#why is it so much easier to talk to my 75 year old neighbor and his wife and help them with yard work without never having met them before
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tateytots · 3 days ago
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the duality of me ig lol
#in the happiest relationship of my life and yet i am so very lonely!!!#not from him or bc of him just like. i miss having friends i wish i could combine my life w my fiance now#and my friendships from like three or four years ago or whatever#everything just feels so daunting#idk. i don't feel like i'm any different but maybe i am#life is all about growing and changing but no one said anything about how lonely it can be#like i'm looking at houses and planning a wedding in two yrs and my career movements and kids and all of this#trying to get this stray dog on my street to trust us and cultivating what i have in my apartment and budgeting#my step dad took a fall and he can't really walk anymore and im taking a whole week off just to clear my mom's house out#so that we can set a bed up for him downstairs until he can retire and they can move somewhere else#like i'm trying to figure all of this out and i am but it feels like i'm shedding who i used to be to do it#and i wish i could just have both of those exist. i wish i could stay who i was five years ago and be who i am now#and i have lexi she gets it because she's married with kids now#and emma and i have a set day to call every week but every time we call i just miss her so much#and my sister moved to another state to be with her girlfriend and i'm just here.#i miss being goofy with friends i feel too serious and preoccupied now#i just can't find a way to balance no one taught me how to balance#talking to people now make me feel like a creaky little robot. i don't know how to just BE anymore#i can with hunter and he's my best friend but him and i have talked about it and we agree that it's not the same#as just having friends that you can shoot the shit with!!!!!!#why is it so much easier to talk to my 75 year old neighbor and his wife and help them with yard work without never having met them before#than it is just to talk to people i have known and loved for years#i can go days or weeks without talking to friends that i don't physically see at work now#what is it about having undealt with abandonment issues that makes you close yourself off. those are incompatible ideas lol#it feels like i'm a stranger in my own life#i think the answer here is to just take a fat edible and then move AWN#tate.txt.#i'm avoiding reading back what i just typed LOL
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st-crylo · 5 years ago
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Rebound
A/N: Hey guys! It’s been forever since I posted a fic here, but I figured now is as good a time as ever! I hope you enjoy this nice highschool au, I’ve been sitting on it for a while! I will be posting this on ao3 as well, so if that’s a medium you prefer to read on, the link is on my masterlist!
Warnings: Infidelity, some minor swearing, tobacco use
Word Count: 6K
Summary: You’re about to start your senior year at Mos Eisley High when your life gets turned around. After receiving an anonymous text, you find that your boyfriend of three years cheated on you. Now, you walk into your senior year, everything different, not knowing what to expect from the school year. However, an old friend of yours, Kylo Ren, walks back into your life, and has an interesting idea for how to get back at your ex...
Masterlist
It was, without a doubt, the worst day of your entire life. As you sat there, surrounded by your friends in the coffee shop you always haunted, you couldn’t take your eyes off of the picture you’d been sent by some unknown person. Horror and despair filled every part of your being as you examined the picture of your boyfriend full on making out with another girl. Your surroundings felt surreal, as if they didn’t exist, as if the only thing that existed in the world was you and the picture, and it was burned into your memory forever. You feared you would see it even with your eyes closed, so you continued to stare, unblinking, at the photo.
“(y/n)?” came Rey’s voice, pulling you away from the screen of your phone as tears started to form in your eyes. Everyone’s eyes were on you as you looked up, and you felt a wave of emotion washing over you as you looked into the faces of each of your friends. You handed the phone to Poe, who was right next to you, bowing your head in your misery as he examined the contents on the screen, trying your damnedest not to let the floodgates spill.
“That prick,” Poe stated before he passed the phone around. Every one of your friends examined the photo, each one letting out their personal outrage over the situation. You, though, you couldn’t even speak. You were frozen in time, your heart feeling an icy pain sweep over it before your phone was handed back to you. Once it was securely in your hand, your vocal chords started working again.
“I’m sorry guys, I have to go home,” you said as you stood up. Finn, who was sitting across the table from you, also stood. 
“I’ll give you a ride home, (y/n),” Finn offered, but you shook your head. You wanted to be alone right now, to wail in sadness on your own, undisturbed by the condolences of others. You wanted to feel every bit of pain you were feeling right now so that when Shawn inevitably came crawling back, you would be able to turn him away with as much hatred as you could muster. 
“I’ll see you guys on Monday,” you said finally before leaving the coffee shop. As you passed the glass doors into the world on the sunny August day, your eyes decided they could no longer hold back, and you wept the entire walk home.
What a way to start senior year, huh?
***
Over the course of the weekend, your phone was blowing up, much like you’d expected. Most of them were from Shawn, apologizing, begging for you to take him back, promising it would never happen again. You didn’t care, though. The calls from him became so incessant, you had to put your phone on do not disturb.
He wasn’t the only one messaging you, though. In the short span of a few hours after you’d received the photo, it seemed that everyone you went to school with knew. 
From DM’s on your instagram to people you hadn’t shared but three words with somehow getting your phone number, you felt you couldn’t even have a moment of peace to escape from the harsh reality that your boyfriend of three years had cheated on you. You almost felt like you were suffocating, with no one giving you air to breathe, or even time to process everything that was going on. It made putting your phone on do not disturb all the easier. 
