#why didn't I think of that pun?
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seventh-district · 6 months ago
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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scorndotexe · 5 months ago
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quite genuinely i am in awe of smut writers. i tried it once and nearly died of embarrassment and i'm not even particularly shy about sex.
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prismit · 6 months ago
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dead cells show looks sooo ugly but aside from that it does look fun to watch ngl.... i feel so conflicted
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infiniteorangethethird · 1 year ago
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it goes something like this. you do something random, something unconventional, because it brings you joy - you let out a weird little noise bc it's satisfying, you wiggle in excitement, you make an oddly specific remark because you think it's a clever observation, you enjoy art/media that's considered just a bit too cringey or meme-y - and immediately your friends laugh, saying how "funny" and "random" you are, how they "can't imagine what it must be like inside your head", and wondering if you're perhaps drunk or under the influence of drugs. And after a while, you start to present your happiness as jokes, because it is much better to think that you've made your friends happy by making them laugh on purpose than to have them laugh at you, until you no longer understand why it hurts to hear others laugh at your own jokes
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allpaul · 1 year ago
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(JOLTS AWAKE) oh my god wait. All Paul was paulyamorous
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anastacialy · 2 years ago
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AS CORAL DRAWS HIS FINAL BREATH
HIS PARTNER CALLED UNTIMELY DEATH
WILL STOP THE WORLD JUST TO BETRAY
IMPULSIVELY CAUSED TWO DECAY
THE BLOOD SHINES RED UPON HIS SWORD
AND SWEARS HIS LOYALTY TO HIS LORD
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01tsubomi · 7 months ago
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mfw i spent yeeeeears in college aaaaaagonizing about how to turn a short fanfic of mine into a full-length original work and was working on it with my professor and through all the editing became really embarrassed of the original fanfic version thinking it was immature and shallow but could also never make the rewrite work so i moved onto other projects and then today after a very long time reread both of them only to find that the original fic is concise and heartfelt with clunky execution but solid and gripping emotional beats and the novelization is overwritten self-obsessed garbo
#i think i posted about it here a decent amount too#i was surprised at how much i liked the fic but honestly shocked at how bad the rewrite was#like not to dog on myself too much#but i wrote the fic originally for a class on short stories#(which is why i wanted to rewrite it in the first place - if i was already disguising it as original work might as well go all the way)#(see how far we can make this premise go)#so the original is super super to the point and like yeah clearly written by an 18 year old and dramatic but also very tastefully paced#like i was genuinely surprised at how effective i thought a lot of it was#i don't tend to toot my own horn about my writing especially not my old writing i was genuinely chuffed#then i had the dangerous thought of 'maybe i could give the rewrite idea another go this time more in the spirit of the original'#'keep it short and punchy and focused on the characters and their dynamic while updating it w my skills now and use it for grad school apps#but then i thought no...that was the vision i had when i was 18#this is sort of a pun bc it's a story about ghosts but i should just let it lie and move on#personal#i was genuinely so put off by the writing of the rewrite that i was like wtf wait...i like...submitted this to lit mags on campus didn't i#did some digging found that it was the opening scene - which was THE most overwritten wanky part of it in my current self's eyes -#that i submitted to (and got published in) the lit mag i worked on in my little college community#girl nooooooooo i mean i guess the other girlies liked it enough to put it in#but it's odd i guess how time changes your perception/value judgments
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miyanagi · 1 year ago
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not to keep bitching about the barbie movie or anything but the flat foot joke was not only terribly delivered but completely nonsensical, flat-footed barbies have been practical for decades... i get the way it was used as a visual allegory for the way barbie was changing but it's just one of the many things that exemplifies that this movie was not made by people who actually care intricately about depicting barbie, rather, it was made by someone who wanted to use a superficial understanding of barbie and the toy industry as a vehicle to pontificate about her personal and very shallow experience with gender politics
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gayclubsoap · 2 months ago
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what is m night shyamalan doing ever with any of his movies
#i'm sorry guys#rant in tags#i just really don't like any of his movies#if there's one i like it's probably lady in the water but it's just like my relationship with my oldest brother#i spent the least amount of time with it so i don't have much to dislike it for#(which is ironic considering i was with my oldest brother when i “saw” (it was playing on the hotel room TV as i was drifting in and out of#sleep on the futon) this movie)#but what is the point#why does he do this#i hated knock at the cabin#unbreakable was just. huh? i think m night just likes putting bruce willis in Situations#the beach that makes you old#signs also was just#probably the one i have the least amount of argument for but it wasn't my thing. some of the interactions just felt odd and unnatural#i didn't like knock at the cabin#why would he do that to the source material#why would he do that why would he do that why would he do that why wou#i've resolved to just stop putting any faith (pun very much intended) in enjoying an m night movie#why did he do that to cabin at the end of the world? does he hate gay people? why would he do that to tim price and king george iii#does he hate me specifically?#“oh yeah. it's not about *gay* people. it's just about giving up your life for a god that obviously shows no care for you#oh yeah and the couple we do this to is gay. BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT GAY PEOPLE“#i was especially disappointed because i was under the impression that katc was a MUSICAL. A MUSICAL#I JUST WANTED A CREEPY MOVIE MUSICAL AND INSTEAD I GOT THIS HOMOPHOBIC GARBAGE??
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gallusrostromegalus · 2 years ago
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So the tire-eating potholes in my neighborhood finally killed both my rear tires and I had to get that dealt with, but while they were getting replaced, I put the dogs in puppy daycare and upon picking them up early, the attendant literally sprinted to the front desk, grabbed me by the shoulders and breathlessly exclaimed "YOUNEEDTOCOMESEEWHATYOURDOGSAREDOING"
While she escorted me back to the play yards, she explained that every time they have more than three Corgi, they have to put all the Corgs in a separate play yard because they turn into a little gang and bully the Very Large dogs by playing Cow Herding Simulator 5000 with them, and especially if Herschel is there, because corgis are bossy-pants dogs, and Herschel has the bossiest pants of them all and acts as leader.
Despite being a little Don Corgleone to the short bitch mafia, Hershcel is also a Huge Baby and will apparently cry and cry and try to climb the fence and cry and eat people's shoelaces and cry if he is separated from Charlie during playtime, so this means any time that "Corgi Party" is happening, Charlie also has to go to Corgi party, despite being full-height, running cat software and a senior citizen. he copes with being Gulliver amongst the Liliputians by climbing onto the roof of the playskool castle they have for a climbing structure in the yard, kicking the ladder down behind him, and stretching out to nap in the sun while the corgi frolic and gambol around him.
Corgi are dogs that make up and play games with secret rules, like kindergartners. "Everyone bark in sync" is a popular game, as is "follow the leader" and it's companion game "March in a circle around a tall structure like ants caught in a death loop".
So what I was greeted with, when the attendant and I snuck out to the play yard, was the sight of Charlie, sound asleep and flat on his back with his paws crossed over his chest because sighthounds sleep in the stupidest fucking positions, on top of a faux-medieval castle with gargoyles on the corners, surrounded by approximately seven Corgi, all trotting in a circle around him, barking in sync.
"They look like they're preforming some kind of ritual!" giggled the attendant as attempted to get my phone to focus.
"Yeah, they're gonna summon Corgtulhu." I said.
Unfortunately, this made the attendant literally fall on her ass laughing, and distracted Herschel and his compatriots, so they didn't get to complete the summons, and I didn't get the pic.
