#why did shane laugh at work? u decide :)

[specialbluehens]

shane laughing out loud is the equivalent of that scene from the new batman adventures when batman laughs and scares the fuck out of harley quinn

[sturnsdc]

Carl

pair: Carl Grimes x fem!YN Dixon

synopsis: when things start to go wrong and Sophia ends up lost, the group splits up. However, things don't go as planned, and now Yn must face her memories.

warnings: angst, typical TWD scenes, violence, comfort, fluff, abusive father is mentioned, mentions of religion (yn is not a believer but explains why), dislike towards Andrea, mentioned seizures, fools in love.

era: (S2)

words: 7,3k

A/N: this one shot 's part of a series called "feel special" !!

'm sorry if u see some grammatical mistakes!! ♡♡

dividers from: @cafekitsune ! ♡

main masterlist carl masterlist

YN'S POV

we lost the camp, we lost people. Hell... we even nearly died twice after that. Once because of a human, and once because of a horde that surprised us on the highway. And because of that horde we lost Sophia, and now we're all trying to find her.

i feel nauseous just thinking about the possibilities. In these months i became really close to Sophia, and i know how quickly she panics, i know how much she freezes when things go wrong... and away from her mother? i really wanna think that we'll find her and that she'll be okay, but the odds are not on our side.

we've been looking for her for over a day at this point. We even went to a church when we heard a bell, thinking she would be there, but instead we only found more death.

Daryl, Rick and Shane took out the walkers inside, as there were only three of them. Then we all entered, checking every corner although it was obvious that Sophia wasn't there.

near me was a figure of a crucified Christ, so i approached it, feeling a little insecure about what i was about to do.

i've never really been a believer. I know Daryl tried to believe for a while, but it's hard when life is constantly putting you in shitty situations. I prayed to God every time i received beatings from my old man. I begged him when things at home were going to hell. But none of those times did i feel like something was rescuing me, like something was helping us, so eventually i stopped begging, i stopped waiting for God to help me, and i started standing up for myself.

but now… now i need some of that hope, i need to believe that she'll be okay. I need to believe.

���hey JC” i said “ya takin requests?” i immediately felt stupid, 'what am i doin?' i asked myself, sighing. I soon decided to get away from there, meeting Carl.

“hey,” i greeted him, leaning against a wall outside the church, with Carl standing in front of me.

“hey” he tried to smile, but a grimace came out instead. After that he just sighed, shaking his head. “Sorry, i'm tense, i wanna believe she's fine but…”

“ 's hard, the odds don' tend to be on our side” he nodded “i wanna believe that we're goin' to find her, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but we're goin' to find her” i tried to say firmly, and it seemed to work, because this time he did smile a little.

“i'm going in, are you coming with me?” he asked me, but i shook my head.

“nah, 's not my place. I don' like churches” i confessed, noticing the curiosity on his face.

"can i know why?" i was going to answer, but he seemed to get nervous by the way he expressed himself, as his eyes widened and his face turned red “i mean… if you want, you don't have to do it if you don't want to or if it makes you uncomfortable. I didn't want it to sound rude."

“ 's okay, Carl.” i laughed a little. “i always felt that these types of places lend themselves to creatin' false hope, and sometimes attractin' some people who are lookin' fer an excuse to reject others. Don' know. But i understand if ya believe, i mean, it's good sometimes to have hope... it's just that i lost it a while ago."

“i used to go to church with my parents when everything was fine and they didn't fight, but when all this... happened, i felt like praying wasn't enough, i felt like praying wouldn't save me if a walker tried to eat my mom, i felt like praying wouldn't bring my dad back… but well, maybe that last one did happen” i saw him scratch the back of his neck “i wanna go in to try one last time, to give it that chance. I'll be back soon” i nodded, watching him enter as well as Rick.

“you're close to him.” Daryl appeared from the side, cleaning his knife. “Should i be worried?”

“shut up” i smiled, seeing he was leaning against the wall, right next to me, so i took advantage and put my head on his shoulder. We were silent for a moment, enjoying that opportunity to have a little calm before resuming the search.

“ya think we're goin' to find her?” i asked in a lower tone, almost whispering.

"hope so. I'm not goin' to stop looking fer her” he responded, looking directly at his knife, remaining silent for a few seconds “she's just a girl, she shouldn't be out here, alone. I'd die if that were ya, and yeah i know ya know how to defend yerself but… you're still a kid fer me, ya know what i mean?” i nodded, feeling sad about this whole situation.

“she's a good person, Carol too” i said, still in a low tone “they deserve to be in this together, not like this… 's not fuckin' fair” i said.

“i know, i'll try to brin' her back.”

we were silent again, and i know we were both thinking the same thing.

'let's find Sophia'

we're separating, and i don't like that, it scares me.

after church, Rick and Shane wanted to stay and explore a little longer, while we were told to go as planned. But Carl didn't want to leave either, and he offered to go with them.

it scares me to think about his safety. I don't trust Shane one bit, and i really wanna believe that Rick would do anything to protect his son, but he's still not my favorite person to protect others, and even though i trust him more than Shane, i'd rather this wasn't happening.

it doesn't help that Andrea has been giving Lori dirty looks since we left. We all know why she does it. Dale took the gun she was carrying, since apparently he doesn't trust her at all, or some shit like that. It was a hard blow for her, so the fact that Daryl gave Lori a gun without a second thought and as if it weren't important made her angry.

i try to understand her anyway, but she doesn't work with my patience, and i can see on Lori's face that it doesn't make her happy either.

“so this is it?” Carol said suddenly, stopping to sit on a log on the ground. “it's the whole plan?”

“i guess the plan 's to divide us into smaller and smaller groups,” my brother answered, stopping like everyone else to lean against a tree.

“carrying knives and pointed sticks,” Andrea said in an accusatory tone, looking directly at Lori. “i see you have a gun.”

"what? you want it?” she told her sharply, and i turned to look at Daryl for a moment with an almost proud expression on my face. “there, take it.” she held out the gun. “i'm sick of the looks you're giving me.” i almost laughed, watching Andrea open her eyes wide, and reach for the gun as if she couldn't believe what Lori just told her.

“well, most of you,” Lori murmured, sitting next to Carol on the log and turning to look at her. “honey, i can't imagine what you're going through, and i'd do anything to stop it… but you've gotta stop blaming Rick. It is in your face every time you look at him. When Sophia ran, he didn't hesitate, did he? Not for a second. I don't know if any of us would have gone after her the way he did. Or made the hard decisions that he had to made. Or if any body could have done it any differently” she said, trying to be as respectful as possible while looking at Carol “any body?” she asked, now looking at all of us, but no one spoke “y'all look at him and blame him for not being perfect, if you think you can do this without him, go right ahead!, nobody is stopping you” she snapped, taking out her water bottle and taking a sip.

Andrea silently approached Lori, handing her the gun again. “we should keep moving” was all she said.

and that's what we did, but when i had the chance i approached Lori, smiling at her and shaking my head in approval. She messed up my hair, smiling a little too, but with a tired face.

we continued walking for a few minutes, until a gunshot sound made us all stop. With fear i looked at Daryl, then looked at Lori.

“what the fuck was that?” i tried to walk in the direction of the sound. They're there, i'm sure, but Lori's hand on my arm stopped me from walking any further.

“probably nothing,” Andrea said, returning to the path, making everyone do the same, except Lori and me.

“Lori…” i shook my head.

'something 's wrong'.

“come on, let's keep moving” she said, putting her arm on my shoulders and walking next to me.

however, even though we tried to ignore it, we both kept looking back from time to time, trying to see if anything could tell us what had happened, but there was nothing, just that single gunshot.

Andrea soon noticed this, so she stopped.

“you still worrying about it?” her question made everyone slow down, and i could only stare at her. I was going to answer her, but Lori stepped forward, probably sensing my dislike for the blonde.

“it was a gunshot,” she said in response.

“we all heard it,” Daryl answered, so i narrowed my eyes, giving him a dirty look.

“why one? why just one gunshot?” Lori asked.

“maybe they took down a walker” my brother answered simply.

“don't..." she sighed "Rick wouldn't risk a gunshot to put down one walker, or Shane, they'd do it quietly.”

“shouldn't they have caught up with us by now?” Carol asked this time looking at Daryl.

“there's nothin' we can do about it anyway,” he replied. I snorted, still looking at him. “we can't run on this woods chasing echoes.”

"so what do we do?" i spoke this time.

“same as we've been, beat the bush for Sophia, and work a way back to the highway,” he replied, without looking at me.

“they'll surely find us back in the RV,” Andrea said, looking at me this time. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, but i didn't answer her.

we ended the conversation and most of us walked again, me still being hugged by Lori. However, Carol and Andrea didn't move forward, and it was until we heard them talking that we stopped again and turned to see them.

“i'm sorry for what you're going through, i know how you feel,” Andrea said.

“i guess you do… thank you,” Carol replied, then turned to look at us all. “the thought of her out here by herself… it's the not knowing that's killing me… i just keep hoping and praying that she doesn't end up like Amy” Andrea's expression hardened, clearly affected by the words, and then Carol realized it too and quickly spoke “oh God, that's the worst thing i've ever said.”

“we're all hoping and praying with you... for what is worth it” was what Andrea answered.

“i'll tell you what it's worth,” Daryl interrupted, approaching them. “not a damn thing, it's a waste of time all this hoping and praying. We're just gonna locate that little girl and she's gonna be just fine” he snapped. “am i the only one zen around here? Good lord” he finished saying, turning around to return to the path.

Lori and i turned to see each other, both trying to suppress a smile at my brother's words. He just… sounded so grumpy, even sassy. But we all know he's trying to find her, and that what he said actually makes sense.

now it's been a while since that, and we have searched non-stop for Sophia again, but there is no trace, no clue, she was nowhere to be found, so we suggested stopping for today, since it was starting to darken the sky, which meant the slow arrival of night.

we were going to go back to Dale and T-Dog, who were left on the highway. But it was then that Andrea, who was walking at the side of the group, far away, ran into a walker who was behind a tree. This surprised her, and he quickly tried to attack her. We could only hear her screams, so we ran to try to help her. We saw her, screaming and trying to kick him, but it clearly wasn't enough. However, before he could reach her, a woman on horse appeared, hitting the walker's head with a bat.

“Lori? Lori Grimes?” the stranger asked, looking at Andrea.

it was then that we managed to reach them.

“i'm Lori.”

“Rick sent me, you gotta come now,” the woman told her, agitated.

"what?" Lori asked, incredulous.

“there has been an accident, Carl has been shot. He's still alive, but you gotta come now” the woman said.

‘Carl…’

'it can't be true, he has to be fine'

'was that the shot? was it him all this time?'

'he can't…he can't die, no, not him'

'i have to see him, he has to be okay'

'i trusted he would be safe with them, i trusted they would protect him'

'Carl can't die'

i feel panic overcome me, so much so that i can't even understand what is happening, i can't hear anything. Carl is all i can think about.

'he…he has to be okay'

i snap out of my thoughts when i see Lori riding the horse with the unknown woman. Riding away. But i don't even have the strength to try to say anything about it.

'i wanna go with them, i need to see it'

but it was too late, because they had already left.

i feel Daryl's gaze on me, but i can only look at where they went, and then at the backpack that Lori was carrying. I picked it up, putting it on so i could carry it.

we continue walking in silence, but all i can think about is how to get there.

'i can track them. Maybe i'm not as good as Daryl, but the horse surely left his tracks until he got to the place. That can work'

'it has to work'.

Carol refuses to go to the farm where Carl is, and i can understand her, but that also means that most of them are going to stay too, and now i have to convince my brother to let me go there with Glenn and T-Dog .

'fucking incredible'

'i think it would be easier to escape, but i'll try.'

“the cut on his arm went from bad to worse and now he has a very serious blood infection,” Dale explained to the others.

'didn't they look through our things? i mean, that sucks, but even if they'd just asked us they'd know we have Merle's arsenal with us.'

apparently Daryl thought the same, as we looked at each other with the same confused expression, and he quickly went to our things, pulling out the bag.

“...because if not, T-Dog will die and it's not a joke” Dale finished saying, watching as Daryl went to look for the pills.

“why didn't ya say somethin' before?” i asked, watching Daryl leave the bag on a car, checking the inside to see what they could use.

“X…no, don't need that” i heard him mutter, still searching.

“look for the painkillers” when i said it he found them, throwing them at Glenn “and the doxycycline” this time he threw it at Dale.

“and 's not generic stuff neither, 's first class,” Daryl told them, seeing their confused faces.

“Merle got the clap... on a occasion” i explained, watching as Daryl walked away again until he reached our things “you're welcome” i told them, going after him.

“hey… uhm, i need to talk to ya” i said in a low tone, getting his attention.

"what?" he looked at me.

“i wanna go with Glenn and T-Dog…”

“nah” he interrupted me “you're not goin'.”

“come on, Dar. He's my best friend, i need to be there. I need to see with my own eyes that he's safe” i told him, but he shook his head.

“we don' know wha' kind of crazy people are in tha' place, and i won' leave ya alone in their care.” he said again, firmly.

“please, ya know i can defend myself, ya know i know how to use my knife better than many in this group” i complained.

