#why cant i just enjoy things? why does it have to be a whole upesetting ordeal
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#hahahahaa there is a reason im not allowed to enjoy things#the terr0r hits on so many things i adore so watching it absolutely eviscerated my weekend#like i finished it then i was trying to do some hw. cut to me sobbing uncontrollably as im trying to code#then cut to me reading papers abt Antarctica bc mt erebus and i cant even read papers abt things i like bc they literally make me want to#scream and cry and pull at my hair#its just so disregulating#and then i got less than 5hrs sleep on top of not sleeping well days before due to stress probably bc i kept having stress dreams#so not i cannot fucking focus i just want to read abt failed expeditions and cryophillic organisms#why cant i just enjoy things? why does it have to be a whole upesetting ordeal#like i like things so much its not even fun. its just upsetting#anyway i feel read bad and ive listened to man of war by r adiohead like 10 times b. self control? i dont kno her#unrelated#also u kno ur having a fun time when ur so stressed u cant justify the time to take a shower and instead spend that time staring into space
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