#why does eid always disappoint :(

[mostlykind]

started off eid being left behind cos I wouldn’t have gotten ready in time for the prayer. dunno whether to be upset or just shut up and get extra sleep

[nothesc]

Week 7 Part III. A Damira fic

Here’s the part from Tuesday to Friday. I’ll try to post the part for Saturday soon

Part I here Part II here

You can also read it on ao3

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TUESDAY 22:32

Amira gets out of her room and finds her mother in the living room writing something on a piece of paper.

“What are you doing?” She asks sitting down next to her on the sofa.

“Grocery list for Saturday. I’ll go buy the stuff tomorrow”

Amira nods and stays silent for a while, she has so many things she wants to tell her mom but she doesn’t know how to begin.

“Have you invited your friends already?” her mother asks.

“Yes, they’re coming, Nora, Viri, Eva, Cris and Joana” Amira replies, she precisely asked them this morning if they wanted to come to Eid celebration on Saturday. They all said yes, even Eva who’s been a little distant after what happened with Lucas. Amira can’t blame her though, Lucas is her best friend.

“Great, what about the girls from the association? I need to know how many we will be”

“I haven’t asked them yet, I don’t know if they’ll have plans with their families or…” Amira says vaguely, the truth is she’ll love for the Labass girls to come but she’s not sure they’ll accept, their friendship is not going through its best moment right now.

“Well, ask them tomorrow, alright? I’ll write them down with a question mark” Amira’s mom says writing their names on the paper. “So in the confirmed list I have your friends from school and Dani”

“No!” Amira says louder than she intended. Lowering her voice and trying to act normal she continues “Dani doesn’t…Dani isn’t coming”

“Have you two broken up?”

Amira widens her eyes at her mom’s question. She’s so in shock that she doesn’t even know what to say.

“Amira, honey, I’m your mother, I know you” her mom says “But…what happened? You seemed very happy”

Amira tries to hold back the tears so she doesn’t begin crying like a baby, which is apparently all she seems to be able to do these past few days.

“I…I don’t know…or I do know. It’s just…It’s just that I was asking too many things from Dani and it wasn’t fair. I don’t want Dani to make an effort for me, I don’t want to feel that pressure, I don’t want him to sacrifice for me. And he…he just doesn’t understand so many things. He doesn’t understand why we can’t kiss and he gets frustrated and suffers…and I suffer seeing him like that and…I just don’t want us to end up hating each other and…I don’t know…”

“But, has Dani pressured you to kiss?” her mom asks worried, she’s known Dani since he was a kid and he doesn’t seem like that kind of boy but that doesn’t mean he isn’t.

“No, no, he said he wouldn’t do that but…I know he wants to kiss me because he told me so. And I mean I want to kiss him too but I’ve chosen not to and I know why but…he just doesn’t understand”

“And have you explained that to him? Or has he tried to find the answer on his own?”

“No…” Amira says avoiding her mother’s eyes.

“And what does Dani think about the breakup? Because from what you’re telling me I assume you broke up with him, right?”

“Yeah…well he says it’s normal that we need a time to adapt to each other and get to know each other, that it’s something all couples do. But mama I know it’s not just that, he doesn’t understand me and he won’t ever understand me, he’ll just sacrifice himself for me and yeah now he can deal with that but what happens when he gets tired? He’ll resent me. And I don’t know, relationships shouldn’t be this hard, right? You even say that yourself, that we need to choose the battles we fight.”

“Look Amira, I can’t tell you what you have to do, it’s your life and you’re the only one that can decide what to do with it and who you want to live it with”

“But mama I need to know your opinion, please.”

Amira’s mom looks at her daughter not knowing what to say, the doesn’t want to meddle with her life, but she wants to give her advice.

“I think that you’re not a quitter Amira, I think that when you really want something you fight for it until the very end. And from what you’re telling me it seems like Dani is also willing to fight for your relationship, but maybe he just needs time, and he needs to understand.”

“But I’m tired of fighting all the time…” Amira says almost whispering.

“I know, love, I know”

Amira’s mom brings her daughter closer so she can hug her, that’s all she can do right now, at the end of the day the decision only belongs to Amira.

“And Amira, I want you to know that whatever you decide I’ll support you, all I want is for you to be happy”

WEDNESDAY 17:17

Her mom has insisted a lot and finally she convinced her to come to the association and personally invite the girls to the Eid celebration on Saturday. Even though she’s scared about the girls reaction, the truth is Amira is happy she came, she’s been meaning to talk to them for a while, especially Dounia. She hesitates but in the end she enters without knocking. Noor, Elena and Dounia are talking to each other about some trouble one of the kids got himself into. When they realize Amira is there they stop talking.

“Hi…sorry I came unannounced but…I wanted to talk to you”

“Amira, you’re always welcomed here” Elena says smiling.

Amira smiles back at her and an uncomfortable silence is settled between the girls who only look at each other not knowing what to say.

“Well, I wanted to say that we’re celebrating Eid on Saturday at home with friends and family. I guess you already have plans with the family but…well I’d love it if you guys wanted to come”

“Count me in, I’ll be with my family but I’ll definitely walk by” Elena confirms.

“Yeah…yeah I’ll go too, sure” Noor says nodding.

Amira looks directly at Dounia for the first time since she’s entered the room. Dounia avoids her eyes and doesn’t say anything. Noor and Elena notice that the girls need to talk alone.

“Well, we’re going to go to…well, we’re going to go.” Noor says taking Elena’s hand.

Before the girls can reach the door Amira remembers that there’s something else she wanted to tell the girls.

“Hey girls…well I just wanted to tell you that Dani and I broke up…I wanted you to hear from me this time”

“Amira…how are you?” Elena asks worried.

“I mean…It’s fine…don’t worry, I’m fine” Amira lies, but she’s just not ready to talk about it.  

Noor and Elena understand that Amira just doesn’t want to talk about it and without saying anything else they leave.

“What happened? With Dani I mean…” Dounia asks suddenly making Amira turn around to look at her.

“What had to happen, I guess” Amira shrugs “But I didn’t come here to talk about Dani”

“Yeah…I figured” Dounia says looking at the floor.

Both girls take a moment to think about what to say. When they do speak, they do it at the same time and saying the same two words.

“I’m sorry”

Realizing that they’ve both said the same thing they start laughing.

“Dounia, I’m sorry” Amira says after a few seconds “I didn’t want to lie to you about your brother and I really don’t blame you for believing him. But it hurt me a lot that you called me a liar and…I exploded. And I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have sent you home to find out about Kasim. I’m so sorry about the trouble I might’ve cause at home, and especially to you two.” Amira exhales, she’s been thinking about this apology for a long time.

“I’m sorry too Amira, for not believing you, for calling you a liar when all you wanted to do was protect my brother. I shouldn’t have meddle with your lives in the first place, I shouldn’t have set you two up on that blind date and insist so much about you two being together. And I’m sorry about Dani…I don’t know what happened and I won’t pressure you to tell me but…I want you to know that I’m not happy you broke up”

“Thank you…” Amira says with a shy smile “How is Kasim?”

“Well, he’s…confused, ashamed. My parents don’t know, I didn’t tell them and he didn’t either obviously.” Dounia makes a pause, there’s something she wants to clarify “Amira I don’t have a problem with my brother being gay, I want you to know that. What hurt me was finding out he was lying to me and he was using you. I didn’t like that at all, the way he went behind my back and he lied…I just can’t stand that kind of behavior. My brother disappointed me, a lot, but he’s my brother and I love him, no matter what”

“And…what do you think your parents will say about him being gay?”

“Well…I think they won’t have a problem with that, but Kasim thinks they will. I don’t know, he’s the one that has to decide when and if he tells them. Right now he needs time, I guess, to process everything that’s happened these past few weeks.” Dounia says, then she adds smiling “And I think he’s pretty in love with your friend Lucas”

Amira smiles too, she’s happy to know that Lucas and Kasim have each other.

“Then…are you coming on Saturday? I want to invite Kasim and Lucas too but…I don’t know if they’ll come”

“Yes, I’ll go with the girls” Dounia confirms “And by the way Amira, on Saturday we will be here giving gifts to the kids of the association…I’d love it if you came that day…and every day, like before”

Amira can’t help herself and hugs Dounia, she’s missed her friends and the kids, the association in general, and she’s really happy to know she’s welcomed there again.

THURSDAY 19:23

Joana checks her phone before entering the building now that a woman exited it and opened the door. Cris just texted her telling her to go to the rooftop and wait for her there, she’s on her way. Joana smiles, in some kind of way the roof has become their special place and she likes that. She reaches the last floor and opens the door. Once she’s at the roof she realizes she’s not alone.

“Dani?”

The boy is sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the wall. When he hears his name being called he searches for the person who said it and raises his eyebrows when he sees his sister’s girlfriend in front of him”

“Joana? I didn’t know you were coming. Where’s Cris?

“She’s on her way, she told me to go ahead”

“Oh, I’ll leave you two then, I’ll go home, I just came here to escape from my mom because she was driving me crazy” Dani explains standing up

“No, wait, stay with me till Cris arrives, please? I’m scared a neighbor will come and ask me why I’m here”

“Yeah, sure okay” Dani sighs and goes back to his initial position, sitting against the wall.

Dani and Joana have always liked each other but the truth is they’ve never had a conversation alone. That’s why the silence that settles between them is a little bit awkward.

“How are you?” Joana asks. Dani only looks at her and shrugs. “Pretty fucked up, right? Cris told me what happened with Amira”

“Yeah? She told you? Then maybe you can tell me because I don’t know what the fuck happened.” Dani says clearly frustrated. A second later he realizes he’s not being fair to Joana and shakes his head “I’m sorry, really, I’m sorry Joana I shouldn’t let it all out on you. It’s just…it’s just that I don’t know what happened, I really don’t get it” Dani’s voice breaks with the last sentence.

Joana sighs and sits in front of Dani. She opens her mouth to say something but stops herself, she’s not sure she should say anything.

“Say it, whatever you want to say, just do it” Dani says.

“Well…I just think you two are plain stupid” Joana says honestly.

“Okay, be honest, don’t hold back”

Joana laughs and is happy to see Dani almost smiling.

“It’s just that you guys remind me of Cris and me. Do you know that I broke up with your sister and I told her I didn’t love her because I didn’t want to hurt her?”

Dani frowns and shakes his head, the truth is he’s never talked with Cris about the beginning of her relationship with Joana.

“Well, yeah, I felt like a burden to her, I felt like…I don’t know, like she was missing a lot of things to be with me, she was missing out on having a…normal relationship. So I decided I should break up with her so we wouldn’t end up hurting each other. Sounds familiar?”

This time Dani smiles for real, though there’s still sadness in his eyes.

“What did Cris do?” Dani asks

“Well your sister didn’t give up. She told me she didn’t care if the relationship was hard, she chose to be with me. You know she’s a little bit stubborn.”

“Tell me about it…”

Joana laughs, her girlfriend can be very stubborn sometimes but she wouldn’t change her for the world.

“Look Dani, I’m not Amira, I don’t know what she’s feeling but I can imagine. I know how everyone thinking you’re a burden feels like, fearing that the other person will get tired of you. And sometimes we get scared and want to run away. But Cris never let me run away, you know? And I thank her for that because being with her is the best thing that could happen to me. I don’t know…seeing her doing research about my disorder so she can understand me and knowing what I need and why…It’s something that means a lot to me…and I can’t tell you what you have to do but I would advise you not to give up, not yet.”

“Thank you Joana…for real”

The moment is interrupted by Cris who just arrived to the rooftop.

“What are you doing there? Talking shit about me, for sure, right?”

“Obviously” Joana says laughing.

“Well, I’ll leave you two alone” Dani says standing up to leave.

When he walks by his sister she stops him

“Hey, how are you doing?” Cris asks worried, Dani doesn’t want to talk to her about Amira and she doesn’t know what to do.

Dani looks at Joana and then back at Cris and smiles.

“Better” he says and it’s true, his conversation with Joana really helped him. He feels like he’s being a dark room the whole week and suddenly someone turned the light on.

Dani leaves the rooftop and goes home, he has a lot of reading to do.

FRIDAY 23:45

Amira rewrites the text for the fifth time, she’s been trying to express what she wants to say for the past 20 minutes. Sighing she decides to just write whatever she’s feeling.

“Hello Kasim. I’m texting you because I don’t think you’ll want to see me and I don’t blame you. I wanted to apologize, I shouldn’t have sent Dounia home knowing you were there with Lucas. I could try to defend myself saying that I was hurt because Dounia called me a liar and she defended you after I told you several times that you shouldn’t use me but the truth is nothing justifies outing you to your sister. It was a moment of anger and I exploded and I shouldn’t have. I hope you can forgive me one day. On Saturday we’re going to celebrate Eid at home with friends and family and I’d love it if you and Lucas came. But I’ll understand if you don’t. Again, I’m sorry and I hope you’re okay”

Amira presses send and feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. She doesn’t know if Kasim will ever forgive her but she had to at least try.

She looks for her chat with Cris to tell her about it but unconsciously she ends up opening her chat with Dani instead. The last text she sent her was thanking him after he told her he was there for her. Without giving herself time to hesitate she types a quick text and sends it.

“I’ve texted Kasim to ask him to forgive me, wish me luck”

Dani’s answer only takes a couple of seconds

“Good luck, though I’m sure you won’t need it. I can’t picture someone not wanting to have you in their life”

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

In Sorrow and In Joy- Part 8: To Be Grounded

Luke learns the hard way what it means to be a dad and how to keep his family safe and together. Dad!Luke with a South Asian Reader. This is a collaborative experience with A Family of Five.

CW: Over the course of this series, themes of racism and prejudice on the basis of religion are present. Please read or skip as necessary.

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No one has my permission to repost my work of fiction. This includes translations as well

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Luke’s sure prayer is still going on, so he moves about the kitchen as quietly as he can. But that assumption is proven wrong when he hears Zahra’s cry from upstairs. “I have nothing to wear!” He knows for a fact her closet is packed to the hilt with clothes. But that’s not what she wants to hear. So he pauses in the kitchen, waiting for another huff to come. He knows it will. There’s some thuds from above him, sounds like stomping. Please, he begs silently, please just let today go well. Gripping the counter, Luke inhales for three seconds and exhales for five. That’s what his therapist warned him to do when he feels overwhelmed again. 

He passed overwhelmed a couple weeks. Right now he’s hanging on by threads. Though he’s positive those threads are gone too now, especially after last night. Last night, he fucked up. He knows he did. He slipped out of bed, snuck into the kitchen, grabbed whatever bottle he got his hands on and sat in the backyard, drinking right from the bottle. It felt good. He felt guilty too, but there was just an ounce of relief behind the guilt. Just enough for him to go for one more swig, when he knew he should’ve stopped. He feels terrible now, thinking about it agan. He feels even more like garbage because he keeps eying the stash. 

The stash only exists under the pretense that it’s there for company and company only. And for a while, that’s exactly what it was. Just for company. But now, it’s becoming his solace again. The thing that screws his head, or even unscrews it, when he’s overwhelmed so he doesn’t have to feel again. He has no clue how Calum does it, with three kids. Granted, Calum was always more level headed than he. But still Luke just can’t some days. He tries hard to be there for everything, he tries to understand the nuisance by being a teenager. He remembers what it feels like to have no control over your life. He knows, all too intimately, what it feels like to be someone else’s puppet. 

Luke slowly opens his eyes as he hears the soft click of dress shoes on the floor. Zeek rounds the corner, flashing a small smile to his father. “Upstairs is a warzone,” he laughs. “Shoes are flying.”

“It sounds like it,” Luke agrees. He pushes away from the counter, necklace hitting his chest and he waves Zeek over to the stove. “This look right?” he asks, waving over to the dish now simmering. 

Zeek nods. “Dad, you’re actually getting better at the whole cooking then.”

Luke’s chest bubbles with laughter. He was not the greatest cook, still isn’t the greatest. But he’s definitely gotten better. “Alright, smart alec,” he teases, ruffling the close crop of Zeek’s hair. Zeek huffs at his father’s antics. 

Noor’s the next one to survive the storm, covering the back of her head with her arms. “It’s dangerous up there,” she grins, finally standing to her full height. She pulls at the sleeves of her kurta. It’s similar to the grey one with a green pattern in your possession. Her’s is a light pink with gold accents around the neck and buttons. Noor took once glance to the one in your possession and fell in love with in it. So she begged her grandmother on the next adventure overseas to grab her one. 

Luke nods at her comment. He can only imagine the chaos happening up there. He doesn’t mean to leave all the messes to you. But he just can’t handle it right at this moment. He’s barely holding on anymore. He’s probably not holding onto anything anymore. But he can’t give up just yet. So he grabs the oven mitts and moves all the food to the table and kitchen island buffet style. 

After a few more minutes, the periodic stomps stop and the rhythmic sound of feet on stairs echoes. He knows it’s Zahra gate. She’s forgone anything too fancy, but still fancy enough in a blouse and billowy pant combination. “She’s arrived,” Luke teases. Ra huffs a little at Luke’s comment. She knows it’s just the band coming over, it’s nothing. But it’s one of the few things that Zahra does that makes her feel wholly herself. The day is hers. Well not really hers, but it puts her in the center. She has no one teasing her, no one prodding her about it. She can exist with no push back. 

