#why does psychology link to computing

[slugggggg]

Computer science is hard enough, why's the lecturer gotta have a thick French accent too 😭💔

[subjectsix]

🎨, 🌿, 🛼!

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

legally i have to give a shout out to this nidorino, he made me so happy i sent him to like 20 friends. look at him. i want to pick him up under his little arms. i can feel his texture he is a leathery reptilian thing.

I also really like this cowboy bebop art by Bryce Kho, it was the first to come to mind (after nidorino):

there's so much depth and color and character going on here. one of those "stare at it for hours and get lost in all the details and stories" things.

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

MAN genuinely sometimes you just need a break. this sucks when you want to create something but creating feels like death. sometimes you need to address an actual physical factor like your environment or like. eat something and get 8 hours of sleep. sometimes you need to watch/read/etc one of your favorite things again. sometimes you just need to make something without the pressure of making it good or showing it to anyone. i've started making a junk journal recently that i paste everything in with reckless abandon and that's been really freeing. you also just have to work on the psychology of it-- you won't always create things as much as you'd like or have it come out like you like, but progress is progress, something over nothing. sometimes "something" is "taking a break so your head doesnt implode" which can be infuriating. i think sometimes you need to stop focusing on creating and do some other kind of thing like a different form of art/creativity or studying of some kind (related to your art or not).

that is a lot of rambling to say things many have already said more eloquently than i aksjdhfkjashdf

a lot of times my personal block is just my brain going "but i dont wanna :(" even though it does wanna. i have to trick it into doing a wee bit of things. tumultuous little beast. and then when i enjoy doing the things it didnt want to do i go :O even though i knew that would be the outcome.

TL;DR: get off your computer. read a book. look at some art. go on a walk. do some other forms of art. do forms of art you liked to do when you were a kid. try new ones. do it anyway. make stuff only for you. have a community/group of friends you make stuff with. eat some protein have a cup of tea go to bed.

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

fanfic wip: 😶😭🐴👁🫂 or 🐀🐀🐀🐀😐

fiction wip: 🐟🏍️🚓😴🌃

writer truth & dare ask game

[luckystar2025]

Konata: (triumphant) "Rejoice, peasants! Elon Musk hath unbanned me from X formerly twitter! Time to tweet my magnum opus: ‘Why the Cybertruck is the perfect vehicle for galaxy-brained Chads’."

Kagami: (slamming her bento shut) "Unbanned? He probably mistook you for a Russian bot. And the Cybertruck’s a glorified paperweight. It can’t even fit a grocery bag in its ‘bed’—which, by the way, doubles as a cheese grater!"

Miyuki: (brightly) "Oh, the Cybertruck’s angular design is inspired by the Lockheed F-117 Nighthawk. Though its stainless steel alloy does pose challenges for traditional manufacturing—"

Kagami: (cutting in) "It’s inspired by a middle schooler’s Minecraft build. And don’t get me started on Full Self-Driving. My uncle’s Tesla once tried to merge into a fire hydrant!"

Konata: "Kagamin, you’re just jealous because your family car has fewer CPUs than a Tamagotchi."

Tsukasa: (perking up) "Tamagotchi! I still have mine. His name is Piko and he’s a… um… what’s a ‘CPU’?"

Miyuki: "Central Processing Unit! It’s the brain of a computer. Tesla’s Autopilot uses a custom AI chip capable of 144 trillion operations per second."

Kagami: (ignoring Miyuki, steam rising) "And don’t even mention ‘Mars colonies.’ He’s been promising that since 2012. The only thing he’s colonized is Twitter with blue-check conspiracy theorists!"

Miyuki: (leaning in) "Actually, SpaceX’s Starship aims to reach Mars by the 2030s! Its Raptor engines use liquid methane, which could be synthesized on Mars itself. Though the psychological toll of interplanetary travel—"

Konata: (grinning) "Hey, X is a vibrant community. Where else can I watch crypto bros and Flat Earthers duke it out in real-time? It’s like Hunger Games, but with worse spelling."

Kagami: (throwing hands up) "MARS? He can’t even get a truck right! Remember when he said the Cybertruck’s windows were ‘unbreakable’? And then they shattered at the demo?"

Konata: (nostalgic sigh) "A modern Icarus tale. So beautiful."

Tsukasa: (gasping) "Broken glass? That’s dangerous! Maybe they should make the windows out of… jelly! Then if they break, it’s just dessert!"

Miyuki: (nodding) "Ballistic gelatin is used in testing! Though its melting point would be problematic in the Cybertruck’s proposed ‘bulletproof’ scenario—"

Kagami: (ignoring Miyuki, glaring at Konata) "And why does he keep renaming things? Twitter to X? Next he’ll rebrand Earth to ‘Planet Elon’!"

Konata: (snorting) "You’re just salty because your tweets about ‘homework stress’ get zero likes. Meanwhile, my hot take about the hottest anime moms trends every Tuesday"

Tsukasa: (raising hand) "Um… if Earth gets a new name, do we have to update our maps? I just bought a globe for geography class…"

Kagami: (cutting her off, exasperated) "Focus! Musk’s ‘genius’ is just failing upward! Neuralink? More like No-Idea-Link. Who wants a brain chip that crashes during a software update?!"

Konata: (grinning) "I’d install one! Imagine pirating anime directly into your cerebellum. Innovation, Kagamin."

Tsukasa: (horrified) "Brain chip?! What if it gets a virus? My computer got one last week and now it sings ‘Baby Shark’ at midnight!"

Miyuki: (thoughtful) "Neuralink’s N1 implant does have advanced encryption. Though cybersecurity in neural interfaces is a burgeoning field with—"

Kagami: (head thudding on the table) "…Why are we giving him ideas? Next he’ll sell ‘AI girlfriends’ that block you unless you buy a $8 subscription."

Konata: (snapping fingers) "Already exists! Meet ‘Airi-chan’—she ghosted me because I wouldn’t pay to see her ‘virtual feet.’ Capitalism, baby!"

Tsukasa: (teary-eyed) "Virtual… feet? That’s so sad! People should just get a puppy!"

Miyuki: (cheerful) "Studies show pet ownership reduces stress by 32%! Elon actually owns a Shiba Inu named ‘Floki,’ though it’s unclear if—"

Kagami: (suddenly standing) "I’m done. I’m going to live in the woods. With no Wi-Fi. Or stainless steel triangles."

Konata: (calling after her) "Don’t forget your Tesla Solar Roof tiles! They’ll catch fire and keep you warm~"

[invadernurse]

Catching Flies (Revised) Ch.11

Eh? Eh??? She's back?

Yep. I am.

If you're unfamilliar with the story: It's an Invader Zim fanfic with a Found Family trope, a slow burn romance with Professor Membrane, and a afab non-binary teacher!Reader (that's really more of an OC than anything at this point.)

Anyways Here's the link to the first chapter. And a link to the master post. And the previous chapter in case you wanna see if that sparks your memory.

Chapter 11: House of Chaos

Overall rating: Teen

Summary: You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. That’s what they say anyway.

Teacher!Reader makes the mistake of trying to help the two most troubled kids in your class. This leads to forming a science club, learning some childhood psychology, adopting an alien older than you, and somehow catching Professor Membrane’s interest.

Afab Non-binary Reader;

The reader does have a last name: Nemo– which means no-name.

The Membrane house was a bit different than you expected. You had thought it would be something grand-- a high-tech and sleek home that was the height of both technology and modern architecture. Instead, while it did stand out, it was also more...common. Like an ordinary two story house that was slightly modified but not much. And the inside, while eccentric, was normal. 

Absolutely normal.

It was so extremely weird. 

"So this is your teacher?" A small girl appeared next to Dib, who had answered the door along with Zim. She peered at you through thick eyelashes, a dark look in her golden eyes. "They don't look special."

"Gaz, be nice," Dib warned, shooting his sister a look. "Please?"

You offered a faint smile, a little disturbed by the odd feeling climbing up your spine. You weren't exactly one to believe in auras and energies, yet something about Gaz was decidedly ...different. You vaguely recall Meyer’s words, and could almost believe them. Almost. 

"You must be Gaz,” you greeted after a moment. “Your reputation precedes you."

She briefly looked at your offered hand and decided to glare at you instead. "And?"

Was this really an elementary student? She seemed far more than just a child. You could almost see why Meyers seemed so terrified of her. "...I try not to let my first impressions be tainted by other people's opinions," you said after a moment, gaining a faint smile. More of a smirk, really.

"Wise idea." She dismissed you as she pulled a GameSlave2 from her pocket, already absorbed in it by the time she settled on the couch. 

"Gaz is a terrifying creature," Zim whispered as the boys led you away from the living room and into the kitchen. "I have yet to see another human as formidable as her. Thankfully, as long as you don’t interrupt her video games or get between her and pizza, she will leave you alone.”

“Uh huh,” you said doubtfully, though you couldn’t help but notice the slight awe in his voice. 

“Master Dib! Oh and guests!” A robot rolled into view as you entered the kitchen, and as odd as it was, it made absolute sense for the Membrane home. It wasn’t anything like Zim’s parent-drones, but a blocky kind of robot, a chef’s hat on its head and an oven inside its body. “May Foodio 3000 interest you in an afternoon snack? Pizza rolls? Fruit? Smoothie? A nine-course banquet?” 

“Uh, pizza rolls I guess,” Dib answered distractedly as he set his computer up on the table. 

“Perfect! And for you?” The robot turned towards Zim expectantly, a smile on its simulated face, which Zim glowered at. 

“I don’t want any of your disgusting food,” he waved him off, settling into the chair across from Dib, while you reluctantly took the last seat. 

“Disgusting?” The robot… gasped. Somehow.  “Au contraire! I am the latest Foodio model, able to cook any desired course in a matter of minutes! From delicate baklava to something like a simple corn dog, nothing is too complicated for me! Please, I must insist! What is your favorite dish?” 

“Just order something,” Dib said before Zim could open his mouth. “It’s a fault in his programming, but he won’t give up until he gives you something.”

“Fine,” Zim sighed. “How about, I don’t know, a taco. Meatless!” he quickly added, “And plenty of that one sauce, what does Gir call it again? Flaming poo of death?” 

“Ah! Taco palace’s infamous deathly poo sauce!” Foodio’s eyes lit up as he clapped its hands together before turning to you. “And for you?"

“Uh,” you paused, racking your brain before asking about your favorite snack. 

“Perfect! I will be right back with your food!” 

“Whatever happened to Clembrane?” Zim asked as you watched in fascination as Foodio buzzed about the kitchen, his two hands moving faster than your eyes could keep up. 

“He just disappeared one night,” Dib answered, apparently knowing who (or maybe what?) Zim was referring to. “Which is kinda disappointing, I was starting to like the pudding too. Dad was happy though, he thought it meant he was completely healed from his hallucination.” 

“What?” You turned back, brows knitted in confusion at the last piece of the conversation. Both boys paused, as if caught red handed. 

“Nothing!” Both boys denied instantly, making you even more suspicious. You readied yourself to pry more when you heard a door open. The door just off the kitchen had opened, and you presumed it was to a basement of some sort as Professor Membrane stepped out, wiping some kind of dust off his white lab coat. 

"I figured you boys were ready to start on the blueprints today." Membrane stated as he entered, making you pause. You knew he had expressly invited you, but you were still expecting some kind of negative reaction. Instead, he seemed more preoccupied with a small device in his hands. "I borrowed this prototype from the R and D department. I think it will be quite helpful, and there is only a moderate risk of it self-destructing…" 

Professor Membrane trailed off, and it took a second to realize his attention was on you. You blushed and gave a small wave shyly, which seemed to spur him to action. 

"R-right, Mx Nemo. Sorry, I was, ehem, joking about the risk of this exploding. It's quite minimal, I assure you." 

Did he...stutter? The realization caught you off guard as he settled in between the boys, directly across the table from you. Yet there were no other oddities in his behavior; in fact as soon as the small device turned on, creating a holographic model of the boys' device, it was pure professionalism. 

Well, not pure professionalism. You were delightfully surprised to watch the three discuss the schematics, even if it was completely impossible for you to try to follow along. The discussion of hydraulics, power sources and outputs were far out of your level comprehension, but obviously not theirs. And watching the boys engage positively with someone other than you, someone who completely understood them, was amazing. Professor Membrane was patient to listen to them, and then either agree or explain the flaws or alternatives that would be better. 

After a while, however, you started to wonder what exactly you were doing here. The three were obviously off in their own little world, the two boys actually behaving and arguing productively without fighting or name calling. 

Maybe you should just leave? You glanced up at the clock; it was approaching supper time. You could use that as an excuse, even if Foodio's snack had quelled any hunger. 

"Are you sure we can't add a laser?" Membrane asked almost petulantly, drawing your attention from your thoughts. "It's the most practical means for guidance and targeting."

"You read the requirements," Dib sighed, scratching his head. "No lasers. Plus it would be too much for the battery. We're already pushing it."

"Well if you let me put a fission fuel cell there, we would have enough power for a million lasers to destroy our enemies with!" Zim snarled, frustration evident in his voice as well as the snarling expression on his face. 

Dib sighed and rubbed his nose. "For the last time, Zim. We're not using a nuclear power cell and it isn't a weapon. It's supposed to be for exploration only."

"We would explore our enemy's world first and then destroy them!" 

Zim started with the maniacal laughter until Gaz (who must have entered during the discussion without you noticing) decided it was too much and threw a cookie at him. "It's too early for that, Zim. Shut up."

"Now daughter, throwing food at our guests isn't nice."

"But his voice is so annoying." Gaz made her way from the counter to your side, and you tried not to act unsettled as she glared up at you with squinted amber eyes. "Are you smart enough to be more than cannon folder?"

"Uh…" What?

"We've talked about recruiting others for your schemes, Gaz," Professor Membrane said without missing a beat, his attention not even drifting from the holographic model he was tinkering with. "Besides, Mx. Nemo is hardly cannon fodder."

You swore he glanced at you from behind his goggles, yet you could see nothing but the light reflecting off them. Either way, you were highly curious, and rather disturbed, by what they meant by ‘cannon fodder.’ And the fact they were discussing it as if talking about meaningless death was normal… 

"It's Vampire Piggy Deus Ex Machina 3,” Gaz explained to her father, as if that made perfect sense. Which, it did actually. You were well aware of the Vampire Piggy series. “I need a second player and no one online is volunteering. Their day will soon come where they will regret not offering their sacrifice to me, but first I have to beat this boss." 

"While video games have their benefits, I am sure Mx Nemo likely has more important things to do," Professor MEmbrane sighed before you could say anything. “I can assist you later tonight or tomorrow.”

“But I need it now,” Gaz growled, clenching her small fists. “I have the other side quests completed. This is the only one left! If I don’t get it done now, I will die.” 

"Actually, I enjoy the Vampire Piggy saga,” you boldly interrupted as Professor Membrane sighed at the child’s dramatics. “I haven't played the Deus Ex Machina spin offs yet, but I'd be willing to give it a shot. I haven't been much help to you boys anyways." 

--+--

Was it slightly immature and improper of you to slip away from where your students were working to play videogames with their younger sibling? Probably. Would you have a massive anxiety attack about it later? Undeniably. 

Were you enjoying yourself as you and Gaz cleared out a den of vampiric swine together? Absolutely.

 The girl played far better than you expected someone of her age group with her quick reflexes and keen mind. There was no looking up walk throughs or anything as you put your minds together to figure out the puzzles, or strategize to defeat the Boar of all Vampires. 

It was like a throwback to your college days, making you almost giddy. When was the last time you were able to play a video game? Usually you were so overwhelmed with papers to grade and plans to revise that you never had time to even think about it.

Granted, you still had those left to do, and would regret this come morning. But right now you were enjoying the fleeting happiness and serotonin.

"Gazleen, Mx. Nemo, Dinner will be ready in exactly ten minutes and thirty seconds," Foodio called, and you glanced over, seeing the oven (?) that comprised his middle section glow warmly, though you couldn't see what was inside. "Please find an acceptable place to end the game and join us in the dining room."

"Ugh," Gaz sighed, already opening the menu to save while your gaze shot to the clock. It was a quarter past seven, which was far longer than what you intended. 

You swore under your breath, then winced as you noticed Gaz's cheshire smile, confirming she heard you. "I really should head home. It's far too late and I…"

"No no no! Dinner is nearly complete! I have calculated everything perfectly for everyones over all nutrition and dietary needs!" If it was possible for a robot to look distressed, Foodio looked absolutely panicked as it interlaced its fingers. "Having guests over has been an exciting new experience! Please stay!"

"Don't reject his food," Gaz muttered from your side. "He tends to malfunction when you do and can get a little murdery." 

You quickly looked between the robot and the small girl, trying hard to decide if she was kidding or not. Surely Professor Membrane wouldn't allow a defect like that to be around his children. After all, children could be notoriously picky eaters. 

Or maybe that was the way he got his children not to complain about their food. You couldn't tell if that was insane or brilliant.

"Mx. Nemo, I insist you stay. It's the least I could do to repay you." Professor Membrane spoke as he exited the kitchen, no doubtedly hearing your protest. 

"Y-you don't need to repay me…" you protested, wringing your hands together nervously. It was one thing to visit a student’s house to help with an after-school project…. Then end up playing video games for over an hour. But then to stay for dinner? As Repayment?  For what? "Honestly, I've been unprofessional enough today." 

His head tilted slightly while he crossed his arms. "I'm puzzled, I haven't seen any kind of unprofessional  behavior from you, today or any time before." 

You opened your mouth, already partially gesturing to the large tv where the game system's home screen was still visible, before Gaz grabbed your hand and pulled hard. 

"Just give up now and accept your fate." 

--+--

Surprisingly, dinner was going much better than you expected. It was more like a family affair despite you and Zim's presence, with all three children bickering between mouthfuls of food; something about bigfoot versus yeti which went over your head. Not that you were paying much attention. 

You had taken the seat next to the professor, and subsequently was pulled into an...interesting  conversation.

"Dib had explained how there was a reassignment for the science club," He started, eyebrows knitted in a frown. "I have to admit, that is quite disappointing."

"I know, I was so pi--frustrated," you quickly corrected as three pairs of relatively innocent eyes focused on you, as if they had specialized hearing for forbidden words, "when I was told. Mr. Boltzmann and Meyers made their mind up and I didn't even get a chance to throw my two cents in. I mean, I know I'm not exactly an expert in the scientific field, but no one else was trying. No one seemed to give a damn, and I bet that they still don't. Boltzmann only cares because he has new equipment to play with, and Meyer's a sexist pig who seems to thrive on causing misery." You stabbed the carrot with a little more force than needed, the metal of your fork scratching against the plate. The jarring sound broke through your dark thoughts and reminded you of your surroundings. 

Gaz didn't seem to be paying any attention as she devoured the pizza slice in front of her, while the boys on either side of her were either snarling with rage (Zim) or at least upset on your behalf (Dib.)

But you were more worried with the Professor's reaction to your impromptu rant. While he may somehow find your somewhat unprofessional behavior acceptable to this point, there was no way he wouldn't frown upon such behavior (or language) in front of the children. 

Of course, there was no possible way to study his facial expression; the goggles reflected the light that hung over the table, and the collar of his lab coat still covered everything below the bridge of his nose (though you had sworn you had caught a glimpse of his unshaven jaw while he had been eating. Just a split second of a dark five-o'clock shadow and pale skin. But it was more than anything you had seen on the web.) 

"Those insignificant pigs will cower before us!" Zim suddenly shouted, jumping up onto his chair and holding his spoon as if it were a weapon. "They shall rue the day-"

"Sit down," Gaz snapped, tugging harshly on his oversized shirt to set him off balance. "Be quiet. I'm eating."

"But revenge-!"

"No," you and Professor Membrane echoed one another, causing you to glance briefly at him and then blush. You didn't fail to notice he cleared his throat and adjusted his goggles almost nervously. 

"I'm touched that you feel that way," you started after a moment. "But it would be wrong of you to get involved. You could get in serious trouble, and that is the last thing you guys need."

"Mx. Nemo is right. We'll settle this, and in the meantime we want you to focus on your project." 

It was awkward yet inspiring to have Professor Membrane agreeing with you. Yet, you wondered if there really was anything anyone could do. "Besides, Meyers is sort of right," you admitted with a sigh. "Science and literature are two vastly different subjects. Boltzmann is far more qualified on paper for running a science club."

The outrage for Dib and Zime was instantaneous. "No!" Dib shouted while Zim scoffed.

"Hah! As if!" 

"I have found that just because someone has the right degrees and diplomas hardly means they are qualified for the job," Professor Membrane agreed. "While I have yet to meet this Bolt-man, I am inclined to disagree he is more qualified." 

"Can't a girl just eat her pizza? In peace?" 

[omegaphilosophia]

The Philosophy of the Brain

The philosophy of the brain examines the relationship between the brain and mind, consciousness, identity, and cognition. It deals with questions about how physical processes in the brain give rise to mental experiences, how the brain interacts with the body, and what it means to have a self or consciousness in a biological organ. This area intersects with neuroscience, psychology, metaphysics, and the philosophy of mind.

Key Themes in the Philosophy of the Brain:

Mind-Brain Dualism vs. Physicalism:

Dualism posits that the mind and brain are distinct, with the mind having non-physical properties. The Cartesian dualism of Descartes is a classic example, where the mind is separate from the brain and body.

Physicalism, on the other hand, holds that the mind and consciousness are entirely produced by the brain’s physical processes, meaning that mental states can be explained in terms of brain states.

Consciousness and the Brain:

One of the central questions is how consciousness arises from brain activity. Known as the hard problem of consciousness, it addresses why and how subjective experiences (qualia) emerge from neural processes.

Some philosophers argue for emergentism, where consciousness is seen as an emergent property of complex brain interactions, while others advocate for panpsychism, the idea that consciousness is a fundamental feature of the universe.

The Brain and Identity:

The brain is often seen as the seat of personal identity, with changes in the brain (through injury or neurological disorders) potentially leading to changes in personality, memory, or consciousness.

Philosophers debate whether identity is tied to continuity of the brain or mind. Locke’s theory suggests that identity is based on memory and consciousness, while modern thinkers explore how brain changes affect notions of self.

The Brain and Free Will:

The question of free will versus determinism is closely linked to brain function. Neuroscientific studies suggest that brain activity may precede conscious decisions, raising questions about whether humans truly have free will or if our decisions are determined by prior brain states.

Philosophical responses to this include compatibilism, the belief that free will can coexist with determinism, and libertarianism, which defends genuine free will.

Neural Correlates of Mental States:

Philosophers and neuroscientists explore neural correlates of consciousness (NCC), seeking to map specific brain activities to particular mental experiences.

Questions remain about whether identifying these correlates fully explains consciousness, or if something more is needed to account for subjective experience.

Embodied Cognition:

The brain does not work in isolation; it interacts with the body and environment. The theory of embodied cognition suggests that cognitive processes are shaped not just by the brain, but also by bodily states and physical experiences in the world.

This challenges traditional brain-centric views of cognition and suggests a more integrated approach, where mind, body, and environment are interconnected.

Artificial Intelligence and Brain Simulation:

The philosophy of artificial intelligence engages with questions of whether a brain can be fully simulated or replicated in a machine. If the brain’s functions are computational, can an AI system have consciousness, emotions, or identity?

The implications of brain simulation lead to ethical and philosophical questions about the nature of intelligence, mind, and consciousness in non-biological entities.

Brain, Emotion, and Morality:

The brain’s role in emotion and moral judgment is another area of inquiry. How do neural networks govern feelings of empathy, guilt, or fairness? Is morality hardwired in the brain, or is it shaped by culture and experience?

This raises questions about the biological basis of ethical behavior and whether moral reasoning is universal or brain-dependent.

Neurophilosophy:

Neurophilosophy, developed by thinkers like Patricia Churchland, explores the intersections of neuroscience and philosophy. It examines how advances in brain science can inform traditional philosophical debates about mind, identity, knowledge, and ethics.

Neurophilosophy challenges the idea that philosophical questions about the mind can be separated from empirical studies of the brain.

Philosophical Zombies and the Limits of Brain Understanding:

Philosophical thought experiments like zombies (beings physically identical to humans but lacking consciousness) are used to explore whether brain function alone can account for the full spectrum of human experience.

Such scenarios highlight the debate over whether consciousness is merely a brain process or if it transcends material explanations.

The philosophy of the brain is concerned with deep questions about how physical processes in the brain relate to consciousness, identity, and free will. It draws on neuroscience to address longstanding philosophical problems, while also posing new questions about the limits of our understanding of the mind. The brain is not just an organ; it is at the center of discussions about what it means to be conscious, moral, and self-aware.

[lebihanto-universe-blog]

Be Irresistible, Click Here Dating Cards: Membership: ... welcome to hardly initiated it is your host taon Jackson in here with another very special episode with my co-host Ryan catchin boy we are kicking off a new year it's really popping we kicking off a new year and a very special weekend because for those of you who don't know it's January 14th the weekend of MLK day this the MLK Eve right here the day before the 15th and we doing it very special because we are going to be shooting this episode here with you know arguably one of the greatest voices of my generation at this point because we in here rocking with a certified school psychologist doctor Clinical Psychology author and the prince of Pana africanism we in here rocking with Dr Omar Johnson welcome to Hardley initiation pan africanism glad to be here Brothers thanks for having me Atlanta want to give a shout out to Atlanta one of my my biggest support cities you know whenever I come to Atlanta the people always show up and show out this is also the state of my maternal ancestors uh we come from deep in south Georgia so this is kind of bag home home away from home and Atlanta is one of the first cities I spoke at when I did blow up back in 2010 yeah so this is a very special place for me and uh this is the first live YouTube Interview I've done this is huge history in the make it right here and I told I was telling them earlier man my mom was sending me I think my mom actually introduced me to Dr Umar back in like 2012 and um I must say actually it's her birthday as well big shout out happy birthday to you moms happy birthday to the Queen Mother and I'm going give my mama a early birthday greeting as well on the 23rd 23rd happy early birthday happy early birthday is going on in here and we got something special going on I can't wait to get in this conversation family because we y'all seen it the state of black relationships we're going to go there we gonna take it there so y'all get ready because this is going to be a very powerful session that we G have here today Harley initiated but what I want to do first is Ry you going to tell the people the special things we got coming now see this is the thing I don't want to go into too many announcements because we already made the biggest announcement which is we got Dr Umar Johnson in the building so I will say this today is the last day for the pre-release special of the Harley initiated dating cards guys so love 20 make sure you get that discount and the cars is moving fast like they are people are really wanting to find connection they want to know the right questions the EGS and the cars just do the trick does the trick y'all so the link is in the description as well as in the chat you put love 20 in there you get 20% off for my first people it's gonna take about two weeks to get in there for your pre-order so just be patient with us but that's why we gonna hook you up with that 20% off and go ahead and cop those ASAP and big shout out to everybody that's in here ready to get this conversation popped off because I have a conversation that I feel like Dr Umar you are absolutely most qualified to help us out on here because man when I turn on you know my computer and I I I look on social media or just see the conversations that's being had it seems like it's truly a Great Divide corre between black men and women today true especially in in the space of love and relationships correct it just seems like we don't have a a ton of trust among one another you know everybody is very cynical about long-term Rel relationships and this is I would call it a major crisis right now in our community I would agree with that we already know we have an economic crisis in the community but now we see that this family and this relational crisis that we have that's Rising which one would you say is greater right now as far as a issue or potential issue for the future of our our relationships and our family I would say that they related uh

if we look at this in its proper context we go back and we see that the rise of the single black mother- Le household doesn't begin until the 70s up until then most of our homes had a mother and a father so slavery didn't destroy the black family we stayed married through slavery I know my ancestors in particular they kept the family together through slavery so it wasn't slavery that did it it was the economic disintegration of the black community so after they assassinated Dr King the US government decided upon a policy to destroy the black men's ability to fund any future civil rights efforts so they came into the inner cities and they took out all the all the factory jobs stripped the black man of his ability to earn remember up until the 70s they were not pushing go to college in order to be a success you could live a decent life working in any of the major in cities as a laborer so they took that out then they went into the high schools and stripped the high schools of the industrial building training programs so carpentry auto mechanic welding Roofing uh electric plumbing they took all that out those was the skills that paid the bills in essence what they did was they made the black man economically irrelevant to the black woman I want to say that one more time the 70s was the beginning of the process of making the black man economically irrelevant to the black woman a man's primary responsibility is to protect and to provide we can protect but the providing is the issue now you fast forward 65 years until now since Dr King's assassination a lot of our women don't understand the political history that brought about the economic Devastation of the black male if my woman Wes makes more money than me that in and of itself is not a problem unless she attributes the reason she makes more money than me to the fact that I'm lazy I'm shiftless I'm irresponsible I'm unaccountable it's the interpret ration of the reality that's our problem because if my woman makes more money than me then so be it that shouldn't necessarily be an issue unless she feels some types of way about that or if I feel some type of way about that because it does go both ways you have sisters who feel like they can emotionally abuse and emasculate Brothers if they have more education and income on the flip side you got brothers who cannot accept a relationship where the woman out earns and out educates him so it can go both ways but that economic piece is Major because we're the only men in America who are out earned by our women we're the only ones and it's by Design now when you come to YouTube and you see the back and forth banter between the men and the women a lot of that is due to poor political education and understanding of the reality but another part of it is trauma see we got to understand when we get emotional we're dealing with our unconscious pains and memories nobody's in the present moment when you get emotional the minute you are overrun by your emotions that's your trauma talking and one of the reasons black male female relationships are so dysfunctional is you got traumatic man trying to relate to traumatic woman neither one of them is dealing with the person across the table because they're both reacting from past hurt which is why I believe that when you get out of one relationship before you go into another one you need a period of healing because if in fact you were in love it's going to take you a while to heal your soul back because love is the process of two becoming one so if that was really love before you move on you got to take a break and heal the problem gentlemen is we don't like to take the break and heal and the reason why black men and black women don't like to take the break to heal is when you are in solitude and this is why spirituality functions on a foundation of solitude when you are alone your soul forces to the surface issues in your life that you need to address dress that you don't feel like addressing so the reason

