#why did i screencap so much of a 51-second video

[starmocha]

GOD THEY HAD TO DROP THIS TRAILER THIS LATE AT NIGHT HERE I HAVE WORK IN 7 HOURS ZAYNEEEEE 🥲

But um....let's discuss some things because Infold is hitting me with all of my kinks 🥴🫠

His eye direction? It's so subtle, but so attractive? I also love that we get to mess with his tie, and he seems to be just letting us

HE LOOKS UP GRINNING LIKE THE DEVIL his smirk can end me idc idc

I'm actually a big fan of his English voice and how soft it is. It's so gentle but firm?? It's feeding into my soft dom fantasy and I appreciate it 🫶

AND THIS POSITION HE PUTS US IN 😩🤌

idc if it ends up being the same level of spiciness as his other cards. I just appreciate seeing more sides of Zayne. And having new scenes to screencap for my shenanigans lmao

[truthofherdreams]

is this clickbait? (2)

also on ao3 + read the first instalment

BOYFRIEND DOES MY MAKEUP ft. Peter Kavinsky

Song Not-Bakery • 5.6M views • 4 days ago

 “Hi everyone and welcome back to my second channel!” she greets the camera the way she usually does. “Today my boyfriend does my makeup and we’re here with Peter who’s, erh. My boyfriend.”

He’s already laughing. “Why do you have to say it so weird?” he teases her, his voice high-pitched from his giggles.

“I don’t know?” she replies in the same tone, looking away from the camera to stare at him. He’s got his bottom lip stuck between his teeth as he looks at her, and she forgets they’re filming, just for a second. And then she snaps out of it, focusing back on the camera. “So, yeah. It’s actually something I jokingly mentioned when Peter and I started filming together, and people have actually been requesting it a lot so…”

Kitty will edit screencaps of comments asking for this very same video in post-prod, she knows, the way she always does when people keep badgering her with the same thing over and over again. That’s how she ended up doing a fridge and pantry tour a few months ago, and a house tour too. People are damn too nosy for their own good.

“So here I am. Making a fool of myself on the Internet.”

She can’t help but laugh at Peter’s comment, just a little. “As opposed to?” she teases, and laughs some more at the way Peter’s nose wrinkles when he makes a face at her. “Anyway, I gave Peter my makeup bag, and he chose a tutorial from RomanticRonny to follow, ‘cause he obviously needs guidelines.”

“Obviously,” he scoffs. A pause. “Yeah, it’s helpful, don’t judge me.”

“Also, if you don’t already know, Veronica is moving to LA very soon and we’re all super excited about it,” Lara Jean adds, with a little wink to the camera. “So, which tutorial did you choose?”

“Well, you’re usually low-key with your makeup, so I picked something a little more bright and colourful for a change. It’s called ‘Faux Freckles and Sunset’,” Peter provides, doing little waves with his fingers to where Kitty will add the thumbnail to the video later.

Lara Jean hides her smirk. “You’re aware eyeshadow is very different on monolids, right?”

Peter pauses, looking back at her, horror on his features. He freezes for a few seconds, before he turns back to the video and pretends to stands up. “And that’s it for today guys, don’t forget to subscribe and…”

“Sit down,” she laughs. “I’ll help you.”

“Well, if you’ll help me…” he grumbles for show, sitting back down. He grabs a brush then, to brandish it in front of the camera. “Anyway, let’s get started!”

Lara Jean presses the play button on the video, already loaded on her laptop in front of them. It opens on Veronica’s final look as she greets her viewers and showcase the makeup tutorial, doing a few close-ups on the faux freckles and the eyeshadow work. It looks simple but beautiful, yet Lara Jean has no doubt Peter will struggle a little bit.

“She’s so pretty,” she can’t help but comment at Veronica’s baby doll face.

“She looks like the chick from Lucifer,” Peter adds.

Her mouth opens a little at the accuracy of his comment. “Oh my god, you’re so right!”

He preens a little, before he focuses back on the eyeshadow palette Veronica showcases on the video. “Hold on, hold on, wait, you don’t do foundation first?”

“No, eyes first.”

“Whoa, okay.” He watches as Veronica applies the first colour to her lids, before he pauses the video. “Okay, let’s try this. We don’t have the same palette but this colour looks close enough so that will do. Close your eyes.”