The attendant kept laughing because apparently she's new to puns, and had mostly gotten it under control by the time we got everyone's leashes on and back out to the front.
The manager was watching the front desk, bemused. Did you get to see them doing the ritual?"
"YEAH!" shrieks the attendant, still excitable with merriment. "THEY'RE- THEY WERE-" The attendant ends up giggling on the floor.
"You okay there Katie?" asked the manager with minimal concern.
"We think they were trying to summon Corgthulhu." I eplain, and Katie screams from the floor. "Wasn't gonna work though, you need a virgin sacrifice and Charlie had an STD when we got him."
It was the manager's turn to shriek. and for Charlie and Herschel to start barking in solidarity.
"That's right Charlie! Your sluttiness saved the world!" I told him, as he jumped up and kicked me in the face.
Anyway, that's why Charlie's nickname at daycare is now "Superman(whore)"
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If you found this story amusing, please consider donating to my Ko-fi or pre-ordering the Family Lore book on my Patreon so I can buy the good dogs more treats.
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violenteconomics · 3 months ago
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as a prank, ace and epel start referring to their upperclassmen as members of their family rather than by name — when they're not actually talking to their upperclassmen, of course — just to see how long it will take them to notice. and after a while, the other freshmen start doing it, too.
ace is the first one to come up with this idea. he think it's a harmless little thing, a prank that'll cause plenty of mayhem but won't get him in any serious trouble. so he starts referring to cater and trey as his dad and mom respectively, and riddle as his uptight, no-nonsense older brother.
("one time i saw my brother try to put one of mom's tart into like a ziplock bag to save it for later, and when he took it out like two days afterwards, it fell apart immediately and he started bawling, ha ha! my dad got the whole thing on camera and shared it with me — i can show you if you want.")
he ropes epel in on the plan. epel is a little more hesitant, but seeing this as a way to get back at vil, even in a small way, he agrees to it. vil is now "ma" and rook is now "pa". people do start to wonder why he still uses he/him pronouns to refer to his supposed mother, but they decide not to question it too much.
("a few months ago, my pa told me a story about how one time my ma was trying to comb his hair, only for his comb to get stuck. so he got another comb to get the first one out, and that ended up getting stuck, too. five combs later, and peepaw had to rush him to the barber for an emergency haircut. it was pretty funny, but now i'm left wondering how pa even knew that story... hold on, i need to check my bathroom mirror for cameras, excuse me.")
surprisingly, deuce catches on pretty quickly, and he starts thinking maybe it's a new dorm policy. he doesn't know why, or why nobody else seems to be doing it, but ace seems pretty sure of himself, so he starts doing it, too, if a bit awkwardly.
("my brother always gets on my case for my bad grades. it's a little frustrating, but he only does it because he cares. my dad tutors me whenever he can, but he's not very good at studying, either. but whenever i do get good grades on my report card, my mom makes me egg tarts!")
yuu starts after they ask ace about it, and thinking it's a good prank, they decide to join in on a little mischief. so they start referring to all the teachers as their "dad". it makes people really confused, because they assume they only have one dad, two at most, but "dad" seems to change personalities every single time they talk about him.
("i was helping my dad do paperwork the other day, except we didn't get anything done and spent the entire evening playing solitaire and making dog puns."
"i was filling my dad's basketballs for him for his next game, whilst simultaneously helping him rework his pick-up lines that he's going to use on rsa's 'hot librarian' — his words, not mine. it was... a weird experience."
"i was feeding my dad's cat a couple of days ago, but i guess i fed him too much, because he's just a ball with limbs now. it's fine, though — it's not like my dad actually goes anywhere. too old for that, y'know?")
ortho is up next. idia's already ortho's brother, so he can't really do anything with that, but he really wants in on the average teenage experience of pranking your peers. so he starts referring to literally every upperclassmen he knows as his "brother". this is when everyone starts to realize that something's wrong, because some of things ortho says can not apply to idia in any reality.
("my brother is so talented! he's so good at talking to people, and making them sign contracts with him, and convincing them to invest in his restaurant... gosh, i wish i could be as good at communicating as him!")
jack is, unsurprisingly, very unamused when he figures out what the others are doing, but he doesn't try to stop them. but after a few weeks of exposure, and jack starts unconsciously doing it, too, which the others don't point out to him because they think it's absolutely hilarious.
("my brother didn't show up to morning practice, again, so my other brother and i went lookin' for him, and we ended up findin' him in a tree. obviously, my brother and i can't climb as well as my eldest bro can, so my brother just... threw a spelldrive disk at him. to get him out of the tree. and then we had to rush him to the infirmary because now he had a concussion. i don't... i don't know why he thought that would work.")
sebek is the last hold-over. not only is he unamused by this prank — and frankly very aghast when he realizes that jack has also been infected by it — but he's also really repressed and will do literally whatever it takes to not sully his image in the eyes of diasomnia. of course, with enough wear and tear, this doesn't last very long.
("ugh. my brother fell asleep on the road AGAIN! i swear, so many people have tripped over him, i'll be surprised if he hasn't broken any ribs yet.")
ace and epel think all of this is extremely funny, so they all keep trucking along with it with nobody noticing for a couple of weeks. it's all fine and dandy until the first-years are out on the town during the weekend, and deuce gets involved in a really bad carriage crash.
at the hospital, deuce starts deliriously asking for his older brother to take him home. but when the receptionist checks his familial records, they're really confused because deuce never even had a brother.
unfortunately, ace knows exactly who deuce is talking about, and awkwardly spends the next 30 minutes trying to get a hold of riddle over the phone.
the awkwardness doesn't end as riddle actually gets to the hospital, and the doctor smiles and says, "you must be mr spade's big brother."
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monamipencil · 6 months ago
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— angel eyes | l.sm
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⋆ summary; though seokmin and you are focused on building a good relationship, you both forget an integral part of it. sex. or, in which you both have sex after being together for one year.
⋆ pairings; seokmin x fem! reader ⋆ genre; smut, angst (a teeny bit), fluff, established relationship ⋆ w.c; 3.7k+ ⋆ warnings; soonyoung slander, they're both horny and didn't have sex for no reason, seokmin is a loveable idiot, insecurities, oral (m. & f. receiving), unprotected sex (she's on pills), creampie, he's shy and adorable, mentions of food. ⋆ a/n; ty to the anon that came up with this idea. man, i love writing this guy.
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Seokmin takes a deep breath for the nth time and rolls down the windows. He sighs, unbuttoning his shirt a bit to rid the hotness in the car. His hand moves to turn up the air cooler, but he stops halfway, eyes falling on your figure. You’re curled up in the passenger seat, pulling his coat tighter around you. 
A soft smile graces his features as he shifts focus to the road again. The events of the night slip away from his mind easily as you replace them. Seokmin has never felt happier than with you. It’s easier to breathe around you, easy to be himself around you, easy to feel loved and love you back. Everything has been so easy, and he feels content with the relationship. 
In fact, Seokmin even planned on going on one knee just 3 months into the relationship. He couldn’t help it. Everything flew naturally with you. And just like that, certain things didn’t even occur to him. Too focused on being in love, you both completely forgot about an integral part of a relationship. Sex.
The hard thing (no pun intended) is this had only been brought out to the limelight when one of his friends, Soonyoung, joked about it, unknowingly after your first anniversary. “Oh? Have you both even done it?” 