Unfortunately, despite everything that happened, Monday seemed to come in a flash. As you climbed out of bed after shutting off your alarm, you walked over to the bathroom, staring at your reflection for a few minutes. You looked just as exhausted as you felt, and your depression was clear from the bags under your eyes, not to mention how puffy they still were from all the crying you’d done. Heaving a sigh, you pulled your hair back before brushing your teeth. A week ago, you’d wanted to look nice for your last first day of school, but under the circumstances, you didn’t really care about your wardrobe, and opted for leggings and a t-shirt.
As you headed out of your room and down the stairs, you could hear your mom and dad talking in hushed voices. 
“I don’t know, maybe she shouldn’t go to school just yet. She barely left her room all weekend,” your mom said, concern lacing her voice.
“It’ll probably be better for her to go to school, talk to some people, instead of being holed up in her room,” came your dad’s resigned voice. He looked like he was going to say something else, but he saw your face around the corner as you came down the last of the stairs. “Good morning sweetie.” He smiled at you, and you attempted to smile back, but you already knew it wasn’t a convincing one.
“Do you want a ride to school? It’s been raining all morning,” Your mom said, handing you your lunch box as you walked into the kitchen.
“No, it’s fine. I have my umbrella, I can walk,” you said, giving another half-assed smile. The idea of sitting in a car with your mother right now was unbearable, you just wanted to walk. After all, your school was across the street from your neighborhood’s entrance.
“Okay. Be safe. Happy last first day of school,” your mom said before giving you a hug. When she finally let go, you headed to the door, opening up the door to a slight gust of wind.
The rain was just heavy enough to be uncomfortable, and now you wished you accepted that ride. However, as you started your walk down the cul de sac you lived on, you heard a voice call from the driveway of your next door neighbors.
“Hey, (y/n)!”
 You turned your head to see Kylo Ren leaning against his beat up ‘75 Mustang. He didn’t have anything on his head, so the water fell freely onto his black hair, making some of the strands stick to the side of his cheeks. 
You and Kylo had a strange history. When the two of you were younger, and he still went by Ben, you were practically inseparable, but middle school came around and changed both of you. While you started to hang around more popular and well-behaved kids, Kylo began to hang out with the rebel crowd. Over the years, you saw Kylo less and less, only really catching glimpses of him when he came to visit his grandparents. 
You thought about what to do now. Kylo had a reputation, sure, but you couldn’t help the nagging voice of your mother coming in the back of your head, telling you to stay away from his crowd. It didn’t stop you from turning around, though.
“Hey, what’s up?” You said as you approached the end of the driveway.
“You’re not gonna walk in this, are you? I was about to head to school too, I can give you a ride,” he offered. You were a little shocked at first.The last conversation the two of you had really had was probably in seventh grade, but now he was offering you a ride? A part of you was hesitant, and couldn’t help be suspicious. Sure, he’d never done anything to you, but you couldn’t help but think of the comments made from others about him. Then, you remembered a lot of those comments came from Shawn, and what better way to piss him off than arrive at school in the car of someone he’d warned you against so many times? As petty as it was, you were angry enough to do it.
“That would be great. My mom offered me a ride, but I really didn’t want to be stuck in the car with her, even if it’s just to get to school,” you explained. Kylo gave you a half smile before pushing some of his wet hair out of his face. You smiled, your first genuine smile in days, and walked over to the passenger side of his car, closing your umbrella before climbing in. Kylo slid in as well, shutting the door before revving the engine to life. He turned his torso to look out the back window as he pulled out of the driveway, then changed gears and headed for school. 
“So how was your summer?” he asked, tapping his finger along with the bass line of the song softly playing on the speakers. You let out a sigh as you looked out the window, watching the raindrops roll down the window.
“Great, until last Thursday,” you replied, twiddling your thumbs in your lap, feeling your throat start to constrict. Stop, you thought to yourself. You told yourself you weren’t gonna cry today, get it together. 
“Oh yeah, I heard about that. What a prick,” Kylo said as he stopped at one of the many stop signs in your neighborhood. “I’ll beat his ass if you want me to.”
You chuckled lightly as you shook your head. “No, but if I change my mind, I’ll make sure to come to you first.” Kylo smiled, stopping at the red light at the end of your neighborhood. 
“Good thing you accepted my ride offer, then,” he stated as the light turned green, and the two of you pulled into the parking lot of the school, Kylo driving to his designated parking space. 
“Why’s that?” You asked, curious if Kylo had caught on to the reason you’d accepted the ride.
“Because he’s hated me since middle school. It’s cause I punched him that one time. But seeing you get out of my car, that’s gonna get him heated,” Kylo responded, a smirk on his face. Seemed like Kylo wanted to piss Shawn off as much as you did.
Kylo pulled into his parking spot, then put the car in park, checking the time. It was 7:28. The school didn’t open the door for students until 7:45. 
“You can hang out here with me, if you want. Probably wouldn’t be good for you to stand in the rain til they unlock the doors,” Kylo offered as he pulled a cigarette box out of his jacket pocket. As he pulled a cig out, he rolled the window down just enough to filter out the smoke. “Do you mind?” he asked, looking at you before lighting his cigarette. You shook your head, but rolled your window out a little just in case.
“What about you?” you asked as you turned to face Kylo. He held the lighter up to the edge of the cigarette, the flame of the lighter reflecting in his eyes for a brief moment, before he drew in a big breath, slowly exhaling the smoke out the window. 
