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gosh i really fucking wish i didnt care so much what other people think
#in todays episode of ‘nathalie rants and hopes people will give her attention bc if it’: why the fuck does my art suck#also why am i so focussed on numbers#i love art and drawing and painting but i just really fucking wish people would actually see it and tell me they liked it or something#ive been stuck just below 200 on my art ig for over a week now and its SO frustrating oh my god#also my art never gets any fucking notes on tumblr#and i know i complain about this a lot but its just so frustrating to me#you see all this lovely art gettig 100s of notes on tumblr meanwhile my art struggles to get 30 notes from which 3 are self reblogs#and its like ? what am i doing different? what is it that im doing that is just going completely fucking wrong#why do all these amazing artists get 100s of notes and i stuggle yo get 30#no matter how much i practice of how much time i spend on a drawing or whatever it just always fucking flops#and dont even come at me telling me to stop complaining bc getting notes isnt why i should be drawing in the first place#bc if i did that i wouldve stopped drawing a year ago after my first digital painting flopped#its like. i love drawing and i love what i create (sometimes) and i just really fucking want other people to also feel that love for it#but no one fucking does bc ig i do something wrong in art and im#all stuck up on numbers anyways so waht does it matter right#im just rambling at this point sorry#theres too much on my mind and idk what to do about it#im oversharing already anyways and i doubt anyone is reading this far SO LETS discuss that as well right why the fuck not#whats on my mind: christmas time sucks. im working too much and the day i get off im forced to see family and act fancy even though all i#wanna do is sleep. too much school work. my specialisation is nearly ending and i suddenly have a bunch of deadlines and exams and i worry i#cant do any of it bc im CONSTANTLY WORKING. next to my specialisation being a big burden i also still havent found an internship which im#supposed to be starting in a little over a month. chances are i wont find one and ill waste half a year of my life and 2k#then theres the thing of ‘what is my mental health doing’ where im proper confused as to whats going on in my head but im too chicken to see#a doctor about it. and to top it all of theres the lovely sexuality crisis constantly in the back of my mind. who am i attracted to? am i#even attracted to people at all? am i actually ace/aro or do i really just have to ‘meet the right person’ who the fuck knows? not me#well thats it. the end. im gonna go back to my deadline stress bye#nathalie rants
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