Soonyoung did not expect the absolute silence that followed, which affirmed his statement. The air felt too thick for him, and he could hear his heart thrumming in his ear. The awkwardness quickly dissolved when Mingyu made a mess, and everyone jumped to bully him. Since then, it lingered in his mind like a ghost, and his cheeks burnt up coyly.
He wasn’t embarrassed, per se, but shy. He was never embarrassed about the relationship at any point. Always proud that you both were taking things slow and smooth, earning comments of marriage from others frequently. 
And it's not like Seokmin shied away from the topic of sex either. He is a gentleman, not an idiot. And a bit shy. 
Hence, exactly why he couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes the rest of the night. Soonyoungs joke shed a different light on you, and he found himself catching the details he usually missed.  Your cleavage that was slightly exposed when you bent forward, the curve of your ass when he placed his hand on your waist, the softness of your hips, and your soft, pretty lips, he found himself thinking about for the rest of the night. 
But you were seemingly unaffected by any of it. You were your usual self, and when he shied away from your eyes, you simply pinched his cheeks and kissed the corner of his lips to silently say, “it’s ok.” 
The kiss lingers on his skin warmly. He lifts his hand to caress your cheeks and smiles when you lean into his touch. But that smile drops when the strap of your dress falls, exposing your cleavage. With your curled-up position facing him, he can see it clearly.
Seokmin shifts his gaze back to the road, sporting a blush and a raging boner.
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From then on, he had tried to initiate sex more often. Keyword; tried. 
He stopped by a convenience store to buy some condoms but ended up completely off the track and bought some of his childhood snacks.
“Honey, I’m home!” He announces, making his way to you with a big smile. You greet him back, “Hi baby,”
“You won’t believe what I found!” He exclaims, showing off the goods he bought, and you tilt your head, squinting at the plastic bags of snacks. “My childhood snacks! I actually went to buy-” Oh, right. He went to buy condoms. 
“Mhm, what did you want to buy?” you ask, fully focusing on him with a small smile. 
“I—well, uh.. I forgot.” He stutters under your gaze, and you chuckle, finding him adorable. Pressing a kiss to his lips, you take some of the snacks from his. “Come on, let’s store them.” 
“Huh? Ye—yeah.” 
...
At least he’s trying. 
He even googles up stuff! Countless articles pop up, and Seokmin is surprised to find that multiple people actually resonated with his problem. But it also worries him, and his heart sinks reading said articles — In a sexless relationship? Instant red flag! — Sexual incompatibility and its effects on long-term relationships — 6 ways to find out that your partner hates yo-
He slams the laptop shut and buried his face in his hands. Trying to ignore the lump in his throat, he rubs his face over and over again. Tears prick his waterline, and he can’t bite back the sob that rakes from his chest. What if you do hate him? 
The insecurity gnaws at his heart, and he feels disgusted with himself. Seokmin hugs the pillow for some comfort and falls asleep within minutes. 
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God damn Soonyoung.
You groan out loudly, removing your hands from between your thighs and catching your breath. Ever since he brought it up, you found yourself like this often. Naked, horny, and sopping wet. You sigh heavily and turn around your bed, caressing his side of the bed. 
Your boyfriend is fucking hot. He’s the most gorgeous man you know. Call it an exaggeration, but it is true. He’s a piece of art. And you? Well, you’re a woman. 
A woman who has fallen head over heels for him. 
Getting to know him through the first months of your relationship, you came to know about his gentle nature, and as others say, he’s god-sent, something you can’t deny. He’s got it all. Personality, looks, a rare kind of optimism, and certainly a good dick. (yes. You were going through an album he shared with you, consisting of old pictures from college and school, and interestingly enough, there was a mirror selfie of his naked self, sporting a boner.) 
And being honest, Seokmin is quite naïve at times, and any horny feelings were unintentionally locked up in favor of taking things slow. You didn’t want to mess up things, and you see a future with him, leading to subconsciously pushing away intimate moments. 
That is until Soonyoung opened the floodgates.
You groan again. Just because Soonyoungs words elicited a positive response from you doesn’t mean the same for Seokmin. He couldn’t even look at you after that, and with much of your efforts, you brought the relationship back to normal. But things are going south again, with him seemingly avoiding you. It is hard to do so when you are actively living with someone, but he is pent-up at work lately. 
With another curse, you sit up, determined to set things straight, Not by talking, but by some other means. 
He’s always stressed and tense from work, and what better stress-buster there is than sex? Checking the time, you smirk. There’s more than enough time to make extra preparations as well.
...
You’re lying on the bed again with a giddy feeling as you anxiously wait for your boyfriend to return him. You bite your lip, resisting the urge to check yourself in the mirror again. You bathed, sprayed his favorite perfume, and applied a bit of gloss, wanting to keep it natural. You’re wearing sexy white lingerie, not too provocative and not too boring, it was perfect. And since you didn’t want to give your boyfriend a heart attack, you wore one of his t-shirts, covering the lingerie. 
The sound of the front door opening has you sitting up in a frantic and your heart races when you hear his usual “Honey, I’m home!” you take deep breaths to ease your nerves and go outside to greet him. His back is turned to you as he removes his shoes and places them on the rack at the entrance. You hug his back, wrapping your arms around his waist and burying your face into his upper back. 
“Missed you,” you pout. You missed him so fucking much. Seokmin was taking mental escapes, and it really hurt to not see his usual happy-go-lucky self. 
He freezes under your touch, and you sigh. He turns in your embrace and smiles sweetly at you, murmuring a soft, “missed you too.” Before slotting his lips on yours. Your hands come up to hold his face and deepen the kiss. He hums against your lips, one of his hands move to your waist and the other to your face. 
He breaks the kiss, but not before another sweet peck. But you pull him in for another by grabbing his tie. He gasps when you bite his lip, giving you the perfect chance to slip in your tongue. He pulls you flush against him, fingers digging into your waist. You caress his hair and wrap your arms around his shoulder. The feeling of his tongue on yours is ecstatic, and you drown yourself in his scent.
You walk backward, slowly leading him to the bedroom. You gasp when he lifts you, and you wrap your legs around his waist, holding onto him. He gasps for breath and walks into the bedroom. Seokmin knows where this is leading, but he hasn’t processed any of what is happening now. 
He’s drunk on your scent, and the way you look at him makes him oblige to you, like a man lured by a siren. You don’t cease your kisses but reduce them to pecks and slowly move from his lips to his neck. He grunts lowly, feeling you sucking and nibbling on his sensitive skin. 
He sets you down on the bed, quickly moving to undo his tie, but you pull him down to the bed and straddle his hips. You bite back a moan, feeling his hard cock graze your thigh and continue your attack on his neck. He tilts his neck, giving you space, and rests his hands on your bare thighs, slowly moving them under the tee to your—oh.
The reality of what is happening dawns upon him as his fingers graze the lazy material of your panties. Seokmin gently pulls you away, gripping your shoulders as he looks at you with a bewildered look. 
“Shit. Do—do you not want this?” he watches your face morph through multiple emotions, and he notices the tears forming. 
“Wait, no. No! that’s not—wait. Please?” You nod, waiting for him. 
But Seokmin cannot form a word for the life of him, and he panics, uttering continuous ‘I’s and ‘uhm’s. He gives up, sighing and catching your eyes on him. Fuck. His cock twitches in his pants, and he can’t help the nasty thoughts that form in his mind. 
“Just,” he breathes in, closing his eyes before finding yours again. “Fuck me, please.”