I'm rushing out to get another woman isn't because I'm ready to build another relationship it's because when I'm home alone I deal with my abandonment of my mother I deal with my sexual abuse of my uncle I deal with the emotional emasculation I suffered from my mother I'm dealing with the bullying from my siblings you see that so how do you escape your internal demons you run out and you date and so in the black community dating and mating has become the new EST drug is how we escape from taking responsibility for our emotional health wow damn dating is the new drug I mean that makes perfect sense dating absolutely has become a drug and we talked about that a bit with us not wanting to deal with our baggage so you you covered a spectrum of issues that we having right now that got us here you talked about how pretty much the government has played a hand in our circumstance our trauma has played a hand in our circumstance absolutely and those two together you know has created pretty much what we see today correct when we're looking that the band are coming uh uh that's happening between men and women yes today this is the the uh the the outcome of that are we my issue is are we do you see us preparing for the resolve do we have things in place right now for us to have realistic solution I don't think so and the reason why I don't believe we are there yet if I look at it from a therapeutic standpoint in order for me to get to a place of resolve to a place of solution I have to be willing to empathically hear the other side out we don't hear the other side we talk to each other but we do not listen it's yelling the women are yelling at the brothers the brothers are yelling at the women I have yet to hear a serious conversation on YouTube that that involved reflective listening so sister based on what you're telling me you hurt because you have had man after man come into your life use you for your physical assets and fail to invest in you as a woman am I hearing you yes you're hearing me how can we do better as men to not disappoint our women because see here's the situation as we know the woman is the first teacher of the child so that scorn unconsciously she's not doing it on purpose but the scorn is being passed down to the daughter you see that so the daughter is being raised with this animosity towards black men before she's even old enough to date or understand what it is so if we as men want to improve the relationship opportunities for our grand children's grandchildren we have to be much more careful with the hearts of our women because whatever pain we put in her she's going to transmit psychosocially to her daughter without even being conscious of it so we're not just dealing with the failure of black onblack love right now we're dealing with the failure of black-on-black love for the rest of the century so you talked about earlier the rise of single motherhood in our community it if anything turned our community into a matriarch at that point in time true are we still there in 2024 the matriarchy isn't in and of itself a problem because not all African societies are patriarchal you have matriarchal African societies the issue is when the woman feels that because she's had to Bear the brunt of responsibility for raising the children and paying the bills that the man should have no voice so matriarchy by itself is not a problem patriarchy alone is not a problem it's only when we take this matriarchy patriarchy and marry it to a European narrative that says because I'm the bread winner in this home I don't have to listen to the other person we devalue the role of the man and we devalue the role of the Woman based on European values because guess what how much you earn has nothing to do with what you can contribute to the system and to these children so all of of us have been influenced negatively by The White Man's power structure to the point where even in our house he's still operating at a distance through the way that

we think take economics money and sex those two variables play too big of a role in our relationships sex is important money is important but they should not be the be all and in all of whether or not the relationship is going to make sense and if money and sex are dominating the relationship the relationship is being ran on a superficial structure because money runs out how you perform in bed that will dim overtime too so we cannot be coming together for money and sex because if that's the case this really isn't a relationship it's a pleasure contract and a lot of us in the community have pleasure contracts we call relationships and the difference between a pleasure contract and a relationship is a relationship requires obligation and accountability see when you have a pleasure contract I sex my queen when I sex her we go to the movies when we want to go to the movies we go to the Bahamas we want to go to the Bahamas we go to the Festival we want to go to it's all pleasure based I see you when you want to see me you see me when you want to see me relationship I'm accountable to you whether we having fun or not relationship your longterm best interest as a human being is part of my responsibility a lot of people are calling pleasure contracts and situationships which is when neither one of you really know what the hell this is we're calling them relationships and they're not so number one we got to be honest about what the the the particular structure is is this situationship we just trying to figure it out is this a pleasure contract we just having fun in and out of the bed when we feel like it or is this a relationship where you're going to be accountable to me even when you are angry and upset and don't want to be bothered what a exactly is this because there's a big difference and unfortunately because we don't communicate with the women in our lives as men once they open their legs they tend to assume that there's some sort of a relationship here no matter how minuscule we never clarify that and the reason we never clarify that is in our selfishness as men we like to have our cake and eat it too so we know she's developing a bond you understand but we're never going to clarify the bond because I want to be a able to dip out the back door the minute she puts too much responsibility on me where had if you told her up front this is just a pleasure contract and arrangement she could have probably done a better job of keeping her feelings to herself but because we don't want to see her with nobody else we would rather run the risk of of of of hurting her spiritually and emotionally than Let Her Go free to find what she really needs selfishness plays a big role in this now let me ask you this uh because you mentioned about money and sex what should be at the root of a healthy relationship for me the the the the foundation of a healthy relationship first of all let's deal with the four Essentials in order for the relationship to work at all you got to have humility a lot of times we don't have humility if the relationship is based on ego it's not a relationship you see that ego means you hear me but I don't have to hear you that's not a relationship that's a Master Slave relationship when you have one person who has all the power and the other person who does not and to that point that is a very toxic situation we see in our community too where the woman is the slave master and the man is the slave or the man is the slave master and the woman is the slave and you've seen these relationships where one person makes all the decisions and have all the power and the other person needs to remain silent unless spoken to you see which goes down another road of where you should not be dating if you have low self-esteem because people with low self-esteem will always be taken advantage of in the Arena and too many men and women are out there looking for their ideal mate but you don't have the ideal self-esteem in order to engage the type

of mate that you want so if I speak to a young sister what type of man you want I speak to a young brother what type of Queen you want they describe them is your self-esteem at a level that this type of person will want you oh because you can't hide how you feel about yourself once you've been around a queen for a couple weeks she know how you feel about yourself just like you know how she feel about herself self when you've been around her for a couple weeks so the role of self-esteem is critical because as you know a player a brother who knows how to game women he can read their level of self-esteem quickly he knows exactly what her thirsty meter is hitting at you see and a woman knows exactly what his thirsty meter is hitting at AB but getting back to those four Essentials you need humility I got to be humble enough to be quiet when she's wrong to hear her out I got to be humble enough to remain quiet while she's expressing her points about me everything she just said may be wrong she may have accused me of cheating she may have accused me of all kind of things but guess what this is her truth in this moment let me Shut the up let her say what she need to say when she's done reflective listening baby you believe the reason I came home at 1:00 last night because I was over my baby mom's is that how you feel do you believe that okay let me try to prove see let me try to prove to you that I was not there you see what I'm saying yeah the problem with us because most of us was raised by women we get a little you see that so when our Queen get we want to get right back that's not the behavior of a man that's not masculine masculinity says she's in her pain and because she's in her pain I'm G to validate her even if she's incorrect because I don't ever want her to feel that I don't understand where she coming from we get right into defense mode raised by single black mothers we want to give her back the same energy she giv us that's a gridlock we don't move nowhere you got to have humility the next thing you got to have is you got to have communication one of the biggest mistakes we have in our relationships in the black community we want our partners to read our minds if you're in a relationship with a woman who needs you to read her mind that is an emotionally immature woman and you need to end it a woman should should be able to tell a man what she wants and how she feels and a man should be able to tell a woman what he wants and how he feels cuz it goes both ways whenever you're in a relationship and somebody expects you to read their mind as I've often said to Sisters I'm a psychologist not a psychic you understand I observe and evaluate I can't read you see so tell me how you feel the reason why a lot of sisters would rather us feel them out then communicate to us how they feel is they afraid of rejection they don't want to verbalize it because they're afraid it may get rejected so they would rather you read the mind so they don't have to uh uh Garner uhhhh the audacity to tell you exactly how they feeling in other words you need to make a decision whether or not you're gonna marry me we've been in this relationship for three years you see that yeah she wants to say it she ain't got the courage because she's afraid of what your response is so she's been pouting around the house acting up like what's wrong with her she want to know where this Rel relationship is going but she's not going to say it because you ain't giving her the confidence to say that you see so we have to make sure that when we are dating people we're dating people who mirror our psychological age because all of us have a biological age we also have a psychological age so let's say you 45 years old biologically your queen is 45 years old biologically but she been traumatized raped abused abandoned by her father emotionally scarred by her mother although she's 45 biologically psychologically she could be 12 psychologically you could be six and a big reason why

a lot of our relationships don't work out is you got two people who are around the same biological age but psychologically they at two different levels you see this like damn why she acting like a child why he acting like a child because guess what they are not psychologically where you are and here's a big problem we have we think we've met our match when we get into a relationship where we never argue and there's no type of conflict or disagreement that's a trap you know why that's a trap everybody has a pain body you got one you got one I got one they got one what is a pain body that is an energy that you carry within your soul it's a deep part of your unconscious that contains the memory of every negative experience you ever had in your life from the time you got bullied you know from uh uh your father spanking you in front of your friends your girlfriend cheating on you everything you went through negative is in this pain body right you have one everybody got one if you've never seen it activated in your queen to be it ain't time to get married yet because you have to determine whether or not you can live with her pain body when it gets activated see this is where we date for five years and everything been great we moved in for one month now we getting a divorce you know why because it's easy to date when y'all don't have to share the same space it's easy to date when y'all don't have to share the same space now y'all sharing the same space in all that that she kept hidden in her or all that you kept hidden in you now it's going to come out and do you want to know why the ego doesn't like to lie your ego never want when she says are you cheating on me you say no if you are your ego want to say yeah I'm cheating I'm you see you see the ego doesn't like the lie you see so once you're forced three things normally Force the ego to tear the mask off because when we dating each other we're basically dating the ideal self we're projecting before the other person we're not dating who we really are when you meet somebody you never tell them I'm an alcoholic I have trouble showing up for work at time I had 10 jobs in the past year my father left me I grew up in a brothel with my mother who was a prostitute you're not telling her none of that she has to figure out all your flaws on her own just like you have to figure out all her flaws on your own you see that and so that's why we don't trust each other when we begin dating because we both know we got a pain body we both know we got baggage and neither person wants to be transparent about what their issues are from the beginning damn see we force the other person to learn them on their own so nobody trusts nobody cuz I know you got in your closet and you ain't giving me none of it and because I got to study you and I don't know how long I'm going have to study you I'm going to try to hold my feelings back as much as I can and for that very same reason we like to keep something on the side too because if this don't work out I need something else to fall out on well guess what if you got something on the side there's no way you can be fully committed to this now let me tie trauma back into this how can you fully love if you're too afraid to get hurt right and if you can't fully love because you're too afraid to get hurt you have have no business dating in the first place because what you might mistake for love is nothing more than a psychologically unhealthy attachment or addiction for someone else's presence in your life to validate you right now we got an epidemic of black men killing their women that wasn't love you couldn't kill somebody you loved you know what was going on he was addicted to her presence in his life his illness cannot exist without her presence in his life and because he can no longer have her presence in his life he's going to take her life that's not love that's Psychopathology and addiction and you have a lot of traumatized black people running around thinking

they in love with people you're not in love you are simply addicted to their presence in your life they serve a purpose for you that's it it's not love and if you don't really understand what love is often times clinginess attachment thirstiness and addiction is called love and it's not love don't hurt if it hurts it has to be trauma take us into love though because because I I do agree with you a lot of people are confused about what love is right so how would you define love when you truly love somebody truly here's the thing about love love is unconditional that's the first thing I want to say is it really love is unconditional if it's conditions on it it ain't love it's a contract and that's okay if both of you agree on the terms she may agree we have a pleasure contract we got an economic contract where you going to take care of me and as long as you take care of me I'm going be your woman the Puff Daddy Arrangement you feel me that works for some people no you have women like that you have men like that I'm gonna floss you up and as long as I floss you up you gonna be loyal to me but that's a contract that's not love contracts are different from love why contracts are conditional love is unconditional if I love my queen what if she comes home one day and say hey baby uh I don't want to work this I don't want to be a lawyer no more but if I only married her because I like the way her law degree looks on Dr Umar in public you see how this goes she's changing but if I love her okay baby that's what you don't want to do you want to go into something else let's do it love is UN when you love somebody you are 100% unapologetically And unconditionally committed to that person's best interest even if it is to your loss what if your fiance come home and say listen babe I had a long conversation with my ex-husband I never thought I would look at this again but we left a lot on the table together I enjoyed the time we had I think that man might still be my soulmate I got to move on I might still hurt because I loved her right but if that love is true if you feel that's who you meant to spend the rest of your life with I gotta love you and want the best for you most of us cannot do that what we call love is limited to your investment in me you see that yeah anytime they step outside of the box we created for them we get angry because that was not love you had conditions on it your woman gained 20 pounds now you're going to divorce or you say if you gain another 20 pounds this marriage is over that was not love that was a contract because it had conditions if I love that woman unconditionally whether she gained 20 30 40 50 pounds I'm not going nowhere that we might need to have a conversation about her health because I want you around for our children to get married you understand but there's no such thing as ending a relationship because you stepped outside of my perfect box if you loved her love is unconditional and most of what we got in the black community or contracts disguised as loving relationships because you know that I mean that's what I think of when I when I think of even the role of a man being to provide to protect I'm thinking those are conditions like this relationship will exist between us as long as you provide and you protect are those not conditions on the contract of Love or you are correct those are a little different though because those are expected gender roles that go back to the beginning of time in other words I know she's going to be birthing the babies I know I'm expected to be the provider even if she makes more than me so gender RS are conditions but because those are culturally determined I would put them in a separate box because we come in understanding that this is part of what you're supposed to do as a man or as a woman versus don't gain no weight don't lose that job don't your income better not drop don't have more than one child you see what I'm saying yeah I'm dealing with those personal conditions

that you want to impose on the other person versus the conditions that the culture imp imposes on us as men and women understood understood now going back to because you were saying you we were y still good on the sound we good down a little bit there we go there we go we straight we straight okay excellent so let me give them two other ones I'm sorry hold on wait wait because you gotta I want you to hold it because there's so much to unpack hold on to those two other ones but I really want to touch on this because you talked about being able to us dealing with our pain bodies yes and us not knowing exactly how to connect with one another because we really don't know who we are in that pain body how can one and this for me cuz I'm out here I'm a brother who's seriously dating I really want to look I'm trying to get out these damn streets yes sir yes sir so the reality of it is how is a man looking to authentically know a woman her pain body what she really comes with to unlock that version of her and her to unlock that in me as well how does that happen the own first of all it cannot happen until both of you feel the other person is a safe space for you so it doesn't happen early on in a relationship it happens at a point normally after you guys have been intimate although I don't think that's a good idea I think it needs to come before the intimacy because intimacy tends to unlock a lot of that pain see so when you guys get to a point where you're pretty sure that you're interested in taking this a little further let's start talking about some of the things we've been through so we can understand each other a little more okay you see that the problem is people are very slow to disclose past traumas because number one they buried them somewhere deep within themselves and don't want to touch them again and they fail to realize that they still exude energy and influence all throughout your life so that's number one she don't want to revisit the rape so I'm not even going to bring it up to him you see that yeah that's how trauma operates we think we can bury it you can't so so that's that's one issue number two if I tell him this how do I know he ain't going to share it with his mother his best friend his brother we as black people have a very poor culture of confidentiality we don't keep things confidential you know I look at my life right I've never discussed my personal intimate moments with women with nobody if anybody ever found out about me and a woman I don't care if it was high school she had to tell it because I consider the woman so sacred and her giving me that part of her so sacred no body will know that this ever happened but I knew I know few men who are like that a lot of men are like women they want to run and tell everything that goes on in the relationship if there's no confidentiality in the relationship nobody's ever going to disclose anything a woman has to know that if I tell him this even if we don't work out this never goes into another person's ears you would the same way if you got a man who' been sexually abused or grew up in a foster home but nobody knew it or my mom is really my aunt cuz my mom left me on a step I if I tell her this and we end up not working out is this table talk at girls night you see so people got to really feel you're a safe space before they start to divulge that part of themselves it's expose culture right now the every everything everybody is being put on blast right now and that's exactly why a lot of us are not willing to tell our significant others the type of pain that we carry around with us every day because if this gets out it'll be used against Me by people who are not for me and so in my effort to bring some healthiness into our relationship you just unearth my trauma for the world to use against me trauma is a hell of a thing gentlemen it's a hell of a thing people bury it and they don't like to bring it back up and see here's the thing to your point there were four things

we needed as children if you got these four things from both parents you needed it from Mom and you needed it from Dad the opposite sex parent is more relevant though although both are important you needed intimacy you needed your mother to love you and you had to F the love you need your father to love you and you had to feel the love remember a woman's first love affair is with her father it's not sex it's psychological a man's first love affair is with his woman with his mother it's not sex it's psychological if my mother loved me right I'm not afraid to love a woman when I grow up you see that and I have confidence that if this relationship doesn't work out I can leave it and find another one you see that yeah if that woman's father loved her she won't have trouble loving a man and she's not going to walk around scared is he cheating is he gonna hurt me because her father validated her Womanhood so much that she knows if it doesn't work out I can leave and find another one women who had their fathers in their lives in an intimate healthy way men who had their mothers in their lives in an intimate healthy way they operate in The Dating game completely different if y'all think about the women you dated who had a loving relationship with a biological father and the women you dated who did not know their father I'm quite certain you can tell some differences between them trust anger uh uh uh uh vulnerability confidence completely different man and woman so you need intimacy that love second thing you need and these are in no order availability was Mom present in your life was Dad present in your life was they at the football game was they at the basketball dance did they come to the birthday parties or were they absent did you have parents who abandoned you so you got intimacy you got availability then you also have reciprocity did Mom and that do for you or did you have nothing at all when your shoes got holes on them did they get you another pair you understand that when you were still hungry at dinner could you get another plate or did you live in an environment of scarcity so you got intimacy you have reciprocity you have availability and the fourth one was trust could you trust your father when he gave you his word could you trust your mother when she gave you if your mother dropped you off at Grandma's and said baby I'm going to the mall it's 12: noon I'mma be back at 8 but you didn't see her for eight days later see that yeah any trauma we got from our parents especially the opposite sex parent we carry over into our dating relationships this is why nobody should be marrying anyone if you didn't meet their parents because you got to know who made them because you're going to begin to see into their trauma just by being around mom and dad for a couple hours which is another reason why I don't think people should get married before they live together now I know the church and the M yes okay they gonna be pissed off at you for that one yeah but I have limits go back to what I said earlier the reason why you got to live with someone my maximum and I tell women this I'll say it here now two years if a woman been living under the same roof with a man consecutively for two years he knows if he GNA wife her first of all we men after about six months you got a pretty good idea whether this is you understand after you pretty certain but you might drag it out just in case she got some skeletons that need to pop out in you see right right right but after two years a man knows so when I talk to women who say yeah I've been living with my baby daddy for five years he said he's still not sure he's sure he just don't want to tell you because he don't want to let you go free because he know how good of a woman you are and he don't want nobody else to experience that a man knows two years is my limit but the reason you got to live together is what I said earlier we know how to be the best actor Hollywood ever created when we don't have to

share space if all I'm doing is picking you up going to dinner going to the movies going to the Hawks game going to the Falcons game going to vacation to Bermuda we have a pleasure contract we about to turn this into an official relationship well guess what I got things about me I don't really want you to know but guess what now you live with her you under the same roof now mind you y'all been dating for five years it's been great you live with her for one week guess what you found out in one week you found out she don't like to wash her ass this is real right this is real she finds out you don't like to put the toilet seat down you find out she can't cook she find out you got two other cell phones and both of your baby mamas call you all through the night and talk about they personal problems with their new boyfriends she would have never knew that if y'all never cohabitated she not paying bills on time you not taking out the trash you not spending no time with her kids now when you was just picking them up for dinner you was okay with little rayquan right now rayquan in your house you don't want to do with him now you see this yeah you got to live with people you got to live with people because you never fully know someone until they drop their guard in the in the three conditions that normally Force the ego to stop lying and tuck away the actor we like to project pregnancy marriage cohabitation yeah I recommend you cohabitate first before the pregnancy and the marriage so you can really know who this person is you don't know him if you ain't live with him but ladies it should be a two-year limit I will say this man ladies I used to always say is I say the people that work with you I actually say the people that live with you and the people that work with you know you know you very well and I say work because you get to see a different side of them they work a they work ethics you know their habits their patterns in a different way as far as they grind especially a man but in general man I must say man I don't and I failed at it I failed at living with a woman and it could be mainly because I did find these things out but the reality of it is too I it could be very confusing when you start shacking up with somebody it's a lot of confusion involved with that it is but here's my question for you though were you ready to compromise your personal lifestyle in the agenda you had for yourself because remember relationship means compromise if you're not ready to give up or give in on anything that's important in your life you ain't ready for a relationship you still need a pleasure contract because you're not ready to be accountable and you're not ready to take on responsibility for that other person you see that yeah so a lot of the confusion stems around the fact that you like her but you're not ready to compromise the life I live I'm not ready to only watch one game on Sunday with the homies when I'm normally there from 12 to 12 you see that I'm not ready to put in the type of time with her children that are not mine that I spend with my own you see that yes I'm not ready to start being responsible for how I spend my money I normally do it how I want and she wants us to have a budget I ain't never done no damn budget you see are you ready to compromise because two egos that are not ready to compromise can't have a relationship that's a situationship or a pleasure contract and again that's all right if that's where you are but the minute you say relationship that means you got to give up in order to get in let me ask you this I want to take the conversation in a bit of a different direction we we got we got all five of them joint we got them all in y'all better be taking some damn notes because Dr Umar is in the building I need that trans yeah we got to no doubt you really dropped about two books about two books let me give you one point before you turn it there yeah we needed that intimacy that trust that availability that reciprocity

right right if you didn't get him you will spend the rest of your romantic life trying to get it fulfilled through people who are not your parents this is where you're in a relationship with a woman and you said I feel like her damn Daddy I don't feel like her man she needs me to raise her the woman says he's a little boy I feel like more of his mother than his wife you know why they have unmet needs and they're trying to get them fulfilled through you and you need to let him know that you're not his mom and he needs to go back to his mom and work on them issues or find a mother figure to work on them through because you're draining me you're draining me the relationship is Weighing on me because I'm not just wife I'm wife and I'm Mom I'm not just husband I'm husband and I am dad and this is why you got to meet them parents if they're there and if they're not there you better do a thorough psycho history interview with your mate to be to find out what they went through in their life because if you find out there was an abandonment issue there was an intimacy issue never felt love giving up for adoption foster care whatever the case may be there was a trust issue then you know there's a vulnerability there and that woman or that man is going to spend the rest of their life trying to get the childhood unmet needs met the Bible I'm not Christian but one thing in the Bible it talks about how the sins of the father will visit the children until theth generation nothing is more true about that statement than in the world of mental health if I I if grandfather was an alcoholic grandson is likely to be great grandson is likely to be if great grandma was promiscuous granddaughter is likely to be great granddaughter is likely to be it is very hard to break dysfunctional family cycles and patterns very hard that's why when you meet the mom you say I know the mom's kind of loose you feel me like I know exactly right right right are you sure that didn't get passed down it doesn't mean it had to but there's a strong likelihood that it did you got to check your partner's unmet needs because if they were not met they're going to be looking for them to get met through you and that's not your job nor can you meet them because unfulfilled issues from childhood can only be fulfilled through those parents so what I want to what I want to actually get into here in good game way to close good closure on that conversation I want to talk about the leadership aspect because a lot of the ladies we got a lot of ladies always talking about you know they're having troubles finding a man that's qualified to lead a family and when you when we talk about a man who's qualified to lead I want you to define the best way you can what you feel a man needs to actually be able to head and lead a household that's going to vary woman tooman some women want an aggressive Di dictator some women want a they'll never say that they they won't but they do some women do other women want a man who's more of a facilitator who takes the lead when necessary but would much rather collaborate with his Queen you follow so we have to look at the style of husband a woman is looking for and to my sisters I would challenge them respectfully if the man you want show up with the ability to lead do you have enough trust in yourself in respect for black manhood to allow him the opportunity to lead you because let me tell you what I've had women tell me in therapy Dr Umar I found a man of my dreams takes care of me takes care of my kids I don't have to work I trust him he don't cheat no issues but guess what I was conditioned by my mother and my grandmother to never depend on a man and never let a man make decisions for you I know he's what I need I know I can trust him but the conditioning in my family the intergenerational we don't trust or respect black men has gotten so deep into my mind that the very man I waited my whole life for I might lose because I can't get control of my issues so

when a sister say you looking for a leader are you ready to receive him when he shows up you see that yeah because a lot of women can't relinquish that even though our sisters have been punished far too long because of the white man's war against the black man that sends us to the penitentiary and the graveyard black women have had to lead on their own for 50 60 years so they've gotten so comfortable not having to answer to a man look at this now you're talking about three generations no no man now one comes up traditional Family Values churchgoing man spiritual man and she can't let them lead because even though she's tired of being in charge there's something about the power she don't want to relinquish and that's a big reason why a lot of women don't have husbands is not because they can't find them it's because they cannot respect a man who shows up with tradition black masculine traits so is that a bigger so wow is that a bigger issue than the fact that it's not enough of these brothers out here is it really it's both it's both now it's not enough of us to go around that's true but I would tell sisters the same thing I would tell a brother who says he can't find a good africanamerican woman American African woman go to Brazil I just came from Central America a couple days ago those afro Latino sisters is fine I was in Jamaica go to the Caribbean go to London there's more black women in the world than any other female so if you looking for a black woman you can find one well guess what sisters Africa has no shortage of black men Caribbean has no shortage of black men they scared of them African Brothers I was going to say you know what the difference is you know what the difference is Right In traditional African culture the man is the man and the woman is the woman so the whole snapping your neck cursing me out in public it ain't gonna work it's not happening in Nigeria I'mma tell you right now it's not happening in the Congo it's not happening you understand it's not happening swana you see so if the sister wants and don't get me wrong they won't have to work those Brothers on the continent and many of the brothers in the Caribbean they are that traditional black masculinity that our sisters crave but are you humble enough to receive that you'll get what you want but can you let him lead because that goes against the dominant uh trend of thought coming out of the radical black feminist camp where you don't answer to no man you don't take orders from no man you don't even make a decision with a man you are in charge he is the enemy so if you're a black woman coming from a a radical black feminist tradition the last thing you want is a African or Caribbean brother because they not having that you're going to respect them and they're going to respect you you see in America cooking may be something that women consider to be beneath them in Africa our sisters guard the kitchen they don't even want you in it they proud because what you consume keeps your spirit alive so they are very protected the kitchen is almost a sanctuary in America oh I don't feel like cooking and you see so it's a whole different orientation so the same thing for brothers if you want a sister with oldfashioned female traits go to Africa go to the Caribbean but sticking here in the American Theater here's a big issue that black women have to deal with we got to deal with it too this whole thing of Serial monogamy versus the taboo of polygyny many black men because we get our cake and get to eat it too we are outnumbered you guys are in Atlanta one of the most outnumbered States right black men black women outnumbered cities we get to have our cake and eat it too because of that we tend not to tell women the truth that very few men especially Alpha brothers are monogamous most Alpha men most men period are polygamous that doesn't mean they going to have two women at the same time all the time it means that during the course of the relationship with the primary

