, exact bowel movements, participation, % of food eaten, etc. Oh u also mentioned that I was temporarily put in restraints and stated the strict policies u have with that like notifying next of kin and 24/7 100% face to face surveillance. Well first off, EVERYTHING u wrote for those 6 days minimum are complete utter BS. Lies. Not only did I find many holes in your detailed fabricated data but regardless of me having to prove anything, u’ve managed to screw yourself. I’ll put it to u this way, u somehow managed to keep meticulous record of not treating me for my said perpetual disorder but also keeping me at that state the whole time. Plus, there were other discrepancies that might seem small but in my case stand out like a sore thumb bc it meant I was 100% not myself in anyway which would be the first in my life since I’m very consistent regardless of my state of mind. So glad the AF & VA keeps records of everything so I’ll let them speak for themselves. U should have paid closer attention to me all these years or just listened to me every time I told u certain things about myself that haven’t changed my entire life. They are important in order to be able to accurately assess and treat me, your patient, medically. I mean, it could mean life or death literally. Either way, u grossly neglected to do that job u swore to do correctly. Add f-ing liar to that. Never mind that u guys also have 100% surveillance in L1 so per your notes, everything in those 6 days should check out at least visually right? Well at the very least for your sake.

I urge everyone to call the jails, hospitals and everywhere to find that loved one and make it known that that person will be missed and looked for and that no one will give up and accept their loss bc they couldn’t live with themselves if they did. Go in person, call or go online to check inmates & arrests. Snapchat and use all & any current social media to record, keep track of, make note of or just have as insurance if anyone is not doing their job, threatening u, putting your life in danger, lying to u or just getting a bad feeling from. They tend to think twice before continuing their disturbing behavior towards u but also letting others know what’s up in case, God forbid, they do harm u. Email all resources & be heard. Email even strangers that might just be in your address book automatically from buying something from them on Craigslist. Serious. Someone, the right person will be listening and that’s all it takes.

FACT : I’m an Air Force Vet who got out in her prime and had nothing less than a stellar career but decided she wanted to be with her family and see their kids be born and grow up. She chose family and chose right. I still have very close ties to my military family and still have the same beliefs I had while serving which is why I will continue to serve, pay or not. I began to transition from female to male but I never intended to change my gender nor name so basically even though considered Transgender, I am just a woman that looks like a dude but I don’t pretend to be and don’t tell others I am. I’m a woman who’s happy looking masculine, as weird as that sounded just now. Ha. Some women get breast implants, others want them removed. Truth is I just rather look this way and it makes me happier than I’ve ever been and the people that love me say that it shows and that makes them happier as well.

FACT : I represent a vast majority of Americans who struggle against all kinds of discrimination and violence and at the hands of everyone, including my own kind. I’m Hispanic, Mexican, Irish & Jewish descent, Woman, Lesbian, Transgender, Gay, Military Veteran, Domestic Violence Survivor, Rape Survivor, Mental Illness, been Homeless. The reason I mention this is bc everything that happened to me can only be categorized as a HATE CRIME because not only did they totally know I was a female all along but there really was absolutely NO NEED to cut my jacket into little tiny pieces AND strip me NUDE topless. That was obviously meant to shame me. Yes, it was deliberate and intentional. They knew what I was and they 100% intentionally meant to hurt me. There’s plenty of evidence to back it up as well. Including the officer’s body cam. I even asked him what that was on his shirt and he told me that it was his body cam.

FACT : If a woman or man or speaking animal says that they were raped. THEY WERE. Who the f*** are u to tell a person, especially a grown-ass one what THEIR body feels. Shame on u stupid women who decided to be the judge of that bc u let rapists of all that are living know that it was ok.