She’s laughing a little at how serious he is about it, but does as she’s told anyway, closing her eyes and facing him. She didn’t realise how intimate that would be, one of his legs between hers so they can sit close enough to each other, his fingers delicate as he holds her chin. He’s so close she can feel his breath on her mouth, and it only makes her want to kiss him. Which would ruin the shot, but oh well.

He softly applies pigment to her lid, then sits back to look at the result and hum his approval to himself, which makes her smile a little more.

“Don’t do that, it makes your eyes crinkle.”

“Well, excuse me for being happy,” she teases, and laughs harder when he taps her nose with one finger.

But then she sits straighter too, relaxing her features in a neutral expression. She wouldn’t want to make it harder on him, when he’s trying his best to do something decent. He plays and pauses the video a lot, to make sure he follows the instructions as accurately as possible. Eye shadow doesn’t seem to be too much of a disaster, but then he’s swearing a lot when it comes to eyeliner and mascara, giving Kitty a run for her money in blipping it all out.

“Okay, it’s not too bad,” he comments. “Oh she’s doing foundation now, cool.”

“Tell the audience why you chose that tutorial,” she prompts him as she opens her eyes again.

He’s rummaging through the mess of her makeup bag to find her foundation and a brush, before she guides him to the right one and to her beauty blender. “Cause there’s no contouring in this one.”

“Peter is scared of contouring,” she comments for her viewers.

“Am not!” he replies, almost offended. “It’s just a lot. And I like a more natural look on you.” Then, to the camera, “Who needs sharp cheekbones when you’ve got that pretty round face.”

She’s melting, just a little. “Awww, Pete.”

“Like a donut.”

“…And you ruined it.”

Her does The Face at her – when he grins so much his smile is all dimples and his eyes close almost entirely – before he goes back to the foundation. Which is kind of a mess, and she’s trying her best not to burst into laughter when he goes to town on her face with the beauty blender. She isn’t sure how effective it’ll be, cause he’s getting rid of half the product as he goes, but at least he’s having fun.

“I like how none of those brands are Western, by the way,” he comments as he shows her concealer to the camera, two fingers holding the tube with his hand behind it for the autofocus. A real beauty guru through and through.

“Yeah, it’s all Korean,” she grins. She can feel him drawing the triangle of concealer under her eyes, which might actually do a good job of hiding her never-disappearing bags. “When we go there, half the budget is for food, the other half for beauty products.”

He’s back to dabbing with the beauty blender again when he says, “And because people are going to be asking, yeah, we’re planning a trip to Korean next summer.”

She’s smiling now, chin dropping a little to hide her emotions from the camera, to which Peter replies with a large grin of his own, shaking his head a little in a silly way to mimic her and make her smile even more. Which is working, obviously.

(And if they have to cut there because he drops a quick kiss to her lips… Well. Nobody needs to know.)

“Do I need to fill your eyebrows in?” he asks next, and she’s once again stricken by how earnest he sounds.

It took them a few months to get to this video, if only because Peter was quite reluctant to do it – all because of Gen. He’d told Lara Jean that he’d asked Gen to do that kind of video before, once upon a time when they were dating, but she’d outright refused. Stated that he would only mess it up and make her look bad, and it’s not something she wanted for her modelling career. Lara Jean had (silently) called bullshit the moment he’d explained, but she could understand how he was feeling about it.

How he still feels, careful not to mess it up, to do something good so she will be pleased and happy about him. Not for the first time, she’s saddened by how insidious a toxic relationship can be to someone like Peter, too kind and too people-pleasing.

“Only if they look too powdery,” she explains.

He leans in closer, frowning at her eyebrows, before he blows on them softly. It tickles a bit and makes her laugh, to which Peter replies with a smile. “It’s fine. Also, no lipstick, your mouth is fine.”

“Your mouth is fine too.”

He grins. “You’re welcome.” Then he’s grabbing her chin again, his fingers soft against her skin as he turns her head this and that way to check up on his work, before he nods sagely. “Good. Freckles now.”

It goes a little bit faster from there, hand-poking faux freckles on her nose and cheekbones in different eyebrow pencil colours to make them look natural, before he dabs them with a beauty blender. Before she knows it, he’s nodding again and grabbing a round mirror.

“You ready?” he asks, eager and excited.

She loves him so much it hurts.