Queen you will entertain other feminine energy along the way we we're not honest with the women we don't tell them that we'll tell them it's only you baby and I love only you baby so every woman thinks if I find the right one I never have to worry about having to share him when that's really not the truth for the a lot of the men now that might be an issue of preference but then we got to look at an issue of predicament it's not enough black men to go around so if a sister wants an American African brother she don't want my African brother my Caribbean brother my South Central American brother she's going to have to consider a poist Arrangement now when I say that the feminists go off crazy Absol I want to challenge the feminist I gotta push back on my radical black feminists because the same sister who says she will not partake in polygyny will willingly date a married man I've seen so help me understand where you are against plural marriage but you have no problem being the undercover mistress for a man who you know is married you see that wow so do you know what that tells us what you're not against polygamy you're for polygamy as long as nobody know you're practicing it so that's called hypocrisy wow damn a lot of our sisters are polygynous hypocrites I will do it if nobody knows but if you ask me to stand up and be accountable to the community I much rather not so it's it's pretty more pretty much you saying they people be more concerned with protecting our reputation absolutely than absolutely and and and what do sisters fear the most about being in a plural marriage the kickback she G to get from other sisters yeah it's the queendom that they fear you dummy what you in there for letting him sleep with now mind you the same person calling her dummy her man got another woman too for difference is this sister is with is with a man who was honest enough to tell her this is what I'm going to be about so with me I'mma have two queens only two I don't want more than that right because the older you get the less of your life force you need to be shooting out anyway because you're gonna die young you understand and that's another thing as brothers need to understand you got to get that penal syndrome that lower chakra under control because it'll take you out of here early W you know remember women are designed spiritually they they they they devour our essence you understand they're man ERS in a good way you see so as you get older you got to slow down like the Chinese they have a philosophy of the chi which they got from us but they say you only get a certain amount of chi and the biggest way you lose your Chi is through releasing your energy into a woman once your Chi is dried up the ancestors take you that's Chinese medicine yes they say it comes in limited amount once it's used up you're out of here so you we have to start pulling back but again we are too oriented in our dating culture towards sex and we're losing because of it even the women why you think they getting bbls breast surgery all of this why because we have stripped our black women of the sacredness of their vagina the black man has stripped the black woman of the sacredness of her vagina the vagina is a Sacred Space you're not even supposed to go in it unless you're willing to assume responsibility for that woman in everything that proceeds from that vagina IE children a lot of us only see the vagina as a pleasure object you see that and because we have reduced the woman to an object she's now reducing herself to an object to do the best she can to attract a man if we told all black women we are not going to be bothered with you unless you start wearing skirts again or we're not going to be bothered with you unless you stop dressing sexually provocative they would do it because guess what they love more than the BBL guess what they love more than the weaves and the wigs and the tight jeans they love having a man to come home to we control the sexual explicity

of our women but because we're so thirsty for how they look it's hard for us to bring them back to a platform where they could once again be regarded as the Queens we need them to be before most women that I know before they truly consider going to another country to get a black man the first thing they do is locally just dating outside their race locally that's what they consider and I just seen your whole facial expression a lot of coaches advise that too they can't find connection with black men then you should go out and and try something a little different I want my sisters to be careful and the reason I want my sisters to be careful being who I am I get a lot of stories from a lot of black women I've had black women tell me they were engag AED or married to white men for years even with children only for him to turn around and call her the nword call her a black tell her she'll never be as good as a white woman you understand because remember all white people have that in them just because they haven't sex with you I don't know where we get this idea that if a white person beds you that means they're somehow different from any other white person didn't Thomas Jefferson bed half the plantation didn't George Washington bed half the pl ation so where do we get this idea that if a white person is sexing you they're somehow not racist they just as racist I had one sister sent me an email she said Dr Umar my white boyfriend calls me the n-word when we're having sex what yes wow in fact she called in on one of my lives and discussed it yeah he calls her the nword when they're having sex and she wanted me to know if I felt that was acceptable I can't even believe she could yes yes because you got to remember in white culture the men believe you never really had sex unless you been with a jungle woman I our sisters so all white men want to access the black vagina because it's the best vagina in existence but they only accessing it you know as as as a fetish see white people fetishize us and we so in love with whiteness and we're so in love with accessing whiteness and proximity to whiteness we don't even realize when we're being paraded around like Zoo monkeys white women fetishize black men and the reason why they love having a black man is in a relationship with a white man she know who's boss when a white woman is with a white man she know who's boss so if she wants to be a boss she got to get the black man he's the only man she can have where she know she can have her way with him and if she don't get it with his consent she'll get it through the legal system ie Jonathan Majors I can destroy your black ass whenever I feel like it yeah you could be worth a billion dollars Bill Cosby but what's gonna happen when I tell the courts you sexually harassed me 40 years ago see the white woman loves the black man because she's always in the dver seat of the relationship she got the whole force of the white power structure behind her if he gets out of line never consider that that is wow and honestly I think that's why internally I've always been shook like I've I haven't been able to truly date a white woman at all like I it's it's fear built into me I mean all through my childhood you know I grew up learning cases on emit you know growing up that was put into me early so I already knew what the situation was you do think about I mean you think about you know when you see the police think about when you see group of white men or I even think about with the black woman oh yeah it's gonna be thinking about me while I'm went there you just you just out there un protect absolutely I don't date women who have had sex with non-african men even if it was just an experience yes wow wow if they sex them a date I can live with that a kiss disgusting but I might SW my God but if she gave if she gave that honeycomb hideout to a devil if she gave her cookies to that Caucasian Slayer I cannot go back into that cave after she let a neander fall enter

it I cannot do it she has disrespected her vagina in every female ancestor we've ever had I cannot do it wow strong words from Dr Johnson so listen what we gonna do y'all know family for the people that's already here you already know when we get to the initiation hotline what we gonna do is we gonna bring the people up we're gonna bring the family up and I want to get y'all take on this when this is listen this is the first live he has ever been featured on so this is huge y'all better send him super chats over no non sense when you calling in y'all make sure y'all looking good make sure y'all prepared we gonna take care of the doctor and listen and listen we gonna put the link in here so Ryan could you prep the link up for the family I got you I got because what we gonna do here I'm GNA put the link inside the chat you guys are going to be able to enter you go backstage I'mma let you guys up and what I want to what I want your take on is whether or not you are full for or against dating outside your race I want y'all to come up here and why I want y'all to be brief and I want y' to be brilliant but I do want to hear your voice on this one and I want the fellas too because as we mentioned we seen the the Jonathan major situation pop off and we seen what happened and I think it's you know question on both sides of the coin so my brothers can come up here as well so Ryan let me know when you went ahead and dropped that joint in there yeah I went I went ahead and dropped that I uh I got the pin it should be pin and just a second I want to I want to ask you this too while people are coming in here I I really want to know this because if I had to make it very plain and say is it better for a black woman in particular because that's what we speaking about to be alone or to marry outside her race what should she decide to do why are those the only two options why could she not find a brother on another continent or consider plural marriage and going back to the hypocrisy of the radical black feminists who say they cannot be part of a plural marriage but who will date a married man there's another phenomenon in the community and y'all see this you saw it in high school you saw it in college you see it today the alpha males always have a flock of women around them and interested in them and guess what a lot of these sisters who say they don't want to be part of a plural relationship are always part of that queendom around that alpha male because at the end of the day if he got swag and she's attracted she's not letting another woman keep her from entertaining him you've seen this you know this this is the reality it's the reality in the animal kingdom it's the reality in the man Kingdom the alpha males always attract the women and those women never stop their Pursuit because he's in a relationship they just will never publicly admit it so listen I want y'all to come back here Ron did we go ahead and drop that joint oh yeah yeah we got some people in in in there now so let's go ahead we got some people that's coming backstage I want y'all to come uh come on back here almost 2500 people in the chat live right now so it's going crazy this is a class instant classic episode with Dr Omar Johnson right now this an instant classic episode you got sisters in the chat right one beautiful sister says I'd rather be single she's being dishonest if you are not yet at retirement age you're not thinking about being single that's a lie and so when we talk about transparency because that's another thing in a relationship you got to be transparent and another reason our relationships fail we're not transparent we are hiding sneaking doing all kind of stuff why don't your wife know about this why don't your husband know about this you got a a whole another bank account he don't know you have lunch with your baby mom every Friday she don't know if the relationship doesn't have transparency is based on lies and I would I would dare say at least 50% of the

relationships in our community are not transparent they're based on lies everybody's holding out on something so much so that if you really saw everything they got going on in their life that you didn't know about you might leave them we do not respect the sanctity of black-on-black love anymore we treat it like any other game any other scheme or any other business racket we trying to run and we got to put back the spirituality in black- onblack love for me I don't believe we need to be coming together having babies or getting married unless we're creating a family that's going to contribute in some significant way to the liberation of African people we not birthing no babies unless we birthing kings and queens who want to play a role in The Liberation struggle for African people for me that's the purpose of family you understand we we doing this for the people everything we do we doing it so we can leave a legacy for our children and for our people getting married just because you think it's the end thing to do getting married just because you want somebody to uh furnish you with all kinds of expensive gifts I don't think that's a good reason for people to be coming together I love that we got MJ backstage we bringing to the stage right now MJ unmute your Mike you are on the stage wait hold on MJ oh move too late MJ too late lost it you gotta be ready MJ oh we got my man hold wait we got what's it here we got fizzy fley fley from black Renaissance podcast what's up my brother fley from black Renaissance podcast man man got the mic got you ready man look let me tell you tell us brother what's your take on this man you dating outside your race or what brother never dated outside my race never dated a white woman never had sex with a white woman and I 100% agree with brother Umar Johnson who states the fact that once a black woman actually lets a white man enter her K she is like basically no good to like black R unfortunately I I definitely that I'm not gonna lie I am totally for my brother and keep preaching that good word so yeah I'm all for stay like staying with black women black on black relationships you know fley well look I appreciate you coming up here and giving us your take brother shout out to fley and I would say this if the sister did allow the ican to shoot his ancestors into her vagina I believe we can get with our Queen mothers of traditional African spiritual culture and maybe we could perform a vaginal exorcism to get that white man's a out of her got they got they got the they got the detox team and they put some they got to put some some Sage some herbs do some prayers and get his a because let's be honest and I want sisters to hear me on this women are not men and are not supposed to be nor should they try to behave like us and I see a lot of sisters trying to be serial monogamous like a lot of men are and it's dangerous to their spiritual and psychological health because whoever a woman lays with he will leave fingerprints in her vagina not physical spiritual yeah and a reason a big reason why a lot of our black women are so unhealthy psychologically and so unhappy spiritually is because they have the energy of multiple men swimming in their uterus what they could have all used condoms I'm not talking about his physical AE I'm talking about his spiritual AE women keep us in them every man She lays with is in her until she conducts a spiritual detox so sisters please don't turn into a Serial monogamous and of course if you're out there sexing too much ladies you're going to end up with a Loosey Goosey and the older you get the harder it is for that Loosey Goosey to rebound back to its normal shape and size and tightness so ladies need to practice a lot more discretion as they age so now we got Kela coming up to the stage right here I want to go ahead and get our take from a lady Kela what's up with you sister hey y'all um I'm Kela 26 out of Atlanta and I just have a question about hold on wait wait Kea listen

26 out Atlanta you're 26 out Atlanta but I still want to know I know you got your question I'm gonna let you get to your question but I want to know your take first you're dating outside your race or not no okay okay thank you sister and go ahead let's let's get to your question all right so you talked about you know finding out those unmet needs of your partner how do you find or inquire about those unmet needs um you know just like talking to men they get offended or they feel like attack mode um how do you find that out direct conversation the problem with us Queen is when we start dating one another we're asking The Superficial questions how much money do you make what kind of car you drive how many children do you have how many degrees did you earn that stuff has very little to do with whether this relationship is going to survive or not did you grow up with your mother and your father if not why not how close are you with your father now are your parents still married how many siblings did you have how did y'all get along have you ever lived with a man how long did that relationship last have you ever been married those are the questions you need to ask indirect questions that help you see into that person's childhood because guess what queen we always carry our childhood with us psychologically we call it the inner child who you were from birth to age 12 continues to exist that little you is in you right now and anything that little you didn't get from mom or dad is is going to try to get from the men that you date and the only way you can get control over that little you is to become conscious of how it operates in your life it's like an alcoholic an alcoholic may always be an alcoholic but if they can become conscious of their drinking Behavior they can control it we have to get in touch with the little us the inner child so we can limit the influence it has in our life let me give you a quick example you meet a young man in Atlanta he's handsome he's everything you want in a man he got the body he got the he got the job he got the car but guess what psychologically your intelligence as a black woman tells you he's not what you need he is trouble you know it but guess what that little girl in you who never got no attention in elementary school or the one who was abandoned by her daddy or the one who never dated a man this handsome is Whispering into your subconscious you better get him don't you let him go and the next thing you know you spending five years with a man who you know you never should have been with why were you with him because your inner child had an unmet need and you didn't have enough discipline to overpower her desires control your inner child wow Kea shout out to you here in the city of Atlanta she listen she on the stage with Dr Umar Johnson right now this is epic but initi this is once in a lifetime for many people let me tell you what Kea need though Kela what you really need is these Harley and love sh all right you need to whip this out whip this out on this brother and say all right look these these superficial questions ain't working and I'mma go ahead and ask some real questions here we might have to do a little collab we might have to get some Dr Omar Johnson questions in there oh Lord yes inde as a matter of fact ke let me tell you what we gonna do we gonna go ahead and give you a free deck because I want you to be successful matter of fact go ahead send me send us over send us over email us at info hardle initiated. info hardle initiated. and go go send me your first and last name make sure you put Keila let us know we talk to you today none of you phonies out here this only for Keela y'all no more emails but not of me absolutely we gonna get this over to you but thank you so much Kea okay and Kea let me give her three quick points and I know we got the Run Kila number one understand this about men I don't care what any man ever tells you the longer you make us wait for the cookie the more

we will value you after we get it do you understand me time does matter with that being said I want you to understand this with that being said if a man respects women it doesn't matter how soon y'all did it and if a man does not respect women it don't matter how long you made him wait make sure you know how he feels about women and there's no better way to find that out than to ask him how he feels about his mother and the last point Queen don't make the mistake of so many sisters who look for men who they have something in common with right we both psychologist we both watch the reality show we both like the read we both like the beach uh uh that's superficial you should be looking for whether or not y'all share the same values he like to spend money you like to save money you want to have a lot of children he don't want none you believe in a relationship with God he don't believe in God you believe in saving for retirement he wants to live for today study a man's values and make sure you can live with what he believes in and the last thing I know I said three but I'm G give you this you can never change a person when you meet that man Queen ask yourself this and be honest with yourself can I live with him as he is if he never changed for the rest of my life never get married because you think it's going to make the problems go away marriage will only highlight and intensify the problems that are already there that's a bar that's a bar look Kela thank you so much for coming up onhe shareing with us stie okay thank you I just love seeing like young ladies really trying to get it together too so that was and and and as we get older gentlemen we have to evolve to be the elders even if we're not yet an elder age for our younger sisters because one thing that every black woman needs and a lot of them don't have every black woman needs a man who loves her unconditionally without warning what's between her legs and one of the biggest problems in the black community is we have a lot of black women who don't have a single man not a grandfather not a father not an uncle not a cousin not a pastor who loves them unconditionally intimately without want between her legs and the older we get we have to start building those relationships with them young sisters because without that they're going to be at a disadvantage when it's time to start dating they won't have nobody to ask those questions to now listen and you actually talked about this prior aside from our biological age psychological age psychological age are they mature enough to be with you let me give you an example I travel right I'm always traveling so when I meet sisters they got to know up front well number one I'mma have two Queens that's number one number two you won't see me for weeks on in when I go to Africa I'm there 30 days straight yeah are you sure you can adjust to that lifestyle because the Revolutionary lifestyle doesn't lend itself easily to marriage Dr King said it Malcolm said it gy said it it's not an easy life to marry to be married to a man who could lose his life any moment for what he stands for but sisters are so attracted to the celebrity of Dr Umar they not looking at the activists they they not even seeing all they see is the YouTube and the breakfast no I could lose all this so if you come to me for that then this relationship is being built on quicksand can you go them days without me and can I trust that when I'm not in America somebody else ain't eating cookies out of my cookie bag you see how that works yeah which takes me to another Point emotionally damaged people are always sexually promiscuous let me say this again if you are traumatized if you are emotionally damaged you are promiscuous and do you want to know why why is that emotionally traumatized people require constant validation from others you married to a woman who've been traumatized abuse abandonment whatever when you're not around her for too many days she has to entertain another man

because her trauma dictates constant validation and constant validation means I must have a man in my person space this you ever date a woman who was crazy about you she absolutely loved you so you thought it was really addiction yeah when the when you finally let her go when you finally got her to stop stalking you she ended up with another man like that and your ego took a hit you said wait a minute I know that woman was crazy about me climbed in my window came to my you understand she was uhuh she was crazy about your presence in her life and the minute you distance yourself from her life she found a replacement without a problem emotionally damaged people are promiscuous because they cannot go without constant validation they need that validation they need it most of our promiscuous women are damaged women they're not having sex because they love having sex they're having sex because they have learned this is the only way I can get a man's attention first of all we got so listen big shout out to inzinga in here dropping super chats for the family going listen shout out inzinga you got to email us email us I didn't get your email we actually owe you a pack of these Harley and love cards so simply inzinga make sure you email us at info Hardley initiated. shout out to her and shout out to Orlando man showing love dropping them bottles memberships just came in you know what I'm big shout out to Orlando I'm hit a light Flex too let me see let me let me let me drop a little something let me drop five memberships drop a membership I love it I love it the initiates are here growing cuz we got over 2600 people in the chat I know y'all want to join the chat right now it is initiates only so please make sure you join the channel and the family so you can get active in the chat and if you don't mind Ty I actually got a couple super chats that came in please so because people want to dig in so shout out to one of my favorit shout out to Yi she says how does Dr Umar feel about light skinn Caribbean Latinos he only mentioned accepting afro Latinos okay first of all complexion does not disqualify you from being African so when I say afro Latino that's whether you're light skin brown skin tan skin or chocolate the first color on The Honorable Marcus garvey's red black and green flag is red because it's the blood that makes you an African the blood so if a light skin fair skin Spanish speaking AFR Latino identifies as African that's the key they must identify as African being biologically black is not enough Clarence Thomas is biologically black Jesse Lee Peterson is biologically black Candice Owens is biologically black Charles Barkley is biologically black but are you psychologically black does the light-skin African Latina sister identify with the rest of us if she does do she can be your wife if she doesn't does not consider herself black has no type of affinity for American African then she is taboo if you consider yourself a pan-africanist or a man of his people so you're not mad if a brother walks in with a you know a Spanish or a Latino I just came from Panama and seen a whole bunch of African panan there you go so you right I just came from you was in Cologne I just came from cologne bro that's where yeah that's they and you know Marcus Garvey lived there right he lived in Cologne City I didn't know that that was one of the largest Garvey chapters brother wow so they black like us the problem is in the Caribbean they created a color hierarchy the white power structure so the lighter you were the more opportunity you had our people internalized that and they said well I only want to have children with light-skinned people so I could move up in society you see that but for those Latinos who didn't allow that to seep into their psyche I have no problem I would marry a African Latino sister if she's black and conscious and proud to be African it's about the mentality and the Consciousness not the complexion Latina drop your IG he said

he down with it you just gota you gotta be okay with too and I think well I think this qualifies under the same you let me know uh Dr Umar but my mom shout out to Tamisha for she says my mom uh is white and my father is black if Race Matters more than Spirit what are you saying about biracial children who do you propose we date okay first of all you're assuming that Caucasians have a spirit that's number one damn number two in the panafrican movement we do not discriminate against mixed race Africans so if your mother is white and your father is black or your father is white and your mother is black once again if you identify with your African family I have no issue at all with marrying a mixed race African sister I've dated mixed race African sisters Martin Delaney the grandfather of pan-africanism was married to a mixed race African sister some of our Pana africanist forefathers were mixed race African men so Bob Marley was mixed race there's even some conjecture that the great Nat Turner might have been mixed race so we don't discriminate why not because you're not responsible for how you got here you you had no control over that you have the DNA of Africa in you and if you loyal to it come on in and join the party I just ask that the mix race Africans don't play the fence you want to be Pro black when Dr Umar around but you a straight up Jew when I'm not around you see what I'm saying so make up your mind that you gonna be a full-time African if you make up your mind you gonna be a full-time African we good like get it no issue with it's clear it's very clear so everybody that had question it should be cleared up I'mma bring one or two other people up real quick so we can get your take on this before we move back to the conversation here uh who we gonna bring up on this joint M you know what let's bring the brother we got Mike in the chat here Mike welcome to the stage welcome to Harley initiative my brother can you hear us loud and clear mik check mik check give do me a favor Mike give me your age your location and I want to hear your take on this uh 29 uh California and Umar is not going to like me because I believe that you can date who you want to date just don't be a and you know we regard Frederick Douglas with high esteem and he married a white woman at the end of the day so I look at a man's actions more so than who he dates let me respond to my brother and I appreciate the dialogue because we still Brothers even if we disagree I want to clarify the Frederick Douglas piece you're absolutely right about a decade before his death as an old man he married a white woman but let's not forget about Queen Mother Anna Marie Douglas who he was married to for nearly 50 years who gave birth to all five of his children who helped him Escape From Slavery to Freedom and who ran the Underground Railroad in Rochester New York during his absence I'm only bringing that up because we talk about the white woman so much that a lot of our children don't know Frederick Douglas had a dark skinned chocolate beautiful nappy-headed wife so I want to make sure Anna Mary Douglas gets her due now to your to your point that we can marry who we want and not be a how is not building a family with a black woman how can you be exempt from cooning if you do not build family with black woman so by your own rhetoric it's okay if we marry a white woman as long as we marry a black woman first no you should not be marrying a white woman at all if the salvation of the African people rest on the shoulders of the African family do we not have an obligation to be with our own women interesting and and I believe that you exclusively right yes and what about the wealth argument women on average outlive their husbands so when we transition if we married a snow bunny is she going to use any of your wealth to empower the black community after you're going I IE Kobe Bryant IE Marvelous Marvin Haggler you know all these great black men who married these white women

James Earl Jones is an elder we're not expecting him to go anywhere anytime soon Sydney is Sydney poder still with us or did he I'm not sure somebody look that up look that up please I think I don't want to speak it if it's not correct we don't want to force no Elders into the land of the ancest before their time the only reason I mentioned that I judge a man by his actions is because pass Sydney porier passed away married to a white woman he was a very wealthy man that white woman got all the Sydney Pier's money that non-african Latino got all of Kobe Bryant's money that white woman got all of Marvelous Marvin hagler's money this is wealth that we need to empower the black community and build institutions how are you not a sellout if you're giving white people that type of wealth when they've already stolen enough from us how could you find a white woman who could ever understand you as well as a sister yeah well the only reason why I mentioned people's actions is because you yourself exclusively date black yet you're one of the biggest scammers in our community it's been 12 years why you do me like that why you do me like that bro oh man was going good M went a little left man I thought the brother was a good brother yeah and you know I want to actually want to talk about some of the stuff that we've been hitting here because no problem no problem go right ahead got go right ahead we talked we hit on colorism a little bit which is a big problem in our community and black men I'mma put this on us sisters too we practice color I think the colorism of black men in the dating world supersedes the colorism of sisters in the dating world see never we we never you don't hear this conversation yes sir yes sir so now what do you mean by that black men are extremely biased against darkskinned black women I've been in rooms I've been in events and this is a global phenomenon too it's not limited here it's a panafrican issue I've been in spaces right where there might be three or four sisters over there they are all attracted but the dark sister in some cases stunningly beautiful stunningly beautiful and the brother would always go to one of the lighter ones just because she was like I've seen this repeatedly and consistently I hear young men say they only date light-skin look at look look at the gangster rap Community many of our prominent gangster rappers have at least one song where they condem either condemn dark skinned women or promote light-skinned women Jay-Z he has a song earlier years where he says he only dates the wavy lightskin yeah him being with Beyonce is not an accident he probably would never consider a darkskinned woman I'm not trying to say Mr Carter is a light-skinned supremacist but going off of his Li his lyrics he may definitely qualify for one our dark skinned sisters who are just as beautiful as our Browns and our yellows are being overlooked by black men because they don't have a complexion that approximates the slave master that's you know and we never really talk about and it has permeated the black Consciousness Community I'mma put my black conscious people on blast too and by black Consciousness I'm Loosely referring to all the brothers who claim to be woke in some way or another including Scholars elders and youth if you go through the conscious Community 99% of all the conscious Talking Heads have women who can pass a brown paper bag test you're not going to tell me it's a pure coincidence that most of our black Scholars most of our young unconscious Brothers in the youtubian world you can't tell me it's purely coincidence that 99% of them have women who can pass the brown paper bag test our darkskinned sisters are not in short supply we are simply overlooking them and I'll tell you this and I'll be quiet for a long time I said I would only marry a dark-skinned sister because I saw how they got overlooked and working in the schools I saw how the chocolate girls were always the last to be approached so I

said I'm going marry a chocolate Queen and put the chocolate women back on the map and then I had to sit down one day and I said if you do that you practicing dark skinn Supremacy what if the woman your ancestors is sending you is fair skin is town is tan is brown you may miss out on the woman you need to complete your mission here on Earth because you're now saying that you have a one track mind that will only date chocolate but your queen may actually be of another complexion so I had to check myself because in wanting to defend my chocolate beautiful African queens I almost became a chauvinist myself against light-skinned women and I'm G to put this on black men we got to stop worshiping skin color and disrespecting and dismissing our chocolate women so because you know man this is a really great conversation with you because you're a doctor of Clinical Psychology and this really this thing really does get psychological because when I'm thinking about the women I've dated and even some of you know the the the dark skinned women that have gotten very vulnerable with me all of them in their honesty have communicated challenges dealing with men dealing with just different areas of their lives associated with that part of it yes and do you find that just overall the darker skinned women are probably dealing with more insecurity or selfworth issues at scale yes the light-skin Supremacy that our beautiful dark skinn sisters have to put up with is an extra layer of pain they carry but guess what although it is worse than what the extremely pale skin sisters have to deal with I would say second to the chocolate sisters trauma around skin color is the pale skin sisters trauma around skin color the super light bright Queens they also go through a lot of trauma it's not as much as the dark I want to be clear about that but they go through it I see it in the schools the lightskinned girl with the green eyes they gotta fight every day now the dark skinn One's Gonna Be called ugly African booty scrap right right but the light-skinned one she getting her face scratched out every day they bite you understand because they assuming because she's lightskinned with hazel eyes she thinks she better when she not so if you exist on either extreme of the color Continuum within the African Kingdom you suffer that's true if you're a tan and a brown you safe but if you a super light bright super chocolate you're GNA suffer but without question the chocolate suffer way more and I will say this too it's another one we don't talk about the I lightskinn Brothers very very very lightskinned Brothers okay suffer one of my very closest friends I grew up with he was one of these brothers and you'll find that a lot of the very very light-skinned brothers because of conditioning how they're treated growing up a lot of them feel like they got something to prove so you know what a lot of them feel like they gotta be the baddest B I just learned this they gotta be the gangsters they got to be the thugs I might need I have my brother D1 up here D1 is a good brother and we asked yo why why is your hair locked up he said I had to get locked up because growing up like this was how I connected to my blackness people had to know I was black by looking at my hair my locks so that was now now the Blackness is a little bit different from the masculinity though yes right that is so separate them out that is but you're saying even in terms of the masculinity in terms of him being able to assert himself as a man he felt well lightskinn Brothers can feel that they are sometimes treated like they ain't got enough swag because they're lightskinned absolutely I just heard this for the first time a couple months ago and I never heard it before that but Brothers told me that I never knew that that people thought light-skinned guys were weaker were weaker soft because when I went when I look back in middle school and high school a lot of the bullies were lightskinned you see so I didn't

know that the lightskinn brothers felt that they were kind of viewed as soft I never saw it that's a r but I did hear this now you're a lighter brother I'm put you on the spot running lightskinn thing you know like oh you acting lightskinn yeah you know that's that's lightskinn Behavior yeah okay and you get that from you get that from women and men that's what the colorism yeah I've heard that but what about your masculinity growing up did you feel that you were viewed as softer or weaker because you were lighter do you feel your gangster was tested more because you were light not me specifically but you seen it yeah for sure maybe somebody was you know it's it's funny because depends on who light is let me tell you really hit me I don't know how long y'all been following me but if you go back to 2017 2016 2017 me and the good brother cus Su and CTI had a beef uh shout out to cus Su and CTI he is RBG so I respect the brother um and I did my little rant in Detroit with my Phillies hat my classic seti rant and I I called him albino because I'm going in on him right I don't do lightskin Supremacy my father's as light as se you feel me so it wasn't about that I'm just going in on it and I started getting hit up by all these light-skinned Africans men women Elders like Dr Umar you got to take that back you can't say that you know because a lot of us struggle I didn't know you feel me because there was a light-skinned privilege in society I overlook the fact that although this may count more in the white world it can be a detriment in the black community you see that so I had to check myself on that so shout out to all my lightskinn folks and apologies to those I might have offended a couple years ago that's almost nine years ago 17 18 1921 two three seven years ago with the seti uh comment about him being albino so shout out to my lightskinn Africans and my albino Africans okay we all one family there we go there we go much love and now let's let me ask this question here because um you know I think this is a very important part of our platform we've brought a lot of you know people up from you know the Christian backgrounds we brought people up from Muslim backgrounds okay and um I I truly do because we talk about all aspects of relationships and okay your spiritual belief systems are connected to your value systems I believe they are that's why those you know spiritual leaders bringing them up are vitally important you know are prominent and can bring some real gain to the conversation true but see I want to talk to you in particular about the black church in general okay because I know you've had some you know perspectives and opinions about it just in general as far as the black church and the role that is currently played in where we are economically relationally with our families do you feel like it it it should have where it has played the role that it should have played not since the assassination of Dr King after Dr King was assassinated andar buried a few days later here in Atlanta Georgia the black church out of fear retreated from the front lines of the struggle and it reinvented itself away from being an organization of agitation to an organization of accommodation now the black church accommodates the agenda the white power structure has for us before we fought we fought now let's go have a cup of tea with the president let's go have a cup of tea with the government and see if we can get a couple Crumbs from what he's about to do although what he's about to do is going to destroy our community you see that there's no more fight in the black church the black church is more parasitic and exploitative of the black community than the Chinese stop and go than the Latino bedo the difference between the Latino bedo and the Chinese stop and go and the Walmart and every place else we shop is at least you get something for your money what do you get back from the black church when you invest we he give the black church $3 million

every Sunday collectively in this country show me a black church with a supermarket for the people show me a black church with a bank for the people show me a black church with a manufacturing and distribution Network to hire our men and women show me a black church with a black school that children who are not Christian or Muslim or Hebrew can go to but is that the responsibility of the church though it was historically why did it change the black church was the One-Stop shot for us from the time we showed up in America We buried our dead through the church we got hired through the church we for the KKK to the church we did our politics to the church everything you needed was in the black church so it made sense for you to spend all your time at the church because the church was everything they still want us to spend all our time at the church and what are they doing for us no institutions three million dollars a Sunday and no institutions that's highway robbery if you really care about doing the Lord's work why you so comfortable with your people living in hell that's interesting because because I think that's a lot of pressure to put on the black church and I only put it on churches who have a net income of $250,000 a year if you're bringing in less than $250,000 a year I will accept you doing some good for the community but I'm not expecting you to build a bank a school a hospital or Supermarket but if you netting 250,000 and if you a mega church if you a mega church C dollar tdj if you a mega church and you ain't got no institutions for the black community come on man an exploiter so what's the ideal give me the ideal picture that you would like to see even let's say a mega church pling the community I would like the mega church to have a Black Wall Street and what I mean by that is those four institutions a clinic for the people whether they Christian or not they black a school for the children whether they Christian or not they black a supermarket that feed our people fresh food coming from the black Farmers okay and also a bank to invest in our people so we can get this entrepreneurial Spirit up because there's no job jobs left in America we have to help black people create jobs for themselves we have to become black America's going to have to go full-time entrepreneur wow no more jobs they giving everything to the uh to the migrants the migrants are in America to replace the Africans this is The Purge absolutely do they have a role and a hand in the outcome of where we are as far as our families are concerned who the church I would say yes and I'm going tell you why the black church caters to the black woman and the reason the black church caters to the black woman is because the black woman is the provider she has more income and education than the man so they're looking at this financially they also have a vested interest in her never getting married whoa the pastor is the metaphorical husband of all the single women in the community I'm not saying he's sleeping with them I'm saying he's keeping them so distracted with Jesus that they never find a husband and that's the way he wants it to stay because if she finds a husband she won't have as much time to be donating to the church all the time W so the black church benefits from single motherhood they don't want our sisters married because their pockets would go down is this all church or just the black church there's always exceptions well I don't care about the white church because that I'm not thinking [Laughter] about all us I'm talking about us it's not every Church there exception to every rule I know good pastors I know good churches I spee in churches all the time but exceptions don't negate the rule though you find a snake that don't bite that does not negate the fact that most snakes are going to tear your ass up if they get a chance to you feel me I got and most black churches are exploitative and do not serve the needs of the community how your church is