You follow close behind Zahra, praying that the rest of the day goes without any more issues. With the kids focused on the food, you duck into the back room and grab the gifts. They’re all settled down, eager to receive what they know is behind your back in bags and envelopes. You hands the kids their gifts first, “Eid Mubarak,” falling off in rushed mumbles from their lips. You and Luke return the phrase. Zahra grins, peeping at the green in her hands. 

Luke hands his them his gifts. It’s always something extra. Noor immediately places the teardrop earrings on after cracking opening the box. Luke helps Zahra with the necklace and Zeek hugs you over the engraved pen. He’s always wanted a fancier pen to write and sign things his prints with, tired of using his drawing pens. The kids smile at you and Luke before all three rush back up stairs. 

“Do you know what’s happening?” You ask Luke. 

He shakes his head, asking you with his eyes if you know. You shake your head no, but grin as you hand over the gift for him. He always gives the same reaction, a head shake no, and a half step back. “You didn’t have.” You would think after nearly 15 years of marriage, he’d be used to this. But every year, it’s the same deal. 

You roll your eyes. “You are family.”

Luke’s never sure how to handle that. He knows he’s family. But he’s not family like this, this isn’t his holiday. He wasn’t raised on this. He doesn’t want to intrude. “Sweetheart, I’m being serious. Every year you do this.”

You huff a laugh. “And yet, every year you still refuse me.” Shaking the bag at him, you urge him to take the gift. He’s not sure what’s inside, the bag’s big, but not heavy. Cracking it open, he notices the record. He looks to you, eyes widened, jaw dropped. 

“How did you--What in the word?”

You just grin. The Rolling Stones record was not easy to come by. But you don’t let on to that. There’s no need. He pulls the record completely from the bag, the neon orange, yellow and red finally exposed. He grins, clutching it to his chest for a second, before flipping over to the back. “God, how long did this take to get?”

“Don’t worry about that. But you like it, right?”

“Babe, I love it,” he says softly, stepping into you. He places the record onto the counter before wrapping you up into a hug. Soft kisses line up around your forehead. The action reiterates his happiness with the gift. But you notice the hug’s not as tight as it usually is. You’re losing him. But you should you bring it up right now. You squeeze him just a little tighter for a beat and then pull away. 

The kids return. Noor holding a box and Zeek with a bag. He hands you the bag, watching your reaction. It’s just a book, one you mentioned in passing a couple weeks ago. The note is signed by all three kids. Luke feels his chest constrict as the sight of the necklace in his box. It’s a simple silver chain with a small pendant. On it there’s a circular design that just looks like an amalgamation of swirls. But Zeek talks about how there’s two different Z’s and an N inside the design to stand for the three of them, with your initial made up in the middle. “Guys, I love it. You three at the best thing to ever happen to me,” he says quietly hugging them. 

“Besides the band right?” Zeek teases. 

“He means before the band,” Noor corrects, lightly slapping at Zeek’s arm. 

Zeek rolls his eyes, but laughs. “Forgive me.”

There’s a twinge of disappointment when you realize Luke hasn’t given you anything. He’s always had something at this time. You woke in the morning and expected Luke to shove it into your hands almost immediately. But it didn’t happen, never one to try to make too big a scene you figured to wait. But here you are, waiting, still. 

“We waited to get you something else, Mum. But we were stomped,” Zahra confesses, hugging your side briefly.

You shake your head, ridding yourself of the dreading feeling of disappointment from Luke’s lack of a gift. A smile lifts your lips. “I love it. I don’t need much.”

She nods. “But still, sometimes we want to spoil you.” You kiss the top of her head, wrapping an arm around her. As the kids settle down in the living until the rest of the boys and their families arrive, Luke pulls you into the kitchen. “I didn’t forget about you,” he whispers, tucking some of your hair behind your ear. 

You only nod. He’s saying that but you notice how his eyes keep leaving your face. What’s catching his attention so much? “You okay?” you ask, forcing his attention back to you. 

He’s not okay. He’s not. Luke pushes the glasses up on his face. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to let you know Michael’s bringing your gift. I didn’t forget. I swear to it.”

You nod. Why Michael has your gift is beyond you. But Luke’s not looking you directly in the eye, he keeps fidgeting with fingers. He’s slipping. The album’s taking longer than they originally thought, also they’re slowing down. Now with two of the four of them will fully established families. Michael’s on the verge of a family. He and his wife talk about having kids, but aren’t sure. Ashton’s settled down. But they’re antsy, they need an edge. They feel like they’ve lost it. But it can’t just be the record that’s getting to him. 

“You’re a terrible liar, you know,” you state. “Whatever’s going on, tell me.”

He shakes his head. Was he that bad already? “I’m okay.”

“Find me when you feel like telling the truth.” You exit the kitchen. Normally, you aren’t this direct, this confrontational. But you refuse to watch Luke spiral again. Whatever the reason doesn’t matter, you just want him to be honest, to stop bottling things up. 

Luke watches the spot you were occupying for a beat too long. His body freezes and his chest squeezes. He’s all too reminded of the day you actually moved out of the house. Harlowe had helped you move your things. She carried Zahra on her hip and you and Luke stood on the porch. He couldn’t beg you not to leave. He begged you instead to remember that promise of a second chance. To let him get himself together. But it still hurt, still made him feel like someone had replaced his air with fire watching you walk down those steps and to your car. It still made him cry for an hour on his front porch when your car backed out first, Harlowe in the U-haul behind you. 

Oh he is not going through that again. But he can’t spill his guts right now. He clears his throat and steps out of the kitchen, knowing your gaze is locked dead on him. The doorbell sounds and Luke walks over to answer it. Michael grins at him, the small holding cage in his hands. “Babe,” Luke calls, waving Michael inside. 

You immediately notice the small kitten, clawing at the cage. A black persian cat. You know the breed all to well. Luke unlatches the door. He reaches inside and carefully collects the cat into his arms. “You’re not even a cat person,” you whisper. 

He crosses the hallway to you. “But you are.” Silently, he offers to small ball of fur to you. “He doesn’t have a name yet.”

Noor walks over, gently petting the cat in your arms on the head. “So we might’ve known about the cat. Do you know how hard it was to keep that a secret?”

“He’s very sweet. He climbed up my arm. I have video,” Michael laughs, pulling out his phone. You’re too busy with the kitten in your arms. His smoked gray almost black fur. The melancholy gaze behind bright blue eyes. For a moment, you are a kid again. You have no worries, no traveling from country to country. There’s no harm, no death, no pain. His fur is soft and thick between your fingers. He studies you intently for a moment, before bringing his gaze around the room. 

“He’s absolutely the cutest thing.” The awe is evident in your voice, your voice thick and vision blurring just a hair. 

“I told you, I didn’t forget.” Luke scratches the top of the kitten’s head. As you gaze up at him, he thinks for a moment, he’s back on track. It took him weeks to pick out the right cat. He even brought the kids to the shelter several times. It did not take much to get Michael in on housing the kitten until the holiday. Michael, after fostering his first kitten, started undertaking some furry friends into his care more often. 

“You don’t like cats,” you huff. You want to keep it together. But the tears are already rolling. 

Luke shrugs. “He’s cute. I miss having a furry friend in the house.” You two had Petunia until her end. Which was a hard hit. But sometimes the only way out is through. “It’s not a dog, but he’s still company.”

The kitten peers over your arms, a clear indication that they want to get down, so you gently lower to the ground and watch him inspect the foyer and kitchen. “What are you gonna name him?”

“Oh shit,” you huff. “I-I don’t know.”

Noor gently taps your arm, a warning glare for the curse word. But she grins. “I say Floyd. Because you like Pinky Floyd. But Zeek said Smoke. It sounded dumb to me. But I didn’t say it.”

“I can hear you!” Zeek shouts. 

“Love you!” she returns, ducking behind Luke. Zeek peers around the corner and rolls his eyes. She always uses Luke as a shield. But it’s okay, he’s going to get her back. Luke places a hand on her back, laughing. This is what he missed. He misses his kids needing him. Zahra spends most of her time in her room or with her friends. Zeek has always been reserved. He’s close, but he’s not affectionate all the time. Noor at first and to this day is still very close to Luke, but lately instead of running to him for help she calls you more often. If she’s out shopping and can’t choose between a top, she turns to you now. Luke feels like he’s not needed anymore. His whole recovery hinged on his family needing him.

Luke recognizes that he had to get better for himself too. He couldn’t keep down that path, but it was much easier to tell himself it was for the benefit of someone else too. It felt more urgent that way. And now that urgency was leaving him. He had been feeling it for weeks. Just lacked the right way to bring it up to anyone. As the house fills up with Ashton and his partner, followed by Calum and Harlowe and their crew, Luke finds himself able to forget the urge in the pit of his stomach. He’s able to gaze at the stash and not long for it. 

“You cannot bring Floyd to the table,” Luke smiles, watching Noor with the cat in her lap. 

“Please?” she pouts. 

A sigh escapes his lips but he nods. He can’t say no to her. She beams up at him, collecting the kitten and rushing to the table. She throws her free arm around Luke’s waist. “Love you, Dad.”

A few tears prick behind Luke’s eyes. He rubs her back for a moment. “Love you too. Now c’mon, let’s eat.”

__

Luke’s been on the deck for a while. After the boys left and the kitchen was scrubbed down, Luke slipped out of the house. You had only noticed as the backdoor slipped close. You wanted to walk out after him, but you know better. If he’s not willing to talk, you can’t force him. The kids settle down for a movie after a twenty minute argument of who gets to decide. Floyd’s already asleep in your lap. Another reason for your lack of escape to the backyard. But as the backdoor cracks open and Luke leans into the house, you know you’ll have to move now. 

You slide Floyd into Noor’s lap, the closest one to you. Normally this sight would make Luke feel at peace. Normally he’s slide in next to you and tussle Zeek’s hair. He’d do something, but all he can muster right now is the slight nod to the outdoors. You slip through the small crack in the door, brushing up against Luke’s chest in the process. He closes the door behind you. The sky is clear and still. You’d normally ask, pry into what’s going on. But you don’t have to, as soon as the glass shuts, Luke grabs your hand. 

“I’m not okay,” he starts. “I feel useless again. I know I was doing so well. The whole point of me getting better was to be here for my family. And I feel like I’m fading.”

“Why? Why do you feel like your fading”

“The kids don’t need me like before.”

“They grow up. Things change. It’s an unfortunate truth.”

“I just--I’m not equipped for it. It feels like it came without a warning.”

“Just like you weren’t equipped for fatherhood. No one can really fix that. I can’t snap my fingers and make things better.”

He sighs, looking out to the night. “I know.”

“Tell me what I can do. What do you need?”

Luke runs a hand over his face. He needs help, he needs to be grounded again. “Come with me to my next appointment. I-I don’t know what I need. I just know I need help.”

Wrapping an arm around his waist, you tuck your head to his chest. “I can do that.”

When shouts start up from the inside of the house, the all too distinct sound of the kids shouting at each other, Luke tenses. It’s too much, his feet are planted to the ground. He needs to be grounded. He has to keep it together. He can’t bare the thought of be separated again from his family. You rub his back. You know you’ll have to do some more heavy lifting in the house. “We’re getting rid of the alcohol too.”

He nods, face buried in your hair. He’s fine with that. He’d prefer it actually. He just doesn’t trust himself to do it. No one said being a parent would be easy, but Luke never thought it’d be this hard for him. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry I don’t have it together.”

“No one does. It’s okay to not have it together.”

“I’m sorry to do this on Eid. I really couldn’t have picked a worst time even if I tried.”

You laugh, softly, shoulders shaking just a tad. “Just as long as the kids got their gifts, we’re fine.”

“I’ll try to keep it together for the next two days.”

“If you need a breather, just let me know.” They’re kids aren’t particularly known for being the quietest bunch. It’s nothing but love, but it’s a well known fact. 

Luke lifts his head after kissing the crown of your head. “Thank you.”

You could say, ‘You’re welcome.’ You could tell him it’s your responsibility to care about his mental health. You could tell him a lot things. But the truth of the matter is that you will always care, you will always be there. “I love you,” you return. The truth of the matter is that even though it’s rocky you’re still by his side. That even though your heart breaks to see the man you love in such anguish, you are not going to give up on him. 

[lifviakaza]

In my childhood era, money meant a bunch of candies, orrr some Borobudur snacks. Happiness was as simple as Teh Telur brought home by Dad.

I don't remember when the perspective changed. I was still good at saving in junior high so every Eid I could have some pair of new boyish clothes (cz my mum chose them).

I learned islam better in senior high. That was when I wore socks everywhere and people started saying, 'You know, Mong, u don't need to be this extreme. Chill!'

I could bear my upset feeling by myself, but when it's too full, it exploded n God knows how I expressed my angers.

But I would say I've been quite an idealist since I was a kid. Having some problematic, complicated stories of life, I was used to sacrificing many things. But still, some principles were firm and fixed n I could lie to people but myself that easily.

I remember my choice of not paying for final exam's answer keys and did it with my own ability. I was brave enough to even prepare my escape plan in case indeed I didn't pass the exam cz it would be a shame to the family. But I made it tho I got the lowest score from almost 200 students. I could still vividly tell a teacher's mad and ashamed expression saying, 'why is ur name at the bottom?' Cz apparently school's n teacher's pride n good name are wayyy more important. Or some relatives trying hard every day advicing, 'when all ur friends do something, follow them. Why would u choose a different way? Don't be too honest. Think about your future.'

No one appreciated honesty, principles, or whatever. Disappointed? You tell me. I witnessed people giving and asking money so that they and I could get into a famous academy, university whatsoever. Instead, I chose to study in the cheapest college out of my hometown, experienced MLM, became a book delivery woman, learned the hard way.

In university, countless rich or students with enough earnings got scholarship for being poor. So they could buy a brand new gadget or go to a fancy restaurant. Missing a number of actual students in need. A veteran became a bin man, unrecognized, unseen, abandoned.

Hm, so that's how this world really works. You can always be selfish, and greedy, and that's forever okay, cz u need to survive this life, and ur comfy life is the most important thing. It's okay to vanish people that get in ur way. It's fine to scam the needy or not so educated people cz that's their fault to be dumb.

Is that really does? Cz a loooot of people don't even get to choose, let alone given options.

Years passed, I learned a lot. That most of people just use their mouths to speak whatever they want, judge, hurt, then they just forget that they actually have made an impression. The story after, they don't even care. They don't know that they just killed someone's confidence, kind heart, and even the human himself.

Years passed, I learned a lot more. That most of us would do literally anything to get what we want. That we are the most selfish n pathetic creatures begging for a good, oh, oh, then better life, oh not enough, the best plea-se.

That only feeew of us understand how to share n care n be thankful.

I guess that's why I open my door only for selected people. Cz maybe I was and am still my worst version. And being with some crowds are not gonna help me being my best form. Cz people like me are vulnerable. Easily attack and being attacked emotionally.

I've been there, given options between a better life yet sacrificing other people, my own beliefs n values or an okay life, just okay n still be able keeping everything I've been believing. Obviously, it's hard to choose the second one, but I love myself too much to let her drown and being less herself.

So, whenever the chance (s) to be less human appear before you, here it is to remind u that your choice matters. Your actions, decisions, mean a lot to the entire matters in the universe. Sometimes, u just don't realize it, or pretend not to. But deep down, u feel what u feel, and u know which is right, right ?

You've been doing great. I'm proud of YOU❤

[my-fandom-mania]

Spoilers 

 Antonio Dawson and Jon Seda are going to be missed so much, and this is one of the saddest losses, I swear.

Antonio Dawson is my favorite character on this franchise, and he is probably my all-time favorite TV character. I am so so heartbroken to see him go. I wish Chicago Justice hadn’t been cancelled, I wish he wasn’t leaving CPD.

Here’s a good list of why PD will regret losing him if you’re interested. It’s pretty accurate imo and really makes you wonder why this decision was made.

Jon Seda is an amazing actor whose talents were never fully utilized in CPD (I mean have you seen his other roles) so I have no doubt we’ll see him around soon, and he’ll knock it outta the park like always.

I hope he wasn’t too upset about having to leave. Even if he was, he’s such a professional, and will handle it all with such grace, like the amazing human he is.

Okay rant ahead, and my thoughts on his exit.  

In what world does this make sense?? 

Colin Donnell and Jon Seda leaving were shocking to me (Colin more because Jon has been part of OneChicago for 7 years already). But really?! Jon Seda leaving for “Creative reasons” stemming from the character being “played out” as the writers felt there was nothing left to do with him? 

EXCUSE ME?! That is some horseshit bull crap laziness right there. Major storyline-wise, he hasn’t had a chance to do much of anything. The longest ones and most significant to him was his divorce, him moving to the SA office, and then the drug/COPA SL (which became more of a Ruzek story imo because the drug thing was dealt with offscreen and Antonio was back to normal real quick).

The thing is, I let go of the fact we didn’t get much history on Antonio because of Gabby: she was an original character, and her family always had more chance to show up and become integrated in Fire and out of respect for that, they couldn’t talk about Antonio’s history too much without having to cross check with Haas’ team (Halstead brothers have a history where a significant chunk of time was spent apart with Jay in the Rangers and Will in NY, they could talk about those times without creating holes in their family story).