You close the gap between you two, kissing his lips tenderly. Gently pushing him back, you make him lay on the mattress without breaking the kiss. You sigh against his lips, resting your forehead on his and silently searching for reassurance in his eyes. That reassurance comes with him pushing your hips down to his. 
You sit up, smiling prettily at him before removing his t-shirt. His eyes widen, and his mouth falls agape as he sits up to have a better look. You wore this for him? He rests his hand on your thighs, fixating his eyes on your breasts. You giggle, “you like it?” he nods wordlessly before switching positions. 
Seokmin looks down at your figure, “So pretty.” He whispers before kissing your neck, licking the skin, and nibbling on it. He kisses further and further down till he reaches the valley of your breasts. He looks up at you, catching your eager eyes and shit. The newfound confidence fades away, and his cheeks burn up. 
To add to his shyness, you lift yourself up, undoing the bra and flinging it into some corner. You guide his hands to your breasts, and your nipples harden immediately under his touch. You moan, pushing your chest out, encouraging him to do whatever he fucking wants. 
But you did not expect him to right away wrap his lips on your pebbled nipples as his hand toys with the other. You whimper and moan, turning putty in his hands. His tongue circles around your nipple before he sucks on it. Your panty sticks to your core like a second skin, and you feel more arousal drip through the material. 
He switches to the other one, sucking so diligently on it. Before he could go further below, you stop him. “Wait. I want to see you too.” You whisper breathlessly. 
You help him undress and bite your lips, soaking in his figure. Watching as he slips off his pants, you feel yourself grow hotter. Seokmin looks like what you could only describe as a walking wet dream. Your eyes dart all over his figure. Wide shoulders and strong biceps complemented by a firm chest and a toned abdomen. And, thick thighs complementing his—oh, god. 
Your eyes widen, and your mouth waters as you see the outline of his cock. He’s thick and big. Enough to pleasure you and not enough to hurt. So, in total, it’s perfect. You just want him to bruise your insides and-
Seokmin holds your chin, gently tilting your head up to make you look at him. You look at him through your eyelashes and pout lightly at him while arching your back and closing your arms to push your breasts together.
His cock twitches, leaking pearls of precum that stained his boxers. His chest fills with confidence at the way you are reacting to him. Even he cannot comprehend what he's doing. Your effect on him is that powerful. 
He takes you by surprise and kneels on the floor. It's his turn to look at you through his lashes, big brown eyes staring at you with need. You lick your lips, watching him as he pulls you to the edge and spreads your legs. He kisses your heat through the lacy material and licks at the patch formed by your arousal. His nose presses against your clit, and you gasp, feeling all the bones in your body weaken as he has his way with you. 
Pulling away, he slides his fingers under the hem of your panties and peels it off you, leaving you bare. It joins the pile of clothes, and he dives right in, licking and kissing your folds. “Fuck!” you arch your back and push your cunt onto his face. His nose directly presses against your clit, and you moan as he basically fucking makes out with your cunt. 
You close your legs around his head and tangle your fingers with his locks, pushing him further. He sucks on the little bundle of nerves, then circles his tongue around it with occasional kitten licks. You tug at his hair harshly, and your moans fill the room along with wet sounds as he eats you out. Feeling the orgasm inching closer, you force his mouth off you. 
“Need you,” you whimper, grabbing his face and kissing him. He moans into your mouth as you roughly push your tongue past his lips, tasting yourself on him. His cock twitches with need when you rake your nails down his nape and shoulders. Seokmin grows hotter, thinking about your hands pumping his cock as you suck on his tip. 
You pull away to get down on your knees and hook your finger under the hem of his boxers as he stands up. You pull it down, gawking at his hard, twitching cock, and take him in your hands. His cock rests heavy in your hands, and you couldn’t care less about the cold floor biting your knees. You give the tip an experimental lick, tasting his precum while batting your eyelashes up at him. 
You grin, satisfied when he throws his head back, groaning at a small lick. Without warning, you take half of his length in your mouth, eyes rolling back at the feeling of it resting heavily on your tongue. He tangles his fingers in your hair, looking down at you while he moans a string of curses. Wrapping your fingers around his base, you pump his length and swirl your tongue around his tip. 
You bounce your head up and down his cock, getting used to his girth. You pull away momentarily, and a string of saliva connects your lips to his tip. Licking your lips, you maintain eye contact with him and wrap your lips around his length once again. But this time, you take his full length in your mouth, gagging and enjoying how he fills you up. You hold his thighs for support, sliding his cock out fully before taking him again. 
You do this a couple of times and feel him twitching in your mouth. Seokmin pulls your mouth off his cock, biting his lips in vain to prevent moaning at the erotic sight before him. You know how to put that mouth to use. A few more seconds and he would’ve cummed down your throat. 
With a huff, he pulls you up and backs you to the bed. You lay on the soft sheet, letting him take control. You gasp when he teases his tip on your folds, coating it in your arousal, and he moans, feeling your warmth and wetness. His tip nears your entrance, stretching past your folds, and then—
“Shit. Condoms,” he curses, eyes snapping towards yours in worry. You chuckle, finding your dumbfounded boyfriend adorable. “I’m on pills. Don’t worry.”  
His eyebrows crease, “Since when?”
“Since that dinner. Couldn’t stop thinking about you and your cock.” 
A light blush settles on his cheek, and he smiles at you, shaking his head. He pushes his hair back to calm himself down, and you sigh, finding him hot. There he sits on his knees, between your legs, and a coat of sweat glistens on his skin. He looks ethereal and hot. Yeah, you’d let him rearrange your insides. 
He chuckles, finding your lusty eyes ogling him. “You’re making me shy!” 
And you hook your arms under your knees, pulling your legs to your chest. You bite your lips with a sultry look on your face, and he groans, watching your pussy glisten under the light. He readjusts himself, feeling your folds with his tip again. 
You gasp and moan as his length fills you up, stretching your walls. You haven’t had sex in over a year, and you’re feeling the effects now. Tears well up, and you close your eyes, attempting to adjust to his length. Seokmin leans down, kissing your tears away, and you open your eyes, finding his chocolate eyes staring at you with love and lust.
“Shit. Is it too much? I can pull out, baby.” He softly says, voice laced with concern. You shake your head, whispering a ‘no.’ You lift your head up, slotting your lips against his.
You hook your hands around his nape, deepening the kiss. He holds your waist as you wrap your legs around his hips, holding still till you adjust. Your gummy walls grip his length tightly, making his head spin. After a few moments, you pull away from the kiss, taking a deep breath and nodding at him. 
Seokmin pulls out slowly, leaving only his tip in before slowly sinking back. You both moan in unison when he fills up again. He does this a few times before settling into a comfortable and pleasurable pace. You moan with each snap of his hips towards yours, eyes rolling back in pleasure. His cock kisses your walls in all the right places.
His moans mix with yours in the bedroom, along with the sounds of your hips meeting. Your cunt squeezes his cock, and the wetness allows him to easily slide his cock in and out of you. The feeling of your arousal coating his cock is sinful, and your naked skin on his makes warmth pool in his chest. 
He catches your lips in a sensual kiss, slowing down his pace. His tongue slides against yours easily, wandering your mouth. Your arousal drips down, sticking to his balls with each thrust. You bite his lower lip, making him whine into your mouth, and fasten his pace a bit. You slide your hand between your bodies to stimulate your clit, but he beats you to it.