in the middle of a ghetto with all these problems we got and you not addressing a single one of them black church takes three things from black people we can't afford to waste too much damn time too much damn money and too much damn hope we don't need hope we need an agenda for change now I want to bring this talk back to the relationship this is for my black sisters out there brothers too but especially Sisters You Hear sisters say all the time I'm a born again Christian my husband need to be a born again Christian I'm a Hebrew my husband need to be a Hebrew I'm a Muslim my husband need to be musl I'm a roster my husband need to be excuse me do you sisters realize you have Slim in these streets you already got a small available pool of heterosexual men you're going to reduce it even further by demanding they be of the same religious Doctrine that's insane if a sister is going to say my husband got to be a Jehovah's Witness like me you only had about two or three men you can marry anyway now you ain't got one so I just think black women need to rethink two things two things number one this idea that I should not get married until I finish all my colle studies oh that's a big one getting married after they done college is the reason why a lot of our sisters are not getting married and are not having babies because they're putting off the marriage because you know good Christian girl my daddy and mommy put me through college I'mma finish law school first I'mma finish med school first I'm gonna get my master I'm become a social work I'm gonna get my license then I'm gon look for a husband only problem is sweetheart you're not going to be done all this till you about 35 and now you freezing eggs you see what I'm saying I get exactly what you're saying your biological clock is ticking which is going to often lead to you presenting yourself to available men as somewhat thirsty because you're not gonna be able to hide the fact you know you're aware of your clock ticking which is going to end up leading to you possibly never getting married black women have to stop putting off family for career because they don't have as many options as their counterparts the whites the Reds the yellows and the Browns that's one thing black women need to rethink putting it off in until completion of college number two looking for a man who has to be the same religion that's another mistake you're narrowing it down too much you Mayan listen I'm a pan africanist so we believe in religious freedom right I don't care if my wife is a roster Hebrew it don't matter to me as long as you are rooted in God that's what matters with serving the same Supreme Being that's what matters not the Dogma in the doctrine so black woman you're telling me you would risk out on a good man because he does not approach God's science the way you do let's drop that poll by the way I want to see how many ladies definit we drop a poll let's see how many ladies are willing to date a man that is not of the same religion and I that's actually a good point because let's actually culture that because I've had people come on here and say you never do it I have people that come up on here and say that you better be open to it look at your situation we are in a state of Crisis so black women in black men got to understand decisions you would have normally made another way you have to look at them differently now because of your options I'mma give you another mistake black women make so one is postponing marriage and child birth to after college two demanding that your husband be of the same religious persuasion and you know what the third one is what's that wanting black men to come to the relationship table having already achieved success one of the biggest advantages the snow bunnies have on our women is snow bunnies will find a Dusty brother and see his skill his talent you feel me yeah invest in him in college and by the time he become a multi-millionaire at 35 she been with him the whole

walk you see that a lot of sisters are not going to do that they not going to find a Dusty brother in his senior year or Dusty brother in the community but you see he got this business IDE idea she like n come back and see me when it's up and running I don't think this ever gonna happen soon you soon you waved him off the snow bunny got him the snow bunny invested in him you feel me 10 years later the same brother see you you trying to holler he got the white girl now you dissing him you saying they all want wers nah he came to you you said you want a readymade black man you don't want to work in progress and I'm telling black women y'all better start going for some of these Works in progress instead of waiting for us to finish the job because you lose into the snow bunny when you when you tell us to wait until we got the bag you know you got know how to analyze that stock got to you gotta know you gotta know how when that St going rise yo 3,100 people in the chat the denti is going crazy right now Dr Umar Johnson is blazing the mic right now what we got right there L the TV back up yeah yeah check this out the poll just dropped guys so I'm gonna read this poll real quick this was a good poll yes sir and I want to ask something real quick I W to ask I want I want to bring something in real quick after you drop that poll poll are you willing willing to marry a man that's outside of your religion and and fellas tap into this one too are you willing to marry a woman that's outside of your religion so far we got over 400 votes so it's it's going crazy and it's I'm not even gonna tell you where it's at I'm G just know I'm not g tell you where it's at right now but Dr Umar here's what I want you to break down for the people because for somebody who feels like you cannot how do I assess that I am aligned with somebody and can have a good value you know we on the same value page and system with this person with a completely different religion observation always beats information so I'm not asking my woman if she shares the same values I have I'm observing her closely I'm looking for the gaps in what you say versus what you do you got to make sure you're studying the person and guess what our women are so used to us not studying them and being particular about their likes and dislikes one of the best things you can do for a black woman is let her know you know things about her she never told you you feel me I know your favorite color you feel me they want to know that you actually paying attention to me because one of the weaknesses we make fellas we hustle so much because so many black men are unemployed right half the black men in Atlanta unemployed Philly Brooklyn you name it when we can earn the bag sometimes we get so arrogant and egotistical with the fact that we can earn that we think that's all we got to do one of the quickest ways for your woman to tiptoe act out the back door on your ass is for you not to spend quality time with her because you providing her with all the material likings that she desire she needs time remember men cheat for sex and comfort women cheat for attention and understanding it may lead to the bedroom but that ain't why she saw R run those back run those back I want to hear that I want to hear men cheat for sex and comfort okay women cheat for attention and understanding they want someone to understand them that's why when our women cheat we hurt more because we know if she spread them thighs she felt him yeah when we cheat she may be hurt but not as much cuz with us it could be more superficial she was five five thick in the thighs I just had to hit that you see that Slayer but when she spread them thighs you know she had a connection with that man and that's why we got to make sure we put in time in because I'm seeing too many brothers oh yeah I bought the BS we got the big house two pools I just took it a vegan but but outside of that you ain't putting no time in and guess what she gonna end up spending

time with a guy who ain't got half of what you got because for a woman allthough yeah they can be materialistic they like the physical things you can provide them with but at the end of the day she's still a woman and she needs a man who can pour into her soul if you cannot pour into that woman's Soul she will leave you so to answer that question how do I go about observing whether or not war how do I go about I got to study this you got to study him and the family see my thing is who raised you I want to spend time I'm not even letting her I'm gonna find out who ra once she tell me my mom was a single mom I'm coming to tell Mom I'm coming over here for dinner I'm play it off I like the food but I need to hear what come out your mom mouth because I need to know what core values she raised you with CU see that's another thing we ignore about people when you studying them you got to look for the core values for example I don't value materialism so if I if I meet a sister who gotta have the Louis bag the Balenciaga Hills it's a turn off because I'm not into that even if I can provide her with that I don't want to do that you know why we got homeless kids out here we got mothers on the street I can't afford to be giving you all this when some of this need to be going to the struggle into the community so you got to look at what people core believe some people fundamentally believe I'm nobody without these expensive things yeah are you sure this is who you want raising your children because another mistake we make as men is we were like the woman for ourself and never say is that the kind of mother you want for your son is that the kind of mother you want for your daughter do you want your daughter being raised on blind weaves and expensive shoes you see that and a lot of times we don't look at that till she get pregnant and then like oh I'm have a ghetto baby you know what I mean tattoos and booty shaking we got the we are too quick to go for the physical and not study as to whether or not this is a woman we want around for the long term let's let's close out that poll what we at what we at on that poll because I want to see what the people thinking let me check it out real quick I'mma close it out all right are you willing to marry a man that's outside of your religion we got over 630 vots it's going it's going going going going 700 61% of people say no no what no what they are not willing to marry outside of their religion I'm not sure they're being completely honest I'mma tell you why I've seen sisters who say they were date outside the religion and when they were propositioned by a brother who wasn't of the religion or had no religion you think they said no and he was that dude you think they said no that's cap that's cap that's cap 100% 100% it sounds that's cap that's it's a lot of sex going on and there's a lot of people that's just not religious at all so I I would consider not religious outside of your religion absolutely no 100% over 700 votes too by way just close that they gotta have God in their life but dictating a person's Doctrine as a condition for marriage for me is short minded shortsighted especially for where we are as a people wow man I got a super chat came up real quick let take that so if you didn't shout out to uh I think Malica Malica or Malika love shout out to shout out to miss love all right Miss love we love you so if you didn't get your kns met as a child and our partners can't help with that how do we meet those needs on our own you mentioned getting a father figure or mother figure as a young adult how would you go about finding that you you ask for example I was raised Muslim in ISL when a woman became comes to the age where she's ready to date if there's no men in her father to serve as her chaperon she will find one or the brothers in the Masjid will find her one same thing in African culture your uncles will be that person you need yeah the problem is in the black community we so disorganized

that women may have to go out and find them for themselves I've had young sisters approach me Dr Umar I don't have that man that I need in my life life to back me up and talk to me and give me a hug when I need one and not what nothing from me and I say sure I'll be that for you good sister you see what I'm saying because they need that all of us as men should have young ladies of adult age who we want nothing from except their best life you see what I'm saying because there's too many of them out there with no type of fatherly Direction at all and I think because we know women love looking sexy I think sometimes as men we forget that women also have to bear the burden of always having to look sexy meaning we are often valuing our women for what they look like and not for who they are I saw a clip on Instagram the other day it was earther kit the great black actor and she said I met all these men all they wanted to do was lay me down and it wasn't until I found this one man who was willing to help stand me up and he didn't want what was between my legs so we gotta be we got to be very conscious as black men of sexual oppression so I go out of my way now when I'm around sisters to send them no Sexual Energy she might be fine as hell but I'm not gonna look at her ass I need her to know I ain't here for that you you feel me because our sisters are so used to it that they lead with it and if we want them to stop leading with it we got to stop paying so much attention to it because at the end of the day as much as black women May sexually object objectify themselves they really don't want to do it they do it because we have made it clear to them that this is the only way you can get one of us you know that's really maturity I was talking to Ryan about that about you know being able to understand how to change your energy around women because me personally I've always been somebody you know probably called me quintessential a player back in the day just like having you know options like having ladies and now that I'm looking to transition you know into my Empire Building stage with one woman now how I approach and even the the Small Things the silic comments I make the way I stand move body language around women it all has to I'm I'm retraining myself likewise and how I think and how I move yes uh because even just as especially figures that's you know in the public eye a woman is probably you know one of the greatest one of your greatest assets and also one of the greatest things that take you down absolutely as well absolutely got to pick a right gotta pick a right and we have to also recognize too brothers that you're going to have to go through some of your self-imposed karma on the way to finding your queen oh that's what we don't want to hit at I know I know I know we don't want to hit at you may have to get hurt once or twice wow on this path let me just be real you're probably going to have happen to you what you've done to a woman that's not good it's not good you feel me yeah because that's the way the universe works so the universe is glad you on your path to finding your one and only Queen but guess what the universe also has to give you back some of what you put out and you have to be focused enough not to get discouraged when you start experiencing some of the stuff you may women [Music] experience that's a fact yeah and a lot of us a lot of us our Cara is going to get us through our daughters oh they're going to be done by men we did women so get ready for it the sooner you stop your the sooner your karmic cycle can stop hitting you up that's the worst kind of karma to get right there coming to your coming to the little girl yeah your baby and I know listen and that does happen because I got one of look one of my most Savage uncles one of my most Savage uncles of all time he got blessed with five daughters incredible incredible see that's what I'm talking about five of them and I'm like we all looking at him like you

know why that happened you know why that happened brother so you know yes it is what it is man you feeling right now we done with the hotline what man the initiation hotline is is we we still got people backstage yeah yeah let's let some people look we we gonna let y'all come up and ask y questions y'all been patiently sent back here man let me give MJ another tribe man we brought MJ up she wasn't ready MJ you ready to come back up to the stage sweetheart you ready yeah wait un your mic unmute your mic I am I was getting ready turn that volume down a little bit turn that volume down okay I'm sorry I have earphones on what up what up MJ if you can give me your age your location and move into your question okay so I'm 46 and I live in the Atlanta area I'm actually a a transplant from California so um I guess I'm just going to take it back to the question you asked about whether or not was it agreeing with interracial relationships or not um so personally I don't agree with them because and and my rationale about it is that in order for a black person to be in a relationship um male or female with an individual and another race they have to be less than who they are as a black person they have to like dumb down their Blackness to make that other race comfortable and I've seen that so many times C ens but so I I personally don't don't think it's healthy or the the necessary the the right thing um because of that I don't think you should ever start off a Rel relationship being less than who you are um in order to have what you would think of be a successful relationship so um I just want to comment on that um regard and um also I mean I'm I like I said I'm 46 I've never been married no kids but um I'm a firm believer in Hugh finds a wife finds a good thing so at the same time I haven't been out there doing anything for whoever the most high has for me to find me um and that includes being less than who I need to be in order to um meet that person that the most high has for me so that's all I wanted to say and Dr Umar huge fan so glad to be in the same space with you right now and you're doing the right thing sister because often your gift of a mate is often preceded by a time of extreme loneliness yeah one of the reasons why a lot of us never find the person we want is we're too distracted by people we know we don't need right and so at your lady friends if I look at the brothers I know who want to find a good woman yeah but they got three or four who they know are not what they need but they will not release them back to the universe right and until they release them back to the universe their ancestors are not going to send them the woman that they need because if she comes at the wrong time he will hurt her and she will have to flee him right so we have to for what we it's not just about it you got to be ready for it right exactly definitely agree so thank you thank you so much for coming up here sweetheart I appreciate you coming and sharing with us okay all right and I enjoy the show thank you guys thank you Dr Umar thank you s appreciate you she was excited first of all that's a fact I told my lady look the young lady I'm dating now I said listen thank God you ain't meet me three years ago that guy the timing is where it is supposed to be because that maturity has to happen that that mindset shift all those things have to be aligned you know for it to go down which is why you talk about that man when you was talking about that age that psychological age at the position that we in yes a part of breaking the curse and a part of catching up right now we are we have to mature yes faster than we probably traditionally would that's what we're tasked with we're tasked with our psychological age to be well ahead of our biolog iCal age in order for us to advance and to progress so we can make mature decisions so we could build something AB absolutely and another Point too gentlemen on this issue of black male female relationships we got

to deal with the spiritual vampire issue so as I said earlier a lot of us use relationships as a drug to distract us from the problems we don't want to solve going on in ourselves so that means all through Atlanta you got men and women who are very unhealthy looking for love they can't find it because the trauma blocking it but they will come into your life and your life up because they didn't want to fix their own and then blame you for why they unhappy when they were miserable before they met you I'm bringing this up because there's a certain type of a spiritual vampire we got to deal with in the black community and that's the domestically abusive black man we got too many black men beating on our sisters and now right now we got a campaign of black men killing our sisters killing them we never did this before we doing it now so I want to make a plea to all black men if you know you got demons in your closet unmet childhood needs issues rape abuse molestation uh uh abandonment please find somebody to help you process your because if you don't especially if your issues revive around your mother sooner later the woman in your life is going to objectify to the mother you hate and you gonna hurt her and I need women to understand you cannot heal a domestic abuser I don't know why black women keep on thinking I can love him out of kicking my ass it'll never happen if a man hit you once he's gonna hit you again and going back to the black church and forgive me for pointing brother no you good you good that's my thing forgive me no you're good the black church has not done enough to deal with domestic abuse and we know that a lot of these abusers are churchgoing men domestic abuse is one of the elephants in the room in the black community and I don't see any serious or major black organizations including the church in the Masjid doing anything about domestic abuse of our sisters Bob amen we've had conversations about that we've had whole episodes on domestic violence CU you 100% right and you know the Ladies Man shout out to the the the uh initiat man because they've came out and told us some things that are very shocking but the interesting thing about those Brothers is they know who they can get away oh you know with we know we we we know the risk factors yeah fatherlessness brotherless lonely women thirsty women who feel like they got to have a man and and this and to my women my mothers you have to raise your daughters to be willing to trust TR a man but at the same time knowing how to conduct herself as a lady because too many of our girls are seeing their mother's thirst for a partner and so mommy is coming home with anybody just because she needs somebody in her bed not for sex it's for that loneliness you see which is really a cry from the spirit that there's some issues that need to be addressed but you think it means you just got to get a man in the house and your daughter is watching you practice no discernment with the man you bring into your home and she's likely to replicate the same behavior pattern we need our first of all nobody should be meeting your children anyway unless you're pretty sure this is going somewhere you don't bring men home on the first date you don't bring a woman home on the first date your children should have only seen one or two people you've ever dated cuz those the only two or three people you ever thought something could get serious with I think we're introducing strangers to our children well before we have properly vetted them and decided if they might occupy a permanent place in our lives when when is the right time though because that question comes up a lot a lot of young ladies dating a single moms so when does or is the right time to introduce someone into your child's life when you feel that this man or this woman and you are moving towards something serious and you feel pretty certain that it's going to be happening soon you see what I'm saying now and it's not you feel though y'all

should have had conversations I agree yes about what the hell is going on at this point and now that you said that you brought up another issue child rearing when y'all decide to co-parent each other's nonbiological children you better have a conversation because that can destroy your marriage you ever date a sister who had a spoiled ass son who disrespect respected her on the regular and you're sitting there and this little ninja is talking to his mother like she's and you like I can't allow this and she like that's not your son and I'm like I understand but you still a black woman whether we dating or not and if we G to take this further I got to check him I'm not saying I got to put my hands on him but I cannot he won't respect me if I let him dog you like that and guess what that's another reason a lot of good black women have lost out on good black men because they were so protective of their sons that they couldn't stand to see a nonbiological father check their son and they lost out on the husband so I'm telling you sisters now get your sons in order because a real man cannot stand by and let you get disrespected by your son only for you to turn around and tell him it ain't your place to say nothing well if it ain't my place to say nothing it ain't my place to even be in your life I'm out cuz I'm not putting up with this facts absolutely not man absolutely not I man I've even seen um I've I have a very good friend close friend of mine and I keep his um name Anonymous but in particular he's going through something right now a divorce in particular and um he assumed at the beginning of the marriage of child where he was not the biological father and all throughout he communicated that you know there would be times where when it came down to it especially in the area of discipline yes because that's where it exposed where he stood in that child's life and what his position was even though he was the father in you know in the time spent the energy and everything that he poured in he communicated like deep distress that it hurt his soul when he was put in his place as The Stepfather when it was time for him to put the child in their place and and to that point if if ladies if you feel you need to check your significant other over how they're disciplining your son don't ever do it in the presence of the children step into another room excuse yourself don't ever emasculate a man in front of your children he may have been wrong with the way he engaged your son or daughter but you cannot chastise him in front of the children you have to step away and handle that type of energy I'm GNA tell you something right now take me right if I marry a queen who got children are you open to that of course okay I have no because I don't have no Sons no biological Sons so I'm definitely open to a queen Heaven children but guess what I am a stickler for academics do you feel me absolutely so if I get with a queen who's lazy on the homework and lazy on the commitment to the education we gonna have to have a long talk either you going to let me take this plate I'm I'm gonna do the education thing in the house because ain't no child in here gonna be on no ADHD medicine no IEPs no learning you understand we not doing that in my house so she got to know that when it come down to the books I'm gonna be on them and she got to be comfortable with that because if you ain't comfortable with me getting on with the academics ain't no need for us to moveing together there's no way I'm going to let academically lazy ass child lay their head in my house and we got to know that about ourselves we got to tell women and women got to tell man I'm a stickler for this this one of my Hang-Ups here like a woman might tell you I'm a clean freak some women are clean Freaks and ain't nothing wrong with that if you're not OCD because I'mma tell you right now sisters if you OCD men tend not to be OCD women do it's hard for OCD woman to keep a man because most men have trouble

living in a house where you're not allowed to breathe or something might get dirty you feel me can't take your shoes off can't take your socks like some women are so OCD that you feel like you in a prison or Boot Camp or something so sisters got to work in an OCD and you know what OCD come from that's the intent to overcontrol your environment because you have no control over yourself whoa yes that I did not know whoa so OCD cuz you know obsessive compulsive I used to I used to crack a joke like you be like I kind of like that you know I like to walk into a sister spot and it smell like candles and you know what I'm saying bath and body that's cool but is it to the point where you can't really relax because she's so in other words you can't lay on the couch you know you got to wash the dish off soon when you put it in the sink you know to the point where you don't want to touch nothing use nothing or y'all come home from a date and she want to moop the floor before go toed like they can't even function no I get it boom I at that point you're not at peace on the flip side OCD is a personality disorder right obsessive compulsive person ocpd you can have OCD regular or ocpd but Brothers we got to be careful about the narcissism we can be narcissistic and the ladies they a lot of black men have I'm God's gift to the world syndrome and it turns a lot of sisters off we got to get the narcissism thing under control and we tend to be bigger narcissists than the Caucasians you know why we had to work harder to get where we are so we tend to feel entitled to our grandiosity and it throws a lot of black women off and some men are not looking for a partner they don't want feedback they just want to tell the woman what to do and how to do it that's slavery that's not a relationship and a lot of sisters can't put up with that we need to work on our on our narcissism we definitely need to work on our narcissism okay no that make a lot of sense yo we got some super chats that came in let's let's read those real quick yeah we got a bunch of super chats so I'm I'm G kind of mix them up mix them and match them so uh let's go with uh with with nona first or no nor Jean Norah says What About Us ladies who have been single and celibate for years and seriously losing interest in dating at all no woman loses interest in having a man you might get tired of a dating game but you never lose interest in having a man here's three things I say to women who say they can't find a good man number one where are you looking because if the club is the primary environment where you're looking for a good guy you're in the wrong spot number two where are you not looking have you been to the university lectures have you been to any the political debates have you been to any of the investment club meetings if you want to meet a man who's about something put yourself in an environment where people are about something it's amazing how many women looking for a good man at the swap meet at the at on the cruise he ain't on the cruise to meet a wife he's on the cruise to clap cheeks Slayer okay so sisters got to stop trying to find the right guy in the wrong environment and the third thing I would say to black women are you too self-guiding men away who would have normally approached you had it not been for this energy of don't talk to me and guess what a lot of single women give off an energy of don't talk to me because they're not conscious of how guarded they are about being hurt she don't even realize she's repelling men she's repelling them because she's so afraid of getting getting hurt that that sends out a non-verbal signal to me that she might already be taken don't even look there sisters have to work on a non-verbal Behavior wow three-step formula for you wait a listen she taking care of shout out to uh I think this is D do she says are we sure that we want to promote polygamy under the current conditions in the community what about promoting the practice of sexual

discipline she then goes to mention one in five people have an STD and most of us will absolutely not share okay couple of things number one polygyny does not mean the absence of sexual discipline I would even argue that it promotes sexual discipline because it makes men accountable for all the undercover relationships that they're not claiming in public oh I don't need a woman's relationship to have sex with multiple women we can any we can do that in Atlanta yeah if I'm telling you I want plural marriage I'm telling you I want to be responsible and accountable to y'all otherwise I could stay a Serial monogamous for Life who stopping you from being a Serial monogamous nobody who stopping you from being a Serial monogamous person no you understand so seral serial monogamy does not require approval if I'm saying polygyny I'm saying I want these two women to come together and meet and see if they can work with me so we can build and if we look at this economically if we're trying to FasTrack black people because you know the black white wealth Gap like this if we want to close the black white wealth Gap Tak the emotions out you got to go pogy three incomes is better than two do you feel me if you really looking at this from an economic empowerment perspective poision is the way to go economically now the reason why sisters can't share has nothing to do with being a woman CU in Africa they share in the Caribbean they share Black America can't share do you want to know why why is that the biggest reason polygyny cannot work right now in Black America is not the men women are in a competition with each other oh black women have a worse relationship than black men okay and because of that petty caddy comparing their hair comparing their body comparing their clothes comparing their job comparing their car they compare and compete with each other more than we do so you mean to tell me the same sister I'm trying to outdo I got to work with her so we can share you I'm out she wants to outdo her she don't want to cooperate with her polygyny is communal cooperation between Queens if you competing with black women how you going to cooperate and I tell you another reason why sisters got to at least have the conversation because let me be clear I'm not saying sisters got to accept polygyny forever it could be temporary the next 10 years the next 20 years till we get out this I'm not saying perpetually but until we fix this when black men stop killing other black men because they all got a chance to be successful then maybe we can stop the polygyny it's only when there's an imbalance in the male female ratio but guess what because there's not enough men to go around Sisterhood ain't never been the same our sisters relationship with each other has been impaired by the fact they're competing over the same men I can't tell you the stories I've heard about sisters taking sisters husbands best friend taking best friend husbands I've heard that from mom and daughter yes because it ain't enough to go around so my thing is this here's the Eternal question what are we ultimately doing this for are we doing it for oursel or are we doing it for the community because if we doing it for the community you're going to have to consider polygyny because on paper without the emotions it's one of the best things we can do for some men who can afford to do it in a Tim limited fashion but I agree with what she said though I do believe black men have sexually objectified black women so much that I think a lot of us would try to abuse the poony and for that reason we would need a Council of Elders we're not doing this on our own there's a Council of Elders that oversee all plural marriages who will supervise them counsel them guide them we will look to Elders who are already in plural relationships to help us do this thing the right way here's the reality this is the one thing I disagree with the sisters on I understand their sentiment when they talk about polygyny

and how it can be abused right right here's where I disagree they say why don't we just practice celibacy and monogamy until we get our act together as black Americans who you know is waiting to have sex until Black America gets his act together right not not one person see how unrealistic see that is the type of unrealistic suggestions that could put out there it's not realistic guess what the sister without a man she's not even waiting to find a single man she going to co-op the married man behind a married woman's back until she find of man you see what I'm saying so we got to be honest nobody's hormones is waiting for the community to rebuild itself so we got to deal with reality as it is and let's be the older women get the higher their sexual appetite go so you mean to tell me you got all these 35 to 55 year old sisters who on fire on fire and they going to go straight celibate until the black community fixes itself do a poll on that I had a very well respected therapist come up here and I we told him we was gonna do an event and we said man you know a lot of the problem with a lot of these events in the relationship space is always women yeah right n of fellas yeah and I told her listen our goal was to have it 6040 we wanted to have 40% men she said no Ty you need to have 50% I said why is that she said because when there's not enough men in the room the nature of the women in the room start to change I said what I said what do you mean by that and this is a Woman by the way she's a woman and she's like Ty you don't put enough uh men in the room you're gonna see all the women will compete all of a sudden they will not be as collaborative in talking to each other what I just say they'll be more likely to be caddy and you know group up and you know it won't be the atmosphere won't be the energy you want if you don't produce that it either has to be all women or a a more men more men than women she said and is what she or Perfect Balance because if you do that n not a man ain't happy right but see the reality of the situation was that was just an event that we were discussing now when you talk about an entire environment an ecosystem where there's not enough men how what can be created from that it makes a lot of sense and now you talk about so when we start talking about you you pretty much called out the Black American in particular women having the biggest issue with sharing is it just solely because of the numbers being so lopsided like why why is the competing why is the competing so bad because it ain't enough to go around it's not enough is that simple that's the biggest part there's other factors but that's the biggest part if you are a woman a black woman in America right now and you live in a major city or even rural you know that there's only one black man for every 20 of you guys you you see what I'm saying and it's not a happy set of Affairs to have to deal with and and and I got to say this to the radical black feminist Queens who are successful it's not that you're too strong and black men can't put up with a strong woman a lot of you are too nasty and condescending some women want men to worship them like literally that's why you lonely they'll say I'm lonely because I make too much money and he intimidated I got too much education and he intimidated that's true for a lot of men but for the men who make the same money and got the same education it's not true we're not messing with you because you're too nasty and arrogant and you want somebody to kiss your ass and we're not going to do that so we got narcissism the sisters got some narcissism they got to handle too especially the successful sisters they can have the nose in the air for real you know I'm not cooking what you're not cooking and let me tell this to the the sisters who don't want to cook there's a lot of them if you are a black woman who don't want to cook make sure you and your husband never go to Africa for vacation never go to the Caribbean

for vacation fact and don't go to the deep south of the United States for vacation and that's changing and that's changing too it is unfortunately it is but I'mma say this to you there's no better way for a woman to steal your man than through his stomach man that's a fact that principle is is as old as Moses and it starts off real simple because first of all women who don't have men are always scheming on how to take yours the competition so when a woman knows you don't cook for your man she start cooking hey girl I made some greens get these the Mike m oh you better toss them damn Greens in the trash that's one thing so I don't even I don't even think women really understand that cuz I would never serious considered dating a woman that doesn't know how to cook me it just make sense like I don't need you don't need them but if you don't if you think about this it gets deep because you talked about the bond that we have as a kid with the opposite sex yes when you think about the bond we developed with our mother even as young who put that titty in our mouth to feed us to give us life as babies all the way up until us becoming young man and who poured into us the meals was one of the version she poured into us to give us life yes that you taking a baton yes right and now I gotta deal with Chick-fil-A right and and see here's where the pretty women lose the fine sisters this where they get their heartbroke when they find out they man left them or is dipping on them with a woman who don't look half as good self-esteem she don't look nothing like she you know how she got him she catered to his ego she looked at what you would not do and she did it it is not hard for an unattractive woman to get an attractive woman's man and any man to tell you when the lights off everything's even click it again click it again when the lights are off okay that unattractive woman might got skills and talents that you ain't even thought about having and this is why the full figured sisters don't be sweating the pretty girls the average sisters don't be sweating them because they know you ain't doing for him what I can do for him so you giving Mike Mike the sweet potatoes Mike Mike the potato salad Mike Mike the grilled salmon Mike Mike The Jerk Wings Mike Mike the turkey legs and then one day Mike Mike come home and you ain't home yet and Miss Vanessa made some pineapple upside down cake and Miss Vanessa said Mike mik you would to come get a slice of this pineapple upside down cake and by the time you get home he got Vanessa upside down in the pineapple upside down cake Slayer if your man now some sisters get lucky because they get a man who cook now sisters if you lucky enough to get a man who cook you good because your man Cooks but if you are dating a man who's looking for his wife to be the chef you better learn some recipes I'm telling you I'm telling every man has dated a woman who you otherwise would not have looked at yep until you ate her food and once you ate that mac and cheese she looked completely different you was like maybe that is Beyonce right right people laugh at this power of food is no joke it's de it's no I mean it's nothing it's nothing that we need that GNA go a part of our day more than food than a good meal it's nothing it's nothing more important it's nothing more important it's nothing yeah and it shows that she values you it's psychological it's sexual the two strongest Cravings of a man is sex and hunger there's no getting away from that your stomach is right over your reproductive system they're related like you said the mother has our her titty in our mouth without us getting into too much Sigman Freud because that's his whole thing you know the mom had the titty in the mouth so it is sexual with the fol right because she's fulfilling a need a basic human need an appetite now let me say this because a sister just said food can't keep a man let me say this to black women there's nothing you can do that will make a man