Regardless of u doing unbelievably psycho and amazingly unfair things to me to make me feel like I should just shut up and forget that these things happened to me, I simply can’t. I’m not gonna lie, I really, really considered it and even contemplated moving far away but it always comes back to NO, I’m not crazy. I didn’t imagine this sh*t bc I know the difference between being f-ed up or confused. NO, they will never stop and they will hurt so many more people and I can’t live with that sh*t. I know u f**ks are all working together in some crazy ass levels of authority making it seem like we have no choice but to bend over and take it and believe me, I thought this was too twilight zonish to still be reality but u really do exist. U literally can do whatever u want and have been getting away with it for years. I’m gonna bring an end to that now. I’ve gone above and beyond and even what u can’t fathom to make sure that nmw the truth is known and u guys will not get away with any of it.

Anyways, I was just giving u a heads up of what’s to come and that everything u do (literally) is in our favor and absolutely instrumental in justice. God love us for believing in him and our God given rights. One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and JUSTICE FOR ALL. One Love - God, Family, Country (US).

[hindu-unmuted-blog]

Hindu American Advocacy: Why it Matters

Sabari Surendran

We’re often the most blissfully oblivious group of people when it comes to identifying with our faith and our history. Growing up and living in an insulated Malayalee household meant that we could always find ways to detach ourselves conveniently from advocating for social issues and injustices happening around us at our convenience. Perhaps one of the hardest fought battles for acceptance, social reformation and equality in human history took place right in our home country and in our home state— the struggle for the lower caste believers of the Sanathana Dharma to be accepted and integrated into the general society, educational institutions and even places of worship. And yet, the far-reaching implications and consequences of this struggle, and the immense contributions our spiritual trailblazers like Sree Narayana Guru and Chattambi Swami made towards helping us overcome these barriers and come together as a unified faith as our scriptures intended, remain relatively obscure to a large majority of Malayalee Hindu youth.

Our easiest excuse for this is often blaming the lack of exposure to these socio-cultural realities that our community is still trying to overcome back home. 

When we are faced with the question of reacting to the various societal issues happening around us like the systemic oppression of colored minorities or the post-9/11 increase of targeted hate crimes against Muslim and Sikh Americans, we choose the luxury of not having to react since we fall into the Hindu Malayali demographic, one of the most successful and affluent groups among the Indian diaspora known for their drive to integrate no matter where in the world they end up. In other words, we often choose to ‘turn on and off’ our affiliation to faith and culture in accordance to our convenience, moving in and out of comfort bubbles in order to avoid having to react.

But over the past few weeks, things have changed. Our prospects of getting to stay silent don’t look as rosy anymore. In ways more than one, we’re not able to stay in our bubbles of ignorant bliss in peace as of late. Just over the past three weeks, there have been 4 violent attacks against Indian Americans in American soil. And nearly all of them have involved Hindu Americans being directly targeted. And two of these incidents involved lives being lost. The first incident involved two young Hindu American IT professionals named Srinivas Kuchibhotla and Alok Madasani, who were shot at a bar outside Kansas City by a man named Adam W Purington, someone with a history of serving in the armed forces. After approaching the two men who were out enjoying their Wednesday evening, Purington asked them if they were “in the country legally” and if they had their “papers on them”. He then left the bar and came back with a fully loaded gun and shot at the two young men nine times, asking them to “go back to [their] country”. Ian Grillot, a man who tried to stop the shooter, took a gunshot to his arm, the bullet barely missing his carotid artery and fracturing one of the vertebrae in his neck. 

Srinivas Kuchibhotla passed away at the site, while Alok Madasani, his friend, was rushed to the hospital with severe gunshot wounds.

Barely a week later, a Sikh American man named Deep Rai was shot in Kent, Washington outside his home on his driveway. He was also called racial slurs and told to “go back to [his] country”. A few days later, Harnish Patel, an Indian American who has lived in the US with his family for over a decade, was shot and killed outside of his home late Thursday night in Lancaster, South Carolina. And most recently, last night, a 64-year-old Florida man named Richard Lloyd tried to set fire to an entire convenience store with its employees inside them. 

He told deputies when he was caught that he was trying to “do his part” to “run the Arabs out of our country”.