“i don' care, you're not goin'.”

“Daryl please, you and Carl are the only good thing i have left. I don' wanna lose him too. I need to know that he's safe, tha' they're protectin' him” i confessed “i trusted that he would be safe with 'hem and now he's between life and death. Please, i have to go” the desperation in my voice was noticeable “i'm fuckin' askin' , and ya know that if you don' give me permission i'll find a way to go. But i respect ya and that's why i'm tryin' to ask first.”

i saw him consider the idea. He was silent for a moment, but then he sighed and pulled a knife from Merle's things.

“hidden near the ankle, so that no one sees it. If somethin' happens, if ya lose yer knife, if ya feel like it's not enough. Whatever. Whatever ya feel, ya take it out” he said, handing me the knife. i nodded, secretly putting it as he ordered, covering it with my pants and boots.

“don' trust, don' turn yer back on 'hem…” he started to say.

“i protect my vital points and stay alert, i know” i saw him nod.

“they're goin' to trust, so ya'll have to take care of 'hem, ya know tha', right?” he asked me, to which i nodded this time.

“i know, but i always do that' anyway” i joked, seeing him scoff and smile a little.

we've been in the truck for a while. None of the three speak, and while the two of them are in the front seat, i'm lying on the back seats, with my feet resting on a window and looking at the roof of the vehicle.

“ya think he'll be okay?” i asked suddenly, seeing how they were startled by my voice.

“i thought you were sleeping,” Glenn murmured, a little agitated, but without taking his eyes off the road. “i wanna believe that he is. He's a strong boy.” T-Dog nodded, looking out the window. There was a moment of silence until i spoke again.

“ya trust Rick?” i asked this time, and saw that they both looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes.

"you don't?" Glenn asked me, but when i was about to answer the truck stopped, and our destination was shown in front of us. The mysterious woman's farm.

“answer fer another time, i guess” i muttered and they both nodded. At the same time the three of us got out of the truck, Glenn with his shotgun in hand, T-Dog looking like a dead man, and me with one hand on my knife, ready to pull it out if necessary.

“so... do we... ring the bell? it looks like people live here” Glenn said, looking at the door of the house in front of us with some nervousness.

“we've passed all that kind of stuff, haven't we?” T-Dog said, walking up the front steps with the two of us behind him.

“you close the gate of the road when you drove in?” a voice asked us, scaring the three of us. My eyes widened, but i soon noticed that the voice was coming from a corner in the entrance, it was dark enough that we wouldn't notice anyone was there.

“uh… hi,” Glenn said, looking in the same direction as me. “yes, we closed it, locked it and everything.” it was then that we could see it. It was the mystery woman. “Hi, nice to see you again, we… uh, we met before.” i looked at Glenn when he said that and raised an eyebrow, noticing his nervousness about the girl.

“we came to help,” T-Dog said this time. “is there anything we can do?” he then whimpered in pain, at the same time that the woman began to approach us “it's not a bite” he explained when he noticed the look on his injured arm “i uh, i cut myself pretty bad.”

“we have a doc inside, i'll tell him you're here” she told him in response.

“we have uh... some painkillers and antibiotics,” Glenn informed, showing them to her “i already gave him some. But in case Carl needs…”

“come on inside, i'll make you something to eat.” she opened the door for us, letting us enter her house.

“can we see Carl?” i asked as we entered, catching the three's attention.

“yes, of course, but try not to make too much noise. We're waiting for them to arrive with all the stuff so we can remove the bullet parts that remain inside and control the internal bleeding. We don’t need him to wake up if not on his own, okay?” she answered me calmly, and i nodded quickly.

she led us to the room, and when we entered i had to cover my mouth as a sob almost escaped me. So Glenn put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently. When i looked at him he smiled slightly, and then decided to speak towards the adults inside the room.

“hi” he said in a low tone, but drawing their attention. When Lori looked at me i could see that her eyes were filled with tears and she stood up quickly, but trying not to make a sound. We both approached and gave each other a big hug, letting our emotions flow at that moment.

i didn't even know i needed it, but when she hugged me i couldn't help it and let the tears come. Gosh, i didn't even cry like this when Sophia got lost, or when we almost died the previous times, but seeing Carl like this... i feel like it was the last straw.

by the time we separated, Lori made me sit in the chair she was in before, putting one hand on my shoulder and the other on Rick's shoulder, standing behind us. Glenn and T-Dog let them know that they're here if they need anything and then left with the woman.

an older man with white hair was sitting on the same bed where they had Carl, and it was then that he lowered the sheet that covered him, revealing the bloody bandage on the wound and his swollen abdomen, almost purple from the bleeding that the woman mentioned.

“if they don't get back soon, we're gonna have a decision to make” the man spoke.

“and that is?” Rick asked him in a low tone.

“whether we operate the boy without the respirator”

“you said that wouldn't work,” Lori interrupted.

“i know, it's extremely unlikely, but we can't wait much longer.” the man's words made Lori and Rick leave the room for a moment, but i decided to stay there, giving them their space to talk about this.

there was a moment of silence, in which i could only look at him. He's so pale, but his face looks so calm right now. I wish he looked this calm all the time, but i'm also not happy about why he looks like that.

“he's your friend?” the man asked me, looking at me this time. I nodded, quickly wiping away my tears as i was with one of them. “My name is Hershel, and the one you just met is my daughter Maggie.” he introduced himself.

“ 'm Yn, Yn Dixon.” i introduced myself in the same way, and he nodded silently.

“you two knew each other before all... this?”

“nah, we met at a camp tha' we initially formed a couple of months ago, but he was one of the few kids who talked to me and he became my bes' friend.” my voice shook at the end, so i decided not to talk anymore, and he seemed to understand it.

i don't know how much time has passed, but i couldn't stop looking at Carl. Neither Rick nor Lori have returned, so it's just Hershel and i staring at him.

i don't even care anymore about how weird it is to watch someone sleep. It terrifies me to think that if i stop doing it... somehow he'll disappear, he'll go away.

for a moment i thought i was hallucinating, but i soon realized that i wasn't. From one second to the next Carl opened his eyes and started coughing, trying to look everywhere.

“Carl,” i whispered, opening my eyes wide and approaching his bed. At that moment Rick and Lori entered quickly, approaching in the same way.

"where we are?" he asked us, clearly scared as he didn't recognize the room.

“hey, little man,” Rick said, in such a delicate tone that i didn't even know he could do “this is Hershel.” he looked at the man, who was also near the bed. “we're in his house.”

Lori looked at me, smiling, and i looked at her the same way, excited.

“you had an accident,” Rick explained.

“it hurts... a lot,” he complained, shifting uncomfortably on the bed.

“i know, baby, i know” Lori caressed his arm, trying to comfort him.

it was then that he looked at me, and smiled a little. “you should have seen it,” he said.

“what, Carl?” i asked him, with the softest and calmest voice i can make.

“a deer, it was so pretty” he smiled a little more, with difficulty “It was so close, i've never been…” then he stopped talking, and seemed to fall into a kind of trance. My smile, which i hadn't even noticed, soon faded and i looked at Lori. She had the same anguished face.

his body suddenly began to convulse, so Hershel turned him on his side. I quickly hugged Lori, scared, and felt Rick hug us both.

“if you hold him down you could hurt him” he explained to us “he has to just go through this”

i sobbed as i saw the way his body moved so violently. His eyes seemed empty, so different from just now. When he spoke about the deer his eyes shone, he seemed full of life. But as his body shook, i caught a glimpse of him, and his eyes were dark, distant, as if it weren't him.

i want to stop it, i want this to end. Even the bed makes a loud noise from the sudden movements, but no one can do anything to stop it. We can only hope he survives this.

'please please'

i hid my face in Lori's body, unable to continue watching the scene. When he stopped, we all walked over to see his unconscious body, now with his eyes closed. With fear i watched as Hershel opened his eyes to check him out.

“his brain isn't getting enough blood, the pressure has dropped and he needs another transfusion.”

'shit, Daryl 's the one with the universal blood'

Rick offered to give him more blood, even though Hershel warned him what could happen to him if he did. So now, as he did so, he told us about the deer Carl had mentioned.

'he's...so pure, i really hope i can keep that about him if he survives.'

'he's going to survive,' i corrected myself, squeezing my eyes briefly as they burned from how much i had been crying since i arrived.

after that, the four of us spent a while in silence, just looking at Carl.

the moments that we managed to live in the midst of all this pass through my head. Like when Carl would come into my tent and tell me about his comics to help me sleep. Or when we walked through the forest while no one noticed, climbing some trees and talking about everything when we got tired of walking.

i even remembered the constellations, because on nights when comics didn't help me, he would open the tent a little so we could see the stars, and he would teach me everything he knew about them.

i also remembered the flowers, because he listened to me carefully when i told him the meaning of each flower, and the story that was told for each one. And then when he saw flowers somewhere, he would pick up the ones that he now knew well thanks to me, and he would bring them to me in his hands, smiling because he knew that i would like them, and that i would understand the silent message he was giving me with them.

Hershel's voice brought me out of my thoughts, only to bring me back to reality.

“he keeps losing blood faster than we can replace it, and with this swelling in his abdomen we can't wait any longer, or we're going to lose him,” he informed us, making the three of us tense. “i need to know right now if you want me to do this, because i think your boy is out of time” we all stayed silent, Rick and Lori were now standing, looking at Hershel, but i was still sitting, looking at Carl. “You have to make a choice”

"a choice?" Lori asked with an aggressive tone.

“a choice,” Rick responded, and this time i did look at them. Rick looked at Lori intently. “you have to tell me what it is.”

she caressed his cheek, and although she seemed doubtful, she responded firmly, “we do it.”

so we quickly helped Hershel and his family lift Carl onto a makeshift stretcher. The man looked at us before touching him, and told us that it was best for us to get out of there. Before we answered, however, we heard the sound of a truck, and when Rick looked out the window to look, he seemed suddenly relieved.

we all ran to the entrance, except for a woman named Patricia, who Lori told me a while ago, is the wife of the man who shot Carl, Otis. Shane, who had gone with the man to get things for Carl's surgery, got out of the truck. He seemed injured, agitated, and quickly handed the things to Hershel.

he briefly told us that Otis had sacrificed himself so that he could get to the farm and bring the things to save Carl. I honestly don't believe a word that comes out of Shane, but right now that's not a priority for me, so i just walked into the house, sitting near the room in the hope that this will end soon.

the surgery had been successful, but Carl was still unconscious, having a few moments of lucidity before closing his eyes again. That's why the next day Lori recommended that i go out a little, get some air and try to change my mood, since i didn't sleep all night, and i stayed next to Carl, afraid that something could happen to him again.

it was hard for me to leave the room, and when i did some people turned to look at me, giving me small smiles that i couldn't return. When i left the house i walked around the place. I heard that Glenn and Maggie were out, and that my brother was looking for Sophia, but i don't know if they're back, i just know that Andrea, Shane, and Carol are back, so i decided to walk to the RV.

inside i found a very different image from the previous days. Carol cleaned and organized the interior, making it look much more decent and nice.

“looks nice,” i said, seeing her sitting in the back.

“thank you… i wanted to clean it for her” she answered, smiling a little.

“ 'm sure she'll think 's cool when she gets back.” i leaned against a wall.

we were silent for a few seconds, until Carol sighed and changed her expression to a more worried one.

“how's Carl?” she asked me and i quickly tensed up.

“out of danger, Hershel even says that his fever went down, but he has few conscious moments, and tha' makes me a little desperate” i confessed, sighing afterwards “Lori convinced me to go out today. I haven't even slept. I can't, 'm terrified to think about what might happen if i get distracted, and even though i try to spend time out here, all i can think about is the probabilities.” she nodded, understanding.

“why don't you make him a card? like the ones people used to do before this” she suggested “you can keep thinking about him, but without necessarily being in that room, and it's a nice gift.”

's a good idea'

wait.

'i don' know how to write somethin to him'

i started cursing myself for giving up on classes. If i hadn't been so stupid maybe i could have written him a thousand cards.

i noticed that i hadn't responded to Carol yet, so i nodded, hoping it wouldn't show the way my mood went to shit from one second to the next.

“thanks Carol, i think i'll do tha' ” i said, but when i was about to turn around to leave, i saw that on the side there was a beer bottle with a cherokee rose on it. I knew immediately that Daryl had brought it, “i guess he told ya the story” i touched the flower for a moment as i heard Carol say yes “it probably bloomed because of her” i said in a low tone, but i know she heard me “i'll go to the house"

and that's what i did, going to look for my backpack to take out some blank papers and a pencil that almost had no ink. Then i sat in the dining room, with the pencil in my hand.

'what should i write?'

'how do i write “i hope ya get well soon, Carl, love ya”?'

'is that even what i should write, or should it be something longer?'

'what if he expects something more elaborate?'

'what if he doesn't understand what i write?'

i tried to write the phrase that occurred to me, resulting in an ugly text, with unintelligible letters that is supposed to say “i hope ya recover soon, Carl, love ya” but instead it says “i jope ya recover sun, Carl, lov ya”.

's that how you spell recover? or soon? s this how you spell his name?'

a fairly common feeling for me began to appear, making me feel uncomfortable. It was frustration, like every time i try to do this.