But then Gabby left. Which meant PD had the chance to delve into Antonio’s history. Becoming a cop (we get a bit of that when he buys the gym, but he knew cops and we know he grew up in a bad neighborhood), being a kid running drugs, losing someone important to him at a young age (this is brought up in Justice, and we never hear of it again). And then they could have definitely given him more stories and I can think of a few right off the top of my head: a new love interest and dealing with that considering his history with Laura and the kids vs work - even getting back together with Brett on PD finally - helping Kim or any of the officers become detectives, being actual friends with Voight to the point where he can actually check Voight’s actions, like Al used to, revisiting the drug thing - honestly I wish they would’ve done that one better; I had hope but then it was just thrown out, - dealing with his daughter’s therapy, maybe considering actual help for himself because we know the job gets to him sometimes, and promotion or moving up, I mean, what happened to the man who wanted to run the unit someday? But you get my point? There was so much more he could have done if the writers had given it a chance. They didn’t.

-also, when Gabby left, I was afraid they’d stop the crossovers with him, which did happen and Gabby was kind of just forgotten in PD ☹️

I like to joke that when Antonio/Seda left CPD and Eid became showrunner, they thought he was gone for good. But then NBC pulled Justice and brought him back and Eid had no idea what to do with him. Maybe that was more true than I thought.

Like I said about Peter Stone,  He deserved better. And with everything that happened to them both when Chicago Justice ended, I honestly think it would have been better if they had kept the show. It was new, fresh, interesting and dove more into their characters than PD or SVU allowed in the end.

Antonio Dawson was screwed over time and again, and this one really takes the cake. I mean, seriously? I would have been fine with Seda wanting to leave, but they said “creative reasons.” Seda didn’t ask to leave as far as we know. He looks like he genuinely loves the job, he has shown support time and again for the writers, he has been accommodating by crossing over a billion times in his run, and he gives 1000%. But like Elias/Olinsky, they are taking him off because it serves the story. They both became pawns (and sadly it began happening with Kim as well).

Now he deserves a hell of a send off, because he is one of the foundational pieces of this franchise. Let him leave with his true character intact. AND Fire fans deserve to see him off as much as PD fans do. He started on Fire, and he has had a significant role on that show for years and he doesn’t deserve to be forgotten and swept away. If they kill him off (which I doubt they will, but I could be wrong) it needs to be a huge funeral because that’s what he deserves.

I say all this, but, based on Eid’s lack of commitment to the character and Antonio’s recent material, I am preparing myself for disappointment. I don’t know if - don’t think - we’ll get a satisfying ending for the character and that’s what makes me the most upset.

[tellywoodtrash]

suno chanda ep 4 lb

aw, look at aghaji all spiffy, present in hand. what a cutie!

ouchhhhhhhhhhh, bijaan!

now we know where jiya gets her “wazirabaad ki churiyon se bhi tez zabaan” from.

kinza is smart to beat a quick retreat.

lmao @ her retreating without turning around though, as if she’s scared she’ll be attacked from behind if she turns her back.

hiiiiiiiiiii sherrrrrry. u so cute!

“toh main call karoon?” “kisse?” “ambulance ko.”

UGH SO CUTE. AND FUNNY TOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

kinza’s definitely charmed by him. i’d have shipped this sooooo much more if they didn’t make kinza go beserk in arsal’s “mohabbat”, and just be into sherry from the very start.

sherry attempts round 2 at flirting.

but lmao lo aa gaya villain.

kinza is enjoying it to the max!!!!!!!!

dude srsly, she had the potential to be so cute and likable.

LORD GRANT ME THE SAVAGERY OF BIJAAN. PLEASE.

oh bijaaaaaaaaaan. stop being so meannnn.

aghaji is sooooooo dignified and kind though. ugh, my heart.

lmao. move over naeema, there’s a new contender for best eyeroll in town!

aw nooooooooooo, why you gotta be like thatttt bijaan!

hahaha “kahin sone ke na ho!” typical desi mentality.

awwwwwww she loves it!

LMAO LO AA GAYA YEH FASAADI TO GET THE GOSSIP.

lol kaise gubbare se hawa nikal gayiiiiiii.

WILL YOU PPL LET BIJAAN ADMIRE HER KANGAN IN PEACE!

sherry’s literally buying his way into jiya’s heart.

not into this whole “ohoho padhakoo ladkiyaan makeup nahi pehenti” statement of jiya’s. GIRLS CAN DO BOTH. AS EXEMPLIFIED BY YOU, JIYA. YOU’RE WEARING AT LEAST 4 DIFFERENT EYE MAKEUP PRODUCTS RIGHT NOW.

haha the way she says “achcha?” “khaasa??” in two different tones.

sherry’s sorry he asked.

omfg her devilish smileeeeeeeee. i’m in loveeeee.

“itni mehnat karne se achcha nahi hai ki main banda hi badal doon?”

YES! LOVE IT!!!!!

lmao that jankyass fake ipad tho. 

oufffffffffff arsallllllllll tumhaara gala na daba doon main when you do this fakeasssssss “understanding” bs instead of properly stopping her from doing your kaam.

aur uske upar se yeh jo isko baat baat pe “tum kitniiiiii achchi ho” ka lollipop thamaa dete ho. UGH.

god this scholarship waala plot point is the dumbest BS on this show. halwa hai kya LSE ka scholarship????? 

god i feel so bad for jiya; a dude saying basic shit like “you deserve to not waste your life in the kitchen” is enough to get her to swoon. that’s how much the patriarchy is ingrained in brown society.

LO AA GAYA YEH BEWAKOOF APNI KAMEEZ LIYE. THIS BOY AND HIS NEVER-ENDING LAUNDRY ISSUES.

lmaoooooo “main kya tumhe DHOBAN nazar aa rahi hoon??????” is legit one of the peak jiya moments of this show for me.

ack, she shouldn’t have gone off in front of sherry like that though. like, she’s right to go off, but.... not in front of sherry.

she’s actually disappointed when he leaves without sparring with her.

UGH KINZA. BAS...... DAFA HO YAAR.

gonglu’s here! with a bulaava!

sudden wardrobe change for everyone but arsal. huh.

lmao. my beghairat bachche. i love them all so much.

what’s in the video though?

“oh amma, please try to understand!”

“AE ANGREZI DA ROB NA JHAAD!!!!!!!!!!!” lmaoooooooooo

OMFG NAEEEEEEMA STOP SLAPPING!!!!

EVEN DJ IS LIKE ZYAADA HO RAHA HAI!!!!!

magar video mein thaaaaa kya??????

masooma trying to push kinza towards sherry. TRY HARDER, MA. HARDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"beech mein toh jiya aayi hai.” omfg kinza why are you like thisssssssss

WHAT IS WITH DESI DADS AND HAVING ISSUES WITH CLOSED DOORS???????

“bin maa-baap ka bachcha hai toh yateem khaane mein chod aao.” jfc jalal phupa.

sherry you cuteass fuckerrrrrrr. ugh. you’re so damn cute.

lol look at him trying to impress her with his “salad” and “sandwich” skillz.

bruh, salad ya sandwich banane mein mushkil kya hai? these are the bare minimum of food preparation. it’s the same amount of effort as preparing a bowl of cereal.

which is waaaaaaaay more than arsal can do, so i suppose we must be impressed by sherry.

kinza’s playing it reallllllll smart and smooth in her dealings with sherry. neither alienating him nor giving up on arsal. smart girl. would do well in politics.

AAAAAND JALAL PHUPA’S BACK.

OMFG NAEEEMA YOU’RE SOOOOOO FAKEEEE.

jalal really is the best dad in this show; in that he’s always looking out for his kid and on her side no matter what. unlike the other nikamme parents in the fam.

naeema’s bitchface of the day.

god i’m realllllly craving some roohafza rn.

ouffffff oh phupaaaa. aapko roza lag gaya hai. just shushhhhhh and stop making a nuisance of yourself.

lol aw, arsal trying to get jiya’s attention to show her the eid ka chand.

“kahin mere marne ki toh dua nahi kar rahi?”

lmao ok that goodwill lasted exactly 3 seconds.

lol here she’s giving him the stinkeye and praying for him to grow a spine.

NOTE THAT HER DUAEIN DO GET QUBOOL-ED. HE DOES GROW A SPINE AND STAND AND FIGHT “MARDON KI TARAH”. JUST NOT THE WAY SHE WANTED (AT FIRST), LOL.

thank god we didn’t have to hear kinza’s prayers (no doubt for arsal and jiya to break up. hmph.)

lol golu in the house aur kisi ko pata na chale? good luck with that.

HI HUMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nazaakat you are so damn annoying!!!!!!

huma aayi thi ek outfit mein, ab baith rahi hai dusre outfit mein. like.... the continuity and editing team really took this show easy huh????

god i hate this chick so much. kya ghatiya harkatein hain iski.

lord above, jiya is such a bulllly!

but also so shaatir! i love it!

lollllll sherry’s spaced out face. #relatable

golu’s hereeeee to do shaitaaaniiiiiii.

masooooma you ain’t slick at all. AT ALL.

lmao shanno still not getting the hint tho.

“humaare khaandaan mein koi sur-savaar ki kudi nazar hi nahi aati.”

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO.

lolololol after ALL THAT, shanno still is like there’s ZERO nice girls in our fam.

nazaakat enquiring if any shaadi hall openings are there because “kisi ka ladka kharaab ho” ya “kisi ka talaaq ho raha ho”, lmao.

jiya stilllllllll working on huma.

and she’s been convinced!

gosh huma really requires a friend of the year trophy for doing this kinda garbage.

yeh shirt press karke bas ghar mein pehenne ke liye tha???????? WHAT IS WITH THIS STUPID BOY???????

oh boy, betaji is in for round 2 of slappery.

hahahahahahahaha he’s lucky he caught them in the act, celebrating on the terrace.

LMAO THE WAY JIYA RAN AWAY WITH HER HANDS WAVING AROUND. WHAT A CARTOON!

lol lo, baith gayi inquiry.

WAAAAH! KITNI SAFAAI SE SHE PUT IT ON HIM.

and jamshed’s instant desi dad jawaab “hum sab kahin aur chale jaate hai, yeh chauda banke reh le yahaan pe, hein????”

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HER FACE.

ultimate desi parent insult at HIIIIIIIINT of independence: “angrez ki aulaad!”

IT’S SO UNFAIR HOW THEY DON’T LISTEN TO POOR ARSAL AT ALLLLLLLLLL!

lolololol her sheepish smile.

lord some day give me the passion and lagan with which DJ tends to his reporting waali hobby and makes a living outta it.

GOD FUCK YOU KINZA YOU’RE THE WORST

sherrrrrry, tumhari yeh achchaai aur imaandaari nawaazne waala koi nahi hai yahan pe.

but he’s genuinely such a good bean though. i love him. *sticks a gold star on the screen*

god she’s so pretty.

LMAO THAT TEMPER THO.

ugh kinza tum jaaake kisi kuein mein kyun nahi chalaang maarti. manhoos.

bechaara sherry and his pacifist ways. beta tumhaara is ghar mein kuch nahi hona. ulta tum pe log chadenge.

gosh the way jiya bullies allllllllll the boys into the doing what she wants. i want this superpower.

ouffff idhar bijaan ke nakhre.

hahahahaha shanno’s sarcasm in urdu. lord i love her so much.

huma is legit me; fuck you and your issues, TUMHARE GHARWAALON KI AANKHON MEIN MERI POSITION KHARAAB HO GAYI!!!!!!!!!! is a constant refrain i have with my bff.

lo aa gaya golu with MORE breaking newssss.

hee hee hee hee.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Stand Still Stay Silent Liveblog #14

UPDATE 14: Expeditions for Fun and Profit

Last time Chapter 2 had started! The three team members so far had arrived to Mora. The city looks rather nice; dare I even say ‘normal’, like this is all before the disease killed the world. Let’s continue.

Tuuri had expected to see more mechanical vehicles, but looks like in cities they’re not used at all, horses are the main transportation method here. Cars and the such...they’re used only by the military, because it’d be expensive to keep those vehicles working well. Judging by the way Emil says ‘commoners’, I suppose when they were rich they could have afforded to have a car.

Apparently what amazes Tuuri the most is how safe it feels to be here, that people live without fears of an outbreak happening. So that explains why she was so surprised by how she didn’t have to stay two weeks in quarantine when she arrived to Mora...she couldn’t fathom the possibility people were safe against outbreaks ��� and for good reason, looks like outbreaks used to happen where she and Lalli used to live at. Before being at the military settlement, perhaps? Because I think the settlement would be rather careful about outbreaks.

Well it does sound convenient for everyone that the towns were on islands. Being surrounded by water seems to help a lot to survive in these times, and it makes it easier to control what comes and goes out. Not that it was infallible. From what I understand here, neither Tuuri or Lalli saw an outbreak, but they’re aware outbreaks happened in other places. Hm. I wonder...if when an outbreak happens it can be contained. It sounds like it’d be catastrophic, but who knows...maybe in these times there’s enough technology and ways to stop it before annihilates everyone.

Oh, no more backstory for now? Oh well. Maybe next time.

It doesn’t take long for them to arrive to the headquarters, or as it’s colloquially known: the Vasterstrom home. It’s the last nice thing they have, from the times before losing their wealth. As soon as they open the door, they’re all accosted by three gremlins. Oh, sorry, I meant ‘kids’. They’re kids. The nanny that’s quitting right now may have agreed with my first choice of words, hah.

Hah! She’s calling them ‘changelings’! While Tobjorn tries to deal with the fallout of leaving three little monsters alone with a nanny for a couple days, said children try to meet Lalli through the tried and true method of...patting over and over. Like he’s some kind of cat. Well I suppose that’s not surprising, he does kind of remind me of a cat. Emil gets along rather well with the kids, though.

Oh my, that’s a sucker punch. Children really say the dastardliest things, don’t they? I had never seen Tuuri so annoyed. Guess she won’t be seeing them as cute anymore.

Okay, Lalli really is like a cat. He’s hissing and all. This is...kinda fitting, now that I think about it, what with the importance of cats. I don’t know if Lalli will end being as useful as cats are, but given his role as a scout, it does kind of fit him.

The living room of the house was transformed into what seems to be...I’m not sure what it is. It resembles a control room, but looks like it hasn’t been well maintained. I suppose it’s not used nowadays. Emil takes his partners to the study, passing in front of a photograph I find familiar.

Right, those are the ancestor Vasterstroms, the ones from the prologue. Must have been rough to live in their cabin for an unknown amount of time, but at least they survived? Enough to die of old age, I hope, or at least to have descendants. Good for them.

The study is crammed full with books and papers; it looks rather disorganized. I see a map I recognize, that on the wall is the same map that was shown long ago, the one that showed the known areas of the world. There’s a camera, more maps...and a cat. A grumpy-looking cat, like so many cats manage to look. I have always thought it’s funny how cats seem to look unimpressed so easily. So this cat here...he’s not trained, maybe? I don’t remember it clearly, but trained cats have these collars on them, don’t they? So yeah, I suppose this is a Grade C cat.

There are profiles about their future teammates. Of course they’re not very detailed because Ms. Sundberg isn’t going to reveal all info about other characters before they’re introduced, but I like what I’m seeing.

So...one’s last name is Madsen, the other is Eide. Cool! And one of them has been fired a lot before. Could it be Madsen? His ancestors got fired in the prologue, maybe getting fired is genetic, through some impossibility of this world. Who knows.

There’s a profile about Emil too – profile with a photo that even shows the sparkles around his hair – and it reveals a couple tidbits. Like he has been in the army for two years, and he had a private tutor who let him tailor his curriculum. Said curriculum didn’t include languages. Yeah...looks like two out of three only talk a single language. If there aren’t more multilingual characters here, then this group will be in trouble, but hey, at least Tuuri can hold a conversation in Swedish and Finnish.

Okay, it wouldn’t be a surprise for a single teacher to dislike you, but all of them? Yeah...I have a hard time believing that. If I had to guess, Emil’s tutor was pretty damn awful and didn’t have the guts to correct Emil. Well, this all led to Emil noticing the poster about cleansers and finding his true calling, so...maybe it was for the better he believed the teacher had it in for him.

Oh, buddy. So...Emil is skeptical. I wonder if it’s normal for Swedes and other people from countries that don’t have mages to doubt the existence of magic. I want to see Lalli do some magic, though! Other than being able to fall asleep whenever he wants and on the oddest places.

Lalli, do some magic to prove this skeptic you can do magic! ‘No’. I suppose that, depending of the magic he can do, it may be for the better he doesn’t do any here. Besides, given how bad the Silent World is, there’ll be plenty of chances for Lalli to show his mage skills. There’s no hurry to do it.

Torbjorn arrives to tell a bit more about the mission they’re going to do. Tuuri, as the skald of the group, has quite a lot of information to read to do her research properly – including book salvation lists. So...the crew is supposed to save a few books along the way, hm. Nice! Emil doesn’t seem very impressed, but he pays attention when Torbjorn says it’s bound to net them a lot of money...unofficially. Ah. I see where this is going. I’m not sure if this is ethical or not...but...maybe there’s no harm in doing it? Salvaging a few books along the way? I really doubt it’s going to be easy, though. Torbjorn should prepare himself for disappointment, just in case.