“Well, I got caught ‘vandalizing’ the skate park off Saints Boulevard, so I was under house arrest for most of the summer. I actually just got off last week, and that’s when Mom and Dad decided I should stay with Gran and Granpa Skywalker,” he responded, looking down at his phone, and quickly typing out a message before placing it on his lap, taking another drag from his cigarette. 
“Oh shit. How long?” you asked, watching him carefully. You hadn’t had a conversation with Kylo in so long, it was weird to hear how differently things were for him than they were back then. Of course, what damage could a twelve year old do? However, you did notice that he had a lot of the same quirks, like the way he grimaced before talking, or the way he always had to have his fingers tapping. It was a strange thing to see how someone could be so different, but still remain the same. 
“Indefinitely. Mom thinks that Gran can whip me back into shape, not that I was really ever the shape her and dad wanted me in,” Kylo said with a frown. You couldn’t help but frown too. After all, everyone in town had pretty much agreed that Kylo was a disappointment child.
“Well, look on the brightside, at least you have a cool new neighbor,” you said with a smile.
“Old man Kenobi?” Kylo asked, a wicked grin on his face. You shook your head as you laughed, turning the opposite direction. It was then that you noticed a group of people watching you. Upon further inspection, you realized it was Shawn and his posse, who were all glaring daggers at you, but it was Shawn’s face that caught you most off guard. He had a look of hurt on his face, as if you’d betrayed him, simply by being in the same car as Kylo Ren. 
Kylo noticed your silence, and looked to see what you were looking at. You turned your face away, unable to look at Shawn any longer, anger and sadness building up in you. It was then that you noticed Kylo stick his hand forward, proudly flicking Shawn off, causing his face to contort with rage. Shawn turned around, and headed into the school. 
“Fuck that guy. My offer still stands,” Kylo said with a huff before taking a final drag of his cigarette before dropping the butt into the car’s ashtray. You smiled, but it was another one of those half-assed smiles as you wiped some tears from your eyes.
“It’s okay. He isn’t worth that kind of energy anyways,” you said as you looked at the clock. It was already almost 8, and you were supposed to be in homeroom at 8:15. 
“Thanks for the ride, Kylo,” you said as you opened the door to his car. 
“No problem, (y/n). If you need a ride home, too, let me know,” he said as he also climbed out of the car, locking the doors as soon as you were both out. You gave him one last smile before heading to the school entrance. 
Mos Eisley High School definitely looked different than it had when you’d left it at the end of May. More importantly, it felt different. As you walked through the halls that were beginning to crowd, with the arrivals of both buses and students who drove or were dropped off, you could feel the stares of people following you. More importantly, you could hear their whispers too.
“Apparently the girl in the pic is a sophomore at Corellia High.”
“I heard he might’ve gotten her pregnant.”
“Didn’t Shawn and (y/n) date for, like, years?”
It was definitely hard to listen to, so as you pushed past the crowds to get to homeroom, you started blocking out all the sound around you. Even as you sat down in homeroom, you had blocked everyone out so well, you didn’t even register that Finn, who was now sitting beside you, had been calling your name. 
“Hey, we were all worried about you. Did you turn off your phone?” He asked. You let out a sigh.
“No, just put it on do not disturb. He wouldn’t stop calling me,” you responded. 
“Just let us know next time. You didn’t really give anyone a warning,” Finn said, right as the 8:15 bell rang. As soon as it did, the morning announcements came on, but you didn’t even bother to listen. A part of you wished you were still sitting in Kylo’s car, even to just sit in silence and smell the cigarette smoke wafting throughout the car. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that was the most lighthearted you’d been in the past few days. You also thought about how Kylo was your new neighbor. Who knew, maybe the two of you would become friends again? You were sure your current friends, not to mention, your parents, wouldn’t really like that, but you couldn’t help but feel there was more to Kylo than met the eye.
Once the announcements were done, your homeroom teacher, Mr. Daniels, passed out your schedules. You stared at your schedule and sighed. Already, you knew you had a long senior year ahead of you.
“What lunch do you have?” Finn asked, trading his schedule with yours. The two of you had one class together, Brit Lit for fourth block. You looked at Finn’s lunch time. He had first lunch, and you had third. 
“Oh well. Poe usually gets third lunch, you’ll probably have it with him at least,” Finn said.
As it turned out, none of your friends had third lunch. You’d decided to actually look at your messages- ignoring any from Shawn- and in the groupchat, you found that everyone had either first or second lunch, leaving you all alone. Perfect. 
“Hey, I’m sure you’ll find someone to sit with,” Finn assured you. You hoped he was right.
As the bell rang, you walked with Finn, listening to him talk about being excited for senior year, and all the things you guys would get to do together. As much as you loved his enthusiasm, you still couldn’t help that feeling of dread and sorrow in your heart. You’d been hoping to involve your boyfriend in all of these senior activities, but now everything was ruined because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. 
Your first two classes of the day seemed to pass by agonizingly slow. No matter what, talking about the syllabus of the class seemed to take a lifetime, and you found yourself unable to focus, settling on doodling on the hard copies given to you by your teachers, and blocking out any sound going on around you. Everywhere you went, there were whispers, and quite frankly, it was becoming more annoying than painful. After all, even if you and Shawn had been the “star couple,” as deemed by many of your peers, it wasn’t their business to know every little detail about the situation. Hell, even you didn’t really know everything about the story. You just knew your boyfriend had cheated on you, and it left a horrible pang in your heart that refused to go away.