Before anyone tries to make the argument that these crimes had nothing to do with faith, reflect on this— nearly every single one of the senseless acts of violence described above were based exclusively on the perceived religious identities of these men. Kuchibhotla and Madasani were shot because they looked like “Iranian Muslims” to the attacker. Deep Rai was shot because the shooter somehow deduced his turban to be a sign of terror. And last night, an entire store was almost burned to the ground because one man wanted to “do his part” to cleanse this country. Now we do have the choice of sitting back and waiting for higher authorities of our government to do the responding. The White House, however, is yet to release any official statements regarding the Washington, South Carolina and Florida shootings. Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s initial and only response regarding any of these acts of violence came when he vehemently rejected any link between America’s recent foreign policy changes and the attacks:

“Obviously, any loss of life is tragic, but I’m not going to get into, like,

to suggest that there’s any correlation I think that is a bit absurd.”                    

                                     After nearly a week of being criticized for his silence regarding Kuchibhotla’s death, President Trump condemned it when addressing the nation. While it is questionable that a man who found the time to tweet outrage merely hours after a fashion retail outlet dropped his daughter’s products had to wait a week to condemn a religious hate crime, we’ll leave politics to the sidelines. What is increasingly clear here, whether you’re a liberal or a conservative, is one simple fact: No one will speak or express outrage on our behalf if we don’t take the initiative to speak and advocate for ourselves. There won’t be any hashtags or considerable noise condemning these hate crimes if we don’t start the conversation by speaking up against it.

We have to work proactively as a community to condemn senseless hatred and mischaracterization of our faith. If we don’t take the time and effort to make others aware of what our faith and identity truly represents and stands for, it only builds a platform for large-scale fear mongering and misinformation among the general public. 

What if, like all other times, we sit back and let other people clear the air regarding what our Dharma stands for?

What results are shows like Reza Aslan’s Believer series depicting Hindus as savage cannibals drinking their own urine. Five days after a Hindu American and Sikh American lost their lives to religious hatred, CNN aired a promo piece for the Believer episode on Hindus with a blaring banner headline “CANNIBALS” rolling across the screen, with the visual of a Sadhu flinging urine. The episode featured the stereotyped image of a naked Aghori sadhu, sitting up drinking alcohol from a human skull, and literally eating human flesh. He then takes Reza on as his disciple, threatening to behead him if he talks anymore, and proceeds to throw freshly excreted urine at him, all of it unedited and broadcasted on national television. At one point during the episode, Aslan turns to the camera and proclaims, “You want to know what putting your faith into practice looks like? This is what it looks like”. While much of the airtime on the show is devoted to show Aghoris, who are an extremely small group of erratic sanyasis who engage in practices variant from the overwhelming majority of everyday Hindus, not a single minute is dedicated to show our acharyas like Shankaracharya, Sree Narayana Guru, Melpathur, or any of the hundreds of spiritual visionaries who decoded and made the immense knowledge of our scriptures accessible to people of any caste, creed or conduct.

The PEW Survey on Religious Knowledge conducted in 2013 found that less than 36% of the American population had any baseline knowledge regarding Hinduism and what it entails. What will an average American who watches Reza Aslan’s show featuring urine flinging sadhus who threaten to behead their disciples take away about Hinduism’s message or content? This wasn’t content aired in some alt-right YouTube channel, it was a full feature show validated by the FCC aired in one of the most watched news networks in the nation. This is the kind of misinformation that breeds hate and ignorance. This, aired less than a week after two Americans belonging to religious minorities were killed, will only further insinuate and exacerbate religious hate and extremism.

Although expecting our community of Hindu youth to initiate advocacy overnight is unrealistic, we can at least start the conversation on an individual basis. When we see our faith being misrepresented among our larger communities and/or in the media, we can speak up and dispel the exoticization surrounding Hindu beliefs and rituals. From a political advocacy standpoint, it is true that the Hindu voice still needs strength. But one of the organizations currently working to ensure this is the Hindu American Foundation (www.hafsite.org), who has a fully dedicated office operating out of Washington D.C, helping keep our legislative body aware of the issues affecting our community. The simplest and most intuitive resource we can use to help a fellow friend, colleague or neighbor understand more about our faith is the Hinduism 101 module created by HAF, which will help them understand the basic tenets and principles that guide our faith (Link: https://www.hafsite.org/resources/hinduism101).