'm sick of this shit, why is it so fucking complicated?'

i crumpled the paper in my hands, setting it aside. So i took another one and tried again. This time i tried adding a heart at the end, but it looks like a fucking balloon instead.

i took out another sheet and tried again, but i feel like every time i try it comes out worse and worse.

'm useless, why 's this so fuckin' hard?'

'everyone can do it, why can't i?'

'this 's horrible, it looks like shit'

feelings of worthlessness, frustration, guilt, anger, and sadness began to quickly fill my heart and mind.

"you're stupid! ya don't even know how to do the minimum! this way ya will end up being a whore just like yer damn mother!” i remembered my father's screams. I remember how he shook me, taking advantage of the fact that Daryl wasn't at home and Merle was... just lost. Dad wasn't supposed to be here either, but he returned much earlier than expected, and found a note from school warning of my lack of skills and my bad behavior: “ 'm not raising ya so that ya end up being jus' another prostitute! ya should be grateful to have shelter, food and education!” every sentence was now accompanied by a slap. Tears came out of my eyes without me being able to stop them, and in my head i prayed that Daryl would arrive at some point.

but that wasn't happening, and apparently my mouth started working faster than my brain. “raising me!? all ya do is fuckin' complain and hit us! hell, even Merle has been more of a man and more of a father than ya!” i remember that when i realized what i said my eyes opened wide and i gasped, bringing my hand directly to my mouth.

after that i remember the beating, and Daryl's panicked face when he came home and found me lying on the kitchen floor, blood coming out of my mouth and my body covered in deep wounds and new bruises.

all because i'm useless.

then a noise brought me out of my memories, Rick was sitting in a chair, near me.

"what are you doing?" he asked me in an almost sweet tone, looking at the crumpled sheets on one side of the table and the still blank sheets on the other side.

“i… i was tryin' to write a card to Carl” i said, feeling a little exposed and embarrassed “Carol suggested it” i tried to explain, but i felt my face turn red as Rick started to smile.

“i think he'll like that, a lot,” he said, but i just grimaced, looking at the crumpled sheets.

“i don' think so,” i whispered.

"why not?" he frowned.

“i can'… i can' write somethin' to him because i don'…” i cleared my throat, feeling too exposed with my confession, however, he seemed to understand, and instead of looking at me with contempt or strangeness, he smiled again.

“i can help you if you want. It's never too late to learn, not even in the midst of all this” he offered, and i looked at him with doubt.

'does he really mean it?'

i think my look was pretty obvious, because he let out a small laugh, moving his chair closer.

“i swear, i can help you with that if you want,” he told me firmly, and for a moment, even if it was brief, i felt that hope grow in me again.

“ 'm not an easy student, Rick,” i warned him, but the smile on his face didn't fade.

“i didn't expect you to be, little Dixon.”

it was long hours of practicing and practicing with Rick.

Daryl entered the house, looking for me after not finding me anywhere else. When he found me he opened his eyes wide, and i can swear that for a moment i saw something sparkle in them.

"what are ya...?" he asked, clearing his throat when he noticed that his voice sounded somewhat…excited.

i can't judge him, since we both know the problems that not knowing how to read or write brought me. We both know about the beatings, the teasing, the insults and even the nightmares.

“Rick helped me make Carl a card, look!” in days i didn't smile the way i do now.

one sheet, now folded in half, was filled with small drawings on the cover, and on the inside, in a much less horrible and now understandable handwriting, it said: “Hope ya get well soon, Carl! love ya so much, and i miss hanging out with ya. - Yn” with more drawings around it.

with so much practice my pencil had worn out, so Rick lent me some of Carl's pencils that were in Lori's backpack. Now the card has color, and it looks much prettier than i had imagined.

my eyes shine and a huge smile decorates my face. Daryl smiled when he saw the card, and hugged me tightly when he saw how happy i am.

“thank you” he said to Rick, still hugging me.

“no problem” i heard him say “i'll go throw away the papers we used and then i'll go see Carl. Good night” he said.

“thank ya Rick, really.” i looked at him from Daryl's arms and he just nodded, smiling and then doing what he told us.

Daryl and i continued hugging for a few minutes, both with mixed emotions, but the most predominant one being joy.

“ 'm proud of ya, girl,” he said suddenly, and those words seemed to heal a part of me. “i know 's been hard, and it took a while fer ya to do this, but ya did, and i knew ya would.” i feel his voice tremble. I know he wants to cry just like i do, so i hug him tighter.

“thank you, Dar” i whispered, holding back tears for a moment “thank you fer not giving up on me… like him” then i sobbed, feeling his body shake, a sign that he was crying too, even if just a little.

a few days later, Carl 's now more stable, and can spend hours conscious, so i feel it's time to give him the card.

“hey,” i greeted him, seeing him sitting on the bed reading a comic.

he quickly looks at me when he hears my voice, putting aside what he was reading and moving to the side to make a space for me on the bed so i could sit, and that's what i did, leaning on the backrest next to him.

“hey” he greeted me this time, smiling “i was starting to miss you here” he joked, to which i smiled, gently hitting his arm.

"i brought ya somethin' " i saw the curiosity on his face, so i took the letter out of my jacket pocket and cleared my throat, blushing at his intense gaze. "while ya were unconscious i received some help and i uhm... made ya a card." i extended it to him, and he grabbed it, still looking at me carefully.

“thank you,” he said, and then he looked at it. His eyes shine, and he doesn't stop smiling, even when he opens it and sees what i had written. In fact his face seemed to light up even more, and soon he's hugging me, being careful not to crumple my gift. “i love it, i'll always have it with me, i swear.” he said, to which i smiled, feeling relieved to know that he liked it.

“ 'm glad ya liked it” because of the movement, the hat that his dad had recently given him fell off, so i picked it up and put it back on his head.

“i loved it” he corrected me “you always do beautiful things for me, you make me feel special, you know?” he confessed, and his cheeks turned a little red.

“ya make me feel special too, Carl,” i said, looking him in the eyes. “you're special to me, and i felt like i was dyin' when ya were here, unconscious. I thought i was goin' to lose ya too and it was… it was so scary. It was a nightmare"

“but here i am now, and i'm fine,” he assured me, taking one of my hands and intertwining our fingers. “i'm fine, and with you i feel better”

behind the door, three adults were about to come in to look for us, but after hearing part of the conversation they decided to give us a few minutes.

now, no one will take the small smiles off the faces of Lori, Rick and Daryl, who go to the dining room to sit and wait.

[mytsukkishine]

Prompt for Damien haas x reader -> fluff!!! coworkers at smosh, Damien is super shy and reader is super flirty and teases him a lot until he actually makes a move??? Do with that what you will lol

n/a: whoa kay, hi anon. thank u for the lovely request. this would actually be my first time to take in request, and the first time to make a characterxreader genre so forgive me for the errors. thank you for the request and i would like to apologize again becaaaause i am new to this smosh fandom (I have known them way back then and only watched smosh again because of their board AF series so..) and i hope you would like this.

-still taking requests so~~ give me time tho hahaha another note. sorry it might have a little feelsy feels in the middle lmao

Summary: You’ve become smitten of Damien ever since, and you love to tease and kind of flirt with him because he would always turn red. However, in the middle of these so-called feelings, you’ve come to the conclusion that maybe, maybe Damien doesn’t like you back. Maybe the reason why he’s shy was that he felt so awkward when you are around him.

And so, the feels begin. 

words: 1,920

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You smiled at the envelopes on your hands. The marketing team was already done with the promotional pictures, and it all looked awesome. All those hard work through production was all worth it.

Of course, you, from the Sales department volunteered to bring it to the squad because, well, even though you were at the office side, you were more close to the production side.

“I have pictures!” You announced cheerily as you opened the door. Courtney and Noah who was near the entrance stood up and got the envelopes according to their names. “Here ya go!”

“Thank you Y/N!” Courtney beamed you a smile and you handed the rest to the squad. You walked up to Damien and you grinned, pushing your hair onto the back of your ear.

“Here,”

“Thank you!” He said happily and you can’t help but notice his cheeks were always pink. It’s adorable. “You look good there,” You commented and you swore his cheeks turned red. “I- uhm, hahha,” He laughed lowly, avoiding eye contact.

You pouted internally but just gave him a cheeky smile, “Well, see you around!”

“Hey YN, wanna hang out after work?” Shayne spoke and the others agreed.

To be honest, it has become a routine for you to hang out with them. The difference between the departments was never a hindrance because you easily became friends with Olivia and the rest was history.

Then you met Damien. When Damien first entered Smosh, you were smitten. He was kind of shy at first but then he opened up. The thing that you liked about him was that he gets shy whenever he rants about anime to you and then he would suddenly apologize. You two were pretty close but you still wonder why Damien never seemed to speak so much when you are around.

You always see him being all talkative and a goofball to others but not to you.

You were curious.

One time you two were alone in the lunchroom and you looked up from the document you were reading. You caught him looking at you.

“Yes, Dames?”

“Uhm—Nothing!” He looked back at his food and continued to eat.

Ever since then, you always wanted to tease him. He was cute.

“Oh, cool!” You grinned towards Shayne then turned to look at Damien, “You’re going too, right?”

“Y-yes,” Damien answered and you giggled.

Shayne, Keith, and Noah was actually watching the whole scene happening and they just wished for Damien to just ask you out quickly.

 ~

You sighed as you entered the breakroom. It’s a tiring and stressful day as your manager kept pressuring you in getting that deal. He has been nagging you since last week and you were really trying your best.

You whined and headed for the coffee machine but stopped when you spotted Damien. He waved at you with a sweet smile etched on his face.

“Coffee?” He offered. His cheeks pink again.

Your frowning face immediately glowed and you find yourself next to him, “Yes please.” He pressed the button and both of you silently wait for it to be brewed.

“So, why is Damien Haas here? Don’t you have a shoot?”

“I- uh, we are on a break actually,” He pointed on his brows and that’s where you noticed that it was so defined and on fleek. “Whaaat,” You leaned in to take a closer look and Damien stepped back a little.

You smirked, “Let me see, Dames,”

He was taller than you so obviously you tiptoed and Damien released a nervous laugh. He tilted his head to the side, avoiding eye contact and you grinned. You patted his hair gently and a small beep from the coffee maker resounded.

You straightened yourself and grabbed the coffee pot. “You still look good though,” You complimented. “What video are you making?”

Damien was a blushing mess. He cleared his throat as he grabbed his mug and waited for you to finish. “Uh, Courtney is giving me a make-over, Shane inspired make-up,” You nodded and you took Damien’s hand that was holding his cup and poured coffee in it.

Damien’s mouth was shut tight as he looked at the hand above his.

It was hot and it’s making his heart beat fast.

“Oooh nice,”

“Y-yeah…”

“Well, good luck!” You winked, squeezed Damien’s hand gently before leaving, not forgetting to grab your own cup.

You stopped on your tracks and looked back. You beamed up at Damien, “I think pink lips would look good on you~”

Your heart was racing as you exited the room.

 ~

 Okay, you can’t focus. You need to see this live. That was why you found yourself sneaking in the studio where you know Courtney and Damien would be shooting their makeover.  You smiled sheepishly as one of the producers saw you. He shook his head but lets you in.

You found a corner where you can watch for a while without interrupting anyone so you stood there, papers in your hand as you watched Courtney applies some eye shadow on Damien’s face.

It was funny and cute but throughout the video, you can’t help but pout as how close they were and Damien wasn’t flinching away.

Well, of course, he shouldn’t because Courtney was putting make-up on him but still. You felt your heart pang a little as you remembered some moments where you got a little too close to Damien and he would shy away.

Okay, admitting time. You have a crush on Damien. Maybe after the lunchroom incident you became so smitten over him, then you realize you liked him when Boze asked you if you like him.

Ever since then—you do. You do like him and it has been seven months and these so-called feelings were kind of taking a toll on you.

Then Damien’s laughter broke your thoughts as he and Courtney talked more and you were kind of jealous. Not because of Courtney, oh God she’s your friend. You’re jealous because you want to have that kind of conversation with Damien also.

Maybe you got it all wrong, you thought to yourself as you observed Damien. He was shy and always blushing. Maybe because he was feeling awkward to be with you.

Not because he likes you.

You sighed and decided to leave and continue with your work.

 ~

 “Yo, did something happened?” Shayne asked as he took a seat beside you, putting his drink on the table as you continue to play with your Switch. It was a Sunday meaning no work for you and you decided to hang out in the squad’s office for a while because they said they would be going out for a drink later on.

“No, why?”

“You have been awfully quiet.”

“I am always quiet Shayne,”

“Mmhmm,” Shayne hummed and took a sip. Pregnant silence covered the both of you before you straightened your body and rested your head on Shayne’s shoulder.

“I’m just tired,”

“Of what?”

“Work, obviously.”

“Y/N. I have known you since Defy. What is up?”

You groaned as you lost the game. You sighed and pressed restart. “Nothing, really…”

Then the door opened and the rest of the squad entered and both of you remained in your positions. “Y/N, you’re here!” Olivia and Courtney greeted and you replied with a smile and wave before turning back to your game. Noah took a seat beside you to watch and you instantly switched shoulders to lean on.