It felt like an eternity, but finally it was time for lunch. As relieving as it was to not be in class, you still had the problem of who you were going to sit with. Sitting alone seemed like the best option, but at the same time, you felt that if you were sitting alone, more people would come up to you unwarranted. Now you were starting to panic, at least until you felt a tap on your shoulder, and saw a shadow loom over you. You turned around and felt your face curve in a smile in relief.
“Hey, (y/n). Got no one to sit with?” Kylo asked, pushing a lock of his black hair out of his eyes. On the inside, you were letting out a huge sigh of relief. If you sat with Kylo, no one would dare mess with you.
“Was it that obvious?” you mused, giving him a half smile. 
“Not really, you just kind of had that body language. Come on, you can sit with us,” Kylo said, placing a hand on your shoulder as he led you to a secluded table by the door to the outdoor seating. One look out the window told you that the rain wasn’t going to let up by the time school was over.
Kylo sat down, and you took the seat next to him, looking at the three others sitting at the table. One of them you recognized as Gwen Phasma, who, to your knowledge, only went by Phasma. Her blonde hair was cut into a pompadour, styled with gel, and her grey eyes were lined with thick black liner. She looked up at you and gave you a smirk.
“(y/n) (y/l/n)? Pleasure to meet you, I’m Phasma.” She held out her hand to you, and you took it, making sure to have a firm grip. Phasma picked up on it and smiled. You looked over to the other two, but you didn’t really know them that well.
“(y/n), this is Alan Tabash, a junior who we adopted, and that is Sami Martinez,” Kylo introduced. You looked at the two, Alan nodded at you as he forked his school meal, and Sami waved before she went back to drawing in her sketchbook. You looked around at the group and noticed that they were all wearing black jackets with the initials K.O.R. stitched onto the pocket on the front.
“K.O.R.?” You asked, looking up at Kylo. He looked down at his jacket, then back to you.
“Yeah, Knights of Ren,” Kylo answered, almost shyly. You saw Sami roll her eyes, though you tried not to draw attention to it. 
“So, what brings you to our side of the cafeteria?” Phasma asked before taking a bite from an apple.
“Well, none of my other friends have the same lunch, so really the only person I care to sit with right now is Kylo,” you admitted as you started pulling your lunch out of your lunch box. 
“Can’t say I blame you. Mos Eisley High sure does love its gossip, and man, you are really the center of it right now,” Phasma noted. You watched as Kylo tried to subtly elbow her, but your focus had just turned to staring at the table as an iciness filled your gut. So everyone really did know, huh? Fantastic.
“Hey, I’m sorry if I upset you,” Phasma said, breaking you out of your trance. You noticed how her voice got softer, and as you looked into her eyes, so did their expression. However, the only response you could give was a forced smile.
“Hey, let me see your schedule,” came Kylo’s voice, quickly changing the subject. You fished through your backpack and pulled it out, Kylo tossing you his own. As you looked, you noticed that the two of you shared your last two classes together. “Sick, all four of us have lit together.”
You smiled up at Kylo as you handed him back his schedule. He gave you a half-smile back, and took a bite out of a brownie. In some strange way, in that moment it felt like, despite the years, nothing had really changed with you two. 
The rest of lunch was spent learning about Alan and Sami. Alan, you learned, was actually the younger brother of someone who had graduated last year, Milo Tabash. Milo and Kylo had become good friends Kylo’s freshman year, and the two formed their small group called the Knights of Ren. Sami had gotten roped in when she first transferred to Mos Eisley, having made friends with Kylo and Milo. Now, she was Milo’s girlfriend. Alan got tied in because Kylo, Sami, and Phasma embraced him with open arms. Apparently there were two more people in the Knights of Ren, but you didn’t think to ask about them. You were sure you’d meet them eventually.
Soon enough, the bell to end lunch rang, and you threw out your lunch as Kylo waited for you at the exit to the cafeteria. You quickly slung your backpack onto your shoulder and walked over to Kylo.
“Not ready for Mr. Windu’s class. He always looks like he wants to catch me doing something wrong,” Kylo remarked with a frown. You frowned as well. Anyone who was close with any of Kylo’s family was constantly making sure Kylo didn’t get up to anything, and since Kylo’s uncle was a teacher as well, that practically meant all of them watched him like a hawk.
“Well, lucky for you, no one expects me to get into trouble, so if we stick together, I’m sure everything will be okay,” you assured him. After all, you’d always been a good kid, favored by teachers and parents alike. Maybe hanging out with you would earn Kylo some slack. 
As the two of you crossed the threshold of Mr. Windu’s classroom, you froze in your tracks. You should have expected this, after all, you were both seniors, but it really was a nightmare come to fruition. You tried your hardest not to make eye contact, deciding to turn away and grab Kylo’s arm, dragging him along to the table furthest away from Shawn. Kylo didn’t ask any questions and simply went along with you, sitting down beside you at the lab table. As soon as the two of you sat down, the room went deadly silent, and you hoped and prayed for nothing to happen next.
Then you heard the sliding of a chair against the tile, footsteps following afterwards, making every inch of your body tense up and fill with anxiety.
“Hey,” came Shawn’s voice from above you, but you didn’t dare look up. You heard Kylo scoff from beside you.