“Yeah, show me,” she replies, clapping her hands before raising them in front of her mouth.

He flips the mirror over so she can see her reflection, and her mouth opens in surprise.

“Oh my god, Pete,” she whispers as she leans in closer to the mirror.

The blending on her eyelids need a bit of work, and her eyeliner is definitely wonky, but the faux freckles look amazing, and the warm colour palette on her eyes looks amazing. He really did take care of all the details, and so she leans closer to the camera so the audience can look at the results too.

“You like it?” he asks, suddenly shy and nervous.

Her boyfriend. Her beautiful, amazing boyfriend.

“I love it!” she exclaims. “It’s so different, wow! Look at those colours!”

And if many people comment about how he’s blushing and looking at her adoringly, well. It’s nice to brag about how awesome Peter is, once in a while. He deserves it, if anything else.

  Gabe Rivera ✓2 days ago

GUYS TONE IT DOWN THERE ARE KIDS WATCHING!!!!!

View 47 replies v

 RomanticRonny ✓1 day ago

Awwwww you guys! Peter did such a good job! Can’t wait to meet you all next month!

View 51 replies v

 bellyrubs 2 days ago

I know we’re all always commenting on the way LJ looks at him in the vlogs but can we talk about how SOFT Peter is around her? How he was delicately holding her face? The compliments all through the video? How pleased he was that she liked the look? We stan one perfect boyfriend.

View 35 replies v

 CovinskyIsLove 3 days ago

doctor: you only have 16:47 minutes to live

me: *clicks on this video*

View 29 replies v

 HairyPouter 4 days ago

last time I came this early Gen was still in the vlogs

View 8 replies v

[borntoslay]

I MEANT TO WRITE + POST THIS IN SEPTEMBER 2016 SO IT WOULD BE A YEARLY CHECK-IN, SINCE THE LAST ONE I DID WAS SEPTEMBER 2015, AND THE ONE BEFORE THAT WAS SEPTEMBER 2014... BUT I WAS REALLY BUSY SO HEAr we go:

When we last left off (September 2015), I had JUST starting my 4th album, “Better,” written in the wake of realizing I had fallen into depression again! I was scared and confused, but above all else, I was MAD that this was happening AGAIN. It seemed like literally every single year around the same time, I would always just accidentally slip into a minor-moderate depression, and have to spend the rest of the year clawing my way out... (it was only in late 2016 that I realized it is probably SEASONAL depression... like... DUH...)

Enter “Better,” an album literally written to pull me out!

(disclaimer: again, not a singer, just someone who writes songs as a hobby + likes to sInG LOL! Bolded lyrics are the ones that are featured in the following video)

00:00 – BETTER

00:53 – BLOOM

01:53 – MASC 4 MASC

 / / / / – BRAVO

03:51 – Y.A.S. (YOU AIN'T SHIT)

05:02 – WITH YOU

 / / / / – #TOOMUCH

05:59 – I'M OVER IT

07:50 – GET OFF YOUR PHONE, BITCH!

10:58 – I'M NOT THE ONE

BETTER

The first track, Better, was done in like, 20 minutes, the very first night I realized what was happening back in August 2015. I already posted the full thing that week, but I’ve included the best bits in the above video.

Based off of Bleachers’ I Wanna Get Better, obviously

It’s been day-in, day-out, another drama I’ve been hiding out under the covers Let it go, professional, you’re flexible, incredible, and unforgettable I haven’t been on the weather lately As people go, and the times are changing And I don’t feel like a winner (I wanna get better!) / But it’s such a pain, when it’s all been stuck the same And my fears are rising, but still, I try not to let them get to me / Guess when depression’s in question I just invest in expression Turn heartache into a lesson It’s your discretion to say: I WANNA GET BETTER!

BLOOM

This song was written the same week in August 2015 after having recently reconnected with several people I had met back in 2011; 3 of which had all, separately, told me things along the lines of “I can see you are BLOSSOMING!” and “You really are BLOOMING!”

I’ve always known that I do take a little more time than others to do most things, but it was during that month that I really started to realize that I am a late-bloomer—and that’s ok!