Shayne stood up to throw is trash and the rest were getting ready to leave.

Damien was the last one to enter and he spotted you. He walked up to you and peeked from above to see what you were playing, “Oh, you’re playing My Hero: One’s Justice!” He exclaimed excitedly as he took Shayne’s previous spot.

“Ah, yeah… It’s quite an interesting game,” You said and focused on your playing.

“Guys come on, we need to stop by Taco Bell first,” Keith announced and Noah stood up, disturbing your gaming in the process. You proceeded to rest on the nearest shoulder but stopped when you remembered that the nearest shoulder beside you was—

Then your eyes met Damien’s.

The game already abandoned as you and Damien made eye contact.

You saw his cheeks were pink again. You looked away and exited your game.

“Uh,” You managed to let out as you stood up. “I think I need to charge this first, so…”

You wanted to hit yourself because it was so obvious you tried to avoid him. Now you felt bad for letting your stupid feelings get in the way.

You walked over to your bag with a sigh.

Damien doesn’t deserve this. It has been two days since your realization and it has been two days since you smiled at Damien. You wanted to cry because you always, always wanted to smile at Damien. And maybe tease him but nooooo, you realize you might just be hurting yourself.

“I’m going to the break room for a while,” You announced and Courtney draped an arm around you, “Everything good babe?” She asked with a worried face and you nodded, hugging her in the process.

“Yes, babe. Just thirsty,” Well that was partly true. She lets you go and you waved, exiting the room with your bag in tow.

You walked towards the break room and enter when a hand stopped you from your tracks.

It was Damien.

He followed you here? You looked around to see no one was there, of course the office would be empty on a Sunday afternoon.

“Yes?” You questioned with a raised brow and you saw him gulp.

“Y-Y/N… I- I wanted to ask you something,”

You sighed. He had noticed you were avoiding him. Now you have to apologize to this soft boy that doesn’t deserve your cruelty.

“Dames, look about earlier I-”

“Would you go out with me?”

The two of you stopped for a moment. His hands held your wrist as you both looked at each other.

“What?”

Damien was now red. Like red, as in when they drank-too-much-smoothies-that-one-time red.

“I… you see,” He was kind of struggling as you were gazing at him. “Uhm, okay. You are funny, so cheerful and very… cute.” He was looking down, still holding your wrist. “And you always tease me and stuff…”

You smiled a little but he continued. “Then I noticed you were kind of avoiding me and—”

“I’m sorry Dames, it’s not—”

“No. No. Let me finish, please. I am sweating.” You nodded with a laugh.

Damien released a nervous chuckle and he finally, finally looked at you.

“And it’s killing me. I have liked you and—I wanted to know more of you so,”

“Yes.”

“Would you go—wait, what?”

You giggled as you stepped closer to Damien, you face are inches away and you heard his breath hitched.

“I would love to go out with you Dames,” You felt your cheeks heating up as you see Damien’s eyes looking down at your lips. You smiled and pressed a finger on his soft lips.

“Take me to dinner first, babe.” Damien scoffed a laugh, cheeks still a mess as you stepped back. “I’ve always like this side of you, Dames.” You commented and grabbed for his hand. He was shocked for a moment but then relaxed. He leaned in towards your ear, “I like this side of you too,”

Now you swore you were the blushing mess this time.

-

apologize for grammar error. thank uuuuumaybe tell me what ya’ll think hehe :D

[mithranqueersmusings]

Baby, You’re A Rich Man XXI

Chapter: 21/28

Rating: U

Summary: Ringo could never understand why that group of three boys made him feel so uncomfortable, or why the way George looked at him sent him into a panic. After a chance encounter Ringo discovers the truth and has no clue what to do with the information.

Tags: AU - Gangsters, Slow Burn, Smut, Eventual Romance, Violence, Angst

Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

A week had passed before Brian had asked to see Ringo for an 'assignment', he'd also asked the rest of the boys to come along. During this time Ringo had moved into the remaining flat on George's floor which was a strange level of commitment Ringo hadn't anticipated: they weren't living together technically, Ringo's things like his clothes and drum kit were at his place across the hall but he spent almost every minute of the day at George's. He had to admit he'd miss his old place somewhat, as dreary and depressing as it was, and he had the horrible feeling that he'd never settle into this new flat because it was just too nice. Not that Ringo didn't think he deserved nice things, but knowing that he was living there through his connections - a phrase he heard repeatedly now - rather than his own hard work made him feel a bit undeserving. Nonetheless he was more than happy to be so much closer to George, not to forget John and Paul either who he was increasingly getting closer with.

His flat was the same layout as George's only flipped, with luxurious furniture and a fairly nice view of the city. John suggested they threw a 'house warming party' which just consisted of another night of debauchery which took place in Ringo's flat instead of George's, but Ringo appreciated the sentiment. George also made the suggestion that they christen his new bed, which didn't take much convincing. Despite his slight discomfort in his new lavish surroundings, he had a real sense of belonging when he was with the other boys and couldn't be happier with how things had turned out. Ringo insisted that they ate a proper homemade dinner together rather than eating out as they usually did and it was such a success that they decided to do it at least once a week from then on. George had helped Ringo in the kitchen and they somehow managed to get a satisfactory dinner ready without breaking anything or burning the place down; next week would be John an Paul's turn, George was already planning on spontaneously becoming allergic to whatever they were going to cook. The four of them essentially did everything together, well not everything despite John's constant joking.

He'd worked a few more shifts at The Babylon and they'd gone very smoothly. Ringo worried he wouldn't be able to go back there after everything that happened but as soon as he had his sticks in hand he felt unstoppable; the constant reminder that security had been increased and were watching him specifically helped too of course. Shane had been massively relieved to see Ringo on his first shift back, giving him a tight hug which neither of them were really anticipating. The rest of the band thought Ringo was pretty 'cool' for having survived the whole thing, but were still a little standoffish. While the physical wounds were completely healed by this point, Ringo couldn't deny he was still a little subconsciously shaken about the whole thing but he just tried his best not to think about it. Upon hearing that Brian wanted to see him, Ringo felt irrefutably nervous about the whole ordeal but he just had to remember how much Brian had insisted that he would be protected now. It was a cold Thursday morning when the four of them were called back over to Brian's house, Paul once again woke them all up on time. They'd started eating breakfast together every so often, although John almost always refused on the basis that it was too early to do anything but going back to bed, which is what they did that morning.

"I think he enjoys torturing us by getting us up so early." John mumbled into his cup of coffee.

"It's 9 in the morning John, it's hardly the break of dawn." Ringo smiled, although he wasn't feeling too chirpy himself.

They all piled into Paul's car and headed back over to Brian's house, which Ringo was pretty excited to see again. George Martin met them at the door once more, although he seemed a little more serious this time. He led them into the lounge and offered them all a drink before vanishing to find Brian again, who entered a few minutes later.

"So lovely to see you boys!" He beamed, approaching them all individually with a handshake before taking the same seat as he did last time "How have you all been keeping?"

They all spoke over one another lazily which made Brian chuckle, he had a cup of tea brought in by George who then moved over to the window. The atmosphere in the room was a little tense, at least Ringo thought so, and he gripped George's hand for comfort.

"Now, I've got quite a big task for the four of you. I could've given it to someone else, but I really think you're perfect for this." Brian began, shifting to get comfortable in the chair as he stirred his tea "It's a great chance for you all to really prove yourself, and would be a great way of throwing you into the deep end, Ringo."

Ringo shone a nervous smile at the mention of his name which resulted in another small laugh from Brian.

"One thing I really want to do as well is remove you four from the environment here, this Chapman business is really heating up and to get you out of harms way would just be a massive relief for myself." He paused to take a sip of his tea "I'll just cut straight to the chase, I want to send you boys over to Germany." He paused for a response.

"What's in Germany?" George asked when he realised nobody else was going to speak.

"Hamburg." Brian said with a smile.

"And what's in Hamburg?" John asked with a chuckle.

"Well we've got quite a few connections over there in the clubs and so forth, but I've been getting a lot of reports lately that a certain group has been trying to muscle their way onto the scene." Brian explained "The issue is we don't know exactly who's doing it, and the people I have over there are far too known to really do anything about it."

"I think I see where this is going." John murmured.

"What I would like you boys to do is go over there and suss this whole situation out. That city is just filled with rambunctious lads like yourself, and I think you'll really fit in there. Ringo, you would join one of the bands in one of my clubs and see what information you can gain there, while the rest of you boys do what you do best." Brian paused again and awaited a response.

"How dangerous could this whole thing get?" Paul asked politely.

"Well it's hard to say, of course. The city itself is rather dangerous, I suppose, but I would insist that Ringo doesn't get involved if anything turns violent. The aim of this whole thing is to discover who's trying to take over our territory, and put to a stop to it. I'm not above offering them money, but ideally I'd rather settle this without any loss on our part. Does that make sense?" Brian smiled.

"What about my job here?" Ringo asked, he felt rather stumped by the whole situation.

"Oh, don't worry about that, George is already working on finding a temporary replacement." Brian gestured behind him to where George gave a small smile in response.

"How long would we be there for?" George asked, he was rubbing the back of Ringo's hand with his thumb.

"I can't imagine it'd extend any longer than a month. A week or two, I'd estimate." Brian took another sip of his drink.

"I don't want to step out of line or anything, Brian." John began "But is taking us away from the city we know and are protected in only to place us somewhere unknown with a potentially dangerous group of people really the best idea?"

Brian just chuckled "I understand your concern, of course. If you are all opposed to the idea, I can offer it to someone else, but I thought it'd be a great opportunity for you three to show what you're capable of, particularly with the messy episodes over the past few months." There was more of an edge to his voice now.

"Do you know how big the group is?" Paul asked.

"Not definitively, but if nobody can identify them they can't be that large surely." Brian said with a smile "I have a lot of respect for you boys, and I trust you to do this for me. So what do you say?"

There was a pause for a few moments, each of them looking at one another before George spoke "Can you give us a minute to talk about it?"

"Oh, of course. I'll head out to the garden, come and find me when you're done." Brian didn't hesitate to get up then, heading out of the room with his tea in hand and George following behind him.

Another silence followed before they were sure the two of them were far away enough from the room.

"What do you think?" George spoke first, squeezing Ringo's hand.

"I dunno... I've never even been out of the country before." Ringo said sheepishly.

"Well I say we go." John blurted out determinedly.

"Really?" Paul asked surprised. "Why so sure?"

"I've heard a lot about Hamburg from some of the other lads, and it sounds like a right riot." John grinned.

"John it's not a bloody holiday." George scoffed.

"Well we can't work all day, can we?" John sat back comfortably, crossing his legs over.

"What have you heard?" Ringo asked, with Brian out of the room he instantly felt more relaxed.

"Drugs, drink, music, prostitutes - you name it, its got it all." John said.

"We literally have all of those things here." George replied with a chuckle.

"No, not like this place. It sounds like sin central, I'm telling you. I think it'd be fun."

"Not sure I'm happy with how excited you are for prostitutes, darling." Paul spoke up now "But it would be nice to get out of this place, maybe get away from all the glitz of it all."

"I'm all for it, would be nice to get back here and those Chapman bastards have been dealt with." George said "But only if you're comfortable with it, love."

"Its just a lot, you know? It sounds like it could be fun, especially if all I'm really doing is drumming. I just don't want to be like dead weight." Ringo was warming to the idea, but the unknown aspect of it all was certainly frightening.

"You wouldn't be you daft git." John laughed "That's the whole point, we do all the dirty work you just be your normal charming self and get us some information."

"But how do I even do that?" Ringo asked.

"Ringo, what's my favourite colour?" John raised his eyebrow.

"Er- Green, why?" Ringo stammered.

"And how do you know that?" John leaned forward in his seat.

"I think Ge-" Ringo paused "Oh... Now I feel proper daft."

"It's not rocket science. All you have to do is talk to people, find out what you can and we'll do the rest." John was still laughing.

"Well in that case, I suppose I'm on board then." Ringo chuckled.

"You sure?" George asked and Ringo nodded in response.

"That sorts that then!" Paul said with a smile "Now, can anyone speak any German?"

Brian had been quite delighted at the news, he explained that they'd have to be staying in somewhere on the 'lower scale of things' to not draw so much attention to themselves and told them to pack that very same night. Their flight left London the following afternoon and they had to be up and ready in the morning for a long drive.

"I thought you'd have a private jet or something." Ringo said as he packed up his clothes into a suitcase, he didn't even own one prior to a few hours ago.

"We're not that loaded." George chuckled as he rifled through his wardrobe.

"Are you excited?" Ringo asked, he had the horrible feeling that he was the only nervous one.

"A little bit, but it's still work, you know? Just hope things go as smoothly as they're supposed to." George sounded more serious now "Especially if you're getting involved now, I've gotta start doing things properly."

All packed and ready to go, the four of them spent the evening at George's having a little to drink and trying their best to get an early night. Ringo struggled getting to sleep, tossing and turning throughout the night as the fear began to take hold of him. George groggily awoke after an hour of Ringo's continuous movements, he didn't say a word but moved up closer to the smaller man and wrapped his arm tight around his waist. It calmed Ringo instantly, and while he couldn't silence the constant worries in his mind, he felt more able to overcome them with the safe feeling of George beside him. He just had to remember John's words and Brian's emphasis of how important his safety was.