Turns out Torbjorn wasn’t the most enthusiastic worker ever. His job was to copy word for word the old world literature, and during that, he found out how expensive the original books can get. That’s his incentive to make this expedition, the loads of cash this could bring them. What’s more attractive to an impoverished patrician than a way to recover the lost money? Honestly I’m...not too sure if I disapprove or not Torbjorn’s motivation, it’s not like he’s doing anything illegal, right? Besides, it’s not like this expedition is only for this. They’ll need to present results to the council that approved this mission. That said...given this motivation, I’d approve it more if it wasn’t so dangerous.

Siv’s job wasn’t very fulfilling either. Sample 681 means there were 680 samples before this one – 680 failures. Or...make that 681, another one failed. I can’t blame Siv for not liking her job, it must be really frustrating to crash against a brick wall over and over – metaphorically. They were lucky to know Taru Hollola, and Taru knew Trond. Wow. That was a much less heroic and more whimsical backstory than I expected. Oh well.

The Danes are the best targets—he means benefactors...the best benefactors for any old world knowledge they can find. Okay, at least it can’t be denied Torbjorn didn’t plan this all carefully. He has potential buyers, he’s working with the right people, and he has found subordinates that’ll work with them. Um...it’s a pity he doesn’t have the most important part: knowledge of where to find the promised product. If nothing is found then they better hope Tuuri’s research ends being hella useful for the government, or this was all for nothing. At least Tuuri is enthused about being part of this!

I had forgotten Taru was around. The equipment and stuff the crew will need is ready, so even though Tuuri and Lalli didn’t pack any useful stuff, they should be okay. There’s a brief scene that shows how well Emil gets along with the kids – it’s nice to see this, it’s a trait I didn’t think Emil would have – before they all leave the house, it started raining outside. With some luck this won’t be an omen about the expedition.

Apparently this is the end of Chapter 2. This was a much shorter chapter than I expected, it took me only two updates to finish it. It was so short I’m not sure of what to say!

Well, I at least can say that it was nice to see different sides of the main characters’ personalities. Lalli is rather cautious and hesitant, especially in places he doesn’t know. Emil is good with kids and is really a kindhearted person, even if he is a bit of a snob. Tuuri can be quite nasty when annoyed, and her way to be so interested in the new surroundings is endearing.

It was also good to know the main motivation – or one of the motivations – behind the expedition: money. No surprise there, how many discoveries and scientific achievements were done with money being one of the objectives? This could be par for the course. That said, the danger of this expedition kind of worries me. It’s true they’re gathering capable people, but it’s still worrying. Being capable doesn’t guarantee their safety.

I’ll start the next chapter next time.

Next update: in four updates

[stressedoutteenager]

Yousana AU prompt: they don't know each other, but they've seen each other multiple times at the mosque; they finally talk and introduce themselves on Eid and from then the rest is history (or you know you decide where to take it! 😆). I hope you like my prompt, since I love your writing...

Hey :)I finally got to write this. It might not be exactly what you wanted but I hope you still like it. Please let me know.

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“Mamma wantsto know if you’ll be able to help bring the pastries here next week.”,Sana says to her brother.

They are at the mosque, having theirbreak between the Quran lessons.

Elias looks at his sister with aconfused look. Mikael and Mutta next to him. “Why didn’t she just textme?”

“Because you’re awful at replying.So what should I tell her?”, Sana answers.

Her friends are waiting for her, a fewtables away. They don’t have much left of the break and it’s a relatively sunnySaturday.

Looking around the yard in front of themosque, Sana sees children running around, teenagers sitting at tables,drinking cold drinks and chatting. A few meters away, her gaze meets a tallboy. She has seen him around the mosque many times. He’s here almost everyweekend, same as Sana. Sure, they don’t have lessons together but she sees himin the breaks or at big events hosted by their mosque. As if he can feel Sana looking at him, the boy looks up and meets her gaze.Sana feels caught and looks away, at her brother. Good thing that he didn’tnotice Sana being distracted by that boy.

“Tell her I’ll do that. I’ll becoming here anyway. The boys will help me, too.”, Elias says and points atMikael and Mutta.

The teenagers at the mosque planned apastries-sale to donate the money they get from it.

Both of them nod and so does Sana.“Okay, I’ll tell her. See you later.”

While walking away, Sana starts textingher mother but can’t help but look into the direction of that tall boy shealways seems to see.

His eyes are already on her and once shelooks at him he averts his eyes and looks at the guy standing with him. Sanaknows that boy, his name is Murat and he’s a friend of her brother.

The next Saturday Sana is really busywith the pastries-sale. She goes to the mosque earlier than she usually does,in company of her brother and Mutta. They start building up the long tables todisplay the food on. Soon, they are joined by three other people. Two of which Sanaknows. One of them is Ceyda, a girl who Sana teaches the younger kids withsometimes. The other one is Murat. And the last one, it’s the tall, dark-hairedboy Sana has been seeing around for a very long time.

She remembers seeing him for the firsttime two years ago.

Sana had actually crashed into him whenhurrying to get to the small kiosk-like room to buy French-Toast. She had leftthe house without having breakfast that morning and she was dying of hunger.

He had just smiled at her shyly, tellingher it’s okay when she kept apologizing.

After that, she saw him at least every otherweekend. She went to Quran lessons, having talks about important topics she andother girls felt like needed to be talked about or attended another program shesigned up to do.

All that time he was there, too. Inother groups, doing similar things but always there.

All that time they shared quick looks,saw each other in line to get a snack, at big events at the mosque.

All that time, only stealing quickglance while they think the other one is not looking.

Now, that they’re carrying a tabletogether, both on each end, they don’t know how to act.

Sana looks down at the table and almoststumbles because of exactly that.

Yousef tries to concentrate on wherethey are going instead of on Sana because he knows he would not be able to lookaway once his eyes land on the beautiful girl.

Still, they don’t talk much. They onlyexchange two sentences. 

“Thanks for helping.”, Sanasays, looking at him shortly.

“Of course. No worries.”,Yousef answers quickly.

After that small encounter Sana keepsthinking of the tall, dark-haired, cute guy. She had heard her brother call himYousef and she finally had a name to connect to the face.

After that small encounter Sana keepsactively looking for him at the mosque.

The only thing that bothers her withthat is that he starts to be there less and less.

At first she thought she might just nothave seen him. There are a lot of people there.

But as the time went by, she knew thatthat was not it. She didn’t see him around the mosque, but she heard Elias andhis friends talk about Yousef and she noticed them start hanging out with himmore and more.

Any time she looked for him at themosque and could not see him her heart ached. Sana knows she shouldn’t feelthat way, she barely knows him. That doesn’t mean she has control over herfeelings.

Every time she is at the mosque, shelooks for him. She does that while knowing that she’ll be disappointed eachtime.

On Eid, her whole family goes to prayand meet friends at the mosque. Sana loves Eid. It has to be her favorite timeof the year. She gets to see so many people she doesn’t see often. No matterwhat happens she feels very at peace on Eid.

“You grew up so much!”, Sana’sold neighbour greets her and pinches Sana’s cheeks. “How is school going?I hope you’re still doing as good as before!”

Sana smiles at her ‘aunt’ Fariha butdoesn’t get the chance to answer because her mother joins them.

That way Sana has the chance to slipaway and greet a few of her friends and wish them Eid Mubarak.

“Eid Mubarak!”, Sana hearsfrom left and right while walking over to her friends.

With a big smile she joins Jamilla andCeyda. First she hugs Jamilla and then, while hugging Ceyda, she catches aglimpse of someone she hasn’t seen here in months. Her breath catches in herthroat but she tries to play it off.

Again, as if he can feel her gaze, helooks at her.

Sana immediately blushes and when sheparts from the hug with her friend and they start a conversation, Sana’s eyesfind Yousef every few seconds. She can’t help herself. 

“I need to go see my uncle, overthere.”, Ceyda announces. 

“And I should go join your brothernow.”, Jamilla says and with that they both leave Sana.

She is left standing there alone. A fewseconds she looks around with a content smile on her face until she hears acry. A kid is crying like the world is going to end. Well, he just fell butSana runs over to him anyway.

Turns out, she’s not the only one whohad that thought. When she helps the kid to stand up, that one guy joins themand crouches in front of the kid, same as Sana. 

“Are you okay?”, Sana asks thelittle boy. 

He sniffles his cries but nods. 

“Can I take a look?”, Yousefasks the boy in a soft voice if he can see how bad the damage is on hisknees. 

The boy looks away from Sana and toYousef. Sana does the same. As soon as the boy nods again, Yousef lifts theboy’s shorts a bit. Sana immediately notices the boy wincing and starts tryingto distract him.

“Hey, I’m Sana. Do you want to tellme what your name is?”, Sana asks the boy. 

It’s effective because now the boy looksaway from his knee that is bleeding a little bit. He smiles weakly at Sana.

“Omar.”

“Really?”, Sana asks with a smile,“I have a cousin with the same name." 

Yousef’s gaze lands on Sana. The littleboy’s knee is totally fine, just a little graze. But the way Sana handles thesituation, by distracting the boy from his knee and just talking aboutsomething, anything, brings a huge smile onto his face.

She’s really beautiful. He knew thatbefore. All that time he saw her around the mosque. To him she was the most beautifulperson here at any time. He knows it’s not about that when going to the mosquebut whenever he saw, whenever he sees Sana he has trouble breathing andconcentrating. She is really pretty and he knows that she does a lot ofvoluntary work and now she looks after this little boy that tripped and grazedhis knee.

"Omar! What happened?”, awoman calls and runs over to them. 

At the same time Sana and Yousef standup and Omar turns around. He runs to the woman, apparently his mother. 

He whispers something to the woman whichmakes her look over to Sana and Yousef, who are standing next to each othernow. She smiles at them gratefully and thanks them.

“Thank you for looking after him. Ididn’t see where he ran off to.”

“It’s no problem, really.”,Sana says.

Simultaneously Yousef answers:“Nothing to thank us for.”

With that the woman picks up her son andwalks away. At first the two teenagers just look at them walk away and both ofthem laugh when the boy, Omar, waves at them while being carried away. 

They both smile and wave back and whenthey see that the person next to them does it too, they start laughing. 

Facing each other, and laughing, Sanafeels really happy to see him again. It has been a long time. She knows it’sweird that she feels this way. She doesn’t really know him. She knows a littleof him through her brother and his friends but in the years they know each otherfor, Yousef and her have only exchanged two sentences.

They calm down and stand there justsmiling at each other. 

“Eid Mubarak.”, Yousef is thefirst one to say. 

Sana smiles at that, her dimples makingan appearance and making Yousef want see them all the time. 

“Eid Mubarak.”, Sana saysback.

After that neither of them knows what tosay. 

'Hey, I haven’t seen you around toomuch’ doesn’t seem to be the best thing to say, thinks Sana.

'I missed seeing you every weekend, evenwhen we never really talked.’ doesn’t seem to be the best thing to say, toYousef.

Still, he is not ready to let go of thischance to talk to her. He says the first thing that comes to his mind.

“So, is Elias here too?”, heasks.

Sana doesn’t even care that he asks hersomething about her brother. She didn’t want to leave this conversation justyet. 

She nods. “Yes, he should bewalking around here somewhere.”

Again, a few seconds they just standthere, in silence, hearing the people around them chattering away. 

“Oh, I think your friends arewaiting for you.”, Yousef says, sounding a bit disappointed to Sana. Shemight just be imagining it, though. 

Sana turns around and looks at thedirection in which Yousef pointed. Jamilla and Leyla are standing there,looking over to them. With knowing smirks on their faces.

Turning back around to Yousef, Sanapresses her lips together and nods. Then she says: “Yeah, I should getgoing. It was nice seeing you.”

“It was nice seeing you,too.”, Yousef says and right before Sana turns around, he adds,“Elias had invited me and some other friends over to your house today. Ifyou’re home I’ll see you then.”

He talks very fast, as if he is nervous,but Sana can’t concentrate on that. She feels herself get really excited, morethan she should. She knew Elias invited friends over but the importantinformation of Yousef being one of the guests did not reach Sana. 

Trying really hard not to smile too much,Sana nods. “I’ll see you then.”

Walking away from him, with theknowledge that she would see him in a few hours, Sana can’t wipe away the smileoff her face. She was already happy before seeing him but after that tinyconversation she feels even better. 

What she doesn’t see is Yousef sportingthe very same, big smile as she is. She doesn’t know that he is as happy as sheis because of the fact that they’ll see each other in a couple of hours.

[iamacolor]

Our true colors

Based on this yousana headcanon and written for @skam-month fanfiction week, day 5 (free day).. I hope you enjoy this fic full of cute Yousana from Yousef’s pov with even a shopping session with Elias!

To give you an idea of the outfits described in the fic, I’ve included below the links to pictures that are close to what I had in mind while  writing this.

Yousef holds the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he cuts the tomatoes. “So how did your shopping trip go? Did you find anything nice?”

- “Yeah I think I found the one!” answers Sana

- “Oh wow, already? That went fast!”

- “It usually takes longer but this time I didn’t only have Mama with me,the girls were there as well so it went fast. They had some really good advices.”

- “That’s great, you had a good time then?”

- “Yep! It was so nice to just hang out and have fun and not focus on exams or college or anything like that.”

He can hear in her voice that she is smiling and smiles as he pictures her dimples and shiny eyes. Right at this moment, his mother enters the kitchen to find him staring at the wall with a wide grin. He turns around quickly and almost drop the phone.

- “What are you smiling about ?” asks his mother

- “Just–”, he holds the phone up, “–Sana.”

- “It’s never just Sana with you.”

He blushes. “Mum, I’m trying to have a conversation here!”

- “And?”

- “And that means no one in the room!”

- “Oh alright,” she leans close to the phone, presses the speaker button and before Yousef has any chance to stop her, says, “Hello Sana, I hope you’re doing well!”

Sana’s voice raises up with a small chuckles

-”Hello Mrs Acar! I’m doing well thanks, shopping for my Eid party. How are you?”

- “I’m fine, thank you for asking.” she replies after mouthing “Such a sweet girl” to her son. “Oh, shopping for Eid? That sounds nice. We’re really excited to come and I’m sure Yousef is really looking forward to seeing you in your beautiful outfit!”

- “Mum!”

- “What?”

- “Stop it!”. He motions for her to leave.

- “Alright,” she leans to the phone, “I have to leave you Sana, he’s chasing me away from my own kitchen can you believe?”

- “How rude of him.”

- “I’m really starting to wonder who raised him this way.”

As Sana laughs, Yousefs motions for his mother to leave the room once again.

- “Alright Sana, goodbye! See you soon and take care. Say hello to your parents for me!”

- “I will, Mrs Acar! Take care and goodbye.”

Yousef‘s mom ruffles his hair and finally leaves the room.

He puts the phone back against his ear.“I apologize for this interruption, this woman is mad.”

- “I heard that!”shouts his mother from the room next door.

He laughs and says to Sana, “I think she loves you more than me.”

- “Well, who wouldn’t.”

- “Shut up, don’t make me sad now. Tell me about your dress, any clue?”

- “Yep, it’s grey.”

- “Grey?”

Yousef is sure that she would look lovely in grey as always and that he has no saying in how she should dress up nor does he wishes to have one, yet he can’t help but feel a little disappointed at the thought that he won’t get to see her wearing colors.

- “Yes, it’s grey and I bought a new black hijab to go along.”

- “Grey and black? Oh, ok. That’s…nice.”

- “What? Don’t you like it?”

- “No, I’m sure you’ll look fine! I just thought…”

- “That I would go for something brighter? Or more colorful? I know you told me you liked the pink dress I wore last year…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Liked it? He did much more than liking it, he loved it.

He still remember where he was when he saw it. He was standing in the kitchen of his cousin’s apartment when she sent him a picture with her friends from her Eid celebration. She was wearing a bright pink dress with golden embellishments. and that vision alone physically pained him because she was being a literal sun princess in Oslo and he was stuck in Turkey. Unfair much?

 He also stalked her instagram to see her and all his and her friends being happy together and to admire her in that pink and gold dress with her pink hijab that made her look like a flower as many times as possible. But it never felt like it was enough. He wanted to see her in this dress for real, to be able to see her glow in it and move in it and to see it all fro real, To be able to feast his eyes on her and tell her in person how beautiful she was. He kept the picture of her on his phone to look at, all the time he was in Turkey.

Once he came back to Norway, and they started dating a little later, he noticed that even is she mainly wore black and white, in which she always looked good, she started to wear a bit more white and colors as time went by. He will never forget that day she showed up with a blue top and a white hijab to their date. He felt air leaves his lungs and was literally breathless. 

Secretly, he’s been waiting for Eid hoping that he would get to see her in bright colors again and for real this time because he still can’t believe he missed it the first time.

Yousef warned his parents that if they had plans about him going to Turkey before Eid then they would have to cancel them because there was only one place he would celebrate Eid and that would be Oslo. Sana ended up inviting his parents as well to make sure that he would be here. There was now only a few days left before Eid and Sana had gone shopping for an outfit this morning .

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- “…but I think I just wanted to do something less extravagant this year so I kept it neutral.”

- “No,it’s alright, I understand. But last year’s outfit wasn’t extravagant, it was wonderful in my opinion. Which is why, I thought you’d wear colors this year again.”

- “No but the dress is really nice! It’s plain and simple and the scarf is so simple!”