It’s time for us to start educating ourselves and others regarding our faith and the issues affecting us. It’s about time that we un-muted our collective voices and spoke out against injustices taking place around us and back home. This upcoming convention, while spending time catching up with our friends and family, lets also find the time to start the conversation regarding advocacy. 

Let’s take steps to ensure that the lives that were lost weren’t lost in vain. Let’s all come together and ensure that the rampant ignorance and mischaracterization of our tradition and our culture sees its end.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #374

Top Ten Things I Want from the Next Xbox

Well, it’s getting to that time again! E3 isn’t too far away, and this is One Of Those Years. Big announcements, hardware, speculation, rampant fanning… it’s all go!

Recently, Sony have discussed aspects of their “next PlayStation console”, presumably to get ahead of the announcement game as they’re skipping E3 entirely. It looks like Nintendo will be revealing a new, somewhat cut-down version of the Switch very soon, with a slightly souped-up version possibly coming later in the year. And Microsoft have earmarked their standard pre-E3 conference as the time when they will, at last, lift the lid on their next Xbox or two.

And so, inspired a little bit by a recent, very fun, Eurogamer podcast, I’ve been thinking about what I want from the Xbox Two (or whatever it’s called). And, yes, I’m just thinking about the Xbox, because I’ve got an Xbox. For better or worse, I’m in that ecosystem, and frankly I don’t have the time or money for multiple consoles (although I do really want a Switch). Plus, to be honest, I’m far more interested in the general direction that Microsoft seem to be going than Sony; sure, the PS5 looks like being an evolution and is a simpler proposition I guess (assuming what we think about it is true). But Microsoft focusing on software and one game purchase carrying across multiple platforms and even console generations, that sounds more up my street than “just” sexier graphics.

Anyway, here we go: ten things, some realistic, some not, that I’d like to see in the next Xbox. I’m not really focusing on games here, more the hardware – what I want the box to do.

Backwards Compatibility: this is a no-brainer, surely? Microsoft have really leaned into this, and I think it will continue. All Xbox One games should work, no question, and all of the 360/OG Xbox games already in the Back Compat list should work exactly the same on the new machine. I’d also like to see a graphical upgrade from Xbox One games played on the new machine, like when you’d play certain Amiga 500 games on the A1200.

Backwards Compatible Hardware: I’m not really aware of this happening before, but I really think they should extend the “it all works!” notion to include hardware. Sure, refine and improve the controller, but just make it so that the new box can use the old stuff too. I know they want to make money but it’d be a great incentive if I went in to the next generation knowing my kids already had two working controllers to use.

4K Blu-ray Drive: basically, I don’t want a discless Xbox yet. I do, in fact, buy most of my games digitally nowadays, but I still buy Blu-rays and physical editions of games when I really love them. I want my Xbox to be the only thing under my TV if at all possible, and that means a Blu-ray drive. What I hope is that, if they make a two-tiered system, the cheaper option still has a BD drive, because I have a feeling that any top-end Xbox 720 will be a mite bit pricey.

A Sub-£400 Price Tag: speaking of which… I’m fairly convinced, in my own head, that Microsoft will announce two iterations of the next-gen Xbox. It’ll be a bit like the Xbox 360 “Core” and “Premium” editions (although hopefully the cheaper option won’t be quite as cut-down). I think they’ll cost about £350 and £400 respectively, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the relative success of the Xbox One X means that MS feel comfortable charging a high premium for the top-tier version. I like having nice things, but I’m also a tight-arsed Yorkshireman, so at the moment I’m ambivalent towards which iteration I’ll be getting. If the cheapo option is discless, it’ll be a no-no; but if the sexy version is £450 or even (gulp) £500 that’ll be a tough decision.