The follow morning came abruptly in the manner they always did whenever something important was going on: Paul knocking repeatedly on George's door with a groggy John stood beside him until Ringo finally got up to let them in. At times George never even locked his front door because it just made life easier for everyone, despite Paul telling him it was a stupid thing to do. There was to be a car arriving in 10 minutes which was just enough time to drag George out of bed and into something half-decent. Despite the importance of the whole situation, at this point it really just felt like a strange holiday to the four of them and Ringo couldn't deny that he felt a little excited. They all had a cup of tea and pieces of toast were lazily passed around before they managed to squeeze into the lift with their suitcases. There was a driver waiting for them outside the building with a rather swanky car, Ringo felt a little like a celebrity as they all piled inside. On the back seat was a letter from Brian addressed on the front simply to 'Boys'. Paul seized the letter before John lazily sat on it and read it aloud to them; it detailed what hotel they'd be staying at, the clubs that were in need of investigating, the band Ringo would be joining and most importantly that they should call him at the end of every day to update him.

"Bit much." John snickered.

"This is some serious shit." George chuckled "Can we try to not fuck this one up?"

"Like you're so perfect." Paul made himself comfortable as the car began to drive off "Are you forgetting when you knocked out that bloke onl-"

"Only to find out he was one of ours, yeah whatever." George interrupted with a smile "Let's just do this one properly, alright lads?"

"And who put you in charge?" John raised an eyebrow.

"Oh I'm sorry, lets put the alcoholic, nymphomaniac, coke-addict in charge in a city filled with drugs and prostitutes." George glared but he was still grinning.

"Bastard." John kicked him playfully "I'm not even a coke-addict."

"Well let's keep it that way, eh Johnny?" Ringo laughed and the tension of the car immediately depleted.

"Nobody has to be in charge, we work better as a team anyway." Paul said as he put the letter away in his jacket pocket "Today we should just focus on getting used to the city, settling in and that, before we start anything proper."

"Sounds like you're in charge." George quipped.

The journey to the airport continued in a similar manner, with a slight edge of nervousness under everyone's voices but nothing but playful jokes being told. It was a strange sight for the four of them to be so casually dressed, even if Paul was still wearing a blazer, but it made everything feel significantly less official which did wonders for Ringo's nerves. He'd never even been on a plane before, something he'd already been harmlessly teased about, and he was worried that it would only be the beginning of a series of frightening events. The drive down to London was very long indeed, but luckily they had the radio and one another to stay entertained. All four of them fell asleep at different points on the journey, Ringo was the only one who wasn't purposefully woken up by the rest of them.

"I say we do a crawl of all the clubs, for research purposes." John suggested as he lit a cigarette, they were about an hour away from the airport.

"You don't have to give us that bullshit, John, we're not Brian." George said as he offered out his lighter "Not that I'm opposed to the idea o'course."

"As long as we don't get too shitfaced. I don't see a problem with it." Paul smiled, his seal of approval on a plan usually meant it went forward, Ringo noticed.

"Would be nice to see where I'll be playing for the next few weeks." Ringo suggested "I hope they bloody speak English."

"Music's a universal language, you'll be fine." John chuckled.

"If we're all gonna be sharing a room, can we make a promise now that we're not gonna be bringing anyone back to the hotel? I'm not having my sleep disturbed because John likes the look of some rent-boy." George said.

"Such a prude George, I swear. What happened to you?" John nudged him.

"Look, if you had your own room you can do as much freaky shit as you please but not if I'm in the room, alright?" George nudged him back with a laugh. "Shag them back at their place, in the bloody street for all I care."

Ringo fell asleep a second time before the car finally stopped outside the airport and he was awoken by a soft rocking from George and a tender kiss on the lips. They all performed a variety of strange stretches after they toppled out of the car. A 2 hour flight still awaited them which none of them were particularly looking forward to, but at least the longest part was over now. The four of them all smoked a cigarette before actually heading inside, their driver was gone and they were left alone to their own devices. Brian had tickets waiting for them which Paul went to collect while John went off in a search for coffee.

Getting onto the plane was a strange experience for Ringo, it was a lot smaller than he had anticipated which gave it the strange feeling of not being real. George and Ringo had been seated together with Paul and John in front of them, with the two remaining aisle seats being left for unfortunate passengers who were going to have to put up with their crude conversations for the entirety of the flight. Ringo tried to hide his nerves when the plane began to take off but he was gripping George's hand so tightly he worried he might pull it out of its socket. Once they were in the air Ringo could relax again, as long as he didn't think about how high up they were, and the four of them began to chatter away. John made a pledge to try ever drug offered to him while in Hamburg which earned a roll of the eyes from Paul.

"Forget new drugs, you're gonna come back to England with about five new diseases." George laughed which only spurred John on further.

John expressed his excitement for their red-light district, claiming that these people weren't like 'normal prostitutes' which made Ringo laugh. According to what he'd heard from members of the family that had been sent to Hamburg, it was one of the most depraved and raunchy cities in Europe which was apparently a haven to John.

"I do worry what you'd be like if you didn't have me sometimes." Paul admitted somewhat seriously "Shagging every Tom, Dick and Harry that came your way."

"I'll be honest Paulie, I worry what I'd be like without you too." John replied with a soft kiss.

Both Ringo and George managed to fall asleep at one point, resting their heads on one another despite knowing that once they woke up their necks would be aching, which allowed John and Paul some private time that they no doubt would've capitalised on had there not been an elderly gentleman sat beside them. The 2 hours flew by, rather literally, compared to the car journey down to London and before they knew it they'd landed in Hamburg.  It was approaching 4 o'clock now and the four of them were desperately hungry for some food. They hurried off the plane and seized their suitcases to find another driver waiting for them outside the airport who drove them to their hotel. The city didn't seem to be as debauched as John had described it to be, but it was still fairly early in the day.

The hotel was a welcome change of pace for Ringo, it was incredibly plain and somewhat dingy which was always more comfortable to him than luxury. Paul checked them in at the front desk, he was given a single key between the four of them, where the receptionist gave them a curious look as they walked up to their room. Ringo didn't want to imagine the thoughts the woman was having about what four young men were doing hurrying into a single room while it was still light outside. The room itself looked better than they had all anticipated, they had a small lounge with a radio which split off into a bedroom with two double beds with little space between them.

John immediately jumped onto one of the beds, kicking off his shoes and stretching out onto the sheets. They all followed suit, Paul leaping onto John and rolling around to lie beside him, while George pulled Ringo down onto the bed. It devolved into pure childish antics as John began tickling Paul, who retaliated by hitting him with one of the pillows; before long the four of them were jumping around pelting each other with pillows and diving down onto the creaky beds in fits of laughter. It was pure lunacy, but Ringo couldn't have wished for a better start to this whole ordeal, for no matter how serious or dire things got he knew he'd always have these three with him every step of the way.

[sleepycoffins-and-benhargreeves]

Yes! Steven rilling Andrew up is an daily thing tbh. I loved your observations on the last 3eps of worth it. The sounds they made in the savory pie ep were WILD, get a room (with only one bed lol, classic theme that i enjoy even if it's cliche❤️). Btw do you know this fic called sweet stuff? I rec it, Steven + dress is *chef kiss*. Also off topic i love those AU in which Andrew is a history teacher and Steven is an engineer and both are basically nerd af but in the cutest way possible

Steven, no matter how innocent, is just too naive at times to resist! He does things that are so innocent, and tbh, it sometimes flies by me as well, but Andrew always always notices so tbh, sometimes Steven doesn't even have to try and rile Andrew up lmao bitch gets riled up on his own

And Worth it’s last three ep’s? We all can just clearly see the heart eyes Steven and Andrew give each other. IT’S THAT STRONG. QUARANTINE CAN’T CONTAIN THEM lmao Also, I remember that part with Steven talking about soulmates and such, him calling him and Andrew soulmates and that’s just *sighs dreamily* they truly do love each other that much (PS: I keep forgetting to gif that part, I’ve been so busy recently lol)

AND YES YES, I KNOW THAT FANFIC IT IS FUCKING AMAZING UGHHHHHH  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ It’s one of the few fics I always re-read (most of the fics I reread are either smut or age-regression tbh) Steven is a dress iss sooooo good, especially when he’s in his cute pastel fluffy element. That fanfic was an amazing mixture of fluffy and smutty and goddddd, the author really delivered to us! THEY MADE A MASTERPIECE *chef kiss as well*

AND DID YOU JUST SAY ENGINEER STEVEN!? *whips out a couple of my unfinished fanfics*

If I could direct your lovely attention here Anon lol, I made this promo post before for my Standrew Tenshibyou AU. This one is gonna be long as well and I haven’t finished it yet lmao but a bit of spoiler, Steven is an engineer here and while Andrew, not really a history teacher, is a dietician. I wanted him to have a job that still involves food, but more on research and I decided on this uwu  ❤️

tbh, that fanfic doesn’t even have a title yet lmao Can’t decide whether to name it as Angels & Demons or Angel Sanctuary tbh will think of more soon lol

I have another Engineer!Steven, but it’s also in the gothic-horror genre lmao It’s a Doctor Sleep AU, and more of a Stadamdrew rather than just Standrew  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

but hmmmm History teacher Andrew and Engineer Steven is also a very good AU e.e I do love the idea of them being such nerds together e.e Anon, how dare u give me another idea lmaooo THIS IS A VERY GOOD IDEA THO

Okay, so let’s start it off like this:

Shane and Andrew work at the same university, they’re both history teachers so let’s just make this a huge university (idk how it is in America, but my old uni had double professors at times lol). Shane is trying to invite Andrew and Adam to one of their outings because Shane wants his fellow professor to go out and enjoy, he thinks Andrew is too focused on his work needs to loosen up a bit.

Andrew, begrudgingly, finally agrees as long as Adam goes along with him (Adam didn’t need to be persuaded, because he had a very healthy social lifestyle thank you very much). 

They meet at this swanky bar where Shane is off to meet his boyfriend Ryan. Ryan, incidentally, brought along his bestfriend Steven who just RECENTLY CAME OUT AS GAY. Ryan is trying to show his bestfriend a good time and maybe *nudge nudge* set him up with someone cute while he’s at it.

OH OH I WANT A LOVE TRIANGLE BETWEEN ADAM AND ANDREW AND STEVEN.

Adam really, only went along cuz he’s actually been pinning on Andrew for a while now, but Andrew hasn’t really noticed because too busy with work duh.

So the three of them meet at the bar and Andrew is actually pretty interested at Steven, he thinks he’s cute, he’s funny, and he has that bubbly personality that draws Andrew in... Too bad he looks like he’s more attracted to Adam though.

Adam flirts a little with Steven and they get along swimmingly well and it only adds to Andrew’s sour mood because hey he’s supposed to be having a good time, but the only guy he’s interested in doesn’t seem to notice him that much

So, the night ends, Adam gets Steven’s number and Andrew is just pissed off

Days pass, Steven and Andrew meet by accident!

Well, not entirely, because Shane actually invited Steven over to his class because he wanted Steven to demonstrate the history of chemicals when it came to the revolution of man and who better to explain chemistry than a chemist himself! 

So, Steven asks Andrew if he could help him find Shane because he got lost since the university is big and Andrew, seriously, Steven is cute and Andrew is a decent guy so he helps Steven out and they get to talking and one thing led to another, they’re getting coffee after work hours! Andrew is really not trying to get his hopes up, this is just a simple coffee, Steven just wants to take a break and all that.

So they get coffee, they talk alot, Steven is a big nerd with history as well and Andrew is all the more intrigued with him. Steven explains more the history of chemicals and such, and he’s so passionate and knowledgeable in his field that Andrew just can’t help but listen to him babble on and on about it. 

Then, Steven stops, looks at Andrew shyly and says “Sorry, I sometimes get carried away, hope I’m not boring you.” 

And Andrew’s all like shaking his head and saying “No, I love listening to you talk.” And Steven gets all blushy and happy and woah, Andrew loves seeing that.

By the end of their coffee “date”, Steven ends up inviting Andrew to a  convention. And to both of their surprises, it’s a CAT CONVENTION THAT THEY BOTH PLANNED ON ATTENDING. They both end up showing pictures of their cats, Steven with Simba and Andrew with Riceball and Wellington.

So Andrew is just really charmed, he really likes Steven and he can’t wait for their next ehem, “date”. He’s so excited he tells his bestfriend Adam about it.

Adam, although he did like Steven, has been pinning for Andrew for a long time now. So on the day of the cat convention, both Steven and Andrew meet Adam there as a surprise, Adam ambushed them lmaooo

Adam makes up some bullshit excuse about coming here because he was in the neighborhood and he thought he’d drop by, Andrew is suspicious because why would Adam suddenly come here? What is his ulterior motive here?

So the three of them hang out and Steven is a bit flustered because he likes BOTH Andrew and Adam and this is a bit awkward and there’s some tension here and there so yeah

So the convention ends and they all bid their goodbye’s, and Steven is a tiny bit upset because he wanted to really hang out with Andrew but, he was feeling shy around Adam. Yet at the same time, Adam didn’t really even call him back after that night at the bar.