Long, slender fingers rub at your clit, drawing in your orgasm. You buck your hips up, desperately meeting his cock and fingers. Seokmin moans when you clench his cock, speeding up his climax. You whine, feeling the familiar knot in your stomach, and he feels his cock twitch as well. His pace stutters, turning erratic as he kisses you messily. 
With a moan of his name, you cum on his cock and hold onto him for dear life. He follows suit, hips stuttering to a halt as ribbons of cum paint your walls. He rests his forehead on yours, trying to catch his breath. You sigh in bliss, his warm cum filling you up to the brim. 
He pulls out, falling to your side and instantly pulling you into a cuddle. His cum oozes out, and it should feel dirty, but it doesn’t. Instead, it feels like home, warm and cozy, with his cum filling up your cunt. 
“I love you,” he whispers into your ear, and you giggle, feeling his breath tickle you. You can’t see him, but you feel his smile. “I love you too, baby.” And you giggle again when he kisses your neck, accidentally tickling you again.
His strong hands wrap around you comfortingly. And a serene silence envelops you both. Only for a while, though, “should I order pizzas?” 
You heartily laugh, slapping his chest lightly, and peck his cheeks. He adorably grins at you, pulling you closer. You rest your head on his chest, hugging him with a lazy smile. 
“Was that ok?” he voices out.
“Hmm, the pizza?” 
His chest reverberates as he chuckles, “No—I mean yes. That’s also there but…” 
“Was the … sex good?” he finishes, and you look up, meeting his curious eyes tinged with insecurity. But you smile brightly at him, nodding, “The best I’ve ever had.” His eyes widen before he squints at you playfully. 
“Don’t lie, it was that good?”
“Yep. 10/10. Best cock in the world.”
You both laugh, and he adds, “your...” He coughs, “uhhh...” He gives up, gesturing towards your heat and nodding in acknowledgment. Your body shakes with laughter, and he hides his face shyly. You remove his hands and kiss his face, hugging him closer. Silence settles again, and you feel content in his arms before he speaks again. 
“Also, pizza ok?” 
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tags; @seungkwanschicken @aaa-sia @dokyeomkyeom @bangantokchy @jespecially
@asyre @armycarat2612 @bewoyewo @pan-de-seungcheol
(send an ask to be added on the taglist!)
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deadsetobsessions · 5 months ago
Text
Sea Cryptic! Danny Pt.9
[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.3] [Pt.4] [Pt.5] [Pt.6] [Pt.7] [Pt.8] [Pt.10]
"Fan-sea meeting you here. You must be Phantom!"
Danny slowly turned around, grin blinding. "I shore am. Who's asking?"
Danny knew exactly who was asking. Bludhaven's vigilante, Nightwing. If the giant dark blue bird emblazoned on the front of his suit didn't give it away, the friendly demeanor and the puns would have. Plus, now that Danny's figured out who Tim was, the rest were pretty simple dots to be connected.
"Hi. I'm Nightwing. Thanks for saving Batman."
"I am Phantom. You are welcome. Please lecture him on the necessity of keeping the waters clean."
"Uh, I think he knows," Nightwing grinned. “So, why are you cleaning Gotham’s bay? I heard the Atlantic is nice this time of year.”
“Exactly. This?” Danny flapped a gloved hand around them, specifically at the moldy docks and the paint scraped board. “This is not nice. If it were nice, I wouldn’t need to be cleaning it. Look at that paint! It’s flaking off into the water! Does Gotham not have proper boat maintainance? That’s dangerous for the waters and seafarers!”
“Woah, you know a lot about boats,” Nightwing commented, crossing his arms and leaning back. What the hero didn’t know was that he knew more about boats than Danny did, as Danny’s hyper fixation was more focused on space ships and Dick had education à la maison de Bruce Wayne which usually meant an absurd amount of information for someone who doesn’t actually use boats as a regular mode of transportation.
“Rust! Rust is very much a thing!” Danny ranted, using his ice to scoop up water and using it like a makeshift filter. “It weakens bonds! It’s a tetanus hazard! And oh, don’t even get me started on how you people mutated the ocean life!”
“Mutated ocean life? I’m pretty sure we hadn’t. It’s just a little weird, right?”
Without another word, Danny dove into the weird ecosystem that was the Gotham bay. He came back holding a wriggling green thing the size of a worm.
“Do you know what this is?” Danny demanded. The thing flopped around on his gloved hands.
“A sea monkey?”
“They’re brine shrimp. Brine. Shrimp. Do you know what regular brine shrimp look like???” Danny shoved the thing at Nightwing, who took a step back.
“Not like that?” He replied, a quizzical look on his face.
“No, not like that! What in the ancients is this?!” Danny waved the weird sea brine that had started glowing faintly, like Danny’s natural ectoplasm glow. “Far be it from me of all people to judge evolution but this was all man made!” Danny gently tossed the brine shrimp back into the bay. “Brine shrimp is staple food for the ocean! You’ve got weird brine shrimp? You’ve got weird fish! Why is it impossible for this place to, for even one day, refrain from dumping hazardous chemicals or dead bodies in the water?”
“Ooookay, how about we take a breather?” Nightwing quickly glanced around, trying to find something to change the subject, feeling oddly guilty at the earnest expression on the kid’s face. “Uh, I was actually wondering if you’d swing by the waters near Blüd?”
Danny crossed his arms. “I clean the waters as a past time because you humans don’t know how to keep it clean. I am not a personal, on call, seakeeper.”
“Batman will pay you for your time,” Dick offered. Danny straightened. Amity didn’t actually cost that much to live well, but Gotham was a whole other ball park. The rent might be dirt cheap for a city, but the special pricey little add ons such as gas masks and space level insulation on top of the sky high insurance policies were draining what’s left of his half dead soul. As they say, Danny was a city dweller first and Phantom second.
“How much, when, and I won’t fish up the bodies unless he pays me extra.”
“Four thousand base pay, extra one hundred per identity, fifty for bodies with no shades, and on the weekends.”
Danny straightened as his mother’s steel spine, Jazz’s whip sharp wit, and his own craftiness made their appearance as he bargained. “Five thousand. Rate agreed, but I can only do every other weekends and I’ll have to call out some days.”
“Okay.” Nightwing rocked back on his heels with an affable smile. It’s Bruce’s money and it’s going towards his probable future baby brother, after all, even if said baby brother is a dead immortal Atlantis founder. Or something.
Danny groaned. “You are supposed to bargain back. But I’ll take it.”
“Great! Who do we got tonight?” Nightwing looked down at the plastic/burlap wrapped person Danny dragged onto the shores a bit ago.
“The lake kept the body cold, so it should be preserved adequately if you want to examine him,” Danny tilted his head to the side, the flames of his hair tilting with him. “He said his name is Gorganzo Bean.”
“Really?”
“Yes. It’s a nickname he got for eating a whole can of beans straight.”
“Yeah, that’ll do it. Any more details?”
“Sure.”
When Danny reached to take the money from Nightwing, he found that the hero had tightened his grip on it.
Danny pointedly dropped his gaze from Nightwing’s face to the money.
“Wait. I- I heard from a source that you could possibly smell souls.”
Danny yanked the cash out of Nightwing’s hand and shoved it into his shoulder. If that didn’t confirm Nightwing’s identity, he doesn’t know what would other than the guy telling Danny who he was. “You’ve been speaking with Danny. Yes, I can.”