“Move along, Alvarez, clearly she doesn’t want to talk to you,” Kylo said, glaring up at Shawn, his arms crossed.
“Stay out of this, Solo. (y/n), can we please talk?” Shawn bit back, his voice becoming softer when he spoke to you. You felt tears prick at your eyes, but you still didn’t budge. You wanted desperately to scream in his face, to tell him to leave you alone and never speak to you again, but you didn’t want that kind of attention. Lucky for you, Kylo picked up on how you were feeling.
“Look, you don’t deserve even a word from her, let alone a whole conversation. Fuck off, Alvarez,” Kylo said, this time his stare like daggers. Shawn gave him a sneer, and stepped back as the late bell rang.
“Watch out, (y/n), someone like him is only gonna get you into trouble,” Shawn said as he walked away. You looked up at Kylo and saw the fire in his eyes, and his fists clenched. 
Mr. Windu came in from the hallway, and began to take attendance. The more names he called out, the more you began to relax. After the syllabus was passed around, you went back to doodling, but this time on Kylo’s stuff. He did the same to you, and you had to fight to keep your laughter controlled as Kylo drew ridiculous drawing after ridiculous drawing.
“I hope you like the person sitting next to you, because that’s going to be your lab partner for the semester,” Mr. Windu stated, causing both you and Kylo to look up from your respective drawings. “That means that any projects assigned throughout the semester, the person you are sitting with is going to be your partner. I don’t want to hear any complaints, that’s just the way it is.” 
Not long after, the bell rang, and you and Kylo quickly rushed out of Mr. Windu’s classroom to avoid another confrontation.
“Thanks for fending him off,” you said to Kylo softly, looking up at him as the two of you walked through the crowded hall. 
“It’s no problem. He shouldn’t be fucking with you anyway,” Kylo stated with nonchalance. You felt a small smile embrace your lips as the two of you continued down the hall. Soon, you reached the classroom of Mr. Skywalker. Before going in, Kylo stopped, heaved a huge sigh, and the two of you walked in. 
As you looked around the room, you noticed four of your friends, Finn, Poe, Rey, and Rose. The four of them were smiling at you until they saw who you walked in with. Their expressions forced you to remember that none of them liked Kylo. You smiled back though, and noticed that Sami wasn’t sitting too far from them. You and Kylo walked over to Sami and sat in the two desks behind her.
“How was physics?” Sami asked as she closed her sketchbook and turned to face the two of you.
“Could’ve been better, could’ve been worse,” Kylo said, leaning back in his seat. Within moments, the bell rang, and Phasma walked in, settling down next to Sami.
“Alright class, welcome back,” came the voice of Mr. Skywalker from his desk. “When I call your name, you can just raise your hand. If you want to be called something else just let me know.” As Mr. Skywalker took attendance, you decided to take a peek at your phone, and noticed a text from Poe. 
Why are you sitting with Kylo Ren? 
You looked up to see Poe looking back at you with a confused look on his face. With a small sigh, you started typing away.
Catching up with an old friend. 
All three of you used to be friends in elementary school, but you and Poe split off together, leaving Kylo to find his new crowd. Now, Poe was one of those people weary of Kylo, which made you sad to think about. The three of you had such good times together when you were kids.
“I’m gonna pass out a calendar, and then we’re gonna go over the books we’re reading this semester. Don’t worry, it’s only two novels, one play, and one poem. Shouldn’t take us too long,” Mr. Skywalker said, handing the person sitting at the front of the class a pile of paper to pass around. When the calendars came to you, you looked at the assignments. Only two essays, two tests, a project, and a quiz after each piece of literature. You’d heard that there wasn’t much workload in Mr. Skywalker’s class, but you could see how the lack of grades would make it easy to pass or fail.
“Alright, everyone got one? Okay, so this semester, we’re going to be reading 1984, by Orwell, Hard Times, by Dickens, Beowulf, and Midsummer Night’s Dream,” started Mr. Skywalker. “If you’ve looked at the calendar, you’ll see the assignments for the semester. You’ll only be doing essays on Hard Times and Beowulf, but there is a partner project for Midsummer Night’s Dream, so go ahead and think about who you want to work on that with.”
After Mr. Skywalker finished talking about the assignments, you began to drown out his words, and instead watched the rain falling outside from the window behind his desk. The day hadn’t been as terrible as you had feared it would be, and for that you were thankful. You were definitely thankful for how willing Kylo was to accept you again, and you almost wondered if there was a reason behind it. It didn’t worry you, though, because at least now you had a friend who didn’t look at you like you were wounded, and didn’t expect you to talk about what was bothering you. 
You didn’t pay attention for the rest of class, and were only broken out of your trance when everyone began to pack up their things. 
“Are you gonna need a ride home?” Kylo asked, gesturing to outside the window, where the rain was getting heavier. 
“Yeah, that would be great,” you answered, pulling out your phone to see another text from Poe.
Just be careful.
The bell rang, and people rushed to get out of the door, and you started to rise from your seat. 
“Ben, come here,” came the voice of Mr. Skywalker, causing all four of you to turn around. Kylo sighed, and turned to you.
“Just wait for me outside the door, this shouldn’t take long,” he said in a very resigned voice, turning to go talk to his uncle. You did as Kylo asked, walking out with Sami and Phasma, who were talking about an event coming up, which you gathered had something to do with skating. As you passed the threshold and into the hall, you leaned against the wall next to the door, trying your hardest not to eavesdrop, but failing.