- “Plain and simple, black and grey? Have you forgotten about colors Sana? This is a party, you need to wear something really special. And you’d look so pretty in colors! Honestly last year you looked like a princess and I still regret not being there to witness that in person.”

- “Oh, I see. So you apparently only thinks I’m pretty when I’m wearing colors?”

- “ What?”

- “ And since I almost never wear colors, does that mean you never find me pretty?”

He starts to panick because the conversation is going wompletely wrong now. “ No, no, no, of course not! You’re always beautiful to me, Sana. And you have this kind of glow whatever you wear, I swear you glow everytime you smile and it doens’t matter what color your hijab or your outfit is. Not that I’m saying I don’t care about the way you dress! I’m just saying that you look good all the time”

He’s fumbling with his words and waving his knife in the air without even noticing, “ And about colors and not wearing colors? It doesn’t matter! Well, no, it does but like black suits you so well especially with a light make-up. Remember Eva’s birthday last year? You looked amazing with that sort of jacket and your earrings! You weren’t wearing any colors and you still looked amazing, I swear. And grey! Grey looks beautiful on you!”

- “Yeah, right. ”

- “I swear, Sana! I swear you look pretty in black! Remember last week? You had this really nice outfit in black and white and I promise I thought you looked gorgeous. You can make grey and black and white so nice. You make them full of light, well white is already full of light since it’s literally the color of light although it’s not actually a color, but anyway, it's like you make them brighter? Well, again, I’m talking about black and grey here because white is kind of always bright. Although not always, sometimes it’s not so vibrant.”

She stays silent on the other end of the phone so he keeps on talking and talking until he has no idea what he is saying anymore, “Anyway, what I’m saying is that black doesn’t look plain or boring on you at all! It’s your style and it gives you strength and a super cool look but you also manage to make it soft and that’s wonderful! You have a great sense of fashion and black suits you very well. As for your hijab, it looks great all the time and it never looks plain or boring you know. The way you wear black and grey honestly, it’s amazing and you almost make it seems like they are such vibrant colors!”

He is now completely out of things to say and as he realizes how stupid and ridiculous he must sounds, Sana bursts out laughing. It’s the kind of laugh she has when she’s been trying to keep it in for a while but can’t control herself anymore. Which can only mean one thing…

- “Wait…you were kidding!!!!!”

She takes a break from laughing to say, “Yousef! Yes, of course I was kidding! I never thought someone could talk that long about black and grey and white  but I’m glad I pretended!”

- “Shut up, I really panicked there.”

- “I know and that’s what’s funny!”

- “Yeah, go ahead, make fun of me for wanting to make you feel good about yourself! Just keep going, I’ll still be here cutting tomatoes and crying over my wounded heart.”

- “If it makes you feel better, the scarf I choosed isn’t black and it’s a color!”

- “Really? That’s great! What color?”

- “Can’t tell you! Oh and the dress isn’t black either!

- “I’m going to see you with a colorful hijab and a colorful dress ? Wow, is this for real?

- “It’s just an outfit, Yousef,”she laughs

- “No, it’s not just an outfit. It’s my girlfriend’s colorful outfit for her Eid celebreation!”

Then, he goes really serious and asks :

- “Can you give me an hint?  Like, not how it looks but maybe the colors or is it just one color? Or the style?”

- “Why do you want to know everything?”

- “I don’t want to know everything, just give me a clue, Sana, please! This way we could match a little! Like I could wear a bandana or something that would match. Wouldn’t it be great if we matched?”

Before she can answer something like “No, it would be cheesy” or “What kind of ridiculous idea is that?”, he replies to his own question:

- “It’d be amazing, Sana! Come on, give me a colour.”

- “No.”

- “Please.”

- “No!” she laughs

- “Pretty please?”

- “Do you know what?”

- “No?”

- “That’s right, you know nothing and I know everything.”

- “ Very funny, Sana. I’m rolling on the floor right now.”

- “Not a great position to prepare tomatoes you know. Anyway, you should go for something colorful too. Last I remember, your color palette is the same as mine! How dare you criticize me?”

- “Oh yeah, but that’s because colors don’t really look good on me!’

- “ Well, let me be the judge of that, ok? If I can wear colors, you can wear them too. And when I say something colorful, I do not mean a bandana or a snapback. I repeat, I do not mean a bandana or a snapback.”

- “Urgh, do I really have to?”

- “Do you want me to show up in a black dress with a black hijab with a super dark make up and no smile on my face?”

- “I know you could actually do that to make me regret my decision, so, yes, I promise that I will wear something colorful.”

- “Great! Well, I can’t wait to see it!”

- “I feel like I’ve been played somehow.”

- “Oh, you have!”

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He calls Elias to ask him to go shopping  with him because there’s no way he is going shopping alone. The only other option is his mom and there is even less way he could go shopping with her. She would probably take his father with them because “isn’t it so cute that he is going shopping to please his girlfriend?”. And his father would tell some story about the time he went shopping after they got married and brought something that she hated and how he went back out there to find something she would like on him. And he does not want to hear another story. He loves his parents, he really does but they can be quite overwhelming sometimes.

Elias is more than happy to go shopping with him.

- “Bro, it’s about time you asked my advice when it comes to style!”

- “ What does that mean? Are you saying I can’t dress myself?”

- “One word, Yousef, one word. Bandanas.”

- “ Shut up, I like them.”

- “Yeah, sadly.”

- “Hey, Mikael wears them as well!

- “Since when is Mikael a fashion icon?”

- “I’m not trying to be a fashion icon, Elias. I don’t care. Anyway, this is simply about my outfit for Sana’s party not about my whole wardrobe.

- “Don’t worry, with me to advise you, you’re going to look so cool!”

- “I don’t need advice Elias, just someone to go shopping with so I don’t look like a loner.”

- “Same difference.”

After half an hour, they had managed to find him a pair of elegant grey pants. Yousef had refused to wear pants that weren’t black or grey because, much to Elias’s dismay, there are some lines that he will not cross, even for Sana. He is now standing in front of two shelves full of shirts, looking at Elias browsing through them and feeling quite out of place because he’s pretty sure that the last time he wore a shirt was when he was twelve and it was for a family occasion.

- “What about this one?”

- “Yellow? Seriously?”

- “Ok, no that one was a joke. How about this one?”

- “I am not going to a party, where Sana and your parents and people I don’t know will be present, wearing a shit with a pink bananas print.”

- “You’re so uptight, you need to relax.”

- “Yeah, you’re right. I’m so uptight. We’re not here for you, but this one would suit you for sure,” He takes out a green shirt with a yellow gorilla print, “It would totally bring out your eyes.”

- “ Nah, I reckon I’d look better in this one” replies Elias holding up a flowered piece.

- “The wallflower look? Nice. Bold choice but I’m sure you could pull it off.”

- “Of course I could. Oh, I just found the prefect one for you, look!”

- “A jean shirt printed with fluorescent planets? You know me so well, Elias! This is exactly what I was looking for!”

- “I knew it! Told you I wold give you great advice! You should wear it with that jacket though, otherwise you don’t have the full look.”

The jacket was a light green one with stars on the sleeves. “I don’t know, I feel like it’s not really my style, not extravagant enough, you know? Keep looking. In the meantime, I’ve found the perfect jacket to go with your piece of wallflower.”

- “A red stripes jacket? For me? Awww, so sweet.”

They keep on messing around until Yousef holds up a bright pink shirt with rainbow colored animals and they burst out laughing, gathering weird looks from other customers in the shop. Why did they even come into this shop in the first place?

They stop laughing then look at each other, smiling, “Shall we try another shop?”

“I believe we shall.”

After three shops and a weird experience with a cashier determined to sell them socks for babies, they finally find a light blue shirt with short sleeves. Yousef isn’t so sure about the blue but Elias insists upon it saying that Sana would dig it. An argument that proves efficient as Yousef is ready to do anything that Sana would dig (except wearing colorful pants). He also had tried to find a nice tie, determined to have an elegant look but he had to abandon the idea when Elias told him he looked like a wannabe hipster.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Finally, the day comes to break the fast in the Bakkoush backyard. Everyone is there. Sana’s group of friends , Yousef and the rest of the boys, as well as some family friends and neighbours, the sun is setting down and laughters fill the air.

Sana isn’t out yet. Elias said she was inside preparing with Jamilla and the girls. Yousef feels like he is literally dying from expectations. He keeps fidgeting with his buttons and his collar, feeling uncomfortable in his shirt and grey pants, convinced that he looks ridiculous. Both his parents told him that he looked really elegant and gorgeous (their words not his) and the boys complimented him on looking so classy compared to his usual snapbacks and white t-shirts, but he is still worried about not matching with Sana and looking like an idiot next to her because he knows that she will look absolutely radiant and beautiful .

He is chatting with Even to try and distract himself from the thought of seeing Sana. To add to the fact that he is preparing himself to be rendered speechless, he hasn’t seen her for five days because they’ve both been busy. He simply longs to see her again no matter how she is dressed or how she looks. Whenever they stay apart for a while, he always get this huge stupid grin on his face that makes him look like a child in front of a candy store when they meet again and he would prefer to not have everyone here witnessing that.

As Even, is telling him something about one of his college course, he sees his eyes drifting to the side of his face, focusing on something behind him. Yousef turns around and finally sees the girl he has been waiting for.

There she is. Looking dazzling, standing at the top of the stairs, in front of the open door with her friends, chatting as they come out. Chris says something that is apparently hilarious because she throws her head back to laugh, her smile lighting up her face and warming Yousef’s heart more than any dress could ever do. Talking about dress, he thought she had rendered him speechless before. But this? This is like an out of body experience and he wonders how on earth he got lucky enough to call this wonderful person his girlfriend?

She is wearing a really simple green dress with long slim sleeves. The dress, which is made out of several layers of a very light fabric, is very fluid. Fitted at the waist, it drops down to Sana’s feet and is probably the most elegant dress Yousef has ever seen. The color makes her look like a precious stone, some kind of emerald and her green hijab is matching the dress. 

As he predicted, she looks like a princess, the dress is simple but she is literally glowing like a freaking sun in front of him. He hears Even saying something but he can’t make out the words as he is too focused on Sana, his mouth slightly opened and his palms sweaty.

She is now walking down the stairs as she looks around her. Before her eyes can set on him, she is greeted by a neighbor or a friend of her parents. She spends a few minutes talking to people as Yousef grows impatient. He hasn’t seen his girlfriend for five days -five days!- and people have the audacity to come and speak to her right when she comes out looking like a sort of vision from a dream? Elias catches him glaring at the boy that Sana is talking to and tells him to stop being so dramatic.

After another few minutes, Sana is finally free and he laughs quietly as he sees the face she pulls to her friends showing her relief at not having to talk to people anymore. Sana doesn’t like making small talk with people she doesn’t really know even at her own party.

He thinks about walking towards her and her group of friend to ask them if he can take their friend away from them. Before he can starts walking, he sees Noora motioning at the group of boys he is with and the girls starting to walk. Which means that Sana is walking towards him and he starts feeling nervous. He doesn’t know why all of a sudden it feels like his collar is too tight or why his heart starts beating faster. How is he supposed to act with her in front of all these people? They don’t often hug or hold hands but they haven’t seen each other for five days and today is a day of celebration and Yousef is racking his brains trying to decide what to do once she arrives in front of him. Probably nothing, as once she will be in front of him he will have died of seeing too much beauty. Or simply because there will be all her friends and his friends around them. One of which is Sana’s brother.

These thoughts leave his minds when Sana finally sees him. She seems to be scanning the crowd gathered in the garden, probably looking for someone,likely him, when her eyes finally land on him. He runs a hand through his hair, something he immediately regrets as his hair is probably messed up now, and smiles at her. Her eyes widen and she stops answering her friends for a few seconds before shaking her head and putting on an unimpressed face and a small smile as if she didn’t just freeze on the spot for a few seconds.

He realizes that she is feeling something because of the way he looks similar to what he is feeling right now which makes him very happy because to get such a reaction from Sana is something of a miracle. She is usually so good a keeping up a sarcastic facade with unimpressed looks and snarky “Yeah you look alright for once I suppose ”. 

He shoots her a cocky smile with a raised eyebrow. To which she replies by slightly blushing and sticking her tongue out at him. A very bad idea as it sends Yousef’s heart into a series of loops and jumps. He walks past Mikael who was slightly standing in front of him and keeps on smiling at Sana, not noticing her friends around her anymore or his parents and her parents in the corner of his eyes. He is walking towards her and she is walking towards him, her smile wider with every step they take.

They finally reach each other and hug as if they were alone in the backyard . He inhales the sweet smell of her perfume as she wraps her arms around his neck. The hug his short as they quickly realize that they are indeed not alone and that everyone is watching them. He steps back with a nervous laughter and whispers:

- “It’s a pity we’re not really matching but it doesn’t matter because you’re the most beautiful woman ever.”

She smiles at him and he feels the urge to raise his hand to softly touch her dimples. He puts his hands in his pockets, suddenly feels shy and looks down at the ground before she replies, “ You, … you look extremely handsome with this shirt on. The color really suits you.”

He raises his head up “Extremely handsome? Am I dreaming or did Sana Bakkoush just compliment the way I look?”. He says that not because Sana never compliment the way he looks -even if most of her compliments are made through sarcasm- but because he doesn’t know how to take the compliment. He thought he looked ridiculous but she seems to like it, so maybe it wasn’t a waste of money and everything is fine.

- “Who said I was talking to you? You weren’t looking at me when I said it, I could have said this to anyone here.”

- “But you didn’t because no one here has a colorful shirt except for me.”

She quickly looks around him and when she realizes that he is right, she slightly pouts. He laughs and she pretends to take offense and turns around to leave. Instead of making her turn back to him, he walks up to her side, making her laugh as he says, “This is a gorgeous grey dress that you have here, Sana. And what a beautifuk black hijab.”

- “Isn’t it so pretty?”

- “Absolutely charming!”

- “See? I told you I looked good in black.”

_ “Uhm, excuse you but I think that I am the one who spent about two minutes explaining how good you look in black or grey!”

- “Same difference,” she replies with a wink.

Yousef makes a mental note that Sana shouldn’t be allowed to wink at him when she is wearing a princess dress anymore because, if she does it a second time, he might just drop down to the ground.

- “Can I just say, that your plain white t-shirt is also very nice, Yousef?”

- “Yes, you may and thank you very much.”

- “You’re welcome, I’m glad you listened to my advice.”

- “Your advice? You bribed me into this!”

- ‘I bribed you? With what?”

- “With the vision of you looking like a princess!”

- “Awww thank you. But don't try to change the subject, you love wearing something colorful, just admit it.”

- “I never said I didn’t like it, just that I didn’t think I looked good.”

- “Well, you look really good so you don’t have any excuses any more. You have to wear it again.”

- “I’ll wear it again if you wear your dress again. Well maybe not the dress as it is a really fancy dress but something colorful.”

- “Are you making a deal about wearing colors?”

- “Yes, yes I am. Isn’t it great? Don’t reply, it’s amazing.”

- “I’ll wear more colors. That is, I will more than one thing colorful and more regularly. On one condition.”

- “Which is,”

- “You also have to wear other colorful things, aside from this shirt.

- “Urgh but that means more shopping!

- “We can always go together, you know.”

- “Oh, this way we could match!”

- “Yousef we are not matching all our outfits.”

- “Come on, at least a few!”

- “Yousef, I…”

- “You two are sickeningly cute, you know that right?”

They turn around to see that everyone is watching them. Eva, who just spoke up, adds, “And you even have the same facial expression of surprise! How freaking cute!”

-”Have you been listening all this time?”

- “Well, you’re quite literally standing in the middle of the group so it was hard not to,” replies Noora.

Sana and Yousef look around them to observe that they are indeed in the middle of all their friends.

- “We did that thing again didn’t we?”

- “Yeah, we did.”

- “What thing?” asks Chris

- “The thing where we are talking to each other and forget about everyone else,”mumbles Sana, uncomfortable to let out a detail of their relationship in front of so many people.

- “Can’t get enough of me that one, you see” says Yousef

- “You mean, you can’t get enough of me!”

- “Pretty sure it is the other way around.”

- “Pretty sure that it’s not.”

- “Guys!”

They turn around to their friends once again as Isak continues “You’re doing that thing again.”

- “Oh sorry!”They say in unison.

Their synchronization makes them smile which makes Elias say:

- “Well your outfits might not be matching but your smiles sure are!”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dress : (X)

Shirt : (X)

Hope you liked this!

[itsskamfyfaen-blog]

thantophobia

(n.) the phobia of losing someone you love

chapter 1

Chris has been with a plethora of girls in his short lifetime. Some he’s just hooked up with, others he dated for a few days or even weeks but mostly he didn’t get too attached. Eva was different. Somehow this redheaded girl who pretended to be interested in politics just to turn him off, has managed to do the opposite. At first it was because she pushed him away that he was interested in her but the moment these two kissed for the first time he was completely infatuated by her. She was fun, she was clever, her body curved in all of the right places. She knew exactly where to touch him to drive him crazy, but the fact that he wouldn’t even mind if they just talked or fooled around a little was the most peculiar to him. That just wasn’t him. Not the side of him that he and the people around him were used to at the very least.