Keep the HDMI-in: I’m not sure how popular it is, and whether it’ll be worth the hassle of Microsoft including it in the hardware, but I for one really like the TV-in functionality of the Xbox One. I suppose it can be a little fiddly having to access the Xbox first to watch TV, but seeing as we hardly ever watch TV or use the PVR, we pretty much always go through the Xbox regardless. It’s nice to flit between “live” TV (well, stuff we’ve recorded on the PVR) and the rest of the Xbox functionality. Maybe this will be something that’s retained for a “high-end” Xbox Vol. 4 but ditched for a lower-priced model.

Controller Standby: okay, this really is me just chasing something that would make my personal life easier, but one thing that irritates me with the Xbox One is the controller turning itself off. This is because we use the Xbox as a media hub in the living room; virtually all the media we watch – Netflix, iPlayer, Blu-rays, you name it – comes via that little black box. I did buy an Xbox remote control, but its functionality was a mite limited (nowhere near as good as the 360 media remote), and besides which, it broke. Using the controllers is fine (and easier if you need to navigate the dash), but they turn themselves off to save battery life, and it feels like it takes an age to make them come back on. Some sort of standby mode to reduce battery drain, but where the controller comes back to life, fully functional, the minute you press any button, would be fantastic. Or, y’know, bundle a remote.

Bring Back the 360 Quadrants: speaking of controllers, one thing I really miss is the little circle of light around the Xbox guide button that was on the 360 controller. It’s a simple thing, but lighting up a quadrant of that circle was an ideal way of indicating who was using which controller. Maybe nowadays hardly anyone is playing local multiplayer; maybe more hardcore games use other methods. But some way of easily identifying who’s in control of the dash, or which is the “primary” account at that moment, would be very useful, as it can get a touch confusing. Tying a profile to a controller feels elegant to me, but what do I know? Oh, which reminds me – unified controller settings! That was a godsend last gen, so why did they get rid of it? I wanna tell the Xbox that I play inverted, and then not have to do it for every single game. Please bring that back Mr. Microsoft.

Streamlined Interface: the Xbox One dashboard and whole user interface comes in for a fair bit of stick. To be honest, I don’t mind it, but it is fiddly, and it’s certainly a step back from the Xbox 360 experience. I’m not sure if my problems with it don’t just stem from the console targeting people with other interest than myself; I really just want fast access to my games and apps, and a quick way to check out my friends, achievements, and friends’ achievements. I hope they bring back the old “Guide” so there’s a really, really fast way to access that info “on top” of the dash, so to speak. But seeing as it’ll almost certainly be based around Windows 10, I hope they make it really customisable, too.

Intelligent Use of the Cloud: let’s face it, “The Cloud” is Microsoft’s USP as far as consoles are concerned. Sure, everyone has a cloud nowadays, but set against Sony’s “it’s a console but really good” and Nintendo’s “everything is mega-weird and super-cool”, Microsoft saying “all your stuff works everywhere” is a nice little hook. I hope it does work. Cloud processing was this generation’s hyperbolic disappointment, on display in Crackdown but far from the revolution we were hoping for (a bit like that funky sci-fi camera they had last generation…). Game streaming, however? Yeah, sure. The thought of playing my Xbox games anywhere – on my laptop, on my phone, on a Switch – is quite exciting, not just because “yay games”, but because they’re my Xbox games. Playing, I dunno, Halo 5, continuing the story, maintaining my progress, earning achievements… it’s an enticing prospect. On the Eurogamer podcast someone suggested that streaming could be potentially used (or, rather, hypothetically used) to create an “instant-on” situation, where you can start playing a game immediately before it’s finished installing or even downloading. Stuff like that would be nice. And I hope they extend Play Anywhere too, making more games cross-platform.