not leave you if he wants out but there are things when done well he will rethink that decision to leave you a hundred times over because not every woman is made the same not in the kitchen not in the bedroom you get sisters who say things like a coochie is a coochie no it's not no it's not some coochie got gold in it platinum in it some coochie could do backflips others can't it's important that women know that though because they think as long as it's a no and we all know women are different just like where different and sisters need to know that but bigger than sex though bigger than sex I think sisters need to make sure we pay more attention to them than their vagina and they can do that by delaying our access to the vagina and making sure we spend more time out of the bedroom than in it because I think one of the weaknesses of black relationships too much time indoors not enough time outdoors and you know what I say to that to any black woman if your man spends more time with you indoors than Outdoors sooner or later that relationship is going to suffocate and die now when you say spend time Outdoors you mean dates doing anything yes and another mistake that women make when they get with us they stopped doing what they used to do when we met them that's what attracted me to you used to work out every other day used to take your mother to church used to go with your girlfriends on you know sexy singles once a month whatever why did you stop doing the things that attracted me to you women need to understand keeping a man is War I want you to hear what I'm saying ladies I want you to hear what I'm saying ladies and it's the same thing with us too yeah same thing with us too women cheat just as much as men they just know how to do it better so they don't get caught the reason I say keeping a man is war is because once you conquer a country you got to keep from someone else conquering it when a woman finally gets the man she want she got to keep them satisfied so the 16 other ones who ain't got a man don't get them you see that and what happens with a lot of sisters is they let their self go kitchen bedroom physically their social life their career their business keep doing what attracted me to you don't reinvent yourself because you finally got me the way you wanted me and it's the same thing with us I hear sisters they complain Dr Umar my husband getting off fat his jeans is getting tight when I met him he was swagalicious in the gym ran ball now he fat gut beers every day tight je brother why did you stop being who you was when she met you just how you got her you can lose her get yourself back together again that's very important and for my marijuana brothers who love smoking that slows down your body's ability to respond when your woman is ready to to get pleasure you know marijuana TC it slows down all your uh motor function so if you are a weed head it's gonna be hard for you to get it up when she ready for something that shano stick so my weed head brothers please be careful because a lot of you marijuana addicts cannot perform in the bedroom and I'm telling you right now if your woman is on fire and you cannot perform she gonna go get her one of them 25 year old Corner boys and you know what Mike Mike gonna do to that ass he gonna tear up home with the mac and cheese he don't even want the mac and cheese he just want the do for free do for free shout out to the members man shout out to the n Shout out to rashita Conley she says Dr Umar I haven't heard your thoughts on women without children dating or marrying men with children how do women navigate that in the black family because I literally heard a woman I just spoke to a young lady yesterday she said t ain't no way in hell I don't care I'm not dating no man with kids no matter what there you go again there she go again unnecessarily cutting down and already dismally small pool of available men I hear men say it ain't just women to me first of all it's selfish let's

just be a woman who won't date a man with children is selfish a man who won't date a woman with children is selfish children belong to the community how dare you say you don't want to date somebody with children I think it's selfish that's number one number two why doesn't she have a child or is she planning to have one with this man who has children because I'm telling you right now there is nothing more unhealthy than for a black woman to not give birth to a child if God gave her the ability to do so really some of the meanest nastiest women I've ever met in my life were without child wow do you hear what I'm telling you oh yes I remember I used to work in an office with all black female psychologists I was the only male they were mean they were nasty the minute she got married she turned into the sweetest person the minute she had a child she became the nicest they changed overnight cuz black women are meant to have birth under the right circumstances with the right person but if a woman is in her 40s and she ain't had a child yet I'm wondering why now some sisters are healthy that just not doing it because they waiting for the right person but you can't keep on waiting listen I have two daughters what if wait what if a woman says I don't want to have kids like she just makes her mind up she said oh no children period even even if she get married even if I get Mar I don't want no kids what do you assume of that woman I'm assuming there's some trauma where were you the oldest and were always made to take care of your siblings cuz you know when you are parentified too early that eats away at your desire to have your own children because you had to be mom and dad to your little brothers and little sisters and so a lot of times the oldest kid you know don't have children because they were parentified to they already raised kids they already raised kids so but there's a trauma there there's a trauma there ain't no such thing as a black woman who don't want kids and there ain't no trauma there uhuh there's always a trauma there black woman is the mother of uhuh there's a if a woman tell you I don't want no kids now if she's in her 20s I don't pay it no M we all say that when we 20 because we selfish we want our money but she 30 and 40 saying I don't want no kids there's a trauma there damn that's wild right there interesting well we got some other ones in there and guys listen we ain't gonna have Dr Umar Johnson all night so get these chats in get these super chats in so we can go ahead have it in here and I got to deal with the cheating piece let me deal with this cheating piece okay black women black women black women black women if my daughter comes to me and say Daddy Baba my husband cheated on me I'mma say princess give me a hug sit down I need to talk to you is he a good provider yes does he take good care of you yes does he ever disrespect you raise his hand to you no outside of is cheating is he pretty much what you need in a man yes he is what do we know about this woman was this thing purely sexual was it a hit and miss is it a work romance or is he really feeling this woman if she tells me this was a hit and miss I'mma tell her go have a conversation with him about his infidelity let him know you do not like it but there's two things I want you to think about I will never tell you not to leave a man because he cheated I would never tell you that if you want to leave him because he cheated go ahead and do it but I want to ask you a question how many men you expect to find out there who are never going to go outside that marriage at least occasionally to experience another woman I'm not saying it's right I'm saying it's not realistic to leave a good man for an oops now let me tell you when you better leave them I'mma tell you when you better pack your I'mma come packet if you if you find out the other woman is more important than you now if you find out he has removed you from the throne and put another woman on the throne

and now you number two when you was always number one you got to leave there's no greater disrespect a man pays to his woman than to put another woman in her place when a man man replaces a woman she need to leave because that is a sign that you are no longer what you were to him and if you hang around too long you will see your rank drop again and again and again till you don't even matter no more yeah you in trouble at that point so you better leave when you ain't number one no more but if you still number one and you know you number one have a conversation princess but I don't think you kick him to the curb for this first of all I love the analogy of talking to your daughter because man I've never heard nobody break it down like that but that's exactly the thought process you should have in considering and making such a big decision now your son comes to you Pops she cheated on me what does he consider in his decision making it's going to be different for what I said earlier if your woman spread her legs for another man that's rarely just sex unless you can't please her in the bedroom now if he tells me Dad I'm having troubles pleasing my wife in the bedroom that's a different issue then the question becomes did she ask you to get help did y'all ever go to a sex therapist and try to work on this situation is there something that happened in your childhood that I need to know about you feel me but if it ain't that if it ain't that you're a woman and assuming she's not a promiscuous woman you ain't marry No Hoe that's she a hoe that's different that's what they do they pop coochie right you got you a real woman you got a real woman who loves you and she spread her legs for another man she got a connection with him you got to have a deep conversation with her and find out is he her new number one and are you the legal husband now the side piece insane she would she actually be able to give you that in conversation believe it or not a lot of women would wow they gonna tell you straight up you know why because they're so frustrated at having given us warning after warning and ple after plea to get this together and a lot of them can't wait to tell you to your face yes because I gave you a chance to handle this and you wouldn't if a woman loves you sleep with another man she feels some type of way about it she may not have replaced you yet but if you want to you better get it back and get it back quick cuz a good woman don't spread their legs easy not when they love with a man they don't do it now yeah they do Revenge sex Revenge sex doesn't have to be anything meaningful you know if it's just revenge sex but if it ain't revenge sex and she's really cheating because she cheating there's something more to that situation I want to ask that question for the ladies this gonna be and see and see here's the thing about the poll it's Anonymous Ladi so y'all need to keep it all the way 1,00 because I want to understand why women cheat okay because we gave a couple reasons right there we talked about about the bad sex we talked about um Revenge sex and we'll put a third one in there just boor just put a board with your relationship so is that the PO why do women cheat is that the what's the poll I want to know what are the reasons they go outside or they're willing to have sex with another man in a relationship I just summed it up as to white women cheat and why they polling I want to say this to black women men too but especially women because we're more likely to tell a woman the truth about their sexual performance women don't like to tell men because they don't want to emasculate us black women sex isn't the only thing but it's important if your man cannot please you you need to let him know now if he don't have sufficient size you might got to get another man I mean because you can't rep there's nothing you could do about size if he ain't if he ain't got enough but is that a is that really the reason and she shouldn't even stay with

me stay with me stay with me it depend because every woman May different if you got you a six foot six sister you got to have a pipe that can lay her down you understand SL you can't come to Queen Latifa with no Tic Tac right right so I'm saying if the man is not the right size she might got to consider another man I don't even think they get that far if he wasn't the right size so we could that said I don't think they get that far if he wasn't the right side that's a fact now if he can't perform she needs to tell him that so he can work on it there's nothing worse for a woman's future Sexual Health than to fake a orgasm when you're not even being pleased and I've had women tell me they are faking orgasms when they're not even being pleased why you got this man thinking he raising you through the roof and he barely raising your temperature you got to talk to him too many women are doing that and they're going unfed unpleased and it and it's not good let him know that you need to do things differently see this my thing you know most I would actually say they I think the statistics say that most women actually don't orgasm or just generally aren't pleased sexually in their relationships now the reality of it is should sex somebody that's trauma too because if you emotionally preoccupied your mind isn't free enough to orgasm sometimes it's not your fault I've had men say Dr Umar my wife love the sex she cannot orgasm unconsciously your wife is preoccupied with issues it may have nothing to do with you it could be her relationship with her father it could be her relationship with her sister but she has in order for a woman they're not like us us is is we can be purely physical a woman's mind has to be in the moment this is why depressed women can orgasm anxious women can orgasm bipolar borderline women can orgasm because women who suffer from intrusive thinking constantly thinking neuroticism they can't organ they can't orgasm because they can never live in the moment and they can never stop thinking about things outside of the bedroom at that moment a psychologically unhealthy woman is going to have a very hard time orgasm you know what I think you could it's probably the same for for brothers too when you think about the thoughts a brother not in his mind not present in the moment with that woman thinking about the because I I'll tell you this personally when my money not right and when I'm not where I want to be in life I'm not thinking about no sex I feel you I'm with the SC I'm with you I'm not even you know so that makes a lot of sense I'm with you that ladies in that situation with they mind occupied in that way they'll have those same issues right you just dropped this poll tell them about this poll we just dropped so look I just dropped this poll it is uh let me check it out real quick where we at hold on hold on why why did you cheat in your relationship so I got four options for this I got bad sex I got boredom slf out of love I got money problems and I got needs weren't satisfied that's like a little cop out they gonna put right there I want to say I'm I'm ready to see this one we already got 235 votes on this one what do border mean too by the way like f f you just I mean the relationship is just Wag the person is just kind of doing the same old things no no cologne or you know no swag what's the deal see for me cheating for money problems that's poor character because you know black men struggle economically to cheat because he ain't bringing home enough money why were you with him at all I got a little bit of a problem with the money unless he if he wasting all the money that's different but if you saying he's not bringing home enough money and you cheated on them oh I can't Ah that's that's poor character for me so you you know the economic issue that we having obviously has affected our relationship the whole 50-50 conversation is all just a m just pretty much us communicating the economic issues that we have in our

relationships and we don't know how to manage finances or even manage expectations from one another true that's why you bring up even polygyny when you create it as an economic uh you know option for us to be able to pull finances but if you can imagine if a woman is talking about already having a hard enough idea uh being with a brother that's trying to split it 50-50 you damn sure better believe she ain't about to share the brother and go 33 33 33 you damn sure believe that's not gonna happen because of you know the mindset that we have is this a is this a poor mindset even when you hear that conversation is that a reflection of a dangerous mindset we have as it relates to relationships or is it true that a man's job should be at the highest levels to you know take remove all financial burden from his woman in a perfect world yes but black men live in a world that's far less than perfect in our sisters have to understand that and nothing unnerves me more than when black women complain about black men who cannot provide them with the level of material Comforts that they want I don't know if y'all remember a couple months ago the sisters was going off because the brother took them to the Cheesecake Factory absolutely what's wrong with The Cheesecake Factory I like the Cheesecake Factory but for her that was too cheap and to that you know what I would say a woman that under appreciative don't deserve to have a man you don't deserve to have a man it is a struggle out here for black men we got to put up with racist white men you feel me you got to put up with less pay even when you got more credentials black men go through hell you often have to suffer emasculation at the hands of white people only to come home and have a woman tell you I don't want to go eat at the Cheesecake Factory or I don't want a Honda a cord are you you kidding me like I'm supposed to basically kill myself because you want to imitate the lifestyle of white high society first of all most white women ain't even living like that right most white women aren't even living like that so you asking me to provide you with a lifestyle that most white women don't even have so if her privileged white husband can't even give her that house in that car what makes you think I should be able to do it as well I just believe we wasting a lot of money as black men that could be better spent on the community trying to satisfy selfish black women with expensive materialistic gifts that's my opinion it's ratchet see it's all ratchet have a nice life go find you another brother who going to do all that for you I'm not and that's a fact where we at on that poll let's see if the money problem let me check it out and and listen I had a couple people drop in the chat that I REM I missed the revenge sex option which I did so if revenge sex is your reason go ahead and feel free to throw that in the chat right now nobody will will shame you for that won sh try Hest reason I tell you a condition that a lot of women cheat under because I've had a lot of women tell me what's that revenge sex on a man who sex wasn't oh she's getting some dick you couldn't please her and you cheated on her oh she's getting some oh wow she's gonna go right to big harry oh she's getting some you had a nerve to cheat on me and you don't even please me it's a rap it's a rap she gone okay so because as far as she concerned she been practicing patience the whole relationship you see what I'm saying and you had the audacity to cheat on me and you can't even please me she G she like I wish your ass she going to be at the Bobby Brown concert the Tyrese concert Usher concert Maxwell oh you should have never done that you ain't even got good sex and you going to cheat oh she's getting you back so I got look why did you cheat in your relationship we got 61% of people say needs weren't satisfied I thought that would be yeah it's the catch all it's the catch all it's the safest one it's the safest one but but but but you

know what the biggest need and we talked attention that is attention men not investing time we underestimate how important time is for a woman and guess what it's a good way to study the woman because if you got a woman who don't want you invest in time you know she only there for your change a woman who don't want to see you is a woman who's only there for your pocket that's you know what yes matter of fact ladies put your number one need in the chat right now if you put that in there I want to see your need in the chat if you're watching a replay put your need in the comment that was not satisfied and that's a really good that's a great point because you want your woman want wanting you you know trying to pull you from work and he's spending time with you a woman that's way too accommodating that's okay with you not being around with her that's not that's okay with you not spending time that's an issue because it's the push and pull that makes it fun that keeps it exciting absolutely absolutely and the biggest and the man who stands to gain the most from another black man who doesn't spend sufficient time with his woman is is a coworker more than half of all black women cheat with the co-workers the work husband the work husband because remember they put him 40 hours oh yeah they with him 40 hours so you mean to tell me she with him 40 hours a week and she don't even get four with you he gonna get the cookies that's why that's why even sometimes it's the guy's friend because proximity Is has a lot to do with cheating yeah she not trying to go she not trying to go too far who whoever is close man so the man is close is but that's ratchet though that is ratchet yeah that get your life took in these streets absolutely it's scary out here very scary that get you now I tell you this I've had the exes of some of my friends try to approach me for some of them I knew it was revenge sex for others I think they just genuinely wanted a better man and they felt I was that right but I never did it I always shut him down but I never told my brothers you feel me because I didn't know if that would affect our relationship Absolut you see what I'm saying so I shut it down and out of respect for her I never took it to him because it never went nowhere but women can be scandalous oh yeah because I'm like you can't come to me that's my Ace you see what I'm saying scandalous they got no problem women can be scandalous and they know how to cheat better than us see we get caught because we don't want to hide anyway that's the narcissism you feel me that what I got to hide for I'm the Man women they play that whole role they know when to cheat how to cheat they know how to do it but ladies I need my older sisters to hear me now if you over 35 especially over 40 Loosey gooes you can't be out there cheating and come home with a Loosey Goosey your husband going to know and there's nothing more unattractive than a woman with no walls so Slayer no no that's a fact let me ask let me ask you this Dr Omar CU Slayer I I want to notice about you because you as far as your journey you you obviously are living a purpose you know a purpose Le life and do you feel a woman would help you personally be more productive get further farther faster in your life or would it be something that could potentially slow you down from accomplishing the mission that's a great question that's a very without a doubt I would have gotten I would probably have three schools up and running by now if I had a wife who I got to see daily wow uh there were women I've dated before I blew up right I blew up in 2010 Chicago and New York if I knew that my life was going to change on September the 18th and October 30th of 2010 I would have probably married Kim or Sabrina or Andrea or Tamila or Wendy those were five women who could have ended up being my wife and had I knew that my life would change the way it did I think one of them would probably be my wife right now you feel me but I didn't

know what was coming in the fear that I have now is I don't know what women I could trust right because of who I am some women want to date you just to try to expose you you know some women are so hate filled with black men if they don't get their way they hit you with a Jonathan major or worse you know so now you're walking on eggshells you know but once I find that woman woman to one whichever it is it won't be more than that I know I I'll get a whole lot more done but the challenges I've had to now like you might say Doc what why not why why you ain't married number one I travel too much women want their time I ain't got a lot of it so if you needy or thirsty or if you're just a regular woman who want a regular life Dr um ain't the husband you need to be looking for so that's number one I travel number two because I'm a therapist I attract damaged women wow I because I'm a therapist they feel the Healer in me so I tend to not everybody I trct is damaged right but I attract damaged women because they want their healer in me but they fail to realize though with the work that I do for the people when I come home I need you to heal me you need a Healer if I gotta come home and heal you too I'm being drin now you're a spiritual vampire another issue I've had with sisters I've dated their insecurity around other women as you know most of our kids are raised by their mothers right so if I'm doing seminar women are definitely there in abundance I need you not to get a attitude cuz she hugged me a little tight I'll never see her again you see what I'm saying AB I need you not to feel some type of way because you see a little glisten in her eyes it's just a lecture you understand that's like Usher's wife tripping because he on stage singing to that's part of the show that's what he do I serve children so I Gotta Serve the mother if you're going to be insecure over every woman in every city you can't be my wife wife an insecure woman could get nowhere with me because there's always going to be women around insecurity has been a big problem so what does a what does a Confident Woman look like she don't sweat nothing she's always laidback she sees it she smiles at it and she keeps on moving you see um but those I would say those would be the big and I got to give you the last one the Loosey Goosey because I travel so much I don't get to see my lady friends often if you don't get to see your lady friend often you know exactly what kind of condition they supposed to be in there's nothing like being into a woman like digging them and they hit you with a luy Goosey Slayer and I'm not mad because you stepped out I'm no dummy if I'm going for six months I don't think he was meditating that whole time but my thing is you knew you was going to see me this day why you ain't get yourself back together that's why I'm in a hit the vinegar or nothing right no respect you ain't take a nice rose petal bath with some frankincense and some whoo juice and get you know what I mean right you came to me like that that's what bothers you know and then the last one there's a lot of good black women out here I meet them all the time and so narrowing that down is difficult and sometimes I don't know if I use the work as a distraction or am I just genuinely distracted but with all that said I do have a friend a very good friend and I think she might be one of the two I think she might so we working on it we working on it okay but spiritually spiritually I was told by the priest babala priest of eii you're a tradition out of Nigeria I was told through divination that I won't find my wife till the school is up and running wow he said the school gotta come first and then the wife that's exactly what he said one of my biggest fears is that I would end up in a situation that you're in right now where I've achieved so much success where I then become so cynical you know in where every woman whether she my wife or not I just can't trust her and but and and you got to fight

against that though but but see I know myself that's a that's that's a lonely position to be in it's a very lonely that's why I'm asking you this because I I I understand first of all I know I need a Healer with what I'm doing okay I expect that from my woman listen it's some we about to Grub after this okay yes sir the women in my life about to heal you you feel what I'm saying so the thing about it is I can imagine with your work you know what you need and just in general us as men we as a culture we're getting married later we pushing it back I think now they saying it's 30 the average age now that four average age four marriage oh it's getting older for all Americans and see but especially us everybody marrying later even white folks wow yeah everybody marrying later but I don't know but is is that is that healthy is that for me it would be I'm going tell you why a 45y old woman hypothetically a 45 year old woman then been through the she done already had a coochie scratched every which way it can be she didn't already raised their kids and at this point in her life she knows exactly what she want you feel me the problem with getting married older is her biological clock might have expired it can work for men it can't work for women we can have babies until we oldow women cannot so does it work for us yes does it work for the community no because our sisters need to be having baby sooner than that that's the problem yeah works for us it don't work don't get me wrong sisters do well with an older husband too but for sisters who want to give birth within wedlock that's the issue birth within wedlock marriage gotta come sooner it got to and the and and and and and and you know somebody asked me about arranged marriage arranged marriage what I think about arranged marriage I'm not against it if the people being arranged are virgins once you have committed the sin of uh premarital sex what do we call it the word for sex without marriage not adultery but fornication fornication once you have fornicated multiple times you have now developed preferences you know how good oral sex can be you know how fat the butt can be you know how good the same thing with the woman size and Tech the problem with premarital sex this is why God never in wanted for us to have sex outside of marriage because once you've experienced things that you should have only experienced within wedlock you develop preferences so when you meet a really good woman she's everything you need but she can't turn it up in the bedroom like that freak can you may pass up on your soulmate CZ she can't please you like the freak and a lot of people have lost out on good relationships because they didn't come with freak of the weak talent and that's why with plural marriage if we decided to start marrying our children before full sex it could be a good thing if you got healthy parents making a decision because gu what if my daddy choose my wife she's the only woman I ever felt taste you understand you always going to be content because you ain't had nothing else but if you've been with five or six Freaks and dad say I got a wife for you you like Dad you got a problem wait a minute I gotta test them out first right and too often people are letting sex be the determinant and we shouldn't be I've had women sisters to admit it Dr Umar I should have married him but he couldn't turn it up in the bedroom and I went with my first love and it was the worst decision that I made we given sex too much room and I believe one of the reasons sex is taking up too much space when it comes to choosing our lifemate is we are not spiritually grounded you're over relying on pleasure if your relationship with Supreme Consciousness was where it needed to be pleasure would not be so prominent in your life but because you don't have that relationship with God that you need pleasure is carrying too much weight and that's a big problem with a lot of us wow wow you pleasure seeking pleasure seeking looking

for love in all the wrong places pleasure seeking man first of all man Dr Omar is in the building yes yes he in the building and first of all if y'all are feeling what y'all hearing right now if y'all enjoying the show I want y'all to just drop a flame right now drop the flame in the chat in the comments right now how have you seen this if you enjoying what's happening right now we had a Super Chat come in shout out to Gloria Nicole Johnson she says can we please talk about not dating until we know our purpose when we know our purpose we know who fits in our future and and I'mma add something to that because you mentioned that you shouldn't be dating if you self low self-esteem if you got low self-esteem you should only date people with low self-esteem because you don't think nobody want you and they don't think nobody want but I mean it's a self-esteem crisis you know so that's a lot of people that should not be dating but people with low self-esteem are not attracted to people with they attracted to people with high self-esteem that's exactly what they attracted to which means they end up getting exploited abused betrayed and dogged out and those are the four main traumas of post-traumatic relationship disorder and then you have baby mama trauma baby mama drama baby daddy drama and I'm G tell you something else we better deal with if we want to save the black family we're gonna have to come together and create our own child support and custody system because The White Man's family court is destroying the trust that black men and black women have for each other more than almost anything else you can think of when I go to the high schools the colleges you know what the young brother say Dr I'm not getting married why my mama put my daddy on child support and he had to move in with his mama in order to pay child support for me and my siblings I'm hearing a whole generation of young black males I'm not getting married because ain't no woman putting me on child support or taking half of what I got this child support child custody situation has gotten so bad that it's influence inuencing our sons to not seek a relationship with our daughters we got to get it under control and I think one of the best things we can do to get the child support and custody system under control is create councils of Elders in all of our cities so if she feel I'm not giving her enough money for the baby take it to the elders if I feel she not let me spend enough time on my daughter take it to the elders That's How African culture work we don't have no organization we ain't got no Elder councel so everybody run into the White and the white man ain't doing nothing but exploiting the hatred we got for each other towards the destruction of the black family child support and custody court is playing a big role in this and you got women ladies y have to stop using Family Court as a weapon to destroy a man because he don't want you and black men we got to practice more sexual discipline the we have to practice more sexual discipline we giv women babies who we don't want which is is causing nothing but pain and hurt and she carries that baggage with her into the next relationship so now you spoiling the next man's life because you didn't treat his woman right when you had her we got to do better and that's a fact let's man let's let's close out with these last few super chats if you ain't get your super chats in you about to miss out on this opportunity to kick it here with Dr Umar Johnson that's currently in the studio and the ladies ladies ladies I know yall have to project this idea of sexual discipline but we'll never fix none of our problems if we don't have candid conversations and I'm seeing several comments here about not having no sex until you get married yet that's not realistic you know uh I rather be alone than share my man that's not realistic we got to be honest if y'all just want to keep projecting holy ier than thou energy will never get these

problems solved y'all be honest about how you feel half of all married people cheat especially the ones who go to church so cut it out they ain't safe for the church yes yo bring on bring on one more let's finish out with she been in there Wai you said Tanya been in there waiting yeah all right well look Tanya you have been summoned you about to come a h initi get that mic right Tanya get your mic right Tanya what's up with you sweetheart hi can y'all hear me we can hear you perfectly I love that excitement if you can give us go ahead and start here with your age your location and your question all right my name is Tanya I am 49 and I'm in South Carolina um I have four daughters I've been Mar I was married for 21 years I've been divorced for about seven years um and I'm not interested because I think I'm doing what Dr Umar Johnson says is giving off that don't talk to me energy um but anyway I'm not interested in my relationship I'm more interested in my daughters so my girls are about to be 29 27 uh 21 22 and 20 I want to be able to um because their dad is kind of whatever that relationship is what it is but um I'm encouraging that relationship with their father but I can't really do anything so how are we as parents able to mimic good relationships but also how are we able to help our daughters um when there's an absence of um good male role models um to be able to give the knowledge that they need to be able to put themselves out there in a healthy manner to be able to get a relationship marry have children and give back to the black community great Point um first of all and I'm sure you're already you know doing this never speak negative about their dad I'm sure you don't encourage them to spend time with their father because whether they like it or not they need that you feel me yeah as I said earlier daughter needs a love affair with daddy so she can have a a healthy one with a man later on in life she they don't even know why they need it but you know why they need it I would also recommend I don't know if this is possible even though you and her father and their father is no longer together can y'all do some family activities with him you and him and them not that y'all getting back together but I would love for your girls to see that Mom and Dad can still care about each other and treat each other with respect although they are divorced that would work miracles for them because you know what that would show them even if we don't make it we can still be friends because we have too many relationship ship in the black community that when they're over we almost feel like everything got to be toxic you know we have this energy that if the relationship is over it got to be toxic why do we have to separate with negative energy why can't we just come to the conclusion that we outgrew each other but we can still care about each other we have to stop the toxicity but I would love to see you do some things with him in the presence of your daughters I agree I appreciate that and can I ask you one more thing can you elaborate on that because one question I did ask him when we did have a moment of uh common sense and we were able to talk was um how is it that men are so easily able to move into a new relationship with another woman and choose to as as hard as that can be sometimes and choose not to work on their relationship with their children that especially when I'm I'm I am I'm different I don't I really don't like Child Support I'm kind of a legal politician type person so I kind of understand how laws work so I don't like child support I never put him on child support all I asked is that he would have a relationship with these kids and so to me in society it seemed like and it could be other cultures but black men are easily to move on once the relationship is over and start relationships with new women and not put the effort into the relationship with their children currently yes ma'am great question and I'mma give you three

reasons why one of them we hit on earlier relationships function as a drug in the black community we use them to distract us from our personal problems that we do not want to face and address that's number one wow number two a lot of black men are constantly looking for a mommy who will care for them maybe not financially but emotionally and not hold them accountable for the things they do wrong if I had to guess I would say the reason he moved on so quickly is he suffers from that empty bedroom syndrome where I need a woman to distract me from me so I never have to address my underlying issues she is a distraction that's why he's with her doesn't mean he don't care doesn't mean she's not a good woman doesn't mean they don't have a half decent relationship but moving into a new situation and you haven't rectified the previous one you're running away from your responsibilities T up here ask great questions t Okay absolutely thank you i' be blessed she was patient too Tanya held held it down an hour at least two hours she did hold it down you went ahead you closed out your Poe you closed out the chats yeah yeah we good we good but here's what I want to talk about because we got to let the people um we we got to give the people an update and also get you good on this one so people can know what to expect yes sir because we got our school currently still in the works yes sir yes sir and man please let the people know what's going on with our school indeed Frederick Douglas Marcus Garvey Academy I want to let all our donors know all the major Renovations have been completed inspected and approved we have two final in inpections thank you yes yes yes we have two final inspections we need a l building inspection to get our certificate of occupancy and we need the fire department inspection the reason we haven't had them yet is because we have to get our drop ceiling repaired because in order to get the l& building inspection they want the school move and ready so we got a couple doors we got to replace we got a couple floors we got to do we got to do some painting as well a lot of small stuff nothing major but it got to be done in order so for example our Firewater company has to do something to the piping we can't put the drop ceiling back till they done doing what they doing to the piping you feel me that's really the biggest hangup right now that's really we're waiting on the firat company to finish you know the firat everything is done it's inspected and repair but there's something some little Gadget something they got to do we're waiting on them to give us a date we've been waiting for a couple weeks now once they give us that we can put the drop ciling back switch out the two doors do the floors and we should be ready for inspection I'm anticipating a community grand opening celebration this spring no later than this summer so school will open this year for the community and for our children next year that's congatulations so hit the cash app dollar sign fdmg school do not donate to the fake link make sure you have the right link you can go to Dr Umar johnson.com for the correct link or you can text myself for the link 215 989-980-8496 34 Wilmington Delaware 1 19809 but again you have my sale number text me also I want to hear from you all your feedback on tonight's relationship conversation with my brothers did you like it did you not like it what would you like for me to emphasize more next time we link up and had this conversation feel free to text me directly 25989 n85 couple quick announcements number one I will be leading my seventh group trip to Africa this summer last week of July first week in August go ahead and hit it yes yes I haven't been on a group trip in five years not since the year of return 2019 Ghana so I'm going back I can't wait it's been five years if you want to go to Africa with Dr Umar I will have the registration information in about one week okay you have now until the end of July to pay for your trip