So lo and behold! Andrew suddenly texts Steven on his way home, he wanted to know if Steven wants to hang out again and this time, maybe just the two of them? Andrew isn’t going to drop the date word yet, he wants to say it face to face cuz he’s that type of guy and Steven happily agrees!

SOOOO THEY GO ON “DATES” , Andrew hasn’t really dropped the date word yet, but Steven is always taking him on so many different places and good restaurants to eat at and the more Andrew spends time with Steven, the more he actually think that he may be falling in love and fuckkkk

wait, I want this to end in Stadamdrew

So, let’s develop Steven and Adam’s relationship this time.

Steven gathers up his courage and contacts Adam, he was planning on just telling Adam that it was nice to see him again after the cat convention. Adam decides to entertain Steven for now and they talk through text and woah, they actually really have a lot in common as well!

Steven is into photography and good books, they also have the same music tastes so they exchange and give recommendations to each other a lot. Steven told Adam that it’s okay if they’re just friends and he just wanted to hang out with him. Adam sees that there’s nothing wrong with giving the guy a chance so they go on book “dates”  together and go to music stores and laugh a lot and watch shitty movies together to make fun of and oh

oh no, Adam is actually genuinely starting to like Steven and fuck, this was not how he was intending for this to go but like, Steven is really great and he loves his smile, his laugh, and he is such a smart and talented person and fuckkk Adam got so whipped over Steven that he doesn’t even know why he didn’t bother to call Steven again after that night at the bar!

Meanwhile, Steven is having a crises! Oh no!

He likes both Adam and Andrew and they’re both bestfriends and fuckk!! Okay, he thinks that maybe they’re both just really nice and they aren’t really interested in him but, Steven really likes both of them and gosh, this is not how he wanted things to go down in his life right now

I’m thinking Andrew would make he first more here, like he would officially ask Steven out and Steven would be really ecstatic because like YES!! He does really like Andrew and gosh, he is so so happy to be dating him and they’re both having a great time together and Shane and Ryan keep teasing them and well...

Everything is great, but they both notice that Adam has become really distant and quiet recently. He’s been cancelling on hanging out and he doesn’t really talk to them that much anymore and Andrew is more concerned because Adam is best friend and he’s never seen Adam be like that, not since, he ehem got his heart broken so Andrew wants to make his friend happy again

Steven comes along to help out and they annoy Adam almost every day until Adam SNAPS and he gets pissed at both of them and then all confessions break out that Adam is actually really REALLY happy for them but at the same time he’s really not?! Because he likes both Andrew and Steven, and he’s really been pinning over Andrew for the longest time now and now that he’s seeing both Steven and Andrew together, two guys he really likes, he’s just really sad and jealous and he walks out and Andrew and Steven are stunned.

The boyfriends do a sleepover at Andrew’s place and they talk about it and Andrew realizes that oh fuck he really likes Adam as well and wow, Steven also really likes Adam and he was having a crisis before because he wanted to both date Andrew and Adam and damnnnn

So the ending is basically Steven and Andrew woo-ing Adam to become their boyfriend and it becomes a happy OT3 Stadamdrew  ❤️ The End  ❤️

jfc this got so long I am so sorry, I am supposed to be updating my fanfic but this happened lmaooooo hope u like it tho anon, this was a wild ride for me XD

[mackloveswriting]

Prompts

I decided to go ahead and publish my prompt list. I will probably add more later but as of right now, these are what I have. I will always accept your own plot and everything like that.

1. "What do you mean, work with him?"

2. "Cookies? Your bribing me with cookies? I mean they're good but not that good."

3. "He's right behind me, isn't he?"

4. "I heard that!"

5. "Do you trust me?"

6. "You're insane!"

7. "It takes a very broken, twisted soul to do what you did."

8. "How long have you been standing there?"

9. "Shut up!"

10. "I thought you were my friend!"

11. "I'm in love with you. Don't you get it?"

12. "When did you become so smart?"

13. "I can't take you anywhere. You want to start fighting someone."

14. "Babe, stop looking at me like that."

15. "Oh, sorry I wasn't specific enough."

16. "Why are you glaring at me."

17. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you!"

18. "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

19. "I hate you!"

20. "Right now, I don't know if I wanna kiss you or shove you off a bridge."

21. "I am way to sober for this."

22. "You love her don't you."

23. "I'd take a bullet for you."

24. "You're not as evil as people think you are."

25. "Are you sure I can't punch him in the face?"

26. "Was that suppose to hurt?"

27. "On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you think It would be if-"

28. "I made you breakfast, I know it's just a bowl of cereal but it's the only thing I can't burn."

29. "You scared me!"

30. "Did you just agree with me?"

31. "I never stood a chance, did I?"

32. "I worked so hard to be where I am now and I'm not going to let someone take that from me!"

33. "You think you're broken when you're just the bad guy."

34. "You don't remember?"

35. "I wanna cuddle."

36. "Do you love me?"

37. "Why did you have to drink so much?"

38. "He's not gonna hurt you. Not while I'm here."

39. "I'm sorry for being.. what I was before."

40. "You're a monster."

41. "I never wanna see you again!"

42. "Tell me you love me."

43. "Can I kiss you?"

44. "Stop asking permission."

45. "You're lying."

46. "Did you ever love me?"

47. "Be honest for once in your life."

48. "Can we make out?"

49. "I don't party."

50. "Why can't you respect that?"

51. "I'm just... not ready."

52. "I'm scared! Don't you get that?"

53. "He's not just a bad boy, he's a bad guy and I don't wanna be with the bad guy."

54. "So, that's a 'no'?"

55. "Get out!"

56. "I don't get why I'm to blame."

57. "You're a douchebag."

58. "I am here to protect you."

59. "That's not what an apology sounds like."

60. "Why would you love me?"

61. "You bug me, weirdo."

62. "You deserve better than me."

63. "I couldn't protect you."

64. "I don't want better than you! I want you."

65. "Because you might not like what you see and I can't lose you."

66. "This isn't my first time dealing with people like you."

67. "You're my drug."

68." He was worse than any drug."

69. "t's like a disease, it's like I'm infected by him."

70. "Are you doing drugs?"

71. "Ew, gross."

72. "I hate you so much!"

73. "I should hate you."

74. "No, you don't."

75. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

76. "Why do I have to love him?"

77. "Leave me alone!"

78. "You're a freaking monster! I hate you!"

79. "Are you serious right now?"

80. "Why did you cheat on me with my best friend?"

81. "I'm not pushing you away!"

82. "I'm afraid that if you see the real me, you won't like what you see."

83. "I spent the whole middle school trying to get rid of the real me."

84. "You're perfect."

85. "I'm in need of coffee."

86. "Can I sleep over?"

87. "Movie night?"

88. "I need you to need me back!"

89. "It doesn't matter, cause in the end it all hurts the same."

90. "I'm so in love with you and I can't do anything about it!'

91. "I've been trying to push down how I feel but it is impossible."

92. "I should hate you so much, but I can't bring myself to hate you."

93. "Can I try something?"

94. "You're such a freak!"

95. "I'm your freak." 96. "I know that deep down, below that cold dark exterior there is a actual human soul."

97. "I know that your bad boy image is just an act, you don't have to hide around me."

98. "I'm sorry, no one should go through that."

99. "But that's no excuse to what you did."

100. "I'll always be here for you, but I can't look at you the same."

101. "You need help!" 102. "Please!"

103. "I want to shout it from the rooftops."

104. "Why do we have to hide?"

105. "I don't like all the sneaking around."

106. "Are you ashamed of me?" 107. "I don' deserve you at all, I can't understand why you picked me."

108. "Why don't you love me like that?"

109. "I'm never the one."

110. "He doesn't love me like he loves her."

111. "Who did that to you?"

112. "Did he touch you?"

113. "Is that a bruise?"

114. "Did you get hurt?"

115."you got hurt because of me."

116. "I could never blame you because it was never your fault."

117. "We're the cutest."

118. "I think we're end game."

119. "I'm Pregnant."

120. "No one really likes you."

121. "You don't think that I'm adorable?"

122. "He has a big head already."

123. "There is no way you're a virgin."

124. "Can we do this again?"

125. "How stupid do they think I am?"

126. "There is no way that he didn't cheat, his ex could not sleep over without them having sex."

127. "I'm failing everything."

128. "Can we talk about us?"

129. "I have a surprise."

130. "I-I thought you were breaking up with me.."

131. "I would never hurt you."

132. "Did you think that I would hit you?"

133. "I wanted you t fight for me."

134. "Do not disrespect me."

135. "I know you're not that guy."

136. "You sleep around, and you expect me to believe that you love me?"

137. "I don't even know that person anymore."

138. "How can you throw everything away like it's nothing to you?"

139. "I need you to be safe and being with me does the exact opposite."

140. "You're way more experienced than me."

Song Prompts

Tell me you love me - Demi Lovato

Hurricane - Luke combs

Think of you - Chris Young

She didn't have time - Terri Clark

Because of you - Kelly Clarkson

Like I loved you - Brett Young

If it wasn't for me - Brieanna James

In case you didn’t know - Brett Young

Good Girls - 5sos

Amnesia - 5sos

She looks so perfect - 5sos

Here without you - 3 doors down

Never know - Why don't we

Nobody gotta know - Why don't we

Sad song - We the kings

Heartbreak story - The wanted

Marry me - Train

She's in love with the boy - Trisha Yearwood

All in my head - Tori Kelly

Meanwhile back at mama's - Tim McGraw

Like we never loved at all - Faith Hill

My heart is - Tiffany Alvord

Unforgettable - Thomas Rhett

Die a Happy man - Thomas Rhett

Not meant to be - Theory of a Deadman

You are in love - Taylor Swift

Clean - taylor swift

Wildest dreams - taylor swift

Cold as you - taylor swift

Enchanted - taylor swift

Mine - Taylor Swift

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift

End Game - Taylor Swift

Delicate - Taylor Swift

Stay - Sugarland

If you only knew - shinedown

The weight - Shawn Mendes

Life of the party - Shawn Mendes

Like I did - Shane Harper

Ghost of you - Selena Gomez

Bang Bang bang - Selena Gomez

Sober - Selena Gomez

My heart can't tell you no - Sara Evans

A little bit stronger - Sara Evans

Take your time - Sam Hunt

Make you miss me - Sam hunt

Cop car - Sam hunt

Mess this up - Ryan Robinette

Yours - Russell Dickerson

Going out like that - Reba McEntire

Consider me gone - Reba McEntire

Lonely Call - Raelynn

Perfect - One Direction

Does he know? - One Direction

You and I - One Direction

Love you goodbye - One Direction

Break up with him - Old Dominion

You and Me - Niall Horan

Slow Hands - Niall Horan

This Town - Niall Horan

To much to ask - Niall Horan

On the loose - Niall Horan

Whoever broke your heart - Murphy Elmore

Tin man - Miranda Lambert

Kerosene - Miranda Lambert

Like I'm gonna lose you - Meghan Trainer

Someone else calling you baby - Luke Bryan

Crash my party - Like Bryan

Back to you - Louis Tomlinson

Greatest love story - Lanco

Need you now - Lady Antebellum

Legends - kelsea Ballerini

Peter Pan - Kelsea Ballerini

Never again - Kelly Clarkson

Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

The one that got away - Katy Perry

Used to love you sober - Kane Brown

Fall - Justin Bieber

The truth - Jason Aldean

Laughed until we cried - Jason Aldean

I got the boy - Jana Kramer

Why ya wanna - Jana Kramer

Shy - jai waetford

Getting over you - Jackie Lee

Personal - HRVY

I hate u, I love u - Olivia O'Brien

Out loud - Gabbie Hanna

Perfect - Ed sheeran

My girl - Dylan Scott

Human Diary - Daniel Bradberry

[ryans-shaniac]

Can I request a part 2 to prompt 75?

remember when i said i’d accept writing prompts for 100 followers? me either. (not to use exam stress as an excuse or anything but exam stress kicked my ass) 

anyway i originally wasn’t going to do this because i’m not good with writing sequels to my writing but i actually had a burst of creativity so HERE WE GO BOYS 

read me first!

Ryan hadn’t been at school in a few days and needless to say, everyone was worried.

His mom and dad didn’t know what to do, Ryan barely told them anything. They put it down to stress and let their son have the rest of the week off. Back at school, Shane had been near mute as well. He was constantly checking his phone to see if Ryan had messaged him or tried to call him. Obviously there was nothing new.

He stared down at his lock screen for the fifth time in 2 minutes. It was a photo of him and Ryan at the abandoned warehouse down the road from their local mall. Ryan had dragged Shane and their friend TJ along as one final adventure before TJ moved to Florida. The photo was taken in front of defaced rusty shipping containers. Both of them were laughing and pointing at the giant dick that had been graffitied on the side of one of the containers in bright yellow.

Shane smiled at the memory, almost chucked, before being bought back to reality with Sara nudging him.

“If he hasn’t talked to you since Wednesday, he’s not going to text you now. Put your phone away and try to relax.” Sara had a sad smile on her face and Shane knew she was right.