“Can you tell what’s wrong with my brother?” Nightwing blurted out.
Danny stared at him, his legs flickering in and out to his tail form. “…Other than dressing in probably leather or Kevlar and going out to beat criminals with his bare hands?”
Nightwing opened and closed his mouth. He coughed awkwardly. “Other than that. Why is he- um, stinky? Soul-wise,” Nightwing added, clearly humoring the tinny little voice at the base of his temples that was an annoyed Red Hood saying that he showered. “He showers often. And is definitely not stinky body odor wise.”
“I am not a doctor. Well, not now anyways,” Danny said, thinking about his future PhD. “But he’s got a… soul infection. His natural immunity- all souls have a natural immunity against regular outside influences- is working hard to repel the equivalence of chronic bronchitis.”
“There’s… no way to help him?”
“I never said that,” Danny tilted his head. “Bring your brother to meet Danny. He could probably handle it.”
“The civilian?”
“His parents hunted my kind, once. He helped protect me and my people. If anyone knows how to cure it, it would be him.”
Phantom could not afford to deal with this right now, because Danny had a presentation tomorrow that he needed to finish.
“Oh. Thank you, Phantom.” Nightwing said, looking relieved and pensive. Danny decided right then and there that was Future Danny’s problem.
Danny nodded distractedly, blinking out.
He blinked back in. Nightwing jerked back. “Do you happen to have any examples of corrupt politicians in Gotham?”
Nightwing blinked before laughing. “It’d probably be easier to name the ones that aren’t.”
“Good to know. Thank you!”
——
A couple of days later, Tim and two older guys ambushed him in the quad.
“Hi! I’m Dick! This is my brother Jason! We’re Tim’s older brothers!”
Danny looked down at his hand- trapped in an overexcited handshake- and back up at Dick.
Whatever expression he was making, it must have been ha-fucking-larious because Tim and Jason burst out into laughter. Danny cursed his past self.
“Yeah?” Danny blinked. Wait. His smile grew and he made a face like he just realized something. “Oh. So you’re Nightwing?”
The laughter cut off.
“Haha, what?”
“Phantom told me you’d be coming but I, uh, thought you’d be in gear. Not… straight up telling me who you are?”
“You’re in regular contact with Phantom?” Tim demanded.
“Yeah, dude. After you- wait, you’re Red Robin!” Danny whispered.
“Oh shit, B’s gonna be pissed,” Jason drawled, looking mildly amused and hiding an extremely cautious, possibly lethal (if it weren’t for the fact that Danny’s pretty much impossible to kill with regular weapons) reaction.
“You’re one to talk. I’d smell your soul no matter what your disguise was.”
“…About that.”
——
You might be wondering: wouldn’t Dick know not to show up in civvies?
Yes. Except for the fact that Tim stalked Danny for weeks after he met Phantom and Danny hadn’t hung out with (himself) at all. They think Danny doesn’t know Phantom well enough to even talk to him much, despite being from the same town because: they’re all big city kids and have never experienced small town solidarity and, more importantly, gossip grapevines + they have no idea these two are the same people.
A deleted scene:
“When did you have time to talk to Phantom?” Tim demanded. Jason nudged Tim. That had hinted too much at what Tim was doing on his off hours and stalking was usually frowned upon.
“When I wasn’t talking to you, duh.”
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rin-may-1103 · 5 months ago
Text
The Wrong Robin Au (part two?)
Previous | Master Post | Next
"Alright, kid." Danny sighed as he walked back into the motel. "tell you what, you tell me everything you think you know about me and bats, and I'll be Robin. Deal?"
Tim's eyes widen in surprise, "wait, really?" he asks, dropping the third Oreo he had been trying to balance on Sam's forehead. Sam snored, her nose twitching in agitation for a moment before going back to normal.
Tim leaned back, keeping an eye on her. "do you really mean it? you'll come back and fix him?"
Danny sighed, "I can't promise that I'll be able to fix him, but I can promise to do my best."
Tim nodded his head, "That's all I ask." then the kid stood up, holding his hand out for Danny to shake, "We got a deal, Robin."
Danny smirked, unable to keep a straight face at how cute the kid was being. Reaching out, he shook his hand.
"Right, first things first. Who's Batman, and why do you think so?" Danny asked, making his way over to the table. Tim followed behind him, his face brightening up in excitement.
"Bruce Wayne of course," Tim cheered, plopping down onto the chair across from Danny.
Of course, another rich fruit loop would be Batman. Why not? What's next? Lex Luther was Superman's archnemesis? Oliver Queen cosplayed Katniss Everdeen?
"I thought Dick Grayson, Bruce's ward, was Robin at first. It had made sense, or at least mostly did but I wasn't completely sold on it. I only really thought it was him because Robin was able to do a quadruple backflip, and only Grayson's family was able to do that. but then I saw you! and it makes perfect sense!" Tim smiled excitedly, leaning forward as he continued.
"You were able to do the flip, AND you acted just like Robin did! Dick doesn't act like Robin in public, or ever really. But you do! You did the flip, you make puns! you even bit that one mugger!"
Danny blinked before slowly nodding his head; Well, at least his personality wasn't going to be a problem. "right, makes sense," not. it did not make sense, but who was Danny to crush this kid's hopes. also, how long ago was this? because Danny hadn't done the flip this time... he's definitely bitten a criminal or two over the past two weeks, but the flip? that had to have been back when he first got his powers... he vaguely remembers his parents dragging him around the country on some trip Vlad set up for them.
see, it was totally Vlad's fault.
"and who was the second Robin?" Danny asked, leaning back and crossing his arms.
"Bruce's second kid, Jason Todd," Tim replied, not smiling anymore. "The Joker killed Robin over in Ethiopia. Jason went missing and was declared dead around the same time."
"Right," Danny coughed, glancing away from Tim. "and what else do you know?"
"Well, I know Commissioner Gordon's daughter, Barbara, was batgirl..." Tim trailed off with a wince, obviously not liking the conversation anymore. Danny had to agree, the whole class had been informed about the dangers of Gotham City. Barbara Gordan had been one of the examples they used.
"I know that you're using a fake name!" Tim suddenly added, looking more lively now. Danny blinked before sighing, "Yeah? and why's that?"
"you used your bat training to make a fake identity to throw Bruce off your trail! That way you would have more time to settle in with your new team! and it worked for a while, that is until he caught up to you and your team. it doesn't seem he knows about this identity, so you've been using it ever since Jason's death. because you're mad at him."
"and why am I mad at him?" Danny asked, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling. Just what had he gotten himself into?
"because he didn't tell you about Jason's death." Danny glanced back at the kid, watching as he looked away and out the window. "just like he didn't tell Dick..."
had he finally connected the dots? had he finally realized he got the wrong person?
"why would he not tell you two?" Tim asked, turning to look up at Danny. Danny shrugged, turning to look back at the ceiling. "grief makes people do things they never would have before." like becoming a billionaire and spending twenty years scheming on how to murder a single man. or it could make them more obsessed with their work.
Danny knows Greif, he's had to deal with it for years now. It's the only thing he understands about why Batman has changed so much. Greif, especially for someone you love? It changes you, it holds onto your heart and never lets go. It can drive you insane if you let it.
"he was so caught up in his own grief he didn't realize that there were others who needed to grieve with him."
"Oh," Tim replied.
they sat in silence for a moment before Tim spoke up again.
"I know where the Batcave is."