“Yeah, Uncle Luke?” you heard Kylo’s voice say, laced with annoyance.
“I just wanted to let you know I’m glad you’re hanging out with (y/n). She’s a good kid,” you heard Mr. Skywalker say.
“I know,” was Kylo’s only response before you heard his heavy footsteps heading your way. When Kylo walked out, he looked to see if you were still there, and when you were, he simply nodded for the two of you to get going. You walked together to the entrance of the school, rushing to his car as soon as you left the safety of the school. 
Once the two of you were safely in the car, you let out a laugh as Kylo started the car. In minutes, Kylo was pulling out of his parking spot, taking a spot in line with the after school traffic.
“Thanks for making today not terrible,” you said, looking over at Kylo with a smile. Kylo shrugged, but gave you a half smile as he turned to look at you.
“Hey, I understand what it’s like to go through this situation. I thought you might just want a friend who wasn’t gonna badger you about it,” he admitted.
“I appreciate it. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” You knew that at one point last year, Kylo had a girlfriend, but you weren’t aware that their relationship had ended, so now you were curious. 
“No it’s fine,” he said before pulling a cigarette out and rolling down the window. He lit the cigarette and took a couple of puffs. “I dated this girl Stella, who I met through Sami. We weren’t really super serious at first, but eventually I wanted us to be. She claimed she wanted to be too, but then I caught her with Armitage Hux. Never looked back after that, only a text to tell her we were through.” You watched as Kylo’s whole demeanor changed. Sure, he was kind of brooding before, but his posture slouched, and his eyes looked a little glossed over. 
The rest of the ride back was spent in a comfortable silence, and pretty soon the two of you were pulling into the driveway of the Skywalkers. Kylo shut the engine off, relaxing in his seat for a moment. You watched him for a brief moment, then turned to get out of the car. Without warning, Kylo placed his hand on top of yours and you turned around. His expression changed, like he’d come to some brilliant revelation. 
“This might sound a little crazy, but I’m about to make a suggestion. All I’m doing is asking that you hear me out,” he said, pushing a lone piece of hair out of his face. You simply nodded as you waited for him to explain.
“We should pretend to date.”
You looked up at him, confused, and a little in shock. Had he really just asked this? You could understand the benefit you would get from it, but you failed to see how it would help him.
“Listen,” he continued, “Shawn hates me, so it would be perfect revenge for you, something to make him realize what he lost.”
“And what about you? You can’t want to do this out of the kindness of your heart, I mean, who would?” you asked. As enticing as getting back at Shawn sounded, considering all the hurt he’d caused you, there had to be a catch.
“Look, my whole family has always liked you. Uncle Luke talking to me had me thinking about that. I’m hoping that, by pretending to date you, they’ll think I’m trying to be better, and cut me some slack,” he explained. Your confusion went away, as you nodded in understanding. If Kylo’s parents had practically kicked him out of the house, they were probably hoping for some improvement. Maybe “dating” you was all the improvement he needed. After all, it would be great to see the look on Shawn’s face if the two of you “dated.” You still had your reservations though.
“I don’t know, Kylo. Let me think about it,” you said, moving to open the door. Kylo took a piece of paper and a pen he’d found and scribbled on a piece of paper. Shortly after, he handed the paper to you.
“Here. Text me if you decide before tomorrow morning,” he said. You smiled at him. Though shocked about his proposition, you still couldn’t help appreciate how much better he’d made your day.
“Okay,” you said, taking the piece of paper out of his hand. Once you shut the door behind you, you ran across the lawn to get to your house, trying to soak in as little rain as possible.
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salip18me · 4 years ago
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“Old people who live alone”
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   Probably all of us know at least one old man or woman who lives alone. There are kind of ones, who have the children but still live alone and those who have absolutely no one around them. Some of them live in the village, completely alone and left to rely on their neighbors, some of them do not even have a neighbor. It is quite interesting how they live, how they deal with the difficulties and problems that they face on a daily basis. Do they try to somehow entertain themselves and overcome loneliness by doing some things? It is also interesting how they were dealing with the problems which were brought by the pandemic when we all were in a quarantine. Some of them are accustomed that they have no one around them except their TVs.
 There is a one 83 years old man Zviad Lortkipanidze who has lived alone. As he said, his life changed when one complete stranger gave him a shelter. Before that he lived in a small garage. “I don’t have a family, I just have one boy who lives abroad. He is busy with his affairs, so I don’t want to disturb him. I lived alone, feeling always lonely, then this man gave me a shelter.” He said. Now he lives in a nursing home, with other old people there.
He thinks that it may be surprising but the situation in a nursing home is pretty good. As he said he got into the hands of good people and he is so grateful for that. There are a few old people there. They talk to each other every day, tell stories, in the evenings their caregiver reads a few pages of the book to them and they fall asleep.
As Mr.Zviad said that kind man takes care of them unselfishly. It is unknown how he can afford to take care all of the old people who are in a nursing home, but that’s the fact that he does it unselfishly. “we don’t know where he has so much money to afford all that stuff we need there. He constantly supplies us with food, medicine and other necessary things.” Says Mr. Zviad.
Mr.Zviadi has talked us about the hardest parts of living alone. “Oh, I think the hardest part was being alone itself. You feel always lonely when you’re at home, because of that I was always going outside to just communicate with people but in winter when there was almost no one around, everything was so difficult for me. But now I feel much better. I’m so thankful for everyone who are with me right now.”
