#why do we strip this character of his nuance and trauma and actual canon flaws and say he needs to suffer and repent

[bullagit]

no take colder than any along the lines of "aziraphale needs to learn his lesson about going along with heaven and stand up to them" tbh

like even putting aside the gross shit that implies someone thinks about people stuck in toxic relationship dynamics (whether romantic, platonic, or familial) and the unfortunate cycles that can include, even putting aside the potential that his hand was possibly forced in some way in the final 15, it's so.

like where was your attention when he spent so much of s1 actively trying to stop heaven's plans through every possible avenue even when pursuing that got him threatened, seemingly cost him his friendship, and did temporarily cost him his physical body/earthly home/future??? when he literally stood in heaven and said he refused to take part in any war, went back down to earth, and headed for tadfield? rules lawyered directly to an archangel's face about the great plan vs ineffable plan??????

even when crowley was saying this is a lost cause and we should run away together? when satan was incoming and aziraphale stood there and said firm as anything we can't give up now? aziraphale who lied to save job's children even when he actively thought that doing so would make him Fall???? that aziraphale needs to learn a lesson???

nah

[doomednarrative]

On Keiji Shinogi and why I enjoy him so much, or more simply put: I’m tired of people not giving him the nuance he deserves.

Alright, I said I was going to write it, so here we go. This is going to be really long, so strap in.

(FAIR WARNING AHEAD, I’M SPOILING ALL OF KEIJI’S STORY AND A LOT OF THE GAME IN THIS POST.)

Right off the bat, this post is not me going on to try and excuse Keiji of his mistakes and bad actions, nor to try and get rid of his flaws. On the contrary, this is going to be a look at him overall, flaws, bad choices and all, and to expand upon why those things, along with the rest of him makes him my favorite character of the whole yttd cast.

Because here’s the thing: quite frankly, I’m (personally) annoyed by and tired of the brand of meta that exists about him that just paints him as a completely bad person while stripping him of all nuance. I’m also tired of the brand of meta that gives him a bit more attention and a more thorough look into him as a whole, but that still lands at the conclusion that he’s someone who’s incapable of being a better person in the long run, and that looks at all the evidence provided in canon on the contrary to this, and throws it out the window.

We all know Keiji is a deeply traumatized person. The whole game alludes to it multiple times, and 3-1A and B really brings this home and shows just How Badly it affects him, and what it’s done to him. And it explains a Lot about Keiji! It explains why he acts so shady, why he’s so secretive when anyone tries to press him on things, and why his self image is so deeply negative despite playing it off like he’s a trustworthy and good individual. Keiji’s trauma is something that has seeped itself so far down inside of every facet of his life that it makes him distrust himself, and view himself as this horrible person who’s incapable of ever being good again! Keiji’s trauma did not turn him into a soft and easily upsettable/anxious person who’s reactions to things would be easier to stomach. Instead, its turned him into a deeply jaded and cynical person who believes himself unable to atone for his sins, and that deep seated self hatred and mistrust informs pretty much all of his actions in the Death Game.

“But Kief,” you may say, “We already know this stuff. What does this have to do with the rest of the post?”

Well, it has Everything to do with it.

Because here’s the thing: Keiji may view himself as someone who can never do good again, and that does lead to a Lot of shady behavior, lies and self-serving choices. And those are not good things obviously! But if you examine everything he does in the game, he begins to prove, especially in 3-1 as a whole, that this is not the truth, and that he is more than capable of being the good person he once wanted to/thought he could be. Keiji is not beyond making up for the things he’s done, especially the things he’s done within the Death Game itself. And as someone else who’s trauma warped my world view for awhile, and who struggled for a good bit with thinking that I could be a better person than I was (even if it was on a smaller scale since y’know, I haven't killed someone) seeing a character like Keiji who is given that kind of story is Important to me, and it’s something I’m tired of people trying to overlook or completely write off. I’ve had it, and I refuse to listen to it anymore.

I have a lot of examples I want to bring up for this, seeing as it’s something I’ve quite literally spent hours upon hours thinking about. A lot of these come from chapter 3 admittedly, but that’s because this is when his character actually begins to take a visible turn in his actions, especially in the emotions route.

The first real example that actually comes to mind for me of a change in Keiji’s actions is in emotions route is when Kanna goes to take the tag from Sara.

Now, you can argue that maybe this was an act he does with the intent of just wanting to look good for the others, but to me, that was never how it read. Prior to this, Keiji made the conscious choice to both A. Lie to Sara during the second main game about his own card role (and subsequently not help her when he knew she got the Sacrifice due to his own plans to try and trap Shin) and B. Vote for Kanna in the final vote, something that both Reko/Alice and Q-taro call him out for. And in the end, those choices were for the sake of self preservation and self interest on Keiji’s end. Yes, exposing Shin was important to everyone, but in the end...he did tell Sara he’d be worried about her if she got the Sacrifice back when they first discussed card roles. When the time came that she actually got it...he didn’t help her. And then later on, he makes the choice to vote for a kid, which every other adult still alive condemns him for. (And depending on if you took the logic or emotions route yourself, you might have condemned him too. I voted for logic personally, but even I was mad at him for voting for Kanna in the end. Funny how that works.)