Eva has just gotten out of a relationship and although Chris wasn’t one to date, he thought that perhaps they could give it a go. He didn’t have much time on his hands to party as he’s just gone to the army, but he was home every other weekend, and those were usually the days he spent either with his family or Eva. Eva didn’t think much of it because for the most part it was just sex, or netflix and chill as she liked to call it, while Chris has been trying to gather the courage to make things official.

He hardly slept that night. Although he usually got a pretty good night’s sleep when he was at Eva’s, he just couldn’t bare the thought of her saying anything but yes. She didn’t seem to mind it when he cuddled into her before she fell asleep, and even when his arm started to go numb he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Her hair tickled him and even her barely audible snoring seemed cute to him then.

She felt his soft breath dangerously close to her face before something tickled her out of the very light sleep. Chris’ face was so close to hers she could count every little freckle on his face and closely examine the pattern in his sleepy eyes. He looked like he’s been awake for a while, but she could swear she didn’t feel him move before only a couple minutes ago. Eva didn’t know where he was going with his little story but it was funny. Funny because she’s had a feeling Chris would come up with something as silly in order to make his move. But it was Penetrator Chris they were talking about. Penetrator Chris who used to hook up with three girls in one night. Penetrator Chris whose hoodie half of her class proudly wore. That same guy was now sloppily asking her to be his girlfriend and her first reaction was to just laugh. Vildd’s call came in handy. The whole time that she was talking to her, she was thinking about what to say. Honestly, the thought of being in a relationship hasn’t even crossed her mind. In any relationship not just one with Penetrator Chris. So when Vilde finally let go of the topic neither of them had much knowledge of, she turned back to him. Between kisses she gave him the first excuse she could think of. One that had very little to do with the fact that it was really her that was the problem here.

Chris could hardly hide the disappointment. How could she so easily kiss him back and then in the next breath call him a fuck-boy? Was this still just … fooling around to her? When clearly it was much more to him. Luckily Chris has always been a resourceful guy. If things got in his way, he found a different path. If people said no he tried and tried and tried once again to sway them. And he was going to get this girl. He made it his number one priority to not just tell her but to actually show her that he’s changed. It didn’t go quite as planned when someone barged into her room. Eva tried her hardest to push him off her bed and into hiding, but he was done hiding. He was done playing games and being known as the hook-up. He wasn’t exactly planning to start with her mother, especially not completely naked, but Chris has never been exactly self-conscious about his body, so that worked out just fine. If you take away Eva’s blushing and utter embarrassment, his meeting her mother went quite well.

Eva didn’t know whether she should be pissed at him or to just let it go. It’s not like her mother would see him again anytime soon. Not only did she spend very little time at home, but Eva didn’t have a plan to invite Chris over in the future either. Especially not after this awkward encounter. She told Noora all about it the moment Chris walked out the door (and yes, her mother did look at him through the kitchen window for an uncomfortable amount of time). About the dream he supposedly had. About him wanting her to be his girlfriend. About him meeting her mother wrapped up in nothing but her duvet. Needless to say Noora laughed like a maniac.

Chris felt weird. The unexpected encounter didn’t embarrass him, not in the slightest, but it definitely wasn’t the ideal way to meet your future girlfriend’s mother. In his mind the perfect meeting went along the lines of him bringing a rather expensive bottle of wine to one of their dinners. While being fully dressed of course. But with the way Eva brushed him off when he indirectly asked her about becoming his girlfriend, he realised he had quite a way to go. Chris never would have thought he would be googling ways to impress girls. The first that came to mind was buying flowers, but that seemed so old fashioned, and so did taking her out to dinner. For a minute there he considered messaging Chris or asking William to prod Noora for some useful information, but in the end he did something much more brave and out there. He messaged her ex boyfriend. He didn’t have to wait long but the answer he got just wasn’t what he was hoping for. It seemed way too specific and the last thing he wanted was for Eva to see him as Jonas 2.0.

Eva was studying for her last final exam when the doorbell rang. Her mother’s flight has just gone so it couldn’t possibly be her, and she wasn’t expecting anyone else either. Sana was trying to convince Chris that studying could in fact be super fun, Noora hasn’t stepped foot out of William’s apartment in days, and Vilde was most likely busy questioning people about ideal Eid-celebration gifts. It was because of those reasons that she was completely taken aback by the image she walked into. None other than Penetrator Chris with a bouquet of flowers in his hand, leaning on the doorframe looking as dreamy as ever. His hair was immaculate and he was wearing a white shirt that clung to his body like a glove. He’s always been one of the most attractive 97’ guys, but ever since he’s gotten into the army … she truly was left speechless.

His heart was beating like crazy. What would she say? Does she even like peonies? And what were those small white ones … baby breath? A funny name for a flower but they seemed cute. When Eva opened the door her facial expression was like a code he needed to crack open before he could actually understand what she was thinking. Did she think he was being stupid? Did she actually like his gesture? Was it too much? Was it not enough? There were so many things going on in his head that all he managed to mumble out were a few confused words. And then (thankfully) she cut in and invited him to that party William’s been going on and on about. Apparently boyfriends were invited so perhaps that was her way of letting him know that they could try.

When he left that night Eva was beating herself up for inviting him. She wasn’t ready. She didn’t want everyone to look at them and their minds immediately go “Why did Eva bring her fuck-boy to Sana’s party”. But the damage was done. It’s not like she could un-invite him. In these past few weeks she’s seen him go out of his way to please her, she’s seen him do things that were nothing like the things Penetrator Chris would do, yet she was still wary and scared. She was scared to going from one relationship into the other. She was terrified of it being considered a rebound relationship. She wanted to be confident and a hundred percent sure before starting to date again. Did she like him? Yes! God, yes! Has he changed for real? She guessed so. Even Christina agreed and she was the last person Eva expected to take Chris’ side in this. Did it feel good when he was around? Yes! Was she ready to make it official? Probably not … but perhaps … perhaps they could just do it anyway.

Chris was nervous. Rightfully so, too. He’s never been to Sana’s before and the parties these guys usually attended looked nothing like this Eid celebration or whatever it was called. The food was great, though. Nothing like what he’s tasted before, but still incredibly delicious. Eva looked a little spaced out. He knew he wanted this to work out, he was a hundred percent sure he wanted to be seen with her and to eventually be introduced as her boyfriend not as someone she sleeps with every here and there. But the way she carried herself around him, how unsure and careful she was not to make any physical contact with him … it made him feel like his invitation was passed on just because he forced it out of her by surprising her with a bunch of peonies. It made him feel like he’s just lost something beautiful and important and he was left to wander alone in the dark. It felt like the whole world just started to fall apart an there was nothing he could do to stop it from collapsing on top of him. He needed to get away. Away from her and away from the person he’s become. Because he didn’t like that Chris. The Chris that could get hurt so easily. The Chris that shopped for flowers and fell in love. And instead of pushing those dark thoughts away, he embraced them. He was done trying. He was done pretending that anyone would ever see anything but a fuck-boy in him.

[poipoi1912]

Season 19 Renewal

As Season 18 went on, and I kept getting disappointed, all I could think was, “do the old writers and the cast also think the quality of the show is declining, or do they think everything is fine?”

Guess we have our answer.

The fact Rick Eid is leaving after just one season tells me that we were right all along. He was a bad fit for this show. Forget the scheduling mess, partly caused by the inability to produce episodes on time. He tried to turn SVU into a generic cop show, which is actually why I think he might be a good fit for Chicago PD. SVU was never generic. It's an institution, and it was always about the characters, as much as it was about the cases,  as well as teaching the audience some sorely needed lessons.

Season 18 and its Struggles

In Season 18, the show lost track of that message. It's not enough for Liv to sprout platitudes and give us Hallmark moments every week. A certain sensitivity and nuance is required, if you want to tackle SVU cases. Rick Eid lacked that sensitivity (if some episodes displayed it, it was because of the old SVU writers, in my opinion), and he couldn't find that nuance. That's why he effectively rewrote the same episode so many times. Rich white powerful man assaults rich white pretty lady. She is unreliable (or a liar, or a criminal, or it's somehow her fault), and he is troubled. That's it. We watched a variation of that, literally 13 times this season (I counted).

The T*rump episode alone perfectly demonstrates why Eid was a bad choice for SVU. The casual way in which Ice-T said it wasn't one of their best, even though the (then) current showrunner had written it, that said it all. Showing women as liars is not what SVU is about, for me. Nor is it about showing rapists as sympathetic, or troubled figures, or innocent. Both can (and should) be done in moderation, in an individual episode or two, for the sake of a twist (or even realism, sometimes), but not all the time.  

Problem is, Rick Eid clearly didn't know what else to do. What else to write. He didn't know how to expand into non-rape cases, he didn't know how to send the right message (and sometimes he'd even send the wrong message entirely), and (most curious of all) he didn't know how to properly work the courtroom angle, despite the fact he's apparently a lawyer, and the trial scenes increased tremendously in screentime. This season, despite its faults, could have given us a strong, take-charge Barba. If nothing else. Instead, he turned Barba into an afterthought who wouldn’t prosecute a single perp unless Liv told him to.

Season 18 and the Characters

This entire season, it felt like neither Rick Eid nor the other new writers ever watched the previous seasons. They totally misused Carisi, Rollins and Barba. They altered long-established portrayals. They changed these characters into generic cardboard cutouts, eliminating everything that made them unique (yet again, that's another sight Eid might have better luck with Chicago PD). I won’t bore you with the details, but I've written about this many times, most recently (and extensively) here.

I mean, I remain baffled by that one interview, when Eid kept saying "the Carisi character" and "the Barba character," like he had never watched his own show and he had zero emotional connection to his "own" characters. Which was obviously true, as it turns out. He never connected to any of them, except maybe Liv.

Season 18 and Liv

Which brings me to this. To me, it's clear that another showrunner change would have to be okayed by Mariska (if not demanded by her). This season had some very strong Olivia moments, but overall it was not the best for her, in my view. The focus was on Liv, but what she was actually doing, it wasn't always something I could root for. I didn't like that feeling.

It's one thing if she does something that's supposed to be questionable (like Season 17's Black Lives Matter episode, and the way she instinctively wanted to stand by her fellow cops at first) or "flawed," but it's another thing to have her badgering witnesses and victims alike into testifying, for an entire season. Or telling Barba how to prosecute his own cases. Or thinking she can't have a personal life and a child at the same time.

That's not who Liv is, to me. I hope we can find that Liv again. And I'd like to think Mariska agrees. The fact she wanted (or at least she agreed to) a new showrunner despite the fact this season was "all about her" is a good sign. She's the star, and she's the reason most people watch, but she is also self-aware, and she must have known how Liv was coming off, at times. She must still want the best for Liv, like we all do, and I'm happy to know that.

Season 18 and Sonny

Lastly, when it comes to Sonny, I just hope we can find the old Sonny too. The one with the personality, and the whole bunch of sisters, and the niece who drools on him. The Sonny who is fantastic undercover, and has great instincts, and uses his affability to nail perps during interrogations, and thinks outside the box to solve a case (actually that last part is still there, even in S18, thank God). The Sonny who is empathetic and hilarious and quirky and interested in medicine and photography and Möbius strips. The Sonny who came into his own, and turned into a confident and experienced and badass detective. The Sonny who has some darkness inside him, but doesn't let it turn him into yet another violent cop. The Sonny who is real, and has real relationships with his friends and colleagues, and isn't just "Cop Number 1", only there to deliver exposition.

Peter deserves better, much like all the actors. It’s a shame to have this great cast, and this rich history, and fail to utilize either of them properly.

In Conclusion

I've said it many times. SVU has had terrible seasons before, but it has always bounced back. So I hope we can all just all pretend Season 18 never happened, even though that may not be eas...

Wait, that's very easy, actually, because literally not a single thing happened in season 18. All the characters are pretty much where they were at the end of S17, except Fin, who is an almost-Sergeant, and has an offscreen twitter-grandchild.

So let's just start over, huh?

:)

[salmankhanholics]

★ The Salman Khan interview: 'When I was growing up I had shades of the character I play in Tubelight' !

Salman Khan talks about growing up, things he fears, Sohail Khan, Box Office business, ABCD 3, Tubelight and more. Read his interview here...

Himesh Mankad | Jun 09, 2017

Since the release of Wanted in 2009, Eid has become synonymous with Salman Khan. After a streak of blockbusters during the festive season, the superstar gears up for his riskiest Eid release till date, Tubelight. The film will see Salman Khan shedding his larger than life onscreen image as he essays a character who is slow to record the happenings around him exhibits child-like characteristics. Ahead of the film release, Khan got candid in a group interview about the film, Box Office numbers, equation with his brothers and more.

Excerpts:

What made you sign up for Tubelight?

It is very difficult to play a character like this. There is a certain way this character walks, and talks. When I was growing up, I had some shades of this character, but that was quite a while back. When I was narrated Tubelight, I could have easily said this is a beautiful script but I want to do something like Dabangg. There is something in my heart for this character which made me sign the film. While acting, there was always an attempt from my side to not overdo it. These characters are very difficult because you might start looking like a fraud. In a comic film, looking like a fraud is okay, but in an emotional film like Tubelight, it is the most difficult thing to do.

Is there a romantic sub-track in Tubelight?

The plot of the film revolves around two brothers and what happens when a brother goes to a war and his elder brother cannot accompany him. There are several other sub-plots in the film including a love story and relationship with a small kid. But the film is essentially, a story of two brothers.

What sort of bond do you share with Sohail Khan?

Sohail and I have made the costliest home video till date (hinting at Hello Brother). As an elder brother, I have only used them. Whenever I feel no actor would be willing to take up a character, I get them on board (laughs). On a serious note, this film would not have been possible without Sohail. At some point in time, these guys were looking to cast somebody bigger so that we get those numbers or crack a particular number. There were talks to rope in this big actor so that we would get this number and I said, ‘what is cracking this number bhai? I need to be comfortable with the person who is paired alongside me and I don’t want to crack the number.’ They wanted to sell the film at a particular amount, and I said, ‘I don’t want to see the film at any number, I just want it to be a good film.’ Breaking the records of course matters to me, but not at the cost of quality of the film. A film does well if it is destined to do well. I think the makers of Baahubali would still be recovering from the shock (hinting at record-breaking run at the Box Office).

How confident do you feel ahead of Tubelight?

You can’t say anything till the time film releases. The collections will be amazing on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday as the die-hard fans go to watch the film over the weekend but the acceptance of content over the weekend is the key factor for the film to succeed in the long run. The collections on the weekdays would give you an idea about the eventual lifetime business of a film. I don’t get the math of film prediction at all because there are so many factors that contribute towards the film’s success.

1. We hike the ticket rates to satisfy our ego

We had cut down the prices for Jai Ho and we didn’t tell anyone that we are doing it. So when tickets are usually sold at Rs 650, our tickets were sold for Rs 250. When we checked the collections next day, we didn’t know what is happening as we had expected the film to do much better. Everyone started calling it a flop, but later on, we realised that the collections are low because of low ticket rates. My intent was to reach to the collection of more than Rs 200 crore at the Box Office at subsidised rates. It is pointless to earn Rs 200 crore at high ticket rates. We hike the ticket rates for satisfying our egos and I don’t think that is cool.

2. Film’s don’t do well because audience don’t watch it in theatres

I have got calls from people saying that ‘I watched the movie on television. Why didn’t it do well? It is such an amazing film and the only response to that is ‘dude, it didn’t do well because you didn’t go to the theatre to watch the film. You are seeing it for free right now. You didn’t want to spend X amount of money on the film because the promos didn’t excite you. There might have been some other film which had a better promo and it is difficult to watch two films in the same month. So you went to watch the other film’. When you see something on television, you like it because it’s for free.

You have been around for 28 years, do you still feel nervous ahead of a film release?

I feel nervous for different reasons. Whenever you do a film, you put in a lot of hard work but for me, the hard work is okay, the problem lies somewhere else. You sign a film because you think that it is a sure shot hit and if the film turns out to be a disaster, it means your thinking has gone all off. One off thinking makes you start thinking about the other films that you have signed. If your streak of failure continues for a while, apart from getting destroyed in your career, a lot of people begin to lose money. You are taking everybody down with you. All the fans, who have trusted in you, come out disappointed. I fear that disappointment. It is the worst thing that can ever happen.

How important are Box Office Collections for you?

Filmmaking is a business and it should never be okay to lose money. This is our work, profession, and business. So if one film does not work, we work hard to ensure that the next one does.

How seriously do you take your stardom?

Whatever goes up, comes down. The thing right now is to see how long can one hold onto this position or even go higher. You are going to go down, but all of us (Senior Actors) are going to make sure that…. the younger generation work hard to get their bread and butter…. (laughs)

Is your next film with Remo D’Souza titled ABCD 3?

I am not doing ABCD 3. It is a Disney property and this one is produced by me under my banner, SKF. It is a dance film, but all dance films are not ABCD. Is Lala Land, ABCD? (Laughs)

Directed by Kabir Khan, Tubelight releases this Eid.

inuth

P.S. Yes the interview is similar to the ones posted earlier.

[omelettedufromage-24601]

Wrong Number

Pairings: LawLu, ZoSan. Summary: Inspired by the prompt we all know, Person A sends a message to Person C without meaning to as they thought they were texting Person B. Warning: Tons of humour!

AO3 - Fanfiction.net

Chap 1 - Chap 2

Enjoy!