so don't waste your tax return on fake hair in Jordans put some of that money to the side so you can pay for the Africa trip it's going to be 14 days 14 nights we going to the slave dungeons you're going to get an African name and the traditional African naming ceremony we going to Asen Mansour where our ancestors had to wash their bodies before they were sold at the dungeons you're going to go to the kente claw Factory the wood factory the bead Factory we going to Gambia we going to senagal to the new African History Museum in darar Sagal you're going to have a lot of fun so if you want to come with Dr Umar come with Dr Umar just remember the Golden Rule what happens in Africa stays in Africa also tomorrow Camden New Jersey I'm speaking keynoting the African-American youth MLK Day celebration if you have a black child bring them on out Camden New Jersey tomorrow 10 to 4: is the conference I speak at 3 Tuesday I am in Williamsport Pennsylvania Dr King keynote celebration Williamsport PA Thursday Sacramento California for the first time in 10 years 6 to9 free event at the Obama room Friday Antioch California I will be uh 6 to9 free event if you need the Flyers text me Jacksonville Florida January February the 1 first day of black history month but the day before that January 31st we will be having our protest in Bell Florida we're trying to save our brother Brendan DEA from spending the next 30 Years in his life he's the black boy who attacked the teachers Aid in the high school on the day Malcolm was assassinated February 21st 2022 he can get 30 30 years in jail we want to protest peacefully outside the courthouse against that happening to him because Brendan DEA was as much as a victim as the white woman he assaulted so please come out we calling on everybody to come out and stand with us at the kimy Hammond Justice Center in Buell Florida again 215 989-980-8496 and then we have it Hey listen first of all big shout out to all the initiates that stayed in here big shout out to all the members that we have this is big for the community for us to have Dr Umar Johnson on the platform let me tell you requested on a very consistent basis multiple times a week y'all been asking for Dr Umar and we finally got him here um this man it's it's a blessing to have you loved it man it's a blessing to have you um this not g to be the last time that we have you here on the platform so we gonna be bringing you back Atlanta 100% And I want to let yall know this is the very last day y'all of our pre-order sale we having on the hardly and love dating cards y'all you talk about a hundred open-ended questions that you can sit down with and you gonna be able to be able to connect on the deepest level with whoever your partner is I don't even care if you're you're in marriage you better still be dating you heard you heard them reasons they cheat unfulfilled needs let's make sure we fulfill them needs and guys the link is the chat in the description the uh promo code love 20 gets you 20% off and that ends in the next 24 hours so if you're watching this video please go ahead and take advantage of that before they go to full price but that's the Harley and love dating cards here and um yeah you you got it man Ryan do we got anything else we need to give to the people before we let them get up out of here no that's it guys with the Harley and love cars I'm pinning that link to the top y'all heard Dr Umar listen he gave his announcement so you might have to run that back because he dropped a lot of information for y'all absolutely but I think this was a powerful message yeah I think uh we needed to hear this on so many levels so I uh I'm just I just feel blessed and I don't think we could have done it without all of our uh you know top-notch initiat so we appreciate y'all for sure we appreciate y'all man on look on MLK Eve we rocked it out with Dr Umar Johnson the best way we probably could have ever done it so look much love to all of our listeners make

sure you do not leave this platform without subscribing I need you to go ahead and subscribe so we can continue to grow and attract amazing talents just like the just like the brother we got sitting here today I'm share my screen real quick because I just want to give a shout out to all of these people right here because we only had the we only had the the initiates for for six uh for six months so these are all the people right here that's been rocking with us for six months so I just want to make sure to give them a shout out that's big day one yes listen your your love and support is what allows us to grow this channel I tell everybody this is listen we walking in purpose y'all seeing it happen we do this full time there's nothing else on the side so everybody that likes comments supports and joins our membership is a major part of us being being able to put this message into the space into the world into the atmosphere so we love you and you already know hardly initiated we yes are out [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] w [Music] [Music] [Music] oh [Music] he ...

[accesscounselling]

Experiencing Social Media Anxiety? Learn How Counselling Services in Dublin Can Help

In today’s digital era, social media isn’t just an application on a mobile device or a website on a computer. It has become a huge part of our everyday lives, keeping us endlessly connected to a virtual world. We scroll through newsfeeds, connect with friends and family, and curate online personas – all at our fingertips.

While social media offers undeniable benefits, it can also have a significant downside: social media anxiety. It is a growing concern, and if you’re experiencing it, counselling services in Dublin can help.

What Is Social Media Anxiety?

Not to be confused with general social anxiety, social media anxiety is a subtype that has garnered increasing recognition among mental health professionals. It specifically pertains to the fear, discomfort, stress, and anxiousness triggered by social media use.

It can manifest in various ways, including:

Fear of judgement and negative comments online.

Feeling pressured to maintain a perfect online image.

Constantly comparing yourself to others’ seemingly perfect lives.

Anxiety about posting content or interacting online.

Obsessive checking for notifications and likes.

It bears repeating that social media anxiety isn’t simply shyness or general social anxiety. It’s specifically linked to the online environment and the pressures associated with social media platforms. Additionally, studies show a correlation between increased social media use and mental health concerns, particularly among young adults.

Why Does Social Media Give You Anxiety?

Social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook often present a curated display of people’s lives, focusing on their achievements and happiest moments. This portrayal can lead to unrealistic expectations and feelings of inadequacy among users as they compare their lives with these idealised online representations. For young individuals whose sense of self is particularly vulnerable, this can foster envy, feelings of inferiority, and a sense of isolation.

Additionally, the platforms are designed to be addictive, encouraging constant engagement and creating a cycle of dependency rooted in the need for validation. This, combined with the potential for anonymity that facilitates cyberbullying, significantly impacts psychological well-being. The fear of missing out (FOMO) and the pressure to stay constantly connected further exacerbate these feelings, disrupting sleep, focus, and real-life functionality, thereby contributing to a pervasive sense of anxiety.

What Are the Signs and Symptoms of Social Media Anxiety?

If you find yourself experiencing some of the following, you might be struggling with social media anxiety:

Feeling anxious or stressed after spending time on social media.

Obsessively checking your phone for notifications and updates.

Feeling the need to present a perfect image online constantly.

Avoiding social media interactions or posting content out of fear of judgment.

Withdrawing from social activities or neglecting hobbies due to social media use.

These symptoms contribute not only to a decrease in self-worth but also amplify feelings of loneliness and disconnection from reality. Social media can create an illusion of connection while fostering isolation and a distorted view of the world.

How Do You Stop Social Media Anxiety?

If the signs and symptoms mentioned earlier sound familiar, you’re not alone. Social media anxiety is a growing concern, but there are steps you can take to manage it and reclaim control of your online experience.

Here are some strategies to consider:

Become Mindful of Your Social Media Habits

The first step is awareness. Track how much time you spend on social media each day. Are you surprised by the results? Identifying your usage patterns is crucial for making changes.

Set Boundaries and Limits

Once you’re aware of your social media habits, set boundaries. This could involve allocating specific times for checking social media, using apps to limit your daily usage, or scheduling social media detox breaks. It is also best practice to turn off non-essential notifications to reduce the urge to check your phone constantly.

Curate Your Feed, Curate Your Mind

Be selective about who you follow and the type of content you engage with. If certain accounts or pages trigger anxiety, unfollow or mute them to create a more positive online experience.

Mindful Engagement

Before posting or responding to content, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself if the action is necessary or if it adds value to your well-being.

Digital Detox

Regularly schedule breaks from social media, where you disconnect for a day or even a weekend. Use this time to engage in activities that rejuvenate you, such as reading, exercising, or spending time in nature.

Ground Yourself in the Present

Engage in mindfulness practices that keep you rooted in the here-and-now, shifting focus away from the digital world and onto your immediate environment and sensory experiences.

Practice Self-Compassion and Self-Care

Social media often showcases unrealistic portrayals of people’s lives. Remember, everyone has their struggles and imperfections. Focus on self-acceptance and challenge negative thoughts about yourself. Additionally, invest in activities that promote relaxation and reduce stress, like meditation, yoga, or a hobby that brings you joy.

Prioritise Real-Life Connections

Social media can’t replace the value of face-to-face interaction. Make time for activities and connections that bring you joy in the real world. Nurture relationships with loved ones and engage in hobbies you enjoy.

Seek Professional Help

If you’ve tried these strategies and social media anxiety continues to impact your life significantly, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Counselling services in Dublin can provide valuable support and equip you with additional tools and techniques to manage your anxiety and develop a healthier relationship with social media.

How Can Counselling Services in Dublin Help With Social Media Anxiety?

Seeking professional help from a qualified anxiety counsellor in Dublin can be a powerful step towards reclaiming control of your online experience and improving your mental well-being. Here’s how Dublin counselling services can equip you to manage social media anxiety:

Developing Healthy Coping Mechanisms

A qualified counsellor can help you identify the specific triggers and thought patterns that fuel your social media anxiety. Through techniques like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), they can equip you with healthy coping mechanisms to manage these anxieties effectively. Additionally, therapists can teach relaxation techniques like mindfulness meditation and deep breathing exercises that can be used in the moment to manage anxiety when triggered by social media use.

Setting Boundaries and Building Self-Compassion

Anxiety counselling can provide a safe space to explore your relationship with social media and identify unhealthy patterns of usage. A counsellor can guide you in setting realistic boundaries around social media use. This could involve establishing specific times for checking social media, creating “phone-free” zones in your home, or even taking digital detox breaks to disconnect entirely for a period.

Furthermore, therapy can address the underlying issues often linked to social media anxiety, such as low self-esteem or perfectionism. Through counselling, you can develop self-compassion, learn to accept yourself with all your imperfections and build resilience against negativity encountered online. Counsellors can also help you explore why you seek validation on social media and guide you towards healthier ways to build self-worth.

Developing Alternative Ways to Connect and Fostering Balance

Social media can create the illusion that it’s the primary way to connect with others. Through counselling, you can explore alternative ways to connect meaningfully with friends and family. This could involve scheduling regular in-person meetups, joining clubs or activities that align with your interests, or volunteering in your community. Ultimately, a counsellor can help you create a healthy balance between online and offline interactions, ensuring your social needs are met in a way that promotes your well-being.

Finding the Right Anxiety Counselling Services in Dublin

If you’re considering therapy for social media anxiety, you have a variety of qualified professionals in Dublin to choose from. As mentioned, different counselling approaches are available, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based therapy. A counsellor can discuss these options with you and help you find the best approach for your needs.

The importance of selecting the right anxiety therapist cannot be overstated, as the effectiveness of therapy often hinges on the relationship between the counsellor and the client. A good fit means that you feel understood, respected, and safe to express your thoughts and feelings openly. This therapeutic alliance is a cornerstone of successful therapy, fostering a conducive environment for healing and growth.

When choosing an anxiety counsellor, it’s crucial to consider their qualifications, experience, and areas of specialisation to ensure they align with your specific concerns. Moreover, it’s beneficial to research or inquire about a counsellor’s specific experience with social media anxiety, as this can provide added reassurance that they understand the nuances of your situation.

Initial consultations or meet-and-greets can be instrumental in gauging comfort levels and compatibility. Additionally, many therapists in Dublin now offer online counselling sessions, providing flexibility and ease of access. This can be particularly appealing for individuals dealing with anxiety related to digital platforms.

In conclusion, confronting social media anxiety is a step towards regaining control over your mental health and overall well-being. While the digital age brings undeniable benefits, recognising its pitfalls allows you to navigate its waters more mindfully.

In Dublin, numerous counselling services are dedicated to addressing the spectrum of anxiety disorders, including social media anxiety. Taking the step to reach out for help is commendable. Finding the right counselling service can be a transformative journey towards reclaiming your well-being in the digital age. Remember, the aim is not only to manage the anxiety but to thrive beyond it, establishing a balanced and healthy relationship with social media.

Does social media leave you feeling overwhelmed and disconnected? Consider exploring the range of counselling services in Dublin dedicated to tackling social media anxiety. Call us today on 015240708 to schedule a consultation with our compassionate anxiety counsellors.

[actualpsychicability]

"Luck" is a value judgement people make on probability. If probability works out favorably for you, you were "lucky." If probability sends you up the creek without a paddle, you had "bad luck."

So, let's take "luck" as a construct out of the equation and look at how probability and time work. Probability is simply an estimate for what will happen, so really, this is about how time works.

You're in LUCK, then, because time doesn't work very linearly. Causality does seem complex and it is complex, but linear time and linear reality is a construct of the human (and other living beings') brain's need to put things in a linear order to be able to create logical thoughts and anticipate the environment around it. Clocks are things humans make. Calendars are things humans make. The concept of being "on time" is a thing humans made at some point. So, time itself, linear time, is already being constructed around the clock (heh) by your human brain anyway. it's already doing the job, already doing calculations.

A couple different areas of the human brain do this. The hypothalamus, deep inside the brain nearer the stem, determines your internal timing, the ebb and flow of brain chemicals, tells your organs when to digest and even decides when you get to go to the bathroom. This is the internal clock. and it's different for every biological creature that exists, and it has no idea "what time it is" according to clocks and such. This is what determines the chemicals and energy and basically supplies that the body has to work with and rations those supplies and meters out how fast they're used. This area also gets to decide when and why you get the dopamine hits, so don't piss off the hypothalamus. It has the cookie jar.

Outside time? Determined by a couple of other brain areas. Your cerebellum's motor circuits determine time in milliseconds. Quick reactions, reflexes, etc. Let's say you cross the precognition barrier and manage to see a couple milliseconds into the future, and your body's reflexes use this to dodge a bullet. That's the sort of superpower you'd likely get from the cerebellum, if you want it in superhero terms--in psychic ability terms, the cerebellum can precog in very tiny chunks of time that would result in very precise adjustments to the events in space-time that you participate in.

Your parietal and prefrontal lobes of the brain (all that forehead junk, also where the third eye lives incidentally, it's in your middle prefrontal cortex) figure out what happens in "minutes" and also handle your conscious attention and memory. These would be more likely to do the precog needed to affect more complex events that seem like linear time--they are, in fact, CREATING the illusion of linear time for you by organizing your thoughts and perceptions into an illusion that becomes what seem to you to be conscious waking linear reality.

All three systems (internal biological regulatory clock, millisecond-sized instinctual reaction calculator, and orderly linear reality computer) are linked together and can work in concert, using all three time perception and calculation abilities to manipulate how events SEEM to you and how you SHOW UP in those events.

As for how to influence the activity around you that isn't inside your body, these three timing mechanisms would use abilities based around the electromagnetic field your body projects at all times and use that field to interact with the fields of other people and objects to influence their actions physically and psychologically. Telepathy could inject a stray thought that interrupts the dealer's shuffle. Telekinesis could affect the micromovements of the dealer's hands to put the advantageous card where you need it to be. There's other abilities that could come into play and how each individual would exhibit and use those abilities subconsciously will change and vary with the body, brain, life experience, and surrounding circumstances.

"Luck" is a bit of an illusion in and of itself. You create it the same way as a stage magician creates their illusions--manipulation of the forces and materials that you have on-hand, and deep knowledge of the stage you're on and what the audience can see. The subconscious handles quite a bit of it.

That's why it gets to decide who gets the dopamine.

"Luck manipulation" is not quite a stock superpower, but it shows up in fiction a fair amount, and I always think ... okay, how is this working on a physical level?

Like, okay, the luck manipulator is playing poker and the dealer shuffles a deck of cards and gives you pocket aces, then there are two more aces on the flop, how does this work? Obviously shuffling is a physical process, and the randomness comes from ... microscopic variations in friction, imperfections in finger movements, something like that?

But for this to actually work, for "luck manipulation" to produce good cards, the "luck" needs to be anticipating future events, needs to know what the flop is going to be, needs to know that it's good for the flop to be two aces. This is a lot of required secondary powers.

I find luck manipulation interesting mostly because it seems neatly contained when you say it, and incredibly messy once you think about it for a few seconds, because "luck" itself is a concept that's so divorced from physical reality.

[skaldish]

anon asking about the neuron stuff: yeah, do share evidence that happens! cause i've never heard of that, ever, in my research on DID/OSDD. only brainscans that their brains are distinctly different than singlets trying to mimic alters

(Goofed up and composed this on the wrong blog. My brain-related blog is @prefrontal-bastard. Feel free to ask follow-up questions there.)

I don't have anything in the vein of scientific papers, if that's what you're after; everything I know about the brain I learned from various specialists growing up: Psychologists, psychiatrists, behavioral therapists, and neurologists. (Many of them were also neurodivergent, so they gave me long explanations about various brain-related problems and treatments.) This is all to say that my knowledge is the product of my experiences with treatment, as opposed to academic research.

One of these days I'll hunt down papers though. Even though I learned from experts in the field (and know they're correct because their treatments worked as intended), I do need to demonstrate the science is academically supported.

After all, people lie on the internet all the time.

I'll explain what I know, but I won't be offended if you take it with a grain of salt. I'd even be curious what you'd find if you decide to double-check my claims.

Anyways, here's my understanding of what creates Alters in DID/OSDD.

Some of the information might be redundant to you, but I've added it for posterity's sake.

So...

The brain functions like a giant organic circuit board. It can do everything it does because it's made up of cells known as neurons. Neurons communicate information to each other by releasing chemical signals known as neurotransmitters, which come in many different varieties (seratonin, dopamine, adrenaline to name a few). This chemical release is done through synapses located on little appendages known as dentrites.

Neurons link together to form long chains known as neural pathways. These organized pathways are why the brain can send and receive information so quickly.

We learn things as the result of information being sent along a certain pathway routinely. The more a pathway is used, the stronger it gets.

Here's a computer-generated map of actual neural pathways in the brain:

However, the brain also learns and adapts. If neural pathways are damaged, it will "reroute" neurons around damaged parts. This is a feature called neuroplasticity.

Relevant graphics:

Now, the brain is first and foremost a tool for survival. Early on in life, it learns what kinds adaptations it needs in order to survive, and creates foundational neural pathways in accordance to what it perceives and experiences during early childhood.

DID/OSDD arise from early childhood trauma. But the theories behind "childhood trauma" are not neurological, but psychological. Even though psychological phenomena are absolutely things we can measure, psychology itself isn't a hard science.

According to my therapist—who specializes in treating complex trauma and dissociative disorders—the mechanisms behind DID/OSDD are predicated on a psychological principle known as Attachment Theory. This theory states that the care we receive as infants and children drastically impacts our disposition later in life:

Emotional bonding is one of our core needs, like food and water. Infants will die if they're not held. Babies that have all their needs met, but are completely emotionally neglected, are prone to juvenile delinquency.

So...the quality of caregiving we receive as children determines how certain neural pathways form, and insecure attachment is in itself a kind of trauma.

The exact conditions that causes DID or OSDD probably can't be deduced by neural structures alone, which is why hard science won't name the cause. That doesn't mean there isn't a model for it at all; we just can't draw hard scientific conclusions with soft science.

The theory my therapist gave me for what causes DID/OSDD is predicated on both neurology and psychology, because there's no answer to be found just by looking at one or the other.

Here is a quote from the AIR Network Therapy Model's website on the neurological impact of developmental trauma:

Subcortical areas including the brainstem and limbic structures, and the somatosensory and motor areas of the brain encode information first, both developmentally and in times of danger. Information moves from those areas to the neocortical and left hemispheric language processing areas of the brain. This normal and adaptive process allows people to work through critical or traumatic incidents that happen to every person at some time.  Intense, complex or repeated traumas can interrupt this adaptive process such that trauma patterns and reactive or Core Survival Networks get encoded and solidified over time. 

The theory I was given, is that DID/OSDD are the young brain's way of relieving synaptic distress caused by routine, traumatic experiences. Dissociative alters are the result of the brain routing neural connections around the structures that register the distress. It does this to protect those brain-parts from being permanently compromised/destroyed, because trauma causes physical brain-damage. The only reason why it would ever resort to this is when caretakers can't be counted on to relieve the distress.

This is so thorough in DID/OSDD that the brain creates isolated neurological "chunks," which then develop independently, because they have few-to-no neural pathways connecting them and yet the brain still uses those parts because they're not damaged. This is what creates "switches," and why alters have different roles. It's also why it takes such a long time to identify alters and develop cooperation; you literally have to restructure your neural pathways so they can connect to segmented brain-parts.

Here's the definition of dissociation just for a point of comparison:

The splitting off of clusters of mental contents from conscious awareness. Dissociation is a mechanism central to dissociative disorders. The term is also used to describe the separation of an idea from its emotional significance and affect, as seen in the inappropriate affect in schizophrenia. Often a result of psychic trauma, dissociation may allow the individual to maintain allegiance to two contradictory truths while remaining unconscious of the contradiction. An extreme manifestation of dissociation is dissociative identity disorder, in which a person may exhibit several independent personalities, each unaware of the others. DSM-5, Glossary, p820.

Anyway, that's my long-winded understanding as to why this happens. Feel free to ask if you'd like me to clarify anything.

[airplanned]

Hi Ned, I have a set of weird questions. While reading a fic of an other author, did you ever think of rewriting a chapter in your style? Or, in case of an abandoned work, to write the continue/finale yourself?

Like "enough with all this angst and whump, let them start a pillow fight!"

When you write fic, you're inherently reworking and remixing a work that has come before. It's a way to engage with a work, and it's a way to tell a different kind of story and make something new. So I think fic authors are already in this mindset of thinking abut what a story has to offer and what you would like to change.

There's a creativity guy (he's a writer/artist who talks about creativity) named Austin Kleon, who has a book called Steal Like an Artist, which is about how to take things you like in the media you consume, remix them, and repurpose them. It's a great resource, and I highly recommend it. It talks about how creative people are always "stealing" and how that's not a bad thing if you do it well.

Personally, I would feel weird taking someone's unfinished story and writing my own end. I've heard of people who do this because they can't stand not reading the end of a story. And that's fine as long as they keep it secreted away on their computer. But putting it out there feels like it would cross a lot of boundaries of stealing not done well.

I have been known to write stories from a starting point of disagreeing with a plot point or a trope. For instance, Displaced is from my thoughts that Zelda would not come out of fighting the Calamity without some psychological damage (which I hadn't seen much of in fic at the time), and also a push back against a common trope in post-calamity fic where Zelda re-instates the monarchy. (I'm American and have an inherent suspicion of monarchies and an ever growing hatred of consolidated wealth.  So some monarchy things in fic rub me the wrong way.)

There are several stories I've read that have ticked me right the fuck off, and in my complaining, I ended up plotting out a whole new fic that tackles things differently. The few times I started writing them down, they ended up changing enough in the process that they're unrecognizable and I don't think the original author would notice. But also, I've never finished or started posting any of them.

A lot of those are "Why does Link/Zelda not simply leave/kill Roham?"

[mdawritings]

“Arrested” [Aaron Hotchner X Female Reader]

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Rating: E

Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Female Reader

Wordcount: 8,510

Summary: 

The BAU is working a case in the DC area: an unsub killing women outside of nightclubs and bars. When you get arrested and manage to end up in the same precinct as Aaron Hotchner, the team discovers that their unit chief has been sleeping with a MUCH younger woman. Even more importantly, they discover that aside from being Hotch's fuck buddy, you have had direct contact with the unsub. Told through cute and smutty flashbacks throughout your relationship with Aaron.

AO3 Link

It had been weeks since you’d seen Aaron. The first week you didn’t see him was because of a case over the weekend in Florida. You had sent him a few scandalous pictures while he was flying home…

You rest your head against the arm of your sofa lazily. You reach for the phone and look at the simple text from Aaron. “On the way home now. I want to see you soon.” Just those words send bolts of happiness, excitement, and arousal through you. You press the top of your phone to your lips to suppress your growing smile. You text him back.

“Been imagining your hands touching me instead of my own”

Aaron picks up his phone at the chime. He reads the message from you and can’t help but start to stir a little. God, the thoughts of you home alone… touching yourself thinking about him. Yeah, that definitely does something to him. It’s not like you weren’t in his thoughts the entire time. It's difficult to focus on a case when all he really wants is to be home, buried under the covers with you, taking in your light, yet intoxicating perfume. Touching your soft, perfect skin. Hearing you scream his name… He almost lets out a moan but catches himself and looks around the jet at his sleeping coworkers.

He quickly replies to your message, “Oh yeah?”

You jump up from the couch, exhaustion rapidly dissipating from your previously sore limbs at the thought of seeing Aaron tonight. Memories of his large hands touching, groping, squeezing your body flood into your mind.

You hurry to slip on the purple lingerie set you bought. You stand in front of your bathroom mirror. You take a few minutes, capturing some, quite honestly, fucking amazing photos.

“Missing the feeling of you buried inside me” You send the photos along. You grow even happier at the thought of him getting a fucking hard-on while just a few feet away from his sleeping coworkers. You revel in the effect you manage to have over such a powerful, dominant, authoritative man. It makes you especially proud to think about his normal demeanor, stoic, hard-faced, serious, and how easy it is for you to reduce him to simpering, whimpering, moaning mess under your touch. Your phone chimes a mere seconds after sending the photos.

“You are torturing me. We HAVE to see each other when I land”

You fell asleep in your bed in that lingerie waiting for him. You didn’t see his messages until the next morning, saying the sitter for Jack fell through and he probably wouldn’t be able to see you until next weekend.

At the start of the second week, he got called away to a case in California. That one took up the whole week and by the time he got home, he was way too exhausted to spend time with you.

This kind of thing went on for two weeks. A full month without Aaron had been torture. It wasn’t like you expected him to drop everything and come running to you. You understand he has a kid to take care of and an FBI unit to run. Plus, it isn’t like you two are really dating. Do you sometimes wish you were? Hell yes. Is it reasonable or feasible? Absolutely not.

That doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy what you have going on right now. He comes over to your place, tired and frustrated from a long day at work, and he— well he fucks your brain out. You’re always working hard on your Ph.D. and Aaron’s job is just plain stressful. You both need and enjoy the amazing stress relieving benefits of casual sex. You do enjoy each other’s company without having sex sometimes. It usually happens on those weekends when you or he or both of you are way too exhausted. But really, it's the moments after sex that make you question what you truly are to one another…

Your heart rate begins to steady and you can’t help but smile up at Aaron. He looks down at you with that small Hotchner version of a smile. It’s a smile that wouldn’t seem like much to anyone else, but you know how infrequently he lets the corners of his mouth turn up in happiness. “How do you do it?”

You soon realize after letting the words out, (and from the confusion on his face), that he cannot, in fact, read your mind and understand what you mean, “How do you go from seeing all that bad out there in the world to lying in this bed with me with that adorable smile on your face?”

For a split second, you think you’ve said something wrong. The smile falls from his face and his brows tense up. You always tease him about his eyebrows, telling him the more he frowns the more wrinkles he’ll get.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to cross a line—”

“I don’t want to pull you into all this… my work. I want to protect you from it.” Your heart practically sinks into your stomach. That’s not the type of language you use with your casual sex partner. Then again, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t worry every time he leaves for a case. You worry that you’ll never see him again. You won’t even find out he’s dead because no one knows about the two of you.

“Y/N,” he pulls you out of your thoughts. His voice cuts through the silent room and you look back up into his soft eyes. They’re searching your face, scanning your behavior. You can tell he’s trying to figure out what you could possibly be thinking.

“Stop doing that,” you warn him, but your tone is light-hearted, “That whole studying my behavior thing you do.”

“Profiling,” he corrects you and runs a hand over your hair. The action is like a natural reflex for him, he’s not even consciously aware he’s pulling you closer to him.

“Right. That. Stop profiling me,” you laugh.

“Well, how am I supposed to know what’s spinning around in your head when you zone out like that.”

“I’m thinking about the fact that you listen to me rattle on and on about statistical physics but you don’t talk about your job.”

“You need to stop talking about physics after sex. It makes me feel like I’m sleeping with Reid,” he laughs and notices your confusion, “He’s a coworker of mine. You’d like him.”

You’d like him. That phrase sticks with you. Does that mean he wants you to meet his coworkers someday?

You’re not sure why you and Aaron never discuss a real relationship. Well, it’s more like Aaron never discusses a real relationship. Aaron doesn’t really discuss anything. The first time you really talked to him you thought his closed-off nature was charming, dreamy…

“Aaron Hotchner… right?” You look over the man who has just walked up to the bar next to you.

He reaches for the beers he’s just ordered, obviously for a group, but stops as you call out his name, “I’m sorry do I know you?”

“You work for the FBI… Behavioral something unit.” Your laugh sounds loud and obnoxious to you, but to him, it’s bright and cuts through the din of the chaotic bar.

“Behavioral Analysis Unit,” Aaron’s eyebrows furrow. He looks you over before turning his attention back to your face, searching it for answers.

“Oh god!” You're not really the type to strike up a conversation with a man in a bar but you’re feeling bold, not to mention empowered by the liquor, “I must seem so crazy. You gave a talk at Georgetown I attended. I’m a Ph.D. student there. It was about criminal psychology.” His face softens as he begins to realize you’re not a crazy stalker nor an obsessed fan. You stick your hand out for him to shake, “Y/N Y/L/N.”