“Yeah I know..I just..I’m so worried about him. He was so torn up after school, I can’t stop hearing his sobs in the back of my mind. They were my fault. But why? Maybe I should’ve spoken to him more. L-let him know I’m never gonna leave him. Maybe if I had just been a better friend then maybe-“

Arms on his shoulders stopped him spiralling. Shane had been spiralling a lot lately. All he could think about was what he could’ve done to do better and what he would say to Ryan if he were here.

Shane turned around and saw a concerned looking Andrew.

“Dude you have to calm down. None of this was your fault. Ryan’s clearly working through some shit and we just have to wait for him to feel cool enough to tell us what’s going on. Let’s just go to lunch and meet with the others, maybe someone has spoken to him.”  

Shane wanted to protest. Tell Andrew if Ryan was working through anything, then he would know about it because they don’t keep secrets from each other. But instead he just nodded solemnly and followed him to the cafeteria, Sara smiled and told him she’d speak to him later as she went off and joined her friends.

Their table consisted of Ryan, Shane, Andrew, Steven, Jen, Ella, Zach, Keith, Ned and Ned and Keith’s girlfriends, Ariel and Becky. Sometimes Sara and a couple of her friends (Eugene, Quinta, Freddie and Kelsey) would join them but that was rare, due to the fact that Eugene would try to pick a fight with Ella a lot. No one knew why but Eugene would always find something to argue about, especially if Zach was involved.

Everyone else was already sat down and Shane took a seat next to Jen who rubbed his back and gave him a sympathetic look. Why was everyone giving him sad looks today? Were they meant to make him feel better? The sad looks aren’t going to make Ryan talk to him or come to school.

There was a whisper on the other side of the table as Zach handed his phone to Steven, who then sighed and nodded. The phone was then passed to Ned and Ariel who both gave knowing looks to everyone else.

“Hello? You know I can see you guys, right? What was on Zach’s phone? Zach what did your phone say?” Panic struck Shane’s voice.

Everyone went silent and looked anywhere but Shane’s gaze. Shane felt the anger boiling inside him and before he got up and left, Zach passed his phone to Jen and nodded to her.

“Just..Just show him. He told me last night that I could show him.” Zach mumbled.

“Wait, I’m sorry what? Is this Ryan? You’ve spoken to him? Zach, what the fuck you promised you would let me know if-“

The phone was thrust into Shane’s shaking hands before he could continue. Everyone at the table had read this text except for him. He exhaled and looked down.

‘Ryan Boogara (11:10am): fuck all of this??? like dude tf?? feelings?? they r the biggest load of bullcrap i have ever experienced. remind me to never get them again. also remind me to go to the doctors and ask if they can surgically replace my tear ducts because mine have been run dry. there are no more tears to let fall. i can’t believe shane was so oblivious but also i can’t believe that i wasn’t more forward with how i felt. if i had been maybe this could’ve worked out nd we could b the high school sweethearts i dreamed abt. how do people DEAL WITH THIS!!!!!!!! HOW DID NED AND KEITH DO THIS???? HOW DID STEVEN DO THIS???? AT LEAST THEY WERE ALL LUCKY!!!! THEIR INTENSE PINING GOT THEM A RELATIONSHIP!!! BUT ME??? LITTLE OL RYAN STEVEN BERGARA GOT NONE OF THAT!!!! ALL I GOT WAS HEARTACHE AND HURT!!!! why do. straight people exist? CHALLENGE ME THAT KORNFELD why do they exist an d why does the one (1) man i love have to be one of them. read that with a lot of spite. this was dumb from day one and you told me it wouldn’t have been worth it but i didn’t listen. and then i told jen and i didn’t listen to HER anD THEN I WENT TO  E U G E NE L E E YA N G FOR ADVICE YESTERDAY ON HOW TO GET OVER IT AND HE TOLD ME TO DRINKMY FEELINGS AWAY AND HERE I AM!!!! dude im wastED. all of my feels have intensified so much. its only 11am. WOOwee. if i ever see shane madej again I’m gonna punch him in the face and then kiss his lips better. i love him zachy. i love him. sso much

Me (12:00pm): dude are you okay? literally no one has heard from you since you ran off and shane is such a mess he is not handling anything well

Me (1:30pm): hey man remember drink some water and take painkillers

Ryan Boogara (9:00pm): jesus fuck i just woke up

Ryan Boogara (9:00pm): i’m sorry you had to deal with that

Me (9:03pm): no it’s alright are you okay?

Ryan Boogara (9:04pm): yeah i have a massive headache and i miss shane. a lot.

Me (9:04pm): he misses you too

Me (9:04pm): he’s acting like you’ve died

Ryan Boogara (9:04pm): i feel like i’ve died

Ryan Boogara (9:04pm): can you tell him i’m sorry and i love him

Ryan Boogara (9:05pm): i’m over lying to him

Ryan Boogara (9:05pm): you know what, just show him this i’m done

Ryan Boogara (9:05pm): at least then he has the weekend to process my shit and can decide on monday if he still wants to be my friend

Me (9:06pm): are you sure you’re not still drunk?

Ryan Boogara (9:06pm): yeah just do it

Ryan Boogara (9:06pm): im gonna try and go to bed gnight zach

Me (9:06pm): goodnight ry get some rest’

Shane couldn’t do anything except stare at the phone. He reread the message over and over. Ryan…had feelings for him? Since when?

Shane didn’t notice he was crying until he felt Jen’s arms wrap around his side. Next to him, Keith rested his hand on his shoulder. Shane missed his friend so much. And now his fears were confirmed that it was his fault, the guilt ate him up even more than usual.

Shane stumbled over his words, “I have-I’ve got-Ryan I need to see him-I want to tell him-I’m..”

Shane pushed himself up from his seat. Despite his friend’s protests, he just kept walking. Out of the cafeteria and out of the school grounds. Ryan’s house was a 20 minute walk from school and although taking an uber could’ve been quicker, Shane refused to waste any time, he knew he had to get to Ryan.

A sweaty and out of breath Shane pounded on the front door to the Bergara’s and when no one answered, he managed to break in with his debit card, a trick he learnt off Mike, a kid in his forensic science class. Shane marched upstairs and without knocking opened the door to Ryan’s room.

Ryan was lying in bed, his back to the door, completely oblivious to the man standing in the doorway.

“Why?”

Ryan sat bolt upright in bed and turned to the voice. He was a sight to behold, it seemed like he hadn’t slept in days and he smelt of vodka. Ryan’s face paled and he looked like he had seen a ghost.

“Shane? I-what did Zach show you the text?” Fear seeped into Ryan’s voice.

“Why?” This time Shane’s voice cracked. He could feel the lump in his throat rise.

“I’m sorry.” Ryan croaked.

Shane walked towards the bed and pushed Ryan down and kissed him. Both of them were surprised at the taller man’s actions but neither made an effort to stop. Shane climbed on top of Ryan, their lips not breaking apart. Ryan tasted like alcohol and Shane like mint. Their mouths worked together and Ryan released a low moan.

Since when did Shane want this? Maybe he always did, subconsciously, but never let himself think about it. Thank God he had called off the date with Sara until this whole thing with Ryan blew over.

The two boys pulled away for air, both of them crying, their tears mixed together on each others cheeks. Shane let out a breathy laugh.

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

“Good. You should be.”

Ryan grinned and sighed contently, “I really like you, Shane.”

“I don’t know how I feel, but I do know that I really liked kissing you.”

“Then kiss me again.”

[gaiyofanfiction]

“Love Yourself” Reader!Namjoon Angst/Fluff

“Love Yourself”

Oneshot

Reader!Namjoon Angst/Fluff

A/N: This was requested by an anon. Actually was requested a while ago. I really am truly sorry I took so long to write this. The reason I went on a bit of a hiatus is that I went into a period of doubt. I felt my writing was incredibly subpar and I almost thought I was going to quit. No ideas were flowing and I just couldn’t get myself to write. After some time and talking to my bestie (Yōsei) I finally got some courage to write again. I really, really hope you like it! Anon didn’t specify the topic, so I made up my own situation. ~ Gaishō

Disclaimer: This is pure fiction. Namjoon is such a soft sweetheart and cares for every thing and every one. 

Trigger Warning: Slight abuse and attempt to rape. Plus, Namjoon angst... I mean that shit hurts. 

“I spy with my little eye… A bored Joonie who needs a pick-me-up.” You creep up behind him as he’s studying.

 He turns around with a big dimpled smile and reaches out his hand, “You didn’t…” 

“Oh yes I did! A coffee milk tea with boba!” You hand him the chilled drink and his eyes widen with excitement.

“You’re the best. Hey, have you started studying for the psychology exam?”

You scoff, “that exam is one month away… You really think I started?”

 “True, I was never as smart as you,” he says as he nestles his face between his fists and gives you a look of wonder.

 You sort of shrug it off and start to study with him. There was some time of silence, but your mind starts to wander. Flipping pages and doodling on the side, you sigh and sigh again.

 “What’s wrong Y/N? Your mind seems occupied with something else.” He closes his books and averts all his attention to you.

 You look at your fingers and start to fiddle with your nails. Namjoon notices this and puts his hands over yours. Your cheeks become flushed.

 “Hey, you know you can always talk to me. Want to go for a walk and clear your head?”

Without saying anything you nod and you both start packing up your things.

Walking beside each other you both head to your favorite park with the trail. It’s the middle of fall so all the leaves are changing beautiful colors and the sunlight illuminates the leaves to make them look like shining stained glass.

He nudges you to sit at one of the benches that are placed under this big willow tree. There was some awkward silence, but he finally says something.

“S-so, what’s been on that busy mind of yours?” He pokes your temple playfully.

You swing your legs back and forth and lean forward to sigh. “Do you believe in love?”

Suddenly Namjoon was a bit flustered. He looks the other way and runs his fingers through his hair. “Heh, y-yeah of course, with the right person. I believe there is someone for every one.”

You begin to get antsy and start bouncing your knees. “W-well, what if you’re afraid to ask them out? What if they don’t like you back?”

Namjoon thinks to himself for a little bit, and then smiles. “Then you tried. If we let our opportunities pass by, you may never get them again. It’s better to try and fail than to never have tried at all. Everything is a learning experience.”

His words always calm your thoughts. You giggle a little bit and nudge his shoulder with yours. “Thanks Joonie. Walk me home?” 

“Always,” he replies with content.

Once Namjoon says goodbye to you at your doorsteps you give him a warm hug and head into your apartment.

Dropping your things left and right you head straight into your room to change into some baggy sweatpants and sweater. Plopping onto your bed you stare at your phone and one contact in particular.

Your finger hovering over the call button you keep having second thoughts. In the back of your mind you think about what Namjoon told you. ‘Sigh. Why does he always have to be right…’

You hit the call button and each ring made you more and more nervous.

“Hello?” 

You freeze. Your mouth opens, but words don’t come out.

“Hello? Anybody there?”

Swallowing the lump in your throat you finally talk, “y-yes! Hi! It’s me, Y/N. Sorry.”

“Hey! What’s up?”

You start to tap your foot rapidly, “u-uhm, I was wondering if you… would go on a date with me?” 

“Y/N, I thought you’d never ask. I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“O-oh my god, really!? I can’t wait!”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Y/N.”

“See you tomorrow… Shane.”

You squeal in delight. ‘Oh my god, I can’t believe I just asked him out!’ You went right to sleep dreaming about your date with Shane tomorrow.

The next morning you woke up with so much excitement that you showed up incredibly early to the coffee shop where you said you would meet Shane.

You sat there watching people pass you by hoping one of them is Shane. Suddenly you hear a familiar voice.

“Oh? Y/N! What are you doing here?” He walks up to you with a sweet smile with a coffee drink in each hand. 

“N-Namjoon!?” His presence really caught you off guard.

He looks at you with a puzzled face. “I thought we were meeting at the library today so we can study together.”

You don’t respond and start to fidget with your fingers.

“Ah, you forgot…” The sweet smile leaves his face leaving a blank stare.

Another voice yells for you, “Y/N! Hey! I’m over here!”

He comes up to you and wraps his hand around your waist making you blush and your heart is racing.

“You can’t be serious… him!? All this time it was Choi Seung Ho!?” Namjoon says in a bit of an angry tone.

“Hey man, it’s Shane. And don’t wear it out.” He pulls you in closer to him. Your face is beet red at this point.

“Please, Joonie… Calm down. I-I wanted to tell you.”

“Joonie? What kind of stupid name is that?” Shane interrupts.

You ignore his comment and continue to keep eye contact with Namjoon. You see in his eyes he’s completely hurt. But, you think of an idea to make up for it.

“W-we’ll study tomorrow, okay? And I’ll treat you to some good food! I promise!” You smile and giggle.

Namjoon doesn’t respond. His demeanor was seemingly cold. ‘I don’t understand. Is there something more to his behavior?’

“Well! You won’t be needing two coffee drinks anymore.” Shane snatches one of the drinks from Namjoon and he takes you with him.

You look behind to see Namjoon in shock. Never have you ever seen him so broken. ‘He’ll understand… Right?’