Discless Play: okay, this is a long-shot, as I imagine MS doesn’t want to go anywhere near the ideas they had when they announced the Xbox One; but all the same, I loved the sound of some of those ideas. Chief among them was the ability to install a game off a disc, but then play it from the hard drive without needing to put the disc in the machine again. I get why some people don’t like that, because of the restrictions it could place on resale, but I’d love it as an option. Seeing as this upcoming generation appears to be all about digital, downloading or streaming games, the concept of a physical unit or physical ownership is a little bit old-fashioned. Now, I’m a big proponent of physical media, but all the same Netflix is way more convenient. If I can rip a CD – or even automatically download its contents from Amazon – then activating a digital copy with a physical product would be great.

Right, there you are. Ten things I wanna see in the new Xbox. Will they come true? Well, maybe some. But I imagine I’ll still be scrambling on my hands and knees looking for errant Halo discs.

[calavir-fr]

My Immortal by ShadeOfChaos

From the top of the craggy mountain, the valley below was a sight to behold in the early dawn light. The rays of sunlight streaking through the valley seemed to play with the shadows, changing direction as they reflected off glass monuments and crystal statues. To any observing, it was almost as if the darkness and light were chasing each other through the cemetery markers, darting through the gravestones and the trees without a care in the world, and leaving a world that was balanced on the edge of a knife between dark and light, day and night. I’m so tired of being here. It wasn’t anywhere that he wanted to be. As a child, one of his fears was cemeteries, or more accurately, the souls that would get caught in cemeteries and come back as ghouls or ghosts or nasties. He almost let that childish fear get the better of him, almost turned away to walk back to the city he left behind. But today was the day, and he couldn’t do that. So he continued forward, heavy footstep after heavy footstep, to the edge of the clearing. The Skydancer didn’t stop until he was standing in front of the last lot of the last row, in a hollow still completely enveloped by darkness. He could almost hear the soft laughter of his other half from the shadows, and for a moment, stopped to absorb the feeling. It was relaxing to think of his partner standing next to him, laughing and pointing out the wildflowers or how the sun’s rays made prisms through the crystal shards some of the gravestones carried. Yet at the same time, it made him angry. “If you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave, ‘cause your presence still lingers here, and it won’t leave me alone!” He shouted, his voice ringing out enough to disturb the local wildlife. “You’re gone, and you’re not coming back, and just go if you’re going to go!” His voice cracked, a single tear sliding down his cheek. Just like that, the anger was gone, replaced by something darker, closer to his true feelings. Besides, he hadn’t come all this way just to get angry at the gravestone. He knew when he saw it that he would have to do something to spruce it up. There was no way his soulmate should lay somewhere so dreary for the afterlife, and by the gods he was going to make it better. Digging in the satchel he had brought, it took a few minutes before his shaky hands could pull out the painting of them together, back when they were kids. They both looked so happy, so full of life, and the artist had captured everything about his love, from the way his dimples gave him the cutest smile to the soul shining bright through his eyes. It was too much for him. “I don’t know what to do anymore. These wounds won't seem to heal, Day. This agony, this pain is just too real, and there's just too much that time cannot erase. I’ve tried to do as I promised, I’ve tried to move on, but it’s so hard to do anything without you here.” He cried softly, clutching the picture. “Oh Day, when you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears. I held your hand through all of these years. Why did this have to happen? Why did you have to leave like that? Did you ever know how much of me you had? That you still have all of me?” Sobs wracking his frame, Alfie curled around the picture more, managing to get as close to the gravestone as he could as he cried. It was all so unfair! When they were kids, Day would do anything for Alfie, just to see a smile. And when Alfie smiled, Daymion would smile, and it just strengthened their bond. “You used to captivate me by your resonating light, but now, I'm bound by the life you left behind.” He whispered to the picture, trying to pull himself together. “So many want to know what actually happened in that city, Day. How can I tell them? How can I walk up and give them the truth? It would shatter them all. It has shattered me. All I can see is that moment replaying in my head again and again. Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams. Your voice…it chased away all the sanity in me.” He tried to avoid it, but the memories flooded over him. It had been a regular day, sunny and bright and full of joy. After all, he had received notice that Villain had been sighted downtown, and the nefarious deeds he was trying first thing in the morning meant he had a glorious heist planned for Hero to foil. It was the start of a beautiful day, and Alfie quickly got himself ready to go play Hero with his best friend, his soul mate, and maybe in the process break down some more of those walls. Every day he felt like he was getting closer to having the old Daymion back, the one that just wanted to see him smile and would do anything for him, the one he loved so dearly. Not that he loved Villain any less, just Villain was a troublemaker to make trouble, where Daymion had made trouble to allow Alfie the ability to smile and play the Hero. Two radically different motivations there. Of course, when he had reached downtown, they had the great Hero to Villain monologue. It was amazing. He told Villain how he, Hero, was going to stop Villain in his, well, villainy. Okay, so it might not have been his best speech ever, but it was really early in the morning, and besides, it got Day to laugh. That was worth looking a bit foolish in front of all the cameras any day of the week. And then the fight was on. They fought for what seemed like hours before Villain was “strategically retreating” to a better position. Of course, Alfie knew better. Day wanted time to talk to him alone! Bounding after his Villain, he was too wrapped up in the joy of being by his love to notice the eyes studying him from the dark. When they reached the warehouse, Daymion had fully secured himself into his Villain mindset, but Alfie was not deterred. After all, this was how they played as kids, and no matter how many times Day told him that he wasn’t the same, Alfie knew that wasn’t the case. Every now and then he could see the boy that he had played with as a kid, the strong soul he turned out to be. Alfie saw his love still in there. So when Daymion snarled at him to get out, Alfie just laughed and shook his head. The second time, the tone of Daymion’s voice told Alfie something was wrong. After all, Villain was cold, hard, always in control. He wouldn’t sound panicked if his life depended on it. But maybe if Alfie’s life depended on it… The first shot rang out, and time seemed to slow. Daymion leapt with a snarl, propelling himself towards Alfie. As Daymion’s body collided with Alfie’s, the momentum was enough to send Alfie skidding behind a pillar. The second shot rang, and Alfie’s heart was in his chest as Daymion stumbled. But Villain would not be taken down so easily, and had his own defenses. Zeroing in on where the attack was coming from, Daymion used his flagging strength to close the distance between himself and the assailant. “Villain, you don’t understand! I was just going to take out Hero once and for all, and then we could be together forever!” “Hero’s life is mine to do with as I will. You have no right.” The blade was so fast, Alfie almost didn’t catch it, and the mirror fell, the life already out of those eyes. But it was too late. Daymion also stumbled, and it took all of Alfie’s heart and soul to catch his love before he fell. The blood in those feathers was so red, he remembered that well. So red, and so much of it. “Hero, listen to me.” Alfie started crying, knowing in his heart what was happening, fighting it as best as he could. “Hero.” He shook his head, trying to stop the bleeding, looking around frantically. When they played as kids, there was always a convenient healer around, someone to make sure both were able to live to see another day. But this was no longer a game. “Alfie, listen to me. You have always been the reason for my smile. I’m sorry, Alfie. I’m sorry for all the things I said and shouldn’t have, and all the things I didn’t say and should have. Promise me that you’ll move on, okay? Promise me you’ll find someone worth your love, someone better than me. Promise me to keep smiling. Promise?” “I promise, Day. I promise. But you’re going to be all right, you know? I’ll get you fixed up, and we’ll go back to being Hero and Villain and…” He was alone. Shaking his head, Alfie pushed the memories back. He hugged the picture again before carefully placing it on his love’s grave. “Oh Day, I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. I mean, you’re not gone. You’re always still here in my heart. For all these years since I lost you, you’ve been here. But,” His voice hitched, and he brushed the tears away, determined to stay strong for the moment. “But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along, huh? Growing up, you’d cry and I’d wipe away your tears. You’d scream, and I’d fight away your fears. I always held your hand through all of these years, and you always had all of me. You still have all of me. What am I going to do now, Day? What do I do now that I don’t have you to wipe away my tears, or fight my fears, or hold my hand? How can I smile anymore? Without you, all the light in my life is gone.” “My Immortal Love, without you I am no more.”