“It’s nice to meet you, again, I guess,” He nods as he shakes your hand. You can tell he’s just trying to be polite and he glances over his shoulder at a group of people at a booth. Their eyes are all on you two. He wants to go back but something about you is drawing him in. “So you’re pursuing a Ph.D. in psychology?” He moves to sit at the bar next to you.

“Actually no.” You feel flush rushing into your face as he moves closer to you and sits down. You can’t help but look over his body. He’s much closer to your height now that he’s sitting down. He’s wearing a black quarter zip and dark jeans. His hair is neatly gelled back. He does not fit into this atmosphere. “I’m getting a Ph.D. in physics. I conduct theoretical research on the experimental implementation of quantum computing with trapped ions in— I conduct research.” Your blush deepens.

Aaron smiles widely at your ranting before jumping in, “So what were you doing in a criminal psychology lecture?”

Your face feels hot with embarrassment, “I snuck in. It sounded interesting.” You shrug slightly and reach for the drink from the bartender. “I almost didn’t show up, but then a classmate told me one of the FBI agents was very attractive.” You give a small wink before reaching for your check for your drinks from the night. “And she was right, Agent Prentiss is drop-dead gorgeous.” Your attempts to keep a poker face fail, your lips curling with delight.

Aaron laughs as he takes the check from your hands. “You don’t have to—” You protest slightly but Aaron holds up his hand to silence you.

“My treat. As a thank you, for breaking the rules to see my lecture.” He shares in your smile as he hands the bartender his card, paying for your drinks. Your ex just broke up with you a few weeks prior so you came out to cheer yourself up. Seeing Aaron Hotchner up close and personal is… definitely a pick me up.

“Do you have a business card or something?”

“Uh… yes.” Aaron is hesitant to hand it over but reaches into his wallet for one. You grab a pen and take the business card from Aaron. You scribble down your number on the back and hand it to him.

“This is my number.” You hold it out before reaching for your purse. He looks down at the number and then back up at you. For a grown, adult man, he doesn’t seem to understand. You can see confusion written all over his face, it’s quite adorable honestly. His face though it seemingly remains emotionless, in just the few minutes you’ve spent talking to him, you see hints of smiles hidden under a professional, powerful exterior.

“Call me sometime. You know, so I can pay you back for that drink.” You stand up from the bar, legs weak from the heavy drinking you’ve done, “Or if you just want some company.” He nods slightly in response and you turn to leave. You can’t help but turn for a second to watch as Aaron walks back to his table of what appear to be friends. One of the women looks back at you and smiles the most infectious, sweetest smile at you. You return it and move to leave the bar.

It wasn’t until late that night that you got a call. The drinking your sorrows away didn’t stop once you left that bar. You were curled up on your couch, a glass of wine clutched in your hands.

“Hello?” you mumble into the phone, pulling the blanket around your shoulders tighter.

“We didn’t really get to talk much at the bar, but I’m pretty sure you made some promises about paying me back for that drink,” A stern man’s voice cuts through the phone.

“Aaron?” you ask momentarily confused, “It—It’s late, are you drunk?”

Your laugh rings through the phone and it’s that laugh that has Aaron so intensely drawn to you. He can’t help himself. He needs to be near you, “Just go to the door.”

You stand up, “My door? How did you get my—oh right. FBI agent,” you muse and open your door. And there he is, standing at the door with the phone pressed to his ear. He pulls it away and hangs up. “This is incredibly creepy, I hope you know that.” You lean against the doorframe, pulling your large sweater around yourself tighter. His eyes run over you. You grin slightly, catching his wandering gaze, and at that, he shoves his hands in his pockets.

“So about that drink you owe me.” Aaron takes a few hesitant steps into your apartment. He closes the door behind him, “How about you pay me back wit—” he starts to talk but you don’t let him finish his sentence. You grip his shirt and pull him close, your lips melting against his.

It’s messy and passionate and needy. You struggle to stumble along, guiding him towards your bedroom and his hands are touching every inch of you. He hurriedly pulls your sweater off and tosses it off to the side before unzipping your dress. You let it fall to the floor and kick it off as you match his frantic pace, pulling off his shirt and pushing down his jeans. He lays you down gently and reaches around to unclasp your bra.

“Holy fuck,” Aaron groans as he takes a second to take in your naked body.

Then he’s leaving a trail of soft kisses down the expanse of your chest and breasts. He travels down further. His lips brush against your inner thighs, his stubble tickling your skin. He smirks up at you wickedly as he grips your thong in his teeth, pulling it down your legs. You already know your soaking wet pussy will give away just how bad you want him right now.

He doesn’t hesitate, he goes to work on you. Licking and stroking and rubbing your clit. Your back arches and you grip the sheets and his hair. You massage your breasts, panting heavily as two of his fingers press into you, his tongue flicking your overly sensitive bud of nerves. “Oh god, Aaron yes!”

His name rolls off your tongue and you continue to chant it like a fucking mantra as his somehow rough yet gentle touch drives you wild. You feel the knots building in your stomach. Your legs tremble with pleasure as your eyes shut harshly. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You’re panting intensely at this point and the whole room practically slips away as your orgasm hits and your body feels out of control. Every nerve ending on fire. And Aaron is merciless, he continues to lick and tease as you ride out your high.

He can’t help but grin proudly at the number he’s done on you. As he comes up to plant a few more kisses on your lips, you feel his rock hard erection pressing against your thigh. You kiss him hungrily while fumbling to stroke him through his boxers.

The groan the emerges from his lips is… holy fucking shit it’s sexy. You flip the two of you over so you’re on top of him, your chest pressed against his. You dip your hand into his boxers, pumping the entirety of his length. You feel him getting harder and his cock twitches in conjunction with a loud, throaty groan. “Y/N." His eyes flutter open and he grabs your arm to still your motions. “I need you, now.”

Within seconds he’s peeling his boxers off, you roll the condom down onto him and you slam your hips down on his. You can’t contain the loud gasps and moans as you feel your walls stretch around him. Fuck it’s been too long since you’ve had sex. You’re still for a second and Aaron bucks his hips, needing friction, needing to thrust and feel your tightness around him.

“Oh god." Your eyes are practically rolling back in your head as Aaron takes an agonizing pace, lifting your hips all the way up just to slam them all the way back down again.

He has a vice grip on your hips and you can feel the bruises forming under his fingertips. You grind your hips against his as you ride him faster. “Fuck you feel amazing,” Hotch lets out another one of those agonizingly sexy groans.

“I’m close,” you whine out. Aaron reaches to rub your clit with his thumb as he starts thrusting his hips up to meet yours chaotically. That combined with his large cock hitting your sweet spot sends you tumbling over the edge once again. It’s not long after that you feel his cock throbbing deep inside you, his hips messily thrusting and his face contorted up in pleasure. His panting becomes rapid and it's not long before he’s coming undone inside you. You flip off of him to collapse at his side on the bed.

“So when are we doing this again?” you pant heavily and hear a beautiful sound beside you. The sound of Aaron laughing.

Sometimes you worry if he’s embarrassed by you. I mean, you’re a few years shy of 20 years younger than him. You’re still in school. He was starting college by the time you were out of diapers. He runs a whole goddamn unit of the FBI and you’re still a student. You both are in entirely separate places in life, how do you reconcile that? It’s not as if he keeps you secret. Jessica knows you and you met his son Jack one time. Besides, you’re not really showing him off either. Not that you have many people to show him off to.

Like said, it’s been weeks since you’ve seen him which has just left you to sit around and overthink just about everything.

Aaron is working a case in DC. You saw the news reports the other day. Women were turning up dead in alleyways behind popular nightclubs and bars in the downtown area. Despite this horrifying news, you were happy when he told you the case was at home. It meant less travel. Less travel means Aaron is less tired. Which means more sex for you. And god, did you need sex.

It’s your friend’s 27th birthday and in an attempt to keep her from crying about getting a year older, you and a group of friends promised to go out drinking with her. You reach for your phone to check for any messages from Aaron. You would drop all your plans if he told you he was coming over tonight. There is one new message but it’s not exactly the text you were hoping for.

From: Aaron:

Please be safe for the next few days. Don’t go anywhere alone. Call me if there’s any trouble or if you need anything at all.”

You furrow your brows. It’s not news that Aaron cares about you and wants to look out for you but usually while on a case it’s radio silence from him. Yes, if you were really in danger he would want you to call immediately, but usually, he tells you he needs to focus on the job and nothing else. You dismiss the text, chalking it up to the presence of a serial killer in the city you both live in. Hell, you were pretty freaked out too. You had seen the girls on the news, 20-30, with your hair color and around your height.

You let out a long sigh, knowing you are most definitely not getting laid tonight. It’s time to get stupid drunk with your friends and enjoy your night anyway.

It does not take long for you and all your friends to reach the perfect level of sloppy drunk. Seeing as you all haven’t been out in months, what with some of you pursuing real jobs, grad school, med school, and whatnot, there hasn’t been a lot of time for screwing around as you did in college.

“So come on! You cannot still be single,” your close friend Sarah screams in your face over the music.

“It’s complicated,” you feel your words starting to string together. They’re not quite slurred but it’s getting there, “He just comes over, fucks my brains out, we spend some time together, and then it’s over.”

Your comments provoke a loud response of laughs and cheers from your friends, “So we don’t even get a name? Or a job? Or where you met him?”

“He guest lectured a course on abnormal and criminal psychology a few months ago,” You start to explain but Sarah is cutting you off before the words have left your mouth.

“Months? This has been going on for months?” You roll your eyes. The bartender places another full tray of shots in front of you guys. She nods towards a man at the edge of the bar. As you look up, he gives you a small wave and smiles. Creepy.

“No, I ran into him a few weeks after and I just gave him my number.” You down the shot, souring your face up before reaching for a lime wedge to chase it, “And then things just happened.”

“Name? Job? Age?” Another friend rattles off at you.

“Isn’t this Sarah’s birthday? Shouldn’t we be talking about her?” You try and steer the conversation away from yourself. You turn back to the bar and see that same man who sent you the shots staring at you. Even when you turn away you can feel his eyes boring into the back of your head.

“Well I want to know, so this is a birthday present,” she continues to pry and it drives you crazy. You're just not ready to share what you and Aaron have with the world.

“His name is Aaron and he works in the FBI and he’s 45,” You mumble that last part into your glass as you take a long sip.

“He’s how old?” Your friend’s jaw drops and another friend grins widely. Your face is burning hot at embarrassment and all the attention.

“Can we all just shut up and drink?” you command forcefully before downing your own.

Hotch looks down at his phone, waiting for any sign that Y/N has seen his text. He doesn’t panic though. She has a life, she’s busy. She probably has plans for the evening. Maybe she’s out… with someone. Aaron shakes his head slightly before forcing his attention to the case. But his mind wanders. Would she go out with someone? It’s not like anything between them is defined. I mean, he would never go out with anyone else. He just wants her. If she wants to go out on a date she can do whatever she wants. Yet, Hotch can’t help but feel the jealousy coursing through his body. The idea of someone else touching her… yeah, that makes him angry.

His more rational thinking takes over. Maybe she’s busy with school work. He knows how hard she’s been working on her research. He fails to hide a smile as he thinks about the way her face lights up when talking about her research. The passion she has for her work is extremely adorable...

You hear three short raps at the door, “It’s open!” you call out as you rush to get all your thoughts down on your computer. You hear the door open and the footsteps approaching.

“You leave your door unlocked? Do you realize how incredibly unsafe and unwise that is?” You can hear that Aaron probably has his stern face on, judging by the disapproval in his voice.

“I knew you were coming,” You shrug and gnaw at your bottom lip furiously as you work, “I just need one moment. I was thinking that in a controlled quantum environment...” As you start to ramble Aaron’s hands snake around your waist. He pushes your hair to the side, placing feather-light kisses along your neck.

“Mm,” He mumbles against you.

“Wait, wait,” you moan, “If you keep doing that I’m going to lose my train of thought and I will never forgive you unless you can formulate how to create thermal distrib—” He nips at your skin and gives your hips a squeeze. Your groans grow louder.

“The physics can wait,” Aaron growls against your skin, turning you around so he can passionately kiss you, “I need you now.”

The panic doesn’t ease because Aaron reaches to call you once again. You don’t pick up because well… you’re a little preoccupied drowning your liver. He thinks, if you had just given a small ok text, he would know you’re safe. But he’s panicking. He continues to panic for the next hour until something unexpected soothes that anxiety. The sound of your screaming drunken voice radiating throughout the entirety of the precinct the team is working in. But as soon as the wave of anxiety dissipates, he feels his stomach drop.

“I’m a victim here!” you screech and cement your legs in place so that the officers holding your arms are practically dragging you.

“Ma’am please!” You kick your legs violently as the officers try to seat you in a chair. They undo your handcuffs and redo them so that your hand is cuffed to the desk. “We’re understaffed and backed up so you sit here and shut up while we get you booked.”

“He was feeling me up! Under the skirt over the panties. He grabbed my ass, I’m sure I have a mark you wanna see it? He assaulted me!” you continue to screech and reach for the hem of your dress, ready to flash every cop in the precinct your ass.

“So you smashed a bottle over his head? Real ladylike,” one of the officers steps forward and holds your hand tight to keep you from lifting the dress.

“Don’t I get a phone call.” Now your words are slurred together. That last round of shots before you got arrested is hitting you hard.

“Once we book you.”

“I know a federal agent. From the FBI,” you spell out the letters obnoxiously, “Do you even know what that is?”

“Yes, I’m sure the federal government will come running to post your bail. Stay here. Don’t move,” the officer commands and you hold up your handcuffed wrist to demonstrate that you’re quite frankly incapable of going anywhere.

“Oh my god,” Prentiss lets out a small laugh from the conference room. “I can hear her through the closed doors.”

“Well, most of this room is glass and sound travels through the glass just about the same as it does air. A better insulating material would be a foam or fiberglass or even a mineral wood composite,” Reid clarifies before giving that signature tight-lipped smile.

“She is… really something,” Morgan laughs and nudges Hotch, “Hotch look.”

Hotch turns and sees what he’s dreading. He sees you, drunk out of your mind. Your skimpy dress is somehow simultaneously riding low on top and riding up on the bottom. You have a small cut lip and a little bit of blood on your dress. His brows furrow deeply. “Oh god,” he mutters under his breath.

“These cops are supposed to stay in the bars and clubs for protection. Why are they wasting time on drunk girls?” Rossi finally chimes in.

The cops finally get you settled into a chair and you kick your feet like a child. “Call the FBI! I know them.”

“Oh does she now. You guys know her?” JJ rolls her eyes and laughs, “I am so glad I never got arrested when I was in college. My parents would’ve killed me.”

“College? Girls do not look like that in college,” Morgan smirks.

“We have to focus on the case,” Hotch's jaw tightens as he sees Morgan look over your body. It’s not something new for Morgan but when he’s making those eyes at you specifically, Hotch feels that surge of jealousy again.

“Call them! Call Agent Aaron Hotchner.” You lean back and try to cross your arms, but your right hand is yanked back by the cuffs.

The team all turns to Hotch with wide eyes. “You know her?” Rossi smirks.

“Where exactly do you know her from?” Emily fights the grin growing on her lips as she looks over her stone-faced boss.

“I’m sorry what?” The cop glances down at you.

“Aaron Hotchner with the Behavioral Unit Analysis Science thing or something like that he’s in the FBI he’s unit chief. I know him.” You roll your eyes at the cop who is speechless, “Oh god. Are you that thick? A-A-R-O-N H-O-T-C-H…” you trail off the alcohol inhibiting your spelling capabilities, “N-E-R. Aaron Hotchner! Call him and he’ll tell you to let me go.”.

The cop glances at some of his coworkers before looking at the conference room. You follow his gaze and see Aaron with a large group of other well-dressed agents. “Oh fuck,” you mutter. Aaron opens the glass doors and steps out of them walking towards you.

“So how does he know this girl?” Prentiss tries her best to hide her spying on you and Aaron.

“I got money on babysitter,” Morgan nods.

“No way, she’d be with Jack right now. I’d say she met him at work." JJ leans against the desk, watching Hotch as he looks down at you, crossing his arms.

“Then we’d all have seen her before. Plus she wouldn’t be telling them she knows the FBI. She would technically be part of the FBI. Why not use that?” Rossi rubs a hand over his goatee.

“He’s sleeping with her,” Reid states simply before turning back to his geographical profile on the board.

“What?” Multiple members of the team turn in shock, not only at the statement but at the fact that Reid is the one making it.

“No way. She’s… at most 27 years old.” Morgan shakes his head, “She is not Hotch’s type.”

“Are you jealous that Hotch has more game than you?” Reid teases without turning away from his work.

“When was your last date, pretty boy? Huh?” Morgan hits him on the back of the head playfully.

“Officer.” Aaron steps in between you and the officer. Good thing, because two more minutes with that guy and you would be charged with a lot more than resisting arrest and public disturbance.

“Aaron!” you squeak, “I didn’t know you were here!”

“Well, she’s definitely not a coworker. She called him Aaron.” Rossi nods at the rest of the team still in the conference room. For a team of profilers, their attempts to hide the spying are weak at best.

“I’ll take care of her.” He doesn’t bother looking at you, but he gives the officer his best unit-chief glare.

“Sir we have a process to go through here. We’re still processing her arrest,” the officer attempts to argue with Hotch but you can see the discomfort clearly in the officer. He struggles to meet Hotch’s eyes.

“Please officer, we have much more to deal with here. I want to find this guy before another body drops. We need you out there patrolling the bars for the guys, not the drunk girls the creeps hit on.” Aaron takes on a stern voice.

“Yes agent.” The cop is visibly annoyed but isn’t willing to get into a fight with a federal agent all over your stupid drunk ass.

“Are you injured? You’re bleeding.” He grabs your chin in his calloused fingers, turning your face from side to side to assess the small cuts. You almost moan into his touch but remember the current location.

“No, no it’s someone else’s.” You turn out of his grip, trying to push his hands off.

“Someone else’s? What did you do?” Fuck. Aaron is furious with you. His arms are crossed against his chest and you can see the veins in his neck standing out. The tone he takes with you is harsh and you’re not used to him speaking with you like that… at least not used to it outside the bedroom.

“It’s not my fault okay!”

Aaron holds the bridge of his nose frustratedly, “Y/N. I have a serial killer to profile, catch, and stop from murdering innocent women. Can I just get the truth?”

“This creepy guy kept sending me and my friends drinks all night so when I went to the bar to get us another round he came over. Things got messy.” You shrug your shoulders. “Can you take off these cuffs now?” You hold out your wrists, pouting out your bottom lip. You can physically see him soften at that.

As Aaron reaches for the key and undoes the cuffs, he shakes his head at the stench of alcohol seeping out of you, “You’re gonna have to do better than things got messy.”

“I just…” You pause, knowing the details of the story are going to make him upset but he wants the truth, “I knew he was a little off. Weird and creepy and pushy, you know?” You rub your irritated wrists, “So he starts talking to me, offering me some drink. I know better than to accept a drink from a stranger so I turned him down. That's when he grabbed my arm and well… tried to cop a feel.”

“Cop a feel?” Aaron’s jaw has tightened and his hands are clenched so tightly at his sides his knuckles are pale.

“He slid his hands under my dress.” Your hand ghosts over the sore spot on your bottom where the man dug his fingers into your flesh, “He grabbed my legs and then my ass and then… and then he tried to get his hands in my underwear.” You show Aaron the red marks on your inner thigh. You’re not sure what you expect from him, but his face remains hardened. The only emotion readable on him is anger.

“The blood is from self-defense,” Aaron begins to understand.

You nod, confirming his statement, “I grabbed the first thing I could and smashed him on the head. I think I sliced his eyebrow. By the time the cops came, he was gone and I was in cuffs.”

Aaron looks back at his team in the conference room. In a poor attempt to hide their spying, they all rapidly turn their eyes to their work. He takes a few steps closer to you, his eyes looking over the red bruising on your cheek. He fights every urge to reach out and touch you, stroke your face softly and kiss your lips, “Did he hurt you? We should get a medic to check you out or–”

He doesn’t have a second to finish that thought. “Hotch, another body just dropped,” Morgan and Prentiss come rushing out of the conference room, “We’re going to the crime scene now.”

Aaron nods at his team members, “Call me if anything stands out.” The team nods and Aaron reaches for your arm, walking you towards the rest of the team, “I don’t want you alone right now. You’re going to sit here and keep quiet, understand?”

You bite your lip and look around at the team, still pretending as if they’re not listening in, “Jeez way to embarrass me, Aaron,” you mumble under your breath as you drop down into a chair with a loud sigh like a child.

JJ can’t help but come over to talk to you, “I’m Jennifer." You give her your name, "It's so nice to meet you Y/N, how do you and Hotch know each other?”

“Hotch?” you let out before quickly realizing the nickname for Aaron. You shake her hand, “Oh Agent Hotchner and I are just fuc–“

“Friends,” Aaron cuts in, “Y/N and I are friends. We have a case to get back to,” Aaron frantically changes the topic of conversation but your little comment doesn’t go unnoticed by the team members. Even Reid is smiling slightly at your comment.

You sit back in your chair and take in the sight of Agent Hotchner, Unit Chief of the BAU. The confident and commanding energy he exudes is immensely attractive. It’s not long before the agents that left for the crime scene, Morgan and Prentiss return with news for Aaron.

“Sir we found something weird at the crime scene,” Morgan steps back into the room.

“Weird?” Hotch cocks his head slightly to the side.

“There were droplets of blood over the victim’s dress but it wasn’t her own,” Morgan shakes his head.

“But you called and said she had no defensive wounds, he drugged her like the others. How could he have been injured?” Hotch turns back to the other case files.

“We’re not sure,” Emily shakes her head, “It’s possible it’s unrelated but maybe he might have been hospitalized for something recently?”

“What about any witnesses?” Hotch nods, “Any people at Churchkey bar see anything unusual? A man that was a little too forceful with women?”

You snort slightly at that, “I wouldn’t say that’s unusual for a bar.”

Hotch shoots you a hard glare that shuts you up for good, while Prentiss lets a smile shine through.

“The bar was mostly cleared out. Apparently the bar was packed earlier tonight but it cleared out after a bar fight broke out.” Morgan informs the team.

You bite your lip harshly. Aaron told you no talking but… this is more important, right? “Wait, Churchkey bar?” You finally speak up and all the agents turn their attention to you.

“What about it?”

“That’s the bar I was at tonight.” You trail off at the end of your sentence.

“You remember someone or something off?” Rossi looks over your body language.

“I think I talked to the unsub. I think... I’m the one who injured him." You unconsciously wrap your arms tightly around your body.

“You think you could walk me through the night? Tell me about him, it could really help us,” Morgan moves to sit on the edge of the desk to face you. "We could do a cognitive interview." He nods at Hotch.

"A cognitive?" You look between the two men.

"It's a memory recall exercise. We would walk you through the night and you tell us as much as you can," Morgan explains gently.

"And it could help you find him?" You ask, unsure how much you remember about him.

"You might not realize the type of details that help us form the profile." Morgan places a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

Aaron clears his throat. “She’s not sober enough for a cognitive." You can tell that the fact that his personal life is bleeding into his work is driving him crazy.

“If I can help catch this creep, I want to help. I’m fine.” You touch your finger to your nose a few times in an attempt to demonstrate your sobriety.

“Then you should drink some coffee before we start,” Aaron dismissively addresses you before turning to leave, “And I’m going to want the whole truth.” He stalks off towards the interrogation room.

Rossi runs to catch up with Aaron, pulling him off to the side. “Aaron, you cannot conduct this cognitive.”

“Excuse me?” Aaron snaps, crossing his arms against his chest.

“Take a step back, pretend she’s not someone you clearly care about,” Aaron rolls his eyes at Rossi’s comment but plays along as he continues.

“She’s a young girl… just how young is she?” Rossi raises a brow at Aaron, losing his train of thought.

“Dave.” He lets out an exasperated sigh.

Rossi holds his hands up in defense, “Fine, okay. She’s a young girl, she’s a little drunk, and she’s been sexually harassed in a bar by our unsub. Who do you send in to talk to her?”

“The least intimidating figures to her,” Aaron nods.

“So definitely not the angry boyfriend who wants to kill anyone who touches her,” Rossi clarifies.

“I’ll send in JJ and Prentiss,” Hotch sighs and turns before pausing, “And I’m not her boyfriend.”

Rossi simply smiles and pats Aaron’s back, “Ok boss.”

You sit up in your chair tiredly as Emily and JJ walk into the interrogation room.

“Hi Y/N, I’m Agent Prentiss and you’ve already met Agent Jareau,” Emily sits across from you.

“He can hear us, right?” You bite your lip and look towards the glass.

“Who can hear us?” JJ takes a seat and places a file in front of you.

“Aaron.” You search the glass, knowing that you won’t be able to see him but that he definitely can see you.

“Oh uh-” Emily pauses, unsure what to say in response.

“Do you want more privacy? I can ask the agents to leave.” JJ starts to stand.

“Hearing this would help them figure who the killer is?” You’re gnawing your lip hard enough to draw blood, a nervous habit Aaron never hesitates to point out to you.

“Yes,” JJ sits back down.

“Then it’s fine.” You look over one last time, “Just make sure Aar— Agent Hotchner,” you correct yourself, “Make sure Agent Hotchner doesn’t lose his shit.”

“No promises,” Prentiss smirks and lets out a small breath, “We’re going to walk you through the night. If it gets to be too much you let us know and we’ll take a break, okay?”

Well, now you’re really nervous. You let out a small breath, “Okay.” You close your eyes as Agent Prentiss starts.

“You’re in the bar. It’s crowded…”

“Y/N I think he really likes you,” your friend Sarah laughs. “Come on go talk to him.”

“No, I really shouldn’t.” You feel dizzy and light on your feet from the alcohol the man has been plying you and your friends with.

“Why?” Another friend chimes in, “Big strong Agent Hotchner going to punish you for talking to another guy?” Your friends taunt you playfully.

You smile widely at them, “Yes, yes he will.”

“You naughty, naughty girl!” Sarah laughs. You feel eyes on you and look back to the man at the bar. He’s hunched over in his stool. He looks nervous, but he smiles sheepishly at you and waves. It’s not long before he’s calling the bartender over again and pointing at you animatedly.

“Next round is on me,” you say softly to your friends, keeping your eyes on the man’s face, memorizing every detail you can. His face is young but worn and tired. The wrinkles on his forehead tell you he frowns a lot. They’re lines that appear on Aaron’s face too. You think about how you tease Aaron about smiling more. God, you miss Aaron right now. You wish he was here to make you feel safe. As you walk up to the bar, your presence causes the man to stand up and move closer.

“I was going to order you and your friends more drinks. I ordered you a vodka soda. It’s what you’ve been drinking all night, right?” He stutters slightly as he talks to you. He slides a glass over to you, but you know better. Strange man... drink that you didn’t see the bartender actually make... no way.

“I was actually going to order a beer,” you try to reject the glass, “You take the vodka soda though. You’ll see why they’ve been my go-to all night. He’s been making them very strong.” You look at the bartender, ordering a beer. You pray that the young bartender senses your discomfort.

“Come on it’s a harmless drink.” The strange man moves into you, pushing the glass closer. “You have the drink, we’ll get to know each other better… you’ll like it. I can make you like it.”

Thinking about his words sends chills down your spine. You have to take a moment to let out a shaky breath.

“Are you sure you want to continue listening to this?” Rossi eyes Hotch. Hotch’s face is contorted so harshly into a mixture of anger, disgust, and sadness. His neck muscles tense, his arms are tightly crossed against his body. He doesn’t even acknowledge Rossi.

“Can you keep going?” JJ eyes your face. You nod.

“No thank you, and no more drinks for my friends and I. We can get our own drinks.” You turn to grab your beer but soon the man stops you. He grabs your wrist tightly, placing his other hand behind your back. He pulls you flush against him. His rough, calloused fingertips grab and scratch up your thighs, under the dress. He grabs your ass so hard you want to scream out. He continues to trail his fingers up, hooking around your panties and—

A sickening shattering noise and cracking erupt as you swing the beer bottle at his head. The man screams. “You bitch!” He slaps your face. You stumble back, falling on the floor, cutting your hands on the broken glass from the bottle. Your skin is sticky with alcohol and you glance down at the blood on your dress. The bar grows louder. The commotion intensifies. You feel a friend’s hands wrap around your arms pulling you up off the ground.

“Wait he—!” You look around for the man but he’s nowhere to be found.

“Not long after that I was being shoved into a cop car and escorted here.” You finally open your eyes and look at the two agents.

“I can make you like it?” Emily asks you to clarify. She speaks slowly clearly enunciating her words but you can hear the disgusted tone in her voice.

“That’s exactly what he said.” You wrap your arms around yourself, “Does that all help?”

“Yes, yes it does,” JJ reaches out to touch your hand gently. Your eyes flick back to the one-way glass. You can’t see Aaron but you can tell he’s probably fuming. He probably has that signature scowl on his face.

“Am I—” You clear your throat and try to adjust your dress for more modesty, “Can I go?” Prentiss gives you a sad, pity-filled smile and nods. You stand up quickly and exit the room in a rush, colliding with Aaron’s strong chest as you do. You look up into his eyes and you see something in his face you’ve never seen in all the times you've been with him: sadness. You bury your face into his chest and his arms wrap tightly around you. “I was scared,” You choke out as his large, warm hands rub circles into your back, “I needed you.” You ball up his shirt in your fists. You’re not one to cry easily, but your body shakes as you breathe heavily.

“I know,” his voice cracks as he rests his chin on top of your head. He runs one hand over your hair softly, shushing you gently, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

You pull away from his chest and frantically pull his lips down to yours. A strong hand goes to your back, holding you close to him. You hear the interrogation room door open behind you, the two agents stepping out, but neither you nor Aaron break the kiss. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you,” Aaron breathes against your lips, pulling you back into a tight hug. “You’re safe here with me now.”

———

You lift the heavy metal knocker and let it slam down twice, waiting for the door to open. When it does, Rossi envelops you in his arms, a wide smile spreading across his lips. He grabs your face tightly, kissing each cheek joyfully. “Bellissimo! I’m so glad you could make it.” Rossi places a gentle hand on your back and leads you inside.