Those two factors are what makes This interaction so interesting to me. Because here’s the thing: it only happens in emotions route!! In logic, during this same sequence, its Ranmaru who takes the tag from Sara! And Keiji just stands back and lets him do it! But here, in emotions route, when Kanna is still alive, and Sara is (supposedly) in danger...this action holds more weight to it. When Keiji takes that tag from Kanna, it honestly read to me as a sort of apology, both to Kanna and to Sara, especially taking into consideration his comment about adults making kids cross bridges. We know from as early as 2-1 that Keiji has started to harbor some doubts about his choice to push Sara into a leadership role. He notices her starting to spiral into the same horrible mental state he often deals with due to his own trauma, and he tries to get her to back down a bit. But in the end...he’s still not willing to open up completely to that level of vulnerability with Sara. He’s obviously started to genuinely care for her, but he’s still in his own mindset of self preservation too much to fully invest in trying to pull her away from a role she never should have been in in the first place. And so he does these little actions instead that show his care, but still puts a distance there between them that he can save his own skin if the time comes.

This scene with the collar however...it’s one of the first selfless choices he makes. Because they all think its a genuine death threat at this point! They don’t know it’s harmless! And that’s what makes it so important. Keiji takes it on from both of the girls, and inflicts it on himself instead, and That’s why it reads the way it does to me.

And it’s not the only selfless choice he makes this chapter.

Keiji’s confrontation with Ranmaru in the classroom was also one of the selfless choices he made, at least if you ask me it is.

When it comes to emotions route, this threat from Ranmaru is more nonexistent, and much more of a misunderstanding between the two of them, with Ranmaru pulling this stunt more because he wants to be Sara’s knight in shining armor and help her to escape alive, and because he doesn’t fully believe Keiji isn’t the person from Asunaro in their midst. And to him, Keiji is getting in the way of him being able to fulfill that role for Sara, so he knocks him out to get him out of the picture for a bit.

But in logic route?? This threat is real! When Ranmaru knocks Keiji out, he intends for Keiji to be the last person on his list that he’ll kill in order to ensure his and Sara’s victory! Right after he knocks Keiji out is when he goes off to kill whichever Yabusame is alive at that time, and it becomes very apparent that he’s a real threat in that route!

And in a rare moment of emotionally fueled decisions that’s very unlike Keiji, in both routes, he turns his back on Ranmaru in order to catch Sara, because he’s legitimately concerned for her safety. At this point in the story, he’s actually hit a point where he’s willing to show that concern and care for her more openly, and it comes up right here in this moment, when Sara can’t even see it. Keiji completely turns his back on a threat and puts himself on the line to make sure Sara is okay in the end, and that has Always stuck out to me as one of his better moments honestly.

I think it’s worth noting exactly what he says right before this happens in emotions route too:

Keiji acknowledges out loud that he’s not really fit to care for Sara because of his own issues and his past actions, and yet he still tries to anyways. That’s how much his care for Sara has grown by this point. Because at this junction in the story, he’s actually hit a turning point in his actions. Post being trapped in the coffin, he seems to be making more active choices to actually help everyone out, even at what could be the cost of his own life, and he does it Knowingly.

Though of course...the biggest example of Keiji doing something like that in this chapter is when he’s finally reunited with everyone at the end of the Banquet.

Midori specifically says that Keiji was prepared for this. And that wording is important! Because it means that Keiji had been thinking about it this whole time, the possibility that his choice to mess with the coffins and use prohibited items will lead to his death. And in the end, he doesn’t back down from that.

Hell, he won’t even let Sara try to chose Gin to have a chance to save him with Midori’s offer!

Keiji was ready to let himself die in order to protect Sara and Gin in the end, and when he thinks he will die, he uses what could be his last words to reassure the both of them that it’ll be okay. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t think those are the actions of a man who hasn’t changed at least a little bit, or a man who doesn’t have the capacity to change and is just a bad person through and through.

And he does basically confirm that he thought he was going to die this whole time when he talks to Q-taro in the end here.

He did exactly what Meister and Midori thought he did, and he knows it’s a rule violation. He was expecting punishment. It is only thanks to Q-taro and Mai’s plan in the end that he doesn’t die.

In the end, all I really want people to take away from this is that Keiji is not some horrible and irredeemably bad person who has no care for the others around him and is incapable of change. He makes a lot of shady and self interested choices in the game yes, and I do not agree with everything he does. But he is also a victim in this situation just like everyone else is, and he makes it clear, both through bigger moments like these, and through smaller ones, that he can be a good person, and he is capable of becoming better and making up for what he’s done wrong over the course of the games. He very obviously cares for Sara and Gin pretty deeply, and he wants the others to survive as well.

We’ll have to see what the final chapter of the game brings, but I refuse to go into it thinking of Keiji as a villain or as someone who would try to make the most self serving choice anymore. I Cannot believe in that interpretation of him anymore, not after everything I just explained in this post.