BLOOM was based off of a K-pop song some of y’all may know. I don’t listen to K-pop because I don’t understand any of it, so I tried my hand at writing over this fun instrumental. What I like to do is pull instrumentals of moderately popular songs I’ve never heard before, write my own lyrics + melody over it, and then when I’m finally done with mine, I give the “real” version a listen. In some cases, I feel I have outdone the original, but in this case, I think the original was way better, even without being able to understand it! LOL But I also like what I did with it, too.

My roots have always been a little too sheltered, It didn’t matter if the rain ever came. Not always Great, but I was born Alexander, Wondering how I would live up to my name

And though it took a little while, people compliment my smile and the things that’d get me labeled as “strange” So now I’m planted and a little self-centered with barely any room to re-renovate

Cuz when I do, all of you will direct me to Some other thing I’m not winning Say what you may, but I’m Born To Slay Impossibly From beginning, to the end, But I guess that I missed why You dismissed my assistance’swhy Deep inside me wants to try be Something shiny and now I’m ready to bloom

Don’t assume  I’m too stubborn for this cuz I’m Not a prude,  I just Never Been Kissed and I never knew what the hell I was missing

Combined with why I wanna try To find a guy To enterprise A YOLO mentality So I can gro-ow substatially I know my show’s been a tragedy Cuz I was just a little late to bloom

Don’t get stressed about it, just aim to try Plant the seeds and weed Parasites And set your sights higher Remain inspired Let the spotlight ignite your desires

And rise from the soil Cuz you’re in control Just follow your dreams And reap what you sow

/

I just tried it A little too slowly And I’ll be The first to admit I’m still growing

Nobody can take what you’re taking the time to Outwardly reshape what’s mistaken inside you So don’t hesitate when your greatness is valued And don’t let a date, or a lack thereof undo your bloom

/

Some things are better faster And others take longer to master In which case it’s better late than never So do whatever it takes to be Better

MASC 4 MASC

This is one of the only songs I have ever publicly posted in full, during the week I wrote it. This song literally just CAME to me the week I joined Tinder/Grindr, as I hopelessly scrolled through all of the depressingly bleak profiles and saw the amount of self-hate everyone seemed to have while still managing to like themselves enough to be looking for hookups with strangers. I laid down to take a nap and within the first 15 seconds of lying down, I just heard a lingering voice in my head say “Looking.... Are you looking...?” Shot my ass up, wrote + recorded the whole song in about an hour, and posted it.

Based on C2C,  O B V I O U S L Y !

I’ve changed some of it since that post, and most of those changes are in the above video.

Looking Are you looking Looking out to find a dick to fill your ass? While excluding any asians, fems, or fats Cuz you’re limited to looking Masc4masc

Looking I am looking But I never seem to get a second glance Every gay man never seems to take a chance Cuz they’re limited to looking Masc4masc

Oh, I love my Lady Gaga You could say that I’m a stan But that always seems to stop ‘em when they’re looking masc4masc

And I’m not into straight-acting Cuz I’m proud of who I am But my sisters know that cis-men only look for masc for masc

I’m a catch Too bad you won’t ever see What it’s like to be With someone like me

Cuz you’re Looking Yeah, you’re looking Only looking cuz you’re tired of your hand But you’ll never find “The One” in “one night stand” Cuz you’re limited to looking Masc 4 Masc

Picky You’re so picky Use your preferences to mask your prejudice You want a guy to come around And you get mad when you don’t find ‘im

But we all know That you were never really looking for anything other than a reflection fitting your narrow mind

It’s a shame You’re gay but you’ll never try Try dating outside of muscled and white

Cuz you’re looking Yeah, you’re looking Looking out to find a dick to fill your ass But you’ll never really find your happiness

Cuz you’re hypocritical and Self-hating and fuckin’ Limited to looking Masc 4 Masc

You’re the bottom I’m not into Fucking around with the Shallow ass that you got #Thot

BRAVO

Thanks to Tinder, I had my VERY first date EVER (at age 23!) back in November 2015 with a very nice gentleman who was ALSO an artist, and mutually supportive of ALL of my art forms—my digital painting, my traditional painting, even painting my face! We had a sweet dinner, and then... I never heard from him again!

Bravo was, in some ways, referencing Applause, in the idea that although I would have loved to be with him, I did not need his support (or, “bravo”) if he didn’t want to be with me. (His name also rhymed with the word “bravo” lol). I Will Survive is also referenced because... duh!