“Hey, Luffy!” – Unkown number “Yeah?” – Luffy “It’s Shachi and Penguin again!” – Unknown number “Who?” – Luffy “Law’s friends!” – Unknown number “Oh hey guys! How are you doing since last time?” – Luffy “Well better, almost thought Law would kill us just by the way he was looking at us!” – Shachi and Penguin “Shishishi, I guess he’ll be over it after some time~” – Luffy “… Are you sure you never met Law?” – Shachi and Penguin “Well I only know one Torao! Why?” – Luffy “Don’t know, you’re acting as if you knew him, like, in real life.” – Shachi and Penguin “Oh really? Wouldn’t surprise me though, once I’ve been talking to this blond pineapple head at some friend’s parties and at the same time Ace was always talking to me about a Marco-guy, he even showed me some pics, but I never realized the Pineapple Head and Marco were the same person until Ace came by and finally introduced him to me!” – Luffy “… We honestly have no idea how to react to this right now.” – Shachi and Penguin

*

“Blblblblbl” – Luffy […] “What’s that?” – Torao “I’m bored” – Luffy “As usual.” – Torao “Is that your new way of saying ‘hello’ now?” – Torao “Well you did say something about how I keep saying 'hello’ and 'goodbye’ all the time!” – Luffy “Right.” – Torao * “OH MY GOD” – Usopp “OH FUCK” – Usopp “OH NO THAT’S IT” – Usopp “THIS IS THE END” – Usopp “What? What’s going on?? Is everything alright?” – Chopper “I’M HURT” – Usopp “IT’S BAD” – Usopp “IT’S VERY BAD” – Usopp “IT’S VERY VERY VERY BAD” – Usopp “I’M GONNA DIE” – Usopp “I CAN SEE BLOOD ALREADY” – Usopp “OH MY GOD WHAT’S HAPPENING?? TELL ME USOPP” – Chopper “LIFE IS LEAVING ME” – Usopp “TELL MY FRIENDS I LOVED THEM” – Usopp “I’M DYING” – Usopp [Missed call] “I WANT TO GIVE EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR TO YOU MY FRIEND” – Usopp “PLEASE TAKE CARE OF MY BELONGINGS” – Usopp “STOP A MOMENT AND TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG PLEASE” – Chopper “I CAN FEEL LIFE LEAVING MY BODY FOR GOOD NOW” – Usopp “GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD” – Usopp “FAREWELL” – Usopp “WHY CAN’T YOU ANSWER THE PHONE” – Chopper “IS IT REALLY THAT BAD DON’T DIE ON MY WATCH” – Chopper [Missed call] [Missed call] “Usopp please tell me you’re okay” – Chopper “You’re scaring the shit out of me answer” – Chopper “USOPP PLEASE ANSWER” – Chopper “Oh sorry, I was trying to fix what I broke” – Usopp “WHAT, BROKE? LIKE A BONE?” – Chopper “No, my new invention! I just walked on it and my foot hurts like hell damn!” – Usopp “… Are you really serious?” – Chopper “Well I was lazy to put on the light and had forgotten about it so didn’t see in the dark and blam” – Usopp “Oh thank God I’m glad you’re okay!” – Chopper “Hey I’m not! I just broke everything I have to start ALL OVER again! My life’s greatest achievement! And it really does hurt man!” – Usopp “Don’t ever do that to me again though. I thought you were dying for good!” – Chopper * “So how did it go?” – Franky “What are you talking about?” – Sanji “Your date! C'mon dude, we’re between guys, don’t be shy about it!” – Franky “What the fuck?” – Sanji “Would have known if I had been on a date lately” – Sanji “With a green–haired swordsman?” – Franky […] “Sorry I almost died of disgust when I read your message” – Sanji “So how did it go? What did you finally do?” – Franky “I bet you guys were all jerks at first but then finally made out” – Franky “Because you did make out right? I mean we’ve all been waiting for you to do this for so long now.” – Franky “Not that we’d want that because he’d totally be awesome – which would be don’t get me wrong – but to be honest we figured out maybe you would stop being that unbearable for once” – Franky “Damn I wish I could have come to see you guys but I had this thing at the factory to finish in time” – Franky “All of this because Paulie took his day off without telling me or Iceberg!” – Franky “I still can’t believe it.” – Franky “My boss can really be a pain in the ass sometimes” – Franky “Well enough about my stuff tell me more about last time.” – Franky […] “Sanji?” – Franky […] “What really?” – Franky […] “Don’t be such a drama dude!” – Franky “I thought we were friends!” – Franky * “I learnt there was a movie last day to go to!! I’m so sorry I didn’t know!” – Chopper “What?” – Zoro “I was so busy with the work and all!” – Chopper “I didn’t mean to let you down!” – Chopper […] “You didn’t let anyone down, don’t worry.” – Zoro “You’re not mad at me?” – Chopper “You just told me you didn’t even know!” – Zoro “Next time I’ll be there!” – Chopper “I promise!” – Chopper “I told you not to worry we weren’t even really hanging out.” – Zoro “You weren’t?” – Chopper “Yeah no one really came so” – Zoro “'Really came’? You were alone?!” – Chopper “Yeah there was only the curly-brow” – Zoro “Oh” – Chopper “Oh!” – Chopper “What 'oh’?” – Zoro “Nothing I hope you enjoyed!” - Chopper “I gotta go back to work!” – Chopper “Bye!” – Chopper “Don’t 'oh’ me what do you mean?!” – Zoro “Chopper!!” – Zoro * “[Picture MMS]” – Luffy “No.” – Zoro “What?” – Luffy “We are not adopting this cat.” – Zoro “Who says he needs adoption?” – Luffy “Its eyes. And you.” – Zoro “His name is Meatloaf” – Luffy “Don’t lecture me about his name, you’d have called him Katana and thats no better!!” – Luffy “You can’t be serious.” – Zoro “And he really loves my food!” – Luffy “We’re not keeping it.” – Zoro “We are!” – Luffy “Luffy…” – Zoro “If we do, I’ll be quiet about last time, I promise.” – Luffy “Last time?” – Zoro “Sleep over, remember? You took a pic of Sanji.” – Luffy “nO I DIDN’T” – Zoro “[Picture MMS]” – Luffy “… Okay. Alright. But it’s not going near my stuff.” – Zoro “Meatloaf may have already met your stuff…” – Luffy “Oh, COME ON.” – Zoro * “Hey Luffy! You know what’s incredible with Voldemort? That’s what he nose” – Usopp “Ahah! Great! Coming from you it’s even funnier Usopp!” – Luffy “…” – Usopp “I’m not talking to you again.” – Usopp “Ever.” – Usopp “C'mon Usopp it was your joke!” – Luffy “No?” – Luffy “Wasn’t it supposed to be a joke in the first place?” – Luffy “Wasn’t it?” – Luffy […] “… Usopp?” – Luffy

*

“Hdiwjw9n8dbs. Djsjaibsu disbs eid d” – Torao “Is that a kind of code for decryption?” – Luffy “Jdbwiwbwi dieb ifbeo djsjwbe vs eiss wis” – Torao “Omg, that’s so cool Torao! I have no idea what you are talking about though” – Luffy […] “So I have replaced numbers by letters and letters by numbers” – Luffy “But that doesn’t make any sense.” – Luffy “I wanted to ask Robin I’m pretty sure she would know how to read this but she’s busy…” – Luffy “And Usopp’s not talking to me anymore…” – Luffy “I’m trying Google translation in case it’s a language I don’t know but it didn’t give anything!” – Luffy “Sanji says it’s not French.” – Luffy […] “… And you didn’t ever think that maybe it was a mistake?” – Torao “What is?” – Luffy “My late messages.” – Torao “They were?” – Luffy “Yeah. Phone typed it by itself in my pocket while at work.” – Torao “Oh” – Luffy “What?” – Torao “I’m disappointed” – Luffy “Disappointed I didn’t text you by myself?” – Torao “Nah, not to have any code for decryption. I was so excited to look for the signification!!” – Luffy “Right, of course.” – Torao […] “Hey” – Luffy “Torao” – Luffy “Yeah?” – Torao “Wanna guess my language code?” – Luffy “No.” – Torao […] “Plus, that would probably only be limited by the 'meat’ vocabulary.” – Torao *

“Tonight, your place or my place?” – Zoro “Mine. I made pastas. I’m not using your shitty kitchen again, last time was a nightmare.” – Sanji “We both know you didn’t come for the kitchen.” – Zoro “Shut up, marimo.” – Sanji

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[tellytantra]

The Fight ~Part 1 Was it so serious a fight? He didn't know. Until he realized it was, when she went packing to her dad's house in pretext of caring for an ill father. They had these ideological clashes since the start. Not that they were unaware but may be he should have restrained from speaking such an indifferent and hurtful words. It wasn't disrespectful but sure it was mean to say her than he liked it when she just didn't talk about her ideologies or their life would be so much better had it been just about them discussing their mundane stuff or just being friendly playing and goofing around like they are now. She is really clever. She made it genuinely seem that she was really worried for her ill father recovering from a minor surgery. While she was, he knew that wasn't the only reason. He knew it. He was prude to apologize as if he was right about his ideologies. While he still thought he was, her last words before leaving the house sure pricked him inside "Ek doosre ki nazariya ko izzat Dena bhi mohabbat hi hota hai Kabir. Mujhe laga tum thoda kache ho. Par pata nahi tha main galti Kar rahi thi"  She was utterly disappointed that she was loved by him only if she was that Zara without her ideologies and principles. That doesn't comprise love for her? Does it? That meant he has never loved her for the Zara she has always been. May be he loved that begum Zara who showered love and trust in him without questioning or suggesting anything he did. Those things she had suggested had been out of her own will, never once he asked her opinion himself. She was too much blinded by the love for this man to realize this. In the recent turn of events there has been visible change in how he changed with her compared to rigid initial days. He had started to open up, be more comfortable, smile and laugh a little, may be try small pranks with her in the closet of their room. She felt he was falling in love. What she missed is that he still is that right person who would prefer to love a woman as a whole, only if she wouldn't clash with his ideologies. The moment he gets uncomfortable or defensive he stopped seeing things they had achieved as a whole and expressed his displeasure that he wasn't ready to accept this. This was not healthy, she thought. Perhaps they need some time off each other to introspect what they really want in this relationship to make it work. She can't keep clashing with him and choose to hurt her self respect at the cost of the love. She thought she figured out this man. But he seems to be never ending mystery. Perhaps she needs time alone to figure this thing out. She had successfully fought the urge to call him or message him for 50 th time of the day. He doesn't care, she thought with the pain. There had been no message or call from him ever since she left in the morning. Fighting tears of self pity, she moved to living room leaving the phone behind in the bedroom, to meet Reema. After a light dinner, he settled in his room for the day. Complete silence. No tinkling anklets, no fragrance of lillies, no endless meaningless banters, no freaky games of love. Absolute silence. As he sat staring at the drapes above the bed, his phone blinked. Excited that it may be her, he grabbed it up. No luck. It wasn't her. 2 version of texting complexities ran in his mind; Maybe I should text her if she is doing fine? Or she couldn't even text me if she reached there and her father is doing fine?Ok they may be at loggerheads but he needs to enquire about her father. That's the basic courtesy of a son-in-law. He convinced himself. The call was as disappointing as her abrupt departure after their fight. It is really silly of her to go to her parents house after there is a fight. He thought with a slight annoyance. Like the logical reasons be the last thought in his mind, his mind was torn between the prejudice as well thoughts of missing her equally. Her last ideology clash sure strained his sensitive nerve a little which caused him to spurt more than necessary bitterness at her. But she brought that upon them. She spoke as if her intrepretation of holy Quran was the best. As if woman are being deprived of any opportunity as mentioned in holy Quran. She didn't think his old fashioned debate made sense. There is a reason women weren't allowed to pray in masjid. But no, she would bring facts of quran with every annecdote and argue with him till he had flared at her. What is she made of? She can rile him up like no one, but she can also calm him down like no one. Just days back rukshar conspiracy finally settled. And things were back to being bloomy and beautiful between them. No she had to get this heated argument at this time.Lost in thoughts with a half drafted text message, Kabir sat still. After about an hour long inner monologues, he dialed up her number. There was a sober tone. He enquired everyone's well being, her father's recovery. There was a nudging question in the mind to ask when she is planning to return. But that would make him seem too desperate, his pride argued in his mind. From the likes of her conversational tone, she was pissed off. Like really really pissed off.The call ended in abrupt 2 mins. Writer: Karmic World The Fight ~ Part 2 One, two .. days passed .. still not even a message from her! As long as his ideologies are being worshipped, she being not there or there wouldn't matter an inch to him, thought Zara! Though he had acknowledged that he is in love, she'd always remain a second priority compared to his principles and ideas, pained thoughts crossed her mind Her mohabbat would just take a back seat if it were for her ideologies, he had an agonizing thought. Thoughts of their private nikaah flashed vividly, in his mind. Her face was sparkling and eyes twinkling as if they'd compete with the stars. As they sat enchanted, lost in each others eyes, in a surreal magnetic charisma, she uttered those magical words with heart brimming in love "Qubool hai" He was staring at the empty skies. Why does he have to be in a position to choose between two most important things in his life. His usool is as important to him as her. But when did she silently crept up to the most discreet place, he didn't know. Before he was aware, she was the integral part of his life as much as his Ibaadat and Usool. He hated situations in which he'd to choose one over another. As much as he ignored, avoided or side stepped such situations, his wife being the inquisitive one somehow props up such situations. Her opinions are perhaps right, from a woman's POV. But he refused to believe that his old-school principles and beliefs are irrelevant, either. May be it's tough to follow in these modern times, but one must have conviction to do that. Perhaps she could demonstrate a little understanding on the part that she is gonna coexist with his usool and nazariya and not try to prove him wrong or feel the need to change him, always. But is he ready to lose.her for the principles which formed the very foundation of his entire life, he wasnt sure. Kabir Ahmed would have been so.sure of it months back. But now, he has involuntarily got used with her presence and the love, that's something he can't negotiate even when he was forced to divorce her at gun point.  He turned towards her side of bed and traced her side with his hands.  " Tumhe aise nahi karna chahiye tha. Tumhaari jalbaazi aur zid ko iss baar main jeethne nahi doonga. Chahe uskeliye kitna kuch sehna pade" he swore in his mind. But no matter what, he couldn't prevent an innate feeling of emptiness.  He had been looking forward to celebrating this eid with her, alot. So was she. But never did they expect things would take an awry turn.  She was lying down with a heavy heart and a disturbed mind. Has she done the right thing? Her conscience stayed clear she did. But why would Kabir treat her this way for that? Can't he understand that she fought for the right things, always? So all that mohabbat was subject to terms and conditions unlike hers. While they fought for the opposite parties, she never let that cloud her relationship Dynamics. She never got angry on him as a wife. But for him, it's one and the same. He can't see her as a board member and a wife separately. She never wronged him as a wife. But still he had to hurl those hurtful words. Tears escaped her eyes thinking about how she had been foolish to even think about unrequited love. Theirs had been a political marriage and will always remain one, she thought with a bitter mind!! Unable to sleep after tossing and turning for almost 4 hours, he pulled her pillow closer. It had the distinct smell of the "iktar". Oddly comforting enough, he held the pillow closer to him and snuggled into sleep.  Still 2 more days passed, except for his brief meeting with her at the shariah board, he never got to hear anything from her. Even in the board, she refrained from talking to him. At the end of the meeting, their refreshments sponsored from one of the member had arrived. He had silently passed it to her through one of them. It was her favourite food, he knew. When she relished it with slightly excited face, he had a slight smile on his face.  Dark clouds had already formed when they were about to leave. He walked up to the car with stolen glances at her. She was very careful in avoiding him. Realizing that she is ignoring him, his heart twitched a little. It had started to rain. She was standing under the canopy waiting to catch an auto while he watched all this drama clutching the steering wheel, restlessly. His ego wouldn't let him go and offer to help, but the frantic romantic heart wouldn't stop falling in awe of the droplets of rain in her face. His hands wanted to trace the droplets in their own pattern and may be pull her closer by waist and may be stare at her lusicous lips and may be smell her hair and may be.. Kabir squeezed his eyes. He is crazy!!!  She was well aware he had been waiting in his car. Somehow her heart jumped thinking it was because of her, but lingering hurt applied much necessary caution. She wanted to get a Rick and move out of this place before getting vulnerable at her weakening self.  Getting more frantic with every passing minute, he finally stopped his car beside her offering to drop her at her home. She had no other choice since the rains we're getting stronger and her abbu had called her thrice already. Throughout the ride, there was a controlled heavy silence. As he dropped her home, she thanked him and asked him to come in as a courtesy. When he refused with a bleak response, she never bothered to insist but simply walked away.  He let out a deep sigh, as he watched her walk away as if he mattered no more. This started to hurt more than he thought. The pain of being ignored after being showered unrequited love was too much for him to bear. He thought he was fighting her in this case, it now seemed he is fighting his own self more!!! Zara wondered at the late night message from him!! How come he is awake and more so concerned enough to send her a message? A skeptical thought crossed her mind. It was a picture. The picture of him feeding her favourite pigeon that regularly visited their patio space.  "Tumhe doondh Raha tha" A glittering smile adorned her face!! *** Fight ~ Conclusion She shouldn't ve done it! His heart rattled restlessly!   Whatever be, she shouldn't have testified against him! She could've avoided just like his ammi did. If she thought this relationship was any better than her individual achievement, she could've found alternatives. But she didn't. Shariah board isn't going to compel anyone to testify. She came out of her own accord. She could be Qazi's daughter but she is his wife, before all that. The fact that Zara considered her duties and priorities vested to society in fighting deep rooted principles of the society more than him or her marriage only proved one single thing. He never mattered to her. If there was a choice between him and her nazariya, she chose the principles, he thought with a bitterness. What he missed was that if he was in her place, he might have done the same thing, for him his usool and mazab are the prime reasons which he weaved his life around with.  This relationship has no future, he thought with contempt. There has been a constant clash of nazariya's right from the beginning of their marriage. In fact they were well aware theirs was a political one for various reasons. But the in between period has been so good and transformative, that they had forgotten the primary reason why this marriage was arranged in the first place and they were trailing in the valley of love and adulation for each other binded by their feelings for one another. But now, the fog has lifted, the reality came biting in it's harsh form. Kabir realized the truth that this marriage is going to remain like this no matter how much they are going to stay in a make believe state that they are also a couple in love. Their marriage was a forced one, the one between a diabolical opposites and also between the ones who are very strong headed when it came to their principles, rules and interpretations of Islam.  Islam! It's their biggest similarity yet the biggest difference! The interpretations of "The holy Quran" and "Allah's" rasool are going to be the  foundation yet the biggest point of conflict between them. Being individuals brought up in these deep rooted ideologies and religious perspectives, none of them were willing to compromise on that. Even at the  cost of their own marriage Should they consider separation? He thought! But he isn't any spineless coward to use the "Triple talaq" as his ultimate weapon against Zara. That he considered as against Allah and his rasool. A talaq isn't easy. It isn't easy for the individuals as much as the family which united them in the first place for their own political reasons. The implications of the talaq in his family would be bad since no one had ever taken the talaaq route in his family no matter how big the difference of opinions are. Their family has a rich heritage and he was sure Zara's family had such reputations too. Her father being the Qazi of  Lucknow sure had earned a very good reputation. It isn't a proud one to consider in his family too. Moreover it took two to marry, so divorce is also an amicable decision between 2 individuals. He can't decide for both of them. On top of all  that, he himself wasn't sure if could deal with a permanent seperation from her. The proceedings of the day sure left a bad taste in his mouth as far their relationship dynamics are considered.  But that doesn't mean he isn't human. His heart can't erase the lovable memories etched in time and move on. The emotional implications of a permanent seperation is too much to handle at this point. Perhaps he should just rest it and deal with this in a different way. *** Kabir stormed into Zara's house. Everyone of their household were present in  the living room and he hesitated for the moment. He couldn't help but feel frustrated yet a little happy the way her face bloomed on seeing him in her house. Her face is like any mirror. Clearly anticipation running high, she looked at him with all the hope and love that she could probably nurture in her heart. For instance Kabir thought if she was the same person who testified hours before against him. How can a person stay cold and warm towards the one they love? Isn't love supposed to be impulsive one that messed with the feelings and rationale. If that isn't what kind of love is that? Is that a love of compulsion or a convenience? Not wanting to think on either of that lines, he sought privacy to clear things with her. While in her room, Zara hugged him immediately, asking him for forgiveness for testifying against him. He distanced her a little. Her eyes glistening in moisture, reflected the disappointment and hope together. Unable to handle the sheer volume of intensity of having to lend more disappointment, he turned away but started in a clear tone "Zara jo kuch bhi hua, wo hum sudhar nahi sakthe. Par mujhe bahut dukh hai ki, iss masle ki wajah se tune humhaari rishthe ko nazar andaaz ki. Jo wada tune shariah board mein ki, humhaari rishthe ke liye, wo wada nahi nibhah paayi. Humhaari rishthe hi aise hai. Humhaari aur tumhaari nazariya kabhi mil nahi sakthi par abhi tak uski bhoj itna bhari nahi thi. Aaj sabki saamne humhaara rishtha ek tamaasha ban gaya, sirf aur sirf humhaari nazariya ki tashan ki wajah se. Kabhi kabhi main sochtha hoon, ki kya humhe iske aage saath mein rehna chahiye? Par talaq humhaari dono families ki upar bahut bhari pad sakthi hai. Toh, jo nikaah humhe humhaari khandaan ke liye kiye hai, wo aise hi rehne dete. Bas humse aur kuch umeed nahi tumse. Humhaari marriage ek contract hai. Contracts mein jasbaat nahi hote. Toh maine faisla liya hai ki, tum humhaari saath aao aur jaise humhe contract sign kiya poore duniya ki saamne, wo nikaah ki contract, uski hisaab se tum humhaari ghar mein bahu banke jeeyo aur jo tumhe sahi lage, pasand lage, karo. Bas ghar aur gharwalon ki izzat aur jazbaat ko dyaan rakho. Par iske aage iss nikaah ki aur wajah nahi hai aur hum tumse kuch aur expectations nahi rakhenge. Hum partners hai. Toh batao, kya meri decision tumhe Qubool hai?" Silent long tears slid down her cheeks and fell on the floor. Back in her mind she knew the implications of testifying against him. He was emotional and impulsive, she knew him pretty well. She being the one who feared the implications of issue on their relationship while demanding a promise from him, it was pretty unfortunate that fate took such a bad turn and she was stuck in a position to break it herself. Somewhere in her mind, she knew that she broke that delicate pieces of the relationship over the nest of love but situations were equally trying. Perhaps he was right with this decision. She couldn't keep the promise of their relationship, neither she could prove to be a good wife with this issue which had spiralled beyond her control. But she is fighting for a greater good and somewhere in her heart she knew that "Allah" is by her side. By the almighty's powers, Zara prayed she be granted one more opportunity to build that broken trust and relationship in both of their hearts.+ "Qubool Hai" Her voice echoed low from the broken tresses of her heart!