You walk into the crowded kitchen and the members of the BAU all turn and smile back at you. Aaron moves towards you and quickly gives you a soft kiss on your lips. “I’m so happy you’re here." 

“I’m so glad you’re finally home.” You pull away from Aaron to make the rounds hugging the people who are like family to you at this point.

Morgan wraps a friendly arm around your shoulder and can’t help but tease Aaron, “Hotch, you couldn’t be bothered to pick up your girl?” He turns to smile at you while Aaron shakes his head.

“I had to stop by the research lab so I just had my classmate Tyler drop me off after we finished up." You shrug.

“Tyler, huh?” Rossi grins, hoping to rile up Aaron a little.

“Is he cute?” JJ chimes in with a laugh.

Aaron quickly clears his throat, hoping to change topics. He raises his brows at you, “So do you want to share the news or should I do it for you?”

“Oh my god, you’re totally preggers!” Garcia squeals and runs to hug you again. You glance at Aaron and can only laugh.

“No, no.” You smile as she pulls away and you look at the shocked faces of everyone in the kitchen, even Aaron looks a little rattled. You playfully nudge his arm, “See what you did? Always causing trouble.”

“Me? If I recall correctly you’re the one who got arrested for being drunk off your ass and trying to fight a serial killer.” His comment elicits a series of small laughs from everyone.

"Yeah and it helped you catch him, so really you all should thank me for being drunk." You playfully argue with Aaron. "Anyway, the actual news. No, I'm not pregnant." You point at Penelope as she opens her mouth to say something else. 

“You’re looking at the proud new owner of a Ph.D. in physics!” You do a small cheesy spin as the rest of the team congratulates you, “Handed in my final thesis paper today.” Aaron smiles proudly as you move back to his side.

“Yeah that’s great and all but you’re still two Ph.D.s behind me.” Spencer can’t help but tease you. In the past year, he’s become one of your closest friends, especially since Aaron can’t even seem to begin to understand your thesis research.

“All right cool it kid.” You joke with him.

“Kid? I’m older than you.” Spencer laughs. Aaron comes closer to wrap his arm around your waist. The gesture is comforting and just this touch sends waves of pleasure through your body.

“Reid might have two more Ph.D.s than you but he’s got nothing on your good looks.” Prentiss winks at you.

“She’s got that right,” Aaron smirks as he kisses your cheek gently.

“Ok, ok, enough small talk.” You feel your face flush, “I came here to learn some cooking from chef Rossi, not talk about how hot I am.” You see Aaron roll his eyes with a smile and you pull him close as Rossi starts the demonstration.

“I love you so much, you know that?” Aaron has his arms wrapped around you from behind. He speaks softly so only you can hear.

“I know,” You smile, happiness flooding through your body, “I love you too.”

[invadernurse]

Catching Flies (Revised) Ch. 6

Chapter 6: Disaster Breakfast

Overall rating: Teen

Summary: You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. That’s what they say anyway.

Teacher!Reader makes the mistake of trying to help the two most troubled kids in your class. This leads to forming a science club, learning some childhood psychology, adopting an alien older than you, and somehow catching Professor Membrane’s interest.

Non-binary Reader;

The reader does have a last name: Nemo– which means no-name.

First Chapter | Previous Chapter

Link to AO3

There was a god-awful racket in your kitchen, waking you out of deep sleep. A glance at the clock confirmed that it was seven in the morning. Usually you were wide awake and already at school on days like today, but it was a Saturday. Which meant you had the blissful opportunity to sleep in.

Except karma or fate had to ruin it with a poorly attempted burglary. Fear paralyzed you, dozens of scenarios racing through your head, each worse than the last. What kind of idiot would break into someone's house at seven in the morning? You weren't sure if their obvious insanity would make them less or more dangerous than a typical run of the mill criminal.

There was a crash, and you foolishly decided if you were going to die, it wasn't going to be in bed with the covers pulled over your head. You crawled out of bed, grabbing your phone and the bat that leaned next to the door and stepped out of your room. The small windows of your tiny apartment had all been drawn shut, leaving the apartment in a gloom as you crept down the short hall that led to the kitchen. 

There were no bands of thugs waiting for you, but Zim's robot Gir bouncing on the counter to an unheard song while mixing batter. The kitchen did, however, look as if a tornado had passed through it, the cupboard doors open, pans and everything else strewn across both the floor and counter space.

You didn't even want to know what the glob of goo was currently plastered to the ceiling and walls. You groaned as you dropped the bat on the floor in favor of pinching the bridge of your nose.  "Gir...what are you doing?"

"I'm making cupcakes!" He responded cheerfully before squirting ketchup into the batter. Now that your fight-or-flight response was dwindling, you could smell the concoction, and it smelled anything but pleasant. 

And it definitely did not smell like cupcakes.

“... In my kitchen?"

"Sure am, Teach!" He responded with a faint giggle before holding the spoon towards you. "Wanna taste?"

"Uh… no thanks," you hit back the gag that threatened to overcome your senses, and stepped quickly over to the window over the sink to let in some fresh air. If you could call it fresh air, being smackdab next to both the highway and train system, meaning more smog than actual oxygen. But it still smelled better than whatever Gir was calling 'cupcakes.'  "Where's Zim?"

The little robot shrugged. "Back home probably. He was being loud so I thought ‘hmm, Teach is quiet, I'll make cupcakes there!"

"How did you even get in?" You swore softly as you grabbed your phone to call your student. 

"Ugh, I thought you'd stop calling," Zim's computer answered with a dismayed sigh. "Now what do you want?"

"I need to talk to Zim," was your answer. "Unless you know why Gir is in my kitchen baking cupcakes?"

There was a moment of silence. "You would have better luck asking about the meaning of life."

That made you pause for a moment "...do you know the meaning of life?"

"Nope."

There wasn't even a nanosecond between the computer's answer and Zim screaming in your ear, making you wince and jerk the small flip phone away. "This is Zim!" Who dares disturb the mighty Zim!"

"Gir is in my kitchen making cupcakes," you bit out without announcing yourself.  

"Oh. Yeah, he does that," Zim's voice took a complete turn, becoming rather relaxed. "I probably  wouldn't eat them if I were you. Usually he can cook decently but random cupcakes are cupcakes of doom!!"

The little bot could cook decently? You doubted that as he added a dollop of mayo to the mix, though you panicked as he reached for the coffee. "No! The coffee is off limits!"

"Aww," you heard him whine before reaching for the flour.

"Zim.Why is your robot in my kitchen?!"

"Because we loves you!" Gir answered cheerfully in the background, offering a warm hearted smile that made your annoyance lessen marginally.

"Gir's insane, who knows why he does half of what he does."

You sighed in defeat before an idea formed as your stomach grumbled. "Have you had breakfast yet?"

There was another odd pause, and you started to wonder if that was overstepping before he answered. "Um, no. ...actually, I forgot the last time I ate."

"Sixteen hours ago. You had nachos." The computer chimed in. "You haven't drank in the last five hours either."

"Zim!" You chided, your mind made up. "You're a growing boy, you need to take care of yourself. Do you like omelets?"

"What's an omelet?" was his answer, full of suspicion. "It's not meat, is it?"

Zim was always full of surprises and oddities, but that answer was odd even for him, making you pause. "...not strictly speaking? Are you a vegetarian or…?"

"Master is allergic to meat!" Gir chimed as he finished his mess, and had progressed to scooping the 'batter' into a cupcake tin. "It burns his skin and he breaks out into horrible boils!"

"...oh. Duly noted then." Well, he already had a rare skin condition, so you supposed a rare food allergy wasn't too surprising. "Are you allergic to eggs then?"

"No, just the red kind of meat," Zim grumbled. "The kind you humans throw at each other for valentine's day."

You winced, easily imagining how hard it would be for someone with an allergy on a day when meat was the star of the day. "Do you have any allergies I should worry about?"

"I don't see why you need to worry about any of Zim's allergies!" He defended. "The mighty Zim needs no one to worry about him other than himself!"

"Well, I was thinking about temporarily confiscating your kitchen and making breakfast since your robot made a mess of mine. Food for both of us, and I can return Gir to you."

"Hmmm," Zim hummed as he thought, "Are these omelets anything like those tacos and burritos Gir is always making?"

"No?" you answered cautiously, trying to imagine the little robot making hispanic food, and wondering how that turned out. 

"I will accept your offer then," he conceded rather haughtily. "I will try these ‘omelets’ of yours."

"Great! I'll stop by the store on my way over. Gir knows what you can and can't have, right?" Granted, you weren't sure if you would trust the bot. The oven was cranked to the highest temp and he seemed oblivious to the sweltering heat as he opened the door. 

You decided to end it there. It smelled bad enough, you didn't need it to be worse as he burnt the stink-pile into a crisp. You flipped the oven off and patted the heartbroken bot on the head. "Uh, I would not trust Gir when it comes to shopping,” Zim offered.  “Not unless Mini Moose is with him."

Mini Moose? 

Nope, you weren't going to ask. "Noted. We'll see you soon!" 

--+--

Grocery shopping with Gir was like shopping with a hyperactive toddler. Every time you blinked there was something different in your basket, and as soon as you removed one thing, two things took it place. 

Eventually you checked out with the basics for omelets and hash browns, and a couple boxes of cake mixes and for some reason a block of blue cheese Gir proclaimed he had to have or he would explode. 

And considering he had begun to shake and smoke, you weren’t about to test his statement. 

It was close to noon when you eventually reached the teal house squished between the boring drab homes. The wide-eyed gnomes still gave you the creeps as you followed Gir up the path.

"Master!" Gir shouted as soon as he kicked open the door. "I brought a stray teacher home! Can we keep them?" 

Zim emerged from the kitchen, a faint frown on his face. "No Gir, no keeping any stray humans. I told you that before."

You were trying in vain to decide if it was a joke or not, and then decided you really didn't want to know if it wasn't.  "So any plans for the day?" You asked, mainly to end the silence as Gir led you into the kitchen. The place was still rather messy, but the dishes and utensils were surprisingly clean. 

"Dib needs help with Ta...the project he is working on." You didn't miss the quick correction, but while it certainly caught your attention, you decided to feign ignorance. "Yes. The very human and normal project," he continued when you glanced towards him, and had to hold back a laugh at the exaggerated innocence he posed while sitting at the table. "Very normal and boring thing. Nothing to be suspicious of."

"Right." There was no way to hide you smile other than to face the stove, setting to work on the omelets while Gir watched oddly dutifully and silently. As if trying hard to memorize your actions. "As long as it doesn't get both of you expelled or killed."

There was a moment of quietness where only the sizzle of hot skillet and Gir's tuneless humming kept it from being silent. 

It wasn't long before you plated the food on the mismatched plates Gir presented before turning to the table. "They're not pretty, but I promise they’re good."

Zim was silent with a very suspicious expression on his face as he poked the messy omelets as if they might explode. You watched in amusement, already digging into your own as he gave it a few deep sniffs before cautiously trying one. 

"Doesn't seem poisonous," he mumbled to himself before virtually inhaling the rest, making pride blossom. A stamp of approval was good no matter what. "They're satisfactory," he finally announced after he finished cleaning his plate in the time it took you to eat half of yours. 

"I'm glad," you smiled.

His thin lips twitched in an almost smile before his eyes narrowed. "If you are not here to poison me, why are you here?" 

That made you choke, "W-what?"

"Why would you freely offer food after Gir destroyed your kitchen?" He hissed with enough venom to surprise you. "You're up to something, human. And I won't fall for your tricks! First you trick my worst enemy to befriend me, and now you offer your friendship too easily! I know you're the enemy! You won't trick the mighty Zim!"

"Zim, stop it," you snapped, your own emotions becoming turbulent. Did he really see himself as something other than human? Was that why Dib was convinced he was an alien? Because Zim himself thought he was? The paranoia and fear was easy to see, and it made your heart ache. 

"I'm doing this because I know how it feels. I know what it is like to have no one. To feel like you're nk one because your own flesh and blood don't want you. I'm doing this because I want you to know that you are worthy of that love and respect. That you aren't some poor kid who fell through the cracks and meant nothing to society. I wanted you to know I am here for you. But if I made myself too much of a nuisance, I apologize. I didn't mean to intrude." 

"Do you?" He posed instead, his voice eerily calm and collected. "Do you really know what it's like to be abandoned by everyone you know? To think you were doing something for a great purpose only to find out the ones you admired and looked up to sent you away because they despised you? I have no purpose. No mission. Nothing."

"I do," you answered instead of questioning his own choice of words. "Like I said before, I was abandoned by my kin, my own parents. Just like you I had to figure out how to survive on my own. That's why I changed my last name to Nemo; in Latin it means Nobody. Because that's who I am, nobody. And that's why I want to be here for you, because I know how hard it is and I don't want you to go through it alone."

You stretched your hand out on the table, palm facing upwards in a silent offer. It was a struggle to be silent and patient as he watched your hand, reminding you of a stray. A cat or dog that wanted to trust but had learnt the hard way too many times how cruel people could be. 

And you couldn't blame him, it was too easy for you to place yourself in his shoes. If someone had done this for you, you would have been instantly on guard. No one gave anything away for free, not even their trust. 

But...you were. Sorta. You didn't want anything but to maybe actually mean something to someone. To be able to help someone in hopes it would heal your own wounds.

Hope bloomed as his hand twitched, as if considering accepting your offer. Yet reality crashed down as alarms suddenly blared, making both of you jump. "Oh, by the way there is an intruder alert," the computer announced despondently nearly a full minute later.

Gir shot like a silver bullet across the table just as you heard the front door open. You recognized Dib a fraction of a second before the small robot tackled him into the ground. "HI!" 

"Ow." Dib's complaint was muffled by Gir. "I thought you said you would program your defense systems to recognize I'm not an intruder anymore."

Zim scratched his neck sheepishly. "I forgot?"

Dib pulled himself off the floor with a dark glare, which quickly fizzled into surprise when he noticed you. "Mx. Nemo?"

You gave a small wave with an awkward smile. "Hey Dib. Do you want an omelet?"

"Uh...I already ate?" Gir clung to his foot, seemingly happy with being dragged across the floor as Dib made his way towards the kitchen. "What are you doing here?"

"Gir broke into my house and made 'cupcakes'" you said, gesturing with your fingers. "So I decided to use Zim's kitchen in return. But I suppose I should let you guys work on your project and go clean the mess Gir left."

Dib's eyes widened dramatically as he turned to Zim. "You told them?!"

"I told them we have a very normal human project we've been working on!" Zim hissed in response. "A very normal human thing to do!"

"O-oh! Right. Yes." Dib stumbled over his words, realizing the scrutiny he was under from both of you. "Totally normal. Nothing alien. One hundred percent completely human normal things normal twelve year old boys do."

There was nothing in either boy's words or mannerisms that was reassuring to you. "Tell me about your project," you said firmly. "Is anyone going to be hurt, and how likely is it that you are going to be hurt?"

The boys looked at each other, and you took careful notice of their body language as they tried to silently communicate. But you didn't see any signs of guilt or shame, and you knew neither of them were exactly practiced liars. 

"No, I don't believe so," Zim answered as they both turned back towards you. 

"Yeah, it's pretty safe, all things considering." Dib agreed. "Especially right now…"

Zim snorted, sounding rather amused. "It's barely anything more than a scrap heap. Dib was actually making it worse by trying to 'fix it' on his own."

"Hey!" Dib took obvious offense to that, a pout forming. "Excuse me for not understanding Irken technology without so much as a manual! It's a bit different than ours."

"Far superior you mean?"

"More like it makes far less sense."

"Because it's far more superior than your measly technology!"

"You two, stop it," you interrupted automatically before conceding with a sigh. "I suppose after hours I'm not quite the authority figure that I am during school. Just...let me know if you need help or whatever. I really do worry for you both."

Your admission seemed to surprise both of them, causing them to grow embarrassed. "Yes, Mx. Nemo," the muttered in near unison.

--+--

Despite your rude early morning wake-up call, you found it hard to sleep that following night. One imaginative disaster followed another and your worry increased tenfold with each one until you couldn't take it anymore. 

From: Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu) To: Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org) Subject: The boys' project. Hello Professor Membrane; I'm sorry if I am disturbing you. However, I was talking with Dib and his friend Zim, and I just wanted to confirm that you are aware of their 'project.' I only ask because both boys were rather secretive about it, and considering their tendency to get into trouble, I thought it would be best to check with you. If you believe I'm being too nosy please simply disregard.  But, while I am already being a nuisance, may I ask a favor? As you're quite aware, I'm trying to do an after school science club. However, being an English teacher, I don't have a lot of projects in mind, and the ones I do are probably quite beneath the boys' abilities. Do you have any recommendations or resources you could suggest to me?  Thank you for your time, Mx. Nemo

Next Chapter

[isomorphismes]

There are no theorems in category theory.

Emily Riehl, Category Theory In Context

Mathematicians often tell her this; hence the book.

If I had to summarise her views in one sentence, it would be:

Everything is an adjunction.

I also like the division these mathematicians are making to her: essentially, a theorem is anything that solves Feynman’s challenge: by a series of clear, unsurprising steps, one arrives at an unexpected conclusion.

Examples for me include:

17 possible tessellations

6 ways to foliate a surface

27 lines on a cubic

1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 28, 2, 8, 6, 992, 1, 3, 2, 16256, 2, 16, 16, 523264, 24, 8, 4 ways to link any-dimensional spheres.

the existence of sporadic groups

surprising rep-theory consequences of Young diagrams, Ferrers sequences, and so on (you could say the strangeness of integer partitions is really to blame here…)

59 icosahedra

8 geometric layouts

Books which are bristling with mathematical ideas of this kind include Montesinos on tessellations, Geometry and the Imagination (the original one), and Coxeter’s book on polyhedra (start with Baez on A-D-E if you want to follow my path). Moonshine and anything by Thurston or his students, I’ve found similarly flush with shockng content—quite different to what I thought mathematics would be like. (I had pictured something more like a formal logic book: row by row of symbols. But instead, the deeper I got into mathematics, the fewer the symbols and the more the surnames thanking the person who came up with some good idea.)

Note that a theorem is different here to some geometry — as in The Geometry of Schemes. The word geometry used in that sense, I feel, is to have a comprehensive enough vision of a subject to say how it “looks” — but the word theorem means the result is surprising or unintuitive.

This definition of a theorem, to me, presents a useful challenge to annoying pop-psychology that today lurks under the headings of Bayesianism, cognitive _______, behavioural econ/finance, and so on.

Following Buliga and Thurston to understand the nature of mathematical progress, within mathematics at least (where it’s clearer than elsewhere whether you understand something or not—compare to economic theory for example), there is a clear delination of what’s obvious and what’s not.

What is definitely not the case in mathematics, is that every logical or computable consequence of a set of definitions is computed and known immediately when the definitions are stated! You can look at a (particularly a good) mathematical exposition as walking you through the steps of which shifts in perspective you need to take to understand a conclusion. For example start with some group, then consider it as a topological object with a cohomology to get the centraliser. Or in Fourier analysis: re-present line-elements on a series of widening circles. Use hyperbolic geometry to learn about integers. Use stable commutator length (geometry) to learn about groups. Or read about Teichmüller stuff and mapping class groups because it’s the confluence of three rivers.

Sometimes mathematical explanations require fortitude (Gromov’s "energy") and sometimes a shift in perspective (Gromov’s (neg)"entropy").

This view of theorems should be contrasted to the disease of generalisation in mathematical culture. Citing two real-life grad students and a tenured professor in logic (one philosophical, one mathematical, the professor in computer science):

I like your distinction between hemi-toposes, demi-toposes, and semi-toposes

I care about hyper-reals, sur-reals, para-consistency, and so on

Abstract thought — like mathematicians do — is the best kind of thought.

(twitter.com/replicakill, the author of twitter.com/logicians, ragged on David Lewis by saying “What do mathematicians like?” “What do mathematicians think?” —— And Corey Mohler has done a wonderful job of mocking Platonism, which is how I guess the thirst for over-generalisation reaches non-mathematicians.)

Paul Halmos knew that cool examples beat generalisations for generalisation’s sake, as did V. I. Arnol’d. And it seems that the people a Harvard mathematician spends her time with make reasonable demands of a mathematical idea as well. It shouldn’t just contain previous theories; it should surprise. In Buliga’s Blake/Reynolds dispute, Blake wins hands down.

[pyreo]

deltarune megapost

I wanted to make a Deltarune post about the lore and the things that aren’t  obvious. And once I do that I wanna focus on why Mettaton is incredibly important to this setting

And also why he poses a problem

Why did Toriel and Asgore get divorced?

Without the setting of Undertale, Asgore and Toriel’s marriage still broke up after they had Asriel. There needs to be a reason though. In UT it was Asgore’s ‘worst of both worlds’ decision regarding killing anybody that fell from the human world, including children. We saw how close they were before this happened. Only something deep and serious caused that rift. In Deltarune, what on earth did Asgore do?

What happened to Dess?

Mentioned a handful of times by Noelle, Dess was her older sister and is mentioned In Undertale.... in that Xbox exclusing casino thing. The way Noelle talks about her, the conspicuous way Noelle gets locked out of her big house - it implies Dess is gone or deceased. Berdly recalls a spelling bee when he and Noelle were younger where she, despite being smarter than him, misspelled ‘December’, allowing him to win.

In the two-player spelling puzzle, it also spells out ‘December’ as Noelle recalls the past and her silhouette regresses to a child while she does so. Being distracted by her sister’s disappearance, rather than pure shyness, could account for her misspelling her name on stage, and it clearly left a big psychological mark for her to have this visual regression in the Dark World.

However, there’s a graveyard in Hometown with no Dess. I heard another theory that she has been missing for years, because where each character’s personal room is made by Queen to reflect their tastes via their search results, Noelle has a calendar where every day is December 25th. This could imply that Noelle continually searches the internet for ‘December Holiday’, her sister’s name, to see if there are clues to her disappearance, but of course the only result you would get is the date of Christmas.

Who is the Knight?

It’s now implied to be Kris, who has been forcibly removing the player’s influence to act on their own. By all accounts the Knight is the game’s main antagonist. Spade King and Queen both mention the Knight as someone who influenced their position - they brought Spade King to absolute power, and showed Queen that creation of new worlds was possible.

We’re led to believe that Kris was doing this, because they’ve been acting outside of the player’s control. Eating the entire pie between chapter 1 and 2 might have been a red herring to cover that they also went to the library and used that knife to slash open a dark fountain there.

However. This has issues. How would they even manage to shuffle slowly all the way to the library and get in the computer lab? The Knight is also the one creating the hidden bosses. They talked to Jevil until he realised he was in a game and he lost his mind; they ruined Spamton’s life by elevating him to success and then crushing him. Whatever the Knight is doing seems to be deliberately planned with key players in mind.

Kris opening the fountain at home at the end of ch.2 can be explained in that you just figured out in Cyber World that anyone determined enough can do this, and so, Kris decided to. So a better question might even be...

What does Kris want?

We have no idea. They are capable of removing the SOUL, ‘us’, temporarily, and putting things in motion we cannot influence. But they also keep putting us back in control afterward. This is hinted at right when ch.2 starts, where if you inspect the cage in Kris’s bedroom they threw us into, the description says it’s inescapable. Meaning Kris came back and took us out, willingly.

They allow us to pilot them through the game. Why? Because they cannot live without the SOUL for long for some reason? Because they’re bad at bullet hell? Why did they slash Toriel’s tyres before opening the fountain, making sure nobody could drive away?? Why did they specifically open the door?

You can find out details about Kris through the creepy way you interact with the townsfolk, who think you are Kris. They play the piano at the hospital waiting room - better than you. They used to go to church just to get the special church juice. It’s all normal, relatable things, not like someone who’s trying to plunge the world into darkness. Judging by their search history portrayed in their Queen’s castle room, they really want to see their brother again. However the castle has a room based on Asriel’s search history too, and Kris (not you) closes their eyes and won’t look at it.

What is Ralsei?

His name is an anagram of Asriel. Is he an extension of Asriel? The slightly flirtier dialogue in ch.2 would point to no. Is he an extension of Kris themselves, given the link between Kris’s childhood habit of wearing a headband with red horns on it, to pretend to be a monster like their family?

Ralsei knows exactly where the Dark World in the school is located, and unlike regular Darkners, knows the world is folded up inside the ‘real world’. There’s a certain whiplash to Ralsei telling you to hop out of his reality into yours and go down the hallway to retrieve all the board game items.

How does he jump from one Dark World to another, without assistance? How does he not get petrified like Lancer and Rouxls? Is this a power level thing because he’s a prince or something else? We definitely do not know enough about Ralsei.

He also says this incredibly suspicious thing after you spare Spamton NEO. Susie was also curious but accepts that maybe it ‘didn’t mean anything’, which is a sure tell that these optional bosses do mean something.

Someone is orchestrating what’s happening, opening fountains, manipulating the rulers, and influencing NPCs to become the optional bosses. Why? I suspect Ralsei for both knowing too much, and pretending something doesn’t matter when it clearly does. Until Asriel actually comes home from college I’m going to suspect he’s involved in this too.

How much does Seam know?

Seam on the other hand knows a lot about what’s going on but is openly withholding information while helping you. He’s nihilistic. He says things like:

One day soon... You too, will begin to realize the futility of your actions. Ha ha ha... At that time, feel free to come back here. I'll make you tea... And we can toast... to the end of the world!

Either this ‘end of the world’ is a reference to The Roaring, where opening too many dark fountains dooms the Dark World and the real one... or, I can’t get out of my head the idea that Deltarune takes place in a fake, or weird reconstruction of Undertale where things don’t match up, and eventually it will have to disappear. After all, powers of determination and creating and manipulating universes are Undertale’s basic bread and butter. How can we look at an Alternate Universe containing the characters we already know and not suspect that? Seam also uses Gaster’s key words, ‘darker, yet darker’, seemingly to clue us in that he’s not off track here.

Why haven’t we seen Papyrus?

This is a bright neon flashing ‘something’s not right’ sign. It’s not like Papyrus’s voice actor was too busy or anything. His absence is noticable and for a reason. Nice of Sans to promise we could meet him despite being aware we’re piloting a child’s body around, though, even if he didn’t follow through.

What locations in town could be used for dark fountains in the next 4 chapters?

If the sequence continues, we have chapter 1 in the school games room, chapter 2 in a computer lab, and chapter 3 in front of Kris’s television, where the aesthetic of each setting influences the world, characters, and enemies in the Dark World created there. Future possibilities include the church, the hospital, sans’s grocery store, Noelle’s house, and the closed bunker.

What the hell’s in the closed bunker

This one’s too obvious, honestly. I think it’ll open for no reason in chapter 7 and a little white dog will bounce out and steal one of your key items and nothing else happens.

Why does Asgore have these

Unlike the bunker feeling like a joke teaser, I gotta believe this is foreshadowing something weird. For example, what does opening a dark fountain in here with the seven flowers do? Does it just take you into Undertale?

Each chapter will have a hidden boss with a ‘soul mode’ from Undertale

Chapter 1 let you stay red, but I think each subsequent chapter is going to change your soul mode to one of the seven colours and design the encounter around that. Purple, yellow, green and blue were used in Undertale, leaving the light blue and orange modes yet to be revealed.

How does Spamton emulate Mettaton Neo’s name, body, and incorporate his battle theme, and the ‘Dummy!’ theme, with no actual connection between them ingame?

This is a really fun one that’s explained over in this post here. Swatch is the Dark World creation from the paint program on the library computers, so he’s able to explain that a Lightner made the robot body decaying in the castle basement that way.

Mettaton went to the library and drew his ideal form, Mettaton NEO, in MS Paint, and the Dark World formed that into a puppet body which Spamton was able to hijack temporarily. So by doing that Spamton was able to channel Mettaton’s appearance, attacks, music, and SOUL mode for the fight.

This might mean that the future hidden bosses, each with their own SOUL mode, might be based on the associated character for that mode (Muffet, Undyne, and Sans or Papyrus), and the boss will take on some aspect of them from their world to leech their fight mechanics.

The Problem With Mettaton

We don’t exactly know what Deltarune is about. It’s an alternate universe where the characters from Undertale already live on the surface, have completely normal lives, but diverge from the storyline of Undertale and, crucially, have not lived through the changes Frisk brought to their lives.

Remember how Undertale had a dozen different ending routes depending on who you befriended? The constant reinforcement in Undertale was that your choices mattered. Through Frisk, you chose to bring Alphys closure about her mistakes, you chose to befriend papyrus instead of attacking him, you chose to help Alphys and Undyne realise their feelings for each other and it’s only doing that that leads to the golden ending and escape to the surface.

Deltarune is the opposite, your choices do not matter. The only thing you can do to force the route of the game to change is to force Noelle into a No Mercy run, which is indirect, and also, a total desperation to mess with an otherwise set course. This version of the characters have not been helped by Frisk - Undyne and Alphys are not together, Papyrus has no friends, Asgore cannot get over himself, and they’re clearly the worse for it, but potentially, you COULD still do these things. In fact it’s hinted that you already are.

But there’s Mettaton.

He’s still a ghost and does not leave his house. In Frisk’s world, Gaster deleted himself, promoting Alphys to royal scientist by bluffing with Mettaton, and she then build him his ideal body. In Kris’s world... Alphys is a school teacher. There’s no barrier to break, no reason to experiment on souls, no Flowey mistake, and no body for Mettaton.

It was sad in Ch.1, but now with the Spamton NEO fight in ch.2, it’s unmissable. Mettaton wants that body and he cannot get it. Alphys in this universe is not going to leave her teaching job and suddenly be able to build a robot. Mettaton is just... screwed out of his happy ending and cannot get it.

So what resolution could this have? If it wasn’t for Mettaton I might believe in the vaildity of Deltarune and Hometown. But. How can you doom this character? If Undertale was the only way Mettaton could be befriended, then Undertale is Primary Universe A and Seam is right - the world of Deltarune is doomed as some kind of aberration. It all relies on how this gets explained in the future, but the core mystery of Deltarune is how exactly this universe intersects with Undertale and whether one is an offshoot of the other. How the Dark World links into that is another complication. But even as we get more fun characters and neat stuff in the Dark Worlds, let’s not forget we have absolutely no idea why Undertale’s characters are living here with no mention of underground or why there are no other humans beside Kris.