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  Dali Bidzinashvili is 79 years old woman, who also lives alone. She thinks that being alone has its own perks. “ Of course, sometimes that feeling called ‘loneliness’ is quite hard, but also it helps you discover yourself. When you are alone, you have much more time for yourself.” Said Mrs. Dali. Her everyday job is to come outside every morning and feed dogs that live around her house. “Technically, I’m alone, but I don’t think like that. My animals are always with me, so believe me living with them is better.” Obviously, Mrs. Dali feels comfortable alone. She thinks that you can find yourself and also it is more peaceful. “Living alone is better, but sometimes loneliness comes from nowhere, and It makes me sad.” Said Mrs. Dali.
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  Kristina Zambakhidze, who is 36 years old and work in a charity center, thinks that lonely, old people need their help the most. So, they are trying to make their lives easier. “We mainly help older people and especially those who live alone because they really need our help. We often go to nursing homes, supply them with supplies and all the things they need.” Said Kristina.
They have money from charity, also they receive donations. In her opinion, the most inspirational thing that inspires them to do their work is people’s happiness. “If you could see their happy faces, you would want to be in this business forever. It's a kind of stimulus for us.” She said.
  Also, there are government workers who help old people. One of them is Irma Prangulashvili. She distributes medicine for a local elders for free. Also, she paid special attention during the pandemic. “During a pandemic, we try to make their lives as easy as possible so that they do not have to go outside and suffer. We can do nothing more at this stage."
Irma told us what were the exact things they were helping with people. She said: “It is our duty to help the old people. Until then, we could only provide medicines for free, but during a pandemic we constantly supply them with the products they need every day.”
       As we have seen, life alone is the most difficult for the elderly. They can not cope with the daily difficulties, especially if they live in a village. Many of them have no one to just talk to, so life alone is difficult even for people of any age. Finally, they are grateful to single persons or nongovernmental organization, that they are doing their best to help them and make their lives quite easier. As we saw they need help more than anyone.For them, life is much more difficult in all aspects. This majority of old people feel, lonely.
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From crowds to loneliness
    When we Google a word “loneliness”, suddenly pops up so many information about this subject. There are also the questions, that people ask Google frequently. “What loneliness does to the human body? “, “What does it feel like to be lonely? “,” Is it OK to be lonely? “It means that majority of people are thinking about this subject or they actually feel alone. There are any ages of people who live alone. For part of them it is kind of comfort, that they have just their lives but most of them feel lonely, that means an unpleasant emotion, which seems like isolation.
   Meri Tvaradze is a former teacher in the school of Tbilisi. She has been in this business for 45 years. Now her age is 75 years and she lives in a small village of Ratcha, all alone. It is said that the feeling of loneliness is the most difficult when you have spent your whole life in active relationships with people.
“I’ve spent half of my life communicating with different people. There were children, full of joy and happiness, I loved it the most when I was talking to them. After them there were adults, with their happy or dramatic lives, that was an enjoyable process for me to give them advices and teach a lots of new to them.”
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 As she says her life was always very crowded. There were lots of business, students and she had a social active life. Interacting with people was always her joy. Listening to human’s stories was making her happy and alive, so as she said, that was her past life, full of adventures and new people.
 “Can you imagine how hard it is to live in a small village, all alone, after that kind of active life? I missed my past, my relationships.” Said Mrs. Meri. She agrees with scientists who say that loneliness after an active social life seriously harms a person's mental health. For Meri the most difficult part of living alone is being alone itself. You are not able to talk to someone when you really need this. “Of course, I have neighbors, but they have their own lives, I need someone that helps me not to feel lonely sometimes.“ She said.
  Activities are one of the main things that help people deal with loneliness. Scientists say that you have to do something to get rid of this feeling. Mrs. Meri thinks that the easiest activity an elderly person can do is watching TV, of course if there is an ability of that. “
Usually , when I watch TV I don’t have time to think about bad things because it has all my attention. There are a lots of movies and entertaining shows in television, that made me remember my past life, when I was younger with a lots of people around me, so I could contact them whenever I wanted. This machine threw me back to a really good, old days. “  Said Mrs. Meri.
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    Winter is the hardest for her. It is difficult to move, because there is a lot of snow in the village. As a result, TV doesn’t work sometimes, but It’s the only thing that helps her to endure. Mrs. Meri says that there is one more thing that is the hardest for her. “My husband has passed away recently and I left alone. Sometimes I think about him and I’m talking to him too. Don’t think that I am crazy but I miss him and it is the only way to communicate with him. I may get used to living alone but I can't live without my husband.” As she says, when they became middle-aged, they decided to move from a city to somewhere quite place. She said that husband’s death was the worst part of her life. “ That’s why I am living alone in a village now. Once in 3 months my child and grandchildren are coming and take out the products, in this time I’m the happiest person cause I have an ability to see them, but everyone has their own family and problem, I can’t disturb them always.” She said. 