I didn’t include a snippet in the video because it’s obviously a really personal song, so the personal meaning is MUCH stronger than the execution LOL

Guess I’m never certain who wants to curtain-pull As my bravo  [meaning, who wants to be there for me at the end] My ******o [his name]

/

At first I was afraid, it took all of me To realize I would still survive without your artistry I could Paint The Night Away, standing tall without a change And I grew strong, ‘cause you won’t get to me today!

/

Yeah, you’re an actor; you made me believe That you would want a girl who keeps her heart on her sleeve But I’m a master of making them leave; The only thing you got away with’s carrying out my routine

/

I’m lonely, but like a flower bouquet I’d rather not be picked at all if I’ll just wither away

/

One second I’ll be waiting, suddenly the weight is me I don’t need you in my heart, And I do not need ****i [his nickname]

Y.A.S. (You Ain’t Shit)

(Created on one of my go-to beat-maker’s beats!)

Post-2013, my goal with writing my music has never been to write a “hit” or anything super commercial or anything for anyone else to consume (especially since I stopped posting + sharing my music altogether, so anything I write is literally JUST for me!)... however, after I came up with this title, this song was to be my MOMENT.

The first verse plays off the mythology of the “YAS,” with Gaga being clamored by the paparazzi and her screaming fans, being a metaphor for all my photos and the attention I was getting on social media from a guy I was talking to and had plans to date almost weekly between September 2015 and December 2015, but never did. As the song goes, I didn’t feel like he was reciprocating the thoughts + feelings I had for him, (“so there goes that potential date”) but whenever I would post something on Instagram, he would like it IMMEDIATELY, and then literally go all the way back YEARS into my posts, and start liking all of my old selfies, my old artwork, EVERYTHING. “When I’m Instagramming, you spam me, and we never even met yet.”

The line about “receipts” is about me screencapping every piece of dialogue I have and sending it to my hunties to help me figure out if this guy even liked me! The line “On to the next one” was told to me when one of those friends saw the receipts and really didn’t think that this guy was interested (and he was right! We’ll get to this part of the story later...)

Cameras are flashin’ And I can’t imagine It any other way I’m not into fashion But I’m so obsessed with You looking in my way

And I’m like, Buzz-buzz, ho! [I used to say this as I was waiting for Grindr messages] Hey, don’t you know I’m tired of getting old alone And I just wanna find a man Who really understands

And I don’t feel that reciprocation So there goes that potential date but When I’m Instagramming You spam me And we’ve never even met yet (YAS)

You Ain’t Shit You’ll never get with this You’re such a tragedy, And the gravity of the sit. is in The way your basic ass Is making me swipe left You ain’t shit On to the next one

You Ain’t Shit You’ll never be victorious Just a B.S. masterpiece But I’m pulling at your seams and You’re even less than what you seem

I know ur trying hard 2 Outshine me, but I’m a star U R an asteroid and coming forth [he is to be a huge part of my life] But I glow in the dark [but I’ll always be special with or without him]

U can’t stand next 2 me, U C, I Can’t keep sending these receipts, Y can’t U text me W/o the sexting [not about him, but about Tinder/Grindr in general] Ur making me wanna scream

(Y.A.S.!)

/

I always think that you’re the one But just as quickly as it comes You Ain’t Shit On to the next one

WITH YOU

I wrote this in November of 2015, and it’s one of the most personal + vulnerable things I’ve ever created. I think this song is the absolute hardest to listen to of anything I’ve ever written because whenever I hear it, I almost immediately fall right into the mindset I had while writing it. It’s about trying your hardest to see a really powerful friendship through, while realizing that as you’ve been trying to help him be “happy again,” you yourself aren’t very happy anymore, either.

/

Hey Don’t cry I know that you don’t need me in your life

But I’ll stay Cuz I Know you’re scared to know you’re always on my mind

And I’m gonna live like this forever Or at least until you’re Better

Cuz when I’m with you I can see the sadness in your eyes But you smile when I smile So it’s nice to know that you’re fine again

When I’m with you I can feel the colors all around And I miss the way it used to be Cuz I’m dying to be happy again

#TOOMUCH

You keep me close, then you let me go, Say you need me then treat me like garbage But I’m not your bitch, And I’m sick of picking up and paying for empty luggage

I’M OVER IT

This song ended up being what Y.A.S. was supposed to be: it’s fun, it’s written well, and as if that wasn’t enough, I also produced the entire thing! It’s a song collectively about all 4 of the guys I went on dates with or even seriously talked to between late 2015–early 2016, but was specifically written about 2 dates I had in particular in January 2016...