For now, you just focus on your date with Shane. The night went pretty well, better than you expected. However, towards the end of the date he brings up Namjoon.

“So, what’s up with your friend? He’s seems to be really into you,” Shane claims.

“W-what? No way. He’s just my best friend.”

“Hmph, yeah. Joonie, Joonie, Joonie!” He mocks you.

You didn’t like his comment. It actually turned you off. “Uhm, well it was a great first date. I really do have to get home and study tonight. Chat later?” 

He scoffs. “Yeah sure. Maybe next date will be at my place,” he winks at you suggestively.

You feel disgusted, but you let it go. You say your goodbyes and head in different directions.

Walking home you start to think about how Namjoon is doing. You call him to check in on him. The phone rings and rings, but it doesn’t go to voicemail.

 “H-he rejected my call!?” You scream.

You call him again, and again, and each time he rejects it. You start to feel a little sick to your stomach. ‘Oh Y/N, what have you done this time…’

That night you tossed and turned, barely getting any sleep. *BEEP, BEEP, BEEP* Your alarm clock jolts you awake. ‘It feels like I didn’t sleep at all.’

Sighing, you slump out of your bed and check your phone to see if Namjoon called or texted back. Instead, you see that you have a missed text from Shane.

It reads: “Hey baby, my place tonight ;)”

You gulp. Your anxiety acts up and your hands start to shake. ‘I have a bad feeling about this date. All I can think about is Namjoon right now…’

Checking the time you see it’s close to the time you normally have study sessions with Namjoon so you pack your things and head to the library.

Arriving at the library you sit at your normal meeting place and set your things down. Minutes pass, then hours. You call and text Namjoon what seemed like a hundred times. 

Finally, you get up and start to look around at the usual spots he would be at. A light bulb went off. ‘I know! He’s probably at the studio rapping. He does that when he’s stressed.’

You went to the local music studio and sure enough you find Namjoon rapping his heart out. While watching you find yourself immersed in his lyrics and even feel how he feels; all the anger, frustration, and sadness.

He finishes up and you see him sweating, even panting because of how hard he’s working. You tap on the glass and he looks up, but not with a smile. It was almost a death glare and it sent shivers down your spine.

He comes out from the recording studio. “What are you doing here?”

You play with your sleeves. “I-I was wondering how come you haven’t been returning my texts or calls. You didn’t even show up to the library.”

Namjoon doesn’t even bat an eye. “Figured you’d be with Shane. Ya know, your new boy toy.” 

You didn’t like how he said that and you cross your arms. “Chill, we went on one date. What’s it to you anyway?”

He shakes his head and laughs. “Seriously, Y/N? He’s an asshole. You could do so much better.”

“He’s not an asshole. He just has a different sense of humor. I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of it.”

Suddenly he slams both his fists onto the table, “because I love you! I have always loved you. But, you decide to date some guy who just wants to get in your pants.”

His words caught you off guard. Your face turns bright red and your eyes start to well up with tears. It took you a second to gather your words. “H-he’s not that kind of person!” You start to choke. Your voice got lower and you murmur, “at least he was man enough to ask me out on a date.”

Namjoon just about had it. Before he replies he starts to gather his things before you. He did it so calmly it was scary. “Y/N, I thought I knew you. You’ve been abused in the past by so many boyfriends and I just wanted to be the guy that could be there for you emotionally. I have always been by your side; every text, every call, every night that you have cried. As time went on I started to fall in love with your soul. It amazed me how anyone could treat you so poorly. You’re such a wonderful person. But, I put my emotions aside so you could fully recover. I never asked you out because I wanted to wait till you were ready.”

He walks past by you and stops. “I guess I was wrong. You’re not the person who I thought you were.”

Namjoon walked away without looking back. Your knees start to buckle, but you turn around quickly to yell after him.

He stops again, but still doesn’t look back. “Bye, Y/N.”

He exits the studio. Your heart was breaking. ‘How could I have been so blind!? God I am so stupid!’

You run home sobbing. All you could think about was how ignorant you have been this whole time.

“Please pick up, please pick up,” you say as you try to call Namjoon. Of course he rejects every call. You keep trying to get a hold of him.

Suddenly he picks up. “N-Namjoon? Please!”

“Y/N…” He says softly.

“Yes? Please… Please talk to me.”

“Don’t EVER text me, and don’t EVER call me again. I never want to see your face again. I wish our paths never crossed in the first place,” he says firmly and hangs up the phone.

Your jaw drops and you drop to the floor. Crying so hard you gasp for air and can’t control your body from shaking. ‘Namjoon, I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry I hurt you.’ 

Your phone starts to buzz and you hurry over to see who it is. ‘Ah crap, I still have my date at Shane’s house.’

It was Shane texting you his address. Feeling at a loss you didn’t know what to do, but you sure as hell didn’t want to date Shane anymore. ‘Joonie was right.’

You text Shane back asking if he could meet you outside first, he didn’t understand why, but he said that was fine. You planned to end it then and there. 

Arriving to Shane’s house you felt sick. ‘Hopefully I can just cut this thing off and go home.’

The door creeks open and Shane comes out to see you. He kisses your cheek and you back away.

“What’s wrong, babe? Looks like you’ve been crying.”

“Uh, yeah. Shane, I-I thought I could do this. But, I don’t think I’m ready to date anyone right now. I came here to tell you that face-to-face. I didn’t want to be rude.” 

He grabs your waist and pulls you in, “oh c’mon baby. I can make you feel better. Is it that Namjoon dick? Forget about him. I’ll show you a good time.”

Suddenly his hands were under your shirt. You try to push away, but he has his grip on you. “Let me go! I don’t want to be with you!”

Shane slaps you right across the face and his hand wraps tight around your neck, “bitch, nobody says no to me. You’re coming with me.”

You scream and fight him as much as you could. ‘No, this can’t be happening. Not again!’

You shut your eyes tight and continue to fight him hoping you can break free. All of a sudden you hear Shane grunt and fall to the ground. Opening your eyes you see that Namjoon punched Shane in the face.

Shane gets up and pats down his shirt, “fuck this, you can have her.” He walks back into his house and closes the door.

Namjoon just stood there with a tight fist. He still doesn’t look at you. “You alright?”

Tears stream down your face, “y-yeah. Joonie?”

He starts to walk away, “don’t call me that.” He disappears into the distance.

‘I swear death would be less painful than this.’

You stood there with a blank stare, not knowing what to do or where to go next. It felt as if your insides were ripped to shreds. Sighing to yourself, “I guess this is what they mean by ‘you don’t know a good thing till it’s gone.’”

Days passed, even months. Eventually you let Namjoon alone; no texts, no phone calls, not even trying to find him at his normal hangout spots. Life was dull. All you really wanted was to see him smile again, to hear him laugh again.

It was just any ordinary day, but something compelled you to go and get a coffee drink. Walking in the shop brought back memories of Namjoon. The smells were so overwhelming you couldn’t decide if you wanted to smile or cry.

“Miss? What would you like to drink?” asks the cashier.

“O-oh, yes. Uh, coffee milk tea with boba, please.”

The cashier quickly whips up your drink and hands it to you. You hand her your card, but she shakes her head, “the man over there paid for your drink.”

When you looked over you see… Namjoon!? You completely froze and almost dropped your drink. He didn’t smile, but you two stared at a distance for what seemed like an eternity.

‘I guess I should at least thank him.’ You slowly walk over to him and he motions for you to sit down.

“Hm, t-thank you for the drink, Namjoon.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

The silence was so awkward, but neither of you knew what to say.

Namjoon clears his throat, “you know why I always enjoyed taking you to the benches at the park under the willow tree?”

You tilt your head. ‘What a random question to open up a conversation with.’

He continues. “Willow trees signify strength, stability, balance…life.”

You scoff, “none of which I possess.”

Namjoon ignores what you say; “it was a place of learning for me. Where I would sift through the racing thoughts in my mind and find peace and clarity. I brought you there so you could experience the same thing...  Each day you blossomed. Y/N, I literally watched you grow to become a much stronger and better woman. I saw you do it for yourself, and no one else. But, the day you became weak-kneed for Shane, was the day you doubted yourself. You didn’t respect yourself…”

“And most of all, I hurt you,” you say as your voice starts to shake and eyes welling up with tears.

“Y/N, I love you. But you need to love yourself too.”

“Take me to the willow tree. Please, Joonie?”

Your hand stretched out for his. His face lit up with his dimpled smile. ‘I swear his dimples just jump-started my heart. I feel alive again.’

Grabbing your hand he leads you to the willow tree at the park. Just like old times. You both sit next to each other sipping your coffee drinks under the tree. It was quiet and peaceful.

Namjoon slowly whispered, “You should go and love yourself.”

You smile a little and whisper back, “…love myself.”

[ryans-shaniac]

Hey! Do you do 2 prompts in one fic? If yes: Shyan, 70+103....if not: Helen x Ryan (if that's not too weird for u), 102!

hey! i did ryan and shane because im trying to work on my style of writing them (if that makes sense??) 

prompts 70 + 103 // “Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything” + “How can you still look so attractive while crying”

A hard day at work mixed with Ryan’s rising anxiety of his girlfriend finding out his biggest secret was not a good. Pair that with alcohol and that boy was too far gone to do anything about it.

It was only a mistake. That’s what he kept telling himself. That the kiss didn’t mean anything. That the warm feeling he got in his tummy and the blush that formed on his cheeks was because of the drinks he had had throughout the night.

Ryan Bergara tried so hard to convince himself that he didn’t feel anything when he kissed Shane Madej. But he felt a lot.

He knew he had to tell Helen. The guilt ate away at him piece by piece and soon there wouldn’t be anything left of him. She deserved better than a liar. Helen was incredible, but somewhere in their relationship, something went wrong and Ryan had lost the spark he had once felt for her. That broke his heart more that anything. He knew it would be easier to continue dating Helen, try and urge that spark back, but he had to stay true to himself.

—–

Shane had woken up and gone to work as he usually would everyday. But this day when he arrived something seemed off. He sat at his desk and logged into his computer and emails and saw that the top an urgent message.

‘To: SMadej@Buzzfeed.com

From: RBergara@Buzzfeed.com

Subject: !!!!!!!!!!!

Message: come to the bathrooms opposite our desk i need to talk to you’

Shane thinks for a minute. What’s so bad that they had to talk in the bathrooms? Oh my god the drunk night. He bolts up from his chair and tries to inconspicuously walk to the mens toilets. He knew rationally he wasn’t going to draw attention to himself but his paranoia was strong as he made the quick walk.

He and Ryan were the only ones in the mens bathroom and as soon as Shane pushed the door open, Ryan shoved him against the wall and kissed him.

Not what he was expecting.

Shane quickly reciprocated the kiss before he could think about anything else. Yes, it was a drunk night, but the kiss meant so much to him. It wasn’t a mistake like Ryan had tried to convince himself.

“Sorry um..I just wanted to see if um..I still felt the same as I did when I first kissed you.” Ryan said bashfully, redness creeping up his neck.

“Do you?” Shane’s voice was just above a whisper, anxious about the words about the leave his companion’s mouth.

“Yeah..” The two of them let go a breath neither realised they had been holding. Shane nervously laughed and went in to kiss Ryan again and they kissed fleetingly before Ryan spoke up again.

“Listen..I um..I’m gonna tell Helen about what happened that night and about us and how I really really like you Shane Madej.” Ryan’s voice cracked halfway through his sentence and he tried to smile but his face looked as if it would crumple at any second.

Shane was speechless, he didn’t know what to say. He could only nod. But what would Helen think of him? Would she hate him? Probably, but that’s understandable. Shane didn’t even notice Ryan had began to cry until he heard the sniffs from the younger man.

Shane wrapped his arms around Ryan and held him close. This situation was make or break. The two of them might not even work out, what then? They continue the show with added awkwardness?

“I got really *hic* drunk last night and decided it was the right thing to do. And- why are you smiling like that?” Ryan pulled away from the hug and wiped away the tears.

Shane hadn’t even noticed he’d been smiling, it was subconscious, which just made him smile more.

“How can you still look so attractive while crying?”

“Oh my god you’re an idiot” Ryan laughed and leaned up to kiss Shane again.

Without warning the door flung open and in walked Zach and Eugene, hand in hand. Ryan and Shane couldn’t pull away quick enough.

“Oh my fucking god!” Zach shrieked.

“Not a word tiny man or I break your glasses.” Shane looked down at Zach and walked out with a wink.

“Just for the record, you guys are cute together.” Ryan ruffled Zach’s hair and followed Shane out the door.

——-

“Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything.” Ryan begged, but Helen just sat there. Her eyes were glazed over as she tried to process what her (ex) boyfriend had just told her.

Ultimately, she saw it coming. She knew something was up just from the way the two men had started looking at each other.

“Yeah um..yeah okay I have to go but like…I don’t hate you Ryan, I just need time to process this…I still love you..Bye” Helen sighed and got up off the couch. She wasn’t mad. Yet.

Ryan heard the front door close and put his head in his hands. His phone buzzed next to him.

‘From: Skeptic

Message: is everything alright?

do you want me to come over yet?

To: Skeptic

Message: i need you

From: Skeptic

Message: i’ll be 15 minutes’