http://jodifiction.blogspot.com/2019/08/zabeer-ts-fight-zara-kabeer-ishq-subhan.html

[bombtimer]

On being 24

On the dawn of the third of July, I reminisced all the options I have faced and adversities I have got through. Some narcissistic thoughts might influence the outcome. In a way, I realised that I made a lot of decisions, significant ones. They might lead to latent disappointments, or they might deliver me into mostly major lifts. Could not be any grateful.

However, though, I chose to stay and polish my values. 

I got very laid back when it came to choosing opportunities either to gain money to save up or to throw away my dreams and start living lavishly. It would not be my picture if I am able to stand before the Mirror of Erised; it will be the other. Whether the picture of me holding the one I have desired for or me surrounding by celebrated scholars around the world, it does not matter. A dear friend once suggested that this is the time I should sharpen my mind and guard my principles. Obviously, I will not know when I will wither and start making up for the nights full of uneasy feeling. The thing is, I am proud to say that I am still holding on.

I chose to wait for romance.

A lot of friends asked if there is anyone kind enough to be with. I mostly smiled, sometimes shook my head, and often cringe. I knew that current society never allows the most eligible bachelor to be forever the most eligible bachelor (not that I am comparing myself to him since definitely, I am not). Family gatherings will always throw that question, no matter I do have a lot of ammunition to fire back with. It is sometimes exhausting, but my defence mechanism now tries hard to leave them wondering, clouded by laughable innuendos. Some glimpses of the past remind me of what-ifs (you know who you are), but I refuse to be sinful. Excuse me, I did not want any romance which is going to be in vain.

I chose my circles.

When I was little, I always wondered why did I never join the cool kids. Whether it was those who smoked or those who gathered at a fancy cafe. I grew up with a little conscious of who I was and what I was capable of. Days passed by with getting bullied sometimes and I built a defence like archetypal teenagers; having rage all the time and having it hard to convey what is actually on their mind. Sometimes sleeping it off was enough to fly from the reality, but most of the time it did not. This went on until I got into college, and I met several interesting minds. Though college did burn bridges, I surely gained new friends and some even stay. When I went back for Lebaran holiday, it struck me how certain choices do bring you closer to important stuff; like the one you actually need.  

I chose to be patient.

When I asked for my mother’s forgiveness during the Eid, she whispered to me in the middle of tears, “Sing sabar yo, Le”. Her words were sincere as it could be. For everything I had been through, she captured the quintessence of my journey: that sometimes life does not go our own way. I did not remember anything since for the first time in my life I cracked and released all of my burdens while hugging her. We ended up crying for a moment, and I knew that despite all of the smiles and proud, she always keeps worrying and prays for my best. Being this mature should let me free from all the assumptions and extrapolation of current events to be the what-if future. My mother knows me by heart hence the words she said.

I got a lot of gifts and blessings that I did not know whether I deserved those or not. I chose significant choices, and I end up exactly where it is supposed to be. For all the hopes and expectations, here is to us.

[rueur]

Morning Pages #22 (30.01.2017)

Monday 30th Jan - 12:33 p.m.

Okay, so it’s not the morning, I know. I just missed the morning. And I also haven’t written for the past two days, I KNOW. Saturday was just too busy to do anything, honestly, it was one of the most busiest days I have ever had in my life. And Sunday was just a sleepy mess. I spent most of the morning being totally disoriented back in Mill Park, and the rest of the day trying to muscle up the energy to get to Ikaros’ house beforehand so I could see the apple baby (a baby apple tree) that he’s been taking care of so very lovingly (he calls himself an ‘apply daddy’ - like ‘apple-y’ not like ‘apply yourself’), and then take the train into the city together later that night for Gong De Lin!

Because there’s a lot to say about Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I will just go through it point by point and make sure I’ve mentioned everything before I go into more detail. First of all, our shows went very well. They were very well received, and we had a pretty decent crowd for all three shows. We also had a private fourth show (or ‘first show’) on Friday afternoon, at around 3. We had a full dress and tech run that some council workers decided to sit in on because they wouldn’t be able to make it to the actual shows. There were about three or four women, and one man in that audience, which was large enough for me to deem that Friday run a private show, rather than a rehearsal. I had nobody in the audience Friday night, but my entire family, and Malithi and Malith, came to see the show on Saturday afternoon, and Ikaros came to see it on Saturday night. Saturday afternoon was by far our best run, because Paul and Mahony gave us a fantastic warning regarding ‘second show syndrome’, but Saturday night was our worst run for that same reason: everybody lost sight of the fact that the Saturday night run was also susceptible to second show syndrome because, although it was our final show and our closing night, it was also our second show of that day. And everyone was insanely tired by 7 o’clock on that Saturday night. People tripped over their lines, forgot the order of scenes, lost their places and had essentially the lowest stage energy I’d seen them have. I almost coughed during my monologue, but I didn’t. There was, however, a very audible frog in my throat.

I biked home on Saturday night after saying goodbye to Ikaros at the station. He caught the 901 to Greensborough and then the train home. Jasper was also on the 901, because he lives out in South Morang, I think somewhere off of Gorge Road. He broke two guitar strings on Saturday, because he rocked so hard onstage. And Will broke the bin that he throws. He broke it during our FINAL show, it was fantastic. But yes, I biked home. The entire family (sans seeya thatha) was at Anthony’s house for some Eid dinner, so I was home alone. It was my first time back in my house that late at night and it would be my first time sleeping back in my own bed. I was exhausted though, so I didn’t go upstairs until 1 in the morning. I stayed downstairs from 9 till 1 watching Mad Men on Netflix, and playing Bejeweled. Jasper was sitting on the chair above me, my cat Jasper. Not the singer/songwriter who’s in my drama group, the guy who broke two guitar strings. Not that Jasper. Anyway, it was a lovely quiet Saturday night and I really felt I’d deserved it. The past month, living in Northcote, has been wonderful but it’s also been quite taxing, and being home after all of it has just been really refreshing. It’s been weird too, undeniably so. Sitting here on my bed right now, staring at my bookshelf, my own library, and the whole mess of clothes and bags that has been the result of my homecoming, is really odd. I have to get this sorted out, I know, in order for my room to start feeling more like home to me. This is my home, though. There’s nothing like returning home from a long vacation to make you feel like you know where you belong. I feel like I belong here, which is saying something because I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I belong here. Even when I was living at Rachael’s and I came back here on the weekends, I never felt like I belonged in this home in Mill Park. But my family’s here, and I guess I belong with them, so I made do. Now, I just feel at ease here.

I woke up at half past ten both yesterday and today. I slept for like nine or ten hours these past few nights, and have woken up totally out of it. My dad picked me up from South Morang station last night, at around a quarter past eleven. I fell asleep watching Mad Men downstairs, dragged myself upstairs at around 2 in the morning and just collapsed in the dress I’d worn to dinner. OH DINNER. Gong De Lin, with Ikaros. I’ll tell you about Sunday afternoon first, though. I decided to wear my brown dress with the red and yellow feathery pattern on it. That dress, I’ve always said, matches my skin tone to a tee, so much so that it feels like that dress has just been painted onto my body and I love it for that reason. It was nice finally wearing it out. I biked to the station, caught the 901 to Greensborough and then waited on Platform 1 for 14 minutes in the searing heat. There were line works going on on the Hurstbridge side (platform two) and I embarrassed myself twice with two different line workers, because I’d walked past them singing whilst listening to my iPod. I’m using these earphones that came with my phone right now, until I can properly replace the ones I broke with Ikaros last week, because the ones that came with my phone are crazy awful. They do this weird thing where if I twist the cord in a particular way, the song freezes or Siri is called up onto the screen, or the song FAST FORWARDS which I didn’t even know was possible. Anyway, I did try and listen to music on the way to Ikaros’ as a means of ignoring the heat. It was incredibly hot and sunny yesterday. I didn’t check the weather before I left, but I was very glad to not be wearing stockings and to also be wearing a very light dress. I also found another pair of sunnies on the train to replace the ones that broke a week or so ago now, so my eyes were well-protected yesterday. I left the sunnies at Ikaros’ house though, so I don’t know what I’m going to do until I see him again, hopefully on Tuesday right before I see Rhiannon at Lentils (she’s got a gig).

Ikaros’ dad is back with Anna so I saw her again, which was weird. Ikaros’ dad asked me how my show went too. I said it was all good. Then I got into an involuntary ‘argument’ (it was a very one-sided discussion if anything) with Connor, that lasted far too long for both my and Ikaros’ comfort. When I finally managed to edge my way past Connor, Ikaros and I sat in his cool, dark bedroom for a while before we gave in and had REALLY REALLY GREAT SEX. I’d literally just typed that and Ikaros texted me that he loves me. Fuck, I wish we were perfect for each other. We aren’t. Like we couldn’t ever work out. I know that. But I wish we could, I really do. I came twice yesterday, and he recognised my first orgasm as it was happening. I told him what to look out for, and he recognised when I came. It was kind of touching. Like he finally knew what to pay attention for and he didn’t stop until he found it. Then we had penetrative sex and it was so hot and we just got so so into it, I came again. And he came too, naturally. Then we had a shower together, which I also realised I had really missed. After we’d finished, we heard his family talking about us outside in the kitchen/living room. Connor said we were having a shower together, and Paul was like ‘great, they’re saving water’, but then Connor asserted that we’d been in there for twenty minutes (which was not true). Then Connor started criticising Paul for taking ages in the shower in the morning, and Paul was trying to stand up for himself, and for us too. And we were on the other side of the door trying not to laugh. Once we’d gotten back to his room though, we just let loose. We couldn’t help it.

We got dressed very quickly and then headed into the city. We were eating around quarter past eight, at which point we were quite starving. But Gong De Lin does not disappoint! We got more lemon chicken, pumpkin soup, fried shiitake mushrooms in sweet and sour sauce, spicy noodles with pork and beef, these vegetable bao dumpling things and ‘chicken’ nuggets. Gong De Lin is a completely vegetarian Asian-style restaurant right on Swanston Street near the corner of Lonsdale and Swanston Streets, very close to Melbourne Central Station. It’s a little pricey (last night cost us $76.60, but Ikaros paid for everything because last time we went it was my treat) but the food is of top quality, honestly. I’ve eaten there twice now, both times with Ikaros, and both times were up there with the best meals I’ve ever had. I could not recommend this place more highly. It is, however, an egregious indulgence and I don’t see myself going back there more than once or twice in a year. We ate really well, and then we walked around the city. We went to Crown and checked out this glorious display they had on for Lunar New Year (which was on Saturday the 28th of January, and the reason why I’m not seeing Evan again until this weekend), and read our horoscopes for 2017. Ikaros was born in the year of the pig, and I’m an ox. The horoscopes warned us both about relationship troubles in 2017, which we expected. The ox horoscope said that I place too much power in words, and that can damage relationships (which is painfully true), and the pig horoscope said that Ikaros (if he’s single, which he kind of is) will meet someone special in the last half of this year. Pigs will have wealth in this year, and Oxen will have average financial success, but good professional opportunities. Hopefully that means I’ll be able to land some kind of internship with a council, or at a publishing firm.

Anyway, last night was really wonderful, and it felt like we were just happy and together again. I know that’s not the case though. I love Ikaros with all my heart. And I was very comfortable with him last night. It was like being out with my best friend. I’m going to make myself sad if I keep talking about this, I know. I feel myself getting sad right now. But I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t. Because it’s just been amazing knowing him. I love him so much, and whatever happens will happen. As long as we’re still in each other’s lives. As long as we still love each other. We have plenty of time for everything else.