Because I’m a FREAK, I literally record all of my first dates (in the event that that person ends up being THE ONE, so I could play it back at our 25-year vow renewal ceremony... Also because I just have a bad memory and wanted to take notes like in class LOL. So basically, less than mid-way through both of these January 2016 dates, while the other guy was preoccupied or in a different room, I mumbled into my phone “... yeah........ i’m over it............................” In fact, after the date with the Y.A.S. guy, I got in my car and recorded what became the chorus to this song.

All the clips in the above video are of me before all 4 of my first dates; the 5th one is of the only SECOND date I went on LOL! More on him in the next album...

You watch me as I’m walkin’ on by And I scream, but I keep it inside I’m sweet and a creeper, a bonafide keeper And you’re really lookin’ my type

I bite my lip as I’m writin’ to ya And sweat when I try to pursue ya But my first dates never leave the home plate So I’m safe not trying to reproduce

You can seduce me a little if you want I’m a little iffy but Not afraid to get what I want And you’re the one I want Like Travolta And I can play the part Like a Mozart

So I make the most of our time You got me at my prime As you rolled out of bed Looking lazy

Said you wanna do it again I said maybe, But in my head, I’m like, “baby, you’re crazy, ‘cause I said—

Ooh, I’m over it Not interested and Ooh, I can’t pretend You’re not overplayed and Ooh, you’re overrated But I can’t complain Cuz you ain’t worth the time of day I’m over it and on my way

You said you wanna meet up But don’t put your feet up yet Don’t get comfortable Fake ham, fake cheese, so Lunchable  And I ain’t fighting, don’t want your bull [I LOVE THESE LINES]

But irresponsibly, I agree to meet you And when the day comes you’re silent You can apologize But you’re wasting your time It’s already been decided I guess Ooh, I’m over it

/

Baby baby I’m over it now Took time but I came to find you’re subar And I’m sobering down No crying when I say goodbye, cuz it’s over

You’re overrated I can’t complain Cuz you never meant a thing to me I’m racking my brain Cuz I can’t believe that I Even bothered trying to meet you

'Cause baby you had your chance, But you blew it I won’t second-guess Cuz I knew it I decided while driving in on the first date You weren’t great And I coped with it

So I bit my tongue Tried to have fun But you weren’t the one And I moved on Don’t need YOU What u gon DO When you send a text but I’m over it, BOO?

GET OFF YOUR PHONE, BITCH!

I also produced this entire song myself, though some of it it sounded a lot like You Know I’m No Good by Amy Winehouse, so I make reference to it in the end.

Parts of this song are about a particular person + incidents I had with him, but for the most part, it’s about a lot of people and situations in general. For example, one of my dates was on his phone for work. Understandable. One of my dates was on his phone scrolling through Instagram while I was talking. Not so understandable. When I’m talking to a friend in the car, I don’t even touch my phone. When I’m at dinner with friends or lunch with coworkers, I ALWAYS put my phone away. Scrolling through social media when someone is right next to you is insulting! So much so that I wrote a fucking song about it.

Hey You called about way too late I’m finally unafraid To say that I’m already home right now, so go figure it out

I’m not made To wait on your ass all day I’m free of that brown nose stain

I know it’s not my duty I’m putting down my phone like I’m about to watch a movie

It’s not OK When you are LOOKING At someone’s PHOTOS For that like BUTTON A millennial cliché And you aren’t even listening to me,

Look at ME And how you never answer ME If you’re always on your phone?

I can see it so hell, I assume you know well And you’re ready for what Imma say, OK:

Get off your phone, bitch! Listen when I'm talking I'm calling you out I know it isn’t that impossible following Conversation I’ve been patient I’ve been feeling alone Cuz you’re always on your Fucking phone, bitch! Introversion ain’t that cute I know you manage Speaking and I ain’t that stupid And you know it Don’t condone it So fucking press Log Out And put that finger down Get off your phone bitch

I’m not waiting for that SMS And I guess that The best you got Ain’t a lot No question

I rest on pretty You awake and trying And in a video I stay outshining And in a room Crowded front to back Side to side I do make the room light up systemizingly-so I said it before I’m Born To Slay, what’chu here for?