Danny blinked. Right. Batman. Batcave. the bat-themed vigilante had a secret lair and it was a cave. That checked out. At least it wasn't in the basement.
"yeah?" Danny prompted, "And where's that?"
"under the manor," Tim replied, crushing any and all hope Danny had for Bruce Wayne.
It was official. All billionaires were fruitloops. Danny didn't care if they didn't all have secret basements, they were fruitloops.
Next
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astonmartinii · 4 months ago
Text
you gotta look out for the quiet ones | oscar piastri social media au
pairing: oscar piastri x fem musician!reader
a surprise appearance from y/n in the formula one paddock raises some questions, but the rumour mill will never guess who she's there to see...
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
note: olivia rodrigo is the face claim but i'll be pulling from her music as well as taylor swift!
f1
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tagged: yourusername
f1: there's paddock guests and there's paddock guests, y/n y/ln is here for the bahrain grand prix!
view comments
user1: MOTHER WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?
user2: this is not what i expected to see this friday morning
user3: okay i've only ever heard of y/n y/ln through others but like she must be dedicated to be there for friday as well
user4: certified y/n superfan here! y/n has always said she's a massive fan of f1 - she hasn't been asked about it recently but when she was last asked about it she said she grew up loving jenson button!
jensonbutton: @yourusername i see you have amazing taste
yourusername: how could i not love the playboy of f1?
user3: okay she knows what she's talking about, i guess it's time to have a little listen to her music
user5: okay so what garage is she going to be in?
user6: ferrari 🤞🏻
user7: did we not just see this ^^^ she's clearly going to be in the mclaren garage
user8: if she has any sense she'll be in the mercedes garage with sir lewis hamilton
user9: what about the literal world champions?
user10: shut the fuck up (i would like to see max blush and stutter tho)
user11: i love how y/n said she's taking a year off of music after her tour and we're immediately seeing her here, there and everywhere
user12: living her true sports nerd life and i love that for her
landonorris: i promise that mclaren have the best hospitality xx
user13: oh brother are we about to see some lando norris snapchat u up flirting?
alexalbon: this is tragic
georgerussell63: make sure you don't tell her about the massive poster you had of her that you practiced kissing on!
georgerussell63: whoops!
landonorris: i am in your walls george
user14: well.. that was something, i don't think we'll see her in the mclaren garage anytime soon now
logansargeant: @oscarpiastri i hope you brought your vinyl to be signed
oscarpiastri: i didn't want to risk it on the plane, it's limited edition 😔
user15: wait so oscar is also a y/n fan ???
user16: not this mclaren battle for y/n's attention
user17: lets be real, there's no competition here - there's no way she wouldn't choose lando
user18: i'm tired of you people sleeping on oscar (pun intended)
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yourusername
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yourusername: i had so much fun the first time round, i thought i'd come by again
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user25: okayyyy i thought the girlies on twitter were delusional but the second race in a row ... i fear there's another incentive
user26: once again, she's been a massive fan of the sport and has a ton of disposable money why wouldn't she go to a load of races?
landonorris: can't wait to see you again this weekend, i'll get you that win i promised
alexalbon: nurse he's talking to himself again
georgerussell63: this is crazy thirsting to do in front of 21 million people
landonorris: i assure you i'll be the one with the last laugh here
maxverstappen1: sure you will buddy, it's good to see you so confident
user27: are they gentle parenting lando?
user28: bro is about to get his heart broken they're actually being good friends
user29: idk i think he's still the one in the paddock with the best shot
user30: i gotta get this delusion all lando fans seem to have
carlossainz55: i think you'd look great in red ❤️
charles_leclerc: oh gosh....
carlossainz55: they don't call me the smooth operator for no reason, just sit back and watch the magic
maxverstappen1: you fucking morons do realise you're proclaiming this in a PUBLIC instagram comment section that everyone INCLUDING y/n can see?
user31: this is a mess ... keep going!
oscarpiastri: i celebrated my win here in 2021 with the release of sour - i know you're on a sabbatical but any chance of a surprise single?
user32: yall getting on lando and carlos for their bad flirting when oscar is stinking up the gaff with his attempts
yourusername: i'm so sorry to tell you this but no surprise single, but i can show you some demos?
oscarpiastri: please, please, please! good 4 u is my scream in the car song
user33: i just know oscar was streaming traitor when his DRS failed for the ten billionth time
oscarpiastri: it went platinum in my car yes
yourusername: i imagine it's even better at 200mph
oscarpiastri: i'd be happy to show you anytime
yourusername: carpool karaoke x hot laps when?
oscarpiastri: name a time and i'm there
user34: why is oscar trying so hard bro she's not going to choose you
user35: and yet he's the only one she replied to ... makes you think
user36: you guys are miserable because i'd literally do anything to see them singing in a car together
oscarpiastri
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oscarpiastri: jeddah you were okay i guess
view all comments
user37: holy soft launch
user38: and right after flirting up a storm with Y/N Y/LN
user39: first of all, oscar is a fan of y/n so it could've definitely been from a platonic point of view
user40: it has to be platonic cause bro had no chance to start with and has a gf ???
landonorris: i'm sorry what is this ?
oscarpiastri: an instagram post, would hope you would know what that is if you're already on the app
landonorris: don't get smart with me mister
oscarpiastri: you got smart first 🤨
landonorris: what happened to my sweet rookie?
oscarpiastri: he's still 23 years old ?
landonorris: i need to meet this mystery woman who has seemed to give you all this sass
user41: prema girlies know that this sass has always been here
user42: but i'm glad it's coming out in f1
yourusername: okay i guess? you slayed mr piastri and i won't hear anything less than that
oscarpiastri: okay it was a bit of a slay
yourusername: a bit?
oscarpiastri: a big slay then
yourusername: stop talking down on yourself otherwise you'll have me to deal with
oscarpiastri: that is not the threat you think it is
yourusername: it's not a threat it's a promise x
user43: excuse me what the fuck was that ^
user44: i can't tell if they're flirting or if y/n just feels sorry for him?
user45: they did get coffee like once this weekend so maybe they're just friends
user46: they have to be because there's no way that is y/n in this soft launch
user47: there's no way oscar piastri could woo the y/n y/ln idk why people are even suggesting it
user48: and i think even flirting with her is a bit weird considering his teammate has made it so obvious he likes her
user49: oscar doesn't seem to be the type to step on toes but we'll see
logansargeant: if that's who i think it is i am going to fight you for not telling me straight up
oscarpiastri: i'll meet you in the parking lot i guess
logansargeant: be there or be square
user50: what does logan know that we don't ???