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   Loneliness is the feeling when you have emptiness inside and you need someone to fill this emptiness. Especially, when you had an active life in the past, it gets harder. “It is true that sometimes you need beautiful, quite place to go alone and think about all the things that is in your mind, figure everything out, but being permanently lonely means emptiness.” Said Mrs. Meri
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Salome Purtskhvanidze
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dailrpwmf-blog · 6 years ago
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michigan insurance license status
michigan insurance license status
michigan insurance license status
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dayumpeterpan · 8 years ago
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Nobody asked but I'm doing it cause who even reads my blog anyway? Questions time 1: is there a boy/girl in your life? No 2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? Yeah, cause I wasn't exactly an angel to him either. 3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” A cat? What else would I think of? 4: what’s something you really want right now? To fall in love. Also candy. 5: are you afraid of falling in love? Hell yeah. 6: do you like the beach? Hell yeah. 7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? All the time. 8: what’s the background on your cell? The lyrics to my favorite song. 9: name the last four beds you were sat on? Mine, my parents, my Jessica's, and my brothers. 10: do you like your phone? Yeah. I wish it was a 6 cause this one is so small, but at least it's not an android. 11: honestly, are things going the way you planned? For the most part. There are things missing and things undecided, but I'm still on track. 12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? My neighbor's, I think. 13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? A poodle, because they are hypoallergenic. 14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Physical. 15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? An art museum hands down. Zoos are cool, but a lot of them are cruel. 16: are you tired? Very much so, in many ways. 17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact? Not long, she was my driving instructor. 18: are they a relative? No 19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Don't have one 20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? Never kissed anyone. 21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? Yes. Well, I would want to date them first, but if I had to I would. 22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I would kiss no one again, sure. 23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None, just a hair tie. 24: is there a certain quote you live by? Not really, though I have one that I try to keep in mind, which is "the end cannot begin at the start" because I tend to forget that. 25: what’s on your mind? Boys, food, auditions. 26: do you have any tattoos? No 27: what is your favorite color? White or gray. 28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips? I don't know? 29: who are you texting? No one right now. 30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? Why are there so many questions about people I've kissed? 31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? Hell yeah, all the time. 32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Not talk deeply to. 33: do you think anyone has feelings for you? It's possible. 34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yeah. 35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? OMFG (this sounds like something a fuckboy would ask) 36: were you single on valentines day? Babe, I'm always single 37: are you friends with the last person you kissed? For fuck sake 38: what do your friends call you? Ceci or Cec (not really how it would be spelled) 39: has anyone upset you in the last week? Oh yeah 40: have you ever cried over a text? Yeah, lots 41: where’s your last bruise located? I can't remember 42: what is it from? Still can't remember 43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Now. Winter makes me hate where I live. So does high school sometimes. 44: who was the last person you were on the phone with? My mom I think. 45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes? Yeah, just simple brown boots. 46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? No (I don't really have bad hair days) 47: would you ever go bald if it was the style? I don't know. Probably not but that's easy for me to say. 48: do you make supper for your family? Not really, maybe once a year or less. 49: does your bedroom have a door? Yeah... whose doesn't? 50: top 3 web-pages? What? If this means websites, then Pinterest, Instagram, and tumblr. 51: do you know anyone who hates shopping? Yeah. 52: does anything on your body hurt? Not right now. 53: are goodbyes hard for you? They're easier for me than some people because I let go really easily, but depending on who it is, they're hard. 54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Water 55: how is your hair? It's good, how are you? It silky and shoulder length and brown, if that's what this meant. 56: what do you usually do first in the morning? Put on makeup. 57: do you think two people can last forever? Yes. 58: think back to january 2007, were you single? Lol, definitely. 59: green or purple grapes? Green. 60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug? I don't know... 61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Yeah, somewhere warm and calm and without trump. 62: when will be the next time you text someone? Maybe my mom when she picks me up, or my friends. 63: where will you be 5 hours from now? In bed. 64: what were you doing at 8 this morning. Sitting in class. 65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked? Jordan. 66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Not really. Well, Alex kinda, but that's kinda relative. 67: did you kiss or hug anyone today? No, I probably will though. 68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I can't really remember. Probably about college. 69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Plenty. Musical auditions for one. 70: how many windows are open on your computer? I'm on my phone. 71: how many fingers do you have? 10....? 72: what is your ringtone? Kids by MGMT 73: how old will you be in 5 months? Still 18 74: where is your mum right now? Driving home 75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? I've never been in love or almost in love, but Jordan was the closest I got and that's because we never talked and now he has a girlfriend. 76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? I don't think so. 77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? Yeah. 78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? Year 7 is 3rd grade and I think I had a crush on Johnny then, though that may have started in 4th. 79: is there anyone you know with the name mike? Yeah, but no one I know well. 80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? When I was young I'm sure, but not since. 81: how many people have you liked in the past three months? Plenty of people I thought were attractive but not one crush. 82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? My mom saw me in a bra. 83: will you talk to the person you like tonight? No. I don't really like anyone anyway. 84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? What? 85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care? Hell yeah. I'm not really in 86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? 87: who was your last received call from? 88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? 89: what is something you wish you had more of? 90: have you ever trusted someone too much? 91: do you sleep with your window open?i that type of person anyway, I don't like self-destructive guys. 92: do you get along with girls? Yeah. 93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No 94: does sex mean love? No 95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? No because I'm locked in a room alone. 96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? FUCKING!!!! 97: did you sleep alone this week? Yes god stop making me feel bad about myself 98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? Yeah. 99: do you believe in love at first sight? No 100: who was the last person that you pinky promise? I'm not sure. This one sucked all it wanted to know was who I fucking kissed.
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