Information age is the present And I get it, and know it won’t change And I’m hesitant to let it You wanna look at screens? You can FaceTime You wanna be with me? You can make time You wanna be with me? Put your phone down I’ll give you the third degree if I’m snowed out

Fuck that misty eye Kiss that bitch goodbye I got bigger fish to fry

I said, I’m all for being cheesy But I'm lactose intolerant When the girls I be following Share their lives like an ottoman Sectionally displaying [an ottoman is a couch that can be displayed in sections] Whether the moment's a monument Blowing smoke up their confidence While my belly is bubbling

I don't like being hollered at If I'm just gonna be ignored 'Cause trust me, you need it more Like that hat you can't afford I'm an image of an winner, while you're out trynna score But you're boring, baby I don't wanna play anymore

/

Met you outside, by my parking stall You start your phone up as I start my car I said “What did you do at work today?” And wait in silence as you scroll away...

So I confess like a pretzel, [this is an inside joke] I think, “I can’t believe you’re an asshole” By the time I take you home, I’m pressed as hell, only heaven knows—

I don’t give a fuck ‘Bout your busted shoe I told you get off your phone, bitch And now, I’m off of you

I’M NOT THE ONE

Continuing my exercise of writing over songs/verses I felt were badly written, I wrote over the first verse of Meghan “you really think I can be replaced, nah, I’m come from outerspace” Trainor’s Lips Are Moving, and this is, I think, the best verse I have ever written! It’s sassy, it’s concise, and it’s catchy as HELL!

This is about all the guys on the dating apps that you thought had potential, but, for whatever reason, end up not responding to your messages until they’re bored/horny again.

The title, “I’m not the one” goes both ways, in Alyssa’s context, I’m saying “you pissed off the wrong bitch,” but in my own context, I’m saying that as these guys aren’t made for me, I, too, am not “the one.”

I seen that read receipt and I know That you ain’t meant for me Survival of the fittest In the Guinness book you’re best at being the biggest douche and I guess that

You f-ed it up: RuPaul Cuz when you’re alone you call

But I don’t fuck with you Had enough And you ain’t enough to get off to

Thought you could be the one I wanted to care for That I’d try to be there for, however I’m kinda getting tired of your piles of bullshit And I don’t need you, so, whatever

I’m getting tired Of all your bullshit Tell me, do you think I’m dumb?

Down to the wire, You’re fucking useless Don’t you try to try me I’m not the one!

Get out my face! Get off your dashboard Done with all your messing around

I said I’m tired Of all your bullshit Baby baby, I’m not the one/

You’re fucking stupid You’re fucking useless Sick of your bullshit And I’m tired, tired, tired, baby

Honey honey, I don’t think you wanna try me I think you’re bound to find me unpleasant Oh no no no, there is no way you could ever satisfy me I’m grown and you’re so pre-pubescent

You’re such a little fuckb0i And I think I’ve had enough, I wannaToss you in the garbage disposer If you chase me imma mace you I wanna just erase you But not till you get full disclosure:

I said I’m tired Of all your bullshit (repeat)

/

Maybe you just aren’t the right one.

This is the closing piece to this album, which started and ended when I started and finished dating/trying dating apps for the first time (September 2015–August 2016). It was a fucking WEIRD time in my life! LOL Not my GREATEST album, but I like it, and there are a lot of things that I’ve learned from it. One day I’ll tell the story about the worst date in my life because I learned more from that one meeting than I have in the last 6 years! LOL

Anyway, I’m just 2 songs away from finishing my NEXT album, which has tentatively been called “SNAP.” All my “albums” have 10 tracks each, and just consist of songs written during that 1-year period. This next album is, as of right now, my favorite! I can’t wait to share Son of a Bitch and Just a Little Piece of Garbage with you guys... I think they’re both in the top 10 of the best songs I’ve ever written!!!!!

To give you an idea of how things are going so far (in comparison to my own work):

Born to Slay (February–May 2013) – 1/5 Delusional (June 2013–April 2014) – 2/5 Intelligent & Beautiful (May 2014–July 2015) – 4.5/5 Better (August 2015–September 2016) – 4/5 SNAP (August 2016–present) – 4.5/5