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f1tea
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liked by user52, user53 and 11,209 others
f1tea: now she's attended THREE races in a row, i think it's okay to start the conversation about her being with one of the drivers... so here's our theories!
lando: he's been on this train the longest and has the old thirst tweets to back it up. he's been spotted talking to her numerous times at races and has been camping in her comment section since bahrain
carlos: he has also been in her comments since bahrain and has been seen with her in the paddock - less than lando but y/n has worn red a couple times in the paddock so??
lewis: y/n was blushing up a storm when they were spotted together and i honestly think if the age gap wasn't so big they would be so cute together
liam: an outside shout but this guy was stuck to her side the whole time she was at red bull
charles: they have spoken a lot in the paddock, i don't think it's him but omg imagine them together
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user54: not this oscar erasure - i.e. the only driver she's actually interacted with online
user55: if it's oscar i will literally streak across the track at the next race
user56: admin snuck liam in there like we wouldn't notice
user57: idk why they think that liam is a better shout than oscar
user58: i think all the fangirling from oscar defo put him straight into the friend zone
user59: idk about you guys but i've actually listened to y/n's music and her album after her last breakup suggests that she might like someone who appreciates her craft and publicly supports her
user60: yeah but she also deserves a boyfriend that's on her level
user61: oscar is a literal f1 driver?
user60: yeah but he's not cute enough
user62: to YOU
user63: omg just say you have no taste and bounce gosh
user64: how did lando become a frontrunner in this?
user65: i think because he's liked her the longest? and has been the most insistent
user66: i hate to say this but just because you like someone and said it first, does not mean you are entitled to actually date them
user67: i will laugh my ass off if she's not with any of these fools
user68: bro took a year off of music to have some fun and now is linked to everyone and their mum
user69: unfortunately this is the way it goes although if she does become a wag (tho be real, whoever is with her is the wag) i shall be enjoying her paddock outfits
user70: carlos vs oscar i think i've seen this film before
user71: oh trust me off track there is no competition
user72: you people are so mean
user73: oscar will win again, mark my words. i'm not sure if carlos can cry to the fia about that tho
yourusername
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liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 23,874,093 others
yourusername: getting the real aussie experience down under
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user74: AHHHHHHHHHH A MAN
user75: who the fuck wears jeans on a hammock she needs to run away from this man he's clearly a psychopath
maxverstappen1: you went to see quokkas without me??? does our friendship mean nothing ???
yourusername: it's not considered normal to invite friends to a date
maxverstappen1: boring. i will remember this when you try and get some red bull from our hospitality
yourusername: nO PLEASE
maxverstappen1: no, for this you must suffer through the piss they put in monster cans
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maxverstappen1: well you should've thought more of our friendship :P
yourusername: you are impossible. no more limited edition merch for you
maxverstappen1: WHAT
user76: for all this love life speculation i am loving this max and y/n friendship
user77: but... the monster comment... it has to be lando right? monster sponsor mclaren
user78: i think this is the most confirmation we're getting right now
user79: they're so cute
oscarpiastri: i am glad the homeland is treating you well :)
yourusername: i've only had one scary insect encounter so win!
oscarpiastri: we'll have to get you some real australian delicacies this weekend
yourusername: i've heard of grandma's baking so i'm excited!
oscarpiastri: we've got a tupperware box with your name on it
yourusername: ugh i love you guys
user80: the monster comment pointed to mclaren but there's only one of them in the comments...
user81: i mean this is a soft launch so it would make sense that lando wouldn't comment if they're trying to throw people off of their scent
user82: the mental gymnastics you people are doing is insane
user83: literally just admit that your driver just doesn't have the sauce like that
user84: and oscar piastri does???
user85: STOP SLEEPING ON HIM HE'S LITERALLY GETTING HER HOME-BAKED GOODS
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oscarpiastri
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liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 2,349,761 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: home win means more than you could ever know. and you can stop theorising now, i may be a nerd but i've still got game.
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user89: HHAHHHAHHAHAHAHHA THAT'S MY AUSSIE
user90: stunting his stunning gf on all these delusional fangirls
yourusername: now i can finally say it: I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU
yourusername: and i'm proud of you
yourusername: forever and always
oscarpiastri: maybe i was so fast because i knew there was a literal angel waiting for me back in my garage
yourusername: oh so the other races i came to i just didn't look good enough for you to win :(
oscarpiastri: NO NO NO you're always the most beautiful woman in any room
oscarpiastri: but this time you're wearing my jersey and my name
yourusername: i guess i'll never take it off again
oscarpiastri: you might not take it off, but that doesn't mean i won't
yourusername: ehhhehehhehheeh hurry up in debrief :P
user91: oscar piastri i am so sorry i was not familiar with your game
user92: i for one had complete faith in that bumbling fool
yourusername: as you should, he may have stuttered through the lines, but he's one smooth operator
carlossainz55: that's my nickname? please stop rubbing salt in the wound
yourusername: it was better than your attempts. and better than whatever the fuck you've been doing on the track - keep your dumptruck away from oscar
user93: y/n defending oscar, consider me moved
user94: okay fave celeb couple just dropped
landonorris: HOW LONG HAS THIS BEING GOING ON? HOW LONG HAVE YOU LET ME FLIRT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND? HOW DID I LOSE TO YOU?
yourusername: watch your tone.
landonorris: sorry???
oscarpiastri: we've been together nearly a year. i didn't 'let' you flirt with my girlfriend i tried to tell you but you ignored me at every turn. you didn't lose to me, there was never any competition.
yourusername: best year of my life 🫶 and lando i tried to tell you, maybe listen to oscar for once 😭
oscarpiastri: awwwwww i love you 😘
yourusername: i love you too osc xx
user95: not them dancing on lando's dead body 😭
logansargeant: I FUCKING KNEW IT YOU SON OF A BITCH
oscarpiastri: never doubt me again eagle boy
yourusername
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tagged: oscarpiastri
yourusername: if you saw me ugly crying on live tv - no you didn't. i'm so proud of you osc, my beautiful boy.
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user96: i think y/n was all of us
user97: absolutely screaming at all of the y/n fans on twitter having a meltdown and trying to figure out how f1 works
user98: this was me, am i really going to learn about tyre compounds because y/n is dating a driver? yes!
maxverstappen1: i am very happy for you both but enjoy the win while it lasts oscar i have a score to settle after being ABANDONED on the quokka date
yourusername: once again it was a DATE which is for the two people in the relationship, not the weird third guy with attachment issues
maxverstappen1: well jokes on you i do have attachment issues and now i've latched onto you and oscar which means you're contractually obligated to come to every race now
yourusername: ok?
oscarpiastri: it's okay max with our combined powers, y/n will have to stick around she hates making us sad
yourusername: it's true :(
user99: not lando fumbling yet another lead
yourusername: he never had a chance to begin with
oscarpiastri: 😆
user100: this is another level of teammate psychological warfare
landonorris: i am a victim of a smear campaign
oscarpiastri: smear campaign being you flirting with my girlfriend after she told you she had a boyfriend
landonorris: I DIDN'T HEAR HER
yourusername: i said it multiple times 🤨 and SOFT LAUNCHED OSCAR AND YOU STILL TRIED
georgerussell63: looks like it's back to the poster now lando
yourusername: and for the record ^^ this is very creepy
landonorris: THAT WAS LIKE TEN YEARS AGO
alexalbon: that's what you want us to think ...
user101: i am screaming at them rubbing it in lando's face
user102: kind of deserved LOL but funny nonetheless
oscarpiastri: all things aside, i'm so glad you could be there for my first win! i love you so much and can't wait to spend there rest of my life with you, even if it means my teammate flirts with you everyday
yourusername: i love you too osc, i'm sure you'll win so many more
oscarpiastri: i'm counting on it ;)
landonorris: I AM SORRY HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT
yourusername: you gonna let oscar have the upgrades first?
landonorris: no?
yourusername: then i will guilt you at every corner 🤨
fin. i know, i know. guilty as sin is coming but i just wanted to get this out. i had to come home from silverstone early cause of a mechanical dnf (foot stopped working and had heat stroke and a cold at the same time). but i had a great time while i was there and met a load of drivers with lando and alex signing my hat !!!!!
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